Law Weekly 2017, 2018, & 2019 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner A Look Squirrels: Friends or Foes?...... 2 Inside: COPA Confronts Water Fountain Etiquette...... 4 Spotlight on Health Law Association...... 5

Wednesday, 13 November 2019 The Newspaper of the School of Law Since 1948 Volume 72, Number 11 around north Home- grounds coming PILA: The Thumbs up to veterans. ANG never served, but in the did take part in the Final Hoo-Rah great ScoCo food fight of ’16. Wrong Salami was stuck to the ceil- ing for days. Colors Before Finals Thumbs down Stan Birch ’22 to 1Ls who creep- Staff Editor ily join upper- classmen at tables Standing on , when there are other ones drinking a light beer, and open. ANG has no savvy ad- shivering to stay warm was vice to give, and in the spirit the most undergrad thing I’ve of Christmas ANG is the done since graduating. Then grinch and wants to be left again, it was Homecoming. alone. The problem for me: I was cheering for the other team. Thumbs down I grew up watching games to the cost of a in whenever an soda at the PILA alumni weekend brought my silent auction. family up. Back then it was ANG brought ANG’s own obvious which team to root mini-bottles to save money, for, but after matriculating at but didn’t plan on paying $5 Georgia Tech, the annual bet for a chaser. with my dad on who would win the GT game struck up.1 Thumbs up to We gave each other grief for anti-social season years, but when I announced starting. ANG al- I was going to the Law School, ready doesn’t en- my dad was happy to have an- From left to right: Taylor Mitchell ’20, Kaitlin Cottle ’20, Brooke Bean ’20, Rachel Staub ’20, Julia Jackson ’20, Sarah O’Brien ’20, Nicholas Barba joy small talk, but now it’s other Hoo in the family. After ’20, Haley Cambra ’20. Photo credit Kolleen Gladden ’21. completely acceptable to cheering for the Cavaliers blow someone off and blame all season, I had to make the Jacob Jones ’21 went to Assistant Dean for misleadingly named Silent it on upcoming final’s stress. tough decision about which Events Editor Public Service Annie Kim, Auction happened.3 The team to cheer for. who threw the pie with such men donned the suits that Thumbs up Sarah-Jane Lorenzo ’21 As I got dressed in my usual enthusiasm that even Fenton they had bought for OGI and to the signal see Staff Editor white and gold, I was com- seemed surprised by its im- probably hadn’t been washed generally. ANG forted knowing that twelve The 2019 PILA festivities pact. since, and the women put on has been using this signal of my college friends were began this year with a dra- Professor-hosted events dresses that have been on to avoid reading more than going to be dressed to match matic live auction that pit- also sparked dramatic Live sale since senior prom end- the synopsis for all of ANG’s and sitting around me. What ted professors and students Auction bidding wars—even ed. As a 2L, I was fashion- 5-10 years of law school. I didn’t take into account was against each other in vicious by professors. In one dra- ably late, and boy, was the that they would be late, and battles to obtain cookies, matic fracas, Professor Deb- coat check line long when we Thumbs down I would be standing on the fancy artwork, and the right orah Hellman beat a team of got there. Next year, people, to the bartender Lawn in the cold, holding the to pie students in the face. eager student bidders vying don’t wear coats. The part at PILA who hesi- ingredients for several mi- Expertly emceed by Profes- for a chance to enjoy a St. of the event people seemed tated to repour a mosas, for forty-five minutes. sors Charles Barzun and Patrick’s Day meal with Pro- to enjoy the most was the drink with moldy ice. ANG As soon as they showed up, Kimberly Ferzan, the Live fessors Anne Coughlin and homecoming-like dance is already sick of school and I