The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Whose American Dream? We take a trip to the Oscars and trample all over the red carpet E JONES BEN CUSU: The Oxbridge Gap the race begins Cambridge claims to accept 10% more maintained sector pupils than Oxford Rachel Divall CUSU FACES a “candidate accepted into Cambridge as undergraduates. drought” as the number of Raj Bavishi According to the Reporter, released on the same candidates standing in this day, of all UK based applicants who were admit- year's Executive elections is CAMBRIDGE'S OFFICIAL undergraduate admis- ted for entry in 2005 and deferred entry in 2006 the lowest on record. In the last sions statistics released on Tuesday by the (3029 people), only 53 percent came from the five years, numbers have never University Press Office indicate a much higher maintained sector as opposed to the 58.1 percent fallen below 22. But this year, intake from the maintained sector than compara- claimed in the press release. just 15 students are standing, tive figures at Oxford. Yet both the data released The maintained sector figure in the press release with only three positions by the University in its official press release, and is calculated by a straight comparision between contested and three as yet the extra figures requested by Varsity relating to students from maintained sector schools and without candidates. the Oxbridge comparison, fail to correlate with those from independent schools and completely Three students have put the highly detailed admissions statistics published ignores the “Other” students who make up a themselves forward for the in the Cambridge University Reporter on Tuesday. significant 8.8 percent of those accepted. “Other” CUSU Presidency: Mark The figures given to Varsity, for entry in 2005 students in the Reporter’s figures cover all home Ferguson, Nadia Khan and and deferred entry in 2006, show that 62.4 applicants who did not apply to Cambridge Dave Smith. Nominations were percent of all applications and 56 percent of all through a school or college in Britain. This also announced this week for admissions were from students from the main- includes all mature and home-schooled appli- the 13 other cross-campus tained sector. This is up from 60.6 and 55.6 cants. elected executive positions. All percent last year. A spokesperson for the University dismissed this candidates now have less than The Cambridge figures compare favourably to disparity as “standard practice”, and added, a week to campaign before those of Oxford, where only 46.5 percent of all “media outlets such as the Times Higher know facing a vote this Wednesday. applicants and 46.4 percent of those admitted what we mean”. When pushed further as to why All three positions without come from the maintained sector. This appears to “Other” students were ignored, and why the press contenders are welfare roles. show that there are almost 16 percent more release did not make this clear, the spokesperson This is despite each presidential students applying from maintained sector schools accused Varsity of not understanding the figures. candidate stressing at hustings at Cambridge than Oxford. But a spokesperson for the University that welfare is “the most Dr Geoff Parks, Director of of Oxford refuted this concept of important thing that CUSU do” Admissions for the “standard practice”, and said and comes just two weeks after Cambridge colleges said, “meaningful comparison CUSU Council voted to replace “the very high quality between universities is very the current CUSU Ents Officer and increasing diversity difficult because each position with a part-time of Cambridge’s student university has slighly differ- Mental Health Officer. Current body shows that the sole ent ways of calculating the CUSU President Laura Walsh criterion for admission is percentage of students told Varsity “It's very disap- academic ability. No one coming from the maintained pointing given that welfare is at should be deterred from sector. At Oxford, we include the heart of CUSU. There will applying here because of certain students in our figures have to be a by-election next misplaced fears that their back- which Cambridge do not and that could term, hopefully that will get ground will count against them, be it account for some of the discrepancy.” more people.” ‘advantaged’, ‘disadvantaged’ or somewhere in In response to questioning from Varsity a She admitted that CUSU's between.” spokesperson from Durham University said that recent and much publicised in- A spokesperson for Cambridge University said, although Durham don’t routinely issue pressure- fighting, which culminated last “we pretty much always get a higher number of leases on admissions, when they do they “use the month with a motion of no applicants from the maintained sector, but we’re same terminology as used by the Higher confidence against her, had not really into comparisons.” But she also noted Education Statistics Agency (HESA) in its probably put people off that “it does seem odd [that the figures were so Performance Indicators. This involves using the running. But, she insisted that different to Oxford’s] because we do work togeth- categories state, independent and other.” numbers were “not way below er on access initiatives”. Speaking to Varsity, CUSU President Laura average”. On further investigation these positive findings Walsh made clear her concerns about the ambigu- CUSU's perceived failings do not stand up to scrutiny, as Cambridge are ous statistics. “It is worrying that the University Who’ll be moving in? continue to fuel discussion at a selective in which figures they choose to include can use two different ways of calculating figures collegiate level. Emmanuel in their releases to the press. The statistics from over an issue as controversial as this. There is no Meet the candidates College JCR will hold a refer- which the press release percentages are drawn better time for the University to be open and endum this week on whether ignore as many as 8.8 percent of candidates transparent with its statistics.” >>page 2 to disaffiliate from CUSU. No. 636, 3rd March, 2006 www.varsity.co.uk

Gyp Room God A chequered path The Memory Machine >> Guess who’s coming to Edd Billig, the newly New technology that means you’ll never forget a face dinner? Nigel Slater, and crowned Su Doku Champion Rose Gray of the River Cafe, of the World, talks about the are among the famous food- tension, the training and the Dissonant Dissidence >> ies sharing their top tips for glory that comes with being Was Shostakovich a political revolutionary? the perfect dinner party in a Su Doku Grand Master. our Food and Drink special. Kind of. The fairest of them all >> pages 6 & 7 >> page 9 Lifestyle leads you into a dark fairytale world >> 2 Varsity News 03.03.06

Trinity student The Candidates has bail cancelled Sabbatical Officers: The 22 year-old Trinity Anyone for CUSU President? student arrested in connec- Academic Affairs tion with the January parcel David Ewings incident at the college has been released without charge. Candidates put under the spotlight Access

The student was initially MARLAND JAMIE Luke Pickering arrested on suspicion of possession of gamma hydrox- Varsity News Team President ybutyric acid (GHB), with Mark Ferguson intent to supply. Police now Nadia Khan believe the substance in the SHRUGGING OFF Varsity’s Dave Smith package, which burnt the observations regarding the hand of the college porter uninspiring presentation of Services handling it, was gamma buty- their manifestos, Dave Smith, Grey Baker rolactone (GBL), a legal Mark Ferguson and Nadia Ashley Aarons solvent chemically similar to Khan settled down to the task GBH. Nobody else has been of persuading us that behind Welfare and Graduates arrested in connection with the slapdash appearance lies No candidates the incident. diehard enthusiasm and mean- ingful policies that can impact Women’s on a diverse electorate of Harriet Boulding Not so ‘X-treme’ 18,000 students. RAG Jailbreak A common complaint Part-time Executive: Last week’s RAG Jailbreak expressed by the candidates in winners, who made it all the CUSU elections is that the Education way to Egypt, illustrated a three-minute guillotine at Jacob Head definite lack of ‘X-treme-ness’ hustings prevents the exten- in their adventure. Will sion of their pitches to Wednesday’s hustings (l-r): Mark Ferguson, Dave Smith, Nadia Khan, current President Laura Walsh Green Horwitz and Steph Hunter, potential voters beyond tired Aneaka Kellay both of Emmanuel College, sound bites. Varsity’s panel have happened on my watch”. motions in any detail. Each candidate was permit- ending up spending a mere interview was an attempt to The debate as to what CUSU Posed with the hypothetical ted to ask the other two the Higher Education Funding 45 minutes in the Land of the address this, and the candi- can and should do to improve situation of unsanctioned mili- question he or she would most Liana Wood Pharaohs, making it no dates proved themselves the lives of individual members tary UK involvement in an like to have posed should they Dan Swain further than the aeroplane willing to engage with each has often centred on the issue international conflict, the three have attended hustings as just steps. Hunter admitted “we other from the outset. of the politicisation of Council. gave very different answers as another CUSU member. Mental Health didn’t actually touch a foot Given the criticisms levelled When asked what it was that to how they would act should Perhaps the most challenging No candidates down on Egyptian soil”, at CUSU over the past two had earned student politics they be firmly against it. Khan was Khan’s question of how adding “[we] didn’t even see terms, Varsity first asked the such a bad name, the candi- replied that her “absolute prior- the President would ensure Target Campaigns any of the country from the candidates what had gone dates were divided. Smith ity” would be Cambridge what they talked about was Charlotte Richer plane” as the flight landed at wrong. Khan blamed a failure immediately replied “I don’t students, and that as such she actually put into action. 9:30 pm local time. in communications, “There’s think it has”, whilst Khan felt would be reluctant to take part Ferguson responded by saying Welfare Awareness been a real communication it was people who were “all in any demonstrations, where- he would engage in dialogue No candidates Prof to develop breakdown, not only within talk and no action”. Ferguson as Ferguson said he would want with colleges, and specifically the Exec, but between the Exec blamed “all of the problems” to attend any march in opposi- that he would get something Open Portfolio new light source and students, and JCR and on “a minority who politicise tion, but would ensure that it done about lighting. He went Fleur Brading - Culture A Cambridge professor has MCR Presidents. All the prob- our Union”. did not interfere with his work. so far as to say “we should be Jacob Bard-Rosenberg - recently submitted a £2 lems in the past year could Questioned as to what action Smith disagreed and said he hammering on the Mayor’s Democracy million research proposal on have been avoided if commu- they would take to prevent the would attend, and couldn’t see door every week”. Smith the use of gallium nitride, an nication had been better.” re-emergence of this frequent how taking half a day off would immediately enquired as to energy-efficient material Ferguson, already displaying a complaint, Ferguson assured “be of detriment to CUSU”. why Ferguson hadn’t attended Hustings Highlights capable of acting as a light campaign T-shirt, similarly Varsity that “CUSU would be When questioned about Student Question Time, which source. Professor Colin identified “a lack of visibility” squeaky clean under my pres- top-up fees, another long had in the past month been Friday 3 March Humphreys, Goldsmiths’ as the primary problem, stating idency”. He said he would not term issue, the candidates attended by the Mayor of Homerton Bar, 7pm Professor of Materials that “before we tackle anything seek to prevent political were again in disagreement. Cambridge and David Science, has led a research else, people have to know motions from being brought, Whilst Smith said he would Howarth MP, perhaps suspi- Sunday 5 March team for over five years, and we’re here and we can work but would oppose them should not allow himself to “sit back cious that Ferguson was CUSU e-hustings, 1-4pm is currently giving a series of for them”. Smith took issue they arise. Smith felt strongly and accept them”, proposing a making empty promises. Pembroke New Common lectures regarding the poten- with the notion that visibility that more action needed to be high-profile demonstration in It was encouraging that all Room, Foundress Court, 7pm tial use of the material in was the only matter at stake. taken, claiming his proposals Freshers’ Week of next year, three candidates were perfect- King’s, Chetwynd Room, 8pm Australia. He believes this ”is “It’s also about relevancy.We for reviewing Council motions both Khan and Ferguson felt ly willing to hold each other Selwyn Bar, 9pm the most important new need to stop putting up policies with the help of the Law the issue would be better accountable both for what semiconductor material which look to attack groups of Faculty would “draw a line dealt with on a national level they had said at hustings and Monday 6 March since silicon”. people and instead look to under the issue and encourage by the NUS. Ferguson in during the interview, thus Arts School, Room A, 12-2pm Gallium nitride is currently change things for individuals.” people not to bring such particular, resigned to the fact ensuring that none of them Emma, Queen’s Building, 7pm used in large displays, back He denied that CUSU had faced motions again”. But despite that top-up fees were a reali- could get away with the empty lighting in mobile phones any crisis in recent times, but Smith’s stance, he seemed ty, said “the real fight now rhetoric they might otherwise Tuesday 7 March and in traffic lights in some stated that “the Shadowing reluctant to discuss his previ- with the University is regard- have at hustings. Law Faculty, LG17, 12-2pm cities. The team will research Scheme problem would not ous voting history on political ing variable fees”. >> Editorial, page 13 Jesus, Forum Bar, 10pm the possibility of using it to develop a water purifier for

use in developing countries. BEN They hope to use solar cells JONES to power the gallium nitride >page 11 in a laser to kill water-borne bacteria. Other possibilities Mary include developing the mate- rial for use in household Bowers lighting, potentially saving billions of pounds and a is feeling significant amount of energy. really quite dangerous Listen

You can hear MARK FERGUSON NADIA KHAN DAVE SMITH Varsity on the - Argue to keep politics out of CUSU - Bring CUSU closer to students - Organise anti top-up fees demonstration - Ensure openness in rents negotiations - Reach out to graduate and mature students - Provide effective information about bursaries radio, on - Campaign for better lighting in Cambridge - Hold consultation events for all students - Ensure extensive CUSU consultation Mondays at - Address gender performance gap - Reform and revitalise access schemes - Commit to a referendum in Mich 2006 7pm - Increase participation in Access scheme - Ensure academic facilities for students - Stop arguments over relevance of motions CUR 1350 - Hold meetings at every college - Campaign against increased rent - Promise more ‘Green’ provision - Improve accountability within CUSU - Provide support for hardship - Strive for clarity and end in-fighting our policy

VARSITY IS DEDICATED TO BRINGING YOU The THE MOST RELEVANT AND INTRIGUING NEWS AS AND WHEN IT HAPPENS. Week in THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN OUR CONTENT ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBU- Weather TORS, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF VARSITY FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR PUBLICATIONS LIMITED. 03.03.06 News Varsity 3 Gutted: Christ’s room devastated by blaze • Fire-eating occupant claims “I didn’t notice anything wrong” BEN fin must be stored in JONES Jamie Munk approved containers and storage cabinets. According to Saperia, the paraffin, CHRIST’S STUDENTS looked stored in sealed metal on last Friday as a fire blazed containers, had been left through a third year’s room outside the room before the in the college's Third Court. fire started, and was not Edward Saperia, a involved in the blaze. Mathematician, was not in Christ's Natural Scientist his room at the time, but Mike Housden was hesitant estimates the damage at to speculate on the cause of around £500. the fire in his next-door Students on W staircase neighbour's room, but raised the alarm on spotting commented, “suffice it to say the fire, and the building was I'm not surprised”. swiftly evacuated. But one The damage in the room second year described how was fairly superficial. A set of the room was alight “for drums and a guitar both went about half an hour before the up in smoke, but Saperia did fire crew arrived”. Although not seem overly concerned the Fire Service was delayed about the fate of his lecture by an incident in Cottenham, notes. In addition to the fire fire fighters arrived in time damage though, all of his to stop the blaze spreading clothes are now covered in a from W9, Saperia's ground layer of ash. Although he has floor room, to other parts of been given a guest room by the building. college, he cannot rid himself First year Rob Palmer of the smell of smoke. “Every described how an excited Left: Edward Saperia juggling fire; Right: His room, W9, in Christ’s College, following the devastation caused by the flames time I wake up it’s like I’ve crowd watched on from smoked a pack of cigarettes”, Third Court as the fire crews wrong”. He only found out ash in onto the beanbag by which he founded last term. “the worst possible person he told Varsity. “No one has struggled to deal with the about the conflagration when accident” through the The troupe performed a [for this to happen to] was been very sympathetic”, he blaze. “It took a long while he was summoned back to window. But it has since successful choreographed act probably me”. added. “My tutor accused me to go down”, he said, esti- college at half past nine by been confirmed by college of fiery tricks at the Selwyn Christ’s Domestic Bursar of smelling of smoke – it’s mating that the room was telephone, the succinct CCTV footage that his Snowball last term. They are Geoffrey Payne told Varsity quite insensitive.” alight for about an hour message being “your room is window was closed at the hoping to build on this with “we were aware that he had Although the college has so between eight and nine on fire”. time of the fire. an appearance at the Girton other equipment in his room, far taken no disciplinary o’clock in the evening. Saperia was understand- His situation has been Spring Ball, and at some of but not that he was keeping action over the incident, Saperia had left the room ably keen to stress that he potentially compromised by the larger May balls at the paraffin in the College”, Saperia has been told to only forty-five minutes earli- was not responsible for the the revelation that he kept end of next term. adding “I was shocked to remove his Fire Troupe er, at around quarter past fire. “I can’t think of fire-breathing equipment, Although arguing “I’m discover that this was the equipment from the site. The seven, to attend the 56th anything that could have including two or three litres more responsible with fire case”. Under Control of paraffin, Payne confirmed, “is Inter-Varsity Folk Dance started the fire”, he told of paraffin, in his room. than most people”, Saperia Substances Hazardous to being stored securely in the Festival. At this point, he Varsity. He speculated, Saperia is President of the frankly admitted that, in Health (COSHH) regulations, College's flammable liquids said, “I didn’t notice anything “someone could have flicked Cambridge Fire Troupe, light of his particular hobby, flammable liquids like paraf- store pending its removal”. No more nuts at Trinity Hall Law dons fear for Magna Carta E JONES BEN The unanimous decision to machines is a small sacrifice Katie Craig withdraw nuts from the bar for the rest of us”. Amelia Worsley and JCR was reached after an Fee said that the problem anonymous statement from a was particularly acute as the THE TRINITY HALL student Trinity Hall undergraduate Trinity Hall bar is small and LEADING ACADEMICS from body has announced that suffering from a nut allergy often crowded, with the the Law Faculty at Cambridge nuts are no longer permitted was read out at the open result that people with nut University have voiced their to be consumed in its college meeting. The letter cited the allergies may not realise they concern that the new bar or JCR after concerns problems of living with the are at risk until they feel the Legislative and Regulatory were raised over the health condition, and stated that a symptoms of a reaction. Reform Bill will give the risk that they pose to nut nut-free JCR and bar would Admitting that she was Government power to “rewrite allergy sufferers. make those affected feel “unaware of any official almost any Act and, in some The ban on nuts was much safer. Nuts will still be mechanism to enforce the cases, enact new laws that at declared on February 21 served in the college hall. ban”, Fee added “the most present only Parliament can following MCR and JCR Speaking to Varsity, Fiona important thing is to raise make”. Their warning came consensus at a JCR open Fee emphasised “Trinity Hall awareness of nut allergies. If after the Bill received its meeting held on November has a well-deserved reputa- we do this successfully, most second reading in the 6. Trinity Hall Women's tion as a welcoming and people will want to respect a Commons on February 9. Officer, Fiona Fee, and caring college, and to exclude ban which was designed to Cabinet Office minister Jim Welfare Officer, Astrid a section of our college from promote the safety of Murphy MP argues that the John Spencer QC, Professor of Law at Cambridge Jenkinson, raised the issue of the bar and JCR seems very others.” Bill is intended to “make it a removal of nuts in regard unfortunate”. She added that Rachel Price, who has just quicker and easier to tackle ish jury trial; permit the Home would have in-built safe- to concerns voiced by college several students in the completed her tenure as JCR unnecessary or over-compli- Secretary to place citizens guards. “We will have statutory undergraduates, particularly college were affected by nut President, noted “the impact cated regulation” by cutting under house arrest; allow the consultation, we will not do from several students suffer- allergies and “taking nuts out of the ban for most people in through the “red tape” that Prime Minister to sack judges; anything that is highly contro- ing from nut allergies. of the bar and vending college isn’t major”, adding accompanies legislative reform rewrite the law on nationality versial, and the relevant select “overall, I think it’s a positive or new legislation. and immigration, and ‘reform’ committees of the House of E JONES BEN step”. But Professors of Law from Magna Carta (or what remains Commons will have a veto on The University has official Cambridge, headed by of it)”. every single proposal”, he said. guidelines for students Professor John Spencer QC, David Howarth, MP for Andrew Miller MP, deemed at risk of anaphylax- warned in a letter to the Times Cambridge and Reader in Law Chairman of the Regulatory is, the most severe form of last week that the enactment at Cambridge University, criti- Reform Committee, warned allergic reaction often trig- of the Bill as drafted “would, cised the lack of press attention “such an undertaking would gered by foods such as nuts in short, create a major shift the Bill has received. “Hardly not bind this Government's or fish. These involve the of power within the state, anyone has noticed,” he said, successors, unless limitations early identification of which in other countries “but British democracy is on the powers and enhance- students at risk of allergic would require an amendment sleepwalking into a sinister ments of parliamentary reaction, and making sure to the constitution; and one world of ministerial power”. controls were included in the that college staff, caterers in which the winner would Professor Spencer told Varsity Bill before it became an Act”. and first-aiders are informed be the executive, and the that he was shocked at the “Behind all this”, Professor of students’ conditions. loser Parliament”. “muted response, considering Spencer told Varsity, “are Blair’s A college nurse confirmed, The professors argued that if the huge importance of the political advisers worrying that “[we] are all aware of the the Bill were passed, ministers Bill”, and added, “it was deeply the Prime Minister can’t deliv- guidelines issued by the would have the power to dishonest of the government to er on his promises quickly University and are conscien- “create a new offence of incite- have done this without public enough before the next elec- tious in implementing them”, ment to religious hatred, consultation and debate”. tion. His reduced majority but added “ultimately it’s the punishable with two years’ But the Cabinet Office means it’s a bind to pass the Trinity Hall students enjoying their newly nut-free bar students’ responsibility”. imprisonment; curtail or abol- minister insisted that the Bill laws he would like to.” 4 Varsity News 03.03.06

On Campus Surveys arrive in face of CUSU opposition

urge all students to opt-out escaped being telephoned prospective students”. Head Union Elections Cambridge’s first Jo Trigg of the survey and resist all because, as Head explained, added, “it is over-simplistic urban talent show attempts to make them “The University has not been to the point of being mean- Nominations for election to participate”. able to pass on phone ingless”. Warwick Student the Union presidency have The Soul Tree played host FINALISTS ALL over the Laura Walsh, CUSU numbers or home contact Union does believe, howev- now closed. Those running to the university’s first University received the President, explained details as it simply does not er, that the NSS is “moving for President are Luke Pearce, urban talent show last National Student Survey “Cambridge University, like hold them”. in the right direction,” and Mike Morley and Charles night. Competing acts (NSS) in the post this week, every other University in the But whilst Warwick told Varsity that “we think Kaye. Nominations for Senior displayed an array of talent despite CUSU’s resolve to country, is required by the Student Union had “emailed we will probably join next Officer, Entertainments from rapping and singing to boycott it. Jacob Head, CUSU Government to comply with every student explaining year”. Officer and Treasurer have dancing. Richard Education Officer, stressed the survey. This means how to opt out and why they Despite objections from its also closed. Hustings are at Blackwood, Choice FM that “CUSU would strongly giving the contact details of might want to”, Head added Student Association, a 5pm on Monday in the radio presenter, hosted the all their finalists. CUSU, as “CUSU doesn't have an e- University of St Andrews Union’s Main Chamber. event. Fresher Amifa with all Student Unions, mail list of all of its members, spokesperson concluded, Voting will take place on Tholley co-ordinated the VISHI cannot do anything to stop so it was impossible for us to “we believe that we are Tuesday and the result will be show with the help of people receiving the survey. contact all finalists directly”. better placed to lobby for

