The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper

11th February 2011 Issue No. 735 ESTD 1947

anDrew Griffin A sticky end: Fitzbillies closes Clegg slams its doors after 90 years (cont. page 4) Cambridge

OpiniOn fee decision the Debate: should Deputy PM says Oxbridge plan to charge Valentine’s Day maximum tuition fees is “not up to them” be forgotten about? tristan Dunn BBC debate between students and the political correspondent Deputy Prime Minister. One of the p6 students said to Mr Clegg, “You are Nick Clegg has criticised Cambridge either stupid, or you are mad, or you and Oxford for considering tuition fees are malicious.” of £9,000, stating that the decision “is In the debate, Clegg stated that not up to them”. Cambridge and Oxford would only be Mr Clegg’s comments came after an able to charge fees of £9,000 if they internal University document revealed “dramatically increase” access for stu- on Tuesday that the University is plan- dents from deprived backgrounds. ning to charge the maximum fees Universities also face fines of up to allowed under the Government’s new £0.5 million from the Government if higher education proposals. they fail to meet such access targets. The document makes a number of The Cambridge working group recommendations to the University paper does show, however, that the Council on fees, bursaries and wid- University will be making an active ening participation. Its main point is attempt to support those students from that a flat-rate fee of £9,000 should poorer backgrounds. be charged to all UK and EU students One proposal states that students CulTurE irrespective of course or College. whose family income is less than One section of the report says: “The £25,000 will only be applicable for the history of level of tuition fee charged from 2012 tuition fees of £6,000. In addition, a entry should be the maximum permis- bursary of £1,625 will be offered to that hallowed sible, i.e. £9,000 per annum with any students whose parents earn less than subsequent adjustment for inflationary £25,000. This bursary falls to zero once place: the bed. increases.” family income rises over £42,000. Academics at the University of The report also recommends that the Oxford convened on Tuesday to con- University should attempt to increase sider the same issue; it seems likely that the proportion of students from state p9 they will also look to charge the maxi- schools to between 61 and 63 per cent mum fees permissible. from its current level of 58 per cent. Reacting to Mr Clegg’s comments, CUSU president Rahul Mansigani Edward Couzens, an undergraduate commented, “Cambridge offers a fan- of Downing College, told Varsity, “Nick tastic educational experience: with a Clegg’s naïvety appears to know no tripling of the standard fee to £9000, bounds. the need for proactive Access work Given the spending cuts to higher from the University is more important education, how can the University of than ever.” Cambridge expect to maintain its aca- Preservation of ‘proactive’ access- demic reputation without charging the may be an issue given that the current maximum fees?” cash bursary of £3,400 is being cut A University spokesperson refused to £1,625 under the new proposals. to comment on Mr Clegg’s statement, The fee waiver of £3,000 does how- saying that they were “waiting for the ever make up for the fall in the cash University Council to consider the bursary. working group’s proposals.” The University is said to be limiting SpOrT However, a section of the working use of the maintenance bursary due to a group paper says: “To charge less than “shortfall between costs and income”. town downs £9,000 might raise questions about All universities in England and Wales our commitment to excellence since must send proposals for fees, financial Gown in bloody a reduced fee in the long term could support for students and access provi- battle. only be sustained by reducing costs and sions to OFFA by 31st March. A final hence quality.” decision is expected from Cambridge The comments were made in a in the coming weeks. p15 Have an opinion on porn? 06 > Take Varsity’s online pornography survey 9 771758 444002 Comments to make? [email protected] 11th February 2011 2

Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF Telephone 01223 337575 Fax 01223 760949 ESTD 1947 Issue No. 735 www.varsity.co.uk EDITORIAL DIGITAL DIGEST

VULTURE Your conversation partner has ou may notice a small disconnected change in Varsity this Yweek. Look to the Dan Brooks goes stranger-surfi ng to try bottom right of this page. and foster genuine debate about last Where for many years we have year’s best records, but discovers that been in the happy position not being 16 and a girl is a handicap in of o ering our readers a free the chatrooms... Hilarious results are co ee or Chelsea bun from one interspersed with his (uncontested) fa- Cambridge’s most venerated vourite records in a double gift to you. institutions, unfortunately we can no more. EMAILS, LETTERS & TWEETS VETEMENTS Fitzbillies, the stalwart of the Big Look: The Ancient World Cambridge cake scene, shut its doors on Friday evening for the A CHARITABLE UNION? teaching budgets by £2.9 billion. While fi nal time. No more the array of the Labour Party has a positive alternative cupcakes tantalising generations Dear Editors, of slower and more sensible budget cuts and For Claire Healy (of ‘Young Shield’s of cyclists en route to lectures I feel that it may be necessary to remind the a graduate tax, Dr Huppert has constructed fashion blogosphere fame) it’s or the famously (or perhaps Union Society of its obligations as a chari- a complete volte-face from the arguments all about Egypt at the moment...on the infamously) sticky Chelsea Buns. table organisation, considering the way it has he made at the election. By providing lobby catwalks. Cleopatra’s coming Where else are generations of acted in relation to the CUSU Shadowing fodder for the Tories, he has betrayed those back atcha. Cambridge students going to Scheme, one of Cambridge’s largest and most progressive students who put him in o ce. take Granny for tea? important Access initiatives. The President’s It is the closing of the small initial decision to charge shadows for entry Ashley Walsh VOYEUR businesses like Fitzbillies which to last week’s debate and ban them from the Chair, Cambridge Universities Labour Night at the (Fitzwilliam) allows chain-run conglomera- main chamber (presumably because they are Club Museum tions like the ubiquitous Costa a ‘members’ club’) is disappointing. She later via email to keep popping up, a rash reversed the decision, allowing the shadows Varsity was out and about on Thursday along our high streets – there to “come into the building on a debate night, LIBEL LIBERAL night at the Fitzwilliam’s evening drinks are now six in Cambridge alone, which [she] wouldn’t normally say to non- party. Head to our website to see if you not a metropolis by any stretch members ever”. Until recently the Union Dear Editors, made it into our photo album. of the imagination. This is not policies were improving its inclusivity, having Libel tourism is a grossly exaggerated only indicative of our hot-footed previously given shadows free entry and par- problem. If only 30 people in this jurisdiction culture – co ee to go, takeaway ticipating in the scheme for several years. read the Kyiv post article, then you may expect paninis, no time to stop for tea The Union Society’s status as a charity the case to get struck out asap. If, on the other – but also shows that a lot of provides substantial tax benefi ts even though hand, thousands of people in this country had VULTURE the recent fashion for the locally many would consider it a private business. As read the article, the article was defamatory, Blair Waldorf: Feminist Icon? produced and run is simply hot registered by the Charity Commission on 20th and Firtash’s reputation was genuinely dam- air. May 2010, the Union has accepted clear obli- aged here, why on earth should he not sue to In the second of a ‘lecture series’ on Next time we delve into our gations relating to its operation by which it protect it? the Philosophy of Gossip Girl, Christi- pockets for a Starbucks mu n must abide to maintain its charitable status. In any case, I cannot imagine that dona- ana Spens deconstructs the girl with the we should stop for a moment Statement 3.2.5 reads that one of the society’s tions to Cambridge will have added any best one-liners, hair accessories, and and consider where our money charitable objects is “assisting CUSU with signifi cant weight to Firtash’s reputation, powers of social manipulation on the is going and what we are get- the organisation and promotion of events whatever his legal team may be intending to Upper East Side, and asks what we can ting for it. Where it is going: the aimed at widening access to the University argue, and certainly not enough to justify that all learn from her. larger pocket of a company that of Cambridge and the promotion of higher headline. has 15,000 outlets globally and education more generally”. counting. What we are getting: a Clearly the proposed fee for shadows would Edward Parkes mu n shipped in and re-heated have been in breach of these terms and con- via website YOU, THE COMMENTATOR on the premises. sidering the recent nature of the registration A pick of the week’s comments from the website The reaction to Fitzbillies these obligations have surely not already been VALUE FOR MONEY closure would suggest that it was forgotten, or worse, ignored? If the Union’s always crowded with hungry policy is based on apparent exclusivity, then Dear Editors, “Awful news. I used to lust after the custard students. In fact, the number of it should operate as a private company not as I had some excellent experiences at Cam- fi lled doughnuts ” Kevin Floyd people who bemoan its going a charity and hence revoke the benefi ts it cur- bridge, and worked with some superb people. then admit that they never rently receives. But I was also let down on a regular basis. sampled a Fitzbillies cake is Whether that was an academic reading my “Noooo... there’s no way I could get my surprisingly high – perhaps even Jack Tavener essay mid-supervision, a chaotic and unpro- the majority. We all like to know Access O cer, Pembroke College ductive seminar, or a poorly planned lecture degree without their milk loaf and 1/2lb of that these places exist but leave via email series, there were many moments for which I butter!!” Dave Percival it to the tourist hordes to keep would have *not* paid £9,000 a year. If them alive. Admittedly, Fitzbil- VOTER BETRAYAL Cambridge wants to compete with its rivals at lies was a major player in the £9,000, fi ne. But if it expects anyone sensible “I believe this is known as The Art of Denco Cambridge Lonely Planet entry Dear Editors, to pay them, it really must get its house in (Denim Combination). I will only accept this but if we are so sad to see things Julian Huppert MP was completely wrong order. It must be prepared to answer hard ques- die then why are we not sup- in his letter of last week to peddle the decep- tions about its costs and overheads – and this on people who can wrangle horses.” portive of them in life? Perhaps tion that he is fi ghting the progressive cause. time, unqualifi ed platitudes will not do. we should stop shedding croco- Dr Huppert supports abolishing EMA, Dan Brookes dile tears and support the local supports the unfair VAT rise, supports the Jimmy Breck-McKye businesses of which we claim to Tories’ devastating economic cuts, and – via website be so proud. most dubiously – supports cutting university RIP Varsity Team Features Editors Reviews Editor Ben Kavanagh & Lorenzo Santinelli [email protected] Sub-editors Business & Advertising Manager Jessie Waldeman & Jemma Trainor Lauren Arthur & Olivia Read Alex Donaldson [email protected] Olivia Anness, Katriel Cohn-Gordon, Michael Derringer [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Literary Critic Donald Futers & Leonie Taylor [email protected] Music Critics Nausicaa Renner Editors 1922 - 2011 Opinion Editor Arts Editor Food Editor Anna Campbell, [email protected] [email protected] Board of Directors Alice Hancock & Lara Prendergast Laurie Martin Yates Norton Andrew Tindall Elly Brindle, Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Joban Thomas, Varsity TV Head of Design Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Joanna Beaufoy George Shapter Purveyor of ne cakes, extremely good teas Online Editors Madeleine Morley & Imogen Goodman Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Senior Culture Editor Fashion Editors Columnists [email protected] [email protected] Charlotte Wu & David Rosenberg [email protected] Mr Hugo Gye (Varsity Society Julia Lichnova Leah Schabas & Paula Petkova, Lettice Franklin and famously sticky Chelsea Buns [email protected] President), Mr Laurie Tu rey, Mr Paul [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Film Critics Production Manager Designers Smith, Miss Avantika Chilkoti, Miss Jake Hollis, Charlotte Sewell Mike Hillman, On presentation of this voucher it News Editor Helen Mackreath, Mr Josef Sport Editor Theatre Editor Pete Leggatt Alex Gruzenberg & Alice Bolland [email protected] Chloe Taylor & Jake Evans Rhys Treharne & Lydia Onyett Pitt-Rashid, Miss Lara Prendergast, Miss James Corcut Siobhan Forshaw [email protected] fi [email protected] used to give hungry students a free coffee [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Chief Sub-editor Online Designer Alice Hancock & Miss Charlotte Wu Theatre Critics Visual Arts Critic Angela Scarsbrook Joe Robertson Deputy News Editors with their cake. Kiran Millwood-Hargrave, Lawrence Dunn [email protected] Andrew Gri n, Helen Cahill, NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. RECYCLING An institution that will be missed by many. Recycled paper made ©2011 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or up 76.2% of the raw material for UK otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442 newspapers in 2009 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING 11th February 2011 News Editors: Rhys Treharne & Lydia Onyett [email protected] 3 Decadence with a conscience Cambridge’s most exclusive events are collaborating for charity this summer, by including an optional charitable donation with standard ticket prices. Varsity talks to the May Ball Presidents

MICHAEL DERRINGER SAMANTHA SHARMAN & JESSICA KING college & ethics correspondents

