Thalia

Volume 1 | Issue 3 Article 1

12-1928 Thalia, Vol. 1, Issue 3 (December 1928)

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December, 1928 THALIA 1

Carter's Drug Store Eastman Films, etc. Developing, Printing and Enlarging The Chocolat' Shop Whitman's Chocolates 28 South Hanover Street JOHNS ''Hell,'' said the devil when he answered the telephone. -M inlc.

I I I

SODAS MARY LEE They tell a story about a tiny ant who gazed CANDIES longingly but helplessly at the body of a dead horse. Just then a bootlegger's truck rattled by SALTED NUTS and a case of stuff fell over the endgate and crashed to the ground. A puddle formed and the ant took one sip. Then he seized the dead horse FINE by the tail and shouted : ''Come on, big boy, we 're CONFECTIONS CIGARETTES going home." -Ranger.

35 W. High Street

Famous Surgeon: ''I have been treating men for ten years and have never heard a complaint. What does that prove?'' Dorothy Steele Voice from rear : ''Dead men tell no tales.'' -Pick-np. Book Store I I I

It was a special picture, but he did not know that the price was raised. He handed the ticket seller a dollar bill, and when the t. s. said, "a dollar for the girl,'' he answered, ''she's yours.'' Stationery -Pitt Panther. I I I Luggage Reporter : c c Hello. I'm calling from the Weekly office, Mr. Kazelka. Can you give me a little story on. grafting?'' Picture Framing Voice : ''Call the Book Store.'' -Pitt Panther.

Eat in Catering to Strand Theatre Building Clover Parties Carlisle, Pennsylvania 141 WEST HIGH STREET, CARLISLE 2 THALIA December, 1928

CIGARS CIGARETTES .TOBACCO Charles W. Burns, Dickinson'24 CARLISLE RECREATION CENTER Campaign Manager for 50 West Hi~h Street HOOVER AND SMITH, Jewelers PIPES CANDY SOFT DRINKS SHOESHINE PARLOR The Last Word in Pocket Billiard Tables Democrats and Republicans Both Satisfied

''Daughter, tell that young man to take his arm Rusher-'' So you 're from the Mississippi bot• away from you.'' · tom. Tell me, what's the best way to catch cat• ''You better tell him, father-he's a perfect fish?" stranger to me, and how many times haven't you Rusher-'' Well down home we use tobacco for told me not to speak to strange men t " bait. Then when the fish come up to spit, we -Jester. knock 'em on the head with an axe.'' I I I -Pnrvle Parrot. '' God save the king ! '' yelled the bridge player, I I I as someone. shoved a trump on his ace. GOOD REASON -Virginia Reel. I I I "Ther·e 's an act at the show in which the actors wear furs worth thousands of dollars. '' TOO MUCH! "How in the world did that miracle happen?" The Spatts had been at it again. ''Oh, you see it's this way; it's a trained seal ''.And furthermore,'' sa:ld Mrs., concluding her act.'' long tirade, "you certainly aren't much of a hus• I I I band." '' vVe ll, my dear, '' Mr. retorted, wearily ''I can Then there was the little umpire who was ter• truthfully say that yon are a lot of wife.'' rorized by the large colored gentleman at bat. I I I "Strike one!" said the umpire, timorously. The huge colored gent raised his bat, but finally com• ''Will you join me in a bowl of soup i " promised with a glare that meant he was giving "Do you think there'd be room for both of us1" his prospective victim one more chance. Another -Purple Parrot. ball came whizzing ''through the middle.'' ''Two!'' yelled the umpire. ''Two what r" roared the dusky The Man Who "Bags at the Knees" Neglects His giant, gathering himself for an assault. ''Too True Personality high,'' said the umpire. King Solomon himself MOORHEAD'S never made a wiser decision. Cleaning Pressing Repairing All Work Guaranteed Formerly Forman' s Photographs tell the Story ADVICE TO GIRLS WALKING ON HIGH• Especially, those made by WAYS HOOVER, THE PHOTOGRAPHER If cars containing young men slow up so. as to allow the occupants to begin conversation with you, always relieve the situation by asking them if they SELF-PRES.ERVATION are heading north. When they admit that they He-"We're coming to a tunnel. .Are you are, ask them coyly to remember you to the afraid f' Eskimos. Continue walking unless they take more She-"Not if you take that cigar out of your than two shots at you. mouth." -Coliirnns. -Nebra.slca Awgwan.

Smokers' Supplies Fine Candies Drugs, Stationery H. M. TRAYER STEPHENS' DRUG STORE W. G. STEPHENS, '16 Carlisle's Leading Shoe Repairer Visit the Soda Grill Student Headquarters 143 WEST SOUTH STREET December, 1928 THALIA 3

''But father,'' wrote the college son, ''yon don't know how money goes ! '' ''But son,'' answered the practical father, "you dont know how money comes ! '' -Owl.

CARLISLE .DINER~ DINE WITH US Open Day and Nigb t I W. High Street Carlisle, Pa. I

She: ''How comes that fellow didn't return your 'hello'?'' He: ''Oh, he's a fraternity brother of mine and wouldn't return anything.'' =-Plaminqo.

J. Fred Brown Barber SENTINEL BUILDING -:- CARLISLE, PA.

Angry Custonier-'' These eggs aren't fresh.'' He: Shall we sit in the parlor 1 Indignant Grocer-''Not fresh t Why, the boy She: No, I'm too tired-let's go out and play brought them from the country this morning." tennis. -Belle Hop. Customer-'' What country i " -Wash. Couqar's Paw. Every five weeks-all year, W. G. FLY will show you the "Say It With Flowers" BALFOUR Robbins Brothers, Florists line of FRATERNITY JEWELRY Argonne Building Carlisle

Burgler: Where have you been? She was only an artist's daughter, but-c-boy i->• His Partner: Robbing a fraternity house. what a crowd she could draw! Burgler: Lose anything 9 Black & Elite Jay -Kitty Kat. I I I WHY, TOMMY! Father, mother and little Tommy were in the street car. Tommy and his mother had secured J. Harold Wert seats, but poor father had to stand. Mother: ''Tommy, doesn't it pain you to see your father reaching for a strap t " MEN'S FURNISHINGS Tommy: ''Only at home, mother.''