RAJ BA announced in the Union bar CUSU Ents Manager, Nikhil The only thing CUSU can do The NSS, a national initia- change in the survey by in the early hours of Shah, after being rejected is to fail to promote it with tive to accumulate feedback being a part of it, rather than Wednesday morning. for an audition because the hope that it will get less from university finalists remaining outside it”. they did not have space for than 50 percent response about their course, is intend- But CUSU remains defiant Cam scientists win an RnB act. Some proceeds rate, so that Cambridge ed to help future students that the boycott will contin- fusion award from the event will go to won't be included in the choose which institutions to ue until changes to the the Karen Hilltribes Trust, results. The best thing for apply to. The survey asks a survey are made. Laura Two Cambridge scientists which works with the students to do is to ignore it.” series of questions about the Walsh said, “What CUSU has have received an award for Karen people of North- Head believes that the way quality of teaching, feed- been doing is working their work on fusion energy. West Thailand. in which the organisers, back, organisation, learning nationally to try and change Bill Nutall, of the Judge independent market resources and personal the survey to make it more Business School and the University windfall research agency Ipsos MORI, development, and is support- appropriate for Cambridge. Department of Engineering, contacted students was “a ed by the National Union of CUSU has been fundamental and Dr Bartek Glowacki, Cambridge University is set gross and unacceptable inva- Students. Results will be in bringing the issue to the Department of Materials to receive the biggest sion of privacy”. published on the Teaching top of the agenda of the Science and Metallurgy, were research grant of any The University of Warwick Quality Information (TQI) Aldwych Group, which had recognised at the East of university in the country. Student Union has also website in the summer. made a statement demand- England Energy Group’s third The Higher Education boycotted the survey on But both Warwick and ing change to the survey. We Annual Innovation Awards. Funding Council for these grounds. Kat Stark, Cambridge Student Unions are sending text to the NUS Fusion energy is the holy grail England (HEFCE) Warwick Student Union expressed dissatisfaction conference requesting of nuclear researchers. It is announced yesterday that President, described the with the questions being action. HEFCE are well created by atomically Cambridge is to receive a harassment of students, asked. Stark said that despite aware of our concerns and combining two hydrogen research grant of £99.9m which involved contacting supporting the premise, she hopefully in the future we isotopes at extremely high for the 2006-7 academic people first by e-mail and believed that the current can move to a position temperatures. The scientists year, compared to £92.4m The NSS in pigeon holes post, and then via telephone. NSS was not worthwhile, where Cambridge can take have come up with a ‘fusion last year. The second largest Cambridge students and “would not be useful to part in the NSS.” island’, where fusion heat is grant is being awarded to used to split sea water into Oxford, with £98m. HEFCE hydrogen and oxygen. announced that the money Creating clean fusion energy will be targeted at widening LBGT campaigners challenge blood ban could be a way of tackling access to students from environmental challenges. poor areas. argues that this “perpetuates against gay and bisexual men such men. The NBS, therefore, Rebecca Greig the myth that HIV/AIDS is a since individuals are punished has to regard all gay men, gay disease”. for judgements made about whether monogamous or not, Jordan Holland, CUSU the gay community as a as constituting a single group. CUSU LBGT activists have LBGT President, added “at a whole”. It is this single group that is Cross Campus been spurred into action by a time when blood stocks are In response, the NBS issued most at risk of transmitting nation-wide campaign against low it seems stupid for the NBS a report in June 2004, stating infections such as HIV and the National Blood Service not to re-evaluate a policy “the conditions under which Hepatitis B, and this continues Designer plaster forums and debates, the JCR (NBS) for prohibiting gay and which is both behind the times the NBS collects blood do not the justification for the current casts voted last Thursday. In order bisexual men from donating and inherently homophobic”. enable staff to gain detailed rule.” for the college to go mixed, blood. The CUSU LBGT executive is insights into the lifestyle of >>Opinion, page 11

Oxford MBA student Jennifer two-thirds of the Governing Gay rights campaigners have encouraging all eligible donors JONES BEN Segal this week won £5000 for Body will have to vote for the pointed out that people who to give blood in lieu of all the her plans to launch Medical change in its status. “who have a higher risk of gay and bisexual men who Style, a project to design, carrying a blood-borne infec- cannot. In addition, a petition manufacture and market Edinburgh plans tion, because of their lifestyle, urging the NBS to review its designer cast covers and slings. animal welfare medical or travel history” are policy has been started. Segal believes that there is a research centre asked by the NBS to wait for This action follows the NUS market for cast covers and 12 months before giving blood. LGB campaign targeting the slings which fit in with the Edinburgh University is plan- Whereas, donations from men NBS and raising national wearer’s wardrobe. She ning to build a £47m research who have had sex with men at awareness of the issue. In a intends to use the prize- centre that will focus on any time in their lives are not statement they declared “This money to commission a animal welfare and diseases deferred, but permanently year the campaign is targeting prototype. transmitted between animals banned. Josh Black, CUSU the policy of the NBS which and humans. The university is LBGT Campaigns Officer, we believe discriminates Students are encouraged to give blood at King’s Students ‘ignored’ investing £12m in the fire warning Edinburgh Bioscience Research Centre, which will Students at Bournemouth be part of its veterinary school Student mugged only metres from college

University have been criticised and will be built on a site in JONES BEN after failing to evacuate their Midlothian. The proposals are able to take the registration we all remain extremely rooms when a fire broke out. in the early stages and still Gabriel Byng number. vigilant with regard to our Crews were called to an need backing from the Office Daniel Trocmé-Latter personal security, especially accommodation block on of Science and Technology. described how he “heard after dark. We strongly Monday night after the blaze A SELWYN COLLEGE fresh- screams from Sidgwick advise all students to avoid broke out in a third floor flat. Students demand er was pushed to the ground Avenue”. He ran across walking back from the A fire spokesman said the oper- MPs keep fees cap and kicked in the head and Selwyn's Old Court to see centre of town unaccompa- ation was hindered by students knee during a violent the man get into a car and nied.” He added, “this remaining in their rooms NUS have demanded that MPs mugging on Sidgwick drive off. He informed the incident illustrates once despite hearing the alarm. A block a removal of the £3000 Avenue on Sunday. porters, who called the again that we cannot regard university spokesperson said cap on university fees amid The assault took place at police immediately. the Sidgwick Avenue, that evacuation procedures concerns that students are around 9.45pm, outside Dr Michael Tilby, Grange Road, West Road were carried out successfully. being priced out of study. Kat Selwyn College. The Selwyn’s Senior Tutor, area as safe”. Fletcher, NUS President, said victim's backpack, contain- described the incident as “a About 16 percent of Oxford Hilda’s that variable fees were deter- ing a wallet, was stolen. gratuitously brutal attack”, Cambridge’s crime is violent students vote to go ring students from applying to A Cambridgeshire Police and is “very thankful that but the police force is the mixed university, and claimed that if spokesperson said “it is the victim did not suffer best-performing force in the the cap were lifted and always a matter of serious more serious injury”. country for reducing violent Students at Oxford students were faced with fees concern when students are The victim, who is recov- crime. University’s St Hilda’s College of tens of thousands of pounds, apparently attacked in such ering, praised the support of A police spokesperson have voted to end the college’s applications would further a vicious way”. As yet, no college staff but voiced added, “We are appealing girls-only status. 77 percent of decrease. Bill Rammell, Higher one has been arrested in concern over students’ secu- for witnesses and informa- those who voted wanted the Education Minister, said there connection with the attack. rity, saying that it is not safe tion. If anybody saw anyone SCR to go mixed and 55 would be no change until a As the attacker made his to walk alone at night. acting suspiciously in the percent wanted the JCR to go review had assessed the effects getaway in a white car, In an e-mail to students, area, please get in touch on mixed. After a number of of the new funding. another Selwyn student was Dr Tilby said, “It is vital that 0845 456 4564”. Sidgwick Avenue last night 03.03.06 News Varsity 5 Oxford lab debate intensifies

activists planned massive Cambridge lab remains valid, disruption to Cambridge. giving University authorities the GOSDEN

Y Broughton said there was “no option of changing their mind

EMIL campaign of violence or intimi- and choosing to proceed. dation”. Broughton said that if Despite Deputy Prime Cambridge did re-consider its Minister, John Prescott, step- plans for a lab, SPEAK would be ping in to grant planning compelled to take action. permission to build the lab, But a Cambridge University Cambridge shelved their plans spokesperson confirmed that in January 2004, citing financial there were “no plans to resur- considerations as the reason for rect” proposals for the lab, weekdays their decision. Initially predict- adding that the University has ed to cost £24m, the figure had invested money in refurbishing risen to £32m, an increase existing agricultural buildings. DR ANTHONY which the University blamed on Broughton said that SPEAK will RUSSELL inflation but admitted that continue to hold frequent THE (REAL) BISHOP OF ELY increased security costs had demonstrations against the contributed. proposed lab in Oxford, adding At the time, a University “we will not go away”. spokesperson said the decision Oxford University stressed was made regardless of protes- that their commitment to Sunday tors but conceded that extreme the building and the benefits Confirmation in one of our groups had made more impact that will come of the parish churches. They are by violent protest than debate. research conducted there amongst the most Planning permission for a remain “strong”. encouraging services which Pro-laboratory protestors march through the streets of Oxford last Saturday afternoon bishops are called on to perform. Meeting the ratory in 2004, Laurie Pycroft, favour of the lab’s construction, The protests: Key profiles candidates beforehand and Rachel Cooper organiser of the Pro-Test march, with only seven percent against watching them make the said that “Oxford should stand it. But Mel Broughton, a Laurie Pycroft, Pro-Test symbolic journey to the front firm”. He described Cambridge’s founder member of SPEAK, Pycroft, 16, founded Pro-Test four of the church to receive the THE LEADER of Saturday’s Pro- decision as a “sad day for questioned the success of Pro- weeks ago after witnessing an anti- promise “God has called you Test march in Oxford told science” and stressed that “if Test’s demonstration, saying vivisection demonstration in by name, and made you his Varsity he hopes to organise a enough people stand up, there were “only 400 or 500 ANDREW HEATH Oxford. Since forming Pro-Test, he own” gives you a very march in Cambridge, as debate science will win”. people there”. has received hate mail and death different picture of the state over the construction of a Support for the new labora- Tom Holder, a second-year threats but is determined to contin- of the Church from that biomedical research centre in tory in Oxford has been student described how protests ue. Protestors have responded with offered by the media. Oxford intensifies. Scenes are marshalled by 16 year-old “create a threatening and vitriol to Pycroft's actions but he reminiscent of those in Pycroft, who established Pro- uncomfortable atmosphere”. dismissed their opinions as “amus- Tuesday Cambridge in 2003, when Test four weeks ago. Pycroft, A third-year Cambridge ing,” saying it was more important Licence the new Chaplain to animal rights campaigners who has a keen interest in student described similar scenes to “engage in reasoned debate”. the University at Great St forced the University to axe science and wants to be a in Cambridge three years ago Mary’s. This is one of the plans for a primate research neurosurgeon, said “ideally, we when “the town centre was significant occasions where laboratory. would get rid of [vivisection] often filled with animal rights Mel Broughton, SPEAK the Diocese and the Protesters from both sides of but at the moment, there is no protesters and they certainly Broughton, 46, founded SPEAC in University meet in a common the animal testing debate met replica. Until then, it’s essen- made their presence felt GOSDEN enterprise. The new priest has Y 2002, challenging Cambridge’s on the streets of Oxford, as tial”. Speaking to Varsity, Pycroft throughout my first year. I was plans for a primate research lab. been a naval chaplain and is hundreds of people marched in said that he was “elated” by the supervised at Clare and would EMIL Involved in protesting for over 25 not unaccustomed to entering support of animal testing at the protest’s support, adding he almost always encounter them years, Broughton has served a jail Afghanistan and Iraq by University’s new £18m research only expected “200 to 250 chanting on my way there.” sentence for his actions. Stating helicopter. Cambridge should centre, whilst anti-vivisection- people to turn up but there SPEAC (Stop Primate that he is “shocked by the sheer hold no terrors for him. ists, SPEAK held a rival rally at were about 1000 people there”. Experiments At Cambridge), scale of suffering” involved in vivi- the nearby Cornmarket. A recent poll by Oxford the precursor to SPEAK, was section, Broughton says that he is Wednesday Whilst the University of University student newspaper, established four years ago to not “anti-science” but believes Ash Wednesday. I attend the Cambridge was forced to axe Cherwell, revealed that 85 challenge the Cambridge labo- there needs to be a “shift in think- 8 am Eucharist in Ely plans for an animal testing labo- percent of students are in ratory proposals. At the time, ing about medical research”. Cathedral, and assist in tracing a cross in ash on the foreheads of the congregation – the sign of repentance at the beginning of this penitential season of Lent Council to put infra-red cameras in Cambridge parks which prepares us to celebrate Easter. Officer said “I am pleased that rather than normal CCTV warned that such lighting may Tewodros Sile the council are taking steps to cameras, are required. “The end up doing more harm than Thursday allay student fears over safety, police had warned normal good, adding “experts say that Depart for Launde Abbey in though this does not negate the cameras were not suitable due strong lighting causes dark Leicestershire with my Senior CAMBRIDGESHIRE CITY need for better lighting on to the lack of lighting at both patches to be even more JAMIE MARLAND Staff and our sixteen rural Council announced plans last Parker’s Piece and other open sites, so these cameras are dangerous than they are at deans for a residential Thursday to install four infra- areas such as Jesus Green.” ideal”, he added. present and give a false sense meeting, the first one of its red CCTV cameras on both Speaking to Varsity, CUSU Dixon, who represents of security.” He argued that the kind. These modern-day Christ’s and Parker’s Pieces, in President Laura Walsh added Market Ward, believes that new cameras will “act as a holders of an ancient office response to a series of violent “it seems bizarre - how will an although the cameras are deterrent” for criminals. perform a vital role in co- attacks in the last three weeks. infra-red camera make anyone expensive, they are “money On February 11, an 18 year- ordinating parishes, clergy But numerous demands for feel physically safer? It’s like well spent”. old was hit in the head with a and people in particular the installation of regular light- putting an ambulance at the In response to questions as machete on Parker’s Piece geographical areas in the ing spearheaded by CUSU, have bottom of a cliff!” to why street lighting and following a fight, and last week, Diocese. On this occasion, we not been met. Vicki Mann, According to Councillor normal CCTV cameras would a 42 year-old man was stabbed talk about their joys and CUSU Welfare and Graduate Mike Dixon, infra-red cameras, not be installed instead, Dixon on Christ’s Pieces. CUSU’s lighting campaign sorrows and their hopes for the life of the Church in the various parts of the Diocese. at the smell of democracy in the idea of a chain of bodily Cambridge is working up a copal eyes to somewhat the morning. It is a great fluids connecting outgoing to sweat. Proud to call himself “a resemble a lipglossed Daniella Friday tradition of this institution incoming (no pun intended) democrat, a republican and a sent in to the lions’ den. The Yesterday’s discussion that whenever a vote of vital presidents is, to put it bluntly, socialist” whilst having infa- poised and refined young continues, prefaced by an importance is tied, the the vilest of the vile. mously demonstrated a rather pretender is armed with little opportunity to walk in the “Visitor” should be given the Furthermore, we can exclu- undemocratic disregard for the more than an overreliance on beautiful, undulating deciding vote. So here goes: sively reveal that seemingly beauty sleep of his ex-girl- New Labour buzzwords and surroundings of the Abbey. It we first believe that a CUSU vital documentation pertaining friend’s neighbours, this forum an A-list-style PA who looks proves to have been a most president should be able to to rent issues obtained by the fan needs to sort out his like a copy-and-paste job and constructive time, both for finish his… sentences. Incummer Apparent simply incomprehensible facial hair sticks to her like they share a strategic thinking and for Imagine the chaos in impor- fell into his foul lap in one of before thinking to opine on liver. Time will tell whether enjoying conversations with tant constitutional meetings if those moments of personal the affairs of others. The two she’ll be able to sock it to the people who normally have An election special the greasy hack (well-known serendipity that make even furry caterpillars which curl simian scrappers at her side. little time for more than to readers of Cambridge’s dedicated men of God doubt around his jaw surely cannot For now, all the Bishop can quick telephone calls and from your man in second favourite newspaper) the existence of a benign be classified among God’s do is urge you to go out and formal evening meetings. the pulpit were elected. How on earth deity. creatures. exercise your democratic Home in time to prepare for any important business could As for the other candidates, The mysterious third rights in the name of Our School Confirmations in the Yes, it’s election time again in be transacted… without the lovers of clean locks will find entrant in this race towards Lady Laura. Bear in mind Cathedral and at the Leys this august university, and ability… to complete no solace in the red corner, the pearly gates of the new these words of wisdom or risk School on Saturday and how the Episcopal juices flow sentences… not only this, but where the angriest oil slick in CUSU building seems to epis- unleashing the hounds of hell. Sunday. 6 Varsity Features 03.03.06

