ag All The Noose That's Fit to be Tied "

THE NEWSPAPER FOR SCIENCE STUDENTS VERSION 5.02 • OCTOBER 7,1991 VOTEORDJEI Sandra Mah Year Rep positions. Overall, to SUS Council's Newest Department Reps Contested Positions Internal VP though, turnout was disap­ Members (in by acclaimation) Biochemistry: Kitty Yow 1st Year: Janice Boyle pointing. Although all depart­ Biology: Cheryl Brown Nancy Cherry Yes, look out Rita Johnston Year Reps ment (except for General 3rd Year: Jeff Chen Biopsychology: Edna Chan Lica Chui and Mike Harcourt, the Science and Oceanography) Chemistry: Steven Ro Minaz Fazal Science Undergrad Society is Patrick Lum and year rep spots were filled, Chris Sing CompSci: Zain Khandwala Ryan McCuaig holding its own elections. a few more contested positions Geography: Todd Randall Ellen Yeung There haven't been any scan­ would have made the elections 4th Year: Wendy Ma Geology: Ed Ronyecz 2nd Year: Daniel Baker dals, but the competition is more exciting! All first and Elaine Wong Geo/Astro: Ian Perry Glen David stiff! This year there are six second year Science students K.C. Wright Math: Dennis Chow Fahreen Rawji first-years running for the are encouraged to get out arid Microbiology: Grant Quan Jareu coveted two spots as First- VOTE! Pharmacology: Dean Jones Year Reps, and four second- Szolomicki Congratulations and Welcome Physics: Troy Millington years vying for three Second- Physiology: Charlene Fell INGREDIENTS PHYSSOC IN POST-COUP OVERHAUL Hennings (CP) dated power. In what Physsioc anyway. The only difference bers, such as free use of study Editorial press releases call a process of it should make is that with carrels, microwave, fridge, In the aftermath of the recent "constitutional reform", them gone, our volleyball team and phone. The regular sales attempted S.U.S. takeover, Thornton has assumed the new should stand a chance of of coffee, donuts, muffins and Drake on TRIUMF 3 dramatic changes have oc­ postion of Comptroller- winning". She then proceeded ($.75) pop will continue, curred in the leadership of General. to oudine a course of planned allthough Thornton was Physsoc, the once powerful In an interview with the 432:, action including a wine & announced that only oatmeal Between the Lines 3 club behind the unsuccessful Thornton denied that the cheese party for physics tofu muffins will be sold in the coup. With President Mark dissappearance of Hoenig a id faculty, students and physsoc future. Hoenig and Vice-president Dik Miller van Selst would have any members to be held on Friday, The new Physsoc leader Erick van Selst still in hiding affect on the day to day October 25 following the revealed that it was not only from S.U.S. security forces, running of the society. Thursday General Meeting. loyalty to S.U.S. that pre­ Sarah Thornton, former Secre­ Pseudoscience 4-5 "Those plebian #$@!%s basi­ Physsoc will continue to offer vented her from joining her tary /Treasurer has consoli­ cally did whatever I told them, its regular services to mem- former fellow executives, but also a general disinclination to Sociopath 4,6 be involved in open silliness. \aert££ AU>£ fcasy fcy DW&lfcl "Those guys were always embarassing me in public" said Candidates Thornton. "From now on, we will begin a silliness crack­ down in Physsoc." In other Sports discussions with the 432, Thornton deplored the increas­ ing incidence of advertisments Organized Grime 6 disgused as apparently real news stories. Forced Entries

RUPERT IS A Mundane Dumpster 7 NAUGHTY BEAR Toronto (CP) Conspiracy Rant 7 A recent episode of the childrens' animated series, May contain trace Rupert the Bear, has been recalled after it was discovered quantities of that the background art in one strichnine. sequence contains books bearing titles like: "Matrons in Leather" and "Spanking." The Keep out of the reach chairman of the Toronto-based of small children. Nelvana, which produces Rupert, said that "appropriate action" would be taken. Page Two The Four Thirty-Two Version 5.02 • October 7,1991

Patrick REDDING

This is the regular editorial involves the use of weapons. column. Out of deference to The man who developed the the readership of the 432,1 art as a student of traditional promise not to talk about my Japanese weapons schools, so penis. Or my dog's penis. In there is a considerable similar­ fact, I'll make a sincere effort ity between Aikido and older to not be too self-indulgent samurai arts. This occasion- with the paper, above and allyresults in disturbing class beyond the level expected of discussions in which Sensei an editor. I hope that these assures us that "he himself has verbal assurances are adequate, never killed anyone," while but I want you to trust and explaining that a quick thrust believe me, so I am prepared with a spear must be followed to take the editor-reader immediately by a snap with­ square inch it takes to break contract one step further and drawal, before the opponent's through wood panelling. The 432™ lay my gonads on the table, so muscles can seize up. One I stayed at that school until I to speak—oh shit, I'm really recent such lecture revolved moved up to Victoria, where I sorry, T didn't mean...jeez, I around the proper sword eventually found another dojo. 1991 The Science Undergrad Society guess 1 already screwed up. technique for killing one This one was very different. It Oh well. person in a crowd, without didn't smell like pee for one I study Aikido. That never hitting anyone else. Person­ thing, but the teachers were Version 5.02 surprises anybody these days, ally, I always take these little also different. They talked, October 7,1991 since martial arts instruction chats with a grain of salt, since sometimes even in English, for middle class white boys Sensei is a counselling psy­ and very slowly demonstrated isn't so much of a rarity chologist, and I can't really see each technique step by step. Editor anymore. Its not like I have to him employing these moves in They all seemed to have go to Japan or anything to the halls of a junior high beards and jobs for computer Patrick Redding train. Aikido is a little school. companies, or little hobby different from other arts. The dojo (school) where I farms on Saltspring Island. Layout Unlike Karate, which is the art train currently is not the first They didn't hiss very much. I Ryan McC u aig of breaking stacks of bricks, or for me. When I started out, it discovered an important fact Judo, which is the art of was at an Aikikai in San Diego about western martial artists, Patrick Redding grabbing people by the lapels with a very different Sensei, which is that they do not place and throwing them out of bars, who is named Chiba. Chiba- nearly so much stock on Writers Aikido is the art of convincing Sensei is known widely in the looking dour, and preparing to Morgan Burke people that they want to hold Aikido world for being very die before class, as their Charlie Cho on to your wrist while you intimidating. I know that Japanese counterparts. The lock their joints into unnatural when I first saw him, he was training was still fairly tradi­ Jaret Clay positions and spin them around stalking around the training tional, but it lacked that Aaron Drake in circles until they get dizzy mat with a very serious expres­ element of imminent doom Justin Fellenz and fall over. (By the way, if sion on his face. Sometimes that kept us on our toes in Clement Fung any of my Aiki-colleagues are he would sit down on a narrow Chiba-Sensei's school. reading this, please don't tell bench, cross his arms and Mark Hoenig Well, I've been at my Mike Hamilton Sensei). Unlike Karate and watch his students practice current