News p5 Features p16 My Degree p14 University Press adopts We talk to some Straight from the horse’s a giant panda cub. overactive freshers about mouth: an architect prepares Rejoicing ensues. their experiences for Saturday’s revels

FRIDAY 19TH NOVEMBER 2010 THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SINCE 1947 ISSUE NO 730 | VARSITY.CO.UK Student assaulted Cambridge le mobilises against cuts near Grange NOAH B. KATZ Road area

ABTIN SADEGHI

A female Wolfson student was assaulted at around midnight on Tuesday at the junction of Sidgwick Avenue and Grange Road. The attacker was described as a dark-haired male, wearing a leather jacket. Based on the description given, it has been suggested that the same attacker may have assaulted a Robinson student last Thursday morning on Adams Road. The Senior Tutor at Wolfson Col- lege, Dr Jane McLarty said that “neither student was hurt and noth- ing was stolen” but they “were both very upsetting incidents for the women concerned.” According to a Wolfson College student said that “Cambridge was a very safe city overall, but some Businesses and banks to be targeted as student activists claim “it is just the beginning” areas feel really deserted, particu- larly at night. things are really heating up. We fl ags and music. But we will stop and panel will consist of an “academic “The recent assaults have made TRISTAN DUNN & NATASHA PESARAN have had a lot of new faces at meet- protest outside every locale which training session in how to go about me much more wary and vigilant Following national protests last ings and new names added to our has a stake in what’s going on. doing direct action in a way that has whilst coming home from a night week, the Cambridge left are plan- email list. We’re hoping the teach-in “After the march, we will see what political impact but does not cause out,” she said. ning further action to voice their and demonstration next week will the vibe is like. I don’t know what any damage to persons or property.” Following the incident, many col- anger at government proposals. build interest and new involvement. will happen. If people want to con- Speakers include the socialist leges have sent precautionary emails Cambridge Defend Education, We’re doing everything we can to tinue protesting, we will go with it.” writer Richard Seymour, CUSU to their students, urging them to be a student organisation which was get the word out.” Sixth-form students from around President Rahul Manisgani, and careful when venturing out late at started in October to fi ght funding A demonstration will take place Cambridge will stage a walk-out on professors from the University night. cuts and fee increases, have decided next Wednesday, starting outside the same day and join the protest. of Cambridge and King’s College Dr McLarty advised students to to hold a teach-in on Sunday to raise Great St Mary’s at noon. Cambridge Defend Education will ,London. take a “common sense approach” awareness, to be followed by a dem- The group will march through also hold a “teach-in to fi ght to fees Cambridge Defend Education’s by “keeping to well-lit areas when onstration in Cambridge city centre Cambridge targeting businesses and cuts” at King’s and Clare, which promotional material says they hope coming home at night” and trying to next Wednesday, which will coincide and institutions that are in some includes a number of talks, discus- the event will “shake up the debate “travel with companions if going to with a walk-out of sixth-form stu- way linked to the cuts. In particu- sions and workshops. on education funding, train up to and fro, late at night in the Grange dents from the Cambridge area. lar, banks and the phone company, The title of one panel discussion resist cuts, fees and outsourcing” Road area.” A member of Cambridge Defend Vodafone, which has come under had to be changed after King’s Col- and “build a movement to defend The assault comes weeks after Education told Varsity, “A lot of charges of tax evasion, have been lege expressed anxiety about its education.” Varsity conducted an investigation people were saying at the time, and singled out. radical overtones. The group estimates that between into street safety. The investiga- this was repeated by ministers and A member from the group told Var- The panel, which was originally 200 and 300 students will attend. tion revealed Grange Road as being others, that the protest last week sity, “Once everyone is assembled entitled ‘Direct Action Workshop’, All members of the campaign who a higher-risk area for student was just the beginning. But that’s we will march through Cambridge. was renamed ‘Sharing Stories of commented wished to remain anony- assaults, with two female students the reality. We’re not done yet. It won’t just be a ramble, there will Activism’ at the College’s behest. mous as an expression of the group’s from Homerton being assaulted ear- “Since the protest last week, be people leading the parade, with According to a spokesperson, the democratic collectivist policy. lier in the year.

Corpus JCR leaves Dean criticises press A royal connection for Explore careers at the News Interview: Sir The Question p12 CUSU treatment Cambridge? European Union Martin Gilbert Corpus In an overwhelming 71% Dr Priyamvada Gopal, Dean Cambridge residents are The European Union (EU) Renowned historian and offi - disaffi liation: vote, Corpus Christi JCR of Churchill College, has criti- excited to learn that newly is in the market for talented cial biographer of Winston Is CUSU has decided to disaffiliate cised sensationalistic coverage engaged couple Prince William graduates looking to build Churchill, Sir Martin Gilbert from CUSU. In the wake of of the College in national and and Kate Middleton are likely careers as EU civil servants. has written over 80 books. useful? the decision, Varsity consid- international press, after Free- to take the titles Duke and Varsity spoke to David Lid- Varsity sat down with him ers the value that CUSU dom of Information requests Duchess of Cambridge, accord- ington, the Europe Minister, to discuss the ways in which provides and the impact the were used to obtain student ing to bookies. The Palace has about the opportunities avail- colliding historical narra- 46 > disaffi liation would have on disciplinary reports for the so far remained tight-lipped able and the skills graduates tives have contributed to the CUSU’s budget. ❯❯ p3 last fi ve years. ❯❯ p4 on the issue. ❯❯ p7 need to be successful. ❯❯ p6 Middle East confl ict. ❯❯ p8 9 771758 444002 19th November 2010 Something to say? 2 EDITORIAL www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Online this week

Established in 1947 ARTS COMMENT Issue No 730 Handsome wretch, Conrad Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF Steel on why Harry Potter is Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 so bloody good.

NEWS Storm clouds gather as student movements prepare to carry on the fi ght for Corpus disaffiliation higher education orpus’s decision to disaffl iate from CUSU has met a whether their JCR is affi liated or not, the affi liation fee mixed response from the wider student community, is essentially an expensive goodwill gift from the college Calthough the reaction of the majority is probably the communities. SPORT endemic (and ill-advised) indifference that seems to dog There is also the troubling and terminally unanswered most CUSU activity. question of what exactly CUSU do. Varsity, with CUSU’s Catch up on thrills and In Varsity this week, Clare College JCR President help, has tried to shed some light on this murky topic this spills of Botswana’s No.1 meat packing James Tiffi n claims that Corpus have deprived “CUSU of week. football team a considerable chunk of their funds , which means that the Calling for disaffi liation seems churlish when there are services they are able to offer could be severely diminished more interesting questions at hand. We ought not ask this time next year. If every JCR committee decided that whether CUSU should exist or not, we ought to ask if it they didn’t want to pay, CUSU could not function.” is effi cient, if it is meeting the needs and demands of the Fortunately, Corpus JCR have offered an eloquent student population and if it ought to be run for less. defence of their position, accompanied by fi gures that make Importantly, Corpus point out that affi liation fees Tiffi n’s comments seem hyperbolic. Corpus’s affi liation constitute 20% of the CUSU budget. The onus is upon fee constitues only 0.6% of CUSU’s budget – hardly ‘a CUSU to prove that they cannot provide necessary services considerable chunk of their funds.’ with 80% of their budget. Unfortunately, CUSU aren’t Inside this week particularly vocal on this topic. As long as JCRs remain in he source of CUSU’s problem is confusion and the dark about what exactly it is that CUSU do, it will be consequent ignorance about what services affi liation easy to persuade them to disaffi liate. If only TCS would do FEATURES Tfees provide. Since all students are automatically their owners a favour every once in a while, CUSU might entitled to the services CUSU provides, regardless of be able to get their message out. Five freshers spill the beans about what they’ve been This implies that I invented abolish fees entirely. the proposed reduction in fees doing in their fi rst term Le ers to the the story and deliberately Regardless of later was baffl ing when considered misled in my article. Two claims statements by the Union, this alongside the Union’s 2009 without basis. is clearly not speculation but fi gures, which showed that Editor Your next comment: “The based on a direct quote by an while membership fees had MAGAZINE Sir, story in TCS maintained that authoritative source. raised £133,430, corporate Medic? Missed that due to a signifi cant boost in Most seriously, and income was only at £46,257. seminar on surgery? I’m writing to complain corporate revenue the Union indicative that neither The Given the disparity, it appeared Big op’ coming up? about the story published would be able to reduce Union nor yourselves have highly unlikely that the Get cramming with this Friday 12th November, their membership fees by a properly read my article Union could suddenly raise week’s Lecture Notes. page nine,headlined: ‘Union substantial amount” similarly is fundamentally untrue. enough corporate income to membership reduction claim misrepresents my integrity. “TCS mistook speculation drastically reduce membership proved false.’ Colonel William Bailey, Union concerning the Union’s fees, let alone eradicate them The content of this article Bursar said this, (indeed in funding over the coming completely.” Of course I was damges my reputation as a the presence of two of your decade for a concrete plan aware of this disparity, and this journalist (as the author of own reporters). To say that we for an immediate reduction.” is why at no point do I state THEATRE the piece in The Cambridge “maintained”, again wrongly At no point in my article do that a reduction in membership Student, page one, 4th implies that this is based on I state that this is either a fees is even agreed, never mind The Freshers’ shows, a November) on several points, false speculation on the part of concrete plan or intended to imminent. smoking new sketch company totally misrepresenting my TCS. come into force immediately. The article fails to and a fresh farce for Downing’s article, and I expect you to Moreover, this is only part This total misrepresentation is represent my article in a Howard Theatre publish a full apology in your of the explanation given by my intolerable at the best of times, fair manner, fundamentally next edition. article: “the launch of an appeal but to have printed these misunderstanding central Your headline, claims that to alumni may help to cover the libelous untruths without even aspects of it and denigrates my claims have been “proved false” cost of reducing fees.” allowing me a right of reply is journalistic abilities. I feel that COMMENT and the subheadline states The next section is similarly beyond the pale. at the very least, a full apology Gemma Gronland on why that the potential move is badly inbalanced: The article The rest of the article is due to me, recognising your forking out for the royal “unfounded.” However, quoting also stated that the Union had bases itself upon this untruth error, and I look forward to wedding might not be the James Counsell directly in my not settled on an exact fi gure, and again denigrates my seeing it printed this Friday. British’s cup of tea original article, he explicitly but did quote Union journalistic abilities, especially said that he hoped to reduce President, James Counsell, as the profi ts from fundraising Yours, fees to £10. Thus you cannot as naming £10 as a “symbolic amongst alumni should have justifi ably say it has either fee” in light of funding changes been taken into account along Philip Brook proven false, or “unfounded”. which might allow the Union to with corporate fees: ” To many, TCS Reporter

Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge college, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.

EDITOR Joe Pitt-Rashid [email protected] ASSOCIATE EDITORS Helen Mackreath & Lara Prendergast [email protected] ONLINE EDITOR David Rosenberg [email protected] DEPUTY ONLINE EDITOR Leonie Get involved James [email protected] NEWS EDITOR Osama Siddiqui [email protected] DEPUTY NEWS EDITORS Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran [email protected] COMMENT EDITORS Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne [email protected] MAGAZINE EDITORS Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu [email protected] SPORT EDITOR Alex Kennedy [email protected] FEATURES EDITOR Lydia Onyett [email protected] ARTS If you would like to fi nd out how EDITORS Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevic [email protected] THEATRE EDITOR Edward Herring [email protected] REVIEWS & LISTINGS EDITORS Julia Lichnova & David Shone [email protected] FASHION to write for Varsity, come to one EDITORS Louise Benson, Jess Kwong & Pete Morelli [email protected] SATIRE EDITORS Alex Owen & Ben Ashenden [email protected] of our weekly meetings. SENIOR REPORTERS Jane Ashford-Thom, Elizabeth Bateman, Cathy Bueker, Jemma Trainor & Jessie Waldman [email protected] THEATRE CRITICS Michael Christie, Siobhan Forshaw, Helen Young, Matt Russell & Laura Peatman [email protected] FOOD & DRINK CRITICS Lettice Franklin & Alex Lass [email protected] MUSIC CRITICS Nathan Arnott-Davies, Ellie Brindle, Sam Gould & Katya Herman News: Monday 3.30pm, Pem- [email protected] FILM CRITIC Alice Bolland fi [email protected] VISUAL ARTS CRITIC Yates Norton [email protected] LITERARY CRITIC Sophie Peacock [email protected] broke College Bar PRODUCTION MANAGER Hugo Gye [email protected] SUB-EDITORS Jonny Aldridge, Olivia Anness, Henry Drummond, Donald Futers, Angela Scarsbrook, Charlotte Sewell & Leonie Taylor [email protected] BUSINESS & ADVERTISING MANAGER Michael Derringer [email protected] BOARD OF DIRECTORS Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Magazine: Wednesday 5pm, The Hugo Gye (VarSoc President), Mr Laurie Tuffrey, Mr Paul Smith, Miss Avantika Chilkoti, Miss Helen Mackreath & Mr Josef Pitt-Rashid Maypole (Portugal Place) For VarsiTV enquiries: [email protected] Alternatively, email the relevant NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. section editor (right) with your RECYCLING Recycled paper made ©2010 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without up 87.2% of the raw ideas. material for UK prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442 newspapers in 2008 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NewS 3 Corpus disaffiliation: the fallout Opinions “We were disappointed that daNiel ChurCher Corpus Christi JCR and MCR voted to disaffiliate from CUSU. JCRs contribute to CUSU on behalf of their individual students—thus collectively funding the fun- damental representation and services CUSU provides to all students: disaffiliation compro- mises our ability to carry these out. CUSU is the only student union in the country that does not have block grant fund- ing from the university, and depends on JCRs paying affili- Bike theft makes up ten per cent of all recorded crime ation fees. CUSU’s budget is very constrained, with the bulk of our services being funded by affiliation fees. We will continue to represent the entire student body to the University and SAMANTHA SHARMAN beyond, as all students remain individual members of CUSU.” Rahul Mansigani CUSU President

“I would like to have a body that represents my views to the University. Unfortunately CUSU represents the views of a few students further to the political left than I and don’t appear to poll their member- ship on these opinions. CUSU also take large sums of money from JCRs for apparently Corpus students at a demonstration against College authorities last March, which enjoyed the support of CUSU sabbatical officers no return; at least from my College’s reported experi- for JCR/MCR committees. We colleges about affiliation, the move of Students (NUS). The JCR will, ence. This is why we have ANdREw GRIFFIN needed some clear reasons as to why will represent a significant blow to however, lose their seats on CUSU disaffiliated.” Corpus Christi JCR have voted to we should stay affiliated when our CUSU. Council. Alexander Johnson disaffiliate from the Cambridge Uni- affiliation fees are more than 10 per Rahul Mansigani, CUSU presi- Some have expressed concern Corpus Christi College versity Students’ Union (CUSU). cent of our budget.” dent, told Varsity that CUSU was that the JCR’s disaffiliation will have An overwhelming 71 per cent of He added, “It’s hard to tell if this “disappointed that Corpus Christi adverse effects for Corpus students “Despite its best efforts, CUSU Corpus undergraduates lent their will affect Corpus students, but the JCR and MCR voted to disaffiliate”. in their ability to influence College has repeatedly failed to provide support to the motion to disaffiliate general consensus seems to be that He argued that “the Committee and University authorities. any kind of service students from the University students’ union it won’t, other than that we now and Corpus students recognised the In the past, Corpus JCR has either value or require. Col- in a ballot on Sunday. 149 students have an extra £2,800 to use as the many benefits that CUSU provides,” enjoyed the support of CUSU. Most leges should not affiliate to an voted in total. JCR/MCR wish.” and that “arguments for disaffilia- recently CUSU backed Corpus JCR organisation deemed by the The postgraduate MCR also voted Not all students were entirely tion were based almost entirely on in a protest in March which was much of the student body as an to disaffiliate, with 81 per cent of happy with the news, however. Law- the fact that Corpus students would held against the College for alleged inconvenient source of irritating students opting out of membership rence Dunn, a second-year Corpus largely retain these benefits without instances of miscommunication and email updates.” of CUSU. student, was worried that the deci- the JCR paying for them”. financial mismanagement. Ben Richardson The move to disaffiliate comes sion may act as precedent, and “the He also assured that CUSU, “will Corpus JCR is the only JCR in the Christ’s College after mounting frustration on the withdrawal of funding as other JCRs continue to represent the entire University to disaffiliate, although part of Corpus undergraduates and disaffiliate may seriously weaken student body to the University and Magdalene and Downing Colleges’ “Without the representation JCR members at the cost of mem- CUSU just as the cuts come in from beyond”. MCRs have also done so. that CUSU provides for us all, bership, and the quality of service on high”. Corpus undergraduates will The last time a JCR disaffiliated the University would be free to received. The JCR currently pays The affiliation fees paid by Corpus remain members of CUSU on an from CUSU was in March 2006 when trample all over us. JCRs can £2,800 to CUSU in affiliation fees. contribute only 0.6 per cent of individual level, and thus will con- Trinity College Students’ Union only do so much on thier own. The President of Corpus JCR, CUSU’s funding. Approximately tinue to be represented to the voted to disaffiliate by a margin of CUSU is the only organisation Rhys Grant, said that the Committee 20 per cent of the CUSU budget is University by them and make use of only six votes. which can bring all students had not received clear information made up of affiliation fees. the majority of their services. Unsuccessful attempts to disaf- together so we can speak with “as to what affiliation fees are used However, coming at a time when The JCR is also eligible to remain filiate were also made by Peterhouse one voice whenever we need for and what CUSU actually does questions are being raised at other as a member of the National Union students in Michaelmas 2009. to. At a time like this when students are more under threat than ever, CUSU is even more important.” where the money comes from... And where the money goes... Anonymous Trinity College ■ unlike almost all uK Students’ unions, CuSu receives no block ■ almost all the money that JCr/MCrs donate to CuSu in the grant funding from the university. form of affiliation fees go directly to CuSu’s campaigns CuSu relies heavily on affiliation fees to cover the cost of providing ■ CuSu relies heavily on affiliation fees to cover the cost of basic representation for and services to students. providing basic representation for and services to students ■ CuSu trains JCr/MCr committees, providing welfare Officers ■ The current affiliation fee is £6.70 per undergraduate, £3 for with training in counselling, Presidents in leadership and graduates communication skills, Treasurers in managing the budget. 52 Trumpington Street ■ For example the £1,700 (approx) which Peterhouse JCr Cambridge CB2 1RG ■ CuSu Sabbatical Officers are members of various Senior Tutors’ contributes to CuSu makes up the entire budget for both the Committees where they can make sure the efforts of individual FREE CHELSEA BUN education Campaigns and ethical affairs Campaigns for the JCr/MCrs are carried through at a higher level. With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop whole year. OR ■ CuSu offers welfare support through the Student advice ■ affiliation fees are set annually by representatives of affiliated FREE MORNING Service, which is the only professional, free and independent Common rooms on the CuSu Council. COFFEE/TEA service that offers advice to all students and advocates on (9am-12pm) ■ as a result of responsible management of its finances, CuSu has students’ behalf at college and university hearings. With any cake or pastry in the restaurant never needed to approach the university for extra emergency ■ CuSu can act as a strong local and national voice of Cambridge on presentation of this voucher funding, unlike the Graduate union and other Students’ unions students and proof of student status 4 19th November 2010 News team: Osama Siddiqui, Oliva Crellin & Natasha Pesaran NewS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Churchill Dean slams press coverage Press reported several incidents of indecent exposure and misdemeanor at Churchill

advances of the student in question daily mail online in university tuition fees, particular budget.” jemma trainor were completely unfounded, and as the disciplinary records are now Churchill JCR President Matt The Dean of Churchill College has has described the entire reaction by more than three years old. Boardman was also keen to stress condemmed the tabloid coverage of the British tabloids as “disturbing”. Dr Gopal remarked “I found the that the media reports failed to the College’s disciplinary reports as The incident has generated a great timing bizarre. The Daily Mail car- reflect a realistic portrayal of col- “distorting” and “sensational”. deal of national and international ried the story the day before the lege students. In a statement released to Varsity, press coverage, with the story being protests and The Telegraph on the “Most of the events mentioned Dr Priyamvada Gopal clarified that, picked up by the Daily Mail and day of the protests. My suspicions in this article happened several contrary to reports in the Daily The Telegraph, as well as the Times were bolstered by readers’ com- years ago, and involved a very small Mail and the Times of India, she did of India and The Hindu. ments which stridently denounce and unrepresentative minority of not “complain” to the College fol- Information regarding the dis- providing students like this with Churchill students. The most recent lowing an incident in which she was ciplinary reports of Cambridge public funding.” Dean’s reports in Churchill show propositioned by a former student colleges was requested under the In the context of the raising of that disciplinary incidents are actu- of the College. “A drunk former Freedom of Information Act, a university tuition fees and the vio- ally very infrequent. student who did not know me made request to which 29 of the colleges lent outburst at last week’s student “The Daily Mail article provided some inappropriate remarks when I responded. It seems that accord- demonstrations, its appearance in no context, and as was pointed out came down to investigate noise late ing to the records, Churchill, Clare the press has certainly managed by readers in the online comments, at night.” and Sidney Sussex have had the to distract from the issue of tuition no mention was made of the Col- She also made the point that she highest recent rate of “student mis- fees to the detriment of the student lege’s strong performance in the there was nothing unusual in the demeanours”, with Churchill alone population, a concern that is shared Tompkins table this year. It’s pos- way she dealt with the incident. having recorded 91 incidents involv- by Dr Gopal. sible that ‘Students Perform Well’ “I did not ‘complain’ to the Col- ing more than 100 students over the “I am disturbed that the British was not a sufficiently exciting lege about the incident; I reported past five years. tabloids have misused the Freedom headline.” it in an annual report as part of my The timing of the articles in the of Information Act to obtain a report He added “In light of the media’s normal duties.” national media has appeared some- dating back so many years in order treatment of the recent NUS pro- Dr Gopal categorically stated what artificially engineered to the Daily Mail’s coverage of the to deliberately discredit university tests in London, we can perhaps that reports of “harassment” and coincide with student protests over “indecent proposal” at Churchill students who are protesting today withhold our surprise.” having to “reject” and “fight off” the the Government’s planned increase College against cuts to the higher education Guernsey resistance testimony uncovered