OLAF HENRICSON- BELL’s recipe for the perfect dinner party

Preparation Time: 4 years Cooking Time: 4 hours Serves: Your ego / car eer FORGET 4-16 ‘friends’ Of which: 2 r eal friends Min. 2 times singletons Min. 2 people you don’t like but want something fr om Exactly 1 argumentative type 1 white tablecloth 1 novelty table decoration 4 pre-prepar ed conversational topics Fergus FORMAL 1. When pr eparing for your dinner party you need to spend time making some ‘real’ friends. They JACKSON BOXER has Sunday lunch with FERGUS HENDERSON will pr ovide your base, and your casual intimacy with them will trick ’ve woken up with a disorientating nib like an Ealing Comedy policeman recall a friend mentioning that new acquisition, a paellera that looks your other guests into thinking you hangover, to phone Fergus that I realise I’ve crashed the Cambridge’s Architecture Department about a metre wide. “Next time I’m are worth knowing. Arrange for IHenderson to arrange a possible Henderson family Saturday lunch. took its first year undergraduates going to try it with snails.” them to come round half an hour meeting this afternoon. The table around me is being laid for there during a tour of important Sat next to me is Sarah Herriot, a before everyone else so you can I first went to St. John, his world- twenty. buildings in the area. jewellery designer with a studio get them a bit pissed, and so that famous restaurant in Smithfield, “We’ll do some now, and pause Fergus finds this amusing, stressing nearby in Clerkenwell, who tells me your house seems like a warm around the time of my sixteenth when it gets too jolly”, he suggests. We that the only architectural feature he she comes by most days. “It’s a haven of conversation when the birthday. With my first taste of roast chat about the early stages of his takes credit for are the lights. His wonderful thing. Margot cooks up this real tar gets arrive. bone marrow with parsley salad was career. The increase in recognition has restraint has kept the space pure, beautiful food, and you can sit and eat born my enduring love of meat, nose brought with it a steady increase in letting the beauty of the building, with whatever’s on the menu that day for 2. Make sur e to stir the various to tail. I’ve returned at every opportu- published interviews, many of which its tall chimneys and windows set high not much more than a fiver. A couple groups together at the start, and nity to St. John, and its younger sister, have - naturally enough - touched on in the ceiling, command centre stage. of days ago we had fantastic guinea seat the two singletons opposite St. John Bread & Wine, and gloried in his first restaurant experiences. But This seems appropriate: Fergus’ fowl with roast potatoes. Don’t tell each other; dinner will be much new discoveries of chitterlings, sweet- with this celebrity has come a kind of food has never concerned itself with anyone, though, or she’ll put the more enjoyable if the noisette breads and tripe, not to mention Woodstock syndrome, whereby more fussy presentation. Far from simple, prices up.” Well I’m telling you. Go. leads to nooie. previously unknown vegetables like and more people seem to remember this in fact makes the kitchen’s job It’s at the Rochelle School on the sprout tops and dandelions. visiting The Globe. One writer harder: the ingredients have nothing South East corner of Arnold Circus, off 3. If things start off slowly you can So it is with particularly unsteady compared it to “seeing the Sex Pistols to hide behind. Shoreditch High Street: nearest tube a use your novelty table decoration hands that I dial his number. “Hello play the 100 Club in 1976”. He talks about his food with great toss up between Liverpool Street and to spark formulaic conversation. there!” he answers cheerfully, and fondness. I tell him about coming to Old Street. Buzz the Canteen/Nose to You should use a delicate glass promptly invites me to join him at his celebrate my eighteenth birthday, and Tail intercom around lunchtime, and candlestick fr om Sweden, or, if wife Margot’s new kitchen for lunch. getting the last squirrel of the evening. prepare yourself for a great treat. your guests are socially conscious, It was towards the end of his archi- It came perfectly roasted, on a plate We finish the interview over something from Africa: a wooden tectural training that he worked in his “ next to a large slice of toast, spread cognac. “‘Simplicity’ is a word I’m not zebra will do. first kitchen on Mercer Street with THE SQUIRREL with a pâté made from the animal’s totally comfortable with,” reflects some friends, setting up a Sunday offal. Fegus. “Neither is ‘rustic’. I don’t think 4. Remember the white tablecloth; supper club for around two hundred CAME PERFECTLY “Yes,” he says, “but there’s another our food is necessarily simple - just white is right. You should overfill people for a few weeks before events ROASTED, ON A part which you’ve forgotten. We cook common sense.” clumsy Cassandra’s glass with r ed conspired to shut them down. it with mushrooms, and serve it up And the unfussed style? “It’s just wine. She will spill it, feel guilty Coming from a town in which the PLATE NEXT TO A with a bit of green. I like the poetry straight-forwardness, getting the eater and buy you things. student population is barred from of keeping the animal in the forest. directly involved in the eating.” This is holding any part-time employment, LARGE SLICE OF And it’s delicious meat.” This is a fine an idea we both warm to, discussing 5. As things start to settle down I’m impressed by this industriousness. TOAST, SPREAD example of the ‘Nose to Tail’ ethos, the the pornographic approach to food in during the main course, add a “I think it probably hindered my stud- idea that it’s both wasteful and disin- Britain today. Fergus doesn’t have a touch of spice to proceedings by ies,” he admits, “but by that point I WITH A PÂTÉ genuous to kill an animal just for the television, but I describe Marks & goading the argumentative guest was starting to notice lots of my build- fillet, and a missed opportunity to Spencer’s current campaign, with the with some pet hate (Tony Blair will ings seemed to end up like recipes MADE FROM THE sample some great treats. female narrator describing seductively do). He will become embarrassing - anyway.” ANIMAL’S OFFAL We talk about the seasonality of his why their food is so much better than ly angry, and this will not only He then worked at The Globe in menu, which he lets “nature write, any other, accompanied by slow- provide conversation, but also Notting Hill, before opening The almost”. Though the end of season is motion shots of champagne corks foster a sense of community French House Dining Room in 1992 approaching for game, the close brings popping and cream oozing over amongst everyone else; “Thank with Margot, herself an acclaimed with it the promise of more rabbits, peaches. Fergus isn’t impressed. god we aren’ t that crazy”, they will chef. This was followed by their ”Fergus is typically modest in hares, and, of course, squirrels, which “People see these things and think think to themselves. marriage a year later and the opening response, saying it occasionally makes need to be culled at this time of year. that they’ve done it, but they haven’t. of St. John in 1994. him feel “a little giddy”, but it doesn’t Always something exciting to eat, Just like pornography. It’s a vicarious 6. Always be ready with conversa - Last year he was honoured with concern him. But what about something else approaching. thrill, leaving you only half satisfied.” tions you have pr epared earlier . both an MBE and St. John’s place- America, where he is now, by his own It’s time for lunch. And what a jolly And that’s exactly the opposite of That way when Dave, the account - ment at number ten in Restaurant’s list bashful admission “quite hot”? “That’s lunch it is: huge plates of dark paella, what Fergus does, eschewing the ant, says something a bit, you of the 50 best in the world. mostly Anthony [Bourdain, New York steaming with the smell of saffron, pouting garnish, the cosmetic false- know, racist, you can put things Now here I am, wandering around food writer and chef], who wrote sweetened by peppers and broad ness of ersatz unseasonal fare in back on track. Ideally you want Shoreditch looking for him. But boy about the food after he came to the beans, warmed by chorizo, and favour of the warm sexiness of nature, something with surface substance is he worth finding, standing in the restaurant.” completed by generous pieces of offal and all. And how deeply satis- but internal fluff so you guests will beautiful canteen at the Rochelle Indeed, Bourdain wrote that rabbit. This, Margot tells fying that is. feel clever; if in doubt go with School on Arnold Circus. The main Fergus’ food would be his “always and me, is the first time she’s whatever happens to be floating building has been converted into forever choice for Death Row Meal”. used her through the White Cube at the studio space, housing an impressive Perhaps through the marriage of time. clutch of successful fashion designers, his enthusiasm for food and love artists and photographers, while the of hyperbole (He once signed a 7. Make sur e to bring the party of f curiously large old games hut has book “To Jackson, COOK FREE wine with meat: the boil at the right time. been transformed; one half is now a OR DIE!” for me, under a draw- ‘ Remember that most of these gleaming kitchen, the other is taken ing of a dripping kitchen knife) he A Bluffers Guide from Cambridge Wine Merchants people aren’ t your ‘real’ friends up by a long table next to a glass wall put Fergus and St. John on and you should ther efore be sur e looking out over the old playground. America’s culinary map. The best meatbodied reds and are acidic generally with wines funky that flavours are hard and work dusty on their tannin own; to cut full- the fat. to get rid of them before you get On the table sits a bottle of champagne The original restaurant is often :£ 7.25 drunk and overly confessional. and somewhere not far away I can remarked upon for Above all, guard against sub-textu - hear the quiet bubbling of something the beauty of its Messapicus Primitivo di Manduria al ar guments with your partner; Cambridge Wine Merchants A massive, chunky red from the hot south of Italy. rich, dark and meaty. I almost collapse building; the bar Smells of Turkish delight. A perfect match for spicy meat dishes. £9.95 you are never as subtle as you in gratitude. He is supremely sympa- and bakery are have branches on Kings Rasteau 2003 Perrin: think you are and people will think thetic to my unprofessional condition, in an old Parade, Bridge Street and you are socially or psychologically suggesting that we sit and “let the smokehouse, Mill Road.They offer a student discount for cash, ‘ Dark, dusty and bloody, this near-neighbour to Chateauneuf-du-Pape defective. champagne do its job” before getting the dining which you can double-or- is perfect for rare meat and especially loves woody herbs like rosemary. on to the interview proper. room and quits with a trivial £ So there we sit, watching his kitchen set pursuit question.Thanks £ daughter play football outside and on a to Brett Turner. Ventisquero Shiraz, Chile: 4.99, down from 5.99 snacking on a deliciously rough pâté slightly Youll enjoy lthis ones juicy red fruit with fresh mint and euclyptus flavours. spread on toast. It is only as I open my higher Just the wine for spring lamb. notebook, find my pen and lick the level next door.I 03.03.06 Features Varsity 7 (let’s do LUCY MINYO Top Foodies’ Top Tips: dinner) The Dinner Party QUENTIN JONES talks to ROSE GRAY, co-founder and chef of the Jay Rayner, Restaurant Critic for main course followed by cheese I River Café and author of the award-winning Easy cookbook series the Observer: can see everyone desperately The problem with dinner parties is looking round for something sweet. One of my first memories of Rose What are your desert island this: too much cooking. Usually by Gray is from when I was eight. She ingredients? people who haven't got a clue Lynn Barber, Interviewer for the taught me to remove the centre of the Extra virgin olive oil, garlic, what they're doing. Worse still, by Observer: garlic to stop it from tasting bitter. lemons. people who haven't a clue what I'm the last person in the world to As a child I found her an inspiring they're doing but think they do. ask about dinner parties - I HATE woman, and spent hours in the Having spent your whole They confit sausages. They roast them, both giving and going. My kitchen with her learning how to day in the restaurant, do lettuce. They try to be inventive biggest bugbear is people who cook. But it’s not only me who has you still enjoy eating out? with lentils. This is a Very Bad expect you to watch them cooking been captivated by her lust for When you eat out what is Thing. for an hour or more before they unpretentious Italian food. your favourite type of food? My advice if you want a really produce any food. I see it as an Rose co-founded the River Cafe with I love eating out. I like Asian, good dinner party, is to get some- act of deep passive-aggressive Ruth Rogers in 1987. Their Indian and Japanese food. I one else to do the cooking. No hostility - watching people cook is enthusiasm for rustic Italian food love Italian food in Italy. seriously: go to a supermarket and about as exciting as watching was a much-needed break from the buy three of their rotisserie chick- people write. The only rule I would over-dressed dining of the 80s. Since There is a stereotype that ens. So what if the birds are filled give young people is: don't worry its opening, the River Café has come students live on baked beans full of steroids and pig proteins. about the food – it should be to define modern Italian cookery in on toast. Did you eat well Most of you will be filling your edible but that's enough - the Britain, and set a trend for simple when you were a student? bodies with half a dozen banned important thing is the mix of sophisticated eating with fresh Yes I did! chemicals before the night is out, people. People first, wine second, ingredients. so this is no time to get picky. The food last. But preferably don't give Rose and Ruth are perhaps most chickens will cost less than any of dinner parties at all – go to the famous for their cookery books and those ingredients you would fuck pub. TV programs; it was during the wine with 1talian food: up with your culinary incompe- For a more positive view, you making of one series that Jamie Most 1talian wine is made with food in mind; 1talians rarely drink it on its tence and you don't need to use could try my friend India Knight - Oliver was discovered working in the own. And its generally‘ wine-friendly - lots of garlic, oil and herbs, which cutlery.. Chop them up. Serve with she is quite keen on them. kitchen. Their most recent books, love wine. crusty bread. Eat with fingers. River Café Easy and River Café Easy Some people might even see this India Knight, Author and Two, use the simplest ingredients and Fiorile Merlot: 4.99,£ down from 5.99 as an aphrodisiac. Particularly the Columnist for the Sunday Times techniques to delicious effect. Wonderfully snappy and fresh with flavours£ of black desperate ones. Here endeth the How funny about Lynn hating cherries and green pepper. Great with tomato sauces, or grilled peppers. lesson. dinner parties. She likes a long The food of Tuscany is so Now I expect you to send me lunch, though. different from that of an email dribbling with gratitude. I think it's really all about the Piedmont. To call food ‘Italian’ And an invitation to dinner. guests. The food is secondary, up £ is odd, as it has only been a Awesome grand Tuscan dinner wine:Antonio leathery, 12.99, spicy, down just from gorgeous. 13.99£ to a point, but know your limita- united country for 200 years. Skye Gyngell, Vogue Food Editor tions - if you really can't cook, feel Do you have a favourite Smells like a church. and Chef penitent and resolve to learn at region? Moscato Frizzante 7.99£ For dinner parties, in my opinion some point, and then get a giant That is what I love about Italian Naturally sweet, grapey and slightly fizzy. Smells like a bag of raisins. the most important ingredient is take-out, or shop judiciously from food, the diversity of not only the Perfect with fruit, or as an aperitif, and amazing with runny, smelly cheese. the people who are there. However a deli (never pass off the food as ingredients but also the style. My Very butch. extraordinary the food is, if there is your own, though – very naff). The favourite region is Piedmont (in not an atmosphere of conviviality, a marvellous thing about being a the North). dinner becomes unmemorable. I student is that, hopefully, perfectly have eaten in a lot of so-called nice people haven't yet developed Why do you think French food amazing restaurants - where you attachments to completely ghastly has declined and Italian has go to pay homage to the work of a other halves, who you have to triumphed in the last decade? great chef and have left feeling invite out of politeness and then Italian food is now perceived as disappointed because the atmos- resent for three hours while they sit being both healthy and simple to phere was so precious and stifled there being unbelievably boring prepare, and there is a that it felt torturous: I never have and/or objectionable. So only ask wide range of regional any desire to go back. fun people, don't worry about dishes to choose from. That said, if you are the one numbers – the more the merrier, cooking and want to have a good really – or about equal numbers of Do you think that food time yourself – probably you are men/women. If space is a problem, trends relate to art, on a limited budget with not too wait till it warms up and have an fashion, or architecture much time – I would suggest a evening picnic. Don't run out of trends? one pot meal that you can cook in wine, and have chocolate for Simple, un-messed-about the morning or the day before and pudding. You can't really go food, beautifully presented in simply put in the middle of the wrong. a well designed environment ‘ table so that everybody can dip in is connected to fashion and and help themselves. Inexpensive Giles Coren, Restaurant critic for progress. in a pan cuts of meat work brilliantly for this the Times style of cooking. (In fact you will Good dinner party. Um. One of Roses recipes I’ve read that Vietnamese from The River Cafe destroy an expensive cut of meat if Invite no vegetarians, no teeto- food will be very popular this Cook Book Easy you cook it this way.) Serve it with tallers, nobody with a load of (2003, Ebury Press). year. Is there an undiscovered ROAST POTATOES Good for students a simple green salad. Spend your bogus-arse food allergies they or uncelebrated cuisine that Waxy potatoes 600g3 with limited kitchen money on beautiful quality bread have invented to try and sound facilities! you feel is ready to be Rosemary leaves 2 tbsp and a great cheese (just one). End interesting, nobody who is involved discovered? Garlic cloves simply with fruit – Apricots are in student politics, no ex-partners, Probably proper regional Indian Extra Virgin olive oil about to come in season – perfect nobody with children, and no food could be the next thing... Peel and cut the potatoes into 2cm cubes. Chop and simple. What and how much police. the rosemary. Peel and cut the garlic cloves in you drink is up to you! Sorry this tip is short; I’ve been When did you decide to be a half. out of town filming a documentary chef, or more generally, when Nigel Slater, Food writer for about fat people. did you first get interested in Heat a thick-bottomed pan wih a lid. Add sufficient Observer and chef: Oh yes, and no fat people. food? olive oil to cover the bottom. When very hot, add the I know it isn't very fashionable, but When I learnt to cook as a student potatoes, rosemary and garlic, season generously and I really think there MUST be a for myself, and then as I had a cover. pudding. Men particularly adore family I developed. The River Café puds of any sort, but especially was born out of the domestic Cook over a medium high heat, shaking the pan to nursery stuff like trifle, warm bread for an exclusive recipe for situation. prevent them from sticking. Make sure the potatoes are and butter pudding and crumble. Varsity from Skye Gyngell turned over so they become crisp and brown on all sides. Whenever I just do a gorgeous see www.varsity.co.uk What is your favourite recipe? This will take 15 minutes Grilled squid with fresh red chilli and rocket (it’s a River Café one). This recipe is for roast potato lovers who do not have an oven in their kitchen. It is a very traditional Italian recipe and is often on the menu in Tuscan trattorias. 8 Varsity Features 03.03.06

Simon Pommery asks How are you, King’s Wall Nick Laird? SEEN Friday NL: Good, thanks. Wimbledon Final you might as well stay in your bed. SP: Are we living in a "golden Illustration Abi Millar age" for poetry in English, as SP: When is work on a poem was stated by the Forward finished? Words Joe Thomas 12.45pm Prize judge last year? NL: They're more abandoned NL: I've no idea. It seems than finished. I'm never good at unlikely. that. I usually revise constantly, and have even changed a few SP: Was Cambridge a things in To A Fault. creative place for you as a young poet, and did you write SP: Describe a typical day of many poems here? yours in ten words. NL: I read a lot and wrote a lot, NL: Vertical, dog, desk, lunch, though almost entirely on my wife, paper, movie, run, drink, own. In my first year, asking for horizontal. advice and instruction, I sent a few poems to a tutor, a poet, at SP: Have you ever attended a another college and he sent workshop or writing class? If them back saying, “I only looked so, when, where and with at the first of these, but they whom? And are you a fan of aren't my sort of thing”. So I just workshops in general? wrote by myself. In my second NL: I started a writers' group in year I became editor of the May Cambridge with two friends and Anthologies, so I suppose I was published a magazine of their involved, but I didn't know any output but it was very short- poets when I was here. lived and pretty useless. A few years ago I took a sabbati- SP: Which poets have influ- cal from work to go to Harvard enced you most, and which and sat in on the American poet poet(s) writing today are you Jorie Graham's workshops most excited about? there. They were good, strin- NL: The modern poets I read gent, astute, and I found them and re-read growing up were beneficial. Workshops depend Louis MacNeice, Seamus on who’s taking them I think, Heaney, Thom Gunn, Philip and who attends. Anything that Larkin, Paul Muldoon, Geoffrey makes you write, that pushes it Hill, Derek Mahon, Simon towards the centre of your life, is Armitage and Don Paterson. probably a good thing. But the Too many contemporary ones to best way to learn to write is to list but some living American read - the best fiction, poetry poets I like are Mark Doty, and criticism you can find. Louise Gluck, and August Kleinzahler. SP: Pulling pints. Sitting for the bar. Has the experience of SP: Have the Muses moved having worked 'normal' jobs from the countryside to the paid off in your vocation as city? poet? And are you writing full NL: I don't think so. They tend time now? to move around. NL: Well, it adds to the things you can write about, I suppose. SP: How important is exile to I'm writing full-time now, though your poetry? I do some volunteer legal advice NL: I'm a bit uncomfortable with work. that word 'exile'. There are writ- ers for whom exile is a reality, SP: What's the title of your whose governments make exile next book of poems, and what their only option - Joseph is your new novel about? Brodsky, say - and there are NL: I think the poetry book is writers, as has recently called The War Artists, though happened to the Northern Irish I'm not quite decided. The new playwright Gary Mitchell, who novel has the working title are forced into hiding by terror- Glover's Mistake. It has three ists. I simply moved. Exile main characters, a 35 year old doesn't apply to me. However I Englishman, a 50 year old think, at least for me, 'else- American woman and a 25 year where' has been important. It old Northern Irishman, and makes it easier to get a handle something pretty bad happens. on your childhood, your received ideas, and on the place where Born in Cookstown, County you grew up, if you get out of it, Tyrone, Northern Ireland in and out of range of it. Joyce 1975, he studied at says somewhere that the quick- Cambridge University where est way to Tara is via Holyhead, he attained a First in and that strikes me as true. English. He went on to work in a blue-chip law firm in SP: Is being married to anoth- London before giving up to work on his writing. He is er writer a blessing or a married to novelist Zadie burden? Smith, whom he met while NL: Probably a bit of both. It's at Cambridge. As of 2005, nice to have someone to talk he has written a novel, about books to. Utterly Monkey (published in May 2005 by Fourth Estate), SP: Have you ever been in a and a prize-winning book of fist fight? poems To a Fault (Faber and NL: I have. Faber, January 2005).

SP: After working as a lawyer on the Bloody Sunday Inquiry, how much has your idea of 'Truth' changed? NL: Not at all.

SP: What have you discovered since writing your last book of poems? NL: That when a poetry festival schedules your reading for the same time as the Men's 03.03.06 Features Varsity 9 KING (...or ‘Su Doku King’). EDD BILLIG was Britain’s first Su Doku Grand Master. Last week he was flown to Hong Kong and became the King. JON SWAINE meets him for a ‘quick’ Fiendish Y HONG KONG WEEKEND WEEKL A brief history of Su Doku

orry, it took longer scriber for the Metropolitan whether he felt strange have fallen rather flat. 1979 The puzzle is than expected,” he Police. I pause to imagine this. competing against young Now home, Edd has had time designed by Howard Garns, a “Ssays, shoving paper Every day a new disputed students and being interviewed to reflect on the future. But, 74-year-old retired architect and pen across the table. Edd crime, a new “Oh he definitely onstage by an MC between the asked whether there are any and freelance puzzle construc- Billig has filled his Fiendish’s did it…Or, maybe he’s just…” furiously-contested heats, he upcoming competitions in tor, and first published in New nine squares, of nine smaller with which to internally wres- shrugs: “not any more than I which he will be flexing York by a puzzle games squares with the numbers tle. Such a job would surely did on the rest of a trip to China his...biro, he is typically laid- magazine, under the title one to nine in nine minutes. render a man a kind of Cracker- to do number puzzles, really.” back. “I’m not too bothered,” he ‘Number Place’. This, for him, is a poor time. by-proxy - a solitary Jonathan “One finalist from each group says. “I think there is another “Fiendishes vary a lot,” he Creek, with no side-kick to help entered the grand final, against big competition in Italy soon, 1984 The puzzle is intro- says. “My average is closer to tease out The Truth, let alone me, and the Hong Kong cham- but I think I'll stick to ‘invita- duced in Japan. It is titled eight minutes.” The quickest? enjoy a mildly infuriating, pion – Mr C,” he says. Edd tion only’ or other newspaper “Suuji wa dokushin ni kagiru” “Probably five or six. I did an ambiguous relationship with. admits that at the time he competitions over here.” or “The numbers must be Easy in one minute, forty One’s mind would be sharp- shared my curiosity as to Nor, it seems, has he been single”. Later it is abbreviated seconds once, but that’s crazy.” ened beyond belief. Maybe whether the singer from the particularly inspired by Su to Sudoku. ‘Su’ means I smile through gritted teeth. that’s how Edd became so good Shamen had chosen an Eastern Doku’s recent offspring, like ‘number,’ and ‘doku’ means I’m an idiot. I’ve filled in four at Su Doku. path of logic games after falling Hitori or Kakuro, which he ‘single’. obvious gaps, and started to fill “ He isn’t sure. Whilst uncer- on bad times post-‘Ebenezer describes as mere “pretenders to in the corner of every box with A JOKE MADE tain as to the exact date of his Goode’. As it turned out, the the throne”. Might, I suggest – 1989 Loadstar/Softdisk possible numbers. In really tiny OVER DINNER first puzzle, Edd is certain it was name was purely coincidental. in the wake of such spectacles Publishing produces handwriting. The last resort of close to the Times’ November In the tense five-way battle as entire broadsheet pages of “DigitHunt”, the first home the Su Doku loser. I persevere THAT HE 2004 launch. But if this early that followed, each combatant the puzzles and the sheer logic computer version of Sudoku. It for a few minutes more, but start worked in his favour, it was given ten minutes to porn of Carol Vorderman’s tele- is followed by “Single my eyes start to cross. I suggest MIGHT BE certainly wasn’t combined with complete as many puzzles as vised Su Doku-athon – the Number” for the Mac in 1995. we come back to it later. DESCRIBED any intensive practice regime. possible on an e-Su Doku - a game have lost its essence? Last year, amidst the earliest Neither, does he think, was small, GameBoy-like gadget “It might have done, for 1997-2003 Retired stages of a fledgling national AS THE Edd even instinctively good at which “was actually a bit of a me,” he admits, a wry smile judge Wayne Gould, 59, sees obsession, Edd, a 23-year old the puzzles. “My band-mate hindrance” to Edd’s speed, and forming across his face. He a partly completed puzzle in a Sound Recording graduate ‘PE-KING’ Kenny was better than me at whose small screen, he jokingly compares the process Japanese bookshop. from London, was crowned MAY HAVE first,” he says. “But gradually I suggests, was responsible for his to watching a favourite band Over six years he develops Britain’s first Su Doku Grand just got really quick at the easy “stumbling through an error- make it a bit too big. a computer program to Master by the Independent. FALLEN FLAT ones.” Simply “doing them strewn puzzle two.” “It’s become a regular produce similar puzzles quick- Leaving thousands in his every day” seems to have been Nonetheless, he completed a fixture,” he says, suggesting ly. He promotes the puzzle to super-logical wake, he picked enough to set him on course to third puzzle with just 20 the puzzle will match cross- the Times. up a crystal trophy, a cheque conquer Britain and China. seconds left on the clock, avoid- words for permanence in our for £1000, and bragging rights As well as hosting the main ing a “potentially ugly hearts and newspapers for 2004 The Times unleashes over every puzzler in the coun- ” ‘King’ competition, Weekend tie-break” and some time. But it remains to be Su Doku on the UK on try. Weekly were hoping to enter the truly earning seen what further challenges November 12. Three days Copycat competitions soon Guinness Book of Records with the title of Su Doku can throw Edd. later, the Daily Mail launches sprung up. Edd even entered ‘The record for The Most Su Doku Whilst not paying them much the same puzzle under the one. “There was one in the Schoolchildren Playing e-Su King. But attention so far, perhaps his name “Codenumber”, and Evening Standard,” he says, Doku In One Place At The Same he admits future lies in the variations on later claims they got there first. “with an amazing prize - anoth- Time In China’. They managed that a post- the form currently working er £1000 and an all-expenses it. But, all Guinness-y victory joke their way into the national 2005 In February, the Daily paid trip to Tokyo, staying in the business over with, it delivered papers and consciousness. Telegraph introduces the hotel where they filmed Lost in was down to the really over dinner Whilst keen to stress that he puzzle, advertising their doing Translation.” But he didn’t win. serious stuff. that he might really doesn’t regard so on the front page. Su Doku “I came second, to an “The Chinese now be “the maths as “fun,” he fever begins to take hold. Australian barman,” he says. “I contestants were Pe-King” thinks its addition By April, the puzzle has won a tent, with the Evening split into primary may as an element to made its way into the Standard logo on it”. school, secondary puzzles like Ninja Independent, the Guardian, the There wasn’t much time for school and ‘open and Killer Su Sun (where it is labelled “Sun disappointment. Last month, division,’” Edd Dokus lend them Doku’), and the Daily Mirror. the Independent put him in explains. a more interest- As the name Sudoku becomes touch with China’s Weekend Asked ing dimension well-known in, the Daily Mail Weekly - “honestly not a made- than the raw adopts it in place of its earlier up magazine,” Edd assures me. logic he has so name “Codenumber”. They offered to fly him to Hong clearly mastered. In May, Channel 4 Teletext Kong for the inaugural ‘Su But all this launches a version of the Doku King’ competition. seems a rather game on page 391. The While some champions suffer long way off for Guardian’s G2 publishes a Su for their endeavours, Billig’s me. A cumulative Doku puzzle on every page. path to greatness seems to have total of over two In July, Carol Vorderman been smooth. Living in hours and three hosts Sudoku Live on Sky Wapping, next door to the complete restarts One. A publicity stunt to Times, he “used to buy a Times later, my Fiendish promote the programme with every day.” He completed the Su Doku remains the world’s largest puzzle paper’s puzzles simply as pathetically incom- goes awry when the 84m “something to do at work.” plete. square puzzle, carved into a Indeed, while being a king, I suppose I’ll hillside in Chipping Sodbury, Edd also has what might be one never make it as a is found to have 1,905 correct of the greatest jobs in the world. Grand Master, let solutions. Post-Su Dokuism By day, he’s an interview tran- alone a king. has arrived. 10 Varsity Features 03.03.06 THE MEMORY MACHINE Life-saver or harbinger of doom? OLIVER USHER tracks the development of a technology recording the people, places and papers of your entire life in images, and looks at its application in Cambridge’s Addenbrooke’s Hospital and in students’ lives