dojo for several Judo, which require you to their techniques. He didn't months now, and find it to be a Sandra Mah perform many sets.of fingertip talk very much, although he happy compromise between Ryan McC uaig push-ups to get into shape, did hiss occasionally. When the dogmatic, bushido-driven Derek Miller Aikido doesn't demand that he would demonstrate a new approach of Chiba, and the you have any kind of real throw or pin, all of the students Patrick Redding Zen surfer ethic employed by Gio Vassone physical strength. In fact, the would be lined up in a row, the New Age Aikidoists on the student is actively encouraged trying not to slouch for fear island. My new instructor Roger Watts to cultivate a noticeable saki that he would catch them and likes to lecture us about proper gut, so that he/she looks kind shout something belligerent in etiquette, but he is very jolly. Illustrators of like The Buddha. Japanese. Then, without He particularly gets a chuckle The idea in Aikido is that if looking at anyone in particular, out of the way that I bounce Patrick Reddin g someone charges you, you just Chiba-Sensei would sort of off my head when he demon­ David Sovka sort of step to the side and trip gesture vaguely, and EX­ strates a throw on me. Except­ Roger Watts them. This amazingly esoteric ACTLY the right senior ing the times that it feels like student would scramble to his principle is sometimes called Sensei's tormenting me for Printing "redirecting your opponent's feet and, sweating, prepare to fun, I generally enjoy classes, energy." I myself have only attack the instructor. Which and will probably continue to CollegePrinters Ltd. been studying Aikido for a few precise attack the student was study once the back brace Vancouver, be years, so I haven't mastered supposed to execute depended comes off. the stepping to the side part. on the position of Sensei's Distribution Sometimes I don't get out of feet, and how he rolled his Do I really need to elabo­ the way quite fast enough. eyes toward the ceiling. The The Armies of rate? Danger is my middle The Night, Inc. Sensei (teacher) assures me next minute or so would name... that this is just a matter of consist of Sensei "discourag­ experience, and that only the ing" the student's rapidly- really advanced practitioners waning assaults. The trick for have perfected this technique. the rest of us was to not get so BIOCHEMISTRY, PHARMACOLOGY AND Aikido's philosophy is strictly distracted by the cracking PHYSIOLOGY defensive, which means we noises that we didn't notice don't learn how to attack which technique was being people from behind, or shown, since Chiba-Sensei BZZR GARDEN puncture their lungs with our didn't believe in speaking bare hands. In a way, I like during these demos, and we Friday, October 18th, 1991 this non-aggressive aspect of were expected to copy his 5:30 - 7:30 moves accurately. I found this the art most of all, although I WOOD IRC 1 admit that the spiffy uniform all very impressive up to the (called a gi) is also a big draw. point that I was called up for a Oddly enough, there is a demonstration, and discovered Old Physiology 301 exams (Dec 86 - April 91) complete component to Aikido that just how much force per with answers, will be sold version 5.02 • October 7,1991 The Four Thirty-Two Page Three

My funding is quite am announcing The 432's very A TRIUMF of technology limited, and I cannot repeat the first Worthless Duck Contest. 432 Submission experiment. That is why Try and come up with a list of KAON should take the lead in things that you would like to Guidelines for Aaron superatomic research. With a see smashed togethera t very Writers and Artists billion dollars they could high speeds, and I will read extend my research beyond them while sitting on the John. If the prospect of getting DRAKE eggs to very ripe watermelons, I may even print them with exposure for your art or or even Winnebagos. your name in the next issue, writing sends chills up and Wouldn't that be great? and the best one will get a T- down your spine, then you Winnebagos! Hurtling towards shirt if everyone agrees that should waste no time in I have no doubt that you to these physicists being each other at velocities near you can have one. submitting something to the 3 have all been wondering what unimaginative boobs. If you the speed of light ! Think of Forbidden Topics 432 (me). Of course, the my opinion is on TRIUMF. can excuse me for being the sounds that would make! A 1) One may not suggest entire paper is run on a For those of you out there that obvious, they have no imagi­ whole new branch of physics! that we smash Rita Johnson volunteer basis. If you take on don't follow the topsy-turvy nation. The purpose of KAON We could call it Physics That and Mike Harcourt together. a specific photo assignment for romantic world of the particle is to smash subatomic particles Interests People Who Watch That is rude, offensive, us, then of course we will physicist1, TRIUMF will very together. The purpose of Truck And Tractor Pulls. detracts from the election in compensate you for the cost of soon be able to buy new letters TRIUMF was to smash Or we could go the other general, and besides, I thought film and development. to make a brand new acronym: subatomic particles together. route and smash subatomic of it first. It is not the policy of the 432 2 KAON . To date, close to a The purpose of very particle particles at velocities very 2) One may not suggest to publish on speculation: if billion dollars of funding has accelerator is to smash SUBa- much less than the spasd a? VOllUUiJ A l± VS1J.11VCIA1.J V-.U11WI you want to become a regular been committed to this new tomic particles together. I am light. We get enough high buzzwords be sped towards columnist, then you simply particle accelerator. tired of this. speed collisions. What if we each other at great velocities. need to submit something As a person who uses the Why isn't there are smashed them together at a There is an inherent danger of every issue. Written works, term physicist very loosely, in SUPERatomic particle few kilometres an hour? Then daughter particles being pro­ unless otherwise arranged with that I spent six years to get a smasher? Then they could we could find brand new duced that are even more (me) should be no longer than degree in physics, but I don't justify the use of the adjective. things out about these particles stupid. For instance, if we 1500 words. You may be know a kaon from my elbow, I cannot see subatomic par­ like: smashed together White Male asked to edit and resubmit an Heterosexuals Conspiracy my feelings are mixed. I must ticles; their collisions are quite 1) Do they have article which (I) feel is too with Womyn's Oppression, we both commend and frown boring, I must imagine. There bumpers? long for our regular format. might produce Heterosexuals upon the fact that physicists, is no smoke and there is no 2) What are the proper­ The 432's main emphasis is Whales Oppressing Conspira­ on the whole, are UNIMAGI­ sound. What we need is ties of a dented electron? offbeat humor, but we also torial Women Mytes. NATIVE BOOBS. particles larger than atoms Better yet, delving into have a mandate to inform The fact that they are being smashed together. That the hyperslow region, we 3) Do not suggest that we where possible, so we wel­ unimaginative boobs is a good would be great. could mail the subatomic smash together various S&L come serious articles too. thing because, unlike their I have done extensive particles towardseac h other, executives, as that might Keep in mind that the 432 is a southern counterparts, there research into superatomic perhaps without sufficient interfere with future funding. 