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B’NAI MITZVAH HANDBOOK

“And these words which I command you this day you shall take to your heart. You shall diligently teach your children. You shall recite them at home and away, morning and night.” Leviticus 6: 5-8

“At 5 years the age is reached for the study of Bible; at 10 for the study of Mishnah; at 13 for the fulfillment of the commandments.” (Avot 5:21)

CONGREGATION TIKKUN V’OR 5576/ 2015

WELCOME

Welcome to the b’nai mitzvah year! There is a great deal of excitement and enthusiasm generated during this year and we hope that you are able to enjoy it with your child. Religious instruction has great potential to guide your family towards spiritual and communal growth and we look forward to facilitating this process. Becoming a bar or bat mitzvah signifies a new stage in your child’s Jewish development. He or she can feel great pride in having learned the Shabbat liturgy and having accomplished the task of reading a sacred story from the Torah.

One of the key goals of Congregation Tikkun v'Or is to provide an environment in which our children can learn how to live a rich Jewish life and be prepared to participate as full members of our religious community. To support this goal, Tikkun v'Or provides children with opportunities for Jewish education, prayer, and the performance of mitzvot. As Reform Jews, we place a great deal of emphasis upon the ethical commandments taught in the Hebrew Bible. This requires the young person to learn about Jewish ethics, and just as importantly, to learn how to apply it to their lives.

Becoming a bat or bar mitzvah is a very special occasion, one that is celebrated in community with friends and family. Literally, to become a bat (for a girl) or bar (for a boy) mitzvah means to become a daughter or son of the commandment. This age signifies a turning point in a young Jew’s life, requiring them to assume more responsibility in the Jewish community.

As a congregation, we urge all families to commit with their children to making the most of all these opportunities. We view the attainment of Bar or Bat Mitzvah as one milestone on the path to becoming an adult member of the Jewish community. To this end, we have defined some desirable objectives for both the family and the individual student. Our overall goal is for the attainment of the status of Bar or Bat Mitzvah to be truly meaningful.

BAR/BAT MITZVAH AT TIKKUN V’OR: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE B’NAI MITZVAH YEAR? During the 7th grade year, religious studies are intensified to enable students to be prepared for the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony and for future adult Jewish life. • Religious School classes • Individual tutoring • Individual Mitzvah project • Increased service attendance

WHAT DO STUDENTS LEARN IN THE MIDWEEK CLASS? B’nai mitzvah students meet for a 1 1/2 hour mid-week class throughout the school year, in addition to the Sunday morning classes. Students must attend both classes for the entire year even if they become bar or bat mitzvah before the year is over.

The learning program for the midweek b’nai mitzvah class is divided into 4 sections. How can we understand what is in the Torah? Learning what is in the Hebrew bible, traditional and modern techniques for studying Torah. • Why do we pray? How do we pray? Understanding the structure and meaning of the Shabbat prayers. • How do we live holy, ethical lives? Study of the mitzvot which facilitate good decision-making and tikkun olam / the repair of the world. • How do we put learning into action? The b’nai mitzvah class participates in one or more mitzvah projects to apply Jewish values learned in the class.

HOW DO STUDENTS LEARN THE TORAH PORTION? In addition to the weekly Sunday school and Mid-Week B’nai Mitzvah classes, students follow an individualized program of study. This program generally begins six months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony and includes the following components: *In-depth study of the meaning of the student's Torah portion, culminating in the composition of a D’var Torah *Chanting of a section of the Torah and Haftarah portions *Chanting of the prayers that the student will lead

The family and the student work with the rabbi, bnai mitzvah coordinator, and the Religious School Director to decide on an appropriate level of participation in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service(s). Usually, the student leads parts of the Saturday morning services, receives an aliyah and recites the appropriate blessings, chants some part of the Torah and Haftarah portions, and offers a D'var Torah (commentary and insights on the Torah/Haftarah portions).

HOW MUCH HEBREW DO STUDENTS NEED TO KNOW? A reading knowledge of Hebrew sufficient to learn to lead prayers, and to learn one's Torah and Haftarah portion, should be attained by one year prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. In some cases, this

may require that the family provide individual tutoring at their own expense. Practicing Hebrew over the summer can make a big difference.

WHAT ELSE DO STUDENTS NEED TO LEARN TO BECOME BAR/BAT MITZVAH? Each bar/bat mitzvah student can improve his/her prayer skills. In addition to the work in the b’nai mitzvah class, the student works individually with the tutor on the Shabbat prayers and their meanings. The student is expected to learn and lead at least the list of prayers in the Readiness Checklist, including: Shabbat candle lighting blessing, Barchu, Shema and V’ahavta, V’shamru, Tefillah (1st two blessings), Aleinu, Kiddush (for Shabbat evening and Shabbat morning) & Motzi, Tallit blessing, blessing for Torah study, Morning Blessings, Blessings before and after Torah and Haftorah, and Adon Olam.

