2017 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner Virginia Law Weekly Wednesday, 13 September 2017 The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948 Volume 70, Number 3 DACA: A around north Perspective grounds Robbie Pomeroy ‘19 (he/him/his) DACA Repeal: Thumbs up to Guest Columnist Floridians helping each other face I am deeply saddened by the Hurricane Irma. decision to end the Deferred While ANG wishes that we Action for Childhood Arrivals What Comes Now? didn’t need a natural disas- (DACA) program. Eliminating ter to come together, ANG this protection affects thousands loves seeing Floridians be- of individuals of different colors, ing #irmastrong. creeds and countries of origin living in the United States. The Thumbs down xenophobia of this administra- to the Law School tion are going to ruin lives and administration tear apart families. forcing ANG to Legal and policy reasons aside, repeat Civ Pro yet again. this decision is distasteful on the The Law School’s tyranni- most basic human level. Many cal insistence that ANG be of the people I know who were able to recite and apply this DACA recipients know no other archaic code has prevented country. Their only language is ANG from graduating for English. They go to school and too long. Three generations have friends and family in the of imbeciles are enough! States. They have dreams and Wait . . . aspirations as big and bold as the ones each of us have here at UVa. Thumbs side- They are your neighbors and ways to schedul- your classmates. They are just as ing the Concert American as you and I. This ad- for Charlottesville ministration is creating dividing for the same day as Fox- lines where none should exist. field. Sure, ANG is double- The only difference between a booked, but ANG will be DACA recipient and me is the fact moving Side to Side while that they were born in a differ- the 1Ls are still cleaning up Photo courtesy of Andrew Shurtleff/The Daily Progress ent country. They were brought at Foxfield. 4 to this country when they were Julie Dostal ‘19 gram, which was to protect pursuing advanced degrees. too young to have a choice in the (she/her/hers) from deportation eligible im- After the implementation Thumbs down to matter. Many of them had no Features Editor migrant youths who came to of DACA in 2012, academics the new It movie. idea what it even meant to have the United States when they began to monitor its effects. If ANG wanted to papers or not. Growing up, they DACA, the acronym for were children. A DACA ben- Many found the immigration be terrified, ANG were just like any other person Deferred Action for Child- eficiary’s status was renew- policy directly translated into would ask what was living in school. The people affected by hood Arrivals, is a program able every two years based positive outputs in the educa- under the floorboards in this decision are human beings created by the Obama admin- on information supplied and tion and employment sectors. WB (answer: snakes). who are American at their core. istration in 2012. The immi- recorded by U.S. Citizenship Research conducted by Ro- We also should not blame gration policy allows young and Immigration Services. berto Gonzales, a professor at Thumbs up to the parents of childhood im- people unwittingly brought This same information may Harvard’s Graduate School of the fact that Hill- migrants to this country. The across the border without now be used by the United Education, focused on the fac- ary Clinton and reasons people choose to relo- documentation by others to States Justice Department to tors that promote and impede Bernie Sanders cate their families to the United receive a temporary reprieve deport unprotected recipients educational progress for im- are back in the public eye States are abundant. In my ex- from deportation and per- beginning in 2018. migrants and Latino students. with their new books, it re- perience, the reason has almost mission to work, study, and Following its implemen- Gonzales noted that DACA ally helps hide the fact that always been for the opportunity obtain a driver’s license. In- tation, DACA provided relief has provided a “tremendous Steven Glendon stole the to pursue the American Dream. dividuals could only receive from deportation and granted boost” to its recipients, help- 2016 election. Parents do anything for their protections from DACA after work permits to unauthorized ing them contribute to their children, and I do not fault any- meeting a series of require- immigrants than any other families, communities, and Thumbs side- one for making the decision to ments. Applicants need to immigration policy since the the U.S. economy.5 DACA ways to Princess immigrate to the United States have been younger than 31 1986 Immigration Reform had large effects on eligible Kate’s new preg- as an undocumented person. It years of age at the date of pro- and Control Act.2 There individuals’ labor market out- nancy. While is a deeply personal decision and gram implementation. Appli- are approximately 800,000 comes, and there is evidence ANG’s chances a tough one. You have to leave cants must prove they have DACA recipients now living in that suggests it altered re- of being adopted keeps de- everything behind, potentially lived in the U.S. continuously the U.S.3 Since 2015, the vast cipients’ education decisions. creasing, ANG’s chances risking your life, to overcome the since June 15, 2007 and that majority (81.3%) of DACA ap- Many respondents to Gonza- of marrying into the royal barriers (both physical and oth- they had arrived in the U.S. plications have been renew- les’ research study reported family keep increasing. erwise) of getting into the coun- before the age of 16. Further, als. Most DACA beneficiaries that DACA led them to enroll try. And once you make it to the applicants must show they arrived from Mexico (78.5), in community college or in Thumbs up to U.S., the barriers to becoming a have clean criminal records; El Salvador (3.6%), Guate- job-training programs spon- softball starting! part of society are still there. It’s they must not have been mala (2.5%), and Honduras sored by community based ANG has already not a path for the faint of heart, convicted of a felony, certain (2.3%). They live primarily organizations. Education has joined five teams… and I respect those who make significant misdemeanors in California, Texas, and Illi- been and remains a key bar- but like ANG’s teammates, the decision for the betterment (including a single DUI), or nois. The average recipient of rier for undocumented immi- ANG will stop showing up of their families. three or more misdemeanors DACA protections is 22 years grant children, with 40% fail- to games as soon as they My mother was born in Gua- of any kind.1 Beneficiaries of old and employed. The major- pass out jerseys. dalajara, Mexico. When she im- the program must also all be ity are students and 17% are migrated to the United States enrolled or have completed 4 Wong, Tom K., “Results Thumbs down with my uncle and grandmother high school, a GED program, of Tom K. Wong, National to the Rod and as a young child, it was as an un- or college, or serve in the mil- 2 Baker, S. “Effect of the Immigration Law Center, Gun club for go- documented immigrant. Even- itary. These administrative 1986 Immigration Reform and Center for American ing on a dove tually she became a naturalized requirements help to narrow and Control Act on Crime,” Progress National Survey,” hunt. Seriously? Shoot- citizen, but she went to school eligible recipients to individu- Stanford Law and Econom- (Washington: National Im- ing the symbol of peace in for several years in California als most likely to further the ics Olin Working Paper No. migration Law Center and these tumultuous times? If without documentation. My declared purpose of the pro- 412 (2014). Center for American Prog- you must shoot something grandmother had a