Easy networking in a choice of colours VPC-M13M1E Travels light at just 1.4 kilos with a slim profile, large 250GB hard drive and Claim the documents obtained by dr Carr’s research team Back Bluetooth. Only anna goldenberg Guernsey Underground Newsletter £49.90 (GUNS) in which they distributed Net price £285.09 Testimonies of resistance fighters news from the Allied side to their £334.99 in Guernsey during World War Two fellow citizens. Upon getting caught, Offer ends 24.12.2010 have been revealed by a University they were sent to Germany, travel- of Cambridge research team. ling in cattle trucks under appalling The shocking accounts of Channel conditions. 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Powerful 3W + 3W speakers. ity responded to a newspaper into the Channel Islands resis- advertisement by Dr Gilly Carr, tance has been difficult to conduct: Now £589.99 Now £159.99 Now £69.99 University Lecturer in Archaeology “Researching the resistance in Offer ends 24.12.2010 Offer ends 24.12.2010 and daughter of Frank Falla. Falla the Channel Islands is still a very was another Guernsian who was difficult and sensitive issue. Not CAMBRIDGE imprisoned for resistance activity. everybody felt that they could afford 16 Lion Yard Shopping Centre The respondent to the adver- to defy the Germans at the time and Tel: 01223 351135 tisement handed the Cambridge emotions still run deep.” Instore, online, Collection or delivery. http://cambridge.sony.co.uk research team untouched docu- Since the Channel Islands were of ments from Falla’s bequest. no strategic importance, the British ‘Sony’, ‘make.believe’, ‘ VAIO’, ‘Alpha’, ‘e-Reader’, ‘Sony Centre’, and their logos are registered trademarks of Sony Corporation. All prices correct at He had compiled nearly 200 pages government surrendered it to the time of going to press. E & O.E. Offers subject to availability, whilst stocks lasts. *VAT back offer is on selected Sony models only. VAT paid at time of purchase on selected Sony products can be claimed back via redemption. Please check in-store for more detais. Operated by: Shasonic Centres Ltd. of testimonies of Channel Islanders Germans. Large parts of the Islands who were deported during the war were evacuated. Authorities coop- in his life-long quest for recognition erated with the occupiers and the for their efforts. inhabitants always had the reputa- Falla and four others ran the tion of being passive. News team: Osama Siddiqui, Oliva Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NewS 5 Record gift to Cavendish lab Raphael gRay CUP adopts panda cub The Cavendish Laboratory, the Uni- the quality of the teaching materials cambridge university press versity of Cambridge’s Department emily caRlton than about the company adopting of Physics, will receive a £20 million animals”. donation from a wealthy City hedge Cambridge University Press (CUP) Meanwhile Queens’ student fund manager, the largest in its 136- has adopted a giant panda cub in an Edward Davenport said, “I don’t year history. attempt to improve relations with think it’s a particularly good Coming at a time when insti- potential Chinese clients. investment, but £2,500 is a drop in tutions of higher learning across The panda cub, named Jian Qiao, the ocean for CUP and, as far as the country are facing punishing has been adopted for life, a commit- publicity stunts go, it has good envi- spending cuts, the pledge has been ment of roughly £2,500 a year for ronmental consequences”. well received by the University the extent of its life, usually around Whilst some are still sceptical authorities. 20 years. about CUP’s stated aim to pander The donor, David Harding, 49, Cambridge University Press are to an uncertain interest in Jian Qiao studied theoretical physics at Cam- positive about the investment. amongst Chinese students, few bridge before founding Winton Chief Executive Stephen Bourne question that the money this will Capital Management in 1997, a said “given the importance of giant provide for Chengdu Giant Panda hedge fund that predicts swings in pandas to China, this adoption is a Breeding Research Foundation is a commodity prices. symbol of our strategy to work with good thing. The company is known for the Chinese Government to build Whatever the motives behind the employing highly trained PhDs in bridges between China and the adoption, Chief Executive Stephen such esoteric subjects as extraga- West.” Bourne hopes that it will demon- lactic astrophysics and artificial The adoption is also “part of the strate interest amongst prospective intelligence. wider commitment to do all we can English-language students as well Mr Harding’s gift will set up and to protect the environment”. as demonstrating good will to pro- fund ‘The Winton Programme for Giant pandas are amongst the spective Chinese buyers since “it the Physics of Sustainability’, an world’s most severely endangered shows the importance that we place outfit he hopes will “develop mate- species, with fewer than 2,000 in the on being a responsible member rials with seemingly miraculous wild today. of the communities in which we properties that could combat the CUP are keen to link this envi- operate.” chief executive Stephen Bourne with the adopted panda cub Jian Qiao growing effect humans are having on ronmental commitment to their the planet.” extensive collection of published The Vice-Chancellor of the Univer- works on climate change. sity, Professor Sir Leszek Borysiewicz, China is an important market for unequivocally praised Mr Harding’s CUP, who have produced 30 titles donation as “truly exceptional both in their ‘Cultural China’ series and in its generosity and in its vision of English language teaching materi- To take your career in this direction, be sure to take translating fundamental discoveries als that are used throughout the in physics, to meet one of the most country. pressing needs of our generation. A spokeswoman said they are yourself to the Pitt Building on November 22nd. However, sections of the student planning on utilising the interest in body have not met the news with pandas they expect on the part of such enthusiasm. Ashley Walsh, their Chinese students to make les- Chair of the Cambridge Univer- sons more “fun and engaging”. They Ready to launch yourself into a sities Labour Club, expressed plan to develop an English-language successful business career? We know unease at the idea of the University site where students can follow the just the place for a running start. coming to rely on private donors: “I growth and progress of Jian Qiao do not believe that the entirety, or which will complement their pub- the majority, of the system should lished teaching materials. We’re Opera Solutions, a fast-growing be funded by wealthy private But opinion amongst university international firm that combines individuals.” students is mixed. Adam Sullivan, a world-class management consulting The Cavendish laboratory has second-year Bio Natsci, said “Chi- produced 29 Nobel Prize winners. nese students will care more about and advanced analytics to consistently achieve remarkable results for our clients. Among other things, we up the winnings of the UK’s biggest gambling QUEENS’ COLLEGE CAMBRIDGE operation, bust credit card crooks who CONFERENCE & CA TERING escaped Scotland Yard, and help an online travel company keep booking extraordinary profits. If you’re a high-performing final-year undergraduate or postgraduate from any subject with a strong interest in where business is going – and an even stronger desire to help lead it there – then there’s an equally compelling Special Banqueting reason to find out more about Opera. Offer for University

Clubs and Society Join us on Monday, November 22, 2010, 6:30-8:30 pm, Dinners in the Darwin Room of the Pitt Building, located at the corner of Trumpington Street and Mill Lane (next door to the Mill Lane Queens’ College is offering Lecture Rooms). You’ll hear first-hand from Opera consultants 3 course meals at £31+VAT about what we do, how we do it, and how your talents can make per person. a difference. www.operasolutions.com This offer is available for new banqueting bookings only during January Email [email protected] for further and February 2011 and cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer and does not include beverages. information. Queens’ College Tel: 01223 335592 Fax: 01223 335533 Email: [email protected] Website: www.queensconferences.com Jersey City New York San Diego London Paris Shanghai New Delhi 19th November 2010 News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 6 NEWS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Tess Maddock (1989 – 2010) Cable fuels Cambridge privatisation speculation

ROSEMARY WARNER IMOGEN GOODMAN Business Secretary Vince Cable has fuelled speculation that Cambridge and other Russell Group Univer- sities could go private in the near future. Jesus Theologian Tess In a speech given at the Girls’ Maddock died on 30th October. Schools Association Conference, he cited the threat of privatisation as The university community has one of the key reasons for govern- been shocked and saddened by ment plans to increase tuition fees, the news of Tess Maddock’s stating that “fees keep universities tragic death. Tess, a third-year public.” theologian at Jesus College, His comments follow media was a brilliant student who had speculation earlier in the month gained a starred fi rst in her fi rst that Cambridge was planning to year. She also found time to play go private as a result of reforms hockey for the College and for the in government funding for Higher University Women’s Second Team. Education institutions. Not just a keen sportswoman, The Comprehensive Spend- Tess also organised the College’s ing Review, released on the 20th Short Story Society and October, outlined plans to slash the volunteered for several charities budget for Higher Education by 40 in the city. She will be greatly per cent over the next four years. missed for her sound advice, Lord Browne’s controversial report deep intellect and great sense of proposed lifting the current tuition humour. fee cap of £3,290 a year in order to Students protesting the raising of the cap on tuition fees to £9,000; Cable suggests that the cap has not been lifted completely to Tess had found life diffi cult replace the money lost in cuts to prevent institutions such as Cambridge from going private over her two years here and, state funding. doing this is precisely to head off under the current proposals, which, also fair to the pupils”. despite the support of her many Cable pointed out that the Browne Oxford, Cambridge, London School he claimed, would be profi table for Cambridge-alumnus Cable said friends and of the College, had Review had originally proposed of Economics, University College them. that he would “very much regret it” had to suspend her studies this removing the cap on fees entirely, London from going private, because “It’s a little bit like bankers who if the University did privatise, but year, returning home to Bristol but this had been rejected by the if we had not opened up the system say if you’re going to put some kind said that he found it hard to imagine in September. The thoughts of government due to concerns that it in the way we have, they would have of tax on us we’ll run away to Sin- either Cambridge or Oxford taking everyone at Jesus are with Tess’s would unduly affect students from had a very strong incentive to do so. gapore. Universities have been this step, primarily due to the com- family at this time. poorer backgrounds. The current Whether we will head them off or playing this game with us – let us plicated logistics of the collegiate government proposals stand at not, I don’t know.” have unlimited fees or we’ll priva- system. annual fees of £9,000, on the condi- Cable indicated that the govern- tise. I don’t believe it. Cambridge has stated that “the A memorial service will be held in tion that institutions take adequate ment had been under pressure from “I think what we’re proposing is University has no position on Jesus College Chapel on Monday measures to improve access. particular institutions to lift the cap a fair settlement which will provide these matters,” and responses 22nd November at 8pm, and all are Speaking at the conference, Cable on fees, but stated that universities them with enough income to provide from fellows have been profoundly welcome to attend. said, “One of the reasons we are would be much less likely to privatise high quality education and which is ambivalent. David Lidington: Minister of State for Foreign & Commonwealth Jessie Waldman talks to David Lidington about graduate opportunities at the European Union

MEPs. They would rather be involved in the Recruiters are looking for people who have is still the case? process of contributing to policy making. This something more than just knowledge and pro- is the role of the EU civil servant. European fessional skills. Equally important is the drive A: No, I don’t think it is. There is much that policy is developed by EU civil servants who to deliver results and the ability to work effec- the EU does that has a positive impact on need to think creatively, be at ease working in tively as part of a multi-cultural team. These the lives of UK citizens every day. Member- a dynamic political environment and who are are careers spent surrounded by Europe’s ship of this single market – the world’s largest able to develop policy that those at the politi- brightest and best, in a buzzing, multicultural multi-lateral trading bloc - brings signifi cant cal level can judge and implement. Those who environment. The ability to be diplomatic economic opportunities to the UK. 3 million are interested in this kind of career can work and to adapt easily to a variety of environ- jobs (10% of the UK workforce) are directly in areas as diverse as climate change, trade ments and stakeholders is essential. It’s a fact or indirectly linked to export of goods and development or the single market, alongside that the EU’s institutions want more British services to EU countries. What the EU does people from all over Europe. staff because they are well-known for their directly affects us all. This means that EU quality and professionalism, for their native civil servants have extremely stimulating and Q: Are recruiters only looking for people fl uency in English and their ability to negoti- varied jobs. In other words, they have a career with a background in political sciences or ate effectively. packed from the outset with interesting, chal- languages? lenging, responsible work that really makes a Q: What kinds of job opportunities are difference: shaping the policies, creating the A: No, the EU needs generalist civil servants available? legislation, and negotiating the compromises with a wide variety of academic backgrounds which make the headlines across Europe including lawyers, economists, auditors, IT A: A graduate at ‘administrator’ level would every day. This work is every bit as important and other specialists. However, you do need be typically engaged in drafting policies and as that carried out in Whitehall. to have a satisfactory knowledge of a second implementing EU law, analysing and advis- language, to a minimum of French or German ing. They may fi nd themselves taking part in Q: What kinds of transferable skills could A-level standard. trade negotiations with non-EU countries, someone whose future career plan was representing the Institutions in interna- to go into say the media, or a think tank Q: What qualities are recruiters looking for tional forums, inspecting the fi shing fl eets in acquire by working in the European in applicants to fast stream the application the Member States, developing or managing Institutions? process for the European institutions? a specifi c scientifi c research programme, or drafting a decision of the European Court of A: Firstly, working in the EU institutions A: The European Fast Stream is designed for Justice or the European Ombudsman. Career brings you into contact with a wide range of graduates whose ultimate ambition is to work opportunities include administration, law, people from Europe and the whole world. Such Q: As Minister for Europe, your job must for one of the EU institutions and become a fi nance, economics, communications and sci- contacts can be an asset professionally as well involve a lot of liaison between the House European civil servant. Its main purpose is to ence, because to cover the wide range of policy as personally throughout any future career. of Commons and European parliament. ensure you get experience and training that areas, staff are needed whose skill set refl ects It’s an environment that gives you knowledge What advantages are there for an aspiring will boost your chances of passing the EU’s the incredible breadth of subject matter which is in great demand in other careers, politician to go into European politics recruitment competition known as the con- covered. such as political and public affairs, think-tanks, rather than British politics? cours. Otherwise you can apply directly to media and even business. I’d also say that the EPSO (European Personnel Selection Offi ce) Q: European politics has traditionally been skills required of a good offi cial: clear thinking; A: Most graduates are probably not looking to to take the concours. Both routes require seen as a political backwater secondary to ability to express yourself clearly and form a forge a career in politics by becoming MPs or you to be motivated to ‘work for’ Europe. a career in Westminster. Do you think this coherent argument [would be cultivated]. News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NEWS 7 Hi! Society Cambridge Treasure Trap (LARP)

ROSEMARY WARNER How do you keep tabs on the where else can you step into a dif- progression of the characters? ferent reality and then run around Mostly we keep the characters quite the woods hitting your mates with simple, but sometimes there will be bits of foam on sticks?! a fight, or an attempted poisoning, and that’s where the rules come in And what’s the worst? – to adjudicate the things we can’t Falling over, defeated in battle, just do for real, like put a love potion in to realise you’ve landed right in one someone’s drink. of Grantchester Meadows’ plentiful Sometimes the players get carried supply of cowpats… away, and a ref might need to point out that they’ve been hit in the arm What’s your society REALLY eight times. about? To me it’s about having a great time That’s quite an unusual pastime – with a large group of friends, doing how do you feel others perceive something that we’ll be telling war your society? stories about for years to come. If Mostly they want to take pictures of you’ve ever wondered what it’s like us! We do get a bit of flak for what to live another person’s life, or feel we do, but mostly people seem really the thrill of fighting to the death, What is Cambridge University spects - and respond to the things tume. The ref will shout “TIME interested when they hear a proper come along! Treasure Trap? which go on there and the people IN”, from which moment everyone explanation. Cambridge University Treasure that they meet. is in character. We’re only in character during Sum up your society in five Trap is a live action role play (LARP) Currently the society has about As the evening goes on, ‘monsters’ the LARP sessions – most of the words. system, set in a made-up medieval- 40 members, 5 of whom are Refs, re- will be sent in, who might be towns- time we’re just normal people, and Another you in another world. fantasy world, which is a bit like the sponsible for running the game. folk who want to give the player we usually end up in the pub after Lord of the Rings or Discworld in characters missions, or try to assas- meetings. MICHELLE TAYLOR WAS INTERVIEWED BY flavour. What happens when Cambridge sinate them, for example. LAUREN DAVIDSON Players take on characters who University Treasure Trap meets? The players should build their What’s the best thing about your live in the city of Grantabrugge - Every Friday we have tavern society? Find out more at characters up and keep them consis- http://www.srcf.ucam.org/tt/ similar to Cambridge in many re- nights, where we turn up in cos- tent from week to week. There’s nothing else quite like it – William and Kate could be Duke BELfAst • BournEMouth • CAMBriDgE • gLAsgoW • LEAMington/WArWiCk • LonDon and Duchess of Cambridge oxforD - All day conference CAMBRIDGE 25TH NOVEMBER 2010 SAMANTHA SHARMAN Another student argued that the Cambridge title was not the most In a bit of news that has thrilled suitable one for the couple. “While Cambridge reisdents, Prince William it would be exciting for them to be Darwin or Design? and Kate Middleton could become named Duke and Duchess of Cam- the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge bridge, neither William nor Kate after their marriage next year. have any connection to Cambridge,” What does the science really say? Traditionally, royal men receive he said. a new title from the sovereign after He added, “It would be more their wedding. In addition to Cam- meaningful for them, if they had a “When examined with the powerful tools of modern biology, but not with its modern prejudices, life bridge, there are a number of titles Scottish title.” Prince William and on a biochemical level can be a product, Behe says, only of intelligent design. Coming from a practical that are available as possible options Kate Middleton met when they were for Prince William, including Duke both students at the University of St biologist this proposition is close to heretical.” of Clarence, Connaught, Sussex or Andrew’s in Scotland. The New York Times Book Review. Windsor. The royal couple will receive a However, Cambridge appears to series of other titles in addition to the be a likely choice, as bookmakers one given to them by the Queen on Paddy Power have made the title the their wedding day, including Prince favourite of the suggestions. and Princess of Wales and Duke and Engage with world-renowned scientist Prof Michael Behe The news came after Clarence Duchess of Cornwall when Charles House announced that the couple becomes King. became engaged on a holiday in The title of Duke of Cambridge is Listen to 21st century science questioning 19th century ideas Kenya in October. The wedding is set quite rare and usually used for minor to take place next spring or summer. royals. The fi rst offi cial use was in Many students expressed excite- 1664, given to James Stuart, the son Ask your questions ment at the prospect of a Duke and of the Duke of York by his fi rst wife. Duchess of Cambridge. “This is what However, the ill-fated royal only the monarchy is for,” said one Cam- lived for a few months, resulting in bridge undergraduate. the title becoming extinct. She added, “The wedding will be The most recent Duke of Cam- a day of national celebration and it bridge was Prince George, grandson would be fantastic for Cambridge to of George III. According to histo- have such an honour bestowed on it rian Dr Dean Lang, Prince George Michael J. Behe is Professor of Biochemistry at Lehigh University, Pennsylvania, USA, and has done research on sickle-cell by having the future King and Queen was the most famous royal to hold disease and, at the US National Institutes of Health, on DNA. He is the author of 40 technical papers and two widely- as our Duke and Duchess.” the title. He is known to millions of reviewed books, Darwin’s Black Box: The Biochemical Challenge to Evolution (1996) and The Edge of Evolution: The Another student wondered people as a result of the countless Search for the Limits of Darwinism (2007), which argue that living systems at the molecular level are best explained by intelligent design. whether the bestowing of the title pubs named after him. would mean possible involvement of Dr Lang describes him as a “bit the young royals in Cambridge life. of a stickler and a great disciplinar- Free full length DVD, Unlocking the Mystery of Life given to all on-line registrations on attendance. “If they are the Duke and Duchess ian.” Dr Lang added, “If anyone held For further information and to register visit www.darwinordesign.org.uk of Cambridge, is it so inconceivable back the army for 50 years, it would email: [email protected] that they might consider taking part have been the Duke of Cambridge, in town or University events?” I’m afraid.” VENUE DETAILS However, not all students are so There have been some critics in enthusiastic. According to one stu- the past who have doubted the suit- BABBAGE LECTuRE THEATRE 25 NOVEMBER 2010 dent from Pembroke College, “It ability of Kate as a bride for William. University New Museums Site, Corn Exchange Street, Cambridge CB2 3RS won’t have any effect on Cambridge As such, it is perhaps fi tting that the On-line registration at www.darwinordesign.org.uk or on any of our lives.” previous Duke of Cambridge ignored Starts: Doors 6:30 for 7:00pm Admission: £6.50 “I believe that the royal family is an the disapproval of the royal family The Centre for Intelligent Design, The Wheatsheaf, Student Concession: £2:00 on the door in cash only anachronism that merely distracts us towards his choice and married Speirs Wharf, Glasgow G4 9TJ (‘First come, first served’ for concessions) from modern problems and an escape Sarah Fairbrother, an actress and into the bliss of our imperial past.” the mother of two of his children. 19th November 2010 News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran 8NewS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