1 favorite of bleary-eyed isn't a single flowery word in particle smashing at home, postage (which brings me to And who does? 2 students bored out of their the name of their projects,, It is most recendy with two eggs. my idea for safely storing (which stands for "Particle skulls in an 8:30 lecture with not called SUPERconducting However, due to the extreme nuclear waste, but that's Accelerator That Produces nothing but a stale sticky-bun SUPERcolliding SUPERmach- primitiveness of my apparatus another topic). Small Particles Called for solace, so the key word ine. the first egg missed the other I first though that we KAONs) here is "short attention span." Rather, it is called entirely. Instead, I had a could also smash mailmen 3 In order for an issue to be on KAON. Its purpose is to make collision between an egg and a together at very high veloci­ Filled with eggs! the stands by Monday, it has to kaons. This is simple. If you Next-Door Neighbour's ties, but further research be delivered to the printers by ask me what the SUPERcollid­ Porsche (so the experiment proved that impossible. Aaron is the nigh- the previous Friday afternoon. ing SUPERconducting wasn't a complete loss. I hate Canada Post workers obey the legendary former editor So ideally, paste-up should be SUPERthingamajig in Texas my Next Door Neighbour). To Special Theory of Relativity, of this very paper. He is completed by Thursday. This does, I would assume it creates the best of my recollection this and no matter how fast the responsible for a fair bit means that the first drafts of Subatomic Adjectives. If you collision has never been done observer is moving, the of what the 432 is today; your submissions should come ask me what KAON produces, before, and it produced lots of Canada Post worker always but now that he has in no later than the Monday I would venture that it creates interesting sub-egg particles, appears to be moving slowly. switched into Arts, I before a printing, so that our (get ready) kaons (!) most notably egg-shell par­ Regardless, the possibili­ dare say he thinks he's staff will have rewrites There is also a drawback ticles. ties are endless. That is why I too good for us. completed by Wednesday. Our layout people get about a Charlie Cho week to evaluate reader Between the Lines response, and make any format The common law shall be Marie Antoinette, the rise and The Kingdom's paper, twice a changes before the next issue After finding myself quite made against it; fall of Napolean, Hitler's Third week spewed, has to be planned. The old will hold strong, then lost in the Main Library's Reich, major wars, etc. (ad Will come under great attack Cartoon or photo submissions removed from the scene stacks, I emerged from the nauseum). and revolt should be into us by Tuesday Then All Things Common leather-bound jungle with my My own recent studies of the The numbered pages will fill at the latest, so that adequate among Friends shall be set treasure: Nostradamus: Big N's writings have revealed the void well space can be provided. Countdown to Apocalypse, by aside. shocking new evidence that Gallantly led by the Great Red We determine the suitability Jean-Charles de Fontbrune. "All Things Common among suggests that some of them Ed. of each submission on a case Within its black hard covers Friends" obviously represents may relate directly to our own Hmmm. Until Next Time... by case basis. lay the prophecies of the Communism. This quatrain corner of the world: world's most famous seer. unquestionably predicts thi; Century VI. 67 According to Liz Green, economic decline of the To the great Empire (the Nostradamus "has; been USSR, the hardliners' attempts powerful Alma Mater Society), described as everything from a to resist reform, and the quite another shall come ubc Roscrucian initiate, intimate eventual Decline of Commu­ Being distant from goodness with the secrets of God, to a nism. and happiness drunkard whose badly rhymed Century VI. 2 Governed by one of base astronomy quatrains are a dubious When those of the Arctic Pole parentage (Jason Brett) alternative to the proverb^d (the US, Europe and the USSR, The Kingdom (UBC) shall pink elephant." Over the last of course) are united together fall, a great unhappiness. club two years, the Big N's In the East, there shall be & And: • Learn to use a telescope Centuries have been analyzed great fear and dread Century VIII. 87 to see if they predicted the Fall A new man (Saddam, Hussein) A conspired death shall come • Visit far away places, like: of Communism, the Gulf War, elected, supported by the great to an effect Mexico, Penticton & Victoria and other Big Capital Letter one who trembles (weapons of Change given and a journey of Stuff. And lo and behold, it mass destruction) death • Have star parties was found that among his Rhodes and Byzantium (the Elected, created, received by • Meet interesting people writings were passages relating Middle East) shall be stained his own defeated some events quite similar to with Barbarian blood. Blood of innocence before him these recent affairs of the Then, of course, there are the by remorse. NEXT MEETING other predictions which have world: (Watch your back, Jason.) Wednesday, October 9 @ 5:30 Century IV. 32 already been realized. They Finally, one of Nostradamus' In those times and places that include: the execution of last predictions, previously astronomy building room 142 meat gives way to fish lost, reads as follows: Page Four The Four Thirty-Two Version 5.02 • October 7,1991

Morgan Burke Dik Miller, Arts Faculty Advisor The Pseudoscientist her as a student I had helped the So, you want to be a you can move on to more im­ previous week. creationist, do you? portant issues, like when your Derek K. "Now, what was it you were We are fast approaching the Bible study group meets. saying?" twenty-first century, and it Sometimes your listeners will Shelookedexasperated. "I told takes a little more training than recognize that your question my History prof to 'Piss of, you it used to. You can't get by on amounts to little more than an MILLER old fart,' and he lowered my Bible thumping alone, any­ admission of ignorance. In mark instead of raising it, and more. We're nearing the turn this event, a quick change of he's threatened me with censure of the millennium, and people subject is in order. "But it's aaaaawwwwl From my position all I could from other History courses." in this day and age won't take The "It's Only a Theory" raiiiiiight now," I was singing. see was apair of Nike Airs clomp "I see." I pulled on my chin blind faith or threats of eternal Argument "In fact it's a gas." through the doorway. the way people do to look like damnation for an answer. We This one is also very simple I was in my new Faculty "Er, hi," I said weakly. they're deep in thought. "If you live in the age of reason, and to use, and is devastating to the Advisor's office (with my name "Mr. Miller?" actually wanted a higher mark folks can only be persuaded by uneducated layperson. Simply on the door) in the Buchanan "Yes, that's me." and wanted to take more History logic, facts and cold, hard announce evolution is only a building, and this being my lunch "What are you doing back courses, telling him to piss off evidence. In short, its no theory (be sure to use the word break, I was letting off a little there?" was a pretty stupid thing." longer enough to be a creation­ "only"), and should be given steam. I stepped from the floor "Hanging." "But you told me to do it!" ist. You must become a no more respect than other to the top of my