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Dordt College Z i rcon 4 April 2013 Issue 10 PDA Banned on Campus Crystal Bell admonitions regarding sexual acceptable, and PDA on cam- Staff Writer activity, and refrain from pus only affirms this belief,” Dordt College officially sexual immorality and PDA.” he said. banned Public Displays of According to the policy, As a result of the new rule, Affection (PDA) on cam- the college will now specifi- security will be increased. pus last Friday, due to the cally prohibit engaging in, Dordt will start a new complaints from faculty and promoting, or advocating workstudy called the “PDA students concerned about PDA. Police.” These new security the large amount of PDA on Students and employees members will ride bicycles Dordt’s campus. who are found engaging in around campus and write According to Bethany any sexually prohibited activ- citations for any inappropri- Schuttinga, Associate Pro- ity will be subject to disci- ate behavior according to the vost, all acts of PDA are now plinary action as outlined in newly revised Sexual Stan- prohibited. These include the Student Code of Conduct. dards, PDA, and Conduct hugging for more than five According to Schuttinga, Policy. seconds, hand holding, and the punishment for not adher- One additional rule that kissing on the neck, head, or ing to the new PDA rule will all students should be aware face. result in a Level III. In the of is that all underclassmen “PDA just isn’t accept- Student Code of Conduct, a dormrooms containing people able, especially on a Chris- Level III is a dismissal status of the opposite sex will now tian campus. Nobody wants and could result in com- need to be propped open with to see that stuff,” Schuttinga munity service, a fine up to three shoes. Students should said. $100, consultation with the also remember that a flip flop The Sexual Standards Dean of Chapel, notification does not qualify as a shoe. and Conduct Policy will be of parents, and a PDA Prob- Dordt Senior, Liam Flyt, is changed to include PDA as lem seminar for both of the beyond pleased with the new an offense. The policy will involved parties. ban on PDA. According to Contributed Photo now say: “Dordt College is President Hoekstra stands him, there should have been a committed to maintaining an behind the new PDA ban. rule like this a long time ago. want to show affection in Center lobby while I’m still environment where em- “The media already exposes “It is absolutely disgusting their rooms, that is their busi- trying to digest my lunch,” ployees and students abide young Christians to the idea to see people all over each ness. But I don’t need to see Flyt said. by biblical injunctions and that pre-marital relations are other in public. If people people kissing in the Campus Gorilla Suit Unzipped Crystal Bell Staff Writer

Contrary to popular be- “The Canadian accent the reason for the secrecy, lief, Dordt’s Harlem Shake gave it away,” Van Heim- Elgersma explained that he gorilla was not played by shawrt said. “I would didn’t want to lose his po- President Hoekstra. recognize that voice any- sition of authority within “I tried to tell everyone where,” he added. the classroom and on the the truth, but some rumors Van Heimshawrt sus- ice. are hard to shake,” Hoeks- picions were confirmed “I just couldn’t afford tra said with a chuckle. “I when the gorilla said, “I to lose the respect of my almost wish that I was the caun’t reach the zipper!” students, colleagues, and one in the suit. However, The gorilla was Bill Elg- players,” he said. at my age I could only ersma, well-known Eng- But one mystery still dream of having moves lish professor and hockey remains: why would Dordt like Jagger,” he said. coach. When confronted sophomores, Kyler Van The question still with the revelation, Elg- Berkum and Luke Dykstra, remains: who was the ersma said, “What is this claim ignorance? They ad- mystery gorilla? all aboot?” mitted to knowing who the Ehren Van Heimshawrt After an incessant bar- gorilla was, but they had was the student who rage of lengthy emails, secret motives for remain- Contributed Photo solved the mystery for the late-night phone calls, and ing silent. Dordt community. Van several phony summonings This mystery was solved Dykstra said, “That A have helped him overcome Heimshawrt was at the to the president’s office, by Elgersma himself would have totally brought his guilt. When asked why dance that night, and was Elgersma cracked. shortly after he admitted to up my GPA. Now I have he wanted to be the gorilla, in the restroom shortly be- “I just caun’t take it any- being the gorilla. Worn and three days to read “Pride Elgersma said, “I always fore the video started. He more!” Elgersma said. “It defeated, he came clean and Prejudice” and “The knew that I had extraordi- distinctly remembers hear- was me. I was the gorilla, and admitted that the stu- Odyssey.” nary dance moves, and this ing a man complain about and I have no regrets,” he dents in question were kept Although Elgersma was my chance to share not being able to zip up said. quiet with the promise of isn’t proud of the bribe, them with the world.” the back of his costume. When questioned about an A in his Core 180 class. the 12,000+ YouTube hits Page 2 News 4 April 2013 Dordt Lowers Tuition to Keep Students Enrolled According to documents theater programs will