tax-paying ress, June 2015), https://cdn. shoot the snakes in WB job at a phone company and my 1 Stern, Mark J. “The 3 U.S. Citizenship and Im- americanprogress.org/wp- (Please don’t, guns are not mother and uncle went to school Slow Death of DACA Will Be migration Services, https:// content/uploads/2015/07/ allowed on grounds). just like anyone else. Obviously, a Rolling Catastrophe that www.uscis.gov/sites/de- DACA-Wong_NILC_CAP- this was all decades before DACA Trump Can’t Escape,” http:// fault/files/USCIS/Resourc- Codebook-PDF.pdf. Our hearts go was ever even contemplated, but www.slate.com/blogs/ es/Reports%20and%20 out to the victims imagining these circumstances the_slatest/2017/09/06/ Studies/Immigration%20 on 9/11 and their under the present climate in rolling_daca_cancellations_ Forms%20Data/All%20 5 Stern, “The Slow Death families. We will America, I begin to wonder what will_dog_the_trump_ad- Form%20Types/DACA/ of DACA…,” Slate, 09.2017. never forget. would have made my mother so ministration.html Slate, daca_performancedata_ DACA page 5 PERSPECTIVE page 3 09.2017. fy2017_qtr2.pdf 2 Wolf of Wall Street VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 13 September 2017 Is DACA Constitutional? Is DACA Constitutional? depth treatment in other summed up by a statement That decision, should it be of Law, writing for the Sacra- When President Don- sections of this newspaper, of one of their own, Attorney made, is Congress’s alone. mento Bee, noted, “[P]resi- ald Trump announced this this columnist is stuck in General Derek Schmidt of Not so fast, say DACA ad- dents always have discretion 2012, when President Barack Kansas. Schmidt, in a state- vocates. Writing in The New as to who to prosecute or Jansen Obama issued the landmark ment to the Lawrence (Kan- York Times, columnist Linda deport. DACA did not confer VanderMeulen ‘19 protections for immigrants sas) Journal-World, said, Qiu points to the Department citizenship on anyone.”5 De- (he/him/his) brought to the United States “The problem with DACA is of Homeland Security’s own fending the constitutionality Executive Editor as children without legal that it is unlawful; under our DACA “Frequently Asked of President Obama’s order, week that he authorization. Was that ex- Constitution, only Congress, Questions” section, in which Chemerinsky also noted im- was ending the ecutive order legal? Legal not the president, has the the department refers to migration’s proximity to Deferred Ac- scholars differ on that all- power to change immigra- DACA as “a form of prosecu- foreign policy, which he tion for Childhood Arrivals important question, and tion law. Those who under- torial discretion.”34 Schol- called “uniquely in the do- (DACA) program instituted several states, led by Texas, standably feel strongly that ars who support DACA’s main of executive power and under his predecessor, reac- had threatened suit against the law should accommodate constitutionality dispute control.”6 tion from critics understand- So what does DACA do, ably focused on the conse- exactly? Does it, as critics quences of the executive o what does DACA do, claim, create a legal or quasi- action. With DACA rescind- legal status for unauthorized ed, approximately 800,000 exactly? Does it, as critics immigrants? Or, as Chemer- unauthorized immigrants “S insky insists, is it merely a living in the United States claim, create a legal or quasi-legal legitimate exercise of the will now be subject to depor- president’s prosecutorial (in tation, where previously they status for unauthorized immigrants? Or this case, deportation) dis- were permitted a semblance cretion? The conservative of legal presence in the . . . is it merely a legitimate exercise Heritage Foundation insists United States. Under DACA, that DACA recipients have those 800,000 or so immi- of the president’s prosecutorial . . . been granted what they call grants were permitted to ob- “pseudo-legal status,” say- tain driver’s licenses, attend discretion?” ing President Obama “prom- college, and pay income tax- ised them that they wouldn’t es.1 With DACA now facing a the order. States had already children brought to the U.S. that the program’s recipients be deported and provided March 2018 execution date, successfully sued to enjoin at a young age and raised have received any kind of le- them with work authoriza- those immigrants’ continued DACA’s more wide-reach- here would be well-advised gal status. Erwin Chemerin- tions and access to Social protection from deporta- ing twin, Deferred Action to focus on persuading Con- sky, dean of the University of Security and other govern- tion is in question. President for Parents of Americans gress to act.” Mr. Schmidt’s California at Berkeley School ment benefits” despite the Trump has urged Congress (DAPA), which offered pro- statement sums up the legal fact that Congress rejected to act, but it is uncertain ex- tection from deportation to opposition to DACA: Con- 3 https://www.dhs.gov/ proposals to do just that.7 actly what sort of legislative the parents of U.S. citizens gress has acted and declared news/2017/09/05/frequently- fix he has in mind. and lawful permanent resi- that those who immigrate to asked-questions-rescission-de- 5 http://www.sacbee. While the ramifications dents.2 The position of those the United States without ferred-action-childhood-arriv- com/opinion/california-fo- of DACA’s rescission are attorneys general challeng- legal authorization are to be als-daca rum/article172670771.html grave and receive more in- ing DACA’s legality can be subject to deportation. The president, they argue, lacks 4 https://www.nytimes. 6 Id. the power to unilaterally com/2017/09/08/us/poli- 1 http://www.cnn. 2 http://www.politico. grant a sort of quasi-legal tics/why-common-critiques- 7 http://www.heritage. com/2017/09/04/politics/ com/story/2017/06/29/ status to a group of immi- of-daca-are-misleading. org/immigration/commen- daca-dreamers-immigra- texas-attorney-general-end- grants whose presence in the html?mcubz=0 tion-program/index.html daca-dreamers-240121 United States is unlawful. LEGAL STATUS page 5 The New Wolf of Wall Street “As future attorneys, we about companies from the equity research. job, Hemmings recounts, but I want to get the mes- must know the language of ground up in preparation for “I studied economics, so was the glaring absence of sage across that finance is finance in order to effec- a stock pitch to the ten 2Ls I understood the broader women in her office. “Of the for everyone. It can sound Jenna Goldman ‘18 and 3Ls who make up the concepts, but when it came twelve researchers, only two very serious when you hear (she/her/hers) executive committee. The down to key words and the of us were women. It was al- the term ‘investment man- Editor-in-Chief executive committee then practical, day-to-day fi- ways disheartening to feel so agement,’ but it’s a very fun votes on which stocks to add nance, I had to play catch- outnumbered at work.” group of members. They tively interface to the organization’s port- up.” Hemmings recalls, That’s one reason why have a good time and we with clients,” folio. The current portfolio “There would be days where Hemmings is looking for- work hard to make these says Allie Hem- holds stock in companies I would have a textbook ward to her term as Chief concepts approachable.” mings ‘18, who like Apple, Boeing, Chipotle open next to my computer, Investment Officer: She will What Hemmings finds recently took over as Chief and Netflix. and an assignment due to my be the first woman to hold most exciting about the or- Investment Officer of the Rivanna’s emphasis on boss in an hour. I loved it, the position in the organiza- ganization is the opportu- only student run investment tion’s history. nity to learn about different organization at an American “The financial field is industries. “My first pitch law school. Rivanna Invest- still intensely