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Home , Catherine of Siena

The Second Conversion

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The apostles were once walking along the road, having a discussion. Remember when the Apostles, after having left all to follow Our Lord, after having preached in several villages about Christ and even after have healed people and driven out devils, they had the argument about which one of them was greatest. Our Lord responded by calling unto Him a little child and setting him in their midst with the words, “Amen I say to you, unless you be converted and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matt 18:2f). The great 17th Century Jesuit Fr. Lallemant wrote; “Two conversions ordinarily occur in the majority of … one, by which they devote themselves to the service of ; the other, by which they give themselves entirely to perfection. We see this fact in the lives of the apostles when Christ called them (their first conversion) and when He sent the Holy Ghost upon them (their second conversion). Scripture speaks of the necessity of this conversion in several places. At the Last Supper, Our Lord refers to St Peter’s necessary second conversion when he said to him, “Simon, Simon, behold Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: but I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and thou, being once converted, confirm thy brethren” (Luke 22:31). St Paul speaks of this second conversion when he exhorts the already-believing Ephesians, to “put off… the old man, who is corrupted according to the desire of error, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind: and put on the new man, who according to God is created in justice and holiness of truth” (Eph 4:21-24). On Ash Wednesday the liturgy brings to mind this necessary second conversion in the words of the prophet , “Now, therefore, saith the Lord: Be converted to me with all your heart, in fasting and weeping and mourning” (Joel 2:12-13). Others saints and writers including St Benedict, St Catherine of , Blessed , Tauler and St have written of the necessity of a second conversion, after we are staying in the of grace, and have been following Our Lord for a time, to advance in the spiritual life. “The reason why some reach perfection only very late or not at all is because they follow only nature and human sense in practically everything. They pay little or no heed to the Holy Ghost, whose appropriate work is to enlighten, to direct, to warm… Such people ordinarily direct their lives by the common feeling of those with whom they live, and as the latter are imperfect, although their lives are not disorderly, they will never reach the sublime ways of the spirit, because the number of the perfect is very small. They live like the ordinary run of people… “The Holy Ghost waits some time for them to enter into their interior and, seeing there the operations of grace and those of nature, to be disposed to follow His direction; but if they misuse the time and favor which He offers them, He finally abandons them to themselves and leaves them in their interior darkness and ignorance, which they preferred and in which they live thereafter amid great dangers for their salvation.” (La Doctrine spirituelle, 4th principle, chap. 2, a. 2, p. 187) These very thoughts are echoed by another great spiritual writer, St John of the Cross. The great Dominican, St Catherine of Siena, in chapters 60 and 63 of her Dialogues records how God the Father shows the need of a second conversion: “Some there are who have become faithful servants, serving Me with fidelity without servile fear of punishment, but rather with love. This very love, however, if they serve Me with a view to their own profit, or the delight and pleasure which they find in Me, is imperfect. Dost though know what proves the imperfection of this love? The withdrawal of the consolations which they found in Me and the insufficiency and short duration The Second Conversion