Compliments o; Carlisle and Hanover, Pa. L. B. HALBERT 4 THALIA December, 1928

"Dinah," asked Mrs. Whistlebaum, "I looked all over for you today. Where on earth were "STEW" BLACK you 7" AND "Ah was blackberrying, Mis' Whisbum." His Band ''You were blackberrying 7" "Yessum it was mah cousin Joe's funeral." Dispensing Dance Music DeLuxe -Pointer. I /I \ J. STEWART BLACK, Manager Wit (passing plumber's shop and reading sign 1119 N. 15th Street "Cast Iron Sinks'')-" Anybody knows that." =Dartmouth. Jcck-oi-Laniern: Bell Phone 2-3019 Harrisburg, Pa.

"HOT SOCKS" IIe (enthusiaetically l-e-" Would you like to go to the opera next week, and then to the Ritz for "JOHNNY" DIEHL'S dinner 7" She (rapturously)-"! would be delighted!" Blue Ridge Stampers Music for the Discriminating IIe-'' Then go ahead.'' -Georgia Cracker. "STOMPS" "BLUES" Featuri.ng all versatile entertainers and latest Broadway songs and tunes. Bell Phone 426 Pitt Street 7 89- J Carlisle, Pa.

I STILL FEEL FUNNY AT HOME (Dance Committee) If it's a peppy dance you After four years of hand-shaking, dating, rally 's, want bull sessions, chaperones, cigarette lighters, and "Eddie" Brubaker trench coats, I still feel out of place when I go and his home and find the Ladies Aid convening at our Radio Entertainers house. -Selected. "Know How and Can" I I I Phone, Wire or Write Evelyn: Did you ever know a man who closed "Eddie Brubaker" his eyes when he kissed 7 1512),1 N. Fourth St. Vivian: I never saw one do it yet.-Life. Harrisburg, Pa.

As a matter of form, "may I kiss you f' he asked Of his "blind "-though she minced "I don't wanna'' He knew she meant ''yes,,'' But she was such a mess, Boiling Springs 'I'hat he winced as HE sighed, "I don't wanna." -Awgwan. SWIMMING POOL I I I Said the pledge to the active, "Aw, go soak your Finest Outdoor Pool in head'' Here's your pin, for I'll keep it no more Central Pennsylvania They were awf'ly surprised But the cause they surmised PURE WATER and All Modern Equipment The Dean's orders, ''a train leaves at four. =Seiected. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[ @ w @ w @ w @ w ~ Song ~ @ rr W @ w ~ MAIDENS of Dickinson, Ah! how you ch arm. us! ~ @ So simvle) alluring) so naive and sioeet ). W @ Smiles that deceive us) and eyes that disarm u», W @ Ad infinitum-)vails not to repeat. W @ Witty and clever) W @ Shining forever) W @ Loves of our youth who to memory are dear ! W @ Faithful in Duty) W @ Homage to Beauty! W @ June)s are the roses that never gro'w sere! W @ @ Maidens of Dickinson) we will remember; wW @ Who with the soul of a man could for,ryet? W @ The rose and its fragrance are gone in December) ~ @ The faith and the beauty abide untl: us yet! W (~ -Dear Alma Mater). W @ ue-e» to each daMghter) W @ Born to insvire and lost to regret) W @ Life was the brighter) W @ Hearts were the lighter) W @ Because they were with its-we w·ill not forget! W (~@ L._----:- G. Olmste d, )30 Ww @ w ~ I~ !~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ THALIA

Wl\1. H. GERLACH CLARENCE A. WEJ_,J,IVER Editor-in-Chief Business Manager

STAFF

A rt Eclif

Lit crurn Editor ROBERT F. SHEAFFER

Feature Edito1· WArn·im GABEL!,

Advert'ising Manage1· EDWARD GLASBEY

Otrcuiatto« Manager Gsonon PA't"l'ERSON

JiJxchanoe JiJditor STANLEY SnrnK

Copyright 1928 by Thalia. Exclusive reprint rights granted to COI!~£.Humor Magazine.

VOLUME 1 DECEMBRR, 1928 NUMBER 3

There have been many debates on the merits and demerits of a co-educational system. We feel that we are justified in dedicating this issue to the co-eds of all schools as well as the one in which we are students. A co-educational school gives the young women and the young men of America a wonderful opportunity to become trained properly along social lines, governed by an ideal environment. There are limitatlons which society places upon the relationship between young men and young women. These limitations are so thoroughly recognized in a co-educational school that the college man and woman are at an advantage, at having had impressed upon them the importance of a sensible and dignified conduct. Young women and young men at universities and colleges learn to associate with each other with perfect ease. They learn to read in each other the innate qualities which could not be recognized if hidden by self consciousness. Although no investigation was made into records, we would be interested in ascertaining the number of divorces which have been granted to men and women who have attended co-educational institutions as compared to those having attended unisexual institutions and those who have never attended college. We feel certain that the latter two would far exceed the former. Our whole attitude can best be expressed in the words of our poet; "Because they were with us, we will not forget." December, 1928 TH.A.LIA 7

