I. Ruin Your Daughter’s Future A. YouVersion; Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 13; pg. 910 & 888 B. Text a Question. C.You Asked for It D.Every group of people or society lives by a set of standards for maintaining a strong and healthy family. 1. In the New Testament, we find household codes are presented as a Christian ethic for believers to follow. E. Ephesians 5:21 1. And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. F. For the next few weeks, we are going to discuss what it means to be a “Christian household.” 1. Even if you aren’t married, the principles we discuss have carry over into your life. 2. Non-Christians. 3. For a Christian household, all members of the family are to submit to one another. G. Ephesians 5:1-2 1. Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. H.Family life thrives when Jesus is the catalyst for your behavior.

II. Working It A. Video. 1. One day, this daughter is going to grow up, meet a boy, fall in love, and get married. 2. As much as dads of daughters want to believe we can scare off the boys: a. Our daughters may meet boys and get married. b. We are powerless to do anything about it. B. But are we? 1. Whether you have a daughter, son, or no children at all, you are going to influence someone as they move into the relationship years of their life. C.Men, we are not powerless. 1. At our disposal is the ability to show by example what it means to be an awesome man, husband, and father. a. Our careers won’t make the biggest difference. b. Collecting titles such as CEO, Congressman, Manager, Doctor, etc. isn’t the best way to influence. c. Our ability at sports or music doesn’t matter the most. d. Building things, cutting the grass, or having the shiniest car doesn’t match the level of influence your life can express. D.Men, we sometimes think our external accomplishments are the most important things. 1. It’s not how many external accomplishments you have. 2. Who you are is going to influence who they are. E. Ruin Your Daughter’s Future. 1. I don’t want men to ruin their daughters’ future, but to set-up their daughter’s for an incredible future. a. Or son or nephew or niece or any person in your life. b. For the sake of this illustration, you have a hypothetical daughter. 2. I want you to set the bar so high, that your daughter struggles to find a man that is as good as her father. 3. Quote. F. This is why submission is so important for men. 1. When men learn what it means to submit to women, we are establishing a pattern for a better society. 2. We are making this world a better place, not because of our accomplishments, but because of who we are. 3. Today, we are moving toward setting the bar high. G. Ephesians 5:25 1. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. H.As with last week, we are confronted with the complexity of language and words. 1. Love can mean a few different things. 2. Love is an emotion. a. I love Mac & Cheese! b. When I take my daughters to Chuck-e-Cheese, they shout, “You’re the best daddy, ever! I love you, Daddy!” i. They are emotionally happy and filled with joy as a result of something happening to them. c. Relational, we say that we are “in love” with the other person. 3. Love is a state of being. a. A disposition. b. When I say, “I love you and there’s nothing you can do about it,” I’m not talking about an emotion, I’m talking about a predetermined outlook regarding you. i. You’ve done nothing to earn my love. ii. I love you, because I choose this to be my default position toward you. 4. Love is an action. a. It’s a choice we make to not only feel love but to work for love. b. This is the love we are going to talk about, today. I. Submission is a work of love. J. Let’s define love a little better. 1. Types of love used in the ancient Geek language. a. eros i. Sexual passion. (erotic) b. philia i. Friendship between equals. (I fell ya.) c. agape i. Unconditional treatment of another. ii. Love of God for humankind. iii. Given without any self-benefit. iv. Most used form in the NT. 2. All of these loves are necessary between a husband and wife if their marriage is going to be the best. 3. eros love and philia love come and go in a marriage. a. They are feeling-based types of love. b. They should never be completely absent from a marriage, but there will be moments in marriage where the feeling of love doesn’t exist. 4. If a marriage is going to be strong, then agape love can never disappear. a. Marriages must have the agape kind of love if men are going to be able to submit to women. b. Even when you don’t feel like loving, you must still work at love. K. The problem is a lot of us men have a childlike version of what it means to love in a relationship. 1. The most famous love passage and what Paul said. a. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV) i. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 2. Here’s how that verse looks when we add the word love. a. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (JSV) i. When I was a boy, I talked about love like a boy. I thought about love like a boy. I fantasized about love like a boy. But when I became a man, I put those boyish ideas about love behind me. 3. Many of us have not allowed our concept of love to grow up with us. a. As a child, I was all about the eros and philia, selfish types of love. b. We are inclined to hold onto childish versions of love. 4. An adult, man version of love has to be a grown-up love. L. Agape love is a grown-up love. 1. Agape love is the only way a husband is going to submit to his wife. 2. Agape love is necessary for men to love women the way Jesus loves the church. 3. 1 John 3:16-18 a. We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. M. Agape love is working for love.

