Exponent II Volume 27 Number 4 ONTENTS C Exponent II Meet Our Contest Winners...... 3 Unraveling...... 20 Tally S. Payne EDITORIAL STAFF Sisters Speak...... 3 Editor Nancy T. Dredge I Am Emma’s Mother...... 22 Kamia Walton Holt Associate Editors A Radical Life Blooms in Becket...... 4 Kate Holbrook Aimee Hickman Heather Sundahl The Perpetual Reproduction Society .23 Editorial Assistants A Visit to Eliza R. Snow’s Birthplace ..5 Julianna Berry Kimberly Burnett Colleen Wiest Aimee Hickman Poetry Artists Return to the Chilean Homestead...... 24 Lynn Anderson Helen Candland Stark Essay Contest Winner Lena Dibble Of Clue and Cleaning House...... 6 Lisa Rubilar Linda Hoffman Kimball Carol B. Quist Suemarie Lamaker goodness gracious Designer Essay Contest Honorable Mention Chocolate Chips and Exponent: Evelyn Harvill The Dogwood Trees ...... 8 Contributing to the Real World...... 26 Business Manager Barbara Streeper Taylor Rebecca Clarke Linda Hoffman Kimball Poetry Editor Ann Stone Are You There God? It’s Me Heather10 Book Review Book Review Editor Heather Sundahl Help for Moms is Here ...... 28 Deborah Farmer Kimberly Burnett Production The Begonia Monologues ...... 14 Evelyn Harvill Emma Shumway The Tsunami—Up Close Margaret Dredge Moore and Personal...... 29 EXECUTIVE BOARD A Day in the Life Jeanne Decker Griffiths President of the Cannon Family...... 16 Aimee Hickman Letters ...... 31 Judy L. Cannon Secretary Linda Andrews Treasurer Coming Attractions Barbara Streeper Taylor Historian Future issues of Exponent II will include articles on Mormon women quilters; Cheryl Davis DiVito the effects of pornography addiction on families; women and power; dealing Members with life changes; and making sense of suffering. If you are interested in writing Linda Andrews, Robin Zenger Baker, on any of these subjects, please contact us. Kimberly Burnett, Emily Curtis, Cheryl Davis DiVito, Nancy Tate Dredge, Judy Rasmussen Dushku, Karen Call Haglund, Evelyn Harvill, Submissions to Exponent II Kate Holbrook, Aimee Hickman, We welcome your personal essays, articles, poetry, and fiction. We focus on—but do not Heather Sundahl, Barbara Taylor publish exclusively—manuscripts that are women and Mormon Church-related. Please Exponent II (ISSN 1094-7760) is published e-mail submissions to [email protected] or mail disk or hard copy to Exponent II, Box quarterly by Exponent II Incorporated, a non- 128, Arlington, MA 02476. Doublespace manuscripts and write on one side only with your profit corporation with no official connection with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day name, address, and e-mail address, if available, on each page. Keep a copy of your work; Saints. Articles published represent the opin- manuscripts will not be returned. ions of authors only and not necessarily those of the editor or staff. Letters to Exponent II or its editors and Sisters Speak articles are assumed We are also looking for artwork and photography. Send samples of your work for considera- intended for publication in whole or in part and tion. If you are interested in illustrating articles, please contact us for specific assignments. When may therefore be used for such purposes. sending photographs via e-mail, be sure the resolution is at least 300 DPI. Copyright © 2005 by Exponent II, Incorporated. All rights reserved.

The purpose of Exponent II is to provide a forum for Mormon women to share their life experiences in Cover: Replica of Joyful an atmosphere of trust and acceptance. This exchange allows us to better understand each other and Moment by sculptor Dennis shape the direction of our lives. Our common bond is our connection to The Church of Jesus Christ of Smith. Photograph by Lena Latter-day Saints and our commitment to women. We publish this paper as a living history in cele- Dibble. bration of the strength and diversity of women.

2 Exponent II Meet Our Contest Winners Carol Joan Bennion Quist, whose Stanford and an M.A. from the in Honor of President David O. essay “Of Clue and House University of Utah in women’s McKay, a journal that publishes Cleaning” was this year’s Helen history and literature. the winning essays of the Candland Stark essay contest win- country’s highest-paying personal ner, sold her first piece of writing Carol has lived many places in the essay contest. to the former Children’s Friend, the United States and in Al Khobar, second to Vogue, the third to Good Saudi Arabia, with her now “I served a mission to Guatemala Housekeeping, the fourth, fifth, and retired engineer/attorney husband in 1994–1995. sixth to Ensign, who lost the sixth William Woodbury Quist. They but said, “Keep the money and have four living sons and fifteen “While I deeply enjoy my outside- sell the piece grandchildren. Their eldest son of-home elsewhere.” Will died of brain tumors in pursuits, I She did. She October 2004. find has proofread myself at Ensign, Besides writing, reading, and wanting taught basic gardening, Carol enjoys traveling more and composition at with Bill and has been in every more to LDS Business U.S. state and nearly two dozen simply College in Salt nations so far. She covets trips to spend Lake City, and South America and Antarctica. time with taught human- my family. ities, communication, business Rebecca Clarke, whose essay I love to watch six-year-old Eliza English, and technical writing at “Dogwood Trees” won an honor- play soccer and love to watch Salt Lake Community College. able mention in this year’s essay four-year-old Emme show me contest, has the following to say with huge sweeping arm motions Carol has won prizes for poetry, about herself: how ‘Heavenly Father created the light verse, fiction, and non-fiction world.’ When Sam, Eliza, Emme, and teaches grammar, humor, and “When I turned seven, I got a blue and I are together in idyllic family essay writing seminars. She’s plastic typewriter for my birthday. moments—which thankfully currently editing a friend’s It really worked. I have tinkered aren’t too rare—we enjoy taking autobiography. with writing ever since. I currently walks, playing on the tire swing in teach writing at BYU, write peri- our front yard, and reading books Now associate editor at Sunstone odically for Meridian Magazine, out loud to each other. When I magazine, Carol has an A.B. in and edit The Restored Gospel and have moments free and alone I radio-TV production/writing from Applied Christianity: Student Essays love to read and write and garden.”

Sisters Speak In many ways and settings, the someone who would like to you think it affected your rela- Church has been addressing the write—about your experiences in tionship the way it did? What problem of pornography addic- order to help broaden the have you learned about dealing tion and how it affects the lives understanding of other sisters in with the temptation pornogra- of LDS families. We, too, would the Church, please consider the phy holds either for you or for like to acknowledge this prob- following questions: someone who is close to you? lem and discover how women, in particular, are dealing with it. Have you had a relationship All letters will be published Therefore, if you or your family that has been affected by anonymously. Please have struggles with this issue and pornography? How would you your contributions to us at expo- would like to write—or know describe its impact? Why do [email protected] by October 1.

Vol. 27, No. 4 3 A Radical Life Blooms in Becket

Aimee Hickman wooded landscape on the border an upstart religious group in of the Berkshire Hills. The contrast which their daughter, Eliza, would From an early age, my grandma between the barren desert land- marry first one and then the Sylvia took me on outings to the scape of Salt Lake that Eliza second of that group’s two charis- Daughters of the Utah Pioneers would find in her late forties matic leaders, but where she Museum in Salt Lake City. There I could not be more distinct from would eventually become one of glimpsed the personal details of the land of her birth. those leaders herself. Eliza was a our early saints as I wandered woman bold enough to be a through rooms full of textiles, hair Fittingly, Eliza’s monument sits on priestess, bold enough to be a art, and hidden gems of what are the lush green Athenaeum lawn. poetess, bold enough to abandon the closest things we have to After an enlightening talk by convention and live what was by Mormon reliquaries. It was there Colleen Wiest about how the mon- any standard a radical life. in a glass case devoted to a few of ument to Eliza came about, our Walking across the wide pine the worldly possessions of “Zion’s group of some thirty women and planks that comprise the floor of Poetess”—lace gloves she made men sang a stirring rendition of the late eighteenth-century cabin herself, poetry written in her own “O My Father.” We then headed that now exists as two small hand, the elaborate golden pen up to the town cemetery and read rooms of a much larger house, I given to her by Joseph Smith— the headstones of other members imagined a family who told stories that I first met Eliza R. Snow. of the Snow family who had not by firelight, parents who encour- embarked on such wild western aged their daughter’s penchant for Throughout my life, Eliza R. Snow adventures. The fragrance of education and religious fervor, a has been a dignified old woman thyme and mint was vivid—it little girl so close to her Heavenly in a black bonnet, matriarchal Mother that her poetry would without being maternal. She has inspire millions to find Her. stood as the preeminent symbol of strong, traditional Mormon Bound up together in our female righteousness. She was, shared wonder of that inspired for me, every bit an “Eliza,” life, Claudia Bushman led our with all the queenly elegance, group of disparate admirers rendered quaint by the passage through a series of Eliza’s poet- of time, that such a name con- ry put to song. Singing exuber- notes. But this last May, I was antly, and maybe a little irrev- able to glimpse another Eliza R. erently, into the dimming New Snow, the Roxcy part, a spunky England sky, my homage to side obscured by that intriguing Eliza came full circle. In my middle initial. made that place smell a thousand mind she is no longer the austere, years old, which made me wonder traditional Eliza R. Snow I knew Having heard whisperings of a if Eliza remembered it in hot, dry from daguerreotypes. From this recently erected monument in the Deseret as she thought about moment on, I’ll call her by her full town of her birthplace, I headed childhood graveside mourning name—there just wouldn’t be an with friends to meet others paying and the Snows left behind in Eliza R. Snow without the Roxcy. tribute to this early Mormon hero- Becket. ine in the small western Born and raised in the shadow of Massachusetts town of Becket. In Entering the structure that Eliza is Utah’s everlasting hills, Aimee is a every way, Becket is the quintes- believed to have been born in, I Westerner at heart who loves sential New England village— was overcome with the moxie, or antiquing in New England and white clapboard churches, a smat- Roxcy, of this remarkable family, cheering religiously for the Red tering of local shops, and an who left their quaint New Sox with her husband Jared and Athenaeum (otherwise known as a England home to head into the son Leo from their home in library) nestled into the green uncharted West, not only to join Somerville, Massachusetts.

4 Exponent II A Visit to Eliza R. Snow’s Birthplace

Colleen Wiest and the sun broke through—a fit- ting tribute to the dedicated life of Following the conclusion of the Eliza R. Snow. The townspeople Mormon History Association were impressed with Eliza’s Conference on May 29, thirty- accomplishments and leadership, three historians from across the including her many hymns, country left Sharon, Vermont, to poems, and much dedicated ser- make a pilgrimage to the birth- vice to the Church. place of Eliza R. Snow in Becket, Massachusetts. The weather had Sunshine seems to accompany been threatening all day, but as events commemorating Eliza’s the group gathered in Becket the work. Once again the clouds part- skies cleared. plaque together. I was pleased to ed while the MHA group gathered see in his collection of images a to honor this great woman. After On the 24th of July last year, a drawing of the Salt Lake Temple, visiting the memorial at the monument was placed on the which we used as the centerpiece Athenaeum, the group traveled to grounds of the Becket Athenaeum on the plaque. After both the the Snow family plot in the local to commemorate the bicentennial Church and the Athenaeum Board cemetery and then on to the Fred of Eliza’s birth. The idea for the of Trustees approved the text and Snow house, where tradition says memorial began with Sharon design, the bronze plaque was Eliza was born. Participants spec- Vasicek. Working together in the prepared and then mounted on a ulated about the original design Stake Young Women’s program, piece of local granite. Becket is and layout of the house. More she and I were hoping to incorpo- known for its beautiful granite. research is needed to find answers rate the memorial idea into a The piece used for mounting the to the many questions that arose youth activity. When this activity monument was found near the regarding the origins of the house, did not work out, I felt we could home of Eliza’s family and was which is known to have been built not let the opportunity to com- donated and placed on the in the latter part of the eighteenth memorate Eliza’s birth slip by. I grounds of the Athenaeum by a century. approached the bishop of the member of the Church, who wish- Pittsfield Massachusetts Ward to es to remain anonymous. Bill and Jennifer Darger hosted a see if the ward would support the delightful picnic dinner for the placement of a memorial plaque. This project received a great deal group at their wonderful colonial He was pleased with the idea and of support from the people of home in Otis. Bill accompanied put me in charge of the committee. Becket—from the town leaders to Claudia Bushman’s enthusiastic the Historical Commission to the leading of the group in many of Margorie Conder of the Church Athenaeum staff and board of Eliza’s poems, which the group History Museum staff and I directors. The townspeople had sang to familiar tunes. A large, worked closely together, especial- questions about Eliza and the threatening cloud arrived to signal ly on the text of the plaque. I felt project but were always positive the conclusion of the event, and strongly that we should include a and supportive of our efforts to the celebrators fled quickly as the few lines from the epitaph Eliza place this monument. deluge that had held off so long had written for herself: began in earnest. A community pancake breakfast, For friendship holds a secret cord . . . hosted by the fire chief, and a Colleen lived in Pittsfield, Like far off echoes of the night short program were held on the Massachusetts, when the plaque was And whispers softly through my soul morning of the 24th of July 2004 to placed and has since moved with her I would not be forgotten quite. unveil the memorial. The day had husband Joel to Manhattan. Together begun cloudy and cool, but as the they have four wonderful children. The owner of a local memorial group gathered for the commemo- business and I designed the rative service, the clouds parted