ENLARGED ENDOWMENTS Compared to apes a man’s member is immodestly large, having undergone a fourfold expansion in mass. Since studies show no link between well-endowment and greater utility, scientists are now suggesting that the human penis is in fact a superfluous sexual signalling structure. When it comes to penises, are men deluding themselves that women are impressed by size when in fact the evolutionary target for showing off is other men? Sexual body signals, such as colourful plumages, have evolved to attract potential mates. According to Darwin’s selection theory every individual seeks to mate with a genetically fit partner in order to produce quality offspring. Advertising your assets is crucial in this game. In his book Why is sex fun? Jared Diamond explores the concept that the human penis serves as such a sexual signal. His idea is based on evolutionary theories of sexual display origins: in Fisher’s runaway selection model, females become genetically predisposed to fancy males bearing a certain structure, and the few fit males carrying that feature will thus be at a reproductive advantage. The ordon Bell has the zeal of a on his PC and losing it amid the enjoyed some weeks earlier. Trying to shows, even with a bulky SenseCam, the exaggerated trait is selected convert, but his conversion is not thousands of files he was storing, it was recall this piece of trivial data gave her technology is already useable. for, increasing in dimension Gto some bizarre brainwashing cult now all linked together. If he searched an insight: what if everyone carried a Indeed, applications are already for each generation until it – well, not quite. The veteran computer the system for “doctor”, his doctor’s camera around their neck, which beginning to come on stream. Six of the becomes a hinder for researcher at Microsoft is the guinea-pig name, phone number and photo would recorded every person they met, prototype SenseCams were recently survival. Consequently, a for a groundbreaking new technology appear. Scrolling down would give him everything they ate, every conversation handed over to Addenbrooke’s Hospital mini-penis could have that his company is developing. Called a list of letters, phone calls and they had? She built a prototype, which in Cambridge, to help patients with expanded by a runaway MyLifeBits, the system is not far short of prescriptions he had received, as well as she called the SenseCam - and to test it, memory loss. Unlike for Bell, where the process, conveying an a surrogate brain. Everything you see, it the times of all the appointments he in true Cambridge style, she attached it system is simply a high-tech memory aid, advantage to its owner as a sees and saves. Everyone you meet is made. The system was working - but it to her bike. “Every time I braked due to it is a real lifesaver for these patients, who conspicuous virility signal, photographed and stored. Everything was about to get even more powerful. a car pulling in front of me, the can now rely on MyLifeBits to remember until its size was limited by you read, hear and write gets stored in Around the time the team in accelerometer sensor would detect this what their brains are no longer capable the length of a woman’s its searchable database. To Microsoft, this Redmond, USA, was beginning work on braking and capture an image of the of doing. The trial is still in its preliminary vagina. is a valuable tool, a searchable diary that MyLifeBits, Lyndsay Williams, a car,” she explains. “The SenseCam is like stages, but the early results, says An alternative is Zahavi’s stores all the information you might ever researcher at Microsoft’s labs in West a black-box accident recorder and stores Gemmell, are simply “astonishing”. handicap theory, which need to recall. To others - even some of Cambridge was trying to remember the other parameters like movement, And health is not the only application. argues that enlarged the programmers working on the project name of a bottle of wine she had temperature and light changes”. To the horror of humanities students the structures are detrimental for - it could herald a brave new world MyLifeBits and the SenseCam were world over, Gemmell says the system survival. Any male displaying where we sacrifice all privacy to the God clearly destined to go together - and so could be used to “track how good and such a ‘handicap trait’ must of convenience. one of the prototype cameras was bad students operate”, or - a far more therefore have terrific genes, It all started seven years ago when dispatched to Gordon Bell, leading to the palatable idea - to save them from otherwise he wouldn’t Bell, 71, was asked to participate in the “ MyLifeBits-SenseCam combination Bell having to take so many notes. survive. Since the same ‘million book’ project to create a huge YOU MET uses today. As well as storing all his Clearly, SenseCam and MyLifeBits are amount of skin used for the library of electronic books. Bell agreed, correspondence, the system now takes changing people’s lives already, whether penis could instead be and soon he was busy scanning in his SOMEONE, YOU pictures of everyone he meets, as well as it is elderly patients who can live normal invested as extra brain book collection. But he didn’t stop there. CAN’T REMEMBER all the ambient data you could imagine. lives once again, or whether it is Gordon tissue, Diamond argues that “I decided to scan my papers at that With the SenseCam attached to Bell, who says his family is “amazed” at a man is in fact boasting: time, as well as more content,” he THEIR NAME BUT MyLifeBits, you can now search for his enhanced “memory”. But even if the “I’m already so smart and explains. “From there, I realised that I almost any ‘memory hooks’ you can technology never takes off in the way superior that I can afford the was on a quest to capture everything YOU’RE SURE IT think of, Gemmell explains. For Bell has used it, the MyLifeBits cult may handicap of packing tissue that the computer could encode.” WAS COLD. YOU example, if you remember you met well change your life too before long. uselessly into my penis.” Over the next few years, he digitised someone, you can’t remember their Information overload affects us all, says But what doesn’t add up every bit of paper that passed through CAN SEARCH name, but you’re sure it was cold, you Gemmell, and we need tools to make is women’s presumed his home and office - articles, letters, can search the system for all times the sense of the data we keep already. Many attraction to enlarged faxes, even his medical records and THE SYSTEM ambient temperature was below 5°C - of the ideas trialled in MyLifeBits are set endowments. It’s men who prescriptions. Soon, the sheer number of FOR TIMES and, chances are, you will find the photo to be integrated into the next generation are obsessed with the penis documents he was storing on his of the person you are looking for, and a of Microsoft software, and the and its dimensions. In reality, computer was becoming unmanageable, THE AMBIENT record of the conversation you had. competition is learning too - Google’s a grand penis, like other and Microsoft’s management, sensing a Neat? Perhaps, but also a little creepy. desktop search engine is just one sexual signals, probably possible business opportunity, stepped TEMPERATURE Gemmell concedes, “There are some example. Gemmell has been trialling the serves a dual function to in: MyLifeBits was born. WAS BELOW 5°C. challenges, mostly to do with copyright software for the seemingly mundane seduce mates and establish Jim Gemmell, one of the and privacy issues. But that’s something task of tracking what websites he visits, dominance over male rivals. programmers assigned to the project CHANCES ARE, society will have to sort out, rather than a bit like the “history” function on One thing remains describes the immediate problem they the actual technology.” For the Internet Explorer - but on steroids. “It’s undisputed though; the faced: “It was easy to collect the data, the YOU’LL FIND technology is nearly ready to be rolled amazingly useful,” he says. “I would human phallus is just an real problem was managing the WHO YOU’RE out. None of the elements of the never give it up”. oversized boasting information”, he explains, “and boy, MyLifeBits-SenseCam system are really So will this cult bring us to a ornament, whether it’s sticking stuff in the file system wasn’t LOOKING FOR new, it’s just the way they are combined totalitarian doomsday, or a nirvana of designed to impress men or working - we needed a database.” The that is innovative. While the camera is perfect memory? Ultimately, that’s up to women. result, MyLifeBits, transformed the data still a little unwieldy, smaller versions are every one of us - and we’ll need to make Christina Geijer Bell was storing: instead of just saving it ” on the horizon, and as Bell’s experiment our minds up soon. 03.03.06 Comment Varsity 11

ON GIVING The University Strikes Back BLOOD Cambridge starts to hunt its own LBGT Jordan PRESIDENT Holland

Mary Bowers he National Blood Service (NBS) currently or an institution which CALDER SIMON balloon, a pointy stick and a Tbans you from ever issues a fourteen page female yak than die in a giving blood if “You’re a man Fbooklet on the improper plane crash. But if Kate, who’s had sex with another use of footnotes and paper- Hurley and Dr. Jack Shephard man, even ‘safe sex’ using a clips in dissertation essays, have taught me anything, it’s condom.” This is listed just Cambridge University seems that I don’t want to share my above ever working as a pros- to take a somewhat lack- final moments on an island in titute and injecting yourself adaisical attitude toward the middle of Milton Keynes with drugs as reasons you health and safety. If you don't with a UL librarian, a NatSci should never donate blood. It agree with me, look back and a packet of freeze-dried seems to me not only ill- through your morning peanuts. Sometimes, the informed but actively harmful routine, and ask yourself: am question is not likelihood, but to categorise protected sex I on a one-way trip to the extent of potential between two men as some- Addenbrooke's? damage. thing which is as ‘high-risk’ as The University buildings are Other transport options are sex with prostitutes. At a time littered with so many death- already a game of transport when blood stocks are danger- traps one might wonder Russian Roulette; just take a ously low, the chief reason whether the powers-that-be look at the National Express given for this ban on gay and are attempting a cull of us whose drivers have a uniform bisexual men giving blood is mortals lower down the of short-sleeved shirts and that anal sex carries a higher entropic scale, who slipped in mad demented eyes. And risk of HIV transmission than by accident and now risk a does it frighten anyone else vaginal sex. This may be true, dangerous Third for the 2006 that the trains run on such a but the argument doesn’t hold statistics. Those of you who’ve delicate mechanical thread when there’s no ban on men tried to walk over the that a small spattering of sleet or women who have practiced Mathematical Bridge in the can render them perilous? On straight anal sex (protected or mandatory formal hall stiletto evaluation, however, it seems unprotected). slingbacks will know what I unnecessary to apply any There seems little doubt mean. Perhaps you too have more than the average that the ban on bi and gay suffered a severe blow to the amount of G-Force to your men giving blood is based on forehead attempting to get body when the relative a perception of the LBGT through a Caius doorway distance travelled constitutes community as promiscuous. I when late for a supervision servant so cruel and anti- edly be finished as you zoom little more than four or five have no intention of claiming (apparently, temporary amne- cyclist that even the hardest down the other side trying Little Chefs’ worth of motor- that gay and bi men don’t sia is not an adequate excuse of cynics will begin to believe desperately to slalom between way. There are enough threats have sex, or even that they for concentration lapses). To in a pro-carbon emission lampposts, tourists and very to our mortality in the world don’t often have casual sex, those more vertically chal- conspiracy theory. Those of us “ likely your Director of already, so please don’t show but so do straight men, and lenged, consider Clare Cellars who have been caught ARE THEY Studies. If you are a cyclist, off by mucking around in the indeed straight women. The (the architects clearly never between the metal posts at the blind pedestrian is your skies. NBS needs to cover itself from did), in itself a disaster wait- the entrance to Parker’s Piece, ATTEMPTING enemy. If you are a pedestri- Some may call me clumsy. I the tiniest risk of using HIV+ ing to happen. Surely no one or atop the rising bollards A CULL OF US an, the blind cyclist is your prefer maladroit. But wise blood (although all blood really judges that darkness, after zooming in after a taxi nemesis. If both cyclist and readers, be warned: donations are screened auto- drink, dancing and that will understand (it’s like a MORTALS pedestrian are blind, it’s over Cambridge is a dangerous matically), but since there is malevolent row of concrete bizarre version of the Crystal LOWER for both of you, especially if place at the best of times. no ban on heterosexuals who blocks make the most sensible Maze, with death instead of one is wearing an iPod. However, around the begin- have had unprotected casual combination, particularly automatic lock-in). If you do DOWN THE And now they want us to ning of March, and with the sex, their ban on gay and when you consider the not become a figure of fun for fly between Cambridge and addition of so many new bisexual males seems like an frequency of arm-and-leg ennui-stricken students peep- ENTROPIC Oxford! Now, I’m as aware as hazards, the planets are align- act of victimisation rather throwing d’n’b nights. ing through the library SCALE? anybody else of those statistics ing in Taurus. So, this I than a meaningful safeguard. If this is not enough, take a windows as you huff your that explain that you are prophesy: stay at home, stay This becomes clearer when look at the Cambridge Cycle way over the peak of Trinity more likely to be involved in off your bike, and keep both you take into account that Network, designed by a civil Hall bridge, you will undoubt- a fatal accident involving a feet firmly on the ground. though AIDS was the ‘gay disease’ of the 80s, in young ” people the incidence of HIV is significantly lower among gay and bisexual men than among the straight community. Gay and bi men are being Deadly Mallardy means we’re all ducked marked out as high risk simply because the NBS sees them as undesirable. But the Ducks to be delivery system for global pandemic classification of men who have sex with men as some- how ‘unclean’ doesn’t stop Katy Wells there. A woman who has sex with a gay or bi man must ntil recently, I’d never really wipe out massive swathes of the their behaviour as suspicious when value and get me back in Mother wait twelve months before given the ducks a second population. And is it just my imagi- in fact it was, well, just duck-like? As Nature’s good books in case this she can give blood. There is Uthought. My morning walk to nation or do the ducks, once creatures go, they’re pretty inoffen- whole pandemic thing is just the old no mention of having an HIV lectures across the Backs to the seemingly so innocent, now appear sive. A pigeon I’d be less likely to lady’s way of getting back at us for test in those twelve months, Sidgwick site is, admittedly, teeming to be going about their business with give the benefit of the doubt, but abusing her resources for the last few but rather it is insinuated with aquatic life, but somehow the almost intentional malice, swimming what has a duck ever done to me hundred years. that the taint which all non- combination of distracting thoughts purposefully towards my side of the except act as a convenient waste- But if Mother Nature’s getting her heterosexual men carry will on the subject of my abandoned bed riverbank when they hear my disposal system for my unwanted revenge, then why via the ducks? have worked its way out of coupled with total inability, given my approach, or worse still leaping up sandwich crusts? Anyway, if this What have they ever done? her system by then. If she bleary-eyed, post-waking state, to onto the banks in twos or threes and were some sort of fowl (get it?) So maybe she isn’t behind it either. has had unprotected sex with focus on moving objects has always waddling across my path? Look at conspiracy, and the ducks were In fact, in the case of this particular a straight man she may give managed to kill off the budding them with their beady eyes and attempting to say, kill us off as impending disaster, I might have to blood, and indeed she may ornithologist in me. slicked-back feathers, their insolent payback for utilising them as a rule out conspiracy altogether, be it be ‘sexually active’ in regions One H5N1 virus, ninety deaths and quacks. It’s almost as if they were up Chinese restaurant staple, they’d on the part of birds, pagan deities or where AIDS/HIV is very a hundred panic-inducing newspaper to something. hardly be likely to use themselves as even religious fundamentalists. common as long as she waits articles later and I can’t take my eyes I’ve considered staying in my room the means of spreading the disease But returning to the ducks, since a year. off the little buggers, in focus or not. in an attempt to avoid them alto- about. my thoughts of conspiracy forced me It seems clear to me that Was that a splutter I heard from the gether. I even had a plan to nab It could be that my feathered to start taking notice of these weird the current ban needs a thor- brown one sucking scum up from some gravel from the college paths friends are just victims after all, in waddling creatures, it strikes me that ough re-examination and the surface of the water? And what and spend the rest of the time until which case instead of laying the they’re not just inoffensive, they’re drastic changes must be made. about the one swimming down- the end of term sitting by my blame at their webbed feet I should actually rather endearing. I’d never Gay and bisexual men do stream: its feathers look a bit less window taking pot shots at any be trying to help them by spending paid them much notice before, but want to give blood, but for shiny than the others’ - does that wildlife that ‘accidentally’ happened my mornings emptying Lemsip now that I’ve finally discovered their now I would encourage those mean anything? My route suddenly to wander too close. If only it sachets and cartons of orange juice duck-ish charms, I realize that I who are eligible not just to seems beset by danger. What once weren’t for those pesky weekly into the waters of the Cam as a pre- might have only a brief time to enjoy press for change but to give was a pleasant demonstration of the supervisions. emptive boost for their tiny immune them. Like all things, we must appre- blood themselves; we must do river ecosystem in action is now a But it occurred to me that I was systems. Even if it doesn’t keep the ciate the ducks whilst we have them, everything we can to ensure threat, its inhabitants the possible jumping to conclusions about the virus at bay, such an enterprise lest avian flu proves to be the neme- that enough is available at a conveyors of a disease that could ducks - what if I’d been interpreting might at least have some karmic sis of these luminaries of the water. time of serious shortages. 12 Varsity Comment 03.03.06 O KINGSLEY TOM

and

Israel chips

BLOGGERS SLAMMING THEIR IDEALS INTO YOUR HEADS.BAM BAM BAM.

Liberaldems: new leader, new danger. Ming, Menzies, Mini: What I want to know is Why wont he spell his name the same Way? Who does he think he is? Shakespear? Lawn_ambler

Lawnambles - long time no see! Welcome back to cyberspace, man! How you been doin? FunLovin' *Lawn_ambler has left the discussion* Mate, you've hit the nail on the face. I mean, how can a supposedly Liberal Party have an old man in the hotseat? Not much of a party is it? Sixty-four, off you go - that's my view. Topic stopped galactotronn If you can’t handle the heat, don’t hust at Christ’s: Varsity grills the CUSU Presidential Candidates Does anyone else wonder why on adverts for macdonalds they never show people actually eating food? Just thought I'd throw that in there = food Cam Il-Sung: Are We North Korea With Spires? for thought ;) GeneralOompas Drunken Charlie K couldn't cut the Starbucks, the British class system and Minas Tirith mustard. Now he's off the plate. I thought he'd been a good leader when like Starbucks. I don’t even ironically Minas Tirith it stands besieged by the value and what we deprecate. It’s about he was in power, but not since he left like Starbucks: I actually like it because baying, rapacious hordes of Morder; it how we talk to each other and the things Adam the premier spot. &mpersand II think it’s good. Starbucks, you see, is stands unbowed. that we talk about. middle-class. Not British 1950s middle- The thing is – there isn’t really There is a crass populism and anti- &, you’re not so smart as you think you class: all strangulating reserve and anything to do at Starbucks. Yes, one can intellectualism in British culture these are, though obviously you obviously would-be genteel chatter. No, the cosmo- rest one’s legs a while and refuel on an days. But Cambridge remains intellectual- think you are smart. That’s not the politan, post-modern sort of middle-class ever-mutating range of frivolously inno- ly aspirant and self-consciously point. Can we stop simplifying the where tracksuits are deprecated, personal vative caffeine-based drinks and pretentious. Elsewhere there is a levity debate, please. grooming is expected and provincial cake-perversions. But for the most part and an almost total, miasmic immersion FortuneTeller accents are disapproved of. I am very it’s not really much of a utilitarian insti- in the prosaic. In Cambridge important middle-class. Breeding, schooling, accent: tution: it lacks a clear function and it things are talked about; things that go McNestrie Left-wing, right-wing, they're both the all make me, and mark me out, as lacks prescription. One ensconces oneself beyond the tedious cataloguing of today’s same. Which one is more conservative? middle-class. Hence my brash and in Starbucks to engage in the most and tomorrow’s events. Religion and self, try_angle shameless hatred of the working class meandering and pretentious of conversa- politics and principles are talked of and the outmoded, voices-flit-between- tions. Or to drift into a book amidst the routinely. There is an energy and an The Britain and US needs to swap nasal-drawls-and-fluting-squeaks upper gentle buzz and murmur of people who impulse to exploration and curiosity – a Russia with Iran NOW. Time's running class. desire to understand and to be right, of out. Being middle class and, in a very fine which most are bereft. FortuneTeller tradition, hating everyone who isn’t like And there are no televisions. Not even Right. me, I value Starbucks because it does its one. Left very best to exclude the Sun-clutching “ Maybe we are privileged to be here,

working-class with their inexplicably CAMBRIDGE IS LIKE but it is a double-edged privilege. Coming Hedge, I can't believe you'd fall for that cocked baseball caps. Starbucks is expen- here creates in our minds an unflattering bull-bollocks. That's just what Bliar sive: eye-watering, swear-under-breath THAT STARBUCKS. IT contrast with wherever else we might go, (intentional typo :> ) has done with expensive. Starbucks charges prices that IS AN EDENIC ISLAND a sort of poisonous binary consciousness tessa jowell. No one knows who she is, bear no relation to the value of the food- that taints the places to which we now she's in bribe city. Berlosconi - stuffs on offer or even the cost of making OF THE“ HIGH-MINDED haven’t yet been. I don’t love Cambridge; berlosphony that's my take on this one. and marketing them. I used to think that BOURGEOISIE perhaps my temperament doesn’t allow Try and stop me. they spent all of my money emblazoning me that sort of unrestricted affection, but GeneralOompas that stupid green logo over absolutely I have no doubt that it is much more in Basically, there's three Russias. Old everything they could find. I was wrong. sympathy with me than the desolate Russia belongs to Greece. It ALWAYS Starbucks’ cash-register banditry is Babylon that lies without its environs. I has: merely an acknowledgement of my can talk to each other when placed in a feel a little like I am in a cultural refugee www.greeceownsRussia.com/p=53%20r visceral dislike of the working-class and nicely furnished, but objectless room. camp. I don’t find it especially appealing Fraulein their inarticulate, football-centric, eructa- There are no televisions. Not even one. here - for one thing there aren’t enough tion-punctuated conversation; and a Cambridge is like that Starbucks. It is toilets to go round - but I fear the outside Tessa jowell should just do her job well. means to the end of their exclusion. an Edenic island of the high-minded world as if it were my life’s bane. It may You know? Stop snaffing around with McDonalds lures them into its 21st bourgeoisie, a cultural preserve with the have failed to inspire love in me, but this bribes. Leave her a loan! Also, century gin-shop chains with the cry of richest civil society of anywhere that one Cambridge has called forth a virulent Fraulein: In referring to the swapping hamburgers for 59p; Starbucks places an might venture in this country. Cambridge contempt and an impassioned hatred of over of Russia with Iran, you use the invisible sign outside its stores telling is febrile with theatre, fat with politics everywhere else. Such are the distortions term "Britain and us". I assume you them to fuck off. societies, awash with charities, brimming that are visited on us by autarkic cultural don't include "us" as part of Britain. And so, save for the occasional cancer- with academic coteries, saturated by systems that hold us prisoner. Because THE VERY NATION WHICH YOU are ous ‘rah’ enclave, Starbucks exists as a sporting societies and sprinkled with all that’s how Cambridge maintains its APPARENTLY condemming! middle-class public space squatting sorts of obscurements and ephemera that distinctiveness. Like a less-fucked up Left uncomfortably, but bastion-like, in the are nowhere else to be found. But North Korea it seals itself hermetically midst of a proletarianized culture – a Cambridge’s cultural exceptionalism is not against the outside. Okay, we'll have a compromise - we ‘ll culture that watches ‘television’. just about activism or its addiction to That’s why there are no televisions. do this my way Seriously, now: fucking television. Like institutionalisation. It’s about what we Not even one. FortuneTeller

