CO CD Earth's Bounty: Food and Faith in our Interfaith Families
pring is such a great time of our resolutions but also keep the CD year to build new bridges in symbolism and stories alive for every Sinterfaith families! The slowly holiday we share. It slowly became CO warming weather gives such a boost clear that we had forgotten some• to the spirit as the winter season thing very important: the soul needs melts away. The religious holidays, food, too! starting with Tu B'Shevat, Mardi Gras, Purim, St. Patrick's Day, and While I can't offer any great recipes advancing all the way to Easter and or wave an magic wands, I know the CO Passover, all speak to the renewal of stories and articles in this issue will family life and family spirit. The raise your spirits and feed your stories, traditions, and prayers souls. Carol Rubel offers us a of each of these holidays are full look at her Kitchen Memories of optimism, hope and pride. and a review of one of Oh, and did I mention her favorite cook• there's a lot of food? books. Roberta Rhodes looks at the Food is such a perplexing ques• CD "loaded" word in my tions household right now, we all must face in since we have made our interfaith families, many resolutions for as they are magnified at our CD changes in our diet and holiday tables. A Jewish Civil lifestyle this year. Over the last several War soldier journals his experiences years, the holidays have sometimes of trying to get matzah for his turned into a problem we dread Passover celebration, though likely he because it conflicts with our commit• had no idea that anyone would read ments to eat healthier. At first, we were it in the year 2004. Finally, Patty tempted to just throw out all the Kovacs brings us ideas for making old foods and skip the large family Easter Egg hunts for our children that meals. When this did not satisfy us are more than just a search for sugar. (or our extended families) nutrition• ally or spiritually speaking, we knew we had to find a better way. The answer, of course, was to get creative and do our "recipe homework" so that slowly, but surely, we are finding a balance of tradition and nutrition In This Issue that works for us. Kitchen Memories. The first time I realized that I was Passover in Civil not alone in this struggle was when War Times a friend of mine posted a few recipes A Stranger to the Interfaith Email list for Floating Passover: they were kosher for Passover and vegetarian, two ob• Jewish Cooking in stacles that I really haven't been America (Review)... ..9 required to face in my house. Food Humor .11 Therefore, I knew I should be able to A Different Kind of prepare some relatively healthy foods Egg Hunt 12 on my own that would help us stick to Bulletin Board. 15
Volume 12, Number 4 March/April 2004 Dovetail
The bounty of Earth's food and groups.yahoo.com/group/interfaith/. Attention Frequent variety of spiritual and religious Here you can ask for help with your Flyers! holidays are not just simple lessons holiday and spiritual needs, and share for the children. Why do we eat a recipe or two to help someone else. I Please help Dovetail by triangular cookies on Purim? What would be glad to help anyone sign up donating any free miles foods do the trees provide us with for this, and you can feel free email you've earned toward tickets and why should we plant more trees? meat: [email protected] if you What holiday is sometimes called need any help! (Put Dovetail some• for us to use in transporting Pancake Day? Why do we eat lots of where in the email subject title so I presenters to the August 6-8 green foods on March 17? And what don't delete by mistake). conference in Berkeley. Call are we going to do with all these hard- Keep the Faith! Alicia Torre at 650-474-0644 boiled eggs in April? These are adult questions with answers that come or [email protected] Debi Tenner from our souls, with information. as well as our appetites. Welcome Thank you! to the journey of every interfaith marriage and family, where there is no one answer to any question and there is a lifetime of faith, sharing, and learning to understand it all.
I want to encourage everyone to check out our email list at http:// This issue of Dovetail made possible by the generosity of the Fred and Ellie Schwimmer Fund.
Dovetail's mission is to provide a channel Dovetail (ISSN 1062-7359) is published Dovetail's Staff of communication for interfaith couples, their bimonthly (6 times per year) by: The Dovetail parents, and their children. No matter what Institute for Interfaith Family Resources, their specific choices regarding faith for their 775 Simon Greenwell Ln., Boston, KY 4010": Debi Tenner home and children, the more interfaith tel 800-530-1596; fax 502-549-3543; Edhor famihes can share their ideas, experiences, Email [email protected]. resources, and support, the more they can A one-year subscription is available for make peace in their homes and communities. Jewish and Christian perspectives can dovetail. $59.95 from the above address. Internationa; Jennifer Ashman Huey subscriptions are $65.00. Single issues are Associate Editor Believing that there are no definitive answers to available for $5.50 each. the questions facing interfaith families. Dovetail Dovetail welcomes article submissions, letter* strives to be open to all ideas and opinions. to the editor, and comments or suggestions. Kelly fozlowsky Editorial content attempts to balance and respect Send to Debi Tenner, Editor, 45 Lilac Ave., the perspectives of both Jewish and Christian Hamden, Ct. 06517, [email protected]; Managing Editor partners in interfaith marriages, as well Review Editor Carol Weiss Rubel, 310 Tulip as the diverse perspectives of parents and Circle, Clarks Summit, PA 18411-0213, children of interfaith couples. Inclusion [email protected]. Carol Weiss Rubel in Dovetail does not imply endorsement. Book Review Editor Dovetail accepts a thoughtful and constructive Copyright © 2004 by discussion of all related issues in the Letters to The Dovetail Institute for the Editor section, and reserves the right to reply. Interfaith Family Resources. All rights reserved.