realized that all of that was Auction packed Caplin Pa- Barbara Armacost. While floor. The DJ, whoever he or doesn’t need to actually get quickly going to be fixed, ex- vilion with students, some Professor Hellman men- she was, chose a mix from sick too. cept the cold. of whom found themselves tioned that she felt kind of the 80s, 90s, and now, much A few minutes later, a purchasing items that they bad about out-bidding stu- like your favorite radio sta- Thumbs up to snappily-dressed man2 ap- did not actually expect to dents, she still prevailed, tion back home. the still living pres- proached my friends and was win.1 Items that engaged and we appreciate her do- The most important part tige of the Class kind enough to loan them some of the most ferocious nation, even though our St. of Saturday night’s auc- of 2019’s honor some solo cups, welcoming bidding wars included a Patrick’s Day experience will tion was the auction—there pledge hanging up in ScoCo. them to the University but six-month supply of cookies be slightly less exciting. In were many interesting items ANG appreciates it’s been a cautioning them that “The from Lena Welch ’20 (pur- the spirit of balance inspired and less tangible things for lawless world since, with no Lawn does not have a liquor chased by Professor Crys- by Thanos, each of the Law students to bid on. Lots of posting of responsibility. license.” Drinks were trans- tal Shin, who prevailed in a School bands’ performances great local businesses gave ferred, thanks were given, brutal battle against Profes- were sold at $200, and ev- gift cards.4 I was outbid on Thumbs down and he disappeared as swift sor Cale Jaffe) and the right eryone breathed a sigh of re- several items, including an to the cold weath- and elegantly as he had ar- to pie 2L Dominique Fenton lief. This was despite Profes- amazing disco ball, a draw- er during the PILA rived. As we mingled with in the face, which ultimately sor Barzun’s declaration that ing of an astute sloth, and a weekend. Thanks, the parents and residents of the Gunners’ band was “the” Barbri discount. Some of the Stephen T. Parr (P.S. ANG the Lawn, my friends really 1 For example, after impos- Law School band, which more exotic items included misses your weather emails. got a feel for what it was like ing a cardboard cutout of a amounts to fighting words in Down with Allen T. Groves). professor as a Marvel Aveng- thirty-seven states including 3 It was actually very loud. 1 In my five years in col- ers hero at a price higher than Virginia.2 It also didn’t just happen, but Thumbs up to lege (yeah, you read that one student claimed to have On Saturday night, the was organized in part by the the person suing right), the Yellow Jackets bid, Professor Barzun thanked Law Weekly’s very own Lena Madonna for start- were 4-1 against the Cava- the student for his dona- 2 See generally ELEANOR Welch. ing her concerts liers. tion to PILA. As PILA grant SCHMALZL, SCHMALZL’S two hours late. ANG can’t recipients, we thank him, JURISPRUDENCE §3.7: 4 I would list some of these wait to see what the mate- 2 I’ve since been in- too. Rumor has it, Vice Dean FIGHTING WORDS (conclud- businesses, but the photo I rial damages are against the formed this may or may Kendrick purchased her own ing fighting words are “totally took came out blurry, much material girl (or, as she calls not have been Dean of Stu- cardboard cutout for $1,000 a thing” and “don’t try to start like my own vision for most of herself, “A Queen who is dents, Allen Groves. so students couldn’t hang out no drama unless your llama the night. never late”). and vape with it in the back of comes ready in pajamas sport- HOMECOMING page 2 her classes. ing Yokohamas”). PILA page 3 2 Columns VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 13 November 2019 HOMECOMING Deeks, Harrison Discuss National continued from page 1