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CUSU Elections Those Poor Builders For us, opinions on homo- the response of the Muslim the entire spectacle or ‘look’ Some of the buzzwords bandied round in student union elec- sexuality are not the hallmark community at ARU, and Sister of the production. In order tions are as grating and as exasperating as those recurrent Dear Sir, of orthodoxy, but a secondary Sheridan’s approach to the for the director to convey in national politics. ‘Visibility’, ‘accountability’, ‘commmuni- matter for open discussion - in incident as an opportunity for his artistic vision, characters cation’ and ‘relevance’ are meaningless if candidates are not In response to Rachel Cooper, which we recognise that we engagement with the wider are in danger of becoming able to present clearly-defined policies to achieve them. ‘Architecture’s “masochistic” hold differing views, and strive community rather than a little more than clotheshors- More importantly, if candidates intend to base their work culture is criticised’ to respect the integrity of those setback. es for revealing costumes, campaigns on the repetition of key phrases, they should give (Varsity, 17th February); it is whose view differs to our own. Many can learn from this while actors sacrifice careful well-reasoned arguments as to what these signify and why true to say that we are very The ‘truth of [the] faith we response and we offer our reading of verse or prose in they are important. Cambridge’s students deserve better than busy. This letter is the only claim to profess’ is the love of solidarity and support in favour of the easy laugh. procrastination I’m allowing God through Christ, who once undermining the growth of ‘Measure for Measure’ was anodyne rhetoric. myself for the day. Now I have said ‘Judge not, lest ye be religious hatred and intolerance bewilderingly eclectic. We There could not be a more crucial time for a high turnout; to go and work. judged.’ among students in Cambridge lurched from disco to ball- strong personalities and determined viewpoints combined through education and room dancing, from with the possibility of a real fresh start in a new residence Yours faithfully, Yours faithfully, openness. Technicolor to monochrome, mean that the outcome will make a real difference. from keystone cops to a The scarcity of candidates - especially in roles so vital as Ranald Lawrence Richard Smith Yours faithfully, Pythonesque executioner Welfare - is a very worrying sign. We believe this is a sad A Very Busy Architect Treasurer, and all the while we move indictment of the lack of focus and general disorder that has Jesus College Christians in Unity in Cambridge Tanya Filer further and further away been allowed to blight the tenure of this Executive, and the Michael Gilmont from the play itself. Presidents, CU Jewish Society I still loved the and consistent failure - still - to effectively communicate the God and Emma Anglia Attack unashamed showiness of the benefits they offer to the continued affiliation of their More Measured, production. However, might members. This is shown most tellingly in the calls this week Dear Sir, Dear Sir, Please I suggest that the ADC’s by former CUSU enthusiasts within Emmanuel for their publicity department should- JCR’s disaffiliation. I read with interest the article We would like to express our Dear Sir, n’t have marketed the play Any successful president must place a resolution of this ‘Mixed response to Emmanuel disgust at the act of hate and as William Shakespeare’s downward trend at the very top of their agenda.Varsity were Dean’ (Varsity, 24th February). I desecration committed on the Whilst I congratulate direc- ‘Measure for Measure’; absolutely prepared to come out strongly in favour of one feel I should point out that the Muslim prayer room at Anglia tor Charlie Arrowsmith on ‘Carry on Measurin’’ would presidential candidate. However, after meeting them all, we article seemed to focus rather Ruskin University last week. his daring interpretation of have been a more telling too much on the Evangelical That a place of prayer should be ‘Measure for Measure’, I can title for a show that was feel unable to do so. wing of the Church. It is the target of a political statement understand why the produc- racously fun, but, in places, Mark Ferguson and Dave Smith, whilst seeming enthu- unfair to treat ‘Evangelical’ and is unforgivable. That students tion has split audiences disappointingly flawed. siastic and competent, have shown a sudden propensity for ‘Christian’ as interchangeable - with the power to shape the across the university. In my vote-friendly soundbites apparently incongruous to the prin- there are plenty of Christians at future of interfaith relations in opinion the show represents Yours faithfully, ciples and practices they have displayed throughout their Cambridge who have a living this country should be so a number of, potentially involvement within CUSU and its institutions. Nadia Khan and vibrant faith in Christ, but insensitively attacked at a time of concerning, trends in Alistair Welch seems poised and eager, but remains essentially untested, who would rather describe already heightened religious Cambridge Shakespeare. Girton College perhaps naive to the role’s full spectrum of demands. themselves as Catholic, tensions is very sad. The The beauty of The coming week will be crucial to the present and future Orthodox, Methodist, Anglican, Cambridge Jewish student Shakespeare’s verse is, too Letters may be edited for liberal or just plain Christian. community would like to praise often, being overwhelmed by space and clarity students of this University. Varsity urges its readers to attend the hustings and ask the candidates the difficult questions. And most importantly, to vote next Wednesday. A Call To Arms they could have received not forced to pay for this informa- only the commments and marks tion because their departments Dear Sir, for their 2nd year exams, but refuse to release it whilst other Right fight for science also the same for their 1st year departments, such as Concerning ‘Anthropology exams. Archaeology, give it freely indi- Laurie Pycroft’s decision to vocally support the claims of students demand transparency’, All any student has to do is cates the ‘post-code lottery’ scientists to work in experiments on animals, free from the you might be interested to know submit a written ‘Subject Access under which we suffer. If intimidation of terror brought by activists, might seem that my faculty, SPS, also refused Request’ that specifies the infor- enough of us make a request incomprehensible to some. to give me a detailed breakdown mation they want along with a before their exams this year the By standing up to dogmatic groups of anti-vivisection of my exam performance. Faced fee of £10 to the University Data impact might force a change in campaigners, the 16 year-old has clearly made himself an with this refusal, I decided to use Protection Officer (data.protec- policy across all departments the Data Protection Act to get [email protected]), who is especially if CUSU were to back obvious target for those who seek to do anything they can - the information I wanted. With based at The Old Schools in our individual actions up with often freed from the constraints of rationality and propor- it I was able to obtain the exam- Trinity Lane. Officially, the 40 additional pressure. tionality - to stop all tests on animals. In response, he has iners comments and individual days for compliance starts once The revolution starts here, received threats to his life essay marks from my 2nd year both the request and fee have comrades! But we believe that this makes Pycroft’s actions all the exams and course work. been received. You will also more admirable. For too long, too few groups have offered Under the Act we have an have to provide proof of your Yours faithfully, too vague a critique of the intimidation our universities’ absolute right to access all infor- identity. There are forms and scientists face while attempting to make advances crucial to mation held on us by the advice on the university web site Dominic Cassidy the progress of medical science in this country. University and its departments to help you do all of this St Edmund’s College Letter of within 40 days of application. (http://www.admin.cam.ac.uk/ Varsity applauds Pycroft’s attempts to bring a sense of That means if a student univ/information/dpa/request.h Letter of the Week wins rationality back into this debate, and welcomes his calls for the Week approaching their finals were to tml) but you don’t have to use a specially selected bottle from a reappraisal of the argument with regards to Cambridge. make a request now, by the them. our friends at Cambridge Wine This issue is not going to disappear - it should be settled out beginning of the Easter term The fact that some of us are Merchants, King’s Parade in the open, with the viewpoint Pycroft represents free and able to shout just as loudly as those whose actions have so dominated the debate hitherto. “We are all corporate whores” Varsity is now looking for a new edito- The Anonymous Student rial team for its Michaelmas 2006 editions, including an overall Editor and This Week: The search for the Cambridge soul editors for each section of the news- ambridge is a brothel and of our contemporaries seem to going to work for them, it’s that of us would rather not look at we are all corporate care more about their pension so few of us seem to want to our bank statements. Cambridge paper. If you’d like to apply, Cwhores. Doesn’t anyone than what their company might work against them anymore. students wander round in a haze else feel vaguely depressed as be doing to the world around One of my friends recently of slightly inebriated uncertainty download an application form they pass one of their acquain- them. cited as a reason for breaking up as to what to do with their lives today from www.varsity.co.uk tances wearing a suit and It’s sometimes hard to believe with her boyfriend the fact that and then, realising they can’t walking hurriedly in the direc- when standing in the college bar, he was ‘selling out’ to corporate keep up the lifestyle, try and tion of the train station? And but the people around us are the companies. As a nicely ideologi- jump into the most high paying You can also apply to be a part of you realise that yet another one next generation of brainpower. cal sort, she couldn’t cope with careers. The Deloitte flyers that has fallen to the lure of the high But what use are they going to the idea that her wonderful guy clutter our pigeonholes encour- the one-off team for our May Week powered, faceless corporate put it to other than good old had turned out to be a spineless age the assumption that it’s fine special. We’re also looking to recruit a company. corporate whoredom? A couple gimp. Initially I mocked her, but to spend because there is a solu- We are the 80s generation. of weeks ago I emerged from The the girl has a point. The ideas of tion round the corner. full-time Business Manager for the The phrase ‘greed is good’ prob- Constant Gardener feeling caring, of thinking about the Money, it seems, lures all. 2006-7 academic year: full details can ably made it into our breastmilk. completely overwhelmed by the impact of these businesses on the Poor Ginsberg must be rolling in And then to cap it all off, New terrible reality of multinational world seems to be limited to his grave. Sod the age of student be found on page 25. Labour formed most of our polit- drugs testing in Africa. Walking three months in a Kenyan belief, I have seen the best minds ical initiations. Basically, when it back into the city, I passed group school. In an age of political of my generation strolling comes to ideological back- and group after Cambridge apathy, why not just accept the through the streets of Cambridge ground, we’re buggered. Perhaps students on their way to the pub biggest buck. It’s easy. looking forward to starting their Opportunities at Varsity this is the reason why so many and I realised – it’s not that we’re Let’s face it, the vast majority job at Goldman Sachs. 14 Varsity Lifestyle 24.02.06 24.02.06 Lifestyle Varsity 15

girl sat at her window, gazing out at Athe dull Cambridge day and delay- ing the start of that already overdue essay. Her sighs were heard in a far-off land by a handsome prince who happened to have a white bicycle that rivalled the style and speed of a Bugatti Veyron. Within minutes he appeared at her window with an exquisite bunch of red roses and a tub of chocolate ice cream. He lifted her up onto his horse and they rode away towards a Caribbean sunset… Then she woke up. All girls want some sort of fairy tale, but the wait for Prince Charming can be a slow and painful process. Whilst kissing the frogs may be an entertaining way to pass the time, do you ever stop to wonder why your fairy tale has not yet happened? Cinderella may have had a fairy godmother and Snow White was aided by seven dwarfs, but most of us are sadly lacking in acquaintances with supernatural powers or of abnormal size. Perhaps, girls, it is time that we took things into our own hands. Maybe by learning from our fictional friends we can fast-forward to our own happy ending. There seem to be some valuable relationship lessons that emerge from the classic stories that we have known since childhood, so why not use them? Throw away the self-help books and reach for the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen. s I waited outside St. sight. Naked Dress Girl suggest- flower. I generally have a fit pressure to sit pin straight on the acques Polge has created both in keeping First of all, take Goldilocks as your AJohn’s hall to sign the ed that an aubergine was all that when the vegetables aren’t bench. When the birthday girl JChanel perfumes since 1978, with the history of Chanel and of Can inspiration. This girl certainly knew how guest book for a friend’s was missing from the starter – steamed (steaming lightens the got up to make her adorable and was responsible for the perfumes. you to get what she wanted, even if she did birthday dinner party,I clutched not for the taste, but because its calories whilst retaining the speech (in an ethereal black dress creation of Coco Mademoiselle, describe end up breaking and entering in the my green ticket partially out of colour would be a perfect flavour), but this was English old cleverly grounded by a striking Egoïste, Chance and Allure Do you think that you can learn to the two process. This juvenile delinquent would A visit to the excitement and partially because complement to that luscious school food at its best, appropri- pair of jungle green wedges), one Sensuelle. In addition to creating become a ‘nose’? Is it a gift? concepts of not settle for anything that wasn’t ‘just inspiring flower my fingers were frozen into a green. I sighed at the thought. ate for its environment and ideal felt at home. Cambridge formals new fragrances, a task that requires No, it isn’t something that you’re ‘allure’ and ‘sensuelle’? right’. If you feel that your standards have painting room in tight grasp. Upon entering, a I never give warning that I am for a frosty winter’s evening. can seem pompous and discon- years of research and requires an born with. It’s something that you Allure is a very abstract thing. Some been slipping slightly, and your past the Fitzwilliam warmth enveloped me immedi- a vegetarian and come expecting Dessert followed tout suite; a certingly cinematic (especially intimate knowledge of the learn, as long as you start fairly early. people have it and others don’t. It’s boyfriends have been more like dragons replicates a ately – not only from the gleam halls to prepare spare alterna- medley of daffodil-yellow apple- after that obnoxious Harry Potter brand and its principles and The perfumer works like a compos- nothing to do with who you are, or than knights in shining armour, then wander through of the gilded wooden surfaces tive-diet dishes in advance. sauce and Calvin-Klein-beige has whored our traditions to the style, he is also the guarantor er: he has his ‘olfactory symphony’ with wealth or social standing. Nor is make sure the next one is exactly what a Regency pleas- and the fiery shades of the oil Secretly, I hope that they will pancakes (which seemed wise as masses). of quality for all Chanel in his mind, and day by day, as he it anything to do with beauty. It’s you want. There is nothing wrong with ure garden. paintings, but also from the elec- not, so that I can throw a great it was indeed Pancake Day). Just This truly enchanting candlelit perfumes. Varsity asks composes the score, he comes closer probably a moral quality.Winston being selective. tric heaters placed by the coat big tantrum and announce “fine! as I winced from the sourness of party showed, however, that him a few questions and closer to his mental image of the Churchill, for example, wasn’t a However, it is sometimes necessary to Bad jazz and racks. I was ready to sit, and was Then I guess I’ll just starve!” the dish, scoops of ice cream formal hall is like a University- about life as a nose. finished work. You have to listen to handsome man, but he had allure. make sacrifices for a great relationship, greasy chinese pleased to find myself between a John’s, however, proved to be plopped on the china and wide family dinner. It is a great women, and love them, because Men can have allure, as well as and nobody was more aware of this than food prove to kooky-looking Johnian wearing exquisitely well prepared. provided a perfect foil to the way to meet the weird and If the idea is to take perfume is an inner dimension of women. Coco Chanel had allure. the Little Mermaid. I do not endorse be a winning a fuschia puffball skirt and a girl As the empty soup dishes sharp taste of the apples. wonderful cousins you gained the form of aromas, femininity. Sensuality is a characteristic that has dramatic physical changes, leaving your combination at from Emma wearing a delicate- flickered into main courses faster By the time coffee was served, when you matriculated over a then you must have a a strong link with seduction. friends and family or giving up your voice Charlie Chan’s, ly pleated nude crepe number. than the waiter’s heels clicked I was deeply immersed in a wholesome and sumptuous very good With Allure Sensuelle, you were just for a man. However, you may have Regents Street. As I stared at my tablemates, I down the aisles, I found conversation about breast-milk meal that, in sense of inspired by the voice of Anna What inspires you? to halt excessive flirting, give up some of realised that this was to be a ritzy myself presented with a and was comforted by the infor- the case of smell? Mouglais. How did that idea come In general, fragrance follows fashion, your precious ‘alone time’ and even occa- do, a theory confirmed by the vegetarian cottage pie, all mality of the whole occasion. John’s, You actually to fruition? but in its own way. Any new sionally share your bed if he is really glazed buns that soothed my autumnal yellows and Yes, the joint comes in at need to accu- Allure Senseuelle’s muse, Anna fragrance must translate the new atti- worth it. panging hunger. oranges glowing back at was under £4. mulate lots of Mouglais, has been the ambassador tudes of women. The idea of Allure You should not narrow your criteria to The first course was a split pea me. The carnivores had swanky, aromas, not of Chanel for nearly five years. As a was to be a sporty fragrance, which is only include men who look like they soup, which was so luxuriously lamb, which, according but there only those of the fashion icon, she is Karl Lagerfeld’s easy to wear, with a simple melody, have stepped out of an aftershave silky in texture you’d think to puffball-skirt, was was no products avail- muse and tipped to be the next Bond something that you commercial. Beauty and the Beast has Hermes would be toting it in its “quite good.” The able to you for girl. It was whilst thinking of her can wear on many taught us to look beyond the superficial next window display (that’s Emma nudist creating. You voice, deep with a hot and brassy occasions, some- and not to be put off by excessive body Hermes as in the French fashion agreed, adding that it need as many texture, that I said to myself, “Let’s thing very hair or a quick temper. If he is lacking a house, not the Webmail service). was “quite meaty.” natural products try and make this fragrance hers!” I comfortable. Allure chiselled jawbone and defined torso, he Being a vegetarian, I decided to This prompted as those created found the ideas of constructing a Sensuelle has may make up for it in other areas. ignore the pink-balloon-skirt- Fuschia to say through research. fragrance around a voice to be very become more Anyway, every girl needs a ‘beast’ once Ideally this wearing Johnian’s suggestion “and the gravy’s I think you also poetic. The voice comes from the of an evening in a while… upcoming ball that there might be ham blend- quite good too.” need to know soul and fragrance also has an inner fragrance. Finally, hope is always there in the season will see a ed into the potage. There was My pie was about and have a dimension. form of Sleeping Beauty. It may not be fresh and pensive indeed a meaty aftertaste that buttery comfort personal vision of massively productive to believe that sobriety dictate left one smacking one’s lips with food and went fragrances and the Did you get involved in finding the sleeping is the way to meet the man of the gowns. Bling satisfaction, but upon examining down a treat with history of name? your dreams, but who knows? If it could is dead, so take off the liquid, I declared that there roast potatoes perfumery. All No, but when they have some happen to her, it could happen to you. those gold hoops was not a pink porcine cube in and cheesy cauli- the fragrances suggestions, they ask my opinion. Maybe that was why Marilyn Monroe and cry into your that I make are wore nothing to bed but Chanel No.5. clothes to create interesting textures. W > 16 Varsity Arts 03.03.06 Arts Classical Music Visual Arts Interviews Weighing in on the Feeling the force with DJ Revisiting a genius of the A youthful Bryan Ferry Shostakovich debate Yoda Italian Baroque decides to keep it short and sweet >>page 21 >>page 19 >>page 21 >>page 20 What’s happening to the Oscars? Jonny Ensall explains how the Academy supports any dream - as long as it’s American

ou may, like hundreds of millions that of the violent instinct of the silent dumb as in the ‘Best Foreign Language non-American film has clearly eroded directors will not suffice. But the prob- of other people worldwide, be cowboy and that of the inarticulate Film’ category that seems to exist to a central conceit of the Oscars - that of lem is chronic; awards ceremonies, Ystaying up this Sunday to watch lovers who can only communicate give those funny little filmmakers in an American film industry wielding its especially those invested with as much the glorified song-and-dance routine emotion through conflict. Jake other countries a pat on the back for at phallic statues like the sceptres of a institutional and cultural capital as the that is the annual Academy Awards. Gyllenhaal, sounding like a trailer-trash least having a go at the Hollywood cultural hegemon. The Academy Oscars, tend to be reactionary. Before You may find that the the tired variety waitress with an abusive husband, heavyweights. In recent years only should not be holding back trends foreign language films start being show format begins to grate a little. drawls “I wish I knew how to quit Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and City toward greater cross-cultural transfer. nominated for Best Picture, it will take And you may be only mildly enter- you”, after which Heath Ledger (the of God have fought their way out of this Rather it should be reflecting and another prejudice-shattering film like tained by some of the jokes and musical silent one) tries to fight him for being corner to win awards in other cate- encouraging them. Patronising pats on Brokeback Mountain - this time to tackle numbers which just about prop up the a “queer”. It is at these points, where gories: yet, these exceptions only prove the head of foreign the Academy’s glib sagging ceremony like the under-wire blatant clichés jar forcibly against each the general rule that America thinks it national focus. support built into a tit-poppingly tight other, that the film becomes funny. makes better films than the rest of the dress. Nevertheless you know you’ll Certainly, by working within conven- world. still be watching at 3 in the morning, tional impressions of the cowboy and At which point it’s time to talk about lulled into a state of bleary-eyed the tried-and- tested doomed love Michael Haneke’s masterpiece Hidden. contentment by the magnetic force of formula Ang Lee has created a unique, A quick survey of US publications celebrity and the tense build up to a genre-busting picture that deserves to shows result that, now Strictly Come Dancing it to has finished, seems distinctly lacking from the BBC schedules. But instead of Brucey, this year the be Academy offers us Jon Stewart as one of presenter; a significant choice that the top points to the politicisation of the Oscars. “ five high- Stewart is a satirical comedian, the HAVING FIT GUYS est-rated films ‘smartest funnyman’ on American TV IN OUTFITS of the year, yet it and author of the bestselling book isn’t nominated America: A Guide to Democracy Inaction. MUCKING ABOUT for a single Oscar. The When invited onto CNN’s arse-licking film is a brilliant study in bour- political debate show Crossfire he IN A GAYWAY IS geois complacency and post-colonial famously lectured the presenters on NO MORE guilt. It’s being talked about by jour- their responsibility to the public nalists as the defining film of a discourse, calling them “partisan SUBVERSIVE generation, yet in its subtlety and hacks”. The show was subsequently sophistication it seems to have cancelled. Unlike in recent years when THAN THE completely slipped below the a haggard looking Billy Crystal or a VILLAGE PEOPLE Hollywood radar. It was supposed to Chris ‘he so black’ Rock have present- have been entered into the Best ed the Oscars, Stewart is less likely to Foreign Language Film category; gloss over his satire with a smile that however as Haneke is an Austrian says don’t worry, everything in the director and the film was made in world is ok. France, it can be entered neither as Stewart is just one part of this year’s win an Oscar just for the point it would France nor as Austria’s best film of the uniquely socio-political Oscars package. ”make to Hollywood. But honestly, year. But this isn’t as lamentable as the There’s an important reminder about having fit guys in outfits generally fact that Hidden isn’t nominated in McCarthy-era hysteria and govern- mucking about with each other in a gay either the Best Picture or the Best mental corruption in Good Night and way is no more subversive than the Director categories. This, of course, Good Luck, a Best Actress nomination Village People. would have been far too much for Felicity Huffman’s performance as a The only reason that Brokeback Moun- to hope for. pre-operative transsexual in Transamer- tain is constantly being described Which ica and for Brokeback Mountain (a film around Oscar time as a “challenging” takes us on that seems to have beguiled many of movie is because it is simultaneously a to the my male friends, who can’t stop talk- mainstream Hollywood story and a gay wider ing about that bit where Heath Ledger love story. For the majority of people point. The spits into his hand), there’s a chance to gay love isn’t challenging any more global clean up in the Best Picture, Director, (American churches didn’t even kick commer- Actor, Supporting Actor and up a fuss when Brokeback was released). cial and Supporting Actress categories. But to be acknowledged by the critical So where did the Oscars go wrong? Academy as not only a commercial but success What happened to nice, clean, platon- also a critical success the film necessar- of ic love between hobbits? Somehow, ily needed to be set in a time and place this year’s most critically lauded film where stronger homophobic attitudes has taken something as quintessential- existed than they do today. Any resist- ly American as a Malboro Red and ance to Heath Ledger (that’s the made it all bent. dashing hero from A Knight’s Tale) play- Brokeback Mountain follows the clas- ing a mumbling, gay ranch-worker has sic storyline of star-crossed lovers who been overcome by using the subtle find happiness only with each other but suggestion that narrow-minded atti- are doomed to be apart. Except it just tudes to this film are similar to happens to be about men and they just narrow-minded attitudes about homo- happen to be cowboys. So what? Do sexuality. I’m not suggesting that the we really need to giggle when we see Academy is homophobic; just too stuffy the semi-naked horseplay of two to let films that had previously been Hollywood heartthrobs, their hands consigned to art house obscurity win grabbing wildly at each others’ Oscars without first being made to RACHEL Wranglers? Perhaps we do, because this watch a representation of their own version of a gay relationship is, unfor- narrow-mindedness on the big screen. HARDING tunately, a cliché. It is a cliché But nowhere does the Academy amalgamated out of two other clichés: prove itself to be as patronising or as 03.03.06 Theatre Varsity 17 Songs of arms and men Will Simpson has written a new stage adapation of the Iliad. He talks to Natalie Woolman about the shadow of tradition veryone knows the hundred-strong cast, sword-fight to cherry-pick the best bits” but story, but at the same training and pints of blood, I ask also, by using a stylised language So what does happen in the “Etime no one knows it” how the epic is being staged. and a small cast, to make it his Iliad? says Will Simpson, writer of the Thankfully, Simpson is first to own. However, he wryly new adaptation of the Iliad, next admit that trying to create a real- comments “I hope I’m not going Apollo has sent a plague against the week’s ADC Mainshow. This istic Troy within the ADC would to get lynched at the Classics Greeks, who captured the daughter statement has already been made have been a fruitless exercise, department next week.” of the priest Chryses and gave her as painfully apparent to me, having and would probably look “crap”. Talking about adaptations, we a prize to King Agamemnon. He is just asked for his vision of the naturally move on to the block- compelled to restore her to her father, Trojan horse, and finding “there buster Troy. “It upset me a lot,” and, out of pride, he takes Briseis, is no horse in the play, or in the he says. It was “one of the main whom the Athenians had given Iliad at all.” reasons I wrote the play.” That Achilles as a prize. Achilles, the great- However, Simpson explains “ bad? “It was a missed opportuni- est warrior of the age, follows the that misconceptions like these ty, they tried to tell the full story, advice of his mother, Thetis, and were one of his inspirations in I HOPE I DON’T but that’s impossible, even withdraws from battle in revenge. As writing the play, alleviating my GET LYNCHED Homer didn’t do that.” a result, the allied Greek armies embarrassment slightly. As we come to the end of our nearly lose the war. A series of second year lectures NEXT WEEK conversation, I realise how In counterpoint to Achilles' (Simpson is a Classicist) made important this production is for pride and arrogance stands the him realise that the Iliad was in new writing in Cambridge: to Trojan prince Hector, son of fact “quite an interesting story”, have secured the ADC Mainshow King Priam, with a wife and and had far more vitality and slot suggests a renaissance for child, who fights to defend relevance than he had initially ” Cambridge writers, a chance, as his city and his family. The expected. He explains how he has tried Simpson describes, to “break out death of Patroclus, He comments “Really it is all not to link the play to a specific from the playroom”, a venue Achilles' dearest friend sex, drugs and rock and roll, time, because the Iliad itself is which can sometimes “railroad or lover, at the hands of except without the drugs and anachronistic, evolving, as it did, new writers to the domestic Hector, brings Achilles rock and roll... that’s not a very over many years through an oral drama”. back to the war for good analogy!” I ask him if he tradition and that “the thought of With under a week until he revenge, and he slays considered an update: he felt togas, sandals and fake beards sees his “baby” under the Hector. Later Hector's there was no merit in it for its scared me.” dazzling ADC lights I ask if he is father, King Priam, own sake and that, although the This pared down and imagina- nervous, “Terrified, I go from comes to Achilles text explores themes as relevant tive vision extends to the text giddy excitement to sheer terror.” disguised as a beggar to to us today as they were to itself. He is working with a cast But, after our interview, I don’t ransom his son's body Classical Greeks, making “facile” of eight, six of whom are bards think he needs to be. back, and Achilles is contemporary points was not a who swap in and out of charac- moved to pity; the direction he wanted to take. ter roles. The Iliad is on at the ADC next funeral of Hector ends Having (anxious) visions of a Of the script, he says “I’ve tried week at 7.45pm the poem.