March/April 2004 page 2 Kitchen Memories: The Cookie as Culture by Carol W. Rubel
here is a moment during delicious, but fairly typical, until Carol Weiss Rubel is the adult child of an some b'nai mitzvoth when dessert was served. Beautifully interfaith marriage between a practicing family members are called to arrayed on a special serving dish T Jewish father and an Irish Catholic stand on the bimah as the Torah is was the family "secret recipe": the passed from generation to genera• confection called "merevteig" by mother Carol holds advanced degrees in tion. When that small, sweet both of the aunts. both English and education and has segment of the ceremony happens, I had never seen nor tasted anything completed significant work in classical I suspect that there are few witness• like the merevteig. It was a cookie- civilization studies. Currently, she works ing it who are not immediately but not quite. It was a pastry-but reminded of the relatives no longer full time as an educator in Scranton, not exactly. But it was delicious! with them- no longer able to Pennsylvania where she coordinates an Delicate and tender dough alter• celebrate joys or to share the nated with layers of fruit, nuts, and alternative education program she burdens of sorrow. The physical act spices. Whatever this was, it was founded for at-risk teenagers. Carol Is of handling the Torah-of passing it everything that a pastry should be. from the eldest generation down to also co-owner of Senior Solutions Try as I might to take only one, I the future generation-is a concrete Simplified, a company dedicated to sampled several before asking, rather reminder that the transference of timidly, whether I might have the researching and unraveling any type of culture and religion happens, often, recipe. problem associated wtih senior citizens. A one to one: father to son and mother nationally published author and motiva• to daughter. "Of course," exclaimed the aunts, tional speaker Carol is married to Jeff, an But equally powerful as an agent almost in unison. "But you can't of transfer are the moments that just make it, you have to see it!" obsen/ant Conservative Jew. happen not in a synagogue or a That invitation to let me "see it"-to church-but in a kitchen. As every witness the preparation of the family family constructs its individual story, treasure-sealed the deal. We made a the preparation, consumption, and date to rendezvous at Aunt Jeanne's "mythology", as it were, of food is a kitchen several weeks hence. I significant aspect. While the basic should have known that this would preparation of daily meals usually not be a simple process, for these happens without too much thought kinds of things rarely are. But about the sociological constructs remember, I was new to the family underlying the dinner hour, the and still learning how this group of holidays-both Jewish and Christian- people handled things. seem to offer most of us an opportu• I appeared on the appointed day nity not only to cook and to create, prepared to watch and eager to but also to reflect and to remember. learn. Aunt Jeanne had organized the ingredients and laid the table Our family, certainly, operates in out: all was in readiness. Except for that way. One of my fondest memo• the arrival of Aunt Elaine! You see, ries of marrying into my husband's the recipe originally had belonged family revolves around one particu• to Aunt Elaine's mother (which lar Rosh Hashanna meal and the would make the actual recipe well event that followed. My husband's over one hundred years old), so, of aunts traditionally took turns having course, Elaine needed to be part of the family for a celebration meal the attempt to pass the magic of following synagogue services. The preparation on to me. first meal I shared with them was
March/April 2004 page 3 Dovetail
A Haggadah for Interfaith Families The Inter-Faith Family Seder Suffice it to say that the making of the Book: How to Celebrate a merevteig should have been captured Jewish Passover Supper with on videotape. The aunts alternated Christian In-Laws and Non- between patiently teaching me the Jewish Friends by Nan Meyer intricacies of mixing, rolling, fiUing, (1998): The title says it all. This moving, baking, slicing-and arguing is a delightful, easy-to-use Beautifully arrayed on a with each other as to exactly how the haggadah that, while making the prayers, songs, and ritual mixing, rolling, filling, moving, special serving dish was accessible and comprehensible baking, and sUcing should happen. the family "secret to the non-Jew, does not fall But by the afternoon's end, I had into the trap of "Christianizing" recipe"—the confection grasped the fundamentals and felt the seder. It has such practical capable of venturing into my own pointers as suggesting white called merevteig . . . kitchen. I felt supremely compliment• rather than purple grape juice ed as "the aunts" told me that I had for the children because purple been a good student and they were stains, "and there may not be sure I could handle the challenge of much time to get their holiday finery cleaned for Easter the family secret recipe. Sunday." Then there are I have become a capable merevetig sensitive interpretations, such as that for the ten plagues baker. The recipe is, indeed, a visited on the Egyptians: "When challenge; some have tried to learn people do evil, they defy God's but have not been able to master the will and bring suffering upon art. Aunt Jeanne commented, before themselves.... [but] we cannot she moved to Florida, that while she rejoice over their pain." Finally, was known for her merevteig, I traditional songs like "Chad could now make it every bit as well Gadya" are paired with a as she did! When I bake merevtig universalist English paraphrase for a family celebration, or I knead of "Eliyahu ha-Navi" set to the a challah to be used in the bar and tune of "I'd Like to Teach the bat mitzvah ceremonies of relatives World to Sing" (only the and friends, or I make an Irish soda blessings are in Hebrew in this user-friendly ritual). We've bread to mark St. Patrick's Day, I taken advantage of the special find that I cannot help but be price for orders of 10 or more grateful that my link in the family for our family seder. Review chain, the baker, is one that carries reprinted by permission from these special memories associated Dovetail 7:5. with warmth and happiness from one generation to another. $12.50 ea. for 1-8 copies; $6.00 ea. for 10 or more Kitchen memories transfer culture copies. Shipping & handling $2 from one generation to another. minimum; 10% to 7 copies, 5% Whether the family is Irish or Jewish, for 10 or more. whether the family culture is Heritage reserved or raucous, there is no POB212, E. doubt in my mind that the hands Amherst, NY 14051-0212. preparing the food nurture not only Fax 716-636-0645 the bodies but also the souls of Email: hrtageSSii everyone around any table. ^