Security and Impeachment on grounds. Beer blankets were On Thursday, November 7, fers upon the president com- The answer to this question is tries. The inquiry also takes donned, and it was time to go to the Karsh Center held the third plete discretion in conducting not clear, but Professor Harri- focus away from substantive the game. Maria Luevano ‘21 the nation’s foreign affairs and son concluded by pointing out foreign affairs work and directs Arriving fashionably late, like Staff Editor making national security deci- that we may see some plausible it towards procedural issues of anyone who’s ever been to a pre- sions. arguments that political and impeachment. This creates a game, didn’t seem like it would event in their se- However, that view is highly electoral interests are of public good environment for enemies make a difference. In this case, ries exploring the controversial and contested. If concern. to take advantage of and a bad those five minutes meant miss- current impeach- that view is accepted, it brings Professor Deeks then environment for our allies, who ing a fifty-nine-yard touchdown ment inquiry. up a second question—whether turned to look at some of the might be more reluctant in their pass that was there just to get This event fo- the Impeachment Clause actu- practical ways to examine the dealings with the U.S. and less every Yellow Jackets’ fan’s hopes cused on the national security ally covers all of these powers impeachment inquiry as it re- willing to share their informa- up. Before we knew it, both implications of impeachment, bestowed on the position. If the lates to national security. She tion. Finally, it makes citizens teams had scored twice and the presented by Professors Ashley president commits a high crime framed these as positive and doubtful of the need for public first quarter had just ended. This Deeks and John Harrison. The or misdemeanor when exer- negative viewpoints. On the secrecy when actions by public game was turning out much clos- professors each provided inter- cising powers that have legiti- positive end, the inquiry can be officials are questioned so pub- er than any of us were expecting esting viewpoints on the issue. mately been conferred, is that seen as a way to condemn the licly. However, Professor Deeks and we were excited. One person Professor Harrison provided the still an impeachable offense? President’s threat to our coun- pointed out that these potential in my group asked if I wanted a perspective of his background Professor Harrison pointed out try’s national security. It may drawbacks could be counter- beer, excited that Scott Stadium in constitutional law along with that most people would respond work as a signal to both our al- acted by the understanding that had started selling alcohol this experience from his time work- with yes, particularly if the exer- lies and countries with which we the impeachment inquiry acts as year. With a heavy heart, I in- ing at the Justice Department cise of power is connected with have more precarious relation- a systemic corrective of acts that formed him that this “gameday and serving as a counselor on actions of bribery or treason. ships with, as a limit to what the actually hurt our national secu- enhancement” was not all it was international law in the Office He then described another de- U.S. will accept in the behavior rity more than not addressing cracked up to be. Once you pur- of the Legal Advisor at the U.S. bate that occurs around these of government officials. Howev- them would. chase your drink, you have the Department of State. Professor questions of impeachment: The er, Professor Deeks also sees the This inquiry has the poten- honor and the privilege to finish Deeks spoke as an expert in in- issue of whether government ways in which an impeachment tial to explore the fact that as a it while in one of the new “bever- ternational law, particularly as it power is conferred for exclu- inquiry can severely complicate country, we may have signifi- age gardens.”3 Most importantly, relates to national security and sively government ends, and the government’s ability to prop- cant policy disagreements about you are required to stay there intelligence. She has held vari- not personal ones. Where ex- erly conduct national security. what the right course of action if you want to enjoy that over- ous positions at the Department actly is this line drawn between As Professor Harrison pointed is in the national security space. priced can. of State and currently serves as permissible and impermissible out, the Office of the President It may also demonstrate areas As the end of the first half ap- a member of the State Depart- use of power? Does it fall in the is the most empowered of the where we potentially agree—for proached, my hopes were el- ment’s Advisory Committee on distinction between public and three branches to protect the instance, that we need to know evated once again, only to suffer International Law. private motivations? This point country and its national secu- that our officials have our coun- the same fate as before. With less Professor Harrison led off has led him to question what rity. In light of this, Professor try’s national security interests than a minute left, the Cavaliers with some of the issues that the this means under the Impeach- Deeks then noted that the in- in mind rather than their per- took the lead. Once the teams current impeachment inquiry ment Clause and what would quiries are heavily distracting to sonal interests. Ultimately, Pro- had rushed to the warmth of has led him to think about. First, happen if a president claimed to all branches of government, but fessor Deeks cautioned against he asked whether the Constitu- have both motives in mind. Fi- especially those that deal with having “too rosy” a view of these 3 Virginia Athletics seems tion gives the president broad nally, specifically related to the national security interests—the proceedings in light of the prac- to have defined “garden” as a discretionary power. Specifi- details of today’s inquiry, how executive and the legislature. tical concerns. dirt-floored, open, white-flap cally, he described the debate should electoral motives count This distraction could lead to tent with a small television around the president’s power as under the “government versus a decimation of our country’s ---- and far too much security. it relates to foreign affairs. Some personal ends” question? Is this soft power: nonmilitary tools in [email protected] argue that the Constitution con- a personal or public concern? our dealings with other coun- HOMECOMING page 5 Tweedledee and Tweedledum: Squirrels Two 1Ls set aside their memos, outlines, and differences to decide the age-old question of who runs the world. Squirrels?

