The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper

21st January 2011 Issue No. 732 ESTD 1947

Sparing no expense: Varsity investigates the Union’s nances (cont. page 3) MATILDA HAY

OPINION Unveiling French religious tensions p6

CULTURE Why cupcakes are barely One-to-one supervisions worth the case they’re in p9 under threat from cuts VC responds to leaked report that recommends cuts to supervisions and MPhils

JESSIE WALDMAN It shows that currently around 13% of Varsity raised the issue of the His- “not all Master’s courses are designed deputy news editor supervisions in Cambridge take place tory department, which prides itself on to be income generators”. When on a 1:1 basis. By increasing the student- o ering one-to-one tuition to all under- questioned as to whether any course A report from the University’s Planning sta ratio to 2:1, the Groups estimate graduates. Could it continue to do so? should be considered an ‘income gen- and Resource Committee obtained by that the niversity could save £600,000 “If it decides that... that is an important erator’, the Vice-Chancellor said that, Varsity proposes drastic changes to the per year in payments to supervisors. area, it is right for it to continue.” while he could not “defend the lan- way in which students at Cambridge When asked in an interview with Varsity The Vice Chancellor however main- guage” in which the issue was phrased, are taught. whether this was an appropriate area in taned that he “absolutely” believed that some courses are “career-based”, and The leaked document, which Varsity which to attempt cost-saving measures, a reduction in the number of one-on- students who “immediate benefit” received on Tuesday, was prepared by the Vice-Chancellor replied: one supervisions would not necessarily fi nancially from them should “ensure the Working Groups on Organisational “Any place within the university is an mean a fall in the quality of education. that the university also benefi ts appro- and Financial Efficiency in an effort appropriate place to be looking for e - “It’s not a matter of attacking the quality priately”. He categorically denied that SPORT to “identify e ciencies” in the univer- ciencies, because every pound that you that is likely to be delivered”, he argued, courses are ‘designed’ to make money, sity, including in undergraduate and save is a pound back to the university’s but rather a question of whether the insisting that the sole criterion is “aca- Nervous postgraduate education. Economizing mission, nobody is actually appropriat- university is delivering teaching “in the demic achievement and quality”. When measures being considered include a ing the resource.” optimum way to maintain that quality.” Varsity asked Professor John Rallison, Light Blues reduction of one-to-one supervisions, He emphasized that these discussions He added that when he taught at Cam- chair of the report committee, to clarify defeated at and culling some smaller MPhils cur- are taking place with the cooperation bridge, “I preferred to do supervisions this statement he said: rently running at a loss. of academic departments. “Nobody’s six-to-one, because I happen to like the “Some courses operate at a signifi - Twickenham The Groups were set up to form a coercing anyone, what the senior group dynamic”. cant financial loss, but the university contingency plan, following what The tutors are doing is looking at what the In another section which explored runs them because they are considered Reporter describes as the “bleak outlook” norms are to see if that’s the best way the possibility of closing MPhil courses particularly important, or have a partic- p16 of the 2010 budget report. The content in which they can deliver their mission. which attract small numbers of stu- ular e ect on our research e ort. Other of the leaked report was discussed at So in supervisions, sometimes one-to- dents – a move that could save the courses must generate income … At a the Planning and Resources committee one is the best, and therefore it should university £100,000 per year for each time when economies are needed, the 03 > meeting on the 24th November 2010 continue.” course closed – the report noted that balance must be reassessed.”

9 771758 444002 Comments to make? [email protected] 21st January 2011 2

Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF Telephone 01223 337575 ESTD 1947 Fax 01223 760949 Issue No. 732 EDITORIAL DIGITAL DIGEST

LyOn’S DEn - pRESEnTER AuDITIOnS www.varsitv.co.uk s the evolution of Varsity implies, with its combin- With Charlie Lyons headed into the ing of a real-time sweet retirement of finals, the search is website and new on for VarsiTV’s next big name. The lookA newspaper, there is more choice is yours. Check out the talent than one side to the word ‘cut’. at VarsiTV and text to vote for your Twenty days into the New Year, favourite before 4pm on Sunday. ‘cuts’ has established itself as the buzzword of 2011. Doom and gloom, it seems, is the EMAILS, LETTERS & TwEETS THE V3 order of the day, and not with- www.varsity.co.uk/opinion out reason. University funding is being slashed, fees are going no confidence in nus PeePing too soon up, and now a report has rec- With a juicy taster of what’s to come ommended the cutting of one Dear Editors, on page 6, head online to check out to one supervisions – the very Dear Editors Varsity’s new Online Columnists. building blocks that distinguish Following your coverage of the Aaron Porter From masterbation and philosophy, an Oxbridge education. interview, I am writing to suggest that it On reading Laurie Tuffrey’s article on the to George Alagiah on crack, there’s A ‘cut’ might imply damage, is time for Cambridge students to join their demise of Peep Show’s comic genius, I could enough here to meet even the most but it can also be a time to cut SOAS companions in expressing their dis- not help but feel a mixture of outrage and insatiable needs. away dead wood, to sharpen satisfaction with Aaron Porter, in the form of nostalgia, and thus have opted to regurgitate a and polish what we have. The a vote of no confidence. healthy dose of both. VERIfIED expectation of those making The NUS, much like CUSU, acts as a Outrage: This series, though admittedly The Thistlewood Reports cuts is one of responsibility. breeding ground for would-be politicians, somewhat lacking in its first episode, has been The University needs to be with no real interest in the people they claim to bang on the money. The Christmas episode Beleaguered MP, the Rt. Hon. Arthur aware of the impact of what represent. Porter’s manner and rhetoric exudes reached unforeseen levels of communal embar- Thistlewood, on the view from the it cuts. Likewise, the Union those institutions he should be challenging: his rassment (abhorred by most of civilized society backbench.Trialled by expenses needs to consider where it can “principled opposition” to the cuts smacks of but adored by avid Peep Show fans such as scandals, whipped in all directions and be more austere, but always Clegg’s fatuous explanations. myself, contorted in repulsion yet unable to worried by the Alternative Vote, here is with its fee-paying membership Porter clearly lacks any mandate to change the channel/turn off the DVD); the the inside loop on the daily Westmin- in mind. The larger question represent a student body that so ostensibly New Year’s Eve episode, an uncomfortably apt ster grind. is, when every penny is at a disregards his power. Politicians are used to series finale, concludes with Mark FINALLY premium, what do you value being unaccountable: it is our duty as students getting what he wants, Dobby about to move most? to make sure Porter doesn’t enjoy this luxury in with him, and a newly-homeless Jez being VARSITy bLuES This University is a until he reaches the safety of Westminster. repeatedly whacked with a crowbar by Super The Top 5: Sporting Mascot Re- renowned centre of learning. I hope Varsity will support my campaign of Hans. lated Videos To enlarge supervision groups no confidence. Nostalgia: Whatever your thoughts on would be to reduce teaching the latest series, it’s been a good run. From quality and so the reputation Rory Horsman, Darwin College David Mitchell’s oddly sexual unsexiness Some classy sporting moments from of the University. In the case via letter and obsessive interest in the two world wars, some bizarre, bendy and cheerleader of the Cambridge Union, no to Johnson’s…well, every word, this series eating mascots. Inspiration for a new one would think less of it if the noising off shows no obvious demise. Varsity mascot? extravagance were toned down Mr Tuffrey, I can only hope that you have for a while. In the midst of fru- Dear Editors, seen the rest of the series and reprised your ini- gality, what does an indoor ice I am writing to express my displeasure with tial judgment. Why toast when you can roast? rink really symbolize? After all, the ongoing building works around the city- yOu THE COMMEnTATOR its first commitment should be especially those in the name of “maintenance” Digby Carey to improve its role as a platform for our fine colleges, faculty and administra- via email A pick of the week’s comments from the website for open debate, rather than tive buildings. Chaotic noises, crude jeering present itself as a fairground. from the workmen and repulsive aesthetics Pistols At dAwn Cuts are not only a measure are in no way conductive to an environment of “Go wave your silly banners for frugal times – when looking academic excellence. In 1932 controversy about some of the stories to shed what is not needed we Furthermore, they are more than a minor resulted in the editor being challenged to a at Tony b and Gordon b - their are forced to focus on our assets inconvenience, with the “necessary” detours duel....Varsity you dogs you. and ultimately evaluate the delaying me for up to 10 minutes a day! incompetence has virtually ‘cut’ we produce. When will the student benefit from this out- Douglas Thomson break of “renovation”, I ask? Not until college via twitter bankrupted the whole country - sort out their priorities something about the Baltic conditions in MY room! wAnted: web designer there is no money left. Grow up Disgruntled Will get shot for disloyalty but am actually kiddies ” Alec Mccallum via email. looking forward to seeing Varsity’s new web- site. #envy 52 Trumpington Street Producer’s Advice “where can I get hold of one of Cambridge CB2 1RG Zoah Hedges Stock Some events just don’t need to be made into via twitter those Huppert masks? Ebay?” FREE CHELSEA BUN films - http://www.varsity.co.uk/news/2992 With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop william findlay Ikenna Obiekwe OR via twitter Varsity Team Deputy news Editors features Editors Reviews Editor Theatre Critics Visual Arts Critic Chief Sub-editors board of Directors Andrew Griffin, Lauren Arthur & Olivia Read Alex Donaldson Kiran Millwood-Hargrave, Lawrence Dunn Angela Scarsbrook Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), FREE MORNING Editors Jessie Waldeman & Jemma Trainor [email protected] [email protected] Helen Cahill, [email protected] [email protected] Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Alice Hancock & Lara Prendergast [email protected] Ben Kavanagh & Lorenzo Santinelli Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Arts Editor Listings Editor Literary Critic Sub-editors COFFEE/TEA [email protected] [email protected] Mr Hugo Gye (Varsity Society President), Opinion Editor Yates Norton Jess Labhart Nausicaa Renner [email protected] Mr Michael Stothard, Mr Laurie Tuffrey, (9am-12pm) Online Editor Laurie Martin [email protected] [email protected] Music Critics [email protected] Head of Design Mr Paul Smith, Miss Avantika Chilkoti, Charlotte Wu [email protected] Anna Campbell, With any cake or pastry in the restaurant fashion Editors food Editor Varsity TV George Shapter Miss Helen Mackreath, Mr Josef [email protected] Elly Brindle, Pitt-Rashid, Miss Lara Prendergast & Senior Culture Editor Paula Petkova, Andrew Tindall Joban Thomas, Joanna Beaufoy [email protected] Head of Julia Lichnova Leah Schabas & Suzanne Burlton [email protected] [email protected] Miss Alice Hancock. Madeleine Morley & Imogen Goodman Designers David Rosenberg [email protected] [email protected] Columnists [email protected] production Managers Mike Hillman, on presentation of this voucher [email protected] Sport Editor Theatre Editor Lettice Franklin film Critics Charlotte Sewell & Matthew Ward Chloe Taylor & Jake Evans news Editor James Corcut Siobhan Forshaw [email protected] [email protected] Jake Hollis, business & Advertising Manager and proof of student status Rhys Treharne & Lydia Onyett [email protected] [email protected] Pete Leggatt Alex Gruzenberg & Alice Bolland Michael Derringer [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] NEWSPAPERS Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. SUPPORT RECYCLING ©2011 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or Recycled paper made up 76.2% of the raw material for UK otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. ISSN 1758-4442 newspapers in 2009 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING 21st January 2011 News Editors: Rhys Treharne & Lydia Onyett [email protected] 3 Union spending hits record high Amidst a mood of national austerity, they’re spending more than ever. But do the books balance? Varsity investigates the Union’s accounts.