desk. "Oh," she replied. "Anyway, "No, actually I merely sug­ Creation Scientist. theories like UFOs, psychic "But it's aaaaawwwwl you lied." gested it." Don't be worried about your phenomena, and cold fusion. raiiiiiight, Jumpin' Jack Flash is "I did?" "And you said it would make lack of training in the sciences. This argument undermines the agas, gas, gas..."Themetre stick "Yes. You said that the best things better!" As a creation scientist, you credibility of all of evolution­ I was using as an air guitar flailed thing tod o about my low mark in "That depends on your defini­ will not be required to under­ ary science, and will assist you madly about in my arms. I History was to go tell the prof to tion of 'better.' I meant it in stand the scientific method, in categorically rejecting any stepped next from the desk to 'Piss off, you old fart' He low­ terms of emotional well-being. nor to conduct any research or future counter-arguments and my chair. ered my mark from a P to an F You were obviously very frus­ experiments. In fact, you will rebuttals that you don't fully My rolling chair. when I did that." trated, so I thought that telling only be required to familiarize understand. "Well," I said, "um...Could your prof to piss off would re­ yourself with some basic This argument's power is When I regained conscious­ you help me get out of here?" lieve you of some tension." scientific terminology and derived from the fact that most ness, my head felt rather swol­ "Sure.Noproblem."TheNike "But he failed me in the ideas, and memorize some people are incapable of len. That was probably, I de­ Airs plodded up to my desk. She course!" helpful quotations. Advanced distinguishing between theory duced, because I was hanging grabbed my feet and gave them "You have to pay the price for degrees will be useful in and speculation. If your upside down, wedged between a violent heave, causing me to speaking your mind sometimes, establishing your credibility, potential convert tries to tell the side of my desk and the wall. fall over sideways, pivoting on a you know." I smiled. even if they have nothing to do you that UFOs, psychic phe­ I remembered vaguely having fulcrum formed by the back of She didn't. "I'm a History with biology or science in nomena, and cold fusion are scrambled like a mad, log-roll­ my head and my nose, until I major! This could screw up my general. Especially helpful are not theories at all, but unsub­ ing forester as my chair rolled was lying sideways on the floor. entire degree!" degrees in medicine or engi­ stantiated observations, you out from under me, but that was "Ow," I said. I used my right "Look, would you rather have neering, since they sound sort will know that he or she is not it. hand to push myself along the some stupid piece of paper or of scientific to the public's ear, one of these people. Do not There was aknock at the door. carpet so I could get my head out have a clear conscience, know­ and will enhance your credibil­ give up yet! It may still be "Justaminute," I said. I moved from behind the desk. Unfortu­ ing that you were honest?" ity tremendously. Even possible to save this person to get out from next to the desk nately, my chin caught on one of She said nothing, but simply doctoral degrees in subjects from eternal damnation! and answer the door. Unfortu­ the legs. I was stuck again. turned a deep shade of red and such as Law or Philosophy The Probability Argument nately, both arms were pinned at "Not only that," the student stormedout, headingforthechief sound impressive to those who WARNING: This argument my sides and my feet were stick­ was continuing, "but he said that Faculty Advisor's office next are unaware of their irrele­ involves dealing with numbers ing rather uselessly in the air. I if I ever did that again, he would door. vance to the subject. and other mathematical ideas! couldn't get out. have me banned from any His­ That was easy, I thought. / In the following paragraphs, If you are not comfortable with "Oh, man," I whined. tory courses I might want to take guess she finally saw my point. So far this job has been a you will be given some basic such concepts, then it may be "Sorry?" said the woman out­ in the future." breeze. ammunition to use against better to feign lateness for an side the door. "Um, excuse me, but I'm still evolutionists and their assorted appointment, then to get "Nothing. I'll be with you stuck. Could you pull the desk Derek Miller, past 432 edi­ atheist and communist cousins. further entangled in debate. shortly." I tried flinging my legs out from the wall a bit?" I asked. tor and UBC graduate, can The simple, easy-to-use anti- We know from experience back and forth to dislodge my­ "Fine, fine." She walked to be found busking the streets evolution arguments are that it is not possible to solve a self, to no avail. the end of the desk and soon I of downtown with his merry presented first, along with sug­ jigsaw puzzle by tossing all the "Is this door locked?" she was free. I stood up and rubbed band of minstrels. gested tips for how to present pieces on the table, and hoping asked. Click. "I guess not." my nose. I could now recognize them for best effect. The more they fall together in the right complex and difficult ideas are places. How, then, can it be Patrick Redding given last, and should only be possible that an entire protein, The Whole World Loves A Sociopath resorted to by confident and consisting of thousands of seasoned creation scientists. atoms, could self-assemble I was watching David Letter- on occasion thought along catharsis at the expense of The Argument from Per­ through the chance collision of man many months ago, right those lines myself. Who some innocent's vital signs. sonal Incredulity its constituent atoms? How after the second Terminator among us hasn't, on some But the fact remains that This beautiful line of reason­ about an entire living cell, con­ movie had been released, to occasion, said to themselves: perfectly healthy folks (as ing is deceptively simple, and sisting of trillions of atoms? see what sort of mayhem was "Screw it. I don't wanna deal healthy as anyone can be in a performs admirably in shaking Statistics tells us that this to be unleashed on that night's with any people today. I hate society that suffers from sleep fence-sitters off their perches could not possible happen in a guest, Arnold Schwarzenegger people. I just wanna get from deprivation and type-A and into the golden fields of million times the age of the (Since both of these gentlemen point A to B. I hate buses." personality) find themselves creationism. You begin by universe. Therefore life could have substantial gaps between Anyone? Anyone? Oh Come inexorably attracted to the idea announcing how difficult it is only have been methodically their two front teeth, the whole ON! When you hit that point of someone who does not have to understand how the blind, assembled by an intelligent visual effect was quite strik­ where you are just too exasper­ to play by the rules of human random, unguided (these God. ing). Something Arnie said in ated to actually be enraged, but morality. adjectives are very important) This argument is elegant, his conversation with Dave everyone around you seems This may be an extension of forces of nature can account irrefutable, and is backed up twigged for me. When asked ugly, or determined to make the same bizarre fascination for all the infinite complexity solid (albeit vague) mathemat­ why he thought the Terminator life difficult for you, it is a that compels millions of of our world. You might say ics. When faced with this movie and character had