students and a Classicist as stuff indeed. View the brains behind it. J: Oh right. What Best of the Bunch J: Oh, I’m so looking happened to your pre-show from the forward to seeing it! Are your rant - “Only students do Sophia Broido samples the Smørgasbord stomach muscles feeling Berkoff”? That’s a bit of a gods much firmer after your trip to turn-around! mid a plethora of re- dent opening by Dustin Jamie Macdonald was the ADC? I: Well, it’s true that the jigged Shakespeare, Frazier’s abrasive American outstanding as the awkward, I: I guarantee that anyone script itself is pretty shit: take AChekhov and Ibsen talk-show host, who gives an endearing mathematician in who sees it is going to have a the word ‘cunt’, multiply it, productions that promise audi- amusing grilling to Amy Second Sight, using comically good time. But at times it was and then add in some social- ences “innovative” Gwilliam’s “we-signed-a-fuck- contorted physicality to present rather like watching a ist polemic. But this reinterpretations, Smørgasbord ing-contract” vacuous a man socially out of place. Smoker – a bit up and down. production really is slick. And – the Cambridge new writing Hollywood actress. The highlight of the evening It’s consistently fun, but not come on – it’s got red knick- festival, stands out. Meatier pieces followed, with was Harry Joll and Ben always laugh-out-loud funny. ers in it. What more could The writing this year varied Josh Stanley’s highly ambitious Harden’s mockumentary The Having said that, I must you want? Maybe Varsity enormously in subject, from historical verse tragedy Richard Mysterious Case of Mustafa Hanza. should have got guys to be Hollywood satire to an histor- I, Issy Mccann’s Second Sight (a The quick-witted dialogue was godlike this week; there was ical tragedy in iambic dark comedy on a psychotic complemented by Joll’s engag- a lot of potential girl ogling. pentameter. However, little was surgeon), and Daisy Black’s ing performance and a sense of The Corpus Freshers’ Play at done to prepare the audience haunting Making Tracks – a camaraderie with Harden. “ the Playroom, Tomato Pulp, COME ON, for a sudden change in style, dialogue about obsession, grief Perhaps this piece should have was jam packed with long- genre and period, and not all and love in a train station. been performed at a Smoker so IT’S GOT RED legged girls in tiny skirts. I performers were confident Richard I was an impressive that more would be lucky The Varsity Elect felt like I’d been caught in enough on the first night to recital but little was done to enough to watch it. Or perhaps KNICKERS IN Corpus bar after matricula- present the writers’ style with create dramatic tension. It you should visit the Playroom Pass Judgement, IT - WHAT tion. clarity from the start. would be interesting to see at 7 this week, and decide for with Imogen J: Wow, you went to a Smørgasbord was defined in what could be done with some yourself which your favourite MORE COULD freshers play? What I want to the organisers as a “buffet meal of these pieces were they given course is. Walford & know is: are there any toma- containing a varied number of the opportunity to stand in Smørgasbord is on at the Corpus Joanna Benecke YOU WANT? toes involved and, if so, are dishes”. We were given a confi- their own right. Playroom until Saturday they pulped? I: Funny you should Imogen: Knock knock. mention that. There is indeed Joanna: Who’s there? ”admit I probably would have a ‘deep and meaningful’ Imogen: Comedy. Comedy, been happy just watching (actually) moment with a in Cambridge. Which you Alastair Roberts’s balloon tomato. missed - I cannot believe sketch all evening long. J: Mmm. So, on a scale you’ve been ill this week, J: But, would you actually from one to “I want to eat my Joanna, when you could recommend it to anyone spleen”, how highly would have been locked up in sever- wishing to, say, join a circus? you recommend Tomato al airless black boxes like me. I mean, does it really offer Pulp? J: Poor me! As consolation, any practical tips on animal I: Well, I must admit I went do tell me what delights you handling and/or caravans? in ready to nibble a finger or were treated to courtesy of I: Well, no. Mainly it’s just two, but came out pretty Cambridge thesping. pretty funny, but laughter is pleasantly surprised. I have I: Well, first I went to the a lesson which I do like to spent far far worse hours in Circus – no, not a big top on learn. Anyway, difficult as it the Playroom. Parker’s Piece, but the was to leave the ADC bar J: OK, good to know your Footlights Spring Revue at afterwards, it really was body parts survived digestion. the ADC. It’s actually more worth it for the treats of I’ll book us tickets for Mike about clever word play than Greek, director Alexandra Leigh’s Two Thousand Years, about clowns. Very suprising, Spencer-Jones’s latest sex- Arts Theatre, 14-18th March, what with two English filled scintillating sizzler. Hot then shall I? Visit www.varsity.co.uk for a definitive guide to all of Cambridge theatre, including reviews of Footlights’ sell-out Spring Revue Circus, Steven Berkoff’s Modern Tragedy Greek, and three new student plays what would you do with this page?

Apply to edit or section edit Varsity in May Week or Michaelmas. Download an application form from www.varsity.co.uk today. 03.03.06 Arts Varsity 19 Video Killed The Superstar DJ? In the week when DJ Yoda heads to Cambridge, Daniel Hopton explains the VJ phenomenon ave you ever been in a ed calling some of their presen- typical psychedelia beloved of BLATHERWICK club, listening to some ters VJs, coining the term in the many VJs by using original Hgood music, and found process. The next leap forward video footage and graphics. If SCA’s Battle of the Bands your eyes being drawn to the came when computers fast you went to Global Gathering is usually a yearly staple, but visuals showing on the wall? enough to edit live video or Creamfields last year you circumstances beyond the Soon you realise that you arrived. Programming a range probably saw us in action. organisers’ control now put haven’t looked at the DJ, act or of clips to be played instantly Making these clips is almost Saturday’s event in jeopardy. performer for some time. Well, meant VJs could concentrate as much fun as the perform- If it does happen then don’t that was a good VJ, and that is on reading the crowd and ance itself. Filming break miss your chance to check what VJing is about: entertain- displaying images that reflected dancers and animating toys to out some of Cambridge’s ing the eyes as well as the ears. their mood and the changing move in time with the music hottest student talent. If that Though artists have toyed music. Groups like Coldcut and stick out particularly in my doesn’t sound like your with the idea of putting moving Underworld were pioneers . memory. Preparation takes just thing, perhaps you’ll prefer images to music since the as much creativity and imagi- DJ Scotch Egg. An Futurists of the early twentieth nation as performance. unhealthy obsession with century, it took the expansion As the price of laptops and picnic food (It’s horrible! of the film industry to really digital projectors falls, venues Really horrible!) will be “ evident at The Portland kickstart a trend. An early ENTERTAINING are beginning to make greater pioneer was Oskar Fischinger, use of VJs. When was the last Arms on Wednesday, for who in the late 1920s created a TO THE EYES time you went to a music festi- what is billed as “an evening remarkable series of abstract val and didn't see huge screens of noisy Japanese and UK films tightly synchronised with AS WELL AS either side of the stage? On the wrongness”. Sounds music. They were shown THE EARS continent, VJs are highly unmissable. widely in Europe, Japan and prominent, often accompany- The White Rose America, but it was to be the ing DJs on stage. Movement, likened to rise of dance music in the 1960s Meanwhile, in the UK, VJs Depeche Mode and The that finally gave ‘visual’ music are still routinely put backstage Rapture, are at Anglia a massive audience. ”I have been interested in - severing their connection Ruskin on Saturday. Expect Early visual effects at clubs VJing for about two years now, with the audience. I think this some electro-eighties included (besides mirror balls and during even this short time is set to change in the near posturing, but since when and disco lights) the classic the scene has changed dramat- future, and I can even see has that been a bad thing? backlit-coloured-oil-on-water, ically. There is a large and VJing vying with DJing as Cambridge will be posturing and quickly progressed to the growing community of VJs something to learn in your plenty this weekend; on the use of projectors with loops of around the world using the bedroom. We already have same night you can dash film. By the 1980s it was possi- latest technology to make the superstar DJs. So why not back across Parker’s Piece ble to show live footage to idea of visual music a reality. superstar VJs? and grab the Electrosleaze audiences. This opened up the My friends and I have night at King’s. possibility of the VJ reacting contributed to this burgeoning See triggerset.co.uk for If you don’t fancy the run, spontaneously to the audience. genre by forming Trigger Set more information there’s also Versus III at Around this time, MTV start- VJs. We try to avoid the stereo- Kambar on Thursday, featur- ing indie, electro and hip-hop, and all for charity. How did you become a DJ? and 80s movies though... programmes, and I’m cutting Community Link Aid for I started off just messing around them up over beats. It’s pretty African nations, no less. Mix it up he will on my parent’s hi-fi, and got How would you describe the different to anything I’ve done Lastly, Club Goo more and more serious. Then I kind of music you make? before, and it’s really exciting to welcomes Leeds’ superb DJ Yoda tells Jacqui Tedd why the saved up and bought some I tell people that I’m a hip-hop take something this new to the This Et Al on Wednesday. force is still with him Sure, they played here last turntables. I was always really DJ, but I play absolutely any clubs. term, but new bands are just into music, and I used to make other kind of music that fits in so efficient nowadays! With silly mix-tapes for all my friends. too. I would maybe describe it What advice would you give Goo’s new pricing it’s now as fun, open-minded hip-hop! to students who want to £5 before 11 every week, Who and what inspires you persue a DJ career? and £3 with NUS afterwards. and what you do? What should we expect at Try and find your own style. Loads of stuff inspires me - the ‘DJ Yoda Goes To The Being original is half the battle, mainly movies, music, TV, food, Movies’ night? so don’t copy other DJs - just try Visit www.varsity.co.uk for a live dancing - anything I see and I’m using new technology that and do what comes naturally to review of Beth Orton at The Corn Exchange and a report on Carl appreciate I try and involve in allows me to scratch DVDs like yourself. Barat’s new band Dirty Pretty my music. I guess specifically I would scratch records. So I’ve Things’ London debut I’ve always been a fan of old taken clips and samples of my Catch DJ Yoda Goes To The Movies school hip-hop, Jewish comedy favourite movies and TV on Sunday March 6 at the Fez

Graham Coxon Delays John Eliot Gardiner Love Travels At Illegal Speeds ##### You See Colours ##### Bach Cantatas #####

enables him to easily avoid this Its adrenalised electro-pulse The blended sound is joyful fate. combined with Greg’s and full-bodied, especially His rhyming couplets aren’t aching falsetto (reminding in the choral opening to exactly Marvellian (“I can’t look me of how I thought Delays BWV 127, ‘Herr Jesu Christ, at your skin/Cause it’s doing were a girl group until I saw wahr’ Mensch und Gott. me in”), but given that they’re a picture) combine to make As for the soloists, I was made to be spat out over it an instant classic, the kind entranced by soprano Ruth punchy guitar riffs, this doesn’t of song the Scissors Sisters Holton’s aria ‘Die Seele ruht matter much. Although single would make if they were in Jesu Händen,’ and James and opener ‘Standing On My actually good. Gilchrist, the Bach tenor of Own Again’ sets the tone, ‘Too Much In Your Life’ the moment, is in fine fettle harks back to their debut, Coxon proves he’s no one-trick with its choral harmony and in the second disc. All in all, The artist formerly known as indie pony with dreamy ballads Delays’ (note the defiant lack charmingly slow pace, but Continuing his excellent then, this is a fine release. ‘the one with the emo glasses like ‘Flights to the Sea (Lovely of a ‘The’) first album, Faded Delays are at their best when series of Bach Cantatas With two other Cantata from Blur’ is back with his Rain)’. Another highlight is Seaside Glamour flew in the they keep it upbeat. recorded live as part of the series being released at the seventh solo offering. Whilst his ‘Gimme Some Love’, which face of the prevailing wind of ‘Hideaway’s’ gloriously ‘Bach Cantata Pilgrimage’ moment, by Koopman and former band has been irrevoca- despite having a title that the British rock rebirth, jangly pop sensibility will that Gardiner recorded in Suzuki respectively, there is bly weakened by his departure, suggests the romantic eschewing the danceable surely be one of the songs of 2000, this release marks the a wealth to choose from. Coxon’s solo efforts have approach of a Neanderthal rhythms of Franz et al in the summer, while ‘Winter’s sixth instalment. The Gardiner releases, always benefited from the about to hit you over the head favour of wispy pop Memory of Summer’ is Appropriately enough, the recorded live, often contain melodies that inspired absence of Albarn’s posturing. with a club and drag you back another standout. first disc, Cantatas for mistakes but the joyful comparisons to The La’s and This is the sound of an Love Travels at Illegal Speeds is to his cave, is actually a rather The Cocteau Twins, with the Quinquagesima was record- immediacy of the recordings billed as a ‘concept album endearing, uplifting number. intelligent and ambitious ed in the blooming acoustic and performances coupled … caveat of ‘not as good as…’ band finding themselves. about love’, which often trans- Love Travels is a coherent You See Colours is a of King’s College Chapel. with beautiful presentation lates as ‘a completely and consistently excellent That may mean they’re Alongside Gardiner’s excel- and a low price makes them decidedly different affair. hopping on the bandwagon, unselfconscious exercise in piece of work. Put away your Delays have discovered lent Monteverdi Choir are irresistible. pretension and self-absorp- Gorillaz CD and listen to a real but when it sounds this the choirs of Trinity and synthesisers, instantly, and good, who cares? tion’, but Coxon’s ability to (see what I did there?) artist. wondrously apparent on the Sarah Pope Clare, Cambridge’s premier Francis Letschka represent the everyman Liz Bradshaw opening single, ‘Valentine’. mixed-voice College choirs. 20 Varsity Arts 03.03.06 And the award goes to... As part of our Oscars special, our reviewers pick their own Best Picture winners

Capote #####

he problem with most fully in portraying both sides of biopics is they’re poorly Capote, showing his despicable Tstructured and boring. manipulation of Perry Smith, This year’s five Best Picture Oscar nominees: (l-r) Brokeback Mountain, Crash, Good Night and Good Luck, Munich and Capote Luckily, Capote manages to avoid but also what appears to be his these pitfalls by focussing on the genuine affection and even love into a captivating whole that raises fasci- Spielberg’s film got the praise it deserved. critically important period of for his supposed kindred spirit, Brokeback nating questions about society. A triumph. Returning to the filmmaking heights of Truman Capote’s life. who Capote claims had “grown Mountain Schindler’s List, this turns an unflinching The film tells the story of how up in the same house”. Stuart Smith eye to the contemporary politics of the he came to write In Cold Blood - The tension is ratcheted up Directed by Ang Lee Middle East and to the futility of his revolutionary “non-fiction in masterful fashion through Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, vengeance. novel” about the killers of a Michelle Williams Good Night, and Although a film with an important family in a quiet Kansas farm- Brokeback Mountain is not just the best film Good Luck message, Munich is also packed with under- house in 1959. made this year, but the best made in the stated, heartfelt performances and is Philip Seymour Hoffman, Directed by George Clooney painfully taut with suspense. Unlike the portrays, in effect, two Capotes past ten years. That it is a ‘gay cowboy’ Starring Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, “THE FILM flick, though politically and cinematically other contenders, Spielberg’s film manages - one who is arrogant, selfish, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Esposito, to both blaze a moral trail and keep the deeply dislikeable and highly important, is subsidiary to the fundamen- William Fichtner, Thandie Newton BRILLIANTLY tal qualities of the work. audience on the edge of their seat. manipulative, and another who Ang Lee, in his signature subtle fashion, Good Night, and Good Luck is an unmiti- Unrelentingly brave, Munich is this year’s is compassionate, caring, lonely JUXTAPOSES has been able to create a beautiful and gated success. The film portrays Ed best picture. and misunderstood. romantic film, in which the acting, cine- Murrow making the broadcasts which Sam Law At the beginning of the film, TWO CAPONE matography and editing are exquisite. undermined Senator Joseph Hoffman is clearly portraying PERSONAS Sure, he also chose to make the romance McCarthy’s accusations of the arrogant Capote, on a high same sex, leading to walk-outs in the Communism during the 50s. No actor Capote from the fame and praise cinema, but it never feels like anything plays McCarthy; in this respect the Directed by Bennett Miller bestowed upon him for Break- other than an attempt to tell a gripping film is utterly reliant on archive Starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, fast at Tiffany’s, and living a story, a commitment which lies at the footage, so that McCarthy seems Catherine Keener , Clifton glamorous New York lifestyle. ”Capote’s compellingly complex heart of its success. almost to hang himself with his Collins Jr. Slowly, however, this gives way relationships with, amongst Oliver Tilley own words. to a startlingly different portray- others, his literary agent, his The film is beautiful, the Capote is the exception to the al of Capote as a misread, sad friend Harper Lee, his partner Crash performances practically flawless. Hollywood rule that the life of figure who we learn was Jack Dunphy and Smith, the David Strathairn is outstanding as the solitary writer does not have neglected as a child and who killer, to a ferociously gripping Directed by Paul Haggis Murrow, and the screenplay main- the requisite dramatic potential for seems to find a kindred spirit in drama in which, even at its Starring Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, tains the balance between our the big screen. But what if there Perry Smith, one of the Kansas end, we are still unsure where Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Esposito, interests in the characters and the was a remarkable correlation killers and the focal point of In Capote’s real spirit lies and William Fichtner, Thandie Newton central story. Good Night and Good Luck between the writer’s life and his Cold Blood. The film then bril- whether we should love his does not fail at any point to entertain fiction due to his pioneering of a liantly juxtaposes these two genius and compassion or hate Crash is an instantly appealing, well-made revolutionary new genre of “non- Capote personas as he struggles his selfishness and arrogance. ensemble film. With over ten key charac- and challenge its audience. Izzy De Rosario fiction novels”? Would that work? to write his book, and we are It’s difficult to convey how ters, all played by Hollywood giants, the Yes it would. And Bennett Miller’s constantly reminded of his two enjoyable this deeply intriguing film could easily have run away with itself Capote is proof. competing aims: to help and film is, and if there’s any justice and devolved into an overcomplicated Munich Against all odds. every possibly emancipate both in the world it will quite righ- mess. However Paul Haggis’ masterful Hollywood box is ticked; the himself and Smith, and to lly claim the major awards at script and direction keep everything Directed by George Clooney glimpses of tears behind the simultaneously manipulate Sunday’s Oscars, including together so that each story is interesting Starring Eric Bana, Daniel Craig, public mask, the childhood Smith in order to write a grip- (and most importantly) Best and never outstays its welcome. Mathieu Kassovitz, Geoffrey secrets behind adult traumas and ping narrative (which would of Actor, for Philip Seymour It is impeccably acted and in many Rush even a suggestion of redemp- course bring him even greater Hoffman’s commanding places fantastic to look at, but the real Munich has been passed over tion. Capote is the thinking praise and fame). mastery of these two Truman success of Crash lies in the subtle inter- man’s choice for Best Picture. Hoffman and director, Capotes. weaving of so many separate plot strands by the other awards cere- monies, but it’s time Ed King Bennett Miller succeed wonder- Tom Hannan