Recordings of all the prayers and their melodies are available on the TvO website to help students learn the melodies. The opportunity always remains open for the student to prepare more than the assigned. Please speak to the TvO Religious School Director and the B'nai Mitzvah Coordinator about any learning challenges so that they can plan this year of study together appropriately.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD FAMILIES AND STUDENTS ATTEND SERVICES? As often as possible! Regular attendance and participation in Shabbat and holiday services is the best way to learn and be comfortable with the prayers and services. It's also a way to connect with other families and the rest of the Tikkun v'Or congregation.

Attending services is one of the most helpful ways to for the student to prepare for leading prayers, which is part of what each student does on the day of their bar/bat mitzvah. In addition, attending services is a mitzvah, since it builds community and supports anyone wishing to say Mourner’s Kaddish for a loved one.

Students are expected to attend:

Friday night services: All scheduled class participation services* At least 6 other Friday night services led by congregants Bar/bat mitzvah services of classmates in the seventh grade year Saturday morning services: At least one bar/bat mitzvah at TvO prior to the seventh grade year Scheduled class participation service* At least 4 services led by Rabbi Brian (starting at 10 am) Bar/bat mitzvah services of classmates in the seventh grade year Holiday services: At least one service each for Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur (out of town OK) At least one other TvO holiday celebration

* A calendar of services will be made available at the beginning of the school year. If a student cannot attend a class participation service, they must arrange to make up by participating in a different service. Plan to attend both Friday evening and Saturday morning services for each of your classmates' bar/bat mitzvah.

Additional participation: The religious life of Tikkun v'Or is based on active participation. In addition to attending services, we ask that each student take a role in leading services. Families may choose to lead a service together, or a student might lead a few prayers at a service led by a congregation member. Throughout the year students may also be asked to participate in Shabbat evening or morning services with Rabbi Walt or with other congregational leaders.

WHAT IS THE IMPORTANCE OF A MITZVAH PROJECT? Students in the B’nai Mitzvah class participate in one or more group activities that expresses Jewish values in a personally meaningful way. Staff will supervise the students and help them understand the meaning of the project in a Jewish context. Each student is expected to design and carry out his/her own mitzvah project outside class time. In addition, students are encouraged to think creatively about other ways that they can put Jewish values into action in the course of their everyday lives.

We hope that all children will take every opportunity to learn about and perform mitzvot, taking part in the opportunities provided in religious school, in the family, in the congregation, and in the larger community.

WHAT ARE THE FAMILY’S RESPONSIBILITIES? The family’s main responsibility is to support the young person in his or her study of Torah. Parents can do this by making sure the student attends classes and services, listening as the student practices prayers, Torah and haftarah, and engaging with the student as s/he explores the Torah portion and creates a meaningful D’var Torah. Some students want to work more independently, and families can still help by conferring regularly with the teachers about his/her progress,

The bar/bat mitzvah year is a time to deepen the entire family’s Jewish learning. Parents and siblings can help by listening as the bar/bat mitzvah practices the prayers. Torah and Haftarah portions, and writes a D’var Torah. Be a supportive and encouraging “audience.” Ask plenty of questions. Answer what you can. Read together to find out more. Attend services as a family.

For more suggestions on participation in the bar/bat mitzvah and the creation of the prayer book supplement, see the sections entitled Family Participation and Supplement.

The family hosts a Kiddush following the bat/bar mitzvah service for the congregation and guests. This can be as simple as challah with wine and grape juice, or as elaborate as a sit-down luncheon. Remember to also provide cups, napkins, plates, and other paper goods as necessary. Families are encouraged to arrange to separate and compost food waste and paper/compostable dishware.

Families are encouraged to help each other with the oneg – this can make it easier for everyone. Most families also have a party after the bar/bat mitzvah service for close friends and family.

HOW CAN THE REST OF OUR FAMILY PARTICIPATE? The bar/bat mitzvah is a life passage that signals a deeper involvement in Judaism and thus requires the Jewish young adult to take-on more Jewish responsibility. As such, the work that the student does in preparation for the bar/bat mitzvah requires thoughtfulness and commitment.