Pro-Squirrels: and squirrels alike. Next, they been possible if squirrels hadn’t in a world where it’s normal to of squirrels, however, is their Squirrels Run the World act like they’re environmen- done their job, planting millions fear snakes and spiders but not pure athletic ability. They can Squirrels are the true em- tally conscious and care about of trees throughout the country these furry demons, I’m here to jump, scurry, and climb in any bodiment of the American spir- climate change. At least their to ensure future generations preach the truth of the animal direction at what amounts to a Phil Tonseth ‘22 accidental acorn planting con- could prosper. The hill that kingdom: squirrels are public FRIGHTENING level of acro- Staff Editor tributes to new trees that pro- America stands on today isn’t enemy number one. batics. Worse still, they’re total duce oxygen, whereas millen- made of acorns, as squirrels Squirrel supporters will often spazzes and impossible to keep it. Most impor- nials getting Starbucks to stop would prefer, but, in my humble tell you that they are “cute” or eyes on. One second they’re on tantly, they show producing straws, while useful and unbiased opinion, you have “fluffy” due to the fact that they the ground, zig-zagging to and the true grit that to turtles, doesn’t pack the same to respect the work that squir- have bushy tails. Shave the tail, fro, and the next they’re climb- most Ameri- punch against climate change. rels have put in. however, and what are you left ing backward up a tree to the cans expect of Lastly, when they get lost or with? A RAT. Without their tails, higher ground. It’s over for you if and cheer for in the underdog. scared, squirrels and millen- squirrels bear an almost identi- it came to it. The only thing keep- Squirrels are often counted out, nials alike, always run back to out of wood. All quite impor- cal resemblance to their Black ing you safe is their magnanim- left for the vultures as road kill, their moms in a panic.1 When tant. Plague-causing cousins. Rats ity, and only a fool would trust or seen as vermin. Yet, they sur- a baby squirrel is lost, they be- are nearly universally abhorred an acrobatic rat with that short vive. Everyday, squirrels wake come trainable by humans and Threats from Above: as dirty and disease-ridden, so of an attention span and the po- up, pick themselves up by their turn into adorable pets. Millen- The Case Against Squir- why, then, do we tolerate squir- tential to strike from any angle. bootstraps, and keep going. You nials just become “influencers.” rels rels? Are we so impressionable So think it through and say no to are more like a squirrel than In such increasingly parti- Of all the creatures on God’s as to be fooled by decorative evo- squirrels, or at least don’t laugh you even realize; allow me to san times, squirrels are an ani- green earth, none terrify me lutionary fluff? if you see me powerwalking in enlighten you. mal we can rally around. Sure, more than squirrels. Yes, squir- Perhaps this resemblance their opposite direction in the Law school is all about they may faze you with their Ben Stievater ‘22 alone wouldn’t bother me so courtyard. finding the easiest way to suc- football worthy agility drills Staff Editor much were it not for the fact that ceed, whether buying supple- in front of your car or efforts squirrels are so prevalent. Rats ---- ments, only signing up for af- to take unhealthy French fries rels. It’s a long at least have the decency to stick [email protected] ternoon classes, or eating at the away from you in the park, but story not worth to alleyways and sewers at night. [email protected] free food table every day of the they embody all that America telling that defi- No, squirrels will just sit there week. Squirrels are similarly stands for. John Winthrop elo- nitely doesn’t in groups of two or three and resourceful. They learn from quently opined in 1630, “We involve years of stare at you, taunting you with an early age how to steal every shall be as a city upon a hill, trauma stemming from four- their presence and encroaching morsel of food, hence why they the eyes of all people are upon year-old me trying to pick one on the daytime as they monopo- look frightened when you see us.” In establishing the founda- up only to run screaming for lize the acorn trade. Their pres- them in the street. They don’t tion of the United States, the my mom when it lunged at me. ence is particularly a problem on want to get arrested for a petty early settlers built this country The bottom line is that I despise college campuses, where a few crime either. Also, they hoard through grit, hard work, and them. I know what you’re think- twisted people, who just want to food like it’s going out of style, trees.2 None of this would have ing— squirrels are harmless, watch the world burn, feed the similar to the kids that take five cute even, and this is a ridiculous squirrels, causing them to be- gummy pouches from the Dean 1 I perfected this practice phobia. You’d be in good com- come a dangerous combination of Snacks. after winning hide and seek in pany with a majority of people, of hungry and fearless, which Even more applicable, clothing racks at department specifically my sophomore-year- is coincidentally also the title of squirrels are quintessential mil- stores. Don’t worry, I still call of-college Tinder date, Rachel, my law school memoir thus far lennials. First, there’re so many my mom weekly. who never texted me back after I that consists solely of tales of me of them. You can’t walk down used her as a human shield while wandering from room to room the street around here without 2 Wood cabins were pretty we were walking and a squirrel in W.B. during lunchtime. This furry creature has caused a massive rift running into one, millennials popular, plus ships were made jumped in front of us. However, The most concerning aspect among the Law Weekly staff. Wednesday, 13 November 2019 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Features 3 PILA got really into bidding for everyone to, well, Rapture. continued from page 1 candles, but it remains to be The law students were out seen if she won. If not, she in impressive numbers, and could just go to the store and filled the club up completely. fly-fishing lessons,5 tarot buy candles, just like you I managed to stay for about card readings, a ride in an could do for something like two songs before the chicken old school Mustang, abstract socks. and pepper pizza I ate on the octopus art, and socks. In PILA, after noticing that it way got the best of me and the category of “creative stu- had assigned its grantees an I had to return home. The dent donations,” the student amount of hours that were Gunners looked great for offering an all-day designat- difficult to make up, decid- those two songs though. ed drivers for wineries won ed that it would take a page While many people say first place, followed closely out of the medieval church- that PILA marks the official by people offering poker es’ playbook and let people start of outlining season, lessons, babysitting, time buy their way out of obliga- many of people can also be with dogs, a “Fly Dog aerial tions. Grantees could spend wrong.6 What PILA does is party,” and pies. The Law a potential $39 to be relieved separate the true bar review- Weekly’s Maria Luevano ’21 from just one of their PILA ers from the true nerds. So in hours obligations! One has to the spirit of UVA Law, party 5 Readers who paid close wonder whether it would’ve on. attention noted the lessons been better for PILA to just would take place at the law reduce the hours require- ---- school, which is why they were ment in the first place in- [email protected] so cheap. It makes me won- stead of selling indulgences. [email protected] der if Professor Fore is plan- After the auction/home- ning on fishing out of that tiny coming dance ended, the fountain outside Caplin Pavil- party began as one of the ion. Law School bands raptured 6 See, e.g., Pineapple Pizza.