natural (albeit heavily sup­ viewers to tune into soap something like: daunting assemblage of facts, become so popular, the toothy pressed) lizard-brain response operas in which the main "How is it that the purely many armchair evolutionists Austrian thoughtfully replied to fantasize about impassively protagonists are more or less random, uncontrolled forces of will snap and admit the folly that "Deep down, everyone hosing the immediate area continuously screwing each blind chance can produce an of their ways. You may meet would like to be a machine for with gunfire. NOT that this other, in both senses, and yet organ like the human eye, a few die-hards who will a little while," to not have to reaction isn't a problem, or always manage to walk out of which far surpasses in com­ protest that proteins and cells worry about the rightso r cannot build up to a catastro­ any traumatic situation (how plexity and performance the do not form as the result of the wrongs of their individual phe. Enough wackos have too would you deal with the most advanced and expensive simultaneous collision of their actions, to be unburdened with little control over their fighto r revelation that you're your computers that modern component atoms. If you are emotion in the face of stress, flight mechanism that every own dead, evil twin?) with technology can produce?" unlucky enough to meet such a or as Arnie put it: "to be able once in a while one of them little more on their minds than If all goes well, your ac­ seasoned evolutionist, you will to get the job done." walks into a schoolyard or what to wear to the annual quaintance will be unable to have to resort to some ad- I found his comment intrigu­ fast-food restaurant and Christmas episode. This is not respond to this question, and ing, because I knew that I had indulges in little live-fire continued next page continued on page six" Version 5.02 • October7,1991 The Four Thirty-Two Page Five

all those blurbs I made about because in Science, not only Open Mouth, Insert Boot S^SS SUS and the Biochemistry, do we have to study hard, but Pharmacology, and Physiology we have to play hard too! TODD RANDALL your turn to make a change in Math Dept Rep Club in the last two years. I'm Geography 4 this place or keep it the way it MEMORANDUM also a member of the Grad Dept Rep is. Remember every vote TO: Pat Redding Council cuz I want everyone to "Although few in numbers, counts. My goal is to improve FROM: Dennis Chow have an excellent grad. I think JEFF CHEN some 60 Physical Geographers the quality of education that RE: Math Dept Rep I'd be a great rep cuz I'm not Cell Biology 3 strong, I bring their voices to we are getting for our hard afraid of making in-class 3rd Year Rep S.U.S., and in return, bring the earned money as well as BLURB: "Om..." announcements, I'm friendly, directives of the "Post-Coup creating more activities where and having fun is my #1 "I'm Jeff Chen and I will be we all can relax and enjoy life Council" back to the depart­ priority!" serving as your 3rd year S.U.S. Oct 9-11. Be there!" ment." ELLEN YEUNG Rep. Fortunately, I don't I encourage students to be Science 1 study as much, so I'll have aware of events that occur CHRISTOPHER M. SING 1st Year Rep LICACHUI more time to listen to your around them (i.e. referendums, "Hi eveiybody. What's the Science 1 questions or concerns. So get meeting quorums, SUS meaning of life. Obviously, Profile of Ellen Yeung: 1st Year Rep out there and vote." events,...) U.B.C. can be a the answer lies within the great time, Tuum est!" realm of science. Being one of Desire: running for 1st year "Here's my straightforward PATRICK LUM three, three year reps, we'll do Science Rep...and Miss way to dodge an issue: the 3rd Year Rep JANICE BOYLE our best to keep you informed Canada writing of a blurb. You, a 1st Year Rep or. the latest fashionable Why university?: to avoid the potential voter should vote for "By Vice-Presidential changes to your curriculum's 'real world' for a while longer Lica for FIRST YEAR SCI­ Decree, it is hereby proclaimed "As are of the thousand first other material. Hoping that Why run for 1st year Science ENCE REP, because if you that as part of the post-coup year representative candidates we'll have a magnificient Rep?: Just one of them indi­ don't: you'll get seven years reshuffling, Patrick Lum is to who are in cut-throat competi­ prosperous years with tons of vidualistic things that a of bad luck, you're chemical be demoted from 2nd Year tion for two spots, I'm going to surprizes and excitement." person's gotta do. equations won't balance, Rep/Chung Wong Fan Club tell you the single most Why vote for me?: I don't you'll get stuck in the longest President, to SUS 3rd Year important fact that well WENDY MA BITE (pen caps suffice for line, the phone will only ring Rep." distinguishes me from all other now) when you're in the shower, candidates! My name is Janice Biology 4 Don't know me?: Flash youTL.you get the picture. RYAN MCCUAIG Boyle, and it is the first name 4th Year Rep your wallet or beam your smile So, broaden your mind (put a 1st Year Rep on the ballot. (They have "Hello! My name is Wendy 360 degrees. I'll find you. stick of dynamite in each ear). obviously already ranked us). and I'm fourth year Biology Please, vote for Lica Chui, 1st If you want to stay informed "He's not Socred. He's not student. As this is my last year Yr. Rep., on election day." about what year S.U.S. is ELAINE WONG NDP. What more do you in Science, I figure I'd better Pharmacology 4 want?" doing and what is available for contribute to my faculty before you, just mark the first name 4th Year Rep NANCY CHERRY I graduate. So, take advantage Science 1 Daniel Baker on the list: Janice Boyle." of my office hours and come I'm a biology major, I have held many "Hiya! My name is Elaine 1st Year Rep diverse positions of power, I can and chat with me at the S.U.S. See Wong and I'm a fourth-year JARECK SZOLOMICK ya there! Have an awesome will help any who want it. pharmacology student who's Hey Dudes!! I'm Nancy Vote Dan. Do you need a reason? 2nd Year Rep graduation year, folks." running for position as Fourth- Cherry and I'm running for Editor's Note: See what "Dear students, year Rep. I've been involved S.U.S. first year rep so I can Jarek Szolomick is running for DENNIS CHOW with SUS for a while now and organize some super-fun happens when you hand your Science rep. Now it's Math 4 you may remember me from events for you. Vote for me things in late? Morgan Burke continuedfrom last page Jaret fermi vanced Creation Science any evolutionist idea into its tactics. opposite. With practice, you question: Suggestions for Advanced should be able to accurately Creation Scientists quote any prominent scientist, CLAY Based entirely on If you are extremely confi­ and with judicious use of your estimation of dent in your ability to under­ misdefinition, make him sound CIRCVS stand numbers and pronounce like a born-again creationist. the average flux of long words, then you may The Second Law of Thermo­ Welcome to science sports! SCIENTIFICVS cars on the have a great career ahead of dynamics: The second law is a the last couple of weeks have Revenge 10 km run Nov 7, and highway, and a you in Creation Science. Feel prime target for misdefinition been hellish in the intramurals the 3-On-3 Volleyball Tourney free to break new ground in (see above). Using a re­ office, mostly due to that Nov 9. rough knowledge the field; the possibilities are defined version of this unas­ enormous Festival, the Arts Now, for the grand Finale, of the population limitless! To begin with, you '20 Relay. I'm glad to say sailable