S FOFORGINGRG ING 5xnzyj cmil0X4 THROUGHT H R 0 U G H stqrvtduks L hoailpoail N J by david C dollahite phd 0 feryfellt KKs is a very important grandmothers and as many tell your children stories that anddttytsya very neglected part of other generations as they can mean something to you person- s know ally children love hear their family life storytelling is a vital knos to part of family life that we should I1 have both thought about parents tell stories about them- be more actively involved with and studied what causes the selves especially about when but we tend to be overwhelmed hearts within a family to turn they were young since this helps with other more passive forms toward each other and I1 ve come children feel closer to their of entertainment such as televi- to the conclusion that one of bigger older parent sion the internet video games the most powerful forces is family storytelling also grows and radio there are many ways the telling of stories within our out of the growing worldwide to weave storytelling in your families and I1 believe that interest in genealogy and family own family especially as parents developing a tradition of story- history some people do not tell stories to children and older telling as an intentional part realize that an important part children tell stories to younger of a family s daily weekly and of genealogy is sharing and pre- children monthly family activities will serving the memories of family the old testament speaks of help touch and turn parents members who are living as well elijah the prophet and hearts to their children and the as the histories of our ancestors malachi writes that he shall children s hearts toward the in every extended family there turn the heart of the fathers to parents seems to be at least one person the children and the heart of the who is concerned with genealog- av ahtdefmet 4.4 zrariffetwherukyumru 1v Jhvrytdltkk children to their fathers Wwht fi V U 69 ical work while the rest of the malachi 45645 6 there are no family storytelling is as simple family members usually go about doubt many layers of meaning as family members telling stories doing their own thing we need to this scripture but I1 believe it to one another there are many instead to have each living fami- says in part something pro- narratives from myths tall tales ly member share their stories foundly important about turning or other literature most people with other living family mem- the hearts of family members to know and tell these existing sto- bers that is one of the keys to one another about the impor- ries or they may read them in ensuring that a family isiaisrat just a tance of children knowing their books sharing these stories is bunch of people living in the fathers mothers grandfathers fine but it is also beneficial to same house sharing the same MARRIAGE &8cac FAMILIES food and having conversations lectionnection between family members because many men do not ver- mainly about mundane things and generations that is quite dif- balize their feelings or connect if you keep a personal history ferent than parents and children emotionally to their kids as already then you have a wealth who simply feel they are related much as their kids would like of information that you can by blood and the fact that they them to when I1 ask students to impart to your children live under the same roof instead share a story showing the con there is an old hasidic jewish they become connected by a love lectionnection they feel with their saying that states give people a that grows out of knowing and mothers it is sometimes difficult fact and you enlighten their understanding each other and for them to identify a particular minds tell them a story and you feeling committed to each other experience because the connec- touch their souls to have an tion is often ongoing and seam- enlightened mind is a good utywkuaywayY ft ffsrytellfks iwivrtcw less when I1 ask students to thing but it is also good to have most people feel quite close to share the same kind of story an enlightened soul turning their mothers on the other about their fathers most can hearts through storytelling cre- hand many people have a bit of identify a story about a time ates a sense of oneness and con ambivalence when they felt especially con- toward their nected to their fathers often ill- or fathers and the story centers around an T may not feel ness or accident the student or A as close to their father has had them this when I1 was teaching at the may be university of north carolina I1 because the asked students to tell me a story is of when they felt close to their P father away a lot fathers A young woman in my or he works class named megan remembered ong hours that experience as a time when it may alsoaiso her father went the extra mile U be that he and sacrificed and in some ways just doesndoean t put his life at risk to do some- 15 share much thing he knew was important to of himself her each year for her birthday megan s father came to her gram- mar school for lunch he would T bring megan and her friends ice t 41 cream sandwiches and they would put candles in them and A then sing happy birthday he did this in grades 1 through 5 4mam and this became a very impor- tant tradition for megan when megan was in the sixth grade i she was especially looking for- ward to her father coming assuming it would be the last time he did this just a couple of days before her birthday megan TV MARRIAGE & FAMILIES yyccqic a actbcd dkclqk acirmcir mafirmacor J J Jfct 67i7i0 heiikeiibeli kcxtkcmacx msofahfambvmtvm drwsrpcikciqkog ohckchcktqkck tktprkcirsogfoulrfouer eju9J yj hafuicjcwt fk proverbsvroyv came home from school and then compare that to your reac- experiencing strong emotion found a note on the refrigerator tion to this story if you are like for various reasons stories can it was from her mother who most people your reaction to have the effect of helping us explained that her father had had the story was quite different than remember an idea a feeling or a another heart attack that he was your reaction to the ideas I1 had principle far better than if it is going to be okay but that he was been sharing about storytelling simply presented as an abstract going to have to be in the hospi- you probably perked up just concept tal for several days megan of a little when I1 indicated I1 was families and stories are very course was grateful her father going to share a story and you much intertwined from birth was alive but she also realized he probably paid a little more to death we are surrounded and wouldnwouldnt t be there for her birth- attention to what was being said nurtured by family members and day when she woke up on the megan s illustration of family the stories they tell your parents morning of her birthday with closeness put some flesh on what may tell you stories that parallel her father still in the hospital she was initially just me giving you your own experiences or your did not want to get out of bed my opinion it probably prompt- older siblings may have told you let alone go to school but her ed you to use more than just stories about when they were mother told her she needed to your intellect to understand your age the relationships we go so she did but she spent you used your emotions as well have with people are largely the entire morning dreading the story also may have been influenced by our shared experi- lunchtime when the lunch bell motivating someone hearing ences which are most often and finally rang megan stayed this story might think hammhmmm most effectively shared through behind in her classroom while I1 could do something like that stories once a family goes on a everyone else ran off to lunch for my kids or 1 I can see why vacation or has an experience eventually she made it down the developing a pattern like that like a fire in the kitchen that hall to the lunchroom and there could be really important to my event becomes part of the sitting in a wheelchair with an kids especially men who did family s canon of stories and it IVIN in his arm was her father not have a strong father figure in gets retold again and again she ran over to him saying their lives may feel some extra when children beg for a bedtime daddy what are you doing motivation to be a good father story they are not just trying to here you re not supposed to be and they may also come away avoid the inevitable they are here grinning megan s father from it with a concrete idea they demonstrating to borrow from said it s your birthday isncisn t it could use in their own lives A the words of jesus that they I1 wouldnwouldnt t be anywhere in the story sinks in and we remember do not live by bread alone in world but here with you it I1 have told this story about addition to the food and shelter id like you to think for a the young woman and her father parents provide children need moment about your reactions many times to many groups of the emotional relational suste- to the first part of this people and I1 can t help but feel nance they get from the stories article before I1 shared the story emotional whenever I1 tell it and in the family s own unique about megan and her father I1 know that others are also anthology of stories MARRIAGE & FAMILIES 3 sharing experi- wky isvfryiU tllksjoiowerfhltibg sopvtgv stories and expeap erlcrieri convinced that ences provide if you re not ak1k stories are powerful consider the stories our childrchildrenen how many of us spend the crave are about life as it majority of our leisure time we is lived they have