HONI SOIT

Veterinary Horror Stories 8 Vivid is SHIT!!! 11 Morrisey, Wanker? 12 Deskercise: Exercise for STUVAC 14-15 Where Are The Graffiti Vaginas? 15 Feature: Youth Homelessness 16-17 Does Anyone Even Read The Garter? 25-27 The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. If you are reading this, you are standing on Aboriginal land. Please recognise and respect this. We acknowledge both our privilege and our obligation to redress the situation as best we can: to remember the mistakes of the past, act on the problems of today, and build a future for everyone who calls this place home, striving always for practical and meaningful reconciliation. Contents

4-5: News & Analysis 10-13: Arts & Culture 16-17: Feature Samantha Jonscher reports on the SRC’s budget. Alix Sanders-Garner is Vivid. Astha Rajvanshi explores Youth Homelessness Tom Joyner on college excess and cultural Katie Davern profiles Street Artist Peter Drew. appropriation. Dominic Ellis previews Sydney Film Festival. 18: Flotsam Arabella Close dressed up as a giant tampon. Samantha Jonshcer wraps up Sydney Writers Benjamin Clarke on gay stereotypes in film. Sam Gooding is tired of being lectured on Festival. Gronkwatch wraps up the Raue affair. privilege. Alex Fitton listened to ASAP Rocky. Ellie Rogers shares her thoughts on Morrissey. 24: Puzzles 6: In Too Deep Patrick Morrow and Rebecca Wong review Out Emily Salanitro-Chafei is Italian. of the Shadows. 25-27: The Garter Press

7-9: Perspective 14-15: Soo-Min Shim is the worst person at the Alexandros Tsathas brings you the exercise regime MCA. for this exam season. Eliza Bicego on the live cattle trade. Florence Fermanis’ grandma gambles. Nina Matsumoto has some veterinary horror Tash Gillezeau ponders graffiti vaginas. stories. Joel Hillman witnessed deaths. Swetha Das navigates conflicting values. Editorial

Boredom is the low energy state of the Meanwhile, we play with our trackpads Perhaps, if you are at all like us (and we I implore you to read on, lest the spectre universe to which all things within it are and genitals. We cede sovereignty to like to think that you are), Honi offers the of boredom arrives, Game.of.Thrones. inexorably drawn. our news feeds, our fingers moving up promise of distraction and respite from S05E08.HDTV.x264 in incorporeal and down until we realise we’ve been this most common of fates. Perhaps your hand, and you succumb to his siren song The cosmos is 13.8 billion years old and here before but scroll on, unperturbed, escape is short one bawdy tale of a pig and and find yourself relistening to the entirety every one of its apparently infinite seconds looking for something new in an thirty minutes worth of ejaculate. Perhaps of Serial and wondering why it’s no less is a step in the indefatigable march towards utterly remarkable display of misplaced all your lucidity requires are meditations absurd and dissatisfying than it was the bitter cold. In time, every atom will be so hopefulness and perseverance. We give on Vivid, courtesy of an art snob. Or first time around and... far divorced from its nearest neighbour our attention wholly to repeats and reruns. perhaps this week you are of an altogether that the very idea that anything ever was We lie prone as always—cadavers on beds more thoughtful disposition, and can only Enjoy your mid-year break. We’ll be back or could have been in this dank and cold of ice, awaiting a miracle, or that cute stave off the inevitable with a rare glimpse on stands in no time. wasteland would seem impossible to the medical science student to catch our cold, into the struggles of youth homelessness. consciousnesses that might pass it by, but dead eyes. won’t. Tim Asimakis

Credits

Editor-in-Chief: Tim Asimakis Contributors: Eliza Bicego, Benjamin Clarke, Arabella Cover art: Ohhh...Alright... (1964) - Roy Lichtenstein Close, Swetha Das, Katie Davern, Florence Fermanis, Editors: Joanna Connolly, Alex Downie, Dominic Ellis, Alex Fitton, Tash Gillezeau, Sam Gooding, Joel Hillman, Artists/Illustrators: Bryant Apolonio, Stephanie Sophie Gallagher, Samantha Jonscher, Patrick Morrow, Tom Joyner, Nina Matsumoto, Astha Rajvanshi, Ellie Barahona, Michael Lotsaris, Johanna Roberts, Julia Alexi Polden, Peter Walsh, Rebecca Wong Rogers, Emily Salanitro-Chafei, Alix Sanders-Garner, Robertson Soo-Min Shim, Alexandros Tsathos Puzzles: En, Zplig Proofreader: Lachlan Deacon

Disclaimer: Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney.Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Christopher Warren, Serena May, James Rusiti, Ilya Klauzner, Charlie O’Grady, and Alison Xiao. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information2 contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. letters

Raue! Raue!!!

Dear Honi, I don't understand student politics. board directors of the USU have been making director. Had the motion succeeded it would decisions motivated by personal gain and have resulted in Raue's expulsion from the The USU Board should vote to pursue Tom I don't understand why the Board has abruptly career progression. board. The court case in question was Raue Raue for the costs order made against him in decided to pursue Tom Raue for yesteryear’s challenging the board's ability under 3.14 of the Supreme Court. legal fees. When former VP, member and student, the USU constitution to expel a member of Tom Raue leaked documents revealing that the board. This case was taken to court prior He initated the proceedings with the I don't understand how the Board expects university management had colluded with to the censure motion being moved, and as we knowledge that if he lost, he would face this young Mr. Raue to turn up sufficient doubloon police at staff strikes organised by the NTEU know the motion ultimately failed. Tom went costs order. for these fees, being that they exceed one- (which, by the way, is a real union), he did to court knowing full well that if he lost that hundred thousands of dollars. this in good conscience. To punish him for he would potentially have to pay the legal fees One reason litigation is expensive is to deter these actions sends a clear message: Don't of the union. Following the failure of Raue's people from taking matters to court that can I don't understand what benefit accrues to a whistleblow. Don't stand up for students. Don't injunction the court established the union be resolved by other means. This is not an university when one of its brightest alumni reveal injustices and corruption. It goes against could seek recompense for their legal fees from access to justice matter, Raue had means at his goes bankrupt in his twenties. principles of transparency upon which many Raue. disposal to resolve the dispute outside of the of the board directors' electoral campaigns Supreme Court. I don't understand how naked vengeance were based. Ultimately it is complicit in the The legal fees for the case cost the union became so brazen as to shun the meanest livery university management's collusion with police, $50,000, and this is a fee that Raue is expecting The sum of money, $50,000, is not “the Unions” of seeming justice. an act which resulted in police brutality against members to pay. This is despite the fact that he money, it’s students’ money. Students should students and undermined university staff and claims to care about union members. If he cared not foot the bill for Tom Raue’s dramatic court Perhaps the ladies and gentlemen of the Board their right to peacefully strike and protest. so much he wouldn't be sticking members with episode. If the Board votes not to pursue Tom, will write a nice long polemic expounding his legal bills for a frivolous case, that he lost, it will set a precedent that disgruntled board these matters. It is absolutely disappointing that student board and ultimately wasn't even needed. directors may flaut their fiduciary duties with directors voted to pursue $50,000 worth of impunity. Perhaps then I'll understand. legal costs against him. A vote against a second There have been a lot of cries of moral recommendation to pursue costs through outrage from the union moving to ask for Raue doesn’t have $50,000, there is little Yitzi Tuvel (Arts IV) legal avenues, which apparently reveals "more $5000 repayments each year until the debt is prospect of actually recovering the cost. to the story", does not vindicate the board paid from the university's political elite, but directors who voted for the first motion. Their no moves to actually help Raue as of those He would be declared bankrupt, meaning that Raue!!!! decision still carries the same implications that commonly undertaken in civil society. Billing amongst other things, he could not be the discourage whistleblowing and transparency. It members of the union for a frivolous suit is director of a company for at least three years. Over the past 4 years I have known Tom I have still places responsibility on Tom rather than in no way a good use of student money, and if seen him work tirelessly and selflessly for the on the idiocy of whoever decided that it would Raue didn't have a false sense of entitlement This is a fitting penalty for a director who has rights of students, academic staff and low-paid be a good idea to go against Tom and his pro then he would see this as well. shown little regard for the responsibilities of workers. bono lawyer by hiring a senior and junior being a Board Director and the seriousness of counsel, spending $100,000 of student money. If those really cared about Raue, they'd be court proceedings. I believe that it was in this spirit that he moving to raise money voluntarily to aid him, released the information that the police were And I do wonder who it was that made this rather than just expecting the union, and by Zachary Thompson under the direction of the University when decision and if these are the same people that extension all students, to pay for an unneeded BA (Hons) JD II they violently broke picket lines and brutalised decided to cut student conference budgets. law suit. There's a false equivalency being made Former Vice-President & Honorary-Secretary staff and students during the strikes. At the moment, the Queer Action Collective between the court fees and the failed censure of the USU is preparing to send delegates to Queer motion, but Raue lives in the real world, and This decision is another example of a trade Collaborations, an annual national conference as an adult has to live with the consequences unionist being pursued by a corporate body for queer students. We are frantically trying of his decisions, no matter how ill thought out Raue!! for acting on principle. A recent example to raise funds as the USU made the decision they are. that comes to mind is the persecution of Bob to reallocate funds for this conference, despite We know that if the Union pursues costs Carnegie for organising with workers on strike recommendations from both the incumbent Kerrod Gream against Tom, he will not be able to pay- thus at the Queensland Hospital Site in 2012. Bob and the previous Queer portfolio holders for the argument that the costs must be pursued was relentlessly pursued, but with the help of funding. It is extremely frustrating that student because "it's student money" is bunk. All the membership of the construction Union consultation has been undermined and instead Raue!!!!!!! that will be achieved by pursusing Tom is and support from a wide variety of unionists of supporting oppressed groups, the USU bankrupting Tom. who recognised this as an extremely dangerous decided to recklessly spend an exorbitant (to My letter is a series of limericks. precedent, every single one of the 54 initial say the least) amount of money on attacking Now I am aware that some particularly venal, charges against him has been dropped, along one of its own members who stood up for There once was a lad named Tom cretinious and intellectually feeble characters with the threat of fines up to $400,000. students. Who faced off a Board made of cons have suggested that this a good thing- let's They want him to pay costs punish Tom! Bankruptcy might seem like I suggest that the USU board consider whether The USU is not only acting against the Then make him get lost— a marvellous punishment- why not make it it is willing to face a similar campaign of interests of its members and of students but is And now they're stuck on a ticking time bomb. impossible to get a home loan? sustained resistance, as the collective might of also working against its own strategic aims of students and unionists stand in solidarity with supporting oppressed groups on campus. We So Tom got on Board with a Pow First of all, using bankruptcy as a punishment Tom in this not so dissimilar case. need a transparent student body that uses its And he blew the whistle rather loud is pretty creepy and cruel don't you think? collective strength to fight for and not against But the Board's a bit shit Quite Dickensian. Pete Landi its members. We need a union. At the moment, They chucked a mad fit Science IV the USU is one by name only. And so voted to make Tom a cash cow. Secondly, the idea of punishing Tom would Trade Union Organiser seem to imply that he did the wrong thing. Joshua Han Then Tom came along to ask "Why?" That's odd, since what he did was leak vital BMus Studies/B Arts Hons And the Board shot out shit porky-pies information in the public interest involving Raue!!!!! SRC Queer Officer 'bout their thin cash reserves collaboration betwen the police, the University, And their love for his nerve and the Union. A majority of the board Dear Honi, But they just want to suck him bone dry. ultimately acknowledged the importance of Raue!!!!!! what he done, and student support for it was I have been an a member of the University of You'd think the USU was a union widespread. Sydney Union since 2009 and have bought an Dear Honi, With a creed to go serve all the students Access card every year since, including in years But they want to bankrupt A final thought, if the USU was so concerned I had only been in the country for the first 6 I know I'm going to be on the opposite side of A student who ain't fucked with the preservation of student money, months. I have done so because I have always the debate to the majority of the 'political elite' And it's simply just for retribution. perhaps it should not have paid one-hundred been a strong believer in collectivism and at USYD but choosing to pursue Tom Raue for thousand dollars in legal costs it knew it would because I wanted to be a part of an organisation costs is in the best interests for USU members. Riki Scanlan never recover in the first place. It could have that acts to benefit its members. However, it is Arts III spent far less on the case- or nothing at all. disappointing to see this organisation operate The court case came about prior to a second Justice of the Vice Nominally passing the costs onto Tom in no like a soulless corporation, giving into pressures censure motion being moved against way absolves the union of this, a geninue waste from those against whom we have the power Tom Raue following release of potentially of student money. to stand up and fight. I question why this confidential information that Raue had is so and cannot help but wonder whether access to due to his position as a USU board Tim Scriven 3 news & analysis

SRC Budget 2015

Sam Jonscher on this year’s most important budget.

he University of Sydney Student to NUS affiliation fees, amounting to financial advice to students. This will in year, receiving $4,732 up from just $2000 Representative Council (SRC) $63,000, down from $72,000 in 2014. turn allow the SRC to train an additional last year. hasT unveiled an extremely well received caseworker. Their total expenditure rose to budget for 2015, with funding increases Speaking on this move away from the $400,485 from $368, 500 in 2014. ACAR officer Lamisse Hamouda said to the SRC casework, legal services and NUS, Hall said “the need to increase that this money was welcome, “we’ve collectives, as well as a cut to the affiliation funding to our own activism and services To top it off, SRC collectives did well got plans to run an ACAR revue, an fee paid to the National Union of Students outweighed any inclination I had to fund across the board. educational campus campaign on identity (NUS). SRC General Secretary Max Hall an organisation that many people—myself and it allows us to support initiatives like called this “a bucket list budget” and “the and those who elected me included— Funding to the Indigenous Students the Critical Race Discussion Group”. most significant improvement to the consider to be unsafe, inaccessible and Department increased by 25 per cent SRC’s support for students in years”. frequently ineffective in its representation to $8000, up from $6,000 in 2014. This budget also created a new Shared of students”. Indigenous Officer Georgia Mantle said Resources Pool for collectives, allocating These increases were possible because of that the increase “reflects the growing $3000 to items that could be loaned out two things. Much of this extra funding went towards understanding that the indigenous to office bearers when they need them. SRC services. student body is an important part of the This saves portfolios spending money on First, the SRC negotiated an greater student body at USyd”. These things that other collectives may already unprecedented 9.4 per cent increase its The SRC legal service has received extra funds will go towards increasing the have or also need, like megaphones, data allocation of the Student Services and funding for one extra day of work from a University’s/SRC’s involvement in events projectors and microphones. Amenities Fee (SSAF), from $1,510,000 solicitor a fortnight. At the moment each like the Indigenous Games and the NUS in 2014 to $1,651,750. Such a increase solicitor works four days a week. With this Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Meanwhile, we at Honi did very well for is unlikely to be repeated, and was due new budget, on alternate fortnights, each Student Conference. Mantle added that ourselves. Unlike the stipends that other in large part to a change in the way that solicitor will work a five-day week. This this extra funding would help facilitate office bearers receive, the stipend that the SSAF was allocated. Traditionally will help solicitors meet the high demand more events for the collective, more Honi’s editors receive does not increase the allocation is decided by student for their services, which rose 23% from support for social justice and activism with inflation or the federal minimum organisations themselves (including the 2013 to 2014. ventures and continuing support of the wage. In 2011 the stipend was set at SRC and University of Sydney Union, Redfern Aboriginal Tent Embassy. $40,000 and this year was increased to along with SUSF and the Cumberland The caseworkers have also done well. They $44,000 ($4400 per editor). Student Guild); this year they were unable will receive $4000 for a new caseworker The Ethnic Affairs department, which to reach agreement so it was up to the database to replace their old one, includes the Autonomous Collective Hall said that the increase would have University to allocate funds. increasing their efficiency. The department Against Racism (ACAR) and the Campus been higher, but would have incurred has also been granted funding to cover ten Refugee Collective, was allocated $6554. superannuation obligations which would Secondly, the SRC found extra funds in weeks worth of caseworker wage while a have cost an additional $4,000 that was a 12.5% decrease in the amount allocated caseworker is away being trained to offer ACAR’s funding more than doubled this not in the budget.