This year shall mark the start of a new era for the May Ball tradition in Cam- bridge: in a meeting on Wednesday night, May Ball presidents agreed to work towards greater collaboration, and in particular, towards greater charitable giving. Many of the colleges will be work- ing together to raise money for charity through an optional addition to stan- dard May Ball ticket prices. It will be the fi rst time that a collective pot has been raised by multiple colleges. Speaking to Varsity last week, Nick Chapman, President of Trinity May Ball and e ective founder of the initia- tive, said: “While the May Balls are a fantastic experience for all of us, and we certainly deserve to enjoy them after a year of hard work, there is an ele- ment of elitism and decadence that the national press often criticises in May Week itself and we’re hoping that this will serve as a good news story, espe- cially in a time of economic hardship.” At the meeting, the May Ball Presi- dents for the colleges holding balls this year voted to donate the collected money to East Anglia’s Children’s Hospice, a Cambridgeshire-based charity supporting young people with life threatening conditions. This is one of 10 charities supported this year by Cambridge RAG, who are working closely with the May Ball Presidents to coordinate their charitable e orts. Some of the Presidents at the meet- However, some colleges had di cul- 6 times less likely to achieve a place areas. At the end of May Week the the May Ball Presidents for next year ing objected to the idea of supporting ties getting involved with the scheme – to gain access to higher education. May Ball Presidents’ Committee aim to will be invited to attend.Next year they another charity which might make this year, either because their Ball had The charity is exemplary in minimiz- invite representatives from the charity hope to raise a sum of over £50,000. them appear to have political or self- already happened, such as the Selwyn ing managerial costs, with 98% of their to another event to present them with In an earlier speech to the Presidents, publicising motives. RAG President Snowball, or because they had already received money going directly to the a cheque for what they hope will be Mr Chapman said: “We have to do this Emma Cooper, who has been work- chosen to support specific charities, cause. around £20,000. To ensure a continu- before Oxford does…only Cambridge ing closely with Mr Chapman, said: such as St John’s, Pembroke, Emman- ation of the successes of this year, all has balls”. “I am not doing this for glory, I’m into uel and Queens’ Colleges. charity.” St John’s College has been support- Consequently, all the Presidents were ing SOS Children’s Villages for several There’s an element keen to support East Anglia’s Chil- years, but the May Ball Committee of elitism to the dren’s Hospice as a small local charity. were keen to be a part of this new The donation would also have a greater venture and have therefore decided to May Balls that is net e ect than for a larger national or auction four pairs of tickets on eBay, so international charity. that the additional raised money can go often criticised by towards the collective pot. Magdalene College are also aiming to sell extra the national press. The May Ball tickets to alumni, in the hope of raising Presidents have another £1000 for the cause. We’re hoping this Pembroke College, meanwhile, will agreed to donate be supporting Campus Children’s will serve as a good Holidays, but have pledged to donate the collected money to the communal fund starting from news story next year. Other colleges, including Nick Chapman, Trinity May Ball President to East Anglia Queens’ College, also promised to sup- port the scheme from next year, since IntoUniversity helps potential can- Children’s Hospice, this year their College has asked the didates through schemes such as May Ball Committee to give the money mentoring sessions and by providing a charity supporting raised to a college-supported access bursaries. The support for this charity programme. will also coincide with the fi rst year that young people with Mr Chapman and Miss Cooper students will pay the increased tuition realised that the colleges’ combined fees. life-threatening donation would be smaller this year but While it is the charity element that conditions they were keen to “get the ball rolling”. brought the Presidents together, the To ensure that collaboration continues Committee will aim to increase collab- Not all of the colleges have been able between the colleges in future years, oration between the colleges in other to give money to the collective pot this they have set up an o cial May Ball areas as well. For example, the col- year, but the lack of contribution was Presidents’ Committee. leges, through the Society’s meetings, not through a lack of enthusiasm. At The Presidents have already chosen will be able to discuss which companies a meeting in November organised by on a charity to support next year to provide a good service in areas such as Mr Chapman and his colleague RAG guarantee that all the colleges are able catering and marquee provision, and President Emma Cooper, the Presi- to implement the scheme and do not which ones should be blacklisted. dents of all 17 colleges holding balls su er from administrative di culties or With greater collaboration in such this year signed an ‘in-principle’ peti- prior commitments to other charities. areas, different colleges may be able tion, saying that they were in support The charity for 2012 will be IntoUni- to order in bulk from the same compa- of every single college making a chari- versity, which works to help children nies, set up cheaper deals and therefore table donation. from deprived areas – who usually are have more money to spend in other News Editors: Rhys Treharne & Lydia Onyett [email protected] 11th February 2011 4 PRESS LETTICE FRANKLIN’S CUTTINGS The pick of the week’s papers

MAJOR BANKS CURB BONUSES

Three major banks have signed up to a long-awaited agreement GOT SOME NEWS? EMAIL [email protected] which would lend about £190 billion to businesses this year, curb When I got into Murray Edwards, They’d be fools to waste their time bonuses and disclose the details a kind (or so I had always thought) there when, this week, Cambridge of salaries of some of their top godfather gave me a congratulatory copy plays host to arty party after arty party. earners. The Bank of England will of Sebastian Faulks’s Engleby. I don’t want This combination is a surefi re winner, not monitor the plan, dubbed ‘Project to ruin the plot but basically it’s a novel only does it trip o the tongue joyfully, but Merlin’. that just does not make you think that life it also seems to just REEL in us students. Students’ favourite at a girls college is good, innocent, jolly The Fitzwilliam burns the midnight fun, unless, that is, your idea of good, (actually half past eight) oil on Thursday SCHOOLBOY SUICIDE BOMBER innocent, jolly fun involves bludgeoning night - giving students the chance to view bakery closes down and insanity. their dazzling collection after dark. Don’t In Pakistan a teenage suicide I turned to Rosamund Lehmann’s Dusty get me wrong, I think this is a fantastic bomber, dressed as a schoolboy, KIRSTY GRAY FITZBILLIES’ Facebook campaign has Answer for reassurance. Her heroines idea, but 1,240 people have so far clicked has attacked an army facility. culture correspondent gathered the support of over 500 mem- certainly enjoy innocent, jolly fun, but attending on Facebook – why the sudden The bombing killed 31 bers, while famous alumnus Stephen Fry this, I’m afraid, isn’t HUGELY appealing interest in a place open every day? The people and injured 40 others. Fitzbillies, the 90-year-old Cambridge tweeted yesterday, “No! No! Say it ain’t either. From what I can remember, they hope of some canoodling in front of Taliban militants have claimed institution, has fallen victim to the hos- so – not Fitzbillies? Why I tweeted a pic spend all their time languishing within the Hogarth’s deeply saucy Before and After responsibility for the violence. tile economic climate and will no longer o one of their peerless Chelsea buns walls of Girton, and then, once during scenes? Or perhaps one excited attendee’s be trading after having been forced into but a sixmonth ago”. their three years, are allowed to get a bus comment on the Facebook wall is reveal- administration. Gregory Warner, alumnus told Var- into town where the heroine runs instantly ing: “yo voy !! vino gratis!!” AMERICA PUSHED AWAY Last weekend, visitors to the world- sity: “The news is particularly distressing to Trinity and – I’m pretty sure I’m Egypt’s Foreign Minister has criti- famous cake shop on Trumpington since I’d been really pleased to see that not making this up – HUGS A WALL Just two days later, and about two cized the US for publicly calling Street were greeted not with the sweet Fitzbillies was still there when my son because there is a chance that there is a metres down the road, Dystopia, on Egypt’s Government for more aroma of Chelsea buns and pain-au- started at Cambridge, 30 years since boy on the other side of it. hosted by the Architecture Faculty, is “prompt and immediate” action, chocolats, but simply a typed sign in the I was a regular! It was one of the last being hyped left, right and centre. Noth- claiming it is inappropriate for window reading: “We are closed.” quintessentially British institutions left In one almost-too-exciting-to-bear- ing’s confi rmed yet but you hear excited America to impose its will on the Shop owner Penny Thompson con- in the town and I’m really upset to see and-inevitably-anti-climactic murmurs on Trumpington Street: fl ying country. This comes in the wake of fi rmed the loss: “Our closure is a result it go.” moment said boy comes round to tea. It is green elephants... boiled eggs in hot tubs... reports that widespread industrial of the very difficult economic times, The bakery has only ever had three all horribly awkward (think RAG blind underground prisons... spiked tap water... action in cities such as Suez and especially for independent businesses.” subsequent owners who have each safe- date for whatever lucky girl arrived at the Kanye West played back-to-back... and Prot Said has turned violent. Pembroke College, which owns the guarded the business’s secret recipes to Maypole on Tuesday night to meet the everyone naked. This last rumour was building, told Varsity, “The College is protect the uniqueness of its delicious boy lingering outside as I walked past perhaps sparked intentionally by the sorry to see the closure of Fitzbillies. delights. shiftily brandishing a plastic sword, that anonymous fi rst year from Downing, SOLDIERS KILLED IN ACTION It had supported e orts by the propri- One Pembroke student could not line about ‘knight in shining armour’ desiring a second chance to parade etor to overcome trading difficulties, share in the collective nostalgia. “People seeming more and more of a mistake with her presumably perfect private parts, Two British soldiers have been including a voluntary arrangement have no right to get sentimental – if each sad, stood-up minute) and there is a after brazenly submitting nude photos killed in Southern Afghanistan agreed with creditors last year. Unfor- they love Fitzbillies so much why didn’t lot of kerfu e with toasting forks. The to the “My Nuts” section of the Nuts after a skirmish with small arms tunately, these e orts ultimately proved it make more money? I mean seriously, message is clear, and was to me even website. Post-architectural, pre-ironic, fi re, bringing the number of Brit- unsuccessful.” who actually ever went?” though I knew Cambridge only through neo-conceptual artistic statement or ...just ish military deaths in Afghanistan Widespread vehement reactions It is rumoured that the last of Fitz- an open day and some pretttttttttty expert post-pre-lash mistake? operations since 2001 to 354. to the closure of Fitzbillies have billies’ famous chelsea buns will be googling – he should have gone to already become apparent. A ‘SAVE auctioned on eBay. Fitzbillies. Also scheduled on Saturday, The Union Valentine’s Ball in contrast Between waves of terror, the had confi rmed a lot: the caterpillar’s Fitzbillies website had provided shisha tent, the mad hatter’s tea party, the an island of hope with one beauti- fl amingo croquet lawn, and so on. And... ful sentence: ‘Do you have a friend in a performance from ‘YouTube sensation’ Why men are from Mars Cambridge, at one of our colleges? We Axis of Awesome. Due to poor ticket can deliver cakes locally.’ It spoke of sales, and with only 88 people attending FRIENDS – which, my prospectus told on Facebook, the event has been slightly Research suggests testosterone reduces social intelligence me, must absolutely defi nitely have hair downsized. President Lauren Davison of every single shade and love joshing commented: “People are getting pretty ISOBEL WEINBERG are exaggerations of typical masculine that testosterone in the womb “primes” around on lacrosse fi elds and strumming much the same thing but we’ve taken science correspondent traits. the developing foetus, leading to an electric guitars in deceptively photo- away the word ‘ball’, the casino and the Baron-Cohen told Varsity: “The idea adult brain which is more responsive to shopped college rooms – but, nonetheless, free drinks.” Davison clearly hasn’t fac- Researchers from the Universities of of autism being an extreme of the male testosterone. To analyse how much tes- would send me a Dundee cake on a tored in the absolute importance of vino Cambridge and Utrecht have published brain is supported by evidence from psy- tosterone the volunteers were exposed whim. Sa-woon. gratis and the magnetic pull of the arty new fi ndings which suggest that testos- chological and neural measures where to prenatally, the scientists measured the party... terone, the male sex hormone, makes there are key sex di erences, and where length of the women’s index and ring Halfway through my degree, and people less empathetic and reduces their people with autism show an extreme of fi ngers. Whilst this may sound uncon- I have never been sent a Dundee It will be champagno gratis ability to read facial expressions. The the typical male profi le. But this hypoth- ventional, the ratio of these lengths is cake. With Valentine’s Day approaching, a-go-go at St John’s May Ball. research has important implications for esis is formulated with a broad brush established as a good indicator of a per- Fitzbillies has been advertising chocolate The college, this week, revealed plans to understanding why men are more likely son’s foetal testosterone exposure. Men fudge cakes decorated with trembling auction four pairs of tickets on Ebay and to be autistic than women. tend to have a shorter index fi nger than hearts, and my hopes were high, my own one at the Ball’s launch party in March, The researchers gave female volun- ring fi nger; the reverse is true in women. heart ready to be set a-tremble. Dream to raise money for charity and to give teers testosterone and then examined the People with The study found women with more on Lettice, it will never happen for us unhappy masses without tickets a change in their social intelligence. The masculine ratios were more sensitive to you, or indeed for anyone. The chance to get our hands on volunteers were asked to look at photo- autism show testosterone. 90-year-old cake shop closed a golden ticket – if, that is, graphs of people’s eyes and guess their This finding has implications for its doors for the last time we have MILLIONS of emotions. This is a test of empathetic an extreme of the androgen theory of autism, which this weekend because of pounds at our disposal, ability, and, on average, women tend Baron-Cohen has also advocated. The economic di culties. (charge a fee for those to perform better than men. However, the typical male theory claims that foetal testosterone Let’s hope all those naked pictures next when the women were given testoster- (an androgen) is important in the devel- ultra-organised time…) Personally one, their aptitude for the test fell. pro le opment of autistic traits. Baron-Cohen boyfriends won’t I’ve resigned myself Simon Baron-Cohen, an expert on told Varsity that, whilst this research fi nd their roman- to spending the autism and the University of Cam- Professor Simon Baren-Cohen relates to the androgen theory, his goal tic purchases June 21st getting bridge’s Professor of Developmental is to test it directly. “One can extrapo- nonrebundable, in touch with my Psychopathology was one of the leaders and our research aims to identify with late this to autism but to directly test the become bun- literary ancestors, of the study. He has been a sometimes greater precision where in the brain androgen theory of autism one would damentalists and indulging in controversial fi gure for emphasising the such atypical development occurs.” need measures of testosterone in people and start a second a good bit of importance of biology over social con- As well as finding that testosterone with this diagnosis. We are currently col- occupation, perhaps old-fashioned ditioning in explaining the di erences reduced women’s empathic abilities, lecting these.” The recent study, he says, involving a few half- wall-hugging. between male and female behaviour. the researchers discovered that women is important because it “contributes to baked puns, sorry, I He has championed the idea of autism who experienced high levels of testos- our knowledge of how small hormonal mean buns. as an “extreme male brain”, because, terone as foetuses are more likely to di erences can have far-reaching e ects GEORGE SHAPTER he claims, many autistic tendencies display this reduction. They concluded on empathy”.  &LQHPDYRXFKHU 7DNHD&KODP\GLDWHVW DQGJHWDFLQHPDYRXFKHU 

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Chlamydia worth talking about

&KODP\GLDB&LQHPDBVXPPHUSRVWHULQGG  Opinion Editor: Laurie Martin 11th February 2011 [email protected] 6

SONIA TONG This House Believes...