IF I WERE A WOMAN tininess. Regardless of style, my knock-knees would never show. They would remain one of my (An AnS'(,()Cr to "If I Were a Man" in October dark, deep secrets. Galoshes would be, worn by me College Hwrnor) only in the most dire need, and then (especially if If I were a woman, I said to a flapper the other my legs were thin or bowed) the most plain would day, I'd be a great success because all the while adorn my tootsies. I should never wear them flop• that I have been acquiring this gray hair at my ping for nothing so annoys us men. temples, I've been wondering why they do as they . Now that my feet were all beautifully taken care do when they should do as they don't. of,· I would give attention to my hats. Never '' ·vv ell,'' said she, ''don't be such a selfish old would I wear a mannish felt. If I were young owl and give me some pointers.'' So I did. and blond with that "I'm so helpless" look, I If I were a woman I would never part my hair should wear large, floppy hats. Otherwise, I'd in the middle unless I was one of those sweet, wear small, chic ones with a feather some place if demure, madonna types that you read about and it were at all becoming. Your ''great passion'' never see. If I were a baby faced blonde, I should might curse the damn thing, but its tickle would wear my hair all dishevelled and let it loose for a tease and intrigue him just the same. .A. word for halo of light to crown it. But as a brunnette I'd the skull cap of present popularity-it is to be wear nice soft, not too regular waves. I would avoided. It makes a big nose look bigger; a fat part it on the side and perhaps wear a little curl face, fatter; sharp features seem sharper; and old on my forehead if my eyes were the twinkling faces are far older. Only if I was just too beau• kind. Bobbed or not bobbed, NEVEli, NEVER, NEVER tiful and too young to be true would I dare to would I have the back of my neck shaved for no buy one. man can get excited over kissing ''cow bristles.'' In choosing my clothes I would always wear soft, That boyish bob of 1927; how I would avoid it clinging ones. Even in sport togs, I should cherish unless I was super-beautiful and no more than irregular pleated skirts. Unless my fingers was ab• sweet sixteen. solutely IT, I should avoid form-fitting dresses and If I were a girl I would not be found dead sun• mannish suits. In color I should try to match my burned, even tho the beauty specialists got richer eyes, or else choose extreme contrasts to them. on me; even tho I had to wear a sun-bonnet to go Even tho all fashion stars demanded brown and bathing; even tho I had to give up bathing all black in evening· dress, I would refrain from wear• together. If I must be athletic, I would do it very ing them except to ''hen'' parties lest some damsel secretly. Never would I proudly exhibit my in gold, old· ivory, or green should appropriate muscle. Muscles would. only exist for me to ad• mon homme. · No doubt, I should be unfortunate mire in those big bronze heroes. enough to adore red, but unless I was especially If I were little I would never try to be tall. If vivid in my personaltiy, I should not yield to temp• I were tall I would try to APPEA1i little. Have tation for to most men it is as a red flag before you ever noticed all the big "he men" who espouse a bull. a girl who just about reaches their top vest button. A word for perfume. I should travel far and We simply love to feel big and strong so you girls wide until I found some that fitted my personality; should really cling a little and fool us along even then no matter what the rage for some other was, tho you can twine us around that little finger. I should stick to it. Using it is really a feminine Hands, neck, feet are important. Listen well to art. Too much ruins the charn~. , The trick is to these words of wisdom. Hands that are tiny use just enough to entice the man by making him should flutter all the time, and should simply dance not quite sure whether it can really be perfume with glittering rings. Large hands should be quiet or just your own sweet self. and as inconspicuous as possible. Long, thin necks When I met men I would try to have my eyes should be adorned with chockers-nice, big beads. seem veiled with just a little of that "your so If I had such a neck, I'd never wear a V-shaped, big, and strong and wonderful" peeping out of unadorned neck-line. If my neck was short and them. I'd appear neither too eager nor too in• plump, I would wear just that, and never would different, but just interested. Never would I I be caught with beads on it. I'd wear foolish, un• discuss clothes or other men with them. When sensible shoes tho my feet ached, and I would often I spoke of women it would be with admiration place my feet conspicuously near the number 12 's and interest. Not even one ''dirty dig'' would of the boy friend so that he could marvel at their I give them for men who love to protect are roused 8 THALIA December, 1928 to the defense of the talked of woman. My own it. I should always insist that he choose the din• sweetness would be emphasized by my tolerance of ner when we were out (unless I found that he them. Never would I make a "wise crack" or continuously ordered the cheapest things) for it show any other signs of intelligence equal to the would give him confidence in my trust of his good mans. Ra ther would I be willing to learn from judgment. them and drink in all the wisdom which they im• If I were a woman, I would marry while the parted. If they should be so bold as to tell me a bloom of youth was still very dewey, always re• risque joke, I should blushingly smile a little as membering that each year the picking would be• I dropped my eyes. or refuse to understand it at come less select for me, and that my own require• all; all the while getting it straight in my mind ments would become more exacting. I should to spring at the bridge club. marry a man at least five years older than I so Altho I never would look too strong, I should that at 45 I would not look like his older sister, not complain about my health. However, I should I should pray that his will be stronger than mine show great concern and interest in the health of for a man loses his self-respect when he feels that the boy friend. His slightest ailment would worry he can lean on a wife that is stronger than he is. me into suggesting cures and even to insisting He wants her to need him. He would not be too upon rubbing Vicks on his throat and administer• wealthy for I would fear that he would keep a ing asperin. harem. He would have enough for us to enjoy There would be two things about a man in whom some luxuries so that love would not fly out of I was interested which I would watch carefully. the window. He must not be stade-just a little 1st, how he played cards; 2nd, what he tipped the flirtatious so that I would always be up on my waiter. At bridge I would never make brilliant toes to be interesting and attractive lest his eyes plays, and would indulge in an intentional error wander. Above all he dare not feel that the world at times to see how he took it. If he said nothing, is against him and live in the expectancy of a later I would give him an opportunity to expound lucky break; instead, a sense of humor would be his superior knowledge But if be bawled me out absolutely necessary. there, or made excuses for losing, or was over ex• Never would I forget that not withstanding uberant over winning; I would know that he was modern conversation to the contrary, men love not the man for me. Likewise, if he tipped the femininity, and I'd feed it to 'em at all times and waiter $.50 for serving two six course dinners, I in all ways. should cross him off my eligible list for I should Finally, If I were a woman, I'd shut myself in hate to hear my husband say ''I gave you $1.00 my innermost chamber, turn off the light, close yesterday, haven't you any left for the show to• my eyes, and try to remember if the fool man who day 1" wrote this article was justified according to any When I took a little drink, I would make a face, of my past experiences in writing any of this thereby making the only one think ''The little ho cum. sport, she takes it to be agreeable but she does not G. G. R. really like it.'' I would never drink enough to get I I I ill, for no man can hold the illusion of daintiness We always laugh at Instructors' jokes, in regard to a woman that he has once seen dis• No matter what they be gustingly ''lit.'' A man too ''pickled'' is bad And not because they're funny jokes, enough, but a woman loses all her glamour. I But because it's policy. should never smoke except with the girl friends -Aggievator. unless I was strenuously urged; .then without I I I lying, I should try to .give the impression that George: ''Do you believe in clubs for women ] " this was the first time. Earl: ''Yes, if kindness fails.'' If MY OWN I were in love, I would want to -Aggievator. find an original term of endearment for me. I should love surprises. I would make the greatest I I I fuss over the tiniest gift for then I would know Waiter: ''How do you want your steak, sir~,' that more would soon be coming. Never would I Man: ''Raw.'' suggest that something else would have been nicer. Waiter: "Beg pardon, Stir, this is a cafe, not a No matter how ugly a trinket was, I would never college.'' exchange it; but would wear it bravely and like -Aggievator. December, 1928 THALIA 9

C. O. E. D.

C o-ed, 'tis you who break my heart By wasting all your perfect art On a doll, while I, poor wight, Sit up the age-long night Engaged in verse. I try to sing Of how you make my sad heart ring .. D ear heart, I do 'not think it fair That a doll gets all your care. You do not even deign to spare On me-one little smile. 10 THALIA December, 1928

Poor Sally thought That she would die. She pulled an E . ~ In social sci.

