The Wright Side Dear Reader, Vincent Bruckert We are travelers who unite through words. The stories we document—loss of a loved one, our encounter with adolescence, odysseys we have undertaken —transcend the limitations of Toma Talpa space and time. Memories are our voyages and our writings the deliverance of joy and sorrow.

Su Shi, a Chinese writer of the Song dynasty, endured numerous Kinga Szopinska political exiles in his lifetime. Once, while away from his family during Mid-Autumn Festival, he wrote, in contemplation under the moonlit sky, “ ” Although we are a thousand miles apart, we still share the beauty of the moon together.

So I envision, in the words of this issue, a glimpse through diverse fragments of life:

My alpha speaks to me with a smile. A promise of untainted land, where we get to travel. No wooden boats and no salted water. A place where happiness overshadows a man’s sorrow.

--Oscar Patino, “Here he be”

Spring 2017 And I hope, while you navigate these pages, you will discover landscapes that broaden your horizons. Published Annually by Amanda Jiang Wilbur Wright College Editor-in-Chief City Colleges of Chicago 4300 North Narragansett Avenue Chicago, Illinois 60634

Wright.ccc.edu Content A Different Moon Art By Hannah Leland By Emi Sneed

Tiny, chocolate hands fasten themselves around my index finger.

He leads me up the steep, dusty hill. Overhead, bright green birds make their way across the grassy plain. I peer to my left and see leathery, wise skin grip a garden shovel. Under a tattered straw hat are two eyes, weary and tired, but determined and focused. I peer to my right and see a dozen black heads running back and forth the field, kicking a soccer ball and giggling. We make our way to the peak of the hill. I see mountains, lakes, animals of all kinds. The Guatemalan sun creeps up behind Vocan de Agua, greeting us with a warm embrace. Paradise.

Tiny, chocolate hands fasten themselves around my index finger.

He leads me up the steep, dusty hill. Overhead, a million glassy stars cover the blue velvet sky. I smile and look at him—he is not smiling. I peer to my left and see a pint-sized shadow holding a gun. I peer to my right and see smoke arising from a distance. We make our way up to the peak of the hill. I see fire, gun smoke, the fear in Jose’s eyes. The Guatemalan moon hides behind the smoke from a rifle. Paradise. It isn’t.

1 2 Frames Thoughts and Dreams By Hannah Leland By Zachary Utterback

It was twelve o’clock sharp when Neil Webb walked into the office of Dr. we are shallow streams Edgar Monroe for his scheduled psychiatric appointment. Normally, he would be we are blind lamps back in his cell at this time of day, but monthly psychiatric evaluations were hand us the babyby d dolloll mandatory occurrences for him. The prison doctors told him that he suffered from watchh u uss c cradleradle h himim a head trauma that connected him to a murder he committed, though he didn’t leave hiss brotherbrother i inn a d dumpsterumpster remember committing the crime. Neil stopped trying to convince people a long nno,o, leaveleave hishis sistersister time ago that he was innocent, for no one believed him. No matter how hard he tried to look, he couldn’t find the wound on his head. Whenever Neil tried to think about the crime scene, he would receive excruciatingly painful headaches. ppushush i inn t thehe V VHSHS andand playplay backback When he asked the prison doctors about these issues, they would go into yyourour v versionersion o off t thehe narrativenarrative a spiel of medical terminology with the façade of trying to ease his mind. Neil bbasedased onon a truetrue storystory knew they were annoyed by his endless questions. It was only through a sshowhow u uss w whathat y youou t thinkhink w wee w wantant t too h hearear coincidence that Neil acquired some useful information from one of the doctors. aandnd w wee willwill He learned that the reason why no one had told him about his crime was that it would interfere with his treatment and recovery. This notion compelled Neil to wwee a arere c cross-eyedross-eyed replicationsreplications ask more questions, though he never received meaningful responses. Most of the guards he talked to weren’t much better either, but at least a couple of them wwee a arere t typecastypecast a actorsct didn’t take what Neil said with a grain of salt. tthreehree h hundredundred yearsyear fromf now For the psychiatric appointment, Neil wore simple: white shirt, ugly wwee w willill b be too dead to see khaki colored jeans, and brown loafers. On his wrists were handcuffs that were oourselves in a new refraction on a bit too tight, but he felt that now wasn’t the best time to fidget with them. There was a guard right behind him, and he didn’t want to make it seem like he we are wrinkles on a gleaming face was being unruly. we are cataracts in bloom As he was led into the office by a guard whose name Neil didn’t bother to that are also brown and blue and green remember, his attention was immediately drawn to the large, oak desk across the room. An assortment of papers and books scattered across the desk’s surface in a our optometrist can’t help us messy, yet somewhat organized manner. Behind the desk sat a middle-aged man so you sell us old prescriptions of about fifty-five years. He was holding a book in his right hand, and writing in new frames. something down on a piece of paper with his left hand. He seemed to be rather entranced in his current activity, so much so that he must not have heard the prisoner coming into the room. Although Neil did not want to break his concentration on his current task, he felt it was best to try to gain his attention. Neil cleared his throat, making sure that the sound was clearly audible from across the office. The suddenness of the noise must have startled the elder 3 4 man, though, because he immediately responded by looking in the direction of looked at his wristwatch to confirm the time and proceeded, where the sound originated. For a brief moment, Neil saw some tension in older “Well then, Mr. Webb, how have you been? It’s been, oh, I say, about a man’s face. When the man realized that it was only Neil at the entrance, the month or so since your last visit,” the doctor said in a pleasant, calm tone. tension quickly left his face and was replaced by a welcoming smile. The man “Well, Dr. Monroe, I guess I’m doing fine. It’s just been hard for me lately. stood up to welcome his guest. I’ve been thinking about my wife more often with each passing day and praying “Ah, good afternoon, Mr. Webb. Is it really time for our next that she is doing fine without me. I’m still struggling with the fact that I am in appointment?” he said, motioning Neil to come further into the office. prison, but after our last session, with all the advice and suggestions you’ve given “Um, good afternoon to you too, Dr. Monroe. Yes, it is time for our me, I believe that I am starting to make some progress in understanding what has appointment. But it looks like I caught you at a bad time. Did you want to happened in my life,” Neil responded calmly. reschedule for a later date?” “That’s excellent news Mr. Webb, congratulations!” Dr. Monroe says with “Oh no, that’s quite all right. Please, have a seat” Dr. Monroe said while a smile on his face. “Please, tell me more about this progress.” gesturing towards the brown, leather armchair next to a coffee table. “I just need “Well, I guess if there was anything specific that I did, it was just kind of a moment to organize my desk and bring over some refreshments.” allowing my mind to wander a bit. I would sit around for hours a day, just trying As he began cleaning up his desk, Neil made his way to the chair and sat to think about what happened, or at least, what I remember happening. But like I down. The chair itself was quite comfortable, having been worn out over the said in previous sessions, sometimes I would get headaches when I think too hard years by various visitors. Neil only loathed the old-leather smell. He didn’t know about it. But I am starting to believe that those headaches were a sign. A sign why, but the stench of it always made his eyes watery. that I might be getting closer to the truth. Nonetheless, it is because of you and Trying his best to ignore the smell, Neil shifted his attention back to the your help that I was able make as much progress as I did.” He picked up his cup doctor, who had just finished cleaning his desk and was now at the kitchenette- and finished the rest of his tea. like area across the room, preparing some water for the iced tea that he would “Oh I can’t take all the credit for your progress. After all, it was your hard often make for his appointments. Although he had a deep distrust against the work and dedication to this program that has allowed you to come to term with prison doctors, Neil felt that Dr. Monroe was different. Even though it was his job yourself and your past,” the doctor says with some modesty in his voice. “Would to look after the mental health of the prisoners, it became clear to Neil that he you like some more tea? genuinely loved helping people. Whenever Neil had sessions with him, the “Yes, thank you.” doctor would always look him in the eye and try his best to help Neil with the As the doctor was refilling his cup, a thought about last night crossed issues he might have in his life. Neil’s mind. A cold sweat came upon him when he thought about it, which made “I must apologize. I was doing some research and compiling some notes him hesitate to share it at first. He had the feeling, though, that he could trust for a conference I will be presenting at the end of the month, and it seems that in him, not because he was his psychiatrist, but, rather, because he had the decency the process I lost track of time.” to treat him as a person rather than just some prisoner or patient. Having been lost in thought for a moment, Neil was a little surprised to Neil began to speak. see Dr. Monroe already seated across from him in his own chair. The iced tea was “So, uh, Dr. Monroe, there was another thing I wanted to talk to you in a clear, acrylic pitcher, with small cups and coasters to accompany it on the about.” coffee table. Neil’s cup had already been filled. Neil nodded his head in The look of curiosity appeared on the doctor’s face, and, as he handed him understanding and appreciation, picked up the cup with both hands and took a the cup of ice tea again, he motioned Neil to continue. sip, letting the refreshing liquid move past his lips and across his tongue. After “So, last night, I had a dream… but now I am beginning to think that it was savoring the beverage for a brief moment, he placed the cup back on the coaster some sort of night terror or something like it. I knew it wasn’t real… but everything and looked at the doctor, a silent signal for him to begin the session. The doctor I experienced in it seemed so lucid to me. To be honest, that was the first time I

5 6 had the dream, and I was hoping you can help me understand what it could passageway would go on forever, I finally hit a wall and was pressed against it, as mean.” if some other force had adhered me to it. Everything became silent for a brief “Interesting. Please, tell me more, and take your time recounting the moment, darkness enveloping my vision, but all of a sudden, a new light shone details to me as best as you can. The last thing I want is for you to create any more directly into my face with a brightness of the sun. I blinked, and I found myself stress on yourself. If you say that if you have experienced a night terror, I want to laying on a metal table, the light coming from some sort of lamp shining directly help ease your mind and hopefully find the source of it,” the doctor said with a into my face. I tried to move, but I was still being forced down by something. As I reassuring smile. struggle against whatever was holding me down, a group of shadowy figures Neil took a deep breath and began to recount what he could remember. entered my field of vision, standing around me and obscuring themselves in the “It all started in a dark hallway. There were walls anywhere, and I could light. I began to struggle more, hoping to be free of the invisible shackles, but I only go straight ahead. I could see a small white dot ahead of me, the only thing I couldn’t break free. At this point I could no longer see or feel anything, but I could see in the pitch black void that surrounded me. I walked towards that dot. heard one last thing. Someone said ‘I’m sorry.’” When I did, however, I began to hear sounds: Glass breaking in the distance, the As he finished telling Doctor Monroe about his dream, Neil felt the pain faint scream of a woman, gunshots, the knocking over of furniture. These sounds slowly dissipating from his head, a look of relief spreading over his face. The bombarded me one after the other, and the noises became louder as I got closer to relief was short-lived though, as a sudden feeling of nausea overcame him. the dot. At some point I started running, trying to get to the end, hoping that the Having somehow sensed that Neil was about to vomit, the doctor quickly noise would eventually stop.” grabbed the closest container near them, the half-empty pitcher of iced tea, and At this point, Neil began to experience a twinge of pain on the sides of his handed to him. When the problem was solved, Neil embarrassingly placed the head, but it was only slight pain, so he tried to not let it show on his face. He took container back on the table. another sip of tea and continued. “I’m sorry about that Dr. Monroe, I don’t know what came over me,” he “Eventually, I reached the end of the hallway, finding myself in a white said meekly. room so well lit that it was blinding my eyes. Somehow, I kept my eyes open. In “Please don’t worry about that,” the doctor said understandingly, though the center of the room were two figures. One of them was a man I didn’t with a stern smile. “I thought that it was an appropriate response after you forced recognize; at least, I think it was a man. The figure had its back turned to me, so yourself to tell me about your dream, despite the pain you went through telling all I could see was a long, dark grey trench coat, short, messy, brown hair, and a it. That being said, I’m not particularly fond of you putting yourself through pain, gloved hand holding onto a gun. The second figure was of a woman, dead on the even if you feel it is necessary, so I would like to ask you that next time, if you floor, a pool of deep crimson blood surrounding her. I couldn’t tell who she was; start having headaches like that again, please let me know immediately, and I the other figure was obscuring her face with its body” will try my best to help you.” Neil had to stop for a moment to catch his breath and drink some tea. It “Yes, I understand, Doctor. I won’t take unnecessary risks like that again.” had become a real labor to continue speaking; the pain had intensified to the “I am glad.” point where it felt like his head was caught in a vice. The doctor must have With that being settled, the doctor checked his wristwatch for the time noticed his bodily response because he began to show concern. Just before he and began to speak. was about to say something, Neil continued: “Although it is a bit earlier than usual, I think this would be a good time “As I stared at her lifeless body, the stranger slowly turned to me. But to call it a session. To be honest, Mr. Webb, you don’t look so well. I think we before I could see her face, he quickly pulled a gun and shot me in the forehead. I should continue seeing each other,” he said, returning his gaze from his watch to was thrown back from the scene, soaring back into the dark hallway at an Neil. “Are you fine with coming back two days from now to continue where we unbelievable speed, the sound of the gunshot reverberating all around me. I lost left off? I understand that it is rather sudden of me to ask you, but I can only fit all sense of direction; the guiding light was gone. And when I thought that this you into my schedule on that particular day.”

