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feryfellt KKs is a very important grandmothers and as many tell your children stories that anddttytsya very neglected part of other generations as they can mean something to you person- s know ally children love hear their family life storytelling is a vital knos to part of family life that we should I1 have both thought about parents tell stories about them- be more actively involved with and studied what causes the selves especially about when but we tend to be overwhelmed hearts within a family to turn they were young since this helps with other more passive forms toward each other and I1 ve come children feel closer to their of entertainment such as televi- to the conclusion that one of bigger older parent sion the internet video games the most powerful forces is family storytelling also grows and radio there are many ways the telling of stories within our out of the growing worldwide to weave storytelling in your families and I1 believe that interest in genealogy and family own family especially as parents developing a tradition of story- history some people do not tell stories to children and older telling as an intentional part realize that an important part children tell stories to younger of a family s daily weekly and of genealogy is sharing and pre- children monthly family activities will serving the memories of family the old testament speaks of help touch and turn parents members who are living as well elijah the prophet and hearts to their children and the as the histories of our ancestors malachi writes that he shall children s hearts toward the in every extended family there turn the heart of the fathers to parents seems to be at least one person the children and the heart of the who is concerned with genealog- av ahtdefmet 4.4 zrariffetwherukyumru 1v Jhvrytdltkk children to their fathers Wwht fi V U 69 ical work while the rest of the malachi 45645 6 there are no family storytelling is as simple family members usually go about doubt many layers of meaning as family members telling stories doing their own thing we need to this scripture but I1 believe it to one another there are many instead to have each living fami- says in part something pro- narratives from myths tall tales ly member share their stories foundly important about turning or other literature most people with other living family mem- the hearts of family members to know and tell these existing sto- bers that is one of the keys to one another about the impor- ries or they may read them in ensuring that a family isiaisrat just a tance of children knowing their books sharing these stories is bunch of people living in the fathers mothers grandfathers fine but it is also beneficial to same house sharing the same

MARRIAGE &8cac FAMILIES food and having conversations lectionnection between family members because many men do not ver- mainly about mundane things and generations that is quite dif- balize their feelings or connect if you keep a personal history ferent than parents and children emotionally to their kids as already then you have a wealth who simply feel they are related much as their kids would like of information that you can by blood and the fact that they them to when I1 ask students to impart to your children live under the same roof instead share a story showing the con there is an old hasidic jewish they become connected by a love lectionnection they feel with their saying that states give people a that grows out of knowing and mothers it is sometimes difficult fact and you enlighten their understanding each other and for them to identify a particular minds tell them a story and you feeling committed to each other experience because the connec- touch their souls to have an tion is often ongoing and seam- enlightened mind is a good utywkuaywayY ft ffsrytellfks iwivrtcw less when I1 ask students to thing but it is also good to have most people feel quite close to share the same kind of story an enlightened soul turning their mothers on the other about their fathers most can hearts through storytelling cre- hand many people have a bit of identify a story about a time ates a sense of oneness and con ambivalence when they felt especially con- toward their nected to their fathers often ill- or fathers and the story centers around an T may not feel ness or accident the student or A as close to their father has had them this when I1 was teaching at the may be university of north carolina I1 because the asked students to tell me a story is of when they felt close to their P father away a lot fathers A young woman in my or he works class named megan remembered ong hours that experience as a time when it may alsoaiso her father went the extra mile U be that he and sacrificed and in some ways just doesndoean t put his life at risk to do some- 15 share much thing he knew was important to of himself her each year for her birthday megan s father came to her gram- mar school for lunch he would T bring megan and her friends ice t

41 cream sandwiches and they would put candles in them and A then sing happy birthday he did this in grades 1 through 5 4mam and this became a very impor- tant tradition for megan when megan was in the sixth grade

i she was especially looking for- ward to her father coming assuming it would be the last time he did this just a couple of days before her birthday megan