Vol. 27, No. 4 5 Essay Contest Winner Of Clue and Cleaning House Carol B. Quist But he never got an automatic could squat-waddle twenty-five dishwasher. We had to wash in more pyracantha feet to the north- 1940–50 dishpans in the sink, a soapy pan west corner of the house and for washing and a clean one for crawl around into the screened The eldest of eight children, my rinsing. I washed, rinsed, and set French porch. If we set the Clue sister and I had the most house- dishes in the drainer on the board north of the chimney next to work to do. We thought it unfair counter at right. Judy wiped. the house, no one could see us although, as Mom often reminded Sometimes while she wiped, from indoors. We’d tested it. us, being older also meant more my body blocking her view, I privileges. Besides being paid a bit took from the top drawer at left Because neighbors or passersby for chores, as we kids all were, clean utensils and put them could easily see us, we usually Judy and I could stay up later, through again. I enjoyed tricking avoided this route. Instead, we bike all around the neighborhood her, so I didn’t argue much about would dash across the driveway, (when her leg wasn’t in a cast), doing dishes. Of course Judy leap the Perkins retaining wall, and bus downtown to shop or see would plunk back into the dish- and crouch behind our lilac movies. Neighbors, who paid water anything that was still bushes. This scramble could also more, sometimes hired us, too. goopy. Or was it? She dumped be seen, and often was, by Mrs. them too fast for me to be sure. Perkins. Opening her kitchen win- We were also board game Sometimes I said, “Oh, just wipe it dow, she would say, “Hello, girls; addicts—Monopoly, Sorry, Scrabble, off!” Sometimes we “forgot” to I’ll call your mother for you.” and our favorite, Clue—the fiction- sweep the floor. Sometimes we Despite knowing our antics, Mrs. al mansion with nine possible did wet-rag swipes instead of Perkins still hired me to scrub her murder rooms, six suspects, six scrubbing thoroughly. floors each Wednesday. We might weapons. We developed two more also be spotted by friends—how weapons—poison (crushed pyra- We didn’t mind washing windows embarrassing—who’d finished cantha berries in perfume bottles) a few times a year, one of us their Saturday work or hadn’t any. and death rays (fired from ciga- outside and the other in, a pane at Also unfair. rette lighter and squirt gun parts). a time. We sometimes pretended Later on, we created a law firm— the other had missed or made a Usually we went the third way. Hook, Rook, Swindle, and Dodge smudge. And made faces at We crouched beside the back — to defend the accused. each other. porch and inched below the sewing room window to the As for the chores, we fairly But we always tried to duck the southwest corner of the house. promptly dusted and vacuumed. Saturday bathroom job by sneak- Usually, as we loped west across We were so-so with the laundry, ing out the back door while the backyard toward the French which included hanging it on Mom’s attention was elsewhere. porch, Mom would call from a backyard lines in the summer and Escape was fairly easy during the back window, “If you had cleaned bringing it in when dry. Winters after-breakfast exodus of our the bathrooms first, you would be we used the lines in the basement. ultimately six brothers. It might free to go play now. It would have With a sprinkler head on a root be helped by arguments between taken much less energy and not beer bottle, we “dampened” the the brothers assigned to clear weighed on your conscience all clothes to be ironed. For flat fabric, the table, wash dishes, and sweep the time you’re playing Clue.” we learned how to use the mangle, the floor. a fancy roller ironing machine I wondered about this as we Dad bought. He always bought After we got outdoors, we could silently, grudgingly trudged updated appliances such as auto- inch along north under the dining inside. And pondered while we matic washers and dryers to help room window. Then we could played odds and evens fingers to Mom run the house and care for squat-waddle fifteen feet west decide who would do the upstairs the kids. alongside the pyracantha bushes bath and who would have to do and leap the front walk. Then we the main. “Better than arguing,”

6 Exponent II Mom said. She’d bought all the and labeled closets full of photos. oughly wipe each container and games and always did her work Before that, I forget. I think some- move it out to a towel I’ve laid first—we knew that. We also one else had visited. Four of my over the living room carpet. I dust knew she must have too much brothers live in town. and wipe walls, towel bars, and work. She hardly ever seemed to bar supports, and then wash and have time to play. Whenever she So today I must clean. Quietly dry the basin and counter, includ- played what she called “warm- using my key, I enter the outside ing underneath. I carry out the ups,” though, she won. basement door and do the lower step stool, scale, extra chair, and bathroom. Installed when the laundry hamper. I wipe the The main floor bathroom was basement had become an apart- bottoms of everything. biggest and had the most mess. It ment, it’s used only by visitors was kind of interesting to pick and rarely needs more than Kneeling at the tub, I try to create toothpaste dots from the a zippy advertising slo- mirror but not to scour gan for Zud, the yucko- Vaseline and mystery looking new cleanser stains; sweep lint, dust, some fast-talker persuad- and sand left by brothers’ ed my folks to buy. shoes; deal with diapers “Zud! Zud! Zud for crud! and varied colors and Zud! Zud! Zud for crud!” quantities of hair. I chant while trying to Outdoors, two-fingered, I think of other rhymes shook who knew what for Zud. from the bath mats and tossed them down the “Carol, Carol? Wait. laundry chute. Gingerly, I LD Stop. Come in here. What scraped gray scallops from are you doing now?” the shower curtains and Mom calls. scoured black-edged tile. Often I wet-rag swipes and soap, towel, gave the floors only a wet-rag and tissue updates. I’m grinding a scrubbing brush swipe and ignored the smudged around inside the recessed tile wall under the basin. We prayed Climbing the inside stairs, I throw soap tray, but I don’t say that. I nobody had left any underwear; a kiss and a “Hi” at Mom, who’s tease. “I’m cleaning the bathroom we rarely touched the fuzz behind propped up on her bed and says, first. Before playing. But I’m also the toilet. “Oh, Carol, I heard you sneak in playing. Remember, you always around the back!” I’m already said to do our work first and make 1980 going upstairs where I pretty it a game. Judy and I were sup- much follow the same routine as I posed to sing and be happy.” My family has moved from New had downstairs. This bath is used Jersey back to Utah; Judy’s family only when Dad does accounting in “Well, singing was a big, big has moved from Utah to his office or when my unmarried improvement over your argu- Washington state. brother sleeps upstairs between ments about everything,” Mom here and his apartment. Mom said firmly and clearly from the Now Mom, a cancer survivor and never goes up or downstairs. bedroom. pacemaker owner semi-restricted Dad’s working at the temple to home, no longer needs to call. I today, so I banish dust and replen- “Zudz, Zudz, Zudz your crudz come almost daily while my sons ish the supplies. daily down the drain.” I sing it are in high school and college and over and over to the tune of “Row, my husband’s at work. But I Down on the main floor again, I row, row your boat.” haven’t cleaned the bathrooms for call, “Yell whenever you want in eons. Yesterday, I took Mom and here” and begin by polishing Mom giggles. I hear it when I take her cousin Eleanor to lunch. The mirrors. Meticulously, I dust the a breath. So I try a hillbilly accent. day before, we went shopping. coved tile wainscot and win- The day before that, we’d sorted dowsill. At the counter, I thor- continued on page 13

Vol. 27, No. 4 7 Essay Contest Honorable Mention The Dogwood Trees Rebecca Clarke woman asked me extensive ques- take to see Amish communities, tions about the eighteen months of weekend trips we could take to The “art” of pruning seeks to create a volunteer work I had done for my Washington D.C. and even mature form over the course of several church. I paced the basement floor New York. seasons—or several decades. It is not in my stockinged feet the entire an art to be hurried. time, gripping the receiver with My husband worried that going one hand, using my free hand to away from family would be a bad I should have kept a list of all the alternate between pulling ner- idea for our fledgling marriage, things I have killed. Off the top I vously at my bangs and stretching not to mention the difficulty of can name a yew tree, two peach out the collar of my t-shirt. I paced leaving the first job where he was trees that were barely hanging on, and turned and paced and paid a salary instead of by the and the wisteria—a purple flower- answered her cheerily, brightly. hour. Heading off to Bryn Mawr ing vine that grew up the trellis by And I ached for it. in Pennsylvania at $16,000 a year our back porch. Other plants stand certainly wouldn’t be a good as misshapen monuments to my My desire to go to Bryn Mawr financial move, not when I had bungling efforts: the struggling came as much from wanting the been accepted into graduate lilac by the driveway, the adventure of it as I did the educa- school at BYU less than two miles deformed forsythia bush, and all tion. I wanted to drive on different away and, by comparison, free. So the mangled roses in the front roads than I had for most of my he prayed alone and I prayed garden. Even with all of the life. It sounded romantic to me to alone and we prayed together. carnage and crippling, I still con- live in a cramped apartment with And the rib which I, the Lord God had tinue to try my hand at pruning; outdated fixtures and bookshelves taken from man, made I a woman, practice is the best way for me to made out of cinderblocks and and brought her unto the man. grow, if not my plants. I put all of plywood. I pored over maps and (Moses 3:22) the clippings in a pile where thought about day trips we could quail make their home. We We waited to see if Bryn Mawr burn the pile once a year, and made any financial aid offer, the quail run. figuring if they offered half or more, we would go. I carried When we were first married, the envelope downstairs one we moved into my parents’ sunny afternoon before Sam basement. At that time, I saw came home from work. I was gardening in the same way I nearly as transfixed with it as I saw doing laundry, cooking, had been with my mission call. and other home and family I opened it, shaking and alone, work: a necessary drudgery sitting on our bed by the win- that stood in the way of really dow. I pulled out the duplicate living. copies on tissue-thin sheets of yellow and pink and breathed It was while we lived in my in: a half-tuition scholarship. parents’ basement, during that first year of marriage, But Sam still worried. And that I was accepted to Bryn when the woman saw that the tree Mawr for graduate school in was good for food, and that it social work. I was accepted in became pleasant to the eyes, and a large part because I am tree to be desired to make her wise, Mormon. During my inter- she took of the fruit thereof, and view, which I opted to do by did eat, and also gave unto her SL phone because I didn’t dare husband with her, and he did eat. invest in a longshot, the (Moses 4:12-13)

8 Exponent II Sam and I flew to Pennsylvania to in the notebook did not come to Pennsylvania, we used our look at the campus: slate roofs; up equal. savings account to buy a little wooden benches; gothic architec- house with a big garden. I appreci- ture; dark, cavernous lecture halls. And the eyes of them both were ate the chance I have to work in It was our first trip as a married opened, and they knew that they were this particular garden; the plants couple, our first time together out- naked; and they sewed fig leaves are established enough to be side of Utah. We took turns taking together, and made themselves aprons. forgiving. each other’s pictures in front of the (Genesis 3:7) One night, after I’d buildings. I had Sam take my pic- sent my acceptance letter to Bryn Sometimes my two daughters ture in front of a blossoming dog- Mawr to save my spot, Sam stayed work with me in the garden, wood tree, white flowers perched up and prayed for hours. I was muddy fingers and chubby arms on limbs behind me like hesitant partially aware of his form at the helping me to plunk down plants butterflies. side of the bed and wandered in graceful disorder. And it came to between sleep and wakefulness, pass that after I, the Lord God, had We traveled into downtown envisioning what I was sure to be driven them out, that Adam began to Philadelphia, where we called my the outcome of our deliberations, till the earth, and to have dominion parents collect from outside the answer I’d received to my over all the beasts of the field, and to Independence Hall and let them prayers: We should go because it down by still being undecided. would be good. I could see me We looked at the Liberty Bell, walking into the gothic buildings. pressed the button to hear the I watched myself sitting in the lec- recorded message that went along ture halls, studiously intent, and with the exhibit, and then went to saw myself making my way up McDonald’s where we tried to act tight stairways to speak with a casual about the kaleidoscope of professor. I pictured our thirteen- people eating and talking around year-old Volkswagen actually us. On our way back to the motel, making the 1,800 mile trip. I could I drove us down a street where even imagine the inner-city fami- people looked greedily at our lies at the Episcopal Community rental car and slowly sauntered Services Center where I had been out of the way to let us by. Sam assigned to do my internship. eat his bread by the sweat of his brow, commanded me urgently, When Sam rolled into bed, I sat as I the Lord had commanded him. “Turn around. Turn around.” up, put my back against the head- And Eve, also, his wife, did labor with board, and looked at him. He said him. (Moses 5:1) I brought home a dogwood in the darkness and the quiet, “I blossom, a Bryn Mawr key fob, don’t think we should go.” In that Sam explained to me, seasons and a few postcards featuring the moment, I knew. My eyes were later—when I finally got to the picturesque campus landscape. open for a long time that night. point that I could hear it—that when he prayed he envisioned a We kept on praying. It was the Each individual tree or shrub has its drained savings account and no first real decision we had ever own, unique pruning needs, depend- decent job for him. He said that he made together, if you don’t count ing on variety, soil type, exposure and replayed scenes of the several the one about how soon after our desired result. apartment owners who turned us wedding reception we should away promptly at the doorstep leave for our honeymoon. We each I’ve read that dogwood trees don’t based on the fact I would be a stu- took turns creating a “Pro and need a lot of pruning but know dent. Most worrisome to him in Con List” in a little green note- from experience that many plants, his vision of us at Bryn Mawr was book, where we ranked items in like forsythia and butterfly bushes, that he saw a wife more interested categories like “Sam: Job,” “$,” will flourish if they are cut in her schoolwork than in “Fun,” and “Experience.” We back hard. her marriage. talked to people we trusted to give us good advice. But even with I went to BYU for graduate I continue to attempt to prune. I each of us wanting to do what was school—two miles away and paid continue to take away the best for our marriage, the columns for in cash. Because we didn’t go continued on page 19