We should forget about Valentine’s Day

PROP. Felicity Genufl ect, Grantabridge OPINION College Oh, my dear boys, you do have a rough time of it, don’t you? Be strong, be gentle, be spontaneous, be patient, be chivalrous, be rugged – and heaven help you if you get it wrong! But pause a moment to hear the quiet voice of a woman’s reason. Dear hearts, we are your ever-loving servants; as we transition from mistress to mother, your welfare is ever our calling, and we ask so little in return. There are those who can stoke the embers of romance daily, and what have they to fear from the commercial reti- nue of Saint Valentine? But those others among you, though we love you dearly, are in sore need of the occasional prompt. The forethought to When pharoahs tremble commemorate the occasional birthday or anniversary is, I fear, lacking. The brash and he world is transfi xed historically had varying trajectories Government threw its weight bawdy klaxon of 14th Febru- by Egypt. From Aden and loyalties. The army is divided. behind the protests in Iran, even ary represents the only shot to the cafés of Aleppo, The Air Force and Presidential going to the extent of making some of us have at reciprocated from Algiers to the Guard are still loyal to Mubarak sure Twitter did not shut down for romance; do not begrudge us malls of Abu Dhabi, whereas other parts of the army scheduled maintenance. Today our fl eeting celebration! ArabsT are seeing how popular maintain a neutral position, at least everyone is speaking in careful sen- “True love is without price, ALI KHAN movements can precipitate the fall for now. This may explain why tences about ‘stable change’ and an more precious than jewels,” as of dictatorial regimes. General Tantawi went into crowds ‘orderly transition now’. Analysts my House Mistress was wont The Tunisians have risen, the of protesters while the Presidential focused on Obama’s use of ‘now’ to preach, when addressing the Sifting through the Sudanese are protesting, the Jorda- Guard protected national TV and but strikingly the ‘D’ word hasn’t preened, assembled coterie of rubble of the Egyptian nian King sacked his government, radio buildings and at times even been deployed. Contessa Cruxbiter’s Finishing the President of Yemen wrote to attacked protesters. Iran’s use of force to quell pro- School for Ladies. “Like your uprisings, it’s time to the Qatari Emir that Al-Jazeera is The $1.5 billion of annual testers was opposed with such virtue, it cannot be bought – stirring trouble and other countries military aid from America has not vehemence. When Neda Agha- but, by God, you may see to take stock and rebuild. wait with baited breath. bought the loyalty of Egyptian Sultan was shot in Iran the world was it that they pay through the Even Jeddah witnessed a short generals who, over 30 years, have rightly sickened but there is little talk nose.” protest after heavy rains fl ooded become nationalist capitalist busi- of the hundreds of people killed in areas of the city with stinking nessmen. This group is turning Egypt. Security services are beating OPP. sewage. Needless to say these pro- against Mubarak because of his protesters, fi ghter-jets are scrambled Phil McArthur, St Edmund’s College tests were put down immediately. son, Gamal’s neo-liberal economic over Cairo and communications Saudi Arabia seems to have policies and his preference of doing services are suspended yet there is no Hearts and fl owers in Hallmark taken on the role of sheltering business with Western, Chinese and clear condemnation. Pink; Me To You teddy bears ousted dictators and political lead- other foreign investors. The outcome of this and Thornton’s Soft Centre ers – Idi Amin, Ben Ali, Nawaz Mohammad al-Bara- turmoil has deep Selection; petrol-station carna- Sharif. Their king has now o ered dei, although supported ramifi cations for Arab tions and 10pm last-minute Mubarak support. Saudi news- in Western Media governments and will restaurant reservations... papers focused their coverage of and not necessarily also have serious haven’t we all had enough yet? the protests on lootings and are popular in Egypt, implications for I’m a mushy romantic at now playing down their King’s has been part of the future Israeli-US- heart, but the mass-produced statements. protests. Scholars Arab relations. tokens of a ection, the drudg- Meanwhile, Mubarak seems to from Al-Azhar, Netanyahu said ery of ritualistic romance think that ‘promising’ resignation fol- the famous Islamic that he will do every- that pounces upon us every lowing the September elections will University, in their thing to ‘reinforce the February, sends me into annual satiate the protesters whom he con- distinctive grey robes might of the state of conniptions of cynicism. Those descendingly referred to as “young and red fezs have joined Israel.’ Some analysts have of us who truly want to appre- people”. He then sent Omar Sulei- the protests much to the said that these protests are ciate life, love and romance man, the much-reviled intelligence delight of protesters. Members about ‘them’ and not ‘us,’ the West- would rather indulge in it when chief and valuable CIA ‘asset,’ to of the Muslim Brotherhood have ern governments. it means something. negotiate with the parties concerned. made it clear that they are only part It would be naïve to ignore the A red-letter day for love turns It would be naïve to It is remarkable that Mubarak chose of a much larger movement. West’s implicit support for auto- humanity’s most beautiful emo- a man who claims the country is ‘not It is evident that the protests cratic governments, often putting tion into a tacky show. A ection ignore the West’s ready’ for democracy. have the support of a cross-section short-term stability ahead of good Infl ation, the arms-race of love Most analyses of the situation in of society. What is startling is the governance and democracy. – that’s the problem. A thought- implicit support Egypt focus on stark binary choices; subdued reaction of Western gov- A poem by Abul Qasim al-Shabi, a ful act of spontaneous romance, old guard vs. youth, islamists v. sec- ernments to these protests. Hague is Tunisian, is on everyone’s lips in the undertaken in mid-August, will for autocratic ularist, people v. dictatorship. The more worried about the Peace Pro- Arab world: “If, one day the people cost nothing and mean every- realities of the political arena are cess being derailed than the rights want life, then fate will answer their thing to your sweetheart, but governments, often complex and the people who have of the Egyptians. France and Ger- call, the night will fade away, and the come 14th February you’ll pay come together in the protests are many talk of ‘political transitions.’ chains will be shattered.” through the nose just to keep putting short-term from di erent backgrounds; NGOs, When Obama addressed ‘the Although the chains are cracking, them. stability ahead of youth movements, labour unions, Muslim World’ in a speech in Cairo the challenge will lie in re-building Celebrate romance, by all international organisations, legal and talked about his “fourth and a dynamic civil-society after years means, but leave loving to the good governance and and judicial groups and feminist most important point, democracy.” of suppression. lovers. If you need Hallmark groups to mention but a few. He said governments must rule by However, as Zhou Enlai said to tell you when and how, red democracy The police, the central secu- “consent and not coercion”. about the outcome of the French roses won’t ever be enough. rity services and the army have The same year, the US Revolution: “It’s too soon to tell.” Opinion Editor: Laurie Martin 11th February 2011 [email protected] 7

ge shall not weary them, letters posted in the window. There thousands of students would end closed? The death throes are obvi- nor the years condemn. was only a stark, typewritten note with some kind of fanfare, but this ous in hindsight. Chelsea The famous Chelsea for an epitaph: “We are closed.” was defi nitely a whimper, not a We as current Cambridge stu- buns, Fitzbillies’ most But like all bereaved friends and bang. It says a lot about the kind of dents have never been a part of the eminent treats, Cam- relatives, current students are in management that oversaw the end; Fitzbillies golden age. We liked to Dun bridgeA shorthand for indulgent danger of misremembering the they didn’t give too much of a fi nal pop in; to look at the portraits of youth and happy tea-times, will past as we grieve. Fitzbillies came thought for loyal customers. I didn’t great bakery alumni on the walls; now live only in our memory, intan- to represent an idyllic “Cambridge expect a namecheck, but a ‘Thanks to imagine we might join them up It’s not just a poor gible as May Balls past. experience” for so many genera- everyone, and goodnight!’ might there one day. If we could resurrect Fitzbillies is dead. It’s only to be tions of students that even before have been nice. Instead, Fitzbillies Fitzbillies, there would have to be turnover that’s behind expected that Cambridge students, the current lot of undergradu- has tailed o quietly. some big changes made to every- Fitzbillies’s sticky along with ex-Tabs everywhere, are ates arrived, we knew to revere Though I’m sure the company thing from the food preparation to in mourning today. this ancient eating place of giants. worked hard to regain its reputation the paint. demise... That’s as it should be. The bakery But this mythical bakery has never after the news of the unfortunate There have been rumblings on was at the centre of Cambridge life really existed during our time. The star ratings, obviously some prob- Twitter of a campaign to convince for almost 90 years, supplying tea Fitzbillies we mourn died a long lems were never really solved. Stephen Fry to buy the name CHARLOTTE RUNCIE for visiting parents and thickly iced time ago. Within a few minutes of discuss- and recreate the Fitzbillies of his wads of chocolate things all boxed The cute little café loved so ing the closure with friends, our memory and imagination. And up for freshers’ birthdays. A smart famously by Stephen Fry was a thoughts had already turned from I’m up for calling in Mary Portas slice of carrot cake cuddled up to di erent beast from the one that horror and disappointment at the to help Fry to forge a new bakery a pot of Assam was the best of all we’ve known for the last couple of loss to memories of the less appeal- from the ashes, somewhere clean remedies for Tripos stress. It will be years. Last autumn, TCS reported ing sides of the whole business. It and fresh with the same secret missed. that Fitzbillies bakery had received was expensive, and seemed always Chelsea bun recipe but a delicious The passing seemed sudden; only one star, and its restaurant to have been so; the décor was new repertoire of cakes to go with no long illness before the end, no none, in routine Cambridge City distinctly 1980s in a dispiriting sort it. Maybe with cheerful sta , and warning to inspire a charismatic Council hygiene tests. Inspec- of way; cakes left in the window proper teapots rather than those ‘Save Our Buns’ campaign that tors said hygiene was poor, and overnight often began to sag. And little steel things, and certainly with could have pulled it from the sticky expressed “little confi dence” in the after the opening of Patisserie Val- a bigger sense of pride appropriate brink before it was too late. All that management. erie, with its cosmopolitan London to the bakery’s history. sugar and fat fi nally did for the The management may have air and celestial almond macaroons, Let’s bring back the Fitzbillies of place, and its heart has given out. been the problem. Even that note Fitzbillies began to feel a bit like a decades ago as a consolation for the The shop disappeared in the night announcing the closure is unsat- ragged old tea cosy next to a newly- ailing remains we’ve had to make with no real explanation given isfying. You would think that such bought kettle. do with instead. It will be a success. beyond “very di cult economic an important part of the local On refl ection, we thought, were Cambridge, after all, will always times”, and no apologies or farewell landscape and the memories of we actually that bothered it had need nostalgia and buns. Not straight forward: celebrating LGBT month Andrew Gilliver explains why there is still much more work to be done PRADEEPA SIVASANTHIRAN istory is full of les- bian, gay, bisexual and transgender people who have con- tributed signifi cantly toH the world. We have always been there, whether you care to investigate Ancient Greece, Rome, Egypt, or Native American and Medieval British attitudes towards homosexu- ality and transgender issues. However it is only in recent times that we have been able to fully discuss issues of homophobia and transphobia openly and gain some insight into how far we have come as a community while recognising the similarity of our struggles today with those of our LGBT brothers and sisters of yesterday. It wasn’t until the 20th century that a more enlightened discussion around homosexuality, bisexuality and gender identity aimed to move away from criminalisation and towards a more enlightened under- standing of the diversity of sexual to Civil Partnerships, this change happening at home too. with many people, as much of the orientation and gender identity. is still ongoing. Now in the UK, Of course decriminalizing homo- world presumes there is no longer Until the 1960s homosexuality The Equality Act brings together sexuality is the fi rst step towards the need for any kind of specialist was still largely seen as an illness 40 years of equality legislation to establishing genuine equality in law. support services for LGBT people, but in the late 1950s the fi rst seri- protect LGBT rights and safeguard But real, lasting progress can only even though research and the work ous movements towards legalising against against discrimination. be achieved by changing people’s of LGBT community organisations homosexuality began. Gender But there is still much more to do. hearts and minds. Homophobia proves otherwise. reassignment became more acces- One in fi ve lesbian and gay people and transphobia are born out of Today many LGBT organisations