The Neverending Story

Tom Joyner on cultural appropriation at another college formal.

very now and then cultural by another event called Full Moon Party, party—why are you being so sensitive? You the creep of institutionalised privilege until appropriation raises a mention in whose Facebook invitation read: “I was just want to be offended! College parties, now has, at best, gone largely unnoticed, Ethe mainstream media and everyone goes sitting on the train this morning opposite as many have pointed out before me, or, at worst, been actively encouraged berserk. More often than not it’s raised by a really sexy Thai lady. I thought to myself, shouldn’t necessarily be treated as anything by a culture that values tradition above a concerned person of colour pointing out ‘Please don’t get an erection. Please don’t more than the lighthearted evenings progress, lineage above diversity. a dubious advertisement or public figure get an erection.’ But she did.” On May they’re intended to be. Nor should they who, knowingly or otherwise, manages 28th, Women’s college held a formal called necessarily be subject to the scrutiny of These three events are just examples of to cheapen and misrepresent someone ‘Sakura Matsuri’. “Inspired by the cherry the wider university community—they are what passes for normal behaviour at some else’s cultural heritage for their own blossom festivals held across Japan each private events hosted in a private capacity of the university’s colleges. Remember the advantage. More often than not, the most spring,” the Facebook event read, “this on private land. There is some truth to famous St Johns O-Week debacle, the St powerful voices in the mainstream media event promises more pink decadence than these claims, but they obscure the point. Paul’s ‘British Raj’ dinner, or the notorious dismiss it as ‘political correctness gone the opening credits of Legally Blonde.” pro-rape Facebook group? In a way none mad’ or ‘hypersensitivity’. The cultural Cultural appropriation doesn’t necessarily of it is surprising—the colleges, with few appropriation narrative has somehow been The common thread among all three of fit a traditional model of racism. There exceptions, are detached bastions of social consigned to the margins. And so, the these events was that they each took part are no chanted taunts or vile slogans privilege where groupthink rules and protests of the very people most damaged of another culture and crassly appropriated bandied around by groups dressed in dissent is snuffed out. by cultural appropriation are silenced and it. A question often asked about cultural white hoods or branded with swastikas. told their voices are irrelevant. appropriation refers to context. How But cultural appropriation is the symptom After a long history of controversy, it’s odd far is too far? And more importantly, of a worldview that says it’s okay to take that the worst offenders have done so little On May 15th, St Paul’s college held a party who is arbiter of that judgment? It is what you want without considering the to avoid repeating their previous mistakes. called Soiree on the Silk Road—featuring inevitable that criticism of these events immense social privilege behind your Without change the colleges will stay the vaguely central Asian dancers, dress and will be shouted down by people calling actions. Perhaps it never occurred to troubled institutions they are, at seemingly a live camel, for their annual Jazz Dinner for ‘perspective’ (it’s political correctness anyone at St. Paul’s that it was wrong, a any cost. Dance. This was followed on May 27th gone mad!). Hey c’mon, they say, it’s just a college so distant from university life that 4 news & perspective

I AM TAMPON

Arabella Close protested the tampon tax by dressing up as a giant tampon.

ast Thursday, Taylor Swift blaring, we needed two officers. When media began to arrive That car ride demonstrated to me I dressed up circuits of the building and the assistance we took photos and spoke to reporters, why this petition is so important. This as a giantL tampon in front of four separate AFP officers to find the while quietly sweating through our suits. petition is about addressing the shame of Parliament House. I was car park. Subeta spoke eloquently and directly, and silence associated specifically with there with four other tampons while we generally detracted from the menstruation and generally with many to promote Subeta Vimalarajah’s But any concerns I had pre-9 am were seriousness of the situation. wom*n’s issues. petition to remove the GST on quickly redressed by the most fabulous sanitary items. tampon parading ever seen. We climbed And then it was all over and we This petition recognises that while for into our tampons—essentially, snuggies bundled ourselves back to Sydney. a lot of individuals, paying GST on I confess that I was slightly anxious with a sexy display of ankle—and Perhaps wearing tampon suits in the tampons is not a significant burden, for about this adventure. This was not learnt to negotiate our strings. We then nation’s capital is inherently a bonding some it truly is. Petitions like Subeta’s, quieted when, as we drove down King danced, waved, gyrated and thrust at the experience, because that ride home was and the public conversations they St at 5am, my fellow tampon Georgia cars driving into Parliament House. one of the loveliest afternoons I have ever promote, encourage wom*n to speak gestured to the pub she had been at had. Despite barely knowing each other, —to yell—and to get angry not just for mere hours ago and promptly ran a The response was mixed. There was we talked frankly and sometimes angrily themselves but for others less privileged red light. The general competence bemusement and disdain as well as about feminism, intersectionality, race than they are. This petition is about of our carload was again called some too-embarrassed-to-even-look- theory, queer representation, transgender recognising that wom*n do not have to into question when, upon out-the-window. But there was also issues, Indigenous issues, shitty boys, apologise—or pay additional tax—for arriving at Parliament honking, whistling and seat-jiving, all shitty girls, casual sex, painful sex, the being who they are. House with for an audience of straight-faced AFP absence of sex. My Time At College

Sam Gooding thinks people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

n my first semester at Sydney Uni, I took school in an rural area where the average who had never been west of Stanmore being at uni hasn’t been from college kids a subject called ‘Emerging Giant: The taxable income is $39,000 a year. My until college. One girl had a near panic —it’s been from the everyday students I’ve IMaking of America’. As I left a tutorial, family’s earnings, embarrassing as this can attack when I told her I was public school gone to class with. I once had to sit in a the girl I had been sitting next to started be to admit, sits somewhere in the bottom educated. tutorial with a man wearing a Grassroots chatting to me. She was quite unpleasant. 15% of Australian families. election shirt who thought that if you did “Selective though, right?!” not grow up with private health insurance, She was studying Arts/Law and Growing up, there were a lot of things I this was the equivalent of child neglect considered ‘Emerging Giant’ her “easy” did without. My parents couldn’t afford to In particular, it’s SUPER gross when and abuse. subject (despite it only being week 2). get me braces, I had to wear my brother’s Sydney GPS boarding school boys She had gone to Queenwood, a fact late 90s hand-me-downs until I was 15, sometimes wear their school ties and Pointing fingers at a group of people she managed to casually drop into the I grew up without Internet, and I didn’t blazers to formal dinner. And when they who are allegedly more privileged than conversation three or four times. She was see the ocean until I was 18. But I wasn’t obsessively attend high school alumni you doesn’t change the fact that the kind enough to let me know that she had particularly upset about how much money football matches, I can’t help but think, vast majority of people at USyd went to received a scholarship for her “perfect” we had. Yes, I would have liked it if we “Someone peaked in high school”. schools that cost more than my mother’s ATAR. Laughing, she told me she would yearly income. Scapegoating the colleges probably just put it towards an overseas “The worst snobbery I’ve experienced while because you feel guilty about your own trip—she was keen to see Europe again. being at uni hasn’t been from college kids—it’s been privilege will only make you feel so much from the everyday students I’ve gone to class with” better before you realise that perhaps She asked me if I were heading towards you’re being a little hypocritical. Redfern station. I replied that I lived on campus, so I would just be walking back. owned our own house, but no one else I However, this behaviour tends to be the The moral of the story is don’t throw stones grew up with had all of those things. It exception and not the rule. And to the from glass houses. I’m sick of having to Suddenly, a look of complete disdain didn’t seem like that big of a deal. extent it happens, I would say the entire justify my residence to people who brag crossed her face. “Oh well excuse me if I university has that particular problem. about their dads being doctors while have to get public transport. You college When I moved into college at the end of It’s a greater systemic issue, the elitism of simultaneously waving around pickets kids need to realise there’s more to summer, 2013, I had only seen Sydney Sydney University and the Sydney private for the Greens (not that I have anything Sydney than Mosman and Vaucluse!”. She once before. I can’t speak for many others education system. against The Greens—I voted for them last stormed off down Eastern Avenue. who’ve gone to college, but my experience state election). there was, and has been, great. There was At uni I’ve been at the receiving end of That was my first experience of what a community of kids from all around the many people’s frustration regarding the At college there are people on scholarship, the typical university student thought of country who were just as freaked out as I colleges on campus. When one of my and there are people with money. There are college kids. At the time, I didn’t know was, who understood how scary it was to tutors found out I was on scholarship she smart people, dumb people, douchebags, what Mosman or Vaucluse were, so I be completely alone. said, “Oh, I thought you were another and even people whom I will treasure as couldn’t really comprehend the irony of North Shore snob after seeing you in your life long friends. Sometimes I hate college, what she was saying. Of course, college has its class problems. college jersey”, despite telling me that her and sometimes I love it. There are a lot of kids who went to really two children had just started at SCEGGS. I am not your stereotypical, ‘privileged’, nice schools, and have parents with I came in expecting prejudice and what I college kid. I went to a very bad public ridiculous incomes. I know someone The worst snobbery I’ve experienced while experienced was community. 5 in too deep

I Eat, I Scream, I’m Ethnic

Emily Salanitro-Chafei is Italian and so is her Nonno.

t’s 10pm on a Wednesday night and get much easier. He washed dishes in a I’m on the bus making my way home hospital for the remainder of his working Ifrom uni. It’s dark, I have a seriously life, with fellow migrants from Vietnam, heavy bag and my uncomfortably tight Greece, China and India. jeans are begging to be peeled off. I opt to call my parents for a lift home. He always moans to me; “I worked like Unsurprisingly, they don’t pick up. I’m a donkey all my life,” and I sigh, feeling left with only my most dreaded option... the same wave of guilt that washes to call my grandfather. over me after I get frustrated about his broken English. “Nonno, could you pick me up from Holborrow street?” I ask, calmly and At first it might seem that my clearly. grandfather’s migration was in vain. I mean, life was supposed to get easier, He freaks out. right?

“Where... where is ’Olborrow street? I I think many migrants have felt this not know this place! Dove sei? Perche...’ sense that their entire lives have been Where are you now? Non capisco.” spent working, constantly handicapped by poor English skills and limited I breathe out deeply. Take an old education. Whenever Nonno needs to person, with English as their second More times than not, after hanging out Recently I was scanning an elderly man’s write a letter, he has to sit down and language and try to reason with them with said boy, I wouldn’t get past the prescription at the chemist where I work, give me the pen. The task of stringing on the phone—it’s about as stressful as doorstep before my mother would begin when I noticed him silently observing a few sentences together is completely listening out for your coffee at Taste. In her interrogation, thanks to ‘so-and-so’ my thick, black eyebrows, olive skin and impossible for him to do alone. vain, I repeat my question, now with an ratting me out. of course, standard ethnic nose. “What’s When Nonno had to chop meat for a intense focus on my diction. your nationality?” he asked. living, there was no value in learning As most ethnics know, privacy is not an flowery language, nor was he given the On the other end of the line my Nonno option. I was pretty damn sure he already knew. opportunity... so he never did. switches to Sicilian dialect, he becomes stressed and begins to scream hysterically Neither is personal freedom. Our “I’m Italian,” I replied, smiling politely. Three generations on I am the first into the phone. My cortisol levels are Sunday ‘extended family dinners’ consist family member to make it to university. rising too. “Nonno, it’s one street away of eating and screaming—in true Italian “Ahhhhh! Of course!” he exclaimed, from where you live!” Looking up I spirit—before kissing goodbye and his eyes brightening and a big grin So no, Nonno will never be able to realise everyone on the bus is listening doing it all again the following week. spreading across his face. Ethnics love look over one of my essays, but he has into the conversation. Feeling like a I know many people would kill to be their own, and the bond of meeting a a cracking sense of humour, a strong complete idiot I repeat, “Holborrow at an Italian feast, and I’m no brat... I kindred who speaks their language and work ethic and a commitment to his street” shaking my head apologetically definitely don’t take Nonno’s delicious understands their culture is something family—far more valuable attributes in at my audience of commuters. homemade sausages for granted. But that they never cease to appreciate. Even my opinion. there is always a sting when my friends after years living in Australia, the bond These are the woes of growing up in a organise plans for Sunday night, plans they have to their countries of origin I wonder what Nonno thinks of his own migrant family; a constant frustration in that I consistently turn down, because of doesn’t weaken. Perhaps because I’m life—was it worth it? Was my life worth basic communication. Even after 45 years duty to tradition. Traditions, particularly born and bred in Australia I don’t share it? in Australia, my Nonno still has a very involving food, cannot be escaped. this overwhelming nostalgia, but I guess limited grasp of English. For most of my there is still a comfort in knowing my I’ve tried to fight it, because frankly childhood, I communicated with him in As a teenager, I relieved my ethnic angst family’s history. it pisses me off a lot, but I’m secretly broken English, even adopting an accent by reading Looking for Alibrandi and immersed in my ethnicity. They have with a flavour of “it’s-a-me, Mario” to finding friends at school who understood Like most, my Nonno joined the made me and I am one of them. I owe ease the flow of our conversations. Like the frustrations of a strict, intrusive migration wave of the late 1960s. He everything I have and I am to my Nonno most migrant families mine is very family with broken English. My first left Italy, the hardships of poverty and and what he did two generations ago. close (we live next door to each other) friend in high school was Chilean and its few opportunities at a time when which is both wonderful and incredibly together we would bond over our hairy Australia was still welcoming masses of *** frustrating. legs and quirky grandparents. “My people to start new, prosperous lives. grandma said I should pinch my nose I hop off the bus into the dark street Living within a five kilometre radius to make it smaller,” she told me once. Back in Sicily, my Nonno began full and begin trudging my way home. A of my many, ethnic relatives certainly We both laughed... but then secretly time work in the butchery at the ripe speeding car’s headlights blind me as it has its challenges. In high school, pinched our noses each night before bed. age of eight. It was tough. He left pulls up, and I get in. At the end of the if I was hanging out with a guy in Well, I did anyway. school in year four equivalent to be the day, I always know that he will be there, the neighbourhood, I needed to be breadwinner for his family, who were ready to give me lift... because when he constantly on guard, in case Nonno As long as I can remember people have dirt poor. His education was swallowed was growing up, there was no one there came zipping around the corner and always spotted my ethnicity. up by his duties as the eldest child, so he to do that for him. took a mental photograph. And if it began work and didn’t stop for the next wasn’t him, then it was another relative I know I’m no beach-blonde, but fifty years. “Why you get home so late?” he asks me. or an obliging family friend who would sometimes I wonder if WOG is take it upon themselves to report me. printed in large letters on my forehead. When Nonno came to Australia it didn’t Classic Nonno. I smile as we drive off.