Vol. 27, No. 4 9 Are you there God? It’s Me Heather Heather Sundahl they were done and then had that have written another article about dream about a little red-head or the mothers who received revela- I have always envied women who seen a vision of a green-eyed boy tion that their families were com- get revelations from God as regu- and just known that was their plete. I know I don’t hear stories larly and clearly as I get phone child-to-be. of women saying, “I prayed and calls from AT&T. Women who go prayed and God said I should not to the Lord with questions and I listen to these stories with equal have any more children” or “I saw have to whip out paper and pencil parts skepticism and jealousy. a vision of my mansion on high, to record the actual words they Why shouldn’t I be entitled to and the nursery was empty so I receive in reply. One friend literal- such clarity (assuming their tales know my family is complete.” My ly has this huge notebook filled are true)? A few years ago a point is this: It is hard for Mormon with God’s answers to her visionary friend of mine told me I mothers of childbearing age to prayers, her very own spiral- needed to pray for revelation. So I find peace in the decision to stop bound personal scriptures. I don’t did. I mean, why not me? I’m a having kids. Now, some people even have a Post-it note worth of believer. I don’t roll my eyes that will say it’s because we are oral revelation. Mostly this doesn’t much in testimony meeting when programmed to “multiply and bother me because I am a firm someone says God made them get replenish the earth.” True, but I’ve believer that the Lord communi- a flat tire which made them late known women with ten kids who cates to us in many ways. Our thus saving them from getting hit still weren’t sure if they were lives can be guided and directed by a piano that fell out of the sky done. I used to think perhaps it with nary a burning bush in sight. onto the exact spot their car would was that some women felt unful- But there are some times when a be if they hadn’t gotten the flat. filled and used kids to give them girl could really use some heaven- And I did have a vision, a moment purpose. And that can be true. Yet ly direction. At this point in my of absolute clairvoyance. But not I know lots of really grounded, life, the question I cannot resolve what I had hoped for. It was a accomplished, happily married regards family planning. Are you week after the birth of my second moms who can’t bring themselves there God? It’s me Heather. Am I child, and I woke up at 7 A.M. and to say “This is it.” Several of my done having kids? could see my used breast pads friends find it so hard that they and other feminine products being decide to not decide until eventu- The fact that I don’t get an answer blown down the street. I put on a ally going through menopause. to this question really irritates me, robe and slippers and went onto Somehow it’s easier to let biology especially in light of an article I the front porch. Sure enough, close the door than it is to do it read in grad school. A sociologist there were my unmentionables all ourselves. Why is it so hard to who studied Mormon families was over the road. Garbage went out find kid closure? trying to figure out which parent, that day and the trash can had in general, received revelation for tipped over and the wind had Sometimes I blame it on the the family. She found that one strewn my post-partum pads up Mormon musical Saturday’s area was almost exclusively dic- and down the street. As I scram- Warrior. How many times did I tated by the wife. Over and over, bled to collect the stuff, I felt spiri- listen to the soundtrack as a girl she found that the women would tually gypped. What purpose had and cry as Emily, up in heaven, have visions and revelations about the vision served? Enlightenment? begged her brother Jimmy to another child that needed to come Hardly. Embarrassment? Yes. I “remember [his] promise” to make to the family. Even if the husbands had become the neighborhood sure she came to their family? I did not want more children, the “crazy,” waddling in the road, wonder if those of us raised in the promptings of the wives were shoving used pads into bathrobe ‘70s aren’t somehow haunted by always the deciding factor. The pockets. the idea of welching on some pre- article made it seem like it was the mortal contract if we don’t have right of every Mormon mommy to So I do believe that people get all more kids. Perhaps our confusion see her unborn kids. And I have kinds of revelations, including is not the “stupor of thought” plenty of friends who’ve thought those about family size. And I induced by God to guilt us into wonder if the sociologist could having more, but rather our own

10 Exponent II ambivalence about children who such a bad deal. are both the source of our greatest blessings and greatest pain. As for Dave, my husband, he is On days when my own three are both amused and demonic, I dream up bumper baffled at my stickers that capture my conflict- second thoughts ing desires to both reclaim my life over his impend- and to add more madness to it. ing vasectomy. LHK One would say, “Why did I have “You don’t even kids—and why do I want more?” I like the ones you think I’d be delighted to wake up have,” he teases one day and find a baby in a bas- me. “Why would ket left on my door step. But most you want more?” of us expand our families more And he has a conventionally. While the actual point. So many act of conception is pleasant things about chil- enough, for me pregnancy is dren make me crazy. For instance, hearing again that scripture about nasty. I puke the first trimester I can’t even go to the bathroom “her price being far above rubies” and have sciatica for the last. And without someone trying to join because I know my price is more during my most recent pregnancy, me. When Jonah was two, he’d in the neighborhood of the semi- I suffered from severe depression. routinely pound on the door and precious stones. Take your I’d say, “Mama needs her amethyst, aquamarine, or garnets, Yet I can’t even put myself in the privacy, honey.” To which he’d for instance. Now those are jewels “hard pregnancy camp.” I made reply, “No! I need your privacy.” one can more easily live up to. that mistake during pregnancy #2. So now I sneak into the bathroom Recently a friend said that I was a A grandmother in my ward asked while they are distracted by Scooby “really good mother,” and I had to how I was doing. I complained Doo, a Barbie, or in the case of the stop her. “No,” I said. “I’m a about my back aching and my tree one year old, her very own box of really good writing teacher, a fine trunk ankles. I was not prepared Kleenex to empty. So they watch maker of Tollhouse cookies, but I for her response. She went on a too much TV, so Barbie is a horrid am just an okay mom. Good tirade about how young people role model, so the baby eats tissue. enough but not good in the way today are so spoiled. How her son The point is I have figured out that many moms are.” I was not was the bishop in a Cambodian- how to relieve myself without an being self-deprecating, just honest- speaking area, and one Hmong audience. I call that progress. ly assessing where I am in this member of his ward had escaped whole parenting ladder. the Khmer Rouge and had given In fact, the best thing about my birth while crossing a piranha- evolution as a parent is that I’ve Truth be told, I’m more nurturing infested river with her three other made peace with the fact that not and long-suffering and “maternal” kids on her back and who was I to only am I not a perfect mom, I with my friends than I am with complain about fat ankles? So I am don’t want to be one. Another my kids. If one of my friends came selective with the “bad pregnan- mental bumper sticker: “Medioc- over and peed on the carpet, I cy” label. My friend who chroni- rity is Underrated.” This shift has would never say, “Now look what cally goes into premature labor at been liberating. It’s part of why I you’ve done, you naughty girl!” thirty weeks and has to be on might want more. I feel like I’ve Of course, unlike with my kids, meds and bed rest can claim it. finally learned how to enjoy my I’ve never had a friend come over As can my other friend whose kids. Three is literally easier for and get so engrossed with an kidney ruptures with each preg- me than one was, or as I heard it activity that she forgets to visit the nancy. She has four kids. Learned put so eloquently on NPR, proper receptacle, but I’d like to the gender and intended names “Motherhood expansion is easier think that if she did, I would be for each in dreams before she’s than motherhood acquisition.” kind and utter non-shaming even peed on a stick. Damn her. phrases like, “That’s okay, I'm Sometimes I wonder if trading an Even Mother’s Day is no longer a sure you’ll make it to the potty organ for a little spiritual clarity is day of guilt, though I do dread continued on page 12

Vol. 27, No. 4 11 Are You There God? continued from page 11 next time” or “Don’t worry, a few last for her. Her pregnancies are church lawn. It is low and wide wipes and some baking soda will miserable and her health isn’t and relatively safe for kids to play make that wet spot good as new!" great under the best circum- on. She was wearing these tiny stances. Four is enough, I thought. pink sandals that showed her But as a mother, I lack many of the Four is plenty. Four is too many. chipped magenta toenail polish. skills I have in spades where my But when I got there and held that Her sun-bleached hair was in two friends are concerned. little creature, I knew why she’d pigtails, and she had on a floral had this baby and why she’d cotton dress that she loves because Yet despite my short fuse, my probably have more despite all the it has a matching sweater with high maintenance kids, our sane reasons to stop. I took some tiny roses embroidered on the cramped quarters, and my photos of him to try to capture the sleeves. The evening sun was loathing of pregnancy, I am unset- newness, the just-hatched aura, behind the church and the sky tled at the thought that this is it. the slow struggle to lift his head was glowing with a butterscotch It’s not that I want another child that always reminds me of a tur- light, and she turned to me and per se, but I am not sure I don’t tle, those tiny toes, the dark eyes held out her hand. I instinctively want one. So I keep revisiting the that seem to look right into knew she wanted to run on the “why” of it since it seems irra- your soul.” wall and wanted my hand —not tional to have another kid, espe- for stability — but companionship. cially when my husband wanted I take millions of pictures of my I don’t remember where Jonah to stop at two. Am I trying to fill own kids, and sometimes I was or who had Camille, but I some need better addressed remember periods of their lives held Georgie’s mini hand and ran through a creative outlet—or ther- more by the photo than by the on the grass at her side. This, I apy? Am I so in the baby groove reality. The summer Jonah was a thought, is how I will remember that I can’t imagine leaving it? Do year old, I picture the photos of Georgia at two, beautiful and I think it will make me more right- him at the beach, giant belly stick- brave and fun. eous? I don’t know. But I do know ing out over his too long trunks; that the older my kids get, the reclining in a mini lawn chair If I had my foot on the accelerator more I love them. Or perhaps it wearing mirrored sunglasses; with Jonah and coast with has to do with my getting older. smiling on his father’s shoulders Georgia, with Camille I am defi- in a green gingham romper. With nitely stepping on the brakes. As So I turn to God for insight, for Jonah, I spent so much time wish- she may be my last child, part of guidance. Maybe I want God to ing him older, willing him to roll me does not want her to grow up. send me a vision of some cherubic over, to walk, to talk, to potty My pride at her milestones is baby that will allow me to say, train. And I think I still do this mixed with other emotions: I was “This is the last.” But I think I’d with him (I am currently wonder- alarmed at her first tooth; settle for a dream where I see ing when my kindergartener will bummed when she rolled over; Dave and me and our three kids learn to tie his shoes and recog- distraught when she cruised; and eating at McDonalds and know nize all the letters of the alphabet). my heart aches with pride and that we are all there, that our fam- pain with every Frankenstein step ily is complete. In short, I want But almost three years later when she takes. I take tons of pictures of peace. Georgia came along, I knew better. her, hoping it will preserve not With her, I live in the present. I just a moment—but her whole I looked over my journal recently soaked up her babyhood, knowing babyhood. The more I enjoy her, and find I keep writing the same it would be short lived. I know the more it breaks my heart to see thing over and over: While I never she will potty train when she’s her moving away from me. want to be pregnant again, the ready, so I shrug and let her do thought of not having another her thing. While I take tons of And yet I do feel a selfish joy each baby is disturbing. This is what I pictures of her, too, lots of my time my kids acquire a bit more wrote on September 15, 2002: “I Georgia memories are based on independence. I can be suffocated went to visit Lisa in the hospital mental photographs, still moments by their neediness and breathe on Saturday. Driving over there, I in time. Last summer she was easier as they figuratively and kept thinking, I hope this is the walking on the wall that edges the continued on page 18