News in Brief Martin Gilbert: The History Teller Historic lectures Israel, the frequency of such initia- available online tives has decreased. “The situation has hardened. It’s Thirty Jawarhal Nehru Memorial more difficult for people to meet,” Trust Lectures have been made explained Sir Martin. available to read online. The lec- The theme of one side understand- tures, which began in 1966, cover ing the other’s perspective seems to topics ranging from the Indian film be very important to Sir Martin’s industry to human rights and cli- work. His latest book (his 82nd), mate change. Past lecturers have which was published this year, is included Sir Harold Wilson and titled ‘In Ishmael’s House: A His- HRH Prince Hassan of Jordan. tory of Jews in Muslim Lands’. After graduating from Cam- Described by reviewers as a bridge, Nehru became President “masterful” and an “epic examina- of the Indian National Congress in tion”, the book is about 1,400 years 1928 and by the end of the Second of Jewish life in Muslim territories. World War was recognised as As the book jacket describes it, it Ghandi’s successor. In 1947 he is a story of both “co-existence and became the first Prime Minister of conflict”. India, a post he held until his death “I spent three years writing it,” in 1964. Sir Martin explained. “And I studied The next lecture will be given by thousands of different episodes.” Gopalkrishna Gandhi, governor of The book is a remarkable portrait West Bengal from 2004 to 2009 and of hope and reconciliation between the grandson of Mahatma Ghandi. It the two faiths. So much so that, will be entitled ‘Britain, Ghandi and “one reviewer felt it was too politi- Nehru’ and will take place in London cally correct,” Sir Martin said with on 24th November. PATRICK O’GRADY a chuckle. In this way, the book perhaps reflects the kind of history that Sir Martin is interested in writing. “When you write history, do you New building for inevitably bend in one direction or the other when you choose to write science departments about certain episodes and not others?” he asked. Work is underway on a new site Explaining his own perspective, he for the Department of Materi- said, “I don’t think I would be inter- als Science and Metallurgy, ested in a subject that highlighted a specially designed to accommo- particularly negative aspect. I chose date world class equipment and this subject because it had a positive research facilities. aspect in it.” The £41 million building will Sir Martin’s efforts, however, did allow the Department to be not stop some from using his his- housed on one location designed torical work for their own ends. “In specifically for its purposes for Ishmael’s House was taken up by the first time in its 100 year the partisans of the two narratives,” history. The department is he recalled. “But, nothing is black currently spread across five sep- and white.” arate buildings in the city centre, This leads us to a discussion of the some dating back to the 1870s, public uses and abuses of history. The resources will include a “History is a very accessible subject state-of-the-art electron micro- and lends itself to popularising quite scope facility, a cell-culture easily, as it relates to people’s parents laboratory, a mechanical testing Sir Martin Gilbert, esteemed historian and Churchill biographer, and grandparents.” area, a process laboratory and Sir Martin is the unique his- workshop, and an x-ray diffrac- talks to Osama Siddiqui about the uses and abuses of history. torian whose works are not only tion facility. SAMANTHA SHARMAN well-reviewed in academic ivory towers, but are also popular with I have had the pleasure of meet- on his recent visit to Cambridge. He other’s history has practical impli- average readers. ing Sir Martin Gilbert once before, was invited by the CU Israel Soci- cations as far as the Middle East “I have quite a high respect for my although our meeting then was par- ety to deliver the inaugural Yitzhak is concerned. Since the “essence readers,” he said. “I welcome feed- ticularly brief and is likely not to Rabin Memorial Lecture on the of true history requires both sides back from them, and they frequently Fire scare at King’s have registered with the esteemed legacy of Rabin. recognising the other’s side”, Sir email me with comments or points historian. Sir Martin was serving While I had originally planned Martin argued that “parallel to about which they are angry.” King’s students were awoken a visiting professorship in History for our conversation to be about the peace negotiations you need educa- Does he think that the general at 3am on Thursday morning at the university that I attended challenges and prospects for peace tional initiatives.” public is informed enough about by the fire alarm and clouds of before coming to Cambridge (the in the Middle East, as a history stu- history? “In some areas,” he said. smoke from one of the kitch- University of Western Ontario in dent, I could not resist asking Sir “Military history, for example, is ens. With the arrival of two fire London, Canada), and was due to Martin about the practice of history “One of the very popular, partly because of the engines, it was realised that give a public lecture entitled “Did itself. attention given to it by films and tele- a male student, attempting to Churchill Believe in Democracy?” We started by talking about how problems in the vision programmes.” cook a midnight snack in the There was palpable excitement on a sense of history hangs over long- However, there are many other Spalding Hostel kitchen, after campus among history enthusiasts standing conflicts, such as the one in Middle East conflict areas of historical knowledge that he a heavy night of drinking, had at the prospect of hearing one of the the Middle East. “One of the prob- would like to see strengthened. “It is passed out unconscious and left world’s foremost authorities on Win- lems in the Middle East conflict is is that neither side important to understand the evolu- the meal to catch fire. ston Churchill talk about his area of that neither side understands the tion of society, of where our society is A King’s student told Varsity expertise. other’s narrative. It is important to understands the and how we got here,” he explained. that she was “just about to head Sir Martin’s illustrious list of see how the other person sees the “In every society, people take for off to bed” when she was “star- accomplishments was cited in tones historical narrative,” Sir Martin other’s narrative.” granted where they are. But, it is tled” by the sirens and presence of hushed reverence. Author of explained. important to ask, ‘how did we get to of the fire and rescue service. over 80 books, Churchill’s official According to Sir Martin, it is very As an example, Sir Martin men- this point? How did the role of the Following the incident, students biographer, knighted by the Queen important to understand how the tioned an initiative which involved state evolve?’ These are important received a warning from the Lay for “services to British history and other side views itself and its cir- Israeli and Palestinian women questions.” Dean regarding the “disastrous international relations”. The expec- cumstances in the great sweep of who were suffering from cancer to They are important questions consequences” of such “anti- tations were high and the talk did history. “The narrative of the under- meet and share each other’s experi- indeed, and the totality of Sir Martin’s social” behaviour. ABTIN SADEGHI not disappoint. dog needs to be understood both ences. However, since it has become work has been asking these questions Given this history, I jumped at the ways,” he said. increasingly difficult for there to be with deep intelligence and insight for opportunity to speak to Sir Martin The public recognition of each travel between the West Bank and nearly five decades. Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consultancy. We combine deep industry knowledge with specialised expertise in strategy, operations, risk management, organisational transformation and leadership development.

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Varsity is recruiting Applications are invited to section edit Varsity in Lent 2011. Application forms are available for download from varsity.co.uk/jobs

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Positions include: News Editor, Comment Editor, Features Editor, Arts Editor, Reviews Editor, Sport Editor, Fashion Editor, Science Correspondent, Theatre Critic, Music Critic, Classical Critic, Film Critic,Visual Arts Critic, Literary Critic, Food Critic, Photographer, Illustrator 19th November 2010 Comment Editors: Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne 10 COMMENT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment @paulchambers: that’s a twitter pill to swallow e prosecution of Paul Chambers is telling of a generational gap in interpretations of how we use the internet

prosecution of Paul Chambers is a message was sent to consisted of an extension of their public life, declares that they “Just throttled sad reality. The 27-year-old accoun- Chambers’s friends and family one there remains a key difference a baby, woo”, or send off heartfelt tant has just lost his appeal against would hope that their fi rst thought between what people say online, consolations when they update a conviction that has now found was a sit down and a quiet chat with “Now I can’t marry Prince him guilty of sending a “menacing with Paul, rather than calling in William, FML”, because you know electronic communication” over the anti-terror squads. It is obvious Our generation the conventions – you know it’s a Twitter. The offending message that this trial is as much of a joke joke. The judge in Paul Chambers’s reads in full: “Crap! Robin Hood as the original tweet; not so funny understands that case seems to exemplify a gen- airport is closed. You’ve got a week is Paul’s loss of a job, a permanent eration that thinks that sending a to get your shit together, otherwise criminal record and a £3,000 bill in though someone’s tweet such as Paul’s is done with I’m blowing the airport sky high!” fi nes and legal fees. the same seriousness as a threaten- That this is a joke seems to be However, the issue here is larger presence on the ing and huskily-voiced phone call. too obvious to need point- than just a single misguided These are the same people who JAMES VINCENT ing out. Even if you judge. A blind and inattentive internet is partly wonder how long it will take for don’t happen to be application of the law will their ‘Electronic-Mail’ to get to you a comedy scholar always result in these an extension of through all those pipes. These are riends and fellow citizens, able to dissect the aberrations. They the people in power. have you heard the good subtle interplay of are rightly decried their public life, The problem extends to the Fnews? Yes, I can’t believe it self-depreca- by the public, but media as well, with po-faced lit- either; another would-be terrorist tion, hyperbole will remain as there remains a key eralism providing good headline has been ousted and prosecuted, and mock self- mostly harmless fodder for perennially scandalised another budding bin Laden’s dia- importance in the one-offs. The di erence between shit-stirrers such as the Daily bolical scheming has been stamped tweet, then at least lurking evil that Mail. Stephen Fry seems to be out by the might of Her Majesty’s the exclamation prompted such a what people say a lightning rod for these sorts of constabulary and brought to justice! marks should be a judgement is far thing and was being targeted again Justice, good citizens, has been done dead giveaway. Not more subtle: it is online and who on Tuesday because of an outburst to those who dare to threaten the so for Judge Jacqueline the widening gap against being labelled “opportu- lives of innocents as a joke. A joke? Davis who ruled that between how those they really are. nistic”. And why did he get called Well, yes, admittedly it was just a the tweet was “menacing in power understand this? Because he offered to pay joke, but, I might hasten to add, this in its content and obviously the internet, and how and who they are in real life: not Paul Chambers’s legal fees. The was not just any joke, this was a so,” claiming that “any ordinary those who use it do. Our everything needs to be taken so generation gap between those who joke published on…the internet! person reading this would see it in generation instinctively under- damned literally. You don’t leap understand and those who don’t is Ahem. Well, yes, despite all that way, and be alarmed.” Seeing stands that although someone’s to the phone to confront a friend slowly closing, but until it does, at that incredibly biting satire, the as the ordinary people that the presence on the internet is partly every time their Facebook status least we can show solidarity. Gap Nah Tuition fee increases mean sixth-formers and graduates thinking about taking a jolly gap year to somewhere sunny can forget it

Granted, there will be some who they will be able to lock them- cost up to £5625 in the fi rst year are dead-set on the idea and pre- selves into the lower rate of £3375 alone for home students. Similarly, pared to swallow the costs or fi nd those hoping to travel will have to some inventive way of working their decide whether the experiences way around the world, but these With more and gained are worth the extra debt jobs are unfortunately few and far accumulation. between and becoming increas- more graduates Financially it does not make much ingly diffi cult to fi nd. With more and sense for anyone to defer entry next more graduates chasing short-term chasing short term academic year. For some students opportunities or taking post-univer- other considerations will outweigh sity gap years, it is becoming quite a opportunities the fi nancial implications but this SOPHIE DUNDOVIC challenge for the average sixth-for- issue is certain to be a hot topic in mer to secure any sort of well-paid or taking post- schools nationwide. So what does work abroad. this mean for university places? was no price on it. Higher educa- ith tuition fees set to reach The biggest impact will surely be university gap years, Increased pressure on an already tion certainly needs more funding record levels by 2012, felt by those currently in their fi nal fi nite number of higher education but students are in no position to Wwe could be about to see year of A level study. According to it is becoming quite places is a likely outcome as stu- foot the bill. Students benefi t from the popularity of traditional gap the Browne Report it seems that dents fl ock to avoid the extra fees. a university education, there can years plummet. It will not be that the higher rate of tuition fees is to a challenge for 2011 entry is a comparative bargain be no denying that, but so does the students no longer value the expe- be implemented in 2012, meaning but this can only leave more hope- rest of the country. It is Britain’s rience that a gap year brings and that the next batch of freshers will the average sixth- fuls disappointed as the competition graduates who are developing the the opportunities that it presents, escape the fees hike by the skin of increases. Those lucky enough to innovative ideas that enable us to but simply that it is a lot more dif- their teeth. former to secure secure offers can relax in the knowl- compete in a global marketplace, fi cult to justify spending thousands This clearly presents those con- edge that they will be able to travel who are increasing the effi ciency travelling the world when you can sidering gap years of any kind with any sort of well- all they like after their degree and of our healthcare system and who expect to be subject to somewhere some diffi cult decisions. Those who be more than £17,000 better off than are going on to teach the next gen- in the region of £36,000 of debt were planning on working for a year paid work abroad. their ‘gap yah-ing’ peers. eration. Surely the benefi ts to the three years down the line. And that to save up some money for univer- The lucky ones are those of us economy outweigh whatever it is without taking your year’s worth sity would effectively be working as already proposed by the govern- safe in the knowledge that our fees costs to subsidise higher education of escalating expenses into account. for free, since by enrolling in 2011 ment. Deferring entry could then are fi xed. We had a choice and there in the long run. Comment Editors: Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk COMMENT 11

Our Dude in a Mood OUR MAN IN AMMAN HAS GONE AWOL IN JORDAN. WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED...

h Cambridge, I can see it happening again. Every- Obody acknowledges the Week 5 blues, that halfway turn- ing point at which the student population’s frowns refuse to turn upside down, and the mound of essays which has been piling itself ever higher now looms mountain- ous above you and goads you to be its Sisyphus. Less acknowl- edged than the mounting stress and depression of Week 5 is the declining capacity of reason and normativity that characterises Week 7. Actions which under normal circumstances would be unques- tionably illogical now present themselves as perfectly valid. The work mountain which has amassed itself is unerringly omni- present and now casts a shadow over your social and sexual rela- tions. Maybe I am being more KATE JONES monastic than average, but all I know is this: this week I needed to write something down whilst on the phone and I couldn’t fi nd a post-it and so convinced was I that my naked fl esh wouldn’t It’s a nice day for a hyped wedding be seen by another human until travel day that I scrawled “Meet- ing at 12, Free School Lane” e spectacle of a royal wedding does nothing to enhance our sense of ‘Britishness’ onto my pelvis. Reasonable in the situation, but still, one feels, symptomatic of something. By now, all those tiny little cash is not all that could potentially which the wedding will supposedly coincidence. On Wednesday after- commitments you have made aggravate the British public. It is the reinforce. It is far more likely – and noon, Cameron was able to deliver throughout term have simi- patronising fact that this announce- somewhat proven by the media cov- what appeared to be some good larly all clustered together and ment might just cheer us up. Well news amid a period of disillusion- rather than each being a cute thanks, but it hasn’t and won’t, and ment and so presumably upped the little distraction, they have fused the relentless media coverage is not People will treat the ratings on his new happiness index. together into an angry mosaic only mind-numbing but exposes this Maybe the lesser cynic would dis- that jogs beside you in the street wedding to have more than just a miss this as Freedland does, but as you scurry along; it tugs at soupcon of Hello! about it. entire occasion just coincidence or not, the tone of the your shirt-sleeve, begging “You Jonathan Freedland has written occasion is paradoxical. One week said you’d do me, why won’t you in the Guardian that, “It’s easy to as they treat every there are violent protests and the do me?” All the small things are mock the hysteria of a royal wed- next there are royal engagements those that erode your sense of GEMMA GRONLAND ding but state occasions help reveal other celebrity and outpourings of popular joy: the self – a mailing list you forgot to what kind of country we are.” I read dichotomy is almost laughable. send out to your society is all it this assuming he might follow with matching. This Who is footing the bill is prob- takes to undo an otherwise com- he front page of The Times a diatribe against celebrity obses- ably the most common concern petent and functional being. on Wednesday read “16- sion, and that the mass hysteria is not somehow among those not too enthralled by I think my situation is exac- Tpage engagement souvenirs over the engagement (not even the the engagement announcement, but erbated by a dissertation with special” atop a lovely picture of wedding itself) is another sad refl ec- emblematic for me it’s tripartite: the money, the which I become gradually more the recently engaged royal couple. tion of what we view as important; media and the message. It’s going to and more obsessed. I spend my The Guardian had its daily centre forget my pay freeze and the fact my of our sense of cost an awful lot, we will not escape days working in a primary school spread as a picture of the couple children might not be able to afford the endless coverage of it until the observing gendered behaviour, looking regal and the Daily Mail university, Wills and Kate are get- ‘Britishness’ – it’s an wedding (or even the honeymoon) is and then bound into the kitchen naturally went into overdrive, as if ting hitched! Unfortunately, I was over, and the announcement comes waiting to pounce on some naïve it has been waiting for this story to not granted such satisfaction. In affirmation of our at a time that leaves a bitter taste in individual who might acciden- burst for years. All in all, the media fact, he acknowledges the absur- one’s mouth. tally catch eyes with me, and have exhausted the story already dity of the occasion but continues own prurience and When Freedland ends his arti- then I unload a bucket of Judith – and just three days in. There’s to qualify it by suggesting that such cle with “even the most hardbitten Butler over them as I explain my nothing left to do now, other than to occasions unite us and express some- voyeurism. republican will be wishing them observation notes in detail. This print speculative stories about the thing British. well,” I am reminded of a piece I particular problem is borne of cost of the wedding and the bookies’ Maybe in ages past the monarchy erage – that people are treating read not long ago about the scrap- the self-obsession that eases its bets on the fi nal date. Thrilling. and their lavish events were once a them just like they treat other celeb- ping of free admission to swimming way to the fore by this point in It goes without saying that this is spectacle that struck a chord with rity couples. The Times even ran a pools for the under-16s and over-60s the term; increasingly, all those an inappropriate time to be reveal- our nation; but now we have gossip page that shouted the title ‘Dress of because of the “crippling defi cit”. individuals who once milled ran- ing to the public that tax-payers’ magazines and reality TV. I strug- the Century?’ This is not emblem- Seeing as many who oppose the domly around you in college and money may be spent on this extrav- gle to believe that the majority of atic of some abstract ‘Britishness’; monarchy do so for economic rea- in the streets become an amor- aganza. I am positive no corners will people interested in this engage- it’s an affi rmation of our prurience sons, a royal wedding courtesy of phous shifting unit. be cut and security alone will cost an ment possess a genuine attachment and voyeurism. the public, means that many will not JONNY WALKER obscene amount – yet the splurge of to the institution of the monarchy, Then there is that slight feeling of be “wishing them well.” 19th November 2010 Comment Editors: Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharne 12 COMMENT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

THE QUESTION Is Corpus JCR right to disa liate from CUSU? Corpus Christi JCR Clare JCR President James Tiffi n

he past year has other than affi liation fees. Magdalene tudent politics, in Week, a Reading Week in the middle of term been an eventful and Downing Colleges’ MCRs have both the wider scheme or a sports centre? Tone in Corpus. disaffi liated without seriously undermin- Sof things, is not The concept is simple: JCRs are powerless Most Corpus students ing CUSU, or precipitating a mass run on really that important. to bring about real change in the University. appeared, banners and disaffi liation. CUSU, and the work it does to No one except a student We need, like every other university in the placards in hand, on the represent students, go on. Another charge would care about hobs country, to have a Student Union. CUSU New Court lawn to pro- will perhaps be that these are diffi cult times being taken away from does this job incredibly well and I will test changes made by for students, and that unity is needed in the gyp rooms, or the intri- explain how. JCR committees, for one thing, the college to student face of things like education cuts. However, cacies of college fi nance. receive unlimited support from the CUSU experience. Students it must be remembered that these are hard This is the life of sabbatical offi cers. There are fortnightly YES lamented the break- times for colleges too, not just CUSU. Bad NO a JCR committee ‘Presidents and Externals’ meetings, down of communication timing cannot be used as an excuse to call member. Much of organised by CUSU, to help JCR and MCR between them, the JCR, and the college. for homogeneity of student voice: if Corpus their work goes unnoticed and is seem- presidents discuss how they can get Around Reforms have been made at all levels in students feel CUSU is not responsive to ingly mundane and pointless: sitting on any problems they may be having. CUSU response to these events, by College and their needs, or representative of their college committees, discussing the details provides invaluable training to JCR welfare students alike. At a time when the JCR views, affi liation simply isn’t justifi able at of common room furniture, fi lling out trivial offi cers, which they would be lucky to get off Committee has been placing greater empha- a time when the resources could be better paper work. All of this means that we, the their own back. We use a CUSU system for sis on transparency and accountability in its deployed elsewhere. Union of Clare Students for example, are running online elections. In fact, JCRs are dealings, then, the question of CUSU affi lia- Corpus students are not alone in feel- representing Clare undergraduates to the almost entirely dependent on CUSU. tion could not be ignored. ing frustrated with CUSU, the costs of College and will stand up for them when As for individuals, just think what the What is surprising is the lack of informa- affi liation, or the quality of service the College is out of line. However, while I place would be like without CUSU. For a tion available to students detailing exactly organisation provides. The JCR committee might have a lot of weight in minor college start, would we have any concept of equality what CUSU does and does not do for them, hopes CUSU can make the constructive matters, I am powerless to infl uence the in the system? Be it LBGT, disabled, women why CUSU affi liation is important, and changes necessary to re-connect with stu- real issues which could have a detrimental or whatever, who stands up for minorities? what provision is made for those JCRs that dent concerns and better address them in impact on the lives of those I represent. Academics certainly don’t. And I don’t think decide to disaffi liate. Given the recurrent future. How could I have any hope of telling the JCRs stand much chance there. Without tendency of JCRs and MCRs to question the University that we want a longer Freshers’ CUSU, there would be no Student Advice point of affi liation, this is an odd oversight Service, which does incredible work, but on CUSU’s part. Requests for documenta- which those who don’t struggle fail to see. tion to the CUSU President yielded some Without CUSU, we wouldn’t have the coun- results, as did Corpus’s invitation for CUSU try’s biggest student-run access initiative. Representatives to meet with the JCR and Without CUSU, we would have no hope of answer questions at open meetings. getting a sports centre. Without CUSU, the On the strength of this information, how- people who run the University would crap ever, Corpus students could still not fi nd on every student who was having diffi cul- suffi cient justifi cation for the cost of affi lia- ties – they just want good results and good tion to CUSU. money. It is thanks to the dedicated CUSU Affi liation in Cambridge operates on a sabbs, who sit on the ridiculous number of two-tiered system. On one hand, students committees through which the University are affi liated as individuals, and the Univer- operates, who work 12 hours or more a day, sity recognises CUSU’s claim to represent that our lives here are a lot better than they them on this basis. At the same time, JCRs could be. And it is only thanks to the money and MCRs are affi liated as corporate bodies, they receive through JCR affi liation that and are given certain services in return. It is they are able to do this. important to remember that Corpus’s affi li- I doubt students at Corpus really worried ation fees, at £2,800, constitute over 10% of about this when they voted to disaffi li- the JCR budget, but only 0.6% of CUSU’s. ate. But it’s not like they had to: it would The onus is on CUSU to demonstrate why be unfair for CUSU to fail to support any affi liation fees will have a greater positive individual students, simply because their impact in their hands than in those of a JCR JCR had decided to disaffi liate. I’m not sure more directly responsive to its students that anyone is really questioning the value needs, but operating with a far smaller of CUSU, and for the reasons stated above budget. I think I have made that clear enough. But At open meetings, Corpus students what the Corpus JCR is doing is to deprive struggled to identify any services which CUSU of a considerable chunk of their they or the JCR used to a meaningful funds, which means that the services they degree. Questions were also raised over how are able to offer could be severely dimin- ‘in touch’ CUSU is with mainstream student ished this time next year. If every JCR concerns – the experience of CUSU Council committee decided that they didn’t want or open meetings would seem to attest to to pay, CUSU could not function. We have this. Troublesome too were CUSU’s failures a collective responsibility to pay for the to respond to crises in Corpus’s past even services we receive from them – it is stupid when asked by the JCR for assistance. to expect something for nothing here. It is The decision to disaffi liate is not an easy not even as if each student at Corpus will one. Opinions are divided, both within the get an extra £6 off their college bill, or as if JCR Committee and within the student the JCR will have a few thousand extra to body at large. There will be those that criti- spend, because the College will probably cise Corpus’s decision. One charge levied is just spend that money on something else. As that Corpus students will be ‘freeloading’, it is, however, every other JCR will be fund- using the range of services CUSU provides ing services which Corpus students can still without contributing to their upkeep. take full advantage of. Corpus students will go on being individual CUSU is the only Student Union in members of CUSU, and having represen- the country which has to put up with this tation at a University level through that nuisance. Even OUSU is funded through organisation, but they will not as a corpo- a block grant. CUSU is working on a more rate body continue to contribute to services EMMA SMITH reliable way to fund itself, but until this is they do not actually use, or else do not feel achieved, I think it is stupid and selfi sh of they really receive. any JCR to do something which could have Another worry is that Corpus’s disaf- such a negative impact on other students, fi liation could restrict CUSU’s ability to something which serves no purpose but to operate, or impinge on the experiences of kick up controversy. students at other colleges. Again, this fear is There is no viable fi nancial justifi cation ungrounded. The fi nancial blow to CUSU is for disaffi liating from CUSU. It is not minimal: £2,800 when its budget for 2010/11 only pointless, but damaging, and I would reports an expenditure of £547,275. Over strongly advise any JCR to remain affi li- 80% of CUSU income comes from sources ated, for the good of their own students. MAGAZINE