the essaythe sible and transexuality was fi nally have experienced a homophobic ignorance and like other forms are being completely undervalued recognised as independent from hate crime or incident in the last of prejudice, the most e ec- and under invested in. Currently homosexuality. The 1970s saw the three years and one in two LGB tive response is information and there are fewer than 70 LGB&T gay liberation movement establish people report feeling isolated. As education. registered charities in England and the fi rst gay pride events only to of 2011 more than 70 countries Fortunately over the past half many of these are so overstretched have much of this work devastated around the world still have criminal century, we have seen a signifi cant and under resourced that they Homophobia and in the1980s, a decade dominated by sanctions for homosexuality on shift in public attitudes. But this cannot respond to all of the needs AIDS. LGBT issues became linked their statute books. has only happened through many of their service users. transphobia are born to the problems of understanding The killing in January of David decades of campaigning by LGBT Understanding our history can and fi ghting the HIV virus and Kato reminds us that there are still people and their heterosexual allies. highlight the widespread prejudice out of ignorance and negative attitudes towards it. people out there who do not wish The second decade of the 21st felt by many LGBT people but his- In the 1990s the LGBT com- the LGBT community well. century is proving to be an interest- tory also gives us hope as to how we like other forms of munity began to organise itself Here in the UK the recent ing time to live; in a climate where can make progress for the future. and take the lead on providing murder of Ian Baynham, a gay on the surface so much has been Our journey has only just begun. prejudice, the most support and services for its own man killed in a homophobic attack achieved and the next generation people. Finally in the new millen- whilst on a night out in Trafalgar seem more empowered. History ANDREW GILLIVER IS effective response nium, ground breaking legislation Square in 2009, and gay teenager tends to have a way of showing us COMMUNICATIONS MANAGER FOR is information and caught up meaning that more equal Michael Causer who died in 2008 that after many battles have been THE LESBIAN & GAY FOUNDATION rights became available for more after being brutally assaulted and won, new challenges will arise. (LGF), A VIBRANT CHARITY AIMED AT education LGBT people around the world. left for dead in Liverpool, highlights After decades of campaigning for MEETING THE NEEDS OF LESBIAN, GAY From the equal age of consent that this issue is still very much full equality, complacency has set in AND BISEXUAL PEOPLE. Senior Cultural Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova [email protected] 11th February 2011 8 The Hard Facts: Aphrodisiacs Under Scrutiny Do lukewarm dates leave a bad taste in your mouth? Food & Drink Editor Andrew Tindall dishes up a recipe for (sexual) success

actually an animal in the starfi sh family, would provide a compelling counter- as any Natsci unfortunate enough to be argument). served it is bound to comment between your predatory chat-up lines. Pray your Dessert: Chocolate dinner guest stops there as not only Everyone likes chocolate, so CULTURE does this creature look like a sex toy  at least your date will enjoy designed to promote abstinence but it this part of the evening. The nless you have been expels a sticky white mass of stomach, stimulant theobromine, named from living under a rock for intestines and other ‘non-essential’ the Greek Theo broma for “food of n. a person who is self-indulgent in their the last few weeks (or organs when attacked. This has led to the gods”, is the active compound are cripplingly lonely), its reputation as a promoter of male in chocolate with reputed health- fondness for sensuous luxury you may have noticed sexual health in traditional Chinese giving properties. It also kills dogs and Uthat Valentine’s Day is just around medicine, a practice that seems to su er increases the aggressiveness of prostate the corner, a time of year where you from a crippling lack of imagination. In cancer but hey, nothing’s perfect! Make igmund Freud must have had often violent fl ights of romantic lyri- desperately try and fi nd a consenting spite of Heston Blumenthal’s attempts sure you use the good stu - no one’s a way with the ladies. His cism I have witnessed at this university date for a night of stilted conversation to persuade the public otherwise, the impressed by a load of molten Lion “psychoanalytic situation” between strangers render Cambridge and awkward sexual advances. Whilst sea cucumber is a truly horrifying bars. If you made a fondue, it can even originally involved the patient to lovemaking what Renaissance Rome once all you needed was a Barry White lying on the couch with the ROSY SOUTHWELL was to art. This city is awash with thou- record to Let the Music Play, those times Spsychoanalyst sitting nearby, and both sands of men and women who have, are long gone. If you keep fi nding your able to see the other. That was until one this week, practised their seductive less-than-honourable o ers of ‘co ee’ lascivious female exploited this situa- expertise in a very specifi c and elegant resulting in a night of hot, steamy, tion and tried to seduce him; to rule genre. I am, of course, talking about sensuous beverages and nothing more, out anything similar, Freud moved to the art of the RAG Blind Date form. never fear for help is at hand! In a the opposite end of the couch, sitting I do not profess to be, by any means, departure from the usual pithy, self- behind the analysand and out of their an expert; but, from what I can work referential rants, I am going to bestow sight. out, the art of the RAG form at its on you a foolproof guide to food to get It seems incredibly naïve for an lofty height seems to consist in getting a you in the mood. expert in psychology to imagine we group of your most moronic compan- cannot be seduced by someone whose ions extremely drunk and unleashing Entres: Avocados face we cannot see, or who cannot see them upon the piece of paper with a The humble avocado exempli- us; the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ fey cry of “Do your worst!”. No one fi es a general rule in aphrodisiac is obviously not to be taken at face could possibly be seen to take the date  foods - if it sort of looks like value. Everyone thinks of things they seriously, so the ideal RAG sheet has something naughty, it’ll make you feel food. This doesn’t exclude it from your be used in an erotic setting if you’re do not have in sight all the time – just a di cult balance to strike. It must saucy. The Aztecs certainly thought so, Valentine’s feast - the terror of seeing feeling adventurous but don’t want to imagine a hungry tiger running towards demonstrate the wild frivolity and total naming the plant ahuacuatl, or “testicle a 30cm spiked phallus sti en and bring out the handcu s, ball gag and you. (If, at this point, you can actually apathy of its creator with regard to the tree”, presumably in an attempt to ejaculate everywhere will desensitise cat-o-nine-tails on the fi rst date (wuss). see a hungry tiger then stop reading, meeting, whilst keeping open the pos- make people feel awkward eating it. your date to your hairy back or stretch make good your escape, and send me sibility of vindictive laughter at their Legend has it that, during the harvests, marks. To Drink: Champagne OR a note.) In fact, if you think about it, date and their potential shortcomings, the women would be kept under lock Absinthe seduction necessarily ends when every- in case they turn out to be an alien, let and key, lest the men be overcome with Main Course: Anything in Truf e Dinner for two rarely leads to thing is made visible. It is what cannot alone, god forbid, a […]Sci. Or, for that lust. The fruit is packed with potas- Sauce  breakfast for two without the be seen which is often most alluring— matter, actually blind. For most people sium, vitamins and protein to keep you Tru es are universally involvement of copious quanti- that, surely, is the art of burlesque. This I saw at Cindies on Tuesday, however, dancing the horizontal monster mash  accepted to be an aphrodisiac ties of booze. These drinks both speak is a fact expertly iterated yesterday by a a literally blind date would probably all night long. Even if it doesn’t work, with their musky scent and volumes about the host: “I am classy”; frisky contributor to fl oxx.com (the new heighten their chances of success. If it is by far the most palatable item on powerful fl avour. Trained tru e hogs “I have at least one Art Nouveau poster FitFinder): only Freud had been there. this list. A word of warning: if making are used to sni out the subterranean framed on my wall”; “I’d like to think PETER LEGGATT into guacamole, hold back on the chilli. fungus, attracted by a compound I can distinguish Dom Perignon from ADC Theatre, Stage After the best part of a bottle of wine, related to the pheromone androstenol Sainsbury’s Cava.” Sadly, this section Female, Brunette hair. She’s got long auburn any spreadable substance becomes fair also found in boar slobber. If it makes is likely to be the most e ective aphro- hair... light brown eyes... pale skin and is game in the bedroom, and capsaicin pigs randy, it’ll no doubt work on disiac on the list. Whilst bananas, furry wearing a blue tie-dye cardigan. i want to see on the intimate areas is certifi ed sexual that portly rugby player you’ve been beans and sea cucumbers all have one what\\\\\\\’s under kryptonite. eyeing up! Try serving with lamb, thing in common, tru es, Cristal and which is high in zinc for a passionate luxury chocolate have another. They That last sentence Fish Course: Sea Cucumber evening. For a killer combo, serve with are all rather expensive. Could the was punctuated, You could go for oysters, sure, a side salad of lettuce. This mundane real ‘aphrodisiac’ secret behind these apparently, by but after reading a recipe for vegetable was deemed an aphrodisiac foods be money? If so it might be easier an overexcited  “Manmade Oysters” from Natu- in ancient Egypt, implying that they to buy your date a carton of cheesy dyspraxic, but its ral Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based achieved what no culture has since chips, garnished with a £50 note. Who anonymous and Recipes I’ve become slightly squeamish and progressed beyond the “LOL! knows, it might even be the ticket to mal-co-ordinated around them. Instead, why not try a DICKS!!!1!1” stage of human civilisa- a night to remember rather than one author seems to phallic foodstu ? The sea cucumber is tion (although Cleopatra’s Needle whose memory you try to repress. recognise the allure of the hidden in a way that Freud does not. Yet let us not be too harsh From the Archives: on old Sigmund. Perhaps he just felt it would make it This Week in 1952 more di cult for his nympho- maniac patient to lure him in if she couldn’t look into his eyes while talking about her father. Seduction without sight is practi-

cally an art form in Cambridge — the GEORGE SHAPTER pure poetry, eloquent outpourings, the

CHOSEN BY KIRSTY GRAY AND CHARLOTTE JEFFREYS Arts Editor: Yates Norton 11th February 2011 [email protected] 9 AND SO TO BED... We spend a third of our lives in them, and during Valentine’s week the more traditionalist among us may spend more time in them than usual. But the bed situation in our country is in dire straits. Time to look at its history to glean some examples, writes Yates Norton

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Tracy Emin’s bed: proof that the unmade bed cannot look attractive if contemporary

to a small room in which le petit lever pictures (or mirrors for the more nar- would precede le grand lever in the state cissistic or lonely lover) were placed bedroom which involved getting out of beneath the canopy in the 18th century, bed only to get back into a bigger and bed-sharing was no longer a diplomatic better one; a lie-in of which only the venture. If mirrors and erotic pictures French could have conceived. were not a stimulant enough, then the What made the bed so grand were its (wealthy) impotent could in the late bed sheets. It is the gloomier amongst 18th century have a lie on Dr. James us, of which the purveyors of college Graham’s ‘The Celestial Bed’ in the linen are the supreme example, who Temple of Hymen in Pall Mall, where by purchase bed sheets which have to be means of “Oriental perfumes” and the by some dreadful necessity ugly or a “powerful tied of the magnetic e u- shade of hospital blue. The owners of vium” the frigid could be warmed up by some “marrow-melting motion”. Unfortunately Viagra came to the We need only look rescue in the 20th century and little has been done to expand on Dr James Gra- at history to see that ham’s excellent idea. What is more, in the bed’s associations our post-Romantic society, it has been positively encouraged to ‘do justice’ to are far more exciting one’s lover, as a Turkish Sultan would say, without the bed at all, for example than sleep in the corner of King’s library, or for the exhibitionist, the history faculty the great beds in the annals of history library. This might have dealt a fateful would be horrifi ed at the bed-linen of blow to the bed as a coital receptacle. today. The lit de parade often fulfi lled its In our own times silent mattresses for job description, enshrining the notary energetic ‘justice’ without the accom- within a nest of costly fabrics. Maria panying rubber-duck-like sound-track, Mancini Colonna’s bed is the most a spate of pillows for ease of comfort exuberant example and was created no and the bed’s very own positions have doubt to resist any tiresome attempts to helped continue Dr Graham’s bed ‘make the bed’. A messy bed was legiti- reform. But if we want the bed to be mised because its counterpanes and better and less sleep-related, it is up to Maria Mancini Colonna's magni cent 'bed' by baroque designer Johann Paul Schor – whose design sadly didn't catch on sheets were made into artful drapery us to continue the example of our illus- rather than mere bed linen (compare trious forbears, and like the University’s he bed has never been magnifi cence of some 1,441 rooms in who associate only sleep with the bed Tracy Emin’s My Bed and Colonna’s, famous alumnus to always claim, “and just for sleeping in. This is the Schönbrunn palace, slept in a very are the blander among us. We need and you will see the di erence). so to bed”. something of which bed plebeian a air lodged between a hard only look at history to see that the bed’s Rarely would one have been lost manufacturers even today prie-dieu and brown wallpaper. associations are far more exciting than alone in such a wilderness of drapery have taken careful note by Now the great and not-so-good, of sleep. Murder, lust, wrath, pride, and because bed-sharing was very common introducingT a range of gadgets which history know that the bed is more than not to mention sloth, are the preroga- during this period. College statutes make the mattress perform callisthen- a mattress and four legs, and have never tives of the bed; when Pepys wrote, often demand that the student and the ics, TVs to appear from the footboard, even given the single bed the thought of “and so to bed,” he was not just going master share a bed in line with the and enough pillows to make the hardest day with its depressingly small surface to sleep, but as his diary records, to most noble of bed-sharing of peas pass unnoticed by the most are and its strict Procrustean demands argue with his wife, to embrace his pedigree where even sensitive backs and heads. All these on our bodily arrangements. The Turk- maid, and, of course, to write his diary. kings would invite a additions are not just to aid sleeping, ish Sultan Ibrahim, son of Murad IV, If he were only going to sleep our view defeated noble foe or but to invite us to spend our lives in bed dispensed with such arbitrary dimen- of 17th-century England would be the admired comrade to and increase that sadly low statistic of sions of a mattress and extended the poorer. lie beneath his covers. a third to the hopeful fi gure of a whole. area on which he was to ‘do justice’ to The ceremonial bed was the sleep- How saddened would For the sleep-deprived amongst us, we his concubines, by entirely lining the less bed par excellence. Often the Francis I be who In line with the harsh, have to remember that the bed is not room with lynx and sable in the Top- apotheosis of a long and uninterrupted bedded down with practical Nordic sensibility, just a vessel of sleep (or lack thereof). kapi palace in Constantinople. vista, the lit de parade, as it was known Admiral Bonnivet to fi nd that bed Ikea's beds are syptomatic This is the naïve mistake of boring Beds of such expansive proportions in France, was the grandest bed of all. sharing is a prurient and not a noble of the contemporary bed’s people. Franz Joseph I, despite the are clearly not just for sleep and those For this the king or queen would retire invitation. Indeed, as soon as erotic decline Features Editors: Lauren Arthur & Olivia Read 11th February 2011 [email protected] 10 Science Sells If you thought only sex and scandal novels top the best-sellers lists, think again. Science’s new school of literature is changing the way we read

