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He

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the

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AND

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are

has

OF the

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validate

her

answer.

helps

with

PAGE

many

is

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HEARTS:

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in

circumstances. HATTER:

SEVEN

words

day

immediately.

DUMPTY:

the

HEARTS: personalities.

along

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QUEEN completely

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CHARACTERIZATIONS

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RABBIT: his

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DORMOUSE:

CATERPILLAR:

overwhelmed

WHITE

Alita.

be

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positive

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daylight

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be

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to

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are

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with will THE he

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THE audiences.

that Anna earth.

IV Queen

to example

tendencies. QUEEN

change

ANNA: either VI VII ALITA: She is perhaps the most like Alice. She is kind, curious, good THEATRE ETIQUETTE AND GUIDELINES natured and happy. Many of you already practice good theatre etiquette. And then again sometimes all of us need to be reminded. MEADOW: She is more feisty. She has a lot of fire in her and is sometimes impatient. She is all of the other things that little girls are Be on time. and more. If she is a sign in the zodiac it would be an Aires. Maintain a good attitude. Don’t talk during rehearsal. MALAIKA: She is the older of the three. If anything they are only a Don’t express your ideas during rehearsals. year apart in age. But even with just a year she is slightly more practical (Discuss them with the director after rehearsal. and tries to solve problems. She is still a happy go lucky child but with Rehearse your lines while waiting. a practical streak and a respect for her elders. Bring your script to every rehearsal. Don’t direct others. Don’t chew gum. NOTE: When the Alices shrink we had great success with smaller girls If you can see the audience, they can see you. who have the same hair styles and color as the bigger girls, the most Absolutely no talking or whispering backstage. convincing part being the exact costuming. A simple blackout will do Warm up before you perform. it. The audience absolutely loved the littlest Alice. Of course, it can also Return your script at the end of the show. be done with the same size Alices stylistically. “Alices in Wonderland” Learn your lines as soon as possible. has been successfully produced with entire casts of children, entire casts (It takes the same time now, as it will later) of adults and with a mix of both. Put aside time everyday to practice. Read the play all the way through. Memorize the scene order. Speak loudly and clearly from the beginning. Never turn your back to the audience. Create actions to go with the words you are speaking. Make-up full sentences for interrupted sentences. Research your character. If you don’t know the meaning of a word or a phrase, look it up. Find facial expressions to fit your character. (They are called “mugs”) Memorize your cue lines. Step on the last word of the person’s sentence before you. Use grunts and moans and pauses to punctuate. Never stop, no matter what, keep going! If you forget, improvise! Don’t complain about your costume. Never, never, say anything about another person unless it’s positive. Don’t gossip! Be happy. Relax. Don’t forget to breathe! Never quit a show, no matter what, once you have committed. You perform, unless you’re dead. VIII 1 ALICES IN WONDERLAND

SCENEONE DIAGRAM OF STAGE POSITIONS (ThethreeAlicesare sitting on theriver bankwith theirsister,Anna,whois isa hotafternoonand theAlicesare I I I readingthemtheirdailyhistorylesson. It I I I I I feelinglazyand not at all likelisteningtohistory) I UR URC i UC ULC UL I I I I I MALAIKA: Please, Anna, read us the Jabberwocky poem again. I I I I I ALITA: Yes, please do, we loved it so. C L IR RC: LC MALAIKA: I didn’t quite understand it all, did you? (ToMeadow) I I I I MEADOW: Of course not, but it must mean something wonderful the I- way the words twist around themselves like that. I I I I ALITA: Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas...only I don’t DR I DRC DC DLC DL know exactly what they are! However, somebody killed something, RIGHT LEFT that’s clear at any rate. 1 ANNA: Now, wait a minute... ALL THREE: Please , oh please...pretty please with crumpets on top...and not even at tea time...we’ll do anything you say. STAGE POSITIONS ANNA: But how are you ever to learn your histoiy if we don’t study it properly? ALITA: We’ve had enough history for one day, Anna. Upstage means away from the AUDIENCE, downstage means toward MEADOW: Besides, what is the use of a book without pictures and the AUDIENCE, and right and left are used in reference to the actor conversations? when he faces theaudience. ANNA: Nevertheless, I shall continue reading history, and if all of you R. means right,L means left,U means up, D means down,C means concentrate until the end of the lesson, I shall then read you the center,and these abbreviations are used in combination. UR for up right, Jabberwocky poem once more. MEADOW: Oh, Anna... RC for right center,DLC for downleftcenter,and so on. A designated ALITA: All right...(Reluctantly) stage position refers to a general area, rather than to a specific point. MALAIKA: If I had my way, everything would be written in nonsense. This is to be used as a communication between director and performers. (AnnareadsaboutQueens. Finda bookaboutQueenElizabeth,readsomething

An easy way to remember that upstagerefers to the part of the stage 4 descriptive.)I wish I was a Queen. furthest from the audience is to remember that stages used to be built MEADOW: You wait and see, someday I’llbe a Queen. slanting down toward the audience. (Theyall settlebackagainstthebankand Annacontinuesreadingout ofthe historybook.Aboutthenthe WhiteRabbitruns by.)