Each bar/bat mitzvah student is unique and offers the Jewish community different gifts. In order to nurture these unique qualities, the student is trained in a tailored study schedule designed by the rabbi. In addition, we encourage family participation in the service itself. This usually takes the form of participating in creative or standard readings, blessings, or rituals associated with the bar/bat mitzvah Shabbat service.

Following you will find a list of suggestions for participation of family members and friends. Others can be added.

Shabbat Evening Service: • Candle lighting (Hebrew & English) at beginning of the Shabbat Evening Service • Kiddush/Blessing over the wine (Hebrew & English) or Motzi/Blessing over the challah (Hebrew) during the Oneg Shabbat after the Evening Service • English readings (at the discretion of the service leader) • Lead a D’var Torah

Shabbat Morning Service: • Handing of the tallit to the bar/bat mitzvah • English readings from the morning service in the prayerbook • For the Reading of Torah • Open & Close Ark • Unwrapping Torah • (2+) Torah blessings before and after the Torah Reading (aliyah) • Torah Lifter (hagbaha) and Torah Wrapper (gelilah) • Open & Close Ark • Kiddush/Blessing over wine (Hebrew & English) (during the Kiddush after the service) Motzi (Hebrew)/Blessing over the bread (during the Kiddush after the morning service)

Other: • Passing the Torah down the generations • Additional Torah reading • Leading a song • Parental Blessing of the bar/bat mitzvah • English readings from prayer books or other sources • English Readings

For interfaith families: Members of the congregation who are in interfaith families are invited to participate fully in services. Please discuss opportunities for participation by non-Jewish

family & friends who are not members with B'nai Mitzvah Coordinator.

For special needs: TvO strives to include, accommodate and integrate people with special needs. Please discuss opportunities for participation by family & friends who have special needs, including mobility impairments with the B'nai Mitzvah Coordinator.

At the party: There are potentially many different ways to involve family & friends at the party also. Several of the bar/bat mitzvah sourcebooks in the synagogue library have suggestions.

SUPPLEMENT TO THE PRAYER BOOK (optional) Some families like to create a supplement to the prayerbook to personalize each Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Tikkun v’Or has approximately 60 copies of The Torah, but if you wish for each guest to have a copy of the text, a supplement is helpful. If you do choose to make a supplement, please ask the Religious School Director for samples and follow these suggestions.

Checklist for Optional Supplements -Hebrew and English of the Torah and haftarah readings (required unless you use our copies of The Torah) -Welcome and Thank you (recommended) -English readings or quotes that are not in the prayerbook (optional) -Explanations about the service, prayers, Jewish customs (optional) -List of honors/honorees (optional)

*Please put page numbers on each page of the supplement

CHECKLIST FOR THE DAY OF THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH

Bring to the service: ___ Bar or Bat Mitzvah’s Haftarah portion, D’var Torah and Siddur ___ Supplements, if you are printing them ___ Parent’s Blessing (optional) ___ Tallit and kipah for bar/bat mitzvah ___ Extremely Soft Candy (optional) to be passed out before Torah Service (wrapped jelly candies or Swedish fish are best, NO CHOCOLATES, no hard candy, no soft but firm candy

Make sure it gets set up: ___ Sound system – have someone ready to adjust if needed ___ Prayer books and supplements available for congregation ___ Put out The Torah chumashim on approximately every other seat ___ Kippot and tallitot on table outside sanctuary ___ Challah & kiddush cup on ‘kiddush table’ ___ Wine & juice poured in little cups on trays with cards marked “Wine” & “Juice”

For the celebration: ___ Make yourself a list for the celebration so you don't forget anything!

LOGISTICS & FEES

What do I need to know about the temple? B’nai mitzvah services are held on Saturday mornings at Congregation Tikkun v’Or at 2550 Triphammer Road. Reservations for this are automatically made at the time the bar/bat mitzvah date is chosen. The synagogue can hold up to 150 people seated in the sanctuary. We have 120 chairs, a bimah (platform) and sound system, which will all be set up for the service unless otherwise specified. The bnai mitzvah family hosts a Kiddush or oneg at the temple right after the services on Friday night and Saturday morning (see “Responsibilities).

A temple key and security code and instructions will be given to all b’nai mitzvah families in the week or two before the ceremony so that you may have access as needed. Keys must be returned.

Is the temple available for celebrations? The temple is available for b’nai mitzvah celebrations; the b’nai mitzvah family has rental priority for their chosen weekend. You must talk with Naomi in order to schedule a celebration at the temple; there is a rental contract and special regulations. Keep in mind the following: • We have 8 round tables, and 4 rectangular tables. Others can be rented at your expense. • Set-up and general clean-up for a reception are the responsibility of the renter. The fees include the service set-up, removal of the bimah (platform), and a cleaning fee. • A tent, dance floor, and table linens can be brought in at your expense. • Use of the kitchen is included in all contracts. Renters are responsible for adequate cleanup. Allowed usage is minimal, i.e., no food preparation is allowed. Reheating and catering are permitted.