12 Exponent II Of Clue continued from page 7 “Scruh-uh-ud, Buh-uh-ud, Zuh- bottoms of doors, frames, cup- uh-ud’s no duh-uh-ud.” boards, and vents. And I call, “Distant Early Warning! The Mom laughs. I pinch my nose. floor will soon be awash.” “Blue-blood Jud says, ‘Zud’s for studs.’” “Oh, go ahead, Carol,” Mom loudly exhales. Mom groans. She says, “Carol, stop it, and come in here.” So I call, “Scrub-bucket blast-off!” After sensibly soaping and rins- “Zud scrubs mud from each ing the familiar clusters of tiles, I Carol and sister Judy with their father spud!” In the mirror, I strike the buff them with a dry rag. I repo- pose of a home show gadget sition furniture and, just in case, I gulp. I wonder if she looks that pitchman. vacuum where the towel had lain. way whenever any of us come to help. I wonder if Mom has been “Oh, no, Carol. Please stop. Help! Upon reentering Mom’s room, sorry for some things all of our I guess it’s too soon after lunch.” before Mom even hears me, I see lives but, for our sakes, dared not Mom starts coughing. our garage at left, the neighbor’s give in. Certainly I’m already garage at right, and in between, sorry for some past decisions and I run to bring water to follow her the yard where Mom may be star- actions within my own family. nitro pill, but I don’t hover like a ing at ghosts of children on the Yes, sorry. But I’ll think about hawk. I neaten odds and ends in swing or in the sand pile. The them both ways from now on. the room. As I gather leaves fallen rosebushes are gone, too. I could from the poinsettia, I notice the easily inch unobserved along out- I bend to kiss Mom. I sit down old board games on the night- side the back wall now. And I and hug her, again and again, my stand. On top rests a brand-new Clue. know, even without turning, that throat making noises. Finally she through the west window I could straightens back. “From your sister,” Mom says, “in see the southwest corner of the today’s mail. I just got the padded French porch, maybe the steps. I stand, jam my hands on my hips, mailer off before you came, and I The sheltering screens are long and whine, “Okay, okay, okay, I thought . . .“ gone, and the new low shrubs cleaned your old bathrooms! Now couldn’t hide even one AWOL can we go play?” But I also smile. “No missing pieces, then,” I laugh daughter. as I restack Mom’s library books Mom smiles, too. She closes the in the cloth bag, empty the waste- I look at the worn old games and books and puts them on the head- basket, and bring Mom the pills the shrink-wrapped new one, the board. She reaches Clue from the she’d forgotten to take after lunch. pillows behind Mom’s head, two nightstand and puts the half- Mom says something I don’t hear books overturned on the spread, a finished letter there. She directs as I leave again. partly-written letter to Judy, a box me to sit opposite on the com- of tissues, a sweater, and the knit- forter, plumps pillows, sits higher, As I angle the broom around the ting bag. The TV is now on. says, “Maybe a warm-up or two?” toilet, I almost fear to look. Of course my mind knows that noth- I don’t know why I cry, but Mom Call it what she will, she’ll skunk ing will have petrified there. No senses it. Looking unblinking at me even before we move to a card fuzz will have been resurrected me, she fumbles up the remote table and get serious. But for the and re-deposited to punish me. I and clicks off the game show. moment, I settle cross-legged on do notice that Dad has had to the bed. As I pick blindly at the replace a bolt with one too long to I say an odd thing. I say, shrink-wrap, I suppose Mom’s hide under the original porcelain “Probably the only decent job I eyes are filling too. knob. That’s all. Still, I scrub every ever did.” Unaccountably, I add, cranny (reaming with toothpicks “Sorry it took so long.” She says, just in case) and the tops and “I’m sorry you cleaned at all.”

Vol. 27, No. 4 13 The Begonia Monologues

Emma Shumway first woman I ever heard blow the succeed and excel. In the realm of myth of Mother’s Day. Mom’s parenthood, that means going for From Mother’s Days of yore, you sacrament meeting address was the begonias. Women tried to will probably remember the something like a call to arms outdo each other as stay-at-home award ceremony for superlative against the hearts, flowers, and moms by having the most kids, by mothers. In my ward, it was the syrupy sweet talks that covered having superkids, or by taking presentation of a begonia. Now up a lot of pain. She revealed that housewifery to extremes. They don’t get me wrong—we also had there were many women who wore themselves out by compet- the deacons pass out carnations. dreaded the holiday and some ing, and in the process they alien- But carnations were the prize for who even stayed away from ated the very people who should having reached adulthood with church just so they wouldn’t be have been their supports: their two X chromosomes intact. reminded of shortcomings in their stay-at-home colleagues. Everyone got them, including the parenting. These were divorced unmarried, the barren, and those mothers, working mothers, At the time, I thought mom was a whose children would have been women dealing with infertility, raving lunatic. Who can complain more at home in the zoo than a and just plain average mothers about the doctrine of three heav- church pew (and I mean behind who felt as if their investment in enly kingdoms? I love the the bars). But the begonias were caring for their progeny were good/better/best idea of heaven another thing entirely. Six potted brought out annually, weighed, as opposed to a good/bad heaven plants sat across the ledge on the and found wanting in the begonia and hell. The concept always stand, and during the meeting six balance. reminded me of reading groups in mothers were called up to receive the first grade, where we had been them. They were prizes for the It was quite a Sunday. Mom was divided into slow, medium, and Oldest Mother, Most Recent beset with weeping women after- fast readers. I thought it would be Mother, Mother of the Most wards, and the poor Sunday lovely to spend the rest of eternity Children, and three others which I School president was left with with my reading group. have been able to sublimate. four buckets of carnations to pass (What else could they have been? out to disinterested women. I can- But then, I was a fast reader. Mother of the most missionaries? not remember if the superlative Mother whose children have the begonias were awarded or put Two things have changed for me most last names? Mother who away privily in the ensuing melee. since I first heard Mother’s rant. succeeded in spite of the crummi- One, I’ve had two children and est husband? I cannot imagine My mother also had a theory become a stay-at-home mother what they were.) The bishop read about the doctrine of the three myself, which was a fearful fall out the names and the awards in kingdoms and stay-at-home moth- from the ideal to the actual. And the closest thing we enjoy to the ers. She claimed that encouraging two, I moved to Utah Valley, Oscars in the LDS Church. women to come away from their where the ideal still actually exists. typewriters and teaching them And multiplies. And replenishes. Interestingly, we did not hold about the Telestial, Terrestrial, and Now I find I could add quite a corresponding Monkey Wrench Celestial kingdoms had brought litany to my mother’s observation. awards for the biggest and best forth a race of monster mothers. fathers the next month. Either These Uberwomen turned all of You see, good, better, and best are fatherhood was not something to their attention and considerable lovely, but implicit in the concept be done in the superlative, or energy to raising the art of stay-at- is that if you want to be better or fathers didn’t show the necessary home-motherhood to new heights. best, you must be better than interest in receiving — or guilt at someone else. I’ve found that, at being passed over — such an She claimed that the faithful least in Utah Valley, that someone honor. women of the Church who did as is essentially me! Since moving they were told and stayed home here, I could almost take out a My mother, a therapist, was the raising children still wanted to patent on telestial parenting.

14 Exponent II or My Adventures in the Valley of the Ubermoms

For example, a woman in the My visiting teacher was currently that bread machines are only good ward stopped by for an impromp- falling behind another woman in for pizza dough, and that’s why tu visit. Inviting herself on a tour the ward who was out to can her you’ll find so many now down at of the house, she checked even entire food supply. She cans every D.I. But I digress. The truly celes- behind the sliding bathtub doors. kind of fruit and vegetable and tial mother in Zion doesn’t just Was this a grout spot check? Was sauce and condiment you have bake her own bread, she grinds she checking for stashed laundry ever thought of and some that her own wheat. I have a growing baskets? Perhaps she was the chair shouldn’t even be considered. She suspicion that she actually does of the Ward Housekeeping is embarrassed if she ever has to the entire Little Red Hen bit, from Committee? I don’t know—I’ve put store-bought bread on the sowing and harvesting to milling never been subjected to it before; table, though her husband con- and baking, but I am only a novice but true to my status as Extra- in this order and am still trying Telestial, I think I got low to decode the rules. marks on it. Legend has it that when you visit this sister in Cards are a similar item. Where her house, she has your foot- a simple trip to the Hallmark prints vacuumed up by the store has covered it in the past, time you’re ready to leave. Mothers In Zion Who Excel seem to have agreed that cards Another woman in my ward should be homemade. Baby has six children who all come announcements, invitations, dressed in matching outfits for thank you notes, and Christmas church. I asked her once if she cards are all crafty little cre- sewed the girls’ dresses her- ations one concocts at home. I self, and she replied, “Yes, but don’t mean to malign a true I don’t knit the boys’ Sunday hobby, but it sometimes feels sweaters.” As if getting a fami- like there is a vast conspiracy ly of eight fed, bathed, afoot trying to make things dressed, and transported to harder than they need to be. I church weren’t already a logis- maintain that motherhood is tical feat in and of itself! I hard enough as is, and I wasn’t imagine that if she ever does really looking for ways to raise begin to knit her sons’ the bar. In the meantime, I am sweaters, she will apologize at least making the begonia for not cobbling their shoes as hopefuls look good. well. I would love to get to

know this woman better, but LHK Everything about me is telestial she doesn’t have time for it. by these standards. From my small, dark, and foreign car to a A third was my visiting certain paucity of creamed teacher, who privately admitted fided once to mine that he actually soups in my cooking, I flout the that she was getting over a can- likes the store-bought kind better. norms. I also hadn’t realized that ning addiction. She used to have Bread, for example, isn’t supposed in home decorating, there is only to be The Woman Who Put Up to be difficult. You can pick up one proper color to choose: the The Most Concord Grape Juice. I two loves for $3. But only the obligatory celestial high gloss am all for grape juice and all for telestial parents, I’m finding, do it white. True to my Utah Valley sta- food storage, but I wondered if it that way. Terrestrial types bake tus, I was oblivious to the rule and wasn’t just a way to prove that she their own, and to suggest that painted our kitchen red. When was superlative. they used a bread machine is akin people first see it and take a to heresy. Everyone here knows continued on page 18

Vol. 27, No. 4 15 A Day in the Life of the Cannon Family

Judy L. Cannon in to lab at 10:30. An added advan- Zach: At least now I have a good tage is that you only need to “pee” excuse for not making any progress A Day in the Life of the Cannon Drew before you go to seminary towards finishing my degree. Family—a very short play in one act instead of giving him a full walk. by Judy Cannon From Theory to Practice Zach: This means I’ll get an extra 10 Cast of characters: minutes of sleep. After only averaging Two years ago, as a project for Zach Cannon—husband of Judy and about 5 hours the last few nights, I Exponent II, I became interested in father of Drew and Mason, graduate can really use it. Actually, why don’t the debate of whether to work or student in English at the University you walk Mason and Drew in with stay home full time with children, of Chicago, teaching a course on the Baby Jogger, and I’ll run with sparked by the fact that many Shakespeare and early morning them and Mason can take a nap while friends had struggled with the seminary I run. Drew hasn’t run in a couple of decision. For me at that time, the days and he’s going crazy. question was only theoretical since Judy Cannon—wife of Zach and I had no child of my own. But I mother of Mason and Drew, graduate Judy: Sounds good. So you will have wondered: Once I had a child of student in immunology at the Mason from about 10-3? my own, would I fall in to the University of Chicago, trying to camp that felt that I could not finish her degree Zach: Yes, but I need another hour or leave my child, leading to stay-at- so of work before office hours. home status, or would I want to Drew Cannon—dog child of Judy and continue to pursue outside inter- Zach, high energy, needs exercise Judy: I have a one hour incubation in ests through work? my experiment, probably at about Mason Cannon—son of Judy and 12:30. I’ll call you when I know; you I had my first child in August Zach, six months old and cute can come in with Mason so I can 2002, and I took three months off watch him in your office while you for maternity leave. I enjoyed the Setting: prep. I’ll breastfeed Mason for lunch time at home tremendously, Living room in an apartment late at and I won’t need to pump today. recovering, relaxing, and bonding night, toys and furry dust bunnies with my new baby. After about drifting across the floor Zach: I’ll have Mason until 3; you two months, I started finding can drop him off at 4 and go to Judy: Let’s talk about tomorrow. your seminar. When will you be What’s your schedule like? home?

Zach: I’ve got class from 9–10:30 in Judy: I’ll come home right at 5 the morning, then office hours 3-4. after the seminar ends.

Judy: I’ve got a seminar at 4, and I Zach: Then maybe I’ll go in for an need to do a six-hour experiment hour or so until 6:30 to get a little before that. more work done.

Zach: OK. I will go into school after Judy: Well, I have a little more to seminary ends at 7:30, then come do afterwards, too, but I can do home right after class at 10:30. That that once Mason is asleep. It should give you enough time to finish seems like I never get quite the experiment at 5. enough time to do what I need to lately. But, considering the fact Judy: I would like to get in a little that we are both in school and are earlier than that. How about I walk trying to juggle a baby and a dog, Mason and Drew to meet you outside it’s surprising that we get any- your class. This way, I can go straight thing done!