male-dom- was for a cyber-security ments began in 2010 with inated, and I think there software company and my $100,000 of seed money are lots of reasons for that. second pitch was for Ulta, from alumni and in the sev- Two of which, I believe, are which required a lot of re- en years since has grown to the lack of accessibility to search into makeup market- $160,000. the field and the lack of ap- ing dynamics.” Despite the impressive proachability. If you don’t Hemmings looks forward gains, the purpose of the know anything about invest- to focusing on renewable organization is focused on ing and you don’t see any- energy financing at Nor- education, not risk. Its stat- one you can identify with, ton Rose Fulbright in the ed mission is “to promote of course you will be more Project Finance and Power opportunities for UVa law reluctant to join both the group in Washington, D.C., students to learn about fi- organization and the field.” after graduation. nancial concepts, through She says jokingly, “I mean, Rivanna Investments programming and speak- have you seen Wolf of Wall meets every Friday at noon, ers series, before entering Street?” location to be announced in the business world as attor- As Chief Investment Offi- the weekly SBA email. Hem- neys.” cer, Hemmings will oversee mings and Max Hare will be “We want to make this the active portfolio, teach co-teaching a lesson on fi- club accessible,” says Hem- Photo courtesy of Rivanna Investments educational programming, nancial statements and val- mings. “Our goal is to get and facilitate the speak- uation methods this week. everyone active in coming education is what initial- but I definitely would have ers series and stock pitch- Everyone is welcome. to meetings, even if they are ly drew Hemmings in as a benefited from the skills I ing along with her board. “I --- coming in with zero knowl- member in the fall of her 1L learned through Rivanna at feel fortunate to work with [email protected] edge about finance, to learn year. that time.” a board of incredibly talent- enough throughout the year Though she graduated Adding to the difficulty of ed and passionate people.” to be able to give their own with a B.A. in econom- the job was that, despite her This year’s board also has a stock pitch by spring.” ics from Reed College and firm’s location on the West record-breaking number of The organization’s invest- wrote her senior thesis on Coast, it operated on New women and students of color ment strategy is to follow the economics of parking York hours so she would ar- serving in positions, Hem- the S&P 500 Index and lim- in Portland, Oregon Hem- rive at work at 4:30 a.m. and mings notes. its all stock pitches to S&P mings said she had to teach leave at 3:30 p.m. “In the past I think stu- 500 companies. Throughout herself finance on the fly But the most disarm- dents have seen us as serv- the year, students will learn when she started her job in ing aspect of starting her ing a very niche interest, Wednesday, 13 September 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 3 The Sad Decline of Nelson Mandela’s Party In April of this year, South share: the African National to win South Africa’s first free ities every election until 2009. the end of apartheid that the African President Jacob Zuma Congress (ANC), a left-wing, elections in 1994 with nearly The ANC also benefited ANC’s percentage of the vote survived a vote of no confidence African nationalist party with 63% of the vote. Freed from the from a divided opposition. In declined from the prior elec- Jansen support from South Africa’s embargoes and condemnation the election of 1994, Mr. Man- tion. It declined further in 2014, VanderMeulen ‘19 Communist Party but a mod- that haunted South Africa prior dela’s main opponent was Mr. as the ANC sunk from nearly (he/him/his) erate governing record. The to desegregation, the nation’s de Klerk’s National Party, the 66% of the vote to just over Executive Editor ANC, outlawed throughout economy boomed throughout main party of government dur- 62%, and more dramatically in much of the apartheid regime, the ’90s and the first decade of ing the apartheid era. After the municipal elections of 2016, in the National negotiated an end to the state- the 2000s.3 The South African those elections, in which Mr. de in which the ANC received less Assembly, the Klerk took around 20% of the than 54% of the vote. The DA, lower house of vote, the National Party’s vote traditionally confined to Cape the Parliament of South Af- share steadily declined until it Town and its Western Cape rica. Mr. Zuma is no stranger disbanded in 2005. In its place province, gained municipal con- to votes of no confidence; he rose an opposition split mostly trol of Johannesburg, Tshwane has now survived eight since between the centrist, liberal, (which contains South Africa’s his election to the presidency primarily white Democratic Al- executive capital, Pretoria), and in 2009. Throughout his po- liance (DA) and, in recent years, Nelson Mandela Bay, three of litical career, Mr. Zuma has the firebrand leftist Economic South Africa’s largest munici- been dogged by an unceasing Freedom Fighters (EFF), led pal areas. The EFF, meanwhile, stream of allegations of impro- by ex-ANC youth-wing leader made its debut with more than priety and corruption. Claims Julius Malema, who was once 8% of the vote, entering into including ones of rape, arms convicted of inciting racial ha- municipal coalitions with the dealing, use of taxpayer money tred for singing a song encour- DA against the ANC across the for home improvements, and aging the killing of white South country despite their ideological illegal business collaboration Africans.4 Earning just shy of differences. with the shadowy Gupta broth- 70% of the vote in the 2005 gen- While the ANC has continued ers.1 A few weeks prior to his eral election, the ANC reached to bleed support, the opposition election in 2009, prosecutors the peak of its power, winning has to contend with a host of dropped 786 counts of corrup- enough seats to unilaterally hurdles that will prevent it from tion against Mr. Zuma, though amend the Constitution. dislodging Mr. Zuma’s party for South African courts have since The story since then has been the foreseeable future. First, the ordered that at least some of the one of graft and decline. A fight country’s history of racial divi- counts should be reinstated.2 between Thabo Mbeki—Mr. sions remains contentious and How, in a period of less than Zuma’s predecessor—and Mr. visceral. The DA is a primarily twenty years’ time, did South Zuma, then Deputy President, white party—though it is now Africa’s presidency go from be- led to Mr. Mbeki’s early res- led by a black man, Mmusi ing occupied by the late states- ignation and triggered allega- Maimane—and despite roots in man and Nobel laureate Nel- tions that the South African the anti-apartheid movement,5 son Mandela to its degradation government’s charges against it has struggled to win the votes under Mr. Zuma? The answer Mr. Zuma were politically mo- of black South Africans.6 Af- lies with the state of the party tivated. Mr. Zuma’s election in ter its 2016 municipal break- Messrs. Zuma and Mandela Photo curtosy of The United States Department of State through, the party was mired 1 http://www.aljazeera. com/news/2017/08/political- sanctioned regime of segrega- people rewarded the ANC with 2009 was the first time since 5 http://www.sahistory. scandals-president-zuma-sur- tion and black disenfranchise- increased parliamentary major- 4 http://www.nytimes. org.za/ada vived-170808082727236.html ment with the government of 3 http://www.focus-eco- com/2011/09/13/world/ 6 http://www.reuters.com 2 http://www.bbc.com/ State President F.W. de Klerk nomics.com/country-indica- africa/13southafrica. news/world-africa-17450447 in the early ’90s, and went on tor/south-africa/gdp html?mcubz=0 SOUTH AFRICA page 5