B’nai mitzvah celebrations have also been held at people’s homes, at local hotels, on the college campuses, at state parks, and other area venues.

We do ask that the celebration be in keeping with Jewish customs. Please keep in mind that the b’nai mitzvah students have spent considerable time learning the history and laws of Judaism. The celebration of this learning should be consistent with the spirit of Jewish traditions and practices.

While it is up to you to decide what food to serve and what music to play, building policies, as well as Jewish custom, ask you to refrain from serving pork products and shellfish and having entertainment that is inappropriate for a religious celebration for a thirteen-year-old.

What about photography and videotaping? The service leader has discretion about photography and videotaping during services. Generally, flash photography during the service is not permitted. If a video camera will be set up to record the service, PLEASE DO NOT MOVE OR ADJUST IT DURING THE SERVICE or the Kiddush, except to insert a new tape (no zooming, no following the procession). There is no restriction regarding photography or videotaping before or after the service, or at any reception or party held at the synagogue later in the day.

What ritual objects to we need to have? There are a number of Jewish symbols that are associated with the preparation and ceremony of becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. Buying your child a kippah, for example, is one way to encourage your children to foster a relationship to prayer.

The bar/bat mitzvah is the first occasion at which a Jewish child wears a tallit. After this age, all Jews are expected to wear a tallit during a morning service. The tallit, with its fringes, is worn as a reminder of our responsibility to act ethically, as well as being an aid to prayer.

The congregation presents each bnai mitzvah with a special gift – a Kiddush cup or candlesticks. The Religious School Director will arrange for the bar/bat mitzvah to make a choice from our selection.

Costs: Religious School Tuition $375 Mid-week B’nai Mitzvah Class $180 Tutorial/Independent Study & Service $665 At your discretion: Flowers Oneg/Kiddush Facility Rental for celebration (temple fees are currently $300 and a security deposit) Food for party Entertainment Donation to the Temple, including special funds such as the Yeladim Religious School Scholarship Fund for tuition assistance to any families with financial need.

Where can I buy challah for the Oneg and party? Kosher challah is available in the kosher bakery section at Wegman’s or at BJs. Non-kosher challah (Kosher ingredients but not baked in a kosher oven) is available from Ithaca Bakery (one week’s notice for large challah) and from Wegmans bakery department.

Does the food at the Oneg and Kiddush have to be kosher? No pork or shellfish is allowed in the building at any time. Dishes and utensils from the temple kitchen may be used with vegetarian food or fish only. If you are inviting people who eat kosher or kosher-style, be aware that they may not be able to eat if non-kosher meat or poultry is being served, especially from platters that mix meat/poultry and dairy products.

What can we do with leftover food? Clean food is welcome at the Rescue Mission Friendship Center and Homeless Shelter 618 W. State St. - across from FedEx Office/Kinkos Friendship Center - side entrance 273-6684 Monday through Friday 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM Any amount of wrapped food can be dropped off at that location Outside of those hours, call the shelter at 273-9177 to arrange to deliver food

TIMELINE TASKS – WHO and WHAT TIME FRAME STUDENT FAMILY PARENT

AT LEAST 1 YEAR AHEAD FAMILY EDUCATION/CLASS MEETING STUDENT HAND IN MITZVAH PROJECT PROPOSAL PARENTS SET DATE, CONTACT HOTELS & CATERERS STUDENT LISTENING TO PRAYER/TROPE CD REGULARLY

9 MONTHS BEFORE SERVICE FAMILY MEETING TO BEGIN TUTORING STUDENT BEGINS LEARNING TORAH PORTION by 5 MONTHS STUDENT BEGINS REVIEWING PRAYERS STUDENT PROGRESS REPORT ON MITZVAH PROJECT by 3 MONTHS STUDENT BEGINS D’VAR TORAH DRAFT STUDENT BEGINS LEARNING HAFTARAH

2-3 MONTHS FAMILY MEETING FOR SERVICE PLANNING FAMILY CHOOSE INVITATIONS

2 MONTHS PARENTS CONTACT CATERER FOR SHABBAT MORNING KIDDUSH (OR PREPARE TO DO IT YOURSELF) PARENTS PROPOSE ONEG EXCHANGES WITH OTHER B MITZVAH PARENTS