7 8 “If you think it’s for the best, then yeah, I’m fine with it,” Neil said while recreational time as well as visitation hours. However, Dr. Monroe said that if giving a half-hearted shrug. “It’s probably for the best anyway. I feel really Neil continued to make progress in his psychiatric evaluations, he would be exhausted at this moment.” allowed to interact with other prisoners, perhaps be allowed visitors, and the “Please don’t hesitate to let any of the guards know of your condition.” chance to reduce his sentence. “Yes, thank you for your concern, Doctor Monroe. I will see you soon,” Regardless of his current situation, there were times where Neil did have Neil said with an appreciative but exhausted smile. opportunities to talk with other individuals. Dr. Monroe was the person that he They both stood up and walked to the door, with the doctor taking the spent the most time with outside of his cell, but even so, the time they spent lead to let the guard know that they were done for today’s session. As he was together would only last around an hour and a half. Never once had the doctor being led out of the room, Neil turned around and gave one last nod of ever rescheduled a follow-up session in the same week, so Neil was slightly appreciation, then walked out of the office. grateful for his bout of sickness that occurred yesterday. Although it was still fairly early by the time Neil was escorted back to Despite time spent with the doctor, the person Neil actually talked to his cell, he immediately passed out on his bed due to exhaustion. most often was one of the guards that made his rounds in the cell block he -- resided. Occasionally, Neil remembered how their odd relationship started. Neil woke up with a dull headache. He briefly thought that he had a It was a particularly hot afternoon about two months ago. Neil was hangover, but he knew that was impossible for various reasons. First of all, where suffering from a severe case of boredom. He had borrowed from would he get liquor in the prison? Neil knew there were means of acquiring one of the book carts that traveled through the prison weekly, and was certain amenities if he had the right connections; he definitely didn’t have those. regretting, yet, also amazed at himself to have finished it in just three days. Secondly, from what he could remember, he was predominantly a social drinker Having nothing to do, he just began to half-heartedly sing random tunes that he and never once experienced a hangover in his life, so the pain he was feeling was knew and liked. Strangely enough, one of the songs he could fully remember was definitely not from a hangover. His best guess was that he was still somewhat ill from a cartoon he watched when he was a child. Someone else must have found it from yesterday’s session with Dr. Monroe. humorous, however, because towards the end of the song’s chorus, Neil could Neil stood up to stretch and did some deep breathing to relieve the faintly hear someone chuckling outside of his cell. stiffness in his joints. It must have been before seven in the morning when he woke Assuming that the source of the snicker was a guard passing by, Neil up, because, while performing his ritual, a guard came by with breakfast and slid rolled his eyes in annoyance for having been laughed at. He looked towards his it under the cell bars. It was always around this time of day when he would cell door to find the offending party. Looking past the cell bars confirmed his receive food, but it didn’t matter what time of day it was, all the prison food suspicion; there was indeed a guard standing outside. He appeared to be the tasted the same to him: bland. same age as Neil, maybe a couple of years older, and he wore the standard navy Nonetheless, he thanked the guard for bringing the food to him, and blue guard uniform, with short, neat hair under the outfit’s matching cap. continued with his exercise. Stretching in the morning had been a routine for him When Neil asked the guard if there was a problem, the guard shook his for as long as he could remember. When he first started it was a way for him to head and said that he never thought he would find a prisoner singing. He found it wake up faster so he wouldn’t be late for work. Now, it was a method for him to humorous. The guard then walked away. Over the next few days, Neil and the keep some semblance of his old life alive while he lived behind iron bars. On the guard would sometimes strike up brief conversations. He learned that the guard’s bright side, at least Neil didn’t have to worry about bothering anyone with his name was Jude Lanning, he had a wife and two sons, and, like what Neil thought, morning ritual; he somehow had personal space. he was recently hired about four months ago and was still getting used to the job. But after he lived in this cell for some three months without someone to When Neil asked Jude he would reveal personal information to a prisoner, Jude talk to on a regular basis, Neil began to feel a little lonely and, admittedly, said that Neil didn’t seem like a bad guy, and that sometimes bad things could somewhat desperate. Because of the nature of his crime, he wasn’t allowed happen to good people.

9 10 After their first few encounters, Neil and Jude started to chat regularly didn’t want to talk to Neil. Feeling disappointed, Neil only hoped that he would while Jude was on patrol. It was a mutually beneficial relationship; Neil would be able to talk to him tomorrow before his follow-up with Dr. Monroe. Having have someone to talk to, but only for brief moments in the day, and Jude found nothing else to really look forward to for the rest of the day, Neil sat back down something to break the monotony of his daily duties In this regard, Neil found and continued reading his book. another person to talk to besides the doctor; someone else he could confide to Neil read well into the evening, and continued to read even when dinner about the situation he was in, such as how the circumstances imprisonment didn’t was brought to him. It was well into seven in the evening when Neil felt a wave of add up, and how he would receive headaches when he thought about certain lethargy overcoming him. Thankfully, he met his goal of finishing the novel, so he things. Despite having a little skepticism at first, Jude admitted that Neil’s decided to reward himself with rest. As he closed his eyes and began to drift off circumstances were quite odd. Jude said that he would check into his situation into sleep, he began to think that, for once during this time he was in prison, he for him. had begun to regain control of the life that he lost. He hoped that one day he The conversation took place two months ago. Now Neil was wondering if would see his friends and family again. With renewed hope in his heart, Neil fell Jude had found anything yet. Neil hoped that Jude would discover something into a slumber. soon. He was beginning to miss his wife. He thought she was alone at home, and -- he was starting to worry that he would never see her again. A sudden touch of cold metal on his flesh caused Neil to awake from his After waking up and finishing his stretches, Neil slowly ate his breakfast slumber. As he opened his eyes, a bright light shone on his face, forcing him to on his bed, trying to pass the time until Jude came by. From what he had been shut his eyes. He attempted to slowly open his eyes once more, and when he was told, Jude would arrive around eleven-thirty. finally conscious, the color from Neil’s face began to drain. From what he could Finishing up his food, he stood up and walked to the bars of his cell. tell, both his wrists and ankles were shackled to a metal table, his head slightly Looking across the cell block, Neil spotted the lone analog clock and helped propped up by a metal headrest. All he could see was the lamp shining on his himself to the time. The clock face read seven twenty-five. Silently cursing to face. Neil tried to free himself but it was useless. A feeling of dread overcame himself for having to wait for four hours, Neil walked away from the bars and sat him. back down on his bed. Luckily, to pass the time, Neil found a copy of “HEEEEYYY! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? SOMEBODY HELP ME and started to read it. PLEASE!” Neil cried out in desperation. By the time it was eleven-twenty, Neil was starting to regret picking up “It’s no use, Mr. Webb. No one can hear you outside this room.” the book. It wasn’t because it was a long book; after all, he had already read Neil’s cries stopped when he heard the voice behind him. He didn’t want . Rather, he was beginning to sympathize Jean Valjean on a much to believe it. He couldn’t believe it. But there was no mistaking it. That voice deeper level when he took into consideration his current circumstance. Overall, belonged to Dr. Edgar Monroe. it was a very sobering experience and the content left a bad taste in his mouth. “Dr. Monroe? Is that you?” Neil inquired in disbelief. When it was eleven-thirty, Neil was already at his cell’s bars, peering out as best “Hello, Mr. Webb,” the doctor said in a calm, professional tone. as he could to locate his guard friend. When the time came, he reasoned that “Doctor, what is going on here? What is this place? Why am I strapped to Jude was busy with something else, and would probably be around later. Hope this table? Why are you here?” was beginning to appear short-lived for Neil. As he barraged the doctor with a series of questions, Neil could hear his An hour passed by and there was still no indication of Jude’s footsteps getting closer to him. It wasn’t long until Neil saw him standing over his whereabouts. It wasn’t until around one forty-five in the afternoon that Neil strapped body, a look of pity in his eyes. decided to ask a guard where Jude was. The guard responded in an uncaring and “Mr. Webb,” the doctor replied sadly, “I understand your confusion. I impersonal tone that Jude had taken a sick day, and because of it, she was stuck truly do. I never intended for this to happen, but you left me with no choice.” doing his job for the day. Then, she just walked away, making it obvious that she “Doctor, please, I don’t understand what’s going on,” Neil said in a

11 12 panicked tone. You were chosen as a test subject due to you having strong memories about the “When I told my colleagues about your dream, they came under the murder. After you were sentenced, high-ranked military officials contacted the impression that you were too much of a liability to be kept alive. Sadly, I had to warden of the prison you were sent to and notified him of their intentions. The agree with them.” warden had no choice but to comply. We thought we succeeded in perfecting the Neil’s eyes widened in response to the doctor’s words. Tears started to run method with our experiment with you, but it seems now that it is not the case. down his face. Your brain started to recover flashbacks of the murder you committed. The “Please, doctor, you don’t have to do this! Just let me go! I promise I won’t dream you had was the method your brain used to interpret the events.” tell anyone what happened here!” “And do you honestly think that you can get away with this? I have a “I’m sorry, Mr. Webb, but I cannot do that. The moment you started friend who is looking into this situation as we speak, and if he finds out that remembering was also the moment the experiment had failed.” something has happened to me…” “Remembering… experiment…” Neil began to show a grin to let Monroe know that he wasn’t alone in this Confusion spread over Neil’s face, then he finally understood. The room. fight for the injustice that was done onto him. The doctor just looked at him with The light. The table. Being held down. eyes full of pity. “Oh God… the dream was real…” Neil said as he began to sob. “I presume you are referring to Mr. Lanning, Mr. Monroe?” “To an extent, yes, the events in your dream did take place. You were With the simple mention of Jude’s name, the grin on Neil’s face faded surprisingly accurate when you described this room when you told me about the away. dream. This is an issue that worries me and my colleagues.” “Yes, I am afraid that Mr. Lanning has been under our employment for “What about the rest of the dream? Did that happen too? some time. His primary task was to keep daily observations of your behavior and “It’s very complicated to answer that question,” the doctor said with a to report any significant behaviors to me. My associates and I thought it would be grimace on his face. best to see more fruitful results if you found someone other than myself to confide “GOD DAMMIT. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING in, so as such, he was tasked to gain your trust, which, as he put it, was ‘too easy’. ON,” Neil screamed. Mr. Lanning was also given the second objective, if it had ever came up, to inhibit With a sigh, the doctor reached for a dial on the light and turned down your investigation if you ever decided to use him as a means to gain information the intensity. He then looked Neil straight in the eyes. about your circumstance.” “You’re right. You do deserve to know what has happened to you, but “No…that…that can’t…Jude wouldn’t…” you will regret what you are about to hear Are you sure you want that?” Doctor “Mr. Webb, who do you think helped bring you to this room?” Monroe says, eyes pleading Neil to stop questioning. Neil couldn’t speak. He was too stunned by what he heard. People “Tell. Me. NOW!” messed around with his head and used him as some sort of experiment. He The doctor closed his eyes, breaking the eye contact, and, for a moment, thought he could trust the doctor and Jude, that he found people that would help the room was silent. He then opened his eyes and began to speak. him. But all he could feel now was rage and despair. “You were a subject of a top secret military program whose goal was to “How could you do this me… how could you do this to anyone?! I devise a method to alter a person’s memory. If the experiment proved to be TRUSTED YOU! I TRUSTED JUDE! ARE YOU SAYING THAT I CAN’T EVEN successful, then the application of this method would allow soldiers who suffer TRUST MY OWN MEMORIES ANYMORE?” from PTSD to effectively ‘forget’ the experience that caused it. This would allow Neil’s face flushed red while tears flowed freely from his eyes. All he them to continue their career in the military. It could also have been used as a heard was too much for him. What was real in his life? What was fake? At this counter-measure for people who proved to be liabilities when it came to point Neil couldn’t even tell the difference. But there was one question that he handling sensitive information, where their minds could be wiped out if needed. needed to know.

