Thalia
Volume 1 | Issue 2 Article 1
9-1928 Thalia, Vol. 1, Issue 2 (September 1928)
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Recommended Citation (1928) "Thalia, Vol. 1, Issue 2 (September 1928)," Thalia: Vol. 1: Iss. 2, Article 1. Available at: http://scholar.dickinson.edu/thalia/vol1/iss2/1
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Who is· MISS POPULARITY of1928? Is she a student of the College or the Law School? Is she a member of your organization or your rivals'? Is she a member of your class?
Cast your ballot in the. ballot box at JOHNS Chocolat' Shop
The December 1 issue of Thalia is the CO-ED NUMBER and will contain a pic• ture of Carlisle's most popular co-ed and the silver cup which she will be awarded for the distinction.
Results will be tabulated and posted at the end of each week• Balloting closes midnight, October 31-Announcements of final results will not be made until Decem- ber 1 - Fill out the blank and vote.
Remember-This is not a Beauty Contest!!! .
My Choice for Miss Popularity of 1928 is-' September, 1928 THALIA 1
Carter's Drug Store Eastman Films, etc. The Chocolat' Shop Developing, Printing and Enlarging Whitman's Chocolates 28 South Hanover Street
JOHNS In a small village in Ireland the mother of a soldier met the village priest, who asked her if she had had bad news. ''Sure, I have,'' she said. ''Pat has been killed.'' SODAS MARY LEE ''Oh, I am very sorry;" said the priest. ''Did CANDIES you receive word from the War Office~" "No,' she replied, "I received word from him• self." SALTED NUTS The priest looked perplexed, and asked, ''But how is that t " FINE ''Sure,'' she answered, ''here is the letter; read CONFECTIONS CIGARETTES it for yourself." ']'he letter said, "Dear Mother-s-I 11m now i11 tho Iloly Land. ''
35 W. High Street
CRASH-DISILLUSIONED First Soldier : '' Sit down ; you 're rocking the boat." , George Washington : ''Can't.'' Dorothy Steele Bev en th Soldier : ''Why 'I" G. Washington: "My pants are too tight." Book Store So they painted him standing up.
"' II': NEEDLESS WORRY The Employee : ''I came in to ask if you could raise my salary." Stationery The Boss : ''This isn't payday.'' The Employee: ''I know that, but I thought I would speak about it today." Luggage The Boss: ''Go back to your work and don't worry. I've managed to raise it every week so far, haven't l?"-Wire and Rope. Picture Framing ,:: l\Iarriage is the only"' life sentence that is sus- pended by bad behavior.
Eat in Catering to Strand Theatre Building Clover Parties Carlisle, Pennsylvania 141 WEST HIGH STREET, CARLISLE <:
2 THALIA September, 1928
CIGARS CIGARETTES TOBACCO Charles W. Burns, Dickinson '24 CARLISLE RECREATION CENTER Campaign Manager for 50 West Hi~h Street HOOVER AND SMITH, Jewelers PIPES CANDY SOFT DRINKS SHOESHINE PARLOR The Last Word in Pocket Billiard Tables Democrats and Republicans Both Satisfied
He went to the club, leaving with his wife a A certain gentleman out in the shop of un• lady friend whose activities as a scandal-monger mistakable Swedish origin was driving west last were well-known in the neighborhood. When he summer when engine trouble forced a stop near a returned he poked his head around the door and cabin around which a bunch of youngsters were said: ''That old cat's gone, I suppose l " 'I'here playing. Soon all of them were peering through was a most dreadful silence, in which he encount• the fence, watching· Ole work, the father finally ered the stony glare from the lady in question; appearing, also. ''You gat a monkey wranch then his wife said sweetly, ''Oh, yes, dear; I sent had" asked the Swede, unable to fix it with his it to the cat's home in a basket the first thing in own tools. "No, this ain't no monkey ranch," the morning.'' the old timer shot back. ''They 's all mine. What of it 1" Customer: '' 'I'wo eggs poached medium soft, bnttered toast not too hard, coffee not too much He: "This dining-room table goes back to Louis cream in it." Fourteenth." Waiter: "Yes, sir. Would you like any special She: ''That's nothing. My whole sitting room -- design on the dishes?'' suite goes back to Sears-Roebuck on the fifteenth.''
The Man Who "Bags at the Knees" Neglects His True Personality Photographs tell the Story MOORHEAD'S Especially, those made by Cleaning Pressing Repairing All Work Guaranteed Formerly Forman's HOOVER, THE PHOTOGRAPHER
TIME FOR ACTION DE DUCKS GOT 'EM An officer inspecting sentries guarding the line Au old southern negro was asked by the pro• during territorial manoeuvres came across a raw• prietor of a store how he happened to need credit looking infantryman. when he 'cl had such a good cotton crop. ''What are you here for?'' he asked. "De ducks got 'bout all dat cotton, sah," was ''To report anything unusual, sir.'' the the mournful reply. "What would you call unusual?" "What do you mean the ducks got it?" "I dunno exactly, sir." ''Well, you see,'' explained the old man, ''I ''What would you do if you saw five battleships sent dat cotton up to Memphis an' dey deducks the steaming across the field?'' freight, an' dey deducks the storage charges, an' "Sign the pledge, sir." dey deducks the commission, an' dey dedueks the )Ill JI':: taxes-yes sah, de ducks got 'bout all dat cotton Visitor-What does this painting represent? an' dat's why I'm here." Artist-The Daughters of Satan. " JI':: Visitor-Oh! Hell's belles! My dad is an Elk, a Lion, a Moose and an Eagle. . ~" -Exchange. "Gee, what does it cost to see lnm .
Smokers' Supplies Fine Candies Drugs, Stationery OSTONIANS STEPHENS' DRUG STORE B SHOES FOR MEN W. G. STEPHENS, '16 NUFF SAID Visit the Soda Grill Student Headquarters 53 WEST DUTREY'S LOUTHER STREET
/ l::leptember, 1928 'l'HALIA 3
"Offsher, you'd better lock me up. Jush hit mv wife over the head wish a club." It's No Joke For a Fellow to "Did you kill her r " . Pay So Many Pressing Bills "Don't think sho. 'I'hash why I want to be locked up."
And He Must Keep] [ Looking Neat CARLISLE DINER DINE WITH US Open Day and Nill.ht If you ever knew we pressed your W. High Street Carlisle, Pa. clothes (if bought here) as often as you wanted-FREE-you'd join the crowd ''Anything besides Arrow collars, shirts, anJ that buys at Kronenberg's at once. handkerchiefs, sid How about some pajamas?" "I ain't no social rounder, young feller, I don't join any big parades; when night comes, I go to Good Clothes at Right bed, "-Portland Advertising Spotlight. Prices J. Fred Brown KRONENBERG'S Barber '' The College Store'' SENTINEL BUILDING - : - CARLI SL]<;, PA.
Judge-"You say this man robbed you-can THE SEARCH you identify anything here as formerly belonging We saw Diogenes the other day with his lantern. to you~·· ''Still looking for an honest man 1 '' we asked .. Ike-'' Yes, this overcoat.'' He shook his head mournfully. ,Judge-" That is no proof, here mine is exactly "No, I gave that up long ago. I wish I'd stuck like it." to it. It wasn't half so hopeless as what I'm Tke-" Well, I was robbed of two." doing now. -Lyre. He certainly did look despondent, and our heart went out to him. "What are yon looking for now 1" we asked. "Say It With Flowers" He sighed. "I'm looking for a Congressman who made out Robbins Brothers, Florists his income tax without anybody's help." Argonne Building Carlisle
J. Harold Wert ''Every time I kiss you.: it makes me a better man." "Well, you don't have to try to get to heaven in one night.'' . MEN'S FURNISHINGS
Compliments oj
Carlisle and Hanover, Pa. L. B. HALBERT 4 'l' II A lj I A Sep tern ber, 1928
Registration Officer (to spinster): "Your name, please." "STEW" BLACK Spinster: ''Matilda Brown." AND Registration Offic·er : ''Age 'I'' His Band ]Hiss Brown: ''Have the Misses Hill, who live next door, given you their ages!" Dispensing Dance Music DeLuxe Registration Officer: "No." Miss Brown : ''Well, then, I'm the same age as they." STEWART BLACK, Manager J. Registration Officer: ''That's all.'' 1119 N. 15th Street Proceeding to fill in all particulars, he mur• Bell Phone 2-3019 Harrisburg, Pa. mured: ''Miss Brown as old as the hills.''
