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Virginia Law Weekly 2017, 2018, & 2019 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner A Look Advice on How to Crush 1L...... 2 Learn About the Head Peer Advisors...... 2 Inside: The Debate over Lowering Tuition...... 3 Virginia Law Review’s New Masthead...... 6

Wednesday, 26 August 2020 The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948 Volume 73, Number 1 Welcome around north Letter Dean Goluboff grounds Thumbs up to from the social distancing. ANG has gone Editor Welcomes Class of 2023 without physical touch since ’86 and is glad Christina Luk ’21 Shared Challenges Bond Us to see the practice has fi- Editor-in-Chief nally caught on.

Hello and thank you for Thumbs down picking up the Virginia Law to people who Weekly! We are the Law don’t cover their School’s one and only student nose with their newspaper and you are in for masks. Put that huge thing a treat. Inside these pages away, Squidward. You can you will find the heart and take it out when a 747 jet soul of the UVA Law commu- needs to make an emergen- nity. As Editor-in-Chief, it’s cy landing. my privilege to introduce you to what we’re all about and to Thumbs up to entice you into our ranks. the reduced pres- Now, in years past, wel- ence of students come letters have tended to at the Law School be pretty upbeat and funny— this semester. That means but nothing about this year there’ll be more pizza, has been ordinary. I mean, Take It Away, and Bellair we started the year with leftover lunches for ANG, an entire continent on fire, right? and no one really expected it to ramp up from there. Thumbs down COVID-19 has forced us all to not having online, impacted our com- Dandelion this munities, and tested our re- Photo Courtesy of virginia.edu year. ANG invites silience, kindness, and care Risa L. Goluboff ‘00 to help you begin to take ad- varied, as yet unknown ca- students to submit footage for each other. The events of Dean of UVA Law vantage of those opportunities reers that you will each make of their wild, off-grounds this summer unfolded like and to find your way around your own. parties in violation of Uni- a slow-motion fever dream. To say that we begin this the Law School. I mean that You will spend hours each versity public health guide- Disease, death, police brutal- school year at a challenging in the literal sense: Note, for week with your new class- lines to ANG because ANG ity, protests, and, of course, moment is an understatement. example, that there are two mates, over screens and oth- still needs blackmail mate- the ever-ramping up elec- The unprecedented COVID-19 Caplin Reading Rooms—the erwise. Take advantage of rial for those gunners who tion. We are buckling in for global pandemic continues, one in the Library and the one opportunities to connect and decide to run for public of- the second half of an already and it has ushered in an eco- off Scott Commons—as well as engage with each other. As I fice someday. crazy year. nomic crisis unprecedented both a Caplin Pavilion and a said during orientation, the What an incredible time to in its own right. We are in the Caplin Auditorium. (Mortimer legal profession is dedicated Thumbs up to attend law school. So much middle of a national reckoning Caplin ’40 was an alumnus, a to testing ideas with argument Chick-fil-A open- has changed. A look around with racial injustice. A hotly member of the faculty, and a and persuasion. Lawyers both ing in Barracks the Law School reveals a dif- contested election fast ap- loyal and generous donor.) ask difficult questions and Road. Now, ANG ferent space. There are stick- proaches. I mean it in a figurative must hear difficult answers. It doesn’t have to feign an ers on the floors and tables, As we navigate these chal- sense as well. Our world-class is not always easy to speak so interest in Fed Soc to curb cameras and plexiglass have lenges together, this year will faculty is dedicated to initiat- that others can listen or listen ANG’s hate-chicken crav- been installed in every class- certainly differ from any that ing you into the mysteries of even when the message is hard ing. room, and a thousand hand has come before. In your first the law and bringing their in- to hear. It may be even harder sanitizing stations litter week of classes, you have al- novative research into their to do those things this year, Thumbs side- the halls. Folks are wearing ready seen many ways in which instruction as they do so. Out- when we are coping with a new ways to the week- masks (or they had better that is the case. You wear side of the classroom, fellow normal that feels anything but, day HOOS Health be!) and many of us are on- masks, take some or all of your students, faculty, and staff of- engaging in important and Check reminders. What if line this semester. courses online, keep your dis- fer countless ways for you to difficult conversations about ANG only experiences CO- The start of the year brings tance from one another, and connect with each other and race, and witnessing and par- VID symptoms on week- everything rushing back—the watch your professors through dive into our community, both ticipating in that most central ends? excitement, the nostalgia, the Plexiglass. You monitor your virtually and in small groups. of our democratic institutions: burning curiosity of whether health and worry about both We are here to help you navi- voting. Thumbs down the snack office will still pro- your own health and that of gate the intellectual challenges I am confident that we are to the stimulus vide snacks. Old and new stu- others. You are being asked ahead of you and identify the up to the task. We are a com- check rules. ANG dents alike, we’re grappling to fulfill obligations to each aspects of the law and law munity that cares deeply about has not filed taxes with social isolation, miss- other and this community that school—areas of study, service each other and makes dialogue since ANG’s ill-fated sum- ing people closest to us, and no class before you has had to projects, political causes, stu- across difference a hallmark. mer associateship at Dew- deciding on the next stage in contemplate. dent organizations, extracur- We come from different races, ey, Cheatham, and Howe our legal career. We’re all try- So much remains the same, ricular activities, research op- religions, nationalities, eth- PLLC in 1983, so ANG was ing to figure things out. Now however. This is your first year portunities, career paths—that nicities, and cultural and so- ineligible for any of that is the time for community, of law school, and that means give you a sense of purpose cioeconomic backgrounds. We sweet, sweet taxpayer- solidarity, and laughter. Now it is the start of an exciting in- and belonging and enable you have had different life experi- funded cheddar. is the time for optimism—to tellectual, personal, and pro- to thrive. We are here to help ences and live different identi- say that we will meet each fessional journey for each of you find your path and to sup- ties. We hold different beliefs, Thumbs down new challenge with grace and you. That is, as it always is, a port you at every step along it. attitudes, and interests, and to passcode re- perseverance. That we are all joy to behold. It will not always be easy, for subscribe to a wide range of quirements for here because we were called This year will