The Sou'wester: Still Crazy After 80 Years, Page 2-3

THE ES O'WESTER S8 - 198 The Weekly Student Newspaper of Rhodes College Vol. LXXXVI, No. 10 Wednesday, November 18, 1998 Race Still Matters At Rhodes

By Mary McCoy gate themselves, but no one is willing Webb's column, particularly those Associate Editor to come to us. [Black students] have points which alluded to the "covert Students Talk About Race Rela- to integrate themselves. Our campus ignorance that occurs at Rhodes," es- tions (STARR) and the Rhodes Phi- is so polarized because people want pecially in a failure of white students losophy Club sponsored discussion to stay in their own cliques, and they to recognize "what it might be like to about diversity and prejudice last want people to come to them." be a minority at Rhodes, to stick out week. Some white students at the meet- like a sore thumb, so to speak." About 40 students attended the ing suggested that a possible cause of STARR coordinator W.T. lohnson STARR meeting on November 10, this polarization was the perceived ('99) said, "I think the article brought where students and faculty responded exclusivity of organizations like the up a lot of defensiveness among white to a column by Roblin Webb ('99) Black Student Association (BSA). students who didn't feel this was char- printed in The Sou'westeron October "The fact that these groups are acteristic of them." 14. The column, "Take A Look In The called the BSA and ASIA tends to se- Rosemary Thomas ('01) said of Mirror," described negative experi- clude them,' said Shawna Miller ('01). the column,"It makes me think about ences of minority students at Rhodes "I never thought something like the it more, but it also makes me feel more and was received with mixed opinions BSA would be for me.' awkward. It's good that it made by white and black students. Bola Rasaki ('99) responded to people think, but it creates another Although much of the framework this perception, saying that organiza- racial barrier of people uneasy around for Webb's argument centered around tions like the BSA and ASIA were "on people of another race.' the experiences of black students with campus to give people an open mind." "This article made me realize that Photo By Chris McKenzie Campus Safety, students pointed to Webb acknowledged this objec- I participate in certain privileges be- Assistant Professor Tina Barr and Professor Robert Entzminger such experiences as a symptom of the tive but also said of these organiza- cause I have white skin'," said John discuss the benefits of majoring in English at the "Choose Your Major" larger problem of a lack of commu- tions, "It's something about being Trout ('00). "It's something I would program in the Rat on Tuesday, November 10. The program was part of nication and interaction between the with people who know your culture. grant if I could, but it's not an issue Career Week and provided students with a chance to meet professors in black and white populations at I don't think groups like that should that's going to go away." all of the academic departments, as well as to pick up material on career Rhodes. feel guilty for that comfort zone." possibilities for each major area of study. Ebony Woods ('01) stated, Students also discussed their atti- "People say the black students segre- tudes towards specific aspects of Honor Council Announces Changes

By Heather Lockridge Honor Council will address the pos- The Internal Affairs Committee is changes have resulted in "more of a Johnson stated that he was ex- Staff Writer sibility of opening the business meet- designing an Honor Council webpage time commitment" for Council mem- tremely pleased with the work of the The 1998-99 Rhodes Honor ings to the student body. that will include the Honor Code and bers. Council this year and with the Council has made several changes to "These biweekly meetings are a list of Honor Council members, as "They're something that people Council's goals for the future. its operating structure and activities. more efficient than everyone meeting well asahistoryof the Council. There are having to get used to, but things "I am just fortunate to have a One change is the addition of bi- every week;' stated Honor Council will also be alink to the StudentHand- are really positive:' she said. council like I do," said Johnson. weekly business meetings to the President Eric Johnson ('99). book, from which visitors to the site Council's schedule. The meetings are Another change is the division of can access the Honor Council Con- designed to inform the enire Council the Council into project committees. stitution. The committee hopes to of the work of each Council commit- In the past, the entire Council has have the webpage completed by Inside this Issue tee. worked on each Council project. Christmas. This Week: Steve Wirls' Picks of the Week, p.8 "The main difference is that [the The new committees are Student The Faculty Committee is prepar- meetings] provide a schedule; ex- Affairs, chaired by Jennifer Stefan ing a survey and is focusing on build- plained Honor Council Vice President ('00); Internal Affairs, chaired byAmit ing the Council's relationship with Board of Trustees Speaks page 6 Amy Killebrew ('00), who presides Mirchandani ('01); and Faculty, faculty members. over the business meetings. "The chaired byAmy Whigham ('99). The Honor Council isalso partici- Council has some ambitious goals and The Student Affairs Committee is pating in several service projects this Beck Album Reviewed page 8 to have this regularityprovides a con- considering an alternative way to run semester. So far, members have stant pace." Honor Council elections. RSG cur- worked with Habitat for Humanity 10 The Council is currently develop- rently runs such elections. and Campus Green. Cross Country page ing official standing rules for the "We want to find ways to give stu- The Honor Council is also spon- meetings. The rules will address issues dents more information [about can- soring informational sessions in the Holy War! page 12 such as member attendance. Upon didates]," stated Honor Council Rat. completion of the standing rules, the President Eric Johnson ('99). Killebrew stated that, overall, the Page 2 S6UkESER Wedne sday November 18,1998

EDITORIALS

Volume I, Number 1 Volume VII, Number 3: Editorial Did you know... Editor-in-Chief November 5, 1919 We're the ginks that edit the Sou'wester. People envy us-in- * For the 1919-1920 school year, a Melody Barnett stead of pitying us. Why? Because there is so much material gain in year's subscription to The Sou 'wester Associate Editor addition to glory that is ours. And then there is so little to do. Stu- cost $150. Due in advance. EDITORIAL. MayMcuoy dents bring their writings to the publications room-all typed, too- * During WWII, while Rhodes -The Sou'wester wishes to introduce and we have only to bundle them up, send them to the printer, and Productio Maager housed US Air Cadets, a publication itself in this issue as a weekly pub- get the papers three days later. It's so easy. Everyone wants to do his BradyPotts entitled The Junior Birdman ran on lIcation to take the place of the S. bit. People smile and hold out their literary gems when they see us BusinessManager the back page of the then bi-weekly P. U. Journal, it is felt that the week- approaching-instead of throwing up their hands and uttering groans Karen Danid edition will be of more interest to Sou'wester. The Birdman was pub- ly of despair. We wonder why they do this. It must be because of their all its readers than the monthly pub- lished by military men; The SECTION EDITORS loyalty to the institution which they are privileged to attend, be- lication of the Journal, asd there is Sou'wester staff was composed al- A &E Editor Brandon Barr every indication that the Sou'wester cause they are proud it publishes a weekly paper, and because they Scene Editor Steele Means most entirely of women. News Editor Kathryn Royster will meet with the heattiest approval. are offered such wonderful opportunities for literary growth ... e In the 1940s, The Sou'wester ran Sports Editor lain Juden Have we ever stopped to think what -October 23, 1925 Rhode'ster Editor Brady Potts a good, live college paper means to large cigarette ads, often two per is- every phase of college life? Each one Volume XVI, Number 18: Score -12 To 2! sue, for Camel and Lucky Strike. In STAFP WRITERS of the students should take pleasure the 1980s, we ran liquor ads. Ford Baxter Heather Loctridge Co-ed Edition Editorial Emily Bare Kenneth Iuk In contributing to that paper, wheth- * In the"most infamous issue of The Kathryn Deloit Matthew Marcotte 'The Southwestern Student Council is the official, representative, SarahMarshal er in actual writing or in his moral Sou 'wester ever," Director of Special Jennifer Duroycic support, which may be manifested and executive organization of the student body." Yet of the fourteen David Elder Joph Quitana Projects John Rone was featured as a RussFarrinper NathanRain through his interest In it. members on the council only two are girls. These figures certainly do movie reviewer. Ask him about The Fam Fite Matt Reed The college publication, whether pa- not bear out the statement that the council is a representative body. The Grant Gandy iUaRoy per, magazine, or even a pamphlet, girls do not have a fair chance in the power and responsibility of run- Liberation ofL B. Jones. Max Groth Matthew Ships is the most democratic institution a ning student affairs ... * On February 22, 1935,afrontpage Tim Hayes LauraSimpSt aon Heller JeremySmith .body of students can establish, to be -February 18,1935 Sou'wester headline read: Student Amy Hokombe MaryamTanhue of mutual interest to all. We are not Body Campaignsto Replace Phone. Seth Jona Amy Tidwell are all fraternity men; and those who Volume XXV, Number 1: Another Year Noise in Store Makes the Present GRAPHICS R DESIGN STAFF to the same fra- do not all belong With the opening of school comes the sight of green freshettes Location Undesirable. Layout Editor Andrea Schneider ternity. We are not all interested in and air cadets and seniors mumbling morosely, 'The old place isn't Photography Editor Chris McKenzie are all athletes. In * During the first half of this century, Staff Photographers literary work, nor what it once was." It's true, the Southwestern of today is very, very Brian Choate as we divide ourselves into these editorials and parody articles often Carol Curry fact, different from the Southwestern of several years ago, or even of last smaller groups, wherein our personal appeared on the front page of The Copy Editor Ben Houston year. We all miss the football games, the dances, and most of all the interests lie, we are liable to narrow Sou'wester, mixed indiscriminately Design By Jonathan Nolen our view of life. We lose sight of boys we knew. We miss the campus politicians, the practical jokers. Online Editor Emily Slagle with the news articles. Other com- AuodiaOdine one of the greatest advantages of col- the football players, the playboys, the book-worms, the guys we used mon front-page features were one-act Editor Sarah Bettinger lege experience-that of forming un- to play around with. When they left they took with them much of plays, poems, and letters to the edi- DitohuttoeManaer Matthew Shipe limited frIendships and broadening our college life. tor. COLUMNISTS conception of life. The college paper Yet can we say that that is all Southwestern stands for? What of Lisa Bentivogli Joe Peeples justly belongs to one group as much the professors, the high standard of scholarship, the Honor System. * The first April Fools issue, com- Elizabeth Land Matthew Shipe as the other, and enters Into every ac- the beautiful buildings, the air of friendliness? Do they count for posed entirely of falsified sews, ran tivity known in the college. Eric McIntyre Greg Sims nothing? Is it not left to us to carry on the old traditions, and to build in 1926. Theheadlineread,'"Dr. Diehl Jeremy Mungle Roblin Webb Besides all these functions, there is a new life on the sturdy foundations Resigns." nothing more important than keeping of the old? As the official student newspaper of the alumnus in touch with his Alma There are a lot of girls left here at Southwestern, and the main * Nothing weeverdo isoriginal. For Rhodes College, The Soulwestcr is blater; and there is no other way so burden of 'carrying on' rests on their shoulders. To the Seniors is the over half a century, The Sou'wester produced entirely by the students on effective as portraying to hIm the task of setting the frosh on the right path; to the Freshmen is the task has been printing photos of newly staff. It functions independendy of actual life and spIrit of the students, of building a new strength in Southwestern organizations, the Honor elected student government represen- faculty and administration. It is pub- through a good publication. With System, and the War Activities Program. tatives, parody articles, self-referen- lished weekly throughout the fail and these purposes in view, we earnestly This is not time for theatricals or pseudo-patriotic ranting-this tial humor, typos, photo springsemesters, except during eam request the full cooperation of all periods and breaks. is a time for pitching in and getting the most out of college. We can manipulations, and occasional lapses Staff meetings are open to the who might be interested'in seeing Th'3 make this a happy place and a worth while place that our boys will of good judgment. In fact, the only Rhodes community and convenc in Sou'weater prosper. Tuthill every Sunday afternoon at 2 be proud to come home to. original idea we have had was the idea p.m. The Sou'weskr is a member of -October 8, 1943 to put together this scrapbook. the Student Publications Board, a six- publication consortium that includes the editors of all student publications, class representatives and at-large rep- Imagine.. .the World Without John Lennon resentatives from the student body. All staff editorials published in be To the Editors: Sou'wester represent the majority Though the earliest this letter will be printed is January 16, it is to be written on December 8. So if it sounds a little dated, I'm sorry. opinion of the Editorial Board com- About 45 minutes ago, I heard John Lennon had been shot and killed in New York City. Just as I find it hard to imagine the world if posed of section editors and execu- tive editors. Opinions expressed in there had never been a John Lennon or the Beatles, I now find it difficult to imagine this world without John. Suddenly. I feel old, and The Rbode'ser,opinion columns, and tired. letters-to-the-editor do not necessar- I remember back to when I was five years old, in 1964, listening countless numbers of times to a single of the Beatles' "She Loves ily reflect the opinions of The You," until the grooves were practically worn away. In 1967, my brothers were playing Sgt. Pepper, and I marvelled at, without SeN'wester Editorial Board. Letters- understanding, what I was hearing. In 1968, there was the While Album, and I stayed up nights listening to it, especially my two favorite to-the-editor are encouraged; all let- songs: Jon's haunting "Julian" and his beautiful "Dear Prudence." And in 1970, this eleven year old was blown away by Plastic Ono ters must be signed and will be edited Band, John's stark, brutally honest triumphant solo album. fr clarity. And then there were all of John's crazy stunts, usually with Yoko. There was the infamous "bed-in" for Peace in Toronto, and their telethon for REACHING 711 Sou'wasrst sending acorns to all the World Leaders. But the man cared. I remember watching John in 1972, perform on a local television moon: (901)543-3970 a New Jersey home for the mentally retarded. The emotion was overwhelming. Fan (901)543-3409 Both Matthew Fishman and I have reviews of John and Yoko's recent album Double Fantasy, scheduled to run the week before E-Mail: wuwcatmodea du John's murder. Since neither is particularly favorable, the obvious emotional decision would now be not to run it. But that would neither Address The Sa'water honor John nor his art. Rhoda Colege, Box 3010 When I heard that John was dead I knew I had to play something, by John and/or the Beatles on my stereo. My God, the 200 North Prkway possibilities! "Please Please Me", "Help", "I'm Only Sleeping", "Across the Universe", "Working Class Hero", "Imagine"; the list is Manyhis TN 3112-1690 endless. Or visit 71r exWsw Ostue: But, the choice was obvious, and I pulled out "A Day in the Le." Janneary 16, 1981 Jeff Horn oh boy. About a lucky man who made the grade. . ." bttp: // .atudents.r d .adu/awl "I read the news today, ra.... r,+carrr,,, Psp3