RABBIT: Oh dear, oh dear, I’m late, I’m late for an extremely important date. (Hepullsout a hugepocketwatchwhiletheAliceswatchhimwith utmost interest. Anna is quiteinvolvedin herbookand doesnotseehimand continuesreadingoverthefollowingdialogue. TheAlicesbeginto rise.) ALITA: What do you suppose he’s late for? 2 3 MALAIKA: He said it was important! (Lastline is saidjust as the Alicesreturn to thestage. Thereis nowa small MEADOW: It could be something really important, like a party. tableon stage with a keyon it. The Dormouse is under the table, it is not seen, MALAIKA: At any rate, let’s follow him and find out. I’ve never seen a but willprovidethevoiceofa smallperson) rabbit wearing clothes before, except in picture books. ALITA: Or with a pocket watch... MALAIKA: Oh, I say, a key!!! I wonder if it will get us out of here. MEADOW: Or that could speak, for that matter. (Theyare lookingaround) ALITA: Oh, I say, a door! (She grabs the key out of Malaika’s hand) I (Withouta secondthoughtall threedivethroughtheholethat the WhiteRabbit wonder if this particular key might fit this particular door. (Meadow has entered. All thefollowingsentencesand soundsare during theirfall grabs itfromherand runs to thedoorand tries it. It isa verysmalldoorso throughthehole,offstage.) theyall haveto layon theirbelliestoseethroughit.) MEADOW: It does fit!!! Oh what a lovely garden. ANNA: (Annadiscoverstheyaregoneand searchesfor them,and exitswhile MALAIKA: Let me see. (Pushingher away) How I would love to get saying) Alices, Alices, come back this minute. Alices, Alices!! out there among the bright flowers and cool fountains. ALITA: Oh! It’s so dark in here! (Fromcffstage,thestageis black.) ALITA: (Peekingovertheirshoulders) Well, even if our heads should go MEADOW: What a humongous tunnel! through, it would be of little use without our shoulders. MALAIKA: We’re falling (Sound effects) MEADOW: (Rising) Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! MEADOW: We’re falling an awful long way. (Shehas returned to thetable) That bottle wasn’t there before. (Theother ALITA: I wonder how many miles we’ve fallen by this time. tworun over) MEADOW: We must be somewhere near the center of the earth. VOICE: Drink me! MALAIKA: Let me see....that would be approximately 4,000 miles MALAIKA: Well, it’s all very well to say, drink me, but I’ll look first to down, I think. see if you’re marked poison, for if a little girl drinks from a bottle ALITA: Well after a fall like this, we shall think nothing of tumbling marked poison, it is almost certain to disagree with her sooner or later. downstairs. ALITA: It must be all right. (As shegrabs the bottleand looksat it) MEADOW: How brave everyone will think we are. MEADOW: (GrabsbottlefromAlita) I’ll drink you!...MMMMMM.. (As Why, MALAIKA: we wouldn’t say anything about it if we fell off the Alitagrabs it backagainand takesa drink) It has a mixed flavor of cherry top of a house. tart, custard, pineapple.... (TheWhiteRabbitcomesthroughotherendoftunneland runs acrossstage) ALITA: Roast turkey! (HandsbottletoMalaikawhotakesa drink) Taffy! MALAIKA: And hot buttered toast!!! RABBIT: I’m late! Oh dear, oh dear, my ears and whiskers, I’m late! MEADOW: Oh no. I’m growing bigger, not smaller! Won’t the Queen be savage. ALITA: And so am I! (Theyall beginto puffup and grow,on their toes, (During thissentencetheAlicesland same at the place. Theytumbleout, one reachinghigh) after theother,get up, brush themselvesoffandfollowtherabbitintothe MALAIKA: Me too. Now we’ll never get out of here. (Shebeginsto cry audience. Theyloose and him beginmutteringto themselvesas theycircle and theothersjoin in) throughtheaudienceand backup to thestage) ALITA: We ought to be ashamed of ourselves. Big girls like us crying this way. Stop it this minute, I tell you. AUTA: Where are we? Are we still in England? MEADOW: I haven’t the foggiest idea. (During thisspeech,theDormouseputs a pieceofcakeon thetable. All wesee MALAIKA: I don’t to think we’re very close home. is its hand. Nowthe WhileRabbitscurriesacrossthestageas theAliceswipe MEADOW: Dinah will miss us very much tonight. theirtearsand watchwithavid interest) MALAIKA: I do hope they remember her at tea time. MEADOW: Dinah, I my dear, do wish you were here with us. I’m RABBIT: Oh! The Queen, the Queen! She’ll have my head if I’m late! afraid I don’t see any mice for you, but you might catch a bat and that’s very much like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats...l wonder, do (AlltheAlices’headsturn tofo1l the WhiteRabbit’smovement.But it is cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats? Or do bats eat cats? verydifficultfor themto moveas theyare puffingup likeballoons) 4 5 VOICE: Eat me. (Theyimmediatelyand withgreatdifficultypickup the MALAIKA: And after that into a beautiful and gracious butterfly... cake,divideit and stuff it in theirmouths) MEADOW: And you’ll fly away. ALITA: Now we’re getting smaller! CATERPILLAR: Not if I don’t want to. MEADOW: Yes, really smaller! ALITA: Oh, but you’ll want to. ALITA: We must be shutting up like.... MEADOW: Besides, (Laughing)who ever heard of a butterfly just sitting on a mushroom all day long? (Blackoutas thethreemedium-sizedAlicestradeplaceswith thelargerAlicesin MALAIKA: And I dare say with all those changes you’ll feel a little mid-sentence,so that thesentenceisfinishedbythevoiceofthe medium-sized odd, won’t you? Alice,withoutskippinga beat. Themedium-sizedAliceswillplaytheparts CATERPILLAR: Not a bit. until theyeat themushroom) MALAIKA: Well, perhaps you are used to such things, but it has all been quite queer by our standards. ALITA’ telescopes. (Allthreerun after the WhiteRabbit) CATERPILLAR: Did I hear you say beautiful? MALAIKA: Yes, I think that’s what I said. CATERPILLAR: Yes, that’s what you said, and you said it as if I was not beautiful. Like something I would have to attain. Am I not (BLACKOUT - DURING WHICH THE ALICES EXIT beautiful now? AND THE GIANT MUSHROOM ISMOVED ON) MALAIKA: Well ALITA: Of course you are, in your own special way. CATERPILLAR: (Musingtohimself) In my own spedal way... If I SCENE TWO - THE CATERPILLAR remember correctly, that is the kind way of saying... not really. MEADOW: She only meant that you will become more beautiful than (Thesceneopenswitha very largemushroomsitting in themiddleofthestage you already are. witha very largecateipillarsitting on fopofit. TheCateipillarisgreenand is CATERPILLAR: How does one become more beautiful? totallyconsumedin whatheis doing,hummingtohimself.Aftera momentor ALITA: One changes, as you will when you become a butterfly. two,the threeAliceswanderontothestage. He doesn’ttakeany noticeofthem. CATERPILLAR: There’s that word again. I have a question for you. Theyare very curiousand Alitawalksup under themushroomand peersover beautiful now as a result of all the changes you have just thetop) Are you more undergone? CATERPILLAR: Who are you? ALITA: We have no way of knowing since we haven’t looked in a ALITA: Who are you? mirror since then. MALAIKA: able to tell us since you never saw us CATERPILLAR: I asked first. And you wouldn’t be before changes. MALAIKA: We’re not quite sure. (AssheandMeadowapproachthe the mushroom) CATERPILLAR: So you think you’ve changed, do you? MEADOW: We don’t keep the same size for longer than ten minutes at AUTA: What she means, sir, is we hardly know anymore. 4 MEADOW: We knew who we were when we got up this morning, but a time. we have changed many times since then. CATERPILLAR: What size do you want to be? CATERPILLAR: What do you mean? Explain yourselves. MEADOW: Oh, we’re not particular as to size, it’s just that one doesn’t MALAIKA: I’m afraid we can’t put it more clearly. like changing so often, you know. MEADOW: For, you see, we can’t understand it ourselves. CATERPILLAR: I don’t know. If as you say, change makes you ALITA: Being so many sizes in one day is very confusing. beautiful, I should think you’d want to change as much as possible. Are CATERPILLAR: It isn’t. you happy with the size you are now? ALITA: Well. perhaps you haven’t found it so yet, but when you turn MALAIKA: Well, we should like to be a little larger. into a chrysalis... ALITA: We’ll never find our way home at this size. MEADOW; You will someday, you know. MEADOW: Yes, three inches is such a wretched height to be. 6 7 CATERPILLAR: It isa very good height indeed!!! (Drawingup toa full MEADOW: 115 Cheshire Court, Dares bury, England threeinches) MALAIKA: She seems to have it right. MALAIKA: I’m sure it is for you, but we are not accustomed to it. ALITA: Yes, we had better try it. So, the right side makes you taller... CATERPILLAR: You’ll get used to it in time. MALAIKA: But not so much as she had. Remember she shrunk first MEADOW: But, we don’t want to get used to it! (Alittle testy) and then had farther to go. CATERPILLAR: Did you say gracious or grumpy? ALITA: Oh, yes, just the right amount....there. MALAIKA: Gracious. I never said grumpy. CATERPILLAR: But apparently you meant grumpy. Am I not (Alitacarefullytakesa piecefrom theright side,audienceperspective,splits it gracious? in half,giveshalftoMalaika. Theybothlookat eachotherand eatat thesame MALAIKA: Well.... time. Lightsblink,nowall threelargerAlicesare on stagearoundthe ALITA: Perhaps when you become a spectacular butterfly you will mushroom) have more reason to be happy. CATERPILLAR: Happy?! How very good you are at making MALAIKA: Thank goodness that’s done. Now what? assumptions. How do you know I’m not happy the way I am? ALITA: I don’t know. MALAIKA: Well....you seem a bit grumpy. MEADOW: I can’t imagine. CATERPILLAR: So you did mean grumpy after all! ALITA: Do you think we missed tea time? MEADOW: Yes, and easily offended. (Irritated) MALAIKA: I’m not sure of it. How will we ever get home again? CATERPILLAR: I see. (Heyawnsonceor twice,shakeshimselfandslowly MEADOW: I’m not sure, but let’s not worry about it now. We may crawlsoffthemushroomand beginstocrawlawayasan afterthought) One never get another chance to explore such a country. side will make you grow taller and the other side will make you grow ALITA: If this is a country at all. shorter. MALAIKA: I can’t seem to get the Jabberwocky poem out of my head. ALITA: One side of what? ALITA: That’ funny, me neither. The words keep whirling around MEADOW: The other side of what? inside my mind. CATERPILLAR: (Justas he is disappearingfromview) Of the mushroom. MEADOW: We might find the meaning of it in such an odd place as MALAIKA: Which side is which? this. ALITA: I don’t know. ALITA: I’m feeling sleepy.... (Yawning) MEADOW: There’s only one way to find out. (Shegrabsa piecefrom the MALAIKA: Me too, now that you mention it. (Theyall beginto sit) leftsideand eatsit, Lightsblink. Shehasimmediatelyshrunktoa smallergirl ALITA: All that growing and shrinking makes one want a nap. Maybe whoisabout4 or 5 yearsoldas the tworemainingmediumAliceslookat her in we’ll just sit down here for a short while. (Theyallsit veryclosetogether) amazement) MEADOW: How did it go? Oh, yes, “T’was brillig and the slithy toves MEADOW: (SmallMeadow)Oh, no, I’m growing smaller, not bigger! did gyre and gimble in the wabe....” ALITA: (Shegrabsa piecefromtheright side) Here, eat this before you ALITA: “All mimsy were the borogoves....” shrink out of sight!!! MALAIKA: “And the mome raths outgrabe MALAIKA: Yes! Quick!!! (Lightsslowlyfadeto their murmuringsas theyare slowlyfallingasleep) (Small Meadow eatsit, lightsblinkand thenthe SmallMeadowhasvanished and thelargerMeadowisstanding next to thetwomediumAlices) SCENETHREE - THE THREE QUEENS MEADOW: It worked, I feel like myself again. MALAIKA: Are you sure, what’s your name? (Thelightscomeup on the threeAliceswhohavefallenasleepand arepropping MEADOW: Alice. oneanother’sheadoneachother. They havefallenasleepsitting againsteach MALAIKA: What are our names? other. TheQueenofDiamonds,the QueenofClubsand theQueenofSpades MEADOW: Alice and Alice, of course. all entertogether,eachcarrya crown. Theyare ofcoursewearingtheirown ALITA: Where do you live? crownsand eachoneputs a crownon oneoftheAlicesheads. TheQueenof MALIKA: Thank goodness that’s done. Now what? ALITA: Poor baby. ALITA: (shocked and horrified) What’s that? (pointing behind the MEADOW: I don’t