MATILDA HAY JEMMA TRAINOR & KURIEN PAREL and there is a desire amongst some to the new Development Director was the University’s reluctance to allow deputy news editor & university correspondent return the Union building and facilities hired to launch a ‘major’ fund raising the Union access to alumni records. to their former glory. campaign across the estimated 56,000 Sponsorship currently is insufficient, 2006–2010: A Varsity investigation into the fi nances The Union has taken a sensitive, if worldwide members of the Union. accounting for only £11,000 of Union of the Cambridge Union Society has expensive, approach towards its res- Donations from alumni in the past income in 2010. revealed that the Union has been oper- toration of the 19th-century building, have been negligible (£801 in 2010, The total funds available to the Cam- £556,040 ating at an annual defi cit of more than originally designed by Alfred Water- £20 in 2009), while historically alumni bridge Union Society currently stand at £200,000 since 2009. house. Notable renovations have fund drives have been hindered by £7.8 million. spent, The Union spent over £233,000 ranged from bringing the building up more than its income in 2009 and to modern health and safety standards, £212,000 more in 2010. In contrast to to technological improvements such COMMENT: IS THE UNION GOOD VALUE FOR MONEY? £183,541 these fi gures, it had previously fi nished as installing plasma screen TVs into with a surplus for all other financial the Society’s overflow rooms. Union “It’s easy to complain about the cost whilst enjoying the perks of earned years reported to the Charity Commis- bursar, Colonel William Bailey, told being a member; but when you’re one of the few who isn’t, the price sion, reaching a peak of £174,000 at Varsity: “everything that has been done doesn’t seem that o putting.” the end of 2007. has been done for the betterment of —Emily Carlton The Union has undergone signifi- the Union membership.” cant changes since 2008, most notably The Union has also made a concerted “Members get a lot out of the Union, but charging such a high fee Constitutional becoming an incorporated charity in effort to engage more with university puts the Union out of reach of a lot of undergraduates. It can only 2010. This transformation is partially students, trying to shake o its outdated be ‘good value for money’ if you have that sort of money available responsible for the defi cit, as the Union ‘Old Boys’ Network’ image by increas- to spend.” review: accounts have been obliged to include ing expenditure to attract prominent —Leonie James depreciation of assets (approximately names, such as the Reverend Jesse Jack- £46,282 £80,000 in 2010) as part of expenses, son. The visit was considered a success: “In my fi rst term, I attended multiple debates, heard fantastic which are not included in earlier as a result of Jackson’s visit in 2010 the speakers, and saw a Footlights smoker - all for ‘free’. I am very records. But even with the depreciation Society believes that it gained 67 new much looking forward to what Lent Term has to o er.” taken into account, the Union’s spend- life members. —Clare Cotterill ing is currently pitched at record high The increase in spending is justifi ed Jesse Jackson’s levels. by union o cials as o ering members a “They should keep some form of long-term membership, but In 2005, Varsity published a damn- more rewarding experience for their fee. also introduce termly and even pay-as-you-go systems... It would ing comparison of the Cambridge and Lauren Davidson, the current President, certainly diminish the air of elitism the Union would appear to cul- visit: 67 new Oxford Unions, with the former falling told Varsity, “We appreciate that students tivate by pricing some University members out.” far short of the standards of its tradi- pay for membership of the Union; the —Lizzie Homersham life members tional rival. The Cambridge Union was president and other student o cers are heavily criticised, not just for being an then responsible for ensuring that that ‘Old Tory Club’, but also for a lack of membership is worth it. Part of this is investment and its dilapidated build- putting on brilliant debates and events, and similarly important is maintaining and improving the facilities on o er so Blue Room that the Union is attractive and usable. Everything that Obviously this is an ongoing process, but re t: approx. I think that the work we have already has been done done and the work we plan to do clearly PARK STREET •● CAMBRIDGE benefits members and increases the PARK STREET CAMBRIDGE £20,000 has been done for appeal of the Union.” However, this high expenditure also JOB VACANCY the betterment indicates that, contrary to previous Theatre Manager rumours, the chance of any decrease JOB VACANCY of the Union in membership fee seems unlikely. The The University Theatre TheatreSyndicate wish to appointManager a full-time Theatre Manager for the Leather cost of membership has steadily risen ADC Theatre for the 2009-2010 academic year. membership. over the past few years, and some worry that this trend may continue. ThePotential University applicants Theatre should contact Syndicate the current wish post-holder, to appoint James Baggaley,a full time on Colonel William Bailey, Bursar furniture for While increased safety, aesthetic [email protected] Manager or for 01223 the 359 ADC 547, for Theatre, more information starting or to2011. apply. attractiveness and exciting speakers DeadlineDeadline: 12pm, 9th February 2009 bar: ings. A then student told Varsity that “the are certainly not cause for complaint, Potential applicants should contact the current post-holder, building is crumbling, the bar is a cross the Union’s transformation from a between a steelworks and a brothel, the shambolic student society to a more Phil Norris, on [email protected] or 01223 359 547. approx. speakers for the last few years have been corporate business model may have its SHOW APPLICATIONS distinctly underwhelming, and the whole own problematic implications. As the Deadline: 12pm,Easter Term 7th 2009February 2011 £12,000 place is presided over by an ambience Society achieves its goal of attracting of treachery and backstabbing.” Accu- more and more members, the limited We would like to receive applications from individuals and drama groups: previous sations of censure were also levelled at capacity of the Union chamber may productions have been successfully staged by both college drama societies and the Society’s administration, with sev- well become a more pressing issue. With SHOWUniversity-wide drama APPLICATIONS groups. Previous experience is not necessary. eral former Presidents remarking that guests such as Sir Ian McKellen and If you have any ideas you wouldEaster like to discuss,Term or would2011 like further information or an the Union just “didn’t know how to run Bill Nighy gracing the Lent Termcard, application form, please contact: Cambridge itself as a business”. demand for these events will no doubt In response to growing dissatisfaction, be high. A serious question remains for The ADC Theatre isClaire now Butcher, accepting Production applications Manager for productions the Union launched a new programme members as to whether or not watch- in the rst [email protected] weeks of the Easter Term for: membership: 01223 359 547 of refurbishment and reform. Union ing these events from a plasma screen Mainshows (Tuesday - Saturday, starting at 7.45pm), expenses saw a gradual increase from in an overfl ow room is currently worth Lateshows (Wednesday - Saturday, starting at 11pm), £155.50 2006, followed by a drastic change in £155.50. Deadline: 6pm, 18th February 2009 2009, when the Union spent £288,202 The Union is expected to unveil the One Night Stands (Tuesdays, starting at 11pm). more than it did in the previous year next stage of its development strategy – despite income increasing only by soon. Preliminary discussions indicate If you have anywww.adctheatre.com ideas you would like to discuss, or would like £11,521. In all, during the period that plans to combat the high spend- further information or an application form, 2006 to 2010 spending increased from ing involve aiming to raise money from please visit adctheatre.com/about/hiring Oxford £265,000 to £821,000 while income sponsorship and alumni donations. or contact Phil Norris, Manager increased only from £426,000 to According to the 2010 Trustee’s report, £610,000. [email protected] or 01223 359 547. membership: A major cause of this substantial increase in spending is the extensive £208 refurbishment of the Union building and its embarkation on a new devel- JOIN THE DEBATE opment plan. In four years time the www.varsity.co.uk Union will celebrate its bicentenary, News Editors: Rhys Treharne & Lydia Onyett [email protected] 21st January 2011 4

andrew griffin press cambridge gM cuttings The pick of the week’s papers chickens fight flu Tunisia violence in Tensifies isobel weinberg science correspondent influenzas. Of particular concern is the Several ministers have resigned notorious H5N1 subtype, which, since from Tunisia’s national unity gov- Cambridge researchers have made a it emerged as a mild disease in Hong ernment, just a day after it was breakthrough in the study of transgenic Kong in 1997, has mutated to become unveiled. The Prime Minister, animals, which could be of immense highly virulent and transmissible to Mohammed Ghannouchi had importance in preventing the spread of humans. Epidemiologists are con- hoped the announcement of the avian flu. cerned that this virus could mutate to new administration would placate In a study published in the academic a form which is transmissible between demonstrators. But new unrest journal Science, researchers report the humans, opening the possibility of broke out in response to Ghan- creation of a strain of genetically a global pandemic in which millions nouchi’s decision to keep several modified chickens that is incapable of could die. members of the RCD, the former transmitting bird flu. The study was led Professor Douglas Kell, Chief ruling party, in their positions. by Dr Laurence Tiley, of the Depart- Executive of the body that funded ment of Veterinary Medicine, in the research, said, “The potential of Huppert masks hide red faces as collaboration with the Roslin Institute pathogens, such as bird flu, to jump gay couple win legal case in Scotland, the animal sciences labo- to humans and become pandemic has Julian dodges eMA demonstration ratory famous for breeding Dolly the been identified by the Government as a A Judge has ruled that owners Sheep. top level national security risk.” TrisTan dunn of a hotel who refused to allow a The researchers developed trans- If transgenic chickens were used political correspondent the organisers of the protest, told Var- gay couple a double room acted genic chickens which become ill when commercially, it would keep Bird Flu sity, “Some of us were almost certain unlawfully. Martyn Hall and his infected with influenza, but do not from being able to decimate entire Students from the University of Cam- he [Huppert] wouldn’t turn up. We felt civil partner Steven Preddy were pass the virus on to other chickens, chicken stocks rapidly. Furthermore, bridge, Anglia Ruskin University and as the train station ferries a lot of sixth awarded £1,800 each in dam- even ones that have not been geneti- by preventing transmission to humans, local sixth form colleges took part in a formers (and commuters) in and out of ages at Bristol County Court after cally modified. They achieved this by there would be a vastly reduced risk of protest outside Cambridge railway sta- Cambridge it would be a useful place to the refusal was deemed “an act of a modification of the animals’ DNA. A a human pandemic developing. Cur- tion on Wednesday, in an attempt to get our message out.” direct discrimination and therefore gene injected into the chickens leads to rently, H5N1 is being held in check lobby Cambridge MP Julian Huppert Approximately 30 protestors con- a breach of the law”. the manufacture of a ‘decoy’ molecule. by vaccination, but new vaccines must on the issue of the Educational Mainte- vened with banners and chanted The decoy is highly similar to a crucial be constantly developed as the virus nance Allowance. phrases such as, “No Ifs, No Buts, No viral molecule which is needed to con- mutates. In contrast, the transgenic The protestors convened at 7.30am Education Cuts.” Transport police were lasT orders for cheap trol the virus’s replication cycle. When chickens provide a future-proof solu- outside the entrance of the station present and ensured that the protestors booze the decoy is present, the virus is tricked tion that will continue to be effective. believing that, on the basis of his did not enter the station itself. They also into recognising it instead of the native The transgenic chickens are currently tweeting record, the MP would be dis- attempted to make the students move The Coalition Government has molecule, and the virus fails to replicate not suitable for human consumption. embarking a train at around 7.45am. away from the entrance area, however introduced a minimum price for the and spread to other birds. The next step for researchers will be Mr Huppert, however, never arrived at the protestors refused. sale of alcohol, in a step towards a The research has the potential to be modifying them to produce a strain the station, and instead chose to remain The proposals to scrap the EMA were proposed ban on selling below-cost of great importance globally in pre- suitable for commercial use. Research- in London to vote in favour of scrap- voted through Parliament on Wednes- drink entirely. venting the spread of so-called Bird ers also hope to create chickens which ping the EMA on Wednesday. day afternoon with a government Flu, a group of potentially lethal avian are fully resistant to avian flu. A spokesperson for Defend Education, majority of 59.