‘Sexing Up’ and ‘Dumbing Down’: A comment Top Five Reads on the state of science communication for the science amateur cience reporting is often Nurse, president of the Royal Society, rare in science. School teaches people Bad Science (2008) accused of being ‘sexed up’ warns that “searches on the internet do that experiments can be fi tted into Ben Goldacre or ‘dumbed down’ in an not di erentiate between thoroughly a lesson or two, whereas research 1 Strap line: ‘Hacks, Quacks and Uncomfortable facts’ attempt to engage the masses. researched evidence and unsourced, may involve months or years of data But is the science being lost uncorroborated assertion”. When faced collection to develop and confi rm a This is the remedy to all quick fi xes. Goldacre presents Sin the retelling? Do intelligent non-sci- with such a proliferation of informa- theory. Goldacre suggests one potential the skills necessary to see through pretentious pseudosci- entists feel patronised by our attempts? tion, how can a non-scientist know solution: to focus on science stories as entifi c jargon. Homeopathy and wonder drugs are used to Worse still: are we trying so hard to what to believe? ‘features’ rather than ‘news’. This isn’t illustrate the misconceptions and illusions which are the include everyone with fl ashy headlines Journalists often jump to the scan- to suggest that science isn’t newsworthy, foundations of bad science. An essential read for those and sound bites that the truth is lost? dals or rewrite what they fi nd online just that science is usually best pre- searching for the truth behind the smoke and mirrors. Science communication is a growing with barely a nod at the bulk of sented after careful consideration of the industry. In 2009, The Times launched peer-reviewed research on a topic. As original research. its new science magazine Eureka, saying a result, a disproportionate number From climate change to vaccine The Disappearing Spoon (2010) that “many readers crave a better of the headlines are concerned with safety, science underpins decisions Sam Kean understanding of how science can controversial views, held by a minority made by governments and individuals 2 Strap line: ‘Where’s my spoon gone....?’ transform our lives and our planet”; of scientists. Ben Goldacre, full-time alike. Professor Nurse argues that these demand for information has resulted doctor and a columnist for The Guard- issues are “far too important to be left With a title straight from an Agatha Christie novel, Kean’s in an increasing number of scientists ian, explains in his book Bad Science that to the polemicists and commentators book examines the mysteries and foibles of the chemical writing popular science books, and “for an experimental result to be news- in the media; scientists have to be there elements. Ever wondered why Ghandi disliked iodine or debunking pseudoscience is becoming worthy it must be new, unexpected and too.” Goldacre proposes that we need whether carbon is promiscuous? Find out with this thor- a popular hobby. Furthermore, the change what we previously thought”. fewer writers and more editors: fewer ough and surprising inventory of our ability to manipulate multimedia revolution has given every- Yet the methodical, poorly informed hacks asserting their the world around us. one the ability to share their opinions evidence-based own agenda and more people encour- on major scientifi c issues - the nature of sci- aging professional scientists to share blogosphere is full of enthusiastic ence is seldom their research.TIM MIDDLETON Crisp Packet Fireworks (2008) contributors. Indeed, very few conducive to the Chris Smith & David Ansell people outside of academia PHYLLY BLUEMEL ‘breakthrough’ BlueSci, The University of Cambridge’s science 3 Strap line: ‘Maverick science to try at home’ go directly to the published ethos of the magazine, aims to publish high-quality science writing on a termly basis. If you are interested scientifi c literature. media; para- The Naked Scientists encourage you to get stuck into in being involved, please contact enquiries@ However, Professor Paul digm shifts are bluesci.co.uk. science. A compendium of exciting and thought provok- ing experiments that anyone can easily try out at home, no specialist equipment required. Make cola volcanoes, isolate DNA and write with invisible ink, then learn how The Book of Universes by John Barrow the science is used in the real world. Jessica Robinson considers Professor Barrow’s latest work TOM POWELL The Genius in All of Us (2010) books have been translated into twenty- David Shenk eight di erent languages and in 2008 4 Strap line: ‘Why everything you’ve been told about he won the Royal Society’s Michael genetics, talent and intelligence is wrong...’ Faraday Prize for excellence in commu- A happy confl uence of science and self-help, Shenk’s book nicating science to UK audiences. provides a new perspective on the nature versus nurture Barrow comments that a huge shift debate. Ignoring occasional gushing (Obama quotes and in the importance of science commu- Renaissance references), his evidence for a dynamic, inter- nication has occurred since the 1980s; actional process is convincing. Expositions of twin studies a time when few mathematicians and and physiology are unlikely to unlock genius but may hold physicists engaged in public discourse. the key to who we are. Pressure to recruit good undergradu- ates and a realisation of the “need to market their subject” forced university The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (1979) science departments to explain their Douglas Adams work in terms that everyone can under- 5 Strap line: ‘Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so’ stand. This has been further solidifi ed by government and funding agencies The only book with the answer to life, the universe and requiring tangible evidence that taxpay- everything, Adam’s masterpiece is simultaneously hilari- ers’ money is being well spent. ous and insightful. Although fi ctitious, it has infl uenced he two words ‘mathemati- with ideas about the multiverse and As the Director of the Millennium science fact, with Google currently developing a real- cal’ and ‘physics’ are string theory, culminating in the best Mathematics Project, outreach activi- time voice translator inspired by the infi nitely-lingual enough to fi ll description we currently have ties are an area particular close to his Babel Fish. Whilst reassuring with those friendly words: most people for our universe. The focus heart. This national initiative, con- ‘Don’t panic’, this book reminds us that science survives with dread. throughout is on the people ceived by the Cambridge Mathematics on imagination. YetT Cambridge academic behind the discoveries. Whilst Department, aims to aid maths teach- Professor John Barrow this putting the book together, he ing and understanding in schools and week launches his twenty-fi rst conducted a treasure hunt to businesses. Barrow fully supports the popular science book, which fi nd many previously unseen ongoing e orts to improve teaching One to Avoid successfully tackles these ideas photographs of crucial play- standards in the UK but so that even the fearful readers ers such as Eddington, Straus highlights the problems The God Delusion (2006) amongst us can enjoy the topic. and Lemaitre. in recruiting good quality Richard Dawkins The Book of Universes breaks from So how does the author maths and science teachers Barrow’s past repertoire of popular manage to cross the abyss in an environment where there Whilst we support Dawkins in his scientifi c views, his maths and physics books and turns to a between theoretical has never been more competition rather militant approach makes him an inhospitable subject which is much closer to his day- physicists and the rest for science graduates. read for those with a casual interest in the subject. He to-day research on cosmology, taking of the population? Professor Barrow has made it his passionately and vehemently makes a strong case for the us on a historical trail through the He believes it is all to do with “being mission to break down complicated validity of evolutionary theory but his argument is often “unusual universes that have emerged able to relate to a subject”; we need to physical and mathematical concepts so aggressive that sceptics are unlikely to give it due from Einstein’s equations”. It discusses be able to grasp the point of the topic into easy to digest and enjoyable books. consideration. accelerating, rotating and magnetic uni- we are reading about. Barrow has been His latest work,The Book of Universes, verses and brings us up to the present particularly successful in doing this. His does just that. CHOSEN BY JONATHAN LAWSON AND HELEN GAFFNEY 11th February 2011 Fashion Editors: Paula Petkova & Leah Schabas [email protected] 11

Kohl-smudged Titania the hum of other people’s talk soaks the husk brushing her ear, the graze of a look – Les nuites Blanches The moon lets go her absolutes - Soul disheveled in Cigarette intimacy

Rastamouse, a new CBeebies show about – well, a stop-motion Rastafarian mouse and his crime- ghting crew ‘Da Easy Crew’ (also a reggae band). Most of the action revolves around cheese, chillin’ and nding out “exactly wha gwan”.

‘Chloe’, the YouTube hit which consists of a man who hysterically impersonates actress Chloe Sevigny as a strange bimbo with a constantly shifting backdrop talking only in references to Balenciaga, Victor & Rolf, and “ lums”.

With over 450 libraries in the UK threatened with closure, authors and readers alike have been attending anti-cut ‘read-ins’ (pun?) in libraries. Protesters played Monopoly, Connect 4 and “did plenty of reading”.

Did you know that eating plenty of veggies will subtly alter the colour of your skin to make you look more attractive?! A recent study says this is Les Nuits Blanches the case, so get your carotenoid hat on and you’re eating your 5-a-day for Valentine’s Day.

The latest Shakespeare adaptation (or abomina- tion?) Gnomeo and Juliet takes the play to a Super-Mario, 3-D ani- mated, sparkly level. We can’t help but love – and also hate – this lm.

A new Confession App for iPhone and iPad aimed at Catholics, which is also “not a substitute for confession”. Hmm...

There will be no more Guitar Hero games. (Still, maybe people will actually learn to play real guitars?)

No More Fitzbillies!! Where are you going to go for nibbles now? Will tourists and family have to content themselves with King’s College Chapel snowglobes for their best taste of Cambridge? Pictured: The best Chelsea bun in the world.

MODELS Clockwise: Georgia Haseldine and Joe Passmore.; Geo Clapham and Vicky Nwosu-Hope, Claudia Fragoso and Dan D’Souza STYLIST Paula Petkova PHOTOGRAPHER Jess Lambert WORDS BY Amber Medland Theatre Editor: Siobhán Forshaw 11th February 2011 [email protected] 12

