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Home , Gender, Gender expression, Gender identity

!"!TEACHING TOLERANCE ? ? IDENTITY? ?

Knowing the difference can make all the difference to students who do not conform to binary norms.

By Joel Baum and Kim Westheimer Illustration by Mark McGinnis

IF YOU’RE AN EDUCATOR, chances are My 7-year-old is tired of students con- sex and sexual orientation. When you have struggled to support stu- stantly questioning why plays with adults don’t understand the complexity dents who question their sexual iden- dolls. I am supportive of him, but I don’t of these concepts, young people must tity or don’t fit neatly into social expec- know what to do. navigate these and challenging tations of what it means to be a or Two colleagues in the teachers’ room situations by themselves. a . Perhaps you can relate to situa- discussed a boy who is sensitive and not In a recent blog post titled, “I’m An tions like these: into sports. One of them said, “He’s going 18-Year-Old Boy Who Wears Nail One of my students wants to be to be for sure.” Polish—Get Over It,” blogger Nasir referred to as a boy. The student’s mother At the heart of these scenarios lies Fleming wrote: “Enforced gender is adamant: “My daughter is a girl!” confusion about the nature of gender, do not only a!ect those who break them,

SUMMER !"#$%!" Spectrums make room for anyone whose experiences do not narrowly fit into binary choices such as /, feminine/masculine or straight/gay. but also those who give their blood, rambunctious and who is predestined new scientific knowledge, it is increas- sweat and just to fit in with them.” to quiet studying. As students get older, ingly evident that biological sex does Fleming’s choice of words is not an are subjected to gendered expec- not fit a binary model. con- exaggeration. Imagine being a trans- tations about extracurricular activi- ditions are increasingly being recog- gender student who dehydrates him- ties, dating and dress—even what col- nized as naturally occurring variations self to avoid using the ’ bathroom leges and careers they’re encouraged to of human physiology. all day, or a student who is ready to pursue after graduation. Following years of organizing by drop out of school because she is bom- If we truly want to include all stu- intersex activists, momentum is grow- barded with verbal or physical dents, we need to look beyond binaries ing to end what was once a standard about her perceived sexual orientation. to create practices that include school practice of “gender-normalizing sur- Imagine being one of the nameless stu- communities’ diverse representation gery” performed on intersex infants dents represented in studies that doc- of biological sex, , gen- with ambiguous genitalia. In 2013, the ument the disproportionate risks for der expression and sexual orientation. condemned the use of assault, rejection and self-harm in this unnecessary surgery on infants, schools that are not accepting of fluid Biological Sex putting it in the same category as invol- gender identity, gender expression or Sex refers to a person’s anatomy, phys- untary sterilization, unethical experi- sexual orientation. ical attributes such as external sex mentation or reparative therapy when organs, sex and internal enforced or administered without the A Binary System reproductive . free and of the per- A significant barrier to creating fully For most people, the anatomical son receiving the surgery. inclusive schools is the presumption indicators of sex line up in a way that is that sex, gender and sexual orientation typically understood as male or . Gender Identity fit neatly into a binary model. However, intersex conditions also Gender identity is an individual’s This binary world is populated by occur naturally in all species, includ- deeply held sense of being male, boys and girls who are viewed as polar ing humans. Intersex refers to a variety female or another gender. This is sep- opposites. This world conflates biology, of conditions in which an individual is arate from biological sex. gender expression, gender identity and born with reproductive or sexual anat- Some children become aware at a sexual orientation, relegating people omy that doesn’t fit the typical under- very young age that their gender iden- to rigid categories: male or female, gay standing of female or male bodies. tity does not align with their physi- or straight. In the past three decades, more cal sex characteristics, even express- Schools have a of reinforc- than 25 have been identified ing the disconnect as soon as they ing binary perceptions of sex and gen- that were once believed to be associ- can talk. Other and gen- der. Even before children enter most ated solely with male or female biology, der-expansive people recognize their schools for the first time, parents or but in fact exhibit more complex, non- gender identity during or guardians are asked to check male or binary variations. With the advent of adulthood. female boxes on registration forms. On the first day of school, teachers might shepherd students to class in boy and π DID YOU KNOW? ∏ girl lines. Restrooms are designated for The rainbow flag is a widely recognized symbol of gay , but did boys and girls. Everywhere there are you know that the purple, white and green striped flag represents expectations about what kind of imag- non-binary pride? Visit this blog post to learn more about flags and inative play and dress-up is appropri- symbols embraced by individuals from across spectrums of sex, ate for whom, about who is naturally sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression.