Wednesday, Noember 18, 19~ SWWEVER Pads 3

sd fsdoif isi ~minks aoer ofgavidjfn3 Siguoutfi Reiso Eat! SShit Southwestern olawv te new food systems liij Pw'lvc staff of the ' )intentions for t lie as they would aff chcabu. ws, a The editorial )245so2j y he liers hn SU ti~ reecou'i.~ itra o I t 20 minute queues j ammiflk 1d OuleBy S C feels httee:dw Jf paovit out reasons' Sou'wester bcracy do not deter ettoU Saga to find -,jd in Sagaso ' justnew aeuWe feel eivo,thai do reroute prepaid n itisW acco and s~dk solcies. Becausesmissg Bar ./.kgowir al tm e .f unwent dsally D to SaP's Snack I . b re or Into not kitajkgn to tine uted the ID . b us ies sfor thean Center .. wast ng sando'ad orein°artou tpi if l students uaskojr: o we i nth e 105u n u ul y c n i the dfj it or, because was not open oard -which of course is hi caW~rfe W Ae p \of bythisme - thnSap Beas i herthetns l' t 9 fecauttha then was benSatfusdte becorI n t allen.means of profit. dence hoal'il n obuthaerm one of B cue chnumber.i de of afa to feasible suW5"B l k;zUdk, ting at ll editors see nothing a Il Sa pagave this nSeVsp ap e DI4e their it wc "in 't ou wtrn sallp e e tt h student ntheSaga maldng e ochal reg ulatio n d but c g woft peci cowencer nusgbudg m and profits, Although eat jtf:44 tkd aoPf se alt p this n ad . pm b1odyop es people who don't and I w rong with tly rerouting students ; ;a aheoiti bec ause Sap cl i miedfood f i (Ol3~s e aLhe the faross ,ox efw ac tu a lly pr of it f ro m pabit. objections]. But , LTHOl gth e ar ~ et c in t ef ts th at e-wre q P r t i o n f o tr ersia d ~ u h o l ia to s gsaa n'~~,e w me a ls , su b li m manager said " ;" cl a gs l omn ig ht e h a o e th tt r'e im b u r s ed MeesSap's di 3 :o u T HOwoe U G han re n ol tho ft by em h r is a to f 4 'wester t sst e m d e not stop food the stesman." mains it Y lunc the Sou ~i m ou at ce t aw hits a re ed i t o r s of th i s . as B o b M an geess er a d or mist u d en t us te o o a n ea n s ;t h e qrsdf "i'm abuie ga t ce t ex e c t sv a r e -i e}g Tst a f s ed se sv ay ~ ra a ad q < i nddj attemtunchwith~tuWof toget 0 1 p~ . d k'f oe rFcu p~ 4 I d .t l r .dA ol rw r asu clc o so u l e. Oe n e , ao fd I , d s k i Mi } : : i y ~ )} } ~ l l ~lix j \ idilkj dde ne t of th e do r m bo a r d , "a 4-i ao i y i :? t oix iz e r1 anafhe sdet A lj w ereir i th at cors9 and hdsatldi4z89pn4d wx at}Ite:o tu,... ed]4Lou MfcC in dor rule )44 the s odedor was also w ay a> zvp ,_x ,,_.t ui e f ' several people entered this ' :idfl forw o m en inclu de ab o ltio riptiOn ...... -t.Illdji t OIaj oiajd casual m e t mt ayh e annumbe. tt undetected. --dt oaii'dt iosdai I aoi'dIf craein the numberofngt pxmu lip oaiw uc f~ksd nskidij afreshman Musdjfp ipaetrow8l4tilskojf', oeu24P%9 / A.nn dIgdf Uddt.: ,z~elt~ain ouemphs By Mark Hurlley to f a i skdtj;Ile snlrnk~s dt> ethp wsdtf4ctsu2Wu sdrirn may, pnd.. c ;vo, j a~inoi ul tpaov ControviflY is beginDa1i fds i olly ipkdlj;Iil atoljol ie wal a wl ti n t ,ijf e" ;~a lk s d jf p o : j dle mo euth nwnr t an o di p C rf t,dO cnde t a, ito : ja w ;e oijf; o tld I k s d ji q4 qh d di l ~- a ae nd sdi overthe ew cu d a ~o \4r+ EI c11 inc vl u r..h) 3rxpfo ifs Ilsktilj isji a y I ?3i21;ktj Id ofiv ' c r , ht ofn itry19614d t e tlii aldiri nsktl islajt aljttis~ "lan n theaig 9 aion )le~ing n thkl,~ d" caao ~..t'ni~w51 ibi being d b I~lxulrl sduo :5dct- "Ni the dweeki lionl heavily iA,30191"8ynArl0,''. _ H o t einJ te religiOus aspect of CA' s 4'tC1 \"m a a~ April241966 Ai thepcu in order to °em. ' d1i sl t that it atisfies the requirements of Foundation- 1 t:t~ o c the Belngrath.?do ' el PP/Allixi ,> aw nll e oftheca ts. o~d e riP- 5 1? lid

'siProtestMacMac,-~r, f e

A, le h~i?'+i -:!t A' w hi \ A 0 I

1 dh~o Liowk li i.

0 hl i loa'4 hi l oir el 'o;.1 -~a~t t. ,awho

i k At MemphisVoL 51, No. 23 Southwestern At-- Memphisoji~etail May 15, 10 Ut:x Ni)tU }xe I'.U4 ct.