transform the reasons made (in)famous political views. We each have Zoom class ses- to something outside of us. you, as the first year of law in popular culture and mythol- our own unique hopes and sions. How is ANG sup- We at the Law Weekly are school always transforms 1L ogy: required classes and cold dreams. We bridge these dif- posed to flash Professional called to “community.” When students. The opportunities calls, oral arguments and jour- ferences with a shared com- Responsibility if ANG our back is up against a wall, before you—both during your nal tryouts and job searches. mitment to this community, doesn’t have access to the our first impulse is to put pen time here and in the careers But it will no doubt be reward- a shared aspiration that our class Canvas page? to paper (fingers to keyboard) that will follow—are almost ing. This year will prepare you differences serve as a source limitless. Our faculty, adminis- not only for the rest of law WELCOME 1Ls page 2 EDITOR page 2 trators, 2Ls, and 3Ls are eager school, but for the amazing, 2 Columns VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 26 August 2020 WELCOME 1Ls EDITOR a week, twelve editions per semester, and we welcome new Get to Know the continued from page 1 continued from page 1 members throughout the year from every class. Historically, of humility and strength, em- and write. My goal for the pa- we met in Slaughter Hall 279 Head Peer Advisors! pathy and intellectual stimula- per is to build our community, to edit articles, listen to tunes, tion. The community of trust celebrate our triumphs, dis- and eat free Domino’s pizza. In The Peer Advisor (PA) pro- Bell: Well, I was also born and belonging to which we cuss room for improvement, this brave new Corona world, gram at UVA Law exists to and raised in Pittsburgh, each contribute takes real ded- and give voices to every mem- I’m inviting all of you to join Kathryn Querner ‘22 Pennsylvania. I have a lot of ication and effort to maintain, ber of the Law School. Over us virtually Monday nights at Executive Editor family and friends in the city and it is worth every ounce of this year, I want to introduce 7 p.m. Please email me if you and plan on returning here to such effort. It is essential to all you to your classmates and are interested in joining our guide 1L stu- practice after graduation. For we do here and to becoming professors, spotlight clubs, in- mailing list. dents as they undergrad, I went to a small the exceptional lawyers you spire laughter and hope, and If you have a qualm, a pas- navigate the university in northwestern are all here to become. above all, show that we are a sion, a joke (good or bad), or transition to the Pennsylvania called Edinboro This moment in our nation’s community of thoughtful and even just the itch to write—we personal and ac- University. It was basically a history calls out for excep- caring individuals. That we are want to hear from you. Please. ademic challenges of life at the little snow globe. While I origi- tional lawyers. Lawyers will unafraid to share our opinions Regale us with your views on Law School. Each 1L section is nally intended to go directly to lead our government, our in- and that we respect all voices, attending class over Zoom, assigned eight or nine PAs— law school after undergrad, I stitutions, our businesses, and especially those who have had your awkward virtual hallway consisting of both 2L and 3L ended up taking two years off our communities through the the fewest opportunities to encounters, or your funniest students—each of whom pro- and working in higher educa- many changes on the horizon speak. professor quotes. Are you dis- vides a broad range of support tion before I started at UVA in ways that comport with the So, to the 1Ls, welcome to contented with a school poli- and advice to the students in Law. core values of our Constitu- the Law School. In the time- cy? Do you have an opinion on his or her section. The success What prompted you to tion and our profession. You honored tradition of upper- the upcoming election? Maybe of the program can be attribut- become a PA? And then, will follow in the footsteps of a classmen giving unsolicited you have a complaint for our ed in large part to the involve- what prompted you to learned profession committed advice, I urge you to look for widely cited Court of Petty Ap- ment of its co-directors, Zac be co-directors of the PA to justice and the rule of law. joy in your lives. The passions peals? We want it all. Get in Bell ’21 and Kat Goebel ’21, as program for this year? You will become those law- that sustained you before law touch with us at editor@law- well as the dedication of each Goebel: I wanted to become yers. school will nurture you the weekly.org. individual PA. a PA because my first semes- As you run through what next three years. You will find To ensure you never miss Goebel and Bell both served ter of law school was, admit- can seem the gauntlet of 1L like-minded individuals who an issue of our rip-roaring as PAs for my 1L section and, tedly, very challenging. With year, you will gain new skills, share your values—people who fun, please register with us at: I might add, provided excep- the help of my PAs, I made new ways of thinking, and new will be your dearest friends https://www.lawweekly.org/ tional support and encourage- positive changes to my daily intellectual resources. You and fiercest champions. I en- register. You can also like our ment. I reached out to them routine. Whether I was having will also make new friends courage all of you to grab this page on Facebook or add us with the hope of learning more a bad day, needed advice, or and colleagues, connect with school year by its horns. Reach on Instagram or Twitter. We about their vision for the PA wanted someone to simply lis- new mentors, and have new out to people, get virtual cof- don’t have a TikTok yet, but Program this year. ten, I felt comfortable reaching experiences that will enrich fee, go to office hours, and the shenanigans we get up are Can you tell us a bit out to my PAs for assistance. and transform you. You will join a student organization certainly meme-worthy. about yourself? After experiencing firsthand become essential members of that sparks joy for you. There On behalf of the staff of writ- Goebel: I was born and the value of peer mentorship, this community. Through it all, is no dearth of extracurricular ers and editors at the Virginia raised in Pittsburgh, Pennsyl- I knew I wanted to give back to you will find here the joy and offerings at this Law School. Law Weekly, good luck and vania as the second oldest of the program that had done so humanity that is at the core of I should know, I’ve spent the welcome to UVA Law! I can’t five children. I love to read, much for me and my growth UVA Law and that, more than last two years writing about wait to meet you all! garden, play softball, and draw as a law student. And becom- anything, remains very much them. portraits! My favorite Charlot- ing a Peer Advisor was incred- the same as it always has. Speaking of extracurriculars, --- tesville pastime is trying new ibly rewarding. I loved creat- --- I’d be remiss not to invite each [email protected] restaurants—if you’re looking [email protected]. and every one of you to join the for a place to eat, I have great HEAD PAs page 5 edu Law Weekly. We publish once recommendations.