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See more at db.com/careers News Editors: Rhys Treharne & Lydia Onyett 21st January 2011 [email protected] 5 “Fees will certainly have LETTICE FRANKLIN’S to be higher than £6000” Tom Parry-Jones discusses cuts, access, and maintaining educational excellence with Vice-Chancellor Leszek Borysiewicz MICHAEL DERRINGER

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hy did the tomato Union debating chamber formerly blush? Yes, okay, held by Churchill and Roosevelt, are to everyone knows the be fi lled by porn star, Johnny Anglais, punchline– if you and porn director, Anna Span, arguing don’t, it’s thigh- that ‘pornography does a good public slappinglyW hilarious and can be found service’. Gosh. on websites called things like www. The Gala bingo hall on 42 Hobson reallybadjokesthatnoonebutlettice- Street was also faced with a tarting up franklinfi ndsfunny.com – but my entire as No Saints Ltd. presented plans for a motivation for writing this appropri- cabaret club, complete with fi ve dancers ately-named column was the chance to - the ‘Resident Dollz’, whose costumes include this joke. Furthermore, I can cost ‘in excess of ’ £25,000. The Coun- suggest an alternate answer, that will, I cil has resisted the lust epidemic and hope, make the joke almost excusable: rejected the company’s plans. Head of because it found itself, like me this week, the company, multi-millionare Stephen writing an incredibly saucy (and no Thomas stated defensively: “It is not a longer safely tomato saucy...) column in disco. What we are talking about is a a student newspaper. revelation in the leisure industry.” This was never what I intended. I Thomas clearly understands the was intoxicated by my editor’s wide power of a theme – ‘Saints’, ‘a rev- smiles and the word ‘column’. I am a elation’ – if this was found in some column addict. I want to marry Tim well-thumbed novel in the English Dowling, perhaps move on to an a air Faculty Library, these words would with Robert Crampton who seems like defi nitely have been underlined and he’d be up for it, and then when all is “RELIGION!!” written rebelliously discovered and my life dissolves into in the margin. Perhaps Thomas has chaos, be rescued by Jon Ronson, with already checked out the University eszek Borysiewicz’s grand the way of getting this message across is He seems reluctant when asked if the his reassuringly rhyming name and Library’s exhibition celebrating the o ce in Old Schools sits to blazon headlines in the newspapers? University might make this shortfall up wit and charm and, and... I could’nt 400th anniversary of the King James across the court from the The answer is no.” Rather, he argues out of its endowment, arguing “there is resist a seemingly small step towards Bible. You would think, wouldn’t now-symbolic Combination that as a “very democratic” university, a limit ... the endowment itself is not a these heroes in the lofty cosmos of the you, that here, in a LIBRARY, in an Room. We’re seated, not Cambridge must “take a measured and bottomless pit”. Yet his overall vision for Sunday papers. EXHIBITION, about BIBLES, that atL his imposing mahogany desk, but in considered opinion across the spectrum” access and bursaries could be interpreted I had moments of panic – would I one might escape the smell of sex in the two facing armchairs tucked away in and that, following a month of formally as very ambitious indeed. “I’d like to be descend a slippery slope and devote air. Na huh – the star of the Resident a corner. If not exactly intimate – the announced discussion, this is what Coun- in a position,” he declares, “that what- inches to who was seen snogging who Biblez, if you will, is a copy of the University’s head of communications cil’s “unanimous” statement represents. ever happens down the line it is no more beside the Van of Life? – but my editors 1631 ‘Wicked Bible’ which contains the sits to one side, taking notes – it at least With regard to protesters, he argues that expensive for a student to come to Cam- assured me that I was to write about phrase “thou shalt commit adultery”, as suggests this will be a discussion rather the University “do not constrain anybody bridge than to any other university in the the Week’s News, the serious News. I the printers “accidentally” omitted the than a lecture. The cervical cancer jab from peaceful protest”, in particular the UK.” When he restates this later in the would not be “Belle du Jour” or Carrie word “not”. pioneer and former head of the Medical silent protest on Monday, but that actions interview, this becomes “top university”, Bradshaw. Maths too,it turns out,is chart- Research Council has been in o ce in such as the “illegal” occupation “do cross the Vice-Chancellor catching himself The problem is that, this week, the toppingly sexy, as Cambridge’s Stephen Cambridge for three months. I remark a line”. Does he regret how the the Uni- mid-sentence. A call for his clarifi cation serious News is literally all about sex. Hawking is voted British Bloke of the that, with extraordinary protests and versity handled it? “The answer to that, in the next day brings none, only the sug- Even my Google Literary Quote of the Year in Nuts. Hawking apparently universities facing what he has called broad terms, is no”. gestion from the press o ce that we got Day highbrow Trollope, had the colour responded: “Thanks, Nuts. I’m pleased “the most fundamental changes for a On the issue of fees, the Vice- a “good interview”. of a lads’ magazine: ‘Dance with a girl to hear I’m Britain’s favourite ‘Nut’!” generation”, he seems to have taken up Chancellor seems under no illusion that On the Government’s cuts to public three times, and if you like the light Can this be true? Is Hawking’s mind so o ce in a whirlwind. Does it feel like maintaining access in Cambridge “is funding, he appears to interpret the of her eye and the tone of voice with untinged by the smut infecting Cam- that to him? not going to be easy”. He seems acutely statement of Council very strongly. which she, breathless, answers your little bridge, can the man who understands “It’s certainly an exciting time in conscious that poorer students may He declares it to mean that “any cut questions...then take the leap in the what the Black Hole paradox is, and many ways”, he begins, but pauses and to higher education is to the detriment dark.’ Cambridge seems to have woken may actually have solved it, miss the adds, “but that’s not really what mat- of the University and to the university up to 2011 a new woman, sluttier and pa-retty basic sexual innuendo of Nuts’ ters”. Far from evading the point, the system as a whole.” He speaks of the gathering rosebuds while it may, left, name? Vice-Chancellor seems eager to address I’d like to be in specifi cally “public benefi t from indi- right and centre, and according to Cambridge itself entered a bit of a the “very important” changes to higher viduals attending university”, though Keith Willox, bursar of Sidney Sussex, Black Hole this Wednesday when 2,400 education directly, and not merely with a position that he falls short of condemning the cuts on college doorsteps. O ering shelter households lost power. Given the regard to Cambridge. In considered outright when challenged. In this area from a snowstorm, one porter gave premature Spring fever hit- tones, he speaks of the University’s need whatever happens he clearly also takes the maintenance of me a guided CCTV tour. “You’d ting the city, one suspects that, “to lead on behalf, if you like, of the the arts and humanities very seriously, never believe what we see as libraries’ lighting whole United Kingdom.” His words down the line, suggesting “moving resources from the on our cameras…Things dimmed, Sainsbury’s seem to refl ect a genuine belief in the sciences” to them, because, “I funda- go on here” Flash to shoppers bonded in sector, at one point describing higher it is no more mentally believe that you need a broad dark,alleyway, stilled queues, education as “one of the few things that based university”. “Annnd here.” Pan and unex- Great Britain is actually going to be very expensive for a It is this balance of conviction and to secluded pected lunch good at in the global competitiveness fi nancial concern that marks many of steps, breaks that already exists.” student to come to the Vice-Chancellor’s answers. He takes “And...” stretched If he feels such a responsibility, how each question put to him seriously, rather Dramatic luxuri- does he reconcile it with the University’s Cambridge than any than trying to dodge them, and is at no pause. ously near-silence in the run up to the Com- point clearer than in his open willingness “EVEN from mons vote that was so heavily criticised other university in to discuss the leaked report uncovered by HERE” 11.26 to by protesting students and academics? In the news team, despite a visibly agitated And there 2ish, that only issuing a statement of University’s the UK press o cer. Whether this calm, method- is the some- Council on December 8th, does he feel ical but reserved approach enables him post- where, that Cambridge missed a moment to decide the new fees “may not be some- to maintain “the best university in the card- someone infl uence the debate? “The issue is what thing that they wish to incur in order to world” in a turbulent, outspoken climate weary central fol- do you actually mean by infl uencing the pursue a university degree”, and speaks will be the test of his seven-year tenure. court of famous lowed debate?” He speaks of his own e orts in of “the harshness of the costs that they and historic col- Trollope’s the Commons and the Lords, but what face” and their “fear of debt”. Neverthe- lege. In similarly advice and becomes clear above all is his distaste for less, he argues that Cambridge’s as yet The entire transcript of the interview illustrious venue, took the leap in “extemporary statements”, particularly undecided fees will “certainly have to be between Tom Parry-Jones and Vice- the seats the dark. in the media, as a way of communicating higher than £6000” in order to remain Chancellor Borysiewicz is available online of the universities’ interests. “Do I believe that static against the cut in teaching funding. GEORGE SHAPTER Opinion Editor: Laurie Martin 21st January 2011 [email protected] 6

SONIA TONG This House Believes... Floxx (the new FitFinder) is sexist

OPINION PROP. Tanne Spielman Where is the irony in reviving a pop-art phenomenon which imitated real cartoon strips of gender stereotypes? I don’t see it. After the outcry about the original FitFinder website, Floxx, which refers to “fl ocks of sheep following the crowd” has now emerged as a success story with over 1000 people ‘liking’ the website alone. In the wake of the centenary commemoration of Interna- tional Women’s Day, anyone willing to sign up to such a website should think again. What Martell describes as “harmless fl irting” is in fact a forum for explicit ranking of purely physical attributes of predominantly women, just as Zuckerberg’s original website involved a rating comparison of female students, evidently most popular with the male caucus. France, unveiled This is a rebrand of an old concept, supported by a itting on the steps of the the cover image of Le Pen’s 2011 Guide right to centre ground, by promoting Dragon, rearing its ugly fi re- Old Schools at the end of to Occupied France. the human rights and feminist dimen- beathing head. And with the last term on the phone to a Yet this devious and manipulative sions over the Islamophobic one. continual struggle for equal French journalist, occupation strategy is reminiscent of the ban- In a similar move, politicians have pay, do we really want to vocab was proving problem- ning of the niqab. A tiny number, jumped on the praying-in-the-street encourage a female student to Satic. “L’Occupation,” he said, meant an estimated 1,900 French women issue, saying that the lack of places of ditch her degree for a date? JOANNA BEAUFOY the occupation of France by the Nazis who actually wore a full body and worship for Muslims is indeed an issue from 1940 to 1944. To a French person face veil, were exploited in Sarkozy’s that needs to be addressed. OPP. After banning the reading his article this is the only thing ‘national debate on identity’ launched This appears to have some basis in Rich Martell, founder of Floxx the word can evoke. To describe a in November 2009 to “represent” fact: reports of make-shift prayer spaces veil, it’s time France student demonstration, he insisted, the France’s 5 million Muslims. being set up in basements and worship- After the controversy of last confronted the rhetoric word was too strong. “Pour nous,” he Despite the e orts of powerful pers spilling out onto pavements around year’s FitFinder launch, I had said, “c’est la guerre”. people in the media to exclude Marine mosques circulate and fuel the deabate. steeled myself for a barrage of of a very di erent But how else to translate it? After Le Pen from televised political discus- But, in a country where headlines negativity about Floxx when it all, that was what we were doing, sion shows – shows only marginally less are constantly being fed with anec- launched last week. “occupation” occupying another’s territory. The popular in France than their version dotes from extremists from both sides Sure enough Floxx has been French journalist leapt on the solution: of Come Dine with Me – and – people demanding that all the target of some fairly hyster- he would disarm the noun by using to tuck her exploits into school meals should be ical accusations. Not least the only the verbal form: “les étudiants the dusty corners of Halal; that the building overegged idea that it is sexist. occupent la salle depuis cinq jours” the newspapers, any of minarets should These criticism are based on (the students occupied the room for polemic launched be banned; that the some huge presumptions about fi ve days), and, where forced to use the by the National secular state should the gender of Floxx users.The noun, he would replace “occupation” Front receives be modifi ed to fact of the matter is that 51% with “manifestation” (demonstration). wild attention. provide separate of posts on Floxx have been It’s a term that reared a far more Comparisons male and female about women and 49% about tasteless head when Marine Le Pen with the UK indi- swimming areas – men. The trend is similar on recently described the presence of cate the urgency it seems unlikely the Floxx Facebook page, with Muslims praying in French streets as of France’s prob- that France will females making up 49% of all “une occupation”. Le Pen, daughter of lem. The tension build the 2,200 new fans. the notoriously bigoted Jean-Marie Le surrounding Le mosques, doubling Maybe it’s because I am a Pen, was elected to succeed his leader- Pen’s appearance on the existing number, bloke that people have been so ship of the National Front last Friday. television recalls the that are supposedly quick to judge male Floxx users Here rhetoric is referencing a grow- fi erce debates in the UK needed to satisfy demand. as salivating troglodytes, but ing tension in French culture. In July over Nick Gri n’s inclusion on To engage in Marine Le Pen’s they really should have done last year France banned its citizens Question Time in October 2009. occupation analogy by trying to trans- their homework. from appearing fully veiled in a public France, however, needs to be even form it into a debate on the provision Floxx acts as a level playing place. The fi ne is €150 (£127). more alert: in the fi rst round of the last of places of worship is to integrate her fi eld – anyone who argues After a court case last week in which elections in 2007, the National Front aggressive, Islamophobic discourse otherwise is frankly a little a woman appealed after being fi ned received 10.4 per cent of the vote. into a discussion that should only be short sighted and has inevita- €22 (£19) for wearing a niqab whilst Compare this to Gri n’s 1.9 per cent about improving conditions for Mus- bly fallen victim to their own driving (it was decided that a car is not in May last year. lims within the parameters of cultural stereotypes. a public place), attention has suddenly Those who might retort by com- sensibility. Truth is, women are just Praying Muslims been brought to a new issue: Muslims plaining that Marine Le Pen is If more mosques are to be built, the as likely as men to scout out praying in the street. ‘occupying’ their television screens idea that it would happen on the basis potential dates and drool over block traf c: surely For the new leader of the National cannot deny that there is a strong dem- of a bigot’s disgust at an imaginary ‘hot’ people. Our stats prove Front, Muslims praying in the street ocratic impetus for giving her airtime, occupation of French Muslims says the that. the cover image of apparently concerns not just all French and performing implicit censorship is worst possible things about France. Arguably, it is the people who people, not just all defenders of the always going to be suspect – and, in Everyone can see that Marine Le are picking apart the ethics of Le Pen’s 2011 Guide secular state, but the very “identity” of terms of viewing fi gures, commercially Pen has not the slightest interest in the site that should be ques- to Occupied France. France, despite the fact that praying dicey. ensuring Muslims have a space to pray. tioned about moral ambiguity. Muslims cause cars to be diverted from President Sarkozy’s centre-right It helps no-one to pretend that this is Alternatively, everyone could only two streets in the country. Government managed to move the what she is really encouraging people just lighten up. Praying Muslims block tra c: surely anti-niqab movement from the extreme to talk about. Opinion Editor: Laurie Martin 21st January 2011 [email protected] 7