March/April 2004 page 4 Passover in Civil War Times: A Reminiscence of the Civil War by J. A. Joel, 1866 n the commencement of the war exceeded anything our forefathers This description of an improvised seder of 1861,1 enlisted from Cleve• enjoyed. The herb was very bitter during the Civil War came from the land, Ohio, in the Union cause.... and very fiery, like cayenne pepper, I reminiscences of J. A. Joel, written in While lying there, [in the mountains and excited our thirst to such a of West Virginia] our camp duties degree, that we forgot the law 1866 in the Jewish Messenger. were not of an arduous character, authorizing to drink only four cups, and being apprised of the approach• and the consequence was we drank ing Feast of Passover, twenty of my up all the cider. Those that drank the comrades and co-religionists ... more freely became excited, and one united in a request to our com• thought he was Moses, another manding officer for relief from duty, Aaron, and one had the audacity to in order that we might keep the call himself a Pharaoh. The holydays, which he readily acceded consequence was a skirmish, with to. Our business was to find some nobody hurt, only Moses, Aaron suitable person to proceed to and Pharaoh, had to be carried to Cincinnati, Ohio, to buy us matzos. the camp, and there left in the arms of Morpheus. We were anxiously awaiting to receive our [matzot] and about the There, in the wild woods of West middle of the morning a supply Virginia, away from home and train arrived in camp, and to our friends, we consecrated and offered delight seven barrels of matzos. On up to the ever-loving God of Israel, opening them, we were surprised our prayers and sacrifice. and pleased to find that our thoughtful sutler had enclosed two Matzah on Both Sides of Hagodahs [sic!] and prayer-books. the Conflict We were now able to keep the Another Union soldier, Myer Levy [seder] nights, if we could only of Philadelphia, wrote his family that obtain the other requisites for that he was strolling through the streets occasion. of a Virginia town and noticed a little boy sitting on the steps of a We obtained two kegs of cider, a house, eating matzah. When he lamb, several chickens and some asked the boy for a piece, the child eggs. We had the lamb but did not fled indoors, shouting at the top of know what part was to represent it his lungs, at the table; Yankee ingenuity prevailed, and it was decided to "Mother! There's a damn Yankee cook the whole and put it on the Jew outside!" The boy's mother table, then we could dine off it, and came out immediately and invited be sure we had the right part. The the soldier to the seder. necessaries for the choroutzes [sic] we could not obtain, so we got a As we can see, Jewish soldiers on brick which, rather hard to digest, both sides of the conflict had to go reminded us, by looking at it, for out of their way to obtain matzah. what purpose it was intended. Until the 1845, American Jews would buy matzah directly from Horseradish or parsley we could not their synagogues; there special obtain, but in lieu we found a weed, committees were given the job of whose bitterness, I apprehend, shaping them by hand into round
March/April 2004 page 5 Dovetail
or rectangular forms. As bakeries went into the matzah business in HOW TO ORDER the mid 1800s, observant Jews wrote DOVETAIL: to the chief rabbi of Gleiwitz in To place a credit card order for Prussia to inquire whether it was your own or a gift subscription lawful to use machinery to manufac• ture matzah. His affirmative re• to Dovetail, please call sponse was published in the New 80D-530-1596. To order by mail, York Asmonean on February 28, send your check for $29.95, 1851. Because of the lack of religious The necessaries for the made payable to DI-IFR, to: unity, advertisements appeared choroutzes [sic] we could in the Jewish press throughout the DIIFR country proclaiming the kashrut not obtain, so we got a 775 Simon Greenwell Ln. of one matzah over another. brick.... Boston, KY 40107 After the Civil War many food Special Offer: Send $59.95 for businesses sprang up, including a one-year membership in The Dovetail matzah bakers. In the early 1800s, Augustus Goodman, the scion of a Institute for Interfaith Family Resources. family of matzah bakers in Posen, This includes a year's subscription to Poland, settled in Washington, D.C., Dovetail, a 10% discount on conference where he became a baker for the lees and tape or transcript costs, and Union Army. In 1865, he moved to automatic inclusion on the mailing list Philadelphia where he opened a for free brochures on interfaith topics. bakery that eventually became A. Goodman & Sons, Inc. This sum also includes a $30 tax- deductible donation to this non-prof it After the Civil War, editorials organization, and will help us continue appeared in the Jewish press encour• in our work of non-judgmental research aging northerners to forget their ill feelings towards the south and and education in Jewish/Christian provide their Jewish brethren there, marriage many of whom had lost everything, Thank you for your support. with matzah for the seder. ^
March/April 2004 page 6 A Stranger Floating by Roberta Pantal Rhodes