16 Exponent II myself bored at times at home, the schedule became truly crazy, baby who could sleep on the go watching bad daytime TV, reconciling our two schedules and and loved being outside and inter- wishing that I could go back to accommodating the constant fluc- acting with other people. my lab and do some experiments. tuations of undergraduate life. I started going in a couple of days Our babysitters cancelled when Some of the advantages of our a week, working a few hours each they had an exam or special office arrangement are clear. First and day. This provided a welcome hours, and so Zach and I would foremost, Mason has the opportu- distraction from caring for my split those hours. We also had to nity to interact with both of his new baby. However, when the stay flexible with each other. For parents, rather than full-time with time came for me to go back full- example, during the time that I one and much less with another. time, I realized that I didn’t really was writing my dissertation, Zach We as parents benefit from the want that either. I did not want to got more hours with Mason, while opportunity to interact closely and be apart from my baby for eight or I took more time with Mason individually with Mason and feel more hours at a time. I realized when Zach taught two courses in that we are both full participants that I did not want to stay home the same quarter. in raising our child. We also con- or work full-time. I wanted to do tinue to pursue our professional some of each. I’ve compiled a few statistics interests, and we have noticed that about our newly changed life with with decreased time devoted to It was clear from the moment that a child, modeled on the Harper’s work, our interest in work actually my husband Zach and I had Index: increased. We value the time we Mason that we were uncom- fortable with the thought of full-time childcare where we The Cannons’ Index would drop Mason off and Highest number of hand-offs in one day: work for eight hours a day. Average number of hand-offs in one day: But, neither of us wanted to give up our career goals to Avg. daily hrs spent with Mason awake (Zach): stay home full-time. To Avg. daily hrs spent with Mason awake (Judy): accommodate these seeming- Avg. daily working hrs (Zach): ly conflicting interests, Zach Avg. daily working hrs (Judy): and I formulated a way for us Daily hrs. Mason spends in Baby Bjorn: to have some of the best of Daily hrs. Mason spends at the U of Chicago: each of the worlds of staying home and working. A typical Avg. daily diapers changed (Zach) day we plan for ourselves is Avg. daily diapers changed (Judy) illustrated by the play above. Our scheme allows both of us to continue our professional inter- Zach and I were fortunate to be in spend doing work since we never ests and share the care of our circumstances that allowed us the get quite as much time to work as baby. We each work about two- flexibility to accommodate our we would like. An additional thirds time, 20–30 hours a week. family and professional goals advantage for our relationship is To accommodate meetings, office simultaneously. We were both in that the particular way that we hours, seminars, and presenta- graduate school, which meant that have chosen to work out childcare tions, we do a lot of juggling and we had access to health insurance between us necessitates an incredi- baby handing-off in the process. without the need to work forty ble amount of communication and hours a week. I had a very under- compromise. We have to discuss We began to implement this plan standing and sympathetic advisor our schedules in detail each day with no outside childcare help. who let me set my own schedule and work out what meetings, Eventually, to give each of us a lit- and work my own hours. Zach’s experiments, and social events we tle more time for work, we hired work mostly consists of reading, can and need to sacrifice in order undergraduates to babysit for us which he did with the baby nap- to accommodate the other per- for three to four hours at a time, ping on his chest for much of the son’s schedule. We have both had two to three times a week. With first six months of Mason’s life. our moments of accusing each the addition of these babysitters, Mason was also a very cooperative continued on page 19

Vol. 27, No. 4 17 Begonia Monologues continued from page 15 moment to (to what? Collect their putting it on the table. If your kids me what to do with bored tod- thoughts? Readjust their expecta- want Harry Potter Valentines, dlers in a grocery store; that toilet tions? Say a prayer?), I am always then you’ve just saved yourself an training is easier done late than reminded of the character from afternoon’s work and a mess. I too early; how to strengthen snaps the film Miss Congeniality whose don’t think that a pot of begonias at the crotch of kids’ overalls; and mother wouldn’t buy her red means you are allowed to rest on what to do when you vacuum up underwear because they were your laurels; it works to the con- a pen and spread blue ink across “Satan’s panties.” People must trary, I expect. I believe that your living room carpet. think we dine with the devil! adding canning and scrapbooking to the list of Essentials for a It is unfortunate that these I am wishing my ward held a class Celestial Home doesn’t bring us mothers, doing so much more and for Utah aliens (perhaps we could closer to the goal, but rather dis- doing it better, don’t allow them- call it Enrichment Essentials). tracts us from our true priority selves the time for friendships (not Initial topics would include how and creates obsessed perfectionists that they have any time—when do to make that ten-layered rainbow instead of inspired parents. you fit it in between daily devo- Jell-O dish; handwriting with dots Speaking from the telestial corner, tionals, homeschooling, canning, on the ends of your letters; Tole simplifying motherhood allows sewing clothes, baking, and mak- Painting for the Telestial; Cool me to spend time with my chil- ing Happy Memorial Day cards?). Whip 101—with recipes for the dren and my friends, and I main- They seem more isolated and less salads containing cookies and tain that women are creatures of sure of themselves than women I candy bars. Subsequent monthly connection. know who have messy homes and meetings would focus on finer microwave dinners and a support points like permissible jobs to hold Talking with other mothers lets group of likeminded mothers. The as a stay-at-home mom; appropri- you know that you’re not the only Ubermoms probably live in fear ate hobbies; the One True one who has ever run out of dia- that someone else is doing it all Stoneware; and stylish mother-of- pers and stuck a pair of socks in and that next they will have to the-bride maternity dresses. I your daughter’s pants while you churn their own butter and make think just knowing the basics ran to the store. They help you to their own detergent in order to would keep me from future faux maintain perspective when your keep up. After all, it is stiff compe- pas like the kitchen. little boy only wants to play Mary, tition to win a begonia. mother of Jesus, or Jane from But most importantly, I wonder: Tarzan. Other mothers help you Emma Shumway graduated from Are the begonias worth it? It brainstorm about colic, teething, BYU, served a mission, got mar- seems that if your husband likes biting, dyslexia, curfews, high ried, and had three kids. She is store-bought bread, you don’t school sports, dating, and college now in the throes of living happily need to feel embarrassed about applications. Other mothers taught ever after in Provo, Utah.

Are You There God? continued from page 12 literally loosen their grasp. Yet ate? Sometimes I think it’s the sim- embroidered sweaters, I also feel when Dave said he had to wait six ply the clothes. When Millie out- that, in return, I am getting pieces months to get his vasectomy, I felt grew her tiny leopard ballet slip- of myself. Not a bad bargain. I’d been given a stay of execution. pers, I just about broke down. Is it biology? Am I genetically pro- Heather Sundahl lives and writes grammed to want to breed? Is it Whatever the root cause, I am in the Boston area. After much my Mormon upbringing? Is it the ambivalent about getting rid of the thought and no visions, she and “Saturday’s Warrior Syndrome”? baby clothes in my basement. her husband are expecting their Do I really want anther baby, or Though it feels as if I am giving fourth child around Thanksgiving. do I just want to prolong a phase away my heart along with the tiny of life I am just starting to appreci- jammies and sneakers and rose

18 Exponent II The Dogwood Trees continued from page 9 branches that grow toward the The postcards I brought back from The gardening quotations are from center and tangle into the rest of Bryn Mawr are in the basement http://www.411homerepair.com/gar- the plant. I continue to get rid of filing cabinet in a folder entitled den/Ideas/TheArtandScienceof dead wood. I read books and ask “Trip: Pennsylvania”; the key fob Pruning.shtml more experienced gardeners is hanging from a pin on my par- detailed questions about planting ents’ kitchen bulletin board with a and pruning, the stuff of life. key to our house attached; and Sometimes Sam and I work Sam took the flat, dried, cream- together on the same plant, and he colored dogwood blossom off the helps me prune the places up high windowsill seasons ago and put it that I cannot reach. At this point, I in an envelope he sealed and then am still merely a “functional” labeled: “Rebecca’s Special pruner. It will be seasons before I Flower.” can shape and prune artfully.

A Day in the Life of the Cannon Family continued from page 17 other of working more than the advantages will outweigh children. For now, we are enjoying his/her share or carrying a greater these disadvantages for him as life with the best of both the burden at home. But overall, we well as for us in the long run. worlds of “staying at home” and have learned to value each other’s “working.” time and trust in each other’s The final disadvantage is that the judgments. One final advantage house is a complete disaster— A Day in the Life of the Cannon to shared childcare—equal housework often falls by the way- Family took place about two years numbers of diaper changes. As the side in our hectic lives. Although ago, and life has certainly changed for poopy diapers get more nasty, Zach continues to cook because he our family since then. We have added sharing the load becomes more enjoys it, the frequency of pre- another child, Symmes, now six meaningful! pared foods has increased dramat- months old, and Mason is almost ically. My standards for a clean three years old. We were able to keep The disadvantage of our decision house were low to start with, but up with the dual parenting for Mason to completely share childcare is with our current schedules, the until Symmes’ arrival, but now we that both of us have had to slow standards have only sunk lower: If are more of the traditional non-tradi- our progress professionally. I get around to mopping the floor tional family model. Zach is mainly Although I do not think this will once a month, I am satisfied. the stay-at-home dad while I work, hurt us in the long run, certainly providing both income and benefits. we are not making the progress Overall, both Zach and I have Our situation is still nice in that my we would like or our advisors been extremely happy with this hours are limited, freeing up time for would like. In fact, I’m sure that arrangement. We are keeping it up Zach. Zach has put his career on hold, we have both frustrated our advi- for at least two years with the looking for part-time teaching jobs sors during the past year with our future unknown. We realize that flexible enough to accommodate child decrease in productivity. this schedule was possible with care responsibilities until the children one baby and most likely impossi- are in school. This does not mean we Furthermore, the crazy schedule ble with more. I have now fin- have given up our ideal of more equal does affect Mason, especially as he ished my degree, and it is hard to parenting. We have moved our ideal gets older. Our schedule some- tell what the job market will force from the 50–50 split with Mason to times requires Mason to be awak- us to do for financial stability and 2/3 Zach, 1/3 myself. We feel fortu- ened prematurely from a nap or access to health insurance. But this nate to have had that idyllic time of delays his nap past his preferred past year has allowed us to figure equal parenting. Now I think the kids time. At times, I have felt selfish out that it is a priority for both of are fortunate to have so much time about forcing Mason to be on our us to have professional lives that with dad and still quite a bit of time frenetic schedule. But I hope that give us adequate time with our with mom. Vol. 27, No. 4 19 Unraveling

Tally S. Payne Can I be trusted to ferret out all the But I wasn’t. My teacher grilled Mrs. Kings from my daughter’s me rigorously, but my vast knowl- I squeeze into a third-grader’s future? I fret. During second edge of Ruth Chew’s Witch’s chair and focus as Mrs. Swingle grade, Mrs. King taped a little Broom convinced her I had read starts her presentation to a room paper with five empty squares to the book, so the pages were filled with “prospective parents.” the tops of our desks each Mon- counted. From my new perspec- Because my town has an open day—five squares for five week- tive as a prospective parent, I school choice system, schools hold days to potentially earn a red dot wonder how my mother listened regular orientation sessions and sticker for good behavior. I had patiently to my story that evening. refer to parents as “prospective stacks of papers with five red dots I do not trust myself to be a ready- parents.” This label rankles me in a row, and I aimed for personal with-a-hug-and-reassurances because I feel that dealing with perfection—measured by red dot mother if a Mrs. King wrongfully my particularly precocious and stickers. I know my daughter will accuses my daughter of lying. sassy daughter for four and a half want to have rows of red stickers years has earned my husband and and will be eager to please her Mrs. Swingle clicks the mouse, me the title of “parents” minus the teachers, also. But what if, like me, and the snazzy PowerPoint pre- “prospective.” The local elemen- a day comes for her when there is sentation displays a tidy schedule tary schools, in my opinion, are some fracas on the playground at of school start times and programs “the prospects” while we are par- noon? Maybe I teased Nick on the screen. What? Kindergarten ents who possess the power to Rohrbach or started something— spans from 8:30 A.M. until 3:20 P.M. select the perfect kindergarten for it’s hard to remember now—but I Suddenly awkward in my seat, I our daughter. am positive the actual fight had agonize as a more recent scene nothing to do with me. Though I unravels in my thoughts. Why was After my indignant burst of protested my involvement during I impatient playing I Spy with my energy about my parental power, the stern inquisition after the fight, daughter this morning? I chasten I settle back into the small chair. Mrs. King showed no mercy. She myself. The 8:30 start time will at Mrs. Swingle flashes up a classy seemed to revel in my misfortune least cramp if not trump my trea- mission statement for Park as she passed by my desk slowly, sured morning outings with my Elementary School. My eyes wan- deliberately leaving my sticker “little lady.” I resolve to play I Spy der to the chalkboard filled with strip horrifyingly blank—dotless. as much as my daughter wants for homophones written in perfectly- our last few months of walks. coifed cursive (there, their, they’re) And what will I do if my daughter during the pitch about Park’s comes home to me with another I wipe the repentant almost-tear vision for well-rounded child story of a run-in with a “Mrs. from my eyes just before another development. I take in the colorful King-type” in the third grade? I mom whips her hand into the air student artwork adorning the east am quite sure I cried to my mother with a question about after-school wall while the presentation pro- that time. A year older, I was programs for K–4, which are gresses to “pods” and multi-grade reporting to my third-grade excluded from the PowerPoint classroom benefits. The ill-fitting teacher about the latest stack of slide’s schedule. I see right chair, the homophones, and the books I had read for a school-wide through her articulate question, worn, padless indoor/outdoor reading contest. We were in the however. Shielding my sadness carpet beneath my feet are like a hallway when Mrs. King passed about the masked inquiry into free snag on my sweater. But as I pull by, obviously tuning into the con- day care, I make Resolution at the snagging memories of times versation. She interrupted, pulled Number Two: I will let my daugh- when I rightfully belonged in a my new teacher aside, and told ter crack all the eggs into the third-grader’s chair, the whole her I was lying about reading the cookie dough we will make the sweater begins to unravel. I feel books, intentionally commenting afternoon of her first day of school exposed as memory diffuses my loud enough for me to hear. next September. I will pick out the parental pride into an eerie “Lying,” she repeated, marching little pieces of shell when she gets uneasiness. I am worried. down the hall. distracted reliving exciting kinder- garten exploits, and she will know