And next we meet Our little Maizie Who wonders just why Her marks are so hazy.

This cute little flapper Is called just Pat. The men won't date her Because she's high hat.

'I'he sweetest little girl of all, Our own sweet demure Molly. ·She had to leave because she thought That studying was a folly. December, 1928 THALIA 11

THE SCISSORS IS HANDIER THAN THE PEN Getting out a paper is no joke. If we print jokes, folks say we are silly. If we don't, they say we are too serious. If ;ve publish original matter they say we lack variety. If we publish things from other papers, we are too lazy to write. If we stay on the job, we ought to be out rustling news. If we are rustling news, we are not attending to business in our own department. If we don't print contributions, we don't show proper appreciation. If we do print them, the paper is filled with junk. Like as not some folks will say we swiped this from an exchange. So we did. I I I Mug: "Whatsa difference between Coolidge and Santa Claus 1" Plug: ''I don't know, Mistah Intraloctah." Mug: ''Why there's no difference, they both have white whiskers-except Coolidge.' '-Owl. I I I THREE GATES If you are tempted to reveal A tale someone to you has told About another, make it pass A UOl7EIZl1 \:Q-tl2 Before you speak, three gates of" gold:

Three narrow gates-first, ''Is it true 1 '' 'I'hen ''Is it needful 1'' in your mind Modern Maid of my delight Give truthful answer, and the next Is last and1 narrowest: ''Is it kind 1" Of light and dark, of day and night

And if to reach your lips at last Dancing feet and dreaming eyes, It passes through these gateways three, Ever twining pretty lies Then you may tell, nor fear What the results of speech may be. Round your heart to hide from me I I I Need of love's sincerity. The teacher was trying to impress on the chil• -M;ugaret Ketring. dren how important had been the discovery of the -Awgwan. law of gravitation. "Sir Isaac Newton was sitting on the ground, I I I looking at the tree. An apple fell on his head, and Algy saw a bear; from that he discovered gravitation. Just think, The be~r saw Algy , children," she added, ''isn't that wonderful?" The inevitable small boy replied: ''Yes, miss, The Bear was bulgy; an' if he had been sittin' in school, lookin' at his The bulge was Algy. books, he wouldn't never have discovered nothin'." -Aggievator. 12 TH.ALIA December, 1928