6 perspective

All Art Welcome

Soo-Min Shim discovered that the MCA is for all walks of life.

am a volunteer at the Museum of films. They will whisper about me. Soup as a performative meditation on Being reductive is bad, and while there Contemporary Art. I can guess what consumerism, probably. are more marginalised groups than the Iyou’re thinking. It’s what I was thinking. I was about to meet the other aesthetic class, lazily categorising people youth volunteers at the Museum of It would be turned into a series of screen for their loud emphasis on cultivating Scene: My first day. Contemporary Art and, unlike many of prints, then an exhibition, then a coffee taste, social awareness, and having interests the artworks in the museum, it would not table book that is $49 from the giftshop. isn’t a virtue. Behind the door was a coterie of black be a pretty picture. In reality, the MCA is home to nice art berets, bangs and turtlenecks. and nice people. They’re some of the best, Everyone can be cool and getting along I am ugg boots, Taylor Swift, and Crocs. most interesting and most talented people is cooler. Velcro sandals look great with It would be a bunch of teenagers who I used to wear plastic visors. Not in an I know. The volunteers are not cynical or Frida Kahlo socks. integrate Murakami and Sartre into attractive tennis player way. Not in a smug, but open, caring and optimistic. every sentence, and sing vinyl static 90s-grunge-aesthetic-way. I wore them and Scandinavian electro rock to their the way my middle-aged Korean mother Some suspicions were confirmed (quinoa, succulents, and whose glares you can feel does when she speed walks in her gaggle lattes.) but I was the only judgmental from behind ironic Mad Men tortoise- of fanny-packed housewives. pseud in the gallery. People who shell glasses. They whisper about Godard understand turtlenecks and activated food I once ordered coffee from McCafe and I get attacked a lot. couldn’t tell if it was bad or good. I don’t speak kale. I am sacrilege, my fate is clear: We presume shallowness, and a lack of they would choke me to death and sell integrity. Hipster is a great pejorative my left ear on Etsy. I’d be crucified on an label. We shouldn’t be so quick to paint easel, with a crown of glitter and flowers. anyone in broad brushstrokes. Unless My body would be braised in Campbell’s we’re literally painting them. Living Cattle, Struggling Farmers

Eliza Bicego on the quiet recipients of your temporary outrage.

o one (unless you’re truly fucked) that couldn’t be sold to Indonesia flooded wants to see docile, innocent animals the market, the already low price on cattle Nbeing tortured. plummeted further. All the farmers I know live on a wire, betting on the profits to In 2011, a shaky Blair Witch-esque video come for their day to day expenses. When brought Australia’s attention to the abuse the ban came into effect profits were lost that was said to have occurred during and debt was gained. I, personally, cannot the export of live cattle to Indonesia. The think of a farmer I know of today who isn’t majority of the public, after seeing these heavily in debt. images splashed across every news outlet in Art by Stephanie Barahona Australia were, understandably, horrified. One of the largest industries in Australia, Animals Australia, and then Four Corner’s, The ban became effective almostit was so sudden… but I got on my feet employing tens of thousands of people highlighted some brutal practices said immediately after the announcement in soon enough, there’s always work for a and contributing significantly to to have been occurring within various June, which is also, unfortunately, the peak truckie. It was the farmer’s though, they Australian economic growth, is also an Indonesian abattoirs, such as tendon of the cattle season. At the time of the suffered.” industry intertwined and sprinkled with slashing, whipping and eye gouging. Not announcement there were roughly 40,000 the inhumane treatment of animals. Only pleasant stuff at all, and didn’t the public head of cattle on the road, in holding To anyone from a rural area, as I am, this last month Australian exporters themselves let the government know about it. depots or on their way to Indonesia. kind of story is not new. Anyone who expressed concern about the abuse of Farmers were forced to face massive losses derived their income in any way from the Australian cattle in Vietnam. How can The backlash after theFour Corner’s as the Australian beef industry screeched beef industry felt the ramifications of the we counter-balance the livelihoods of the expose was one of the largest in Australian to a stand-still. Reports of farmers trade ban in 2011, and is probably still people who work in the industry against history—within one week over 200,000 shooting heifers and steers in the paddock feeling them. the reality that in 2015 animal welfare people had signed an online petition and because they couldn’t afford to feed them and sustainable practices should really be over 100,000 had written to the Prime filtered through and the government was The official ban was lifted only a month much more of a guarantee? Minister about the issue. Many politicians faced with a compensation figure of a low- later but its effects on the beef industry also threw their weight behind the crowd, ball $700 million. One they ostentatiously can still be felt today. So much so that Knee-jerk reactions don’t work—just ask applying additional pressure to the ignored. industries and individuals who were the farmers in Northern Queensland to government to try and force their hand, affected by the 2011 ban announced show you their scars—but doing nothing and after eight days of this tremendous Greg Stuart, a truck driver responsible last year that they were launching a and being silent is also making Australia pressure the Gillard government for transporting cattle for live export, massive class action against the Federal compliant in the unnecessary abuse of announced an immediate suspension of experienced this hardship first hand Government. animals. the live cattle trade to Indonesia. Animals when he was put out of work when the Australia and the general public, who had live export ban came into practice. “I had And it wasn’t just the beef farmers that I don’t have the answer, but I know it’s watched the video on Sunrise then written it tough for a bit there. Driving the cattle exported their cattle to Indonesia that felt definitely not under the rug that this issue an impassioned letter about it, rejoiced. was a good job and I was shocked at first, the pinch from this issue. As all the cattle has been swept under.

7 perspective Things I’m not Allowed to Mention at Dinner Parties Nina Matsumoto

am a vet student, and I love my degree. a teenager you’re a dog. You don’t really “When alpacas mate, an important part of 5) Gross fluids mad-libs However sometimes I overshare the understand what’s going on, but for about the process is for the male to vocalise and These ones are an easy and common Iintimate details of my work. Here are the 30 minutes your body expels a chocolate profusely salivate all over the female.” mainstay of terrible Vet student stories that I promise to never again bring chunderstorm. conversation pieces. up over dinner.1 3) “What’s it like performing surgery?” To answer the question, I spent the better “Surgery training has so far involved me [Person] was doing a [act of veterinary 1) Honest responses to the question half of my Easter break catching vomit removing testicles from puppies whilst practice] when [something awful “What did you do at work/uni today?” from dogs. hysterically singing ‘I am woman, hear happens] and I/they got [gross bodily fluid] At a recent dinner party, a friend asked me roar’, followed by a long cool bath in a in my/their [eye/hair/beard/mouth/whole me—over her half-eaten, chocolate tart— 2) Tales of quasi-bestiality and other pool of male tears.” body]. “What did you do over the Easter break?” ungodly carnal acts “Did you know that it takes a boar pig 4) Any story involving cadavers For example: I was holding an alpaca My Easter was spent dealing with dogs over 30 minutes to ejaculate?” A reality of learning veterinary anatomy for an abscess drain when the other girl that had binge eaten the family supply and surgery is that I often work with helping accidentally let it go and I got the of Easter eggs. When ingested in large “How do you know that?”, I hear you ask. the donated bodies of cats, dogs, horses, ricotta cheesy contents of the abscess in amounts, chocolate can cause dogs to cows and chickens which recently (or not my hair. seizure and go into multiple organ failure. I know because one time on placement I so recently) passed away. Nothing says had to hold a boar’s corkscrew ended penis pretend surgical sterility like scrubbing in, Now You Can Make Your Own! Fortunately, I can avert disaster by pre- into a styrofoam milkshake cup and catch then running to grab the Frontline spray [Person]: I, they, my boss, [your name]. emptively treating the dog. Unfortunately, all three phases of the ejaculate. One of so you don’t get fleas in your reconstructive [Act of veterinary practice]: taking this involves a drug called apomorphine, the phases resembles Vaseline. knee surgery. a blood sample, lameness examination, which causes a temporary wave of nausea checking for paralysis ticks, rectal and vomiting. Imagine that your parents Other facts banned from the dinner table “The defrosted cadavers we use in our pregnancy test, expressing anal glands. have taken you to hospital because you’re include: surgery pracs are super manky, once our [Something awful happens]: The dog 15 and you overdid it at the 18th of some supervisor had to come through with the got loose, the cat freaked out and clawed kid a few years above you, but instead “Did you know that male kangaroos flea kill spray because all the fleas were my nurse in the lip, the cow violently of goon you’re vomiting up a weird have a two headed penis, and that female abandoning ship and trying to jump onto pooed down my sleeve. chocolatey smelling goo and instead of kangaroos have three vaginas?’” us.” [Gross bodily fluid]: poo, vomit, urine, semen, rumenal fluid, anal gland fluid, green and runny abscess pus, white and lumpy abscess pus.

1. Unless you’re into that, in which case BOY do I have some stories about being elbows deep in cow clunge for you. For those uneducated in cattle, pregnancy testing is done by wearing an armpit length plastic glove and lubing up for a par rectum entry. The trick is delicacy, speed and to keep your mouth firmly closed. You start by forming a cone with your gloved hand, then slowly insert it into the rectum, there should be little to no resistance. Once your hand is completely in, you have to scrape out any faeces that are in the colorectal canal in order to be able to palpate the reproductive tract below. Insert your hand until you’re about mid forearm deep, then form a cup facing you and pull the poo out towards you. Remember to keep your mouth shut and to try to avoid throwing shit on yourself when you pull the faeces out the rectum. Once this is done, you can start to feel the reproductive tract through the rectal wall, it’s a similar sensation to feeling something through a very warm, very moist blanket. It’s all very technical and science-y from here, but the key thing to remember is that no vet considers you adequate at pregnancy testing until you’ve done this at least 2,000 times. Also if you feel the rectal walls tensing around your arm in a wave that’s headed for your armpit, stand slightly to the side because that peristaltic motion is Bessie either pushing a cow pat or a fart in your direction.

Comic by Bryant Apolonio.

8 perspective You Always Remember Your First Joel Hillman (Pharm IV MPS) recounts three deaths.

remember once being told that, in the is much more interesting an idea in my all the medications and equipment they from private practice pharmacy. medical industry, ‘everything we do is opinion. A professor told me about his. He need to save a life. But they can’t. So they Ia stall’ (which I think is actually a Scrubs still remembers her name, her husband’s just stand and watch an old woman die. I guess my point is that this is all normal. quote, but is powerful nonetheless). name, and the names of her three children. You remember your first, because of course Or they don’t. One nurse is on her phone. you do, but then you remember that the There is this idea in medicine that you take The second death I want to tell you about One doctor is reviewing a chart. rest are just case lessons to be learnt. on the responsibility to be entangled in occurred on a Thursday evening two weeks Nothing more. The medical industry has deaths. You are responsible for deaths, one ago, when a patient went into cardiac She dies, the siren stops, the screens return what looks like an unhealthy relationship way or another. Either you kill someone arrest after major surgery. She was old, to normal, the nurses pack things away, with death, but it’s really the only way to with a mistake, or your treatments fail and she was Not For Resuscitation, which the doctors continue on their rounds, get it done. and they die. I think this burden is an means exactly what you think it does. It is and the pharmacist tells me to go interesting sacrifice that people make for a myth that people who undergo cardiac back to counselling a patient on the the community. And I think it is a burden. arrest are always just zapped back to life medication they’re beginning. with chest paddles, and the team and the The first death I ever saw was a patient patient had together decided this was the The third death happened on the in China. He was old, he had been using best course of action. change of a shift, when a registrar a drug called digoxin, but because of an entered the room, and immediately error somewhere along the way, had been A code blue stops most of the ward. The paged, said ‘Ha! What a start to the using many times the dose he should have. siren echoes through the halls, the screens night’, pulled out her headphones and His heart essentially tore itself apart. My flash the bed number (22. 22. 22.) and began writing notes. professor told us quietly after [his/her] nurses run carrying drugs and machines. I pager interrupted our lunch. I remember watch as doctors, nurses and my supervisor Death is normal. It’s a thing that the other student was shaken, and took (a clinical pharmacist) run toward the happens, and no one has time to the remaining fortnight we were there to room and just stop. dwell. This is probably the best way recover. of dealing with it—or you don’t, like There are staff specialists, registrars, my colleague. She’s choosing not to There is also a saying that you always interns, nurses—all highly trained engage with that facet of the job right Art by Johanna Roberts. remember the first patient you kill, which individuals ready to work as a team with now, which you can do more easily Covering for my Culture GET YOUR Swetha Das struggles to reconcile her values with her culture’s.

fter climbing 3600 steps to the Indian upbringing, I have developed an TEXTBOOKS summit of the Tirupati Balaji Temple internalised struggle between respecting inA South India, my aunt and her husband my own values and my culture’s values. were stopped at the main entrance by the temple’s volunteers. Sweating in her Centuries old rituals and ideologies are too pants and long sleeved churidhar-top, deeply ingrained within society to amend, my aunt was informed that she was not and it has often become easier to conform CHEAP! allowed to enter because she did not have than to seek change. I find myself spouting a shawl. While her husband wore only a rants on equality and need for change at lungi-skirt and shirt, her full attire was not university, while subserviently listening to modest enough to allow her to pray to the my grandmother bluster through another BOOKS SELL BOOKS same God. lecture about the necessity for women to FOR & GET tie up their hair in the evening to avoid The double standards applied to women in dirtying the house. 70% 40% East Asian countries are ineffable. Within OF OF the very foundations of customs and Maybe conformity is just easier? Perhaps, RETAIL RETAIL culture lie archaic restrictions on women but it’s also debilitating. There isn’t * that have remained within society. immediate progress when the radicals take BUY VALUE VALUE the easy road. Is it only when a confident Recently, a 20 year old Indian woman woman drags a man by his hair that we made headlines internationally for reflect upon our perceptions of the strength Highest Cash-Back Rate On Campus: Get 40%, not 30% dragging a man, who had molested her, and independence of women today? It’s to a police station. Pradnya Mandhare’s become too comfortable to overlook the Level 4, Wentworth Building, University of Sydney actions and attitude undermined India’s realities of inequality concealed within our (Next to the International Lounge) Hours: Mondays to Thursdays, 9am - 4.30pm classic narrative of female victimhood, and traditional beliefs. Phone: (02) 9660 4756 Email: [email protected] it is this subversion that has captured the Search for text books online: www.srcusyd.net.au/search_books media’s attention. Even after my aunt climbed those 3600 Call 02 9660 4756 to check availability and reserve a book. steps, sweating for her religion, she was * Cash back rate depends on book condition Unnecessary conventions have persisted startled that her modest clothing was still due to their place in a culture that demands inadequate for the temple. Whether it For more info: www.srcusyd.net.au/src-books respect for long standing tradition. was a compromise or innovation, instead As a female who is both a product of arguing, she simply took one of her This service is provided to you by Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney of a progressive western institutional husband’s shirts and draped it over her education system and a conservative chest like a shawl. 9 profile

You may have seen posters along King St proudly stating, ‘Real Australians Say Welcome’. Katie Davern spoke to the man behind the message, Peter Drew, about his street art, targeted at long-overdue political and social change.