THE DOCTOR MADE GOOD Caller-'' So the doctor brought you a little sis• The Conlyn Jewelry Store ter the other night, eh j " 139 West High Street Tommy-'' Yeh; I guess it was the doctor don it. Anyway, I heard him tellin' pa some time ago The College Jewelry Store that if he didn't pay his olcl bill he'd make trouble Since 1839 for him. '' ,. JI':: College Jewelry, Novelties, Favors, They met on the bridge at midnight, They will never meet again, Engraved Stationery One was an eastbound heifer, Watch and Jewelry Repairing The other a westbound train.
AN OLD WHEEZE (Dance Committee) Three Harvard students were walking in the If it's a peppy dance you country, when they met an old man of patriarchal want looks, and feeling in the mood, decided to have a "Eddie" Brubaker little fun with him. and his ''Good morning, Father Abraham,'' greeted the· Radio Entertainers first. "Know How and Can" ''Good morning, Father Isaac," said the second. Phone, Wire or Write "Good morning, Father Jacob," added the third. "Eddie Brubaker" The old gentleman looked the students over for 1512?1! N. Fourth St. a second; then he said in a low tone; ''I am Harrisburg, Pa. neither Abraham, Isaac nor Jacob. I a'B{Saul, son of Kish. I am looking for my father's asses and TO THE FLAPPERS behold I have found them, all three!'' Blessing on thee, little dame, Bareback girl with knees the same, With thy rolled-down silken hose Boiling Springs And thy short, transparent clothes; With thy red lips, reddened more, SWIMMING POOL Smeared with lipstick from the store; With thy makeup on thy face, Auel thy bobbed hair's jaunty grace, Finest Outdoor Pool in From my heart I give thee joy, Central Pennsylvania Glad that I was born a boy. )Ill Jill':: 'I'he Song Without Words-'' The Star Spangled PURE WATER and AIJ Modern Equipment Banner'' as sung by the majority of Americans. -Tiger. PEP!
Vigor, Vitality, Vim and Punch- With courage to act on a sudden Hunch• The nerve to tackle the hardest thing, With feet that climb, and hands that ding, And a heart that never forgets to sing• CThat's PEP.
Sand and grit in a concrete base- A friendly smile on an honest face• The spirit that helps when another's down, That knows how to gladden the blackest town• CThat's PEP.
To say " I Will "-for you know you can• T o look for the best in every man- T o meet each thundering knockout blo:W, And come back with a laugh, because you know You'll get the best of the whole blamed show• CThat's PEP. THALIA
WM. H. GERLACH A. MARLIN ENDERS Rrli tor-in-Chief Business Manager
STAFF
Lit eroru Editor, ...... Roueur RnE.H"FEH. Oircuiatins) M anagl'I". . 0LAHEKCE Enrro1t Assistant O'irculatin.g "ff( annoer, I-lARitY Dosrr Stage Piute Edit o», GI<:NEVA RETCEL Feature JJJ Copyright 1928 b~· Timlin. Exclu-dve reprint ri;::-hts grn nted to (ll!}E!jt.H1tmOr :\fagaziHe. VOJ,UME 1 SRPTRMBER, 1928 NUJ\'IBER 2 "I'M A BUM" This issue marks the beginning of another College year. Once more will a crowd, or should we say congregation, of knowledge seeking Freshmen crowd portals of educational institutions and once more will a nation wide class of Seniors return wearily to their work, a different group in many ways than those who blazed the trail four years ago. This is a fitting time to begin to think of football games, of week-end trips and of any of the other forms of diversion offered to the weary student. But week-end trips, even though they be only to the scene of some football encounter or home, cost money and it is with the greatest of pleasure that the editor operates his typewriter in an attempt to answer, in words which I hope will not be censored, a poem called "I'm a Bum" which was written by one who no doubt was quali• fied, by the title, and which was printed in a recent issue of "The American Motorist." We realize, dear poet, that often people seeking rides show great ingratitude by a holdup or a murder, but why bring down the wrath of your flighty, pardon me, I mean mighty, pen upon the others. You must realize that even though some Englishmen commit murders· not all are hanged! The same principal applies here. It seems a pity that because some people are too inconsiderate to give a lift to a travelling student, who, by the way, undoubtedly needs his money for purposes other than train fare, they continually upbraid those who realize that it does not cost more to carry an extra passenger and that although a few people have been attacked by their passengers, many thousands more have been rewarded with many thanks and deep appreciation for their consideration. If any one, including "The American Motorist," should he so kind as to forward to us the address of the author of "I'm a Bum," we will forward the same immediately to the Gideon Society in an effort to familiarize the said author with the story of the Good Samaritan. IDean rm:rtckett · triequiescat ~bt sun bas set, J]mort glortous tf)an tf)c flaming orb ~bt afttr=gloiu .lllumts the mestern skp .t£nb f)olbs tf)t soul emnrapt as spreabs tf)t gorgeous splenbor ..far antr iuibt. r~fJt sun f)as set, .t£nb onlp bp f)is setting can int ltnoiu ~bt iuonbtrous btautp clese conflntb in ntm, lllnrabtlltb now .t£nb sprtab uetcre tf)t tarl:lp tpt, ~o paean tastb f)is scorcf)ing brow ®r cf)ttrtb hun on. ~fJe sun f)as set, ~riumpf)ant f)t f)as clostb tf)t bap anb gont to rest. ~ucfJ praist as int can now btstob:l ®n f)is rtfltction (!tan no f)onor bring, ,.for nmr it is too Iate, ,for us, int iuoulb an bormr sttk ~!' basking in tbe sunsf)int ~f)at is gone. 8 THALIA September, 1928 ART FOR AR T,S SAKE The first thing Art did after he was initiated The annual house party of the Phi Sigs was into the fraternity was to buy new lamp shades close at hand. Art had invited his cousin for Ben for the entire downstairs; not that Art was wealthy and she in turn was to bring some nice girl for -oh, no, for if one of his fraternity brothers tried Art. Art had given explicit directions. to borrow a "five" (also called a phoebe), he ''Some girl I need not be ashamed of,'' wrote would immediately be refused with such a snub Art to his cousin. It seems Art had invited five that the said brother would remain properly other girls but each in. turn had sorrowfully but chastised for at least a semester! But when it firmly refused. came to culture and to art, Art was there ! ''What kind of a girl is your cousin i " asked HeVinci, del Sarto and Lippi were just as inti• one dubious Brother, who by chance was hooked mate friends of Art into a dance with her as were the many on the ''blind." artists and sculptors ''She's nice but of the modern school. she's awfully dumb," Art had never been Art rather sadly re• . in love for the simple plied. '' S h e ' s s o reason the girls he dumb she thinks a met were oh so com• river bank pays in• mon and common• terest. S h e r u n s place. around with a nice "You know," Art bunch of girls so I'm told his roommate, hoping she brings me "the girl I marry somebody who has at must be out of the least a grain of in• ordinary. I feel that telligence.'' she must be interested And when Annette, in the same things in the co us in, came, which I am interest• bringing Vernice, her ed. She must love girl friend, with her, art and Art and be lier dumbness was passionately fond of ~\ easily forgiven for the finer things in one glance at either life." girl would make a '' Horsefeathers'and valedictorian forget moosehearts,'' replied h i s e cl u c a t io n. Ben with a quick --- "Neat" might be turn of his hand in ascribed to Annette, the locality of his but ''divine'' w a s temple which in col• even short of a prop• ''Her eyes were-well to be explicit-heavenly.'' lege circles and bar er description of Ver• rooms signifies ''something missing." nice. Iler hair was the same shade as that in the ''Well I mean it and if none such are to be figure Innocence painted by Reynolds. Her eyes found I guess I '11 never get married," A rt an were-well to be explicit-heavenly. swered as he gazed at an announcement of a lec• "My word," gasped Art. "Isn't she a queen'? ture on ''Art of Everyday Life." She is the sweetest, most dainty girl I have ever ,"I never should be able to endure having a wife met. She animates me. She thrills me.'' who indulges in the ordinary things, I want a soul mate,'' continued the wistful Art. . ''Iler figure almost kills me,'' retorted a fond ''Ostrich ears,'' was the only answer Art re• Brother. "Boy, .shes got 'It' and I don't mean ceived from his much too uncouth roommate. perhaps." 