13 14 “Who did I kill? Please, if what you said was true and I did murder someone, I need to know!” Neil remembered the dream again, in particular, he remembered about the body of the woman on the ground. “Wait… was it that woman, the woman in the dream, did I kill her? WHO WAS THAT WOMAN?!” “Mr. Webb, it would be better if you didn’t know the answer to that question. I don’t wish to put you through any more cruelty than you have already been through.” “Edgar…please…” “….That woman was your wife, Neil. You killed her.” A deafening silence filled the room for what seemed like an eternity. This was only so until the low, garbled moan of a man could be heard, the cry of someone who had fallen into the deepest depths of despair. The cry grew louder and more intense as the realization took hold in Neil’s mind. The sounds coming out of his mouth were sounds no other beings could make. He thrashed on the table and pulled on his restraints, tearing the skin around his ankles and wrists, crimson blood pouring. Neil wanted to be free of his shackles and wanted those who experimented on him to pay. Starting with Dr. Edgar Monroe, the man who Neil thought he could trust the most, and then the one who he thought wanted to help him. But it was all a lie. Everything Neil knew and believed was a lie. Suddenly, numbness began to envelop Neil’s body. He felt an object plunging into his neck and, just as quickly, removed. Sluggishly moving his eyes over to the doctor who stood before him, Neil noticed the syringe in Dr. Monroe’s hand. Neil’s movements started to slow and his cries began to die. Soon, Neil lost the abilities to move and speak. His body was shutting down due to the effect of the unknown poison. Finally, Neil was still, drawing his last few breaths, streams of tears flowing down his face. As his consciousness began to fade, he heard Dr. Monroe murmur: “I’m sorry.” Art By Xena Lopez

15 16 Walk Into My Shoes By Araceli Erazo Alvarez

Art By Hannah Leland

17 18 Great Man Gone The Probability Game By Kevin Rogers By Marisol Lay This was it. It was a brick in his pocket, with its polished angles and heavy frame, weighing him down and keeping him in place. LeRoy was shackled to the m ment, he understood that he could never leave it, What Becomes of Great Men Gone? Are their legacies still intact? nor could he turn back towards childhood. The Beretta 21A reassured him that Were these men valiant in their journey? he could do this; guns didn’t lie. LeRoy was anxious for the ending of this plan, Did they inspire other men to act? frightful of the possibility that anything would go awry, and excited to hit the Are their conquests just beginning? jackpot before being on the news. At least, that’s what he, Caleb, Malik, and Were they plagued by provision & need? Isaiah had believed in the car. Did they feed those forgotten? The checkout clerk was in a content and distant state; he Or succumb to violence & Greed wouldn't be watching LeRoy so closely, LeRoy could see it. The clerk’s face was in a pellucid structure, as he perched against the conveyer belt, his body resting What Becomes of Great Men Gone? and open, waiting for the time to strike ten o’clock. He was a petite Asian man Did they stir souls when they spoke? whose upper torso was only about five inches above the counter. The silver Were they benevolent in their rule? strands of hair on his scalp, coupled with the brown speckled skin that exposed Did their dreams end when they awoke? his age, demonstrated wisdom. Did they flash authority when threatened? He longed to be across from his grandmother’s Vaseline Did they revere their God? splattered face at the dinner table. She hated LeRoy’s crew because she thought Were they completely just with power? they lacked direction. She explained to LeRoy that they were “not gettin’ out of Or human & flawed? the old hood”, but since he had a chance to leave with track and a decent GPA, What Becomes of Great Men Gone? she didn’t want his life to be stagnant. LeRoy’s issue was that besides her, he only Are their titles & names still said? had them. No matter how ghetto or directionless Caleb, Malik, and Isaiah were to Do their tombs lie in perfection? his grandmother, LeRoy needed them and they needed him, just differently. Now that they are withered and dead? LeRoy reminisced on her cherubim hands holding his face up in order to kiss his Did their deeds become tarnished? cheek before he left the house. God, now he was going to betray her along with Through history, written and sung the principles of honor, self-esteem, and motivation that she instilled in him. Ask not what these Great Men let themselves be LeRoy was going to become someone his grandmother didn’t know or want to Ask what these Great Men made themselves become. know. He was going to be a coward, doing this for quick money. He immediately felt distressed and hesitant. He had to think to himself: What if I didn’t do this? Fuck what the guys think! The obnoxious rap music of a passerby brought him back to his present fate. No other clerk seemed to be around. A somewhat indifferent detail for LeRoy, seeing as he knew that the clerk let local kids who worked in the store go home early on Friday’s. With the holiday coming up, most bosses didn’t want kids working late. LeRoy wondered about the middle aged man who stocked the drink section. He had a sporadic schedule, along with only one actual 19 20 duty. It seemed odd to Malik, who was the first to point it out when they went LeRoy remembered not to look towards the camera he saw back to the car after their second trip to the store. yesterday when he, Caleb, Malik, and Isaiah came to finalize all the little details. “Aye man, did you see that guy putting stuff in the refrigerator?” LeRoy knew the camera on the upper left corner, near the south window of the Malik said before starting the ignition. store, was operating correctly because it had a flashing light under the large lens. “Yeah, man, I thought that shit looked real strange, ya know?” Malik had written that down in his pocket notebook, making sure to draw an X Isaiah chimed in. on the corner of the square page to indicate where it would be in the store. A LeRoy, Isaiah, Caleb and Malik all seemed to let it go after that large emergency exit was wedged between the south window and the camera. comment. The man didn’t pose much threat to them, seeing as the mysterious Malik had drawn a large circle to represent it on the piece of paper. LeRoy knew clerk was not visibly present when they came to the store yesterday night to that the door lead to an alley since Malik had drawn that on his square sheet, too. finalize the plan. It was the emptiness of it all that made LeRoy feel more LeRoy felt extremely anxious, but he knew the steps were simple and straight disheveled and detached from himself. It seemed as if LeRoy was six feet under, forward; if he needed to help himself, he could just use the paper map, which with an airtight coffin encapsulating his happiness and joy and possibly his rested in the right pocket of his windbreaker. youth. He couldn’t think like that. LeRoy had to reassure himself that he wasn’t The Asian store clerk was initially suspicious of the four kids in going to get caught. That single layer of hope inside of him was the only thing the 1990 Toyota Camry. He would always look at them and then their car and that kept his movement forward, into his chosen abyss of reality. back to them when ringing them up, but he never asked questions, so they never The store nearly bare, every aisle was absent of store goers, with had to answer for it. The usually went in after three, but before 7, so the kids from only the merchandise to accompany LeRoy and the clerk. LeRoy walked to the De La Salle didn’t recognize them. When the story hit the news, they did not side of the fridge to get a Gatorade before grabbing a big bag of Flamin’ Hot’s want any suspicious links to the Italians or the De La Salle kids. Isaiah was right, and a twin pack of Doublemint. He was heading towards the counter when he the store had to make a lot of money; the merchandise alone was quality product, looked at the clock above the entryway. It was 9:43 p.m. In 17 mins, this place but more than that, the store was clean, spacious, and the clerks even wore a red would close for exactly 8 hours, ready to be occupied again in the ripe, sunless, uniform vest. Coming from Englewood, that was better than the liquor store with morning hours. The weight of the metal and the burden of the situation made the thick glass and cheap quarter juices. LeRoy feel more unsettled than prepared. Caleb had told him he would feel “Your total is $5.47.” more manly because of the piece, but LeRoy felt as if he may throw up. LeRoy snapped back into the present, to the inevitable. The LeRoy knew all he had to do was send the signal, shoot the old petite Asian man was in a hurry, his left hand ready to open the drawer and the man in the arm to maim, but not kill him, then get the cash and run out of the right hand palm down on the gray counter. store. The guys would be waiting outside with the car ready to go and clothes to “Oh, sorry, man.” change into afterword; he, Malik, Caleb, and Isaiah had it all figured out. They LeRoy slowly reached to his pocket to retrieve a $10 bill, setting had cased the store for about a week, driving from Englewood to Bridgeport the money down on the counter with ease. every day after school, but before dark. They didn’t want to end up like Lenard “Here you go.” Clark did two years ago, in a group of hateful Italians with visible black bodies He waited until the Asian man turned to face the drawer to and a lack of familiarity with the neighborhood. It was risky because the Italians reach for the gun in his left pocket, that way his left arm was in a 90 degree were always on their backs, whispering “moolies” with their group of friends if angle. The clerk was getting ready to turn when LeRoy sent the first perilous LeRoy and his gang were behind a group of them in line at the store. They never bullet into the air, missing the clerk’s arm and landing on the stand directly looked at their faces, which was a relief, but as soon as they peeked at the curly behind him. The clerk dropped the change and closed the drawer in one quick hair and dark skin from their peripheral vision, LeRoy and his friends heard the motion before ducking to the floor. LeRoy attempted to reach over the conveyor names. belt to pry the drawer open, but he knew it was done by the loud slamming sound

21 22 of the drawer. the alarm someone would eventually come, but how soon? He couldn't see the LeRoy pushed the gun into his Nike windbreaker and bolted to time or the lot outside where the guys were supposed to be. The noisy screech of the front of the store, but he was surprised by the alarm that was exploding in his the alarm made the room slightly blurry, along with the dark winter sky; he ears. As the door to escape grew closer, the store became a foreign black maze. couldn't view most things in their correct form. LeRoy’s images of asking Michelle They hadn’t seen an alarm, but Caleb should have checked. Now an alarm Johnson to prom, winning the Chicago track meet regionals, and hanging with company would call the store or the police would be notified automatically. He the guys outside of Chicago Military Academy, just kicking it, flashed before wasn’t sure of the system, which made this much worse. him. LeRoy thought of his life in an orange jumpsuit, just like Steve Harmon on In the commotion, LeRoy tripped on one of the wastebaskets the cover of . LeRoy remembered reading the book for English class with near the third aisle, sending his body dancing towards the floor before landing Ms. Prescott. LeRoy’s knees rattled knowing he wouldn’t be a student anymore if face first on the cold dry tiles. As he propped the upper half of his body up, he was in prison. The thought alone gave LeRoy goosebumps up and down his LeRoy looked left and right, not truly seeing anything before noticing that a long ebony arms. LeRoy looked at the man’s gun near his shaking body. LeRoy small figure with a stern grip on what could be a Glock 26 was directly in front of thought of his grandmother crying at his sentencing, he in a permanent orange the door. As LeRoy’s sweat thickened, he realized his options were slim. jumpsuit at the tender age of seventeen. The combination of fear, loss, and “Don’t move!” bewilderment somehow made LeRoy gather his thoughts enough to reach into The store clerk was loud and aggressive, but LeRoy knew the his windbreaker and aim his Beretta 21A. LeRoy looked away towards the clerk by his accent, “Get up!” second aisle before pointing the gun at the Asian clerk and shooting directly at LeRoy quickly brought his whole body to a standing position. the center of his head. The thunderous sound of the gun interrupted the alarm for “Put hands up, I no want shoot!” about three seconds. LeRoy turned his head and watched as the clerk’s lifeless LeRoy shifted his weight towards the gun pocket, deciding that body hit the tile with great force. LeRoy was astonished at his shot, since he he had to do anything to leave. thought he was shooting towards the clerk’s heart. The gun was still in the clerk’s The store clerk was getting closer to his shocked body, the gun cold, dead hand when the sound of metal hitting pavement reached LeRoy’s ears. still pointing at him. He was filled with rage and guilt all at the same time. “I go to In a spontaneous decision, he had ended the life of the clerk. call police.” The clerk’s broken English made LeRoy realize the police would be LeRoy realized his whole life would be spent at Cook County, here even more quickly if they heard that voice and his story on the other side of with limited visitations at best. He felt that queasiness reach the middle of his the phone. The clerk was getting closer, the gun no less than 10 feet away from throat again, holding his air tightly in his esophagus. Just then, the front window LeRoy’s sternum. Not only would he be caught with an illegal firearm, but he was of the store was hit with a copper colored brick before exploding into a million a 6’1’ Black teenager from Bronzeville robbing an Asian store clerk. He was fragile pieces on the speckled tile floor. screwed. He thought he could quickly run past the clerk, but with the gun and “Hurry the fuck up! The cops are comin’ cause of this damn the darkness, his actions were too much to process at this moment. The deep alarm,” Isaiah's voice was aggressive and assertive. LeRoy had to move. agony of letting his grandmother down was the worst; she had given up her Caleb’s and Isaiah’s faces were exposed through the window. A solidarity to raise him. He had to do something. relief flushed over LeRoy from seeing the solid awaken flesh of his friends. The “Please man, let me go! Look, I know I did some fucked up shit, anguish disappeared from LeRoy’s body once the crisp November air reached his but it didn’t work out, so can you please just let me run up outta here or somethin? sweaty, sticky skin. Both Isaiah and Caleb looked at the floor, at the growing C’mon man!” pool of cherry red blood, in astonishment as LeRoy ran towards the window. He LeRoy was begging for his freedom now. could hear the police sirens fast approaching, but he only thought of home and “I call police! You no go!” bellowed the store clerk. his grandma. The store clerk was not listening to him. LeRoy knew that with LeRoy ran with fierce velocity, pushing past both Caleb and