A postcard about Soma p14

Yann Tiersen: grumpy man p19

The Varsitorialist p20 19th November 2010 Magazine Editors : Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu 14 MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Charlo e Runcie: On Christmas Adverts GOOD

Marks and Spencers’ “The Saviour is on His way and He’s bringing with Him some new 140 DERNIER super-seasonal savings.” tights: We repeat ONE HUNDRED AND h, joy! Oh, heaven! season to come. From watch- love this. Klass! And Twiggy! You can’t FORTY Oh, rapture! All ing the big Christmassy ads, Parents sneak a terrifying say no to them. Here they, DENIER. Otogether now: IT’S we can align our own celebra- robotic horse upstairs behind and some other minor models They’re practi- CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAS! tions with the pre-ordained their children’s backs, and a and celebrities, re-enact the cally fl eece lined. Say goodbye to Okay, it’s November, but vibe decided months ago by small boy inexplicably hangs Strasbourg Dancing Plague of chilly knees. Oh, and they’re pretty really, you see, it’s Christmas. big business. Now, if you’re a bulging stocking, meant for 1518, brought bang up-to-date hard to make holes in too. Jealous, For why? Well, an angel has a follower of these columns a human, next to a dog. The with cheeky visual refer- lads? just appeared unto me, and then you will know that I’ve dog is chained up outside in ences to Beyoncé’s ‘Single Ice Rink season has its name is John Lewis. And got a dash of the conspiracy the snow, looking on mourn- Ladies’ video and High School arrived. Parker’s Piece it has come bearing gifts, theorist about me, but come fully as the boy skips back Musical. Wisely the recreation has been transformed good tidings and great joy, on, this one’s obvious. inside to his rosy family stops short of depicting the into a winter wonder- and Lisa Snowdon singing We get a choice, of course, of celebrations. It’s sappy, with plague victims’ tragic deaths land. The Union is into a hairbrush. Or was that which version of exhaustion and heart turning a room into M&S? of Christmas attacks, so your Christmas an ice rink. Get your Anyway, hark! The herald we will follow. jollity remains at least partly skates on and angels are singing a cutesy Are you a intact. release your cover of Elton John’s ‘Your sentimental, No? Well, there’s always inner fi ve year old Song’, because the advertisers, upper-middle- Iceland. Set in the ‘Moulin rather than doing it for free sliding working like busy little elves class fan of Blanche’ (I know), a gang of around the Sidgwick Site. under the festive command Le Creuset? those salt-of-the-earth mums of Santa’s Workshop (super- Right this way, do the cancan and sing the market and department store madam, you will praises of £2 king prawns and Having division), have so decreed that see the comfort- a dessert,called the Baileys dozed it is Christmastime. All those ing syrupy ooze Dome Gateau which is surely off on his blockbuster, minute-long of this year’s a sign of the End Times, for surfboard and adverts have fi nally arrived, John Lewis three pounds. A bargain, sure, without Chitty Chitty beaming into your laptop and campaign, but something about it all Bang Bang to hand, mine, through the little gaps adorned with a LOUISE LONG seems a bit skank – wait, is it was lucky for halfway through The Only dusting of early snow. If you an undercurrent of menace. If that Jason Donovan? Dick van Dyke that Way is Essex on ITV Player. liked their summer offering this is the advert for you, then On second thoughts, maybe some neighbourly These bombastic supermar- – the maudlin, auburn-tinted your Christmas will consist of these adverts aren’t such a dolphins were in the ket adverts are a nationwide story of a woman’s life cosy indulgence set against a great kickstart to the festive area to push memo that the Saviour is told through kitchen and backdrop of dystopian cruelty. season after all. In fact, I’m him back to shore. The on His way, and He’s bring- homeware products, to the Hmm. not even convinced any of porpoises were not ing with Him some super sound of Fyfe Dangerfi eld’s Not convinced? Fear not! them will make anyone buy available for comment seasonal savings. But they’re cover of ‘She’s Always a Follow me through our winter anything, ever. not just a reminder to make Woman’, which proved that wonderland to the Marks and I have watched the best our shopping list, and check pedestal misogyny is still at Spencer aisle, where I’m sure Christmas spirit that retail it twice. They’re a blueprint the core of department store we can fi nd something more Britain has to offer. And I was Royal Lovebirds FINALLY for the mood of the festive marketing – then you will to your tastes. Aha! Myleene sore afraid. announce their engagement: Yep, sorry girls, Prince William Dear Varsity, is offi cially off the market. Find Apparently what our Germanic ancestors liked to somewhere else to do of a Thursday afternoon was to feed castrated become Queen of. reindeer with fly agarics, then drink their piss. The psychoactive chemicals in the agaric, thus filtered clean of poison, yield a magical drink Fake lifestyles: called Soma venerated in bronze-age Indo-Iranian Jack Wills trying culture. This according to an exhibition Freddie to force their took me to at the Hamburger Bahnhof. They’ve sweaters on filled the old engine-hall with live reindeer, the Cambridge giant mushrooms, canaries, one-way mirrors and So, despondently, we went to sit with a Club-Mate population, mice, in a giant experimental recreation of the on some abandoned railway lines. Club-Mate is the Cath Kidston experience.On the wall, a quotation from the Berlin drink, a sort of urine-coloured tongue- opening up on Rigveda: “We have drunk Soma and become immortal; tingling dangerously strong ice tea made of Market Square... we have seen the light, the gods discovered.” hand-squeezed rainforests. Nobody knows what goes “That sounds rather good doesn’t it.” into it. It comes in a bottle with a picture of “You think – we should try to score a Freddie Mercury in a sombrero on the front. It’s tab of Soma while we’re here?” made in a factory that can’t be seen on Google There seemed no harm in asking. But the museum Maps. Freddie and I turned and faced each other attendant told us coolly that Soma was valued dramatically. The Daily Mail website is now at €1000 a pop, and that you had to shoot up at “You don’t think –” the most popular ‘newspaper’ the museum’s nightly lock-in if you wanted a go. “You mean –” website in the UK – that’s 18 Nobody knows what Soma was, see – mushroom-piss is “It was under our noses all the time...?” million people, and rising, getting some mad German scientist’s untested theory, so We saw the light. We discovered the gods. We drank ever more bigoted and brain- you have to promise them before they let you at the Soma. washed every month. hallucinogens that you won’t sue if you die. And it’s not even the real thing. The secret recipe is It wasn’t as good as they claimed. Legal highs, probably being safely kept out of the clutches of always such a disappointment. the Catholic Church by wise Rosicrucians in the BAD basement of a chapel in suburban Glasgow. Ali (Haxie M-B is online) Magazine Editors: Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk MAGAZINE 15 SOME QUESTIONS FOR: Tom Davenport, Founder of TWS Alice Hancock and Charlotte Wu talk to the man behind the fi rst national student think- tank, The Wilberforce Society, about the fulfi lling life of investment banking that lies ahead

College: What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard? Sidney Sussex Q. What is politicks? A. Lots of small itchy insects. School: Winchester If you could rule any country (UK and USA Date of birth: aside) which would it be? 5th February 1989 Seriously: Zimbabwe. And then hand it over to Morgan. Date of death: I’ll let you know when it’s all over

Sexuality: “If my arch-nemesis can Straight be played by Rowan Ethnicity: Atkinson then I’ve got White British (is this an ethnicity?) Religion: nothing to worry about.” Well, I go to Chapel but largely for the chill-factor. When you’re rich and powerful and the University is offering to name something Emergency contact: after you, what will you request? Don’t bother. It was probably my Murray Edwards should be due a fault. rebranding by then shouldn’t it? Smoker: No thanks. I’ve seen enough of the What did you want to be when you grew Footlights for this term. up? Taller than I was when I stayed down. Number of sexual partners? I won’t comment on number; What do you want to be when you grow but they have all been excellent up? (although numbers 86 and 115 were Happy, at one with myself and satis- a little sub-par). fi ed with my life (an investment Pets? banker). About seven (but they are nothing to do with me). What’s the key to happiness? Not knowing. Mental health problems: Not when I last checked. What will be written on your gravestone? Favourite book? Nothing that the scourge of time Probably The Papers of A. J. cannot wear away. Wentworth by H. F. Ellis. It’s a sort of more niche version of Decline and Who would play you in the fi lm of your Fall. life? I don’t really care so long as I get to Actual favourite book?: direct it. The as yet unpublished memoirs of the president of my college drinking Who will play your arch-nemesis in the society: Beyond the Ale; the Life and fi lm of your life? Times of a Gentleman Rogue. Rowan Atkinson. If my arch nemesis What are you reading? can be played by Rowan Atkinson then The Sun. I’ve got nothing to worry about.

ADAM HINES-GREEN Where do you live? Which Pokémon would play you in the In the real world or here? Who’s your favourite dictator? What’s the working title for your spill-all cartoon of your life? The Magazine Editor of Varsity. memoirs? I don’t know any, I’m afraid. Where do you sleep? See answer to earlier question (the one I make a point of keeping it varied. about actual favourite book). What’s next for Tom Davenport? I would love to be an investment Where will you be on Wednesday night? “On Wednesday I’ll How many copies will it sell? banker for status and respect reasons. Probably outside Cindies, desperately probably be outside There is only one person I’d want to Sadly I’m not sure that will happen. trying to appear in Cindies Stories. read it. Cindies, desperately Do you have anything you’d like to ask When did you fi rst realise that you wanted Who’s your Cambridge arch-nemesis? us? to be a megalomaniac? trying to appear in No answer What is Cindies Stories? When I learned what the word meant. Cindies Stories.”

The Wilberforce Society is the only student run political think tank in the UK. It has no political affi liations and welcomes members with a broad range of differ- ent viewpoints. TWS comes together to discuss and produce pioneering policy proposals with an emphasis on the practical. They are supported by the TWS Advisory Council, a group of senior policy experts who provide experienced perspective on policy assessment. Meetings are held weekly during term at 4.30pm on Saturdays in the Andrew Room at Sidney Sussex. 19th november 2010 Features Editor: Lydia Onyett 16 magazinE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] A Fresh Start as they near the end of their first terms, we meet the freshers who’ve done a little more than curry fight in the mahal and fall asleep in lectures (and one who did exactly that).

HaTTY CaRman The Journo Libertine: Issue 0. In 2010 we embarked hijacked our Facebook page. Appar- on a rather more ambitious scheme to ently ‘libertine’ has slightly different ibertine Magazine started its life produce 10,000 full-length issues of the connotations across the Channel… as a naïve teenage dream, after But, needless to say, the hard work was Lmy efforts to reinvigorate my worth it. Over the past year, Libertine school magazine had resulted in the “Convincing ad executives has developed an estimated print and majority of the issue being censored. online readership of over 45,000 and Together, a friend and I started a that a magazine produced I’ve been able to do things I never humble blog, encouraging young journal- thought I would have the opportunity ists and photographers across the World by teenagers was a viable to do. From interviewing leading Wide Web to send us their submissions human rights activists and musicians for publication. Our aim was to publish investment was tricky.” to presenting business pitches to hard- a magazine that would act as a platform magazine. nosed investors, working for Libertine for undiscovered young talent, in all its I would be lying if I said it was has given me a wealth of experience guises, and to present our readers with easy. Convincing ad executives that a that I couldn’t have gained in any other a fusion of poetry, politics, music and magazine produced by teenagers was way. Luckily, my friend and I both photography, all submitted by young a viable investment was tricky. We’d ended up at Cambridge and we’re slowly people. Much to our surprise, within also overlooked the fact that 10,000 adjusting to the fact that we’ll have to days of the website’s launch our inboxes magazines wouldn’t just distribute squeeze phone calls to distributors and were overflowing with submissions from themselves. Oh yes, we distributed each photographers into our lecture sched- as far afield as Japan and Palestine. In and every magazine by hand. ules. It can be somewhat odd to find the months that followed, we trekked up We were nearly sued on three myself rapidly oscillating between essay the steep learning curve of the magazine separate occasions by PR companies deadlines and frantic email debates publishing industry and put together an who didn’t seem to appreciate irony. with paper suppliers at 2am but, then editorial team. By October 2009, were There was also the slight problem that again, at least I’m an arts student. eventually ready to go to print with sex-crazed French people continuously CeCi Mourkogiannis Features Editor: Lydia Onyett 19th november 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk magazinE17

quintessential pastime of American the dark side. Before I could even give ‘flyer’. And when I asked about the the Cheerleader high-school dumb blondes, where you a ‘Why’, I was throwing High Vs, pompoms, I was met with the sardonic foolish chanting and ridiculous jumping herkies, catching cradles reply, “Real cheerleaders don’t use dancing are flaunted in an inane and donning spankies as part of the pompoms.” attempt to impress mindless jocks? University of Cambridge’s cheer- What, then, had I let myself in Surely Cambridge undergraduates, leading squad. It was, like, totally for? An hour into my first training hand-picked for their first-rate intel- awesome. session, having been expected to ligence, have far better things to do produce multiple jumps, hold compli- with their time than ponce about with cated balances and display unnatural pom-poms? “Real cheerleaders don’t flexibility, I realised that cheerleading Apparently not. For a number of is anything but the sport of hysteri- years now, a daring faction of radical use pompoms.” cal teenage girls. It requires absolute students has been meeting twice a commitment and dedication, and week to engage in such audacious Any prior assumptions I had of maximum levels of fitness coupled activities. They call themselves the cheerleading being a lightweight with spirit and determination: hard Cambridge Cougars, and they can be activity were immediately backflipped work, but I love it. found on the prowl at several sporting away. I was plunged into high-impact So, boys, next time you ogle the n this atmosphere of academia, events in the city, ready to pounce on stunts, tumbles and dance sequences group of girls supporting your team where hard-nosed intellect reigns their innocent, unassuming prey. that demanded infinite reserves from the sidelines, remember that Isupreme, the last thing one Perhaps it was their infectious of energy and unlimited stores of a huge amount of work has gone would ascribe to this series would be smiles, their boundless energy or their strength. I was placed in a stunt team into that performance – we’ve just something as frivolous as cheerleading. dazzling outfits, but within days of in which one false move meant the perfected the art of making it look After all, isn’t cheerleading the joining the University, I too had joined collapse of our unsettlingly trusting effortless. rosie sargeant the thesp to give ‘previous acting experience’, and at something. At Cambridge you are without immediate purpose – because it on which you can’t help noticing that still just as uncool a drama-nerd as you feels lived in. reshers are first introduced to everyone else appears to be writing an were, but now there are so many better Even if you are terrible (and my debut the ADC by the back entrance, essay. ones that you’ve lost your trademark. at the ADC did not go well – sprinting Fwhich is a crying shame, if At school it was relatively easy to be I admit that I auditioned for plays onto stage in an emotional scene with you ask me. Since auditions at a new known as the ‘theatre person’ – all you in Freshers’ Week because it never a dying hero in my arms, I careered university are going to be intimidat- occurred to me not to. But between into an unexpected box and dropped ing anyway, why not go for broke and getting a couple of small roles in this him, luckily into the arms of another, send them up the front stairs, past the My cast-mates all seem term’s plays and performing them, my more competent actor), putting on notice telling you that Ian McKellen, reason for doing drama changed, and plays is worth the massive amount Derek Jacobi and apparently every to be scions of some for the better. No longer trying to be of time you put into it because of the other impressive thesp you’ve heard impressive (what’s the use? My cast- sense of community. Yes, I could play a of performed there? Which isn’t to say theatrical dynasty or mates all seem to be scions of some team sport for that feeling, but a) no, I waiting for your first audition while a theatrical dynasty or other), I can just actually couldn’t, and b) rugby teams fellow auditionee warms up by perfectly other. enjoy making a play for the sheer joy of don’t sit around a piano at four o’ clock enunciating every syllable of “Modern needed was to audition for everything the process. Within a few weeks, I have in the morning improvising comedy Major General” under his breath isn’t and you ended up with that identity. It come to love the ADC – the discarded scenes after a match. That may not be sufficiently off-putting. And then there wasn’t a cool identity, no, but at least Domino’s boxes, the feral clubroom everyone’s idea of fun, but hey, I’m a are the audition slips which require you people vaguely assumed you were good kitchen, the people who hang around theatre person. fred maynard

ROSiE SaRgEanT the protestor we were actually doing something, as ever could. opposed to doing something in the sense After a good few hours, we presumed ast Wednesday I decided enough of sitting in a cold room attempting to it was all over. We had chanted till was enough. I escaped the bubble write an essay but failing miserably. We our cheeks were crimson, our voices Lof Cambridge and went to bellow were fighting to give others the chance hoarse and our stomachs rumbling. I with fifty thousand students on the to sit in a cold room, the chance to write didn’t even attempt to disguise my envy NUS demonstration. an essay, the chance to fail miserably. as students from Cardiff tucked into I crawled onto the London-bound bus packed lunches. Never have crabsticks at eight feeling slightly worse for wear. looked so tasty. As well as fire-fuelled I wondered if I was still sleeping when It was during this moment of my supervisor greeted me with a high weakness that we spied a certain high-jinks, it felt like we five. To quote the multi-millionaire, restaurant that does ridiculously good welfare-slashing Prime Minister, we dough balls with gloriously greasy were doing something. were all in this together. garlic butter. I was just tucking in when When we arrived in the capital we I got a text: “Just seen the violence on I need not inform you that ‘the had ample time to admire the creativ- the news: try not to get arrested.” I was demonstration’ was in actual fact a ity that those nasty politicians are too ashamed to text my Mum back to guise for the gathering of pyromaniacs attempting to stifle. Banners reading, say I was safe and sound enjoying the with a penchant for beating up police- ‘Tories! Putting the N in cuts’ and ‘First culinary delights of a high street chain. men. The national press have kindly no letter from Hogwarts… Now this?!’ I’m a fresher; I still have a lot to already done that for me. But as well taught me more about the power of learn. Next time, I pledge to forsake as fire-fuelled high jinks, it felt like language than a morning of lectures food and set fire to things. rosa friend the Virgin college aren’t suffering in the same way. drinking society. What better way to him, I can join. Brilliant! Fast forward Sure, they go to Cindies and pull nice meet a girl and make her my girlfriend? some hours, I’m being sick outside the aving a camera follow me girls and then probably later have sex Right? Or at least kiss one. One night I porters’ lodge of a college I’ve never around was fun, and a bit with them, but it’s all no big deal. If that pluck up the courage to approach a few been to before, being supported by a Hflattering if I’m honest. I’m kind of thing happened to me – that’s girl whose name I don’t know. Fast still not sure if it should have hurt my the biggest ‘if’ there’s ever been – then I forward some more hours, I’m woken feelings – you were laughing with me, would need to talk about it with every- Could I maybe get your up by said girl, presumably on the floor right? Anyway, life goes on even if it’s one. It’s not kissing and telling, it’s just of her bedroom. Plus it feels like I’ve not being documented, as I’m sure you being really excited about girls. And the number? wet myself. It takes a surprisingly long know. It’s hard to sum up a whole term, good thing about this article is you can’t of the society guys in the bar. Somehow time for me to get my stuff together and but by God I’m going to try. not listen to me or tell me to shut up. I end up challenging the president of leave. If you are that girl, thanks for Girls are always on my mind. In You’re reading this. You could stop, but I the society – a fairly hefty third-year keeping it quiet, and I’m obviously very lectures, on my bike, on Facebook. But bet you probably won’t. whose name I won’t mention – to a sorry. Could I maybe get your number? it seems to me like the other boys at I was desperate to get into a college drinking contest. If I can outdrink Henry staples 19th November 2010 Arts Editors: Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevic 18 MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