Michael Bracewell, Ferry’s What was your most When I was biographer, writes this for prized possession? My The Successor ##### Varsity: Studebaker car. Since his first recordings with the art rock group Roxy Music What were you afraid of? Tod Hartman reviews Ismail Kadare’s latest novel in the early 1970s, Bryan Failure. Ferry has become one of the ntil a few years ago, Ismail Kadare was who is speaking, as the narrative suddenly and 21 most iconic singers in popular What made you angry? almost entirely unknown across the inexplicably switches from a character’s music. Having studied Fine Same. UAnglophone literary world. But, last year’s perspective, to the narrative first person, then Art at Newcastle in the middle inaugural International Booker Prize and some to some all-knowing international observer of Bryan Ferry of the 1960s, Ferry moved to Who were your heroes? helpfully excellent translations later, he has events in the Balkans. London in 1968 and became Marcel Duchamp, Richard become by far Albania’s most eminent cultural This style is by turns intriguing and frustrat- a household name within five Hamilton, Leadbelly. export. His books are amongst the only descrip- ing. Nonetheless, The Successor’s 207 years. Internationally famous, tions of the much-troubled Balkan state that large-printed small pages, filled with political his name considered Who were you in love have reached many western readers. denunciations, secret tunnels and Balkan synonymous with glamour, with? Nobody. The Successor, Kadare’s latest offering, is in revenge cults, make for an enjoyable, if brief, Bryan Ferry is also one of the fact Albania’s most famous real life murder read. They are certainly a good introduction to most private of stars. What was your favourite mystery thinly disguised as fiction. Albania, and to the work of its greatest author. 'Roxy Music; Art School outfit? White Levi’s. In December 1981, the country’s Prime 60s/London '70s’ will be Minister, Mehmet Shehu – the novel’s epony- published by Faber & Faber Where did you spend mous ‘Successor’ – was found in the bedroom in 2007. most of your evenings? of his lavish Tirana residence, dead from a The club A-Go-Go. gunshot wound to the head. Was it suicide or murder? Everything seemed In what year were you 21 What did you eat? Rubbish. to revolve around Enver Hoxha - (here, ‘the and what were you doing? Guide’), the Stalinist dictator who so brutally 1966. Studying at University What music did you listen ruled Albania between 1944 and 1985. Shehu in Newcastle. to? RnB. had been Hoxha’s right-hand man until short- ly before his death. He was known throughout Where did you live? In a Where had you travelled Albania as ‘Number Two’. flat in Jesmond. to? France, Italy, Spain, In the novel, as he was in life, Hoxha is Germany. regarded by many as a God-like, fearsome How did you celebrate figure. The caprice of his favour literally meant your 21st birthday? In a What did you believe in? death or survival for thousands of Albanians – café in Dreus, France. Art. especially for the Successor’s family, set to become victims of one of Hoxha’s Stalin-like What did you keep secret What made you cry? purges in the book. from your parents? Music. Indeed, Kadare’s writing bounds along like Everything. some disembodied Greek chorus, reguarly Bryan with the sculpture ‘Virginia What did you hope to be? bursting out with exclamations of woe as yet Plain’, which would give its What were your illegal Appreciated. another misfortune befalls his hapless charac- name to Roxy’s first single. Kadare: International Booker Prize winner, 2005 activities? None. Emily Stokes ters. Sometimes it’s not quite clear enough 03.03.06 Arts Varsity 21 Rebel without a chord It’s Shostakovich’s centenary year, and his music is as controversial as ever. Caroline Waight talks music, man and regime with Professor David Fanning

master of ironic subtlety, purporting to be Shostakovich’s WELCH ADAM that dares to face up to the or a figure of empty memoirs as related to Solomon worst that the twentieth centu- Abombast? Something Volkov, turned debate into a ry had to dish up, the sense that STREET BEATS about Shostakovich has always full-scale war. The book suppos- a positive frame of mind is DJ SKETCHY & DJ RIP attracted controversy. edly provided definitive proof of always brittle, but also that not Described as “the greatest the composer’s anti-Stalinist taking refuge in false consola- symphonist of the mid-twenti- sentiments, supporting the idea tion is an inspiring response to A couple of weeks ago eth century”, he has frequently that behind the outward zeal of the human condition. Oh, and Rawganics returned to the been the subject of harsh criti- his music lurks inner rebellion. phenomenal musicality, prolific Junction with UK sensation cism; a certain Cambridge Unfortunately the text is not invention, and so on...” No Sway. Unfortunately he didn’t live up to the industry Professor even commented what it claims to be: “It almost wonder we are still celebrating hype; what’s more he scathingly, “It is astonishing that certainly contains passages that his birthday. attempted to resolve his this cycle [of Shostakovich are Shostakovich’s, alongside Perhaps then, ironically, his “beef” with one of the crowd string quartets] is now as a lasting popularity is largely due members after the show – matter of routine compared to the brutal regime under not the most professional with Beethoven's; like compar- which he lived. Its influence attitude from someone ing a housing estate to the was politically repressive, but at attempting to hit the main- Acropolis”. “ least it gave him something to stream charts. MUSIC - FOR So how is it that some people struggle with. “After all, what The next day we were see irony where others see only SHOSTAKOVICH can Western composers write graced with 3 x World DMC affectation? “It’s partly because against these days, when every- Team Champs, C2C, at performances vary greatly in the -WAS A LIFE thing is allowed and nothing Clare Cellars. And what a way they project musical char- OR DEATH they do matters?” asks Fanning. night it was. Check the acter, and partly because some “Music for Shostakovich was a review on www.varsity.co.uk listeners are more or less sensi- ISSUE life-or-death issue.” if you want to hear more. All tive to context”, says Prof David Essentially, all the fuss and we can say is that it was a Fanning. “After all, it’s context the controversy boils down to night of true quality perform- ance – with Cambridge’s that suggests the irony of one central factor – the mystery own Inja & Skuff warming- ‘Brutus is an honourable man’, of Shostakovich himself. The up nice, and headliners C2C not the words themselves”. ”others that aren’t”. man, like his music, hides showing how to push the Irony is, by its very nature, But Shostakovich has never behind a mask. “It became a turntable to the next level. elusive: an inflection rather been more popular in the coping strategy, and eventually Sunday saw the DnB act than a bald statement, and as concert-hall. Fanning attributes a habit of mind that still feels in that everyone has been talk- Shostakovich left no record of his ever-increasing reputation to many ways more modern than ing about, Pendulum, hit the his intentions, we will never a multitude of things: “the sheer anything one might range Fez Club. As expected, they really know the ‘true meaning’ excitement that comes from under musical modernism”, delivered a big set, with the of his work. As Fanning puts it: aggression and high spirits being explains Fanning. The genius of club boiling over from “irony of this musical kind is pushed beyond their normal Shostakovich’s music lies in his anthems such as ‘Slam’ and inevitably a matter of reading, bounds, irreverence and quick- ability to remain elusive, both ‘Tarantula’. This was one for not of verifiable intention.” wittedness to the point of confounding and delighting his the boat clubs and JCR The 1979 book Testimony, rudeness, a meditative gloom listeners. committees – and a shame the soundsystem wasn’t up to scratch. With exciting musical genres such as grime and dubstep having their roots The Italian Job Let’s Be Friends so firmly planted in the underground, we are Jonny Yarker gets graphic about the Fitzwilliam’s Julian Forbes talks to Stephen Isserlis constantly being asked exhibition of Federico Barocci’s drawings about education, music and companionship “Where can we hear more of this stuff?” Internet radio has s a nation we’ve never really got charcoal studies. here is currently a dearth of quali- is like a friend,” he says, “the better one really given these forms of Italian Baroque art. A bit like bidets, The most remarkable aspect of the exhi- ty concerts in Cambridge. Hurrah knows a piece, the more relaxed one music greater exposure, with Awe know they’re foreign and a little bition is watching Barocci’s gradual Tthen, for a rare opportunity to see can be with it, and the more naturally many of the big London dirty but we’re not quite sure of the point. construction of an image, not for a large and hear a top-class artist in concert one can play it”. pirate stations now stream- Our post-reformation distrust of scale painting, but for mass production in here at West Road, as cellist Steven Classical music today needs evangel- ing online (the best being Catholicism has meant little continental the form of engraving. The reduction of Isserlis presents a programme of ists like Isserlis. Contemporary Steven www.rinsefm.com). In terms art from the late 16th century has ever the ‘Madonna del Gatto’ back into a draw- Schubert at 7.45pm tonight. Doane articulates the challenge: “The of legal FM radio, BBC entered national collections. ing and then into a print shows Isserlis is an easy sort of person to talk job right now is to build an audience. Radio 1 is still where it’s at, Federico Barocci (1528-1612), one of remarkable skill in translating the painter- to. Everything about him bespeaks a There’s a whole generation that classical with shows such as the period’s most remarkable painters, has ly into the graphic. A highight is surely the readiness to communicate, from his music has lost. We must get into schools OneMusic with Ras Kwame thus remained largely forgotten. But this very rare ‘Annunciation’ printed on green cheerful website (stevenisserlis.com) to - involve kids at an early age.” and The Breezeblock with Mary Anne Hobbs repre- exhibition of his drawings presents an taffeta, the ultimate for any print junkie. his music books for children, Why For Isserlis, this does not mean satu- senting British underground artist of startling originality and emotion- But there is a problem. The exhibition Beethoven Threw the Stew and Why Handel ration of the market (“there are too music to the fullest. Most al potency. only shows works by Barocci from British Waggled His Wig (due out in May). “I’m many mediocre performances around”), exciting, however, has been I always thought Barocci was like Peter collections. Considering there is a body of very keen on influencing innocent nor going down the ‘crossover’ road. the recent introduction of a Andre: a one-hit wonder, famous for his over 2000 drawings and less than 60 are young minds!” he says. This is not just Patience is of the essence: music- show called The Residency, slightly saccharine pastel heads and not in this country the exhibition has a diffi- a gag: innovative teaching has been making, like friend-making, is a process which has six of the hottest much else. But this is an artist of power- culty in maintaining its claim of central to Isserlis’ career. “An inspiring that must be granted its own terms. UK DJs on rotation, each ful invention and diversity. The exhibition representing Barocci’s entire oeuvre. teacher can instil musical enthusiasm Of course, as an international soloist repping different dance is remarkable in showing the range of the I understand the logic; the show was into a child that will last a lifetime,” he Isserlis has a daunting timetable. music scenes. Check creative process of a 16th century painter, conceived to contextualise the recently says. Tomorrow morning he flies for www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/resi- from initial idea in acquired ‘Institution of the Eucharist’. Jane Cowan, Isserlis’ Malaysia, and the coming months are dency for more info.. barely formed sheets Accepting this, it seems madness that primary teacher, was certainly chock-full. “Concerts here, there and With term coming to an of ink sketches to more wasn’t made of the history of British inspiring. As he recalls, “her many other places; the release of a new end in a couple of weeks, the highly finished collecting. The majority of the drawings principles were holistic. She CD with Stephen Hough, there are a lot of events that oil modello. had been in this country since would have us listen to and manically trying to are worth checking out: The pastel heads the 17th century. This Goethe's ‘Faust’ because she learn two contempo- Clare Cellars presents DnB are far from syrupy; geographic constraint thought it would help us play rary concertos by don High Contrast on Friday 10th March. For all the study of a young cripples the exhibi- Beethoven better. She also Peteris Vasks and a you old school UK Garage man’s head has all the tion. The catalogue is made us read Racine so we were new one by heads make your way to the psychological intensity equally limited: there familiar with the French Wolfgang Rihm. Junction on Sat 11th March of a counter-reforma- are no new essays, only language when playing And finishing my for Twice as Nice to see tory saint and offers a Nicholas Turner’s translation composers like Debussy, recording of Bach MJ Cole and The Dreem subtle contraposto to of Bellori’s Life of Barocci. The Couperin, or Fauré. suites – gulp!” Team. The end of term is the heavy linear work- introduction makes the decision She was always Indeed. But one feels looking very good - Kano ings of pose and to only include works from British looking for sure that Isserlis will be and David Banner hit The composition to the ink collections look like curatorial connexions making many friends Junction on Thurs 16th ‘Deposition from the laziness, sadly confirming the between along the way. March, followed by the Cross’. Private doodles exhibition’s provincial status. music and King’s Mingle on Friday. contrast with large Despite this, if Barocci is a the world Rumour has it we might be presentation sheets, cultural bidet, then I recom- around us.” Steven Isserlis plays treated to a bit of broken highly-prepared and mend taking the plunge. Music, for music by Schubert beat this year. squared- up draw- Isserlis, is all about tonight at West ings made in ‘A Touch of The Divine’ friendships: with Road. Student Catch DJ Sketchy & DJ preparation for runs at the Fitzwilliam composers, compo- tickets cost £10 Rip. at Urbanite, every Thursday at the Soul Tree engravings sit Museum from February 16 sitions and (£7.50 for Kettles next to loose St Francis of Assisi receiving the Stigmata to May 29 musicians. “A piece Stephen Isserlis comes to Cambridge tonight Yard members) 22 Varsity supporting RAG Week 2006 03.03.06 03.03.06 Arts Varsity 23 Pick of the Week The essential events of the next seven days... and the best of the rest

Richard III The Iliad 4.48 Psychosis Mastana King’s Art Trinity Films Exhibition By William Shakespeare. By Will Simpson, after By Sarah Kane. Kane’s last A celebration of Hindu An extensive programme of James Sherlock, Trinity's On the eve of its cente- Homer. War has raged for finished work before her culture in Cambridge, events, exhibitions and Senior Organ scholar, will nary, the Marlowe Society nine years. Thousands 1999 suicide, 4.48 Psychosis Mastana combines tradi- workshops put on at King’s. improvise on the piano to presents Shakespeare’s have died. Only two men explores the inner realms tional acts demanding Includes life drawing, set two classic milestones of first hit. Shake off your offer hope for an end - of a mind struggling to great technical skill with design, printing and sketch- silent cinema: the surrealist wintry discontent and go Hector and Achilles. But cope with depression. contemporary presenta- ing workshops. For more Un Chien Andalou by Luis to the Arts Theatre to see is a peaceful end ever an Without any discernible tions that burst with information contact Lucy Bunuel (1929), and Fritz Cambridge alumnus Tom option when love and plot or defined characters, energy. There will be Minyo (lm316) or Claudia Lang’s chilling Metropolis Cornford direct a stellar honour are at stake? this is a unique and fasci- snacks provided during Gray (clg48). (1927). Free entry to all. student cast. nating piece of theatre. the interval. King’s Art Studio, A Staircase, all Cambridge Arts Theatre, next week, free for King’s College Winstanley Lecture Hall, Trinity Cambridge Arts Theatre, ADC Theatre, 7.45pm, Tue 7th - Homerton Auditorium, 7.30pm, 7.30pm, Sun 12th Feb, £10/£8 students, small cover fee to cover College, 8.30pm, Mon 6th 7.45pm, Tue 7th - Sat 11th Sat 11th March £7/£5 (Wed & Tue 7th - Sat 11th March, £4 materials otherwise March March and 2.30pm Sat 11th Thu), £8/£6 (Fri & Sat) March £10/£15/£20

Sweeney Todd Wed 8th - Sat 11th March, 11pm, Arts Picturehouse Frida (15): 13:30 Union Elections CUSU Elections ADC Theatre, £4/£3 Wed & Thurs, Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): The demon barber of Fleet 16:00, 18:30 They’re quite important yet Vote in next year’s elected Street comes to Fitz in this £5/£4 Fri & Sat Friday 3rd March Bullet Boy (15): 22:50 In This World (15): 21:15 nobody ever votes. This is representatives so they can do savage, striking musical. Calvaire (18): 23:00 Syriana (15): 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, 21:00 when you choose whether the useful things for us. Tues 7th - Sat 11th March, 7.45pm, The Guildhall Ragbag Capote (15): 12:30, 15:15, 18:00, Union spends all term giving REPRAZENT! yah? More details Fitzwilliam Auditorium By Gilbert & Sullivan. A night 20:15 Wednesday 8th March free massages or invites some at www.cusu.cam.ac.uk. Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): Avant Garde: Zorns Lemma (15): 13:10 of intoxicated jollification to Capote (15): 15:45, 18:15, 20:45 serious speakers. If you’re a Colleges, Wednesday 8 March Picasso at the Lapin 13:30, 15:30, 21:00 member, get your £100 worth raise funds for the ADC I Am Cuba (n/c): 18:15 EAFA: Vanishing Harvests, Farming & Agile Oscar Nominated Shorts 2006 - Fishing in East Anglia (PG): East and have your say, or just vote redevelopment. Anglian Film Archive 13:00 in your mates. All the candi- A Touch of the Divine By Steve Martin. Yes, that Animation (n/c): 23:00 The first exhibition in Britain Steve Martin. The comedian Sat 11th March, 7.30pm, Cambridge Syriana (15): 12:30, 15:00, 17:30, 20:00 Edward Scissorhands (PG): 11:00 dates’ manifestos are at Guildhall, £40/£20/£10, call 01223 Forest for the Trees (12A): 15:00, 19:00 www.cambridge-union.org. devoted to Barocci. See page imagines a meeting between Saturday 4th March Frida (15): Big Scream 11:00 20 for a review. 300 085 to book Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): Cambridge Union, 8am-9pm, Picasso and Einstein before Bullet Boy (15): 23:00 Tuesday 7 March Fitzwilliam Museum, 16 Feb - they were famous. Calvaire (18): 12:00 16:40, 21:10 29 May Importance of Being Capote (15): 15:15, 18:00, 20:15 Syriana (15): 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, 21:00 Tue 7th - Sat 11th March, 7pm, Earnest Edward Scissorhands (PG): 22:50 Corpus Playroom, £4/£5.50 Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): Thursday 9th March Starting at Zero: Black THBT: The role of the By Oscar Wilde. Put on by 16:00, 21:00 Capote (15): 13:00, 15:45, 18:15, Mountain College artist is to change the Go Lightly from the the Preston Society. Cosy. Havana Suite (n/c): 14:30 20:45 Founded as an artistic counter world Wed 1st - Fri 3rd March, 7.30,pm I Am Cuba (n/c): 18:15 Forest for the Trees (12A): 13:00 to the rise of Fascism and the Speakers including TV presen- Ledge Trinity Hall Theatre, £4/£5 Oscar Nominated Shorts 2006 - Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): death of the imagination, in its ter Lloyd Grossman and Peter A devised production Animation (n/c): 12:30 14:50, 19:00, 21:10 Mirror (U): 17:00 24 years (1933-57) Black Hewitt. Why Grossman is quali- focussing on the lives and Oscar Nominated Shorts 2006 - Live fied to talk about art is unclear. Action (n/c): 23:00 Syriana (15): 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, Mountain attracted an incredi- bedroom antics of three Syriana (15): 12:30, 15:00, 17:30, 20:00 21:00 ble range of international talent. But presumably he will not be women. Sounds Freudian. Willem de Kooning, talking about his extensive Tue 7th - Sat 11th Match, 9.15pm, Sunday 5th March College Films Buckminster Fuller and John range of bourgeois sauces. Corpus Playroom, £4/£5.50 Capote (15): 15:15, 18:00, 20:15 Cage all lived there. Kettle’s Cambridge Union, 7.30pm, Edward Scissorhands (PG): 12:00 Caius Yard commemorate. Thursday 9 March Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): A Clockwork Orange (18) Beckett Shorts 13:15, 16:00, 21:00 Kettle’s Yard, free entry, until Fri 3 March, 20.30 2 April Michael Howard Eight of Samuel Beckett’s How To Draw A Bunny (15): 12:00 Tigerland (18) I Am Cuba (n/c): 18:15 speaks rarely performed short plays, Wed 8 March, 20.30 President of the Cambridge on at the ADC for one night Oscar Nominated Shorts 2006 - Live Action (n/c): 13:40 Christ’s CU Brass Band Union while at Peterhouse, only. Syriana (15): 15:00, 17:30, 20:00 The Pianist(15) Proceeds of the annual charity Howard announced his inten- Tues 7th March, 11pm, ADC Theatre, Tsotsi (15): 11:00 Sun 5 March 20.00. 22.30 concert go to RAG this year. An tion to resign as Leader of the £4/£3 Dr. Strangelove (PG) evening of varied and entertain- Conservative Party in May. Will Monday 6th March Thu 9 March, 22.00 Capote (15): 13:00, 15:45, 18:15, 20:45 ing music which you can leave be talking about himself, for Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): imbued with a feeling of chari- ages. Medics’ Revue Robinson table content. The last one was called 13:30, 16:00, 21:10 Family Guy: The Movie (15) Peterhouse Politics Society, Jane & Louise Wilson: 18:45 Sun 5 Feb, 18.00 , 21.00 Wesley Methodist Church, 8.45pm, Thursday 9 March Beyond All Reasonable Gout. Syriana (15): 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, 21:00 Fantastic Fou(PG) King Street, Friday 3 March The one before was Pirates Thu 9 Mar, 21.00 7.30pm, £4/£5 Tuesday 7th March of the Perineum. What next? Capote (15): 13:00, 15:45, 20:45 stage screen events

Eddy Temple- SCA Battle of the Sunday Roast Fat Poppadaddys Unique Rumboogie International Morris Bands the weekend stops eclectic, sweaty, LBG night oh for heaven’s sake Student Night Mash-up/bootleg/cross- Anada + Los Bandidos here and so does your institutional 9.30-2, £4 9-2, £4/5 na zdravje! genre dance sweat + The New Theresa + dignity 9-3, £3/4 Life Ballare 9-2 £4 9-12.30, £4 The Paper Dolls 9-2, £4 The Fez Ballare Clare Cellars 9pm, £4, proceeds to Life Ebonics The Maccabees at charity - YEAH International r’n’b, hip hop and Club Goo Urbanite Boogie Clare Cellars DJ Yoda Student Night dancehall by brave with Club Goo DJs. philosophical Big disco cheese 10-3, Price TBA wave your flags men bad or just beyond 9-3 £3 10-2.30, £6 Electrosleaze potentially embarassing 9.30-2, £5 9.30-3, £2/4 awful? YOU DECIDE The Soul Tree The Junction self-explanatory The Fez Club Life The Fez 8-3, £4/£5 10-12.45, £2 The Soultree Versus III Band Night King’s Cellar Songs in the Dark Bands at the Wake Up indie, electro, industrial Hamfatter and others music, poetry and Portland Screaming Bad Timing for charity. will be great unite against fascism. Cool comedy. and crying. boys swinging guitars. best preceded by the Noisy Japanese and if you make an effort, DO IT NOW it’s all so they may be going for 8pm, £4 like group therapy goth eucharist and UK electronica and plebs necessary irony in the title Clowns Cafe 8pm, £4 some pain noise punk - stakes 9-3 £3 8pm, £4 9-2, £6/£8 The Portland Arms 9.30-3, £3/4 through your skull The Kambar The Man on the Ballare Clear The Kambar 8-11, £6 Moon electronic chillout with The Portland Arms expansive visuals - Cool Kids Can’t Die awesome electro/rock party. lively 8-12, £2/£3 9-1, £2 The Cow The Cow fri sat sun mon tue wed thu 24 Varsity Box Ads & Opportunities 03.03.06

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CAMBRIDGE LEISURE PARK Don’t forget this voucher! Tel: (01223) 414488 (Use by March 31st 2006) A Winter Chocolateland! Varsity 03.03.06 Advertisement Varsity 25 THE VARSITY TRUST is seeking a Take your passion for Business Manager journalism further... for the 2006/7 Academic Year Every year, Varsity Publications Limited produces almost a The Varsity Trust offers funding to quarter of a million free student newspapers and students planning to undertake magazines. journalism courses in 2006-7. We’re looking for an enthusiastic and responsible A major scholarship and/or bursary may Business Manager to oversee the running of this operation be awarded to students graduating from in this exciting full-time, salaried position starting in July. the University of Cambridge or Anglia Ruskin University who are about to undertake an approved course in journalism in the coming academic year. For more information or to to request For further details on the Trust and to check an application form, eligibility, visit www.varsity.co.uk and click please e-mail 'Varsity Trust', or email [email protected] [email protected] for an information pack. Deadline: Monday Deadline for Applications: 13th March April 21. 2006. 26 Varsity Sport 03.03.06 Success in Sheffield Women ready for Varsity face-off Bilen Ahmet Nottingham victory brings CUWBC even closer to success on April 1