23 24 Isaiah towards the car. LeRoy got in and buckled the seatbelt as tight as he could avoid Caleb’s eyes and answering the question. LeRoy thought of the cash across his chest, securing himself to an unknown destination, marked with a past register closing inside of the store, but the hazy images of dead clerk and the that included this hazy night. Malik was in the driver's seat, his body turned alarm still pounding in his ears made him remain silent. Caleb grabbed his towards LeRoy in the back with a shaken look that made LeRoy feel like an windbreaker and arm, commanding LeRoy’s attention. animal at the zoo. “What? You can’t fucking hear now? How much money did you “Yo man, put that fucking gun down,” Malik’s broken voice get?” LeRoy was furious, but he felt a lump beginning to form in his throat. made LeRoy look down towards his hands. “Get ya goddamn hands off of me!” LeRoy heard himself and was LeRoy looked down to see the Beretta 21A still cocked in an astonished at how angry he sounded. He sounded like a drill sergeant speaking upward manner, pointing towards Malik’s face. LeRoy looked at his best friend to new recruits. Despite how he sounded, the animosity in Caleb’s eyes made him with the deepest admiration for his ability to be in the driver’s seat, not a comprehend that yelling was not going to get him out of the trench he was murderer with a weapon. He lowered the gun until it was under the front planted in. “I told you to get your fucking hands off of me!” passenger’s seat away from his hands and eye sight. Caleb retracted his hand slowly with a perplexed expression, “You a'ight man?” the concern in Malik’s voice made LeRoy feel “Why is you crying man?” LeRoy lifted his cold, ashy hand up to his face and felt dejected. the slow-streaming tears that rested on his high cheek bones and cleft chin. “Get If they cared so much, why didn’t they do it with him? Why was off his back!” Isaiah's breach of silence surprised even Caleb, who looked over at he alone in the store for so long? the passenger’s seat as if a ghost was speaking to him. LeRoy watched as Isaiah's “LeRoy are you okay, man?” LeRoy couldn’t answer. It was as if widened nostrils and low arching eyebrows cut into the guise of anger Caleb was he had suffocated on his emotions and could not think of words to say. attempting to present. Caleb kept his gaze as he took his hands off LeRoy and LeRoy felt that his body was floating inside a bubble, flowing from scene to scene looked outside into Chicago’s grid. Malik and LeRoy’s eyes met as LeRoy turned of memories. LeRoy heard the sirens growing closer to the store’s street. himself back to face the back of Isaiah's head. “Drive!” LeRoy didn’t realize Caleb and Isaiah were in the car, LeRoy swiped the tears from his cheeks as he veered his head but Caleb’s deep baritone voice captivated his attention and made him focus his towards the center of the car and looked at the time on the stereo. It was only thoughts in the back seat of the 1990 Toyota. The car was filled with four black 10:14. He remembered being in the store before ten o’clock. In thirty one minutes boys that would easily become angry threats to society in front of a jury. Malik he almost robbed a store, fatally shot a clerk, and was in a getaway car going to a backed out of the lot, placing an excessive amount of force on the gas and destination unbeknownst to himself or his friends while Chicago police were propelling the car backward so that they could leave the parking lot in one swift hunting them down. It was surreal. LeRoy had went from an innocent student motion. Malik drove without stopping, missing all of the stops signs and red lights. athlete to a Machiavellian criminal in the time it took to air one episode of The sirens had to be about a half mile away near Halsted and 31st. Driving at , his favorite sitcom. about 50 miles per hour, Malik could go down 31st, turn on South Lock street, and One hour, one mistake, one gun shot, one dead person, one brick. then take the 55 as far south of Chicago as possible. LeRoy thought of the number one multiple times in his head, considering he was LeRoy could tell Malik was anxious by his stern grip on the the only “one” in the store. He was alone, in a car full of bodies. The seats seemed steering wheel and the pensive look in his face. Malik was scared, just like when so soft, conforming, and friendly compared to the hardened, distant, crude friends he lied to his mother about having Lynette Stevens over at his house while she that were upset with him and his situation. If he had just listened to his grandma. was at work. LeRoy knew Malik expected the worst. He would have been at home, getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner in two “How much money did you get?” Caleb’s voice sounded weeks. They would have went to the Moo & Oink’s in Stony Island so they could annoyed and direct. Caleb’s commanding voice made LeRoy think back to the get the juiciest ham and perfect turkey. The year before he remembered saying a events at the store. He sat looking straight at the back of the passenger's seat to special prayer for his safety at church, since the city's homicide rate had

25 26 increased. Now, if the police caught up to them, he could be eating prison food was about to explode. Who was he? LeRoy was the good kid with a strict with shackles around his ankles, all for some botched plan and cloudy vision. grandma and long legs that were going to run him out of this dangerous city. LeRoy wished this was all a vivid dream which he couldn't wake up from. Who were his friends? They were boys desperate for money, but blameless “Listen, I say we take Halsted up to I90, take it down to the I94, passengers in the choices LeRoy had just performed. keep going until we reach the 57 and go until we hit Champaign. From there we LeRoy remembered Caleb telling him about the initial plan, can catch a bus to anywhere, since they got the Greyhounds station and all,” which included him and LeRoy in the store together. He thought back to that Isaiah sounded confident. He seemed unaware of their skin color, age group, and cool October evening inside of the indoor track circle. current mental state. It was as if Isaiah was talking about something that was a “Listen my nigga, all we got to do is go there, get money from the casual drive outside of the city. register with a mask or something on, then get out!” Caleb’s arms were draped “Nigga, is you stupid? Our four black asses wouldn’t make it past around LeRoy’s neck as they walked to the gym doors. the state troopers without getting questioned!” Caleb’s voice sounded “I don’t know man, this sounds like some madness to mayhem, disappointed in the juvenile manner of Isaiah's suggestion. He was still looking unnecessary shit. You just sound like you doing the most, as usual,” LeRoy looked out the window while he yelled, as if refusing to look up to such a blatantly at Isaiah and Malik for confirmation that this was a stupid idea, but neither one ignorant answer to their problem. returned his full gaze, each looking in opposite directions. “We got a 1990, almost ten years past the date, and Champaign “Man, Isaiah and Malik already agreed to it, so it will happen has two colleges, idiot. We could look like college kids to them, especially with without you,” Caleb looked confident that these would be the words that swayed the school break coming up,” Isaiah sounded optimistic as he shifted the right LeRoy into a criminal lifestyle. side of his body to face Caleb in the back driver’s seat. LeRoy could tell that “Well then, y’all’ll do this without me,” LeRoy was fixated on Isaiah believed his own words, as if they had a foolproof plan that was sure to Malik’s gaze; his best friend doing something like this was odd. convince cops. Isaiah was sitting tall, with an accomplished outward expression. “What’s da matter lil’ LeRoy, you scared you can’t run dem Caleb turned to face Isaiah and said, “How many nigga’s you skinny ass legs out of trouble?” Caleb scoffed. The echo of Isaiah’s chuckle, and know fuckin’ went to college?” Isaiah scrunched his eyebrows and dropped his Malik’s smirk, bothered LeRoy to the point that he became upset. face, thinking back to all the people he knew. “Exactly! Now, tell me how the “I’m not going cause you’s a sendoff and a punk ass bitch with fuck the cops is finna believe that four black people in college all happen to be in zero fucking credit besides these two dumb asses,” LeRoy remembered being the same car on our way back from break?” Caleb’s eyes were in a vexed state, happy no one was present because his yelling echoed in the concrete hallway. peering into Isaiah's soul, successfully intimidating Isaiah's confidence in himself, “Oh yeah, well how’s this for some fucking backing? This heat without having to move his wide lips anymore. good for you?” Caleb lifted his shirt to reveal the Beretta 21A that would end Isaiah turned in his seat, shamefaced and confused. It came to LeRoy’s freedom. All three of the guys stood back as if Caleb would pick up the LeRoy’s attention that the sirens had stopped, but they weren't on the highway gun and off all of them. LeRoy was stirred by the metal’s possible power. yet. It didn’t add up geographically. ? LeRoy “Where the fuck did you get that?” Malik sounded concerned thought to himself. Something in LeRoy sensed imminent danger. “I know fa sure for Caleb’s possible explanation. I heard the cops back there. Where are we, Malik?” Caleb sounded more calm “It don’t matter nigga, I got it now and I got the backing you now. “We comin up on the expressway in like a block,” said Malik. need, right? Or are you really too punk to do this with us?” Caleb was half LeRoy was paralyzed with anger in the back seat. His blood was grinning when he spoke to LeRoy. hot lava, only contained by the pecan brown flesh he was given. He did this for “Look, let me talk to him, okay?” Malik was surprised and them. How could they be so calm when someone died? Why were they not confused, all at the same time. checking up on him? LeRoy attempted to shift his mind to other thoughts, but he Malik pulled LeRoy to the side and begged him.

27 28 “Please man, do this for me!” Malik’s voice was desperate. “Where are you boys headed to?” The officer’s chestnut brown “Why? Look Malik, this ain’t nothing but some punk ass shit to eyes looked in the car, not specifically viewing anyone, but rather exploring the get us in trouble. You got a good chance at getting into Ball State or Indiana. faces off all the boys. Why fuck that up?” LeRoy was serious. LeRoy felt that nagging in his stomach again. This time, it felt “Fuck that! I got pulled off the basketball team yesterday for sharp and persistent. smoking and I failed that math class! LeRoy, I ain’t goin’ nowhere anytime soon. I “Can you all step out of the car, please?” The officer asked. got summer school and hope and prayer of making it out of here.” “What for?” Isaiah sounded concerned and annoyed at the Malik’s yellow skin looked exhausted after he let out his truth. officer. He turned to look the officer directly in the eyes. “Please do this for me. I need the cash to go to prom, you know my “Step out of the car, now. I will not ask again,” The officer and his momma can’t afford this shit right now, especially if she going to pay for summer flashlight moved directly towards Isaiah's face. They stared at each other, neither school classes,” Malik’s eyes narrowed at LeRoy. one backing down. “Alright man, we’ll do this together,” LeRoy didn’t feel right Isaiah unbuckled his seatbelt, slowly moving the strap from his about it, but he agreed for friendship. chest, never moving his eyes. LeRoy felt that pain once more. “Oh shit!” Malik’s voice in the front seat was hollowed and “Get out of the goddamn car, now!” The officer’s white flesh heavy. The sound of his voice made LeRoy come back to the present. became an inflamed color as his eyes widened to show his anger. “What?” LeRoy finally spoke for the first time since his crying fit. Isaiah opened his door and dashed out of the car, heading “The state troopers is stopping all the cars to search them,” Malik towards the trunk. said in a panic. “Freeze!” The officer bellowed the command from the front of the “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” LeRoy heard the echoes of Isaiah’s worry. car. “Where’s da gun?” Caleb’s voice was calm, which surprised Isaiah kept moving, running past the cars that crowded behind LeRoy and Isaiah, both looking at him with a puzzled expression. the 1990 Camry. “Hello, the piece!” Caleb was frustrated with their slow pace. “Stop!” The trooper retrieved his gun and aimed it straight at “Hurry, our car is after this one.” Isaiah's light gray sweatshirt. LeRoy quickly retrieved the gun from the floor under Isaiah's The shot rang in LeRoy’s ears. LeRoy knew his friend was dead seat, passing it to Caleb moments before the state trooper knocked on the before the cars began honking again. The trooper said something muffled into his window. radio, but LeRoy couldn’t hear anything beyond the shot. “Hello offica,” Malik’s attempt at sounding educated quickly “Got out of the car!” The trooper opened Caleb's door as Malik, backfired. Caleb, and LeRoy exited the vehicle with both hands raised. The officer’s pale hand was pointing a large black flashlight into “Get down now!” The officer yelled as LeRoy and his friends the car, making LeRoy squint while maneuvering his head. knelt down. “Can you please hand me your license and registration?” The LeRoy felt the cold asphalt on his face before he closed his eyes and let out a officer’s voice was stern and matter of fact. deep sigh. “Is there a problem, offica?” Malik’s voice sounded shaky. “There was a robbery near 31st and Halsted about forty-five minutes ago. We are searching all cars, but we are looking at Camry’s in particular seeing as the clerk saw the perpetrators leave in a Camry.” The officer looked down at the registration.

29 30 Here He Be By Oscar Patino

Here he be Here he be a liar, My alpha speaks to me with a smile. A promise of untainted land, where we get to travel. No wooden boats and no salted water. A place where happiness overshadows a man’s sorrow.

He tells the tale of the musical lions that sing in perfect harmony. Where bees toast to success as they produce the sweetest honey. Entertained I am, as we wait to swing on the unfamiliar tree. Angels shielded with white armor, he the liar describes with a smile. A borrowed necklace for us both, father and child.

Broken sound exits his mouth, grateful I am, just for a while. There we swing on the unfamiliar tree, falling asleep together. That he is the future me and that I am the past he. Present us, standing on the wind as we dream about eagle feathers. No movement left only what the wind provides.

That father of mine in a hurry to find the beehive. I feel myself drifting like that elephant shape cloud in the sky. Laughter and joy radiating out of my surroundings. Art By Caitlin Cabanas I can’t see or feel nothing. There’s nothing, just laughter.

31 32 (Not) Polish Enough By Nicole Lozinski ArtByTedWatkins

Listening, Learning, Hearing, then Speaking. Bilingual. Jeden, Two, Trzy, Four,. Start School, then Polish School. Learn to spell my last name to myself and for others. L-O-Z-I-N Knowing the stories, the history, the struggles that got you here. Polish Underground, Katyn, Soviet Union, Solidarity, Independence. Learning to worship both Jan Pawel and the church. Then finding out your country’s history condensed in a paragraph in all of your history textbooks. Dusty Polish books and language skills. P czki every Saturday, Platcki made every Sunday. Planning conversations for distant family. Tak, Kocham cie...Tak. Being unable to plan a sentence but still understanding the words. We love you, Please visit Poland, We’re so proud of you. Best at English in your grade but held back in Polish school by two grades. Studying other languages when you can’t even master your mother tongue. Regular American, just weird last name. Being on a packed plane, in a sea of familiar faces and noises. 9 hours, Carbonated water, Prince Polo. Rehearse the line. Nie mówie dobrze po polsku. Hand gestures and bad conjugations to family. Being in a country that’s foreign but so familiar. The stories, the history, the struggles live here. Remember the basics. Jeden, Dwa, Trzy, Cztery. Be able to talk about your American self in your Polish origins. It picks up, words start to make sense, this sentence works. Then, 9 hours again, repeat 3 times, do it all again. Wonder if it’s worse if your kids will speak better Polish than you Or might never speak it.