1 September, 1928 THALIA 9 ''Oh, don't be vulgar," exclaimed Art, horrified ''What's that," asked the man, excitedly glanc• to hear "Tt " being applied to her. ing at the headlines on the news stand. ''Edin• After the first night Art had become even more burgh express wrecked near Dundee.'' infatuated with Vernice: She danced remarkably ''And my wife was on that train," said the well. She discussed philosophical, questions with Aberdonian as he turned to walk away. ease. She quoted Lamarck She enjoyed Carl "Well, aren't you going to get a paper and read Sandburg. . She even attempted to write some the details ? ' ' verse herself. She was divine-most divine. ''Oh, I'll wait for the later edition and get the ''I consider myself lucky," boasted Art, ''to find football news at the same time,'' replied the Aber• a girl of her· type. I have great hopes. She is the donian. most radiant creature I have ever met. She's lively and yet she's rather sad. Her eyes have the same expression 'as Raphael's ''Madonna." The houseparty was drawing toward the close. Only one more hour remained. The soft rhythm of a waltz, the animating clash of the jazzy fox-trot all heightened the ardor of Art's love. He had THERE'S ONE IN EVERY OFFICE just seated himself with one of his Brothers' guests when some high hysterical laughter sounded. from "No, Miss Blogg," boomed Jasper M. Whurtle, the back porch of the fraternity house. It was president of the Whurtle Whirlwind Laundry Co., unmistakably a girl's voice. The chaperons, to his new stenographer. "I want you to under• especially the Phi Sig's own faculty advisor, stand that when I dictate a letter, I want it written looked horrified and surprised but more horrified as dictated, and not the way you think it should than surprised. be. Understand ? '' ''Whoopee!'' resounded loudly and still more "Yes, sir," replied Miss Blogg, meekly. loudly from the swing on the old back porch. '' I fired three stenogs for revising my letters, '' Boysh, thatsh a dirty, hie, one to tell me. Hie. see?" Naughty. Hie. Naughty," sounded the same high "Yes, sir." feminine voice with rather undeniable suggestions ''All right; take a letter.'' of more moonshine than the moon itself could The next morning 0. J. Squizz, 0£ the Squizz afford at that time of night. Flexible Soap Company, received the following: Art quickly glanced around to see the effect this Mr. 0. K. or A. or J. something, look it up, uncouth incident would have on Vernice. She, how• Squizz. ever was not in the room. By this time the ''President of the Squizz what a name Flexible chaperons had· reached the back door and had Soap Co., the gyps. pressed the switch on the back porch. "Detroit, that's in Michigan, isn't it? Dear Mr. Annette and Art caught just one glance of the Squizz, hmmm : divine Vernice sitting between two of the boys with '' Y our 're a hell of a business man. No, start ., an empty look on her face and a still emptier flask over. He's a crook, but I can't insult him or the in her hand. 'I'hen Art heard his cousin say rather bum '11 sue me. That last shipment you sent us apologetically to Ben, "Oh dear, is she drunk was 0£ inferior quality and I want you to under• again? She is a glutton for liquor. I couldn't stand, no scratch out, I want you to understand. get any of my bunch of girls at the last minute Ah, unless you can ship, furnish, ship, no furnish because there was a dance at the club. . I didn't us with your regular soap you needn't ship us no want to disappoint Art so as my last resort I more period or whatever the grammar is and please brought her along just for Art's sake.'' pull down your skirt. 'I'his damn cigar is out ~ JI".: again pardon me and furthermore where was I? A drunk wandered into an auction sale where Nice bob you have. the bidding was fast, and the auctioneer yelled in "Paragraph. The soap you sent us wasn't fit a raucous voice : to wash the dishes no make that clog with comma ''All right, bid up, ninty-seven, ninety-eight, let alone the laundry comma and we 're sending it ninety-nine->" back period. Yours truly. Read that over, no ''One hundred ! '' roared the drunk, as he covered never mind, I won't waste any more time on that his eyes with his hands, "and all around base are egg. I '11 look at the carbon tomorrow. Sign my caught." -Virginia Reel. name. We must go out to lunch soon, eh?" 10 'l'IIAldA Sept.em her, l 92R. DEEP AND HOT Sir Piedmont and Herbert Tarreyton were The newly-appointed pastor of a negro church mounting their Camel, named Omar, to go to the faced a packed audience when he arose to deliver land of the 'I'hree Castles where the Three Kings his sermon on this burning question : ''Is there a ruled. 'I'hey had a long journey before them but Hell 1" Pach carried a ~rorchlight and a Plug was waxed '' Bredern, '' he said, ''de Lord made the world securely in each canteen to preserve water. round like a ball. '' These two men had found some Old Gold in a ''Amen!'' agreed the congregation. Lucky Strike. Since then they had given wild "And de Lord made two axles for cle world to parties in Marleboro and just by dancing each had go round on, and He put one axle at de North worn out a Tuxedo. But now, as the result of a Pole and one axle at de Souf Pole. Revelation they had decided to court the fairest ''And de Lord put a lot of oil and grease in daughters of the distant kingdom, Fatima and de center of de world so as to keep de axles well Sweet Caporal. It was for these maidens that greased and oiled. '' they were to meet the Three Kings and each suitor ''Amen ! '' said the congregation. carried a beautiful gift to his lady. Piedmont ''And den a lot of sinners dig wells in Pennsyl• carried a beautiful volume of Robert Burns and vania and steal cle Lord 's oil and grease. And Tarreyton carried a Philadelphia Handmade shawl they dig wells in Kentucky, Louisiana, Oklahoma bedecked with wide Havanna Ribbon. Each man and Texas, and in Mexico and Russia and steal de 1hought his lady was a Peach and the Apple of Lord's oil and grease, and elem axles is gonna git his eye. Surely each lady with such a suitor is hot. And den, dat will be hell, bredern, dat will a Lucky girl. be hell.'' When they arrived at the Buckingham State House they found a Little Recruit and a Barking Dog guarding the doors. After they gained ad• mission they found the kings partaking of their regular breakfast of Half and Half with King Edward's two sons, Lord Chesterfield and Prince Here's another, "Interference follow me" story. Albert. They were all beautifully arrayed in The coach at the University of Michigan is an Velvet. old Michigan Varsity man, well liked about the The visit had not been unexpected by the kings campus and often heard at college banquets. 