hat 2011 holds in more likely to succeed in 2011 are New in earnest, it’s reassuring to note that the end is neighberia. Two fi ngers store for us is really Year’s revolutions. guidelines have been issued from Closer to home, it’s known on good something very dif- These aren’t just contained to student the palace to ensure that all o cial authority that the Coalition Govern- fi cult to grasp and movements – Brendan Barber et al. will kitsch released in time for the wed- ment will collapse by the end of 2011. to 2011 almost beyond imagi- continue to hold the country to ransom ding remains tasteful. Only certain Then we may well be hurled back to nation,W a bit like a romantic city break with their unions’ less-than-protestant images of the couple can be used, only the uncertain days of last May, jumping The New Year gets in Pyongyang or George Alagiah on work ethic. certain wording can be emblazoned, down the wormhole of political insan- crack. But no need to worry: it’s fairly easy and the Prince’s coat of arms can’t be ity once more like a stupid pigeon fl ying a big V sign from one Sure, the future lies in wait, but as yet to mitigate the inevitable disruption by reproduced on anything dodgy like into a window over and over again. of Varsity’s new online it is a million unknown decisions away, simply choosing not to travel anywhere a commemorative breathalyzer, for Since a Nick Clegg resurgence is about a looming shapeless void not unlike in 2011, at all, by any means what- example. It’s fortunate, then, that there as likely as Gok Wan joining the SAS, columnists Nick Clegg’s conscience, the road to soever, and certainly not by train. Or aren’t any uno cial merchandisers perhaps it’s now time to survey our which promises nothing but an obstacle tube. Or aeroplane. jumping on the occasion with all the swamp of political nothingness for pos- ROSS KEMPSELL course of broken dreams and library Just as the proletariat will bitch, alacrity and tenacity of Julian Assange sible leads… fi nes. the rich will get hitched. Yes, 2011 is stumbling across a big unlocked fi ling Meanwhile, across the pond, this year And as our University and our nation very much the year of Kate and Wills, cabinet marked ‘secret’ falling out of an will see the selection of the Republican coughs, splutters and skids its way into and whilst you’re perfectly right to be embassy window. candidate who may well replace Barack three hundred and sixty-fi ve brand new excited, please remember that they And woe of woes, it’s also worth Obama at the next contest for the most days of limitless possibility, we are left want to keep it on the down low as noting that experts say this year will see important, infl uential and powerful with only a few precious certainties on much as possible, not least out of sensi- what’s called a ‘Euro crisis’. Whether o ce on earth. The front-runner for which to cling. tivity in this age of austerity. that comes in the shape of the col- selection is Sarah Palin. There will be bloodshed, war and So, in what promises to be the most lapse of the doomed single currency Oh. Happy New Year! terror. There will be weeping and low-key, high-profi le event ever that or the cancellation of Take That’s gnashing of teeth. There will be never happened, the Prince and Kate reunion tour remains to be seen. another series of ITV’s Dancing on Ice. caught-in-the-Middle-ton will begin Whatever happens, as appositely For more from our But in a world where everything their new life together as the youth wing named pop band Europe once online columnists eventually fi nds its way onto Wikileaks, of the UK’s most functional family. predicted, this is indeed “the fi nal go to is it safe to air any more predictions for And of course, we probably won’t hear countdown” for our closest neigh- www.varsity.co.uk year ahead? Well, losing fi ve stone or much about it. bours. Ireland’s sunk already, and Spain giving up smoking is already out: much Anyway, just before it all kicks o and Portugal are next. You could say

Stop Press: Patrick Kingsley explains why students should look beyond print and follow a wider move online

PRADEEPA SIVANTHIRAN f you’re reading this in print, I know what you’re thinking: Varsity’s a bit light this week. What’s happened to that nice fashion spread? Where’s most of ISport? Where’s half the paper, in fact? Three years ago – when I edited this very rag – I might have shared your pain. If you’d suggested lopping 16 pages o our print-run and shifting most of the content online – which is what your enterprising new editors have just done – I probably would have had a right strop. But I’d also have been wrong: news- print is dying, and has been for some time. Online media is the way forward – and to realise even this simple fact, as Varsity is in the midst of doing, is to begin to engage with the future of journalism. By focussing its attentions online, Varsity can both contribute – in its small way – to the discussion about how we gather news in the twenty-fi rst century, and better prepare its journal- ists for the realities of the industry outside. This isn’t just rhetoric. In the last ten years, all UK newspapers lost around the essaythe a quarter of their circulation. In 2000, The Daily Telegraph sold about a million ads are also on the wane. as wildly successful. As I wrote in a wordy, after-the-event analysis, but in- copies a day, The Guardian over 400,000. In fact, print’s predicament has blogpost for Varsity a year ago, a multi- the-moment live blogs too – a glimpse Today, they shift just 620,000 and become so dire that media com- lateral paywall which – like Sky does for of which we saw with Varsity’s excellent 265,000 respectively, according to fi gures mentators – from Jay Rosen to Clay television, or Spotify for music – o ered live coverage of last term’s Old Schools released last week These readers haven’t Shirky, from Michael Massing to John users access to thousands of news web- occupation. been lost – they’ve just gone online. Lanchester – have all but stoppped sites for a small monthly subscription Of course, it is important to avoid In the last year, the Guardian’s website wondering how to save the newspa- might prove more e ective. technological utopianism. Websites lack readership rose from 31.7 million unique per Instead they are predominantly But how Varsity responds to the the clear news hierarchy of a paper edi- monthly readers to over 40 million; in concerned with how we best monetise second question, how to use the tech- tion; their design is often cluttered, and Instead of being a the same period, the Daily Telegraph’s the news-website, and how we utilise nologies a orded to online journalists, they do not allow for the typographical went from 30 million to nearly 32mil- its technologies for the purposes of is, potentially, a more mouthwatering variety that print does. Most problem- weekly periodical lion. At present it’s a trend led by people journalism. prospect. Put simply, Varsity’s new atically, people simply have shorter of our age – but, by the end of 2012, In changing and adapting its print online emphasis should allow it to attention spans when reading articles which recaps more Britons across any generation will product, Varsity can begin to fi nd its own explain news narratives more often, online. use online media as their primary source answers to these questions. The fi rst is and in more interesting ways. Instead And yet, taken as a whole, Varsity’s shift mainly stale news, of in-depth news analysis than print not so relevant to Varsity, since student of being a weekly periodical which of emphasis from print to internet is some- Varsity can now newspapers. media are unlikely ever to demand recaps mainly stale news, Varsity can thing to be excited about. With fresher and What’s more, newsprint doesn’t their readers pay for content. On Fleet now bring you online stories as they quicker ways of communicating news, Var- bring you online just face a terminal decline in reader- Street, though, the question of fi nanc- happen throughout the week. And sity’s new incarnation will hopefully o er ship: it’s been hurt hard by a drop in ing news-websites is an urgent and rather than just conveying these sto- an enhanced, interactive experience for stories as they advertising revenue – something which unresolved one. Most online operations ries in static, text-heavy formats, the you, the readers – and a more formative a ects student papers just as much as have remained free, preferring to expand Varsity team – no longer fettered by one for its writers. happen throughout the nationals. their audience (and in turn their appeal the need to bring out a full 32-page Thanks to the recent economic crisis, to advertisers.) The Times, on the other print edition every week – will fi nally PATRICK KINGSLEY WAS EDITOR the week. big fi rms are spending less on expensive hand, has retreated behind a paywall have the chance to devote proper OF VARSITY IN 2008. HE CURRENTLY print advertising campaigns; thanks to the and demanded readers subscribe for time and resources to video and audio WRITES FREELANCE FOR THE success of eBay and Craigslist, classifi ed content – a move which is not seen journalism. There needn’t just be GUARDIAN. Senior Cultural Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova [email protected] 21st January 2011 8

EDWARD QUEKETT

CULTURE

1 Culture section

Gabriel Proko ev treats Varsity to a sampling of his classical remixes Why should classical music belong only in concert halls? Why can’t it be heard in Tuning up the beat the same venues as popular music? Kate Whitley speaks to Sergei Proko ev’s grandson Gabriel Proko ev, a DJ, producer and composer whose own brand of classical music is rede ning the genre

abriel Prokofi ev runs a be heard in the same venues as popu- “the atmosphere you get when a whole of music”. When I question him more exciting, rhythmic and immediate – and still clubnight in London. DJs lar music? Nonclassical challenges room of people listen silently even closely about this, he laughs apologet- modern. “Most composers nowadays aren’t play between live sets, assumptions about what classical though you know they could be drink- ically and says: “that quote is a bit old, creative enough,” he says. “The problem the bar is busy, people music can be. Gabriel is very keen for ing or talking is incredible”, he says. maybe we should have it taken down. with writing a piece without having the mingle. Then, a string the night to become “a regular feature He fi nds the etiquette of the concert But if I had to, I guess I’d describe the experience of listening to it fully is that Gquartet walks on to set up their music of London nightlife”. If it takes o , clas- hall unhealthy: “You have no idea what genre as immediate, punchy, and you divorce it from reality, when the whole stands. They tune up and wait for a sical music could be seeing an entirely audiences are really thinking, and this rhythmic – not typically academic.” power of music lies in distorting time and hushed silence before beginning to play. new audience. really has allowed a lot of crap trends to It is true that contemporary classical perception.” This is a night of classical music. I’ve been to Nonclassical several continue in concert hall music.” Non- music is often seen as ‘academic’ – I’ve been to other similar nights in Prokofi ev is a composer, just like his times, and was also invited by Gabriel classical makes the interaction between complicated, atonal and boring – and London which try to make the music famous Russian grandfather, but he to curate. Several of the musicians I performers and audiences more real, classical composers today are faced ‘friendly’. One of these is This Isn't also runs the Nonclassical, the classi- normally play with refused to take part: and therefore more risky. with disinterest. Gabriel takes a very for You, curated by Matt Fretton at cal music clubnight. His own music “Why should someone be allowed to In his Bethnal Green studio Gabriel di erent approach to music. He says King’s Place. It all feels so patronising: is frequently performed there, along chat to their friends and drink when shows me his current work, which that “ideas from electronica and dance they casually lay out bean bags, turn with that of many other contemporary they should be listening to the subtle includes remixing a Beethoven music – looping, and production tech- on ‘mood lighting’, and give you beers composers. As a music student at York nuances I have been practicing for six symphony for John Axelrod. He niques” have infl uenced his pieces in plastic glasses. For some reason – he was constantly frustrated by the hours a day!”, they protested. I would visited France to record samples in through his work as DJ and producer. maybe because it’s so disorganised, divide between the world of classical argue that if six hours’ practice a day is a rehearsal, and had a great time Indeed, one only needs to hear his grimy, badly presented and chaotic music and the rest of his life. He tells really worth it, then you should be able having the choir do whatever he string quartets or the Concerto for Turntables – Nonclassical feels real. Gabriel’s club- me that his reason for starting the to persuade someone to listen to you wanted, experimenting with di er- and Orchestra that he wrote for DJ Yoda night is redefi ning ‘classical’ for a new whole enterprise was simply that he rather than to buy another beer. ent languages, ranges and sounds. in 2006 to feel these infl uences. While venue, and a new generation. wanted his friends to hear his music. When I raised this problem with But he insists that he “doesn’t want to composers such as Vaughan Williams Why should classical music belong Gabriel, he explained that the point just be remixing old classics,” and the used folk melodies in their music, Gabriel More classical music online: Interview only in concert halls? It certainly didn’t of Nonclassical is not that the audi- Nonclassical website describes the treats electronica and hip hop as the ‘folk with upcoming conductor Nicholas originate there. Indeed, why can’t it ence is noisy, but that they could be: clubnight as “possibly a new genre music’ of today. His work is tuneful and Collon