l J

1

lVIISS ROS.AN.A ECKMAN, '29 Pi Befo Phi Thalia Presents

. MISS CO-ED

of 1928 14 TH.ALIA December, 1928

MURDER-in Three Parts. "Now let me ask you, in order that we might learn each detail precisely, what hour clid you en• PART 1 ter the place of amusement," - asked Attorney Horace Tooten sat twirling his thumbs. He ap• Firell, the attorney for the commonwealth. peared to be more or less worried. In fact, he ".And justly so," whispered Attorney Attics, · was under rather a nervous tension. In a few head of the defense staff. more minutes he would know whether he was ac• "It was approximately eight o'clock when we quitted or whether he was found guilty of murder• got there," Horace answered. ing Esther Hall on the night of the thirtieth of ''.Again, and I still urge you to be precise, let October. me ask what movie was· playing that fatal night t " demanded Attorney Firell. The courtroom was crowded to overflowing. ''.Al Jolson in the 'Whistling Jackass,' I mean." A udible whispers and sighs were heard every• stammered Horace, " "I'he Singing Fool'. " Note: where. For weeks Carlisle had been waiting for This was a display of humor on Horace's part. this day and now the time was at hand. What "Well, we, that is Harry and myself, spotted two would be the outcome t ·w ould Horace get the vacant seats in about the middle of the theatre. electric chair or not ! Everyone was anxiously The main feature picture had begun when some• waiting for the verdict, the majority hopefully one's feet kept kicking me through the back of the praying that Horace would be exonerated. seat. I stood it notwithstanding, I mean I sat it Our story begins just as Horace was called to not withsitting a while and then I glanced around the witness stand. He rose from his seat and and saw Esther Hall.'' v alked nervously toward the stand, His eyes "Was she alone i " asked the lawyer shaking his hushed the jury. .All the faces were unfamiliar finger meaningly at Horace. except two. Dr. Larew, a professor at the college At this time coco colas were served to the jurors. had been drawn as juror. Little hope was held The women were dismissed for a recess of five min• by Hector when he spied him. Ten thousand little utes in which time they could redecorate their tricks which he had deliberately played on him countenances. rushed before Hector. The time he put limberger cheese in his overcoat pocket! The time he sent PART 2-10 MINUTES LAT'ER him a telegram telling of his appointment as dog catcher. Oh, irony and fate that had drawn him "No, sir, she wasn't, promptly answered Horace. for this particular case. With the same half fear• "There was another girl with her. I couldn't ful look Horace scrutinized each juror. The only make out who it was because it was pretty dark. other face he recognized: was the calm, moon shaped Later I found out it was Daisy Dakota.'' cranium of Mr. Eben. This worthy gentleman had Ah, a fallacy," muttered Attorney Firell. "Then been selected foreman of the jury. ''Pat'' Eben, as permit me to ask how you recognized Miss Hall." he was. familiarly called was one of the prominent ''Well,'' began Horace, ''when I turned around men of Carlisle. He was president of the local she said, 'I-Iello-o, Hello-o, Ho-orace.' You know Chapter of Interior Decorators and a much es• how she stutters, I mean she did stutter. So I rec• teemed citizen of the village. Horace had often ognized her more by her speech than by her visited the Eben home, but would that cut any ice features.'' now t The reason he had visited there was-oh, ''How true that all is,'' assented Attorney Atties, use your imagination! She will enter college next ''Well, anyway,'' continued Horace, ''as soon as _year. the organist started playing, she, I mean Esther, .After Horace had been duly sworn to tell the began to talk and talk. Harry and I kept turning truth, nothing but the truth, (so help him God) around hoping that she would get wise, but it he began to tell his own story. didn't do a mite of good. She just kept jabbering "Your honor," Hector began to speak to the on. Harry even said, "Pipe down,' but I don't judge, who was just opening a sample pack of think she heard. It seems she ·had seen the play chieklets. Ile choked once very hard; that is Hec• before and she kept telling Daisy what to expect tor did, because the judge didn't. "It was this and what not to expect. Gee, it was awful! I was way. My roommate, Harry N. Henry, and I went rather nervous anyway that evening. Well, Harry to the Strand Theatre, 'I'uesday night, October and I stood her talking during the whole show. It thirtieth. '' was a tragic movie which kept one guessing what December, 1928 THALIA 15 the outcome would be. Just ~bout the end of the A hush now covered the whole scene. The sec• show I heard Esther say to Daisy, 'M-mind-mind onds lengthened into minutes. The minutes into you. Sonny Boy never gets gets gets better. He years ; Long, long years. It seemed to Horace he dies. Oh, Daisy, aint that awful? Think of that he had been sitting in this chair for centuries poor Al!' " since the lock had been latched on members of the "Once more let me interrupt your train of speech jury. In reality it had been only seven minutes. to demand if this was before the scene was enacted Someone was seized with a coughing spell. It on the screen?" inquired Mr. Firell. sounded to Hector as if someone were pulling huge "Yes, sir, it was;" promptly Horace replied. electric switches.' It was horrible! If that man ''I had been counting so much on Al getting his had only smoked Old Golds. child back again that it made me boil over to hear Another click of the door warned the curious her spoil it· all. Honest to God, sir, I don't know assemble that a verdict had been reached. Dr. what made me do it but something came over me Larew was the first to emerge from the room. He and I couldn't help it. I just jumped up and glanced at Horace just once but in that glance turned around and began choking Esther. I don't there seemed to be a thousand pent up emotions know what made me do it sir, Honest to God I freed. His face was as radiant as the day Horace don't!" had been expelled from school. The last ray of As Horace approached this dramatic climax to hope slipped heavily but firmly from Horace's his pl ea many a sigh was, heard and sniffles seemed heart. His doom was· sealed! t~ predommate the courtroom. Old Mrs. Kinter Mr. Eben was the first to speak. "Your honor," was openly weeping and wiping her eyes. (She he said addressing the judge, ''our verdict has been couldn't very well wipe them when they were reached.'' closed.) A little to the back of her on the right ''The verdict ! " demanded the judge as he rose sat his own mother and father, both quite shaken from his chair. with sobs. Heavens, why· did he have to bring Half of the people in the courtroom had risen such disgrace on them? and were stretched' forward to hear the coming "\Vell," began Horace as he sat down, "I didn't word or words. mean to hurt her. Honestly, I didn't. I didn't ''Not Guilty,'' loudly spoke Mr. Eben. know what I was doing until Harry and the man A mighty din rolled over the room. Cheer after on the other side pulled me away and Esther fell cheer rent the walls· of the cou~thouse. This was off her seat-dead. That's all I can tell. That's before rent had soared to such exhorbitant prices. how it happened but as God is my Witness I didn't Such excitement had not reigned within those walls mean to kill her. I never had a thing against her." since the Confederate army had fired on the build• "Oh," chuckled the fiendish lawyer, "How did ing. you choke her if you didn't have your hands ''And-and,'' Mr. Eben attempted to continue. against her i " "Order," cried the judge, accompanying his de• Lawyer Attics glowed red on accou . ut of Lawyer mand with a sharp blow of the gavel. Firell's greenness. "And-and," 'continued Mr. Eben with his face Horace's story was told. His throat was dry. quite flushed with pleasure and excitement. "It gives me great pleasure at this time to announce PART 3 that Horace Tooten is the winner of the Citizenship Cup for 1928, awarded annually to the citizen who His throat was still dry. His brow was hot. performs the most outstanding service for the good Before Horace had; fully regained his seat the of the community." jurY, box was emptying. The twelve jurors with bowed heads made so much noise they wakened I I I the judge who stopped them and ordered them to Immanuel, the Brave 'I'oreador->-" Ah, Senorita, give the proposition their immediate and due con• tonight I will steal beneath your balcony and sing sideration. The jurors again started toward the you a sweet serenade. '' door which led to the room where some decision Consuello, the Beautiful Senorita-'' Do. And must be reached. I will drop you a flower, '' "Halt," cried Mr. Attics. "If a train should Immanuel-'' Ah, in a moment of mad love 1'' go by, just concentrate quietly.'' Consuello-' 'No, in a pot.'' The line by this time had filed into the jury room. -Lampoon. 16 THALIA December, 1928

~ To,,night

To-night When the sun Kissed the brow of the hill And the moon threw a smile on the stars• To-night When the eve Chased the fireflies to work• To-night Made me dream, dear, of you. To-night When the winds Whispered soft lullabies To the trees on the mountain tops• To-night When a sigh Crept over the hills• To-nigh t Made me dream, dear, of yon. To-night When the clouds, (Drab clouds they were all.) Played hide and, seek with the moon• To-night When the rain Fell like bitter tear drops To-night Made me dream, dear, of you.

To-night When a bird (Its name I know not) Sang a xong to the fast dying day• Aud a song answered back 'I'hrough the shadowy path• To-night Made me dream, dear, of you. "December, 1928 THALIA 17

A flimsy dress, a pair of hose, .A four ounce pair of pumps, A natty stepin trimmed in lace, ..What need has she of trunks.

Now mother so the sages tell, A drayman hauled her things, While daughter dressed so very chic, Can draw hers through a ring. -Sucl. I I I

Invocation to the Muse . TERPSICHORE (To be sung or chanted under the breath while donning the tux.)