Of course, we do a lot of other hour. You might think that the our room, in Tuthill, in Clough, than a stupid grade. Then we JEREMY M things during the day. At some College sleeps, but there are people wherever. And sometimes it is be- quickly think 'no, it is probably FUC MUNDUM point we brush our teeth and cash who keep the College alive for cause we deserve it and other times more important to get a respect- ROMAM i work-study checks and look those few and godforsaken hours we really just couldn't help it. But able grade because graduate around the room for our other - the hours when the stimulant we sit there, and we stare and work schools look at your transcript and shoe. We all have our daily rituals gods do battle with evil term pa- and we experience the most dis- not your health center file. And that only the guy down the hall pers or class presentations. torted triumphs and failures as we then you think,'do I have enough Rhodes College is alive. It is who always showers at the time we Who are these people? What invest more and more effort into change for a soda?' alive with all the joy and sorrow do has ever seen. As Dennis Miller do they do? Where do they hide? just staying awake. Sometimes we And then suddenly it has been we fit into eight semesters. We give says, "We all do the same stupid Surely you must know one of are lucky enough to have a com- 20 minutes and you haven't done a it breath and energy twenty-four s*** when we are alone." them. Surely you must have been rade, a comrade who made all the thing. Your book looks like a hours a day. And there do seem to be a lot one of them before. They are some same mistakes we did and dutifully manual for a Craig supercomputer. Most of know the daily rou- of us alone. Maybe not always, but of us and all of us. Everyone con- suffers alongside us. It never All right, you say, that's enough, now tine. From 8 to 5, tributes. seems as bad when they are there. it's time to get to work. we walk around But the College does notdie every evening around2.00 There are some Somehow there is comfort in com- And sometimes it actually with our back- only to be reborn like Osiris duringA hour. who make it a regular pany. works. Sometimes you do learn packs, and take occurrence because Our minds wander. We think something and occasionally you tests, and think, their artistic souls about what other people are do- even surpass ,your own "perfor- and laugh, and try to do our read- mostly. We struggle through with wither in the harsh light of the ing right then and how we would mance modeL" You laugh in the face ings thirty minutes before Search, a burden that seems so unneces- regular world and others who sim- rather be just about anywhere else of psychological research and time and eat lunch, and watch an ob- sary and unfair. Of course, there ply never learned how to sleep. in the world. Sometimes we de- management, and you think about ject of undying affection walk are those among us who are for- They gather in the Pub Center like bate in our heads. We debate just how amazing you are to have across the quad to his or her next tunate enough not to be alone, but frenzied worshipers in need of a about the consequences of going hoodwinked the academic establish- class with the sad casualness of de- I do not remember what they do. fix. There used to be headquar- to sleep and the possible bad grade ment this time. feat. Then we eat dinner, and we That seems to be what most of ters on third floor Blount. A few and the possibility of changing our And other times, well, at least visit or we study or we e-mail. do (or least what it amounts to), find the solitude irresistible. It is major and the fact that there is no you have your health. It it not a Then, at some point, all seems fin- and we do it well for five days in a so quiet when no one cares, and guarantee we will be able to wake pleasant experience, and we swear ished or lost and we silently curse row, with two in between each then there are some who only es- on time anyway. We try to ratio- we will neverlet it get that bad again, our roommate for all his or her ri- cycle. But the college does not die cape their anxieties intermittently nalize that it is just stupid to hurt but who are kidding? It builds char- diculous habits, and we surrender every evening around 2:00 only to but never completely. our bodies like this and that health acter, right? And betides, it was our to sleep. be reborn like Osiris during A But we have all been there - i and sanity are more important turn. Scene Wednesday, November 18,1998 SPUaFSTER Page 5 Chair of Board of Trustees Addresses The Presidential Search By Kenneth Lukas entire college; an ability to relate eas- "I'm not sure I can define it, but we future, one of the toughest things is Mitchener was confident that Staff Writer ily and openly with students, faculty, all knowwhat Imean when Isay that." going to be if we go into an economic Korn/Ferry would do a good job and For the purpose of facilitating the staff, alumni, trustees, and other key He cited technology and the recession. We're fortunate that times would find the right presidential can- presidential search, Rhodes College constituencies and audiences; and an- Kinney Program as examples of lead- have been good and parents can af- didates for Rhodes, although the Col- has had the services of several cam- established interest in international ership. ford to send their kids to an expen- lege by-laws state that the selection of pus search committees. However, the education and an appreciation of the "He or she needs to be familiar sive school. Giving has been high, and a president is purely in the hands of Board of Trustees will make the final global awareness in undergraduate with technology, to be able to lead us giving has been good. Rhodes is an the Trustees. decision in the hiring process. education. into the future, to know how to use it expensive place and we need gifts "We're absolutely open about The four campus presidential These goals are still somewhat to the College's advantage. from alumni and friends. this;' stated Mitchener. "We're will- search committees are composed, re- vague and possible questions abound. "The Kinney Program is an excel- "The allocation of funds is [also] ing to give a fair hearing to anyone, a spectively, of students, staff, faculty, For example, does "appreciation of the lent example of leadership. I think a tough decision. We'd like to pay the businessperson, academician, dean of and trustees. John Kuhnle,Vice Presi- culture of Memphis" mean that the Rhodes has one of the best service faculty top salaries and give every stu- another institution, man or woman. dent of Korn/Ferry International, the future president will have to be an programs of any school in the coun- dent a scholarship and every dormi- We're just looking for a person who company commissioned to perform Elvis fan? Does an"understanding of try. And it's there because someone tory room its own kitchen and bath. has leadership. the search, mentions input from all Rhodes' focus on religious values" re- had leadership." But we can't. We need someone who "Kuhnle thinks [the Rhodes four of these committees in a memo quire a theological degree, like the one The memo also mentions the can decide how to allocate the funds. presidencyis] the premier prize, the to Board of Trustees Chair Frank M. President Daughdrill holds? ability to "make tough decisions as These are tough business decisions plum of liberal arts education that's Mitchener, Jr. Mitchener replied in the negative necessary"' and they need balance;' Mitchener out there this year," Mitchener This memo contains eleven to these questions. According to Mitchener, "In the said. added. "Trustee Issues," which include a "It's not a requirement that some- demonstrated record of organiza- one hold a theological degree. We'd tionalleadership; an understanding of like to see someone who is a consci- College Presidents And Search-Committee institutional marketing, public rela- entious, active member of a local tions, and fundraising; and an under- church. I think it's a sign of a person's Chairs Comment On Kom/Ferry standing of Rhodes' focus on religious conviction that he or she is active in a By Steele Means who drew up the profile." dates and screens them down to values and the ability to preserve and local church," said Mitchener. Scene Editor Jordan reported that Korn/ a manageable size. Afterwards, enhance that heritage. According to Mitchener, appreci- Presidents and presidential Ferry, in the initial stages of a the campus search committee Other issues were the demon- ating the culture of the mid-South was search-committee chairs at vari- search, advertises the open posi- will conduct interviews," accord- strated ability to give a fair hearing to mentioned as important "in the con- ous colleges recently provided tion and works to garner qualified ing to Floyd. all legitimate views and then make text that if someone is more comfort- statements to The Sou'westercon- and credentialed applicants. Floyd added that the trustees tough decisions as necessary, unques- able with living in the mid-South, they cerning their experiences with Afterwards, the firm narrows of Western Michigan University tioned integrity and outstanding may be more comfortable with the presidential searches and with the list to a group of semi-final- made the final decision concern- moral character, an understanding position because most of our alumni Korn/Ferry International, the ists, who are then usually inter- ing his retention as president. and appreciation of the culture of live in the South, and most students search firm which Rhodes has re- viewed by the campus search Commenting on Korn/Ferry Memphis and the mid-South, and fa- come from the mid-South. The posi- tained for the purpose of locat- committee for the purpose of ul- itself, Floyd said, "I have worked miliarity with technology and its cur- tion is not closed by any means to ing a suitable and qualified timately selecting the one who will with a number of search firms in rent and future potential in teaching. someone who doesn't come from the replacement for President be hired. the past, and Korn/Ferry is the The Board also desires, according mid-South." Daughdrill, who will retire in Jordan spoke highly of Korn/ best as they come." to this memo, a record of support of Leadership is the quality which June 1999. Ferry as a search firm and said that Ed Goodman, President of traditional family values; a willingness the Board is specifically searching for, Dr. Phil Jordan, who is pres- Adelphi retained the firm because Hambro America, Inc., recently to listen to all views and then make said Mitchener. ently President Emeritus of it had good references and a record served as the chair of the campus decisions in the best interests of the "It's the key," Mitchener stated. Kenyon College, has worked with of successful searches. presidential search committee of Korn/Perry at several points in "[We] felt that Korn/Ferry had the Fashion Institute of Technol- the past, one of the most recent the qualifications to conduct the ogy in New York, which ulti- being a search to locate a new search," Jordan said. mately retained Dr. Joyce Brown VOLT SERVICE GROUP president for Adelphi College. Korn/Ferry also recently con- as its president. Has Full and Part-time Positions Jordan served as the chair of ducted a search for Western Michi- Goodman said that he, as Adelphi's search committee dur- gan University, which ultimately chair of the campus committee, Available For The Holidays!!! ing that particular search. hired Dr. Elson Floyd as its new was convinced early on that the These Positions are Excellent For High School Graduates, Jordan said-that most aca- president. Institute should hire a search College Students, & Individuals Looking For Part-time demic institutions have a campus Floyd said that he was recom- firm and that it retained Korn/ search committee during the mended to Korn/Ferry as a pos- Ferry primarily because it had Employment. course of a presidential search sible candidate for the Western past experience with the firm. Candidates Must Have Knowlege oE and that the campus committee Michigan University presidency Goodman added, "Korn/ Audio and Video Card he chaired worked in close accord and that the firm subsequently Ferry helped the school locate Microsoft Office with Korn/Ferry throughout the contacted him to ask if he was in- candidates, which it would not Windows 95 w/ 3.1(Windows 98 Helpful) search process. terested in being considered for have been able to do otherwise." Computer Hardware He went on to say that one of the position. Reflecting on the time dura- Shifts are Mon-Fri from 9 a.m.-9 p.m. w/ some Sat. the committee's initial actions Floyd also commented on the tion of the search, Goodman said was to draw up a profile of the process of the typical search. He that it was a laborious and time- required. Positions begin Dec. 15-Jan. 31. Contact Volt ideal president. This profile al- said that Korn/Ferry usually ad- consuming process and that it Service Group to schedule an Appointment. lowed the committee to commu- vertises the open position, for lasted for approximately one nicate clearly to Korn/Ferry the which they will receive a number year. 748-1755 767-8658 credentials that the college de- of applicants. Other candidates, Goodman also commended 8245 Tournament Drive Sie. 250 2600 Thousand Oaks Blvd. Ste. sired in a president. like himself, are nominated. Korn/Ferry, saying that it is one (Near Winchester and Hacks 1420 Jordan added,"It was prima- "Korn/Ferry then checks on of the three or four quality glo- Cross Rd.) - (Near------.-- Perkins and American Way) rily the Trustees of the college the qualifications of the candi- bal search firms in existence IN eWS Page 6 S 'WES'ER Wednesday, November 18,1998 Martha Nussbaum to Lecture