Above: Professors Kimberly Ferzan and Charles Barzun pose after demonstrating their superior auctioning skills. Below: Justin Aimonetti ’20 gets a pie to the face from Manal Cheema ’20 for a good cause. Photo credit Jacob Jones ’21.

Top left: 1L Section A poses in solidarity on the last night of their social lives as they know it.

Middle left: Stan Birch ’22 strikes a pose, much to the dismay of his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend Rachael Blackstone.

Below left: A compilation of various 1Ls in other sections, in original fashion, does exactly what Section A does above.

Below right: David Turitzin ’21 (L) and Jake Weiner ’20 (R) lift the spirits of many, including Jessie Frances Maroquín, Weiner’s soon-to-be wife.

Photo credit Kolleen Gladden ’21. 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 13 November 2019 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVA Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court comprises four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all con- flicts to [email protected]

Students with Large filling them up all the way. the bad options of embar- Thirsty Students claim skimmed, it looks like the Water Bottles v. Thirsty We hold that they cannot. rassingly walking into class that there is a substantive Court held that it was not a Students late or being sort of thirsty due process right to hav- violation, writing, “If Dean I. for the next hour, the thirsty ing water in class. Because Davies decides to bring back 369 U.Va 42 (2019) students sued. They seek to Students with Large Water the coffee, we will, as always, Earlier in the semester, enjoin students with large Bottles could still fill the salute her benevolent judg- Re, Judge, sitting by desig- various students walked into water bottles from filling bottles part way, the injunc- ment. But we will not order nation, delivered the opinion class, took their seats in W.B. them all the way up in the tion, Thirsty Students ar- it.” Id. at 4. of the Court, in which Shmaz- classrooms, and reached for five minutes before class, gue, will not infringe on the This (purely discretionary) zle, C.J., Elicegui, Ranzini, a refreshing drink of water, claiming a substantive due Students with Large Water restraint by the Court is ad- Luk, and Schmid, JJ. join. only to find their water sup- process right to have water Bottles’ rights. In response, mirable, and we impulsively plies depleted. Each student in class. Students with Large Wa- choose to follow it today, Judge Re delivered the though the Court commends opinion of the Court. Thirsty Students for their substantive due process The issue before the Court Honestly, just stand there claim. This theory was later today plays itself out mul- codified as the Court of Petty tiple times a day, at predict- Appeals’ first Rule of Proce- able intervals, the four days pouring water on your dure, and it is certainly wel- a week1 during which classes “‘ come in briefs to this Court. are held at the Law School: It is also worth noting that thirsty students, realizing hands for all we care.’” - Judge Re based on the course descrip- their water bottles are emp- tions on the School’s web- ty five minutes before class site, Land Use Law might starts, flock to the drinking (internal citations omitted). be the most applicable to a fountains and/or new mo- water-rights case. But as the tion-sensing-electric water looked at their phones to see The Petty Appellate Di- ter Bottles probably6 cited a author of today’s opinion bottle fillers, only to encoun- how much time there was vision for the W.B. Circuit Court of Petty Appeals case has not taken Land Use (and ter a line that will not move before class started. Alarm- ruled in favor of the Thirsty from last term: Class of 2021 given the notice concerns fast enough before class ingly, less than five minutes Students and enjoined the v. Davies, 918 U.Va. 34, 71 that would arise from actu- starts to get water. The cause remained. But because of its Students with Large Water V.L.W. 14, 4 (2019). In Class ally applying principles from of the delay is students with natural geography, W.B. is Bottles from filling the bot- of 2021, the Court consid- a class taken by so few peo- large water bottles who are blessed with many places to tles all the way up within five ered whether the Adminis- ple), we decline to consider definitely going to fill them get water.2 This was not, af- minutes of class. This cre- tration’s decision to remove any of these arguments. all the way up, no matter how ter all, a trip all the way to ated a circuit split with the the high-quality free cookies Thirsty Students also had a long it takes (and despite the W.B. coffee shop3 for a Petty Appellate Division for and coffee from W.B. on Fri- number of pages about water that fact that it is unlikely hot beverage. The students the Slaughter Circuit, which day morning7 without a hear- bottle size. A holding which that even someone who had arrived at the line and found found that students are free ing violated the due process simply limited water bottle just run a half-marathon in three students ahead, wait- to take as much time as they rights of the 1L class. After size might be sensible, but D.C., in July, would actually ing to fill up personal water want filling their water bot- much expert analysis which that would drag us into the be able to drink that much storage tanks which they tles. Students Running Late the author of today’s opinion realm of policy-making. That water during an 80-minute were euphemistically calling v. Students with Nalgene sounds like a lot of work, so class period). The question “water bottles.”4 Faced with Bottles, 343 Sl. 3d 321 (Sl 6 See footnotes 4 and 5, su- we decline to do so here. specifically before the Court Cir. 2015) (“Honestly, just pra. Absent legislation from today is whether the class of 2 Maybe connected to stand there pouring water on SBA, or a royal pronounce- Thirsty Students may enjoin wells (?), or the natural un- your hand for all we care.”) 7 Thus removing the sole ment from Dean Goluboff, the class of Students with derground aquifer where the We take this case to resolve reason one might come to Large Water Bottles from snakes which sometimes visit the circuit split. school on a Friday. COPA page 5 W.B. live—we are not entirely 1 The panel comprising to- clear on how plumbing works. II. day’s court does not include any 1Ls, from whom we have 3 Which the lower courts It is unclear from Students Faculty Quotes heard rumors of classes meet- have erroneously been refer- with Large Water Bottles’ ing on Fridays. As this has not ring to as “the library.” brief what errors the lower R. Hynes: “I know you into my house from the holes been confirmed by the mem- court allegedly committed,5 guys think you’re all special that were created by squir- bers of today’s court, who 4 In the interest of trans- but because “[w]e do what but you’re what we refer to in rels.” would not dare to darken the parency, we only had time to we want[],” we will be re- the industry as fungible bill- doorway of the school after 5 read Thirsty Students’ brief, viewing this case de novo. ing units.” M. Schwartzman: “I’m p.m. on Thursday, we only ad- but it really did sound like It’s usually fun to opine on not recommending that any of dress the water dispute occur- the water bottles were too big, the merits of something. G. Rutherglen: “In this you do this. But I’m also not ring before classes, necessar- and in any event we are ruling case the investment bankers not recommending that any of ily meaning Monday through against them, so it’s probably 5 Because, again, we only win. They’re always an insular you do this.” Thursday. still fair. read Thirsty Students’ brief. and discrete minority.” D. Howard: “Sometimes R. Mason: “There is noth- I think our national motto ing we can do to avoid it— ex- should just be ‘I’ll see you in Virginia Law Weekly cept lie.” court!!’” J. Setear: “So, the evi- Have a good professor COLOPHON dence creeps into this case... quote? Email editor@law- M. Eleanor Schmalzl ’20 much like the rats creeped weekly.org! Editor-in-Chief