Lady make my partner's fair, . Buxom, blithe and debonair; Let no accident of fate Tend to spoil a perfect date; Make each passing shaft of wit Palpably a nasty hit; Save my more aesthetic leanings From explaining double meanings ; Spare my flesh the sad vexation Of excessive perspiration HOW TIMES WILL CHANGE May reports of every charmer Be not fair, but fair and warmer: When mother went to college You in these my help shall be, The drayman worked all day, For the dance belongs to thee . With trunks, and bags and boxes To move her in they say. But when we have gone outside, Let my conscience be my guide ! With dresses long and rangy, .And petticoats galore, -L. C. Olmsted '30. With corsets by the dozen, I I I And slips that touched the floor. THE THREE STAGES OF MAN Her shoes were laced high to her knee First Stage-A week-old boy. Her stockings thick were wool, Second Stage-A wee cold boy. Her hands had heavy mitten gloves, 'I'hird Stage-A weak old boy. I I I With which to tug and pull. A LESSON IN LOGIC But daughter goes to college, Jimmy giggled when the teacher read the story 'I'he old dray man is dead, of a man who swam a river three times before The new one now is on the ''rocks'' breakfast. For lack of trade 'tis said. ''You do not doubt that a trained' swimmer could The postman brings her baggage, do that, do you t " All neatly wrapped in white, "No, sir," replied Jimmy, "but I wonder why he .A change of clothes is all she needs, did not make it four, and get back to the side Much to the maid's delight. where his clothes were." 18 THALIA December, 1928

IN 1948 \ '' Too bad ! The girls say they can't go. swim- ming today.'' ''Somebody steal their suits i " "No, their axle-grease." "'1 \ Select eel. I I I AFTER HOMECOMING Scene: Fraternity House. "Well, how did you sleep last night?" "That's what I'm still trying to figure out." Selected. I I I JAZZSO Does his wife always accompany him on the piano? No. Sometimes he goes off on a toot all by him- self. -Jndge. I I I Small Boy-"Pop, what's those things on the cow's head f' Pop-'' Those are the cow's horns.'' Cow-'' Moo-o-o." S. B.-" Pop, which horn did the cow blow?" -M. I. T. Voo Doo. TO A MAIDEN FATED TO WEAR TORTOISE-RIMMED SPECTACLES It is axiomatic and true, It's No Joke For a Fellow to That virtue resides in the few, Who, defective in vision, are prey to derision Pay So Many Pressing Bills For keeping a glass o'er the view.

And this is the reason we know, ff And He Must Keep] Such maidens are thought to be "slow," [ Looking Neat "Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses," Therefore, ipse facto, ergo If you ever knew we pressed your clothes (if bought here) as often as you If you are a proteranope, wanted-FREE-you'd join the crowd Your retina quite without hope, Your cornea static in form astigmatic, that buys at Kronenberg's at once. Your fovea shortened in scope . Good Clothes at Right Do not be disheartened and floored, But feel yourself marked by the Lord, Prices The red-and-green blindness, was ever a kindness, And virtue will have its reward! -L. C. Olmsted '30. KRONENBERG'S ------'' The College Store '' ~ December, 1928 THALIA 19

Judge: ''Come now, have you any excuse i" Motorists: ''Well, your honor, my wife fell asleep in the back seat." -Ji1,ggle1·. I I I It's: "Say nowadays girls get men's wages." So: "They always did." -Siren. I I I HERAY! Modernistic in her speech And her actions too ; Really has no prototype ; Yes, she's something new. Clever !-Dancing she's entrancing, On the party none so gay; Nights of madness, days of sadness Do not drive her vim away. Oh, but as I write this verse, Ninety like her plot my purse. -Awgwan. I I I Cop (to man on sidewalk at 3 A. M.): "What are you doing herei " Man on the Sidewalk (to cop) : ' 'I forgot my keys so I'm waiting here until my children get home to let me in the house!" -Lion. I I I College students like girls who are old enough Training is Tough to know better-but don't. --Chaparral. I I I at Castor College Hubby: I'm a man of affairs! But then Castor is different from Illinois. Wifey: Yes, especially that blonde one! Bob Zuppke, grand old man of Illinois, =-Siren, writes How Hard is Football? in the Decem• I I I ber COLLEGE HUMOR. Knute Rockne also shares the spotlight with his Football Is MY GIRL Fun, with anecdotes from the Army• My girl has got me on the string, Notre Dame game. My arms are 'round her neck ; "No college drunks are wanted," says Fred My coat of arms are on my ring Waring, director of Waring's Pennsylvan• ians, who writes the formula of success for My girl has got upon the string; his famous college hand. I follow at her beck; Harvard, a searching analysis of America's My girl has got me on the string- grand old school, by Gilbert Seldes. One My arms are 'round her neck ! hundred million dollars can't he wrong! -Pelican. Then there is the Collegiate Hall of Fame I I I and the new College Sports department. Motor Cop : ''Why didn't you stop at first, Your college may he represented. young lady? Didn't you see me wave at you?" Wow! What an issue! Stop at your nearest news dealer and invest 35cin the December Alpha Phi: "Yes, I certainly did, but I'm not issue of COLLEGEHUMOR . that kind of a girl." -Ski-U-Mah. I I I For Sale at "What are you going to do now that you have Dorothy Steele Book Store graduated i'' Stephen's Drug Store Clark's Book Store "I'm going to loaf for a while." Carter's Drug Store "Your father gave you a job, eh?" CARLISLE, PA. -Juggler. Dickinson College Basketball Schedule for Season of 1928-1929

D. C. Opp. Saturday, December 8 , Mt. Alto , At Home

Wednesday, December 12 Princeton ·-· Away

Saturday, January 5 Temple , Away

_Wednesday, January 9 Penn At Home

Friday, January 11 ·'· Haverford Away

Saturday, January 12' Army 1 •••••• Away Saturday, January 19- . Albright At Home Friday, January 25 Temple .. , At Home