III. Extreme Importance A. We work for the things we value. 1. Sometimes we need to take the conversation away from the word “love.” a. Love can be a strange or confusing emotion for men. i. When we hear the word love, we sometimes think it’s going to be something fru-fu or “unmanly.” ii. It’s not that we don’t love things, it’s just that we don’t think about things with the emotion of love. b. Many times, when men love something, they think of it in terms of value. i. To love is to value. c. We protect and safeguard the things we value. 2. Ephesians 5:25-27 a. He gave up his life for [the church] to make [the church] holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present [the church] to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. 3. Typical ancient household codes taught how to rule their wives, not love them. a. Scripture doesn’t call us to be rulers of our wives, but lovers of our wives, to value our wives. 4. Scripture is showing men how to value women. a. “Treat your girlfriend the way you want your future wife’s current boyfriend to treat her.” 5. The description of submission we see in this passage is all about the work the husband must do in order to express love to his wife. a. There is nothing in the passage that says a man only has to love a woman as long as she loves him. i. That’s the opposite of what is being said. ii. Love is to be an ongoing process, not governed by emotions, but by an act of the will. iii. You are to love, because that’s what it means to be a man, not a child. b. Men, submission does not come with a guarantee. i. There is a risk to agape love. ii. Love leaves you vulnerable with the possibility of being disappointed. c. Yet, we are called to submit to our wives, and all women in general, through love in the same way that Jesus submitted Himself to us through love. B. To the women. 1. Last week I said, “Submission is never a problem when men love God and put God first in their lives.” a. That’s true for you also, but there’s one more thing. 2. Men desire more than anything to know that people believe in them. a. A man’s biggest fear is that of inadequacy. 3. Love is never a problem when men know that women are cheering them on and praying for them. a. In the context of a marriage, love will never be lacking when wives are assuring their husbands that he still has what it takes to be the man of their dreams. 4. Yes, men are far from perfect. a. We know that. 5. But as long as we have women in our lives that believe in us, we do whatever it takes to achieve agape love and treat women with the same love Jesus has for them.

IV. All We Need Is Love A. Be a master of love. B. Paul didn't write 1 Corinthians 13 to be used at weddings. 1. He wrote this as an appeal to live like Jesus. a. To embody everything Jesus is. 2. He wrote this to describe a way of living that is the best. 3. To love as Jesus loves. C.1 Corinthians 13:4-7 1. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. D.Love causes you to see the best, believe the best, and look past the rest. E. Decide what you want and don’t want. 1. Circle the qualities you don’t want in a future wife. 2. Circle the qualities you are willing to give your wife a pass on. a. The ones you would be willing to tell her they aren’t really important to you. 3. None of you circled any of those words, because you want women to be just like that. F. Single guys. 1. Be the person the person you are looking for is looking for. G. Married guys. 1. You are the standard by which your daughter will compare all other men. a. Be the man you want your daughter to marry. 2. You are the archetype by which your son will decide how to be a man and husband. a. Be the man you want your son to become. 3. Even if you don’t have children, someone is looking to you and learning from you. a. Grandchild, niece, nephew, child of a friend, one of your friends, etc. b. All of us influence someone to some degree. 4. Be the standard bearer as to how a husband is to submit through love to a wife. H.Submission is to love your wife, and all women, according to the attributes listed in 1 Corinthians 13.

V. Hard Work A. You must work at love to make love work. B. Love doesn't always come naturally. 1. You’re going to need to be intentional. 2. The natural part of love is the feeling and chemistry part. a. eros and philia. 3. The doing part of love is unnatural. a. agape. C.If you are going to love women, then you must go to work. 1. It’s hard work to love a woman. a. We might laugh at that silly statement, but if you asked anyone woman here, she’ll tell you that when a man puts the work into a relationship, she feels loved. 2. Beth Knapp. a. I think loving a woman is choosing her everyday. It's when a man chooses her for his conversation, his affection, his attention, and his attraction – daily. Even during the rough seasons of life and when they go to bed not speaking to each other. Love is a choice. Sometimes it's hot and steamy and romantic, and sometimes it's choosing to remain present – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, even when he may not "feel" like it. Love is more than a feeling, it's a choice. D.The only way you are going to make love work is through the power of the Holy Spirit. 1. Galatians 5:22-23 a. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 2. The NLT does not translate or punctuate this verse well. a. karpos – fruit (singular) 3. Galatians 5:22-23 (JSV) a. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives – love: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 4. Making love work is submission to your wife through the Holy Spirit. E. I told my wife I’m choosing to love her. 1. She said, “As if you had a choice in the matter.” F. Whether you are male, female, married, single, widowed, divorced, or engaged, you don’t have a choice in the matter. 1. Loving others is a requirement for Christian, not an option. G. Men, I am you biggest fan! 1. I get disappointed when the church comes down so hard on men who are doing the best they know how to do. I think you potential to be superheroes! 2. We are going to fail…a lot. We are going to say something or do something we wish we could take back. We will make decisions that will haunt us forever. There will be times when we are childish and forget to show agape love. 3. Let’s commit to not allow that to be an excuse for us. H.It’s time to raise the bar, grow up, and fulfill our requirement to submit to our wives, and all women, by loving them with the love of Jesus. I. 1 Corinthians 13:8 (NIV) 1. Love never fails. J. Prayer.