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MARRIAGE & FAMILIES yyccqic a actbcd dkclqk acirmcir mafirmacor J J Jfct 67i7i0 heiikeiibeli kcxtkcmacx msofahfambvmtvm drwsrpcikciqkog ohckchcktqkck tktprkcirsogfoulrfouer eju9J yj hafuicjcwt fk proverbsvroyv came home from school and then compare that to your reac- experiencing strong emotion found a note on the refrigerator tion to this story if you are like for various reasons stories can it was from her mother who most people your reaction to have the effect of helping us explained that her father had had the story was quite different than remember an idea a feeling or a another heart attack that he was your reaction to the ideas I1 had principle far better than if it is going to be okay but that he was been sharing about storytelling simply presented as an abstract going to have to be in the hospi- you probably perked up just concept tal for several days megan of a little when I1 indicated I1 was families and stories are very course was grateful her father going to share a story and you much intertwined from birth was alive but she also realized he probably paid a little more to death we are surrounded and wouldnwouldnt t be there for her birth- attention to what was being said nurtured by family members and day when she woke up on the megan s illustration of family the stories they tell your parents morning of her birthday with closeness put some flesh on what may tell you stories that parallel her father still in the hospital she was initially just me giving you your own experiences or your did not want to get out of bed my opinion it probably prompt- older siblings may have told you let alone go to school but her ed you to use more than just stories about when they were mother told her she needed to your intellect to understand your age the relationships we go so she did but she spent you used your emotions as well have with people are largely the entire morning dreading the story also may have been influenced by our shared experi- lunchtime when the lunch bell motivating someone hearing ences which are most often and finally rang megan stayed this story might think hammhmmm most effectively shared through behind in her classroom while I1 could do something like that stories once a family goes on a everyone else ran off to lunch for my kids or 1 I can see why vacation or has an experience eventually she made it down the developing a pattern like that like a fire in the kitchen that hall to the lunchroom and there could be really important to my event becomes part of the sitting in a wheelchair with an kids especially men who did family s canon of stories and it IVIN in his arm was her father not have a strong father figure in gets retold again and again she ran over to him saying their lives may feel some extra when children beg for a bedtime daddy what are you doing motivation to be a good father story they are not just trying to here you re not supposed to be and they may also come away avoid the inevitable they are here grinning megan s father from it with a concrete idea they demonstrating to borrow from said it s your birthday isncisn t it could use in their own lives A the words of jesus that they I1 wouldnwouldnt t be anywhere in the story sinks in and we remember do not live by bread alone in world but here with you it I1 have told this story about addition to the food and shelter id like you to think for a the young woman and her father parents provide children need moment about your reactions many times to many groups of the emotional relational suste- to the first part of this people and I1 can t help but feel nance they get from the stories article before I1 shared the story emotional whenever I1 tell it and in the family s own unique about megan and her father I1 know that others are also anthology of stories