very approachable and I imag- process gives too little room to would you want to win? PERSPECTIVE HOT ine he has a lot of wisdom explore different areas and op- Most Time Spent Meditat- continued from page 1 about life and the world that tions while at law school. ing at School. BENCH he would be eager to share. different than everyone And obviously, because Picard 10. What did you have 16. If you could know around her or why someone was the greatest captain of all. for breakfast this morn- one thing about your would want to create a line bar- ing? future, what would it ring her from going to school or 6. If you owned a sports Three scrambled eggs, be? participating in society. team, what/whom would wheat toast with hummus, Whether I’ll ever get the op- Before DACA, people living be the mascot? and a bowl of plain yogurt with portunity to travel into space. as undocumented immigrants My sports team would be the blueberries and granola. Big If I knew this was a possibil- had to hide in the shadows. They Jackalopes. The mascot would breakfast is key. ity, I would work harder to- couldn’t bring attention to them- appear as a large jackrabbit wards this goal. selves because they feared for with deer antlers. I probably 11. What’s your most in- the safety of their families. DACA wouldn’t attend any of the teresting two-truths-and- 17. Backstreet Boys or was an Obama-era program that games, but I would wear the a-lie? (And what’s the lie?) *NSYNC? allowed recipients to participate team shirt. I skipped high school, I’ve *NSYNC. Easy. Hands in society without fear that harm run two marathons, and I have down. No contest. Now ex- would come to them or their Jason Boyle 7. If you had to pick one millions of views on YouTube. cuse me while I go Google families. It gave people hope ‘18 song to play non-stop in Unfortunately, the marathons search these bands… and a way to achieve goals and (he/him/his) the background of your are the lie. dreams that did not exist before life, what would it be? 18. What’s the lon- the program. Take It from Me, by KON- 12. If you could live any- gest you’ve gone without The decision to end the pro- 1. Have you ever had a GOS. The sole motivation be- where, where would it be? sleep? gram means there are so many nickname? What? hind my desire to learn how to At the top of Lookout Moun- Thirty-six hours after pull- things we need to do. Thou- JBo is what my teammates play the accordion. tain, located in the foothills ing an all-nighter to pack and sands of people need to renew and coach from my college outside of Denver, Colorado. fly from Philadelphia to Mel- their DACA benefits by October debate team call me. 8. If you were a super- But Buffalo Bill Cody already bourne, Australia. Planned to 5th. We have a call to action to hero, what would your su- called dibs and claimed it for sleep on the plane. That was contact our representatives in 2. What is your favorite perpower be? his gravesite. the same trip I learned that I Congress to create legislation word? I would love the power of can’t sleep on planes. that will save the lives of all of Free. flight more than anything. I 13. What’s the best (or these people. But both of these would probably get stuck with worst!) PG-rated pick-up 19. What’s your favor- measures are short-term solu- 3. Where did you grow something more mundane but line you’ve ever heard? ite thing to do in Charlot- tions for a problem that is much up? practical, like the ability to lo- “Tell me, how do you like tesville? larger. For those lucky enough to Pilesgrove Township in ru- cate buried potatoes with my your eggs in the morning?” Walk the downtown mall be able to renew, the reprieve is ral Salem County, New Jer- mind. and stop in at the Draft Tap- only two years long. And while sey. Basically, the “garden” 14. What’s the best gift room. legislation codifying a DACA- part of the Garden State. 9. What’s something you’ve ever received? like program would be helpful, you wish you’d known When I was very young, one 20. If you could make it does not solve the underlying 4. What’s the best meal about law school before of my older brothers gave me one law that everyone problem—the necessity of immi- you’ve ever had? coming to UVa? a package of modeling clay had to follow, what would gration reform in this country. The special rolls at Sushi While it is true that you don’t as a Christmas gift. I’ve loved it be? The barriers to entry are severe Lounge in Morristown, New have to know what you want to sculpting clay ever since. I Everyone would have to and targeted. While we can and Jersey. I especially recom- do after graduation while in eventually went on to win Best vote in federal elections. “No should participate in attempts mend the Hoboken Roll. law school, knowing what you in Show in the Home Eco- preference” would be an op- the rectify this decision, we also want to do, choosing classes nomics category at the Salem tion on the ballot, but sub- need to advocate for more com- 5. If you could meet one and extracurriculars, and net- County Fair for my sculptures. mitting something would be prehensive immigration reform. celebrity, who would it be working toward a specific area compulsory like it is in Aus- --- and why? of law from day one can make 15. If the law school had tralia. [email protected] Patrick Stewart. He seems a huge difference. The hiring yearbook awards, what 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 13 September 2017 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is comprised of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to [email protected].