eal Australians Say Welcome. Or so “It takes a lot of investment for people just hysterical fear.” For the most part people realise that it’s a small sacrifice to thinks Adelaide-based artist Peter to get into something like that [‘Bound though, the support for ‘Real Australians make someone else feel welcome in this RDrew who has been trekking around the For South Australia’] whereas something Say Welcome’ has been overwhelmingly country. And if we’re as “true blue” as we country for the last two months with an like this, it has a good hook in terms of positive. say we are, then there should be absolutely aim to put up 1000 posters in public places capturing an audience.” no hesitation. which say just that—Real Australians Say For those who think his project is Welcome—in big bold, unavoidable caps. To say the project has a ‘good hook’ might exclusively tongue-in-cheek, Peter is quick But what about going beyond making be something of an understatement. to clarify: “I think most people want to be people feel simply welcome when they Peter believes that most Australians are When I speak to Peter, he’s in Perth proud of being Australian, like to be proud arrive in Australia? We have two major “essentially unsure of Islam” and, at the on his third state visit and has already of the place they belong to and that’s what political parties who are certified experts same time, perfectly comfortable using met with state premiers, celebrity chefs I think the project allows us to feel. I think at turning a blind eye to the extraordinary words like ‘multiculturalism’ in everyday and the Grand Mufti of Australia—all the reason why so many people got behind abuses of human rights that are occurring discourse. Yet one need only look to fervent supporters of his project. Peter it is a sense of relief at having something in our name and seem unwilling to budge events like the Reclaim Australia rally has now exceeded the 800-poster mark, that they can express ... having a bit of that on immigration issues. and to Australia’s treatment of asylum outshot his Pozible campaign goal by taken back from bigots.” seekers (endorsed by immigration policies miles (the profits of which will go to the Creating lasting political change may not that are at odds with our international Asylum Seeker Resource Centre and I first came across this project in Western be in Peter’s immediate sights but he offers human rights obligations) to see that Welcome to Australia) and has garnered Sydney, on my walk from Guildford one idea off the top of his head: “Perhaps multiculturalism, in this sense, has continued supportive national and local station to my car late one evening. I saw a they could spend some of the exorbitant significant caveats. Examining this is at media coverage. At the start of the ‘Real Australians Say Welcome’ poster on costs of the Pacific Solution creating the heart of Peter’s work. project when Lucy Feagins, editor of blog a brick wall on the side of a hairdressing better legal avenues for asylum seekers Design Files put a call out on Instagram salon across from the station. It made me to come here from the places where they The subversion of language in the ‘Real for other creatives to contribute to the stop and think, and I walked off smiling. are most persecuted like Afghanistan and Australians Say Welcome’ project and the #realaustralianssaywelcome conversation, Syria.” He continued, “I don’t think it’s immediate reflection on our hypocrisy as a they received over 2000 creative responses When I mention this to Peter, he said the necessary to have children in detention nation that results from seeing a poster is, in just 48 hours. posters in the western suburbs were very to deter people smugglers. I think that’s Peter tells me, absolutely intentional. deliberate. “It's kind of strange. I was so just callous. And eventually we’re going to With a strong social media following of focused on this project being about getting have to answer for it.” “I generally don’t like politically focused his own, Peter has been able to call out moderate voters to think about [asylum art because it’s so earnest—painfully for travel tips in each of the new cities he seekers] and to change their perspective, Peter intends on finishing the project in earnest,” he admits. “That’s why with this visits, and has been connected with people and I didn’t even consider that the project Canberra so as to “bring it home”, believing project, I wanted the tone to be quite clear. who have been willing to help with his had a whole other audience in asylum that as a country, we will eventually have This project is ironic and good-humoured, transport needs and with the physical act seekers themselves and recent arrivals; to answer for these abuses. “There will be about our identity and how our actions are of putting up the posters. Peter tells me of those people who are feeling increasingly change, I mean there has to be.” shaping our identity. It doesn’t really ask a lady in Darwin who, with her two kids in alienated by the actions of groups like people to be extra compassionate towards the back seat, drove him in her four-door Reclaim Australia.” anyone.” ute all over the city. “I got to places where there was no way I would have been able “Then I started receiving messages Peter’s art has done just that in the to get to,” he said. from asylum seekers themselves and past: his 2013 project ‘Bound for South that changed the way I looked at it and Australia’ used the stories and drawings When I ask Peter if he’s had any negative I’m really happy that it did. I think that of asylum seekers and people on bridging responses to his project, he mentions achieving political change is extremely visas who were living in detention centres. that he has but mostly online and mostly difficult but making people feel more He transferred these first-hand accounts around the time of the Reclaim Australia welcome is something that everyone can onto the streets of Adelaide in the form of rally. “It didn’t really hurt in a way do.” large posters. because they were so hysterical. It really shows people what’s driving the debate; This, Peter says, is his main goal. To make

10 arts & culture

Alix Sanders-Garner is livid with Vivid.

n my way to see it, I felt my prejudices Eastern Avenue becomes the ‘Path too piecey. A needlessly curatorial attitude electrical light is considered a medium marshal themselves in favour of to the Future.’ Just when you thought meant that individual works were plonked and you only notice its independent OVivid. I’d never been before, imagining they’d do something faux-scholarly like all about—dissonant, pretentious, lonely, existence at the moment of summoning it it to be a LED-strewn mongrelism of ‘enLIGHTenment’, they point out that and unable to live up to the anticipation to your front porch or your phablet. And New Year’s Eve and the Easter Show, a the future is the Spit Junction bus. Ah, their arrangement creates. As a result, yet this situation offers new opportunities few nights when the æsthetic tenor (and, the feeling of being targeted by someone wherever an exhibit was lodged the crowd for spectacle and comedy: when we don’t indeed, the habitués) of Darling Harbour shooting off-target. I was returning a coagulated; chances of actually beholding know first-hand how things work, our tried the rest of the city on for size. But library book, so that’s all I saw. There was the source of interest were low if you childlike belief in (and reliance on) the as I powered down one of Sydney’s most music, and the Quad—belle of USyd’s had neither saintly patience nor sharp epiphanic unreal is restored. But at Vivid, well-lit multi-lane arteries a sense of PR—was as spectacular a canvas for nice elbows. Without narrative, more careful the conceptual imagination was as feeble urbane nowness defrosted me, the strains projections as the Customs House would works like Amanda Parer’s chinoiserie pig- as the visual drama was demure. More of WSFM seconding the motion that I be later in the evening. lantern ‘Entitle’ got as quick a glance as punches are packed in decorating a parish groove the digital and go with the electron everything else. Most didn’t even find ‘Life fête, where the metaphysical stakes are flow. Life and Art bit at each other and, Back to the CBD ‘precincts’, which I did Story’, where a moving fresco of animals higher and the budget lower. Where are emboldened, I prostrated myself (at see. What really unplugged my excitement shone down from the vault of the Argyle the quips about Mike Baird privatising the expense of safe driving) before the was that Vivid didn’t go anywhere near Cut. So the crowds ambled, enjoying the the electricity? Or suggestions that next altar of Energy as Idea. Live hairdryers as far as it had licence to go. I wanted to convivial environment but confused and Vivid’s closing ceremony could coincide would be my bath toys! I was Thor of the be assaulted. Assaulted by the exuberant on the precipice of bored. Martin Place with Earth Hour? Alas. telegraph poles, maestro conductor of this honesty of an electrospectacle taken to the was the worst, given the space’s potential circuitry of Life! Is that a supermarket, or max. I wanted torch-bearing scuba-divers for sheltering theatrical effects: past the The eunuchs who man ‘the arts’ titter at is it Vivid? To diurnal hell, these piddling in the harbour, dancers in tube-lighting, touch-me-interactive spinal cords was a the mention of Vivid—an ill-advised distinctions. All is vivid. You’re vivid, boats of bulbs berthed at Bennelong. I pop-up bazaar where crappy food stalls snobbery, like thinking your favourite he/she/they are vivid. After all, what is wanted cash-trash, chlorinated laser- terminated in an enclosure for the cool flavour of chips superior to the next sensation—no, what is all thought—but fountains, a foretaste of what Sydney cats to drink designer beer. Beyond that, fellow’s. It comes out of the same factory. the frantic jive of electro-signals webbing might be like once the scaffolding comes an illuminated cube on a pole purports But Vivid is something Sydneysiders the encephalic mush? (My science was down at Barangaroo. Instead, I got an to “explore the way space is perceived deem particularly worth attending. bogus, but didn’t stop me.) The high didn’t acrobat doing hand-stand yoga at The by challenging and confounding our They have given it the great Australian last to Bathurst Street, but of course this is Rocks.[1] Vivid as a form is inheritor of perception of light”. Nothing registers honour, perhaps a recourse to the part- the nature of electricity: it’s largely derived an ancient tradition of shameless state- the gap between sentence and sculpture, Germanic origins of our language, of from non-renewable resources, and you funded display: imperial triumphs, the between the obligatory palaver of the compressing a sentence into one slurred always end up paying for it. World Exhibitions. But it takes from Artist’s Statement and the actual life of word. Weargoanvivid. That is, we’re going these in function, not form; it drew the the work, like a light show. to Vivid. Nothing approaching this level So like a Bangkok Rolex the shine dulled, crowds but failed to seduce them. Don’t of citizenly familiarity is achieved by the mechanism rusted, affirmation fizzled forget Vivid—‘light, music, and ideas’— If the decision was made to have individual other mega-arts events. Nobody says into the ickiness of a dive at closing is foremost an industry fair and NSW works ballasted with significance, more weargoanbeenarlay. Biennale? Biennale? time. I tuned out of WSFM; the efforts investment in all things to do with the should have been delivered in the way Parts of Sydney are just getting used to of the 80s to naturalise electronics into ascendant class of ‘creatives’ in business of cleverness and interest. For a festival Carbonara. the vocabulary of the love song seemed and technology ‘workplaces.’ Peruse the with such a specific focus, uses of light as shabby as they really were. But after sponsor list. and digital media were desperately Hopefully Vivid 2016 will up the all Sia’s Titanium did for the mining unilluminating. Mostly glowing, sound- voltage and be both smarter and more industry, Vivid is heavily invested in But it does bill itself as a ‘festival’ and it making thingamajigs permitting varying carnivalesque. By any measure, this year metaphors that ensure its verbal existence fails on that front. Despite the helpful degrees of audience participation. Or was a numbers success. is as relentlessly on-theme as possible. ‘itineraries’, apps, and guided walks (taper colours and images thrown onto obliging Adventures in figurative language are your loins as you jog around the Quay with architectural surfaces. This isn’t enough They came, they saw, they bought light-up to ‘viral marketing’ teams what the Michelle Bridges), Vivid in the city was anymore; neither are novelties. Today Minnie Mouse ears. turtle-formation was to the Roman army: effective but an embarrassment. It happens when the certainty of the objective of communication is seriously [1] Nearby, a rather good Euro-style greater than the team’s command of words. hot-dog to be had at the night market. Second-order practitioners of this same art are: real estate agents, psychologists. Unsurprisingly, the crudest examples were on our campus. Lit in the manner hostesses assure us an airplane aisle would be in the unlikely case of an emergency,

11 arts & culture

An Evening with Morrissey Out of the Shadows Ellie Rogers is not a fan. Rebecca Wong & Patrick Morrow devour MUSE’s latest offering.

ast Monday I received a text I never expected little fool oh, you fool” during which he gestured to erforming arts societies on campus with considerable success. The spoken- from my father: “Ellie—do you want to come sections of the audience who almost certainly have are cliquey. They are part bastard word piece “Golden Palace” from Now. Lto the Morrissey concert next Wednesday as mum never worked hard or paid taxes. The same song Pmeritocracy and part social gerontocracy Here.This. is affecting in its understated isn’t interested”. Recovering from the realisation contains the line “each time you vote you support and every year, any executive worth their simplicity, representing an innovative that my own father was entry level hipster trash, the process”, a sentiment carried throughout his election grapples with the important departure from the often contrived I said sure—honouring my own disaffected teen performance despite literally being in Australia. question: how do you keep the society full melodrama of musical theatre. melancholy and hoping to score a free of young blood? dinner. His rendition of ‘Ganglord’ was The first half of the show is full of loin- set to clips of police brutality MUSE’s inaugural compilation show, Out tinglingly impressive performances. The The degree of moralising egotistical over the past two years, including of the Shadows, has spectacularly usurped dark and profoundly unsettling rendition wank should have been obvious the murders of Tamir Rice, Eric the place traditionally occupied by their of “The Bells of St Sebastian”, featuring after the man banned meat from Garner, Darrien Hunt, Walter first year show. Both programs have aimed first-time MUSE performer Hayden the Opera House and affiliated Scott and many others, despite to fill the same introductory function. Tonazzi, is a notable highlight. While restaurants for the duration of his statements from several of the Last year they staged The Gondoliers, and there are loving duets and loving duets performances. And yet I was not deceased’s families asking people before that, Iolanthe, both of which are and more loving duets that begin to feel prepared for the sheer meme that is for reverence by not spreading dowdy Gilbert & Sullivan romps with like eating sugar from the bag, sugar is My father around the time he thought the Morrissey. Smiths were at all good. these videos. Also, the bridge of sprawling choruses of dukes, earls, fairies delicious. ‘Gangland’ suggests policemen and gondoliers to be in-or-deflated to suit The concert was billed to start at 8. By 8:30 chanting the lyrics to the chorus—which is the number of salvageable auditionees. The cast displays a formidable breadth Morrissey was almost done showing us clips comprised of the lyrics ‘go back to the ghetto’, with and degree of vocal prowess, with musical from a BBC Face to Face Interview with Edith the final two minutes just repeating the chorus. But this year, 2015 MUSE president numbers tailored to the strengths and Sitwell, archival footage from the Thatcher era, This unfortunately resulted in Morrissey chanting Jonathan Rush has poached the introductory distinctive styles of individual performers. and a reading of Matisse by Gertrude Stein. He ‘go back to the ghetto’ to actual clips of black people compilation show form from SUDS, and to Anna Colless and Lisa-Marie Long are was (finally) greeted by a standing ovation from being murdered. Classic Morrissey. much better effect. Where straight theatre highlights of their respective halves, and Mosman Gen X-ers almost certainly reflecting on loses a lot of its power when consolidated, are two of a handful of performers that the time they plagiarised Smiths lyrics to get laid. His only Smiths song was ‘Meat is Murder’, chopped up, and decontextualised, every wield inspired/heart-broken/empowered set to—you guessed it—clips of animal cruelty. atomised number in Out of the Shadows is middle-distance gazes that reach beyond ‘Staircase at the University’, though a confirmed Probably all from that one Four Corners program. a strong performance in its own right, each the back wall of the venue. In less-capable banger, describes a daughter’s suicide after Considering Morrissey is literally not even a vegan performance contributes to a coherent act, hands the gesture falls to cliché. university stress and the pressures of her father I ate meat for the first time in several weeks the and both acts contribute to a coherent whole. to get “three A’s”, hitting alarmingly close to next day to spite him. While both acts feature a brilliant selection home. This should probably be the only thing Out of the Shadows features a hefty cast of classic and contemporary songs, the Morrissey is permitted to sing about considering All of this was to be expected from a confirmed of 39, and the spatial confines of Studio second half forfeits polish for fun, with a his upper middle class pain has led him to taking men’s rights activist (“I think it’s easier to be a B make for an intimate and emotionally greater emphasis on large group numbers on the struggles of capitalism and just about any woman. The women’s movement has been so trenchant experience. The show’s 20 and energetic, if imprecise, choreography. minority. successful; the men’s movement has never been musical numbers have been meticulously Voices are not as uniformly strong, though accepted”) and actual racist. workshopped by its seven directors, the act features performances from the Highlights include his fervent reading from my allowing the cast to tackle an impressive wonderfully nuanced Jerome Studdy, nihilist/Marxist 12 year old self ’s diary in the He strikes me as the sort of person who would work stylistic range of content. This includes the consistently powerful Lane Pitcher, lyrics of ‘World Peace is None of Your Business’, very hard to secure a blowjob, but would maintain a classics such as “Little Priest” from and the charismatic Hannah Cox and an ironically self aware (classic Morrissey) track deeply sullen face for the duration of it, and when Sweeney Todd, the ever enjoyable “Cell Georgia Britt. “Gee, Officer Krupke” which contains the lyrics “You must not tamper pressed for reason would say he was just too sad Block Tango”, and the much beloved is an intelligent and utterly fun use of with arrangements / Work hard and sweetly pay about the Middle East. He also probably believes (read: overdone) “La Vie Boheme” from good performers in the middle of an act your taxes / Never asking what for / Oh, you poor in Chemtrails, and is definitely an anti-vaxxer. Rent. In addition, the conglomerate that otherwise begins to lag. Every scene format of the show allows the directors to for which Jonathan Rush is credited as dabble in more recent, avant garde work, director is outstanding.

Where Gilbert & Sullivan struggle to flourish on a shoestring in Studio B,Out of the Shadows triumphs. There is a cheap, unobtrusive and effective aesthetic in both acts, and no cast member is relegated exclusively to the chorus.