33 34 The Park After Dark By Emi Sneed

Art By Toma Talpa Sixteen and naïve to the world outside, All that mattered was Wildwood on Friday night. Boys would show up by seven, park up, and wait For the girls to show up around eight. Chain-smoking Reds and chugging Bud Lite, Not a healthy lifestyle but we turned out alright. See that tree? That’s where Kristen and me Would go every 45 minutes to pee. Thumping loud music from our moms’ mini-vans, Laughter and smiles ‘til someone threw hands, Fights and drama, drunk cussing and spit Came from the mouths of us rowdy Northwest Side kids.

We thought the fun would last all night long But blue and red lights always proved us wrong. Run as fast as you can—see that slide? That was my all-time favorite place to hide. I’d slowly peek my head out, make sure the coast was clear, Walk back to the court and grab another beer. Proceed with caution, we’ve learned by now Or else the cops would be back for another round. Flirting and lip gloss, the girls would try to impress The boys who honestly couldn’t care less. “Joey doesn’t like me” a girl crying to my right To my left, Joey kissing another girl in plain sight. 11 p.m., curfew—time to get everything packed Put our leftover beer behind the dumpster out back. We were nobodies but we sure made our mark At the Wildwood Park after dark.

35 36 Gloom and Gleam Hello Tommy, Goodbye Tommy By Cristina Chaidez By Claudia Wojcik

Julie Anderson comes home from I watch the light perform CPR on the collapsing night, hanging out with her friend. Fallen asleep in cardiac arrest Julie But bringing it back to life. Hey mom. I’m back. Yet you were too far away to witness such creation form. Lilliana Hey sweetheart. Did you have fun at Sarah’s house? Perhaps with pillow stained cheeks you lay haphazardly asleep, Julie All while you quarrel with your fragile mind. Yeah, I guess. I’m gonna go do some homework. I, awake, still think of you, Lilliana And the broken trajectory we silently acknowledged. Alright hunn. Dinner will be ready in a few. You see the sky muted in darkness with small specks like white paint. Julie went up the stairs and let You sought after night-too benevolent out a sigh when she walked into To wake weary minded souls; her bedroom. I fear darkness offers no illumination to behold. Julie You, darling boy, sprouted in such gloom, celebrated the dark. Tommy. What are you doing here? Always, a holy reincarnation Tommy I missed you. When blue morphed into black tones. Julie I was lost in your shadow, you, blinded by my potent light. Whatever. Can you please just get out of here? Yet it was light that never bestowed its kindness on us, Tommy For I never found galaxies in you, Why should I? And you, never stars in me. Julie Because you’re bothering me! Like crooked alchemists did we form our artificial shine. Tommy If found amongst the twilight, would you be you? Would I be I? How am I bothering you? Would you compliment the gleam in my eyes Julie But take it away altogether? You follow me almost everywhere I go! I’m sick of it! Would I brighten the drowsiness over the brown hues that yours bore? Julie sat down on her bed. We will carry on seeking romantic paradoxes in How did you even get in here? Our sleep over vallies of other arms. Tommy In our shelters we shall stay, Don’t worry about it. (Pause) Have I ever told you how much I love your curly I will find you in the nighttime; you will find me in the day. brown hair?

37 38 Julie Julie Huh? Where did that come from? What are you talking about? Nothing happened earlier. Tommy Tommy I just like your hair, that’s all. Oh really? Tommy tried to run his fingers Julie through her hair, but she slapped Yes, really. Now shut up already! his hand away. There was a long pause. Julie Tommy What? Sarah is a bitch. Tommy Julie It’s not important. (Pause) So I saw you outside with Sarah. She is not. Julie Tommy Yeah, so? Yes she is. Tommy Julie She doesn’t seem to like you very much. Prove it. How is Sarah a bitch? Julie Tommy What are you talking about? She’s my best friend. You know how you guys were going to the store and she made you stay outside? Tommy Julie You only think she’s your friend. Wait a second. Did you spy on us? Julie Tommy What do you mean? (Laughs) Don’t worry about it. Tommy Julie She’s faking it. So not only do you follow me pretty much everywhere, but when I think I got rid Julie of you, you’re still there? What is wrong with you? You make no sense. Go away! Tommy Tommy sits down on the bed A lot of things. So you remember? next to Julie. Julie Tommy Yeah, so? I had to stay outside to watch our bikes. Come on. It’s so obvious. Tommy Julie (Smirks) Yeah, right. Bikes. That’s the reason. What is? Julie Tommy Why else would she make me wait outside? That Sarah hates you. Tommy Julie It’s so obvious she’s embarrassed to be seen with you. Sarah does not hate me. Julie Tommy You’re crazy. So how do you explain what happened earlier? Tommy Am I?

39 40 Julie JulieJulie Sarah is my best friend. No!No! S She’she’s m myy b bestest f friend!riend! Tommy TommyTommy But think about it. SheShe suresure isn’tisn’t treatingtreating youyou likelike a bestbest friend.friend. Julie Julie looks down at the scissors There’s nothing to think about. aas her hand starts to tremble. Tommy JulieJulie You guys never go out in public, and when you do, Sarah stays as far away as No!No! S Stop!top! J Justust s stoptop i it!t! possible from you. TommyTommy Julie Do it.it. That doesn’t prove anything. JulieJulie Tommy No! I won’t!’t! I w won’t!on’t! So how about school? JJulie’sulie’s m momom h heardeard t thehe yelling Julie aandnd bargedbarged intointo herher daughter’sdaug What about school? bbedroom.edroom. Tommy LillianaLilliana Every time you try to talk to her in the halls, she says she has no time and then What’s going on in here?? runs away. Julielie The room went silent for about Just stop it! Stop it! ten seconds. Lilliana You don’t have to stand for that, you know. Julie, calm down! Julie Julie What do you mean? Ican’t!Hekeepstryingtomakemedostuff!ff! Tommy Lilliana I mean… Who’s trying to make you do stuff sweetie? Tommy grabs scissors off Julie Julie’s desk. Tom- …you should get back at her. She looked back at Tommy, but Julie he was gone. You’re crazy Tommy Lilliana I don’t think I am. Honey, did you forget to take your medication again? Julie You are. Now just get out! Tommy You know you want to. He hands her the scissors.

41 42 The World Was Never Ours By Brittany Hall They say I'm a heart breaker. In reality, I would be the perfect homemaker. But please don't get me wrong. I am a life taker. I'll slit your throat with tears in my eyes. And you are the product of a factory maker. I feel these words are long overdue. They tell me that I should sit down and get higher. All the world does is feed you lies. But how can I when I just wanna make the world brighter? All the people do is have a need to never comprise. Live each day and say "keep breathing." Why did I believe you were different? I find it hilarious how people are so deceiving. I guess that's why I'm writing music. You tell one person you’re in love. To show everyone your ignorance when you left me. Now all I see is you getting drunk in a club. I feel like I'm locked in a lucid dream. You always said you just settled. So damn scary because I realizned you are in my bloodstream. Those friends of yours never wanted to metal. I said I was writing music to expose you. So they agree and say “you're right b.” But that's not just the case. How come the good girls are taken for granted? I'm doing this to prove that I'll win this race. When you were the one who was always acting so frantic. Because all I see is your girl at home, studying and drinking tea. I was trying to save you. Looking so damn enchanted. Buttimewasn’tonmyside. If the truth is the worst, than I guess that’s why you lied. I was trying to save you. Am I really not enough? But time wasn’t on my side. It’s been like this for days. If the truth is the worst, than I guess that’s why you lied. My heart is out at sea and my head’s all over the place. Am I really not enough? Looks like I’m stuck in a drug inflicted haze. It’s been like this for days. I was trying to get a hold onto you. My heart is out at sea and my head’s all over the place. But all you wanted was space. Looks like I’m stuck in a drug inflicted haze. I was just trying to stay with you. I was trying to get a hold onto you. But all you wanted was space. I was just trying to stay with you.

43 44 None Taken By Hannah Leland her slippered feet run underground in earthy roots pushing toward the core. head held in the sky her frizzy strands, an aurora, glow above you, a magnetic suggestion you can’t catch in your hand. Art By Michelle Echevarria yes, she is big, a big woman.

rights and wrongs press their heel on her scale makehertooweightytopushorpullorcarry. like a greenhouse her breath fogs the glass box you live in. her gaze swells like a pregnant pause, archedbrowpoundinglikealongbassstring. because she is a heavy woman.

take a crack at the skin, rip it a little, peer inside. you’ll find a rambling composition, scaffolding spun around lakes of paper under layer upon layer of juxtaposition. and it rests and it churns and it grows within. of course she's a dramatic woman.

she snaps things into focus, gives the skull a flick, presses just enough to click. like a swerve into the left lane her incisors clip the tongue. she sails in on an ellipsis only to puncture your bubble of thought. it’s sharp. she’s a sharp woman.

listen to the flame engulf what she reads. press an ear to hear it roaring in her belly. put a palm to her chest, feel it crackle. run your fingers over the grooves of red ink. this is a hot woman to handle.

45 46 Interchangeable Gifts Tomorrow By Nagi Nasser By Victoria Yamat

many marvel a mother’s patience in the womb for significant life the privilege to experience the miracle of growth the power within is an atomic bomb the power of a mothers love the baby held in arms locked in lovepure innocence sleeping soundly clinging on to holding trusting themotherstares in awe, her heart loves unexplainable a celestial gift they grow she feeds while she starves she gives while she needs they grow older one becomes stronger the other weaker roles have changed she is the reliant now wrinkled smiles warm caring eyes of intelligence golden knowledge of experience she is abandoned all alone

47 48 What's Her Name By Nagi Nasser

She’s uniquely cruel and calm She trains to abide by her rules Manipulated on her palm She’s deeply cherished like a jewel

Her presence lingers regret Chances that were not taken Survival demands a need to forget Warnings of her heart forsaken

Her lips are not easily read Her nature does not seek attention Being remembered is what is lead Like zodiac stars in ascension

She’s gracefully a step ahead She’s like a shadow that is chased Sense of direction is mislead Precious time is replaced

She can behave with generosity Giving to the heart’s desire She might be an investment of paucity To gamble what she might conspire

Life is her name We play by her rules She creates the game So fine, yet so cruel Art By Amanda Jiang

49 50 The Moon Reminds Me Of You By Caitlin Cabanas

The rain reminds me of Candlelight and tender caresses

The thunder reminds me of Tight hugs and warm hands

The hill reminds me of Laughter and romance

The sunset reminds me of Apple orchards and park benches

The wind reminds me of Brisk strolls and fragrant foliage

The porch swing reminds me of Dancing flames and sticky fingers

The ice reminds me of Broken hearts and endless tears Art By Toma Talpa The flurries remind me of Cold noses and snowman kisses

51 52 My Lover Was Restless By Amanda Jiang

Art By Amanda Jiang

53 54 Untitled Unachievable By Nagi Nasser By Elena Sandoval

Let it go Take in the world and the fresh air while it still lasts And live life like you were born just yesterday But not to the fullest extreme where you do not process the beauty But to the maximum limit that you can hold within your memory Do not stop or wander around in the lost desert Do not frolick in the waters that give youth Do not trample over bushes or thorns Take them in Touch every flower and smell the pollen that the bees crave Touch every tree and climb to the point where the houses of twigs are built Touch the pastures and become one with the home of the insects Do not take for granted the beauty placed outside your door Do not allow heartbreak or death to steal your curiosity of the world Do not let anyone in your life if they do not love the earth like you do Breathe it in Watch the sunset and the sunrise for a week straight and watch your meaning of beauty change Watch the light beam off the ocean as it rises in the sky and watch your belief in love revive Watch the birds in the morning and how they whistle with joy and watch your joy return But do not Do not forget what this world has to offer whether in nature or opportunity Do not forget that life brings heartache and troubles but it also brings a cure within the beauty of nature Do not forget that you may feel lost but the shine of the sun and the light of the moon will forever guide your steps Take it all in Breathe it in And never forget.

55 56 Art By Caitlin Cabanas Art By Hannah Leland

57 58

Clay-Cut Smile By Nora Diaz-Ortega

I can hold a bucket to your eyes and try to catch your tears, but I’m afraid I’ve slipped; so there goes your bucket drowning the children on earth in sorrow. I can press a silver canister to your lips, and try to catch your beautiful whisperings, but I’m afraid I’ve drawn outside the lines; so there goes your tongue lashing out on everyone’s mistakes. I can carve your ears with a box knife and try to mold your secrets, but I’m afraid I’ve taken a bite, just a bite; so there goes the moanings that have escaped me crying out in shameless raw need. I can slick on your stubby nose and try to bring back your memories from cement, but I’m afraid I’ve forgotten the recipe for happiness; so there goes the musk manifesting nightmares in your soul. And that is why, darling, I’ve defaced our bodies.