Maybe ask your Peer Advisors that others should fear your what you should do with your ambition and motivation. It Tips to Have 1L of a Time! life—they have plenty of expe- tells professors that you are rience. here, you are ready to learn, Like Moses with his Ten you? Furthermore, no one is more lawyers used their mid- 7. Journals are the most and that you are not going to Commandments, I am once going through the same things dle initial, p’raps the world fulfilling use of your time. let disgusting phlegm get in again coming down from the you are, and the playing field would be a more harmonious We will go over this at the the way of your B+. However, Drew Calamaro ‘21 is definitely not equal when place. beginning of next semester, since people can’t do jokes Satire Editor the test time is changed at 5. Your peer advisors but just know that the journal right now, I would like to say the last minute for the entire should be treated as your tryouts process is absolutely do not show up to class sick. mountaintop of class. No, you are the only one elders, even if they are not arbitrary and capricious. Unless you have COVID.8 debt to provide who has to bear the severe K-JDs with no real-world It is certainly not the stupidest That’s it. That is literally all you with much- consequences of such heavy experience. exercise I have ever done. You you need for 1L. Stay safe, best needed advice burdens, and it is your duty to As a Peer Advisor Peer should absolutely do it. The of luck, and remember that no and encourage- complain over Zoom, in your (PAP), I know these people. people who run it are compe- matter what you do, the ABA ment. 1L year is a truly magi- GroupMe, and at home. The They are highly trustworthy tent. will hold it against you as you cal time, and the people you act of complaining is a sooth- and are wise in the ways of 8. The administration apply for the bar. meet now will likely become ing balm to the ears of any the law school world.3 They will always be willing to lifelong stepping stones to- future lawyer, and there is no will provide novel advice such work with you. --- ward success friends. How- way they will understand your as “you are meant to be here Sometimes it takes over ever, this journey is perilous, struggle unless you complain. or else you wouldn’t be,” or 5,000 signatures for them to [email protected] and it is my duty to light the 3. Buy the 1L of a Ride “make sure you start outlin- do so, but they will certainly way for you, as many have book. ing, and don’t be afraid to provide you with answers. done for me. You suckers. By all means reach out to professors.” This Sometimes those answers lead 8 I certainly won’t be there 1. Trust no one. waste your money—you’re earthshaking information can to more questions, which lead in person. You know how you You are in law school, not here reading this, after all. make or break your legal ca- to non-answers, but isn’t that STOP this from happening? trust school. That can be 4. As stated last year, reer. Far too many of my fel- the true lesson of law school? Just do online classes. Kind dealt with in Trusts & Estates using your middle initial low law students have ignored 9. Never sleep, never ex- of a 100% success rate in pre- should you choose to figure makes you sound smart, the advice of their PAs. They ercise, and don’t eat well. venting in-class transmis- out what that is. Law school successful, not egotistical, are no longer with us.4 This is a good time to start sions. Just a thought. is all about the acquisition of and totally sophisticated. 6. If you aren’t under- practicing your health routine power and its exertion over My position remains the standing how to do law as a lawyer. Plus, it intimi- others. As such, I suggest you same: Using your middle ini- school, just drop out. dates classmates when you do something to stake your tial tells people you are smart, The true mark of a lawyer show up to your Zoom classes claim in your section, such as you are capable, and that you is being brave enough to feel looking like a “hot mess”6 and joining the SBA. That will re- absolutely do not have an in- nothing about the sunk cost of then you tell them you got an ally make people respect you, flated ego. There is truly no time and money and to trust A-. No one lies about their and, hopefully, fear you as better feeling than writing out your heart’s desires. How- grades in law school, and you well. your middle initial and dot- ever, you remember that you can always trust what people 2. Complain about any- ting the period with a flourish don’t have a heart, which is say in this sphere.7 thing and everything of your quill pen. Thomas R. why you’re taking that BigLaw 10. Do NOT show up to whenever possible. Jefferson did this, so did John job, and you end up staying.5 class sick. Socrates was a gadfly to H. Hancock, why shouldn’t I have written in the past Sparta (my editors will prob- you? Sidenote, the word for you’re a gadfly, remember? that showing up to class sick ably “fact” check me but he someone who does this in is the most intimidating thing wasn’t even real so I get to German is Backpfeifengesi- 3 See note 2. you can do. It sets the tone pick),1 so why shouldn’t you cht, which means “wise be- be a gadfly to everyone around yond comprehension.”2 If only 4 They are taking online 6 Emphasis on the hot. classes.