physical principle, one the next huge special event is distribution of may want to investigate the can quite conclusively prove Science contributed 11 of the Day of the Longboat following avenues, pioneered that life cannot spontaneously the 157 total teams that raced Festival, Saturday Oct 26. feral animals in by the great Creation Scientists form or evolve without from Vancouver General Registration is from now until the wild, of our time. intelligent intervention. Best Hospital to UBC campus las October 18th at the cost of Authoritative Quotation: of all, the general inscrutability Sunday, Sept. 29. The entire $175 for each 10 man/woman/ determine the How better to disprove of thermodynamics makes it trek came off with out a hitch, corecteam. Remember, approximate evolution than to do so by highly unlikely that you will an incredible credit to both the science will refund 50% of that quoting the scientists them­ meet with someone who intramurals staff and partici­ cost just for your signing up quantity of road- selves? A very popular and knows more about the second pants. your erew as "Science" kill generated each effective technique with non- law than you. But enough of past glories; So the final word is "get year in Canada, in academics is that of quoting These are the fundamentals the future brings noon runs involved." Okay, so it's two evolutionists criticizing each of Creation Science. Once you every Tuesday and Friday at words; but the message stays kilograms, or cubic other's work. If carefully pre­ have mastered them, you can 12:30 pm at the South SUB the same: we get intramurals meters. sented, such quotes can move on to more challenging Plaza as well as an array of sports points for Science every produce the impression that subjects, such as proving that touraments in tennis, squash time you participate in an evolution is a fractious and the earth is less than 10,000 and wallyball. Preliminaries intramurals event. Take part bitterly divided science with years old, that humans and have begun in all the major and always have a good time, little hope of ever resolving dinosaurs co-existed, and that team sports. To place teams in even if it kills you. anything. evolution is disproved by their popular divisions, be sure Misdefinition: This is the art molecular biology and infor­ to support your friends on So long for now, of transforming the meaning of mation theory. Finally, you science teams if you're not irrefutable quotations and might aspire to achieve the participating yourself. Jaret Clay ideas, by redefining certain holy grail of Creation Science: Upcoming special events Sports Rep critical terms. Science is full the derivation of all of modern include the Turkey Trot Oct. of jargon and terminology physics, chemistry, and 11, Orienteering Oct. 17, Jaret spends a great deal which is largely nonsensical to biology from the first chapter Mountain Bike Event II Oct of his time warding off the non-expert. By supplying of Genesis. 24, Wallyball Wingding I Nov the diabolical forces that convenient creationist defini­ 2, Racquetball Tourney I Nov Morgan holds exclusive occasionaly pop by the tions for these words and 2, Bookstore 3-On-3 Basket­ office to claim his soul. concepts, one can transform rights to the title of " gentle­ ball Tourney Nov 3, Trimbles man and scholar." Page Six The Four Thirty-Two Version 5.02 • October 7,1991

Roger Watts (and his pet dog "Plagiarism") Patrick Reddin Organized Grime continuei So there I was, just me and 2. "Pour into it one measure as we drove off. (You see, the a newly-discovered phenom­ zorblade soundtrack). I didn't the entire California Womens' of water from the seas of already-loud Hornet-Buzz is ena. Modern North American really get freaked out by Under-20 Gymnastics Team, Santraginus V." (1 oz. tequila amplified about tenfold in any media suffers from a serious Silence of the Lambs until with nothing but the uneven just about covers this. If kind of enclosed parking case of bread-and-cireuses. about five minutes after the bars and half a gallon of you're really suicidal, try 2 oz. structure. Consequently, loses People like to watch evil credits scrolled by, and I Hershey's Syrup —oh, pardon We did. We paid the price its resemblance to insect of characters do evil things and caught myself smiling. What me. Wrong publication. later, of course...) any size and starts to sound get away with it. Most of us had me so cheery? If you Wow, a column in The 432. 3. "Allow three cubes more like a Cessna.) Then went to a school, or have haven't seen the picture, I Top o' the world, Ma. I have Arcturian Mega-gin to melt began The Long Haul. Being worked with some guy or don't want to give too much to say that this is a king-sized into the mixture (it must be one of the unlucky multitudes woman who could do and say away, but suffice it to say it treat. (Although, granted, properly iced or the benzene is that didn't get a Gage parking things that we always wanted has one of the best escapes in there are some really great lost)." (1 oz. ice-cold lemon spot, using the car always to do or say ourselves, but movie history. The villain, a king-size treats out there that gin. The benzene's optional; involves a couple of 10-minute were too scared to. Those brilliant psychiatrist named don't involve beating your see above re. organic sol­ walks from B-Lot or so. This people always seemed to have Hannibal Lector, who was Macintosh senseless for two vents.) is an unenviable task empty- a rather unhealthy influence on imprisoned for a series of can­ weeks trying to shake off 4. "Over the back of a handed, let alone with an those around them, the kind of nibalistic serial killings, writer's block.) There were spoon, float a measure of • armload of full botdes. charisma that comes with manages to escape his tempo­ actually a lot of things that Qualactin Hypermint Extract." The scariest part about the sincerely not giving a shit. rary cell in a Tennessee court­ made me come down to SUS (Ignore the spoon bit; every­ whole thing was carrying all Most of us put on that facade house, eluding some atypicaiiy and grovel for a corner of Page body knows that's too hard to that stuff from the car to East every now and then. That is competent police in the Whatever to hide in: do when you're hosed anyway. Tower without being rolled by called "acting cool," and process. The way he pulls it 1) Needed something to fill Chuck in a generous ounce- a marauding pack of Engineers virtually noone is fooled by it off defies description, but it is in these mounds of free time and-some of Peppermint —they can smell case of for more than maybe thirty exceptionally bloody, bold and between Chem 203 labs and Schnapps. This stuff is what partyproofing the quad and seconds. clever. And I think most of Double-Calculus classes; really makes the drink.) reassuring our advisor that The cult of the Anti-Social the audience admired him for 2) My Mac has been 5. "Allow four liters of there would indeed be a quad extends its embrace to a range it. Admittedly, his portrayal spoiled rotten lately, being Fallian marsh gas to bubble left. Then came the Big Night, of behaviors, from the rela­ by Anthony Hopkins was used predominandy for Tetris, through it, memory of all those and the anticipation was tively superficial "bad-boy" calculated to evoke comple­ and really hasn't been getting happy Hikers who have died of killing us. The guests began schtick of an Axel Rose or a mentary reactions of fear and enough serious abuse; pleasure in the Marshes of trickling in, and we bided our Jack Nicholson, to the fascination, but in this regard 3) Lacked a real cool