t is the first time I have made a Rosh People extended greetings even though Roberta Pantal Rhodes has had several Hashanah dinner. I have been they didn't know us. I puffed my face stories published in Parting Gifts, one of planning it for weeks. I worry that up into a smile, showing my teeth like I which was nominted for a Pushcart Prize, my guests won't think it's Jewish a snarling dog. We didn't seem to enough or that I'm not Jewish enough. belong there. She said we were Jewish, with another story due out in July 2004, I tell Norman it is for him; he says I am and that was enough for me. I didn't called "Sunday Promises." In addition. doing it for myself Finally, we agree it need Hebrew school, with men in long The Harbor Review published, "She Will is for the family. beards uttering funny words I didn't understand, or trying to read strange Not See the Tears" which won first prize I make lots and lots of lists. One for configurations of letters. from the Writers Voice in NYC. Her Citarellas: gefilte fish, matzo balls, four ' stories have also appeared in Kola, a pounds of brisket. The butcher tells On the other hand, my father's me the brisket will shrink to two Italian family celebrated holidays. Canadian magazine and Confrontation. pounds once it's cooked; then I worry, Fat apple Santas with raisin eyes Her children's chapter book "Beauregard" will it be enough? At Fairway: carrots, and marshmallow hats decorated the was published by Mondo. She has been potatoes, onions, yams, dried apricots, . Christmas table. Strings of flashing awarded several residences at the figs, and grapes. At Zabars: two lights were twirled around a giant tree chickens. At Williams: kasha that went from the floor to the ceiling, Virginia Center for Creative Arts as well varnishkes. All foods that I refused to smelling like we were in the woods as one from Ragdale. Born in New York eat as a child, saying they were too [ and not Astoria. City the child of the interfaith marriage of stringy, or gooey, or soggy, or fishy. But even there I was a stranger her Jewish mother and her Italian I want this to be a traditional Jewish floating among a sea of faces I rarely Catholic father meal. There has to be gefilte fish and saw, walking from room to room like matzo ball soup and kasha varnishkes a visitor in a museum, examining little and tsimmes and brisket with potatoes . saints lined up on my grandmother's and onions and carrots. There has to dresser, the cross with Jesus over the be. : bed, the rosary with its black beads that my mother forbade me ever to I don't remember my mother ever touch. making a Jewish holiday dinner with lots of people gathered around a I wanted to belong somewhere. But too-small table with tons of food. it couldn't be with this family because There were no crowds of people at my mother would never let me go. my mother's house: just my mother, Besides, this family would have to my older brother, and me. It was want me, and they couldn't. Wanting always the three of us. Never more, me would give them more contact never less. We were all each of us with my father who drank too much. had. We were the family. I was rootless, floating in the universe unattached to anyone or anything, Places I've forgotten rush back at ' belonging nowhere. the oddest times as if they are always there, buried away from consciousness. ' I can wait a long time, but it doesn't My mother in her big Jewish Schul hat • mean that eventually I will belong that she wore once a year when she somewhere. It doesn't mean that at all. dragged me to this foreign place to It's possible that nothing will happen, pray for her dead mother whom I and I will keep waiting. I have heard never met. the words "be patient" many times during my life. But I am not patient. I am always waiting and rushing.
March/April 2004 page 7 Dovetail
Waiting and rushing. I wait until I Jews. That he will say, "She's half Please remember us in can't wait any more, then I rush from Italian, a wop, a guinea, don't let her place to place and find myself waiting in," or "send her to the other side your will and trusts. some more. where the sauce, pasta and sausage are." But there they will tell me, 'She Surprisingly, everyone arrives at our is Jewish, don't let her in. Send the apartment on time. There is no Dovetail's website: mockie with the matzos to the other waiting. We are only seven people, side." Who will explain that a child www.dovetailinstitute.org crowded together around a table for with Jewish mother is Jewish? \\T» four, but it is not uncomfortable. will explain that to Him? Deep in my Online discussion group: Each time I bring out another dish, heart, I know that I am Jewish, but one of my guests teases me and says, grQups.yahoo.com/group/ does everyone else know? More "Oh, my God, are you sure you didn't important, does God know? interfaith. leave something in the oven?" My father acted as if he didn't know But there is one voice at the table that that I was Jewish, sometimes asking says, "This must be the Italian part of me on his Sunday visits what reli™ you. They always serve so much I was. The first time I replied, food." "Jewish," he said "No, you're Itahan.' Artie and Ruth quickly come to my Then other times he would ask and defense, "So do the Jews." I'd say, "Italian," but again he'd say "No, you're American." No matter I don't know if this voice is aware of what I said, it was never the right my need to prove that I am Jewish, or answer. how important this dinner is to me. Even to say the Barucha is hard for What is the right answer, to amihin^ me. I think I don't belong to this What is right, and what is wrong? Is religion. I have to fight my way into that the same as good and bad? How it. I have heard that voice before. I do you know that what you know is hear it telling me being half Italian is truly what you know and not some• not being all Jewish. thing someone has planted in your head? What's truly yours? Norman lights the candles and I say the prayer I learned in Hebrew While my father never tried to drag School. Barucha atah adonoi, eluhenu me to church or ever gave me a cross melech ha-olam, hamotizi lechem min that I was supposed to hide from ha-awritz, Blessed art though oh my mother, I wondered how people Lord our God, King of the Uni• kneeled for hours praying until the verse. .., but I am unable to finish marks from the wooden pews were indented into their skin. Or whether and begin to cry. Artie finishes for they were embarrassed to confess me, "who bring us forth bread upon their sins to the Father, who made the earth, amen." I can't forget that them say hundreds of Hail Marys I am half Italian. What is important until they were forgiven. I wanted is that people know I am Jewish. For to confess too, wanted to be forgiv my Israeli sister-in-law Lea, it would never be a problem. A Jewish mother, My father had an agreement with my a Jewish child. Period, finished. mother, that I would be raised Jew- Sometimes I worry that when I die, but he had no agreement with me. k.. God will say I don't belong with the