Christina Luk ‘21 Executive Editor

David Ranzini ‘20 Michael Schmid ‘21 Taylor Elicegui ‘20 Managing Editor Production Editor Features Editor Samuel Pickett ‘21 Anand Jani ‘20 Grace Tang ‘21 News Editor Special Projects Editor Lifestyle Editor Kolleen Gladden ‘21 Raphael Cho ’21 Douglas Graebner ‘21 Photographer Cartoonist-in-Chief Format Editor Jacob Jones ‘21 Lena Welch ‘20 Tyler D’Ambrose ‘21 Events Editor New Media Editor Columns Editor

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Wednesday, 13 November 2019 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 5 COPA Club Spotlight: Health Law Association continued from page 4 regular attendees of HLA events When I came to law school, latory work. Healthcare litiga- Previous Events from Main Grounds. today’s Court is not inclined it was explicitly with the goal tion most obviously includes This fall, we hosted a meet and to step in with equitable of practicing health law. But medical malpractice but can greet with the health law-adja- Upcoming Events and Goals remedies. Though it is worth Savanna Williams ‘21 also include litigating fraud cent professors in order to give Next semester, we are plan- noting, it would certainly be Guest Writer and abuse claims, reimburse- students, especially 1Ls, an idea ning a healthcare reform debate within the Court’s authority ment matters, or antitrust of what classes they might take in advance of the March prima- to do so. See Petty Rule of in reality, I did issues. In the transactional if they were interested in practic- ries. It goes without saying that Procedure 1: We do what we not know what realm, healthcare lawyers ing health law. A common area of healthcare reform is at the fore- want. this dream of serve as subject matter ex- confusion is when students have front of the election news cycle, mine looked pert deal support, evaluating an interest in a particular field of and we hope to shed some light * * * like. All I knew general corporate matters like law, but they do not know what on the legal status of the Af- was that I am passionate tax, antitrust, and contract courses to take in order to reach fordable Care Act and the legal Because we do not want about healthcare reform and negotiation issues. On the that goal. We hoped to remove implications of candidates’ pro- this opinion to drag on un- that I wanted to understand regulatory side, healthcare some of that ambiguity by hav- posed reforms. necessarily with neurotic the law generally before at- lawyers might provide guid- ing each of the professors talk At the Shaping Justice con- distinctions and unhelpful tempting to change it. ance on Medicare and Med- about their course offerings in ference, we are co-sponsoring a legal analysis (see, e.g., no icaid fraud and abuse, confi- the coming semesters. We hope panel with Lamda that focuses U.S. Supreme Court opinion So, what is health law, dentiality, or health reform that this helped with course plan- on Disability Rights Advocacy: ever), we will conclude the anyway? issues. Health lawyers also ning, not just next semester, but 30 Years After the Americans opinion here. While SBA, Health law focuses on the represent healthcare provid- for a holistic law school career. with Disabilities Act. We are Dean Goluboff, or non-legal rules and regulations that ers before state and federal In addition to the professors, also co-sponsoring an event on considerations like thought- govern the health care indus- agencies that regulate the in- we also had Michaela Lieber- maternal health with If/When/ fulness are free to step in to try. The health care industry dustry. man, co-director of the Health How and another on food label- address the issue of water- includes hospitals, hospital In the public sector, health- & Disability Law Clinic, speak ing with FLAVA. We are always bottle line speed, we decline systems, health care provid- care lawyers might work for about clinic opportunities. This looking for co-sponsorship op- to do so here. ers, insurers, pharmaceutical government agencies like the year-long clinic offers students portunities, so if your organi- and device manufacturers, Department of Health and firsthand experience and insight zation is interested in planning The judgment of the Petty individual healthcare provid- Human Services, the Centers into how health law touches in something healthcare-focused, Appellate Division for the ers, and group providers like for Medicare and Medicaid the individual patient, which we please reach out! W.B. Circuit is VACATED. nursing homes, psychiatric Services, or Veterans Affairs. often forget about in the private centers, acute care centers, In-house opportunities in- practice setting where your cli- ---- It is so ordered. and health maintenance orga- clude hospitals, pharmaceuti- ents are predominantly health [email protected] nizations. Some of the regu- cal companies, or insurance. care systems. ---- lations health lawyers work This opaqueness about I also had the chance to speak [email protected] with include the Stark Law, what health law is comprised at a University Democrats meet- HIPAA, the Anti-Kickback of is what drove me to run for ing on Main Grounds earlier this Statute, EMTALA, and indi- president of the Health Law semester about the vastness of vidual state privacy laws. Association. Our goals are to: health law and how to translate Explain what health law is; an interest in healthcare reform What do health lawyers Give students a better view and policy into a legal career. do? of the different areas of health One of my big goals as president Health lawyers in private law; is to expand our membership be- practice work across the full Introduce available health yond the walls of the Law School, spectrum of law, from litiga- law-related