20 Exponent II that she is loved. Her mommy is Another teacher, the one who pirate for an afternoon. And I not interested in free day care. shapes and molds the gifted-and- yearn for her to experience those talented student group, steps into kinds of mind-searing, impres- My more rational self is appalled the presentation. This Mrs. sionable moments of true joy in at my outlandish and rude Maguire gives us prospective learning. But I’m not sure how to thoughts. I quickly denounce my parents some helpful tips about provide them. hypocritical stay-at-home-mother how to determine whether our holiness. It has only been a few child is a good “fit” with Park Maybe I am only a prospective weeks since the Wal-Mart fiasco Elementary School. I am parent. I feel unqualified and when my four-year-old daughter impressed as she relates an decidedly un-parental about my tumbled her little sister out of the example of coercing her more school choice responsibility. I cart and onto the unforgiving tile. “bossy” students into learning to feel powerless to stack my I had been willing to debt-finance work together. I concede that my daughter’s future with blissful the priciest daycare while I best efforts have not solved the school days and steer her free dabbed at the bloody mouth and “bossy” streak in my daughter from Mrs. Kings, accusations of mumbled to the onlookers and and think this particular method lying, and the inevitable rudeness nervous Wal-Mart employees, of teaching may be a “must have” of elementary-school divas. “She’s fine, thank you.” But in her development. But it will be Mostly, I feel nervous about pat- tonight it is my mothering self that impossible as I weigh my school ting little blond curls and sending is unraveling and exposed in the choices to predict how my daugh- them bouncing innocently through squeezy chair. ter will score on a gifted-and- huge kindergarten doors next fall talented screening. In college, I The presentation progresses, but I mastered decision trees, I feel unqualified and regress with a new worry about probability science, and game floor hockey. I steal a glance over theory, but I am incapable of decidedly un-parental my shoulder and cluck my constructing a model that will spit about my school choice tongue; the other prospective out where my daughter should go parents do not look like their chil- to kindergarten. responsibility. dren will have athletic prowess and be floor hockey stars. And Yet I feel a bond to Mrs. Maguire while I sit in my car, frantically while this is not a top criterion in because she has methods for searching for Advil tablets to my school choice, I think my dealing with bossy kids, no small assuage my headache. And I won- daughter should have a glorious thing in my estimation. I can der suddenly if buying new sun- floor hockey championship game picture her secretly allowing half glasses will hide my tear stains in her future. It felt fabulous to be of her students to be the pirates and convince others I am a chic cheered and admired the year my attacking Treasure Island; she new kindergarten mom when I teammates and I outfoxed the would know she should bend the return for curbside pick-up next other school’s goalie and sent the school rules a bit—just as Mr. fall—well ahead of 3:20 P.M. puck sailing into the net for the Smith, my fifth grade teacher, winning goal. I jolt away from my did. He understood that as fifth- As the very professional Principal cheering K–6 fans as I hear one graders, we pirates actually Waddell summarizes the busing mom commenting about which needed to breach the school opportunities in the school choice medication her four year old is on perimeter and cross the street so system, I am inwardly perplexed for ADHD. She is concerned about that our way-off-Broadway by my extremely dramatic, almost what types of discipline/therapy rendition of the pirate attack could overprotective musings. The last this school uses to control ADHD. include climbing a high chain-link four and a half years have held a I feel a little apologetic about my fence, wooden swords threatening few very un-picturesque mother- selfish floor hockey thoughts. But the islanders. Our celebration of daughter moments, I admit. I is it selfish to aspire for the perfect finishing Stevenson’s Treasure cringe as I replay her impolite school with a selection of amazing Island would not have been com- interplay with my lovely mother classmates/friends for my daugh- plete without that crazy fence- that ended with a sarcastic, ter? I ponder this and conclude I climbing afternoon. My daughter “Whatever, Grandma. You’re do not know. would want to role play as a surly wrong.” I confess that all-day street-crossing, fence-climbing continued on page 23

Vol. 27, No. 4 21 I Am Emma’s Mother Kamia Walton Holt Gary began dental school in what moms do? Maryland after our graduations, When my best friend was thirteen, we both felt strongly that we Maybe I could do just some of the her name was the first word to should not go into debt and that I mom stuff—like go on long walks come out of her baby sister’s mouth. should work to support our family. with her; read to her; sing “Simple Since then, my friend has looked Gifts” to her; dance around the forward to the day that she could To say that I worked doesn’t really room with her in my arms; stroke be a mother and confided to me describe what I did because I her face as I breastfeed her; and that she had few other goals besides adored teaching college geogra- teach her, always teach her, about this one. I knew she and I would phy. To think I could talk about everything good. Maybe I could be good friends because, as they places and ideas that I find inter- do just those things. say, opposites attract. You see, I esting and people listened! I had rarely thought of being a moth- mulled over lectures; told stories Emma entered my life one January er and was rather petrified. to spark interest; and traveled to morning, and suddenly I won- Asia, Europe, the Middle East, and dered what I did before her When I became college age, I Central America, returning with arrival. When her newborn eyes knew I had to avoid BYU because greater knowledge to pass along. locked on mine, I was hooked. She I equated attending BYU with get- is the essence of my being as a ting married and getting married woman. I grew this perfect life with having babies. But Dad was inside my body; I sustain her with paying, and his money was going my breast; I teach her about love to BYU. A deal was struck, and off by pouring it over her like honey. I went to BYU-Hawaii, followed I was given the gift of a life. In the by the Y’s study abroad programs first few weeks, I would often cry in London, Italy, and Jerusalem. over her crib at the thought of it My idea that I could avoid the all—overwhelmed, overcome. Provo campus altogether was Now I am here with her at home, dashed when I learned that I all day long. I would rather be LA couldn’t graduate from the Y nowhere else. Not in the class- without spending some time on room, not in a foreign country, not the main campus. Thus, the thought of parenthood anywhere but here. I will go back was pushed further and further to teaching, yes, but now is a dif- With much apprehension, I enrolled away. ferent season. at the Provo campus. Within two months, I met Gary. I resisted him, However, we would soon be leav- I have come full circle in my but he withstood the abuse I ing Maryland and this dream job. thoughts and beliefs about having heaped on him and waited for me Could I start over at a new college a baby in my life. I have found to fall in love with him. Which I after four years? That clock thing myself, and what I believe is the did. And so we were married. was ticking. Was it time for a reason I am here: I am Emma’s child? What were these thoughts I mother. The question of children immedi- was having! ately arose: When, where, and Kamia comes from Overland Park, with what money? For a while, we The answer to prayers came, and Kansas. She writes: “Travel and ignored the question, pursued our it seemed to be time. I became teaching continue to interest me but education goals, and remained afraid. Would I be any good as a not nearly as much as Emma, who is childless in a BYU ward—quite a mother? Would I find as much joy now three and a half years old. My feat! I was happy being a graduate in motherhood as in teaching? husband and I settled in Colorado student in geography, working as Would I have to stay at home all after his schooling and are happy with a teaching assistant, and trying to day long? Would I lounge on the our quiet little lives here.” figure out how to be a wife. When sofa and watch soaps? Isn’t that

22 Exponent II The Perpetual Reproduction Society Julianna Berry women have been right there before me: grandchildren! Like agreeing he’s the cutest, bearing free love: all pleasure, no responsi- If Relief Society ever did me a thoughtful gifts and comfort foods bility! disservice, it was in forming the with extra cheese. When the first impression in my young mind that blush of at-home-motherhood has So to my Relief Society sisters, I motherhood — that sanctuary of worn off (again and again) and say, if I snarl at you in class when feminine fulfillment — would found me clawing at the win- the words “haven” or “nurture” place me in a cottage of joy with dowsills, Relief Society sisters escape your lips, know that it’s roses blooming beneath my feet. have popped over to visit, invited more a visceral reaction than any- Four boys later, I see it differently. me to their homes for a change of thing personal, and that I really However, Relief Society has com- scenery, given me rides when I appreciate the role you've played pensated me, at least in part, for had no car. Their only shortfall is in keeping me afloat. damage done by serving as a sup- that they haven't done it daily. port group, a safety net, and Time will eventually carry me to indeed a society where relief is When we entered the toddler that opposite shore where I, administered at every phase of my years, where we seem eternally through sentiment, forgetfulness voyage through motherhood. stuck, Relief Society sisters reas- (or malice?) will testify of the bliss sured me that they, too, had felt of motherhood, sending some In each pregnancy, as I’ve bobbed those homicidal feelings and had other starry-eyed young woman along on waves of nausea and yet avoided prison, and they knew blithely paddling her canoe down fatigue and whining depression, a I could, too. When my children the same stream. But she’ll have lifesaving ring of women has sur- looked like grubby, snot-nosed Relief Society to buoy her, so my rounded me, called me, visited street urchins, Relief Society sisters conscience will be clear. me, commiserated, laughed, and brought me garbage sacks of helped me with chores. They’ve attractive hand-me-downs. Julie lives in Maynard, MA, with been there the day before I gave her husband and four sons. She birth, helping me feather my nest, Sisters whose active duty phases writes a regular humor column for maniacally scrubbing floors and are behind them do me the great a suburban Boston newspaper and sanitizing bathrooms beside me. service of assuring me that today, works in marketing communications When I actually produced babies really and truly, they like their for a family-owned software and swelled with rapturous infat- kids and have warm relationships company. She can be reached at uation for my new infant, those with them, including actual con- [email protected]. versations. They dangle the carrot

Unraveling continued from page 21 kindergarten sounded like a my husband will say, “It’s just into bed and wonder if other dream the day she stood up on kindergarten, honey.” I will feel moms know how to secure their her chair in the fancy restaurant silly, but I cannot back down babies’ futures. Because tonight I and yelled at the angelic visiting about my evening journey in a discovered that I don’t. teaching luncheon attendees, “I third-grader’s chair: It is my am not eating anything!” And child’s future. A majority of the Tally and her husband Brad are cur- when she teased her little sister for county school board members rently relocating their family of two the forty-fifth time last Tuesday, a voted for me to have school daughters, Emelyne (6) and Eliza (3), chain gang seemed just as viable a choice, and that empowerment has to Cody, Wyoming, and are looking solution as kindergarten. made me responsible for my pow- forward to the arrival of their third erlessness. Parental power and child in September. Tally enjoys Yet, the orientation tonight is so school choice seemed splendid teaching American government, read- disorienting that I can easily over- before my odd replay of memories ing, and writing and loves all of look the un-picturesque moments. exposed the bewildering truth. Wyoming’s outdoor activities. She I know when I get home and try to welcomes comments at explain my awkward melancholy, Tonight I will tuck my little lady [email protected].

Vol. 27, No. 4 23 Poetry Return to the Chilean Homestead

When we’re in the States our kids are buckled, strapped, belted, harnessed in their seats if we so much as drive to the corner store. But here, where Orion’s sword tips from his hilt and the Southern Cross oversees the rising rate of exchange and a new trade accord, we toss the priceless flesh of our flesh in the back of a white utility truck and hit the road. The baby rides in my arms, her auburn curls describing sweaty runes on her forehead’s guiltless pane. Has she grown less dear that we fling suddenly wide the doors of fate? Or is this mere acquiescence to nature’s law graffitied here with bolder strokes upon the bared adobe of life, where newborn pups creep and writhe in the littered dirt beside the road, and strays whose eyes drain ceaselessly the matter of privation are allowed to keep the only life that is theirs? My husband’s mother, Silvia, says such dogs were once harvested from the streets and fed to lions at the zoo; but this barbarity was deemed too cruel for civilized folk. Even neutering, my father-in-law opines, makes dogs ashamed to show their faces among peers.