March/April 2004 page 8 Jewish Cooking In America (review)
ule of thumb for book and wedding preparation phase of Jewish Cooking In America media reviews is that the establishing a new dual-faith house• by Joan Nathan. (New York: Alfred Knopf, 1998). Rsubject matter should be hold: when they discover that the current-as "cutting edge" as possible "December dilemma" of "tree vs. so as to be perceived as relevant by menorah" also extends to the spring the people using the information question of "brisket vs. ham." to make consumer choices. And, Because Judaism is a home-centered as most rules go, this is not a bad religion, (and "home" means "food"), one. However, when dealing with it is often a surprise to a non-Jewish a significant piece of a culture in a spouse when the huge significance Bo religion whose traditions reach back of food as part of the holiday rituals Can 0/ to a time over five thousand years is made clear. While meals and food Flub ago, looking at a cookbook pub• choices are also indicators of history el lished a little more than five years and celebration to most cultures, it ago isn't such a stretch. is impossible to think of celebrating Jewish holidays without understand• Cookbooks now assume a large ing both the significance and amount of display space in most preparation of menus. national bookstore chains. One needn't be especially brilliant The complexity of such meal to recognize that has happened preparation can be made much Carol Weiss Rubel is an educator who holds because cookbooks are "big money" clearer to anyone interested in a bachelor's degree in English and advanced in the publishing world. Whether learning through the phenomenal degrees in English and education. A the chicken or the egg came first- book written by Joan Nathan, Jewish whether the interest in cooking Coolcing in America. The book was community activist, her creative approach today springs from cable television translated into a series on PBS to problem solving has resulted in the networks devoted exclusively to television several years ago, and may formation of an alternative high school food preparation and the array of still be viewed on some affiliates program for at-risk teens in Scranton City cookbooks published, or whether across the country. School District, Pennsylvania. Sought after those came after Americans decided as a resource and motivational speaker, The blending of history, anecdote, that there is more to life than "happy Carol embraces collaboration as the religious information, and accurate meals"-really is not important. The optimal problem-solving model in culinary technique together into one recognition of food as an integral volume should make this book an professional and personal avenues. part of the culture is accepted as indispensable part of every interfaith Carol Weiss Rubel is the adult child of a given today, much as geometry kitchen. Mrs. Nathan's approach to an interfaith marriage; she is a practicing theorems are accepted without the subject of Jewish cuisine is Roman Catholic married to an observant question in classrooms all over chronological and sociological. Conservative Jew. the world. She traces the roots of kashrut and Interfaith couples sometimes face holidays while simultaneously a challenge never discussed during offering appropriate contemporary the courtship, engagement, and options for the integration of history
March/April 2004 page 9 Dovetail
Dovetail's Editorial Advisory Board
Rabbi Dr. Arthur Blecher Licensed Professional Counselor, Washington, D.C. into the modern kitchen. Throughout Katherine Powell Cohen, Ph.D Coordinator for Interfaith Programs, the nearly five hundred pages San Francisco Jewish Family & of the book are the kinds of hints Children Services that one would hope to get from Dr. Eugene Fisher Director of Catholic-Jewish Relations, a kindly relative who wanted a new National Conference of Catholic Bishops' cook to succeed. Secretariat for Ecumenical and Inter- religious Affairs and a member of the Beginning with a section called International Vatican-Jewish Liaison Committee, Washington, D.C. "Appetizers-from Herring to Hummus" and working though Rev. Betty Gamble Associate General Secretary, United breads, soups, fish, meat, poultry, Methodist General Commission vegetables, grains, and desserts, on Christian Unity & Interreligious Concerns Jewish Cooking in America is a seminal work for anyone desiring Rabbi Julie Greenberg Director, Jewish Renewal Life to deepen both technique and Center in Philadelphia, Pa. understanding of Jewish cuisine. Joan C. Hawxhurst Because the book is written in an Founding editor of Dovetail, president of easy-to-follow, conversational tone, Dovetail Publishing, Inc., author of Bubbe and Gram: My Two Grandmothers it is the perfect "go to" source for
Katherine McCabe individuals who may be unfamiliar Intermarried Presbyterian elder, with how to plan and serve a journalist, and editor in Chicago traditional Passover Seder as well Rev. Bernard Pietrzak as how to braid an elaborate six- Roman Catholic counselor to interfaith strand challah, or how to make couples in the Chicago area, based at St. Raymond Church, Mt. Prospect, 111. a savory cholent. My own copy
Ira Pilchen is stained and dog-eared-a true Intermarried magazine editor and college testament to its frequent use. I journalism instructor in Chicago personally recommend the brisket Mary Helene Rosenbaum recipe on page 177; it's made me Executive Director, DI-IFR; co-author famous in our family! of Celebrating Our Differences: Living Two Faiths in One Marriage In short, for all of us who attempt Dr. Stanley Ned Rosenbaum to create a harmonious dual-faith Adjunct Professor, Univ. of Ky.; co-author of Celebrating Our Differences: Living Two home, this book is a great resource. Faiths in One Marriage If the interfaith family doesn't have Oscar A. Rosenbloom a Bubbe willing to offer lessons in Founding member and cantor of the Interfaith Community of Palo Alto, Ca. person, then Joan Nathan's beautiful work makes a marvelous substitute. T Carol Weiss Rubel Intermarried educator with advanced degrees in English and education; adult child of interfaith parents
Membership on Dovetail's Editorial Advisory Board does not necessarily imply endorsement of the articles and opinions expressed herein.