classes; and because health law is something tion to transactional to regu- Promote a healthy law that truly touches all of us. Since school environment. that meeting, we have recruited be? my hobbies are anti-stress hob- HOMECOMING I’m probably a wooden bies. What was your favor- HOT spoon. I’m really traditional, ite thing about planning continued from page 2 and I think wooden spoons are What is your favorite PILA? BENCH more useful than people give yoga pose? Well, the Live Auction was their locker rooms, the UVA them credit for. Side angle. I’m big into turn- the most fun, so I’ll say selecting Marching Band took the field. ing my rib cage to the ceiling. the items that went into that. After a few classics, they were Best episode of GGBO? joined by members of local high I’m torn between the finales What do you like to do Who is the person at the school marching bands for a of Nancy’s season (I love Luis) with your cat Draco? Law School that you most “Salute to the Space Program.” and Nadiya’s season (I love Ta- What don’t I like to do with want to kick in the head? It was a fun distraction from mal). Killer finalists, and some my cat? He’s my favorite guy. Bill Re ’21 thought I couldn’t the cold, but seemed more like a of my favorite showstoppers. kick him in the head, so he is thinly-veiled excuse to play Bry- Pet peeve? top of the list. an Adams’ “Summer of 69.” Favorite food? When people do not use a di- The second half had a slow Never met a carb I didn’t rect address comma. How do you give people start and an unceremonious Lena Welch ‘20 like, but let’s say chocolate chip nicknames or, as you like finish. The Ramblin’ Wrecks cookies. Also, I’m a big believer Catch phrase? to call them, codenames? far beat the seventeen-point Hi Lena, welcome to Hot in breakfast milkshakes. “Catch you on the flippity Glad you asked. You take spread, but with the final re- Bench! Where are you flip.” someone’s first and last initials, sult everyone anticipated. Just from? Favorite place in Char- flip the order, and now come before my friends and I left the McLean, Va. lottesville? If you could live any- up with a word representing game, I spotted a family a few Klöckner Stadium, where where, where would it be? those letters in that order. Ex: rows in front of me, all dressed Tell us something about they play soccer and lacrosse. Scotland. I can’t explain why. Michael Schmid ’21, MS, SM, in Georgia Tech apparel, except McLean! It was actually my place at UVA Superman (I exclusively call one. The back of his hat read “40 Mmmmh, I don’t like it. I do before I came to Law School, What’s one movie that him Superman at Law Weekly Years NGSL” and the front had like Chesapeake Bagel Bakery because I love watching my left an impression on you? meetings). the distinct “V Law.” We chatted though. teams play there. It’s a beautiful The Peanut Butter Falcon. for a moment and his family of- stadium. Absolutely my favorite movie. What’s something you fered up a few jokes at their dad’s Who will you root for It’s like someone made a movie know now that you would expense. While the rivalry in his when UNC comes to JPJ What’s your favorite just for me. tell yourself coming into family was alive and well, his Dec. 7? UVA Sport? law school? parting words were one thing his Don’t be silly. #GoHeels I can’t answer that. The Office or Parks and You’ll make some of the best family and my friends could all Rec? friends of your life. Brag. agree on: “To Hell with Georgia.” What’s something at What song would play The answer has to be The Getting ready for the PILA which you’re elite? in the background of your Office, but I recently came up What will you miss most Auction, I regretted every deci- Serving up piping hot reality- life? with the phrase “Parks and about the Law School? sion I had made that day since checks to my friend Harrison Right now, it’s probably the Rec-ference,” so people should I can’t answer this. I can’t be the festivities began at 7 a.m. It or serving up piping hot bakes. Whitney-Kygo version of High- start using that. You know what helped. Classic Daisy Buchan- turned out far better than I could Also remembering people’s er Love. else I do that people should do? nan stuff right there. What will have hoped, and the night was computing IDs. Voice-memo my laughter and I miss? Um, it’s a real bummer still young. I might have been Anti-Stress Hobby? use it instead of “lol.” I’m never going to see Jansen cheering for the visiting team in Speaking of “hot bakes,” Yoga at FlyDog.1 Or baking. VanderMeulen ’19 again.2 Scott Stadium this past week- what do you put in your Or hanging with my cat. All of Very cool. So what are end, but with all my friends gath- cookies that causes profes- you involved in? ---- ered around, cheering, chatting, sors to get into a bidding 1 Going to throw Sam Public Interest Law Associa- [email protected] and catching up, it really was a war? Pickett ’21 a bone here for tion, the Program in Law and successful Homecoming. Love. mentioning me in last week’s Public Service, the Virginia Law Hot Bench. I do teach aerial Weekly, Amici Signatae Lin- 2 Editor’s note: He already ---- If you were a kitchen yoga at FlyDog. Come to my guae (the ASL club), itrek, and graduated... [email protected] utensil which would you classes Saturdays at 4:30 p.m. I’m an LL.M. PA. 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 13 November 2019 Letter to the Editor Cartoon By Raphael Letters of interest to the Law School community may be sent to [email protected]. Letters may be published at the discretion of the Editorial Board and are subject to editing for grammar, style, and clarity, but not content or viewpoint. The Law Weekly does not necessarily endorse the content or viewpoint of any letter herein published.