1 Ed. Socrates was a real 2 No, it doesn’t. It means 7 Need I say it? Supra note Pictured: Drew Calamaro, ‘21, prophetically shares his secrets to person and he lived in Athens. you have a punchable face. But 5 Shut up. So am I. 2. 1Ls. Photo Courtesy of Drew Calamaro, ‘21. Wednesday, 26 August 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Features 3 Cancel Suitman: The Break-Up of Call Her Daddy

I am unwell. While CO- with the option to renego- to Portnoy, which included kept moving the goalposts of Sofia and Suitman? Well, VID-19, racial unrest, and tiate. When Alex and Sofia salaries of over a million dol- the negotiations, frustrating they’ve been relegated to the the upcoming presidential began renegotiating in early lars, a larger share of mer- both Alex and Portnoy. After influencer blackhole where Phil Tonseth ‘22 2020, though, everything chandise revenue, and sole Sofia threatened Alex with they belong. Production Editor fell apart. ownership of the intellectual negotiating in bad faith in an You may ask, why does the The issue between the property rights for Alex and attempt to gain access to the dissolution of a podcast mat- election has podcasters and Barstool Sofia.4 For his part, Portnoy IP of Call Her Daddy, Alex ter in a legal sense? Intel- dominated the Sports was a contract dis- dug in almost as hard as CO- made a unilateral and last- lectual property is a rapidly news media in pute, mainly centering on VID-19 has in America. He ing decision. The duo would rising area of litigation in 2020, an argu- intellectual property (IP).2 did not counter terms in the split; their goals were far too our current media-conscious ably bigger sto- At the outset, both Alex and ladies’ initial renegotiation divergent to reconcile. environment. Media compa- ry has largely been ignored. Sofia earned salaries border- offer. Reaching out to Portnoy, nies provide the initial expo- As a card-holding member of ing $100,000, which rose to With negotiations stalled, Alex accepted the initial of- sure to their talent, but the the “woke” generation, I saw almost $500,000 following Suitman shopped the Call fer and left Sofia out of the personalities often outstrip the biggest news story of the the podcast’s meteoric rise. Her Daddy brand, including fold. Likening the situation that exposure through de- year as the endless drama The ladies did not own the Alex’s and Sofia’s talents, to losing an old friend to veloping followers on social and splintering of the wildly intellectual property to their to others in the industry. a new boyfriend, Alex ex- media. As such, the person- popular podcast Call Her brand, because David Port- Knowing this, Portnoy host- pressed sadness both for alities want ownership of Daddy. Luckily, I’m here to noy retained ownership per ed the two and presented herself and “Daddy Gang.”5 the intellectual property to provide a breakdown on the the initial employment con- his counteroffer to fend off At that point, Call Her Dad- further capitalize on their breakup, including commen- tract. Believing they were their potential departure dy hadn’t recorded a pod- brand, without relying on a tary on the legal issues that underpaid compared to the and the ensuing legal battle cast for two months due to company as a middle man.6 drove the two parties apart. industry standard, the ladies over the IP. Portnoy offered the unfolding drama. Alex As Alex showed through this Labeled as “uncensored, wanted more and were will- to increase their base sal- jumped back into the fray saga, negotiating in good real, female locker room ing to bet their huge follow- ary to $500,000, raise their as a “Single Father” on May faith is the proper way to talk,”1 the podcast known ing on it.3 share of the merchandise 27 and has been rolling ever find a middle ground. For as Call Her Daddy took the Alex and Sofia didn’t nego- revenue, and gradually tran- since. In her most recent the sake of Daddy Gang, let’s world by storm in 2018. The tiate alone. Sofia’s long-term sition ownership of the intel- and eleventh installment as hope Call Her Daddy and unabashed hosts, Alexan- boyfriend, Peter Nelson, lectual property of the Call a Single Father, Alex inter- Barstool Sports have a long, dra (Alex) Cooper and So- a.k.a. “Suitman,” worked as Her Daddy brand to the two. viewed Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. successful relationship. The fia Franklyn met by chance, an HBO Sports executive and Rather than cement a deal, Hannah Montana, in an ab- way this situation ultimately struck up a conversation, claimed to know the market this offer drove Alex and So- solute banger of an inter- played out left Daddy Gang and were encouraged to cre- and have “clout.” Suitman fia apart. Sofia and Suitman view. almost as satisfied they ate a podcast by those around drafted a list of demands for wanted more. Needless to say, it’s clear would be receiving a “Gluck them. A month after starting the initial renegotiating offer Alex wanted to make a deal who won in these nego- Gluck 9000.”7 Gang Gang. their podcast, Dave Portnoy with Barstool, acknowledg- tiations. Daddy Gang has --- of Barstool Sports bought 2 If you’re reading this, ing that Portnoy’s offer was thrown their full support [email protected] the podcast and hired the Dean Mahoney, my likely in- everything the two initially behind Alex and her person- two rising stars as Barstool correct legal analysis of con- wanted. Through consul- ality. Barstool Sports main- 6 https://www.thecut. employees. Their contract tracts is in no way a direct tation with Suitman, Sofia tains ownership of the Call com/2020/05/call-her-dad- was initially for three years reflection of your amazing Her Daddy brand until the dy-barstool-sports-drama. teaching. 4 https://nypost. IP transitions solely to Alex. html. 1 https://www.thecut. com/2020/05/23/call-her- com/2020/05/call-her-dad- 3 Call Her Daddy is cur- daddy-drama-update-alex- 5 Avid listeners to the pod- 7 If you have to Urban Dic- dy-barstool-sports-drama. rently the #1 ranked comedy cooper-to-host-podcast-solo/. cast refer to themselves as tionary this, don’t. html. podcast in the United States. members of Daddy Gang. Law Students Super Grateful for Tuition Discount