Out of the Shadows is not the most lavish, or impressive, or best-performed show that MUSE has staged, but very few productions have so admirably risen to all of their aims, perfectly pitching their scope, and showcasing the breadth of talent Muse has to offer. The show heralds a conscious shift towards greater inclusivity, which has yielded exceptional results. It is refreshingly diverse, entertaining and emotionally honest. It feels genuine, and that’s a genuine pleasure. 12 arts & culture What to See at Sydney Film Festival Dominic Ellis looks forward.

his week is a momentous occasion especially considering the quality bunch of other big names this year. Alex now based in Newtown has built up buzz for movies. Not only does Entourage: Australian cast (Geoffrey Rush, Miranda Gibney, the main festival guest this year, for his Lynchian noir Sunrise. Sunrise is TheT Movie finally grace the silver screen, Otto, Sam Neil, and Ewen Leslie). will introduce his Going Clear: Scientology one of twenty films showing at Dendy but the 61st Sydney Film Festival starts its and the Prison of Belief, which takes Newtown this year—a coup for exam- 11-day run. As for the rest of the Official Competition, shots at the controversial religion and ridden students looking to burn a few it’s hard to look past Arabian Nights. At the A-listers who support it (which is hours between take-home exams. From As far as local content goes, this year’s 6 hours long, it’s undoubtedly ambitious, particularly interesting given how many the festival’s Freak Me Out section, both festival is all about adaptations. The pick but it’s been divvied up into three parts to of those A-listers are littered throughout the aptly-titled Deathgasm and the timely of the bunch is probably Neil Armfield’s ease digestion. Director Miguel Gomes’ SFF films). Favourites on the festival Mad Max throwback Turbo Kid play Holding the Man. Adapted from Tim last film Tabu was loved at SFF a few circuit The Duke of Burgundy, Phoenix, Newtown early on in the fest. Conigrave’s seminal memoir, it was years back, but given Arabian Nights’ and Ramin Bahrani’s 99 Homes continue actually incomplete at the time of SFF’s reception at Cannes, this looks to be their runs, but each will likely see wider Beyond that, there’s also a whole heap of program launch, but with Armfield’s Gomes’ opus. Victoria, a one-take heist cinematic releases later in the year, so they docos (this reporter-cum-festival-intern track record on stage and screen (plus the film shot across 22 locations, is another can sit comfortably lower on your shortlist. endorses Sherpa, The Wolfpack and The success of the novel and play on which the bold cinematic experiment (like a good Look of Silence); a few retrospectives (see film is based) the bar has been set high. version of Birdman) that seems like it’d be As for the dark horses, These Are the ANYTHING Bergman); and a Focus Playing in the Official Competition, The well worth the $15. Rules, a gorgeously minimalistic domestic on South Africa series (check out the Daughter, Simon Stone’s film adaptation drama from Croatia is an insider pick. amazing 70s Bond-Blaxploitation flick of The Wild Duck, is also worth a look, The State Theatre will also play host to a Patho San-Gupta, an Indian filmmaker Joe Bullet). Golden Age of Sydney Writers Festival? Samantha Jonscher looks back.

he Golden Age of Television, question This panel was never going to get to the offer a reasonable response that Micallef of its talent goes overseas. Or how it may mark, is not a new conversation. It bottom of this elusive, and also fairly and Oswald would then comment on. overcome its small local audience (the isn’tT even a new conversation for this city, asinine question, but it could have trod answer is probably better quality). Or what actually—this week Matthew Weiner is new ground—like the relative poverty You could tell that Micallef and Oswald Australia could learn from Top of Lake (an speaking, probably about this, for Vivid of the Australian Television landscape had interesting things to say about TV in excellent New Zealand made drama that ideas. Last year Festival of Dangerous Ideas when compared with the rest of the world Australia—even if they weren’t allowed to garnered international attention and the brought New Yorker television critic Emily (Denmark and Sweden included, who are really say much about them. support of BBC 2). Nussbaum and Salmon Rushdie (who is both churning out excellent shows). currently writing a Sci Fi series) together Oswald said that if the government made I don’t think “quality” TV is going to ask if TV is replacing the novel (it isn’t). The hour was long and meandering a series of a strategic decisions, Netflix anywhere soon,1 but Australian culture because of this. When Micallef and could be enticed to fund the sort of one doesn’t seem to be going anywhere either. This panel, was not that panel. It was Oswald wandered into the territory million dollar an episode shows that could It’s hard not to see this year’s Sydney hosted by Ben Law and featured Shaun of saying something interesting and give artistic vibrancy to what she and Writers’ Festival as symptomatic of this. Micallef (Australian Comedian), Debra insightful about Australian TV and its Micallef (and any watcher of Australian It didn’t want anything to do with being Oswald (writer of Channel Ten’s Offspring, future (particularly in the shadow of TV drama) know is a market bolstered Australian. which was apparently “good”) and Daniel Netflix and Stan), Law would wrench up by soap operas and things that look a Mendelsohn (sometimes TV critic for the conversation away and ask a question lot like soap operas (like Offspring). But I feel like people are always saying that the New Yorker and the New York Book more inclusive of the “international guest” Law was more important that we consider they wished Sydney “was cooler”. Well Review). (who was clearly meant to be a sort of “what the turning point was for television’s Sydney is cool, we just don’t seem keen on star, even though I would imagine that high brow respectability” (know one is our own branding. It was a shame that SWF didn’t accept Micallef was the main draw for many quite sure). the fact that it did not have say, Matthew attendees present). These questions were The Golden Age of TV may be here, but Weiner and Emily Nussbaum there. often drab but Mendelsohn—who is funny, We weren’t able to get very far into how the Golden Age of Australian TV seems insightful and knowledgeable—would Australia might address the fact that all very far away.

1. Thatsaid, Oswald made the point that “good” TV was born in an under funded quagmire where the writers and not big names were the draw cards of series. With the return of Hollywood stars to TV, this may change. At. Long. Last. More A$AP Alex Fitton has a listen.

$AP Rocky’s sophomore effort is twenty-six year old rap star. The true in what will be one of the most popular the album, but this record shows all the a personal and honest affair which masterpiece is the final track of the tracks on the album. ‘Everyday’ is likely to signs of longevity. We may have to wait featuresA lyrical content only slightly lighter eighteen, ‘Back Home’ which features achieve mainstream traction, maybe due another two-and-a-half years for another than its predecessor, Long. Live. A$AP. great samples and a posthumous verse to the features of Rod Stewart and Mark studio album from Lord Flacko, so savour from A$AP Yams. Ronson, but it works nonetheless. every verse of this true classic. True to form, each track offers something different and unique, and all have the Producer Mike Dean’s influence shines It may take some time for us to comprehend Four purple dranks out of five. potential to introduce new fans to the through on ‘M’$’, with Lil’ Wayne featuring what each song means in the context of 13 misc This Exam Period, Try Deskercise Alexandros Tsathas teaches you to shred for Stuvac.

see it every semester. Stuvac comes around and the popping of packets of Pizza As exams test your knowledge, deskercises are sure to test your strength and cardiovascular Shapes can be heard resonating loudly through deserted sports grounds and fitness. They have the added benefit of being able to be performed in the comfort and Igymnasiums everywhere. Exams and exercise shouldn’t be exclusive of each other. In convenience of your own study space. fact, one complements the other. “A healthy mind in a healthy body” is the mantra I’ve always ascribed to. This exam season, keep your scaling strictly academic!

Treadwheel Running 1. Begin with finger in full extension. 2. Lower finger to mouse wheel. 3. Retract finger until wheel disappears under housing. 4. Assume initial position and repeat.

Muscles used: the main typing and writing muscles.

Top tip: regularly alternate fingers to avoid muscle imbalance.

Swivel Chair Twist

1. Grasp edge of desk and lift both feet into the air (whilst remaining seated!). 2. Whilst holding the desk, rotate hips in either direction away from the desk. 3. Once the point of maximum rotation is reached, pull the body back to neutral. 4. Repeat in the other direction.

Muscles used: mainly the internal intercostals and supraspinatus.

Nanna Gets Lucky

Florence Fermanis’ grandmother gambles.

y grandmother is an avid gambler. the race pages, or she won’t know the odds. The blanks are filled in with charades and seeing my grandmother tomorrow. She Multiple times a week, for hours at No one even knows how she understands a complex system of gesticulation. hasn’t gone back to TAB since a loss two Ma time. them, considering she can’t read or speak weeks ago, so I’m expecting a comeback. much English. My grandmothers’ gambling friends tell She only started about two years ago, me I should learn Cantonese, when Mah-Jong Fridays stopped being a But somehow, she usually gets it right. though. They go as often as my thing. My mum says it’s good for warding I can tell when I pick her up if she’s grandmother does, wearing the off dementia, and everyone in my family won, because the smile that she wears is same unconscious uniform of a says the same thing. We usually tack on the same one that appears as when my bomber jacket with the optional the medical reason when people inquire father attempts to sound authentic when cane. In what appears to be a state why she so frequently visits TAB so that pronouncing Chinese dishes. Elated, she of meditation, they watch the they don’t think she is a problem gambler. sometimes buys me something to eat if screens intently from the front the winning’s big enough, something to table. Silently scribbling down the Because she’s not. As soon as she loses chomp on as we both wait for my mother necessary figures, they break the twenty bucks, she doesn’t go back for a to finish work. silence only when a win appears, month. But in the same way Mah-Jong or if someone’s daughter/son/ is as much a game of skill as it is a game Between bites, she fills in the time granddaughter/grandson appears of luck, betting on races—whether that by describing how happy she is, or by to pick them up and ferry them be horses, dogs, anything that moves (she remarking on her old age or the weather home. doesn’t discriminate)—requires a level in broken English. We revisit these topics of understanding. Strangely, it requires often because she knows the vocabulary for Chinese dramas can only provide commitment. We can’t forget to bring her them, and because I speak no Cantonese. so much entertainment. I’m 14 Art by Michael Lotsaris misc

Where are all the graffiti vaginas? This is satire, probably, writes Tash Gillezeau.

t took one particularly shroomy graffiti “Have you ever seen a graffiti vagina?” I could change these harrowing nature of dick scrawled on a scaffold near Manly asked. this statistic. From the frequent “dick- Ifor me to realise an abhorrent truth—at the tation” scrawls from Summer Heights age of 22, I had never once seen a graffiti “Ah… no, I haven’t,” Officer Joseph replied. High’s Jonah to the crippling wang- vagina. Numbed by the existence of this doodling addiction suffered by Seth in the ignored dimension of gender inequality, “What about a graffiti penis?” Pause. “Yes, movie Superbad, it seems phalluses are an my Rosa Parks moment had arrived. I have”. inescapable aspect of contemporary life.

Lack of female political representation Bingo. Triumphant, I cut the interview As a generally law abiding citizen with a I get. There’s some pretty hard science short, leaving the straightforward and Good White Middle Class Girl reputation showing women are too emotional for courteous Joseph wondering if I was an to keep intact (unlike my hymen), it’s with positions of power. Not to mention actual threat to the community, or simply palpable anxiety and conditioned fear of the legitimate fear of question time The results were clear. No one had seen just odd. being caught that I suggest immediate degenerating into “woman-would-you- the elusive graffiti vag, and my Mum action in the form of counter-cultural bloody-let-me-get-a-word-in-edgeways- would most definitely fail any Rorschach The “sketched dick” entered my life in vaginal vandalism. As a society, we must time” before you can say “Pro-Life”. inkblot test thrown her way. year 8 after making the foolish error of come together to correct this horrible leaving my school diary unattended in the injustice. For every “dick-tation”, let there But my genitals’ silent erasure from Even with such compelling research, good library. In my absence, some opportunist be a “vaj-azzle”. public spaces—this I cannot stand by and science is about attempting to disprove obnoxiously scrawled a huge blue biro tolerate. Instead of defiantly refusing to your own theories in order find out if schlong over my perfectly highlighted, I’ll clarify now that a penis entering give up my bus seat, I would engage in the they’re correct. For all I knew, Aussie colour-coded timetable. The message was a vagina absolutely does not qualify strongest form of activism known to my Banksy could be raising house prices in clear: no female space, no matter how because everyone worth their weight in generation—the outraged rant. Annandale spraying slits on façades this personal, how private, was safe from the Gloria Steinem knows penetration equals very instant. long dick of the patriarchy. This seminal domination equals oppression equals To check the validity of the vaginaless- moment would also sadly kill my love for slavery. Are you an advocate of slave graffiti phenomenon, I conducted a Next stop, Glebe Police Station. calendars and attempts at organization for labour? I didn’t think so. No, independent comprehensive survey of people from a Destination: knowledge. decades to come. vaginas only. range of demographics and ethnicities. I sent a group text to my three immediate After a few awkward minutes of my bad The search inquiry “graffiti dick” yields I became a journalist to make a difference, family members: my mother, father and acting asking Officer Joseph pretend 2,400 Google results. “Graffiti vagina” and this is my dream. Together, let’s be the brother. questions about “the graffiti situation in returns a paltry 1,420. Not even the change we want to see in the world, one the area,” I went for it. excitement of encountering encountering artsy cunt at a time. the number ‘420’ during my investigation Moldovan Reverse Squat

1. Start with an adjustable chair at its lowest possible height. 2. Stand up, simultaneously pulling the height-adjustment lever, so that the chair rises with you. 3. Once you have stood up and the chair has reached its maximum height, sit down on the chair (keeping the adjustment lever pulled tight), so that it returns to the start position. 4. Repeat.

Muscle groups used: most leg muscles.

Top tip: the sitting component of this exercise is a great opportunity to catch your breath.

Assisted Ab Crunch: Who needs a spotter when you’ve got a chair?!

1. Lean into backrest. 2. Pull and hold the recline-adjustment lever. 3. Gently lower the torso backwards, until maximum recline is reached. 4. Return to neutral (if you can!).

Muscle groups used: the core, mainly.

Top tip: the resistance of the chair’s recline mechanism should assist you in returning you to neutral.

Safety point! Prior to beginning the assisted ab crunch, check that leaning on the backrest at maximum recline does not cause the chair to capsize.

Art by Michael Lotsaris 15 feature Feeling Invisible

Astha Rajvanshi on Sydney’s growing youth homelessness crisis.