Art By Hannah Leland

58 57 Potting Plants But you ran through her mind, By Jel You were raised as a rose, And she thought she could change you. Entangled in many thorns, But she learned no matter where she moved you Yet you were so beautiful. Or how many times she exchanged your soil, Taught to spread your leaves far. Your soul was in your roots, Unconcerned about who you hurt, And you were destined to be a fly-catcher. Unimpressed by the seeds that grew you, Unaware you were watered and grown by a fly-catcher. Catching his roots in other gardens, Unknowing of how far he spread himself. Knew his height, But never the length he extended himself to. Fly catchers are never satisfied with one catch. A lesson you learned well, Proactively progressing. He taught you 1+1 equals 3. There is nothing wrong in sharing, As long as everyone got a share. He never yelled at you for cheating, Because he would grow hypocrisy like ivy, And he was too envious than to just have one. But his loyalty was hereditary, And you always had strong genes, As you ripped off her jeans to de-flower her. You were raised a rose, But you reflected like poisonous ivy.

ArtByJel IV sticking in your arm, Keeping you alive. Your soul died long before you dyed it with her betrayal And stamped it with her trust being broken. Tried watering plants that you already drowned. She drowned out all those people warning her to run from you.

56 55 bitch.” I run over and kick him and he moans again. “Addie the Baddie thought she was tough, “Addison,” Collins warns. little did she know she didn’t like it rough. I frown and back away. She had a little taste of pain, “How’d you know my address anyway?” I ask. and all her eyes did was rain. Collins gives me a smile, “I told you- I read your file.” But be careful, ‘cause once you go to sleep, Suddenly there is a battle-cry type yell, and I look over to see She’ll take a baseball bat to your dick.” Ace jump up and run over to me. Collins shoulder-bumps me just in time so that I go flying away from Ace, and then Collins’ gun sounds as the two of them clash. I I flinch at the last part. cover my ears and look up to see Ace frozen in time. He slowly begins to fall and “Do you like it?” He asks, “I came up with it all by myself.” the fight finally leaves his eyes. “Maybe you should try a little harder next time.” Collins comes over after checking to make sure that Ace is He leans down and puts the knife to my throat. I gulp. actually dead, and holds out his hand to help me up. I take it and he pulls me up. “Be careful who you're talking to. You just want to be loved, “I told you, you didn’t deserve to die.” don’t you? Don’t be rude then, or you won’t be loved.” I stare down at the body lying on my floor. He finally got what he No tears fall from my eyes. Suddenly, my courage is back. He’s deserved. taunting me. Just like he used too. I stayed with him because I thought no one would ever love me like he did. But he didn’t love me; he was just a narcissistic asshole who liked to cause pain. He leans his body over me, and it is the perfect placement. I swing my leg up and it hits him in his favorite place once again. He rolls over onto the floor, howling in pain. He drops the knife in the process and I pick it up. I stand with the knife in my hand, ready for anything. Then there is a knock at the door. I slowly back up to it, and open it. It’s Officer Collins. “Oh, thank God,” I say. Collins continues into the apartment with his gun drawn. He points it at Ace, who is still recovering on the floor. “Stupid bitch,” Ace mutters through clenched teeth. “Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say. By the way, you hit like a

54 53 He steps into the elevator, and I’m finally able to make myself “Oh shit, what happened?” move. I throw myself across the way, trying to get out of the door, but he catches “I hit a pole. The ground was wet and I was going too fast. I will me around the waist and slams me back into the side of the elevator. My head pay for everything.” bounces off the metal siding, and everything starts to spin. My knees begin to “Are you okay, at least?” buckle. Ace reaches over and presses the button for my floor, and as the doors “Yeah. Where are you?” close, he lifts me into his arms. “I went home after you left. I’m home now. Are you going to get “Been awhile since we’ve been like this, huh?” home okay?” A shudder goes through my body at his words. “Yeah, I should be there soon.” “Oh, no need for that. You don’t need to be scared. You’ve known “Okay. I love you,” she says. your fate for a while. You should’ve been prepared.” “I love you, too.” I try to kick his sides, but he somehow holds my legs against him. We hang up the phone, and I decide to walk the short way to my “Uh-uh. You’ve caused me enough pain, don’t you think?” apartment. I take the elevator up to the fifth floor where I live, and I walk down A tear falls down my cheek, but that's all that comes. the quiet hallway. When I’m about ten feet away from my door, I see that the The elevator rings, the doors open, and he steps off the elevator. I door is cracked open. I back away from it slowly, pulling out Officer Collins’s know I should fight, but somehow the fight has left my body. The need to survive, card. I dial the number on the card and call. it's gone. I left my father and mother when they needed me the most. I left my “Hello?” He answers. brother when he needed me the most, and that is why he committed suicide. My “Officer Collins? It’s Addison.” mother became an alcoholic because I wasn’t there for her when she needed me “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asks, his voice instantly after my father left. All the people I might’ve hurt because I was a drug dealer, or going to worry. because I didn’t get Ace sent to jail when I could have. There are so many things “The door to my apartment is open. I think he’s here.” that I have done that I deserve to die. And I accept my fate. “Okay, I’ll be right there. Go down to the lobby, and ask the He takes me into my apartment and slams the door behind him receptionist for security.” with his foot. I nod, even though he can’t see me, “Okay.” “I always liked the fact that you never fought back. All you Slowly, so that I don’t panic, I go back to the elevator and press wanted to do was be loved. The lonely little girl that would do anything to be down. Within seconds the doors open, and I step safely into the elevator. When loved.” the doors close, I breathe a sigh of relief. A few short seconds later the doors open He lays me down on the couch and walks to the kitchen. He to the lobby floor, and they reveal a man waiting to get in. My heart stops when I knows that I’m not going anywhere. He pulls a knife out of a drawer and holds it see the face. He looks just as he did four years ago. up. “What would you do now to be loved, lonely little girl?” “Well if it isn’t Addie the Baddie.” The voice that once made my He begins to walk closer, heart skip a beat now sends chills down my spine. 52 51 “He could kill you,” he says. I nod, “I hadn’t seen him since I was nineteen. I did everything to “I know. Maybe that is what I deserve.” try and keep away from him. I was always terrified that he was going to come “You don’t deserve to die. Do you have anyone to help you? after me, because I knew that he would kill me. I threw away over six thousand Besides your best friend? Like a boyfriend or something?” dollars’ worth of drugs, and hit him in his special place. No one just lets that go. I I chuckle again, “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” changed my appearance, dropped a hundred pounds, dyed my hair a different “Why the chuckle?” color, and took my mom's last name. I did everything short of moving to a “Because I don’t want a boyfriend. I am content with dying different country. Of course, he would still recognize me if he ever saw me again. alone.” When I saw and pointed him out to my best friend, she shoved her car keys into “What?” my hands, and told me to leave. He hadn’t seen me yet, and he knew nothing of “If I am with someone, I will use them to make me feel better or my friends, so I ran. I ran away. I got into her car and sped out of the parking lot. It the other way around. And I don’t want to be in another relationship where had been raining during the day so the asphalt was still wet. That's why I ran into someone is being used rather than loved.” the pole, because I came around a curve too fast, hit water, and ended up hitting Collins doesn’t say anything. Instead, he walks to the cell and the pole.” pulls a key out of his pocket. Collins is quiet for a moment as he studies me, “What was his “What are you doing?” I ask. name? His real name?” “You were under the legal limit for alcohol in your system. I I shrug, “I don’t know.” know now that you hitting the pole wasn’t because of the alcohol. You are free to “You don’t know?!” He asks in outrage, “You were with him for go.” He opens the bars. what? Three years?” “Thank you,” I say. “Four.” Before I walk out, he pulls a card out of his breast pocket and “And you never knew his real name?!” gives it to me. “I was fifteen when I met him, and I was in a bad place. He was “If he ever shows up or you ever need me, just call me.” my first boyfriend. My hot and mysterious boyfriend. I didn’t care about the fact I nod. “Thank you,” I repeat. that he was dangerous, I just wanted to feel wanted. Loved. It just took me four “You're welcome.” years to realize that he wasn’t showing me love, he was just using me.” He goes by a desk and pulls a bag out of a drawer. He hands it to “Give me a description,” Collins says, “I can find him.” me- I see that it contains my phone and some jewelry. I put the jewelry on as I’m I shake my head and chuckle, “No.” exiting the building and then I look at my phone. Ten missed calls, all from “Let me guess, you can take care of yourself?” Natalija. I call her back and she answers on the first ring. “No. I thought that when I was fifteen, and look at how that “Hey, are you okay?” turned out. No, I just think that whatever is coming to me, I deserve. And I accept “Yeah, but your car isn’t.” that.” 50 49 brought up on any charges. When I got back home, however, Ace wasn’t happy. After that night, he and I started hanging out, and he would take He heard word that I was in the hospital, but he wasn’t upset or worried that I me out on dates, and for a while everything was nice. I felt that someone finally wasn’t going to be okay. No, instead, he was pissed because I could’ve gotten him cared about me. My friends though, the ones I had before him, they all left me. I in trouble. I didn’t, though, but he wasn’t listening to me. Instead he hit me. Right was depressed when my brother died, and when I met Ace, that's his name, they across the face. I expected a lot of things from him, but never that. He didn’t even decided I was a lost cause. They didn’t like him, but I wouldn’t leave him, so they apologize for it. Instead, I fell to the floor in tears, and he walked out of the room, left me. And I didn’t believe them when they said he was bad news. The fact that throwing ‘shut the fuck up’ over his shoulder. he was 24 didn’t bother me, even though it should have. I had my first boyfriend. There were some things he didn’t know about me, though. For What did I care? instance, he didn’t know that my father had raised me to be the type of girl to Then one day, Ace takes me to a restaurant. At first I thought we fight back. He once told me, ‘If I ever find out that you let a man raise a hand to were going to eat but instead he hands me a package. 'I need you to take this to you, and you don’t fight back, I will kick your ass.’ Those words have been forever the guy at the counter. Tell him it's from Ace. He’ll give you money in exchange. stuck in my head even though I hadn’t talked to him since the day he left my Then come back to the car. Play it cool,' he says. I didn’t know what else to do. I mother and me all alone. Because of those words, though, I waited until Ace fell didn’t want to make him mad by saying no, so I took the package and got out of asleep. When he finally did, I packed up all my shit that I could into a tiny duffle the car. This happened many times after that, and even though I never asked bag. Then I went through the apartment, found all of his drugs, and flushed them what was in the packages, I knew that it was drugs. I never asked and he never down the toilet. Finally, I took the metal baseball bat that sat by the front door, told me. For about two years this continued, and eventually he let me see what he and walked into the bedroom. Ace was sleeping on his back, so it was the perfect was selling, and he had me selling it too. angle. I raised the bat over my head. I slammed it down over the thing he My senior year of high school, I didn’t go to prom. Instead, I was in treasured most. He screamed and began writhing in pain. Then I left. the parking garage of the hotel where prom was being held selling seven I went to rehab and was able to get myself cleaned up. I found different types of drugs, and ten different types of liquor to the students who my father, and lived with him for a while after I got out of rehab. I got in touch actually went to prom. By the time I graduated high school, and I was surprised with my best friend growing up, Natalija, and we rekindled our friendship. that I graduated on time, I was hooked on oxy and addicted to booze. I’d moved Eventually, I was able to find my mother, and got her into rehab, too. I’ll admit out of my mother’s house and into Ace’s apartment. I hadn’t talked to my mother that I drink, but definitely not as much as I did. Just a drink whenever friends and in close to a year. Igotobars. When I was nineteen I was rushed to the hospital because I had And tonight, tonight was my best friend’s bachelorette party. I been strung out on oxy and had been taking shots of vodka. I actually took count was the maid of honor. I had everything planned out at this bar, one that we on my arm. I had fifteen shots of straight vodka without chasers that night before I always go to. All of us were having a good time: smiling, laughing, and being passed out from the mixing of the drugs. There was so much adrenaline from the happy. We were enjoying ourselves. Then he walked in.” drugs pumping into my heart that I actually had a heart attack. Somehow, “The ex-boyfriend?” Collins asks. though, I was living, and I was able to get out of the hospital without being 48 47 inside of you, and tonight on one of your binges, you ran out of booze, so you The Things I Used To Get Away With By Catherine Kos hopped in your car, and drive to the store. You ended up hitting a pole, and now you are here. Am I right?” My hand touches cold metal and I flinch away from it. I’ve been I take a second to answer. Is that really what I look like? trying to fall asleep for over an hour, but for some reason the quiet is getting to “Not even close,” is my retort, while shaking my head. me. I sit up on the cold metal cot with the thin mattress underneath me. I stand up Suddenly I let out a loud, obnoxious laugh. and walk to the metal bars, trying to fit my face between them. “What?” Collins asks. “So, like, I want my phone-call!” I yell. “It's just that if you knew all the things I used to get away with, My voice echoes through the cell. you’d be surprised at the fact that I ended up here for drinking and driving. By “Be quiet!” is the response I get from an officer that I can’t see. the way, how old do you think I am?” “That’s not how you’re supposed to treat a lady!” I call back. Collins shrugs, “I saw your file. I know you’re 23. But you could There is a chuckle between two men, and then two officers still be a housewife.” emerge from around a corner. They are both around the same height, but one is a I think about it for a second, “Maybe. But you know, you really balding blond man with a huge beer belly pouring over his belt who has to be shouldn’t judge someone when you don’t know the kind of story they hide.” somewhere in his forties. The other is a black haired man with dark brown eyes “This is true,” Collins says, “Why don’t you enlighten me?” who has to be in his mid-twenties. It’s definite that I am attracted to him, but I “You really want a story?” would never fall for him. Not in this world. He looks at his watch, then leans against the wall that is across “You’re not a lady, you’re a drunk,” the older officer says harshly. from my cell, and crosses his arms, “I’ve got time.” I flinch in response. The other officer notices my reaction but he I take a deep breath, “Well, I guess my story really started when I doesn’t say anything. was fifteen. My parents had just divorced, and my father had left me with my “You don’t know me. You have no right to judge me,” I say alcoholic mother. She never noticed whether I was home or not, nor did she care. angrily, even though I have no idea why I am mad. He’s not the first person to My brother had gotten me a fake ID before he died, so whenever I felt lonely, think that he can judge me as if he knows my past. He sure won’t be the last which was all of the time, I went to this bar near my house. I never drank when I either. went there, I mainly went there because I didn’t feel so alone when I was around The older officer opens his mouth to speak but the younger one people who were feeling the exact same things as me. But one night this guy cuts him off. walked in. I’d seen him around the bar before, but this night was different. This “I’ve got this, Dan,” he says, “I’ll book her. You go on your break.” time he actually came up to me. He was everything a girl my age could ask for. Dan looks at me, then at the other office, “Okay, thanks, Collins.” He was tall. Dark. Handsome. Mysterious. He was the type of guy who shouldn’t Then he’s gone. see anything in lil ‘ole me, even though I wasn’t that little, if you know what I Collins turns to me, “So let me guess. You were a bored housewife mean. So, of course I liked him, he was the first guy to show interest in me EVER. whose husband’s not around much. So you take to drinking to fill the lonely void 46 45 You're No Shakespeare By Nora Diaz-Ortega