In a separate event sponsored by are "based on our cultural and his- the Rhodes Philosophy Club, Asso- torical assumptions." on Education and Citizenship ciate Professor of Sociology Thomas McGowan closed the lecture by By isa Roy Socrates to build her argument, learningininterdisciplinaryhumani- Staff Writer McGowan gave a lecture entitled applying the principles of experien- Nussbaum readily supports the exist- ties courses such as Rhodes' "Search "Encountering the Other: Prejudice tial interaction to Rhodes, saying,"If The Gilliland Lecture series and ence of such courses as gender stud- for Values inthe Light ofWestern His- and Self-Understanding" on No- we don't deliberately seek out these Teaching the Humanities conference ies. tory and Religion," according to Pro- vember 16. experiences with the 'other, we are have joined forces to bring Martha According to Burrow LibraryCo- fessor of Political Science and At the Philosophy Club lecture, likely to be prejudiciaL" Nussbaum, a well known legal and ordinatorof Public Services Bill Short, conference director Michael Nelson. McGowan began by differentiating After the lecture, McGowan re- philosophy scholar, to Rhodes. who directs the Gilliland lecture se- Nelson said that the conference the philosophical and vernacular sponded to Webb's column and to Nussbaum will deliver alecture as ries, the symposium was founded in was a way to celebrate the College's definitions of "prejudice." Under the the discussion surrounding it. part of the Frank M. Gilliland sym- memory of Frank Gilliland, a Mem- sesquicentennial by putting Rhodes' philosophical definition, prejudice "When the campus is this ho- posium Thursday, November 19, at phis attorney who had a strong inter- "flagship" (the Search course) on dis- operates as"a preliminary judgment mogenous, minority students have 8:00 p.m. in Blount Auditorium. The est in responsibility, civic education, play. He noted that the conference is of meaning:" as opposed to the ver- trouble dealing with things most stu- lecture is titled"Liberal Education and and a strong respect for the value of a also a valuable opportunity for edu- nacular meaning, a negative bias to- dents take for granted. Race matters World Citizenship." liberal education. cators, scholars, and students to gather wards a group based on stereotypes. in terms of quality of experience be- Following her lecture, Nussbaum The series invites scholars who and reflect upon issues pertaining to While McGowan said that cause of the lack of diversity. will spend two days participating in "share ideas and principles close to humanities education. philosophical prejudice is neces- "The column expressed anger the Teaching the Humanities confer- Gilliland's own: and who are"inspir- Over one hundred and fifty sary for interpretation, he qualified and resentment that offended some ence. ing to you, the student," explained people from all over the country have this statement by saying, "Igno- students, but the problem is,people Nussbaum, who is Professor of Short. committed to attending the confer- rance regarding the preliminary in a dominant experience have to Law and Ethics at the University of Short stated that collaborating ence, according to Nelson. He stated judgment is exactly what makes it 'take the heat' when minority groups Chicago, has been a prolific author of with Teaching the Humanities to that such attendance shows the prejudicial." express anger that is socially and his- articles and books. bring Nussbaum to Rhodes was a amount of higher-education interest According to McGowan, "put- torically justified. Respect that an- Her most recent work, Cultiat- wonderful opportunity because her in interdisciplinary humanities ting assumptions to the test of ex- ger and resentment is real, that it's ing Humanity: A ClassicalDefense of work is"very much in tune with what courses. perience:' through interaction, is not personalized. It's real, but not Reform in Liberal Education, explores Rhodes is doing" and with Gilliland's As part of her activities with the the way to recognize the limita- something that sabotages discus- the presence of core classical values in own interests. conference, Nussbaum, along with tions of these assumptions, which sion." particular courses at universities and Teaching the Humanities is acon- Rhodes Search students, will partici- colleges across the nation. Usingclas- ference that allows for the exchange pate in a Friday afternoon panel on sical authors such as Seneca and of scholarly ideas on teaching and the conference's focal issues. Funding Available For Service * U Work-Study By Amy Tidwell Hillary Currin ('02), an assistant Some call us a cheap date. StaffWriter coordinator for Adopt-a-Friend at This year the federal government Snowden School, agrees. She and Erin has expanded the possibilities for Post ('99) arranged for Rhodes stu- Frankly, we're flattered! Rhodes students interested in service dents to serve as mentors for children work-study. New service-oriented in kindergarten through fifth grade at jobs off-campus will give students a Snowden. Dual membership* chance to combine their volunteer ef- "You get to work with children *one named individual plus one guest per visit forts with the time they spend on and see, from a different perspective, work-study. how they are growing up," Currin said. "Currently we have 12 work-study Kelly Gill ('99) assists the program students, called 'community interns: director at Estival Place with admin- The whole Zoo. JU L placed with the Evergreen Homework istrative tasks. Gill said that her MPHIS and Tutoring Center, Snowden knowledge about the needs of home- School, Memphis Literacy Council, less people has increased through her The whole year. E[00 and other educational settings:' said work. Chaplain and Director of Volunteer "I am learning more about my Service Billy Newton. possible future in the nonprofit sec- 44 bucks. (You bring the date.) The new jobs are mostly educa- tor' Gill said, adding that the best part Call 901-276-WILD. tion-related, but some students have of her job is "the fact that I can do been placed with the Memphis Crisis community service and make some Center, Church Health Center, and cash for expenses at the same time:' MIFA. Individuals who are interested Newton isoptimistic that the pro- in a spring-semester work-study job gram will expand as more federal and who qualify for the federal funds are designated for the America work-study program in the field of Reads program and other work-study community service should contact opportunities in the community. Newton. Natalie Jones ('01 ),a student who According to Newton, "These works at Evergreen Presbyterian positions may be more challenging Church in the after-school tutoring and demanding than many of the program, said of the program,"It gives work-study jobs on campus. It is you a different view of work-study. It usually not an easy paycheck, and feels more like a real job because you only worth it if you are already are off-campus" highly committed to service." INews Wednesday, November 18 1998 S6US 9=ERf Page 7 Campus Model UN Team To Safety Log 11/9/98 TO 11/15/98 Travel To Chicago 1 /9/98 6:00am Campus: Campus phones down. Bock on line 7:37am By Matthew Sip. writing or debating, will put his/ "I expect our delegates to do a 7:40am Robinson Hall: Supervisory alarm; SteffWriter her knowledge to the test of debat- wonderful job debating and caucus- checked ok, reset. The Rhodes Model United Na- ing and consensus building on is- ing. We have two very strong del- 12:40pm Phillips Lane: Vehicle booted. tions Team will be travelling this sues of great international egations, each having the potential 1:25pm Trezevant Lot: Vehicle booted. weekend to Chicago to compete in significance." to win awards." 10:30pm Trezevant Hall: Fire alarm; faulty smoke the American Model United Nations "This is the second year for "I am grateful for the support of ok, maintenance detector. Checked, Conference. Rhodes College MUN to partici- the administration and also the In- called. Rhodes is sending eighteen stu- pate at the American Model ternational Studies department in ACTIVITY TO REPORT 11/10/98 NO UNUSUAL dents to the competition. Those United Nations Conference," ac- our ability to attend the the confer- Paper fire in ashtray 11/11/98 1:10am Robinson Hall: competing are divided into two del- cording to Anschutz. ence, Phillips added. outside west entrance, extinguished. egations; one delegation is repre- "We have a great team going to There are plans to create a Model 2nd Floor: Noise complaint. 2:32am Glassell senting Finland and the other is the conference this year," Phillips NATO team at Rhodes. Associate Pro- responded. Campus Safety and Res Life representing Saudi Arabia. The said. fessor of International Studies Sean Vehicle booted. 10:00am Gym Lot: head delegate for Finland is Model "We will compete against both Kay is spearheading the movement to 12:15am Fac/Staff Lot: Vehicle booted. UN vice president Jessica Anschutz private and public colleges from all create such a team. When asked to 11/12/98 9:48am Robinson Hall: Smoke detector alarm; ('00), and the head delegate for areas of the United States. We have comment on the team, Kay said that faulty detector, maintenance called. Saudi Arabia is Nik Granger ('01). seventeen delegates in committee the process of creating the program 11/13/98 4:50pm 4 Refectory: Possible disturbance. Campus Model UN president Hunter debating topics ranging from inter- was still in the very early stages. Safety responded, all ok. Phillips ('99) stated, "This year's national law to issues of financial This weekend's MUN conference 10:37pm Townsend Hall: Illness; student transported team is a mix of first-year students and administrative peacekeeping." will take place in Chicago's Hyatt Re- to hospital. and MUN returnees. Along with the According to Anschutz, "Our gency hotel and lasts from November 11:07pm Stewart Hall: Fire alarm; evacuated. continued support of our advisor, delegates are very well prepared. 21-24. Associate Professor of Inter- System error, all ok. Dr. Karl Kaltenthaler, we look for- We've been researching various is- national Studies Karl Kaltenthaler, the 11/14/98 1:30am Trezevant Hall: Disturbance and hall ward to a succesful trip. sues for months and have also prac- team's faculty sponsor, will be travel- damage. Subject responsible located and "Each team member, whether ticed debating. ling with the team. reports filed with Dean's office. 4:30pm White Hall: Eight windows reported broken out. Under investigation. 5:20pm Pike House: Larceny, purse; report taken. can't be 10:42pm East Fence Line: Suspicious person Life spotted by Campus Safety officer, chased. conceived Subject fled on foot over the Charles Place fence into the Hein Park neighborhood with without you. officer in pursuit. Lost suspect. Patrols increased in the area overnight. We're looking for women who want to 11/15/98 12:18am Campus: Memphis police officers on be part of a miracle. Women who may campus to cite speeding violation. have already experienced the joy of STATISTICS childbirth and family..., and under- VISITORS: 1238 CITATIONS: stand what it must be like not to be able CARS BOOTED: 4 ESCORTS: to conceive. ACCESSES: 153 JUMP STARTS: A technique has been developed which PROPPED DOORS: allows normal pregnancy and delivery to couples who have been infertile. The Corrections and Congratulations: method-ovum donation-requiresthe The Sou'wester's November 11 article "RSG Recommends Gum Laude gift of a human ovum or egg from a Changes" incorrectly stated that RSG recommended changing the standard healthy woman. for summa cum laude from 3.95 to 3.8. RSG recommended that this stan- dard be changed from 3.95 to 3.9. You could be her. Congratulations to Mock Trial teams on their recent victories in the East- Help give hope to a couple who wants a ern Illinois and Mid-South Invitationals. A story was assigned for this issue, baby and can't have one. It's a contri- but the writer failed to complete the assignment bution that can last a lifetime. mrpbliy Please call us-University Fertility P Planned ParenthooJ. Associates at UT Medical Group, Inc. (901-767-6868) for more information. Pregnancy resting and Indlvlduat Counseling "Anniud Qualified candidates will be Exams 'Emergency Con ptironlot?j"Mornin- Amler Pirt") compensated. SOf1h Control for Mt o rad Komen " Firer Trimescer Abortion *EducnatktNy * At Servces ConfidentV B - UT MedIcal Group You Think Obstetrics & Gynecology We're More Than 909 Ridgeway Loop Rood " Union Avc. Jrd Ftoor "(9011 725-1717 I * Memphis TN 38120-4020 1407 GROUP Arts & Enteainment Page 8 SU'WBSR Wednesday, November 18, 1998 New Clough-Hansen Exhibit Beck's Third Release Gets Back To Roots To Focus On