'I'hey and while the girls and their Five Brothers were tell this as his humorous contribution on the sub• studying their music under their Dutch Master ject of how long does a coach's popularity last an entertainment was given starring Bessie Ken• after a successful year 'I It's about old Bill Simp• ton. Between the Acts each king lit a Perfecto kins. His wife had presented him with triplets, and announced that each Ambassador must prove three bouncing boys, and his boss congratulated his prowess in literature and war before he could him heartily on the event. The next day he was win his maiden. First they presented each man called into the office and with much ceremony with ye old Penn. When they proved efficient with handed a silver cup in recognition of the triple this they gave each man a Richmond Straightcut blessing he had bestowed upon his country. Simp• sword to prove his Edgeworth. After this exhibi• kins received the gift in a rather embarrassed tion the kings cried out, "'I'hey satisfy," and the manner, and turning to his employer said: 1wo couples were married and lived happily ever "Thank you, sir. But-er-is this cup mine, now, after. or do I have to win it three years in succession 1'' FILLING THE VACANCY An Englishman who was traveling in the United Lady '' 'l'obe, I'm sorry to hear your wife got States was asked how the highways in the United a divorce." States compared with those in England, and he replied that there was a contractor by the name 'I'obe . "Yrssurn, she (lone gone back to J\1<1- of Dixie and another by the name of Lincoln that bama.'' built excellent highways in the United States; but Lady : "\Vho will do my washing now i " there was a Frenchman by the name of Detour Toho: "Well, mum, I's co'tin again, and I whose work was terrible. co 'ts rapid.'' Septem her, 1928 THALIA 11 Farmer Jenkins made his way into the village post office that also was the general store. ''Anything for me t " he inquired of the post• master. 'I'he other raked over a few parcels and letters, but found nothing. ''Don't see nothing,'' he said. ''Did you· expect something ? '' "Yes," answered the farmer. "I was expecting a card from Aunt Jenny, tellin' me when she's comin'." "Hannah," called the postmaster, to his wife, "seen a card from Mr. Jenkins' Aunt Jenny?" "Yes," came the prompt answer. "She's comin' down Tuesday.'' ''Fath.er, when I graduate I'm going to follow my literary bent and write for money." "Well, son, you ought to be successful. That's all you've been doing since you started to college.'' • ''I see you advertise table board.'' "I do." "And what other kinds of board do you have?" ''Stable board, and you 're the first jackass to Ole, the night porter, was testifying before the ask about it.'' =Broum Jiig. jnry after the big bank robbery. ~ ~ ''You say,'' thundered the attorney, ''that at midnight you were cleaning out the office, and Jack was a worthless and improvident fellow. eight masked men brushed past you and went on One day he said to the local grocer : I gotta have into the vault room with revolvers drawn?" a sack o' flour; I'm all out and my family is '' Y ah," said Ole. starvin'. ''And a .moment later-terrific explosion blew ''All right, Jack," said the grocer. ''If you the vault door off and the same men went out past need a sack of flour and have no money to buy it, you carrying currency and bonds ? '' we '11 give you a sack. But, see here, Jack, there's "Y ah," said Ole. a circus coming to ·town in a few days, and if I "Well, what did you do then?" give you a sack of flour, are you sure you won't ''Aye put down my mop.'' sell it and take your family to the circus?" ''Yes, but then what did you do 1'' ''Oh, no,'' said Jack, ''I got the circus money '' V ell, aye say to myself, 'Dis bane hell of a saved up already.". way to run a bank.' '' ,. ~ Mrs. Spink was ushered by Jane into a friend's house for an afternoon call, and, as she stood in the hall a voice called softly down from somewhere above: An Englishman heard an owl for the first time. "Jane, if that's Mrs. Spink, I'm not at home." "What was that?" he asked. ~ The caller lifted her head sharply. ''An owl,'' was the reply. ''It is Mrs. Spink," she shouted, '' anc1 she's "My cleah fellah, I know that, hut what was mighty glad· to hear it." 'owling?" ,. ~ She-I saw you driving yesterday with a gentle• man. He appeared to have only one arm. She-" Don't kiss me or I'll call father." Her-v-Oh, no; the other arm was around some• (Smack!!) where. ''Sweet Daddy ! " 12 TIIAT_;TA Sep tern ber, 1928 TH A Lt A 13 FOOTBALL c-e:s 1928 Football season has again come and since this is the Football Issue of the THALIA we decided that we should make some mention of the most capable captain in the confer• ence. To find our man we did not have to travel far or wide but remain peacefully on our own campus to write the story. Dickinson's captain for this year is \Vilmer Leroy Slivinske, better known as "Roy" 01: "Sliver." For further information allow us to quote the Microcosm. which handles the situation as capably as possible. "Wilmer Leroy Slivinske is a modest, up• standing, straight-dealing, forward-looking young man with widely diversified interests. He is quite active in politics and among other officesappended on his record are Junior Class President and Captain of next year's football squad." "Among the other offices" and organizations which the Microcosrn does not mention are Omicron Delta Kappa; Business Manager Y. M. C. A. handbook; Dickinson-in-China; Secretary Belles Lettres Literary Society; Treasurer Greek Club; Chairman of the All-College Social Committee and Box• ing Instructor. "Hoy" is from Wilkes-Barre and although that part of the country has its gun fights it insists on fair gun fights. In its other forms of "athletics" it also insists on clean playing. In "Roy," Wilkes-Barre has given Dickinson a son who lives this sense of fair play not only in football but in all his associations with his fellow students. "Roy" is a member of Phi Kappa Sigma and his fraternity has every right to feel proud at having his name upon its roll. The following items touching Dickinson's past seasons are further testimony of our captain's ability. "Sweely, Slivinske, and Litchenfield tore off yard after yard."-Ursinus vs. Dickin• son 1927. "The Red and White was forced to come from behind in the last quarter to win by a forward pass from Harner to Slivinske. The combination of Harner and Slivinske was re• sponsible for both touchdowns. Slivinske's line plunging and the defensive playing of Captain Snell and Crook were the high lights of the performance of the Johnson coached eleven." Schuylkill vs. Dickinson 1926. 14 'rIIAl~IA Sept.rmlwr, ln28 HO·PLAYS Home Te .. m Opponent 192i Scorn llutgers 1·s. St. .John at. N. Brunwiek .. Ha1'\'1trd ,·s. Springf-lelcl at Cnmbridge Saturday, Sept. 22 St.~ lgpatius vs. Ne\•ada at San Ji"rancisco .. 1D Holy C'rnss rs. St. .John at Worcester 7 0 St. J,ouis U. 1•;;. McKenclree at St. Louis Illinois Coll. vs. Linco 11 at .Jacksomi'le 2;; ll Centenary vs. Sam Houston at shreveuort 27 , St. Xa}1ier vs·. ''frnnsy1rnn'.n at Cincinm1ti :rn 0 ll!inois vs. Brncl:ey at U:·IJana ...... 19 O Centre vs. ~l.1ransyh·crn~a at Danvil'e, Ky. 7 6 0 lll. Wesleyan \'S. Knox at B'oomington 14 O Hibbing vs. Superior at Hibbing . 6 0, ·~~~\'a'7i~ko~1· '~·rys~1~nk1~n se,~~an~~rmilion .Incllana vs. Ok. nhoma at Bloom:ngton Loyola vs. Howard at New Orleans 0 ~ So ... Dak. St.ate rs. Dak. Wesleyan nt Brook- Iowa ,·s. l\'Ionmouth at Iowa C'tv . . ~2 No. Dakota vs. Manitoba at Grand Forks .. 