I am not a writer because I pick up a pen and spew out pretty prose. I am a writer solely because I can tell someone who has never seen a sunset, how the colors radiate off your flesh and tousle your hair so high up you almost feel like soaring. I can tell someone who has never heard thunder, how it pulses with the beating of the peace drum from the enemy. I can tell someone who has never felt the rain, how the storm sends millions of men out to battle and clash with our own flesh how they leave stings as they die in combat and slither away six feet below us. I can show you wonders, have you feeling euphoria. I can tell you this, with a magical wand: Art By Caitlin Cabanas my pen.

44 43 Art By Michelle Echevarria

Art By Amanda Jiang

42 41 Fun Time ArtByTomaTalpa By Mabel Vilner

40 39 Autumnal Regrets By Toma Talpa

She was happy as the sun pampered her in the summer with its rays, Her soul exalted like a bud blossoming in the rain, Because love found her, cuddling her with the wave of happiness Like the ocean embraces its shores with kindliness.

Her pure soul like the crystal clear water Exuded peace as the winter queen threw her snowflakes, Transforming the atmosphere in a white world, Delicate and fragile like a snowdrop.

Love decorated her with the most beautiful smile That sounded like the spring’s barn swallow, Cheerful to fly in freedom and hope, Dreaming of a beautiful story’s end.

But the arrival of autumn brought her disappointment, Taking away her pure soul and her smile, Like a cold wind which crushes the peace Remembering that is the season of regrets.

Art By Hannah Leland

38 37 Beauty By Araceli Erazo Alvarez

Art By Xena Lopez

36 35 Windy City War Cry By Bruce T. Pelletier

Art By Toma Talpa Art By Caitlin Cabanas

34 33 Apartment Full Moon By Oscar Patino By Malik Harris

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32 31 Art By Hannah Leland

30 29 on leaves and kicking small pebbles near him, but all of this soon stopped when small house. Carefully, he peered inside but found nothing. A small dome-like he saw someone in front of him. structure, he looked at it, trying to understand if it was man made or created by Quite insane and maddening, truly indeed. There were no other nature randomly. Inside, he covered the entrance with branches to hide him from words to describe the person he found. Maybe it was a woman or a man with this world, and he started to dream. feminine details, but it didn’t stop him from feeling relieved from the sight of another person. “Call me Abraham,” He said. “Can you tell me where we are? Or why I am here?” “Dead” “I’m dead?” “Yeah, you’re dead. Your organs have stopped functioning.” “Then how I am talking to you?” “I don’t know, but you’re dead. You can trust me on that.” “How do you know that I am dead?” “Easy,” He said with a large smirk on his face “You haven’t eaten anything since you arrived here, and you also have a big slash on your back. You can’t see it, but you might want to get that checked by a doctor. It doesn’t look He awoke, but not from the recovery of his rest, but from hearing good.” noises. , he thought to himself Slowly and quite limberly, he checked his back with his right He knew now that he was being followed. Frozen with readiness, he arm. He felt a large gap that started on his left shoulder and ended on his right waited for the moment they would barge in, but nothing happened. They kept pelvis. He could touch and feel the bones inside his body. It made him shudder walking around his shelter, but nobody entered inside. Grabbing a rock from the and he almost fainted, but Abraham’s laughter soon made him feel lost. floor, he destroyed his makeshift door and went outside ready for his attackers, “I-I don’t understand how this is possible. I should be dead.” but he found nobody. Dazed, he was afraid his mind was playing tricks on him. “Well, you are dead.” Looking around, he found nothing but trees and rocks. . However, he found it quite difficult to sleep. Morning soon arrived. Looking outside, he saw the sunlight gleaming on his face. Right there, he soon realized that the sun had not moved. Wait, it wouldn’t be right to call it the sun since he had trouble trying to look at it, but he knew it was no ordinary sun. Being ready, he proceeded back to his destination. The hunger he felt vanished as soon as he started to walk. He wondered what had happened during his sleep. Going insane from the heat and hunger could have caused all of this, but it wouldn’t have explained the noises he heard outside. They sounded very real, and he could clearly hear feet stomping 28 27 Something was terribly wrong. Was he dreaming? Sleeping? Was this a The words did not pierce the other man’s ears. They were almost hallucination? Was he dead? He touched himself, pinching his left arm to make right next to each other, but yet they seemed to come from two separate different sure he was awake. He was, but it just led to more questions. Of course, his first worlds. Each man with his own task at hand but a sense of dilemma began to thought was to walk back to the building, but, as he turned, the building was grow. gone. Nothing was there in its area but more trees. He was stuck there. Looking out to the landscape, he tried to find the buildings he saw before, but, instead, Both strangers in this very house, but the man with the flashlight found a wasteland in which he could only see trees covering the whole never saw anybody else in the building. He wondered if he was working for some landscape. type of group or really was just someone who lived in these woods and found this He thought. Not wasting anymore time, he house for the very first time. Both of these answers did not seem reasonable to walked toward the fiery blue glow that he saw near the north of his surroundings. him. The stranger with the lamp had a purpose for being here. Making sure he remembered all of this, he retrieved a piece of scrap of paper ,hethought. from his left pocket and began to write down his thoughts: The one with lamp came here for a reason, but he did not know why. Perhaps he was waiting for him to be done so that he could carry his body away to some remote place. Or, maybe, he was just an onlooker looking for his next kill. His mind was not at ease, so he made a plan to leave quietly. He walked to the hallway and made a sprint to the exit. While he ran, the stranger shouted, “Do you see behind my façade? Don’t be afraid, for it happens to the best of us. Be mindful of your surrounding, for my part is done. Keep running like you always do, and never Walking alone in the woods, he didn’t hear any sounds. forget what you have done, because the past will catch up.” The stranger’s words , he thought to himself. Bushes towered over him with their top made his legs run even quicker and nimbler. He was quickly out of breath. trimmed and vines clung onto almost anything that stood still. The walk was Outside, he was alone. He began to breathe rapidly when he nothing more but sight-seeing in this very odd world that he knew nothing about. realized he wasn’t being chased. With this agreement in mind, he stayed outside It all perplexed him. looking at the sky, which had now turned much darker than before. The branches He wasn’t on Earth, he was sure of that, but the variations in the of the limbering trees were gently pushed by the wind as the leaves moved in a landscapes made it quite difficult to understand the pathway he was walking on. graceful manner. The grass beneath his feet stood at the same in all directions It wasn’t a forest, tundra, savanna, jungle, or fields, but a mixture of everything like soldiers waiting for their command. combined into one. And yet, it all formed cohesion of random pattern that did not It looked and felt wrong. Nothing looked random; there was no seem randomness at first. It wasn’t correct to call it “woods,” but what else could it discourse, but, rather, patterns upon patterns. Everything looked too nice for his be? In a course of a few hours, he had walked a few miles, but to him, he felt he eyes. There were no wild flowers and no grass growing to its maximum height. didn’t make any progress. His knees felt weak and his eyes were sore. He needed The world was different. He noticed the changes the very to find a place to rest. moment he left the building and walked near the trees. Up above in the red sky, Looking around for a few minutes, he found rocks that formed a he found it empty except for the blue moon looming with its large presence. 26 25 and poof, it vanishes from this earth. It sits in one’s stomach waiting to be plunged “Why would you say all this? Do you find it quite ridiculous?” down to the toilet. Money, yes, money, the greed that holds us together. Wasting His words met nothing but the scent of fear. hours every day for something so minuscule. Years and years wasted just to earn The entrance led to a hallway clouded with darkness, but his enough that when you’re old and feeble, needing a nurse to pamper, you can flashlight allowed him to see his path. Step by step, the floor was riddled with finally say, ‘I am free.’ Perhaps you can tell me why you are here.” broken glass that reached up to his knee. he thought to Nothing was in the room except for a few pieces of furniture that himself. The musky, dark walls made it even more difficult to know the direction. nobody wanted. Somebody lived here, but now it was empty and abandoned. It The hallway was only fit for one or two people at a time. Not wanting to awake reeked of mold and chewed up molasses, but his nostrils did not even bother to anything, he walked slowly. cover smell. He had to be careful since his body wasn’t use to it. The walls were The hallway led to a room where a figure with a lamp stood covered in moss from the many years, or decades, of abandonment. waiting. “You seem to be quite mistaken. I’m the one who asks the questions. This The man with the flashlight remembered the first time he shoved is not Simon says. Do you understand?” The stranger’s words echoed in the his hand in the moss. It returned back with bugs on top of bugs. This didn’t bother hallway. His tone was not slow, not rigid, not fluid, and not stoic but limbo. He him. He enjoyed the sensation of all those tiny little beings crawling all over his walked as though he couldn’t see his way. body. It was like being smothered in fire, but just a little bit safer. Picky with his , he thought to himself, words, he answered with riddles. . When the stranger reached him, he put the lamp on top of “I’m trying to find something. Something that has been lost for a cabinet. The drawers were broken and tarnished with growing moss. very long time, but it is here, hiding, waiting for me to find it.” He said with a “Let me you ask a question if you don’t mind,” he asked the harping sorrow in his voice. His voice a whisper but audible to the one with the stranger. lamp. “Only one question,” The man with the lantern said. When he finished talking, he began to look around. With his “Okay, first questio-“ flashlight shining every object he could see, he began to look for clues. “Like “I said only one question. I won’t answer more than once.” expected, scouring around like a tarnish maned eager for his meal. One hand “Fine, just let me rethink my question.” with the flashlight and another mocking about. Being here for a very long time The stranger did not break his gaze from him; he looked like a rigid structure that can cause some trouble to the head and mind. Would you agree? Staying here was created by a sculptor. A drone-like humming soon reached the ears of both only causes you to gloat in your sorrow, like a caged animal inside an open cage." men, and it was quite difficult to find the source of the disturbance. The man with The stranger with the lantern let out a gleeful laughter. He was the flashlight thought it was the cracking of the walls. enjoying this. These words of his were actually tormenting him, and he could “Why are you here and what are you looking for and why are clearly see it. Mockery, he wouldn’t understand even if he knew all the reasons, you doing so much for something so little?” The stranger paused, then, as he let alone for the intricate look on his face. picked up his lantern, finally said, “Baking a cake, you know, requires a lot of , the man thought. time and a little bit of skill. One has to gather all the ingredients, one has to “It wouldn’t matter to you. The thing I’m looking for is very old. It combine all the ingredients, and one has to wait for it to be fully done, but it takes could be in this very room or somewhere outside. Can I ask you for your name?” a short amount of time to devour it. Maybe a fat man can swallow it all up in one The man with the flashlight inquired the stranger. bite, but, nevertheless, the results are always short and quick. Three or four bites, 24 23 Orderly Discourse By Alexis Alvarez

As the man stood outside of the dilapidated building, he scoped out his surroundings. Looking around like a Martian on a different planet, he saw Mother Nature slowly turning the building into a nature’s garden. The walls were bare and the glass fiber was seeping out. The roof was crouching down like an old man in his dying days. , he said to himself. His eyes, sunken from lack of sleep, blinked casually as he regained his composure. He walked near the border between the forest and the building, and he sat on a decaying, old trunk. Once again he began to question his motives. , he thought, . Others would find this all despicable and out of order, but, to him, it created oozing comfort. Death was what they feared. Seeing all of this would remind them of the looming doom that would befall on all of us. But he didn’t mind. Randomness, the only thing that could be found solely on nature, was a rudimentary old thought that would never falter or wither to the advancement of human intelligence. Humans would try to fix all of this, but not for him, for the setting was made solely for him. Awakened and surprised, he stood up and noticed the moon dimming its lights. A giant full moon stood rigid in the sky. , he thought, while he gazed upon it, but remembering why he was here, he quickly stood up and walked back inside. It was a few hours before a voice inside the building called to him. he wondered, Nobody except him knew this place. He would kill to keep this sanctuary of his a secret to his heart. “You live in these woods, odd fellow? What made you want to come inside here? Snooping? You know what they say about curiosity,” He Art By Cristina Benavides loudly inquired, but there was no reply. Suddenly, a voice thundered from building, “Do you know how long it takes for a body to rot? A few months but it mostly depends on the soil and the bugs that are living around there. A maggot, you know, feasts on dead tissues.” 22 21 Let's Give Thanks Whispers After Winter By Araceli Erazo Alvarez By Caitlin Cabanas

20 19 These Old Genes One Day By Margarita Rivera By Carlos Gutierrez

One day we’ll look back at our most fond memories

One day I'll recall the day our eyes first met

One day the gifts we’ve shared today will be pieces of memory tomorrow

One day I’ll hear a song that will remind me of you

One day we’ll share the memories we’ve had from our laughter to our sorrow

But now I ask, what will become of us one day?