Current Faculty By Barrett Hathock characteristic of the following Staff Writer eleven songs, recorded in fourteen SHOW COMPLETES TWO-PART ART DEPARTMENT RETROSPECTIVE And now for something com- days with producer Nigel Goddard pletely different. (Radiohead's OK Computer). physical or psychological challenge. that grace our lives-filtered through By Max Groth In his third full-length album, "Canceled Check" is so relaxed Staff Writer The subjects she has depicted in her a lens tinted with humor;' Stewart Mutations, Beck makes a quieter, and simple that it's hilarious, like a The Clough-Hansen Gallery work have included musicians, black- said. "The piece uses the death of two more acoustic, more melodic, and modem cowboy campfire song continues their addition to Rhodes' smiths, fire-fighters, and dancers. dogs to discuss death, transitions, that much better album than ever before. crumples into instrumentalldigital Sesquicentennial celebration with an The canvases in the "Trauma" se- and the interconnectedness of all If Odelaywas a triumph of the post- giggles. It is idiosyncratic, yet still a exhibit of the work of current fac- ries depict the frantic goings-on at the things.":' modern sound collage, obsessed song that begs to be ulty, the second in a two-part series Trauma Resuscitation Unit at Jackson Hallie Salk Charney, Rhodes's sung along with with sampling and referencing itself late at night. Of course, right after which began with photography in- with its own time and place, then Beck twists the end of this pleasant "Looking Back;' a structor, will be Mutations quietly lets that obsession jangle with his ironic retrospective com- displaying her sense of sound, go, leaving songs that stand strong he surges into prised of pieces by Van Dyke Brown the gentle, string by themselves. If Odelay was "The soaked "We Live Again" which re- past graduates and photograms. Beck Party Album,' then Mutations establishes the relaxation of the faculty. Photograms are is the album for Sunday evenings, a album's beginning. Another Maria Pacini, created not with a thing tempo for flicking cigarettes into last that rescues the record from becom- Director of the camera, but with night's beer cans. ing one long, exhausted lullaby is Clough-Hansen light sensitive pa- "It's not a pastiche," Beck said of Becks taste for this interplay of lull Gallery, said she has per which is ex- the new album in RollingStone (No- and crumble. received an ex- posed to light. vember 26, 1998). The next song, "Tropicalia," tremely positive re- When the paper Beck's description is apt. His lat- sounds like intercourse between sponse from is processed, an est record does not attempt to dis- bossa nova and hip-hop and is so "Looking Back," image is pro- sect and refigure bits and pieces of much fun you'll reach for a cigarette and is looking for- duced which is 90s American culture like Mellow afterwards. The song is not merely ward to the tre- similar to a nega- Gold ('94) or Odelay ('96) did; one clever; it begs for you to sing along, mendous response tive. Charney instead thinks of his subdued, folk she believes the uses twigs, flow- too. And of course, when Beck sings indebted One Footin the Grave ('94) "Love is a poverty you couldn't sell;' next exhibit will ers, and branches with the accumulated years of ma- you can't help but love him, and garner. While as her subjects. turity. Beck consistently "Looking Back" "These found subordi- fumble your pockets for change. Photo by nates his deft production to the served as a re- Diane Melody Barnett objects have be- However, Beck still throws out some minder of all the fman's "Roll" is one of the works on Carol Stewart come portraits of importance of the songs themselves, legitimately weird lines, such as "A and a great talent that has current exhibit at the Clough-Hanson Gallery. Works by Carol Stewart singular subjects the result is taste of something gambler's purse / Lays on the road / timeless. He sings songs, rather than existed at Rhodes and Hollie S. Charney flesh out the show. from nature that Straight to your door." I won't at- directs collage-like creations. In in the past, Pacini contain life tempt to interpret. But, as both Dr. short: Mutations has more soul, less hopes the next show, "Rhodes Col- Memorial Hospital in Miami. Hoffman within themselves," Charney said. Seuss and Search has taught us, non- attitude. lege Current Faculty Exhibit;' will has received much acclaim for her work "They are one-of-a-kind gifts sense can be a lot of fun. However, the record is still very serve as a demonstration of the in- and has recently had the honor of hav- from nature. These sometimes "O Maria" is creepy, with its "Beck" - despite the fact he is fi- credible range and ability that cur- ing one of her canvases from the overlooked objects radiate their limping piano and wistful keyboard nally letting some pink flesh show rently exists in the Rhodes' Art "Trauma" series shown at the Brooks own personal expression and hum. The music acts as a nice coun- through his artifice. "Jack-Ass" is department. Museum. beauty." terpoint to its refrain-like lyric "And probably the closest glimpse on The three professors in the show Carol Stewart is the department's "Rhodes College Current Fac- I've been looking for a good time:' Odelay to what the new record - Diane Hoffman, Carol Stewart, sole sculpture instructor and also ulty Exhibit" will open with a pub- "Sing it Again" is Beck at his sounds like:acoustic and Hallie Salky Charney - are all teaches drawing courses. She has cre- lic reception on Friday, November guitars, jangle most beautiful. It is a delicate one- simplicity, and an increased "hum current members of the Art depart- ated a special piece especially for the 20 from 5 to 7 p.m. The exhibit man waltz for a lonesome coun- factor." Beck's sampling trickery try boy. ment. show."Entials/Entales" is a large instal- runs from November 21 through Brushes on the drums, serves more as a crescendo for the Diane Hoffman, who teaches lation constructed of welded and ham- January 29. finger-picking of a nylon string music on the newalbum ratherthan several levels of both drawing and mered steel which Stewart has created Gallery hours are Tuesday guitar, the reverberated sliding of as the music itself - leaving the painting in the Art department, will in order to instigate a dialogue between through Saturday from 11 a.m. to a lap steel, the spare swaying of a songs to breathe on their own. be displaying works from her the viewer and the piece. 5 p.m. The gallery will be closed harmonica, Beck's understated yet To be sure, Beck is no Sinatra. "Trauma" series. "My work celebrates a twisted per- November 25 through 30 for earnest voice: all of these ingredi- His voice is not silk; a good, heavy For the past three years, Hoffman sonal spirituality expressed through Thanksgiving holiday; and will be ents unify the song as something denim maybe. However, he appears that has been focusing her work on indi- constructions devoted to pain, suffer- open by appointment only from does not sound old, but does to know his range well, and his voice viduals in situations of extreme ing, death, and the other pleasantries December 13 to January 16. not sound excessively modern ei- fits the songs with the same com- ther. This song also possesses one fortasearly Johnny Cash. Beck VOTED MEMPHI5' BE5T sings of the most pleasant guitar solos PIZZA '93-'98 Which faculty of loneliness, regret, and sounds a heard on a pop record in recent members'"Picks bit tired, but not tiresome. His wea- memory. 15% Off riness sounds well-deserved, some- Already at work on his next al- thing to be appreciated. Food and 2087 Madion te 7265343 of the Week" bum, Beck defies prediction. How- Bevera es 5061 Park Ave 6841306 The album begins with "Cold ever, he continues to invest a care would you like to Brains,"a steady, jangly lullaby, and for his craft and a concern for his W ith Student 760 .F 7532218 see next year? the first notes establish the tone for own musical growth that is only the rest of the record: acoustic gui- equaled perhaps by U2 and tar accompanied by synthesizer R.E.M., two other contemporary CAFUL"Exdcluding Alchohdol E-mail BARBT. flourishes. The simple song exeanm- groups who have weathered the plifies the restrained Memphis Pizza Cafe Loves to Hire Rhodes Students production harsh trendy climate. . Arts & ntertaiment Wednesday, November 18 1998 S 5'W~s1WER Page 9 Inprov Troupe Prepares For Rhodes Debut By Rd Farrin sists of various improv "games," or scene that we have to work with. YuffWdier scenes, generated from the audience. Often, you don't know what you're Look, Mal No Pantsl Drawing from over 30 members Depending on each game's setup, saying until it is out." of weekly improvational theatre the audience chooses character According to Arnold, nervous- meetings. Brian Harris ('99) has traits, scenarios, or other random el- ness can also come with the imme- formed the comedy troupe Con- ements that the members of the diacy of the actions. tents Under Pressure, a group with troupe must act out in an instantly "I stay nervous, usually," said future plans of public and service- created atmosphere. And there is Arnold. "It's like proving yourself orientated performances. one other requirement: they must continuallyW Even after a great game, Rhodes students will receive be funny. you know that you're going to have their first chance to experience the "Part of the fun for the audience to start from scratch in the next random humor of Con- one. tents Under Pressure Fri- a It's like proving yourself con tinually. According to Har- day, November 20 at 9 Ever; after that ris, moderation has no p;m. in the Lynx Lair. a great game, you knoW place in acting when Contents Under Pres- you 're going to have to start from doing improv. sure includes seven mem- sra tch in the next one. " "The key is to do bers. Six actors are put on - Bob Arnold, Troupe member everything big," said the spot to be funny. Bob Harris. "If it's going to Arnold ('02), John bomb, you bomb big. Whitfield ('02), Matt Reed ('02), is watching us stand in front of them But if you succeed, it's extremely and Brent Morgan ('02); sophomore and just try to think of something funny. You simply can't be medio- Paul Murray ('01); and Brian Har- to say," said Morgan. cre." Photo Braon Bor ris ('99). The show is run by the sar- The emcee acts as a sieve, gath- In addition to preparation for donic emcee John Ramsey ('02). ering suggestions from the audience, shows, Contents Under Pressure John Whitfield and Bret Morgan ('01) rehearse "The The troupe blends pure impro- but also weeding out the more vul- sponsors open improvisation meet- Rhodes Olympic one of the improv games planned for Content Under visation with previously created gar and inappropriate suggestions. ings every other week on Tesdays Pressure's upcoming performance. brief skits to provide variety to the "We try to keep the show PG- and Thursdays from 9:30-10:30. high hopes for their upcoming per- both of you," Harris said. "We get show. These skits promise to in- 13," said Harris. "We try." The next of these will be Tuesday, formance. our show from the audience; they clude performers in their under- As to be expected, the greatest December 1. "I'm really hoping this will be a make us funny. If they are giving out wear, cannibalism and a how-to of difficulty for the actors is establish- The troupe also plans to orga- good show, said Harris. "It would good suggestions and react to us, we pickpocketing. ing an atmosphere at a moment's nize service events where they will give all of us the confidence boost thrive on that and do well But, if "We don't sit down and memo- notice and acting within it - perform at nursing homes and we need for to perform again." they just sit there, it is hard for us to rize lines," said Harris of the skits. "thinking off your spinal cord" as children's hospitals in order to According to Harris, the audi- create." "We have a general course of events, Reed describes it. lighten people's days with a little hu- ence is key to a good performance. Contents UnderPressure has cr- but what happens during them, and "We have no preconceptions; mor. Future plans are also being "The worst thing that could ateda websiteat "wwwoocities.com/ the dialogue, are open." each scene starts just then," said made for shows outside of Rhodes happen is me going out there on olegepark/theater/7931" to list their These skits comprise the major- Whitfield. "It's like a building block at clubs and other publi places. Friday and saying,'I would like to upcoming performances andgive in- ity of the performance, which con- each line that is said builds upon the Contents Under Pressure has thank you for coming tonight - formation about their organization.