Wednesday, January 30 Mt. St. Mary's Away

Saturday, February 2 Lebanon Valley At Home

Wednesday, February 6 Mt. St. Mary's At Home

Saturday, February 9 Franklin and Marshall .. At Home

W ednesdday, February 13 ... Franklin and Marshall ..... Away

Saturday, February 16 Gettysburg At Home

Wednesday, February 20 Lebanon Valley Away

Friday, February 22 Swarthmore At Home

Wednesday, February 27 P. M. C. . At I-Lome

Wednesday, March 6 Gettysburg , Away December, 1928 THALIA 21 ~+~0!~+~+~+~~+~+~~+~~+~+~0t~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~~+~+~+~+~+~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~+~+~+~+~t~~+~+~+~f ~ ~ I ~ STAGE PAGE ~ I J~~+~+~+~+rgi~+~~~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+rgi~+~+~~~+~+rgi~+~+~+rgi~+rgi~+~+~rgi~~+~+~~+~~~+~~ WHAT'S WHAT IN THE MOVIES? every situation is remarkably pictured through her facial expressions. Gary Cooper, again an At last a picture which can be enthusiastically aviator, shows individuality. He is so free of the recommended! "The Singiu ' Fo " has IT-it usual matinee idol appearance that he arouses being Al Jolson at is best. Al is the first real a human interest. The audience is, therefore, Vitaphone blessing, for his voice is one of the fevy pleased to see Colleen fall in love with him. · that are pleasant to the ear and easily heard. The story, adapted from Jane Cowl's play, lacks ''Sonny Boy,'' the theme song, is exceptionally anything new in plot. The hero falls in love and popular. Josephine Dunn and Betty Bronson fail with promise to return soars into the clouds to add anything to the picture. When three year a for an air battle. The rest of the story concerns old Davey Lee is considered, we borrow from Texas their difficulties while they seek each other, be• Guinan in saying, ''Let's give that youngster a lieving al ways that ''love can not die. ' ' Lilac time big hand.'' His acting and talking are equally was their love time and with lilacs they hold faith. good. He certainly has won the public-and how! The air combats are most spectacular and the Al Jolson, as a singing waiter, falls in love with whizzing of the swooping planes during the air the wrong woman, makes her famous, marries her, battles gain realism through the sound production. and is the proud daddy of ''Sonny Boy.'' She Those who did not see "·wings" will have thrills elopes with the villain, taking their son with her. and chills; those who did will lose their first en• His lonesomeness starts him on the backward path thusiasm when they recognize the familiar scenes. but before he is out he is pushed up again by the In ''Beau Broadway,'' Lew Cody and Aileen . right woman. 'I'he climax is dramatic and throat- Pringle~re their old amusing selves. Unfortu• tightening. 'I'he real enjoyment of the audience nately, the "fair lady" of the comedy team is is not derived from this rather stereotyped plot becoming plump. Cody, a race track man and but f;om the human scenes of the seldom sung love fight promoter has thrust upon him the little of a father and little son. Don't miss it for it is grand-daughter of a former fighter. After pre• THE picture of 1928. paring to welcome a child he is agreeably surprised After getting your money's worth of tears see• to find a flapper .. Sue Carol, the 1928 Wampus ing and listening to Jolson, you might enjoy the Bacy Star is delightfully naive in the character Fox-Movietone ·version of a selfish mother love, of engenue. ''Mother Knows Best.'' Louise Dresser is at her 'I'he substitles are the weakest part of the z~h;difficult dramatic role of a mother comedy. They lack the originality and cleverness whose consuming passion is a desire for a loveless that the action deserves. Without exception, they life and a stage career for her daughter Madge are common place; often they are crude, slang ex• Bellamy, the daughter, gives an admirable per• pressions, long dead. The denouncement is brought formance of a girl torn between desire to obey about through a boxing match. The fight scenes and please the mother she loves and all the natural between Ernie Owens and Hugh Trevors are very instincts which are aroused by Barry Norton, her realistic. In fact, they put to shame some of the young song-writing lover. There is a most satis• genuine exhibitions which we have seen lately on factory conclusion with everybody happy. the screen. The scenes after the fight are amusing Colleen Moore in ''Lilac Tim~'' is the most and a most satisfactory conclusion in keeping with natural looking little war peasant seen in the the humorous plot is brought about. many war pictures. Until· this time, Miss Moore '' Frazil,'' a romance of an eastern shiek and a has been enjoyed only as a comedian. ·In "Lilac western beauty who marry and find that East and Time,'' she has her first opportunity in an emo• West can only meet in death, is for the most part tional role. She deserves credit for cleverly com• dull. Charles Farrell, as a shiek, makes a better bining comedy and tragedy. Her sensitiveness to underworld artist. After ''Seventh Heaven'' and .22 THALIA December, 1928 the ''Street Angel,'' it is quite a let down. risque. 'I'he staging is most unusual in the bright Although Greta Nissen shows some fine sparks of colors and queer designs of the modern art. Gor• acting ability, somehow she does not seem to take. geous costumes complete the setting of the divert• the place of Janet Gaynor as Farrell's leading ing comedy. lady. Polly Walker as "Billy" in George Cohan's new ''Submarine,'' a Columbia picture featuring musical comedy by that name is most charming. J aclr1'f0lt,is gaining some applause ~s a drama Her personality and that of Joseph Wagstaff, the of the sea. Intermingled with the thrills of sub• leading man, save this comedy from being medi• marine warfare is a tense love theme. The public, ocre. 'I'he plot is very flimsy, but then musical however, seems to be losing its taste for tense war• comedies do not rely upon plot for their success. time dramas and turns its appreciation to more The chorus work is good, the leading lady adorably human themes of everyday life. refreshing, the special dances are well done and ''The Red Dance'' starring Dolores Del Rio and the show boasts several song hits. It is miserably Char~s one of the poorest imitations of staged. The scenery reminds one of that seen in makes even a worse Russian than he did a shiek. a third rate vaudeville house, and the costuming Dolores Del Rio does her part to save the picture. is so impossible that in the opening and closing 'There seems to be no end to this star's versatility scenes the players look actually shabby. for in every new picture she surprises by her 'I'he most that can be said f~r "Present Arms" · a Russian revolution produced thus far. Farrell is that it is fast moving. The dances based on ability to act well in widely diverse roles. A poor army drill are snappy; however, there is nothing peasant girl, she rises to fame as a dancer of the unusual. The staging is fair, the costuming is Reds while her titled lover loses everything and clever. It is a reminder of ''Hit the Deck '' but is only spared life through the subterfuge of the lacks any outstanding comedian like Stella ' May- peasant general who also loves Tatsia. Ivon Levon, hew who did much to put that show across. who plays the part of the peasant general, is a "M r. M.on eypenny, " Ch annmg· Pollock's new new comer and proves his worth, His huge build play, did not come up to the expectations aroused and coarse features are appropriate for the part by its advertising. 'I'he theme was the shop worn and his utter lack of restraint in his role provides one of the power of money. The fact that it is the audience with the only humor in the 'picture. worshipped but brings no lasting happiness is