‘I really like Harry TheArtists current economic climate indoesn’t lookResidence promising for artistic communities. Potter. Anna Gelderd travels to Hamburg to meet groups of artists who are fi ghting back Maybe CONRAD STEEL ne of the hat you do matters less than fi ve years later the owner of the build- bad publicity for the city.” In fact the too easiest where you do it. At least, ing wouldn’t renew their contract and city paid for basic repairs when it much.’ Ospells Waccording to estate agents, so the artists did the only thing they was reported that many of the artists to perform, as government planners and Kirstie and could: they bought an old hairdress- were using uninhabitable studios. anyone who’s read any of the Harry Phil: location is King. However, for ing school. (Frise artist Torsten Bruch Fabian strongly feels that the benefi ts Potter books knows, is that which artistic communities what they do points out that the name means curly brought about by the artistic commu- makes light. You only have to say the tends to drastically change where they hair.) In the spirit of renewal, “we just nity deserve the city’s recognition. word “lumos”, and your magic wand are. In New York the most sought- took the letters from friseur institute Hamburg presents a glossy artistic switches on like a torch. You say, “let after neighbourhoods are former and put them over our door.” image and rents have dramatically there be light,” and...well, you don’t run-down art districts: in the 1990s increased in certain, now desirable, have to have read the 3407 pages of the expensive apartments and fashion neighbourhoods, and so the artists J.K. Rowling’s creation to know the houses moved into Soho and most of “Of course we have some have responded with “we can’t always rest: this is in no way an original the galleries were forced to close down feed you and get nothing back.” idea. No, it’s the original idea, in and move out. Art and the economy sort of yoga thing.” The structure developed by Frise of which speaking, acting and seeing have more in common than a compari- individual artistic production, exhibi- all come together for one impossible son between a suit-clad economist and tions by outside artists and studios moment. Harry fi nds it very useful. a paint-covered artist would have you By contrast, the Gangeviertel available for artists from all over the I really like Harry Potter, maybe believe. started life in 2009 as a festival world, has proven to be a success- too much. I’m embarrassed to admit Now, after a global recession, the exhibiting between 300 and 500 ful model. There are now around 16 it, but I’ve enjoyed reading the artistic and cultural landscape feels artists’ work. It now includes twelve similar organisations in Hamburg books far more than Paradise Lost, threatened. In New York one gallery houses and amenities on a scale that and the balance between city, property say. What does this say about me? after another has closed. In the UK would be astonishing for any cultural owner and artist is crucial. Frise Childish? Short attention-span? cultural institutions expect to see institution, but is especially impres- artist Sabine Mohr points to the Unequal to real life, reading fantasy massive cuts in funding under the sive for one that just celebrated attempts by the city in the 1990s for release? But then, if it’s escapism new Tory government. So where can its fi rst anniversary. Sitting in the to establish its own artists houses I’m after, why prefer Hogwarts to art go in diffi cult times? The artistic Gangeviertel food co-operative media which “were not founded by artists, Milton’s Eden? In fact, I think what spaces of Frise and Gangerviertel in artist Fabian Nitschkowski and sculp- not self-organised, so they didn’t work appeals so much about the stories is Hamburg offer one possibility. tor Jonas Brandt described what’s out as well.” Hamburg-based artist just how close to the real world they Founded by 21 art students in 1977, currently on offer. “We have three and curator Michel Chevalier also are. Any disappointed eleven-year- Frise was created out of an abandoned galleries, we have a café, there’s highlights a “long tradition of art in old can tell you that wizard school is factory. Originally known as Kunstler- going to be a big club in the basement, public spaces” as part of the success of just an anonymous letter away, and haus Hamburg, the group was helped there’s theatre production, fi lm these collective art spaces. A result, he once your invitation comes, there’s by their art professor, sculptor Ulrich production and photographic studios believes, of the high number of concep- nothing beige suburbia can do to Rueckriem, who donated his own work on the top fl oor.” The collective is tual and performance artists such as hold onto you. A tiny hole opens up in to raise funds for the restoration of designed to help artists in both their Marina Abramovic and Joseph Beuys reality, and pretty soon a giant on a the factory. Two years later, he was life and work but most intriguingly, who have taught at the famously motorbike rides through it (apologies inviting international artists such Fabian also refers to “some sort of open-minded Hamburg Art Academy. non-Potter-readers, this is all in the as Richard Long and German artist yoga thing.” Although these two artist-run organ- fi rst book). Initiation into the magical Martin Kipperberg to exhibit. Twenty There has been an attempt to evict isations were formed within a specifi c the artists but the city’s desire to context they provide nourishing food “The people you promote a creative image undermined for thought in the debate over how it. Fabian recounts that they had such to maintain cultural activities in the thought were ‘everyone’ extensive media coverage “all over face of spiraling real-estate costs and Germany, in such a short damaging economic fl uctuations. As are really ‘muggles’.” amount of time, that it artist Fabien from the Gangeviertel world doesn’t remove you from the would have been really notes, you won’t have a lively inner non-magical one, though it does city in Hamburg if you don’t accept unlock a few of its secrets. Hurri- the artists. canes on the news are really giants. You can walk through a brick wall in King’s Cross. The people you thought were ‘everyone’ are really ‘muggles’. Maybe that word, ‘muggle’, the only part of Rowling’s terminology to have really entered the language, is at the heart of what elicits such strong reactions to Harry Potter, whether adoration or scorn. The author, so careful elsewhere to put her Classics degree to good use inventing names that sound credible and respectable, refl ects the real world back at itself in a phrase so juvenile and ungainly that I feel awkward even writing it. But that’s the attraction: it redeems the gawky blandness of reality as the fl ip-side of thrilling fantasy. We readers are renamed muggles, and lovers of the books embrace the word as if it gives the world a new aspect. Like switching on a light. Join Conrad Steel for the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Friday. Arts Editors: Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevic 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk MAGAZINE 19

Va Va Gloom? Isolated, mournful and disconnected from his homeland, Yann Tiersen makes music in his own melancholic world. Madeleine Morley caught up with him to fi nd out, “Why the long face?”

t takes a long time to fi nd Yann I hope it’s just Cambridge.” Sadly, it soundtrack it is just for a short period were very important and very special Tiersen. I fi nally locate him after isn’t just Cambridge. Tiersen’s sound of time, there is pressure.” Tiersen to me.” he’s played the fi nal show on his invokes what we’ve heard before and mentions Jim Jarmusch’s Dead Man I went into the interview hoping he’d I a lot of things we haven’t, very French as the only type of soundtrack he’d be tell me about an unnamed movement current UK tour, a show that was incredibly powerful, featuring many sounding and yet opposed to the French, even moderately interested in, where of musicians that he belonged to, but voices, many instruments, many a soundtrack to everything and nothing Neil Young improvises an electric instead found that he is not looking sounds. I’ve had the problem of trying like a soundtrack. Like most unclassifi - guitar over the director’s self-dubbed to be a part of any scene, and reaches to fi nd Yann Tiersen before - earlier able music from abroad it tends to be “Acid Western”. I ask if there is anyone not just to the past for inspiration but that day in fact. In the Cambridge simplifi ed as ‘world music’. he would like to collaborate with, but to what is around him. “It has always Fopp record shop I track down his new Tiersen is full of contradictions. I ask Yann Tiersen really does value privacy: been my dream to construct. When you album Dust Lane - where heavy songs if he feels it important to be a French “I’m really a big fan of the Velvet Un- walk down the street and hear beauti- start out bleak but evolve into vast, composer to which he wearily replies: derground but I’m pretty sure that Lou ful sounds – that is freedom. My goal is dusty, enthralling soundscapes – in “I am not fucking French, I hate French Reed is a big twat.” to try and reach that kind of freedom the ‘world music’ section. He is not in people, it is the worst country in the with random sounds and noises.” ‘pop/rock’ where he would most like to world.” He is actually from Brittany. Perhaps this is because he’s a musi- be, nor fi led under ‘soundtrack’ where The fi rst cities he visited were London, “I am not fucking French, cian thinking not only philosophically he could easily fi t, having written then Berlin; not Paris. London and but about the state of the world. “We the dreamy, evocative soundtracks to Berlin seeped into his sensibility more I hate French people, it are living in a strange time. With Amelie and Good Bye, Lenin! To be than Paris ever has. is the worst country in Cameron in the UK, Sarkozy in France, in the world section implies Tiersen’s “When I started touring, France was Berlusconi in Italy, these are strange, music would not be of interest to like a foreign country to me,” he says. the world” strange days. Music is quite abstract, Arcade Fire or Nick Cave fans. This is Historically, French pop music is a but even so, those political things are daft. It’s worth the journey it might disaster. Yann Tiersen did not want to all in the album, only subconsciously.” take you to fi nd him and his music. make French pop, so paradoxically cre- What Tiersen has seemed to do in ated a radical form of French music by Despite liking to work alone, when ‘Dust Lane’, is move away from fi lm rejecting his nationality, yet embracing he collaborates he refl ects his personal soundtracks in favour of a rich and “I’m pretty sure Lou its intellectual history; the likes of Sar- taste in sound. On ‘Dust Lane’, Tiersen powerful set of sounds that refl ect tre, Cocteau, Satie and Baudelaire. assembled an impressive band, includ- life, death, love, magic, hope, sadness, Reed is a big twat. ” I’m shocked to hear that he hates ing Dave Collingwood from Graven- fear, desire. He doesn’t want to sound making soundtracks, as he’s fantastic hurst on drums and Matt Elliott French, but has an exotic and extreme at writing music for fi lms. I’m even – formally of Third Eye Foundation – sense of Frenchness. When I do fi nd Yann Tiersen, lurking more shocked when Tiersen tells me contributing melancholy vocals. When the interview is over I still feel backstage after his performance, he he does not particularly care for Ame- The album is steeped in death and as if I haven’t found Yann Tiersen, and doesn’t seem to want to do the inter- lie, and wrote its music seven years mourning, recorded during a time I think I don’t really want to either. In view. I can’t tell if this is shyness or before it hit the screen, not knowing it when he lost several of those closest to fi nding Yann Tiersen, in boxing him boredom or arrogance, or all of that, but would become the (perfect) soundtrack. him. One of the most intriguing songs into a genre, a movement, a country, he he quickly becomes chatty. He sees no “It’s not easy for me to work with on the album, Chapter 19, refl ects this would not be Yann Tiersen any longer. resemblance between his music and someone, especially for a movie. To theme with its lyrics being an excerpt I decide the best place to fi nd him is in Arcade Fire’s, but he is outraged by create, I need to be on my own. When from Henry Miller’s Sexus. “When I his music, where he is lost in his own where he has been pigeonholed; “I think you make an album you are free, you was a teenager, I lost my father. Miller world. the worst place to be is in world music. can spend years on it. If you’re doing a became like a father fi gure, his books 19th November 2010 Magazine Editors: Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu 20 MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Food and Drink My degree: Architecture

LETTICE FRANKLIN K fairy-lights are SO the cocktails (champz, olive, tors over the bulbs. One I’ve only just re- At this point in term we need to the new concrete! Fortnum’s fi zz and an ironic wall will read “build love, covered from the remember how lucky we are to be OObviously I’ve been chuppa-chup). love build”. (Gorgonzola offensively low here and what wonderful things we trés busyuese preparing DJ Shut-up! and MC Sar- assures me its enigmat- wine prices. have learnt. Despite my moaning ✄ ✂ ✄ ℭ a B e R e t! ✄ ✂ ✄ castic Utopia are only the ically mirrored?) Now all I have had moments of intense It’s going to be really, really, warm-up this year, because Henry, who is actu- we need to academic joy – the discovery that really, really avant-past! Fozzle and Richelle have ally an engineer but do is show every literary text boils down to a Genuinely ANYTHING agreed to do their two hour is soo sweet, has the Faculty study of syphilis has changed my could happen. Oslo has rasta-rural set (obviously helped with the Heads that entire perspective on life. I have booked in some gypsy pig- we’re not paying them – it’s food: this year we’re not also received an education outside mies to play on the acoustic their fucking privilege). I am we’re having none, going to be libraries and lecture halls. fountains (Shelley wrote going to d-a-n-c-e ALL the so he’s had an easy pushed about. The highest zenith of my about it, so it’s Literate as long night until 3am when it ride so far. The If they force us Cambridge learning is represented well as ‘London’). Me and has to close. drinks deals are to come in and by the next 5 points: Corinthian have double Lighting-wise we’ve gone going to be farcically work the next day o What kind of cheese do you use handedly made a belly for Jocelyn’s Himalayan can- cheap, it’s going to we’re going to put to lure an animal from a forest? dancer out of origami lettuce dle eggs in the hallways, and put you into hyster- on a 48-hour work- Camembert and Quentunne has liter- the Faculty’s lamps for the ics when you see in...Ooh! The Tuscan o What does the cheese say when it ally brought his sister up drunking rooms, but with how much a rum salamanders have looks in the mirror? Halloumi from the Sorb. to help make vintage Urdu stencil projec- and ice sets you back. arrived! o What cheese is made backwards? KATE JONES Edam o Which cheese can you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone P CTICAL NOTES: o What do you call cheese that Get in fast, get in hard. Speed over accuracy. N.Bene: right lung stronger than left, so if doesn’t belong to you? Nachos LUNG SURGERY one has to go- the left one is right; so the right one is left (in there). Dr. Chunderan ad- cheese. vises using a Dyson for blood removal; he may be joking but it is worth trying everything YUP, MIND-BLOWING. (Were at least once in surgery. Diffi culty upon bronchial incision 5.b. Do not confuse alveoli with I writing an essay I would have own hand and/or other hand. Do not smoke during operation: expensive habit etc. Danger to, at this point, add a begrudging point–restitching: fl oral patterns ideal but not time effective, use classic cross-stitch (red footnote; I am not even remotely string frowned upon- considered morbid). When lung operation shouldn’t be used? If no funny enough to have thought lung issues then avoid. If very serious lung issues then suggest iron lung and be done with of these myself). These mouth- it. (Alternatively, new hemp ‘lung for life.’) Never remove lungs entirely without consulting watering slices of hilarity handily patient. bring me on to my fi nal revelation: What makes everything better when 3am strikes, the week’s ninth essay is uncompleted, the temperature sinks to -12°C and you Society Horoscopes hit an all time low? Any kind of cheese. Melting cheese transforms Just what did you really sign up for at the it into a warm, blanketing blubber, Freshers’ Fair...? insulating against cold and worry. The History Faculty serves heart- attacks on a plate advertised as toasties, cheese oozing out in “Your friends force you to attend another Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. You tell stalactites of joy. The Van of Life them it’s a waste of time – you’re just dishes out vats of cheesy chips to practising for Monday!” revellers weary of Life. We have, it – ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS seems, a primitive need. This need can, however, be satisfi ed without resorting to the fantastically unhealthy. Match cheese with peas “Why is no one else in the club in poetic and culinary harmony; French? And where’s this crucifi x grilled halloumi combined with peas, they keep banging on about?” mint and watercress is a reminder – LACROSSE of the spring that will eventually arrive. PLUS I’ve got a pretty good joke about peas. Yup, I am going to tell it: Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw Mr Green Pea over the fence. (Chuckle). “You start to worry you’re not Ingredients: 300g frozen garden getting enough screen time.” peas, 2 x 250g halloumi cut into – CAM FM 6 slices each, 3 large handfuls of watercress, 1 handful of mint freshly chopped, 2 tbsp pine nuts, Olive oil, Lemon, zest and juice. Serves four 1. Cook the peas in lightly salted “This week, you –” boiling water for 3 mins, drain and – JESUS COLLEGE SHORT cool under cold water. 2. Roast the STORY SOCIETY pine nuts in a frying pan for 3 mins or until golden. Cool on a plate. 3. Grill the halloumi on a greased baking sheet or a griddle pan until each side is lightly browned. 4. Arrange the watercress, then The Varsitorialist “You want this to stop add the peas, nuts and halloumi. Isaac Henrion, 1st-year Maths, Emmanuel Been talking like this too long 5.Dress with olive oil and lemon “I used to wear checked shirts all the time, but I’ve recently got into All your friends are gone.” – HAIKU CLUB juice. Top with black pepper. stripes. This is a bit of an aberration in that respect.” IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED BY THE VARSITORIALIST, EMAIIL [email protected] Listings Editors: Julia Lichnova & David Shone 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk LISTINGS 21 Listings Pick of the Week Kambonk: The Sequel The Pied Piper WEDS 24 NOVEMBER, KAMBAR, 22.00-04.00 (£3 BEFORE 11/£4 AFTER) ADC MAINSHOW, 19.45, TUES 23 NOVEMBER - SAT 4 DECEMBER (£6-10) Kambonk returns for another night of bump and grind, Billed as “ein Über-Fest of REVELRY, ROMANCE and proving that you can’t go wrong with a combination of cheap RODENTS” and featuring some of Cambridge’s fi nest drinks and party tunes. Promising music with words all night funny-men and women, this year’s offering promises long, expect Hip-Hop, Garage, Dancehall, R&B and anything high-camp hilarity, close-up magic and lots and lots of else you can shake a leg to. rats.

Music Talks Film & Nightlife Theatre Arts & Events

Friday 19th November Blackbird Ongoing exhibitions Sunday 21st November CORPUS PLAYROOM, 19.00, TUES 23RD- SAT 27TH CUSO: Brahms/Glazunov/ NOVEMBER Kings, Satraps and Shahs: Free University of Cambridge: Sibelius Dissecting the relationship Persian coinage through the ages Teach In WEST ROAD CONCERT HALL, 20.00 (£12/£8/£5) between Una, twelve, and Ray, FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM, UNTIL 30 JANUARY KING’S AND CLARE COLLEGES, James Henshaw and Christo- Some tiny coins that tell big 13.30 - 18.00 Pick a family friend thirty years her A day of talks and pher Stark conduct a mixed history: the collapse of the Achae- of the senior, David Harrower’s 2006 play workshops to stimulate programme, featuring Sibelius’s menid Empire under Alexander week is a challenging look at the taboo the debate on education fi fth symphony and Glazunov’s the Great, the stories of the great Events neither dare name. spending and galvanise resistance Violin Concerto. Persian dynasties. Milk the mint to budget cuts. More information Just keep reaching, Harry, you’re nearly there for epic history at the Fitzwilliam Clare Cellars: Ra ertie  e Pied Piper: ADC/Footlights from www.defendeducation.co.uk. Harry Potter and the Deathly CLARE CELLARS, 21.00 – 00.30 Pantomime 2010 e Unilever Series: Ai Weiwei Wednesday 23rd November Hallows Part 1 (£4/£3 FOR CLARE ADC MAINSHOW, 19.45, TUES 23 TATE MODERN, UNTIL 2 MAY 2011 VUE CINEMA, FRI 21.00, 23.30, SAT-THURS, 20.00, STUDENTS) NOVEMBER - SAT 4 DECEMBER 21.00. 22.30. Pick Expect (£8-10) of the Tim Minchin It’s the moment you’ve Pick See Pick of the Week. J1, THE JUNCTION, 20.00 (£15) of the heavy week (ALSO THURSDAY 24TH NOVEMBER) all been waiting for. Well, e a t r e almost. You’ll have to week basslines The Film as the Ecclesiastical Perks Australian wait until next summer CORPUS PLAYROOM, 21.30, TUES 23RD- SAT 27TH Birming- NOVEMBER comedian to catch the fi nal instalment, but Raffertie: super wonk. A Catholic priest Harry, Ron and Hermione do at ham-based DJ and musician takes up a new least get to make a start on defeat- and producer plays a mix of takes over position in an ing evil. dubstep, garage and ‘90s rave the Junction anthems. inner-city school for two and soon fi nds warm-up Chico & Rita Saturday 20th November ARTS PICTUREHOUSE, 21.10 DAILY (22.00 SATURDAY) himself at the gigs before Cuba 1948. Chico plays piano, JCMS Michaelmas Term centre of a row embarking Rita sings. They fall in love, Concert that compromises on an arena tour in December. JESUS COLLEGE CHAPEL, 20.00-23.00, his reputation and out of love, back in love. (£4/£2 CONC./£1 FOR JESUS STUDENTS) his faith. Dark new comedy from Sailing the Wine Dark Sea Animated movie catches it Jesus College Music Michael Christie, the play poses CYPRIOT GALLERY, FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM, 18.30 - all to an impressive Latin/ Society presents a selec- 20.30 (£8/£6) diffi cult questions about religion, Jazz soundtrack. tion of music by Haydn, Agamemnon left you wanting accusations, and the unforgiving Beethoven and Stravinsky. more? Aeschylus, Homer, Sappho Sunday 21st November nature of the British media. Christ’s Films: Sco Pilgrim vs. The turbine hall fi lled with and Sophocles read Plastique Passing By sunfl ower seeds. But be warned: in the origi-  e W o r l d J1, THE JUNCTION, 22.00-03.00 (£6 ADV) this will not be a blackbird’s fi eld nal Greek, CHRIST’S COLLEGE, 19.30, 22.00 (£3) ADC LATESHOW, 23.00, WEDS 24TH – SAT 27TH Filthy Dukes preside over the NOVEMBER (£6/£5) surrounded One of the summer’s big-hitters, day, because every single seed staple mix of Techno, Electro, Romantic by Greek Michael Cera (Juno, Superbad) is handcrafted and painted in House, Dubstep, D&B and Grime. comedy follow- sculpture. battles an army of his girlfriend’s porcelain. ing two men Appropri- exes. Tuesday 23rd November whose hearts Wednesday 20th November ately, wine Truly Medley Deeply draw them Monday 22nd November SOUL TREE, 20.00 - 23.00, £5 AS SO CI ATIONS is included together as their lives pull them KETTLE’S YARD, 20TH NOVEMBER - in the ticket ArcSoc: Nulepsy/Julien TMD play their last show as their 9TH JANUARY 2011 apart. Pick price. Donkey Boy original line-up. Film and video works of the DEPARTMENT OF ARCHITECTURE, SCROOPE curated by Tanya Thursday 24th TERRACE, 18.30 (£2, FREE FOR ARCSOC MEMBERS) Wednesday 24th Blithe Spirit week Pick Leighton, exploring the Jessica Rinland presents her short November ARTS THEATRE, 19.45 MON 22ND – SAT 27TH Arts November of the NOVEMBER (£15-35) gaps in the relationship fi l m , Nulpesy. It’s followed by a Kambonk: e Sequel week Noël Coward’s classic comedy between is House Hates Human Q&A session with the fi lm-maker KAMBAR, 22.00-04.00 (£3 BEFORE Music comes to Cambridge before a West language Rights and a screening of Harmony 11/£4 AFTER) CAMBRIDGE UNION, 19.30 (FREE TO MEMBERS) End run. Featuring Alison Stead- and history, Korine’s Julien Donkey Boy. See Pick of the Week. Another provocative motion man and Robert Bathurst. words and Friday 26th November from the Union promises intense Thursday 25th November images. debate. Speakers including Shami  e Real Inspector Hound There’s a VoOdOo  VE 2o1o: FITZPATRICK HALL, QUEENS’ COLLEGE, 19.45, TUES Chakrabarti and Peter Hitchens Roman Holiday 16TH - SAT 20TH NOVEMBER, tour of the ARTS PICTUREHOUSE, 17.00 RE$URRECTI0N slug it out. THE FOUNTAIN INN, 20.00 – 03.00, (£2 BEFORE 12, Farce, metatheatre and whodunnit exhibition Classic style and oh-so-nearly-end- £4 AFTER) combine in Tom Stoppard’s one-act on Thursday of-term escapism from Gregory The Voodoo Soundsystem returns play. lunchtime. Peck and Audrey Hepburn. to Cambridge for a night of Dark, Mashy and Bashy rhythms. Rude.