PARENTS CONTACT ONEG COORDINATOR TO (CO)SPONSOR FRIDAY NIGHT ONEG

FAMILY CHOOSE ALIYOT & HONORS GIVEN DURING THE SERVICE: FAMILY CHOOSE ENGLISH READINGS/READERS PARENTS SUBMIT NEWSLETTER ANNOUNCEMENT FAMILY MAIL INVITATIONS

1 MONTH PARENTS LIST OF HEBREW NAMES (all people having aliyot) STUDENT FINAL DRAFT OF DVAR TORAH STUDENT FINAL REPORT ON MITZVAH PROJECT

2 WEEKS FAMILY REHEARSAL PARENTS CONFIRM HONORS PARENTS PRINT SUPPLEMENT (please confirm Torah service honors with service leader prior to printing)

WEEK OF BAR/BAT MITZVAH STUDENT ASSIST WITH FRIDAY EVENING SERVICE PARENTS LET OTHERS HELP! EVERYONE ENJOY BAR/BAT MITZVAH

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GLOSSARY OF HEBREW TERMS

Aliyah Blessing Hebrew blessing said before and after the reading of the Torah

Challah Braided bread eaten on Shabbat and Holidays

Chumash 5 Books of the Hebrew Bible

D’var Torah An educational talk, which teaches about the meaning of a Torah portion

Gelilah The wrapping of the Torah. The person who wraps is the Goleil or Golelet

Haftarah Selected writings from the Jewish Prophets, linked to weekly Torah reading

Hagbah Ritual lifting and display of the Torah after it has been read during the service

Kiddush Refers to the blessing over the wine/grape juice as well as the small gathering after the Shabbat morning service

Kipah (Hebrew)/Yalmulke (Yiddish) Religious head-covering traditionally worn by Jewish men and increasingly worn by Jewish women.

Kosher/Kashrut Dietary laws that forbid the consumption of pork, shellfish, and the mixing of milk and meat.

Maariv Evening Service

Maftir The last 3 lines of every Torah portion that is read by the individual who will be chanting the Haftarah Portion

Minchah Afternoon Service

Motzi Prayer that expresses our gratitude for the food that GOD provides & which human beings cultivate

Parasha, Parashah Weekly section of Torah that is read in the synagogue.

Shacharit Morning Service

Siddur prayer book

Tallit The fringed prayer shawl worn during the Morning Service.

Tanakh Entire biblical canon of Jewish literature (the Torah, the Prophets, the Writings)

Tefillah literally means ‘prayer.’ Also refers to the Standing Prayer (Amidah) that is offered during every prayer service

Torah The 5 Books of Moses-Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronmy.

Trop, Trope, or Ta’amei HaMikra Musical notation that instructs the reader how to sing the text. Often called cantillation marks.

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READINESS CHECKLIST

I know the following prayers for Kabbalat Shabbat (Friday Evening) ______Read ______Lead Shabbat candle lighting blessing ______Read ______Lead Barchu ______Read ______Lead Shema and V’ahavta ______Read ______Lead V’shamru ______Read ______Lead Tefillah (1st two paragraphs) ______Read ______Lead Aleinu ______Read ______Lead Kiddush (for Shabbat evening) & Motzi

I know the following prayers for Shabbat Morning (Saturday Morning) ______Read ______Lead Tallit blessing ______Read ______Lead Blessing for Torah Study ______Read ______Lead Morning Blessings ______Read ______Lead Barchu ______Read ______Lead Shema & V’ahavta ______Read ______Lead Tefillah (1st 2 paragraphs) ______Read ______Lead Echad eloheinu (Torah service Sh’ma) ______Read ______Lead Blessings before and after the Torah reading (Aliyah) ______Read ______Lead Blessings before and after the Haftarah reading ______Read ______Lead Aleinu ______Read ______Lead Adon Olam ______Read ______Lead Kiddush (for Shabbat morning) & Motzi

______Torah Parasha ______Maftir ______Haftarah

_____ Studied the story and meanings of my parasha _____ Wrote d’var Torah _____ Completed my mitzvah project or arranged to finish it within a designated and approved time frame

Attended services on: - At least one TvO Saturday morning bar/bat mitzvah service prior to 7th grade - Friday and Saturday services for all bnai mitzvah students in class - All scheduled Vav-Zayin class participation services, including Yom HaShoah - At least 6 additional Friday night services prior to bar/bat mitzvah - At least 4 Shabbat morning services (starting at 10 am) with Rabbi Walt prior to bar/bat mitzvah - Bar/bat mitzvah services (both Friday & Saturday) of classmates - At least one service each for Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur - At least one other TvO holiday celebration

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