WWW.ADCTHEATRE.COM THEATRE is collaborative. The whole cast push the seven doors and two storeys of Noises O the domestic set to their limits in a ADC Mainshow masterclass in comic timing. Through Drama (Wed 9th - Sat 19th February) a sequence of carefully choreographed ★★★★★ misunderstandings, exits and entrances, Queen the confusion escalates, and the hilarity SIOBHAN FORSHAW is compounded without relent. don’t quite know what my editor In the second act, we see Noth- thinks of my theatrical prefer- ing On once more, this time from a t is an unfortunate truth barely ences, or if she just has me down backstage vantage-point. The whole acknowledged in Cambridge as lonely, but she keeps sending set is reversed and its action becomes that some plays are bad. Some me to plays where actors end up visible only through its two windows, are excellent; most are aver- Iin their pants. This time, however, I am this time performed to an assumed age; a few are totally awful. content to let it slide. This production audience, whilst the ‘o -stage’ charac- IWhat equates the three is the volume of Michael Fayn’s comedy must be one ters perform for us almost entirely in of sweat that drips o every produc- of CUADC’s most ambitious. Noises whispers which are muted in everything tion: the time and e ort invested in O – described in no uncertain terms by but their energy. With this second putting on a play, alongside the usual The New York Times as “the funniest farce theatrical dimension added, the col- pressures in Cambridge, and what’s ever written” – dominates the ADC’s challenges of its play-within-a-play- Once Mrs Clackett (Katherine Jack) laborative dynamic becomes even more that other thing – a degree – is always mainshow slot for a whole fortnight, has ness have already begun to take their decides which part of Yorkshire her impressive: the watching audience thoroughly remarkable. It’s di cult already sold out the rest of this week, toll on the number of inverted commas accent is from, she and her ever-elusive focuses their attention on one of the not to be automatically impressed by demanded by their explanation. In the sardines provide a constant source of simultaneous exchanges, only to fi nd this feat (every single student play this fi rst act, Lloyd Dallas (Ben Kavanagh) amusement. She is quickly joined by that when they return to a previous one week has so far received a gleaming ‘directs’ the dress rehearsal from Roger (Jason Forbes), one of the fi rst it has become all the more absurd, with four stars) and even more di cult . . . heart-warming somewhere around row J of the ADC actors I have seen make a comic catch- fl owers, whisky, and a fi reman’s axe all to recognise that sometimes, these auditorium itself. His array of roll-neck phrase out of unfi nished sentences so circulating in various permutations. endeavours just fail, and then to say silliness at its best jumpers and general manner make his successfully. Will Attenborough also The worse Nothing On becomes for its what you really think. performance as the cliché of a director stands out as Selsden Mowbray, who cast, the better Noises O becomes for In such a small town, writing criti- and not without reason. worryingly convincing. His positioning in turn plays an aging burglar who its audience. My only criticism is that, cism can be a risky business. Sooner Noises O follows the cast and crew works brilliantly, because the audience harbours a tender nostalgia for his at around two and a half hours long, or later, you will bump into somebody of Nothing On as they plough through is placed directly in the middle of the bank-robbing days. He romanticises it does at times feel a little long. This you’ve been rude about. You will fi nal preparations and two ‘real’ perfor- misunderstandings that are the source ‘the smell of the theatre’ with a creepy farce is almost as exhausting to watch peer into their eyes when they tell mances by any means necessary, with of so much of the humour, so that dignity, and is never uncomfortable as it is to perform. Nevertheless, Noises you their name, struggling to place tensions building all the while both on comic distance between these two poles in the movements or dialogue of his O is not unrealistic in its grand designs; them. The truth will hit; awkward and behind the stage, and the audience of comprehension are apparent to none elderly role. heart-warming silliness at its best. silence will descend. Learning how privy to all. Note that the conceptual more so than ourselves. The true success of this production PATRICK SYKES to wriggle out of these situations is not crucial practice for the real wide world, where real critics swan around THEATRE protagonist, and the exuberance of the THEATRE performances, but the other leads, untroubled by the probability of acci- monologue by which that personality Dominic Biddle as Michael and Elea- dentally meeting someone they have Res Gestae is conveyed. The comparison is less Verge nor Penfold as Selina were also very publicly insulted. A distant cry from Corpus Mainshow bathetically inapt than we have any Corpus Lateshow watchable. Biddle’s earnest character, our weird little microcosmic bubble, (Tues 8th - Sat 12th February) right to expect. This is partly because (Tues 8th - Sat 12th February) a boy on the cusp of manhood and its where I use my compact to look ★★★★★ Niall Wilson (the man behind the ★★★★★ unattractive universities, was geeky in around corners. newly-written piece) has an actress as an non-typical way, and apprehensive Recently, I found myself on the a well as a script to work with. Leonie without portraying panic in its more other side of this uncomfortable and or most of its amenably short James entrances as Julia, the Emperor few weeks ago, I watched melodramatic forms. bizarre kind of encounter. Upon duration, Res Gestae does not Augustus’ wayward granddaughter. Closer, which was near If there was a problem with his fl icking casually through Vivid maga- pretend to be a play, and this Her fl ourishes are as varied as they fl awless but hard to love; performance it was that, other than zine last week, I stumbled across a candour works to its advan- are compelling : she can be snob- tonight I watched Verge, his magazine fetish, he was not geeky charming little piece of public slander tage. Barring a timely and bish or subversive, lyrical or scathing, which wasn’t fl awless but or cerebral enough; his character written by a local scoundrel, who shall deliciousF injection of farce, it has no petulantly childlike or anguishedly Acertainly pretty loveable. Telling the came across more Mr Average than remain courteously anonymous. In his plot. Its dialogue is sparse and stilted, maternal. Her contempt is vulnerable, story of strangers forced into conversa- KELLY RANDALL ‘metareview’ the author picks apart a while being careful never to illuminate she corrodes her own delusions, she tion by a cross-country bus proving review I thought had been lost forever character. That last scruple can hardly screeches and fl ails, yet is robotically typically useless at navigating cross- in the mists of time. The soaring be avoided when all but one of the disembodied. These confl icting traits country routes, Donald Futers’ original ecstasy I felt at seeing the four stars rôles are so insipid (a quality that seeps follow each other fl uidly, or even script and collaborative production with which he rated my article was into those playing them, though Harry coexist in the same mad outburst. with Lowell Belfi eldwas smartly written cruelly snatched away as I was forced Sheehan’s Broadus has nice hair and She swears with aplomb. The grape- and amusing. The quicker interchanges to consider the possible irony behind swaggers genially). Instead of pursu- hurling, larynx-wrenching routine between the lively cast worked best, them. “Whether or not Forshaw ing and developing historical themes, after the interval is best of all, an antic human with a distinctly British, notice- knows anything about theatre,” he it states and restates a few standard disposition steeped in sarcasm. Like all ably warm fl avour. Everyone seemed to snarls, “is beside the point.” Ohhh... tropes: despots turn into hypocrites; proper anti-heroes, she is too interest- possess an aura of uncool neuroticism It’s hard to write a critical article boredom prompts depravity; women which couldn’t help but make me like and get away with it, which in turn are unfairly confi ned, and always the them, fi dgeting, sighing and rambling makes it quite easy to put on a bad victims of moral crackdowns. As such, in a service station like Scousers on play and get o scott-free. A nega- they ought to empathise with their . . . a vivid and holiday. tive review is rarely written with a slaves. Most uncool was woman-everyone- personal grudge in mind, and only Stripped of all the constituents of pungent curiosity. avoids-sitting-next-to-on-the-bus the stupidest critic operates under drama, what remains is not an empty Barbara, played by Katherine Message the delusion that they carry any sig- MILLA BASMAKOVA as a loud, crisp-crunching, fi nger- nifi cant level of expertise above their ing to disapprove of. wagging, empire advocate. There is a peers – it’s just one person brave/ The relish she brings, however, she Barbara on every bus, and we’re all the arrogant enough to have their opin- brings to the script, which is mostly better for it. Most neurotic was gangly ions published under their own name. superb so long as Julia can rant without band member, Stephen Birmingham’s The Ben Weizs’ (oops) amongst us interruption. The same repackaged Benjamin: foolish, uncharismatic and who fi nd themselves pushed to writ- insights come in ever wittier wrapping, boldest when drunk. Mr Would-Be Writer. Nonetheless, he ing such pieces of scandalous libel in while her vitriol could plausibly fl eck rarely overplayed his part, and to do so reaction to a review are in fact a wel- the lips of Malcom Tucker. The last would have been inaccurate; none of come reprieve from those who prefer morsel of abuse spat at poor Brodius A little dose of the play’s themes or confl icts were par- to veil their bile beneath an imagina- is much too choice to spoil by quot- ticularly colossal. What mattered is that tive pseudonym. I’m not sure he’s ing, and makes up for fallow spots that silly and a slice of the issues at stake were convincingly aware of how many mutual friends leave Miss James with nothing to do portrayed as important to the charac- we have, but it’s a fact of which I am but sigh several times in a row. sincere feeling ters themselves. A little dose of silly, a eager he become conscious. The fatal defi ciency is that whereas nice simplicity and a slice of sincere John Self or Keith Talent fi zzle along The highlight of the play was the feeling was the order of the day, and it for fi ve hundred pages, Wilson’s Julia cleverly-devised trick that had us think- was an astute one, as it prevented the monologue cannot last the evening. ing this likeable bu oon was actually play coming across clichéd or deriva- INTERVIEW WITH The fruit fl inging is its last hurrah, and bold enough to pick up a phone and tive. Bored and agonising characters Laura Wade, Director after that a real play tries fi tfully to rant at a fellow band member for aban- can be as interesting as pained and of ‘Posh’ emerge, marrying a sentimental and doning their group. What I thought was desperate ones if played well. Indeed, implausible plot to some excruciating a classic case of the unconvincing on it was the moments when characters REVIEWS OF ‘Volpone’, forays into character development. So stage phonecall in fact wasn’t a phon- seemed to lapse into deeper shades of ‘Footlights & Friends’ and ‘Jet, Set, schedule a nap for the last twenty min- ecall at all but a voicemail, and one blue that tended not to work, as they Go!’ husk but a vivid and pungent curios- utes but enjoy the fun while it survives, that soon had my favourite character were inconsistent with the overall tone. cursing at himself for such reckless- www.varsity.co.uk/reviews ity. Like a Martin Amis novel it relies as Julia makes sure we know she did. For the most part, however, Verge was a purely on the personality of its main BEN SLINGO ness. These two were the standout pleasure to watch. SAM GOULD 11th February 2011 Reviews Editor: Alex Donaldson [email protected] 13

BBC IMAGES TALK journalistic spiel about “versions of his- tory” and the willingness to understand Alan Johnston the most radical viewpoints for the sake Cambridge Union of reportage. When Johnston was fi rst captured, he was asked his religion. Keeping It ★★★★★ Upon saying that he was Protestant Christian, he was asked if he was a Reel ominally, Refl ections on Life, “crusader Baptist like George Bush”. ALICE BOLLAND Politics and Captivity in Gaza In that moment, Johnston said, he saw Nwas a fascinating talk given the world in their eyes, with “black by Alan Johnston, winner of the BBC and white vision”. Even this was not a journalism prize, on his four months criticism, but merely part of the fi lmic Yes, it’s the run-up to Valen- in confi nement after being kidnapped imagery pervasive in his talk, which tine’s Day. Again. Is it me or by the Army of Islam in Gaza City in revealed Johnston’s detachment. He does it always seem to be the 2007. But although Johnston’s narrative referred to the Army of Islam as the run-up to Valentine’s Day? The promised to be insightful, it glazed over “bad guys”, characterizing the kid- only time of the year when it’s the mental aspects of his captivity with napping as “like a B-movie” and his perfectly acceptable for those vague repeated phrases like “vast psy- conversations with kidnappers as like happily-coupled to smile smugly chological trial”. It is understandably of Manhattan without the skyscrapers); Islam had more problems than he did a second-rate script: “we know every- at those desperately-seeking di cult to articulate what it’s like to the way he imagined seeing himself on with Hamas and the BBC, and that thing, Alan Johnston.” and say things like “you’ll nd sit for 18 hours a day in a plastic chair, the fl oor, hooded and handcu ed, like his kidnapper was also confi ned. Was Nor did the audience notice the someone soon” and (even but Johnston trivialized his experience in a fi lm; that he heard his own death Johnston’s humour a newfound opti- superfi ciality with which Johnston more smugly) “being single is with misplaced humour: a strange smile reported on the radio; that he was mism, a coping device, or a by-product treated what should by all means much more fun anyway”. What- occupied his face as he joked: “I did allowed sometimes to watch TV with of speaking about such a heavy subject have been an examination of political ever. When it comes to lms, manage to get myself kidnapped, I’m his captors (mostly American wrestling), with a crowd? Johnston had completely climate from the inside. The stock ques- happiness is over-rated: tragedy afraid.” dissociated himself from his past: look- tions were maddening as the audience is much more fun, and here are After a roar of applause, Johnston ing back, it did not even seem like his followed suit in trivial analysis: why had a few of the very best. explained the bare facts of his ordeal, The stock own life, he said. Johnston continued to be a journalist carefully sidestepping charged judge- Johnston was not concerned with after such an experience? Did Johnston The Painted Veil ment even of his kidnappers. His car questions were being politically correct. Rather, face censorship? And even worse: Set in 1920’s China, this was driven o the road by a white van, he lacked any subjective evaluative whether or not Johnston had come out 5emotional drama follows after which he was threatened with maddening as the capacity, frequently attempting to com- of the experience with anything posi- the dif dent relationship be- a pistol, put in the car with a hood munalize the kidnapping – over and tive, as though all experience must be tween a young married couple (Edward Norton and Naomi over his head, brought back to a fl at audience followed over again he said, “and you can imag- categorized into ‘positive’ or ‘negative’. and handcu ed. One of his kidnap- ine…” – and deemphasize himself: “I’m Yes, Johnston’s talk was objectively Watts) living in the heart of a cholera epidemic. As you can pers spoke to him, prophesising that suit in trivial a middle class British bloke and there’s interesting, but his talk was a piece of Johnston would live to write a book only so much I can understand about exegetic reporting rather than investi- probably imagine, not massively uplifting, yet incredibly affecting (Kidnapped, 2007) and to marry (no wed- analyisis the other side.” But we cannot imagine, gative journalism: a B-movie version, ding ring), but also implying that he and he is not just a middle class Brit- really. Johnston has not yet been freed, and thought-provoking. would not be freed anytime soon: “It aware that underneath the television set ish bloke. This was manifest even in and nor had the audience: we are still was the most remarkable conversation were kept two grenades and an M16, his voice, which was quiet, hoarse and stuck interpreting the events in Gaza Brokeback Mountain of my life, I guess.” and that against the wall was a rocket bemused as if he had emerged from with startling ambivalence. He was a Award-winning lm-maker Ang Lee explores the Fascinating snippets like this erupted launcher. Sometimes Johnston por- confi nement only a few weeks ago. fascinating specimen, a microcosm for 4 through his self-e acement at points: trayed almost domestic scenes. When Does Johnston’s ultra-objectivity stem the empty way in which both the public relatively uncharted territory the gra ti and fl ags in claustrophobic questioned about possible Stockholm from being a journalist? His reluctance and the media treat the events of the of homosexuality in the early 60’s in the southern states in Gaza (which is the size and population syndrome, he joked that the Army of to be biased emerged in the standard Middle East. NAUSICAA RENNER this story of forbidden love. It is beautifully told, set against FILM Sylvain Chomet’s direction presents a pursued through physicality and mood. Tati who wrote the manuscript for a stunning backdrop, with detailed world which quickly immerses This allows the comic set-pieces and several of The Illusionist’s scenes before outstanding performances from the audience. Hired by a drunk Scot exquisite score to come to the fore. his death. both Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath The Illusionist Ledger. Christ's Films to perform on a remote island, the Gentle mockery of consumer culture It would be di cult to lavish too Illusionist cuts an isolated fi gure until lies in the background of each shot, much praise upon this fi lm, as it skil- ★★★★★ a young girl (Alice) sees his act and from the greasy Scottish restaurant fully interwove the humorous and the Brief Encounter becomes entranced with what she ‘McDoonaulds’ to the Swami promot- heartfelt. Even after it had drawn to an The quintessential tragic n evening spent watching The believes is magic. She endures a frustra- ing perfume in a department store. understated emotional climax, it left the 3romance: boy meets girl, Illusionist is one of unadulterated tion which is akin to that of Dr Johnson There were moments of awkwardness, audience in a state of muted awe. And boy falls in love with girl, sadly enjoyment, and the Christ’s upon realising his accidental omission when the camera panned back to show rightly so. boy and girl are both married, A isn’t life unfair, The End. This clas- College auditorium provides a fi tting of ‘aardvark’ from his hand-written dic- a landscape that was stylistically out of TOM POWELL environment to appreciate this unremit- tionary, and when the Illusionist o ers place, but these occurrences were coun- THE ILLUSIONIST sic British melodrama focuses tingly beautiful fi lm. It tells the story her a small kindness she follows him to terbalanced by the amusement which on temptation and desperation, of the Illusionist – or club ‘magician’ his next venue, Edinburgh. They stay they evoked, from the pink suit and and, unlike most love stories, – Tatische trudging between under- there and the rest of the fi lm explores poise of Tatische as chaos unfolded remains shockingly realistic and whelming audiences at the start of the this father-daughter relationship. around him, to the vision of a clown honest. 1960s, a time that sees his old-fashioned It’s a simple plot and it unravels about to hang himself to circus music. act become irrelevant to a fresh young slowly, allowing time to absorb the The physicality of the characters was The Fountain world. The hand-drawn animation contemplative elements of the fi lm. well realised, with Tatische ’s oval body A truly beautiful lm is visually striking from the o , and Very little is said; the action is instead based upon the famous French mime 2 (by Black Swan’s Darren Aronofsky) about the efforts of one man committed to CLASSICAL daughter, Louise Kemeny as grieving her mourning for the washed-away Praise too must go to conductor saving the woman he loves. It mother and Edward Leach as drowned father could have continued for the Christopher Stark and his players for is a masterpiece, both visually husband – are natural performers entire opera and the audience would their musical personifi cation of the and in terms of narrative, with Nauset Aronofsky incorporating varying Emmanuel College Chapel either. Songi and Kemeny were left to lapping sea. Rust’s instrumental inter- recite their soliloquies from the confi nes ludes, redolent of Peter Grimes’ (another levels of reality and subcon- ★★★★★ of the back row of pews, penned in Rust’s instrumental sea-obsessive opera) watery scapes, scious into what is essentially a by hymnbook holders, whilst Leach were narrated with a virtuosic intensity heart-wrenchingly sad tale of owset, Noorset; Nowsay, appeared to be trapped behind a music interludes... were by the bassoon player and cellist, and love and loss. Noorsay? Speculation as to stand. There was none of the move- the three percussionists’ 12-pronged the pronunciation of Music ment and spectacle which we’ve come marimba summoned a sonorous rip- Now, Voyager N narrated with a The ultimate tearjerker; fi nalist Joel Rust’s new chamber opera to expect from opera. pling ocean, complete with grating had been growing all week. Fortunately Yet, there’s certainly room and – virtuosic intensity pebbles at the shore. 1a classic weepy starring Rust’s librettist, David Troupes, not a judging by the audience’s post-analysis While some might accuse Nauset’s Bette Davis as the victim of fellow student but a part-time poet/ on Saturday – demand for further have remained just as awestruck. creators of false advertising in their unrequited, or impossible, love, social housing o cer, was on hand development of the work. And the sing- Leach too, blessed with the opera’s marketing of the project as an opera who must learn to live with at this weekend’s performances to ing was promising. Songi’s soprano is lone morsel of stage direction, was - its distinct lack of theatrics forcing her unhappiness and accept enlighten us: it’s very much Nowwwset, ideally suited to Rust’s spectral writing: impressive, although his tenorifi c top stand-and-deliver renditions from the her fate: “Don’t let’s ask for the moon; we have the stars.” Grab after the Cape Cod bay in Troupes’ MATILDA HAY notes proved punchier than his lower singers - Rust’s 45 minutes of music in native Massachusetts. Unfortunately, register. Unfortunately Kemeny’s dic- homage to, or in bewilderment at, the the Kleenex – it’s going to get though, Troupes isn’t a born performer, tion failed to give Troupes’ libretto the wonder of the sea is certainly dramatic emotional. and even with the fi ne acoustics of full exposure its beauty deserved, her stu . When Stark’s hands lowered after Emmanuel College Chapel, his pre- declamation resembling little more the fi nal wail from his orchestra, the show poetry reading and description than a frothy wash. But with expansion, quiet was absolute: the words pin and of the libretto reached only the keenest it would be interesting to see how the drop come to mind. No one wanted to audience members seated in the front opera translated beyond the confi nes begin the applause that singers, players pews. of a college chapel, which ultimately and creators alike undeniably deserved, It’s hard to say whether the three imposed severe limits on performance – for fear of breaking the mood of sea- singers – Joanna Songi as confused candle holders are hard to disguise. salted contemplation. ELLY BRINDLE