?ro.fgar $tevo firl Rhodes Singers To Hold Christmas Concert evIrandon arr perform short pieces during the concert's past format is the deci- picks of the week concert. The Rhodes Brass, a fac- sion to make the 1998 concert The Rhodes College Singers ulty intramental group, will also largely a capella. are currently in rehear for their accompany the chorus on some "It's not too big a difference," 4i7d" annual Christmas Con ert, to be pieces. Ramsey said, "But it was part of held Thursday, December 8 at 7:30 "There's something for every- my plan from the beginning to First, an anti-pick of the week. I saw Good Will Hunting recently p.m. in the cathedral of St. Mary's body," Ramsey said. have virtually an a capella pro- and was astounded. Itwas beyond disappointing. It was inconsistent, Episcopal Cathedral. This year's concert features a gram - because that's the way I saccharine, and threadbare. Matt Damon, the lead actor, had one brief According to Associate Profes- relatively young Singers choir. Of have been working in the interim scene in SavingPrivateRyan with more persuasive acting in it than all sor of Music and Interim Conduc- the 59 Singers, 35 are first-years. situation." of his earlier starring role in this film. tor David Ramsey, this will be the Despite the choir's youth, though, According to Ramsey, the twelfth straight year for the con- Ramsey stressed that rehearsals are venue should also be an asset to cert, which blends more tradi- going well. Ramsey said the nu- the upcoming perfomance. tional Christmas carols with other ances of the performance will be- "St. Mary's is always an awe- The Tallis Scholars independent Christmas works. come more polished as the choir some setting for the concert be- Allegri'Mu ndy/alestrina This year's performance will con- continues rehearsing. cause of the cathedral," Ramsey The Tallis Scholars are an excellent addition to any classical col- centrate on American and English "For an ensemble, you really said. "The acoustical atmosphere lection. Simply sublime is Allegri's "Misere"- especially this record- works. have to know each other," Ramsey there makes for one of the finest ing. On the same CD is the almost equally transporting "Missa Papae The upcoming concert will be said. "The longer you sing with venues for choral singing in the Marcelli" by Palestrina. Close your eyes and allow the music to carry a choral festival, with the Singers' each other, it seems like, the bet- Memphis area." you off. selections augmented by several ter you are able to sing the music." The Singers will follow up the other performing groups. Two The Singers decided to place concert at St. Mary's with a perfor- bOOek high school choruses - the Mu- the annual Hodie concert on hia- mance on Wednesday, December 9 Measure For Measure sic AcademyYoung Singers and the tus this year, and Ramsey said that at 6 p.m. in the Refectory's Hyde Currently, I am rereading Shakespeare's Measurefor Measure Sex, Music Academy Choral Ensemble, has also allowed for more re- Hall. Ramsey said many of the same love, politics, death, God. And, of course, some inexplicable Romans. conducted by Cindy Cole - and hearsal time for the Christmas pieces will be performed at both What more could you want? the Children's Academy Chorus, concert. shows, but the Refectory show tends conducted by Susan Van Dyck, will One other change in the to be a little more casual. Sports Page 10 SWieJdWnSeER Wsday, November 18,1998 Stiff Competition As Students, Injury Riddled Soccer Team Staff Battle For IntramuralTitles Hopeful For Next Season By T ner Naidhadi The credit of shutting down Staff Wrier Thnitys high-powered offense goes IyKuiDucnl the Dream Team by a score of 54- Jonathan Pence ('01), Dagon For the second time in as many to Rhodes' defensive line of Will SpuI1i the Suubassr 28. Percer ('99), D.J. Morgan ('01), years, the Rhodes men's soccer sea- Johnson ('0),Rob Sustar ('01),Matt Recreational Services recently The officials corps, led by the Ronald Eaton, and Will Haven son ended with a loss in the second Prewett ('01), and Shaun Dugan concluded its Intramural Flag veteran Jon Breth ('00), did an ('01). League play came to a close round of the NCAA National Cham- ('01). They held the Tigers to just Football season. The women's outstanding job this season. Spe- on November 13; a single elimina- pionship. Trinity (TX) University eight shots. league was dominated by Dorothy cial thanks go to Breth, Jason tion tournament will follow. Stay avenged a loss to the Lynxduring the The win moved Trinity into the Ware's Kappa Delta team who Shelton ('01), and Cameron tuned to see whether these partici- regularseason byconvertingtwodi- 3rd round where they beat defend- were relentless. During their regu- Spearman ('01) for their commit- papts stay undefeated the remain- lar season games, they won by an ment to the season. And thanks der of the season. rect free kicks for a 2-0 Tiger win. ing national champion Wheaton Rhodes (14-5-1) average margin of 49 points. In to supervisors, Paul Butts ('99), 3-on-3 Intramural Basketball edged out Thin- College. Lynx players were on-hand ity for the SCAC championship in for the TrnityWheaton match-up. the tournament, they kept rolling Dagon Percer ('99), and Wyman will begin action on Sunday, No- with their dominant ways, defeat- Bankston ('01) for their outstand- vember 15. There are 5 women's the regular season with a 3-2 victory While this may be a difficult re- but failed ing the ladies of Alpha Omicron ing leadership out on the field. teams and 27 men's team. Last to find thebackof the net ality for seniors Tanner Neidhardt, when the two teams met at East Brian Gonzales and Andy Harlow, Pi in the finals by the score of 36- The overall sportsmanship in the year's winners were as follows: McCully Field in Wheaton, Illinois, Marcinko remains hopeful 8. The participation by the ladies league was very positive, which Women's League Winner - Tri that the last Friday. was extremely enthusiastic and added to the enjoyment of the play Delta, Men's White Winner - Phi tournament will not be seen as a to- "There were not a lot of attack- tal loss very entertaining. by the participants. Slamma Jamma, Men's Black Win- for the Lynx. ing opportunities created through At the beginning of the men's When the Wallyball season ner - Darkside, Men's Red Win- "It is a learning thing, a good the run season, the rumor was that the title came to a dose, three undefeated ner - Pike I. of play," Coach Andy experience we can build on," Marcinko said. "It came down to a Marcinko said. "We had a very would be between the SAEs and teams (SAE I, KS In Training, and Ultimate Frisbee play began on game of re-starts, freekicks,and Pikes in the Red Division, but the Staff Stompers) went into the Sunday, November cor- young team on the field again this 1st with three ners.: year. boys from ATO had other plans. tournament with the hopes of tak- games. The Bomb Squad from Unfortunately for Rhodes started two freshman ATO had some tough times in the ing the title. The Staff Stompers, Kappa Sigma along with the SAEs the Lynx, Trinity won regular season but came from deep lead by Glenn Schwab, Mike look to be the odds-on favorite the battle of set plays. and six sophomores in the Trinity Trinity broke a 0-0 tie through 61 match. in the draw to knock off the Pikes Renwick, and Bobby Lessentine early in the Red League, but the minutes of play when Scott and then the SAEs in the final. In came out on top when they, after boys from RCF have not had the Mury Yet, the team may always won- slipped a free kick from the top of der what the Black Division the Pikes a tough win over the Bus Drivers, opportunity to show their skill. In they could have done the penalty area past keeper Matt seemed to have the two dominant beat Pike I for the Championship. the Black League, the SAE Pledges with a full squad. Prewett, Neidhardt and Simon "Colt" teams, both finishing with 3-1 A record 26 participants are and the Gladiators from Glassell Matheny ('00) for the Tiger's first goaL Then records. However, the pledges competing in racquetball look to be two tough teams that TriniWs Lance Keyadded Tolbert ('02) were limited in prac- another direct kick with less than were knocked off in the semis, intramurals this year. The season could take the T-shirt. However, tice the week before the game due three minutes to go to end all scor- which left it up to the Pike II team is still in league play with 7 par- there are probably some members to injury, and captain Kevin ing. Carlucci ('00) did not make to pick it up. And pick it up they ticipants remaining undefeated. of the Kappa Sigma II team that the The defensive tone of the game trip did, with a crushing victory over They are Jon Cox, Cathy Fletcher, may dispute that statement. when he re-broke his collar and emphasis on set plays surprised bone in practice just five days be- Marcinko. fore the tournament. Carlucci had Ferguson, Wottle Cruise In Regional Meet, "I think we expected it to be played his last full game seven more of an attacking game on both weeks earlier versus Trinity. Cross Country Teams Fail Short of Nationals sides, but it turned defensive, with With good health and the return both teams wanting to contain the of 10 starters anda strong bench, the other team, he said. By Grant Gandy finishing close behind. Assistant runners earned all-region honors 1999 Lynx could do just that. Staff Writer coach Kris Boey summed up the by placing in the top twenty-five. The men's and women's cross women's race by saying, "Our goal Mike Wottle ('99) became the first country seasons ended Saturday a was to finish as one of the top two Rhodes runner to break 26:00 for week earlier than they had hoped, teams to qualify for nationals, and five miles. but two runners qualified for this even though we did not do that, The school record is one of SLJIAheR iN weekend's Division III National we still finished in the upper ech- many for Wottle, who, with his Championship race at Dickinson elon of the region. Emily numerous conference track titles, College in Carlisle, PA. Ferguson ran possibly her best can call himself the greatest run- Emily Ferguson ('99) bested race ever. She ran a very smart ner in Rhodes history. Patrick the Southeast region's finest run- race and was able to beat the LaRochelle ('02) (26:51, 19th) The Organization for Tropical Studies (OTS) ners en route to running a course Sewanee runner who beat her at earned the honor of the fastest and Duke University offer a field-oriented, record 18:23. The win qualified SCAC, as well as everyone else. freshman in the region. Kosta science based undergraduate course in Ferguson for a trip to nationals, Plus, Lydia is only a freshman, so Dalageorgas ('01) (26:53, 20th), Tropical Ecology, May 30 - June 28,1999. where she finished 74th last year. it will be exciting to see her run at Dave Thomasson ('99) (26:54, Lydia Gibson ('02) finished sev- nationals." 21st), and Grant Gandy ('99) CREDITS MAY sE TRANSFERRED FROM DUKE UNIVERSITY. enth overall and will join Ferguson The men were disappointed (26:56, 23rd) were also named all- For information on the summer course or the at nationals. The women's team that they did not place higher as a region. Virren Malhotra ('01) semester abroad program, contact OTS " .919 684-5774 tied for fourth place with Mary team, but the disappointment was (27:05, 26th) missed the all- re- e-mail 'cao~acpub duke.edu, ". httpJA~ww.otsduke.edu Washington College. Meghan eased by the fact that Saturday's gion team by one place and Summer Course application dadline isFebuary 26, 1999. Bromert ('02) (20:21, 38th), Joy race was the fastest ever for a Michael Hoover ran a personal Johnson ('99) (20:25, 40th), and Rhodes team. "We really wanted record 27:22 to finish thirty-third. Katie Castille ('02) (20:29, 43rd) to beat Emory and Frostburg, but The Lynx will rest for a few *AW YI'S Aw,,r wiwfhmwc OWt dw rawfdzltls mar Peftm&himm'ofwwl4ka *50e sin Ii,b th bvvpks scored for the Lynx, with Anna we cannot be disappointed with weeks before the indoor track sea- Pinchak ('00) (20:40, 48th) and the times that we ran," said head on opens December 6th at Arkan- Megan Emery ('99) (20:52, 54th) coach Robert Shankman. Five ;as State University.