believe it. audience) DUCHESS: I haven’t time for this. I must get ready to play croquet MALAIKA ALITA MEADOW (SCREAM) with the Queen. While audience is distracted THE DUCHESS strolls on carrying a pig (THE DUCHESS exits CHESHIRE CAT disappears) puppet coddling it like a baby. CHESHIRE CAT climbs up and smiles. MALAIKA: Was that baby a pig, or was it that the pig was a baby? DUCHESS: It is not polite to point. ALITA: I don’t know. MEADOW: Did you see that? MEADOW: Don’t think of it any more. Do you think we missed DUCHESS: I saw nothing. tea-time? ALITA: But it was something. Who are you if I may ask? MALAIKA: I’m not sure of it. How will we ever get home again? DUCHESS: Are you contradicting me little girl. I am the Duchess MEADOW: I’m not sure, but let’s not worry about it now. We and I saw nothing. Besides something is not often seen near here. may never get another chance to explore such a country. MALAIKA: Is that your cat? (Pointing to Cheshire Cat) ALITA: If this is a country at all. DUCHESS: It is not polite to point! Yes. (shaking puppet) PIG! MALAIKA:I can’t seem to get the Jabberwocky poem out of my ALITA: Why does your cat grin like that? head. DUCHESS: It’s a Cheshire cat, That’s why. (Shaking puppet) PIG! ALITA: That’s funny, me neither. The words keep whirling MALAIKA: I didn’t know Cheshire cats grinned. around inside my mind. MEADOW: I didn’t know cats could grin at all. MEADOW: We might find the meaning of it in such an odd place DUCHESS: All of’em can, and most of them do. as this. MEADOW: I don’t know of any that do. ALITA: I’m feeling sleepy…(Yawning) DUCHESS: You don’t know much, and that’s a fact. (Shaking MALAIKA: Me too, all that growing and shrinking… puppet) PIG! (Dropping the puppet and scooping it back up MEADOW: And that caterpillar… protectively) ALITA: And the Duchess, it makes one want to nap. Maybe we’ll MALAIKA: Watch out! Mind the baby! just sit down here for a short while. DUCHESS: (Growls) If everyone minded their own business, the MEADOW: How did it go? Oh yes, “T’ was brillig and the slithy world would go round a great deal faster. toves did gyrne and gimble in the wabe…” MEADOW: That wouldn’t be an advantage. Think of what it would ALITA: “All mimsy were the borogoves…” do to day and night. MALAIKA: “And the mome raths outgrabe….” MALAIKA: The Earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis… (Murmings fade as the three drift off to sleep) DUCHESS: Speaking of Axes…Chop off her head. ALITA: twenty-four hours, I think; or is it twelve? I … DUCHESS: Don’t bother me. I never could abide figures. SCENE THREE – THE THREE QUEENS (Sings to puppet, with a violent shake at the end of each line.) Speak roughly to your little boy (Alices are asleep. The three queens place crowns on the sleeping And beat him when he sneezes. girls then stand behind them waiting in queenly posture. After a He only does it to annoy, minute the girls awaken.) Because he know it teases. 8 9 Spadesputs a crownon Malaika. TheQueenofDiamondsputs a crownon QUEEN OF CLUBS: (ToQueenofDiamonds) And I invite you. Alitaand the QueenofClubsputs oneon Meadow.TheAlicesslowlywakeup QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: (Alittleconfused,not sure ifshe is expectedto andfeelthe Crownson theirheads. Theydon’tnoticethe threeQueens invite someone)And I invite both of you. standingbehindthem) MEADOW: We didn’t know we were to have a party at all, but if there is to be one, I think we ought to invite the guests. ALITA: What is this on my head? And look there’s one on yours! QUEEN OF SPADES: We gave you the opportunity of doing it, but I MALAIKA: And how could they have gotten there without our dare say you’ve not had many lessons in manners yet. knowing it? MALAIKA: Manners are not taught in lessons. Lessons teach you to do MEADOW: (Liftscrowndowntoexamineit) Well, this is grand. I never spelling and arithmetic and things of that sort. expected I should be Queen so soon. QUEEN OF CLUBS: There she goes again, only this time she found MALAIKA: And if we really are Queens, we shall be able to manage it something to deny. quite well in time. QUEEN OF SPADES: A nasty vicious temper. ALITA: (SheseestheQueens) Would you tell us please QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: How many hours a day do you do lessons? QUEEN OF SPADES: Speak when you’re spoken to! ALITA: About 4 or 5, with our sister Anna. ALITA: But if everybody obeyed that rule, and if you only spoke when QUEEN OF SPADES: A poor sort of plan. you were spoken to, and the other person always waited for you to MEADOW: Why, how many would you do? begin, you see, nobody would ever say anything. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Oh well, ten hours the first day, nine the next QUEEN OF CLUBS: Ridiculous!!! Why, don’t you see child.... and so on. (Frowningand thinking,thensuddenlyturning to Malaika) What do you ALITA: What a curious plan. mean by ‘Ifyou really are Queens’? What right have you to call QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: That’s the reason they’re called lessons, yourselves so? because they lessen from day to day. MALAIKA: I only said ‘if’! MALAIKA: Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday. QUEEN OF CLUBS: Every days a holiday. (ThethreeQueenslookat eachother) QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Have you met the Queen of Hearts yet? MEADOW: No, we haven’t. QUEEN OF SPADES: (Witha shudder) She says she only said ‘if’. QUEEN OF SPADES: You will. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: (Wringingherhands) But she said a great QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: You’ll have to sooner or later, you know. deal more than that! Oh, ever so much more than that! ALITA: I dare say you are the first real Queens we have ever met. QUEEN OF SPADES: So you did, you know? Always speak the MEADOW: If you really are Queens. truth...write it down afterwards and think about it later. MALAIKA: You look like real Queens. MALAIKA: I’m sure I didn’t mean.... QUEEN OF CLUBS: Are you doubting? QUEEN OF CLUBS: That’s just what we complain of! You should have QUEEN OF SPADES: And is your last name Thomas? meant! What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? ALITA: No, you know it’s not. You yourself just said our names Even a joke should have a meaning. awhile ago. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: And a child’s more important than a joke, I QUEEN OF SPADES: Well, I dare say one of you has a brother named hope. You couldn’t deny that, even if you tried with both hands. Doubting Thomas. MALAIKA: I don’t deny things with my hands. MEADOW: Of course not! QUEEN OF CLUBS: She’s in that state of mind that she wants to deny QUEEN OF CLUBS: Well then, don’t carry on so, if we look like real something...only she doesn’t know what to deny. authentic Queens and we say that we are.... QUEEN OF SPADES: A nasty vicious temper. (Thereis an uncomfortable QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Yes, then you certainly do believe us, don’t silence) (Thento theQueenofClubs) I invite you to Alice’stea party this you dear? (To Alita) afternoon. ALITA: Yes. QUEEN OF CLUBS: Which Alice? I see three. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: And if you tell us you are Queens we shall QUEEN OF SPADES: All three, of course. believe you too. 11 10 QUEEN OF CLUBS: Yes, we shall believe you even though you don’t QUEEN OF CLUBS: Wrong as usual, the dog’s temper would remain. resemble Queens in any way, shape or form. MEADOW: I don’t see how MALAIKA: Not at all!! QUEEN OF SPADES: Why, look here! The dog would lose its’ temper, MEADOW: Are you sure? wouldn’t it? QUEEN OF SPADES: Of course, one can never be sure about Queens. MEADOW: Perhaps it would. QUEEN OF CLUES: You might be Queens. QUEEN OF SPADES: Then if the dog went away, its temper would QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: You only have to tell us that you are and remain. we’ll believe you. MEADOW: They might go different ways. What dreadful nonsense we MALAIKA: We think we might be Queens, but we aren’t sure at all. are talking! QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: A Queen must be very sure. OF CLUES & SPADES: They can’t do sums a bit. (Lookingat MEADOW: We have no way of knowing. QUEENeachother) MALAIKA: Is there no way of telling whether we are or not? ALITA: Speaking of nonsense, would your Majesties know the QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Yes, there is one. meaning of the Jabberwocky poem? MEADOW: What is it? QUEEN OF SPADES: We’re asking the questions! ALITA: Yes, tell us! QUEEN OF CLUES: Of course you know your A BC’s? QUEEN OF SPADES: There is a test which you must take. ALITA: To be sure we do. ALITA: A test? QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: (Takingherarmand strollinga bit) So do I. MEADOW: What test? We’ll often say it over together dear. And I’ll tell you a secret...I can QUEEN OF CLUES: A test which will determine whether you are read words of one letter! Isn’t that grand? However, don’t be Queens or not. discouraged. You’ll come to it in time. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: A true Queen can pass this test with her toes QUEEN OF SPADES: Can you answer useful questions? How is bread tied behind her esophagus. made? ALITA: Sounds awfully uncomfortable. MALAIKA: I know that...you take some flour.... QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: It is, but only until you pass the test. QUEEN OF CLUES: Where do you pick the flower? In the garden or in QUEEN OF CLUBS: We’ve passed it often. the hedges? QUEEN OF SPADES: And easily, I might add. MALAIKA: Well it isn’t picked at all. It’s ground.... QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Yes, we know many, many, many, many QUEEN OF CLUES: How many acres of ground? You mustn’t leave useful things. out so many things. QUEEN OF CLUBS: You can’t be a Queen until you pass the proper QUEEN OF SPADES: Fan her head! She’ll be feverish after so much examination. thinking. (Theybothfan herheadwith theirscepters,or withlittlefans that QUEEN OF SPADES: And the sooner we begin the better. theypulloutoftheirclothing) She’s all right again now. Do you know QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Better, and better, and better, and better, and languages? (Toany onein general) What’s French for fiddle-de-dee? better....can you do addition? (ToAlita) MEADOW: Fiddle-de-dee’s not English. ALITA: Of course I can. QUEEN OF SPADES: Whoever said it was? QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: What’s one and one and one and one and MALAIKA: (All threeAliceshuddle) If you tell us what language fiddle one and one and one and one and one and one? de-dee is, we’ll tell you the French for it! ALITA: I don’t know. I lost count. QUEEN OF CLUES: Queens never make bargains. QUEEN OF CLUBS: She can’t do addition. Can you do subtraction? MEADOW: I wish Queens never asked questions. (ToMeadow)Take a bone from a dog. What remains. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Don’t let us quarrel. What is the cause of MEADOW: The bone wouldn’t remain of course, if I took it...and the lightning? dog wouldn’t remain. It would come to bite me...And I’m sure I MALAIKA: (Huddle) The cause of lightning is thunder....no, no! I shouldn’t remain! mean the other way around. QUEEN OF CLUES: Then you think nothing would remain? QUEEN OF SPADES: It’s too late to correct it. When you’ve said a MEADOW: I think that’ the answer. thing, that fixes it, and you must accept the consequences. 12 13 14 QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Which reminds me...(Sheclaspsherhands) We had such a thunderstorm last Tuesday It was such a (BLACKOUT) thunderstorm, you can’t think... QUEEN OF CLUBS: She never could, you know. (TotheQueenof Spades, theynod) SCENE FOUR - THE KING OF HEARTS QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: ... and part of the roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in....and it went rolling around the room in great (Lightscomeup and theKingofHearts makesa bigentranceand you cansee lumps....and knocking over tables and things...’til I was so frightened, I by thewayhewalksand carrieshimselfthat heis extremelypompousand not couldn’t remember my own name! all there,upstairs. Optional: He may carrya fly swatterand behitting himself QUEEN OF CLUES: She never could, you know. (Theynodat one from timeto timetrying to killafly that keepslandingon variousbodyparts) anotheragain in agreement) MALAIKA: I should never try to remember my name in the middle of I KING OF HEARTS: Page, Page...