Senior Culture Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova [email protected] 11th February 2011 14 This week’s...

Theatre Film Exhibitions Talks Music Events Sport

AND/OR The Fighter Watercolour Chocolate, the The Bravery Vegan Cookery Lacrosse Blues Tues 15th - Sat 19th February, Fri 11th – Thur 17th February 16 February - 21 August Bitter Truth Fri 11th February, 7:30pm Workshop v. Reading Wildcats 22:00 CAMBRIDGE VUE AND CINEWORLD TATE BRITAIN, LONDON THE HAYMAKERS PUB (£10) CORPUS PLAYROOM (£5) CINEMAS, VARIOUS SHOWINGS Fri 11th February, 7:15pm Fri 11th February, 12:30pm 2nds (PRICES VARY) Tate splashes out in showing that TRINITY HALL LECTURE THEATRE Yet again this tiny venue plays CAMBRIDGE COOKERY SCHOOL A new play by Xavier Buxton this medium of art is not just for host to a world class band. The (£5) Sat 12th February, 7pm Apparently 1.1 billion boxed and Nicolo Crisafi , AND/OR The story of Micky Ward (Mark amateur daubs. From the 13th Bravery are on their UK tour HOME chocolates are sold each year for Part of CUSU’s Green Week, is thirty minutes of chicken legs, Wahlberg), a boxer trying to century to the present day, the playing tunes from their upcom- The lacrosse Blues will be Valentine’s Day in the U.S. alone. this session is suitable for “veg- bad jokes, Tony Blair, Gary turn his losing streak around fl ow of creativity in watercolour ing album. Pop Rock and a beer? desperate to sustain a good run In this talk, Panorama journalist ans, vegetarians, and omnivores Kasparov, people who don’t with the help of drug-abusing is far from a trickle. Why not? I bet they’ll play An of form with a win at home Paul Kenyon delivers his verdict alike”. Learn how to cook Indian listen and/or divided hearts on a brother Dicky (Christian Bale) Honest Mistake, you remember this weekend, as their Varsity on how ethical Fairtrade choco- spiced bean pasties, vegetable divided stage. and family. Hoppé portraits - that onr, don’t you? Spotify it. match looms close on the 26th late actually is. and lentil sprout salad, and Society, Studio and February. The Good Soul of Never Let Me Go coconut and cashew cream cake. Fri 11th – Thurs17th February Street Sir Richard Harry Ogg / Jupiter Defi nitely a welcome change Szechwan CAMBRIDGE ARTS PICTUREHOUSE, from bog-standard hall o erings. 17 February - 30 March Sinfonia: Mozart, Women’s Hockey Tues 15th – Sat 19th February, VARIOUS SHOWINGS (£6.50)` NATIONAL GALLERY, LONDON Dearlove 19.00 Tue 15th February, 7:30pm Stephen K Amos Blues v. Ipswich Adaptation of the novel. A group Dandies to dictators, Hoppe’s Haydn CORPUS PLAYROOM (£5) THE CAMBRIDGE UNION (FREE TO Fri 11th February, 8pm of children raised at a seemingly unnerring photos have captured Fri 11th February, 8pm Sat 12th February, 12pm MEMBERS) CORN EXCHANGE (£18.50) WILBY A ‘funny, tragic and thought- idyllic English boarding school them all. Lauded ‘the master’ by SENATE HOUSE, CAMBRIDGE (£5) provoking’ experience from a have to confront the realities of Cecil Beaton, at-once celebrity As the former Head of MI6, Sir Senate House opens its doors Stephen K Amos is back on The hockey Blues will want to performance aiming to probe their existence as adults. portraitist and man on the street Richard Dearlove has been at to the general public and non- tour and promises to deliver an make sure they are in good form the depths of the practicality Hoppe championed the art of the centre of some of the most graduates for one night only. evening of “melt in the middle, with their Varsity match on the and prudence of being good in a ArcSoc: Hausu photography to capture all walks poignant moments in our life- Student tickets are £5 from heartfelt humour to warm the 21st February. nearly upon them, world such as ours. Mon 14th February, 8pm of life. times, including the September Clare Porters’ Lodge. very cockles of your heart”. Ex- FACULTY OF ARCHITECURE (FREE) 11th attacks and the invasions actly what “cockles” are remains of Iraq and Afghanistan. Head Blues football v. Endgame Stuck for something to do this a mystery, but this highly-praised Madeleine Strind- down to the Union to hear Tues 15th - Sat 19th February, Valentine’s day? Why not watch Songs in the Dark comedian is sure to entertain. Lloyds F.C. what promises to be a gripping 19.30 this Japanese 1970s horror berg: Over There Sun 13th February, 8pm Tue 15th February, 2pm ADC THEATRE (£6/£5) testimony. thriller? The famous trailer 5 February - 20 March CLOWNS CAFE (FREE) Churchill Spring HOME The inevitable fi rst Beckett promises horror, cats and inexpli- MURRAY EDWARDS An intimate, cosy acoustic Ball The Blues have been playing of term; BATS bring you the cable country music – a winning This House The Israeli/Palestine confl ict open-mic session by candlelight, Fri 11th February well this term and have looked combination. absurd masterpiece that sits evoked and explored in personal believes pornog- featuring some of Cambridge’s CHURCHILL COLLEGE consistently strong. They will alongside Waiting for Godot as most talented young artists, ways, Strinberg’s paintings take a raphy does a good Indulge in all seven of the want to consolidate their good one of Beckett’s most important di erent look at a delicate issue. musicians and poets. form with a win here to keep works. (500) Days of public service deadly sins at the highlight of Summer Churchill’s social events calen- their confi dence high. Dannish Babar Thu 17th February, 7:30pm dar. Brings promises of braised Sun 13th February, 7pm & Masterpieces of THE CAMBRIDGE UNION (FREE FOR The Rake’s venison, chilli chocolate foun- MEMBERS) Varsity Swimming Knows What You’re 10pm Progress tains and some of Cambridge’s ST JOHN’S COLLEGE, PALMERS Botanical Much anticipated debate featur- Sat 19th February, 1:30pm Thinking Fri 11th-Sat 12th February, hottest local music acts. CAMBRIDGE PARKSIDE ROOM IN FISHER BUILDING (£3) ing: a teacher turned hardcore Illustration 8pm-10:45pm Having beaten Oxford in their Tues 15th - Sat 19th February, Romantic comedy that defi es the porn star, the UK’s fi rst ever fe- 20:00 5 February – 25 September WEST ROAD CONCERT HALL (£15) recent BUCS southern quali- genre with truth, wit and a kick- VICTORIA AND ALBERT MUSEUM, male porn director, a ‘sexademic’ ArcSoc Cabaret: PEMBROKE NEW CELLARS, A modern production of fi cation round, the Light Blues ass soundtrack. Starring Zooey LONDON and a porn star-turned-chaplain. Stravinsky, Auden & Kallman’s Dystopia team will be confi dent of a big Footlights regular Dannish Barbar Deschanel and Joseph Gordon- The best botanical drawings This is defi nitely one of the most colourful and accessible master- performance here. makes the comedy circuit rounds Levitt. As the fi lm’s narrator from the V&A archives. exciting debates of term. Sat 12th February, 8pm to talk about ordinary things in an warns us, it’s not a love story. piece on its 60th birthday. FACULTY OF ARCHITECTURE (£8/£5) amusing way. Fit for a King: The Basketball Blues v. Tom de Freston: One Night Stand How will Cornucopia’s twisted William Fergus Stu- Another Year Boulle Cabinet-on- sister hold up against her Edenic Anglia Ruskin Paradise Lost Sat 12th February, 9pm sibling? There’s only one way to Sun 13th February, 7:30pm & Tue 23rd February art – The Revival 10pm 22 January-7 April 2011 Stand THE CAMBRIDGE UNION (£10/£8) fi nd out, but ArcSoc are promis- HOME Wed 16th – Sat 19th February, CHRIST’S COLLEGE, NEW COURT UNIVERSITY LIBRARY Wed 16th February, 1:15pm A new Union event featuring ing something big: THEATRE (£3) THE FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM (FREE) The Blues have their Varsity 22.30 University Library has been infamous lycra-suit sensation “This time when we say anything FITZPATRICK HALL (£4) Mike Leigh’s heartbreaking hurl’d head-long through Victoria Avery from the Depart- Truly Medley Deeply, Youtube match a mere three days after goes, we mean ANYTHING this fi xture so will want to iron Explores and explodes autobiog- portrayal of a happily-married the’ethereal air with dark and ment of Applied Arts speaks hit The Axis of Awesome and DJ goes.” raphy, life, death, romance and couple and their rather miserable strangely decorative works by about the exquisite 1600s Christian Bjoren Bak. out any creases in this tricky Varsity ad 100x100 05/1/10 09:55 Page 1 Do not miss Dystopia. struggling to fi nd your heart. friends. 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Make the call: Tel: 01223 248622 For details call network: 60850 Make a difference! or 01223 760850 or email: intrestut@ ice..cam.ac.uk 11th February 2011 Sport Editor: James Corcut [email protected] 15 From the Town downs Gown Commentary Box: In a bloody encounter the Town come out stronger despite good Gown performances Why the Six Nations risks JOE PITT-RASHID JOSHUA GAMES being an Agincourt re-run Boxing Correspondent