e~1latlll J4: '.4 ' Rhode'ster Page 11 SipJ'WEsJ3 Wednesday, November 18, 1998 I I THE If They Bred... I Saw You: Rhode'ster 0Staff Once again, The Rhode'ster has brought to light genetic tinker- By Bauett Hulhck things and carrying your deco- ing at Rhodes. As anyone who has read the Campus Safety Log Rod'ster 7-10 Split ratedI Big Gulp cup. THE DUDE lately knows, this place is a friggin' zoo because, hey, you can give Mee-follow you to all of your someone an $80,000 education and expect them at ages 18-22 to Brady Potts ISY: Me-in your Spanish M/W/ F classes. You haven't seen act like an adult, but throw some Nattie Light into the equation and Conversation class. The one who me, yeet. THE BIG LEBOWSKI all hell breaks loose. In response to the recent habla with a southern accent. Won't you spend a few hours rash of taco-related fisticuffs and booze-fu- Melody Barnett You-eloquent and beautiful in captivity with me? Won't you eled, madcap Diehl decorating, Campus in your olive skin, never late, al- let mee give you a pair of jeans? MAUDE Safety has enlisted the help of those wackykids ways smelling like Herbal Essence. Won't you let me pry that gigan- Mary down in Frazier-Jelke to create"The Enforcer," McCoy I need a tutor, a translator. I'm tic piece of decorated plastic from a security machine who makes Cerebus look tiredofconjugatingallbymyself. your 6fngers? WALTER tame in comparison. Melding DNA from ISY: You-groping the Diehl IS ': Me-the girl in the black Matthew Shipe Campus Safety institutions Ralph Hatley, statue at 2:00 in the morning last dresst alking to you behind Briggs Lynn Barnett, and Vernon Humphries, the Sunday, your hands all over his last Friday night We were waiting THE LITTLE LEBOWSKI Enforcer is schooled in the use of the Boot, bronze, your tongue in his arm- for th bus. URBAN ACHIEVERS the crossbow, and the sassycut-down, respec- pit. Were you drunk? You-urinating behind the (AND PROUD WE ARE OF ALL OF tively. "Te Enforcer's kung-fu is mighty, to Me-walking by with my ATM nachine, puked on the bus THEM) say the least," said Director of Campus Safety mouth open and whispering"No, later. Barrett Hathcock, Matt Reed, Raph Hatley, whose steely gaze and furrowed she didn't!" CcCme to my room and drink Kenneth Lukas, Andy Siewell that "Tommy Lee " " brow add a nice touch of Don't defile our tradition. Let in amore intimate setting. I even The Enorcer ones" style to the Enforcer'salready stern vis- me bring you out of the Bronze have a bathroom you can use. BRAD age. Age with my skin of steel. ISS: You-talking in the last Karen Daniel Photo ManipulationBy Brody Potts ISY: Me-screamingprofani- RSG nmeeting about quorum, di- ties last Thursday in the 216 versity, parliamentary procedure, THE STRANGER Maclab and 1sdent apathy. Brandon Barr You-the helpful Maclab at- Me-sitting oposite you, en- tendant who held me, weeping thralleed by your big vocabulary JESUS QUINTANA while my paper dissolved into and in.satiable academic drive. lain Juden digital confetti. You petted my I 1ove it when you talk dirty Log hair as I sneezed into yourfleece. in big words. I want you to say JACKIE TREEHORN Won't you hold me like that "quor um"again in my ear. I want Steele Means 11/11 3:13 a.m. Glassell Hall: Wastebasket on fire. Water fountain again? Let me pay your laundry you to spell it. I'm a student who embedded in ceiling. Goat confiscated in third floor bill? I desperately need anewhard cares, but I care most for you. I BUNNY LEBOWSKI social room. Snack machine missing. NO UNUSUAL drive, want I:t be locked inside Tuthill Kathryn Royster ACTIVITY TO REPORT ISY: You-always wearing a over'I Thanksgiving with you. I'l 11/12 8:24 p.m. Refectory: Students involved in disturbance over a long-sleeve sorority shirt and show you something you can THE MARMOT Rtat taco. Both sent to the Counseling Center for those black spandex-legging- forman ad hoc committee about. Chris McKenzie psychiatric evaluation. morning, andhe finally admitted NEWS BRIEFS: DONNY 11/14 11:32 p.m. Moore-Moore Townhouse: Group of international that all that"ideal form"stuffwas communist Brian Willis spies posing as "Exchange Students" dis- justabunch of hooey, He said he covered. Offered excuse of being just "French." can't believe we fell for it. Campus Safety knows better than to fall for that one RSG Vanishes Into Fifth THE WHITE RUSSIAN again. Questioned, detained, deported. Dimension Actor Catches Fir Ben Houston 1 1/15 7:03 p.m. Alumni Lodge: Drunken alumnus left ovr from The entire Rhodes Student A rehearsal for &Etmities at Homecoming vomits, sobers up, gets a life, and goes Government was sucked into an- the McCoy Theatrtooka nasty EVERYONE ELSE tbe beck home after being asked for his yearly gift to other dimension after a pro- turn last Tuesday when Matt Nihilists the Alumni fund. Vomit mopped. Stench lingers. longed session of navel-gazing in Nelson ('00) caughtfire. Nelson, 11/16 5:13 p.m. Palmer Hall: Ferocious kittens ambush and eviscer- the Orgill Room. Already on boundgagged, and blindfolded, MANTRA ate unarmed squirrel in front of Halliburton Tower. their ninth hyper-critical ad hoc was sitting inside the set's fire- "Ve belief in nothink!" Pictures taken, crowd gathers. Campus Safety makes self-study forum quorum of the place when matches flicked by the scene. Kittens described by witnesses as "Stealthy day, the group became so en- Liz Watt ('00) ignited his t-shirt. The Rhode'ster is not like Viet- like the Yeti." Calico apprehended and sent to its gpossed in their bellybuttons that Despite his struggles, Nelson was nam; there are rules here. The room, other kittens still at large. they were pulled into an alter- left to burn because, accordingto Rhode'ster belleves that Nazism 11/16 5:20 p.m. Faculty/Staff parking lot: Campus Safety truck nate reality. The Rhode'ster is Watt'"He's supposed to do that was bad, but at least it was a creed found with all four tires slashed, claw marks cover- dedicated to bringing you news anyway. We just thought he had - an ethos - as opposed to ing the hood and hairballs in the gas tank. about every ad-hoc committee finally learned to act How were nihilism. Those guys don't believe 11/17 10:13 a.m. Robb/White/Elett: Pit to infernal region opens that RSG can think up, so we we supposed to know?" in anything. The Rhode'ster is a up under Whiteball court, swallowing those damn grabbed our Ouija board to get Having thus incinerated the Jackie Treehorn production. You hippies once and for all. Sleep-deprived residents in touch with RSG president male lead, the surviving cast of White Hall cheer. Bellingrath residents finally get NeetaVennepalil ('99). shrugged their collective shoul- want a toe? The Rhode'ster can get to sample Pan Geos after waiting for four-month game "I'd be lying If I didn't say it der aad just hoofed it to the you a toe for two hundred bucks. to end. Losses deemed "acceptable." took. us ,by surprise, said P&H Cafe to get sloppy. "We Want a toe with nail polish? We Articles assigned: 18 Vennepalli through the Ouija were serving God, plained can get that for you by three. The Articles tured in: 1.3 board. "On the upside, we can Ashley Johnson ('99). "It was a Rhode'ster does not roll on Shomer Forums Co.,duted: 987 finalykooksramtheastralplane wake for poor Matt." Thesmol- Shabbas. The Rhode'ster really ties Progress Mads: nil into all of those dosed Board of dering Nelson was finally extin- the room together. Dead Squirrels: 26 thsteenoittee meetings On guished ' hours later by Reaching The Rhode'ster: Happy Kitties: 1 the down side [RSG Vice Pri- wxdesation caused by the sub- Put one million dollars in a bag, °Cotiils mixed: 83 dent) TealBaker gotsucked into arctic air-conditioning in the throw it out of the car, and no Booty Calls: notta damn one purgatory today. But she and McCoy which for some reason CZcwdngs since $tp's funny stuff. You're out of your 21sft 0 - Ploweshtingthebullthis Isstill ct onfrstbite: element here, Donn. SRHO HODE'STER 1848 - The Parody Student Newspaper of Rhodes College