Student Body of UVa1 name of party “Thimpson for recent law school gradu- to the Student Body’s com- the logical capacity of J. Jani v. Thimpson Sacher2 Sacher” (see Exhibit 1). ates, even in comparison to plaint whether or not per- a Thanksgiving turkey6, this 27 U.Va. 203 (2017) Subsequently, the Thimpson their law school experiences, mission was obtained from Court notes that Thimp- Sacher contingent picked up the provision of legal servic- the school administration son Sacher is equally liable and headed over to the ven- es being merely incidental to prior to customizing and regardless of any attempt to ZABLOCKI, J., delivered erable establishment known this goal.5 And so this Court distributing said hats. It is obtain permission because the opinion of a unanimous as Bilt, where, in keeping finds.” Georgetown Univer- possible that “V” Thimpson willful ignorance is not a Court. with the high-falutin’ nature sity Law Center Graduates Sacher gave up before they defense. See, something in of the establishment, various 2013-16 v. Big Law, 273 F. started and intended this 1L crim, may that class rot The case at bar comes to offerees succumbed to the 3d. 123 (D.C. Cir. 2017)). The invitation as a conciliatory in hell eternally.7 Therefore, us on appeal from the United urge to dance on tables while base elements of a trade- outreach, but it wasn’t taken on this first claim, this Court States District Court for the wearing the afore-described mark infringement action as such and so this Court finds Thimpson Sacher liable Western District of Virginia, caps.4 This gives rise to the are satisfied by (1) holding takes full notice. Regardless, to the nth degree; damages which held this subject mat- TBD. ter to be too highly special- The second claim ized. This matter arises out brought by the Student Body of events which occurred last against Thimpson Sacher is Thursday, September 7, dur- for inciting douchebaggery ing Bar Review an otherwise among its offerees, who also generic Thursday night at happen to be members of the Bilt. As the entire law school Student Body. Though the wearily acknowledges, the base elements are the same 2Ls are in the latter phases as those requisite to a claim of OGI, which for many in- of intentional infliction of volves offers / offer dinners emotional distress, incited / accepting offers (note: WE douchebaggery is distinct DO NOT WANT TO KNOW from IIED in that the emo- WHO YOU ARE). Thimpson tional distress is determined Sacher’s was among those according to a reasonable offer dinners hosted in Char- person standard rather than lottesville. In addition to free the subjective experiences of food and alcohol, the repre- the victim, whose proximity sentatives of Thimpson Sa- to the events occurring may cher plied attendee-offerees Exhibit 1 be as distant as shared group with baseball softball hats affiliation. Additionally, the that from the front appear two claims on which this of a valid mark, which, it’s the Student Body disputes emotional distress suffered as ordinary UVa hats.3 This Court now passes judgment. an orange “V” and we’re in the validity of any authori- can be shame and embar- Court supports uninhibited First, the Student Body Charlottesville so not even zation that may have been rassment. The tort of inflict- displays of school spirit, no of UVa claims trademark disputed, (2) having priority given. Being composed ed douchebaggery extends matter how dismally crushed infringement under the (Tommy J., 1743-1826 vs. largely of current/future em- from the tort of douchebag- those spirits may be upon Lanham Act for unauthor- Thimpson Sacher, founded ployees of competing firms, gery, in some jurisdictions game’s end or, you know, ized use of a “V” that is 188X . . . yeah, math checks the Student Body demands a known as hurt feelings. one quarter in. However, confusingly similar to the out, also undisputed), and say in the use of a logo that the backs of these hats were UVa logo in connection with (3) likelihood of confusion. derives value from goodwill 6 The logical ones realize emblazoned with the true promotion of Thimpson This latter element is the that exists because, well, the it’s Thanksgiving and hide Sacher’s services of eliminat- source of contention. The Student Body is so good, and before they can be turned 1 Excluding offerees and ing happiness from the lives Student Body strenuously also because each member into Thanksgiving turkeys, current/future employees of of otherwise content young objects to Thimpson Sacher’s thereof pays $60,000 annu- DUH. Thimpson Sacher. attorneys (“in the experience casual appropriation on ally for tuition, thereby sus- of those who have walked basis of each likelihood of taining the logo. This much 7 Hi Ferzan. 2 A pseudonym to protect through that door, waited in confusion (“We don’t want being obvious to anyone with COPA page 6 against sullying the name of the security line, taken the people thinking we’re with a party not yet shown to bear elevator up, walked through the miserables over there.”) liability against the wrath of another door, successfully and dilution (“Do you really Faculty Quotes Career Services, those god- completed a maze of cu- not get it? School sucks but like beings who make it rain bicles, and perched upon we still have a reputation for K. Kordana: “I don’t believe J. Hylton: “I believe there for us in a way the inhabit- an uncomfortable chair at being happy-ish people.”). in what they teach you in LRW is a common law tradition that ants of Mount Olympus only a cluttered desk in a shared It is unclear from the re- stuff, like I always say, ‘Don’t the time on the clock on the wall ever aspired to. See In Rem office . . . Big Law’s true pur- ception invitation Thimpson get bogged down in IRAC’” governs.” Noah’s Flood. pose is to make life misery Sacher emailed in answer J.C. Jeffries Jr. : [Discuss- B. Spellman: “How many of 3 To which, hoo would ob- 4 To those who didn’t . . . 5 Congrats on hitting your ing the 9th Circuit] “[Summary you are 1Ls? Good, none.”’ ject? you have a defense; use it. target, we guess? reversal] is particularly insult- ing: you were so wrong that we A. Vollmer: “What do you don’t even need to talk about do if you are a real American? it.” You sue under the Securities Act!” Virginia Law Weekly O.W. Broome Jr.: “That COLOPHON was a great party… they’re now Heard a good professor in jail.” quote? Email [email protected]! Jenna Goldman (she/her/hers) ‘18 Editor-in-Chief