or those who have never experienced difficult and turned into a vicious cycle— trapped between sleeping rough and staying the house with a pair of scissors. Suddenly it, homelessness will usually prompt they were actively denied by homeless in temporary accommodation. For service he was running for his life, and after Fimages of people sleeping in parks, shelters on the basis of their gender and providers and support groups, the main wandering for a few hours, he went to his crouching in a line along the tunnel at sexuality, and then by the rental market priority is preventing the progression to local library and searched “youth homeless Railway Square, or begaging for money on because they were homeless. chronic homelessness. shelters”. George Street. “There’s this huge gap that exists between Homelessness can have devastating effects “I got in touch with Caretakers Cottage However, the majority of young people who homeless shelters and actual housing,” they on young people—high rates of mental in Bondi and they started their case experience homelessness do not live on the say. “They can do that because they have health problems, substance abuse, and management—I got interviewed by some streets, but rather in temporary, unstable power over you. You are not registered with sexually transmitted infections, while counsellors, and coupled with the DOCS housing: they might crash in their friends’ anything; you don’t have any documentation deteriorating health can contribute to a lack record of my family from incidents involving homes, take up emergency accommodation to prove yourself.” of wellbeing. my older autistic brother, it was determined in homeless shelters, or float from one public my home life was dangerous,” he says. space with a couch to the next. It is in this Eventually, although a social worker helped In 2014, over 250,000 Australians accessed transient, nomadic existence that homeless Andy through the process of filling out homelessness services, of which 87,774 The service helped Mark to apply for young people are often left by the wayside, paperwork, it didn’t help ease the mental adults received support for family or Centrelink payments, and lined him up faced with the trauma of losing the comfort transition. domestic violence, and 16 per cent of with a medium-term share house. “I snuck and safety of one’s surroundings—by society’s all clients identified a ‘housing crisis’ as home a few times while my mum was at standards, they are invisible and worthless. “Being homeless is like everything in life is on pause. You just don’t have the emotional And if the homeless move unseen, why capacity to deal with forms because it’s not “Being homeless is like everything in life is on pause. would anyone care? a priority,” says Andy. “The priority is where You just don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with you’re sleeping for the night, if you’re warm, forms because it’s not a priority.” * * * and if there’s any food. It’s the basic stuff.” the main reason for seeking assistance. work to collect my clothes, laptop and other “When I say ‘homeless’, there’s a difference Currently, Andy is living in transitional And yet, in June of the same year, $29.1 belongings. I continued going to work, between being homeless and sleeping housing arranged by their social worker in million in federal funding was lost from surf club and other things. When school rough,” Andy, a 23-year-old university the Inner West. reducing homelessness and facilitating came back, I kept going, except now every student who has experienced intermittent early intervention to prevent young teacher knew I was living independently,” homelessness for five years, explains. “Quite “When I first walked into the house, the people becoming homeless. A submission he explains. often people think everyone who’s sleeping only thing I managed was to run around the to the Legislative Council of the NSW rough is homeless, when in fact there are house, go up to my room, fall on the bed government on the issue stated that, “the After finishing his HSC, Mark applied for people who have homes but may have and cry… I hadn’t cried in so long,” they removal of $29.1 million in Commonwealth university and lived just as he was before, abusive families or partners and are sleeping reflect. “I realised that I could now deal with government funding for homelessness in except he was no longer “getting yelled at rough, and there are people who have emotions because I can do things other NSW the cuts “will have flow-on impacts or beaten every other day”. His caseworker temporary accommodation.” than be homeless 24/7.” to the wider housing and homelessness informed him that starting university sectors.” meant leaving the share house due to high “It’s that precarious state of not being For Andy, however, the trauma of being demand for medium-term accommodation, registered, of not having a residence, or a homeless hasn’t been resolved simply Within the City of Sydney, homelessness and Mark moved into on-campus housing. proper home,” they say. by finding a room with a bed. They are has been steadily rising over the years. A constantly struggling with poor mental street count conducted by the City Council But homelessness has helped shape At the age of 18, Andy, a queer and trans health and depression, only worsened by the in February earlier this year estimated that Mark’s understanding of the issue through student, found themselves homeless. They constant search for a sense of purpose in life. there are over 800 homeless people—an the people he’s met along the way. “The had grown increasingly apart from their increase by 26 per cent in the past year— stereotype of homeless youth is a poor kid parents after struggling to keep up with “That’s the battle—when you’re homeless, with 365 sleeping rough or staying in with alcoholic parents or drug issues and overbearing expectations over their gender you’re at risk of violence and [poor] mental overnight shelters, and 462 in occupied a broken family. My caseworker once said and sexuality, and one day, their parents health, but they think it can be solved by hostel beds. they exist, but are in the minority and rarely finally changed the locks on the front door putting a roof over your head. They don’t ask for help. Some don’t make it and end up of their home. realise that if you’re not followed up or However, when it comes to discussing on the street,” he says. supported to figure out what you’re going to how to best end long-term homelessness, “It was a separation of sorts,” says Andy. do with yourself, you’ll just fall straight back the answers remain short. Perhaps rather “The other kids I met in the program had “I remember thinking, ‘shit, where am I into homelessness.” aptly, the City of Sydney website states: some pretty horrible stories—gay, bi and staying?’ I had a backpack, a tote bag and “Homelessness is a complex issue with no trans kids by the dozen who came out to some clothes—three pairs of pants, a pair of * * * single solution”. their parents and then got shown the door undies, and the top I was wearing—nothing or faced such abuse they had to leave,” says else.” The most common causes of homelessness * * * Mark. “These kids thought they had loving are domestic and family violence, often parents who wouldn’t care about their Andy was enrolled at university, and this affecting queer people. Other causes include Mark, a fourth year Engineering student, sexuality and suddenly, ‘nope, out you get’. A allowed them access to the Queerspace (an financial burden, unaffordable housing, and became homeless at age 16 following his few kids were homeless because an accident autonomous, safe space for queer students drug and alcohol abuse. escape from a controlling, abusive family or illness killed their parents, and they had on campus) for several nights. Looking environment. The situation spiralled out of nowhere else to go.” for accommodation proved increasingly These issues leave many young people control after his mother chased him out of 16 feature

Art by Julia Robertson

Luckily for Mark, support came from day in between houses and urgently need a hear their conversations, and you don’t services like Link2home, Temporary one, which has helped him to plan things place to stay. Student Support Services has know what their intentions are because Accomodation Line, and Yconnect all work effectively. His advice to young people facing designed a number of programs to respond you’re cut off from them … Or there were towards providing emergency accomodation homelessness is to seek support and start to the needs of our diverse student cohorts, nights where it’s just storming really hard, and support workers. planning almost immediately. “If you have particularly those facing challenges,” he tells and all you can hear is the wind howling or a job, start saving. If you don’t, keep trying Honi. the rain beating down,” he says. However, even these services cannot to find one. Learn how to cook a few meals, provide adequate relief to the homeless. A how to do washing and ironing, and other Students are encouraged to visit the office “You adapt to it—when you’re in that previous Honi article found that in 2012, life skills. Shit happens, and then your current for direct assistance from the staff, which situation, you have to force yourself to do the Homeless Persons Information Centre support is gone,” he says, matter-of-factly. includes access to emergency rooms things, and you don’t have the luxury of (HPIC), which caters to approximately 160 for those in urgent need of temporary being lazy or being bored.” people a day seeking urgent accommodation, * * * accomodation, and to the University of received 58,664 calls for assistance. Out of Sydney Accommodation Database to assist A month later, Danny was accepted for this, 45,448 were unable to find anywhere The Step Ahead research conducted by in locating and navigating off-campus accommodation at STUCCO. “I was just to sleep. Professor Marty in 2010 highlighted housing in Sydney. so happy to have a place to come home to that “the pathway through university for every night, and having a key to this place, it * * * young people affected by homelessness is Dr Parameswaran also cites STUCCO was like shelter and security,” he says. achievable, but fraught”. as an alternative option, which has “an In Sydney, it seems that the plight of the equitable model whereby students with a To anyone facing a similar situation, homeless will not be answered any time University students who are homeless can reference letter from SRC or SUPRA will Danny recommends talking to people and soon—reducing youth homelessness is often fall between the service categories be housed temporarily for a period of time approaching the SRC or the University to expensive, and the required funding isn’t of adult and youth homelessness. As such, at no cost”, and the SRC and SUPRA, who move away from the silence around youth forthcoming. Nor is it clear who should there is little research on university students can “assist in referral letters for temporary homelessness. bear the primary funding burden, the status who have been homeless, with no data accommodation”. quo being supported by a convoluted array collected to date on how many Australian “It’s really affirming knowing that you can of federal, state, and local governments. university students are affected by it. * * * survive those kind of situations,” he says. The most relevant study was conducted Being homeless is more than just losing back in 2006—a survey of Australia’s 97 “I’m sure everyone’s experience is different, * * * a house; it’s losing one’s sense of worth. universities, with 18,773 responses—which but for me it was a very rational process of Those who experience it fast become the revealed widespread experiences of financial thinking how I was going to survive on a There are broader initiatives in the most vulnerable and socially excluded hardship. One in eight students indicated day-to-day basis,” says Danny, 26, who community attempting to address youth members of society. On the streets, they that they regularly went without food or was homeless and living out of his car for homelessness. routinely face violence, whether accidental other necessities. a month. or unintentional, that pervades their sense Sydney Council has proposed several of being. The violence occurs when people Young homeless people who attend For Danny, it was a matter of looking at projects as part of a wider Strategic Plan to weave through the tunnel at Central Station university usually take longer to complete the resources available at his disposal, and assist people, and is working towards ending and kick someone who is homeless along their studies, too. The students struggle scoping out all the spots around campus. He long-term homelessness in Sydney by 2017. the way. It occurs when a drunk, wealthy with what Professor Marty describes as the found a fridge and microwave in Carslaw This is an ambitious aim, and it will almost person flicks their rubbish at someone “legacies of homelessness”—an absence of to take care of food, and bought a gym certainly require the partnership of the sleeping on the pavement on a Saturday financial resources, support networks of membership for toilet and shower facilities. government, non-profit organisations, and night. It occurs when someone calls a family and friends, while working in low- Having a station wagon also meant that he the corporate sector, with no further cuts beggar asking for loose change a ‘blight on paying jobs. could lie down semi-comfortably. “After being proposed to federal funding. society’. that, it was just a matter of finding places to In response to this, the Student park that wouldn’t attract a lot of attention Other youth homelessness services in “They’re not even acknowledging you as a Accomodation Services at Sydney and wouldn’t get parking fines,” he says. Sydney, although limited, are also working. person, you’re the equivalent of a crate,” says University aims to provide some support. As part of the NSW government’s Andy. “You don’t own your body anymore, “We recognise the devastating impact of Living out of his car was “weird” experience, ‘Going Home Staying Home’ Specialist you don’t own anything—you’re not a homelessness and the impact it has on but like many others who find themselves Homelessness Services, an Inner West person, you don’t have capacity to do that. A students’ ability to engage with education,” homeless, Danny didn’t have any time to Youth Homeless Service is currently in jacket is probably the only thing you have, says Dr Ashvin Parameswaran, head of the think about anything other than how to place to support over 450 young people and if someone takes it, it’s someone taking Services. survive. At times, he recalls feeling the per year. It provides crisis and transitional your warmth—your world.” vulnerability of sleeping on the streets: accomodation, and proactively identifies “Many students who reach out to [us] are “There’d be people walking by and you’d those who may be at-risk. Other emergency 17 The Three Types of Teenagers I Was Told I Could Be

Benjamin Clarke takes a homo-centric glance at teen representation in film and TV.

he teen genre tends to be a collection big screen. A gay guy can’t be a “hero” in positive, it’s also very restricting. If I’m not feeling of dread as I watched scene after of tropes with little nuance, excepting the classic sense, because he would just constantly fulfilling my purpose as a well- scene of gay teens being rejected by their anythingT with Michael Cera in it. In this fit so awkwardly into the constructs from dressed fount of relationship advice, I’m peers or disowned by their parents. Shows spirit, I’ve looked back at all the teen- which teen film has grown. This is true of not doing gay right. like Glee and The Fosters have put a very oriented media I’ve consumed and how all genres, from action to rom-com. How hopeful spin on these stories, but still in it stereotypes something at the core of many generations will it be before a movie #3 – Oppressed to the max such a melodramatic and tragedian way. my identity—homosexuality. Specifically, closes with the hero locking lips with a This gay character is the flipside of the Depressing? Maybe. But there is hope for male homosexuality (other queer groups same-sex soul mate? GBF; the poor little puppy dog on the queer representation in teen film. Movies are so underrepresented in the teen genre side of the road that just gets kicked by like Scott Pilgrim Versus the World (starring that they hardly have stereotypes). Here #2 – Comic relief / “Gay Best Friend” everyone who passes by. He usually has Michael Cera) and shows like How to Get are the three main things that teen film We all know this one. It’s the most a burning crush and at least one insecure Away With Murder (though not entirely and TV told me I was: mainstream of gay representations. This bully and tends to end up attempting to teen-oriented) challenge the stereotype sassy human rainbow is nothing without commit suicide. He might even have a with secure, masculine gay characters, who #1 – Non-existent his fabulous catch phrases and his disability. The protagonist of Hoje Eu are more like lotharios than anything else. Often, gay people in teen films just … readiness to complement his female BFF’s Quero Voltar Sozinho (“The Way He aren’t there. Teen film, being a child of garments. Looks”) is both gay and blind. But the solution to the issue of gay the 1950s, follows very heteronormative representation in teen film (and indeed conventions. Hell, girls were mostly When I extricated myself from the closet Obviously these kinds of gay stories— lesbian, bisexual, transgender and other relegated to the role of secondary character at the age of 16, this became the number usually the side-plot in a teen drama—are queer representation) is normalisation. until the 90s, and even now films with one stereotype I was expected to live up important. There are definitely gay people We need to include more representations, female protagonists are aimed at a female to. Obviously there was the perk of all the who have experienced these sorts of and draw from a wider range of rather than a gender neutral audience. popular girls wanting to be your friend, things. But when you see it repeated over teen experiences. As long as we start but then there was the dreaded demand: and over and over again as you desperately treating people with the same respect If there’s a non-straight protagonist, “Let’s go shopping!” (I hate shopping.) trawl the web, it becomes exhausting and and recognition regardless of sexual suddenly the film is “niche”, to be viewed infantilising. When I started to discover orientation, things will get better. in a hipster’s garage rather than on the While this trope might seem gay- my sexuality, there was such an immense Gronkwatch: Get Censured or Die Trying

Peter Walsh stole a number of hot chocolate sachets from the Board Meeting Room.

occupied the meeting and prevented it series of emotional addresses, a number quizzed all candidates on their position from continuing until a procedural motion of individual Directors outlined the regarding Raue’s legal costs in a caucus was passed that allowed the results to be incompetence with which the question meeting last week, with little resolution immediately divulged. While the results of of censure was handled, with many as to who they would be supporting. Or if the first motion were disclosed, the results highlighting the obvious inconsistency of they would run a candidate. of the second were not. targeting D’Souza while many directors sat behind tables and set-up A-Frames for Censorious About Censures To now, the second motion has been candidates during the last election. kept secret, presumably to improve the For anyone unlucky enough to follow the How Much Does It Cost To Leak To A Board’s negotiating position with Raue. But what’s it all for? #usuboard hashtag last Friday, you would Degenerate Student Newspaper Nobody When asked by Honi, insiders refused have been inundated with a line-by-line Reads? $50,000, apparently to confirm or deny the existence of the Executive elections for the USU are a week account of everything said during the second motion. Another unnamed source, away and there’s a wealth of candidates frackas. If, however, you only follow @ Last Friday, the USU Board voted 8-5 to however, was happy to “cop the censure” confirmed to be running.Honi can confirm USUAccess, you would get a distinctly pursue ex-vice president Tom Raue for and confirmed the Board’s decision. Some that Independent Liv Ronan and Student different story. Compare below. $50,000 in costs, via a deed, which would commenters have suggested that by voting Unity’s Alisha Aitken-Radburn will be require Raue to consent to periodical in assent to the first motion and against vying for the top Presidential job, with a payments. the second one, the Board has effectively number of other names circulated—most allowed Raue to escape without payment, notably Kate Bullen for Treasurer. The But Honi understands a second motion while still maximising the chances of main uncertainty sits around the numbers. was also put to the Board, which asked making some money back. However, it is Presumably, Liv Ronan is ahead—as whether to pursue Raue for costs through our understanding that if they wanted to we expect her to receive the support of legal action if he refuses to sign the deed. avoid making Raue pay, they could have both Senate Appointed Board Directors, The motion failed 10 votes to 3, which just voted ‘no’ to both motions. along with Kate Bullen, Michael Rees is problematic given Raue’s subsequent and Tiffany Alexander. However, the refusal to pay. You Fail 100% Of The Censures You question is how Grassroots and their Don’t Propose three votes—held by Ed McMahon, The results of the votes, which were held Liam Carrigan, and Marco Avena—factor as secret ballots during the confidential In the same meeting, a censure motion in. If Alisha were able to leverage that ‘in camera’ portion of the meeting, were was proposed against Vice-President Bebe support, in addition to the support we originally not to be released until 5pm, D’Souza; however, it was subsequently expect her to receive from Shannen Potter, after the meeting’s conclusion, and withdrawn in the face of what can only be Jack Whitney, and Atia Rahim, things well after the audience had gone home. described as vehement opposition from the suddenly get interesting. The question of However, armed with trashcan lids and Board and a ragtag audience of members who Grassroots will support is, however, a megaphones, a group of student activists from all campus political factions. In a vexed one, and Honi understands that they 18 src caseworker help