MARRIAGE & FAMILIES 3 sharing experi- wky isvfryiU tllksjoiowerfhltibg sopvtgv stories and expeap erlcrieri convinced that ences provide if you re not ak1k stories are powerful consider the stories our childrchildrenen how many of us spend the crave are about life as it majority of our leisure time we is lived they have surprise watch television where if we twtwistsistsests heroes and action think at all actively we can figure stories capture the out how a story likely will end essence of life they three minutes into the show or often involve a change we skip reading our classroom of heart they give assignments in favor of reading the best examples we have of how to ir a novel yet because we like tilt and need stories so much we change and why to V will continue watching even change dumb shows or reading a novel if you are at all even when we have more impor- reluctant about shar- tant things to do if even silly or ing your stories with predictable stories keep busy your children think adults glued to them think how about the greatest powerful are good stories told by teachers you know or people we love think of what speakers you have heard your we really want to hear when joy in their words we talk with our friends about probably comes in large part from their their most recent date or adven- J- J ture we want ttoc hear a good excellent storystorytellinstorytellingtellin 9 you stostoryry as a listener remem- much of storytelling today is ber stories more than you a seamless part of day to day remember abstract ideas this one thing to tell your life compared to life in the old phenomenon has been docu- three year old the story of jonah days when people would spend mented most people remember and the whale and another thing the day working and then gather a simple story better than they to swallow them up in your as a family in the evenings to remember a theoretical abstrac- arms and then vomit them out tell stories there were even tion of a great philosophy onto the beach at nineveh the those bards who would travel floor or a couch at that point whit tauff ofjivrw cohucanukonu he from village to village telling dultdulf in the story finding ways to ryg stories a tradition that has been fouixfotcuikjamuei7rig a tell familiar stories in new and replaced in our modern times the stories we tell can be about creative ways is important to by much more readily avail- anything they can be fairytalesfairy tales help your children have those able and yet far more passive myths or tall tales they can stories come alive and stay alive forms of entertainment we still be about cinderella or the to them have stories but we are now three bears these are universal we can also make up stories largely unconnected to them stories and children love hearing like many I1 make up stories and since they are told by profession- them from their parents espe- tell my children stories where als we do not know and who cially if parents make the story they are the heroes and heroines do not know or care about us their own by using different the names in the stories are thus we don t talk to each other voices gestures motions acting either the exact names or names enough and forge the strong out the story or other creative similar to theirs and the charac- emotional connections that approaches for example it is ters in the stories do brave

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skodaskodwskkuhwwbow&ow jqhtaumf cricxce ix tvV tkttakt D cmckceJ hxx8m6gD D 4t yjitti cwialgshw sahdpnjoetjuetbout fccfoc ckarcictcrckacrgatr gleargimar11 ehrmargar 4cirmnwncaxonrrciccwm stain ali aon oftrofarjf j honest kind creative and fun when there were a lot of prob- help me before my friend and things making up stories where lems with drugs riots and vio- I1 even realized someone had the children are the heroes can lence and somehow our town been shot my father who wasngasn t not only be very entertaining for was a kind of mecca for these on duty ran into his bedroom them but they can be inspira- problems I1 knew as a boy that grabbed his gun and ran out the tional as well another thing he was out dealing with the bad door you can do is a round robin guys and putting his life in of course my friend and I1 activity where one person starts danger but one night that reality thought this was really cool so the story and then stops and came home in a very powerful we ran to the front window to points to another family mem- way I1 was 12 and my best friend watch my dad go after the bad ber who continues the story if was over having dinner with my guys my mom however had a you have children who can really family our house was on a busy different reaction and she pulled to get involved in this they can street and it was not uncommon us away from the window pulled be very creative and you can to hear a car backfire and sure down the shade locked the front have a lot more fun as a family enough while we were eating we door and made us go into the than you can with a story that heard what sounded like a car back of the house and then she comes from a store backfiring but then we heard just sat there and literally shook your children want to hear someone scream help I1 ve and shivered until my dad came stories about when you were been hit I1 ve been hit please home that s the first time I1 young about experiences you really realized had in school when you were their age about how you and your spouse met and about other significant or even non- significant events in your life while parents should tell stories about themselves they can also tell stories about their ancestors your children should know about grandeasgrandmasgrandmas experience in immigrating to the united states and about the character traits of their predecessors one story I1 often tell is IV about my father he was a 4iai police officer for 17 years in our homehometowntown during a time