(Pageenters on therun, tearsa pageout a thunderstorm, what would be the use of it? ofhis/hernotebookand hands it to the King. TheKingofHearts looksat the QUEEN OF SPADES: You must excuse her... pagein confi4sionand disgustand holdsit awayfrom himas ifit is QUEEN OF CLUBS: She means well, but she can’t help saying foolish contaminated)What is this? things, as a general rule. PAGE: You asked for a page, Sire, so I tore it out of a book and ran as QUEEN OF SPADES: She never was really well brought up, but Ws fast as I could. amazing how good tempered she is. KING OF HEARTS: I did not want a page from a book. I wanted you. QUEEN OF CLUES: Pat her on the head, and see how pleased she’ll be! You are a Page. Nincompoop!!! QUEEN OF SPADES: A little kindness and putting her hair in curls PAGE: No, Sire, I’m Turn. The Page. Nincompoop is off today. would do wonders for her... KING OF HEARTS: (Lookingout past theaudience)Just look along the QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: (Shesits next to Alitawhoissitting downnow, road and tell me whom you see. sheputs her headon Alita’sshoulder) I’m so sleepy PAGE: 1see nobody on the road. QUEEN OF CLUES: She’s tired, poor thing! Smooth her hair, lend her KING OF HEARTS: I only wish I had such eyes. To be able to see your nightcap...and sing her a lullaby. nobody, and at such a distance too. Why it’s as much as I can do to see MEADOW: (Sittingdownalso) We haven’t got any nightcaps with us real people by this light. (AsshesmoothstheQueenofDiamondshair) PAGE: Sire, Sire. I see somebody coming along the road now. MALAIKA: (Sittingalso) And we don’t know any soothing lullabies. KING OF HEARTS: Are you sure it isn’t nobody? QUEEN OF CLUES: I must do it myself then. (Witha sighshebeginsto PAGE: Quite sure, Sire. In fact, there are three somebodies. sing, whileshe issingingthe QueenofSides sits downand beginsto nodoff suddenlylandingher headin Malaika’slap) Hush-a-bye lady in Alices lap! (TheAliceshavebeentravelingthroughtheaudienceand are nowarriving on ‘til the tea’s ready, we’ve time for a nap. When the tea’s over, we’ll go to stage. Theystand in a diagonalrow in attentiveawe) the ball, red Queens and black Queens, Alices all. (Sheputs herheadon Meadow’sshoulder) and now you know the words. Just sing it through KING OF HEARTS: You there. Who did you pass on the road? to me, I’m getting sleepy too. (HerheadimmediatelyfallsintoMeadow’slap b MEADOW: Nobody. and all threeQueenssnoreloudly) KING OF HEARTS: Quite right. My page saw him too. So of course, MALAIKA: (Lookingquitedisgustedat thethreesleepingQueens) What nobody walks slower than you. are we to do??? MALAIKA: I beg your pardon? MEADOW: Do wake up, you heavy things! KING OF HEARTS: It isn’t respectable to beg. Make a note of that ALITA: I don’t think it ever happened before that anyone had to take Page. In fact make three and give one to each. care of three Queens asleep at once! (Pagemakesnotesandhandsthemtoall threeAlicesas theKingtalks) MALAIKA: No, not in all the history of England. (Thequeenssnore.) MEADOW: It couldn’t, you know, because there never was more than KING OF HEARTS: (Heislookingalongtheroad) In fact, it’s as much as one queen at a time. (Loudsnore,grotesque) I can do to see anybody. (TurningtotheAlices) Of course, I suppose 14 15 anybody walks faster than you. things yet. They are precisely what I was going to say, but I do so hate it MEADOW: That’s not true! We can walk just as fast as anybody. when you run ahead of me. It isn’t fair. I’m the King. (Pouty) KING OF HEARTS: Then why isn’t anybody here? PAGE: Sorry, Sire. Shall we continue? MALAIKA: We’re somebody, Sire. KING OF HEARTS: Where were we? Oh, yes, creative and KING OF HEATS: That’s right. You’re just not anybody. economical... Make the note extra long in length and give it to the ALL THREE: (Curtsy) Thank you, Sire. Queen. KING OF HEARTS: Did you happen to see a Queen? PAGE: Which Queen, Sire. MEADOW: Well, Sire, we might be Queens. KING OF HEARTS: Which Queen’ That reminds me, I’m the ....(He ALITA: But we’re still not sure as of yet. beginstoplaycharades) MALAIKA: Perhaps you could tell us if we are or not. ALITA: He’s playing charades! KING OF HEARTS: Well (Lookingthemoveras theyposeandperform aMEADOW: Yes. He wants us to guess. What fun! Queenlypostures) I’m looking for one Queen in particular and none of you seem to be her. (TheAlicesbeginguessing,thiscan bean organicad lib) ALITA: There have been so many Queens. MALAIKA: Perhaps, if you could describe what she looks like, we ALICES: (Addon to this) The man. The important man, the father, the could tell you if we’ve seen her. judge... KING OF HEARTS: You? Who are you? MALAIKA: If you please, your Highness, my name is Alice. (At a certainpoint theKingofHeartspointstohisheadand mimesa crown) ALITA: And mine. ALICES: The King!!! The King!!! (Hepointstohisheart) The King of KING OF HEARTS: Yes? Hearts!! You are the King of Hearts?!!! MEADOW: My name, Sire? KING OF HEARTS: And I’m looking for the KING OF HEARTS: Well, has the Cheshire Cat got your tongue? ALICES: (Addon tothis) The lady, the mother, the princess What’s your name child? ALITA: The Queen The Queen of Hearts. I guessed it!!! (Jumpingup MEADOW: My name is Alice, also. and down) KING OF HEARTS: Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place? KING OF HEARTS: You, who are you? ALITA: We’re all named Alice after our mother, your Kingship. ALITA: (Slightlyperturbed) Alice, if you please, Sire. (Ahalfcurtsy) KING OF HEARTS: You all have the same mother and the same name? KING OF HEARTS: Fascinating! Page, make a note of that. (Talkingto (Theynodtheirheads) Page, make a note of it. Same mother, same name. Malaika) And who are you? Of course, you must all have different last names so that your dear MALAIKA: Why, I’m Alice also. mother can tell the difference between you? KING OF HEARTS: (Turning toMeadow) And you must be...Don’t tell MEADOW: Same last name too, Sire. me... KING OF HEARTS: Extraordinarily original. It may not have been MEADOW: Alice. (Alicesexchangeglances) done before. Your dear mother, Alice is her name? (Theyall nodyes) KING OF HEARTS: Page Yes, Alice. How absolutely creative to give all of one’s children the PAGE: 1know, I know, make a note of it. Immediately, Sire. same name. (During thesepastfewsentences,theKingispacingwith the a KING OF HEARTS: You’re living in the future again. How many times Pagefollowingclosebehind,and on this nextsentenceheabruptlyturns and do I have to tell you (BackingthePageup) bumps into thePage) Make a note, Page, no one’s ever thought of it PAGE: Only Kings and Queens are allowed to think in the future and before. What a novel idea. I shouldn’t want to forget it. Now I see the everyone else must keep going backwards. advantages clearly. Are you getting this Page? Nice clear notes? KING OF HEARTS: There you go again, popping ahead of me at every PAGE: Yes,Sire. Advantage Number One: It would save a lot of time turn. Make a note to yourself so that you won’t remember what I’m and the bother of coming up with separate names. Advantage Number going to say before I say it. After all, I am your King. (Previouslinesaid Two: You would only have to say one name and all three would come in an almost crying voice) It’s hard to find good help these days... running. Advantage number three (Thinking,gettingan ideaand lookingat theAlices) Perhaps the three of KING OF HEARTS: You are exasperating , Page. I haven’t said those you would be interested in becoming my new Pages. That way I 16 17 wouldn’t have so much trouble remembering names, and if I should PAGE: Wiiere indeed! My dear, it all depends where you are starting forget, why I would get notes in triplicate. from. MEADOW: No, thank you, your Kingship, we have enough writing to MALAIKA: Where are we now? do in school. PAGE: According to whom? In reference to where? As opposed to KING OF HEARTS: Oh, slithy toves!! (Asifit werea cussword) You what? You have to give me more to go on than that. Where, is would have made such good Pages. tremendously big and has an extremely bad reputation for not being in MALAIKA: What did you say? the location that it is supposed to be. There is so much of it all around KING OF HEARTS: I said that you would make very good Pa us. If you can’t give me more information, I can’t help you. MALAIKA: (Interrupting) No, before that. What did you say before ALITA: But we have no idea where we are or where we have been. that? MEADOW: Can’t you help us at all? KING OF HEARTS: I can’t remember. Page, did you make a note of PAGE: Well, to the right lives the Cheshire Cat, she may know. Off to that? a the left you can play croquet with the Queen of Hearts, and you might PAGE: Why, let me see. Yes, here it is, you said, (Readingstiffly) ask her....or if you go straight ahead, you may run into the White ‘Oh...slithy toves.’ Knight, but of course, since all three of you can’t go in all directions at MEADOW: That is from the Jabberwocky poem, isn’t it, Sire? once together, might I suggest that you spilt up and each of you take a KING OF HEARTS: I have no idea. separate road. You’re sure to find the answer in one direction or ALITA: You just said it yourself. another. KING OF HEARTS: I did? MALAIKA: That’s a good idea. I’ll go this way. (Sheheadsoffright) ALITA: Can’t you remember anything from one moment to the next? MEADOW: I’ll go to the left, I love croquet! KING OF HEARTS: Of course not, why do you think I have a Page of ALITA: Why, I guess that leaves me with the straight road. Notes? That’s his title, you know. Turn, the Page of Notes. (Pagebows) MALAIKA: You see, Sire, we are looking for the meaning of the (Theyall threebeginto movein theirseparatedirectionsmutteringdifferent Jabberwocky poem. parts oftheJabberwockypoemsimultaneously.ThePagecontinuesmaking MEADOW: Do you have any notes on that? notes) KING OF HEARTS: Page PAGE: Oh, let’s see. The Jabberwocky poem. (Slowingdownthewords. KING OF HEARTS: (Fromoffstage,loudanddrawnout) Page (Page Looksthroughnotes,starts pulling themout ofhis clothingand hat. Finally jumps in placeand runs offafter the King) findssomescrapsofpaperin hisshoe) Yes, here it is. The Jabberwocky poem. ‘Twasbrillig (Mumble)....momeraths...