he Great War was over a large gap between the rich and the The Surrealists had come to town at mid-calf generally, with the same and everything was on poor, but Coco Chanel brought utilitar- and Schiaparelli adored them, design- length for evening gowns as well as for the up. Fashions were get- ian fashion to the fore with her use of ing amongst other bizarre favourites day dresses, as had been usual for cen- ting ever more frilled and tweeds for women, jersey for outerwear the famed lobster dress. Their aesthetic turies. Women still wore hats whenever fanciful, with society ladies and those striking little Breton striped was one of bizarre juxtaposition and a they went out, although outré styles like trappedT under layers of lace and enor- tops which we all know and love. world of dreams, corresponding with turbans became fashionable, and heels mous hats. Then along came someone At the beginning of the 1920s, the turning upside-down of everything were of a middling height. who changed everything. women wore delicate fabrics and pale which had come before. Women were What really changed was the silhou- Coco Chanel’s aesthetic absolutely colours to show that their maids could wearing ‘poor’ fabrics and striving to ette, which became sporty, boyish and defi ned the 1920s. She introduced fl ap- keep them perfectly clean. Chanel, look less and less womanly. athletic rather than hyper-feminine. per dresses – loose with a dropped waist however, made black a mainstay of However, some things stayed the Undergarments were created to fl at- 1920s – and bobbed hair. She even wore trou- every woman’s wardrobe and Elsa same. There was still only one ‘fashion- ten, not emphasise, the bust, and from sers, something which was shocking for Schiaparelli, a contemporary, invented able look’ at any one time, and hem this sprang a whole new, practical look.

FASHION FEATURE FASHION a woman of that time. There was still the hot pink colour of the same name. length was much discussed. It remained SUZANNE BURLTON 21st January 2011 Senior Cultural Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova [email protected] 9 Cupcakes and why I hate them Food & Drink Editor Andrew Tindall argues that cupcakes are nothing but a triumph of style over substance

am not a man to use the word compromises their ability to retain ‘hate’ lightly, but whenever I see a moisture and hence o set the sweet- stand of dainty cupcakes I worry ness of the (usually excessive) frosting. about the future of human civili- If half the time spent making pretty sation. Granted, cupcakes are icing had been invested in making a Ipretty; however I believe they represent fulfi lling sponge that balances sweet- the worst features of modern food (and, ness, shortness and moistness then by extension, everyone else is wrong). maybe I’d be ready to embrace cup- Cupcakes are the only food where cakes as A Good Thing. n. a person who is self indulgent in their presentation is the sole purpose. Obvi- A properly iced cake is a real objet fondness for sensuous luxury ously food should look beautiful, but d’art: a joy to behold, with folds of icing ultimately it should be eaten. Deep down, we all know that miniature ver- hen the opportunity Debauchery and an excess of rational sions of food and drink are never as indulgence to be carved into huge slabs, arose to write a column thought make unhappy bedfellows, who good: no-one has ever had fun with a Cake is a greedy its carcass forming a pie-chart of your with a hedonistic slant clumsily head-butt each other just when Fun-Sized Mars Bar and the edge to progress. Cupcakes are meagre, bitty I felt relief; I always things are beginning to heat up. One of middle ratio of the Mini-Cheddar is indulgence to be and subconsciously remind the hungry knew that the wild and maturity’s markers is foresight, and after completely o . By contrast, a double that the object of their desire is unjustly frivolousW hours of my youth spent amassing dalliance with pleasures of the moment G&T is more than twice carved into huge rationed. and archiving Mexican postage stamps even the crudely philosophical must soon the fun of a single. But, most of all, cupcakes steal the from the 1860s would provide useful mate- turn an eye towards future revelry – must The tiny size slabs, its carcass limelight from other ‘portable’ confec- rial for something. Even as I write this I recognise that the latter is often limited of cup- tions: favourites such as fl apjacks, sprawl naked upon a divan, nude except for by overindulgence in the former. Lechery cakes forming a pie-chart brownies and even the humble rice a shower of collectable tiddlywinks, while is all about balance. Or, as our Prime crispy cake are relegated to a joke by Michael, the Chief Executive of Stanley Minister wisely has it, too many tweets of your progress. their fascistic pastel presence. At a Gibbons, shyly feeds me grapes. might make a twat. Maximal licentious- bake sale a tray of sticky, moist gin- It is not only for this current deprav- ness, then, becomes subject to a temporal gerbread topped with a sharp gloss ity, however, that my staircase in calculation. Byron put the problem and gnarled, scorched fruit peeking of lemon icing is overlooked in favour Trinity is of historical interest with expertly in 1819 when he wrote to his out from underneath it, full of prom- of hard, bubble-gum coloured, dog- regard to Cambridge hedonism. In accountant: “you are right about income ise. As you grip the knife, you’re fi lled turd icing on a piece of dish sponge. the 1930s Wittgenstein occupied the – I must have it all—how the devil do I with a mix of disgust at the prospect So I implore you to listen to your room across the hall from mine, and know that I may live a year or a month? of destroying something beautiful, stomach and sink your teeth into a slice A. E. Housman the room below his. – I wish I knew that I might regulate my and anticipation for sweet crumbs roll- of proper cake. Don’t let your eyes trick During an attack of diarrhoea Wittgen- spending in more ways than one. – As it ing down your chin. Cake is a greedy you out of the teatime treat you deserve. stein begged Housman, in a message is one always thinks there is but a span.” sent via the bedder, for use of the When he wrote that he was 31 years old poet’s loo, then the only one on the and right to imagine but a span for both staircase. The reply came back nega- his sexual and economic spending, or, tive. Wittgenstein was informed that for that matter, for spending of any other The New Year Fresh Start Mixtape Housman’s stance as a ‘philosophical kind, because fi ve years later he too would MADDY MORLEY hedonist’ meant that he preferred not be spent– dead of a fever contracted in featuring... to give permission, no doubt to the Messolonghi. German’s great constipation. To weigh intensity of experience against New Year means fresh start which Death Cab for Cutie - The New Year Perhaps those were lighter, brighter longevity is an impossible guess, but one means fresh sounds to make you think Beck - New Round days, when amusement could be gleaned that we must perpetually make. T. S. Eliot’s that everything is going to be alright; How to Dress Well - Ready for the World from the smaller things – things as small, words “But our beginnings never know our sounds to make you forget the past (or Alessi’s Ark - Over the Hill that is, as watching the man Bertrand ends!” capture Byron’s problem concerning at least only remember the best bits); Solar Bear - She Was Coloured In Russell called “the most perfect example foresight and its limits, but pun to add a sounds that sound like the future; of genius” waddle across the court rather further complication. Not only is it impos- sounds to make you think that this is Listen to this and other Varsity rapidly. And yet it is a slightly calculated, sible to know where our actions will end us going to be the best year EVER. mixtapes online at varsity.co.uk stu y joke of Housman’s – not quite a in the future – one sense of ‘ends’– but our conceit of Bacchanalian proportion, true motivations, our ‘ends’ in the sense of a hedonism more technical than wild. our purposes, desires, are not always appar- Housman’s starchy revelry set against my ent at the incipience of our doings, even to more lush interaction with Michael, who ourselves. No one can be certain of what has just now begun to tease my nipple they want, nor how to get it, nor how long How to... Bed a Bedder coyly with an antique duster, serves to they have in which to do so. And yet some illustrate one of the seeming contradic- spans are more defi nite than others. Three tions of Cambridge life. On the one hand years at Cambridge is one of them. TOBY CROCUS we inhabit a city devoted to our higher PETER LEGGATT faculties, a cool world of textbooks and pendula, whilst on the other the Uni- 1 Preparation 2 Research 4 The Act versity’s ivory towers teem with students indulging their Get a bed. This should be easy, check Learn her name, for God’s sake At this stage, you do need to be lower faculties – the room. This done, you’re going learn her name, but whatever you attractive. If not, go back to stage one their equally to want to make your room inviting. do, don’t seem ignorant. Here’s the and buy more posters (the sensitive pendulous Light a few candles; she’ll love that, script: “Hello. I presume your name one of those two girls snogging on a proclivities. it’s literally fi re. Put up some cool is Brenda.” She’ll either say yes, or bed or the beer that shows you’re up for anything, including, but not lim- posters. If you’re a linguist, smack up correct you. Done. Now use her GEORGE SHAPTER Le Chat Noir, but if you’re male put name as much as possible. Make it a ited to, beer). If you are a looker, then up the Pulp Fiction/Rocky one; you’ve verb or adjective and plough in. For it’s simple: take any balaclavas you’ve seen fi lms, show it o . The key is example, you might say “You are, got on o , and show her the goods. to put up loads. This will convince Brenda, an idiot,” instead of “You If she’s not convinced by your looks, her you’re both cool and rich. Book are not an idiot.” simply lie. If you’re not crying by this collection is crucial. I recommend point, proceed to full sex. On the Road, Porterhouse Blue, Ulysses 3 The Opportunity (the more recent one) and a book on 5 The Clean-Up Banksy. If you’re worried she won’t Lure her up the stairs with a trail of notice them up on your shelves, pillowcases and bins. On the door She’s a bedder. It’ll be fi ne. Now for chuck ‘em in the bin. you’ll need a sign: “Come in Brenda, a gift of fl owers/mops to take home it’s getting crazy dirty in here!” to her inevitably distraught family.

CALLING ALL BACHELORS & BACHELORETTES! STILL LOOKING FOR LOVE IN TIME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY? VARSITV PRESENTS VARSITY BLIND DATE - AUDITIONS SUNDAY 3-4.30PM, EMMANUEL COLLEGE QUEEN’S BUILDING Features Editors: Olivia Read & Lauren Arthurt [email protected] 21st January 2011 10 Intelligent Design

Varsity speaks to some of Cambridge’s most talented graphic designers about the inspira- tion, technical challenges and artistic decisions behind their publicity artwork