Some of the mob scenes are fairly good. 'I'he lip dwelt upon in a morbid and far from divertinzb movement of the principals speaking English in vein. The old and tiresome theme, together with tense Russian scenes destroys any illusion of real• a too dignified style, drags it to a weak conclusion. ism. There is nothing unusual in the synchroniza• '' 'I'he Lady foes'' by John Meehans, starring tion and the song sung in English also fails to William Boyd and Shirley Warde, holds promises supply atmosphere. of a good drama. It needs to be shortened re- . ' . I I I heved of a few characters and of some of the drivel in the juvenile roles. Some of the dialogue, especi• THE PLAY'S THE THING ally in the second act, is well constructed, natural According to Shakepeare, "the play 's the and interesting; but there are too many slumps. thing,'' but a modern writer would no doubt sub• 'I'he two leading characters are admirable in the stitute musical comedy for play. At least, the portrayal of their parts. musical comedy gets the big gate receipts, as it '' Interferance, '' by Roland Pertwee, and Harold were, while the few good plays shown stagger Dearden, is by far the best play offered this season. along with half filled houses. The plot, though rather morbid, is tense and grip• ''Chee Chee,'' as tricky as its name, scintillates ping to the end. Arthur W ri tner as Sir John with the bright personality of Helen Ford, the Marlay is perfect in the role of a medical specialist. star. George Hassell, as the comedian, is hugely His calmness in accepting things as they are and amusing with his pompousness and wheezy talk. again thru an unusual crisis; his portrayal of a The plot is rather daringly satirical, dealing with sane, deep, unselfish love shows exceptional acting the travels of an exiled Chinese prince and his ability. A. E. Matthews, as Philip Voaze, the wife. 'I'his very faithful wife sacrifices everything villain, is a suave man-about-town. In the end to save her husband suffering, but incidentally he has a soul and proves a love as deep as the manages to collect some pretty bracelets as mo• hero's by outdoing him in saving the situation. mentos of her sacrifices. It is really delightfully Phoebe Foster, as Faith Marlay, the wife with a December, 1928 TH.ALI.A 23

.ing as tragedy. 'I'he story is that of a young aviator who finds himself quite enamoured of his charming hostess but who. also finds himself con• ,· r~.Y~· i! fronted with opposition to any marital ties from . fl~ AC='-/2""""':;.;J. ~ the mother of his fiancee. Aided by her grand• mother and by the old family physician, his point THE is finally won. However, there is another force with which he must reckon but which he had not con• NORTHERN sidered-that of heredity. It seems that there is a form of insanity which has been present in other [NGRAVING members of the girl's family for years. This touch of insanity is caused only by certain phases of the COMPANY moon and until the time of the play its force has not reached this one member of the family, the CANTON daughter. The final interplay between this strange OHIO power of the moon and the puissance of the ro• mance marks the climax and conclusion of a most Engravers for appealing and entertaining play. THE MICROCOS11 The cast, which in the main is composed of the and many other well known players of previous Dickinson dramatic produc• Eastern College Annuals tions is as follows: ,T ane Atherton, Elinor Green; Laura .Atherton, her mother, Catherine Arm• strong; Madam .Atheraton, her grandmother, Ar• '[ wenty,two years of specializing lene Reed; Judge Atherton, her grandfather, in school annuals is bac~ of our James l\lL Reed; Dr. Wetherell, the family physi• attractive offer. A detailed pro, cian, Edward E. Johnson; Major Bannister, army posal will be gladly furnished on flier, Frank G. McCrea; Walter Higgs, his me• request. chanic, Wesley Ruffel; and Thomas, the butler, Paul Irwin. past, is almost perfect in her role. Her greatest BOSTONIANS worry is that this past, which is known by her SHOES FOR MEN husband, will ruin him, and so she tries to bargain NUFF SAID with Deborah Kane, another woman in Voaze's 53 WEST life. Deborah, played by Hilda Moore, is an ex• DUTREY'S LOUTHER STREET ceptional character. Her love for V oaze is all con• Little: These modern veterinaries are certainly suming and she is fired with the desire to hurt getting good. the woman who took him. She is at times pathetic Joe: What do you mean t and at others hateful. 'I'he role is an extremely Little: Why, I saw a sign yesterday saying, difficult one and not too much credit can be given "Horse retailed." -Sk·i-U-Mah. to Miss Moore for her exceptional performance. I I I PENN-HARRIS HOTEL CHILDREN OF THE MOON Harrisburg, Pa. 'I'he initial appearance of the Dickinson Players 400 ROOMS $2.50 AND UP behind the footlights will be made for the current season on the evening of December 12 when the DANCING Every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday Nights curtain rises on' Martin Flavin 's ''Children of the 9.30 P. M. till Midnight-SO cents per cover Moon.'' TWO COFFEE SIIOPS-Appetisingfood Diverging from the tendency of recent years to• served at Moderate Prices ward farce comedies, the Thespians are this year opening their series of productions with one which Harry J. Harkins, Manager is more potent than melodrama yet not as depress- 24 THALIA December, 1928

ATABOY! Scandalized Judge (to enraged attorney)• Silence ! I fine you five dollars for contempt of court. Enraged Attorney (planking down $20 bill)• Five dollars doesn't begin to express my contempt for this court ! -Sun Dodqer. I I I Maisie was showing off her new evening frock. "Don't you think it rather becoming?" she asked. Her young brother eyed it with misgivirig. ''It may be coming, but some of it seems a bit late in arriving," he said. -Pearson's Weekly. I I I (Polite young gentleman to nice old lady stand• ing in street car.) College~ P. Y. G.-' 'Beg pardon, madam, do you wish a seat?" Publications N. 0. L.-"\Vhy, yes, thank you, son. I'm much obliged." Catalogs P. Y. G.-"\Vell, there's one up there, in back of the motorman, you can use while he's stand- Annuals ing." -Voo Doo.

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