(Mumble)....calloo (BLACKOUT) callay.... ALITA: Yes, that’s it, but what does it mean? KING OF HEARTS: I haven’t the faintest idea, my dear, and if I did I SCENE FIVE - THE CHESHIRE CAT wouldn’t remember anyway. Now, which way was I going? (Heturns aroundafewtimesand thenheadsoff) (Meadowwanderson stageslightlyconfusedand not sure in whichdirection MEADOW: Oh, what’s the use? sheshouldgo. Behindher weseejust theheadoftheCheshireCatappearand MALAIKA: Can’t you help us, Page? reappearat differentparts ofthestage) PAGE: You want to know the meaning of the Jabberwocky poem, do CHESHIRE CAT: Meooooow (Morelikea purr) you? (Theyall threenod) I’m sure the Mad Hatter would know. He’s MEADOW: (Shereelsaround in timeto seenothing) Dinah, is that you? very fond of poetry and nonsense. Did you follow us down the rabbit hole after all? Where are you? ALITA: Do you know where he is? Dinah? I know, you probably ate some of that mushroom and have PAGE: I imagine he’s probably at the Mad Tea Party. shrunk out of sight. Don’t worry, Dinah dear, I’ll find you. (Shebends MEADOW: What is a Mad Tea Party? overcloseto thegroundand beginssearchingdiligently) I have very sharp PAGE: You’ll find out soon enough. eyes. Mother says so all the time. I’m forever finding her sewing MALAIKA: Where is the Mad Tea Party? needles. So don’t be afraid, Dinah, it’s only a matter of time. Only don’t PAGE: well to the right lives…. DUM: (Joins in) KING OF HEARTS: (calls from offstage) Page. Oh Page. Where The moon was shinning sulkily are you? Because she thought the sun PAGE: Gota go. Ask them. (Points at Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Had got no business to be there Dum as they enter) Good luck. (Runs off in direction of the King) After the day was done – ‘It’s very rude of him,’ she said, (Dum and Dee freeze as soon as they think they are spotted. ‘T come and spoil the fun! MEADOW,MALAIKA and ALITA approach them) MEADOW (Cutting them off) Yes, yes yes. We know that one. But we need to find…. DUM: If you think we are waxworks, you ought to pay. DEE: Shhhh. Do you hear that? Waxworks weren’t made to be looked at for nothing. Nohow! DUM: Yes. DEE: Contrariwise, if you think we’re alive, you ought to speak. DEE: Not you. Them. ALITA: (giggling)I’m sorry. I can’t help it, its that old song – DUM: Oh. (Alita, Meadow and Malaika start singing) (snoring sound from behind bushes is heard) Tweedledum and Tweedledee MALAIKA, ALITA, MEADOW: Yes. Agreed to have a battle; DEE: It’s the Cheshire cat. She is a terrible Snorer. For Tweedledum said Tweedledee DUM: Actually She is quite good at it. Had spoiled his nice new rattle. DEE: Quite right Dum. DUM: You’ve begun wrong! The first thing to say is how d’ye DUM: Thank you Dee. do? And shake hands. MEADOW: You mean the Duchesse’s cat? I don’t see her. (Dum and Dee shake hands with each other, then with Alita, DUM and DEE: That is because her eyes are closed. Meadow and Malaika. Handshake silliness) DUM: Isn’t she a lovely site? MALAIKA: lets ask them about the poem. DEE: What do you think she is dreaming about? DEE: You like poetry? MALAIKA: Nobody can guess that any more than they can see MEADOW: ye-es, well – some poetry. her with her eyes closed. DEE: What shall I recite? DUM: I can. Clearly she is dreaming about you! And you and DUM: (Giving him a hug) The Walrus and the Carpenter is the you. (gesturing to Malaika, Alita and Meadow) longest. ALITA: If she stopped dreaming about us where would we be? DEE: The sun was shinning – MEADOW: Why we would be here of course… ALITA: Could you please tell us which road leads… DEE: NoHow! You’d be nowhere! You only a sort of thing in her DEE: (Smiles at her and starts again) dream! The sun was shining in the sea, DUM: If that there cat woke up, you’d all go out – bang!- like a Shining with all his might: candle. He did his very best to make MALAIKA: If we are only something in her dream what are you? The billows smooth and bright – DUM: Ditto And this was odd, because it was DEE: Ditto, Ditto. The middle of the night. MEADOW: Well then we had all better be quiet then, shouldn’t we? DUM: (jumping out and grabbing Alita.) Do you see that? DUM: Don’t know where that would be. We weren’t invited. (Agitated, pointing under the tree at a white wooden rattle.) I DEE: But you could go left. Or straight ahead, but then you knew it! Spoiled! might… (Dee tries to hind behind MALIKA or MEADOW whoever is closer.) DUM: No. It is that way. (pointing right) ALITA: It’s only an old rattle. DEE: I am quite sure it is that way. DUM: It’s not old! It’s new, I tell you – I bought it yesterday – my DUM: No. It’s that way. nice new RATTLE! (Dee is trying to make himself smaller, and (They start battling, and fight themselves right off the stage in a smaller) You agreed to have a battle? comic manner) DEE: (sulkily) Only if they help us dress up. MALAIKA: Well we are sure to find the answer in one direction or another. Perhaps we should split up? (The Tweedles scurry about collecting odd bits of this and that.) ALITA: I’ll go this way. MALAIKA: I’ll take this direction. DUM: All these things need to go on, somehow. CHESHIRE CAT: MEooooooow (purr like) MALAIKA: Come on then. (The girls pin and pile the objects on MEADOW: I’ll ask the cat. the Tweedles like armor.) (Alita and MALAIKA move in their respective directions. Meadow DEE: The bolster goes around my head to keep it from being cut approaches where she heard the sound of the cat.) off. You know, it’s one of the most serious things that can MEADOW: Hello….(The cat has moved, she sees her elsewhere) possibly happen in battle – to get your head cut off. Hello! (cat reappears) I would so like to meet you! (Alita laughs but manages to turn it into a cough.) You can watch the fight. But you’d better not come too close. I hit everything I can see – when I get excited. DUM: I hit everything I can reach, whether I can see it or not! MEADOW: You must hit the trees often then. DUM: I don’t suppose there’ll be a tree left standing by the time we’ve finished. DEE: Do I look pale? ALITA: Well – yes – a little. DUM: I’m very brave, generally, only today I happen to have a toothache. DEE: And I have a toothache! It’s far worse than yours! MALAIKA: Then you had better not fight today. DUM: We must have a bit of a fight, but I don’t care about going on long. What’s the time now? DEE: Half past four. DUM: Let’s fight till six, then have dinner. DEE: Very well, and they can watch. MALAIKA: Hold on Hold on. We haven’t time for battles. We need to find the Mad Hatter’s tea party. 18 19 let me step on you. MEADOW: I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so CHESHIRECAT: (ReappearsnearMeadow) Meoooooww.... suddenly. You make me quite giddy. MEADOW: It doesn’t seem that your voice has shrunk at all...(Turns CHESHIRE CAT: As you wish....(He disappearsonelast time) just in timetoseethe CheshireCat) That’s not Dinah! (Hedisappears,she MEADOW: He must be gone for good this time. Anyway, I think I runs overto wherehewas) much prefer the company of my own cat, Dinah. Hello.... (He/shereappearson theothersideand sheruns over) Hello, you must be the.... (Hedisappearsagain) Oh, (Disapppinted)I did so want to (Malaikalooksa littleconfised,lostand sad. Shewandersaround thestage meet him. (Shesits down) lookingand thinkingwhichwaytogo. Finallysheshrugshershouldersand CHESHIRE CAT: (Reappears) You were saying? sits withherchin in her hands) MEADOW: (Getsup) Cheshire Cat, would you tell me which way I ought to go from here? DOROTHY OF OZ: (Runs in and looksaround) I don’t think we’re in CHESHIRE CAT: Well, that all depends upon where you want to get a,Kansas anymore, Toto. In fact, I don’t think we’re even in the right to. story!!! (Shelooksembarrassed,curtsiesand runs offright stage. Malaika MEADOW: I was hoping to meet the Queen of Hearts before I get to looksperplexedand runs afterher) the Mad Tea Party. CHESHIRE CAT: Well (Disappears) (BLACKOUT - INTERMISSION) MEADOW: Come back, please come back!!! CHESHIRE CAT: (Hereappearsfather down) As I was saying, you’ll get there soon enough if only you walk long enough. MEADOW: In which direction should I walk? ACT TWO CHESHIRE CAT: It doesn’t matter which way you go, as long as you get there. SCENE SIX - HUMPTY DUMPTY AND THE QUEEN OF HEARTS MEADOW: I must say I’m a little afraid to go among mad people. CHESHIRE CAT: Oh, you can’t help that. We’re all mad here. I’m mad, you’re mad. (Sceneopenswitha treein a bucket.Thereare threecardswhoare painting MEADOW: How do you know I’m mad? whiterosesred. Thereisthe Two,Fiveand SevenofHearts. Theyarearguing CHESHIRE CAT: You must be or you wouldn’t have come here. amongthemselvesand do not noticeMeadowapproaching) MEADOW: And how do you know you’re mad? CHESHIRE CAT: To begin with, I belong to the Queen of Clubs and TWO OF HEARTS: Look out now, Five! Don’t go splashing paint over she’s mad and besides, a dog’s not mad. You grant me that? me like that! MEADOW: I suppose so. FIVEOF HEARTS: I couldn’t help it, Seven jogged my elbow. CHESHIRE CAT: Well then, you see a dog growls when it’s angry, and SEVENOF HEARTS: That’s right, Five! Always lay the blame on wags it’s tail when it’s pleased. Now, you see, I growl when I’m pleased others! and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore, I’m mad. FIVEOF HEARTS: You’d better not talk! I heard the Queen say only MEADOW: It’s called purring, not growling! yesterday that you deserve to be beheaded. CHESHIRE CAT: Call it what you like. TWO OF HEARTS: What for? MEADOW: All cats purr. My cat Dinah can purr up a storm, and she’s I SEVENOF HEARTS: That’s none of your business, Two! not mad. FIVEOF HEARTS: Yes it is his business! And I’ll tell him....It was for CHESHIRE CAT: Have it your own way. Do you play croquet with the bringing the cook tulip roots instead of onions. Queen today? 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the have 22 23 KING OF HEARTS: Sisters? There are three of you? Queen of Hearts. MEADOW: So you do remember. MEADOW: Where I come from there is a Queen of Hearts in every deck of cards and at least one deck of cards in every house! (Allthis timeHumpty has beenlookingquitesmug. TheQueenofHearts KING OF HEARTS: Haaah!!! (Feelingthat he’sgot oneup on theQueenat givesthe Kinga sharptook) last) MEADOW: And also a King of Hearts as well. (TheKingreverts) KING OF HEARTS: Of course I don’t. How could I possibly remember QUEEN OF HEARTS: What a horrid place!!! Off with her head!!! when I only see one of you now? MEADOW: (Exasperated)You must remember. You even had your (Everyonescramblesaroundand thenlinesup in theiroriginalpositions. Page take notes. Whiletheyare scrambling,and unbeknownstto theQueen,theKingputs his KING OF HEARTS: I don’t. Besides how could it be possible for three arm aroundMeadowand leadsher downstage) sisters from the same mother all be named Alice? MEADOW: It doesn’t become a King to lie, you know. KING OF HEARTS: You really shouldn’t talk to the Queen that way....(Helooksbackto makesure theQueenis not looking) But I pardon (Kinggetsanothersharplookfrom theQueen) you anyway. KING OF HEARTS: I don’t have to remember if I don’t want to. I’m the King of Hearts, aren’t I , my dear. (Lookinghopefulat theQueen) (Meadowis leftstandingtherecompletelyperplexed.TheQueennoticesthe QUEEN OF HEARTS: Of course you are, and I’m the Queen of Hearts, threegardenerswhohavebeenin a prostratepositionthroughoutthis last and what are you? (ToMeadow) conversation,excepttoget up and run around thetreeand land in a different MEADOW: I’m not a what. I’m a little girl. spotat eachchoreographedpanic. Theyremainin prostrateposition) HUMPTY DUMPTY: You’re going to have fun explaining that one... (Almostrollingoffin silentlaughter) QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Strollingover) And who are these? (TheQueen QUEEN OF HEARTS: Are you sure? looksat Meadowfor an answer) MEADOW: Of course, I’m sure. MEADOW: (Wakesup as ifout ofa trance) How should I know? It’s no QUEEN OF HEARTS: Are you very, very sure? business of mine. MEADOW: I’ve had enough of this. (Sheturns to leave) QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Glaringat her likea wildbeast,andfinally QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with her head!!! (Choreographedpanic, exploding) Off with her head!!! Off with Meadowis in shockand can’tmove) Is a little girl very important? MEADOW: Nonsense!!! MEADOW: Of course!!! KING OF HEARTS: Consider, my dear, she is only a child. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Is there only one of you? MEADOW: (Aside) Why, they’re only a pack of cards. I needn’t be MEADOW: No, of course not. afraid of them! QUEEN OF HEARTS: There is more than one little girl? MEADOW: Oh yes, many, many more. Why, my sisters Alice and (Thethreecardshaveflattenedbythis timeand are layingon theirbellies) Alice are also QUEEN OF HEARTS: Then you’re not as important as I am. There is QUEEN OF HEARTS: Turn them over! (Theknavedoesso) Get up! only one of me. (Theydosoand beginbowingoverand over) Leave off that! You make me MEADOW: There is only one of me too. giddy. (Shelooksat therosetree) What have you been doing here? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Oh, no, I just heard you say that there are lots of TWO OF HEARTS: May it please Your Majesty, we were trying to.... little girls. QUEEN OF HEARTS: I see!! Off with their heads! MEADOW: Yes, but we are all different. Very different and each of us awaywith theprocessionmoving is quite special. (TheQueenstrolls withher. Meadowhelps QUEEN OF HEARTS: Still, you are one of many. the threecardshideas shespeaksthenext line. Threesoldiers,alsocardscome MEADOW: So are you!!! for thethreegardeners,but can’tfind them. Theydon’tsearchverydiligently QUEEN OF HEARTS: I am not!! Look around you, I am the only and shrug theirshoulders,and return to the Queen)