also stay,” said sophomore Viv- munity services are no released by the investiga- ian Messerschmidt. longer offered. However, Ginger A. Snap be severely curtailed. tive committee, Dordt loses Apparently the concerns some students are express- Staff Writer “At $500 per student, up to 30% of each class things like the school farm over losing these student ing relief and joy over the Dordt College will now every year. The most com- and the digital media lab groups aren’t enough to news of the lower tuition. be charging only $500 for mon reasons for leaving are are just too much to main- deter the Dordt administra- “I’m so grateful to Dordt tuition, according to an staying home to work or tain,” said Hoekstra. tion’s decision. for lowering tuition,” said announcement made on attending a cheaper college These decisions have “We expect enrollment in Sonny Daise, a freshman Monday by college presi- elsewhere. made students upset and our education and business enrolled in the education dent Erik Hoekstra. “Dordt is just way too indignant. departments to skyrocket,” department. “I was consid- The announcement fol- expensive,” said one junior “A school with an ag- Bos said. ering going back home to lows the formation of an who asked to remain anon- riculture program and no The ramifications of this work, but now my fam- investigative committee ymous. “I can go to the farm? A digital media decision are sure to be felt ily can afford to send me in the fall of 2012, which community college by my major and no equipment? throughout Sioux Center and my sister to a quality was created in order to house and pay less while That’s just ridiculous. Not as the student demographic school.” determine the actual cost of working to earn money at enough to convince me to shifts and important com- educating each student. the same time.” “That is the literal price It’s exactly these kinds that each student’s educa- of students that Dordt tion costs,” said Hoekstra. hopes to persuade to stay “When you strip away with their new lower tuition all the extras, we can still policy. But of course, provide a quality Christian sacrifices must be made in education at a relatively af- order to maintain such a fordable price.” ridiculously low price tag. Dordt faculty hopes that “Education is at the this surprisingly gracious forefront of Dordt’s focus,” move will not only at- said Hoekstra. “In order tract new students into the to provide the best educa- school’s programs, but also tion, however, we’re going retain others who would to have to strip down the have otherwise moved on. frivolous extras.” “We noticed that while On the list of those activ- our freshman enrollment ities and locations getting numbers are fairly consis- the axe are the recreation tent, each grade level gets center, the Defender Grille, successively smaller,” said and health services. Jim Bos, Dordt’s Associate The art, agriculture, digi- Provost/Registrar. tal media, engineering, and God Skips Spring, Students Outraged Dordt Students finally get to know the real reason the weather has sucked. summer." fat because they have to already started going off The Creator has indeed hibernate all the time? their rockers. It's just a decided to skip spring and Will the Covenant girls matter of time before summer, have six more permanently freeze?" people start doing bizarre months of winter, and Arky is not the only stuff like having muffin then go straight to fall. person who is upset. Some wars in 55th or break- The forecast will be snow, staff members at Dordt ing the hand off the Gift snow, and more snow. are also opposed to God's statue and hi-fiving people with it." "Snow is so great," said choice. God. "It's so fluffy and "I declare!" said Ida “It is a clearly known clean looking. Also, if you Clair, professor of Logic fact that everyone at get a chance, it's fun to at Dordt. "I thought God Dordt is already halfway stuff it down the back of knew what He was doing. crazy already because someone's shirt. So quit The world seemed to work they decided to come to whining." so perfectly before this. I Iowa for schooling, which is arguably the stupidest While God seems to think God must be going off His rocker." thing a person could do,” be very pleased with His said Ida Clair. decision to skip spring, If God is going off His Dordt students are very rocker, then the question "My thoughts ex- upset. is what will happen His actly," said God. "Why A. Hedgehog would someone come "I’m so upset," said creation? If God is every- Staff Writer where, does this mean that from sunny California or Ann Arky, a sophomore. Florida to the flat tundra "This is anarchy. God everything is on God's As the month of April "I don't really know rocker as well? Will the that is Iowa? I thought I arrives, many Dordt why I created it," said can't take away something made my people smarter He created and ultimately everyone go off our rock- students wonder why God. "All the bugs come ers once God does? than that, but oh well, I spring has not yet arrived. out and I think I made said was good. What will guess it's your fault. And With much searching, the the sun too bright. Be- happen to the little flowers "Definitely," said Doug you can stop complaining answer has been given: sides, sometimes I get hot and blades of grass hid- Gonnit, professor of because it's not going to God has decided He hates flashes, so I think it's best ing under the snow? Will Knowing It All. "I know get any warmer." spring. if I just skip spring and all the animals get really some people who have 4 April 2013 News Page 3 M-R-S degree set to become official at Dordt College