Michael Berdan ’22 “Look how many!” one asked. “Pages, you mean?” A Poem About Memos “No,” he said, “Look how many likes on my meme!” ’Twas the night before memo So the hours ticked by and the and all through Withers-Brown, poor 1Ls struggled, All the 1Ls were scurrying, With social life and academ- each wearing a frown; ics precariously juggled, Case printouts were scattered When the sun came up, they ‘cross library spots, had a memo completed, In hopes the papers them- They’d won over the task, tho’ selves would connect all the they all looked defeated. dots. Fourteen pages—no more! The 1Ls did type, fast and fu- That’s just what’s required! riously, Crest that page break! Sub- Not into Word—but their sec- mit to Canvas! ‘Fore time has tion GroupMe. expired! “This memo, my dudes!” The 1Ls were left, at the end “This memo! ’Tis hell!” of our tale, The messages flew ’til they Saying “Thanks for the LOLs, heard midnight’s bell. and thank God it’s pass-fail!” The staff came ‘round to give them the boot, ---- And the 1Ls crawled to the [email protected] hall, none appearing too cute.

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Weekly will feature it in the next Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Mon Nov 11 20:55:14 2019 GMT. Enjoy! GMT. 2019 20:55:14 11 Nov Mon on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated edition!

TIME EVENT LOCATION COST FOOD? WEDNESDAY – November 13 VELJ Symposium: The Green New Deal: 8:45 – Examining Climate Purcell Free Provided 15:00 Change in the Business Context Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty ratingSUDOKU 0.53) 13:00 – Intro to Employer WB 152 Free --- 14:00 Interactions “The Man Who Shot 18:00 – Dinner Liberty Valance” Film WB 152 Free 7 1 9 5 20:00 Provided Screening and Discussion THURSDAY – November 14 8 7 1 4 11:30 - The Backlog of Untested Purcell Free Provided 12:45 Rape Kits 12:00 – Hueston Hennigan 9 1 7 8 WB 101 Free Provided 13:30 Lunch Panel 13:00 – Responses to ICE t WB 103 Free Provided 6 5 14:00 Enforcement in Virginia FRIDAY – November 15 VLW Lunch and 1 4 2 12:00 – Conversation with Purcell Free Provided 13:30 Sidley Austin 4 8 19:00 – Ariana Grande Starts at $77 --- o c k e 22:00 Free for students 1 9 8 3 20:00 – (Much more She Kills Monsters Ruth Caplin Theatre --- 22:00 affordable than D Ariana) 6 3 2 9 SATURDAY – November 16 Free for students to h e Men’s Basketball: Virginia 4 5 3 1 12:00 John Paul Jones Arena watch a battle of --- vs. Columbia

T two T-14s Women’s Basketball: 17:00 John Paul Jones Arena Free w/ student ID --- Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Mon Nov 11 20:55:14 2019 GMT. Enjoy! Virginia v. Kentucky SUNDAY – November 17 Solution

Students can 15:30 – Charlottesville Symphony: reserve 1 free 1 2 6 9 8 3 7 5 4 MLK Jr. PAC --- 17:00 Romantic Titans ticket, otherwise

$10-$45 9 7 4 5 2 1 3 8 6

MONDAY – November 18 3 5 8 4 6 7 9 1 2 11:00 – Coffee Networking 7 1 3 8 9 2 4 6 5

Caplin Pavilion RSVP requested ---

12:30 Reception 2 6 9 3 4 5 8 7 1 17:00 - UVA Law Winter 8 4 5 7 1 6 2 9 3

Caplin Pavilion Free Provided

19:00 Diversity Reception 6 8 7 2 5 4 1 3 9 TUESDAY – November 19

10:00 - Democracy Initiative’s Registration 4 3 1 6 7 9 5 2 8 Miller Center --- 5 9 2 1 3 8 6 4 7

13:30 CLEAR Inaugural Launch required 17:00 – Film Screening and Panel 0.53) rating difficulty (Medium, 1 Puzzle Caplin Pavilion Free --- 19:00 Discussion: “The Report”