33 Iowa State vs. Nebrnska at Ame's O l{hode Island vs. U. S. Cst. G1·d. at Kirgston 14 ~~' So.111~~tlif~t:t~i;t'\; S·. • i.rt~h. A~r< nt Los Ange1es John Carroll \'S. Kent at Clevelrind . So. Carolina vs. Erskine at Columbia ..... 13 ~ Go. :\1ethodist \'S. Howa.:·d Payne at Dallas 32 0 .Johns Hopkins rs. llichmond at Baltimore So. Methodist rs. Denton at Dallas 68 Southwestern rs. Lambuth at -:\{emph's 40 12 Ka1amazoo Co'L vs. Notre Dame Hes. at Stanlord vs. Army Peam at Palo A 'to St nford vs. Olympic A. C. at Palo Alto 7 6 Kalamazoo ...... O 8 Texas Agri. \'S. 'l'rinity at Coll. Station 45 0 Sup~rior rs. Northland at Superior 71 G Kansas vs. Gl'inneII nt Lawrence 19 O Texas Chris. vs. Commerce Tch. at Ft. Worth 8vracuse rs. Hohart at Syracuse . . . . l:l 0 Kentucky \'S. Carson-Newman at Lexington U. Cal. So. Br. vs. Santa Barbara at Los Temp1e vs. St. '.l'homas 11t Plliladelph:a Laverne vs. Occidental at Los Ange1es Angeles . 33 1J'ennessee vs. l\'[H.t'Y''11e at, Knoxville o Lafayette vs. M11hlenbcrg at mast.on . . . 38 Wash. State vs. Whitman at Furman .... rl'exas \'S. St. Ecl1ral'd at Austin . Lawrence vs. MarQuette at App1eton O W. Va. vs. Davis-Elkins at Morgantown O Leb. Valley 1•s. C. C. N. Y. at Annvil'e 115 12 Texas Agr•. vs. Southwe~ten1 at Col'ege Stn. 31 W. Va. Wesley. vs. Fairmont at Buckhannon 'l'exas Ch:·is. ,.s. Daniel Baker at F't. Worth 27 tl Leh.gh vs. Pa. Mil. Coll. nt Bethlehem Wyoming vs. Spearfish Tech. at Laramie 31 1111lane rs. Louis:ana Nor. nt New Ol'leam Lombard vs. St. Ambrnse at Galesburg . . 24 Saturday, Sept. 29 Tulsa \·s. A 'ra nt Tulsa . La. State vs. S. W. La. Jnst. at Baton Houge 52 U. S. 1\lil. .\cad. rs. Boston rni\'. at West Loyola (Chi.) vs. Loyola (N.0.) at Al'egheny vs. Mount Union at Meadville .. Chicago ...... 12 JD Amherst vs. Middlebury at Amherst ..... Point 1:~ Beloit vs. Mount Morris at Beloit• .. • .. : .. U. S. Nav. .\e Westminster vs. Allegheny at N. wt.mtngton O Northwestern vs. Ohio St1te at Evanston 19 13 Drnke vs. Grinnell at Des Moines 26 Whittier vs. Redlands at Whittier ..... O Notre Dame vs. U. S .. Nav. Acad. at Chicago 19 6 Evansville \'S. OePauw a.t Evansville ..... Wooster vs. Hiram at Woostel' Oberlin vs. Wooster at Oberlin 0 Flagstaff rs. New Mex:co at Fl •. gstaff .. 7 24 Wlllinms vs. Middlebury at Willi West Virg:nia vs. washlngton-Lee irl Charles- St. Xariel' rs. Quant'.eo Mal'. d C:rcimrnti 13 14 Mont. Stale vs. Brigham Young at Bozeman ton 6 6 San Diego rs. Whittier at San Diego .. 25 N. 11ex. Agri. 1s. N. Mex. YI nes at Las Cruces 41 William ~lary I'S. Cath. Univ. at Williamsbg 0 12 ~chnylkill rs. \\'est. Maryland at lleading . . O 13 New Yol'k U. rs. Geol'getown .. t New York Wi1liams vs . Rensselaer at Williamsto\rn 34 7 So. Cal ifornin rs. Occidental ;,t Los Angeles 8:~ O Niagarn rs. Clarkson at. Niagara ff"'alls Wilmington vs, Cedarville at IV'.lmington So. llak. Agri. vs. So. Dakota at Brookings 12 16 No. Car. State \'S. North C,,rnlina itt Hri,!e:ii;ll 19 So. ~1ethodisi \'S. 11r'.11ity at Dallas . Wisconsin Hes. vs. Oshkosh at Madison .. Home Te .. m Opponent 1027 Score Wittenberg rs. Marshall at Springfteld .. SJ)ringfield vs. New Hampshire at Springfield 10 Yale vs. Brown at New llaven l!J O Stanford vs. Fresno ;,t P11lo Alto . Northwestern vs. Minnesuw. at rnva11ston Ypsilanti 'l'ch. \'S .• Ydrtan Ht Ypsilaul.l 20 o Superior rs. Stout Inst. at Superiol' . 21 G Oh'io State rs. 1~rinceton at Columl)t1s S\rarthmore vs .. Johns Hopkins at .Swarthmo:·e Okla. Agri. vs. Okla. C.t.y :tl Stillwater Saturday, Oct. 27 Temple rs. Providence at Philadelphia .... Orngon Agri. \'8', Montaim at Corvn11is Alabama \'S. Bewanee at Birmingham 24 o '.l'ennessee vs. \Vasl1ngton-{.ee at Knuxl'ille .. l'enn. State vs. No.tre Dame at Pll11adelp.1,a Al.bama Poly. rs. Howard at Auburn .. 9 9 Texas Chris. vs. Texas 'fech. at Ft. Worth .. 1(; 6 P:.ttfbmgh vs. Syracuse at P1ttsbt1tgh Albion vs. Kalamazoo Cull. at Albo-i ff O Tex:.s '.11ines vs. Ar:zona at El Paso 6 19 Pomona vs. Hedlancls at Claremunt ... 14 Allegheny vs. Grove City at Meadville 6 21 'J'exns .\11nes rs. New Mex. Mil. at El Paso .. 19 6 l'urdlli:! vs. Case lit L:1Jayette Arkansas vs. f'exas Agri. at Fayetteville 6 40 'J'ulsa 1·s. Phillips at. Tulsa . 7 13 Rensselaer vs. C. C. N. Y. a.t 1'ro; Aurora vs. Ch.cago Y. Coll. at Aurora Vanderbilt vs. Washington-Lee at Nashville Hice vs. Southwestern at llouston 1~ Baylor vs. St. Edward at Waco 12 r; Vandetbilt vs. Virginia at N .. shville Hoanoke vs. ll11mp-Sid11ey rit H anul;:e Beloit rs. Lawrence at Beloit 6 19 Vermont vs. Conn. Agri. at BurJ:ngton . Ripon \'S. l~aw.ence at HipJn . Boston Univ. vs. Boston Coll. at Boston . Ville.norn rs. Lebanon Valley at Villanova 32 Hocliester vs. Oberlin at Roclrest.er Bradley rs. St. Viator at Peoria . 4R o Va. Poly. Inst vs. King at Bl .. cksburg Hutgern vs. Cnthol]c Univ. at New B:uns.1 ick Brig. Young vs. Ut1.IJ at Provo . 0 20 Wabash vs. Terre Haute 'J'ch. at Crawfrcls\'le 40 · 0 St. John vs. Providence at Br(,oldyn .... G i2 Brown vs. 'I'uf'ts at Providence . Wake Forest vs. Davidson at Charlotte 13 13 St. Lawrence v~. Butfa1o al Canton 20 Butler vs. Washington U. at Indianapolis \Vashington vs. Oi·egon AgrL. at Se,.ttle Schuylkill rs. Temple at Heading . Cal'fornia vs. Olympic A. C. at Berkeley 21 O Wash . .State vs. Coll. of Idaho at Pullman 53 0 So. D1ik. State 1·s. Creighton at Bl'ook.ngs 0 14 Carleton vs. Cornell at Northfield 0 Wes]eyan vs. Amherst at Middleto\\'n ..... 20 12 So. Californin vs. Stanford at Los Angeles 13 13 Carroll rs. Ripon at Waukesha 12 \V. Va. Wesley rs. Waynesburg at Buckhumon 6 G Stetson vs. Southern at DeLand G Case vs. Ashland at Cleveland . Will •. mette vs. Coll. l'uget Sound at Snlem. () fi Superior 'fell. vs. Hiver Fal Is Tell. a.t Supc~ Chattanooga ''S. Centenary at Chatt.nooga Wooste1· vs. Western Ues. nt Cle1•eland .. D 6 rlor . u Chicago vs. Purdue at Chicago 7 6 Wyoming vs. Greeley Tell. at Laramie 28 7 Susquel1anna \'S. ra. Mil. Coll. n.t Selins- Cincinnati vs. Wittenberg at Cincinnati 0 45 Yale rs. U. ,S. Mil. Acad. at New Haren 10 G grove . 12 Swarthmore rs. Dela\Vare al Swarthmore Coe vs. Monmouth at Cedt.r Rapids 24 R Friday, Nov. 2 Colby vs. Bowdoin at Waterville 7 1~ Tennessee rs. Carson-Newmn. at Knoxville .. 33 Colorado vs. Utah at Boulder 18 20 Alfred vs. Hobart at Alfl'ed . 0 50 'l'cne Haute vs. FrankliG at 'J.'ene Haute .. 0 G Columbia vs. Williams at New York .. 19 0 Denison vs. Ohio Northern at Gran\'il!e . 8 0 Texas \'S. Sc,. Methodist at Austin 0 14 Dayton vs. Detro't at Dayton . Des .\·Joines vs. Simpson ;.t Des .\loines . 20 2 I Texas Agri. vs. Denton 'J'ch. at. College 8tll. DePauw vs. Frt.nklin at Greencastle . o Hendrix vs. Coll. of Ozarks at Conway . 21 0 Texas Chris. \S. Baylor at Wort Worth 14 0 Denver vs. Regis at Denver . Howard \'S. Mississippi Coll. at Birmin~ham 0 13 Trinil~' vs. Wesleyan at llartforcl 2 n Dickinson vs. Ursinus at Carlisle i2 7 llinois Wesleyan vs. Emcka at 1lloom'nglon 2D 0 •rufls vs. New Hampshirn at Boston ... 39 0 Florida rs. No. Car. State at Tampa ..... 6 12 Kenyon vs. )1t. Union at Gambier . (i 10 'l'ulane vs. l\1illsaJ)s at New Orleans Fordham \'S. Washington-.Jeff. 11t Polo Grounds :\Lss. Cull. \'S. :\1ercer <1t Birmingh:.m Union vs. W]linms at Schenertacly 0 Fn.nk-Olarsh rs. Pa. Mil. Coll. at Lancaster 0 12 Ouachita. vs. Dmant 'l'Cch. at Arkadelpl1i11 U. S. Mil. Acacl. vs. Del)auw at West Point Geneva vs. Duquesne at Beaver !?alls ..... 20 o Washington vs. Linfteld at Seattle .. U. S. N F'resno \'S. Nevada at Fresno ...... 