March/April 2004 Food Humor for Interfaith Families from the Internet
n the new tradition of low Blintzes of Mexican fried beans:" What! Do calorie foods, here is an Internet they serve leftover cholent here too?!" Not to be confused with the German Passover Menu ala Lite Humor My wife once tried something I war machine. Can you imagine the to serve with generous portions of unusual for guests; she made cholent N.J. Post 1939 headhnes: "Germans laughter: burgers for Sunday night supper. The drop tons of cheese and blueberry guests never came back. Latkes blintzes over Poland—shortage of sour cream expected." Basically this Gefilte Fish A pancake-like structure not to be is the Jewish answer to crepes confused with anything the Interna• A few years ago, I had problems with Suzette. tional House of Pancakes would put my fiher in my fish pond and a few out. In a latke, the oil is in the ; Kishka of them got rather stuck and pancake. It is made with potatoes, mangled. My son (5 years old) You know from Haggis? Well, this onions, eggs and matzo meal. Latkes looked at them and commented "Is ain't it. In the old days they would can be eaten with apple sauce but that why we call it 'Ge Filtered Fish'?" take an intestine and stuff it. Today NEVER with maple syrup. There is Originally, it was a carp stuffed with we use parchment paper or plastic. a rumor that in the time of the a minced fish and vegetable mixture. And what do you stuff it with? Maccabees they lit a latke by Today it usually comprises small fish Carrots, celery, onions, flour, and mistake and it burned for eight balls eaten with horseradish spices. But the trick is not to cook days. What is certain is you will ("chrain") which is judged on its it alone but to add it to the cholent relative strength in bringing tears have heartburn for the same (see below) and let it cook for 24 to your eyes at 100 paces. amount of time. hours until there is no chance Matzo whatsoever that there is any nutri• Bagels tional value left. The Egyptians' revenge for our How can we finish without the leaving slavery. It consists of a Kreplach quintessential Jewish Food, the simple mix of flour and water-no bagel? Like most foods, there are It sounds worse than it tastes. There eggs or flavor at all. When made legends surrounding the bagel is a rabbinical debate on its origins: well, it could actually taste like although I don't know any. There One rabbi claims it began when a cardboard. Its redeeming value is have been persistent rumors that fortune cookie fell into his chicken that it does fill you up and stays the inventors of the bagel were the soup. The other claims it started in with you for a long time. However, Norwegians who couldn't get anyone an Italian restaurant. Either way it to buy smoked lox. Think about it: it is recommended that you eat a can be soft, hard, or soggy and the few prunes soon after. Can you picture yourself eating lox amount of meat inside depends on on white bread? Rye? A cracker? Kasha Varnishkes whether it is your mother or your Naaa. They looked for something mother-in-law who cooked it. hard and almost indigestible that One of the little-known delicacies could take the spread of cream which is even more difficult to : Cholent cheese and that doesn't take up too pronounce than to cook. It has This combination of noxious gases much room on the plate. And why nothing to do with Varnish, but is had been the secret weapon of Jews the hole? The truth is that many basically a mixture of buckwheat for centuries. The unique combina• philosophers believe the hole is the and bow-tie macaroni (noodles). tion of beans, barley, potatoes, and essence and the dough is only there Why a bow-tie? Many sages dis• bones or meat is meant to stick to for emphasis, r^: cussed this and agreed that some your ribs and anything else it comes Jewish mother decided that "You into contact with. At a fancy Mexican can't come to the table without a restaurant (kosher of course) I once tie" or, God forbid, "An elbow on heard this comment from a young• my table?" ster who had just had his first taste
March/April 2004 page 11 Dovetail A Different Kind of Egg Hunt by Patty Kovacs
or many interfaith couples, the meanings of fertility and new life. Easter holiday can present Lambs and bright flowers may be Fintellectual problems and gut secular symbols, but they become responses. We as adults often get hung sacred when we use Easter lilies and up on the literal versus the spiritual paschal candles. Secular stories ,e version of this most sacred Christian include turning over nature's calendar story. For example, we may focus on and leaving the old forms of plants Jesus alone as the one getting a behind for new growth. Butterfhes new life, and not the others who get leave their cocoons to fly away. Sacred powerfully renewed lives in the story: versions of this are the Easter Vigil and the disciples of Jesus (and by associa• sunrise services held at this time of tion, all other followers of Jesus). year. The Passover story marks a changing point in the the sacred For young children, however, the calendar of Judaism, with the Exodus magical elements in this story are from slavery into freedom as the apparent without questioning. To theme. Easter's sacred story is the them, it is about someone special who leaving behind of the bad ways of died and rose up to heaven because living and choosing a new and better he lived a great hfe. Much of their way of living. sense of the holiday gets fixed onto the secular celebration and all of the For a family activity, you might want tie-ins: bunnies, eggs, baby chicks. to try a different take on the Easter Perhaps parents should not steer clear Egg Hunt that can help build on these of the secular celebration, but rather connections. Have your kids color try to link its elements