The UVA Law Board of Joanne Kennedy ’92, ex- line Edition? Would anyone would stand up for students THIS is why I love this com- Lords convened in late Au- pressed regret over the edu- actually pay that? The en- if the school employed such munity!!!” and @UVAesq2b gust to discuss the possibil- cational product that is be- tire student body would take tactics. Giuliani sat back, lit a tweeted, “I didn’t know Michael Berdan ‘22 ing delivered this year. a leave of absence, and just cigar, knit his fingers across whether to return to school Staff Editor “UVA Law’s tuition is watch Geis’s clips on You- his broad belly, and laughed. during the pandemic, but higher than any other pub- Tube. Or Themis. Or The “Tell ‘em…” he continued, UVA really showed they un- ity of reduc- lic law school on the plan- Great Courses. Man, that through puffs of smoke and derstand where we are, and ing tuition in et,” Kennedy noted. “Under guy sure is prolific.” a Cheshire grin, “tell ‘em the they really stepped up with light of the Law typical circumstances, this Not everyone in atten- school’s endowment isn’t re- this discount.” In a break of School’s limited is justified by the quality dance was in favor of a ally, actually, all that big, or social distancing protocols, services and remote learning of experience. Students at discount on tuition. Chief something.” dozens of students met the format for the fall semester. UVA Law receive instruc- Undersecretary for Stu- Giuliani’s dissenting voice board members as they came “Something had to be done,” tion and mentorship from dent Subjugation Barron A. was overwhelmed by the out of Slaughter Hall and said board member Karen G. teaching-focused professors Giuliani ’63 was seen roll- other board members, who hugged them. Tears flowed Rockefeller ’68. “Students who are at the top of their ing his eyes throughout the voted 12-1 to extend a life- freely, and board members had summer employment fields. They attend classes meeting. During a tearful line to students by reducing gave impromptu speeches to canceled or limited. Some in state-of-the-art facilities, reading of student testimo- tuition, on an emergency ba- the crowd about the weight were unable to return home. in a community of collegial nials about how the pandem- sis, by zero percent. This will of responsibility they felt Some had families sick, and and social students, in one ic has affected their finan- save students an estimated to rise to the occasion and some were sick themselves. of the most beautiful parts of cial circumstances, Giuliani $0.00 each, also cognizable support students. Barron The financial burdens have the country. This semester, audibly scoffed, and a tense as 0 Euros or 0 Albanian Giuliani was seen speeding been mounting, and we saw however, they will be attend- exchange ensued when other Lek. Students went wild with away in a silver Maybach, an opportunity to step up ing class through a webcam, board members asked him joy and gratitude on Twitter still laughing. and lighten those burdens.” probably from home. Their to take the proceedings se- in response to this unprec- The meeting lasted sev- access to the facilities will riously. Giuliani responded edented discount. @hoost- --- eral hours, with a number of be strictly limited, and so- curtly, “Nah.” Board mem- hatlawyerqt tweeted, “THIS [email protected] board members standing to cial events will be prohib- bers pressed him to elabo- is why I go to this school! express solidarity with the ited. We simply are not de- rate, and Giuliani took the students and Law School un- livering the product that was position that the school had der their stewardship. “This promised to them when they adequate “avenues of justifi- is—and will continue to be— matriculated, so we are hon- cation” for maintaining the the worst economic down- or-bound to reduce tuition same tuition or even raising turn since the Great Depres- accordingly.” it. sion… Or is it Recession? This received resounding “I dunno,” postulated Gi- One of those two bad ones!” cheers from the rest of the uliani, barely able to talk shouted Emeritus Dean Ar- board. Mr. Khan continued, through surging giggles. nold W. Khan ’81. “Our stu- “This isn’t to disparage the “Tell ‘em it’s actually more dents committed to an elite work of our administration, expensive to hold school on- education that would lead who have done a marvelous line than in person. Nobody them to prosperity in the job trying to deliver every- will believe it, it’s total non- market. We sold the school thing that is possible, safe, sense, but are they actually to them based in large part and merited given the cir- gonna do anything about it? on job prospects. If those cumstances. We certainly Ha! Please, tell ‘em that, it’ll have materially changed, do not want them pretend- be great.” we must change the amount ing things are normal, so Several board members they are paying.” neither should we. Charging were aghast at the suggestion One board member, $68,500 for UVA Law, On- and said they themselves Pictured: Board Members debate how much to discount fall semester tuition. Photo Courtesy of pixabay.com 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 26 August 2020 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVA Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court comprises four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to [email protected]