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Francesca Balestrieri on poster, almost branding it. Ultimately that the text is white and eats into the vector (artwork that is scalable without school groups. With Shakespeare, I think the double function of publicity we wanted to underline the ‘reality’ youthful image could potentially have loss of quality), but those hard and crisp it’s important that the potential audience 1 design aspect of the play, rather than the a ‘deep’ message about youth being edges stand out sorely on the rougher members (most of whom aren’t English bubble-gum, sugary pop aspect.” eroded by type/o ces/forms/grown- hand drawn stu . So some blending students) can feel like they know the play. “My main concern while working on ups. It doesn’t though.” has to be done, usually a combination It was better to use a simple image of this project was to create an aestheti- Dylan Spencer-Davidson of multiple layers and some considered Beatrice and Benedick facing opposite cally pleasing image: I believe the main on negotiating the confl ict between blurring to make a more unifi ed piece.” ways, which would be easily recognisable purpose of a poster is to attract atten- 3 art and marketing from a basic knowledge of Much Ado About tion through visual means. It would Chrystal Ding on where her Nothing. A more perplexing image might be intellectually dishonest to call my “This was actually one of the most di cult I never arrive at a inspiration came from put people o : if they can’t understand work ‘art’, though. There is an inher- posters in terms of fi nding a compromise 6 the image in the poster, they might feel ent duplicity in designing a poster to between my own ideas and those of the photo shoot with “The comedians themselves. it’s unlikely they would understand the advertise an artistic event. The artwork actors, producers and directors. There I never arrive at a photo shoot with an narrative.” I have created essentially draws atten- were a few ideas that I wasn’t allowed to an image in mind, image in mind, since that would be rec- tion away from itself, towards another go through with: my favourite was having reating rather than creating something. artwork: the play. I would compare my the two ‘o’s in Footlights over Ellie’s eyes, to that would be If you have something in mind already work more to ‘gastronomic art’, fulfi ll- then you stop looking out for possi- ing certain stereotypes and expectations recreating, rather bilities; there are always going to be so If people can’t in an agreeable way.” many with such an unpredictable bunch It would be than creating of people. I knew that watches and understand the Julia Carolyn Lichnova on time might be vaguely relevant, so tried the use of digital media in her intellectually variations on that theme in as many image in the 2 poster Edward Quekett on ways as they would oblige me – and dishonest to call 5 typographical decisions they happened to be wonderfully oblig- poster, they might “This poster is almost entirely com- ing – keeping my eyes open for anything puter-generated. The girl is drawn in my work ‘art’ “Particularly in this poster, particularly striking. But perhaps it just think they won’t digital watercolour to make the vivid, mixed media plays a large role: the comes down to a terrible pun: clocks pastel colours look glossy and plastic artwork is in ‘analogue’ (i.e. drawn) have faces, people have faces. I suspect understand the and to make them pop out from the make her look like she was wearing glasses. and the typography is digital. Though more people here have a soft spot for grey background. The walls are built up I thought that was quite LOL, but I think it I admit I toyed with the idea of doing puns than would be willing to admit.” narrative from several texture scans, so that their works without it as well; it’s just even more the text by hand, but fi gured that time grit forms a contrast to the girl’s smooth deadpan.” constraints and ease of working digi- Rebecca Pitt on how her colours. The cracks are taken from tally with type outweighed its benefi t in artwork is tailored to her audience photographs or drawn on digitally, and Olly Rees on the (non) this instance. Typography produced by 7 the fl oor is taken from several images 4 relationship between text and image hand, however, can di er considerably “As this is an Arts Theatre show, of pebbles which then had their per- in his design in style from digital typography. Whilst the target audience is broader than READ MORE ONLINE spective modifi ed. We thought the text in some cases I would let that slip, I just the student community. I couldn’t Go to www.varsity.co.uk needed to be harsh and textured, as if “I scanned the photo of the girl and was not going to let that happen here. be too risquée as it needs to appeal to a for extended interviews it had been stamped forcefully onto the then put the text on top. The fact My issue was that purely digital type is fairly conservative audience, as well as with these designers Fashion Editors: Paula Petkova, Leah Schabas & Suzanne Burlton 21st January 2011 [email protected] 11

The Royals Nutty as a pot of Sunpat, but 2011 is set to be their year. What with The Kings Speech, The Royal Wed- ding and the Queen’s head remaining on our beloved stamp, Britain’s most dysfunctional family still reigns supreme.

kimjongillookingat- things.tumblr.com Just pictures of Kim Jong-Il looking at different things.

Japanese cat cafés. Japanese people have it so good: advanced technology, cute schoolgirls, strange condonement of bizarre sexual practices. And now this. Anyone can come and hang out with felines freely, providing they’re nice to the mog- gies while chillin’ with a mocha. Jealous much?

Guys in Uggs Dividing the masses. Is it right? Is it wrong? We can’t both be wearing them . iPhone apps – especially Angry Birds. If the birds can be angry, so can we. If everyone could stop singing their praises please, birds are loud enough with- out your added vocals.

Power cuts: Not really very helpful if you are trying to: eat, work, function... in fact get anything done that isn’t walking freely in a eld.

Dissertation Chat: Yes, we know you’ve got 10,000 words to write. But so does the rest of the library. So stop going on about it and write it. It’s only a really, really, really long essay after all.

Erasmus students at Musée Rodin, Paris. From left: Matthew Waxman, Pippa Keen, Thomas Loupias, Clemmie Hain-Cole, Cyril Lecerf-Maulpoix, Marion Abramov. Photographed by Paula Petkova. Theatre Editor: Siobhán Forshaw [email protected] 21st January 2011 12

JESSICA LAMBERT ART THEATRE Monet The Taming of the Grand Palais, Paris (Wed 22nd September 2010 - Mon 24th January 2011) Shrew ADC mainshow ★★★★★ (Tues 18th - Sat 22nd January)

he Monet exhibition currently ★★★★★ showing in Paris is garnering onsidering ticket sale figures Tits fair share of international and the reputation of the hype. This is the biggest retrospective CEuropean Theatre Group of the painter’s work for over a decade (ETG) I had high hopes for their pro- and it is extensive, with 176 paintings duction of one of Shakespeare’s most displayed across three floors. The renowned comedies. And as the genre organisers knew that this would be a would suggest, it was, above all, funny. popular show: signage is found in three Every glance, gesture and tone of voice languages, and audio-guides in more. resulted in laughter, and the acting was As I arrived it was raining heavily, of a suitably high standard to enable and despite holding the Sésame pass the exploitation of some of the more I had to queue outside for 45 minutes obscure humour in Shakespearean before finally entering into a gallery language. As is expected from a pres- which was crowded with visibly steam- tigious dramatic society in the home ing people. As such, the curation was run of a touring show, the energy and to be crucial in smoothly guiding the chemistry of the cast meant timing was crush of visitors around the exhibition. never awry. Jason Forbes was a standout comic talent as Tranio, whilst Tom Pye displayed great flair for making the most of a series of cameo roles. However, this production also emphasised a thought-provoking read- ing of the play, tracking Katharina’s intended the play as a farce (probably this contrast, and Joey Batey proved his gender spheres still relevant to society progress from an unruly and unmarrie satirising rather than expounding diverse acting talent to be equal to the today, it would perhaps have been more girl to a subservient and obedient wife. extreme patriarchal values), but the challenge, highlighting humour whilst effective to use a modern day setting Sophie Crawford came to the fore in danger that this could fail to connect displaying strong sensitivity to the pro- rather than allowing the audience to with a modern audience justifies the duction’s harder edge. banish these issues to a minority travel- company’s successful and innovative Setting the play in a travelling 1950s ling community in a bygone age. interpretation of the play as a caution- fairground, however, may have been The ETG certainly presented a The ETG certainly ary moral tale on misogyny. an creation too far. Despite being well bold version of the play, as befits their However, such a dramatic range established by the vibrant set, stylishly self-proclaimed innovative and experi- presented a bold did damage the flow and unity of the choreographed dance routines and mental style. Although the frequent play as a whole. The transition from even the occasional magic trick, its switches from comedy to tension jarred version of the play laughter to tension was at times more effectiveness is inevitably limited by the at times, I warmed to the contrasts of awkward than effective, disrupting Shakespearean script, and added little light and dark in the play. Here is a continuity and resulting in a sometimes to the humour or meaning of the play. thought-provoking production which is her chilling monologue as Katharina disrupted and jerky feel. That said, The era in particular felt like an odd also greatly entertaining, presenting a at the play’s climax, as the once free- the cast played the audience superbly choice, as surely few audience members reading which fully exploits the humour spirited woman berates her peers for well: the comic moments were genu- likely to be at this student production of Shakespeare’s comedy whilst bring- Claude Monet. Rue Montorgueil, Paris, failing a test of their obedience to their inely funny, the tense truly harrowing. can relate to the 1950s. With the issues ing home a serious message. Festival of June 30, 1878 husbands. Shakespeare may well have Petruchio needed to be at the centre of of sexual inequality and separate RICHARD STOCKWELL

Whoever assembled this show did not do it well, given this foreseen popu- COMEDY talent. Americans talking”. One can only devoted an extraordinary amount of larity. The paintings were arranged Footlights Phil Wang and Dannish imagine what Babar is expecting from time to distracting the audience by fid- thematically by subject, which under- Liam Williams’s Stand- Babar supported Williams in his home- Pornography. Wang peaked early with dling awkwardly with the microphone mined chronology and produced from-home-coming show. Williams his vivid tale of Cabinet copulation, in stand, Williams set it immediately aside; confusing displays. A simple chrono- Up Show graduated from Homerton two years which he satirised the coalition in order whilst Babar spilled a glass of water, logical ordering would have resulted ADC Lateshow ago, having built a strong reputation to set up his pitch for a new ‘efficient Williams simply drank his. Men from in a degree of thematic ordering, and (Tues 18th January) in the university comedy circuits and porn’ genre. He was, however, fantastic the boys. The pace and energy of his would have been considerably more ★★★★★ laughing with the competition through in the role of compere, successfully delivery did justice to thoughtfully writ- transparent to viewers. the rounds of national contests. ten material. He puts his English degree However, the hype was somewhat hen somebody stands Babar still relies heavily on his to fine use, drawing on linguistics to justified, as there were certainly a lot before a Cambridge audi- insisted resemblance to Marmite, and flesh out ‘Grammar Man’, his super- of paintings from all over the world: Wence and declares that Wang on his own to Michael McIntyre, It was Williams alter-ego who fights injustice one split even one from the Fitzwilliam Museum “This is a poem I wrote in my third but it was great to finally see both infinitive at a time, and explaining why was found rubbing shoulders with the year,” the inevitable ensuing giggles develop this familiar material a little. who stole his the opening sentences of Prufrock are his others. There is a photographic quality have for too long been considered an Babar’s highlight was a rant on the chat-up lines of choice. in the immediacy of Monet’s light stud- inappropriate expression of critical misleading titles of plays which fail to own show. Williams is certainly one to watch. ies: he used paint to draw light. He was opinion. In Liam Williams’ one-off deliver the protagonists they promise: Articulate, witty and confident, may his studying something which photography showcase we were finally allowed to Cat on a Hot Tin Roof was shown to entertaining the crowd between sets. be an example for many aspiring Cam- is ideally suited to – the varying effects breathe a ‘lol’ of relief, and the sold-out be a masterpiece of false-advertising, Ultimately, it was Williams who stole bridge comics to follow. of light on the same subject. Rather ADC enjoyed a night of true comic consisting of just another “load of his own show. Whilst the others had PATRICK SYKES than grabbing a black-and-white camera, Monet chose to look beyond ThEvARSITyhoTEL.Co.uk the simple depiction of light and dark LIFESTYLE being aware of The Varsity Hotel. ‘St John’s suite’) and the decoration is by exploring its chromatic effects. The Yet its understated exterior gives away cleverly linked to the history of that par- studies of ice floes depict the sombre The Varsity Hotel nothing about the hotel’s astonishing ticular college (a portrait of Wordsworth end of this colour spectrum, whilst the Thompson’s Lane, Cambridge interior. The design and artfully placed by Benjamin Robert watched over me as Cliff at Pourville provided opportunity ★★★★★ furnishing celebrate the ‘Varsity’ part I slept in the glorious four-poster bed). A for a vibrant, warm palette. Even guide is included in the room providing within his considerable stylistic varia- information about all the art throughout tions, Monet’s sensitivity to the colour or all of Cambridge’s charms, There certainly the hotel, making your experience not of light is profound. it’s not one of the hippest cities only relaxing, but informative too.The I would have liked to know more of Fto visit. The rise of the Boutique was a gap in the most impressive aspect though, and the details surrounding the paintings, Hotel, a phenomenon which has re- what really sets The Varsity Hotel apart such as the artist’s personal circum- moulded the face of many a European market for a stylish from its competitors, is the view. Floor stances and contemporary reception. city, and has been catalogued by a to ceiling windows offer a previously Seeing the portrait of Monet’s wife torrent of equally modish travel guides, hotel that didn’t unknown panorama of most of the city, Camille on her deathbed displayed seems to have passed our university city and the extensive wooden decked bal- alongside paintings of her as a viva- by. This isn’t hard to understand, nor is just see itself as cony offers a place to sit back and enjoy cious society woman was jarring and it a criticism. Cambridge’s rich history the University’s own dreaming spires. bewildering, without any contextual and captivating cityscape stand it in a refuge for the Linked to Glassworks Spa and the information to explain so stark a con- good stead as a tourist hot spot. But River Bar restaurant, it has a lot to trast. Such shortcomings were all too there certainly was a gap in the market weary sightseer. offer aside from being a base for the frequent in an exhibition which failed for a stylish hotel that didn’t just see tourist trail. With a rooftop garden to reach its full potential, not through itself as a refuge for the weary sightseer. opening soon, and an outdoor cinema a fault of the art, but through the most This gap has now been plugged. for sultry summer evenings, it is set to basic errors of organisation. Tucked away on the opposite side of of the name. Each room is named after become one of Cambridge’s coolest MAVIS MCKENZIE CECIL Magdalene, you’d be forgiven for not an Oxbridge college (mine was the locations. LARA PRENDERGAST 21st January 2011 Reviews Editor: Alex Donaldson [email protected] 13