Fallia." (Top up with a fruity, time, casually sipping brews morbidly fascinating psychosis the result exceeded the best nickname like "Dik"; bubbly mix of some sort; we and awaiting the right moment. of a Hitler, a Manson or a expectations of the director. It 4) Get to smile quietly to found a mixture of raspberry Finally, with a good crowd on Jeffery Dahlmer. It seems to is my contention that people myself hearing frosh women ginger ale and OJ worked hand and amidst much pomp me, and my perspective may out there are really beginning whisper, "Ooo, he writes for really well.) and ceremony, Andrew and I be completely off-kilter, that to relate to the world's clinical that funny newspaper!" [ed. 6. "Drop in the tooth of an mixed two Pan Galactic the ante is always being upped. sociopaths. note: "Really? They really say Algolian Suntiger." (Throw in Gargle Blasters To Go. Just as the violence on screen A sociopath is defined as "an that?"]; a sugar cube and watch it fizz, Truth to tell, we were rather is becoming more intense, and aggressively anti-social 5) Get to feel the smile an action which becomes disappointed with the drink's the audience is being desensi­ psychopath." A psychopath, rapidly sag when they say, absolutely fascinating by about reception. Anyone that hasn't tized, there is a corresponding in turn, is defined as "someone "Yeah, I'll bet he could the third drink or so.) been put right off by the kinds willingness on the part of the suffering from a mental introduce us to Aaron 1. "Sprinkle Zamphuor." of things we were putting into viewer to accept and even disorder such that they are Drake!!", and give in to primal (We don't have a clue what the the glass, certainly were when admire the extremities of amoral or incapable of distin­ jealousy; hell Zamphuor is, so go for the they saw the drink's final behavior exhibited by what in guishing between right and 6) Mentally speculate that gusto and sprinkle on some color, (but don't let that fool the old days was known as an wrong." It's no big news flash Aaron Drake would have Tabasco sauce. The key word you, kids; we're after function "anti-hero." Back in the that the average human tires of trouble finding his teeth with here is sprinkle, believe me.) here, not frills. It really tastes fifties, there were a lot of "lost the constant moral dilemmas his eyes swollen shut. 8. "Add an olive." (For all OK, at least, as highly flam­ generation" pictures, featuring that one encounters on a day to So just to break the ice I'd you Artsies —add an olive.) mable mixtures go.) We Marlon Brando or James Dean day basis. This certainly like to ask: have you read The Drink —but very carefully... happily gulped them down, as the brooding, disenfran­ explains the whimsical Hitchhiker's Guide to the Trust us on this one, boys much to the shock and chagrin chised youth, part of and yet affection for characters who Galaxy! (For some reason, and girls. It's really quite of anyone who hadn't already apart from the mainstream of are free from those kinds of this friend of mine, Ellie tasty. lost interest and started trying American culture. Oudaws decisions. But modern urban Lathrop, figures that this is the to pick someone up ("Say, have been hip since day people suffer from an addi­ greatest pick-up line of all Of course, actually putting have you read The Hitch­ nought, and some fairly tional pressure, namely a sense time. Then again, she is a the thing together was an hiker's Guide To The Gal­ viscous ones at that. But it has of being imprisoned or perse­ Social Work student, so mere adventure in itself, and by no axy?"), and after a few minor only been in recent years that cuted actively by an indifferent you go.) If you have, then you means a project to be taken convulsions, mixed a couple the "end-justifies-means" ethic System, whatever that may be. know that the Pan Galactic lighdy. Ultimately, we more. We knew that we has really gained acceptance. Sometimes this high-density Gargle Blaster is the best drink decided that a party in our wouldn't last long, but hey, we Now I'm convinced that the neurosis gives way to that in existence. Until now, no quad (Gagespeak for where we were secure in the knowledge infatuation with Byronic great sovreign fifth force: human has ever made one, but live, if ya didn't know), was that we had gone Where No villains has taken the next rampant stupidity. Lost souls my buddy Andrew and I have the only fitting way to intro­ One In Their Right Mind logical step. I finally managed seeking an easy out turn to managed to put something duce our creation to the public. Would Think About Going. to see Silence of the Lambs. exploitative religious institu­ together that has roughly the So, after staring at the Guide The party itself was a real Scared? Big Time, but not tions or slickly-promoted same overall effect on the for several hours trying to hoot —at least, that's what I because of the standard political parties to divest them bodv (somewhat akin to beins fieure out what we could out heard, anyway. I can't recall. splatterflick devices (false. of the hard choices (and used for a hockey puck by the in it without making ourselves Funny how that works. starts, fresh corpses, ra- usually their money). Others by the Jolly Green Giant, ho- too ill, we gleefully jumped sink deeper and deeper into a ho-ho). Try it, if you dare: into the Brown Hornet and cynical mire, adopting the zoomed off to every UBC LIMITED TIME OFFER...only available appropriate mean spirit to THE PAN GALACTIC resident's favorite store. This shield themselves. These GARGLE BLASTER, original is of course the Liquor Store until October 17. Do you want to: people like the idea of not only recipe on 4th and Alma, aka The Lick being free of moral burden, but (with translation into everyday Palace; as in, "Hey, let's go of being able to strike with English) get some lick for tonite." (The beRICH impunity at the things that Brown Hornet, by the way, is torment them. The late writer 1. 'Take the juice from one my 1981 Honda Accord, so be FAMOUS Robert Heinlein (who wasn't bottle of that ol' Janx Spirit." named because... well, obvi­ be PUBLISHED really one to talk) said that any (loz. Bacardi 151. You know, ously because its brown, but animal ever observed has been that evil stuff that says, "Keep also because it has gaping hole and much, much more? shown to go crazy if forced away from flame" on the label. in the muffler and thus sounds into overpopulation. "Hu­ Acceptable substitutes include a lot like a 4000-pound insect.) mans," he said, "are the only Smirnoff 50%, or any one of a Having arrived at the Palace, Then the MICRO CLUB T SHIRT animals in the world that number ofzesty organic we amazed everyone present actively seek out this condi­ solvents, available from you by buying enough hooch to CONTEST is FOR YOU. tion." Chem TA at one low, low permanently pickle a blue submit entries to SUB box 69 or to meetings price.) whale before deafening them Version 5.02 • October 7,1991 The Four Thirty-Two Page Seven