So here, in the land of the Disappeared, God’s lowliest creatures are not consigned to the shelters of euthanasia: they must live out their lives and die before our eyes. Still . . . is this not the fate of us all? Could this be why, with the truth ever fleshed in a starving dog’s hide, we risk the fruit of our loins on the road to a town called Hospital? It’s a strange name for there was never a hospital here, no pediatric or maternity ward, although here, right here, these living sparks were struck (my husband, his brother, these tameless kids) when Silvia was born (and before her, María, and before her, Inés, and so on back until the names themselves disappear) in the crumbling, whitewashed adobe house barred to us now by the new highway ramp. SL

24 Exponent II There were eight besides her, Silvia says, A ramshackle truck beeping loud at dawn, but only four survived. No medicine piled high in kids, carried Silvia to school. or doctor near, just five liters of milk I’ve seen her report card, pliable per day from the patron whose land they rimed as lambskin, bearing its rows of sevens and harvested; she walked far on bare hard feet like a vineyard’s vertical twinings spreading to fetch the milk and dense rounds of bread sideways into a communal roof. solid and dear as a baby’s warm flesh. On Christmas Eves, The Good Nights, she walked Her father was an itinerant butcher in utter darkness, save candles in hand, of the neighbors’ stock; he’d come home bearing to midnight mass down dusty, rose-lined roads, a bloody shank across his shoulder and say, the stars so bright, so warm. Her father’s death “Eat up, for he who keeps till next day doubts spelled the end of those sevens and stars. God’s ways.” (Under the arbor in Santiago At nine she rode the train to Santiago, where cool rustling, like wings, move above a burlap sack beneath her feet, an address our heads on even the hottest days, in her fist (the concrete house of employment) Silvia showed me the long knife he used and twining ever quieter among her synapses, to cleave sinew from bone, hew the entrails.) her father—on whose warm back she had ridden— these fields never his, by whose breath The man had no patience for priests: “Let them work she had timed her own, the rise and fall of it, as I work, with their hands”; would not permit one ear pressed against his thrumming flesh. his own final unction. Silvia rode on his back across the dewed fields; she breathed My son, my own small son sweating unbuckled three A.M. dark in the ox cart’s bed on long trips unshielded from harm on the plastic seat to the mountain for wood. The river we crossed, of this tin-can truck, this son will return the truck crammed with our lives, was the same one to the ice of a New York winter and board he traversed a thousand times by cart before a school bus in his bright snow parka marked she was born, before María’s red hair indelibly with the name of this man caught his eye and he left the carretero life who never learned to read and was gentle, —the endless hauling of corn cobs or coal— grim, kind, and preferred to get drunk at home, and sank soles into soil never his own. with friends, had a saying for everything and called María his Doña Mariquita María’s beauty, we are told, flamed quietly as he slapped her rump each time he passed but bright. Roberto, twice her age, was snared her place before the wood burning stove. in middle age by that auburn hair The baby on my lap and my oldest son and a glimpse of her half-averted face. (the one hunched atop the wheel well in back) Sweet-natured, subservient, unschooled, wear María’s auburn hair, inherited she relinquished each dead child without complaint, from Inés, who was raped and killed one night for each one was safely baptized, was rocking by bandits after María escaped contentedly in celestial cradle. by flinging open wide to the deep Chilean night I met María when she was old, bald, into the dust and thorns of salvation. nearly blind, propped in bed at Aunt Rosa’s Of this, María never spoke at all. house. We have a photo: I’m holding her hand. But when she died, she owned a cardboard box containing her mother’s skull. Lisa Rubilar

SL

Vol. 27, No. 4 25 goodness gracious Chocolate Chips & Exponent: Contributing to the Real World Linda Hoffman Kimball have experienced the down and something we are learning. What dirty as well as the high and feels “safe” to one sister feels My first collection of essays by mighty of visiting teaching. It “threatening” to another. We need LDS authors, Saints Well Seasoned: struck me that such an important to get over that hurdle right at the Musings on How Food Nourishes Us concept should be looked at can- beginning so we can begin the —Body, Heart and Soul, didn’t didly, acknowledging the pitfalls work of really listening to one exactly fly off the book store and difficulties so that its broken another. shelves. Not like another collec- parts could be mended and its tion released at the same time did strengths enhanced. A fool’s In CC&C, I list all the contributors —Tom Plummer’s essays Eating quest? Perhaps. at the beginning but don’t Chocolates and Dancing in the attribute their sections to them by Kitchen. I moaned to Louise I wanted women from all over name. (This also hides the fact that Plummer about my book’s lan- America (and one faithful British at least a hefty third of CC&C is guishing. She gave me sage contributor, Harriet Bushman) made up of my own experiences advice. “Next time you write a from a wide range of visiting and perspectives. When a topic book, put chocolate in the title, and teaching and Church experience to seemed missing or a transition everyone will buy it.” share their thoughts. Calling on needed easing, I slid my own many articulate, thoughtful, little nuggets in between.) We can I took her advice. Chocolate Chips candid women I knew, I collected hear the voices better—or in this & Charity: Visiting Teaching in the a great array of short anecdotes, case read them better—without Real World (published by Cedar vignettes, inspiring gems, straight the assumptions or labels we all Fort in 2004) is a slim little plea- scoop, tips, and cautionary tales. subconsciously make. How would sure lots of Mormon women seem it help us to know that the parts to be gobbling up. Thanks in large Some of the contributions were we most resonate with were measure go to the Exponent from women with a natural knack contributed by “an orthodox fifth women and Exponent II itself. for writing. Others were by generation conservative” or “a women who had never tried such radical leftie” or “a desperate The idea for Chocolate Chips & a thing before. By careful sequenc- Mormon housewife”? Charity (hereafter referred to as ing, gentle editing, and the bite- CC&C) sprang out of the hope, size entry feature, even the less CC&C hit the teeny tiny niche consolation, inspiration, and prac- confident writers’ parts sound just market of LDS women’s non- tical help I got listening to a vari- right. This is a feature I learned fiction and was well-received. ety of women’s opinions in such from my years working with Granted, being on the Cedar Fort settings as Exponent retreats, Exponent II. Letting women have bestseller list is not exactly the Midwest Pilgrims’ retreats, DAM a voice should not require them same as being on the New York (Denver Area Mormon) retreats, in to have an especially dramatic, Times bestseller list, but it Relief Society meetings, and even gifted, or savvy voice. It’s like a indicates a hunger out there. across the back fence, which more patchwork quilt—all the bits When the numbers looked good, and more these days means the together make the whole Cedar Fort asked if I could put Internet. piece work. together a similar compilation about Enrichment. In my earliest days as a Church Another important element in member, back in my college years, creating CC&C was anonymity for I didn’t have the same soul-deep the Relief Society president the contributors. My associations convictions about Enrichment, but explained the concept of visiting at various retreats and Relief sure, why not! Again, smart, teaching to me. The whole idea of Society meetings have taught me thoughtful ladies filled my email it struck me as divine genius. Over that “safety of expression” is and snail mail boxes with their the years of my membership, I something that we value. It is still fascinating, heartwarming,

26 Exponent II heartbreaking, hilarious, poignant Madsen produced a wonderfully retreat in September 2004, I made stories, and a new collection came evocative piece and Janet Stowell a request to the attendees there for together. When I gave Cedar Fort shared a back-to-basics enter- submissions. Many remarkable my working proposal for this vol- taining tip with a raspberry- selections came from that group. I ume, I thought I’d continue with a related recipe! found I wasn’t getting short, food and alliteration title again. As punchy paragraphs, but longer, I worked on the project, I tossed While working on the Enrichment more literary essays. This time, the food part aside, kept the allit- collection, I became impressed each writer seemed so personally eration, and decided on Home, with the powerful potential this invested in their thoughts about Heart & Hands: monthly having a mother or being one. It Enrichment in the meeting has. no longer seemed right to simply Real World. I was Time and list contributors separately and worried that the again the keep the essays anonymous. Each book would be writers shared author’s name is with her essay. perceived as some how much kind of cookbook, connection There is one section, however, a marketing prob- and sister- which is still “names withheld.” lem that plagued hood blos- This is the section called “In the Saints Well somed out of Quiet Heart is Hidden . . . ” after Seasoned. I also these meet- the lovely hymn whose lyrics con- liked the idea of ings, often in tinue with “sorrows that the eye having the unexpected can’t see. Who am I to judge “home” part of ways. It another? Lord, I would follow the old name ain’t just Thee.” (Hymn 220 by Susan Evans “Homemaking” about the glue McCloud) The short contributions pop up in a prod- guns, ladies! in this section are representative of uct search if Scoffers what therapists hear in their prac- someone forgot beware, this tice. These little anonymous seg- the new name for night has ments express some of the heart- the monthly meet- enormous breaking, unremedied, darkest ing. (I learned possibilities sides of motherhood. some retail know- for great how writing my growth and When I sit at book signing tables humorous novel LHK genuine promoting these books, I represent The Marketing of “enrichment.” them as women’s voices sharing Sister B. published their experiences with “the uplift- by Signature.) In conversation with the market- ing lowdown” on the topics of ing director at Cedar Fort as the Visiting Teaching, Enrichment, Imagine my surprise when I heard Enrichment collection was about and motherhood. Trained as a that Cedar Fort had assumed my to hit the stands, she suggested I new convert by the original proposed food/alliteration title use the title I’d come up with founding mothers of Exponent, I was a keeper, that they had (which they hadn’t used) for a believe Mormon women’s issues already designed a cover for it, motherhood collection. Oh, that should be voiced and heard this and that it would show up in the would be fun . . . but I thought way in this real world—with faith catalogue that was going to the that with the first two having food and candor, with safety and sup- printer in a matter of hours! The related titles, the third one should port, and with charity which title was Raspberries & Relevance: have one, too. On the spot she and “never faileth.” Enrichment in the Real World. I I came up with Apple Pies & processed that name change in my Promises: Motherhood in the Real *see review on page 28 head but realized that there were World. * no pieces in the book that had even the most remote connection I started getting contributions (pri- to raspberries! I sent out an SOS to marily from contributors to the the contributors, and Laurel previous books). At the Exponent

Vol. 27, No. 4 27 Book Review Help for Moms is Here Apple Pies and Promises: Mother- tendencies to compare their own to go before we can truly be hon- hood in the Real World, Linda kids to others like Heather est about all aspects of mother- Kimball, ed., Cedar Fort, Inc., 2005 Sundahl in “Competitive hood. These first-person reports Mothering”; and found a vast gulf describe women feeling depressed by Kimberly Burnett between imagined frolicking and and incompetent as mothers; dis- picturesque images of outings liking child-rearing; grieving for I was still stinging from a with children and reality like Lisa children who have died, for child- Mother’s Day disappointment Ray Turner in “The Hunt.” lessness, for wayward children; when I read Apple Pies and and expressing the misery of Promises: Motherhood in the Real Women further along in their divorce and spousal abuse. World, compiled by Linda motherhood than I am will find Hoffman Kimball. My oldest, a plenty of companionship here as There are lots of happy endings in brand-new Sunbeam, had refused well. Laurel Madsen and Connie motherhood. I, for one, need to to join the rest of the Primary on Susa both write about parenting hear more uplifting stories than the stand to sing, “Mother, I Love grown children, and Jeanne honesty about the disappoint- You.” I found a friend in Ardith Decker Griffiths describes the evo- ments and pain of motherhood. Walker’s essay, “A Mother’s Day lution of her relationship with her Still, the three-page section feels Sunbeam.” If my son daughter, now a senior in high too short. All mothers experience wouldn’t sing, at least he school. And after disappointment and pain even if didn’t stand in the front reading Marci some of us are lucky enough that row and put both his hands McPhee’s description this aspect of motherhood is fleet- down his pants. of the anxiety she felt ing. These experiences deserve awaiting the birth of full-length essays, although per- Several of the writers repre- her first grandchild in haps they are simply too painful sented in this collection of “Birth of a for women to write about. essays may be familiar to Grandmother,” I members of the Exponent II finally understand Some essays feel a little unfocused community. Among others, what my mother was and rambling and could have been these include Heather going through while I more tightly edited. The benefit of Sundahl (associate editor), was in labor. the light-handed editing of these Ann Stone (poetry editor), Claudia essays is that the writers’ true, if Bushman (founding mother), Despite the book’s promise of real- slightly unpolished, voices shine Kristine Haglund Harris, Jeanne life motherhood, however, most of through. The best are those that Griffiths, and Sue Gong (sometime the experiences recounted are the describe in vivid and sometimes Exponent II retreat workshop pre- happy-ending variety—struggles painful, sometimes humorous senters and contributers to the resolved, successful adoptions, detail the everyday experiences of paper), and Linda Hoffman rosy reflections on the writers’ motherhood. Kimball, a regular Exponent II own mothers. Real-life motherhood columnist. is not always happy, and it can be Motherhood can be isolating. The difficult to believe that things will essays cover a broad enough As a mother of two, I found some- turn out in the end without the range of experience and demo- thing of a support group for many perspective of hindsight. graphics that at least a couple of of my experiences and struggles them are likely to make women in with motherhood in these essays. Women still looking for the happy nearly every stage of motherhood The familiarity of the writers adds ending in their own story may feel a little less lonely. to the feeling of being among find comfort in the section, “In the friends. Many mothers, like Lael Quiet Heart is Hidden.” The emo- Kimberly is a full-time mom and part- Littke in “The Reluctant Mother,” tions expressed here are the most time public policy researcher in fell in love with their newborns honest and raw of the book, Lexington, Mass. She enjoys playing despite a seeming lack of maternal although the section’s anonymity with Mr. Potato Head and Buzz instinct; have felt sheepish over betrays the distance we still have Lightyear and watching Teletubbies.