18 17 New Dreams Being Made in the Field of Pain Think Of Me By Jonathan Velasquez By Cristina Chaidez

Blues eye upon chocolate: What an unfair battle. Shake the broken pieces, No father, I lost him to the street life. Sad foundation he implemented in Just to hear them rattle. my house: left my mama with a dollar and a broken dream with two children I suppose I was certain to feed. Painful thoughts tackling her mind, like a hit to the chest, she That you’d win this time. Dare not take this moment released her breath, pain and despair filling the air, dazed in momentary of Because it is mine. disgrace, dropping to her knees, a prayer in the chamber was loaded, hard Too bold for my coyness, times in the life of the struggle. As tears poured out of her eyes, she felt a cold Yet you look not at me. little hand on the side of her cheek. "Mommy! Get up from your knees," she There is a drought in you, When you were once the sea. heard. "When I grow up, I will get us out the struggle," the child said, sharing Has emptiness erased you the same pain that was left. Mommy fought to give him a smile. Like a memory too weak? Despite the Pain, New Dreams were made. Where are the words, my love That you failed to speak?

Did you think of me After such awful confrontation? Lay your head down In unforgiving frustration?

What a pleasant surprise, To be knocked down to the floor. You now wear the bruises That I had once bore.

So go home to your darling, And kiss her with a smile. Tell her that you love her so, But do think of me while.

16 15 How I Died Back When the Winds Were Tenderr AgedAged By Catherine Kos By Muhammad "Moe" Ahsan Everyone said I was the life of the party. I, along with everyone else, thought that I would live forever. Well, at least into my sixties. 'She's young spirited with a soul that will last forever,' my mother used to say. Maybe she BackBack w whenhen t thehe winds were tender aged, was right that my soul would last forever. I, on the other hand, would not. WeWe n neverev waited for tomorrow. Yeah, sure, I went to parties. After all, I was the life of the party. LaughterLaugh was so everlasting. However, some could say I had a little too much fun. I never thought about ThinkingThinking t thingshings would never change. the consequences of anything. I just lived in the moment. I believed that was WeWe w wishedished wew could live forever what got me killed. One night my best friend and I were at a party. It was a WishingWishing d daysays would never end. huge rager, and there were people everywhere. The party lasted from nine SeeSee t thehe sunsetsunset in the distance, until around one in the morning before someone shouted that the cops were on their way. The appropriate thing to do was either to wait there or to walk ButBut t toooo d distractedistracted b by your friends. home. But no, I was so drunk that I was seeing doubles of people. At the time I TeachingTeaching t things,hings, w wee were so bad. didn't want my mother to find out what I was doing, so my best friend and I BeingBeing a angryngry w wee w wereere never mad. ran to her boyfriend’s truck. He was also drunk. GirlsGirls werewere easyeasy andand wewe boysboys werew dumb. We pulled out of the driveway and took the back roads of our small TaughtTaught youryour f friendriend h howow toto useuse herher tongue. town. At one point I rolled down the window and pulled my upper body out. I It'sIt's r rightight t there,here, g goo g getet y youou some. held on to the door while the others laughed on. The wind blew through my ShoutShout youryour n name,ame, e everytimeverytime y youou c come. hair and howled in my ears and I loved every second of it. I was so focused on WeWe couldn'tcouldn't feelfeel itit wewe werewere allall soso numbnu the feeling that I barely heard the sound of the train. I turned my head TheThe bellbell justjust rang...rang... I thinkthink we'rewe're done.don towards the train and saw the flashing lights. It was running so fast on the track that we would run into it in five hundred feet. I kicked my feet and TheThe bellbell justjust rang...rang... I thinkthink we'rewe're done.done screamed into the truck, but they didn't hear me. I tried to crawl back in but my body was blocked. Her boyfriend must've have heard me at some point because I could feel him slowing down the truck. I silently thanked a Lord I didn't believe in. The train came to a complete stop as I watched on. "You okay?" My best friend asked with a smile on her face. I hopped out of the truck and shook out my jitters. "Yeah, I just thought you didn't see-" A car hit me. Distantly I heard a scream and the squealing of tires. Then I heard nothing at all. I was just gone.

14 13 communities knew how much in our homes and classrooms and work places were invented by African Americans we would feel more included into the American culture. If 92.3 or WGCI played Blues or Jazz sessions, this could empower our community to recognize our culture is far from dead but yet diverse.

We should quit referring to our culture as a reflection of slavery. Other non-African ethnic groups in America that had experienced a social and cultural plight rarely refer to their forefather’s legacy as a reflection of brutal history. As our African ancestors were fighting for social justice, simultaneously European immigrants of Irish , Sicilian and Jewish descent were receiving and experiencing just as many pejorative remarks and racial epithets. We shouldn’t refer and remember our cuisine as scraps from the chicken and hog shack but to remember that most of the cooks for Europeans during colonialism were African women. Our communities have to quit referring to our languages as uneducated and not an official language superior to European languages. Our Kreyol, Gullah, and Patois languages should be classified as Classical just as the Greek and Latin language are. When we begin to value our culture, our community then changes, which is a step to freedom. I agree with Hooks that our communities should react with positive approaches to seek justice and peace. Our community has to celebrate our culture and not wait to be celebrated. We have to recognize that our actions affect the Muslim Congolese man in Paris, or the Kenyan student experiencing prejudice on campus. We came from such great history, our society expects us to keep this torch lit. The beauty of our history is that Blacks in this country don’t have to look far back to see positive change. Most of our parents remember finally being allowed to be bussed with white students and our grandparents helped protest to delete segregation. If we ArtByLissiNunez begin to identify ourselves and recognize our grandparents and ancestors contributions, we can make these changes. May seem like big changes, but yet they can be done slowly.

12 11 Rebirth Within Ourselves By Desmond Richard

Growing up I never questioned if I was proud to be African American. If anything I might be overzealous at times. I believe if you know your identity and you’re proud of your culture you can begin to make positive change in times of oppression. I agree with activist Bell Hooks' statement, “That we can respond to oppression proactively and our community will then have the power.” I think as a community we have to identify ourselves individually, accept our ancestor’s positive struggles, and begin to be proud of our culture. I think if Black communities in America take these three steps I have listed, we can move psychologically and spiritually in the right direction as a nation and possibly globally. My parents are both African American with southern roots; however, their family migrated from the West Indies in the 18th century. Knowing the history of the slave rebellions in the Americas made me proud to be Black. In Haiti, there was a president named Francois Duvalier. Many people viewed him as a fascist dictator and during his presidency many mulatto and European families were driven out of Haiti because of their social class. He believed if you are proud to be African, you can go far. At this time, in the Americas, people of African descent were viewed as poverty stricken and uneducated. I do believe that if we believe we come from a savage culture and not from a structural society we can quickly believe the negative stereotypes. I think accepting our African heritage is a good way to approach ourselves first positively for a step to justice not only as a community but within ourselves. I also believe the African American community can move forward with positive justice collectively to accept our positive struggles and contributions to this country. It has been many times when I have heard my classmates or co-workers refer to ourselves as not American, or less American than white Americans in this country. If we recognize our great inventions let it be Jazz, Blues, and southern cuisine, we can progressively grow as a community. If our

10 9 To the Man Who Stole Everything from Me By Meghan Carey

8 7 No Love Like Hers To My Dear Son By Oscar Patino By Toma Talpa

That I know, that she loves in a repetitive manner with that creative heart of Dear son, you mean so much to me hers, a heart with a photographic memory that slowly disintegrates and There are no words to explain the love I nurture for you. patiently forgets how to tap dance. It forgets like a worn out man who with You came into my life unexpectedly time has collected rust, that suffers from a severe case of Alzheimer’s. It beats and my life changed into a beautiful destiny. quietly and distinctly, like the bass of a familiar song heard a mile away. I cannot forget the way she smiles with excitement, like a little girl at the Nine months of joy and sleepless nights dentist impatiently waiting her turn. Time passes us by, like the sand that waiting for you, my unconditional love. flows through two glass chambers connected horizontally by a narrow glass You’re my happiness that makes my days serene, passage. The way she looks at me as her eyes fill half way with tears, but I am life with you is so meaningful and full of joy. a cup half-full type of person. She is a great poet, one who loves to read what she wrote about me and about me only. She whispers that my love gets her You left me speechless when you said for the first time 'Mom mind through the day like five dollar’s worth of gas on an empty tank. But her making me feel unbelievable happy and proud. mind loves to wonder everywhere carelessly and provocatively, envisioning I’m proud of everything you do, what should’ve been. But then it hit me like a two car collision on a 60 miles know that I’ll be there always for you. an hour intersection with no traffic light. To her I became a Christmas sweater on a scorching summer day. I am her own personal version of the grandfather I’m grateful you came into my life, paradox. Am I that seed that grew in her heart and became a tree, slowly you taught me so much about life. draining her life away? Her love towards me has drain her of everything like I Love You, dear Son, an event horizon of a black hole, where even the light of her faith cannot thank you for making me happy! escape. The actual truth or blindly believing her lies have ended with the same outcome. Her words linger in my head, words that she tried to scar my Your dear Mom. flesh with and again she whispers in my ear, my love gets her mind through the day like five dollar’s worth of gas on an empty tank.

6 5 Grief YourYour D Depthsepths By Kysela Adame ByBy E Eileenileen MelendezMelendez

In the face of death thou did not waiver, AsAs a riverriver flowsflows alongalong itsits banks,banks,

Every breath thou took caused thy incomparable pain. ssoo diddid youryour h handsands runrun a alonglong m myy

Watching as life was drained from our lifesaver, barebare f fleshlesh thethe firstfirst timetime wewe touched.touched.

You are no longer here; even the sky weeps rain. Slowly,Slowly, yetyet strongstrong enoughenough toto makemake mymy

Learning my way with thou for an example, eentirentire b bodyody a awareware o off y yourour p presence.resence.

Using all of the knowledge thou bestowed upon us. Erosion.Erosion.

The heavens have taken an angel for their sample, MMyy insecuritiesinsecurities c carriedarried d downstreamownstream

The likes of an angel so pure it must be discussed. likelike looseloose sediment.sediment.

Time must not be a friend, for time is too short. I plungedplunged intointo youryour d depthsepths a andnd

I wish that time could be reversed. youyou a assuredssured m myy safety.safety.

I reminisce of simpler days for my report. YouYou k keptept m mee afloatafloat

Death, thou art the one that we have cursed, whilewhile drowningdrowning meme withwith love.love.

Death thou hath imposed fear in all, I emergedemerged fromfrom youryour waterswaters

But I have a guardian angel that I shall call. andand thethe passionpassion trickledtrickled offoff mymy skin.skin.

TheThe emotionemotion beganbegan t too d dissipateissipate

inin t thehe s sunun a andnd wind.wind.

I needneed toto s swimwim again.again.

4 3 A ShadowShadow A Againstgainst T Thehe W Willowillow T Treere ByBy A Amandamanda JiangJiang

. I am metaphorical. I imagine a world Iam lighter unborn. than this one— A fisherman’s widow the feather-light weight of my unbornb bodyody holds five sons against her breasts, and learns to live by dying, —that sort of lightness. in urgency, thinking: But I know: within her perimeter— water food shelter. the fully formed physicality— my imagination translates The rice field wavers, its lingering ceaseless— impossibility. every growth a widow's dream

My grandma looks upward, I sit under the willow tree, her gaze shifts toward the willow tree. observing her brisk movements: Then, upon seeing nothing, hurrying feet rummage the maze, she looks down, herh withered body building shadow blocks. and descends deeper into the rice field. Her sighs— brazen oceanic waves— coax ghosts to bend forward

andand untie the growing children from her chest

2 1 Content Vincent Bruckert Inspired by the chaos of the last year This magazine comes together to celebrate the unpredictability of life.. Toma Talpa

Kinga Szopinska Amanda and Vince:: Allow me to convey my deep appreciation of the trust you gave me in allowing me to fulfill my design vision for this year''s literary magazine..

To my mate:: My gratitude of you is vast..You dealt patiently with all of my crazy and demanding moods,,supporting me unconditionally throughout this process..

Caitlin Cabanas Spring 2017 Graphic Design Editor Published Annually by

Wilbur Wright College City Colleges of Chicago 4300 North Narragansett Avenue Chicago, Illinois 60634

Wright.ccc.edu The Wright Side