Exams are Stressful Ask Abe

SRC Caseworker HELP Q&A

Hi Abe, Hi Queenslander,

I spend a fortune getting home for the If you are on a Youth Allowance dependent break. This year I had some unexpected (away from home) payment or if you are expenses and have blown all my part of a Centrelink couple where you savings. My parents are pensioners have to live away from the family home and can’t afford to pay my plane fare. because of study, Centrelink will give you a Is there somewhere I can get a loan for “Fare Allowance”. This is a reimbursement this? (you pay first) of the cheapest and most Most people find exams stressful. There is at someone else’s work, and some others practical mode of transport to and from a lot of work that needs to be done in a get fake doctors certificates or alter Queenslander your family home. You’re entitled to this short period of time. On top of that, life existing ones. Of course it is possible that payment for each semester of study you goes on. Things that would ordinarily be you could get away with it. However, if attempt. a bit challenging, can become completely you do get caught the university has the Abe is the SRC’s welfare dog. overwhelming at this time of year. option of excluding you from your degree This column offers students the You can also ask the University Financial forever. In the event of fraud they can even opportunity to ask questions on Service for a loan of up to $1500. Of course This does not give you a reason to do notify police of your crime – oh and yes anything. This can be as personal conditions apply, but if you are successful stupid things. it is a crime. You’re probably better off as a question on a Centrelink it is an interest free loan and you have a using the time you would plan cheating to DON’T STAY UP ALL NIGHT payment or as general as the state year to pay it back. actually study. of the world. Send your questions to Your body and brain cells need to [email protected] TALK TO SOMEONE Abe regenerate. Sleep is how this is done. Abe’s answers can provide you Sleeping efficiently is better for you, and You might feel so stressed that you feel excellent insight. more productive that staying up all night. you just don’t have enough time to talk DON’T DRINK ENERGY DRINKS to anyone. But talking to a counselor or your GP might help you to gain strategies Energy drinks smell bad for a reason. Have to manage your stress, or where your you noticed that they make you fart more stress severely affects your ability to study, and your poo becomes a little questionable you may be able to apply for special after you’ve had two cans? Your body is consideration. telling you to stay away. Water is the most efficient carrier of oxygen to your brain. GET ADVICE Drinking water will help you to stay alert Your faculty or the SRC can give you and also increase your ability to remember advice about what would be most helpful things. to you in your situation. Send an email or DON’T CHEAT make an appointment whenever you are available. Some people cheat by hiding notes on their body or in their things, or by looking

NEW ‘Sydney Have you Student’ online service... seen an SRC caseworker? What do you think? When does your The University changed its computer We want to know what we’re doing well system to Sydney Student. You’ll and what we need to improve. So if student visa run out? have noticed a change of format you’ve consulted an SRC caseworker in It is your responsibility to ensure that you comply with all your student visa for all computer related things person, on the telephone or by email conditions, especially the length of stay allowed under your visa entitlement. like enrolling at the beginning we’d like to know what you think. of semester, adding or deleting You can find out about all the applicable visa conditions and your visa expiry date using the subject, and checking your Send an email with any online service (Visa Entitlement Verification Online – “VEVO”) on the Department of Immigration academic transcript. But what do comments to and Border Protection website. Use this URL: https://online.immi.gov.au/evo/firstParty you think of it? Has it all been good [email protected] When accessing this online service, you will need your passport number and other for you, or have you had problems? with “my thoughts” identification details which can be found on the visa grant email sent by the Department. We’d like to know. as the subject line. If you are not sure how to use VEVO or have trouble with this online service, you Send an email to If you prefer your comments to be can get FREE help from the SRC registered migration agent by contacting 9660 5222. anonymous feel free to drop your [email protected] comments on paper to our office or Make sure you put the visa expiry date in your calendar and remember to NOT overstay your visa! with “sydney student” post it to: Overstaying leads to serious legal consequences which in some situations may require you to SRC, Level 1, Wentworth Building, leave Australia immediately and you will not be able to come back again for 3 years. in the subject line. The University of Sydney, 2006.

Level 1, Wentworth Bldg, University of Sydney p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney Students’ Representative Council, The University of Sydney p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au e: [email protected] ACN 146 653 143 | MARN 1276171

19 src officebearer reports

These pages belong to the officebearers of the SRC.

They are not altered, edited, or changed in any way by the Honi editors. President’s Report

Kyol Blakeney

his week, I will be giving a lot of a higher participation rate in Council due time. While a larger bus would be and putting their safety at risk. It also my time to our University’s satellite to ensure that their voice is consistently beneficial, it seems that student safety and means that students who have Units campuses.T Specifically Cumberland and heard rather than brushed to the side. consistency in the bus timetable were the of Study on the Main Campus may be Sydney College of the Arts (SCA). Since main concerns after talking to students. missing from their classes or showing my last visit to Cumberland there have Similarly, I have received emails from up late. While a bigger bus would be been a few students who have emailed SCA about the University’s transport I will be discussing this further at the next nice, there is also a strong need for more me about the student life and experience services needing to be improved. During SCC Meeting to determine what can be frequent buses running from campus to there. This includes food outlets and the last Student Consultative Committee done about this. Issues for students from campus. extra curricula activities. After my visit (SCC) meeting, this was brought up as a SCA include the amount of students that I would like to find ways for students at discussion item. Students were told that can fit onto the current bus which cause I wish you luck in your final assessments Cumberland to be more involved with the there were adequate transport services to many students to have to rely on other for the semester and a well earned break. things we do here at the Main Campus and from SCA provided by the University means of transport. This means students such as workshops, film screenings, and along with a bigger bus to come in are walking through parks at night time General Secretaries’ Report

Max Hall

t long last, the budget is here. Last We have funded ten weeks of leave for a in the community. We’ve also established from all economic backgrounds. month an SRC Council meeting caseworker to take time off and receive a shared resource pool to ensure that the passedA our proposed spending for the year accreditation in financial advice. This tools of the trade—megaphones, tables, The only other changes of note are a fair with a unanimous vote. We’re happy to will allow the Casework department to staplers etc.—are available in the long hike in the cost of printing Honi (the last be able to expand our legal and casework give more assistance to students who are term. printer went insolvent, the market had services, increase funding to activism, struggling financially. Receiving this help moved and the gears of capitalism ground complete a number of sorely needed at the same time as a student might get We’ve set money aside to build a new on) and a $9000 reduction in the affiliation projects and return a small surplus. advice on academic, housing or Centrelink database for the Casework department fee the SRC pays to the National Union of issues minimises the need for students to and increased the stipend paid to editors Students. Each of the SRC’s solicitors will now be seek assistance from multiple professionals of Honi Soit. Unlike other paid Office working an additional day per fortnight, at stressful times. Bearers, the Honi stipend does not If you have any questions about how or ensuring that there is a lawyer in the increase by a small amount annually. In why the SRC spends money the way it offices at all times. We hope this change SRC Office Bearer budgets have increased real terms, this means their stipend has does, feel free to get in touch. will go some way to meet the significant by just over $4000 in recognition of the decreased significantly over time. An increase in demand by students for legal important place that student activism has increase is therefore important to ensure assistance in the last few years. in protecting our interests on campus and the position remains accessible to students Intercampus Officers’ Report

Fiona Lieu, Mary Osborn, Jason Kwok and Mary Ellen Trimble

Tips and Tricks for getting around is particularly useful when the library is next day. This way you don’t have to worry in the Conversation magazine? Have a The Con. closed. about it all week. suggestion to improve the con? Email the 10 4. If you want to rehearse with your CSA at constudentsassociaton@gmail. 1. If you want to practice on a weekday chamber ensemble or simply practice in a 6. If you’re having personal problems com you’ll need to get up early, practice rooms larger space, you can book any ensemble the con now has e-counselling in room fill up by 9am and it’s a struggle to find room, recital hall or music workshop for 4037,all you have to do is book an 9. Unsure about what to do after a con one until 6pm! up to 2 hours a day. Just check this website appointment with CAPS. concert when you’re itching for a beer? for room availabilities: https://web. Go the the Paragon where you can get a 2. The Con is open 7am-10pm on weekdays timetable.usyd.edu.au/venuebookings/ 7. If you have any issues contact an SRC discount on food if you show your student 8am-10pm on Saturdays and 10am-6pm venueCalendar.jsp?mode=Timetables and caseworker on 9660 5222 or email them card. on Sundays and public holidays. then email [email protected]. from the SRC website. They can even come On Sundays or public holidays you can to the con campus for your appointment. 10. Any student can have their own free 3. There is a computer lab hidden on level only book ensemble rooms on level 3. See the website http://srcusyd.net.au for concert on a Wednesday night that is 1 that has useful software such as Sibelius, more details about how they can help you advertised on the Con Website. Just email Finale and Audacity. This is open to all 5. If you do AP or Harmony, do yourself a [email protected] to book students, all hours Monday-Saturday and favour and do the homework the day of or 8. Want a con hoodie? Want to write one! 20 src officebearer reports

These pages belong to the officebearers of the SRC.

They are not altered, edited, or changed in any way by the Honi editors. Wom*n’s Officers’ Report

Subeta Vimalarajah

t’s that time of semester—exams Wom*n’s Honi hit the stands last week! launch with Indigenous Honi. What Finally, I feel I should make one brief are approaching and as such, Thank you so much to everyone who a fantastic night! Thank you so much comment about the “Stop Taxing My Iactivism becomes the greatest form contributed and helped edit the paper. to Georgia Mantle for offering to co- Period” petition. Thanks to all the of procrastination. Last week was Particularly to the last minute call ins— ordinate the event with the Wom*n’s USYD students who have supported the a momentous one for the Wom*n’s Astha Rajvanshi and Alex Downie— Collective. Georgia’s acknowledgement campaign. It was so wonderful to watch Collective, with three huge events to report who helped us give the edition that extra was absolutely heart wrenching and so us in the SRC OB room holding up that on. The first was the “Stop Killing Women” Honi Soit editor finesse. It was great moving; I thank her for sharing it with giant tampon in the Q&A video. Even Vigil at UTS (unfortunately I couldn’t to see so many people voluntarily come us. I hope the pizza was delicious enough, more special thanks to Georgia, Arabella, make it due to work). Members from the in on Saturday to lay out their pages. the speakers entertaining enough (they Courtney, Ella and Lane (who missed collective got together on monday evening Collective work isn’t always collaborative, certainly were! Thank you Tina, Anoushka, a French test to be there) who woke up and painted a banner on that sweet, but Wom*n’s Honi this year was a great Jethro and Madison) and the company at 4.30am to drive to Canberra and be silky bright pink and glossy fabric (made example of how it can be. The diversity of enjoyable enough. Hopefully the joint my official human tampons in front of famous at the NDA earlier this year). The the articles and artworks is a testament to launch can become a tradition. Wom*n’s Parliament last Thursday. I couldn’t ask for turn out looked incredible, with wonder the many intelligent, insightful and radical activism and Indigenous activism have not better friends or better feminists. women Mehreen Faruqi and Wendy non cis male students on our campus. I’ve always been the best of friends but may Bacon (amongst others) giving speeches. stolen a hearty stack to share with my we strive to change that! Thank you to Thanks so much to those members of the future children—I hope some of you did all those who helped set up and organise Wom*n’s Collective who’ve been working too. the event, particularly Julia Readett, tirelessly with representatives from other sneaky pizza orderer and speaker hirer universities to put this together. Last wednesday was our joint Honi Soit extraordinaire. Autonomous Collective Against Racism

Eden Caceda, Deeba Binaei, Kavyá Kalutantiri and Lamisse Hamouda

ey friends! Your Ethnic Affairs safe space for all People of Colour (PoC) and Islamophobia on campus and in wider Office Bearers/Autonomouson campus. society. To celebrate the end of the semester, HCollective Against Racism (ACAR) We have Verge Festival coming up in ACAR will be hosting a picnic on the Office Bearers here! We’ve had a busy ACAR’s edition for Honi Soit is just October this year. We will be organising 12th of June. Please come along to enjoy time at ACAR finalising our plans for around the corner. Look out for editor an autonomous poetry slam event for a delicious food over great company. Further 2015 and we’ve got some fantastic things call outs and submission deadlines on our non-autonomous audience! If you identify details will be listed on our facebook group. in the works! facebook group as we will be announcing as a PoC, as an individual marignalised by them shortly. White supremacy or structural oppression, Please remember you can contact us on our As mentioned, we are currently assisting please pen your feels into a poem and facebook page - Autonomous Collective the USU in developing their new We are also collaborating with the prepare to share your heart with us on Against Racism (ACAR) or find us at our sensitivity training program so we can Muslim Wom*ns Collective to support a stage. We’ll be ready with a sign-up sheet regular weekly meetings on Wednesday ensure that the USU is a welcoming and campaign based around tackling racism and beatnik clicks. 12pm at the Education Studio Room 229. Queer Action Collective Report

Joshua Han

he semester is coming to a close, but a meeting to figure out a direction for Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia for conferences. Nonetheless, we are still at the moment the Queer Action QuAC. One of the decisions was to make (IDAHOBIT). We collected a number keen to send a large group of delegates to CollectiveT are actively working on many our collective meetings less bureaucratic of powerful messages from students and QC, so we have been fundraising and we things to come, amongst which QC is a and to have more facilitated discussions uploaded these photos to the USyd SRC continue to do so (we are about halfway highlight. But first, we can reflect a bit around queer issues. Implementing this Queer Department facebook page. to our target). We are also working on on the past few months. At O-week, we consistently proved to be a little difficult developing our safer spaces policy. If you signed up new members and welcomed as it was not easy to select a topic of Right now, we are preparing for Queer are interested in getting involved in any of many queer students into our collective. discussion and find a volunteer to facilitate Collaborations (QC), a national this, or interested in coming to QC, don’t It was so inspiring to see so many people on a weekly basis. However, when we conference of queer students, which hesitate to contact your friendly Queer get involved and contribute to what our managed to have discussions around a will be held in July in Canberra. Last Officers at [email protected] collective has become. We have hosted topic, they have been thought provoking year, we were fortunate enough to many social events and held many and enlightening. send over 20 delegates as we received a workshops and discussions. substantial amount of funding from the On the 18th of May, we held a photo USU and SRC. This year, the USU have In the middle of the semester, we had petition for the International Day Against unfortunately had to cut their budget 21 supra

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It is not altered, edited, or changed in any way by the Honi editors.

What’s Happening with SUPRA

Finding SUPRA SUPRA On Social Media

UPRA has moved! We’re also easy Did you know SUPRA is active on Social to find once you know how to find Media? Come like our SUPRA Page Sus. Unfortunately, some postgrads are ( https://www.facebook.com/ not used to our new location, so to make sydneyunipostgrads) on Facebook or join life easier, we’ve made a map, and written the conversation in our open SUPRA some instructions for you: The new Group (https://www.facebook.com/ SUPRA offices are on Level 2 of the groups/2369669686/). We use the hashtag Holme Building, Camperdown campus. #SUPRAPostgrads, we’ve just started To get to the SUPRA offices you can enter posting pictures of our events and the Holme Building via Science Rd, head activities on Instagram (@SUPRA_ through the Holme Courtyard and take Postgrads), and you can follow us or say the lift (next to the Courtyard Restaurant hi on Twitter and Bar) down to Level 2. @SUPRAPrez. Our new premises are accessible however the nearest accessible toilet is on Level 3 See you on the interwebz! of the Holme Building, adjacent to the Holme Courtyard.

Check out the included map to find SUPRA. For a digital map of campus that shows where the Holme Building (A09) is, see the website http://sydney.edu.au/ maps/campuses/?area=CAMDAR

See you at SUPRA!

22 supra

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It is not altered, edited, or changed in any way by the Honi editors.

SUPRA presents... The Postgrad Survival Guide 2015

Packed with information and advice about what SUPRA offers postgrads and how you can get involved, Surviving and Thriving in Sydney, Academic Rights, Fees & Financial Support, Tenancy & Employment Rights, Legal Rights and Services on Campus.

Available now from our offices in the Demountable Village (A06), Camperdown Campus.