The University Boxing club fell to a 6-2 defeat on Friday night in the annual CHRIS WALSH of his World Cup-winning days. With Town v. Gown match. An unfair score Rugby correspondent both centres - Tait and Flutey - out of line perhaps, it was not helped by the late form, England must desperately fi nd a withdrawals of the much fancied Cam- Round one of The Six Nations com- replacement for the sluggish and unin- bridge duo Kiwanuka and Simpson. plete and it seems there are only two ventive crash-ball tactics of Tindall if The atmosphere in the Guildhall teams left in the competition. With Ire- they are to win The 6 Nations. was already at fever pitch by the time land ageing, Wales crippled by injury, This aside, England did look very Corpus philosopher Nick Melgaard had Italy without quality backs and Scot- clinical against Wales. They didn’t make dispatched the less experienced John land lacking historical credibility, it too many chances, but when they did Lacy in an all-Cambridge fi ght before seems the competition once again boils they made it count by getting over the the Town fi ghters appeared. down to a duel between England and game-line. Toby Flood was something Heley Matthews was up fi rst against France, the two most successful nations special; surely he deserves the cap- Svetlana Link of the Metropolitan in Six Nations’ history. The centuries- taincy for stepping up to the plate and Police. The fight set the tone for the long feud between these two nations is making the number 10 shirt his own. evening with both boxers adopting to be resumed in 2011. The pack appeared relatively lethar- attack-minded philosophies. The Rus- France may have seized the trophy gic without Moody but will pose more sian, however, had Matthews down last year, but they have not solved their halfway through the first with a fine guard with a couple of tasty jabs to win at any stage. Unsurprisingly the verdict problems with inconsistency. They have right hook. Matthews, to her credit, on a unanimous points decision. was a unanimous points win for Webb. an expectant crowd and the best squad recovered well, but couldn’t pull herself The next two fi ghts also went the way Following Webb, ex City Lawyer, 37 depth but seem unable to manipulate England must nd a back from her unfortunate start and lost year old Kevin Morgan gave a mature their strengths to their advantage. With on a points decision. performance to dispatch Islington’s such high quality youngsters being replacement for the Ex Cambridge Karate captain Nim Chris Webb put Maxwelll Badu in arguably the fi ght of brought through the academies of Sukumar showed nifty footwork against the night. The pair traded blow after Stade Français and Toulon, there is far crash-ball tactics of Dean Bently. He tried to rattle his oppo- on a sensational blow but Morgan stepped up the plate too much temptation for Marc Lièvre- nent with an opening fl urry of punches in the third and deservedly left the ring mont to tweak the side every match to Tindall if they are to but Bently was wise to it and dominated performance...he is the winner. test for the perfect combination, which win the Six Nations with some impressive shots. The town The night’s last fight was between is exactly what happened when Austra- took a 2-0 lead. one of the University’s Churchill’s Chris Kelly and policeman lia put 59 past them in autumn. Robinson second year, Elliot ‘Chain- premier sportsmen Joe Kirkby. It wasn’t to be, however, The French coach also faces a set- saw’ Chambers was up next. A counter for Kelly and Kirkby was in control for back due to the length of the Top 14 of an attacking threat upon his return. attacking boxer at heart, he tends to most of the bout. The scores fi nished at season, which restricts the time his So what do England need to do to win soak up pressure and let loose late in the of the Town. James ‘JP’ Phillips fell to 6-2 to the Town. team have to gel together before they the 6 Nations? Put Wilkinson in his old bout. However, his opponent from the Deaon Cianciola of Bishops Stortford Team captain Ssegawa Kiwanuka are rushed to perform on the interna- number 12 shirt against Italy and reap Police, Alex Omar, breached Chambers’ while Robinson graduate student Simon was nevertheless upbeat about the per- tional stage. However, judging by the the rewards. It would certainly be a Paul put up a brave fight before just formance: “Boxing is the hardest sport side that turned up to play Scotland gamble, but one that has the potential JO PITT-RASHID losing to Perry Gallagher. out there. CUABC had seven fi ghters on the weekend, Lièvremont has got it to give England a telling advantage as Staring at a whitewash, returning making their debut. The fact not one right this time and we can only expect the tournament develops. Blue Chris Webb put on a sensational of them gave up or got overwhelmed the French side to improve as the com- However all we know for certain is performance to show why he is one of by the occasion shows the amount of petition unfolds. that when France visit Twickenham the University’s premier sportsmen. boxing heart they have. I am immensely England have other problems. It on 26th February it will be a decisive The Queens’ student demonstrated his proud of all my boxers and the work of may or may not have come as a sur- moment for both of their campaigns: incredible speed and jab. In cruise con- our three coaches.” prise that Martin Johnson chose his old and possibly the highlight of the com- trol, Webb executed some fine hooks Despite the loss, the club have every friend Mike Tindall as captain in Car- petition: The Hundred Years’ War in and will only be disappointed not to reason to be confident going into the di , despite being well past the form 80 minutes. have seen his opponent on the canvas Varsity fi ght on March 17th when they Selwyn stun Downing Penalty heartache for Homerton normal time. The sides were forced to had seven or eight chances we should SELWYN 4 level at the half-time whistle. FITZ 1 return for extra time, which would be have buried.” But it would be Blues player Mark a tale of two corners. After 115 goall- Fitz skipper Bennici had a differ- DOWNING 2 Baxter who would prove the deciding HOMERTON 1 ess minutes, Homerton’s Matt Ashfold ent view of the game, “It was a heated factor between the sides as he bagged a Fitz win 3-1 on penalties headed home from a corner to stun the encounter, and we were getting a bit JAMES CORCUT hat trick. Midway through the half he home players. But with moments left on frustrated with the way three or four of Sports editor stepped up to take a free kick for hand- JAMES CORCUT the clock Iain Dummett of Fitz scored the same fi gures were persistently trying ball on the edge of the Downing penalty Sports editor a carbon copy at the other end, fi ring to bully the referee.” area. His curling shot beat goalkeeper in skipper Bennici’s corner to equalise: But his satisfaction with the win was Downing, last year’s runners-up and pre- Mather and gave Selwyn the lead to A cup exit on penalties is always a bitter 1-1 with less than two minutes to play. evident: “I’m incredibly proud because match favourites, were shocked to fi nd stun the visitors. pill to swallow. But this match between The Homerton players were angered losing a goal in the second period of themselves go crashing out of the cup They soon consolidated their advan- two of the fi rst division contenders for by what they perceived to have been stoppage time is a real test of character to second-division leaders Selwyn in a tage with two further goals. After a quick cuppers was so even an a air that the an incorrect decision during the build and coming back with only a minute to thrilling six goal encounter. In extremely counter-attack the ball fell loose at the dreaded heartache of a penalty shoot- up to the goal. However, their protests go to force a penalty shoot-out gave us windy conditions Selwyn showed the out was the only way a result was ever six-yard mark. Despite some desperate perhaps owed more to their obvious the lift to go on and win.” FITZWILLIAM better tactical nous, something which defending Baxter was at hand to latch on going to be reached. disappointment at conceding so late on will no doubt stand them in good stead to the ball which had squirmed beyond The game itself was dominated by the and with victory so near, rather than to for their quarter-fi nal with Fitzwilliam. the reach of unfortunate full-back Tom midfi eld battle. Time after time Homer- any unfair o ciating. The match was packed with surprises Lloyd and drill it into an empty net. ton and Fitz defi ed the windy conditions The referee blew for the end of extra EWERS right from the o . Downing quickly took Before long Baxter was at it again. to bring the ball onto the fl oor and play time and the teams braced themselves for the lead through a Dan Sellman free- As Downing pressed forward in search passing football, only to be thwarted penalties. Both sides appeared nervous ARNOTT-DAVIES DICK DUMMETT, CUNNINGHAM kick, which was carried by the wind into of a way back into the game they were by a solid defensive back-line or an but Fitz showed the greater composure the top corner of the Selwyn goal from undone by a clearance which was outstanding piece of goalkeeping. Pos- to win 3-1. It was a cruel end to a hotly EVANS COURT RHODES BENNICI 30 yards out. caught by the wind and carried deep session oscillated between the two teams contested and even contest.

But Downing’s celebrations were into their own half. Mather scurried with metronomic regularity but neither Homerton captain Ryan Stevens AYRES TODOROV short-lived as they conceded barely two after it but scu ed his clearance which could fi nd the net in normal time. remained unconvinced by the referee’s minutes later. A long throw into the fell to Baxter who placed the ball into Homerton started the brighter but performance: “We possibly played a bit HOMERTON Downing area was met by Chris Hut- the vacant goal. left themselves exposed to Fitz counter- longer than we should have. The lad ton’s head which sent the ball into the There was time for a Downing conso- attacks, which were smoothly dictated from their own college was refereeing ROSE bottom corner to bring the scores level. lation. Tom Clare headed home a fi ne by Theo Todorov, who needed no and he gave them a throw-in which they Downing would have the better of the cross from the wing but it was too late invitation to dart goalwards at every got the corner from and scored.” STEVENS ASHFOLD HACKETT WILSON chances in the rest of the half but would to launch a comeback. Selwyn adapted opportunity. With 20 minutes gone Fitz Given the manner of the defeat his not be able to convert. Tom Clare had better to the difficult conditions and won a corner which was fl oated into the disappointment was understandable, EGGLESTON WILDMAN MAYLES CHILDS the half ’s best chance with a one-on-one capitalised on their chances with a ruth- area and landed on the crossbar being to but he acknowledged that the game but the legs of the Selwyn goalkeeper lessness that will serve them well in the safety by a relieved Homerton defence. could have been won in normal time: denied him to ensure the teams were cup. Neither side was able to score in “We’ve only got ourselves to blame. We STEVENS STEAD Sport Editor: James Corcut [email protected] 11th February 2011 A cup exit on penalties is always a bitter pill to swallow

James Corcut on Homerton’s defeat to Fitzwilliam in a dramatic cup- SPORT pers encounter, page 15

SPORT IN High-fl ying Blues defeat RAF BRIEF HELEN HILLYARD A round up of the week’s sport

WOMEN’S BLUES BACK TO WINNING WAYS

The women’s Blues won 4-1 against Chelmsford on Sunday to give them a much-needed boost as they continue to struggle in a relegation battle Leesa Haydock bagged a hat-trick with Mandy Wainwright also scor- ing to give the side a well-deserved victory. Despite having chances to make the score even more emphatic they will be pleased to have put four goals past their opponents and to have gained three valuable points. With their Varsity match nearing the side will be hopeful of keeping up the form to defeat their Dark Blue rivals. First, however, they must deal with a tricky away fix- ture against Hethersett on 13th February.

BLUES SWIMMERS DEFEAT RIVALS OXFORD

The University Swim Team looked on top form against Oxford ahead of their annual Varsity match on 19th February. Cambridge tri- umphed over the Dark Blues at the BUCS regional qualifi ers this week- end. The Light Blues held their nerve to place second against the top swimming squads from the south of England. Cambridge dominated in a number of events, placing fi rst in Flying High: The Blues outperformed the RAF to earn a deserved victory against well-organised and strong opponents the Women’s 4 x 50m Medley relay, 100m Fly, 50m Fly and 50m Breast. Beating the Dark Blues to the touch The Cambridge Blues earn a well-deserved victory against an organised RAF team in a number of races meant that Cambridge fi nished with 164 points leaving Oxford drowning with 160 CAMBRIDGE 29 easily fi nished with double the number and was sent to the dreaded sin bin. The over the line to win a great battle of points. of tries that they managed to chalk on RAF sent the ball between the sticks for strength around the ruck. A superb con- RAF 20 the board. another 3 to edge the lead and leave the version meant they led 17-20. Ironically, it was Cambridge who scores 10-13 at the break in their favour. At this point Cambridge, looking CHRIS WALSH came out flying, scoring two uncon- But Cambridge came out playing well down the barrel of a fourth straight rugby correspondent verted tries o the fantastic Rob Stevens defeat, substituted three veterans of the within the opening five minutes. The Light Blues onto the fi eld as they looked In a game that could have gone either RAF’s defence had no time to organise to take hold of the game. way, the Light Blues came away with themselves and they soon found they Cambridge could Within minutes, Cambridge’s number their heads held high at Grange Road were being attacked from all directions 12, Daly, was in acres of space. He on a bitter Wednesday evening. by the great footwork and o oading of have easily nished chipped the ball over the opposition’s Search: Driscoll school trick play Although the defensive lines were a well-oiled Blues team. fullback, but the bounce was unlucky broken on many occasions, glorious Reg Reid, the RAF’s captain, used his with double the and thwarted his skilful effort. Some chances were thrown away into touch booming voice to discipline his side and quick hands distributed the ball out or fumbled along the fl oor on too many get them back on track. With his words number of tries wide, however, allowing John’s Chezerov occasions. Cambridge in particular had ringing in their ears, they recuperated to go over in the corner. 22-20. many opportunities and could have and organised themselves better, using despite being a man down and were With just over fi ve minutes left on the their physicality to win ruck after ruck. rewarded with a try after a crucial turn- clock, a Blues rumbling mall meant sub- A long period of sustained pressure over at the line-out, Tom Harrington stitute Wolf could seal the victory with a saw the visitor’s scrum-half dart through leaping like a salmon to poach the ball converted try. Final score: 29-20. the middle before passing the ball to once again. Rob Stevens completed his Man of the Match Rob Stevens spoke McNally, who did well to get over for hat-trick by sliding under the posts and highly of the part that the overall team the converted try. A penalty on the 18th Thomas converted to edge in front, e ort had in his hat-trick. His modesty minute from their fl y-half pulled them 17-13. was endearing as he claimed that he was level at 10-10. The RAF seemed to have Soon the RAF found themselves “just in the right place at the right time” Green Bay won their superbowl clash the momentum. camped on the Cambridge try line and on three occasions. Fortuitous or not, his with the Pittsburgh Steelers but both Just before the break, the experienced put their faith in their substantial for- points were crucial in ensuring a Cam- sides could learn a thing or two about Daly was caught interfering in the ruck wards, who scrappily ground the ball bridge win. o ense from this smart school kid.