it

25

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KING OF HEARTS: Executioner!!!!!(Executioner comes forward) HUMPTY DUMPTY: (To Meadow) I haven’t seen him, have you seen him? EXECUTIONER: Why, there’s only a head, no neck, no legs no body to speak of. It’s impossible to cut off a head unless there’s MEADOW: (Clearing her throat. Everyone stops what they are a body to cut it from. doing and turns. There is a long silence) Uh, does anyone here know the meaning of the Jabberwocky poem? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Nothing is impossible! ALL: Go ask the Mad Hatter! (Angry) EXECUTIONER: I’ve never done such a thing, and I shan’t start doing it this late in life. QUEEN OF HEARTS: And now we have our own tea party to attend to. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with his head! (She whips around, goes to a spot and raises her scepter waiting for everyone to get in line. They march off. Just as they Exit, the KING OF HEARTS: Consider my dear, he is the executioner and Executioner and The Duchess appear. The executioner sees the it would be quite impossible for him to cut off his own head. end of the train and rushes after to join . The Duchess in a better Now look here my good man, anything that has a head can be mood rushes up to Meadow. Humpty Dumpty is still on the wall) beheaded, its quite simple logic. THE DUCHESS: You can’t think of how glad I am to see you QUEEN OF HEARTS: Now I have a winning argument for all of again, you dear old thing. Where are the other little girls? you…(Spoken calmly, and the next part screamed) IF THAT CAT, WITH THE SILLY GRIN IS NOT DECAPITATED AT ONCE, I’LL MEADOW: (to us) I am glad she is in a better mood. Perhaps HAVE EVERYBODY EXECUTED ALL AROUND!!!!!!)(She makes a that time in the prison cooled her off. sweeping circle with outstretched arm. Everyone ducks and freezes in place with fright.) THE DUCHESS: You’re thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk to me. I can’t tell you just now MEADOW:(unafraid) It belongs to the Duchess. what the moral of that is, but I’ll remember in a bit.

QUEEN OF HEARTS: She’s in prison. (To the executioner) Fetch MEADOW: Perhaps it hasn’t got one. her here at once. (He bows and is about to leave) THE DUCHESS: Everything’s got a moral, if you can only find it. MEADOW:(to the white rabbit) Here’s your chance… (The Duchess is squeezing up close to Meadow, which makes her feel uncomfortable. Continues) ‘Tis so – ‘Tis so. And the moral of WHITE RABBIT: (Seizing the opportunity) I’ll go along…to make that is – ‘ Oh, ‘tis love, ‘tis love, that makes the world go round! sure things go smoothly… MEADOW: (aside) Somebody once said that it’s done by QUEEN OF HEARTS (kicking and swatting at the cards) After everybody minding their own business! them! (They scurry after the departing Meadow and Queen turns back to where she entered saying as she exits.) On with the Game! THE DUCHESS: (Overhearing) Which is much the same thing! (digging her chin into Meadow’s shoulder) And the moral of that is – take cars of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.

MEADOW: (Aside) She’s very fond of finding morals!

THE DUCHESS: I dare say you’re wondering why I don’t put my arm around your waist. The reason is I am doubtful about your friend over there. (Motions to Humpty Dumpty)

MEADOW: He might bite.

THE DUCHESS: Very true! Eggs and mustard both bite. Wait…

MEADOW: And birds of a feather flock together.

THE DUCHESS: Right again! What a clear way you have of putting things. And the moral of that is – Be what you seem to be’- or, if you like put more simply – Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that you were or might have been was not otherwise that what you had SCENE SEVEN- THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.’ Are you thinking again? (Alita enters, she is obviously lost. All of a sudden, a shawl comes sailing through the air toward Alita. She catches it. The Queen of MEADOW: I’ve a right to think. Diamonds comes running from the same direction saying “Bread and Butter” with her arms outstretched as if she has been trying THE DUCHESS: Just about as much right as pigs have to fly to catch the shawl for some time. Alita runs to meet her and is (puppet comes hurtling toward her just as the Queen enters with helping her on with it) Five Seven and Two) PIG! ALITA: I’m very glad that I happened to be in the way. QUEEN OF HEARTS:OFF WITH HER HEAD! (The Duchess scurries QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: (She is mumbling and completely of followed by Meadow) absorbed in her