TO HAVE SOMETHING LISTED ON THESE PAGES, E-MAIL JULIA LICHNOVA AT [email protected] BY NO LATER THAN MONDAY ON THE WEEK OF PUBLICATION. 17th November 2010 Reviews Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova 22REviEws www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

album  reviews John Cage’s Musicircus Ben ashenden experiences a new approach to performance in kettle’s yard My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy kaNyE wEst` 

When Kanye made his toast to the douchebags at the BET Hip Hop Awards, a galling comeback began. Bringing into the studio such diverse talents as Mos Def, Bon Iver and Nicki Minaj, Yeezy struck out at the haters (the NY Times! Obama! Taylor Swift?) and set out to reclaim his ostentatious throne. In doing so, MBDTF was created, a defiant middle finger aimed at his narrow-minded critics, and the clearest indication yet that if Jay Lydia MoRRis-JoNEs Z is Batman, Kanye is The Joker. “THIS IS NOT A CONCERT”, seconds. The audience was free hallway, the scores at the fingers radios at the entrance. They were In ‘Power’ he snarls, “I ain’t got a declares the programme. If you to wander around and listen to of Andrew Goldman’s saloon piano enthusiastically conducted to alter power trip, who you going home wandered into Kettle’s Yard last whatever they liked. The result fought bravely with the full gusto their volume and frequency, and with?” Narcissistic, charismatic, Wednesday by lucky chance, you of this, we are promised, is “sonic of The Staircase Band, which although one could occasionally and still decidedly self conscious, did the right thing, because that chaos”. dominated the House’s landing take purchase on a sliver of distant, Chitown’s favourite is the closest was sort of the point of the night. At times, the experience was a and provided the entire buildilng fuzzy melody, the overall result hip-hop will ever have to a rock An event fuelled by “chance opera- little chaotic, but this was what with a jubilant heartbeat, at times star. sam gould tion”, John Cage’s Musicircus was made it so engrossing. I sat for heaving, at others fluttering. a bizarre evening indeed. some time on a comfy chair-cum- As these sounds cascaded over What on earth was it then? stool of the type Kettle’s Yard so each other I couldn’t help but smile. It was an The Lady Killer Well, Cage described his original specialise in, and consequently The effect was profoundly original, CEE Lo GREEN 1967 Musicircus as “nothing more positioned myself between to say the least, and the whole orchestration, if  than an invitation to a number of four competing, simultaneous event had a rare charm and person- musicians, who perform simulta- musical performances vying for ality. A noticeable glint appeared such a thing can be neously anything or in any way my attention. Facing me, the in the eye of a performer when he they desire”. So in 2010, on a or she was obliged to stop, leaving formed, of chaos drizzly, dark November evening in the nearby listeners with only an Cambridge, a museum and adjoin- abrupt, uncanny silence. There tended to hurry people along to ing house came to life with the The effect was was a sense that they were break- quieter corners of the building. sounds of guitars, violins, radio ing an unwritten contract with Similarly, the varied smashes static, spoken words and laptops profoundly the listener; both musician and of the huge gong proved overly Famous for being the fat bloke in one of the most surreal musical audience member were, without aggressive. who sung about being ‘crazy’, evenings I’ve ever witnessed. original, to say compromise, at the mercy of an But even when the Musicircus Cee Lo Green unfairly garnered The twenty musical acts, spread ambiguous ‘chance-determined’ was unsettling it remained charm- a reputation as a frivolous pop across the museum, were under the least scheme of sound. ing; it was an orchestration, if singer. Yet this lightweight tag strict instructions: they must start There were, of course, moments such a thing can be formed, of rested on the serious misunder- and stop playing according to a folksy reassurances of Josephine of frustration. With such chaos. The New Music Ensemble standing that Gnarls Barkley’s second-by-second ‘time-chart’. Stephenson’s guitar were battened unabashed randomisation, there and all the performers ought to be massive single was anything These spasmodic periods were down by the impossibly crouched were corners in which, at the congratulated for their initiative other than a three-minute peep utterly randomised, so a performer Freddie Brown’s amusing plonk- wrong time, you could find yourself and originality – especially the into Green’s own documented might smash away at their string, ings upon his toy piano. Meanwhile, being treated to a lot of unwanted chap found whistling, alone, in the depression; however this album skin or brass-based instrument in the two rooms that flanked sound. I tried hard, but ultimately toilet. sees Green in a much cockier for three minutes or barely three our sonically befuddling piece of failed to warm to the orchestra of mood. Yet in a Mark Ronson- infested era, where even East London rappers are sounding like MUSIC Dave Collingwood. on his new album Smokey Robinson, the album’s At times during the show you Dust Lane, and brand of Motown sounds bland. can hear the serene, Parisian watching him This isn’t helped by Green’s Yann Tiersen swells and swirls present in perform live refusal to deploy his precise and Amelie. But at other times allows you to provocative rap – indeed most the Junction Tiersen (who, as I learn in an see the extent to of the album, ‘Wildflower’ and interview later, hates Amelie which he enjoys ‘Please’ in particular, pass by  and hates the French) rejects the this experimen- without leaving any impression. Parisian simplicity and instead tation. Support ‘Fuck You’ and ‘I Want You’ are embraces a deep, pounding band Syd Matters subsequently left to prop up an omething about Yann Tiersen ‘Progginess’. The show becomes accompany him album that is at best unremark- has definitely changed. As I a sort of rebellion against what on stage, playing able, at worst a let down. Cee-Lo, Sarrive at his last UK show the part of a sort you can do a whole lot better. at The Junction, I notice that of deranged choir. nathanael arnott-davies the stage setup is quite different The show becomes At times during from what I expected. Having the show, in the written the wistful, spellbinding a sort of rebellion vast, atmospheric soundtracks of Goodbye Lenin and tracks which layer yann tiersen: “a wild and unpredictable” HELEN siMMoNs Amelie there should surely be a against what voices, synths and Back to Basics grand piano and no doubt an accor- guitars, there are so many melodic vocal lines and sounds. I get the dion. In reality, there are synths, people think he is lines on the little stage at The impression that he makes his quite a few synths, and many, many Junction that it seems not to be music completely alone, that what microphones. I suppose this makes people think he is: he proves able to hold them all up. we are hearing, seeing, watching Back to Basics now has its own sense now that Tiersen has signed himself to be a wild and unpredict- At other times the stage is is not Tiersen and his band, but website! Check it out on to electronic specialists Mute. able multi-instrumental musician, barren and it is only Yann and his Tiersen and his voices, his instru- http://varsity.co.uk/basics There are also all the components not just the soundtrack writer I violin, which he plays speedily, ments. His performances suggest of a typical rock band: two shiny had pigeonholed him to be. strangely, eerily. Tiersen must be that music is about loneliness: guitars and a massive drum kit, Tiersen has enjoyed experi- both on his own with his instru- accepting it and fighting it. played by Gravenhurst drummer menting with sounds and voices ments and surrounded by many madeleine morley Reviews Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova 17th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk REVIEWS 23

FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM FILM ARTS Un Lac Epic of the Overlooked

Architecture Faculty Persian Kings: As the days get shorter and the  The Art of nights longer,

Phillipe Grandrieux, Un Lac (2008) darker and a Ferdowsi’s whole lot more oused in the 90-minute rom com. It is an artsy ALICE BOLLAND foreboding, this cooler-than- piece, with a lot of posturing Shahnameh week I’m thinking about the top your-average from its minimal cast. However, 5 greatest villains ... and I mean, H Fitzwilliam Museum S. Shiraz, Lohrasp enthroned, 1540s Faculty of Architec- a disconcerting psychological real villains. Not just any run-of- ture and History of energy makes it highly memorable, dazzling: the viewer is greeted the-mill bad guys, but those truly Art, ArchSoc are drawing more on the ferocious  with a multitude of colours, created vicious, evil characters that send PHIL MAUGHAN screening modern, landscape than the tiny humans from crushed precious stones and a shiver down your spine. Here’s challenging fi lms within it. Anyone interested in wild plants. A generous portion what I’ve come up with. that push the avant-garde in a time seeing what fi lm can really do as literary jewel, the of gold leaf is also applied across of mainstream cinematic sluggish- a medium should get hold of the Shahnameh heaves with the pages. As if this were not e Octopus - e Spirit ness, presenting works which DVD, pop on some earphones and A tales of kings and conquer- enough, there is also a selection of Samuel L. Jackson is resurrect the age-old question: turn off the lights. You will be ors, demons and dragons. A metalwork and ceramics, including disturbingly convincing as what is a fi lm? shaken. Persian Book of Kings, it is an epic medieval armour and daggers of 5the power-mad supervillain, The This week’s offering, Un Lac ArchSoc’s free screenings poem twice as long as the Odyssey the sort found in the Shahnameh. Octopus. Ruthless and indis- (Phillipe Grandrieux, 2008) take place every Monday. Next and the Iliad combined, written An ornate table top decorated criminate, Mr O, with the help is a mystifying, beautiful and up is Julien Donkey Boy by edgy by the poet Ferdowsi 1,000 years with tiles depicting the tale of of his expendable lackeys, plots overwhelming cinematic experi- American director Harmony ago. This scintillating new exhibi- to destroy and dominate the city, ence. There are less than 30 lines Korine (he wrote Kids!), prefaced tion displays nearly 100 paintings thus defeating the virtuous Spirit. of dialogue in the whole piece, with a talk and screening by from illuminated manuscripts of He also kills a kitten, which which is set in a bleak and snowy upcoming short fi lm director the poem, created in the centuries The viewer is seems unnecessarily mean. nowhereland, and focuses on a Jessica Rinland. The following after the epic work was completed. tightly knit family group dealing The Shahnameh blends myth greeted with Norman Stans eld – Leon with an epileptic son, incestuous and reality. Split into three In this classics 90s hitman urges, a violent, punishing climate A mystifying, sections – myths, legends and a multitude of thriller, Gary Oldman and the arrival of a young man history – it serves, according to 4stars as the impeccably suited from the outside world. beautiful and museum director Timothy Potts, colours, created Stansfi eld, corrupt detective-cum- The most shocking feature of as “the pre-eminent compendium druglord. Pitted against Jean the fi lm is its cinematography. overwhelming of legend and knowledge about from crushed Reno as Leon, the hitman, and The camerawork is up close and Iran’s past”: a past which can 14-year-old Natalie Portman as personal, shaking and lunging cinematic be charted from the mythical precious stones Matilda, Stansfi eld is the embodi- about. We are seldom allowed to Kiyumars through the legendary ment of true evil; Oldman is see more than a face, or hands, or experience exploits of Rostam, described by and wild plants outstanding. a small rectangle of the sublime, the exhibition as ‘the Hercules of stark mountainous horizon, backed Persian folklore’, to the conquest Rostam shooting Ashkabus is the Jafar – Alladin up with emphasised seismic week’s session, on Monday 29th of Iran by Alexander the Great largest and most recent item on Creepy beard? Check. Weird rumbles and heavy breathing. November, will see the last event of and the history and collapse of the display. Made in Tehran in 1886-87 hypnotic snake staff? Check. While watching, you fi nd yourself 2010, David Lynch’s dark psycho-th Sasanian dynasty (c. AD 224-651). for a British Army offi cer, it is a 3Evil laugh? Check. Disney’s ulti- terrifi ed, but wondering if riller Fire Walk With Me (1992) – These illuminated manuscripts testament to the long-term infl u- mate villain, Jafar, makes it onto anything in the least bit frighten- the movie that precluded his TV are a fi tting tribute to Ferdowsi’s ence of Ferdowsi’s work. this list due to his unwavering ing is actually taking place. drama Twin Peaks. work. Regardless of whether the KIT HILDYARD cruelty. With his eyes fi xed fi rmly You should have realised by scenes we see are real or fi ctitious, on the prize Jafar knows what he now that this is not your average the effect on the senses is always wants, and will stop at nothing to get it. DEBATE Wang quietly suggesting “the one ARTS Captain Vidal – Pan’s with two girls and one cup” kept Labyrinth Comedy Debate the audience on its toes. Clive Head: Modern This twisted fairy tale from Other Footlights acts reached 2Spanish director Guillermo del The Cambridge Union similar success: Alex Owen gave a Perspectives Toro enters the realm of ‘good brief discourse on pillow talk, (“I’d vs. evil’ on multiple levels. Yet, had two partners before, so I was The National Gallery whilst del Toro conjures up a  able to refer to myself in the third whole host of monstrous mythi- person”); Phil Wang’s performance cal demons, it is the sociopathic was consistently funny, and Ben  fascist leader Vidal whose he Footlights sustained an Ashenden’s Dr Answer had his Clive Head, Haymarket 2009 pleasure in the infl iction of assuredly funny tone in moments successfully mocking pain and torture is horrifi c yet Tthe Union last Thursday Nick Clegg. One couldn’t help but never thought I’d be discon- indeed ourselves, a peculiar agency utterly realistic. while emphatically persuading a feel that the Footlights’ undisputed certed by a cup of cappuccino. which is perhaps largely unknown lively audience that love is a myth. victory was a result not of parti- IBut the offending mug in Clive in the history of painting. Cubism Mark Fiddaman was the highlight sanship, but of their talent and Head’s painting Cottage Delight, got there before him in represent- of the evening, opening a well- good material. which looms out of the picture, ing the world from all corners, structured, wide-ranging set with The Oxford Revue undoubt- alarmingly tangible but dismay- but while Cubism is fragmentary, a false syllogism: “idiots believe in edly faced a more diffi cult task in ingly fl at, certainly did. If Head Head manages to bring together myths, idiots also believe in love, defending love against cynicism, managed to make the terribly many disparate views into a therefore love is a myth.” Much of but their unpolished performances middle-class drink almost disturb- seamless whole. It is as if he views the Footlights’ performance fi zzed made matters worse. Molly Hart’s ing, what he does to the café in the world with a monocular vision, Anton Chigurh – No and sparked with an unpredictable song “Phil Wang, won’t you wang which the coffee sits is even more making it our task to complete and Country for Old Men élan. Just as the trope of having me” was something of a highlight, startling. complement the work by reliving Javier Bardem scoops fi rst Fiddaman chat up a member of the though she had already lost Head uses unique perspectives the reality that he has literally 1place for his terrifying perform- Oxford team seemed to be reaching the audience with some rather which lack vanishing points rather re-presented. ance as the cold-blooded killing the end of its lifespan, they segued predictable jokes earlier in her than the conventional one or two, It is a startling novelty and a machine Anton Chigurh in this neatly into a song of his favourite act – something about how she’s thereby creating a visual experi- testament to Clive Head’s innova- phenomenal fi lm from the Coen Friends episodes; and when this American, so she doesn’t like tea. ence akin to real life: reality isn’t tion in the history of Western Art brothers. He plays a hitman began to tire, the sound of Phil Max Fletcher and Adam Lebovits just mirrored but actively recre- that his tiny exhibition has broken hired to track down drug money, were similarly inconsistent: too ated. By eschewing a hierarchy of attendance records. People queued armed with a silenced shotgun many ill-conceived, badly executed pictorial interest, which had been to see three paintings. They would and a cattlegun; a man who kills Molly Hart’s song jokes and funny hats marred the basis of ‘realistic’ art since the never do so (I certainly wouldn’t) to without emotion or hesitation, what could have been an excellent Renaissance, Head’s works cause go to look at the shabby corner at sometimes fl ipping a coin to “Phil Wang, won’t performance which, at its highest the eye to actively focus on certain Haymarket, or a sad underground decide the fate of his victims... points, had Fletcher echoing Alan objects without being passively exit on a miserable London day, you wang me” was Bennett. By the end, the jokes led to particular elements within both of which he represents. But resorted to seemed rather tedious the picture by perspectives with Clive Head, like all good poets and something of a and appeared devoid of any real vanishing points. The effect, then, artists, has made an apparently verve or fl air. However, these more is like looking at a slice of reality in mundane reality startlingly new highlight infelicitous moments of the debate which the eye and not the picture and beautiful, so much so that a did not spoil a great evening at the plane is the active ordering compo- cappuccino will bowl you over. Union. JONNY BARLOW nent. This gives our sight, and YATES NORTON 19th November 2010 Theatre Editor: Edward Herring 24THEATRE www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Relative Values ADC Mainshow View from the (until Sat 20th) Groundlings 

elative Values, the fi rst play of Noël Coward’s written Rin the nineteen fi fties, is a brilliant comedy of manners, full of snobbery and acidic wit. Though his wife-to-be still harbours feel- ings for fellow actor Don Lucas (Arthur Kendrick), Nigel, Earl of Marshwood (Will Chappell) is about to marry a Hollywood star, Miranda Frayle (Charlotte Hamblin). But EDWARD HERRING Frayle is the younger sister of Mrs [The following note was found Moxton, known as ‘Moxie’ (Jennie among Mr Herring’s papers King), the long-time lady’s maid of early Wednesday morning Nigel’s mother, Countess Felicity shortly after he was reported Marshwood (Claudia Blunt). Thus it missing by the police. His body is must be pretended upon Miranda’s yet to be located.] arrival that Moxie is Felicity’s delivered rather archly ,“You don’t that he would have expected Nigel “To Whomever It May Con- equal, a “companion-secretary”, have to be conservative to vote to have been played, “more ‘rugby cern, I am leaving you. With a instead of a servant. Very much Conservative”, is one of the the player’, more butch”. In this pro- There’s opportunity heavy heart I packed my bindle, of its time – and the script, in fact, most successful and most specifi - duction, he is instead portrayed stuffi ng it glumly with my trea- often suggests the play should cally zeitgeist implementations of as petulant and childish. It works to check out who’s sured thesaurus and back issues this intended tone. well, especially in contrast to the of Varsity. And now, with trem- This being the freshers’ main- charming and strapping Don, likely to be gracing bling, wetted lids, I sit to strangle show, there’s opportunity to check and his unattractiveness makes some truth from my hack’s pen, The accents required out who’s likely to be consistently Miranda’s return to Don much the stage these next urged to clean the slate, put the gracing the stage over the next more believable – important when record straight. (Oh, see how I in this play range three years or so. The annual show played to an audience no longer few years. yield to such horrid clichés when generally yields no shortage of wishing for a return to the status addressing my indiscretions!) from conservative talent, and Relative Values is no quo of marriages within one’s own a greater than usual number of For I, dear concerned party, exception. The cast (numbering ten class for the sole reason of the mangled lines and minor slip-ups have been breeding a hoard of RP to Cockney, but in total) was strong : Bermingham system’s own self-perpetuation. from several actors throughout, unprovoked fi ctions, half-truths, inhabited the role of Crestwell, Perhaps Nigel walking onstage in but hopefully these will disappear fantasies, lies. Each week I sit the quality of the absolutely fi nding all of the man- the second act wearing jodhpurs in later performances. down to author that hideous nerisms and humour of the role; and a riding hat did something to The crew must also be congratu- column and squeeze from my accents here was Hamblin was good at exhibiting re-assert his masculinity. lated: the set and costume design troubled loaf a series of sen- her character’s melodrama; Ken- The accents required in this were very good, and blocking was tences misshapen by fakery and extremely mixed. drick immediately conveyed the play range from conservative RP successful (though not innovative). repeated deceits. The truth (I offensiveness of his American to Cockney, but the quality of the This production was successful in cannot, no I cannot bear it!) is all be set even earlier than the early over-familiarity in a great scene accents was extremely mixed. The keeping this play fresh – no mean too disturbing to put in writing, 1950s, its own contemporary alongside Bermingham; Blunt’s American accents were surpris- feat. Nor did it suck the humour but by whatever gracile slice of era – this production nonetheless crisp and biting Matriarch was a ingly good, as were Blunt’s efforts. out of this comedy; it even regu- conscience I am forced to confess: attempts to highlight, as the pro- joy to watch. King as Moxie was far better larly accentuated it. Some mistakes “I, Edward Herring, know gramme puts it, ‘the relevance it Denys Robinson, secretary of at putting on a bad-on-purpose and mixed abilities of the perform- NOTHING about Cambridge possesses today’. An early line of the Noël Coward Society (due to RP accent and pretending to be ers do not excessively detract from theatre. Crestwell’s (the butler of the house, discuss this play in a pre-show talk socially superior than playing her an immensely enjoyable perfor- “Oh, do not admonish me too played by Stephen Bermingham) on Friday), told me in the interval character’s true self. There was mance. HELEN YOUNG harshly! Turn away your loath- some glare of moral reprimand! Could you not intuit that I was a fraud, a phony, a hoodwinker mater, has never been performed a phalanx of brightly vivifi ed cari- from the off? This week I was Donkeys’ Years in Cambridge before. The play’s catures. Harry Carr as the snakish going to remind my wool-eyed mixture of madcap upper-class clergyman, proffering the odd public to watch Blackbird characters tirelessly minced camp witticism and bizarre sexual (Corpus Playroom, 23rd-27th) Howard Theatre, through the well-worn machine of allusion, successfully managed to because of the great duo acting in Downing College farce seems to fi t well with Cam- contort himself into a sly depiction it, but I cannot remember their (until Sat 20th) bridge’s sometimes woolly brand of this velvet-clad weirdo. Craig names. I only know them as ‘Him of conservatism. And the script, Nunes committed to his poten- From The Tempest’ and ‘Her though fatted with a number of tially two-dimensional role as the From Cat on a Hot Tin Roof’,  knee-slapping jokes, could have bumbling nobody and, resultantly, neither of which I’ve even seen! I seemed laboriously frothy if not for produced a brilliantly volcanic was also on the verge of suggest- the assured series of performances clown. Finally, Theo Hughes- ing my devoted readership go hen you are greeted at the which prevented it from forming Morgan as the skulking, sulking see Passing By (ADC Lateshow, entrance of the Howard into a tooth-sugaring strip of theat- Quine loomed over the proceedings 24th-27th) but why, why when WTheatre a vanguard of rical candy. with an oozing, sardonic set of I myself have no clue as to its statuesque ushers kindly tell you The raucous energy of Johan deliveries. content, dialogue, directorship or to relax in the sepulchral clini- Munir’s Headingly (especially The acting, for all its nuanced dramaturgy? (Oh, look away! the cian’s bar. After ten minutes spent in the second half) was at points depictions, ultimately failed to stop hurtful shame is too much!) spaciously detached from your this play from becoming anything “So, the humanity of it all being fellow man in this white cavern, more than a genteel romp. While too much to bear, I must steal you then move, at the advice of a wonderfully excessive. Yet this a good friend of mine presently away through fen and by bog, by chilling overhead tannoy, into the The acting, for all its was balanced out with a number of reminded me that the production fi eld and through thicket, to fi nd theatre. However much I might subtler motifs: a blend of obnoxious had nothing more to offer than a new theatre column whereby have suffered such early discomfort nuanced depictions, sniggers, surreal looks into the fun frippery it seems frustrating I might begin afresh and self- at how needlessly slick student near horizon and several pathetic, that any theatre team would start fl agellate with the birch branches theatre seemed to have become, I ultimately failed to wimpy physical quirks saved from such a premise. The Howard of truth, sobriety and wretchedly was comforted somewhat by the for the character’s bathetic fall. Theatre is well built to host sturdy lucid diction. rambunctious comedy that ensued stop this play from Similarly, Holly Olivia Braine’s comedies such as The Relapse. “Wiping my cheeks of their sor- onstage. well-timed shifts from collected But its design can seem needlessly rowful dew, I must creep humbly As Alex Lass states in his direc- becoming anything ease to sickly angst proved another plush when putting on farce and, into the world and kiss my hand tor’s notes: it is something of a example of comic control. She consequently, makes one wonder to the sordid, salivating commu- surprise that Michael Frayn’s more than a genteel injected into her role the kind of about the fi nancial benefi ts of this nity of Camdram. (Do not lament Donkeys’ Years, in which a group grace one would not expect to be clean yet genre-restricted little or mourn my passing, please. If of wintry graduates reconvene for romp. present in such a foppish drama. playhouse. you can fi nd the strength to carry a reunion at their Oxbridge alma Behind these performances lay EDWARD HERRING on without me then do.) Yet not before one fi nal ball-wrenching GUIDE TO STAR RATINGS:  About as Valuable as a Vindaloo Enema  Something a Little Less Worse than That  Relatively adieu to SIMON HAINES.” Valuable  What's the Value of Making Up Another One?  Value-Added Theatre Theatre Editor: Edward Herring 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk THEATRE 25