with the pictures of a large Easter egg. spiritual story. If you get ambitious, you may want to go to the computer and copy a big dip Patty Kovacs has developed a K-8 This is the very time that nature's new art egg with word art that says, "I'm life is seen in spring and spiritual new interfaith religious education curriculum Hatching a Plan for A Better World: life is seen in Easter. Focus on the fact See What Treasures I Have Found!" that has been used by the Family School that nature has come out of a very of Chicago for the past 10 years. hard time when things seemed dark Then hide those very small plastic and bleak-winter. eggs. Instead of candy in all of them, Together with her husband David, she fill some with "sweet words." These has written The God We Share, which In the same way, the disciples came are special treasures for building a out of time when things seemed dark includes an overview of the entire renewed and better world: laughter, and bleak. Their beloved friend Jesus curriculum with special focus on lessons joy, peace, love, care, forgiveness, was killed by the Romans. When they hope, honesty, helping, kindness, for grades K-4. Patty has also written four realized that Jesus is still going to be manners, gratitude, happiness, other textbooks for interfaith families that with them again in a whole new way, excitement, friendship, welcoming, they were overjoyed. support the curriculum in the older healing, listening, apology, family, community, and sharing. When aU grades. For more information about Think also of the sacred and secular ties that are signs of moving away are found, gather the kids back these books, e-mail David and Patty at from winter: spring-cleaning. Lent, together and let them open their eggs, [email protected] or call 773-275- cabin fever, and the winter doldrums. see the words, and practice repeating 5689. A portion of the sale of these books Easter's sacred and secular celebra• them after you. Then they can glue the words onto the picture they've benefits Dovetail. tions are all filled with signs and symbols of new life. colored. P
The secular symbols of eggs and bunnies are signs of the sacred
March/April 2004 page 12 Rejoice in Your Choice: V\^at people Finding Common Ground are saying about Dovetail Conferences in Interfaith Marriage Dovetail Institute Fourth National fantastic Conference, August 6-8, 2004 Location: Pacific School of Religion (Graduate Theological Union) experience Berkeley, California A list of nearby lodging and restaurant options will be made available. a natural spring in the The program is shaping up to include some exciting new activities, including a special three-part session for couples who would like guidance in communi• ... desert cating and setting priorities for the interfaith issues in their relationships.
We'll also cover the basic topics: weddings, baby-welcoming and coming-of-age "lit 2. ceremonies, end-of-life questions, choosing children's religion, resources, educa• tion, family celebrations, spirituality, understanding each other's religion, finding like-minded people, adult children, daily life, grandparenting, extended family. Above all, there will be opportunities to exchange ideas and feelings with people in situations similar to your own, whether you're engaged, raising a young family, We Have living with older children, dealing with the empty nest, or finding your way as grandparents in an interfaith family. A Tool Kit' If you're involved with interfaith families as a religious or secular counselor, you will find others to network with and draw inspiration from. And, as always, there for Life will be books and tapes for sale, free handouts of ceremonies and other resources, and networking lists to keep you in touch. If you're not already a member, send your dues along with your donation to ensure a 10% discount on conference registration fees and all tapes and transcripts.
Register now at this special Early Bird rate (good till 3/1/04; cancellation dead• line 7/15/04). Please include your tax-deductible donation and membership dues.
We rely on your support! • ; soul- Mail form to 775 Simon Greenwell Ln., Boston, KY 40107 or call 800-530-1596 or register on-line at www.dovetailinstitute.org. Stretched
MEMBERSHIP/SUBSCRIPTION Membership dues $30 (in addition to existing subscription) Subscription and membership: $59.95 Renewed subscription only $29.95 DONATION: Contributor $25 Supporter $100 Conference Underwriter $1000 . Conference Angel $2000-1- Designate my donation for the Roberts Fund I wish my donation to be anonymous CONFERENCE REGISTRATION Name: Address: City: State: Zip: Phone: Fax: E-mail: TOTAL PAYMENT Check all that apply. $225 Non-member rate (all rates per person) $200 Member rate $200 Early bird non-member rate $175 Early bird member rate _Group rate additional 10% Visa, MasterCard, check accepted. Payment in full required to process your registration. Check Enclosed. Amount: No.: MasterCard Visa Expiration: Cardholder's Name: Card Number: Total amount $
March/April 2004 page 13 Dovetail
Joining Hands and Hearts, Interfaitti Clergy Counseling Intercultural Weddings Celebrations, ^ Rabbi Allen Secher, A Practical Guide for Couples "^^m a founding board (Fireside/Simon & Schuster) 1^ member of Dovetail The first wedding book , Institute, is available