because of the shape of the cherry pie. He demanded a Justin Fellenz bomb and the chair but a little cyanomergotransmogrova- Forced Entries flatter one way than the other. porizer. He got it and nobody Bob went to the store to buy a Bob's mother took the ball out still liked him anymore. The bomb, and an electric chair. of the oven. It was hot. Bob bombelectricchairpastryball Nobody knew why, except of got bored watching it cool so made friends with the cherry course Bob, who knew. He he went and played with the pie but Bob didn't know. A BIOLOGY went to the store and bought TV. He came back to the molhermadeelectricalexplosiveball these things and tookthe m kitchen when he wasn't bored and a cheap half-eaten piece of home to his mother who said anymore and said to his storebought pie, lovedeath that she needed them for mother, "What is it?" made life just like Earth. baking. She put them in the His mother said, "A toy. Play Where do babies come from...? GRADS oven, and Bob watched as they with it". Bob went to the store to buy a rose and rose, and became So Bob took his new bombe- bomb and an electric chair. larger. Bob's mother said she lectricchairpastryball and Nobody knew exactly why, had a surprise for him. played, with it. He took it to except of course Bob, who "Watch", she said. school and showed it to all thij thought he knew. He remem­ Composite "Oh boy", he said. other children. bered his bombelectricchair­ The electric chair began to PHOTOGRAPHS "Silly," they said. pastryball in the closet. It was melt, and the arms began to "Dummy. Nobody plays with all mouldy. He remembered NOW BEING TAKEN AT bend in toward the bomb, bombelectricchairpastryballs. how much he had loved it. He EVANGELOS. which was strapped to the seat. Why don't you get a cyanom- Bob could see this through the remembered that nobody liked ergotransmogrovaporizer and him. All these things wriggled pastry which his mother had play war crimes like everyone put over the electric chair and in his mind. He picked up his else. I bet you don't even bombelectricpastryball and EVANGELOS the bomb. Bob watched and know how to play suicide." watched, and the pastry rose dropped it out of a window PHOTOGRAPHY Bob was very sad. He loved from a long way up into a vat and rose, and the chair got his bombelectricchairpastry- rounder and rounder, until it of acid. The pastry melted and 3156 WEST BROADWAY, ball. Hie loved everything. Bob's faces melted off his TELEPHONE: 732-3023/731-8314 was a ball around the bomb Why didn't the children like and the pastry was a ball skulls and his brains dripped FIVE MINUTES FROM THE UBC GATES him? He put away his bombe into his liquified chest cavities (RAIN OR SHINE) around the chair and the whole lectricchairpastryball in a 3156 into his hearts. Then all the BROADWAY | RED ROBIN"]-,-] EVANGELOS )—[ ORESTES | thing was a ball in the oven, closet behind his thread completely round almost bombs went off but Bob didn't WE ARE HERE collection and a piece of know. lUBCl- Conspiracy of the Week Brought to you by Jeremy sible professors, university truth known. This will divert burrow their way into skull. control minds of UBC deni­ Reimer, Bavarian Illuminati heads who resemble Musso­ attention from [rest of para­ Avoidance attempts futile, as zens for Walt Disney; part of lini, Benito. graph unreadable]. sudden wind gusts can trans­ takeover. Intention was to Is Burnout. Truth more sinister (hide­ Real cause of burnout is little port worm to clothing or hair build Nightmare Theme Park. ous). For years, this has been green worms (not seen) from as far as three feet away. Fell through. Students became Burnout: all too common hidden from masses, in fear hanging from every tree on Worms have interesting life paranoid, xenophobic, uncon­ student problem (these days). that knowledge of process campus by six-foot thread. cycle, attach to human victim trollable. Cleanup and dis­ Tempting to blame (typical) would trigger violence, rioting; They are (hideous) result of in fall, then wait until mental posal too difficult, though disorders like vomiting, hair- unrest, etc. botched genetic engineering breakdown in April of follow­ Physical Plant workers pulling, insane screaming, But fact is: general public expeiment in behavior modifi­ ing year before leaving host immune. Worms have been spontaneous combustion on too apathetic to care about cation carried out by THEM in body to reproduce, find more breecfingevef since. standard causes: 8:29 lectures, even profound matters. late 60s. Often don't see them victims. Worm density varies from three-hour labs, incomprehen­ Bureau has decided to make til too late. They land on head, Original purpose of worms: place to place on campus. Especially bad near the Math and Chemistry complexes, and MUNDANE DUMPSTER some interior CompSci facilities. Buchanan area largely Michael J. Hamilton Gio "El Duca" Vassone unaffected. May be some AMS Representative SUS President natural defense. Maybe worms don't like snacking Referenda: A Users fee increases and G-Strings: de luck to the candidates between meals. Guide. disbursement of Buon Juorno. A wel­ in the contested positions Every year (more capital funds (read: Next Time: or less) the AMS at­ Pit expandsions) come to-a my article. As- (First- and-a Second-Year tempts to pull off a this November. The a you'va heard, de SUS Reps). It'sa gonna be Elvis explains referendum. The SUB questions are not Council elecciones are-a exciting, this eleccione. re-incarnation was paid for by stu­ yet finalized, but comin op on de 9-11 of dents after they they will be pub­ October. I'd-a jost like to voted in favour of a lished in the Ubys­ For all-a de candidates referendum to build sey and The Point in encourage-a you all to a and SUS Council mem- REMEMBER: it. In the last dec­ the near future. come out and a vote in beres, there's a gonna be ade, student politi­ (The Ubyssey, by the Chem, CompSci, Hebb, a wine and a cheese at-a cians campaigned way is similar to and-a Wesb. Like-a the SUS-a Office on-a Those of you who fairly hard for a Playboy; one reads Derek - uno seconde, / wish to place ads Student Recreation Playboy for the ar­ Friday, October 18th. It Facility (RecFac), ticles and the Ubys­ wrote in-a de last G- starts at-a 4:30, and it'sa in the 432 must which the students sey for the ads.) In Strings, it's a great-a way free. Consider it a favore provide our office (apparently) did not any case you should to come and-a find out ... maybe someday every- with a copy or want. Eventually, familiarize yourself what-a SUS is-a all a one of you can do-a de the referendum with the questions mock-up by Tues­ about. favore for me. I-a runna failed, but the and make an informed day before printing Board of Governers decision in the ref­ this council... right or has decided to col­ erendum. Due to the Let's-a see ifa we canna wrong! But I-a digress. day. lect a fee for which Quorum rules about have a more enthusiasme That means the you can voluntarily 2600 students must than-a we did witha de So-a come on out & apply to have re­ vote in favour of next deadline is funded. The point is the referendum for nominationes. Asta matta vote this-a week. It'sa October 15. that a referendum it to pass. fo you? In de old contry, not-a difficult, and it-a And don't forget has not been passed we knew-a de value of an lends that-a feeling of-a at UBC since October open eleccione. (But to de democracy to the SUS. that ads are FREE 3, 1654. this-a day I have trouble a I always-a told Papa I for Science clubs This Year is no would-a do everything to exception; the AMS Put plainly, Mike is our hero. votin' for a man wit less and constituents... is going to ask stu­ dan a full-a head of-a make this society-a dents to vote in a hair). I'd-a like to wisha legitimate. referendum involving Page Eight The Four Thirty-Two Version 5.02 • October 7,1991 NATIONAL CHEMISTRY WEEK: October 21-25 Brought to you by the Chemistry Society of Canada

MONDAY/21 TUESDAY/22 WEDNESDAY/23 THURSDAY/24 FRIDAY/25 What can you Department Tours OPEN Chem Magic do with a for High School Show! Chem degree? HOUSE GARDEN Students Chem D228 Chem B150 12:30 lecture Admision by Chem D263 Chem D300 donation

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