28 29 ownworld) Bread and butter...bread and butter... QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Oh, things that happened the week after bread and butter... next. For instance, there’s the King’s messenger. He’s in prison now, ALITA: Am I addressing the Queen of Diamonds? being punished and the trial doesn’t even begin until next Wednesday, QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Well yes, if you call that a-dressing. It isn’t and of course, the crime comes last of all. my notion of it at all. ALITA: Suppose he never commits the crime? ALITA: If Your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin I’ll do it QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: That would be all the better, wouldn’t it? for you as well as I can. ALITA: Of course it would be all the better, but it wouldn’t be all the QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: But I don’t want it done at all. I’ve been a- better for him if he was punished. dressing myself for the last two hours. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: You’re wrong there, at any rate. Were you ALITA: (Aside) Every single thing’s crooked, and she’s got pins stuck ever punished? everywhere. May I put your shawl on straight for you? ALITA: Only for faults. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: I don’t know what’s the matter with it. It’s QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: And you were all the better for it, I know it. out of temper, I think, I’ve pinned it here, and I’ve pinned it there, but ALITA: Yes, but then I had done the things I was punished for, that there’s no pleasing it! makes all the difference. ALITA: It can’t go straight you know if you pin it all on one side. and QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: But if you hadn’t done them, that would dear me, what a state your hair is in! have been better still; better and better, and better and better.... QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: The brush has got entangled in it. And I lost ALITA: (Musingoverwhatthe Queenhadjust said) There’s a mistake the comb yesterday. somewhere ALITA: (Sheis untangling thebrushand smoothingtheQueen’shair) QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: (Shebeginsscreaming,holdingherfingerand Come, you look rather better now. But really you should have a lady’s running around in afranticpanic) Oh, oh, oh, my finger’s bleeding! Oh, maid. oh,oh...! QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: I’m sure I’ll take you with pleasure! Two ALITA: (Chasingheraround) What is the matter? Have you pricked pennies a week and jam every other day. your finger? ALITA: (Laughing)I don’t want you to hire me and I don’t much care QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: (Stillmoaningand speakingin a shrillpainful for jam. voice) I haven’t pricked it yet, but I soon shall Oh, oh, ohhhhhh...!!! QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: It’s very good jam. ALITA: When do you expect to do it? ALITA: Well, I don’t want any today at any rate. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: When I fasten my shawl again the brooch QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: You couldn’t have it if you did want it today. will come undone. Oh, oh (Shebeginsfiddlingwith thebrooch) The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today. ALITA: Take care! You’re holding it all crooked! ALITA: It must come sometimes to jam today. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: There, it just happened. That accounts for QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: No, it can’t. It’s jam every other day, today the bleeding you see. (Assheextendsherfingerfor Alita’sinspection.By isn’t every other day, you know. nowthe Queeniscalmand collectedand is smiling) Now you understand ALITA: I don’t understand. It’s dreadfully confusing. the way things happen here. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: That’s the effect of living backwards, it ALITA: But why don’t you scream now? always makes one a little giddy at first QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Why, I’ve done all the screaming already. ALITA: Living backwards?!!! I heard the King of Hearts mention it, but What would be the good of doing it all over again? I didn’t know there really was such a thing. ALITA: Well, at any rate, I’m glad you don’t have to scream again. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: There’s one great advantage in it, that one’s QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: I wish I could manage to be glad. Only I can memory works both ways. never remember the rule. You must be very happy and content being ALITA: I’m sure mine only works one way. I can’t remember things glad whenever you like. before they happen. ALITA: (Beginningtocry) Only it’s so very lonely with out my two QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: It’s a poor sort of memory that only works sisters. I’m afraid I’ll never see them again. backwards. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Oh, don’t go on like that. ALITA: What sort of things do you remember best? (Alitabeginsto cryevenmoreon that last remark)

31

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room....No

HARE:

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fallen

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laugh

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off

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ALITA:

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the

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ALL:

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their ALITA: sleeping

when

laughter. which (Meanwhile,

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uncontrollable Hatter

know

MARCH

MAD

hysterical

Mad

enters

all

34 marvelous

next

(Lights

end pouring 37 36 ALITA: Is that the way you manage? MAD HAilER: Why should it? Does your watch tell what year it is? MAD HATTER: Not I. We quarreled last March....just MEADOW: Of course not. But that’s because it stays the same year for before he went mad, you know. (IndicatingtheMarchHare) There was a great concert such a long time. given by the Queen of Hearts and I had to sing, (Clearinghis throatand MAD HATTER: Which is just the case with mine. standing on the table) “Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder where MEADOW: I don’t quite understand you. you’re at.” You know the song perhaps? QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: I should very much like to propose a toast. ALITA: We’ve heard something like it. QUEEN OF CLUBS: Not yet dear, we have to wait for the other Alice. MAD HATTER: It goes on you know, in this way....”Up above the ALITA: That’s right. I wonder where she is. world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky,. Twinkle, twinkle MEADOW: Well, if it’s anything like what just happened to me then DORMOUSE: (Singingin his sleep) “Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, she’s off on a grand adventure. It’s been just marvelous, I can’t tell you. twinkle...” (Hecontinuesuntil theMarchHarepincheshim) Turn to your right and move down MAD HATTER: Everyone stand! MAD HATTER: Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse... one place! (Everyonedoesso.) DORMOUSE: “Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle. . .(Steady) suppose did that? ALITA: Why do you we MAD HATTER: Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse... Perhaps to make the conversation more lively. MEADOW: DORMOUSE: “Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...” (Now the Hatter and the Dormouse is asleep again! (He pours a little tea in MAD HATTER: The Hare are pinching the Dormouseon eachtwinkle until he stops) it’s ear) MAD HATTER: (Standingup again) I’d hardly finished the first verse Of course, of course, just what I DORMOUSE: (Suddenlywakingup) ...when the Queen bawled out, “He’s murdering the time. Off with his was going to remark myself. (Drops backtosleep) head.” yet? MAD HAlTER: Have you guessed the riddle AUTA: How dreadfully savage! ALITA: We give up. MAD HATTER: And now he won’t do a thing I ask. It’s always four MEADOW: What’s the answer? o’clock now. HA’Il’ER: I haven’t the foggiest idea. MAD MEADOW: Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here? MARCH HARE: Nor I. MAD HATTER: Yes, that’s it. It’s always tea time and we’ve no time to I do something better with the time than MEADOW: think you might wash the things between whiles. wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers. AUTA: Then that’s why you keep moving around, I suppose. I-IA’rrER: We didn’t promise any answers, we only provide the MAD MARCH HARE: Exactly so, as the things get used up. questions. Besides, if you knew time as well as I do, you wouldn’t talk AUTA: But when you come to the beginning again? about wasting it. It’s him and he won’t allow himself to be wasted. MAD HATTER: Which reminds me. Everybody up, turn right and ALITA: We don’t know what you mean. move one place. (Theydoso) MAD HATrER: Of course you don’t. I daresay you have never even spoke to time. (Justthenthe QueenofSpadesruns in towingMalaikabehindher. Shedrops MEADOW: Perhaps not. But we have to beat time when we learn Malaikaoffat a certainpointand keepsrunning past the table,up theleftramp music. and immediatelybackdownand takesa seat. Alitaand Meadowrun up to the moral of that one is: ‘Tismusic, tis QUEEN OF CLUBS: Yes, and Malaika) music that makes the world go round. HATTER: Ah hah, that accounts for never actually having MAD ALITA & MEADOW: Why is a raven like a writing desk? (Astheytake for beating. Now, if you only treated spoken to him. He won’t stand herhands) on good terms with him he’d do almost anything him nicely and kept MALAIKA: (Excitedby thequestion) I don’t know What’s the answer? clocks. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in you liked with the ALITA & MEADOW: There isn’t one. (Bothlaugh) to whisper a the morning, just time for school work. You’d only have MEADOW: Isn’t that marvelous? clock in a twinkling. Half past twelve, hint to time and round goes the MALAIKA: Yes! (Theyall threelaughas theotherIwobringMalaikato the time for lunch. table) I was! MARCH HARE: only wish it MEADOW: (TotheHatter and theHare) And don’t tell us there isn’t any MEADOW: That would be grand. room. 38 ) :39 run around the table. On marks, ALITA: Because there is plenty of room. your get set, go!! (Themousestandsup on thebibleas everyoneruns aroundthetable) MAD HATTER: I vote the young ladies tell us a story. MALAIKA: (Asthey’rerunning) At home we call this MARCH HARE: Contrariwise. I vote we all sit and listen. a Chinese fire drill. MALAIKA: I’m afraid we don’t know any stories. QUEEN OF CLUBS: Well, we call MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE: Then the Dormouse shall!! (Wow here it a clean tea cup drill. MAD HATTER: Stop! Sit where you are. theyare bothseatedon eithersideof theDormouseand theybeginpunching (Everyonesits) him) DORMOUSE: They were learning to draw, (Getting MAD HATTER & MARCH HARE: Wake up Dormouse. very sleepy) and they drew all manner of things...everything that begins M DORMOUSE: I wasn’t asleep. I heard every word you fellows were with an MEADOW: Why with an M? saying. MARCH HARE: Why not?! MARCH HARE: Tell us a story! DORMOUSE: ...that begins with an M, such MAD FIATI’ER: And be quick about it, or you’ll be asleep again before as molasses and mousetraps, and the moon, and memory and muchness...You know it’s done. you say things are much of a muchness, did DORMOUSE: Once upon a time, there were three little sisters, you ever see a drawing of a muchness? (Beginningin a great hurry) and their names were FLoppsy,Moppsy and ALITA: Really, now that you ask me, I don’t think.... Toppsy. MAD HATTER: Then you shouldn’t talk. QUEEN OF DIAMONDS: Are you sure their names weren’t ALice, ALITA: (Hits thetableloudlywithher hands,stands up, then Alice and Alice? turns awayas ifleaving. TheotherAlicesget and after DORMOUSE: Very sure! Now if you will pay attention. They lived at up go her) Well, I’ll never go there again. It is the stupidest tea party I was ever at in all life! the bottom of a well.... my MALAIKA: Wait, we didn’t ask if MALAIKA: What did they live on? the Mad Hatter he knew the meaning of the DORMOUSE: They lived on molasses. Jabberwocky poem. MEADOW: Then let’s go back and ask MEADOW: They couldn’t have done that, you know, or they’d have him and then we can leave if we want to. been ill. DORMOUSE: So they were. (Theyturn back,everyoneissippingteaand havinga grand MALAIKA: But why did they live at the bottom of the well? (The time. TheKingof Hearts isstrollingon with thePageclosebehind. Everyoneis singingthe Dor,nousethinks) unbirthdaysongagain. Theyall stopand lookat theKing) MARCH HARE: (ToMeadow)Take some more tea. MEADOW: I’ve had nothing yet, so I can’t take more. MARCH HARE: (Getsup andgoestothe King. He doesa longsweeping, MAD HATTER: You mean you can’t take less. It’s very easy to take mockingbow) And is it your birthday today, your most spectacularly, more than nothing. radiantly, brilliant Kingship? ALITA: Nobody asked your opinion. KING OF HEARTS: My birthday? My birthday Hmmmm, I can’t MAD HATTER: Who’s making personal remarks now? seem to remember. Page! DORMOUSE: It was a treacle well!!! PAGE: Let’s see. Dates, Birthdays...Oh, yes here it is King of Hearts. ALITA: What is a treacle? As a matter of fact, Happy Birthday Sire. (Witha bow) MALAIKA: I think it’s molasses. KING OF HEARTS: Today is my birthday and no one even told me? MEADOW: There’s no such thing! How many times do I have to tell you, I am the King. Today should DORMOUSE: If you can’t be dvii, you’d better finish the story have been a national holiday. yourself! MAD HATTER: That’s to bad your most indubitably exalted Majesty. MALAIKA: No, please go on. she won’t interrupt you again. For you see, we are having an unbirthday party here, just as we do DORMOUSE: And so these three little sisters were leaning to draw... everyday. Now if you would have come yesterday... AL1TA: What did they draw? MALAIKA: We would like to wish you a happy birthday Sire. DORMOUSE: Treacle! KING OF HEARTS: Thank you. Thank you. Now I feel a little better. MAD HATTER: I want a clean cup. Let’s all stand up! Turn right and 40 41 (TheWhiteRabbitruns in. Stops. Pulls out his watch) MARCH HARE: Of course not. / KING OF HEARTS: Doesn’t mean anything...write that down Page. WI-JITERABBIT: Oh my ears and whiskers!! I’ve made it, am Ito late? ALITA: I don’t get it. MAD HATFER: Well, that depends. MALAIKA: It’s just more nonsense. He doesn’t really know at all. MARCH HARE: Yes, it depends upon if today is your birthday or not. MEADOW: (Thinkingtoherself)It doesn’t mean a thing.... WHITE RABBIT: Of course not. MAD HATTER: Not a thing. MARCH HARE: Then today is not your birthday? MARCH HARE: Not a thing. WHITE RABBIT: Certainly not, or I wouldn’t have come. MEADOW: I get it....Don’t you see, the meaning of the Jabberwocky is MADI-lATTER:Wellthen (Givinga lookto theHare,theyimmediately that it doesn’t mean anything. Nothing. That’s nice. MALAIKA: holdhandsand circlearoundhimsinginghappyunbirthdaytohim. They What are you talking about? ALITA: But it suddenlystopand lookat theAlices) should have some meaning.... MAD HATTER: Why? Everything MAD HATTER: (ToMeadow) Is it your birthday? else has a meaning. There should MEADOW: No. be something that doesn’t mean a thing. MALAIKA: I MARCH HARE: (ToMalaikaand Alita) Nor yours? (Dawningon her) Oh...oh....I think see now. AUTA: Yes, to have no meaning and yet be so fascinating! (Everyoneis up and circlingthem. TheKingand his Pageare offto theside MEADOW: It’s marvelous! lookingon. TheKinglooksterriblyout ofplace) MALAIKA: We did it! AUTA: We found it! ALICES: Wait, Wait, Please can you tell us MEADOW: The meaning is, it doesn’t mean a thing. MALAIKA: (Loudly) Oh, I wish.... KING OF HEARTS: And that, Page, may not have been done before. MAD HATTER: (Breakscircle,climbsup on the table,clearshis throut) This lovely young lady would like to make an unbirthday wish. And (Nowa smallpart QftheJabberwockypoemis saidbyeveryoneon thestage. what will it be today, my dear? TheAlicesfall asleepand the threeperspectiveQueensput a crownon each) MALAIKA: (Closesher eyes) I wish I could find the meaning of the Jabberwocky poem. JABBERWOCKY MARCH HARE: Oh is that all? Why if I was going to make a wish I would make it very extensive. ‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves MEADOW: Don’t you mean expensive? Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy MARCH HARE: I mean what I say. were the borogoves, MAD I-lATTER: Well, at any rate, that’s an easy wish to come true. And the mome raths outgrabe. ALITA: Do you know the meaning of it? MAD HATTER: Of course...(AlltheAlicesleantowardshim) ‘Beware the Jabberwock, my son! MEADOW: Well.... The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! MAD HATTER: Well what? Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun MARCH HARE: What well? The Frumious Bandersnatch! DORMOUSE: It was a treacle well. MALAIKA: What is the meaning? (BLACKOUT - THE STAGE IS CLEAREDQUICKLY) MAD HATTER: I’m glad you asked. The meaning of the Jabberwocky is...(Evenjoneleansforward)Listen very carefully, or you may miss it. SCENE TWELVE - LATE FOR DINNER ALICES: Yes, yes, yes.... MAD HATTER: The meaning is that...there is no meaning. It doesn’t (ThethreeAlicesareasleepon thestage. Anna comesrunning on and is mean a thing. (TheAlicesare lookingquiteperplexed,theMadHatter is relievedtoseethemand thena littleangry) laughing hysterically) And that’s the beauty of it, don’t you see? MALAIKA: (Disappointed) It doesn’t mean anything? 42 43 ANNA: Oh, there you are you naughty things! Where have you been?? PRODUCTION NOTES ALITA: Oh, Anna, you won’t believe us when we tell you. MEADOW: It was marvelous! MALAIKA: Yes, Anna. We’ve just had the most unexplainable “AUCES wONDE1LANIY can be done very effectively with a minimum adventure. set or as elaborately as desired. Following are the set ideas we used in ANNA: I’lljust bet you have. I’ve looked for you everywhere! Where the second production of AUCES IN WONDERLAND. were you? MEADOW: We’re not sure, but we definitely weren’t in England. 1) We built a six foot high wall in the back of the stage that the Cheshire ANNA: Whatever do you mean? You couldn’t have been gone longer Cat and Humpty Dumpty could get up on. We gave the top of the wall than twenty minutes! a broad base so that the actor and actress would feel safe and built MALAIKA: We all had an unbirthday party today.. steps/or a ladder so that they could get up easily. We then painted the wall in red and black squares, just exactly like chess ALITA: In fact, it’s your unbirthday today to Anna. (Theyallcircleher a board. The squares were about twelve inches all four sides and created a andbeginsinging. Annagetsflusteredandslightlyangry) on quite stunning background. ANNA: Enough!! What good imaginations the three of you have. You would make very good story writers, if only you applied yourselves. 2) We constructed a giant mushroom out of wood, chickenwire But I’m afraid you’ll never amount to anything if you don’t learn your and paper mache. We got a local air brush artist to volunteer to lessons. You were very naughty today. paint the mushroom. It was built with a ladder in the back so that the MALAIKA: But Anna, it did happen. Caterpillar could climb up. MEADOW: And we did find the meaning of the Jabberwocky poem. ALITA: Yes, we accomplished something. 3) Our theatre has side walls, so we took masonite and cut them to fit ANNA: Well, that’s hardly an accomplishment. Even I know the and enlisted a local painter to paint lovely forest. answer to that. a ALICES: You do? (Leaningforward) 4) Another idea is to paint the floor in giant squares of red and black, ANNA: Of course, the answer is it doesn’t mean a thing. like a checker board match the back wall. MALAIKA: How did you know that? to ANNA: Well, there’s got to be something that has no meaning. MEADOW: That’s exactly what the Mad Hatter said! MALAIKA: Anna ALITA: Have you been there too Anna? ANNA: Come along now, we’re already late for dinner. Dinah will be waiting for us and mother will be worried. (Shehurriesthemoff)

(BLACKOUT)

This was my inspiration for the wooden horse!

I TWIST

A

IN

Story

Johansen

95959

NCT

Mila

5

With

CA Classic

by

Box

from

477-5573

City,

stage

P.O.

Carroll’s

(916) for

CLASSICS

Nevada

Lewis

ALICES

Adapted

1993

©

WONDERLAND II ill SCENE ORDER CAST OF CHARACTERS 32 Characters - Doubling possible SCENE ONE: A History Lesson .1 SCENE TWO: The Caterpillar 4 ANNA SCENE THREE: The Three Queens 7 ALICE - MEADOW SCENE FOUR: The King of Hearts 13 ALICE - MALAIKA SCENE FIVE: The Cheshire Cat 17 ALICE ALITA THE WHITE RABBIT SMALLALICE - MEADOW INTERMISSION SMALL ALICE - MALAIKA SMALL ALICE - ALITA SCENE SIX: Humpty Dumpty and the Queen of Hearts 19 SCENE SEVEN: The Queen of Diamonds 27 DORMOUSE SCENE EIGHT: The Queen of Spades 31 THE CATERPILLAR SCENE NINE: The Mad Tea Party 34 SMALLESTALICE - MEADOW QUEEN OF DIAMONDS QUEEN OF CLUES WRITER’S NOTES QUEEN OF SPADES KING OF HEARTS This meant writing was not to be completely loyal to Lewis Carroll. In TURN, THE PAGE OF NOTES writing this, I took great liberties and chose instead to cater to future CHESHIRE CAT audiences. I believe that a playwright’s first loyalty should be to the DOROTHY OF OZ audience. Lewis Carroll wrote it as a storybook and much of his 2 OF HEARTS dialogue was already perfect for the stage; and then again, to make it 5 OF HEARTS more interesting from an audience view point, there needed to be some changes. For one thing, there is absolutely no plot—which is perfectly 70F HEARTS fine for a storybook. But for a play it is important to have at least a HUMPTY DUMPTY’ thread. I don’t pretend to have come up with a plot. To do that would QUEEN OF HEARTS have been unfair to Lewis Carroll, but I did weave a thread to hold it 3 OF HEARTS together. 4 OF HEARTS 60F HEARTS The most important aspect of this particular play, due to the amount of 8 OF HEARTS dialogue, is that the best way for it to work, is rapidfire. Use Abbot and EXECUTIONEROF HEARTS Costello’s “Who’s On First” as a guide. For this to happen, everyone SOLDIEROF HEARTS must learn their lines as soon as possible and practice them often. SOLDIEROF HEARTS ENUNCIATE, ENUNCIATE, ENUNCIATE! MAD HATI’ER MARCH HARE