28 Exponent II The Tsunami—Up Close and Personal

The following are excerpts from a letter written by Jeanne Decker Griffiths to her missionary son in the Ukraine following the tsunami that devastated many areas in Southeast Asia in December 2004. Jan 25, 2005 several months before they were The Wildens also have a Thai Beijing, China able to identify their bodies friend who is their scuba diving through DNA. instructor in Phuket. He was far We flew to Thailand the day after out in the ocean giving scuba the tsunami hit, having booked Another friend, Lynn Thornton, lessons when their boat went over our plane reservations six months was in Phuket when the tsunami a mountainous wave. They before. A fair number of ex-pats struck. He wrote to us the follow- watched as the wall of water from Beijing had traveled to ing: “Just back from Phuket and continued inland, crashing onto Thailand to escape the cold of Patong Beach tonight . . . survived the beach with waves up to the China. At home, our school was being very near the beach road second floor of the hotel. trying to account for all the when the waves hit . . . truly terri- teachers and families that had fying . . . cut a leg but that’s all . . . Other friends were vacationing in traveled to the area. We all held Patong Beach and road were total- Penang, Malaysia. Fortunately, our breath the first day back to ly destroyed. Phuket airport was a they had driven into town just school, waiting to see if everyone zoo . . . took twelve hours to get before the tsunami hit. On their had returned. Fortunately, no one home to Hong Kong. . . . As I was return to their hotel, their first from our school was harmed. making my way back from the indication that something was beach area, I came upon the body wrong was seeing a jet ski in a tree. The French school in town was not of a young woman my daughter’s so fortunate. Two French diplo- age lying amongst the debris. I’ve While in Thailand, I read the mats, one of their wives, and three thought a lot about both of them Bangkok Post. Some foreign fami- children from the school died in since then.” lies had written to the newspaper, the tragedy. One seven year old is asking for help in locating their now orphaned, having lost both Our friends the Wildens told us missing loved ones. One foreign parents and siblings. At our old about a Thai friend who owns a family wrote an open letter to the school in Thailand, a teacher lost convenience store right on Patong Post, thanking the Thai people for both of his seven-year-old twins. Beach. He was sleeping in his their gracious kindness and gen- At our old school in Shanghai, at third floor apartment when he erosity. They especially thanked least four students died, as well as heard a loud, thunderous noise. the Thai hotel staff who risked two sets of parents. He rushed downstairs in time to their lives to come warn them as see the water washing through his they sun bathed on the beach. I teach English with a woman store. After it receded, he went Another Swedish family was not whose psychologist husband was back downstairs to start cleaning so fortunate. When some Thais dispatched to give grief counsel- up the mess along with some of told them to get off of the beach ing and support to the Shanghai his employees. A bigger wave quickly, the Swedes misunder- ex-pat community. Shanghai then crashed into his store. He stood them and retorted, ”We American School opened a day made for the stairs again, grab- don’t have to get off the beach. We late just so they would be better bing a small boy on the way. He can stay right here just like every- prepared to deal with the stu- held onto the banister and the one else.” That misunderstanding dents’ deaths. boy as the water tried to suck him cost them their lives. out. It went over their heads for One family that we know were in about ten seconds before it again Sweden, by the way, had 300,000 Phuket when the tsunami hit. The slowly receded. He put the boy of their nine million people vaca- young girl’s dad helped her to the upstairs in his apartment and tioning in Southeast Asia. Of the third floor of the hotel where they went down again to his store. fifty-two nations that lost people were staying and then went back There he found twelve dead peo- in the tsunami, the Swedes had down to help his wife. Neither he ple, including several employees, the highest percentage of deaths. nor his wife survived. It was in his destroyed store. continued on page 30

Vol. 27, No. 4 29 Tsunami continued from page 29 Thai TV reported on a nine-year- Fortunately, one ten-year-old before. After they calmed down, old Thai boy who was washed out British girl had just finished learn- they again began to wail an hour to sea, washed back to shore, and ing about tsunamis at school. later. This time they would not be washed back out to sea again. He When she saw how far the waters comforted and ran for the jungle- was able to grab onto an uprooted receded, she immediately recog- clad hills behind the resort. Only tree, which he clung to for the next nized its significance and told her then did the mahout turn and see two and a half days, hoping that mother. They were able to warn the tsunami that was rushing he would be found. He spent that about fifty people on the beach, towards them. Around a dozen time surrounded in the water by who all escaped to safety. tourists had also started to run for dead foreigners. Thais, like many the hills. The mahout managed to Asians, are very superstitious. A group of Thai children were not get the elephants to pluck the They are afraid of spirits and dead so fortunate. With the deep retreat tourists up with their trunks and bodies. What an ordeal for that lit- of the water, they rushed out to deposit them on their backs. They tle boy, surviving the tsunami and the beach now empty of water to then charged up the hill to safety. then having to spend two nights collect all the fish stranded on the Because of their early warning, alone with those dead bodies. sand. One nine-year-old boy the elephants saved the lives of didn’t want to several dozen tourists. join them. He “. . . the waves of the sea stood on higher Buffalo also sensed the approach- ground, watch- ing danger. About a hundred buf- heav[ed] themselves beyond their ing his friends, falo were grazing near the beach. first casually and The entire herd suddenly lifted bounds.” D&C 88:89–89 then in horror as their heads, looked out to sea, ears the tsunami standing upright. They then The newspaper told of a pregnant engulfed them. It was such a turned and stampeded up the hill. woman who was found at sea shocking sight that he just stood The bewildered villagers ran after after clinging to a tree for five there, unable to run. A man in the buffalo, fearful they would be days. She ate the fruit from the quick retreat rushed by, grabbed lost. Only after reaching the hill- tree to help her survive. Although him, and carried him to safety. top did they see the tidal wave sunburned and dehydrated, she When the devastating waves had slam into their fishing village and the baby were fine. Another finished, the boy pleaded for the below. Not a single one of them woman was dragged to safety into man to take him back to his vil- sustained even a scratch, due to the jungle, where she gave birth lage to be with his family. He the early warning of the animals. that night. They named the baby returned to find everyone in his boy Tsunami. family and village had been We lived in Thailand for six years washed out to sea. He is one of the and have so many sweet, wonder- In Thailand, the government’s few survivors from his town. ful memories of our time there. I head meteorologist got the ax for still have fond memories of not warning the country of the Everyone was quite surprised that Phuket and the Muslim fishing impeding disaster. Of course, no dead animals were found in a village built on stilts out on the there was little he could have wildlife preserve in Thailand that water south of Phuket. When the done since no warning system was was hit by the tsunami. A fascinat- tide was out, one could see a type in place. From the ocean itself, the ing Reuters newspaper article of fish “walking” in the mud. It’s only clear indication is the sudden gives an explanation. In Phuket so sad to realize it is all gone. retreat of the waves. One news- there was an elephant business paper account said the water giving rides to tourists. Close to It may sound odd, but I was retreated 3,000 feet. Your life the time of the earthquake, which really glad to be in Thailand at would certainly be in danger if was almost 2,000 miles away, the this difficult time, just as I was you were unaware of that impor- elephants started crying. In all his very glad to be in the States tant information or if you were years working with elephants, the during 9/11. I just wish I could not looking. mahout (elephant handler) had have done something to help never heard them cry like this continued on page 31

30 Exponent II Letters I thoroughly enjoyed the “Being Just finished reading Volume 27, Anyone who has cleaned up a Single in a Married Church” issue. Number 2 about Being Single in a broken bottle of honey while Great! Please tell Barbara Open- Married Church and applaud the keeping a toddler out of it and shaw that I particularly loved her varied viewpoints included. nursing the kid who cut fingers in article. I found it very insightful. the smash and trying to calm the Suzette Smith Curiously, the cover drawing of one who faints or vomits at the Salt Lake City, UT mainly high-heeled shoes shows sight of blood . . . works. I forgot well some of the dumb stuff we to mention the background music women put on our feet that of a dishwasher grinding up The recent “Singles” issue was impairs our skeletal alignment something that escaped the rack, outstanding. Even though I’m not and function. Thanks for not the washer leaking, the doorbell a mother with children at home, I showing the actual stupid pointed and phone ringing, and the oven suffer the same juggling act with toes but for showing sneakers in timer buzzing. And the baby house, yard, church, volunteering, which we might be able to run with diarrhea. a modicum of social life, and a away from or to, as the panic 50–60 hour work week. But I also warrants. One point missing in these and identify with the idea of being like articles is that no matter how content with my singlehood and The word “employed” appears on much she is word-praised by living well. It was reassuring to page 20 without a qualifying Church and other leaders, the read that others struggle with the phrase such as “outside the stay-at-home mom piles up no business of being single at any age. home.” On page 18 is the term pension from those words nor “non-working woman” also with- accrues credit in the Social Secur- Thanks for all your efforts. You out any qualifier. Let’s always ity system. We all know who does. enrich my life’s experience. remind each other in every venue Carol B. Quist Leona Mattoni that “Every woman works, no Salt Lake City, UT Beverly Hills, CA matter where she is.” I do so in every class, including once in high priests’. Thank you for producing such a great magazine. I have been a Extra! Extra! Get Your Extra Single Issues! subscriber for a few years and like to share the Exponent II with my We have received many requests of this issue, we would be happy sister and friends. We have for extra copies of the “Being to send them to you for a this- always found the articles, Single in a Married Church” issue, issue-only price of $2 each to columns, fiction, and poetry which women have passed along cover handling and postage. You relevant to our lives. to friends, bishops, Relief Society can mail or e-mail your requests to Trisa Martin presidents, and stake presidents. If the addresses in the subscription Bountiful, UT you would like additional copies form on the back cover.

Tsunami continued from page 30 make a difference. and are more observant, we can be of a U.S. diplomat. Jeannie‘s three in a position to help others and kids were born on three different con- Perhaps this is a wake up call for make a difference. This tsunami tinents. Having always lived overseas, all of us. One way to make a dif- certainly appears to be a latter day her kids think it’s normal to use squat ference is to be prepared for the fulfillment of D&C 88:89-90, where toilets and not drink tap water. last days. That little British girl “ . . . the waves of the sea heav[ed] Currently living in Beijing, China, knew about tsunamis, recognized themselves beyond their bounds.” Jeannie teaches English at a leading the impending doom, and then hospital in town, as well as teaching quickly acted to save lives. If we Jeannie has wandered the world for early morning seminary. too know the signs of the times the past twenty-two years as the wife

Vol. 27, No. 4 31 Join Us at the Retreat

This year’s Exponent retreat will been a popular workshop presen- be held the weekend of September ter at various Exponent retreats 23–25 at Camp Jewell, a YMCA over the years, the most recent one camp in the northwest corner of being on female socialization and Connecticut (near Colebrook). women and power. A manager in Camp Jewell sits on the banks of a the Boston area of the inventive private lake in the beautiful and upscale chain of Crate and Berkshire Mountains. Barrel stores, Pandora was recently transferred to Chicago This year’s keynote speaker will with her husband Mark and sons be Pandora Brewer. Pandora has Alex (14) and Walker (11) to be the company’s Midwest Area Trainer. scribers and $175 for non-sub- Pandora’s other interests include scribers (that is, their retreat regis- medieval history, myth, and tration includes a four-issue sub- religion. scription). To reserve your place, e-mail Barbara Taylor at To accommodate the camp, we [email protected] or call her at must have your retreat registra- (508) 478-4469. Let her know if tion by September 7. The fee, you have a talent you’d like to which includes all meals, lodging, share in our annual talent show. and a tee shirt, is $155 for sub-

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