Eric Hall (he/him/his) ‘18 Jansen VanderMeulen (he/him/his) ’19 Managing Editor Executive Editor Anand Jani (he/him/his) ‘19 Production Editor

Kim Hopkin (she/her/hers) ‘19 Greg Ranzini (he/him/his) ‘18 Lia Keane (she/her/hers) ’18 Columns Editor News Editor Features Editor

Katherine Mann (she/her/hers) ‘19 Ali Zablocki (she/her/hers) ‘17 Julie Dostal (she/her/hers) ’19 Columns Editor Cartoonist-in-Chief Features Editor

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EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten signature along with an electronic version, or be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Sub- missions must be received by 12 p.m. Sunday before publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters and/or columns over 1200 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board reserves the right to edit all submissions for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published. Wednesday, 13 September 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Columns 5 Toward Resilience in the Face of Hate When I was a growing up, shirts quoting Hitler, calling universally despised, con- was a respectful dialogue be- Irrespective of how one I had a recurring nightmare. for the subjugation of black demned by the leadership of tween people of good will on feels about historic monu- I was on a chaotic, cramped, people. Fights breaking out both major political parties. both sides, a model for the ments, I think all can agree Baruch Nutovic ‘19 in the streets between the Even our vacillator-in-chief, rest of the South to follow that the South needs more (he/him/his) white supremacists and An- though he managed to create as it reckons with its tragic monuments marking mile- Guest Columnist tifa. It felt like we had been the perception of ambiguity past. stones in its history of in- transported back in time, as with his bumbling response, At its core, the divide on tegration. We should never frightening though we were in the old condemned them. The media the monuments is one of forget that the University of train ride to Jim Crow South or 1930s spotlight that the white su- perception. To some, the Virginia was once a segre- some unknown, Germany. Charlottesville premacists garner may make monuments are a statement gated institution. It’s high yet terrifying was not the Charlottesville them seem powerful, but in of white supremacy, a relic time the Law School reck- destination. I always woke we know and love on that reality, their movement is of the South’s evil Jim Crow oned with its Jim Crow past up, deeply distressed, before weekend. politically diminutive. history. To others, the mon- and honored the trailblazers I got there. But it is precisely that Their aim is to terrorize us uments are a tribute to those who broke the color barrier At first, my parents did which gives me solace. That and create a false perception who fought with valor on be- here. Gregory Swanson, the not know what to make of weekend was the antithesis of strength. The best insult half of their home, hearth, first black UVa law student, the dreams. Then, it dawned of what Charlottesville is we can pay them is to refuse and state; a set of fixtures and John F. Merchant, the on them: my grandmother’s about. We believe in equal- to be intimidated or change in the landscape that evoke first black UVa law graduate, stories. ity for people of every race, the way we do business, ex- a mystical sense of the re- merit large, prominent mon- She had been deported to creed, gender, and sexual cept insofar as we reaffirm gion’s history, not the evils uments on our campus. I Auschwitz, the Nazis’ larg- orientation. We are tolerant our core values as a commu- of racism. So it’s no surprise can’t think of a better rebuke est concentration camp, of political differences and nity. that the former group pas- to the white supremacists. with her family in the spring stand for reasoned debate During the chaos that fol- sionately believes the monu- Ultimately, I don’t feel the of 1944. After days in a in a spirit of goodwill. Char- lowed the dispersal of the ments must go, and the lat- same distress I did when cramped cattle car without lottesville’s great coming- rally, I was distraught to find ter that they must stay. The I was having those night- food or water, they arrived. together after the Unite the Antifa extremists beating white supremacists should mares. I take heart from the One of her brothers was shot Right rally, the candlelight people up, as they have done be viewed as extraneous to currents of history. As Mar- in front of her. Her young- vigil on the Lawn, demon- at similar counter-protests this debate and should not tin Luther King, Jr. said, er brother, after whom my strated our unity in the face across the country in recent be allowed to influence it. “the arc of the moral uni- brother is named, was sent of hate. months. We need to exor- If we’re to be true to Char- verse is long, but it bends to- with her parents to the gas I’m also heartened by the cise from our ranks those lottesville values, we must wards justice.” The white su- chambers. I grew up hearing size of the Unite the Right who would cede any part of work to bridge this divide premacists will go the way of her stories. rally. I don’t want to be mis- the moral high ground and and reach a shared under- the dinosaurs if we fight the I can only imagine what understood; a few thousand disregard the great Martin standing on what the monu- good fight, as I know we will. she’d say if she were alive to white supremacists march- Luther King, Jr.’s example ments mean, rather than The future belongs to us. hear of white supremacists ing through Charlottesville’s of nonviolence. Antifa ex- bulldozing opposition. The --- marching by the thousands streets is a few thousand too tremism provides recruiting main reason our country is [email protected] through the streets where I many. But when you com- material for the alt-right and so polarized, hateful, and di- live. pare the rally, billed as the makes it much harder to per- vided is that people of good That my wife and I were largest hate rally in America suade white supremacists of will have lost the capacity going downtown to join the for decades, to the estimat- the error of their ways. to understand and respect counter-protests was never ed crowd of 1.8 million at We should also not allow those with whom they dis- in question. It was a surreal Barack Obama’s inaugura- the white supremacists to agree. Those seeking to take scene. White supremacists tion, the contemptible weak- appropriate the debate over the monuments down are in militia outfits with mili- ness of the white supremacist historic monuments. Before not on an Orwellian mission tary gear. David Duke, for- movement comes into focus. the white supremacists in- to destroy history, and most mer head of the KKK, spew- This is a small movement at serted themselves into the of those in opposition dis- ing hate. People wearing the fringes of society, almost conversation, the debate agree for legitimate reasons.