10 7 B:own rs. New llampsh'.re at .Providence 31 rn Western Hes. vs. Oberlin :.t Clevel1u1d ao Geneva vs. Alleghen~1 . I 18 THALIA September, 1928 ''''''"''''''"''''''''''''''''''''''''''''"'''''''''''''''''''''"'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''"''''''''''''''''' HORIZONTAL 1. Wha t wo u ld happen if every student passed 9. IV hat every course offers 11. Governor Sroitll answers to it l:l. What to do to get an A 14. Civil Engineer (ab) 15. Boy's name 17. Street (abJ 18. Wha , everone says when the marks come out 19. An ad je ct i ve describing our excuses 21. Where. some go after six weeks 22. One twelfth of a foot 24. Smaller than the ocean 25. Uri.iver-st y of California (ab) 27. Wha t most of U!' get into 28. Latin Department (ab) 29. Wha.t every student thinks every other student has •'I 31. Opposite from Korthwest (ab) 32. Washed lightly L 3 4. The first lap. A fVl E VERTICAL n .. 2. What a good number are working· for 3. Fate s 4. J~xclarnation N r 5. To 'shed feathers (Not horse feathern) ..._ 6. A writing flu id 7. A famous baseball player s ,-- 8. The old home town v 10. The first is always the wor st t 12. How most tuxedos are Jost 14. Every coilege has one · 16. Meets every Thursday n ig h t 18. You have to go through it to ge~ in D 20. Interrogative exclamation 21. High Hat (ab) 25. Vases 26. What every college student needs. s 29. To pass out E 30. A costly stone or a razor 32. Railroad (ab) 33. Male parent. ~ M WHO PLAYS WHO IN 1928 (Continued from Page 17) Morningside vs. Su. Dak. Shdc at Sioux City 4-J Springfteld vs. Vermont at Springfield . 2·1 St. i\lary I'S. Sm1la Clam ii.L San l!'J'illU.:iSl'll ~~ Mt. St. Charles vs. Mountain State at Spring llill vs. Loyola at Mobile . u. S. Mil. Acud. \'S. Stanford at New Yor~ Sherdn., Wyoming .•...... Tennessee vs. Kentucky at Knoxville . , .. 20 0 Mt. Union vs. w:ttenberg at Alliance . f'exas vs. Texas Agri, at Austin . 7 28 Saturday, Dec. 8 Nebraska vs. Kansas State at Lincoln . 33 Transylvania vs. Ky. Wesleyan at Lexington G 45 Alabama \'S. Louisiana State at Birmtugham 0 0 New Mexico vs. Colorado Mines at Albuquerque Tulane vs, Louisiana State at New Oreleans 13 6 Clark vs. 'l'alladega at Atlanta ...... 27 7 N. Mex. Mil. vs. New Mex. Agrt. at Roswell 10 Tulsa vs. Oklahoma Agri. at 'l'ulsa .... 28 26 Georgia Tech. vs. Georgia at Atlanta . ... 12 0 New York U. vs. Oregon Agri. at New York Utah vs. Utah Agri. at Salt Lake City . 0 0 Hawaii vs. Oec'rlental at Honolulu 20 0 No. Car. State vs. South Carolina at Raleigh 34. 0 Vanderbilt vs. ,Sewanee at'Nnsbville . 26 6 Loyola vs. Quantico M MAN OVERBOARD the ship, but none would wait to hear what he Included among the passengers on board a ship had to say. At last he came to the captain again. crossing the Atlantic recently was a man who "Look here," s11-icl the captain, "I can tell you stuttered. One clay he went up to the captain of what to do when you want to say anything; you the ship to speak to him. should sing it.'' Then suddenly, in a tragic voice, the man commenced to sing: '' S-s-s-s-s,'' stuttered the man. "Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never "Oh, I can't be bothered," said the captain brought to mind~ angrily; ''go to somebody else.'' The blooming cook's fell overboard, and 1s The man tried to speak to everybody on board twenty miles behind.'' September, 1928 THALIA 19 ''Poor Harry!'' "What's the matter now?" ''He was run off the earn pus of the floating university.'' =Nebraska Awgwan. ~ ,; Miss Simp : I hear you are a pillar of the church. Sunday Golfer: No, I'm just a flying but• tress. I support it from the outside. -Stanford Chaparml. Crisp autu1nn air ... ~ ,; the thud of a well- k i ck e d pigskin . PICKING THE FIRST ALL-AMERICAN burning leaves . THIS SEASON cit rysanthe1nums ! Left End . , Cream of Colgate I Left Tackle Ham of Virginia - Left Guard Suit of Brown '., Center Fish, Bates Right Guard, Waterman, Penn Youm's LA.sT Right 'I'aekle Harde, Knox Right End We R Here, Lafayette Quarterback ...... Bull, Montana STAND'' Left Half Money of Vanderbilt Percy Marks, author of The Plastic Right Half Smeer, Case Age, has written a new co11ege novel Full ...... Hail, Columbia which should sweep across the coun• -Sewanee Moitntm:n Goat. try just as sensationally. It is the ~ ,; real story of an athlete who went away to college to get an education They don't vaccinate the police force be• and not to take part in any outside, cause they never catch anything except col• rah-rah activities. Youth's Last lege boys anyway. Stand is its title. It is daring and -Nebr(iska Awgwan. true. It will rock the foundations ~ ,; of many athletic and social stand• ards in our colleges today. It also A l<~Ew SUGGES'l'IONS 1''0R BE'r'l'ING happens to be a thrilling story in WHILE AT TIIE GAME his best-seller manner, and a genu• How close the scoreboard is to being right. ine publishing scoop. Whether or not you '11 get a late date with COLLEGE HUMOR, during the your roommate's girl. football season, will have a brilliant The number of drunks that there will be collection of short stories about our at the half. greatest spo rt , The name of the tune the band is playing. ~ ~ Which yell the cheer leaders just an• nounced. A NEW SPORTS DEPARTMENT A large department devoted to college What the freshman class is trying to spell. sports , for rn en and women, is being de• The final score. veloped by COLI.EGE HUMOR. It will be a forum for the leading coaches, players -Penn. Stale Froth. and sports writers in American college cir• ~ ,; cles, and will be edited by Joe Godfrey, Jr. GRAN'rLAND RICE PREDIC'l'S THE This magazine already numbers among its contributors on sports such rne n as: OUTCOME OF 'rHE YALE- PRINCETON GAME ALL ST AR WRITERS Of course I cannot surely say RILL ROPER GRANTLANDRICE KNUTEROCKN E WESTBROOKPEGLER Which team will carry off the day ; BOB ZUPI'KE MAJOR JOHN L. CHIFFITfi The Princeton team has strength and force, W. 0. MCGEEHANAND MANY OTHERS And Ya.le is rather good, of course; The game might go to either side, On Sale at all News-stands Unless perchance the score is tied. But anyway I cannot say. -Yale Reco1·d 1050 N. La Salle St. CHICAGO 20 THALIA September, 1928 THALIA PHILOSOPHY reach the end at last, and your rewards will appear In the old days they cut a man's head off for a greater for the sacrifices you made. serious crime. This seems barbarous to us but as I I I far as temporal good is concerned we too often in• Do your allotted task, hold anger in check, be jure ourselves by LOSING our heads. thankful for your opportunities, make a manly ef• I I I fort to overcome the forces which oppose you• The head that was chopped off and that would clon 't lose your head-and all will end well. probably arouse our pity was only of earth. The worth while part of it was the mind it contained. I I I JUST WOMEN When you are crossed, don't "fly off the han• dle, '' for in doing this you only lose your own self• It seems that once upon a time there was a Ken• tucky mountaineer who, having lived in the .moun• respect and the respect of those with whom you tains all his life, had never seen a woman. One come into contact. day, after he had reached a ripe old age, he wan• I I I dered· into a town nearby and saw a woman walking Stop before you make a cutting remark or threat, down the street. He accosted a passer-by after the other person may have more will power than seeing several others, and aske.I, ''Say, stranger, you and let you think you are getting away with 'what are them