!"!TEACHING TOLERANCE Individuals whose biological sex and gender identity “match” rarely think about the alignment of biology and identity because they have the priv- ilege of being considered normal by . People whose gender identity SEX is biological: internal and external reproductive organs and and biological sex align are called cis- sex chromosomes. gender. is an important word because it names the dominant expe- rience rather than simply seeing it as the default. Individuals living comfortably out- side of typical male/female expecta- tions and identities are found in every region of the globe. The calabai and calalai of , the two-spirit Native Americans found in some First SEXUAL ORIENTATION Nation , and the of is our physical, emotional or romantic all represent more complex under- attraction to others. standings of gender than a binary gen- der model allows. At least seven coun- tries—including , Bangladesh, , India, Nepal, and —recognize a third gen- der for legal documents. As people around the world use a growing vari- ety of terms to communicate their gen- der identities, Facebook now o!ers its users 52 options with which to define GENDER IDENTITY is a their gender. deeply held sense of being male, female or another gender. Gender identity is Gender Expression not related to sexual orientation. Gender expression can be defined as the way we show our gender to the world around us. Societal expectations of gen- der expression are reinforced in almost every area of life. Even very young children are clear about the gendered choices that boys and girls are “sup- posed to” make in relation to toys, col- ors, clothes, games and activities. Girls whose gender expression is seen GENDER EXPRESSION as somewhat masculine are often consid- is the way individuals show their ered tomboys. Depending on the con- gender to the world. Gender expression is not related to text and the degree to which they trans- sexual orientation. gress norms, tomboys might be seen pos- itively, neutrally or negatively. For exam- ple, a girl who identifies as a gamer geek, cuts her short and wears perceived as masculine may be labeled as a “cute ” or met with words intended to hurt, such as or freak.

SUMMER !"#$%!" Positive or neutral labels are harder complicated for anyone seeking to SEX? SEXUAL ORIENTATION? GENDER IDENTITY? GENDER EXPRESSION? to come by for boys whose sex and gen- KNOW THE DIFFERENCE support them. In her book Gender TOLERANCE.ORG der expression are seen as incongruent. Born, Gender Made, psychologist Diane Common words used to describe such Ehrensaft describes a teenage client boys tend to be delivered with nega- who, over the course of a few weeks, tive—sometimes hateful—intentions, identified in seemingly contradicting GENDER IDENTITY is a deeply held sense of being male, female SEXUAL ORIENTATION or another gender. Gender identity is words like sissy and faggot. There also is our physical, emotional or romantic ways, including as androgynous, as a not related to sexual orientation. attractions to others. is little room for boys to expand their gay boy and—eventually—as a hetero- gender expression. Just wearing a scarf sexual transgender female. This young or walking in a stereotypically feminine person was involved in a dynamic pro- way can lead to abuse from peers, edu- cess that illustrated both the way sex- cators or family members. ual orientation and gender identity are SEX is biological: internal and external reproductive organs and sex chromosomes. related to race, economic sta- GENDER EXPRESSION intertwined and how they are separate. is the way individuals show their gender to the world. Gender tus, and other identities also expression is not related to sexual orientation. influences responses to young people Embracing a Spectrum Model who break out of gender constraints. As we have seen, binary notions of gen- School-discipline data provide a dis- der, biology and sexual orientation

turbing example of this, as seen in the GENDER EXPRESSION exclude large swaths of human diver- GENDER IDENTITY AND ORIENTATION, SEX, SEXUAL report Black Girls Matter: Pushed Out, are distinct concepts, but they combine uniquely in each person to make us who we sity. This can be better under- are. Understanding these terms—and how they do and do not intersect—can help us better appreciate and respect the diverse spectrum of our identities. Overpoliced and Underprotected. The TEACHING stood by using spectrum-based mod- report reveals that African-American TOLERANCE els. Spectrums make room for anyone girls who act in ways considered ste- whose experiences do not narrowly fit reotypically masculine are far more SHARE THE KNOWLEDGE! into binary choices such as man/woman, likely to be disciplined by their teach- Download and print this poster on 11x17 feminine/masculine or straight/gay. ers than white girls who exhibit simi- paper and hang it in your classroom or Gender-expansive and genderqueer lar behaviors. teacher’s lounge. are two of many terms used by people to describe themselves as somewhere on a Sexual Orientation gender spectrum —outside of the either/ Sexual orientation is about our physical, capacity to be attracted to more than or choices relating to sex and gender. emotional and/or romantic attractions one sex or gender or not to feel sexual A spectrum model not only makes to others. Like gender identity, at all. This emerging lan- room for people who are gender-ex- orientation is internally held knowl- guage illuminates a complex world in pansive but for those who are perceived edge. In multiple studies, LGBT youth which simple either/or designations to be more typical as well. A spectrum reported being aware of their sexual such as gay or straight are insu!cient. provides an avenue to a deeper under- orientation during elementary school, The overlap and conflation of gen- standing of the separate yet interre- but waited to disclose their orientation der identity and sexual orientation lated concepts of biological sex, gender to others until middle or high school. can be confusing for individuals try- identity, gender expression and sexual Students might identify as bisex- ing to make sense of their own identi- orientation. For educators, this under- ual, pansexual, , asexual or use ties as well as for those who are clear standing is a critical first step toward a host of other words that reflect their about their identities. It can also be changing school-based practices and toward being advocates for all stu- dents—regardless of where they fit on Won’t Students Get Confused? any spectrum. Studies show that children of any age are able to understand that there are more Baum is the senior director of profes- than two gender categories when the concept is explained to them in a simple, sional development and family services, age-appropriate manner. The same is true of diversity related to biological sex and Westheimer is the director of stra- and sexual orientation. tegic initiatives at Gender Spectrum, an Wondering how YOU might answer questions that parents and colleagues organization that provides , might have? See Gender Spectrum’s responses to Common Questions and training and support to help create an Concerns from Parents and Guardians. inclusive and gender-sensitive environ- ment for children of all ages.

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