DACA The Department of ed the bar on undocumented LEGAL STATUS continued from page 1 Homeland Security (DHS) immigrants attending public continued from page 2 Trump and Attorney General has scheduled a six-month universities for DACA ben- Jeff Sessions to announce ing to complete high school.6 phase-out for the program. eficiaries. Texas has already The liberal ThinkProgress the program’s termination.9 DACA helped recipients “The DHS timeline ensures declared it will cancel driver’s calls that “nonsense,” citing The Department of Justice find jobs. “69% of respondents that a new group of beneficia- licenses of DACA recipients, longstanding federal regula- lost the battle to preserve reported moving to a job with ries will lose their status and and more states are likely to tions from 1981 that allow parent-focused DAPA when better pay.”7 Within two years accompanying benefits every follow.12 DACA beneficiaries an unauthorized immigrant the United States Court of of implementation, DACA day from March 2018 through serving in the U.S. Armed granted deferred status the Appeals for the Fifth Circuit moved 50,000 to 75,000 early 2020.”10 Therefore, the Forces will also lose their pro- right to an employment upheld a district court’s pre- unauthorized immigrants consequences of the DACA tected status and may be dis- permit.8 Critics argue that liminary injunction against into employment.8 Gener- repeal will continue uninter- charged from the military. granting access to benefits, the program. While the pro- ally, research indicates that rupted for the next two years, Perhaps the most concern- confirmed reprieve from gram’s end fits conveniently DACA benefited labor mar- damaging the lives of hun- ing element of the DACA deportation, and the ability with President Trump and ket outcomes and increased dreds of thousands of recipi- repeal is that the same in- to obtain a driver’s license Attorney General Sessions’ the likelihood of employment ents and the American econo- formation that immigrants is tantamount to conferring well-known disfavor of un- for beneficiaries. The positive my. DHS has already outlined voluntarily submitted by un- legal status upon individu- authorized immigration, a economic outcomes for ben- a schedule for the loss of authorized immigrants seek- als whose presence in the charitable observer of the eficiaries of DACA were the DACA protections. Starting ing to benefit from a govern- United States is proscribed administration might argue same outcomes placed under September 6, 2017, DHS will ment-offered immigration by Congress. Supporters say that the Department of Jus- scrutiny when the Justice De- not accept new DACA appli- policy could now be given to the limited set of benefits tice’s uncertainty of its abil- partment commented on its cations. Current beneficia- immigration authorities for given to DACA recipients is ity to win the suit against the concerns with the program. ries whose status expires be- the purpose of their deporta- nowhere close to legal sta- state attorneys general in Attorney General Jeff Ses- tween September 5, 2017 and tion. However, the future of tus, and that the president court led to the president’s sions stated that the program March 5, 2018 must apply for DACA is uncertain. President is empowered and, indeed, decision. had “denied jobs to hundreds renewal by October 5, 2017. Donald Trump urged Con- required to use his discre- With the executive order of thousands of Americans by Individuals who renew their gress to pass a replacement tion to decide which unau- now rescinded, the legal allowing those same illegal status by October 5th will piece of legislation to take thorized immigrants will be question may be moot—for aliens to take those jobs.”9 keep their DACA protections the place of DACA. President deported. now. If Congress cannot pass for two years. The unluckiest Trump specifically called on What is clear is that this is- a fix, it seems likely that a 6 Id. of DACA recipients will lose Congress via Twitter to “legal- sue is highly litigable and de- future Democratic President their protections on March 6, ize DACA.” The words of the pends greatly on how “legal would implement a similar 7 Wong, Tom K., “Results 2018. The final group of DA- President seem to imply he status” is defined. Both crit- policy. But one of this news- of Tom K. Wong, National CA-protected immigrants will would be willing to sign into ics and supporters of DACA paper’s core values is “there Immigration Law Center, be stripped of their status in law a legislative equivalent seem to agree that the presi- is never a bad time to discuss and Center for American January or February of 2020. of the DACA executive order. dent lacks the power to confer the separation of powers.” Progress National Survey,” The ramifications of repeal- For the moment, the fates of legal status on unauthorized No doubt, the debate will ing DACA will be swift and 800,000 individuals raised in immigrants. They disagree rage on, and if there is any 8 Pope, Nolan G., “The severe for its recipients. For- the U.S. remain uncertain. A on whether DACA conferred hope of coming to a consen- Effects of DACAmentation: mer beneficiaries will lose large majority of the Ameri- that status. Reportedly, sus, defining what it means The Impact of Deferred Ac- their work permits. In several can people agree DACA ben- it was the suit threatened to have legal status seems to tion for Childhood Arriv- states, beneficiaries will lose eficiaries should continue to by the Texas-led attorneys be the key. als on Unauthorized Immi- their in-state college tuition.11 receive legal protection. The general that led president --- grants” 2014 Others will be expelled from fate of DACA beneficiaries is [email protected] higher education altogether, now in Congress’ hands. tary/daca-unconstitutional- 9 Shear, Michael D. where a handful of states lift- --- obama-admitted and Julie Hirschfeld Da- [email protected] 9 http://www.busines- vis, “Trumps Moves to End 10 Id. 8 https://thinkprogress. sinsider.com/what-is-daca- DACA and Calls on Congress org/trump-admin-con- trump-decision-obama-im- to Act,” New York Times, 11 Stern, “The Slow stitutional-case-daca- migrant-program-dream- 09.2017. Death of DACA…,” Slate, a3134e0059e3/ ers-2017-9 09.2017. 12 Id. 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 13 September 2017 COPA the group constituting offer- call classmates douchebags, Having determined Thimp- continued from page 4 ees—to get drunk and dance these individuals are cer- son Sacher’s liability on both assuage the Student Body but on tables—and of the group tainly guilty of the crime of counts, this Court now turns tough shit. It is henceforth UVA Law Class of 2022 v. constituting non-offerees— douchebaggery and We are to the matter of damages. decreed that should Thimp- UVA Law Faculty, xx __ xxx the majority of whom are ashamed at sharing grounds Compensatory damages be- son Sacher dare to darken (TBD, 2018) (“This Court generally nice, not obnoxious with them.9 ing impossible to determine, our doors during OGI 2018 and onwards, the firm’s rep- resentatives shall leave their e do not hesitate in applying a reasonable hats behind and bring not only Bodo’s, but also donuts. person standard and recoiling in horror And not just any donuts, “W DUCK DONUTS. Because at the douchebaggy behavior on display on Bilt’s what’s up with firms bringing bagels and no donuts?? tabletops.” --- – J. Zablocki [email protected] acknowledges even the iciest folk who would be appalled 9 Unfortunately, charg- this Court will solely award of special little snowflakes by the conduct incited; there es have not been formally punitive damages, which it may suffer on the hot seat of is enough distress that we brought against these in- acknowledges will do little to professorial cold calls; truly have been forced to take ju- dividuals, so we can only extreme examples of such dicial notice8; and now the hope that shame at being the ment. And karma. She’s a may result in liability for the Student Body as a whole is source of the Student Body’s bitch, in case you haven’t tort known as douchebag- suffering severe shame at be- shame is sufficient punish- heard. gery. However, this Court ing associated with the actors warns that such liability in the events of September 7. could result in legend status This Court comprising most- for the professor and probs ly reasonable individuals backfire against plaintiff- who are in no way biased by victim, so really, just do the their membership in the Stu- reading—we’re not here to dent Body, we do not hesitate help.”). Regardless, inflicted in applying a reasonable-per- douchebaggery typically son standard and recoiling involves pain and suffering in horror at the douchebaggy (mental, emotional, or oth- behavior on display on Bilt’s erwise) of a group of three or tabletops last Thursday. Pa- more people. rading around your offers of The base elements of IIED Big Law jobs with full knowl- corresponding to the base edge there are people nearby elements of incited douche- who neither know nor, more baggery are easily satisfied importantly, care to know by this fact set. Defendant’s about your success is the intent is clear from embroi- very definition of douchebag- dery of “V” and its own name gery. While We hesitate to in garish orange and white Cartoon By Ali