things~'' it, but you will find to your sorrow some day that ihe mistake was yours. I I I I I I The stranger looked a little surprised but an• If things are not all going your way, do not stop swered, "Why, they 're women." in disgust, use your head and you will find a way to improve matters, but if you lose it you will I I I .probably live to rue the day. The mountaineer pondered a minute, then asked, I I I "What are they good for?" Don't forget that the other fellow knows his I I I business as well as you know yours, and that when The stranger told him a l i ttl c about wornen• you attempt to criticise his methods you are only how if you treated them right, yon could get them casting doubts upon your own ability in your line. to cook and work around the house. I I I I I I He who is constantly sure that his own house is in order has little time to suggest improvements "Wonder ef I could get one of 'em to take to the other fellow's house. back,'' suggested the mountaineer. The stranger I I I said he thought it could be arranged, and it trans• pired that the mountaineer returned to his cabin Don't turn aside the stream which supplies your that winter with a wife. home with water because its rippling disturbs your slumbers. Let the sound be a lullaby to you, bring• I I I mg more contented sleep. Sing in praise of the Next spring the mountaineer was in town again. stream. He met the stranger. ''Say,'' he said, "you re• I I I member the woman you got me last fall ~ I wonder Perhaps the rain of today will prevent your at• cf you could get me another one of them things." tendance at a party. Parties can be held any time hut rain will come when it will come, and the pres• I I I ent shower may be the last for a long time. The stranger, a little surprised, asked what had I I I been the matter with the one he had '! Let your faith in ultimate good stand the test of all adversity, for without faith life would not I I I be worth the living. "Oh, she was all Tight," said the mountaineer, I I I ''but she broke her leg and l had to shoot her.'' Keep steady, plow along your furrow, you shall ---Jack -o- Lantern, L September, 1928 'fHALIA 21 ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~~+~+~r~~+~+~+~+~+~~+~+~+~+~+~~+~+~+~+~~+~+~~+~+~+~~~+~+•+~1 I ·~ STAGE PAGE ~ I L~+~+~~+~~~+~~~~t~+~~+~~+~+~~~+~t~~~~t~+~~+~+~t~~+~+~~+~+~t~~~~+~t~~t~~+~+~~t~t~t~~+~~t~I WHAT AND WHAT NOT IN MOVIES should be a chance for some good public speaking The ''Talkies'' are the main topic of conversa• teachers to make their fortunes in Hollywood. tion in movieland at present. 'I'he 'industry ad• The fate of these "Talkies" in Pennsylvania still mits they are in their infancy and consequently we remains indefinite. At the present writing, the can not criticize them too harshly. If the houses matter lays before the supreme court since two were so located that there were no sounds from judges gave opposite decisions. In the case of traffic to interfere, they might be enjoyed with Warner Bros. versus the Censors, the decision more pleasure. One thing is certain, stars will stated that as the censors had jurisdiction over the have to have other qualifications besides beauty subtitles, they would naturally have it over the if they are to continue to twinkle. All voices are talking as it took the place of subtitles. In the divided into four classes : . case of Fox Films versus the Censors, the decision l. Those that are pleasant to the ear and easily was to the effect that to censor them violated the heard. principle of free speech and the press. By the 2. Those that cause an echo. time the case is :finally settled, the experiment with 3. Those that are gutteral. the pictures should be advanced to the place where 4. Those that are shrill and hissing. they are either perfected or dropped. Any stars that are not in the first class, will do Summer time is a bad time for the movies as well to retire to the enjoyment of their millions well as for the stage. The best picture of the before the ruthless public discovers their deficiency season was ''Ramona.'' Dolores Del Rio, who and clamors for them to be sent back to their heretofore has played the part of only a passionate ''Knitting.'' woman, outdoes herself. Her versatility as an Even in this early stage of the game, they are emotional actress is remarkable as she runs the beginning to be weeded out. Dolores Costello who gamut of all the emotion. The story ·dealing with starred in ''Tenderloin'' and ''Glorious Betsy,'' the hardships of the early American Indians is a has a quivering voice which altho sweet is . not familiar one as the book has been lauded as one of easily understood. May JVIcAvoy'sis an example the greatest American Humanitarian novels. The of the rasping voice. She starred' in the "Lion love story thru which it is made forcible, is beauti• and the Mouse" and the effect of her voice in one ful in every detail. of the most important scenes was enough to make I I I one weep. Lionel Barrymore was until. now un• ''Tenderloin'' was a great disappointment. Do• heralded as· a star, but his magnificent voice is lores Costello smiled and wept her way thru the winning him a place at the top in the '' 'I'alkies. '' picture as usual. We have come to the conclusion 'I'he quality of his voice, his diction and expression that she is incapable of enacting scenes of any were outstanding in the ''Lion and the Mouse." real emotion. Conrad Nagle did his best to carry Conrad Nagle is also finding his long sought place the picture along, but the plot was so melodramatic in the sun. Helene Costello who has been as the and shop-worn that his best efforts could only shadow of her more popular sister is also coming bring about some little triumph for himself as an into her ,own for she makes a very good showing in actor. The same stars played in "Glorious Betsy" Warner Bros. first all "Talkie," "The Lights of which is the story of the love affair of Jerome :\Tew York." Outside of Helene, practically all Bonapart and Betsy Patterson of Baltimore. In the stars in this film are unfamiliar ones. One of this, Dolores was better fitted for her part and the greatest difficulties is that by setting the ma• the picture was quite diverting.' chine so that the sound carries to the back of the I I I theatre, an echo is caused that makes it difficult for "The Road to Ruin," which made a fortune for those in the front to understand it. Men's voices the men who were not too proud to exhibit it in as on the. victrola or radio are more satisfactory Camden and Atlantic City, is one of the vilest than the women's. By the looks of things there pictures ever produced. Because it is not per- 22 THALIA September, 1928 mitted to be shown in Pennsylvania, the people are rushing to the nearby state to see it in the hope of finding a few second-hand thrills. 