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Christianity & Polyamory CHRISTIANITYChristianity & Polyamory hosted by QueerTheology.com an online course & POLYAMORY 1 WEEK 4 WORKBOOK Unit 4 Workbook Christianity & Polyamory Unit 4: The Poly Christ This week, we’re going to explore: 1. Christ & the Church: a poly look at Ephesians 5 2. The Trinity 3. Body Parts & Breaking Down Barriers 4. What’s next? There’s also a workbook & some prompts • The power of relationships • Families of origin & chosen families • Honoring Commitments • Building connections between Christianity & Polyamory CHRISTIANITY & POLYAMORY 2 WEEK 4 WORKBOOK Christ & the Church a poly look at Ephesians 5 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. […] This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:25 - 33 This section of Ephesians is sometimes used in really shitty ways against women, but sandwiched in the middle of it all is an important message. By looking at this passage through the lens of polyamory, we can unlock a new and deeper meaning to the text. And by holding this passage alongside polyamory, we can see from a different perspective the goodness — and sacredness of polyamorous relationships. In Ephesians 5, Paul uses the word marriage to describe Christ’s relationship with us. Repeatedly Paul reminds us that Jesus gave himself for us. Us. The church, which Paul describes here as the body of believers (“just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body”). In this marriage, Jesus isn’t married to one person — he’s married to the entire body of believers. CHRISTIANITY & POLYAMORY 3 WEEK 4 WORKBOOK You could say that Jesus is in a pansexual, polyamorous relationship with us. To be clear, in this passage — both the original and this new, poly spin on it — Jesus isn’t literally, historically married to anyone.Nor is Jesus literally, historically polyamorous. Paul is using an allegory (in the Common English Bible translation of this passage, it says “Marriage is a significant allegory, and I’m applying it to Christ and the church.” That’s what we are doing here: extending and exploring that metaphor. It’s a theological and meaning- making claim, not a historical hypothesis. The Church isn’t one monolith, it isn’t one place, it isn’t represented by one person or one institution. The Church, as Paul describes it, is comprised of the whole body of believers. Christ loves the Church, yes, and we are members of that body… Christ loves each of us. Christ is in a marriage, of sorts, with us all. Christ’s love for one of us isn’t diminished by Christ’s love for another of us. There is more than enough to go around. We already recognize that God’s love for us isn’t diminished by God’s love for others and that each of us can have a unique, transcendent relationship with the divine. Our relationship with God can be a model for our romantic and sexual relationships, as well. You know how you feel when something good happens to someone you care about? When your friend, child, neighbor, or coworker connects with the divine? That’s how I feel when my partners date or meet someone new or are just head over heels for someone else. How beautiful, how majestic, that they get to have more love in their lives? And how exciting that someone else gets to share in the amazingness of my partner? As you know, the word polyamory comes from poly and amorous. Many. Loves. CHRISTIANITY & POLYAMORY 4 WEEK 4 WORKBOOK We all already have many loves; the question then becomes: how do you express that love? With whom? And so, of course, Christians can be polyamorous… we see modeled here a love between God and the whole body of believers, which is a many loves sort of love. In that, polyamory can be thought of as a Biblical model of relationships! And our polyamorous relationships can help us to see and understand the divine in new and deeper ways. That’s what we’re continuing to explore in this course. The Bible can offer some insight and our faith has something to teach us and at the end of the day we’ve got to wrestle with it all and figure out how to walk humbly in pursuit of a relational and sexual ethic that is loving and just. CHRISTIANITY & POLYAMORY 5 WEEK 4 WORKBOOK The Trinity Many (but we should note, not all) Christians understand God as a trinity: three in one. All of our human attempts at explanations and metaphors have failed to fully capture the trinity (either because it’s a divine mystery or it just doesn’t make any sense, or both, depending on your perspective). A few years ago, we read Radical Love by Patrick Cheng as part of Sanctuary Collective and in it he talks about the trinity as an orgy. My. Mind. Was. Blown. I highlighted that passage, took a picture of it, and sent it to half of my phone book. For Althaus-Reid, the Trinity needs to be understood as an orgy, which breaks down the privileging of binary or pair-bonded relationships. Initially, the Trinity appears to be an example of “restricted polyfidelity” in which the three persons of the Godhead are themselves in a closed, or faithful, sexual relationship. However, Althaus-Reid argues that each person of the Trinity has her/her [sic] own closet of lovers and “forbidden desires” (for example, Jesus’ relationships with Mary Magdalene and Lazarus), which in turn results in the death of the “illusion of limited relationships.” Patrick Cheng, Radical Love, p 58 I have a vivid memory of my first year out as queer in college. I was talking to this guy I’d hooked up with a few times—he was one of the first guys I ever hooked up with— and he mentioned, rather off-hand, that for his 21st birthday, he wanted to have an orgy. And I gay gasped inside. That’s something I wanted but I could never EVER say that out loud. I mean C’MON?! And here he was, saying it as casually as he might say he wanted to organize a beach trip or a spa day. I’d been out for a decade when I read in Radical Love that we might think of the trinity as an orgy. If the trinity is an orgy, what does that say about actual orgies? A few of my good friends want to have group sex but it’s not something they talk about. It’s something they do in secret. It’s something succumb to. It’s something they think they’re supposed to feel bad about. But if the trinity is an orgy, maybe we don’t have to feel bad? Guilty? CHRISTIANITY & POLYAMORY 6 WEEK 4 WORKBOOK Shame? about our sexual desires (regardless of whether we’re acting on them). In The Queer God, by Marcella Althaus-Reid (which Cheng references), points out that in theology and in relationships, there are many faithful ways to form relationships and to make sense of any one relationship configuration. What is three? Two plus one (as in the heterosexual scene of husband, wife and lover)? Or is it one plus one plus one (as in detached loving encounters of affectively independent people)? How do we define faith here? Faith is a pluri-fidelity, as in a contained reunion in a time of religious exchanges. Different ways of combining ones to make three have different theological and amorous connotations and therefore different faithful results. The Trinity may be pointing us to a case of restricted polyfidelity, that is, in this divine triad three persons who enjoy a kinship close relationship are faithful amongst themselves. The lines of exchanges between the three could be multiple and yet they might remain in a faithful situation. We should be even more suspicious than that in considering the Trinity as an expression of polyfidelity. We may ask if there are more than three in this triad because as in real life and relationships many other friends and lovers may be hidden in the closets of each person of the Trinity. To presume otherwise would force us to fall into gender (and sexual) divine stability; the Godman–father who only relates to the Godman–son and the God–spirit. Precisely the figure of the Spirit here is remi- niscent of the hidden third man in many heterosexual marriages, where the husband practises rough trade, or the lesbian lover of the wife (or any other combination), making us suspicious of what clusters of forbidden desires are hidden under God. Therefore, one of the first ‘deaths’ occurring in this kenotic process of omnisexuality is the death of the illusion of limited relationships. That is, the death of the mono-lover, which signifies the end of the hidden, silenced persons of our lives. Our beloveds are sometimes like holy ghosts.
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