thread; this conduct was out- 8 Given that we DGAF rageous in the extreme, given about all y’all’s bitching and Enjoy! GMT. 2017 20:05:11 10 Sep Sun on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated reasonable knowledge both moaning, this says a lot. In fact, it says it all.

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An Epic Conversation with 1:00 PM Purcell Free Yes. SUDOKU Professor Ortiz Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.82)

Lone Star Lawyers 5:00 PM WB104 Free No. Welcome Event 4 1 6 5:00 PM – Wine and Supreme Court Roundup Caplin Pavilion Free 7:00 PM snacks 6 2 4 THURSDAY – September 14, 2017 4 3 8 The Reliability of Yes, Bellair 12:00 PM Capilin Pavilion Free Eyewitness Testimony Market 5 3 8 They say so but we 9 6 2 4 1 3 t Student Bar Association 5:00 PM Spies Garden Free remember Thursday Social Glendon’s 7 8 5 donuts. Idk, but babysitting 2 4 3 5:00 PM Spouse/Partner Panel Purcell Free available upon

o c k e request 7 6 5 FRIDAY – September 15, 2017 Enforcing Civil Rights under 12:00 PM Caplin Pavilion Free Yes. 1 5 7 the Trump Administration D Tears from

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SATURDAY – September 16, 2017 5 3 4 2 6 1 9 7 8 ASC’s Peter and the American Shakespeare 1 8 9 3 4 7 2 6 5

7:30 PM $29-$59 No.

Starcatcher Center 4 2 5 8 9 6 1 3 7

SUNDAY – September 17, 2017 3 7 1 4 5 2 6 8 9 WTJU and The 8 9 6 7 1 3 5 2 4

Charlottesville Jazz Society: 5:00 PM Brooks Hall at UVa $10 No. 9 1 8 6 3 4 7 5 2

The Mingus Awareness

Project 7 4 3 5 2 9 8 1 6 MONDAY – September 18, 2017 6 5 2 1 7 8 4 9 3

11:00 PM The Real Deal: Prosecution Purcell Free Yes, but RSVP 0.82) rating difficulty hard, (Very 1 Puzzle

TUESDAY – September 19, 2017

Immigration Law Program Read the 11:00 AM Purcell Free Ice Cream Social event title