'I'hey come back filled w:ith disgust at themselves for being curious enough to go, and with a little added re• speet for the state censors for keeping such filth out of this state. The story pictures the road to ruin traveled by a young .girl who is finally waiting in a room for an unknown man who turns out to be her father. The shock together with the effects of an illegal operation causes her death. Through• out the whole picture nothing is left to the imagin• ation. That the National Board of Censors passed it, is nothing to their credit. "Road House" was to have been a sequel to it. However, about one third of the picture has been cut and all that re• mains is rather mediocre and boring. I I I ''The lVIysterious Lady'' gives Greta Garba to An Editorial Without Words act an intriguing and new part. As an alluring and fascinating· Russian spy she practices treach• ery and gives her honor that Russia may vanquish Austria. The gallant Austrian officer obligingly falls in love with her, placing her in a position where she may secure the sought after papers. Then comes the "hitch" for she falls in love with him. If he did not discover at the crucial moment that she was a spy, the picture may have ended here. His discovery leads to the cliffculties and the most tense part of the drama. Perhaps Greta remains so popular because we are not feel up on her. Her ccc..Buiiders of c..Better .Annuals" pictures are so few that her half closed, veiled eyes '.rbose decidedly attractive college annuals which and panther-like body never cease to charm. have aroused your admiration are not chance at• I I I tainments. Their effectiveness is the result of "The Lights of New York" is the first picture careful planning by men schooled in this highly specialized type of creative art-men thoroughly in which there are no subtitles and in which every familiar with the possibilities and limitations of character speaks. The theme is not a new one al l reproduction processes=-and of the editor's as it deals with life in New York, especially with budget. the glitter of the White Lights. Helene Costello Here, the college editor and manager find an gives great promise for the future as do many of experienced Annual Service Department equipped the new stars in it. to a id and advise them on all the varied subjects I I I oncountererl in the production of the successful year book. Now we are off again in search of something new and diverting. Perhaps we shall find it in This service is always at the command of our some of the new stage productions. We hardly clients. dare hope for anything as altogether charming and amusing as the first one that came to Philadelphia Canton Engraving and last year-" Good News." If we found its equal «arlv in the season that would indeed be good news. Electrotype Co. of Canton, Ohio September, 1928 THALIA 23 " 'Smatter, Tommy, why so peeved t . . Only a little while ago you told me that Patricia's kisses were like sparkling wine drops ! What now r " ( Glooming'ly) "Ye-ah, she's outside now, mixing her drinks ! " THE Every five weeks-all year, W. G. FLY will show you the NORTHERN BALFOUR ENGRAVING line of FRATERNITY JEWELRY COMPANY NO SINGLES CANTON 'I'he clerk's temper was plainly suffering from OHIO the effects of the heat. Selling footwear is a try• ing occupation when the mercury is attempting to Engravers for gush out of the thermometer. THE MICROCOSM The portly woman who entered the shop was in and many other well known the throes of a violent attack of hay fever. Her Eastern College Annuals distress was acute...... , ''I want-ash-oo,'' she began, ''I want-as• oo-ash-oo.'' 'Twenty-two years of specializing The man frowned. in school annuals is bac~ of our ''I want-ash-oo ! '' she struggled bravely, ''I attractive offer. A detailed pro• want-ash-oo ! '' posal will be gladly furnished on The man's short stock of temper came to an end request. with startling rapidity. ''Can't be done, madam,'' he said. ''We sell them only in pairs.'' There goes a man with a burning passion. What is he, a poet? No, a pyromaniac.-Jack -o- Lantern. At a drama given for neglected husbands by the Evanston Women's Club: )Ill I': c c I am Goodness.' ' ''I am Mercy.'' "'- The professor who co~ne~ ten minutes. ~ate is Whisper in the audience-" Lord, how I 'cl hate "'-very rare. In fact, he is m a class by himself. to have them follow me all the days of my life.'' -Pitt Panther. =Purp! e P arrot, ''We are now passing the most famous brewery PENN-HARRIS HOTEL in Berlin,'' explained the guide." Harrisburg, Pa. ''We are not,'' replied the American tourist as 400 ROOMS $2.50 AND UP he hopped off the sight seeing bus.-Octopns. DANCING Every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday Nights 9.30 P. M. till Midnight-SO cents per cover Pa-'' I know a man who hasn't been away from TWO COFFEE SHOPS-Appetising food home a single night in thirty years.'' served at Moderate Prices Ma-'' That's what I call love.'' Pa-" Well, the doctor called it paralysis, "• Harry J. Harkins, Ma nag er Pimch Bowl. 24 'l'HALIA September, 1928 WHAT IS THIS GOLF? Golf is a form of work made expensive enough for a rich man to enjoy. It is physical and mental exertion made attractive by the fact that you have to dress for it in a $200,000 clubhouse. Golf is what letter carrying, ditch digging and carpet beating would be if these three tasks had to be performed on the same hot afternoon in short pants and colored socks by gouty-looking gentle• men who required a different implement for every mood, Golf is the simplest looking game in the world when you decide to take it up and the toughest looking after you have been at it for ten or twelve years. It is probably the only known game a man can play as long as a quarter of a century and then discover that it was too deep for him in the first College~ place. 'l'he game is played on carefully selected grass with little white balls and as many clubs as the Publications player can afford. These balls cost from 75 cents to $25.00. (It is possible to support a family of Catalogs ten people-all adults-for five months on the money represented by the balls lost by some golfers Annuals in a single afternoon.) A golf course consists of 18 holes, 17 of which are unnecessary and put in to make the game hard• er. A "hole" is a tin cup in the center of the ''green.'' A ''green'' is a small parcel of gras« SINCE 1831 costing about !J;l.99 a blade and usually located between a brook and a couple of apple trees and a lot of unfinished excavations. The idea is to get the golf ball from a given point into each of the 18 cups in the fewest strokes and the. greatest number of word's. The ball must not be thrown, pushed or carried. It must be propelled by about $200.00 worth of Cameron and Kelker Streets curious looking implements, especially designed to HARRISBURG 1 PENNSYLVANIA provoke the owner. Each implement has a specific purpose and ulti• mately some golfers get to know the pnrpose of each one. They are the exceptions. After each hole has been completed, the golfer counts his strokes, then subtracts six and says, "Made it in five; that's one above par. Shall we play for fifty cents on the next hole, too, Ralph?'' After the final eighteenth bole, the golfer adds up his score and stops when he has reached 87. He then takes a swim, a pint of gin, sings "Sweet Adeline" with six or eight other. liars and calls it the end of a perfect day.-Sel. ' L Humerous Magazines Have Been Successful in Other College Towns THALIA Will Be Successful in Carlisle Boost the Magazine that Boosts You Cut out the Coupon and Mail to - THALIA, Carlisle, Penna. September 25, 1928 Enclosed please find $1.00 for which you will send to my address 5 issues of THALIA. I'm a Booster for a Booster. Name _ Street_ City _ DICKINSON FOOTBALI"' SCHEDULE &i ~ ~ 2 § § g g 1928 Season 6 O' 0 0 .µ 'O 'V .c; rll :::::; ;.... ~ ~ -g 't ~ .-I C'I M -ti .-I Cl M -1'1 October 6 at Westminster Dickinson - - Western Maryland I r October 13 at Carlisle I I Dickinson - - - - Muhlenburg October 20 at Chester Dickinson - Penna. Military College October 2 7 at Carlisle Dickinson ------U rsinus November 3 at Harrisburg Dickinson - - - - Gettysburg November 17 at Carlisle \ ! Dickinson - Franklin and Marshall November 23 at Carlisle Dickinson - - - - - Bucknell I I : I I