Page 2 of 3 of their love for their neighbor, which grows weak by degrees, and ofttimes disappears. Toward Me their love grows weak when, on occasions, in order to exercise them in virtue and raise them above their imperfection, I withdraw from their minds My consolation and allow them to fall into battles and perplexities. This I do so that, coming to perfect self-knowledge, they may know that of themselves they are nothing and have no grace, and, accordingly in time of battle fly to Me as their benefactor, seeking Me alone, with true humility, for which purpose I treat them thus, withdrawing from them consolation indeed, but not grace. At such a time these weak ones of whom I speak relax their energy, impatiently turning backwards, and sometimes abandon, under color of virtue, many of their exercises, saying to themselves: This labor does not profit me. All this they do, because they feel themselves deprived of mental consolation. Such a soul acts imperfectly, for she has not yet unwound the bandage of spiritual self-love, for had she unwound it, she would see that, in truth, everything proceeds from Me, that no leaf of a tree falls to the ground without My providence, and that what I give and promise to My creatures, I give and promise to them for their sanctification, which is the good and the end for which I created them.” “It was with this imperfect love that St. Peter love the sweet and good , My only- begotten Son, enjoying most pleasantly His sweet conversation, but, when the time of trouble came, he failed, and so disgraceful was his fall, that not only could he not bear any pain himself, but his terror of the very approach of pain caused him to fall, and deny the Lord, with the words, ‘I have never known Him.’” So how do we pass from the state that most of us find ourselves in, and go from mercenary love to filial love? Our Lord explains to St Catherine “Every perfection and every virtue proceeds from charity, and charity is nourished by humility, which results from the knowledge and holy hatred of self, that is, of sensuality… To arrive thereat… a man must exercise himself in the extirpation of his perverse self-will, both spiritual and temporal, hiding himself in his own house, as did Peter, who, after the sin of denying My Son, began to weep… Peter and the others concealed themselves… they remained barred in from fear, because the soul always fears until she arrives at true love. But when they had persevered in fasting and in humble and continual prayer, until they had received the abundance of the Holy Ghost, they lost their fear, and followed and preached Christ crucified.” I want to mention something that should give us some hope: St Thomas says that even after a serious sin, if a man has a truly fervent contrition proportionate to the degree of grace lost, he recovers this degree of grace; he may even receive a higher degree if he has a still more fervent contrition. He is therefore, not obliged to recommence his ascent from the very beginning, but continues it, taking it up again at the point he had reached when he fell… Everything leads us to think that by the fervor of his repentance Peter not only recovered the degree of grace that he had lost, but was raised to a higher degree of the life. The Lord permitted this fall only to cure him of his presumption so that he might become more humble and thereafter place his confidence, not in himself, but in God. Thus the humiliated St Peter on his knees weeping over his sin is greater than the Peter on Thabor, who did not as yet sufficiently know his frailty. So what can we do to help this second conversion happen? Several things we have seen already. Recall what heard from Fr. Lallemant: that the Holy Ghost waits some time for souls (1) to The Second Conversion

Page 3 of 3 enter into their interior and, seeing there the operations of grace and those of nature, (2) to be disposed to follow His direction; (drive out self-will) but if they (3) misuse the time and favor which He offers them, He finally abandons them to themselves and leaves them in their interior darkness and ignorance.” (4) Don’t commit deliberate venial sin. “The ruin of souls results from the multiplication of venial sins, which causes the diminution of divine lights or inspirations.” (5) Let’s not neglect the importance of little things. Otherwise we lose sight of the grandeur of the , of the importance of humility. Ever meet someone who is expertly-read on the horrible state that the Church is in today, but who neglects basic charity? Remember that the day is composed of hours and the hour of minutes. Let’s be faithful in little things, little daily duties. (6) A sure remedy to keep us simple and aware of the little things is daily prayer, and I mean Catholic meditation. Prayer teaches us to judge things in a holy manner, to look at things in the light of truth. (7) Live an interior life. Have recourse not as much to books as to interior humility, purity of heart, recollection, and prayer. When a soul has entire purity of heart, God Himself instructs it. The spiritual writers agree on this maxim: He who does not advance, falls back. We need a second conversion we have to do what we can to dispose ourselves to this conversion. It’s like the six stone pots filled with water for purification in today’s . They had been emptied and then filled with water, like we need to be emptied by penance and suffering, and even when filled with the waters of Baptism, it is still not enough. We need to be transformed, as that water was, converted into wine which will be pleasing to God. Recall the apostles walking along the road, arguing who was greater, showing their need for a second conversion. Had they been animated by a spirit of faith, aware that Our Lord saw them the whole time, they would not have had this discussion. Recall that they fell silent when Our Lord asked them what they had been discussing. Staying close to Our Lady, She can bring us to and through this second conversion, by following the counsel She gives in the Holy Gospel today to “Do whatever He tells you.”