funny, though I wonder if the group sketch ended, the team had banked Now, Now ever had a back-up plan for the more points and the less likely it Corpus Playroom fi nal sketch if the audience had became that the next one wouldn’t Emma Sidi showed (until Sat 20th) responded differently. turn out better. Incoming Emma Sidi seized the stage, Some of the sketches, however, all the hallmarks her agility only rivalled by that of were a little too long. For instance, Jason Forbes. Some of her most in one sketch the point where the of a committed  beautiful moments were when the end should have been was liter- energy in her limbs was held in one ally marked out by applause, an performer. oor Jason Derulo became one brilliant facial expression, how- approval of the scene that seemed of the many subjects of popu- ever. Lacking all dignity at points, to be undermined by a character was lively; the nature of the Plar culture to be picked apart she showed all the hallmarks of a re-entering. Yet, much like the girl comedy scene here is such that last night by the comedy sketch committed performer, and could in Jason Derulo’s video, I see no performers need not necessarily group Care of Douglas. From Tesco command our attention whether major fl aw where someone may be begin talking before the audience Clubcards and facial cream sales she was jumping in front of us or more pedantic. are on board. George Potts cer- assistants to heroin-addicted Biol- not. The atmosphere in the theatre tainly knew what everyone was ogy lecturers, not one of the all too Pierre Novellie and Lowell fi nding funny and adapted well trivial aspects of our normal lives Belfi eld had a more understated to it, there is nothing so reward- presence onstage, which was a ing in comedy as when the people cclesiastical Perks is a vital contrast; Care of Douglas onstage respond to the laughter play about a Catholic know that to truly win over the and immediately reinforce it. If his Epriest who moves to a The performance audience you must engage them face hadn’t slightly revealed this tough comprehensive in a big in more ways than one. Ahir Shah awareness, he could’ve pulled it city in which he struggles to was smooth and displayed an impressive versatility, off more seamlessly. Jason Forbes, contain his classes. So far, so varying his expressiveness accord- equally, perhaps betrayed too much cliché. He’s a bit creepy, and he everybody seemed to ing to what the scene required of of his inner thought processes. has a strange habit of saying him. You could tell which mode he He appeared in so many different things that make him sound laugh at everything. was in by how wide his eyes were forms throughout that it seemed a an awful lot like a paedophile. open: if he was staring out at us, he shame to have the illusion broken, Eventually, reports reach the was deemed by the sketch-group as expected us to be staring at him. and see what was underneath. police and the head teacher of incapable of being made ridiculous. All the boxes of a comedy So it’s four stars for Care of the school that he has sexually The fi nal scene was a synthesis of sketch-show were ticked. The Douglas. Don’t just happen to see assaulted one of the children. all our favourite component parts, performance was smooth, longer them in a Footlights Smoker. Like It’s a comedy, naturally. the team knew what we would like sketches were appropriately last year’s Good. Clean. Men. this In writing the play, I sup- best and handed it all right back broken up by shorter, snappier band of comics are much better in pose I proved myself a prophet. to us at the end. It was just that ones, and everybody seemed to concentrated volumes. There was something in the obvious what would be deemed laugh at everything. Every time a HELEN CAHILL water (media) towards the beginning of this year about dodgy Catholic priests, and lo and behold what comes out but all sorts of revelations about seemed aware of, forcing occasional years and years of abuse and Pickwick and The Real errors from the sheer weight of the cover ups. I guess I felt vindi- linguistic material). cated. Not in a “Ha, ha! I told Nickleby Not that the performances were you so! Kiddy-fi ddlers, the lot Inspector Hound bad at all: Marsh and Hildyard of ‘em!” kind of way, but more in ADC Theatre played Moon and Birdboot confi - what I saw in the fallout. With (until Sat 20th) Queens’ College (until Sat 20th) dently, the former with a lethargic morbid curiosity, I couldn’t help energy that leaked and lapsed but read what the tabloids had  accordingly and the latter with to say. When describing the  a wonderfully distorted sense horrors of secret abuse they of sanctimony. Pete Skidmore’s wrote with grim comic relish in ames Swanton is, by now, o review The Real Inspector Inspector Hound was suitably the chaos of it all. One cursory a familiar face on the Cam- Hound just after watching it droll and shifty, while the other search on a well known tabloid’s Jbridge theatrical scene, but based, and an introduction to our Tis not easy as the play does murder-mystery archetypes being website brings up phrases like I did wonder how anyone could actor for the evening. At this point not readily invite criticism. In fact, satirised (Felicity the provincial ‘Scotland’s most senior Catholic pull off a show involving at least James, scuttling about onstage, it mocks it. beauty, Magnus the crippled half- to say sorry to the victims of 20 characters without it getting a turned around and burst into the Once the curtain is raised the attacks by perv priests’. Great little repetitive – but this show has opening of his show. audience are presented with the alliteration! What I found both given me my answer. Apart from The fi rst half is a comic master- quintessential country house Wit, puns and comic horrible and horribly funny was one moment where the voices of piece. It started off in a bit of a drawing-room and, just beyond, a the way that these revelations two characters seemed to blend tangle, and took a few minutes for row of auditorium chairs uncannily absurdity. opened the door for a big old into one, the rest of the perfor- me to decipher what was going on similar to those you’re ensconced point-the-fi nger-athon. mance was marked by its great (which is probably attributable to in. Within these sit two ‘critics’, brother) carried their singular So, yes, the play is a comedy. range and variety. fi rst-night tension) but once Swan- Moon (Oliver Marsh) and Birdboot dimensions with obvious gusto. But it’s a serious and black The set is marvellous: cascades ton had settled into his various (Kit Hildyard), who proceed to The show was stolen however by comedy. Sometimes the humour of pages, photographs, curtains, roles the piece literally took off, offer hackneyed refl ections on the Oliver Marsh whose concentra- is uncomfortably nauseous and top hats, wigs and canes combine with our hapless actor fl ying about action of the play from the other tion never wavered; there was a close to the bone, but that’s in a chaotic tumble that bursts into the stage, from judge’s throne to side of the large mirror that seems continuity of action and voice that really the point: making the the audiences’ eyes as they enter witness-box to courtroom fl oor, all to have been wedged through the shaped his Moon more smoothly audience implicit in the kind of the room, and the humbugs on managed marvellously by James middle of the stage, simultaneously than Hildyard’s Birdboot and fi nger-pointing that tabloids are seats were a lovely touch. Hancock-Evans’s brilliant comic exposing the messy details of their rendered his performance quite so expert at, is sometimes the Once the lights went down, we direction. own messy lives (Birdboot appears engaging. At the point when Moon best way of engaging people were greeted by a record of Swan- The second half took on a much to have indulged in an extra- and Birdboot become involved in with the issue at hand. A comedy ton’s vocal acrobatics taking on the darker tone, with the tragic story marital affair with an actress in the the action of the murder-mystery about child abuse shouldn’t fi rst of his many characters and of Smike and the neglected boys of ‘play’, whilst Moon is enveloped in and two of the players take on the always be easy to watch. setting the scene for us admirably, Dotheboys Hall being its central existential anguish over his own role of critics, Marsh managed to Hey, enough about me. The point. I must admit I want to see Borgesian doppelganger, Higgs.) establish a dramatic connection actors we’ve assembled are more of Swanton’s straight acting – The play in hand is a clichéd between his murky roles where great. They’re all natural comic I want to see more these were among the most moving whodunit in the style of Agatha his companion did not. Technically actors, so it’s less obvious if the performances I have seen in Cam- Christie and, as it develops, audi- the performance benefi ted from script ever lumbers upon its of Swanton’s bridge. The cold lighting really ence members turn into cast and the dramatic possibilities offered soapbox, but they’ve also been added to the tone. vice versa; the lines between art by the Queens’ College Fitzpatrick really adept at bringing out the straight acting – This is a production with very and reality become blurred (these Theatre. A booming PA facilitated sadness of the play. Underneath few fl aws, of a supremely polished critical platitudes are diffi cult to the various auditory props (sam- the bleakness of the subject these were among standard, but with a familiar, affec- avoid). ples that included ringing parlour matter, the actors have done tionate air, as if you’re watching an One might assume that meta- telephones and suspicious police well to bring out the humanity, the most moving extremely talented uncle capering theatre of this kind is tricky to newscasts) and the cues were per- gentleness and warmth of the about your living room. It is worth perform, but what this production fectly on time. characters. There’s one scene performances I’ve every minute, every gravity-defy- proved is that a play of such intel- What this performance didn’t that chokes me up like a big ing twist of limbs, and I agree with lectual calibre largely sustains lack was laughter and for wit, puns baby. Every time. So, come seen in Cambridge. the grudging praise of one of the itself. The wit and wordplay are so and comic absurdity, it certainly and see it: it’s a pretty unusual many guises of Swanton himself: self-consciously fl edged and fl own delivered. Whether we should play, if I say so myself, and it’s with a hurtle through nineteenth- “excellent use of hats… he must be that one wonders whether poor attribute this to the play or the not the kind of thing you’ll see century London theatre, an commended for that.” Go and see it delivery can bring them down (in performance is unclear, however it every day. affectionate homage to Dickens, if you can. fact the burden of effective execu- is clear that the production was an MICHAEL CHRISTIE on whose public readings this is ANNA DAGENHART tion was something that the actors overall success. PATRICK MAYER 19th November 2010 Fashion Editors: Louise Benson & Jess Kwong 26FashioN www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] DAYS OF HEAVEN Photographed and styled by Louise Benson and Jess Kwong

Clockwise from top: Braid cable necklace THE NORTH CIRCULAR. Cable hood scarf THE NORTH CIRCULAR. Dark knight’s hood THE NORTH CIRCULAR. Cape COS.

With special thanks to The North Circular.

FOR MORE IMAGES GO TO VARSITY.CO.UK/FASHIONBLOG Fashion Editors: Louise Benson & Jess Kwong 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk FASHION 27

Clockwise from top le : Fur hood NICHOLAS K. Jumper VINTAGE. Boots (worn throughout) FRYE. Dark knight’s hood THE NORTH CIRCULAR. Cape COS. Hat VINTAGE. The Dryden Society GOT DRAMA? The Dryden Society Want to advertise your play or event here? [email protected] The 01223 337575 Dryden Society The Dramatic Arts Funding DirectDryden a play. The Society Dryden Society Apply now for Lent Productions The [email protected] The Dryden Dryden Society Society Games & puzzles Varsity Crossword no. 535 Sudoku Kakuro 1 2 3 4 5 6 The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must in the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1 through Down contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 9, and never use a number more than once per run (a 1 Bad guy with time to receive order (9) number may reoccur in the same row in a separate run). 2 Community hooker’s a nymph (4) 7 8 3 We are preceded by our claim to be 8 5 9 7 weird and wonderful (10) 4 Hit the fl oor (4) 9 4 1 2 33 8 14 17 5 Extreme role taken by actor playing 28 God (7) 3 6 10 11 6 Rib damaged during sixth note of the 15 scales (5) 7 5 9 2 8 7 10 12 8 Fish gives girl food poisoning (10) 9 7 9 Hopeful of light surrounding me, 10 14 13 14 overcoming fog (10) 1 6 3 5 9 12 Green ivy twists round the pointless 8 4 universe (10) 4 3 4 8 14 King Cole - your friend, of course (9) 6 8 5 19 15 15 Dance around the country getting lucky (7) 3 16 Not interested in a clown 1 6 2 9 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com

somersaulting (5) / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com 18 Beginning and end of soliloquy about e Varsity Scribblepad 16 17 what once was beautiful (4) 19 Father of surrealism? (4) 18 19 Hitori 20 Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single area. 21 22 6 3 7 5 2 4 2 4 6 1 7 5 1 3 15 Glowing mineral with smell of disease Across at fi rst (11) 1 Exam dubiously trimmed (7) 7 4 2 6 2 1 7 16 With Vader beheaded, you are king (6) 4 A fraction claimed to be reborn (7) 17 Slight mispronounciation (4) 7 Legal documents about account fi gures 20 Legendary primate with no tail meets 3 6 4 7 6 5 6 (10) Last issue’s solutions two men (10) 10 Stare east beyond canyon (4) 21 Scapegoat oddly frail, ugly eccentric 6 5 3 2 7 1 1 2 4 7 1 6 5 8 3 9 11 Wife-beater not quite exemplary (6) 21 17 6 1 3 7 6 7 4 7 (4, 3) 20 9 5 1 8 3 2 7 4 6 14 8 9 3 31 3 4 3 1 6 1 5 13 Zoophile article I’m very enthusiastic 19 3 8 6 7 4 9 1 5 2 22 Attraction: it’s covered in sauce (7) 3 1 8 2 5 19 3 7 5 4 7 2 7 8 1 4 9 5 7 2 6 3 7 2 1 4 1 3 6 about (6, 5) 11 6 Crossword set by Hapax. 9 2 6 1 2 3 6 2 7 3 1 1 4 7 3 5 2 1 6 9 8 4 Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 534): 6 16 6 9 2 3 8 4 5 7 1 2 3 1 5 9 7 4 1 2 1 5 6 7 Across 1 Misinformation, 8 Negate, 9 Ampere, 11 Scamper, 12 Serpent, 13 Lolita, 15 Metis, 17 Olmec, 19 Eaglet, 22 Leopold, 25 Tattoo, 26 Vixens, 27 Identity crisis 31 1 2 8 6 7 3 4 9 5 7 3 4 8 9 6 5 7 2 4 1 3 4 6 9 5 2 8 3 1 7 Down 1 Ministry of Love, 2 Signal, 3, 24 Not up to scratch, 4 Mimes, 5 Theorem, 6 Operetta, 7 Photosynthesis, 10 Ursine, 14 August, 16 Imported, 18 Crouton, 20 Earlier, 21 Athens, 23 Dhoti 10 2 5 6 7 3 7 4

2 1 7 2 6 1 7 3 5 7 5 7 3 4 9 1 6 2 8 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk SPORT29

College Sport Sport in MCR Football Brief Grad football is just as good as college leagues Results Men’s Rugby Rugby JONNY SINGER each other out, Selwyn/Robinson The boggy pitch meant that play- There are only three games MCR were involved in a fantastic ers really tired towards the end, First Division left for the Rugby Blues match The MCR Football League is con- match against Clare/Fitz MCR. giving more space to the ‘fl air play- Trinity 0 - 50 Downing before their early December sidered by many to be a bit of a The pitch was vast, the fi tness ers’. A delightful back-heel nutmeg Jesus 48 - 10 Magdalene clash with Oxford University at joke. One ‘grad-lad’ mentioned levels poor, the enthusiasm fantas- left the visiting captain looking a St John’s 16 - 10 Queens’ Twickenham. Next Wednesday a few weeks ago that he ‘couldn’t tic and the spirit of the game hugely shade embarrassed, and 60-yard Second Division at Grange Road is the traditional play in that team, it didn’t even refreshing. Instead of seeing the cross-field passes became com- Steele Bodgers match where resemble football’, and if you ask referee lambasted for every call as monplace. This was not schoolboy Pembroke 34 - 12 St Catz Cambridgewill throw down the around, this is a view that’s widely in the top-fl ight clash, both teams football, this was men (and one Clare 12 - 7 Girton gaunlet to their old rivals and held. Having seen Engineering FC, just got on with playing. In fact, woman) playing properly. Men’s Football challenge them to the match a team with an age range of 15-50 when one captain began complain- A fi nal minute goal meant that next month. For this tradition (and that’s being conservative) and ing, his own ‘keeper and centre Clare/Fitz nicked the game 3-2, First Division alone, the Blues are anticipating a win record which doesn’t look out back, as well as the opposing cap- having lead three times and still Emma 6 - 0 Christ’s getting 3,000-4,000 spectators of place next to that of American tain, all politely told him to ‘play only holding the lead for an aggre- Downing 0 - 0 Trinity down to Grange Road, which Samoa, take on a St John’s MCR some football and leave the rest to gate of three and a half minutes. itself reflects the importance team which only managed to put the ref’. The result hurt for “Robwyn”, but Second Division of the Varsity Rugby match to out eight men, I was inclined to But what struck me the most you felt that each player probably Jesus II 3 - 2 Corpus Christi the students of Cambridge. The agree with that consensus. about the game was just how much had more important things in their Pembroke 2 - 3 Selwyn Blues are looking good ahead of That was before this weekend. quality there really was on show. lives to redress the balance. Queens’ 2 -2 St John’s the next month’s clash, but there Throwing myself into the world of Misplaced passes were rare, close Would either of these teams com- are several injury concerns college football I saw three games control was fantastic, some of the pete in the college leagues? Not in Fourth Division for captain Jimmy Richards. this weekend, in the First Division, fi nishing was top-drawer, and while the top two fl ights but they could Fitz II 1- 6 Caius II The Blues need Greg Cush- Second Division and MCR league. the goalkeeping left something to probably hold their own in the Downing II 1 - 2 CCCC ing to be fully fi t to take up his Whilst Downing and Trinity played be desired, both defences stood middle leagues. But the match was Jesus III 1 - 6 St Catz III role as fi rst choice fl y half, and out a dour 0-0 draw, on a cramped up to stern for the majority of the far more enjoyable a spectacle than Darwin II 3 - 3 Trinity Hall II Ben Maidment, ex of London pitch where the sides cancelled game. Downing vs. Trinity. Wasps, is currently struggling for full fitness. Dan Vicker- man is certainly not going to be View from below the Bottom Division playing at Twickenham having Fixture List had an operation on his knee. Men’s Rugby play football this season. This VARSITY SPORT game was about Emma whose First Division enthusiasm and sportsmanship St John’s vs. Trinity Last weekend saw a run out for a throughout must be commended. Lacrosse Queens’ vs. Jesus team that have not even made it Turning up in a bizzare mix of bright Trinity vs. Downing into the bottom division. Emma lurid colours - mostly pink and orange The Cambridge Women’s Lacrosse Second Division IVs (a team not yet offi cially - Emma looked like they may well team continued their excellent in existence) played a friendly belong in the Bottom Division, where season by notching up yet another Trinity Hall vs. St Catz match against bottom division the quality and aethseticity of the kit comfortable victory. This week Robinson vs. Girton side Caius IVs at Barton Road. is extremely dubious. The displayed it was Exeter who were put to Pembroke vs. Clare Emma were certainly up for the all the hallmarks of a Seventh Divi- the sword despite putting out Men’s Football challenge of playing as illustrious op- sion side: mistimed tackles, a terrible a relatively strong fi rst team. position as a mid-table Seventh Divi- fi rst touch and no pace anywhere on It was the strongest team the First Division sion outfi t and arrived at the ground the pitche. They would fi t in with the Lacrosse Blues had to face so Downing vs. Emma a full 40 minutes early to get a pre- other riff-raff of the bottom division. far this year and despite a shaky Christ’s vs. Fitzwilliam match training session-cum-warm Indeed, despite the scoreline, start they comfortably dealt with Caius vs. Girton up going. Caius IVs, by comparison, they were not completely out- whatever Exeter had to throw St Catharine’s vs. Homerton perhaps slighly arrogantly, turned played by Caius and managed at them. Goals from ex-captain Trinity vs. Jesus up late and engaged in a warm up to hold their own particularly in Ellie Walshe kept the scoreboard consisting of little but kicking balls midfi eld with captain Paul May- ticking over. Exeter performed Second Division at their star striker Mike Judey. nard putting in an admirable shift. better in the second period of play, Such arrogance, however, To enter the league, Emma IVs but some excellent goalkeep- Darwin vs. Jesus II was not completely misplaced need Emma IIIs to be promoted. ing restricted them to scoring Corpus Christi vs. Long Road Emma sadly didn’t look like this in their with Caius running out comfort- This is grossly unfair based on pink kit more than six goals, not nearly Churchill vs. Queens’ able winners by nine goals to one. Sunday’s display. A 9-1 loss is a enough when Cambridge were St John’s vs. Pembroke This game, however, was not typical result in Seventh Divi- ing that they putting in simi- in such potent attacking form. Trinity Hall vs. Selwyn about Caius IVs. They have al- sion and Emma IV should not at larly horrible tackles and skewed ready shown their inability to all be disheartend. Here’s hop- shots in real matches next year. Botswana Meat Commission – Round up Rowing Russian Justice minister Alex- their third manager this year, amid the league. Expectations of a top half strongest in the league, as only three ander Konovalov rowed with reports of backroom dissent and fi nish appeared justifi ed after only four other sides have conceded fewer the Blues squad on Wednesday. treachery. Daniel Nare appeared games. The side had already obtained than the thirteen that BMC have let Mr Konovalov went out in a likely to succeed Kaizer Kalambo, eight points, and enjoyed wins over a in. Scoring goals has been more of a boat directed by the Blues’ head after resigning from his job at Exten- strong Gunners team and an admit- concern, and the team will look to pro- coach Donald Legget. It was sion Gunners, but has declared that he tedly poor Motlakase. However, this vide greater support to the talented a welcome relief to the Blues has no interest in returning to football good form deteriorated immediately but unpredictable Kenano Kgetho- squad after a relatively disap- until the New Year. Enos Mmesi, the after Varsity began their coverage, as letsile, who has found the net six times pointing performance over the former assistant manager, should now the team struggled with the increased already this season. Thames between Mortlake and be considered the favourite to inherit media scrutiny. The past seven games Therefore there is no reason for Putney. The Cambridge Elite the role. Nevertheless, chairman have seen four losses and three draws, BMC to fear the months ahead. They coxed four (consiting of Rasmus- Sonny Phiri may question the logic as the team has slumped to eleventh, are still adjusting to their new home, sen, Nash, Cubasch and Nelson) of appointing a manager so intrinsi- and only kept from sliding into the and will be hopeful of converting the fi nished the course over three cally linked with the old regime, and relegation zone by the ineptitude of draws obtained there into wins. A new seconds behind the Oxford crew. DAN WELLBELOVE instead opt to start afresh. Mean- those below them. manager will bring fresh impetus to a Oxford also managed to win while, Kalambo looks set to return to Nonetheless, the BMC side should team that is approaching a series of the Elite coxless four category. the game straight away at First Divi- not be overly disheartened by the winnable games against TASC, Police Although it is not fair to judge The past six months have been a sion-strugglers Kanye Swallows. season so far, as there have been XI and Black Peril. Only a few points either crew based on the fours tumultuous period for Botswana Meat Kalambo may have considered numerous positives which they can separate the teams in the middle of race, it can certainly be sug- Commission F.C. who will be hoping himself unfortunate to be dismissed take from it. The team is still rebuild- the Botswanan Premier League table, gested that currently Oxford that the second half of the season only ten games into his reign, but the ing, after considerable losses to the and one good month will see the team have a psychological advantage brings about a period of much-needed BMC board believed that they had playing staff over the off-season. The from Lobatse back where they believe going into the Christmas break. stability. The Club are searching for to act swiftly to halt the slide down defence has proven to be one of the they belong. 19th November 2010 Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 30 SPORT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