Students Learning in vide—we are bound to hold Argument at 2, Students III spend most of its brief scru- Person v. UVA Depart- that the district court abused Learning in Person v. In upholding sum- pulously avoiding any men- ment of Parking and its discretion in granting UVA Dep’t of Parking and mary judgment, the lower tion of the fact that students Transportation summary judgment for the Transp., 68 Parking 2d ___ court failed apply our re- are still being charged full 73 U.Va 1 (2020) students. (Parking 2020) (“Seriously? cent precedent in Entire tuition,3 slipped up briefly They’re still charging peo- Student Body v. School of and commented on the ques- Re, J., delivered the opin- I ple for permits? Obviously, Law. The Entire Student tion at issue. They argued ion of the Court, in which During the 2020-2021 we’re going to rule for you Body Court clearly held that that tuition should not be Tonseth, Wunderli, Querner, academic year, the price of guys, but please use your full the School can charge stu- reduced since in-person and Calamaro, Deskins, Berdan, annual parking permits in- time. It’s been so lonely. I dents for things it does not online classes both “offer the J., and Luk, C.J., join. same academic content and ability for students to earn Justice Re delivered the credit.”4 opinion of the Court. he issue is not whether In reaching its holding, the Court relied heavily on “well-meaning gestures” In these uncertain times,1 the previous case was performed by the School this case requires us to de- “T to hold that the School can cide whether the district still charge students full tu- court properly granted sum- correctly decided; the issue is ition. For example, the Court mary judgment for a group noted that the Dean’s Office of students suing the UVA sent out cards saying that Department of Parking and whether we want to re-read the they were “thinking of you Transportation (Depart- during these challenging ment) over a $3 to $5 per times” and that at least two month increase in the park- previous case. As a general rule, professors are still respond- ing permit fees. The students ing to emails and meeting argued that, since their abili- virtually with students to go ty to be on Grounds has been we do not. “ significantly restricted, this 3 See also every email from probably violated something the School since May. Return they learned in Contracts as creased $3 to $5 per month. never thought I’d miss all the provide. Students argued to Grounds: Information for 1Ls. While the situation is The Department claims that parking ticket disputes.”). that because the admissions UVA Law Students, Univ. of rapidly evolving,2 in light this increase is to “cover the We granted certiorari and literature touted the qual- Va. Sch. of L., https://www. of this Court’s recent deci- cost of reconfiguring parking now reverse. ity of student life at the Law law.virginia.edu/protected/ sion in Entire Student Body lots to ensure that each car School, which included “op- coronavirus-student/informa- v. School of Law, 72 U.Va. can be parked six feet away II portunities to attend events, tion-uva-law-students (last 29 (2020)—which, for rea- from other cars, in compli- First, we must assure make friends, and network” visited Aug. 24, 2020). sons passing understand- ance with new social dis- ourselves of jurisdiction. The as well as the quality of the ing, established that the Law tancing guidelines.” Brief Department argued that the academic experience, which 4 This sentence is not sat- School can charge students for Respondent at 27. The amount of the increase is too included “access to places ire. That’s what the Univer- for things it does not pro- class of Plaintiffs consists small to amount to an actual to study, opportunities go sity actually said. See FAQs for of students taking in-person harm. To this we reply: too to professors’ offices, in- Students, Univ. of Va., https:// 1 All written communica- classes. They argue, among small? As in, too petty? The person instruction, [blah, studentsonGrounds.virginia. tions must now begin with the other things, that because Department made a perfect- blah, blah],” full tuition was edu/faqs/students (last visited phrase, “In these uncertain many events on Grounds ly reasonable argument, but not appropriate. Brief for Aug. 24, 2020). [or unprecedented or trying] are canceled, there are fewer petty disputes are our entire Petitioners at 3, Entire Stu- times.” See, e.g., the emails in classes meeting on Grounds, docket. The threshold for dent Body, 72 U.Va. 22 No. COPA page 5 your inbox from every com- in-person classes will end actual harm in petty court 20-125. The School, which pany that has ever gotten your before Thanksgiving Break, is pretty generous. See, e.g., email address. and changing circumstances Bluebook v. 1Ls, 63 U.Va. may require self-isolation, it 164 (2010) (holding that Faculty Quotes 2 Written correspondence is unconscionable to charge the editors of the Bluebook also must include this phrase. the full amount, much less could sue a group of 1Ls who K. Kordana: “One of the A. Bamzai: “Did you find Phrases which notify the read- increase the fee. “negligently failed to itali- more annoying features of the readings confusing? Well, er that the “circumstances/ The district court granted cize the period after id. Or DC is the people you meet at bad news... this is basically the conditions” are “changing/de- summary judgment for the maybe they did italicize it? parties.” rest of the semester.” veloping” “quickly/on a daily students and the Court of We don’t know what the rule basis” are also acceptable. See Petty Parking Appeals af- is and refuse to look it up, A. Coughlin: “What M. Gilbert: “There’s a Your Inbox, supra note 1. firmed. Transcript of Oral but fine, they can sue.”). happens when you get your partisan debate in law school, lawyer? Your lawyer is going with one side saying ‘we to say ‘SHUT YOUR MOUTH’ NEVER use legislative history’ and hand you a nice business and the other side saying ‘we card that says ‘SHUT YOUR ALWAYS use it’ — it’s all a Virginia Law Weekly MOUTH.’” charade!”

COLOPHON M. Collins: “Traynor was Heard a good professor Christina Luk ’21 an absolute genius. Whether a quote? Email editor@law- Editor-in-Chief good genius or an evil genius, weekly.org we’ll have to wait for the end Kathryn Querner ‘22 of the semester to see.” Executive Editor Michael Schmid ‘21 Phil Tonseth ‘22 Jacob Jones ‘21 Managing Editor Production Editor Features Editor

Samuel Pickett ‘21 Will Palmer ‘21 Drew Calamaro ‘21 Columns Editor Special Projects Editor Satire Editor Kolleen Gladden ‘21 Raphael Cho ’21 Grace Tang ‘21 Photographer Cartoonist-in-Chief Foreign Correspondent Ben Stievater ‘22 Leah Deskins ‘21 Donna-Faye Imadi ‘22 Events Editor Professor Liaison Editor Current Events Editor Nate Wunderli ’22 Bill Re ’21 Amy Pan ‘22 Sports Editor Historian Lifestyle Editor Stanley Birch ’22 Marlyse Vieira ’22 Will McDermott ’22 News Editor New Media Editor Development Editor