Wednesda~y November 18, 1998 This Page is a Humorous Parodic Read at Your Own Risk. Page 12 Religious Studies Lab Leads To Chaos, Mass Destruction GOD Is SCOTTISH, AND HE IS RIGHTEOUSLY PISSED OFF AT THE PHYSICS DEPARTMENT

By Matthew Shipe and Brady Pots ment claimed, "This whole thing Rhode'ster League Bowlers is hog-wash. Are you going to be- lieve me, cosmic background ra- In what is being perceived as a diation and the Big Bang, or some much delayed discovery, the rattle-shaking, incense burning, ju Rhodes' Religous Studies Depart- ju man over in Clough? By cracky, ment has found God. The discov- if there were a God, He would be ery has caused much Scottish, but His name would be inter-departmental bickering, the MacQueen or something nice like destruction of both Clough Hall that - certainly not Declan. That and the Physics Tower, and the whole superstitious department in deaths of several students. Clough should be obliterated." The discovery of God is being Outraged by the heretical credited to the creation of religion comments of a certain physics labs this semester. "If the biology, professor, the jolly and righteous physics and chemistry depart- men and women of the Religous Photo Manipulation By Brady Potts ments can have so-called 'scien- Studies Department decided to The Lost Ark of the Covenant ('3945 B.C.E.) continues to spew forth all sorts of divine whoop-ass tific' labs why can't we?" Dr. take action and start their own all over the Rhodes Campus. The Ark has currently been responsible for the melting of eighteen hapless Stephen Haynes stated. "The labs crusade against the infidels that work-study students on their way to the mail room, scores of first-years who just didn't realize that it's were designed to find God, which infest the campus. A brawl ensued. probably not a good idea to try to ride the Ark, and an ARO tour group unlucky enough to get zapped is a helluva lot harder than trying A small group of'crusaders' led to the beyond. Luckily the Board of Trustees were spared when the Ark tried to suck their souls and they to do alchemy or picking lint out by Dr. Steve McKenzie stormed the were found wanting. | of your bellybutton or whatever Physics Tower on Thursday carry- they do in those 'science' labs. ing medieval swords and spray- Once a week, students bang their painting 'Declan Lives!' injure more of them." make the scene because they were faces all melted off,but on the bright heads against their desk for three throughout the Physics Tower, in- Outraged by the vicious attack, busy breaking up a dispute over a side we now know how not to carry hours while singing 'My Sweet discriminately slaughtering any- MacQueen retaliated on Friday by taco at the time. the Ark," said Dr. Zirbel. Lord' and try to pinpoint God." one that tried to stop them, laugh destroying Clough Hall. "Those Religious Studies scum Having stationed the Ark in According to MacQueen now see that my battle station is front of the Physics Tower, Dr. Haynes, God was moved his se- fully operational," stated Haynes knocked on the front door discovered at 4:47 cret satellite, MacQueen in a voice oddly remi- and booked it around the corner. p.m. this past which oddly re- niscent of Grand Moff Tarkin. When thelInfidel MacQueen Thursday by Dr. I y(elled at Dr. sembles the However, on Monday the Re- opened the door and found the Ark, Mark Muesse MacQueen not to look original Death ligious Studies Department re- he immediately opened it up to see when he yelled directly,into the Ark, but Star, into posi- vealed its secret weapon: the Lost if there were prizes inside. "Declan!" in the he just grabbed a box tion and acti- Ark of the Covenant. "I knew his scientific curiousity middle of lab. At with a ,inhole in it and vated its "The Ark is kind of our little would get the best of him. Sucker," this outcry, the lookedright at the "Super-Secret departmental secret:' Haynes told Haynes said. class determined thing dam nyway. Death Ray." In The Rhode'ster. Ignoring the cries of the surviv- that God's real ing only a nano- The Ark was given to the Reli- ing physics majors to refrain from name is Declan and Coleman ('99) second the 'sat- gious Studies Department by Dr. looking directly into the Ark, that he is Scottish, Jack ellite' emitted Kate Zirbel, who discovered the MacQueen got an eyeful of God in bitter and now re- the death ray Ark last spring doing fieldwork in all His naked, Scottish, glory. sides in a small flat and incinerated Egypt. Dr. MacQueen's eclipse viewer on the outskirts of n By Brady Potts Cloughh and alll "In graduate school we were was sadly inadequate to the task of Manchester, En- inside it. always taught that Indy was a re- beholding infinity, and his face gland with his mother. at them, or even look askance at Luckily, no faculty were inside ally crappy archaeologist, more of melted right off. Dr. Joseph Favazza stated, them. of the building when it a grave robber than anything else. Unfortunately, no one could fig- "That's quite an accomplishment 76 students were killed, 39 lost disentigrated into dust; they were But those losers never found the ure out how to put the cover back for Mark to discover God and all. limbs, and one suffered a nasty instead withering away at a faculty Ark of the friggin' Covenant! Let's on the Ark without losing their soul. Who'd a'thunk that God is a Scot?" rash after being hexed. meeting that the naughty Dr. see them act professional when Students are advised to avoid the The discovery of God, though, "They were all infidels and MacQueen was skipping. Conse- they could have the Word of God amphitheater and the Physics Tower caused an uproar. Dr. Robert they all deserved to die," stated quently, only students perished. in a box in their living room. or risk turning into goo. MacQueen of the Physics depart- McKenzie. "Its a shame we didn't Campus Safety was unable to Sadly, my own graduate assistants' "Our bad" said Haynes.