UNIVERSITY WOMEN’S FOOTBALL Women Blues through to compete in the FA Cup Cambridge’s women see off Thorpe in the last qualifying round to make it through to the FA Cup proper

THORPE UTD 0

CAMBRIDGE 3

SARA HAENZI

Cambridge University Women’s Blues have made it through to the FA Cup competition proper after a com- fortable 3-0 victory against Thorpe United. Resplendent in their new kit – with especially pleasing striped socks – Cambridge produced a com- petent display to dispatch a team only one division below them. Full of bustle the game thus The Women’s Blues team pose in their new strip and in action against Thorpe United began. Cambridge started off uncon- vincingly: Thorpe shut them down Wainwright, who took her opportu- In the beginning of the second half, The game was not brilliant, and the in their own half for the fi rst fi ve to nity superbly to double Cambridge’s the Blues players seemed somewhat skill in the side was not evident as Cambridge’s Route ten minutes. Shape and organisation lead. inattentive, giving Thorpe room to often as it should have been. How- First Qualifying Round soon improved, though, and the fi rst Cambridge fi nished the fi rst half play. It remained that way for most ever, all you want from a cup match chances fell to Cambridge. Mandy poorly, however. A breakdown in of the second half, although the best is a win – and win Cambridge did. Bye Wainwright fi nished brilliantly to communication and a slightly lethar- Thorpe could achieve were a couple They are therefore through to the Second Qualifying Round give Cambridge a well-deserved gic work rate allowed Thorpe to get of corners and one weak shot on FA cup proper. lead. Only a little later, two subse- in their fi rst shot on goal. It was a target. The next round is to be played on Hethersett Athletic LFC 4 quent corners should have doubled long way off target and the Blues’ Towards the end, Cambridge 12th December away at Norwich Cambridge 4 this advantage, but Leesa Haydock’s goal was never really threatened, but managed to get stuck in the Thorpe City Ladies, who will no doubt prove (Cambridge won 4-3 on pens) header was cleared off the line by a the strength of their team means that half again, and through Manon van to be a sterner test than Thorpe did defender, and then Wainwright’s was they should have comfortably con- Thorenburg’s persistence, Wain- last week. The fact that the game is Third Qualifying Round blocked by a good effort from the trolled the whole of the game. It was wright was able to score her third played out of term time is also no help Thorpe United LFC 0 Thorpe goalkeeper. only a lack of concentration that led goal of the day to complete a superb to the Blues as some of their players Cambridge 4 It did not take long, however, for to this short period of pressure from hat-trick. will be missing. Nonetheless, morale the second goal to come. Some nice Thore. Yet the scoreline remained The three goal to nil scoreline in the camp is high, and the Blues First Round Proper work in the midfield by Bethany unchanged and Cambridge went in at remained unchanged, ensuring that are confi dent of pulling out a strong Norwich City Ladies v. McGee and a precise cross by the the break two goals ahead, refl ective Cambridge could face their long performance against a very useful Cambridge captain Maisie Byrne found striker of their domination of the half. journey home in a cheerful spirit. Norwich City outfi t. Nice to meet Blue... Polly Checkland-Harding, women’s water polo captain, Caius

When did you importantly a team sport – the team has to squad is thirteen players, the newer players means that she takes an AGE to change! And start playing work together otherwise it all falls apart. get a chance to play early on without being then she wonders why the lifeguards are water polo? put under too much pressure. I probably annoyed. But we love her. made loads of mistakes but I was just proud I probably to be picked. What motivates you to get out of bed started in about “It’s fast-paced, physical every morning and go to training? Year 8 - our Who is the best player you have played girl’s team at and it gets you super t with? I think all in all it’s got to be my team. Being school started captain this year has so far been incredibly with me and a few friends when they took on very fast.” We’ve got some incredible players on our rewarding. Everybody works very hard, a new sports teacher who knew how to play. team, but I think the absolute best for me plus they are great fun to be with! We’ve I was reluctant at fi rst: the idea of chucking a would be Jeanie Ward-Waller, who played for taken on a lot of new players and seeing ball around in water wearing a silly cap didn’t What is your favourite personal sporting us last year. She was very experienced having how they’re improving from week to week seem that appealing, especially as at that memory? played over in the States, and what set her is brilliant. point we were training with the guys! How- apart was her ability to bring up the standard ever, I soon saw past that and began to love Scoring my first goal for Cambridge felt of the entirety of the rest of the team. She What are you hoping for in the coming it. We built the team up over the years, and by pretty awesome but my best memory has to could handle being tackled by about four of season? the time that I was captain in my fi nal year of be winning Varsity last year! It was a close the opposition at once, and still calmly make sixth form we had a really strong set and were match, even though we’d beaten Oxford by sure that you were ready to receive the ball! We were promoted into the top division of doing well in school competitions. an impressive amount earlier in the season, BUCS in my fi rst year, so staying there is nat- so the elation when the fi nal whistle went was What is the dressing room like before a urally a priority! We are up against some of Why did you choose water polo as your incredible! We play a lot of other matches game? the best universities in the country for sport – sport ? through the year, some of which are equally they have great facilities and their teams play important in terms of the success of the team, Our coach is always complaining that we talk at the top level so it’s always a challenge but If I’m honest, it’s the only sport I’ve ever been but there’s nothing quite like the celebrations too much during training, but it gets pretty I think that if we keep pushing we could do very good at! I doubt that at school many after beating Oxford. quiet before a match. We try to get everyone really well. We are going abroad on tour over people would have thought of me as ‘sporty’ pumped up before a game, though, and not let Christmas for the fi rst time in several years, but I decided I wanted to play something at How did you feel before your fi rst university it get too serious. which just shows how committed the team is. University so stuck with that. I found it incred- game and how did the game go? I just hope we get the success we have worked ibly tough at fi rst as there was a big jump in Who are the characters in the dressing so hard for. ability and fi tness but I stuck at it because it’s I was absolutely terrifi ed! I hadn’t been play- room? so much fun to play! It’s fast-paced, physical ing for very long and felt miles behind the Will you beat The Other Place? and it gets you super fi t very very fast. It com- standard of the rest of the team. I ended up Liane Grant has got to be one - she is always bines so many different disciplines and is most really enjoying it though: because a match having a laugh with someone, which invariably Hell yes! Nuff said. Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 19th November 2010 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk SPORT31 Sport Comment Varsity matches are not the be all and end all University sides should stop concentrating so much on the Varsity match and concentrate more on playing competitively all the time

Much of the allure of Varsity simply because of the sheer weight benefi t the club as much as the emphasis on our performance in our derives from its history; many of the of the two intuitions, yet without students, for a critical league clash BUCS and RFUW leagues and, as a most important fi xtures date back the historical importance attached between the Blues and another result, have been very successful in to the nineteenth century. The fi rst to the event, there is less of a furore top rugby side will surely fi ll more our Varsity matches as well”. There ever recorded match between the surrounding it. benches in Grange Road than a is clearly a mutual relationship which two universities dates inevitably Yet those matches that do contain friendly between Cambridge and the Blues have profi ted from. Teams a certain historical signifi cance have Blackheath. such as Loughborough will always be offered promoters key opportunities Indeed, as much as the prestige stronger than Oxford: it would surely “With many teams for marketing and exploitation. of Oxbridge counts, real challenges benefi t the men’s rugby team to Some of the encounters have drifted can be posed by other sporting compete against such teams in more now playing into the public conscience. The Boat universities. It is something revealed than just a ‘friendly’ capacity. The MIKE BENJAMIN Race is live on BBC every year, the by Skylar Neil, RFUW Blues Boat Club similarly train simply for in leagues rugby Varsity live on Sky Sports, as captain, when she not only says that the Boat Race. Engaging in a more rguably there is noth- is the rugby league fi xture. They are opposition in the women’s rugby competitive environment beforehand ing bigger in university and national ideally suited to the live broadcast: leagues is possibly tougher than would surely benefi t them. Asport than a grudge match readymade one-off affairs where the Consequently, the issue of Varsity between Oxford and Cambridge. competitions, the winner takes all. is a hotly debated topic amongst They litter the Cambridge sporting This is something Blues rugby “As much as players themselves. In this case, both calendar and all university sport- importance of captain Jimmy Richards alludes to: captains clearly feel their respective ing societies will have put a big red “the Varsity match is all about one the prestige of set-ups benefi t them the most. There ring around the chosen date. And Varsity matches can match and the success of the whole is a tension between wanting to keep with tens of thousands fl ocking to years hinges on just 80 minutes”. Oxbridge counts, the symbolism of the Varsity fi xture the rugby Varsity match at Twick- be questioned” Rugby union is one of the few sports but also realising that there may be enham, a similar number attending where the Blues do not compete in real challenges other challenges out there, some of the Boat Race with even more a league and Richards admits that which can be immensely rewarding. watching it live on BBC, and with all other matches are essentially can be posed by Varsity will always be the fi xture huge numbers turning up to even back to Lord’s, the most British of practice games. He argues that “if we for the season but it must be realised the polo Varsity, its importance in sporting institutions, where in 1827 were to change to a league set up, we other sporting that a league campaign complements Cambridge life is clear. However they played a two-day cricket match. would lose a lot of the mystique and it rather than detracts from it. with many teams now playing in The historic Boat Race followed two tradition and this would dilute the universities” There are benefi ts to both the club leagues and national competitions, years later, while the fi rst football and whole occasion” and the students. For the player, the importance of one yearly spat rugby fi xtures took place in 1870s. Stirring stuff and music to the chance of further glory. For the can be heavily questioned. Consid- Yet not every Varsity match has promoters hears but from a fan’s supporters, the chance to support ering that most other universities such a long history, for example the point of view, it would surely be against Oxford but also that victories the best university in the country. have adopted their own ‘varsities’, women’s rugby Varsity match only better to see the Blues compete against Loughborough can mean That cannot be offered simply by a have the two institutions become started in 1988. It is undoubtedly true in a nail biting and exciting league more to the players. Indeed, she adds comfortable victory against a weak too insular in their outlooks? that the match has the same intensity campaign. Indeed, it would surely that “CURFC has placed greater Oxford side. UNIVERSITY GOLF College Rugby Golf Blues show promise in early season CONTINUED FROM BACK PAGE Cambridge narrowly come second to Oxford at the annual Doxbridge match Secondly, they managed to main- tain this pressure with more has changed signifi cantly from last of victory in the oldest match in golf incisive and powerful play in ANDREW DINSMORE year. The new star of the team is keeps the guys grinding hard at the midfi eld. Two further penal- The Blues have been hard at work in undoubtedly Ben Wescoe, former their game. At times it can be tough ties were probably less than they laying the groundwork for looks to Captain of Yale golf team, who plays during the early morning prac- deserved, but it still put signifi cant be a very promising year. The fi rst of +3 and recently shot level par at tice sessions and what can only be breathing space in-between them fi xture was a preseason clash with Augusta. His love of golf stretches described, at times, as an SAS sur- and Queens’. Oxord and Durham in the annual beyond the golf course and into his vival mission in the lashing winter Yet in a display typical of their Doxbridge match held at Aldeburgh studies as his M.Phil in History of wind and rain, but the end goal is season so far, John’s were unable to Golf Club. The fi nal score was Oxford Art and Architecture allows him to always in the forefront of the team’s to completely close out the game. 12, Cambridge 11 and Durham 4. It give presentations on “golf course mind. Credit must go to a spirited perfor- was a good effort to show Oxford architecture and the picturesque.” With the end of the term loom- mance from the Queens’ team, who that the club has recovered well The Club is also fortunate to have ing the team is looking for a couple have shocked a lot of rugby fol- since its 9-6 defeat in Varsity last Paul Schoenberger, from Germany; of big wins to fi nish, which should lowers this season, but it must be year. Durham were unable to keep Geordie Ting, from Singapore; Lucas inspire them to practice hard over acknowledged that they were only pace with the Oxbridge teams, Birrell-Gray from Holland and Louis the break. It would be just reward allowed back into the game due to despite having recently been pro- Caron, also from the States. The for the effort that they have put in some sloppy John’s defence and and moted to the Northern Premiership. core of the team is as strong as ever so far this year. Next year will see silly indisicpline at the breakdown. Cambridge rarely get the oppo- with Ruaraidh Stewart, a Scotsman the 122nd Varsity Match, which is to A powerful run by Roberts allowed runity to play other university sides, and four time Blue, going strong and be played at Royal Cinque Ports this Sharples to scamper over in the with their only fi xtures usually being looking for a fi fth Blue, a remarkable year, a former British Open course, corner with Blencowe scoring soon against Oxford and golf clubs, and so achievement in any sport. and will be a perfect location to show after in similar fashion. A John’s competing against a rival university The result of this new found Dinsmore Teeing off at last year’s Varsity Oxford the light. sinbining came too late for Queens’ was greatly relished by the players. strength has been a solid perfor- It is without a doubt the best to do any further damage. It was an extremely promising mance so far with two wins, two pool of players to choose so to get Cambridge team in years and the This was another victory for performance from a team that has draws and four very narrow losses. a win is really a great result.” Alex prospect of a Varsity victory is very John’s, but a far from convincing benefi ted from an infl ux of talent “It’s tough for the guys as we have Silver, the Secretary of the Club, real indeed. If the Blues are able to one. They will need to signifi cantly and enthusiasm into a club that to get up at 5.30am both Saturday said. keep their level of performance high improve if they wish to continue has become truly international. and Sunday to play against teams on The team spirit this year is high there is no reason why they cannot making back the ground that they Last year’s Varsity disappointment their home track and they often have and although Varsity is a long way defeat a very similarly talented lost to Jesus in the fi rst rounds of seems a long way away as the team a much wider and more experienced off at the end of March, the prospect Oxford side. the season. Think you could do better? We’re always looking for sport writers and photographers. If you’d like to work for us, get in contact with our Sport Editor at [email protected] 19th November 2010 Sport Editor: Alex Kennedy 32 SPORT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment Women’s Football p31 p30 The Varsity Light Blues match – it’s make it into nothing special SPORT the FA Cup Redboy John’s seal unconvincing win Reports Our man on the Red Boys once again fail to impress against Queens’ inside of the St HANNAH COPLEY John’s 1st XV tells it like it is

ith just a couple of weeks to go before we Wcan fi nally take leave of this weird and wonderful world we, and indeed everyone else, calls “Cambridge,” inevitably thoughts turn to the Chrimbo holls. Obviously the biggest social date in the calendar is the 9th of December, the Varsity Match, which I’ve marked out in my diary in eight different coloured highlighters (two of which though turned out to be invisible ink ones, which is annoying.) First up I’d like to say I’m proud to be writing for the student newspaper that has sponsored this match every year since it began in 1873, and long may it continue. This year, unlike 1873, which I bet was practically Victorian in its restraint, should be brilliant, with so many of the John’s lads taking to the fi eld: Bunter, Doyley, Abercrombie, Toffo, Hollamache, Dorington, Lovelace and Rodderwitz, and those are just the guys with Strong John’s defence halts another Queens’ attack ridiculous names. tougher going than usual. forward bombardment, Queens’ done and their dominance over both I sadly didn’t make the blues Yet it was a strong start from the worked themselves into the game. Jesus’ and John’s pack is particularly squad this year. The coach said ST JOHN’S 16 Red Boys with John’s quickly able Over the next ten minutes, the game impressive. I had an attitude problem, so I to establish themselves in Queens’ descended into a messy affair with Nevertheless, it was the boot that wrapped him in jelly and threw territory, retaining possession and both teams unable to hold onto pos- crucially divided the teams at half him down a fl ight of stairs shout- QUEENS’ 10 moving solidly through the phases. session for any length of time, often time. While John’s were able to land ing “eat the jelly then, go on, eat it However, the blight of northern kicking it away. one of their two penalties, Queens if you’re such a big man.” There’s hemisphere rugby that is a lack of The rest of the half proved cru- missed both of theirs, with the always next year. I obvs want to expansive play can be seen in the cial for the outcome of the game. second one particularly achievable. be giving the boys all the support way John’s have used the ball this Queens’ continued to enjoy the The second half was almost a I can anyway, so I’ve arranged MIKE BENJAMIN season. Phase after phase was better of play, launching several carbon copy of the fi rst, only this for about a hundred of us from Despite passing the half-way point played narrow with the remnants of attacks on the John’s try line only to time the John’s attack was more John’s to be taken in a coach to in the season, John’s rugby is still rucks scattered all over the pitch. be denied by a strong defence. Much damaging as the juggernaut crashed Twickenham, stopping off along struggling to recapture the form of This did John’s no favours as it of this impetus was based on another its way through. First John’s fi nally the way at the top twenty rugby previous seasons. Their second vic- left too few players in the line and dominant scrum with Queens’ win- managed to show some real incision themed pubs in Britain to get us tory against Queens’ this season slowed their play down. Their appe- ning numerous times against the with the forwards fi nally generat- in the mood. If we’re sharpish neatly sums up their season’s perfor- tite for contact was stopped on the head with hooker Layfi eld showing ing some quick ball, allowing space with our ordering and leave on mances. They managed to ground out occasions where the ball was moved good skill. If there is anything that for the back line to operate in. The time in the morning we should be a victory but again failed to impress, out into the backs, but one threat- Queens’ will be able to take away ball was shifted through the backs able to catch the last ten minutes with Queens’ outscoring them by two ening move came to a halt as they from this campaign it is probably effectively and a try was scored in of the game. I’ve prepared a few tries to one. The John’s juggernaut is failed to exploit an overlap. the best college scrum. They really the corner. chants as well for when we get still fi nding this year’s Division One After surviving the initial heavy have shown other colleges how it’s CONTINUED INSIDE there: “Come on the boys in light blue, play the game well and do your best to score the tries, we can win if we play to the best of Rugby league boys prepare for tour to Malta our ability, so let’s bloody do it facilities, but must also offer good unprecedented high, and importantly League XIII) are joined by Brian then eh lads?” and “Rugby!” are THOMAS BREWSTER working environments should our for the Blues, it can provide the qual- Chambers (Warrington Wolves Per- my favourites. Cambridge University Rugby students wish to work between ses- ity of facility that the club requires formance Coach). After the match there’s a League have announced their New sions. This is a departure for the club for such a camp. The training camp starts in Cam- brilliant after party lined up Year Tour to Malta from 12th – 16th – the Rugby League tours have tra- For the tour, CURL Head Coach bridge for a training day on 12th at Mahiki. Toffo’s manning the January 2011. Trips to destinations ditionally been to Carcassonne in John Evans (Ex-Head coach of January, before they then travel to guest list and the dress code such as Malta are seen as highly the south of France, however due Midlands Students, GB Emerg- Malta on the 13th. The team will train is “Snow white and the seven important within the coaching set up to the adverse weather in the past ing Students), and Assistant Coach twice on the 14th before playing the dwarfs.” I’ve managed to cap- as it permits players to gel as a squad couple of years, they have decided to Thomas Brewster (Ex-Head coach fi rst ever international test match ture fi ve so far so my entourage in pleasant surroundings. Locations look further afi eld to Malta. Rugby of Durham University & Assistant for Cambridge University Rugby is almost there. are not just picked for their sports League in Malta is currently at an Manager of GB Student Rugby League vs Malta Rugby League.