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EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten signature along with an electronic version, or be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Sub- missions must be received by 12 p.m. Sunday before publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters and/or columns over 1200 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board reserves the right to edit all submissions for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published. Wednesday, 26 August 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 5 didn’t have to stay open to serve as PAs this year, and doubt prevent you from enjoy- COPA 24/7 the day before LRW HEAD PAs we are confident that PAs will ing your time here. There is continued from page 4 memos are due, but please continued from page 2 be creative in connecting with also no “right” way to be a law stop bringing it up.”). It does first-year students. student and get through law over exams. Entire Student not matter that it was a di- ing relationships with 1Ls and What changes are hop- school. Everyone learns, stud- Body, 72 U.Va. at 30. vided court.5 Because Entire helping others work through ing to make to the PA pro- ies, and strategizes differently. Moreover, the Court Student Body is controlling, obstacles. I loved the PA program this year? Bell: Stay connected with reached its holding in spite the Department is within its gram so much that applying Bell: The biggest change those non-law school friends! of the fact that the School authority to charge students to become a co-head PA was a we’re making this year is to At the end of a long study ses- implicitly acknowledged that for things not being provided no-brainer. the small section program. In sion, you’re going to want, and it does not only offer aca- as long as it has performed Bell: Like I said earlier, I the past, small sections were sometimes need, to decom- demic credit to its students. “well-meaning gestures.” worked in higher education for a way to make connections press and gossip with some- The record showed that the two years before law school. within a section. Every month, one about literally anything Administration rejected a *** In this role, I mentored and a PA would be paired with a other than law. If you get too proposal from Student Re- worked with undergraduate handful of 1Ls to work with. insulated in the Law School cords to redesign the admis- We remand this case for students in a variety of roles. While this allowed for plenty community, you might find sions brochure. Student Re- further proceedings to de- I know that coming to law of cross-section pairings, the you don’t have these people cords said, “Since the only termine whether the Depart- school was the right choice for frequent changing of small to reach out to. Personally, I real purpose of law school ment made the sort of “well- me, but since leaving that job, sections made it tough for 1Ls FaceTime a non-law school is to test whether students meaning gestures” which I felt like something was miss- and PAs to form solid connec- friend at least a few times a can navigate labyrinthine would satisfy the standard ing. Becoming a PA, and sub- tions. This year PAs will have week to talk about politics, requirements from our of- set by this Court in Entire sequently co-head PA, helped a handful of 1Ls assigned to pop culture, or just things go- fice, the admissions bro- Student Body. me fill that void and get back their small section for about ing on in our lives. Obviously, chure should just be an 8.5 x to doing something I’m pas- eight weeks at a time, instead you can find law school stu- 11 sheet of plain white paper It is so ordered. sionate about: mentoring oth- of only a month. dents with similar interests saying, ‘If you successfully ers. In selecting PAs for this that you can decompress with, figure out how to register for What have been some year, what qualities did but just knowing that the per- all the classes you need to --- challenges of adapting the you look for? And what son on the other end of the graduate, you will get a J.D.’ PA program to the Law role(s) do you see the PAs conversation isn’t going to try To figure out when applica- [email protected] School’s new COVID pro- serving for their 1Ls? to sneak in a law school joke is tions are due, complete the tocols? Goebel: When selecting stu- relaxing in and of itself. Some- following eighty-seven-step Goebel: Fortunately, we dents for the PA program, we times, you have to be able to scavenger hunt. Step one can have not needed to make dras- are never looking for a par- fully unplug. be found here [highlighted tic changes to the PA program ticular type of person. We screenshot].’” due to accessible video-call wanted to select a diverse Many thanks to Zac and Kat In this case, the students technology like FaceTime and group of individuals with dif- for sharing their thoughts on argued that Entire Student 5 A dissent joined by sev- Zoom. Rather than hosting in- ferent skill sets, qualities, and the PA program this year! The Body should be overturned. eral justices stated, “What person social events, we are backgrounds. In my mind, a transition to law school can But we are bound by stare de- the actual f***! Of course we encouraging PAs to connect successful PA devotes time to be challenging, but the advice cisis. This Court’s formula- shouldn’t be getting charged with their advisees virtually. their advisees, offers sound and mentorship of each PA tion of that doctrine is clear: full price! The same credit Online meetings and social advice when prompted, and serves to ease this transition The issue is not whether the is being offered?? Are you events will help keep everyone makes a genuine effort to con- for many 1L students. previous case was correctly f***ing kidding me?? That safe while enabling online- nect with their mentees. --- decided; the issue is whether wouldn’t pass even the most only students to connect to Do you have any advice [email protected] we want to re-read the pre- forgiving sniff-test for com- the UVA Law community from for the 1Ls? Kat’s Contact Info: vious case. As a general rule, plete and utter b***s**t!! Has afar. Also, PAs have always Goebel: To every 1L, you [email protected] we do not. 1Ls Writing LRW everyone completely lost their used texting, email, and phone are impressive and deserve to (412) 480-3503 Memos v. Library, 71 U.Va. f***ing minds?? I respectfully calls to speak with their 1Ls. be here at UVA Law! Impos- Zac’s Contact Info: 42 (2019) (“Yes, we know we dissent.” Entire Student Body, We chose a diverse and im- ter syndrome is very real, but [email protected] were wrong to say the library 72 U.Va. at 31. pressive group of individuals try not to let feelings of self- (412) 980-3312