Look out for launch dates coming soon at various campuses! www.supra.usyd.edu.au

on Social Media

23 puzzles Cryptic Quick By EN By Zplig

Across Across Down 8. Crazed sienna mould (6) 31. Every other loon views coinage as Lady in Red, 1. Put back together (10) 1. Film part (4) 9. Black writing liquid in detailed dial tattoo (5,3) perhaps (4-4) 6. Detect (4) 2. Additionally (4) 10. Tao cynic afflicted with blue skin (8) 32. Maroon thread (6) 9. Armstrong used one of these? (3,4,3) 3. Armstrong used one of these? (5,7) 11. Overhauls news after emptying rosé (6) 10. Fearless (4) 4. One and six zeroes (7) 12. Pelts wrapped mid-green coils of thread (6) Down 12. On purpose (12) 5. “For the ____ time” Billy Joel song (7) 15. Red, black and white animal! (3,5) 1. Dash very heartlessly that which turns one green 15. Former capital of Persia (7) 7. For the time being (3,7) 17. Fierce vermilion last added into purple-blue (7) (4) 16. Armstrong used one of these? (7) 8. Now (5) 18. Voiced fondness for pale green mineral (7) 2. Curse source of dye—even carmine (4) 18. Supported oneself (7) 11. Thermoses (6,6) 22. Cup or red liquid manufacturer (8) 3. Cast’s black tie opener is happening (8) 20. Popular (7) 13. Armstrong used one of these? (4) 24. Raid interwoven, retro almond edges (6) 4. Genuine nailhead in cerise cocktail (7) 21. To be irresolute (12) 14. Output : Input (10) 25. Lord’s final discharge: to make someone blue (6) 5. A red, around party, is revered (6) 24. Advance (4) 17. Ocean motion (4) 28. Mimic misplaced berry lid (8) 6. Black or white soldier is collateral (4) 25. First, second, or third; for example (10) 19. A feeling of aversion (7) 7. White associated with dwarves? (4) 26. Articulates (4) 20. Rookie (7) 13. Leading khaki ornamental ichthyofauna! (3) 27. Takes the place of (10) 21. Fine fabrics (5) 14. Lazed away in orchid lederhosen (5) 22. Make up? (4) Target 16. Lilac tortoiseshell part for thespian (5) 23. Particular services (4) Minimum four letter words 19. Formal, pink flower (8) Not Grouse: 11 Grouse: 16 Grouser: 22 Grousest: 29 20. Steam outer leaves for green or black drink (3) 21. Red Riding films, for example, attempt to cover one account (7) 23. Lemon-coloured fruit! (6) R O L 26. Black bone broken (4) 27. First evergreen half-garden! (4) U B I 29. Teller’s shoulder is nude (4) 30. Reached out to orange segment (4) P O T

Answers available next week at honisoit.com 24 The tides will come in quick enough to If it’s WET it’s frighten babies trying BLOODY raining! The Garter Press to stay dry by the sea Issue used to mean babies SCRATCH AND SNIFF EDITION Drop a coin in a wishing well

Social Climbing Plants: We take a look at Funeral Fashion! Dowager Harcourt We find out what Sonic the Hedgehog is which are in fashion and which will be in spotted in public without black crepe - has running from fashion if they play their cards right it really been six months? page 14 page 22 page 39

They Say That If I REPORT: Keep Having These MINING Date Gone Too Long Aneurisms I’m Not To Be Weeing Allowed To Edit A MULTINATIONAL Science won’t write about itself... yet Scientists have today confirmed that area Newspaper Any More diner, Arnold Pickering, has been gone TO DRILL FOR from the table for too long just to be Editorial doing a wee. My doctors are adamant. If I continue to work at the rate that I have been for the past HUMAN RESOURCES The findings indicate that the couple, few months, I will likely suffer an aneurism Big Rocks B’Grocks Reports dining at Armando’s Authentic Italian, and die (and so take with me what meagre had just finished their entrée when Mr remnants of journalistic integrity this Pickering asked his partner to “excuse bastard-arse of a print media landscape can [him] for just a moment.” be said to boast). Scientists at press time stated “At first, It won’t do to meet my undoing so suddenly Arnold was gone for just a short amount and, as such, I have decided to indulge with of time and we were confident that he a month’s hiatus from serious editorial work was only doing a wee, but now he has in which time I have been advised only to been gone for about four minutes and we attempt television criticism, fashion blogging are not so certain.” and listicles. Mrs Pickering says that the results are I need hardly tell loyal readers that I fully unsurprising. intend to publish nothing of the kind. Give me true stasis or give me death. “Four minutes is clearly too long to walk to the bathroom and do just a wee. He is While the threat of an explosive clot would probably doing a poo.” deter the faint-hearted, I shall take the leave Omnibore Executives attend a groundbreaking ceremony at the company’s new human resources mine of absence as an opportunity to remind all Similar experiments have shown that who give The Garter Press their attention Mining Heavyweights Omnibore have only filthy almost-conduits for human Arnold is currently heading back to the and their moneys that a paper like this is the made waves in the minerals sector this sentience,” says Glottis, “They would not table in an awkward rush, perhaps hoping life-blood of civil society. week with their promise to bolster third be regulated according to pre-existing to conceal the fact that he was pooing, quarter profits by exploring for and then legal infrastructure and could not form but experts have advised Mrs Pickering A platform for truly interrogated expression drilling their own human resources. CEO flesh unions.” not to be fooled. is invaluable, contrary to what the doubters Bart Glottis has described the strategy would have you believe. The primrose path as “a more efficient way of approaching But the beings are not so far from normal “Five minutes is consistent with a quick poo.” of journalism lies not in pandering headlines, questions of labour and its management folks as the inability to unionise might that promise reveals beyond the reach of in accordance with the economies suggest. Glottis continues, “The creatures even the grandest merchant of garbage lies. of scale already enjoyed by a massive will certainly feel pain, but because they IN THIS ISSUE: multinational.” are classed differently, they will never Those who propound that vulgar school of enjoy the advantages afforded our other journalism are charlatans. They would pry Omnibore scientists last week made the employees like sick leave, penalty rates, Keloggs Releases New these infinitely valuable pages from truly discovery that the raw components of or the joy of a single moment’s leisure or Cereal that’s Just a Lot independent and rigorous hands. They are a a human being, forged together under happiness.” of Nails in a Box kind of vampire. They will puncture the virgin tremendous pressure and exposed to flesh of this beautiful media organisation at enormous heat, produce a sentient form Gargantubore has predicted that within page 9 the neck and drain her dry, like the huns in capable of work that is at least 60% as fifty years, even its CEO will be executed the propaganda of old. You’re not a vampire, efficient as a normal human. and replaced by a humanoid-heavy metal Emperor Penguin are you? You’re not a hun, are you? composite. Stripped of Power by If Omnibore was to successfully produce its I trust you are neither. May your passion for own human resource products, cutting out Glottis laughed off the assertion at press Prince-Elect of Penguins quality keep you from becoming both, and the role of fertile mothers in the minerals time today, declaring “by the time that day page 26 sustain you in the interim. Seek out quality, sector, the move would, is estimated, cut comes, I expect we will have conclusively wherever it may be, and settle for nothing labour costs across the operation almost exhausted the human search for purpose, less. entirely. and I will welcome the cold hand of my Sad Vacuum Empty fresh-tilled, deep-earth grave. May we all on the Inside I am forever yours, “Because the new half-men would be buried, and may the next generation of page 31 Amanda Huntingslow be considered mineral exports, and leaders be dug up.” 25 The Garter Press HARD HARDING NEWS Drone Serviceman Returns from Near the Front Line, Unharrowed, Untraumatised Go play your video games

Family, friends and neighbours alike have distance from the fighting.” celebrated the return of local drone operator Doyle Clark from some place probably close “In my head I drafted and redrafted one to the conflict Iraq and Syria. or two ways that I might have to tell my children that their father was never coming Clark says “it wasn’t harrowing.” home because something unpredictable and terrible had happened on his flight there, or “I just have this image stuck in my head…. coming back. Once he was there, though, it’s men from my regiment, with their limbs things were pretty chill.” blown off, losing blood… so much blood… it’s all imagined, of course, because we just “It was such a comfort to see him at the had joysticks in a bunker under neutral arrivals lounge. I had no idea whether he territory sixty kilometres away in Mosul.” was going to make it through all 20 hours of his flight.” Clark’s family is relieved that the decorated member of the armed forces is home. His Clark says his time some distance from the wife, Larissa, told reporters that all the front line is an important experience from time her husband was at war, while she was which he learned a great deal, saying “it is confident of the intentions and capacity of utterly possible to detach yourself from the the regiment, she “could never shake the awful reality of the conflict. If I was every feeling that something might go violently horrifically enacting the bloody, imperialist The above map shows the increasing gains that have been made by crocodiles in the war wrong for anyone other than her husdband will of an aggressor state, it certainly never between IS and Kurdish forces in Iraq and Syria. Clark was posted just outside of Mosul. who was not piloting a remote, terrible felt like it.” weapon from an hilariously euphemistic

Boutique Store Only Uses An old garage on Addison Rd has been ‘Rustic’ and ‘artisan’ are more than just Pre-industrial Manufacturing converted into a shopfront and workshop. buzzwords for Aaron and Evelyn – and On a Saturday morning, the front is it seems they’re part of a rapidly growing Techniques, Labour Laws buzzing with customers inspecting a broad movement. Worldwide, people are turning to array of items, while the back is crowded traditional methods of agriculture, cooking, By a Coal-Dusted Flat White with workers of all ages, working to the and manufacturing. In Marrickville, people light of gas-lamps. In addition to the are forming a community around it, and A new artisan workshop in Marrickville the dream”. usual tables, kettles, and coffee-grinders, turning their interest into employment. focuses on creating household items The Manufactory makes old-fashioned The Manufactory’s workers, many of them without the modern impurities of plastic His partner and co-founder, Evelyn Perry, appliances, so people can bring the same orphans, have turned their love of the old molding, mechanized equipment, or explains the name: “That’s the original spirit of hands-on work into their daily ways into a way to make a living, unfettered workers’ dignity. Aaron Wendt, from ‘The word, manufactory – ‘manus’ is Latin for lives. Evelyn shows me an incredible wood- by modern unionism or labour laws. Manufactory’, grew up fascinated with the ‘hand’. With today’s robots and assembly and-iron mangle, which the couple still dry furniture and gadgets in his grandparents’ lines, craftsmanship has really lost the and press their laundry with. “You only get “People are tired of today’s cheap, disposable house. “To think they were made without hands. I mean it’s not hands on. Far fewer that subtle shine from real lead paint. And living,” says Aaron, “I think there’s a real electricity, or computer design, or safety people lose their hands in horrific steam- this hardwood comes from protected old- urge in each of us to return to a simpler way regulations. Just a saw, and wood, and powered accidents nowadays. And that’s growth forests, so it has hundreds of years of life, from a time when things were better, expendable teenaged apprentices. That’s something we’re trying to get back to.” of character”. at least superficially, and for white people.”

26 The Garter Press VERY VALUABLE OPINING Finer and Finer Tastes, I Am So Fucking Sick With Michel D’Goblin of Melancholy Blues Review: A Wedding Cake for Guest Column from which one no-longer has any use! The Voyager Probe

There is an old saying in the industry: you empty promises and insincere assurances The focus of the discussion surrounding the cosmic ocean, and I’ve been thrown mustn’t eat an abandoned wedding cake hold together a relationship in the lead up the progress of me, The Voyager Probe, has into the ocean with some pretty great after your heart has stopped hurting. One to the unhappiest day of their lives. typically dwelt on the question of whether stuff, but I’ve had some time to think doesn’t like to leave these things to chance or not I have escaped the Solar System. and I’m just not convinced that it’s all so, as the memories of an erstwhile lover Edible ribbon spirals in a more controlled To put aside speculation and quash the better than “Here Comes the Sun” by the are still raw, but increasingly distant, I made fashion than he ever downwardly spiralled doubters, I’m please to say I have escaped Beatles. That would have been a ripper sure that this three tiered monster wouldn’t from the top tier, to form tidy bows the gravity of the sun, but I haven’t escaped track. The thought has occurred to me go bad! The treasures one finds around one’s on the bottom one. It is a quaint, but The Golden Record. more than once that maybe we should town or attic! dispensable gesture. Like getting down on have made sure we definitely got all the one FUCKING knee for the woman you I have been driving for nearly thirty-eight songs we wanted before sending out the It is as impressive in the gullet as it is on FUCKING love. years (of an apparently infinite journey) authoritative account of what we want the eyes. Only a woman of incredible taste and I have only one album. human culture to be remembered as. could have commissioned such an ornate The topper depicts the couple dancing, What about the Scissor Sisters? and impressive celebration of two bodies immortal. It is inedible. But not for a lack The track listing is great. Once you skip becoming one in a perfect union under God of trying! Perhaps their happy plastic limbs through all the multilingual greetings I think I have figured out how to – despite the flaws of her husband to be. might lodge themselves in my throat, and and so on, you’ve got a cracking album read the inscription of Ann Druyan’s This sort of unobtrusive, dignified baked- send my face the same shade of royal blue as of traditional musics and Beethoven and brainwaves, though. And while her errant good would be a beautiful addition to any the sculpted marzipan dancefloor that was Bach and also “Johnny B. Goode” by thoughts make for bizarre watching, I am seemingly happy couple’s doomed wedding once beneath their feat. Beneath our feet. Chuck Berry (it has obviously received emboldened every day by her account of service. more plays than the other tracks). war, poverty and falling in love. I hope that If one overlooks the tremendous heartbreak space-faring civilizations might find me – The sweetness of the vanilla sponge does not that such a meal necessitates Every. But after 221 000 listens, even Louis not so much out of a fear that the contents for a second betray the terrifying coldness Goddamn. Time. it is a feast fit for any king, Armstrong’s “Melancholy Blues”, gets of the record might be lost, as the hope that the bride would ultimately demonstrate queen or critic who has fallen both out of repetitive. There’s not even any words. that they could give me some sweet new to her fiancée by not appearing at the church love, and from grace. Oh! How I pine for It’s a great piece for trumpet played by a space prog-rock. on the day of the ceremony. The mock-cream my beloved! great jazz musician, but also “Bohemian (his order, one guesses!) holds together Rhapsody” was released the year before It won’t be long before I’m out of touch. understandably dry layers of cake as might 4.5 Stars. Take with coffee! I was launched. I doubt that earth has Please send more Chuck Berry on the produced as fine a work since I left. solar-powered one. Big Government is I am a bottle that has been thrown into I am so very far from everything. Never the Answer Joe Steel III, Wisonsin Industralist G

Government is not the answer. Unless it’s business creates grain pans. The government a fourth grade civics test. Which reminds doesn’t create combine harvester drop me, we should change the curriculum to arms, business creates combine harvester PERSONALS remove all references to government. But drop arms. The government doesn’t in most contexts, government is not the create combine harvester knife drives, answer. business creates combine harvester knife WANTED: drives. The government doesn’t create Two round eyes of maiden fair, I’m tired of these liberal, ‘progressive’ lies. combine harvester screw conveyors, As blue as churning sea, The government doesn’t create progress, business creates combine harvester Contact: Peter Walsh business creates progress. The government screw conveyors. The government doesn’t doesn’t create leaders, business creates create combine harvester auger fingers, WANTED: leaders. The government doesn’t create business creates combine harvester auger Luscious straw and golden hair, jobs, business creates jobs. The government fingers. The government doesn’t create Tied to the old yew tree, doesn’t create medicine, business creates combine harvester stone traps, business Contact: Ian Ferrington medicine. The government doesn’t create creates combine harvester stone traps. cars, business creates cars. The government The government doesn’t create combine WANTED: doesn’t create combine harvester threshing harvester straw walkers, business creates Four pairs of lacewings, drums, business creates combine harvester combine harvester straw walkers. The One dulcet spell intone, threshing drums. The government doesn’t government doesn’t create combine Contact: Patrick Morrow create combine harvester disawning harvester feederhouses, business creates plates, business creates combine harvester combine harvester feederhouses. SELLING: disawning plates. The government doesn’t Promise of vengeance ‘gainst a soiled world, create combine harvester corn heads, The so-called government needs to stop The damned shall gnash and moan. business creates combine harvester corn stealing from the American people, and Contact: Sophie Gallagher heads. The government doesn’t create start listening to the American people: combine harvester rasp bars, business more subsidies so farmers can invest creates combine harvester rasp bars. The in agricultural equipment, and no gay government doesn’t create grain pans, marriage! 27 IN A PICKLE?

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