FILM

London Short Film Festival London (Fri 7th- Sun16th January) Keeping It ★★★★★ Reel he eighth London Short Film ALICE BOLLAND Festival (LSFF) ran from the 7th to the 16th January this T As we say goodbye to 2010, year, during which over 250 short fi lms were aired at 22 venues throughout we also sadly say goodbye to London. At the heart of the festival cherished British actor Pete were nineteen themed screenings of Postlethwaite, who lost his new short fi lms, with categories rang- enduring battle against cancer ing from experimental and abstract on 2nd January. His death marks to comedy and documentary. Also a tragic loss to British cinema: in the programme was a wealth of in the words of Bill Nighy, “he is guest screenings, live events, retrospec- irreplaceable”. In memory, here tives, installations and Q&A sessions. is a brief glance over this brilliant Interactive workshops ran throughout actor’s 40 years of success on the festival, as did a roster of industry our screens. Pete, you will be events, providing opportunities for missed. networking and insider information on all aspects of the fi lm industry. With so Romeo and Juliet much on o er I only attempted to get a In Baz Luhrman’s taste of the festival, and chose to attend In Between Asking (2010) - “Notable... pleasantly understated” 5modern-day rework of two screenings: ‘Fucked Up Love’ and punishment for the man’s infi delity to following day and presented eight throughout the fi lm, culminating in this Shakespearean favourite, ‘Family A airs’. his wife, when it is revealed at the close shorts about family dynamics in various resonant symbolism in the fi nal scene Postlethwaite gives a memorable My main qualm with ‘Fucked Up that his companion was in fact his mis- permutations, was superb. Marigolds where, marigolds on, the mother mas- performance as the quirky, Love’ is that none of the fi lms were tress. Unexpected and unsettling to the (directed by Stephanie Zari), another turbates on the same bed that she heard compassionate Father Laurence especially imaginative in their interpre- end, the fi lm, satisfyingly, hints rather fi lm which displayed the strong infl u- her son having sex on the night before, – a tting role for an actor who tation of ‘love’, and none of the love than tells. Alexander Smith is one to ence of Haneke, stood out in particular. and which she was in the middle of began his life with dreams of shown was particularly ‘fucked up’. watch out for. The production centres on a mother’s frantically cleaning. The gloves, acting becoming a priest. There were no transgressive desires In Between Asking (directed by Lucy as a physical barrier against the ‘con- or unusual love-objects (cf. the infl at- Luscombe) was also notable: two early- tagion’ of sex, paradoxically provide a Brassed Off able doll in Lars and the Real Girl), and twenty-somethings are sat on a bench safe means by which the mother is able Postlethwaite’s perfor- mance in this British none of the fi lms interpreted ‘love’ in a the morning after the night before. The LSFF ... should to satisfy her own incestuous desires. 4 broader, non-romantic sense: platonic Whilst the audience is initially confused The LSFF seems to be a relatively comedy-drama is genuinely heartfelt: he adopts the role of love, say, or in the form of a ruinously about their identities and their relation be one of the well-kept secret, yet with such a diverse obsessive passion or hobby. to each other, the fi lm discreetly builds and vast programme it should be one the inspirational gurehead of a colliery brass band, attempting That said, some of the fi lms were up details about their characters and cultural highlights of the cultural highlights of the year. real gems. In the Meadow (dir. Dave Alex- their under-achievements. Pleasantly For anyone who is keen to witness to keep morale high as the pits close around them. Despite verg- ander Smith) was the most quirky and understated and awkward, the produc- of the year. emerging or underground talent, or for uncomfortable: in a production remi- tion was perhaps most impressive for anyone who believes that there’s ing into schmaltz, Postlethwaite’s niscent of Michael Haneke’s works, the fact that it starred and was written sexual desire for her son and the lust, more to cinema than Hollywood, the portrayal of band-leader Danny a pair of mime artists humiliates and as well as directed by 23-year-old Lucy jealousy and self-disgust that a visit London Short Film Festival is an abso- is poignant and patriotic – a true assaults a couple, apparently wantonly. Luscombe. from him and his beautiful girlfriend lute must. national treasure. The fi lm eventually suggests that this is LUKE VANCLIFFE-DAVIS ‘Family A airs’ screened the induces. Pink marigold gloves recur Inception Postlethwaite secured a ART aluminium drinks cans gather close, LITERATURE succumb to irresolution dribbled with 3 small but vital role in one of stripped of their identity, staring over lightly intriguing observations: “couple- 2010’s biggest lms, the mind- Lucia Nogueira: the edge onto which they are placed. Granta Magazine: The hood: the abjection of observing and boggling thriller from Chris No- Nogueira’s drawing continues to fuse participating in the other person’s lan. Surrounded by a stellar cast, Mischief childishness and melancholy. One strik- Best Young Spanish obsessions” (‘Gerardo’s Letters’) or including Di Caprio, Pete was Kettle’s Yard ing penned image features a fi eld of Language Novelists “Spending is about the fear of dying” superb as the dying millionaire (Sat 15th January - Sun 13th March) blank faces, staring. Opposite, another (‘Eva and Diego’). ‘The Hotel Life’ at the core of the drama. The in- ★★★★★ work is almost entirely black, an acre of ★★★★★ (Javier Montes), however, is self-aware: teraction between Postlethwaite darkness, encroaching. The images she it begins as a dull story about an idio- and his onscreen son (Cillian Our way of thinking is not as he most recent issue of Granta syncratic hotel reviewer, but becomes Murphy) is touching, and brings linear as it is in Europe... In art you magazine admits that it is ambi- engrossing when the character and a tear to even the most cynical “obviously have a background in art Ttious. “Now we have expanded reader are of eyes. history that is very rich. We don’t have It is loneliness, not beyond the English language to bring simulta- that in Brazil at all... We just do every- you the next Mario Vargas Llosas and neously The Usual Suspects thing in a very empirical way, even art.” liveliness, that is Roberto Bolaños,” it boasts. Indeed, surprised Postlethwaite shines as the So writes Lucia Nogueira (1950-1998), the collection of stories from young (exhilarated?) 2 sinister and there is a defi nite, joyous empiri- connoted Spanish-language novelists tastes like by a cold Mr Kobayashi, cism about her work, as one would Bolaño and Llosa: each story exhibits pornography lawyer and expect from an exhibition whose title o ers, however warm or tender – heli- that distinct combination of gothic, shoot in the right-hand is Mischief. Hide and Seek (1997) greets copters or pink elephants – are traces meta-literary and political fi ction which reviewer’s man to Kaiser you soon after entry, featuring a fridge of something seemingly departed. is only found in Spanish-language writ- room. Soze, the turned against the wall, presumably There are many elements to Noguei- ing. And it is true that, in the margin Other infamous mob counting to a hundred (or forever). ra’s work – sex, sensuality, robustness of ‘The Girls Resembled Each Other highlights lord. With a Discarded objects – found on the – but this show emphasises melancholy in the Unfathomable’ (Carlos Labbé, include ‘In star-studded street, as Nogueira reports – are above all else. The discarded fridge Chile), I couldn’t help writing “Pierre Utah There ensemble including Kevin Spacey, playfully manipulated by the artist staring at its wall, counting; the wooden Ménard”. Are Moun- this is a deliciously twisted detec- to produce witty object-narratives. drum prevented from rolling with such The most promising stories are those tains Too’ (Federico Falco, Argentina), tive thriller from X-men director And yet, there is something about mortal defi nitiveness; bags of black which depart from their tradition and which tells the story of a young atheist Bryan Singer. this playfulness which is mere surface cleverly invert the typical subjects of beans, huddled. This is a profound and girl who falls in love with a Mormon In the Name of the movement: behind Nogueira’s wit is touching show. LAWRENCE DUNN sex, writing, and the dissatisfaction missionary; ‘After Helena’ (Andrés something desperately sad. of youth. Andrés Barba’s story ‘The Neuman, Argentina), which detachedly Father This will be the lm for Her fi ve-minute black-and-white fi lm Coming Flood’ is an odd gem, begin- explores enmity and grief; and ‘The 1 Smoke (1996) clearly illustrates this mel- ning with a line not fully understood Bonfi re and the Chessboard’ (Matías which Pete Postlethwaite is ancholy. A black bench looks out to sea; until the end: “First her ears hear; Néspolo, Argentina), an eerie and best remembered, and rightly a black step-ladder appears alone in a they open. Then her eyes can see; they absurd story confl ating reality and a so: he delivers an outstanding fi eld; black kites drift through the sky. open. Her face, a revolving door, swings chess tournament, in whose margin I performance as Giuseppe These objects are anthropomorphised, open and shut, open and shut.” She, wrote “David Lynch”. Conlon, the father of one of yes – but it is loneliness, not liveliness, Mónica, fantasizes about getting a small Granta was founded in Cambridge the four men falsely accused of that is connoted. horn attached to her forehead, but the in 1889, and has a knack for predicting the 1974 Guildford bombings. This tendency is refl ected further in perverted plot does not undermine its trends in contemporary writing. This This lm, based on real events, Nogueira’s sculptural work. In Pulse and seriousness, and its prose is deliberate. issue endeavours to defy the pitfalls of depicts a story of true suffering At Will and the Other (both 1989), her Some of the stories, and particularly translation, and despite qualms about and injustice: the father/son bags of black beans huddle together the excerpts, fall predictably short of originality, we have not heard the last storyline at the core is beautifully as if some closeness has to be found in escaping postmodernist discourse: half from any of these novelists – who are portrayed by Postlethwaite and co-star Daniel Day Lewis. a world otherwise desolate and empty. THE ESTATE OF LUCIA NOGUEIRA/ANTHONY of them refer to consumerism or the young but neither dissatisfi ed, nor In an untitled piece opposite, two REYNOLDS GALLERY ‘void’. Moreover, many of the pieces naïve. NAUSICAA RENNER Listings Editor: Jess Labhart [email protected] 21st January 2011 14 This week’s...