E PHOTOGRAPHIC JET the experience gained in CAMBRIDGE FINISHED Gillian Macfarland Nottingham to the Tideway NINTH OVERALL for this, the largest women’s AS THE DAY of the Boat rowing race in the world. Of Race draws ever closer, the the 274 crews competing, CUWBC athletes continue in Cambridge starts off in 4th their earnest preparations to position - six places above ensure Light Blue domina- the Dark Blues. tion come April 1. After months of intensive The President of CUWBC is trialling, the official crew pleased to announce the lists were announced last crews for the 2006 Henley week by the CUWBC Boat Races. President, Lorna Collins. Cambridge University Blue Boat Women’s Boat Club sends Cox: R M Dowbiggin # out three boats to race Stroke: E R Woolley against Oxford - the 7: E M Kingma women’s Blue boat, Blondie 6: L R Wordley (heavyweight reserve crew) 5: J Reid LAST WEEKEND a and the Lightweight boat. 4: J M Hawton * Cambridge team headed to Whilst rowing for CUWBC 3: J H Lumley Sheffield for the 2006 BUSA involves attaining and main- The Women’s will take their Nottingham success with them on to the Tideway in March 2: G McFarland Indoor Championships, taining very high standards, Bow: H G A Bill competing with over 800 the squad itself is comprised against other crews in various 51seconds. This meant that women’s crew and as such other athletes. First success of rowers and coxes of differ- parts of the country. Last they won not only the awards extremely well-deserved and Blondie came in the women’s 1500m ent nationalities, ages and week CUWBC did just that as for being the fastest in their encouraging for this crew Cox: J M Appleton in which Claire Day ran rowing experience. The club three boats raced at the Head category and University crew, who have worked hard and Stroke: A G Bradbury impressively, finishing fourth. is also very aware of its links of the Trent in Nottingham. but also secured the inaugu- made considerable progress 7: J R Tavernor Men’s captain Dan Bray ran with college rowing, where Unlike the side-by-side Boat over the past few weeks. A re- 6: H J Stratford an impressive 60m to qualify many of the triallists who go Race against Oxford, a ‘head jigged crew order due to 5: S J Polak for the second round. on to gain places in the Blue race’ is simply a battle against “CUWBC absent members meant that 4: L J G Collins * President Ben Carne and Andrew Boat were taught how to row. the clock, the boat that the lightweights did not 3: C E Collas Owen ran impressive heats in This year the club is trying to records the fastest time wins. involves perform as well as they had 2: K T O’Hare the 400m, before Dan Bray build on the Blue Boat win of The course was 6km, and a hoped. They came in 3rd in Bow: P Rock ran his 60m semi-final well. last April, and extend the first introduction to long- maintaining their category and 6th overall Steve Benson and Andy Cambridge dominance to all distance racing for some. The - a good result nevertheless, Lightweights Owen both qualified for the three races. A very strong weather conditions were far high which they will be able to Cox: K J Coffin 800m semi-finals with each squad of determined athletes from ideal, with the crews build on over the next few Stroke: C R A Smith # athlete finishing comfortably has allowed high standards to racing into strong headwinds. standards” weeks. 7: C V S Panbianco ahead of most of the pack, and continue in all areas of our However not to be deterred All three crews will be 6: S A Farquhar # then an hour later Owen training and all three boats by the elements, the crews looking to consolidate and 5: L A Rackley continued to show his form in are looking forward to the showed their strength by ral Robert Haslam Trophy for improve on these strong 4: V L Weaver the 400m alongside team- chance to prove themselves coping admirably with the the fastest women’s crew of performances in preparation 3: H A Palmer mate Ben Carne, whose time against Oxford. conditions and producing the day. Cambridge domina- for the Women’s Head of the 2: E N Mitchell was formidable. Carne took a Training this term has some very promising results. tion continued as Blondie River Race on the 11th of Bow: K C Marshall deserved place in the final. incorporated not only the Despite being impeded by rowed the course in a speedy March. As a similar distance The next track event, the regular sessions in Cambridge slower crews starting ahead of 20mins 16 seconds. This gutsy to the Head of the Trent, the # Denotes previous Half-Blue men’s 3000m, saw Paolo and Ely, but also several them, the Blue Boat posted row was the second fastest rowers and coxes will * Denotes previous Blondie Natali and Rich Ward running opportunities to compete an impressive time of 19mins, time of the day for any undoubtedly be able to take Colour comfortably. Andy Owen could not finish the 800m semi-final due to injury. The final events of the first day were the Ospreys can spread their wings at last 4x200m relays. The Cambridge women ran well, but against fast opposition, Cambridge’s elite sportswomen’s society finds a new home on Jesus Lane

didn’t make the final. HOL M TI However, Cambridge men University sports centre is team and kit bursaries exist to dominated their race. Sophie Pickford planned for the West alleviate financial pressure on The second day began with T Cambridge site and fundrais- athletes. This pressure can be the men’s and women’s 60m LAST WEEK saw the opening ing is underway, though with significant, with sportswomen hurdles. Ben Richardson was by Vice-Chancellor Alison a price-tag of fifty million incurring costs of up to £1000 unlucky not to qualify for the Richard of a new clubhouse for pounds it will be years before over the course of a season for final of the men’s event, and the Ospreys, the University’s this crucial and desperately- the privilege of representing Alison Hackney ran outstand- premier club for sportswomen. needed facility is up and the University at their chosen ingly despite never having Founded in 1985 and with over running. Meanwhile, organi- sport. With a financial burden tried the event before. Dan 1000 members past and pres- sations like the Ospreys and this large any help is extreme- Bray and Neil Stevens ran well ent drawn from 41 sports, the the Hawks’ club do their best ly welcome, and the Ospreys in the 200m, but unfortunate- Ospreys is a powerful presence to support athletes in whatev- provides a major source of ly were not to progress to the on the University’s sporting er ways they can. assistance. final, and then Ben Carne ran scene. Alumnae include The clubhouse marks a phenomenally in the final of Olympic Gold medallist in significant step forward for the men’s 400m event to take Modern Pentathlon, Dr. “The Ospreys women’s sport in the fifth place. Claire Day Stephanie Cook, Olympic silver University, and has come at a performed well in the 1500m. medallist in rowing, Cath is a powerful crucial moment in the history Bold running followed in Bishop, and Caroline Hamilton, of the club. Chair of the Senior the men’s 3000m final by member of the all-female team presence on Committee, Karen Pearce, Natali and Ward. Ward who skied to both the North Cambridge’s believes that “women’s sport managed to catch up with and South Poles. Current The Ospreys Junior committee at Wednesday’s opening in Cambridge has never been some of the faster athletes to Ospreys include Phyllis Agbo, stronger, both in terms of the finish well into the first half ranked 12th at Senior GB finally to see all the hard work inevitably impacts on the sporting numbers participating and the of the field. In the penulti- heptathlon last year, Natalie come to fruition. It allows our provision of sports facilities levels we are competing at.” mate CUAC men’s event McGoldrick, World Equestrian members to feel a sense of pride (including, for example, the scene” She hopes that the club- Steve Benson produced Champion, and 2005 graduates – one I feel we deserve.” The lack of a University swimming Money for the new club- house “will serve to unite another notable result for in Gemma Farrell and Rachel clubhouse provides both a bar pool or competition-standard house has been raised through women’s sport at Cambridge the 800m final. Howe, now members of the GB and a lounge area where teams netball court). The opening of a number of different sources, and provide a solid base from In the 4x200m final, sailing Olympic Development can gather to socialise. It will be the Ospreys’ clubhouse goes including donations from the which the Ospreys can Richardson, Carne, Millar and squad. a valuable central meeting some small way to redressing University, from the Ospreys’ further develop and secure its Bray produced a dazzling The new clubhouse at 22 place and should provide space this balance, though there is corporate sponsors, from Jesus future.” It seems the club’s display of athletic prowess, but Jesus Lane has followed a long for networking and careers still a marathon to be run. College, and from local primary aim of promoting unfortunately a changeover struggle by the Ospreys’ junior events as well as a venue for President Neeson agrees, contacts. This has all been excellence in women’s sport error meant Cambridge and senior committees to find committee meetings and less “sport in Cambridge can often thanks to the hard work of the throughout the University is missed out on a medal posi- suitable premises. After several formal socialising before and feel like a rather disjointed club’s business manager, James being achieved. The opening tion. The whole team years with no central meeting after team matches and system especially with the Hill, and the senior and junior of the new clubhouse can performed amazingly at point for its members, dinners. lack of a central University committees. The club’s spon- only enhance Cambridge’s BUSA, and Cambridge will be Wednesday’s opening marked a This sort of resource is sports facility. The clubhouse sors include IBM, Citigroup, reputation on the national giving Oxford a stern test at milestone in the club’s history. particularly important given provides a forum from which Morgan Stanley and stage, providing a stable plat- the Varsity Field Events and Junior President Eimear the decentralised nature of to support and develop inter GlaxoSmithKline, and it is form from which to expand in Relays Match this Sunday. Neeson says “it is wonderful the University, which and intra team bonding.” A thanks to them that individual, years to come. 03.03.06 Sport Varsity 27 Ladies snatch Varsity football win Heart-stopping victory in the final minutes brings glory for the Light Blues Football is often a game of Henrietta Lightfoot cruel twists, never more so than on a windy day, and once again Oxford rapidly drew level, the wind picking CAMBRIDGE 3 up an innocuous looking cross and looping it in to the OXFORD 2 top corner. It is, however, a testament to the mental Erinsborough strength and determination COMING OFF the back of an of the light blues that such a Ethics impressive league run and blow did not result in the feel a bit betrayed by Neighbours with last year’s 4-0 victory dropping of heads. Despite this week. This column has regu- over the old enemy still playing in a national league, Ilarly exalted Harold Bishop as an memorable, this year’s Blues county, league and FA cups, upstanding moral fortress of a man, squad left Cambridge on Varsity matches mean some- the conscience of Ramsay Street, Friday night with nothing thing special to every player the good balancing out the bad (Paul but expectation (and maybe and to lose would have been Robinson) and the ugly (Zeke Kinski). just a few nerves) for the inconceivable. Buoyed by the However, recently Harold has taken games ahead. Saturday, strong defensive performanc- one of his all-too-common turns for however, started disappoint- es of Kate Robson and the worse. When faced with a diffi- ingl, as the seconds found Andrea Staid and marshalled cult situation, he doesn’t confront it, themselves on the wrong end effectively by Hollingsworth talk about it or seek advice. Instead, of a 2-1 scoreline. Although (whose customary perfect he just goes a bit weird. Faced with victory was claimed by the slide tackles were once again the death of his son, Harold has Furies in the last ten minutes, evident) Cambridge pushed formed his own cult, installing for the remaining 80 it was forward in to the last quarter himself as its leader. The member- anyone’s game with strong of the game. ship isn’t very extensive – currently attacking play at both ends. Once again the pressure consisting only of Connor – but the Whilst Oxford’s main paid off. A period of sustained rules of the cult are pretty clear. The threat, striker Ejiro Oviri, play around the Oxford box first is this: spend most of your time was kept at bay by the defen- resulted in a foul on talking about soup, making soup or sive duo of Ine Steenmans Johansson on the edge of the handing out soup to tramps. The and Rachel Watson, good area. With players of the cali- second: avoid fat lawyers. And the pressure at front saw the bre of Rustad, Cambridge third: ask Harold’s permission before Eagles take the lead via a The ladies Light Blues celebrated their Varsity win in style last weekend always threatened, and she you talk to anyone from outside. cool Allison finish. struck the ball sweetly over Apart from the second rule, which Unfortunately it was not to who came, sang, shouted and Cambridge were fortunate to liantly at full stretch by keeper the wall and in to the top of is quite good advice for life, the cult last, and the teams headed occasionally swore), the game see hit the woodwork. Georgie Acons, only for the the net with little more than of Harold is clearly nonsense. In fact, off at half time at one goal kicked off at the frantic pace Heeding this warning, taker Hostetler to react quick- five minutes remaining. Neighbours intentionally portrays the each. A strong second half so characteristic of these occa- Cambridge swiftly took the ly and slot the bouncing ball Having conceded an cult as nonsense, and uses the ever- performance from keeper sions. Although all the early lead; a beautifully delivered in. equaliser twice before, there stranger relationship between Lisa O’Dea looked to have pressure of the first five corner from Rustad powered With the score level at half would be no mistake third Harold and Connor to make two kept the Furies at bay until minutes was in Cambridge’s into the back of the net by the time, mental strength as well time round. Instead light blue points. The first is that there is more Oviri’s strike inside the last favour it was clear from the off head of Hagen. as physical skill would decide pressure was sustained, a to life than soup. Most of us already ten minutes left the Eagles that this would be a close The Cambridge celebrations the outcome. It was, however, battling performance all over know this, but it’s always reassuring little time to recover. match between two physical- were, however, rapidly Cambridge who returned to the park ensuring that the last to hear. The second is that authority For the second time in two ly fit, highly skilful football silenced. A smoothly executed the pitch more fired up, and few minutes were played out should always be questioned. years, however, the tables teams. kick-off saw the ball switched early pressure soon reaped its in the relative comfort of the There’s a well-known fallacy in were turned in the Blues’ Having absorbed the early rapidly out to the wing and rewards. For the second time Oxford half. And so for the philosophy called `the argument game. Buoyed by fantastic Cambridge pressure, Oxford drilled into the box where in the game a Rustad corner thirteenth time in twenty one from authority’. People make this support from the sidelines (a counterattacked, with a period Hagen was (somewhat harsh- fell to a light blue head, and matches the Varsity trophy fallacy when they say things like Cambridge contingent that of sustained pressure culmi- ly) judged to have been captain Claire Hollingsworth stays in Cambridge, testimony “God said it so it’s true” or “it was equalled the Oxford one in nating in a good attempt from pushing. The ensuing penalty sent Cambridge in front once to a spirited team performance on the internet so it must be true”. size is a tribute to all those outside the box that was initially palmed away bril- again. and a well-earned victory. We shouldn’t accept or reject an argument because a particular person said it; we should accept or reject an argument because of the 12345678 Across claims the argument makes. Harold, Down even as the cult’s leader, has no 1. Standard complaint’s extremely Sport in Brief 2. Carpenter in Neighbours is a girl (6) special status which means that he obvious (8) 9 10 3. Pointless weblog about the world (5) cannot be questioned. Connor 6. Gore misleads coalition (6) 4. Sworn statement saying I’d supported doesn’t need to seek his permission 9. Polytechnic University snob ICE HOCKEY a couple of fellows at about six. (9) to talk to Toadie or anyone else. He discouraged (3-3) Buses will leave Cambridge for 5. Attempt score in Ashes, say (4-3) is a free human being who can make 11 12 10. Fight risks him being crippled the Varsity match in Oxford 6. Article I try adapting in number of his own choices regarding his inter- (8) this Sunday (March 5th) at arguments (5) action with others. Harold is 11. Climber and scree combined 2.30pm from Queen’s Road 7. Greenish tinge in centre stage (9) restricting Connor’s liberty, and 13 14 (8) (almost in front of Darwin 8. Settle into position in Queen’s concert should be challenged as to whether 12. Cowardly shout - cry of pain (6) College) for face-off at 5pm. hall (8) he has the authority to do so. 15 13. Ely gang involved with civil Cost is £8 for the return trip 13. Radiate ill energy with malign look Can I tenuously link the challenge benefit that lasts (6-6) and £5 for the game. Contact 16 17 (9) to authority to any other storylines in 16. Unusual tip to sincere hotel Barbara Richter for tickets at 14. Theme Tim left with ten variations (9) Neighbours?Yes, I think I can. No 18 employee (12) [email protected] 15. Real cup I use for rum (8) column about events in 19. Extreme masculinity? (6) 17. One in eight (7) Erinsborough would be complete 19 20 21 22 21. Memo about nanny (8) OSPREYS 18. Sell fence to enclose alien (6) without mentioning the return of 23. Parasite’s growing endlessly There will be a cocktail party 20. Creature found in low Kent (5) Drew Kirk. Drew, who died by falling convoluted in empty room (8) on Thursday 9th March, 7- 22. Ruthless woman? Quite the oppo- off a horse, has regularly appeared 23 24 24. God with part of axe in chest 11pm, in Trinity Hall’s site! (5) in Steph Hoyland’s dreams, looking (6) Crescent Room. Tickets are £5 like a hirsute cross between Tarzan 25. Knitting pattern for gravy-boat for Ospreys, £6 for non- and Beauty’s Beast. What is the (6) Ospreys. Dress to amuse. 25 26 meaning of these astral rendezvous? 26. Life fund from philanthropist (8) © Mathmo In part, perhaps, Drew poses a chal- MEN’S WATER POLO Re-arrange the letters by lenge to Max. Max is a pretty rational The team will be playing in the rotating the discs to kind of guy – he proportions his BUSA semi-finals on Sunday create six separate six- Scribble pad belief to the evidence, he never 5th March in Walsall against letter words leading in to makes any rash judgements and the centre. rejects superstitions. Steph, on the ULU, Sheffield and Cardiff. Email your answer to: KCHM [email protected] other hand, is immensely worried ORIENTEERING about some magic box that was

Congratulations to both the EEMCES YL found under their house, believing it

men’s and women’s teams TEEZUB RMYTUB © Adam Edelshain to be a bad omen for the birth of their who won their Varsity S I S GK Y Y EK I baby. Is Drew’s return just coinci- Matches last weekend. dence? Or will the presence of Drew from beyond the grave challenge CORRECTION Max’s analytical, scientific method Blues Basketball MVP was YK and add weight to Steph’s supersti- shared between Emily tious suppositions? Neighbours Schwartz and Lisa Jeshke, challenges us to keep watching; I not Schwartz and Lister as accept. I suggest you do too. reported. Varsity 03.03.06 FOOTBALL ROWING OSPREYS ATHLETICS

Oxford 2-3 Cambridge CUWBC win in Nottingham Sports club gets new home BUSA Indoor Champ’ships sport Women sink Dark Blue rivals Prospects look good for Sophie Pickford attends Athletes look in good shape with superb late free-kick women as Boat Race beckons Wednesday’s grand opening after weekend in Sheffield Cambridge crush Dark Blues Oxford become first team to fail to score in history of Rugby League fixture MICHAEL DERRINGER

CAPTAIN’S VIEW

ARIANE DE HOOG ICE HOCKEY

The day for Varsity approaches once again. On Sunday, March 5 the Cambridge Women’s Ice Hockey team goes head-to-head against Oxford in their neck of the woods. This game always presents a chal- lenge for us as, unlike Oxford, Cambridge doesn’t have its own ice rink. Nonetheless, the intensity of this sport in Cambridge is increasing annually to make our team tougher, stronger, fitter and more enthusias- tic than ever before. With on-ice training sessions every Sunday night, rigorous land training throughout the week and games on most Friday nights, the girls are more than ready for the face-off. The longest standing rivalry in ice hockey is not within North America, but rather dates to 1885, when Cambridge and Oxford first faced off in Switzerland. Women’s ice hockey took a foothold in the 1980s and, though almost a hundred years behind the men, is catching up rapid- ly. What makes this sport unique and Cambridge’s men produced an outstanding team display to thrash Oxford in the Rugby League Varsity match at Harlequins’ Twickenham Stoop exciting are the people that join. Every individual comes with a unique tussled his way over the whitewash much for Oxford, and they were Quick thinking and great awareness background and different interests, Tom Quartley for the opening score. Oxford seemed repeatedly penalised around the ruck from Guha led to him spinning the and yet the team members share the a little stunned by this powerful start area. Captain Dave Bulley’s kicking ball the scrum half Drysdale, who same drive to push their bodies and from Cambridge and unsurprisingly a game was imperious (which helped dived over for an easy try. minds in a game that requires stami- second try soon followed, courtesy of him on his way to the man of the There were however still a good 35 na, strategy and desire. In particular, Cambridge 44 Alex Drysdale, who weaved and match trophy) and consistent pres- minutes left on the clock, easily it is amazing to see the progress of the jinked his way through the tackles of sure from the Light Blues resulted in enough time for Oxford to mount a team throughout the year. The Oxford0three Oxford players to score a superb 3 more tries before half-time from dramatic comeback, but it never distinction between the rookies and solo effort. full-back Somit Guha, stand-off Dave materialised. Big hits in defence from the veterans is now much less appar- ON TUESDAY night, at Harlequins’ To their credit Oxford refused to lie Bulley, and prop Sam Gluck, the Rich Hanson, Josh Randell, and ent and many of the new girls will be Twickenham Stoop, Cambridge back, and collected themselves to latter following a delightful off-load James Shearman were sending on the ice playing against Oxford on University dominated Oxford launch a series of attacks on the Light from left centre Tom Quartley. Oxford backwards, and the Dark Sunday. University to win the 26th Annual Blues’ defence. 26-0 at half-time, and Cambridge Blues just didn’t seem capable of This year has proven to be espe- Pcubed Rugby League Varsity Match Sloppy mistakes by Cambridge coach John Evans’ half-time team sparking any form of fight. cially successful as the team boasts a by a record-winning margin of 44-0. allowed Oxford good field position, talk was short and simple. The game Further tries followed from winning record entering Varsity. Played for the first time at the but some great defensive work by was by no means over and Cambridge Quartley, Frank Walding, and Chris With the constant push of coach Bill Twickenham Stoop, home to Cambridge refused to allow Oxford to had to go out in the 2nd half with a Pitchford, Pitchford’s arguably the try Harris and the dedication of our Harlequins RFC, and for the third covert possession into points. A clean slate, as if the score was 0-0. of the game. A flowing move from committee, the team has come consecutive year live to the Sky superb covering tackle close to the Club Captain Craig Bennett, who Cambridge led to hooker Ali together with a spirit that is inspir- Sports cameras, this year’s Varsity tryline by prop Jonny Lloyd with the unfortunately missed the match side- Robertson spinning the ball wide to ing. It has been over ten years since Match promised big hits, great tries score at 10-0 proved to be one of the lined through injury, reiterated Coach replacement winger, Nathan Brown. the Cambridge women won the and non-stop action for 80 minutes. turning points of the match, as it was Evans’ words and encouraged the Although Brown didn’t quite have Varsity match. A killer first line Following this game, few could claim the closest that the Dark Blues came team to “nil Oxford”, not to let them the legs to make it all the way to the consisting of captain Barbara Richter, that they left disappointed. to scoring all night. score in the second half, something line, he managed a sublime off-load assistant captain Ariane de Hoog, Straight from the kick-off, it was Having survived the Oxford that had never been achieved in the to Pitchford as he was bundled into and ex-ice ballerina Sarah Johnson clear that Cambridge’s desire and onslaught without conceding any history of this fixture. touch, leaving Pitchford with the will be facing-off against Oxford on determination to win was greater points, Cambridge regrouped and the As expected, Oxford came out all simple task of crashing over from 5 Sunday. This scoring machine is than Oxford’s. The first 5 minutes was introduction of replacement prop guns blazing for the 2nd half, but metres out. backed by a team of fantastic spent all in Oxford’s half, and the Sam Gluck seemed to give the Cambridge stood strong to the chal- After a performance in the Varsity forwards and defence and star goalie relentless pressure told, as loose- Cambridge attack a new dynamism. lenge. A great deep kick from captain Match such as this, Rugby League Robin Stein, making success forward, James Shearman (who had The pace and power of Gluck, a Welsh Bulley led to some indecision from may begin to receive the true recog- inevitable. Bring it on. an outstanding game in defence) Students’ International, proved too the Oxford winger who spilt the ball. nition that it deserves.

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