MARRIAGE & FAMILIES fwtwllwt wiilbizzwilzwizz triintciingelintziczi riumiumid ekrqkr0 hr zowfizopfiiorcborc hrr padphd0QKCatxt otuotodauaauOKQ lotbkerabker wadzvdz trawtrqw trqkcr ohrmr g iwex5outkubv milmijwizi ruhrun acerccertr 0 wo 0 J xi j axiahishwsrwOKI ahr0hr i4 grumirgwffioxwitmitmijdyer irm trg5ov ohrftkia frumtrum omd C kkrokrC that my dad was a hero but I1 iver because he was by nature we should also share stories that also realized for the first time a private person he wanted his grow out of our religious beliefs what my mom had to live with coworker to stop coming but and our faith these stories may every day as her husband went he was uncomfortable with come from the bible or other off each day and put his life in confronting the man directly so books we hold sacred or they danger he had to use his wits so the may come from our own experi- my father now lives with us next time this man came over ences if you believe in jesus and my telling this story helps grandpa iver took the plates christ then you should talk my children appreciate the old off the table after they had about him more often than just guy who sits by them at the finished lunch put them on the during christmastimechristmastideChristma stime if we dinner table and gives them floor and allowed his dog to want to perpetuate our faith candy in a very different way lick them clean grandpa iver among are children we need to than they would without that then put the plates back into the share these sacred stories so that story now they think wow cupboard and the man never they will understand why we papa was a real hero it is one came back for lunch my kids subscribe to a particular set of way I1 turn the hearts of my love this story and it helps turn religious tenets our children children to my father their hearts to their great deserve to we should also tell stories grandfather who hear from family s ethnic national or they never knew cultural background I1 often tell personally my children about their great grandfather iver from norway who had a very exciting life he escaped death numerous times aa&a in fact he came into the port of birmingham about two weeks after the titanic set sail and was hired as a merchant marine on

the next major ship to set sail 24 from that port after he immigrated to the united states he worked as a logger in minnesota and lived in a small cabin in the woods each day he would go home for 44 lunch and one of his coworkers started coming over everyday as well which disturbed grandpa 0 IP

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MARRIAGE & families more than once the story of how time since it is one of we came to know believe in and the best times to share r accept our most deeply cher- stories in a relaxed ished spiritual principles atmosphere now a word of caution do at bedtime kids not tell stories at the expense of are very receptive at other family members it affects bedtime they are a family member if he or she relaxed they have had becomes the brunt of unkind dinner they are feeling even if humorous family stories comfortable and warm As a parent if you notice that what you tell them one of your children is the target will stick with them of hurtful stories encourage don t spend this time your children to aim the stories telling them just about in a new direction you are the the three bears tell only one who can tell embarrass- them the things of your ing stories about yourself no soul and the stories one else should be able to do so that you most want if it causes hurt feelings them to remember and sink into their souls wackwkck ft ikctkc bartbcrt uw totv felltellfeldgoda a ffsry in the car most when is the best time to tell families have travel rou- family stories anytime all the tines or games they play you can are meaningful families also time have this be an important also make stories especially trav- have experiences to share and activity that they will remember eling stories part of your time others to overcome how when they are older consider in the car you can even have appropriate that we forge these possibilities stories on tape nowadays the together a reconciliation of our at dinnertime we have a television has ended up in many present lives and our past if tradition that when someone of our cars and while that can we will tell stories our love for comes for dinner we have to help the time pass on a long trip one another will grow stronger earn our dessert by sometime we need to do in the car what our family identity will run during the meal each person we do in our homes as often as deeper and our faith tradition telling a story in many families possible turn off the TV and tell will extend through generations during a meal one person or each other stories we can only gain from more two tend to dominate the con- while working when you actively engaging in the story- versation so this is a way to are working together side by telling craft I1 hope that we get all of the family members side it is a great time to talk about will YM and the guests involved in the when you were young telling conversation my family also stories can actually make the likes to talk about dreams during task less tedious for all involved meals my children frequently your family may actually look david C doiDoldollahitelabite is a professor ask me to tell them about my forward to work if they know in the BYU school of family dreams because I1 have all kinds they are going to get to hear life he has published numerous of crazy adventures when I1 am mom and dad tell good stories scholarly publications dealing asleep and I1 love to ask my kids with various aspects of fatherhoodoffatherhood about their dreams as a window cokclwiokcoxciviox and family life and created on their inner experience find As families we all have the faithful fathering website creative ways to prolong meal challenges these challenges wwwfaithful fatheringbyuedu

MARRIAGE & FAMILIES