Theatre Film Exhibitions Talks Music Events Sport

The Way Through The Kings Speech Lucia Nogueria: ‘Transnational Feeder Masquerade: 1st Division Football: the Woods Tues 18 - Sun 23rd January Mischief Exhibition Organised Crime’ Weds16th February MedSoc Ball 2011 Emma 1st XI v. Cineworld 12.30-21.20 (£5.10) the JunCtion 19.45 (£22.50) Wed 19th - Sat 22nd January Sat 15th Jan - Sun13th March Sat 22nd January Trinity 1st XI adC theatre 23.00 (£5) The Golden Globe winning film Kettle’s yard (Free) Sat 22nd January Feeder return triumphant from the Cambridge union 20.00 Sat 22nd January starring Colin Firth and Helena gonVille and Caius College - their summer festival tour to per- (£36 medsoC/union members, Combines verse, music and magic The late Brazilian installation 14.00 Bonham-Carter in a Royal tale the bateman room 16.30-18.00 form at The Junction. The gig will £40 non-members) in a new and devilishly dark retell- artist’s work is to be showcased this Possibly the biggest fixture of the of famial struggle, humiliation (Free) feature songs from their recently ing of Snow White. spring. Her ethereal sculpture has Tuck into the hog roast, sip on college football calendar for 2011. and personal triumph. Dr Frank G. Madsen will talk released, harder-edged sounding been shown in London and now champagne and enjoy the cock- Both teams are in the hunt for the it’s Cambridge’s turn. about crime networks around the album Renegades alongside their tails all night. Live the Venetian world. classic anthems. title but whoever wins will be the Much Ado About Blue Valentine dream and dance the night away favourite to win the league. to some incredible acts in the Tues 18th - Thurs 20th January Thin Lizzy Nothing Beauty Walk Trail Naum Gabo Talk Chamber. arts piCture house 16.20-21.10 Blues Rugby v. Tues 1st - Fri 4th February, Tues 11th January - Wed 1st Thurs 27th January Friday 21st January Matinée performances: (£7.50) Cambridge Corn exChange June Kettle’s yard13.10-13.40 (Free) Durham Thursday and Saturday, 2.30pm A standout film at the 2010 the Fitzwilliam museum (Free) 19.45 (£24) Cambridge arts theatre19.45 Sundance, London and Cannes by Sebastiano Barassi, Curator. of Career’s Service Sat 22nd January Take a walk around the museum One of rock music’s most recog- grange road 14.15 (no tiCKet- (£15) film festivals depicting an intense Kettle’s Yard and nominate the painting or nizable names explodes onto the Barrister’s Event needed) Carl Heap directs the Marlowe and beautifully obsersed story of One of the pioneers of Kientic Cambridge music scene with a object you find the most beauti- Tuesday 25th January The Blues look to get back to Society in a fast paced showcase modern love found and lost. Art, Naum Gabo’s talk will cer- fresh sound, look and attitude. ful. This trail has been designed law FaCulty 13.00-15.30 (Free, winning ways after their defeat of the eternal battle of the sexes. tainly be moving. booKing not neCessary) in connection with the series of to Oxford at Twickenham with Breathless lectures on Beauty organised by Friday Lunchtime What do barristers do? Do you a home fixture against Durham Pornography (A bout de souffle) Darwin College. ‘The Science of need a First? How do you choose University. Concert between specialisms? How do you Thursday 20th January Risk’ Panel Debate Wed 26th January - Sat 29th Friday 21st January progress? Get answers from course January arts piCture house 17.00 (£7.50) Thurs 20th January Kettle’s yard 13.00-13.50 (Free) providers, barristers and student 1st Division Rugby: adC theatre 23.00 (£6-4) Francesca mCCrum leCture theatre, A 50th Anniversary re-release of a Daniel Tse, basoon soloist plays a advisors. Violently dark. Startlingly poi- ben’et street 19.30-21.30 St John’s v. classic capturing a living, breathing Woodman medley of Mozart. gnant. A little bit naughty. Free entry. Free reFreshments Magdalene Paris full of crime, cop chases and Weds 17th Nov - Sat 22nd Jan proVided. Media Careers love. ViCtoria miro (london) (£35) Sun 23rd January Presented by The Triple Helix Closer The Cult Evening 14.00 Victoria Miro will present a selec- Events, this talk will focus on a Tues 25th January at 7pm and Black Swan tion of fifty photographs created discussion of how good our per- Sat 22nd January Thursday 27th January St John’s will be looking to keep Sat 29th 9.30pm Release date - Friday 21st Jan between the early 1970s and 1981. ception of risk is. In new science Cambridge Corn exChange 19.45 mill lane leCture rooms the pressure on League leaders Corpus playroom (£6) Cineworld (£5.10) Woodman’s work focuses on the (£28) 18.30-20.00 (Free, booKing not Jesus with victory against Magde- technologies, who’s responsibility required) Obsession, violence and sex collide A tortured New York ballerina relationship with her body as both is it to communicate risk? Do The Cult return to the UK after lene. Anything other than a win when four people meet for the first competes to win the coveted lead the object of the gaze and the act- you know your risk? Why not the release of their new capsule Hear speakers from different areas could see the title slip beyond their time. First they fall in love. Then role in Swan Lake in this sensual ing subject behind the camera. take the risk, and go along. collection. of the media talking about their grasp. they fall apart. and psychological thriller. career paths and courses.

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21st January 2011 Sport Editor: James Corcut [email protected] 15 Scorching Blues batter MARCH woeful Worcester 4-0 is Brain

HELEN HILLYARD JAMES CORCUT Tumour Sport Editor Fresh from the winter break, Awareness the Blues stepped out onto the Grange Road pitch in a confi- dent manner as they prepared to Month so set off at a face the Worcester Vs in the third round of the BUCS cup. The gulf in class between the two sides became evident early blistering PACE. on as the Blues looked to get the ball down and fi nd space despite Whether you have a NEED for the bad playing surface. Their tidy footwork was nearly undone in the opening stages, however, when a SPEED or prefer to CYCLE in your lack of communication in defence led to a half chance for Worcester’s own TIME, we have the ROUTE to front-man. His shot left goalkeeper Boyde scrambling across his goal suit YOU. Use your HEAD and follow as it glanced past the post. But Cambridge immediately keeper from range and panicking went down and the victory was regained their composure, using the opposition. never in doubt. In reality the score your HEART 60 miles from the fl anks to great e ect and get- Before long their reward came. could have been much higher. ting on the wrong side of their A rare Worcester foray into the Chances came and went with LONDON to CAMBRIDGE. BRAIN opposing markers, who found home half was quickly dealt with increasing frequency as Cam- themselves reduced to committing before Cambridge’s Haitham bridge worked the ball smoothly a series of fouls. With ten minutes Sherif was released to charge at through the midfield and down TUMOURS are the biggest cancer gone a free kick from just inside goal. His pace and control cut the wings. The third fi nally came the Worcester half was cleverly through the heart of the defence in the 75th minute when a corner killer of children and adults aged under fl icked on to the back post where and he kept his cool to slot the was whipped in at the near post skipper Day had crept in for a free ball past the keeper to cap a quite and eagerly headed home by Day 40. That’s why doing something header, only to nod it harmlessly outstanding piece of individual to make up for his earlier miss in over the bar. skill and a slick counter-attack. emphatic fashion. It was a short reprieve for But however many times the As opposition legs grew tired, POSITIVE is a no-brainer. You can Worcester. Their lack of pace at old adage is said it will never they resorted to yet more cynical the back meant they were relent- lose its relevance: you are at your fouling. With three minutes left on help us to SAVE LIVES right now. lessly pushed deep into their own most vulnerable after you’ve the clock, the lively Ryan McCrick- half. Danny Kerrigan was causing scored. A moment of hesitation erd was clumsily brought down all sorts of problems as he carried in defence allowed Worcester in the area. The referee pointed So get PEDALLING. the ball time after time from the their fi rst clear chance at goal. A straight to the spot, waving away wing into the middle, testing the half-volley seemed destined for the half-hearted protests. Mark the roof of the net, only to be Baxter stepped up to drill the result- sensationally tipped over by a full ing penalty into the corner. stretch Boyde to the disbelief of Speaking to captain Day at the BOYDE everyone. end, he revealed the key to suc- In the second half normal cess in di cult conditions: “The service was resumed. Within pitch was not as good the one PEACOCK REVELL DAY BAXTER two minutes of kick-off Ryan we are used to playing on down McCrickerd played a delightful at Fenner’s. Today was all about HAKIM KERRIGAN BROADWAY GRIFFITHS through ball to Sherif, who cut fi nding our fi rst touch and clearing it back for Gri ths to slot home. our lines. In the end it was more The Worcester heads promptly of a battle than a performance.” MCCRICKERD SHERIF Women’s Blues come from behind to win

SARA HAENZI The task was made even in their favour. Fifteen minutes Football correspondent harder after Woodbridge scored. before the end an Thorenburg A cross found one of the strik- removed the fear of a possible The stakes were high going into ers in the middle of the penalty draw against a team only two this match. The Blues footballers area who converted directly. places above them in the league desperately needed a victory as As the game wore on, however, by converting a Wainwright cross. they went into the game sitting the Blues gained more posses- The fi nal moments saw a Wood- Samantha Dickson Brain at the bottom of the Eastern sion and started using the width bridge chance denied by great Region Premier Division. Having of the pitch to their advantage. defensive work from fullback Tumour Trust sponsored dropped valuable points during A long pass found Manon van Michelle Larson. the holidays due to some notable Thorenburg alone in front of So the Cambridge crowd – BIKE RIDE: 27 MARCH absences in the team, they must the opposition’s goalkeeper. Van at an away match - could cheer now concentrate on leaving the Thorenburg duly outran her the first Cambridge victory in 2011 Are you BIG enough relegation zone to ensure that and set up Mandy Wainwright the New Year. This will hope- Registered Charity 1128354 they retain their Full Blue status. to score into the empty net. The fully turn into a winning streak. to make a difference? Coach Dave Mosley, how- equaliser was well deserved as The next hurdle is Kettering in a Don’t just THINK about it. ever, stressed to the players that Cambridge had been threatening league cup match on the 23 Jan- they should go out on the pitch for some time. Emma Eldridge uary. However, many a player’s REGISTER online TODAY at and enjoy themselves. This was had already threatened with two mind might already be focused easier said than done as the dangerous e orts, one of which on the meeting against the Dark www.braintumourtrust.co.uk Blues started the game going hit the underside of the crossbar. Blues, who will come to Cam- into both the sun and a strong The second half saw Cam- bridge on 26th February. There or call 0845 130 9733 wind after Captain Maisie Byrne bridge dominate as they lined the Light Blues will have a title lost the toss. up with the wind and sun now to defend. Sport Editor: James Corcut [email protected] 21st January 2011 However many times the old adage is said it will never lose its relevance: you’re at your most vulnerable after you’ve scored SPORT James Corcut on the football Blues’ fi rst challenge of term, page 15

SPORT IN Dark days for Light Blues BRIEF MICHAEL DERRINGER The pick of the week’s papers

TENNIS BLUES TROUNCED BY LOUGHBOROUGH

The Tennis Blues were trounced 12-0 away by the Loughborough First Team. After a long BUCS season in which Cambridge have failed to record an overall victory against strong tennis universities across Britain, the Blues yester- day faced an exceptionally strong Loughborough team in their penultimate match of the cam- paign. The matches went to form with former world-ranked player, Jonny Kinsella, and his nationally- respected deputy, Scott Dixon, notching up victories against Johnston and Taubenslag, at one and two respectively. Jenkins and Legg also lost. The first doubles pair pushed their opponents to the limit, but finally succumbed 10-8 in the third set tie-break.

PENTATHLETES PUT THROUGH THEIR PACES BY THE ARMY

Cambridge Pentathletes built bridges, crossed ‘explosive areas,’ crawled through tunnels, fenced each other and challenged limits in last weekend’s training camp. Hosted by the Officer Train- ing Corps, the camp was aimed to help prepare Cambridge Uni- versity Modern Pentathlon Club (CUMPC) for the annual Varsity Match in April. Pentathlon competitors have to Below-par Cambridge lose out in the Varsity rugby match at Twickenham prepare rigorously for the fi ve-event sport which includes swimming, shooting, fencing, running and CAMBRIDGE 10 instances of slick rugby were lamenta- bring down his man, leaving Oxford the Cambridge soon found the reward show jumping. bly rare with Cambridge never looking simple task of freeing James Crozier to for their e orts as the scrum was re-set The athletes described the camp as OXFORD 21 likely to break through the defensive go over the line to leave the score at 15-0 on Oxford’s fi ve-meter line four times exhausting. line. in favour of Oxford. before a huge drive forced their pack to JACK JEFFRIES In the opening quarter of the game, The Light Blues could only manage a wheel over the try line. The referee was Varsity Match reporter neither side looked likely to take the converted penalty before the teams went left with no choice but to award the pen- lead. Thanks to some nervous errors, into the changing rooms with the score alty try. Richards converted, narrowing Despite their status as favourites and the possession was traded between them and at 15-3. the defi cit to 15-10. momentum provided by a string of wins play oscillated between the two halves of The Light Blues came out for the Once again, however, Cambridge was leading up to their clash with Oxford, the pitch. It was Oxford who eventually unable to maintain the momentum and the Light Blues trailed their rivals for broke the stalemate, converting a pen- soon found themselves pinned back in Search: van der Vaart keepy uppy almost the entire 80 minutes of the Var- alty gifted to them on the Cambridge their own half. The pressure told and a sity Rugby match.. 22, before capitalising on their momen- Cambridge never careless offside gifted their opponents Defensively Cambridge was the tum to score the fi rst try of the match. another three points. weaker of the two sides, unable to Having stretched the defence with some looked likely to Some periods of good attacking rugby prevent tries from Oxford backs Alex quick o oading outside, they released- followed for the Light Blues as they Cheesman and James Crozier. In attack centre Alex Cheesman who took the ball break through the worked their way deeper into enemy MICHAEL DERRINGER over the line on the wing. territory, but it was killed o by more Cambridge was shell-shocked by the defensive line handling errors, which had plagued speed at which Oxford had put points on them throughout the game. the board and failed to respond. Instead, second half knowing they needed to The antics of a streaker in a Light it was the Dark Blues again who seized wrest the momentum from their oppo- Blue scarf cheered up the Cambridge the initiative. sition. They seemed to have done this crowd momentarily before the game They worked their way into the Cam- when the ball was shipped across fi eld ended on a low note as hooker Jamie bridge half before scrum half Nick and winger Rob Stevens went over at the Gilbert su ered an ankle injury. The Anything you can do I can do better: Haydon released the back line. Cam- corner, but the try was disallowed due Dark Blues added insult to injury with Rafael van der Vaart’s wife shows o bridge outside centre Fred Burdon to a forward pass from captain Jimmy another penalty, putting the fi nal score her skills with a football. broke quickly from his line but failed to Richards. at 21-10.