We’ll be doing our flagship I’m from Silver Spring, Mary- especially want to help other one thing coming into law HOT events, including Women in land. I grew up in DC area, people of color because the in- school, what would it be? Public Service, Women in Big and I’ve lived all over the East dustry is not built for us and The advice that I got was to Law, and our Student-Faculty Coast—DC, New York, Boston. we need to forge a path. It’s not focus on my strengths and what BENCH Dinner Series, virtually this just about my career. There are I enjoy instead of on what ev- year. We’re planning to hold In addition to traveling so many people in the legal in- eryone else was doing and to do regular community building around the States, you’ve dustry pipeline. It’s important the best that I can do. I would events (organized by VLW’s also been around the to think about our collective fu- tell myself to try to do that. To VP, Donna Faye Imadi ’22) world. What are your fa- ture. develop strengths and invest and professional development vorite places? my time in projects that I’m events. The events will be on I would say Jamaica, Italy, Let’s do a lightning passionate about. Monday or Wednesday, and and Spain. Jamaica, because round! we’ll alternate each week so my mom is from there, and I Did you know in 1L that people with different sched- have a lot of great memories Favorite food? you wanted to get involved ules can participate. In a virtual with family there. Italy, because That’s a hard one. I’m a huge with VLW? Nicole Banton ’21 world, relationship building is I studied abroad there twice. foodie. Probably cheese, cheese Not at all. When I was starting key. VLW board members are on anything. Also, mediterra- law school, I didn’t even know President of Virginia Law I lived with a host family and very passionate about building loved them. Spain, same sce- nean food broadly and Jamai- that I was going to join VLW. Women community and making sure nario, stayed with a host family can food. Kendell Burchard ’19, Manal everyone stays connected. and really bonded with them. Cheema ’20, and Chelsea Scism Hi Nicole! Thanks for The Board hopes to expand They called me their American Favorite place in Charlot- ’19, and many more superwom- coming on the first Hot inclusion and allyship within daughter. tesville? en at UVA became my mentors. Bench of the year, where VLW. We’re gathering resourc- Again a hard one! I think the They were so invested in my we get to know people from es for VLW’s website, and we’ll So, when did you start BLSA office. success and development, and the UVA Law community. be doing a donation drive to thinking about law school? they gave me the support and How was your summer? support a non-profit that sup- I thought that I wanted to do Anti-Stress Hobby? the drive to get involved. They It was a fulfilling summer. ports women of color. We’re a PhD actually. But I considered My pets. I have a dog and a extended a hand and helped I volunteered for the Virginia also expanding VLW’s public the academic job market and cat who might be a miniature me up the ladder. I wasn’t even Poverty Law Center’s Eviction service programming, work- the opportunity cost. And also, panther, I don’t know. I adopt- going to run for Vice President, Helpline while social distancing on a spring public service I thought I would have more ed him from the SPCA, and my but women in the organization ing in May. Then I worked at event. Another great event in of an impact as an attorney. In family is not convinced he’s not reached out and really advo- Hogan Lovells for eight weeks the works is a virtual office hour my life, I’ve seen a lot of harms at least part panther. cated for me. Because of them, and returned to K&L Gates this with the Founder and CEO of fall through gaps in the law and I ended up running, and I was month. PracticePro, Niki Khoshzamir. how people suffer for it. I hoped Favorite word? surprised to win. PracticePro partners with top that, as an attorney, I could do Victory! That’s what my name What I’ve learned firsthand is Are you excited to begin law firms to offer coaching, re- something about that and help means. (Ancient Greek: Νίκη or that women in the organization your 3L year? cruiting, training for diverse more people by understanding Nike.) are genuinely here for each oth- I am so excited! This year is 1Ls. the law. er. We have members who are not what anyone pictured, but I am grateful for the women What’s one movie that passionate, creative, and talent- we’re all making the best of it. on VLW’s Executive Board, What kind of impact do left an impression on you? ed. I’ve already met many 1Ls I’ve been very happy to meet their creativity, and their en- you hope to have as a law- I watched Becoming this who are excited to get involved. 1Ls at the summer and orien- thusiasm! They are all hard- yer? summer for a virtual movie VLW’s first general body meet- tation events for Virginia Law working, conscientious, and I’ve been saying since 1L that night with my mom, and I just ing will be in mid-September, Women over Zoom. talented. I want to work at a firm, but I ...Michelle Obama is a badass. and new members can run for want to do as much pro bono as 1L representative positions. Yessss, as VLW Presi- Sounds like you have possible. I’m not sure how many Do you have a favorite dent, please give us the a great year planned for people I can help, but I hope to animal? --- scoop. What are some of VLW! Let’s back up a little help as many people as I can. Let’s go with dogs. Don’t tell [email protected] the organization’s plans bit and learn more about I want to work for survivors of my cat. for the year? you. Where are you from? domestic violence, which I was able to do a bit this summer. I If you could tell yourself 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 26 August 2020

Dicta Returns Cartoon By Raphael

The Virginia Law Weekly is pleased to announce that the column, a staple of the Law Weekly for many decades, will be returning to the paper. will featureDicta overviews of, musings about, and recent developments in Law School professors’ scholDicta- arship, as well as their views about current events and happenings in the law—all in 800 words or less. The Law Weekly is excited to reintroduce and hopes that it will provide an outlet for professors to share their research and thoughts with theDicta student body (and Law School community more broadly), a vehicle for students to learn more about the Law School’s faculty, and a way for students to gain exposure to interesting legal topics not already cov- ered in the Law School’s 1L civil procedure classes. Professors interested in submitting a piece are invited to contact the Professor Liaison Editor, Leah

Deskins ([email protected]). Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Mon Aug 24 18:17:58 2020 GMT. Enjoy! GMT. 2020 18:17:58 24 Aug Mon on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty ratingSUDOKU 0.52) VIRGINIA LAW REVIEW 4 8

8 1 6 3 MANAGING BOARD Editor-in-Chief 2 9 6 4 5 ARJUN P. OGALE Managing Editor 9 2 7 ERIN B. EDWARDS

Membership & Inclusion Editor Assistant Managing Editor Online Development Editor 1 4 JESSICA E. FEINBERG KAYLEN E. STRENCH KATHARINE M. JANES

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EDITORIAL BOARD Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Mon Aug 24 18:17:58 2020 GMT. Enjoy! IDA ABHARI CATHERINE L. GUERRIER J. MICHAEL PATTON Solution ELIZABETH C. ADLER MEAGHAN J. HALEY NICHOLAS D. PAVLIS

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ALLISON M. BURNS MATTHEW J. KINCAID ATIFAH SAFI EUNICE J. CHU CHLOE M. KNOX ANTHONY J. SANTIAGO 6 2 7 3 9 5 8 4 1

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