!>T£i-ANACHrMACOM|i to feature the rituals, ||k J for counseling V\! .*.NI>K1 \\ blessings, readings and Hjk ^^Mfl interfaith couples ©INING vows of 14 faiths and dozens of cultures (all ^•lA/ Um and their families in HANDS fully scripted and person, on line, or by telephone. AN D explained). Warm and HEARTS tender counsel is offered Rabbi Secher is a longtime adviser to the largest to the interfaith/ interfaith group in the country, and has been an intercultural couple. officiant or co-officiant of interfaith life cycle Interfaith stories and ceremonies for the past 40-1- years. His breadth of testimonials are knowledge, warmth, sympathy, and commitment interlaced throughout to exploring the needs of both Christian and the text. The author, Rev. Jewish partners make him an indispensable Susanna Stefanachi Macomb, an ordained interfaith support to couples throughout the country and minister, has officiated at hundreds of ceremonies abroad. For details, call (312) 913-9193 or e-mail for people from an amazing variety of faiths and sech [email protected]. cultures. Praised by couples and clergy alike, Joining Hands and Hearts is available at major Rabbi Secher's counseling services are independent of the bookstores everywhere and on Amazon.com. Dovetail Institute and do not necessarily reflect its policies. To learn more about Joining Hands and Hearts, to read reviews and/or excerpts, or to inquire into Macomb's services, please visit the author's website: www.susannamacomb.com
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March/April 2004 page 14- Bulletin Board Interfaith Support Around the Nation
To be listed as a contact person for a group, Maryland, Baltimore New York, Rochester or if you are seeking to join or form a group, Jacqui Ashkin, Jewish Family Services Interfaith Connection, JCC please send information to: 6 Park Center Court, Suite 203 Michele Ruda Leve, C.S.W. Owings, Mills, MD 2II17 (585) 461-2000 ext. 232 Dan Josephs (410) 356-8383 ext. 351 1175 S. Euclid Avenue, Oak Park IL 60304 Ohio, Columbus Tel: (708) 660-9503; Fax: (630) 574-8089 Maryland, Rockville Gateways: The Jewish Interfaith Connection EMail: [email protected] JCC of Greater Washington, DC Carol Folkerth (614) 231-2731 Tracey Dorfman, Director Dan is one of the founders and coordinators (301) 881-0100, ext. 6762 Ohio, Dayton of the Chicago Jewish Catholic Couples Group. Jewish Interfaith Network: Interfaith group We look forward to hearing from you. Massachusetts, Boston* David Knapp (937) 853-0372 Adina Davidson & Joel Nitzberg (617) 776-3235 Pennsylvania, Philadelphia Faithways, JFCS of Greater Philadelphia Interfaith Discussion Group Michigan, Ann Arbor R. Rayzel Raphael (215) 540-3737 Dale Kasler & Twila Morris (916) 492-2815 Jewbilation: Jewish Roots with Interfaith Wings, Lauren Zinn (734) 996-3524 Tennessee, Memphis* California, San Francisco Bay Area* http://www.jewbilation.org Jan and David Kaplan (901) 767-4267 Alicia Torre (650) 474-0644
Minnesota, Minneapolis* Virginia, Northern Virginia area California, San Francisco Bay Area Joan Cleary and Jerry Helfand (651) 698-7987 Cong. Beth Emeth Interfaith Connection, Groups. Judi Cloutier, Outreach Coordinator Roseanne Levitt, Director (415) 292-1252 Minnesota, Minneapolis (703) 860-4515 ext. 142 Jewish FCS of Minneapolis, Barbara Rudnick Colorado, Denver Wisconsin, Milwaukee Stepping Stones: Jewish identification. Missouri, St. Louis area* Interfaith Connection, JCC of Milwaukee Stacey Delcau (303) 554-5854 Joanne & Larry Eisenman (314) 918-7992 Prina Goldfarb (414) 964-4444
Connecticut, Hamden New Jersey, West Orange Israel* Stepping Stones to a Jewish Me. Jewish Community Center (203) 288-3877 Lynne Wolfe (973) 736-3200 ext. 233 Call 800-530-1596 for contact info. District of Columbia, Greater Washington* New Mexico, Albuquerque United Kingdom* Interfaith Families Project Archdiocese of Santa Fe Ecumenical Office Rosalind Birtwistle (44) 01234 261 775 Susan Ryder (301) 270-6337 Fr. Michael Damkovich or Heddy Long Family Life Office Interfaith couples in the following cities District of Columbia, Greater Washington * would like to meet or talk with other interfaith Jewish Catholic Family Network. New York, Albany Area* couples: Eve Edwards (703) 893-4447 Marie or Rob Dropkin (518) 439-3732 Orlando, FL Brenda Benesch (703) 528-2016 DesMoines, lA Patrice Thomas (301) 299-6821 New York, Long Island Indianapolis, IN [email protected] Long Island Havurah for Humanistic Judaism W. Bloomfield area, MI http://mywebpages.comcast.net/ Leonard Cherlin (516) 889-8337 Lincoln, NE jcfamilynetwork] Cleveland, OH New York, Long Island/Suffolk County* Oklahoma City, OK Illinois, Chicago Metropolitan area* Eileen Horowitz (516) 345-0095 Elkins Park, PA Jewish Catholic Couples' Dialogue Group Madison, WI Abbe & Dan Josephs (708) 660-9503 New York, New York City Patty & David Kovacs (773) 275-5689 Temple of Universal Judaism To network, please contact us http://www.tuj.org, (212) 535-0187 at [email protected] or Indiana, Bloomington* 800-530-1596. Multifaith couples group. Bill & New York, NY Greater Metropolitan area* Diana Harwood, (812) 323-7519, InterfaithCommunity,Inc. or [email protected] Manhattan, Westchester, Orange/Rockland. Sheila Gordon (212) 870-2544 Louisiana, New Orleans [email protected] * Group not sponsored by a religious Cortnev Nathan, Jewish Family Services www.interfahhcommunity.org institution. 5 March/April 2004 page 15 The Perfect Keep For the first time a Ketubah, a Hebrew marriage covenent, is available in language especially suited to interfaith couples. J Please send me a full The Poetic and egalitarian style clearly expresses an color brochure. interfaith couple's commitment to respect each other's heritage. It is a beautiful art piece, witnessing the bride and Please send me a ketubah. groom's promise to love and honor one another. Enclosed is $125 for each ketubah + $15 shipping and handling, (IL residents add 9% sales tax). GOOD www.agoodcompany.com interftheaol.com Call for Gilding & Calligrapliy pricing. (312)913-9193 P.O. Box 3218 Chicago, IL 60654 Non-Profit U.S. Postage PAID Permit #1040 Dovetail Leesburg, FL A Journal by and for Jewish/Christian Families 34748 775 Simon Greenwell Lane Boston, KY 40107 i..].l11,..l.l...>.il«t ADDRESS SERVICE REQUESTED printed on recycxc n