was going for an account- 18-24 age range,” said focuses on more imme- ing or business degree,” Professor of Psychology diate issues singles face said Laura Sterling. “But Mark Christians. “It’s and offers classes such I knew what I would re- quite a fascinating field as: “Adventures: What ally be graduating with to explore.” to do with all that extra was a quality guy!” But don’t let the name cash?” “Free Time Man- Now Dordt is offer- fool you. Although it may agement: I’ve done ev- ing classes and programs be called the “M-R-S erything I need to today specifically geared to- degree program,” men and it’s only noon, now ward this growing field. are allowed and encour- what?” and “Food enjoy- Starting in August aged to take a few classes ment: How to prepare of 2013, Dordt will offer as well. However, single and eat what you want classes for the M-R-S people are not allowed to without being nagged degree such as “Introduc- join the program. about health issues.” tion on qualities to look “There is a big stigma Dordt College has Mae Foxtrot for in a spouse,” “How about being single and already seen a drastic Staff Writer to gauge the spirituality being a Christian,” said increase in enrollment, of potential interests,” Hoekstra. “We aren’t into going from 400 enrolled Dordt College has tower, why can’t we add “Family planning 101: discrimination here at during the 2012-13 made a drastic change to a new degree.” Married and pregnant at Dordt College, but if you school year to 800 for the their 2013-14 curriculum An M-R-S degree used 19? No worries,” and, are still single when you 2013-14. by being the first college to be an unofficial degree “Christian talk: How to graduate, there is really “We doubled enroll- in the nation to offer an that became the purpose stop fake growing spiritu- no hope for you in find- ment,” said Hoekstra. official M-R-S degree for behind many men and ally to impress the oppo- ing a spouse. We ‘en- “That’s phase 1. Phase 2 students to major in. women’s college atten- site sex and really grow.” courage’ young singles is preparing the facility to “We saw how often dance: to find a spouse. “Let’s face it. The only to pursue more realistic accommodate hundreds it was joked about on And even though this is thing that young, Chris- goals in the M-R-S’ sister of thousands in 18 years. campus and we thought, technically a new class, tian people are focused program: The L-O-N-E- After all, if the M-R-S ‘Let’s end the joking and some argue that students on is getting married. L-Y degree.” degree is as successful as make it official,’” said have been enrolling in it Sure, most would deny The L-O-N-E-L-Y projected, we know the Ma, Director of Aca- for years. it, but the reality is that degree, also introduced in parents who participated demic Affairs. “After all, “I told my parents i we have seen a growing the 2013-14 curriculum, will send their children if we can build a clock trend of marriages in the here.” Theft on Dordt’s campus Student faces jailtime for being on prompts faculty to give up Facebook during class

Dragonborn past. No more. No more.” anyone still uses MySpace, Staff Writer According to the release they are way beyond sav- from the Sioux County ing. Those students were It’s not every day that Sheriff’s Office, Buss was immediately sentenced to studious students face jail on Facebook from approxi- death.” time, but one student at mately 1:35 p.m. until 1:38 Buss was the first stu- Dordt College faces a pos- Photo by Shelby Herrema p.m., but that was all the dent convicted under the sible life sentence for being time authorities needed to “No Facebook during Dragonborn on Facebook during class. move in. class” law and will serve as Staff Writer “This is preposterous,” The officers arrived on an example for the pub- said senior Jake Buss. “All campus at 1:39 p.m. and lic. “We aren’t interested The pride of most in all the books in the b I was trying to do was were able to locate Buss in ending people’s lives, schools might be their kst re, the k yb ards at the check with my wife if I via his status: “Love being but we are interested in mascot or a sports team, kiosks, and ruce Kuier’s needed to stop and get milk married. The best part? maintaining a safe and but for Dordt College, it’s sweat s. on my way home from I get to run errands for educational environment the sign that says “Do d “How can I be prideful class.” my wife. Do we need any at Dordt College,” said Co l ge” and due to recent of a chool wh n I know we After realizing that PDA milk, baby girl?” His status Hoekstra. and frequent thefts, Dordt do ‘t ev n ha e a si n wit was too common an activ- location stated: “Near Although awarded an says they won’t tolerate it our name on it any ore?” ity to regulate, Dordt Col- Sioux Center in Dordt Col- attorney by the state, Buss’ anymore. said senior Ark Opp. “It’s lege gave the Sioux County lege’s Computer Lab work- lawyer, Mr. Nate Scripps, “We won’t tolerate this r dic lou . Sheriff’s Office authority ing on a project and have says that the case doesn’t anymore,” said ort olleg Do dt has allowed cam- over student’s personal high hopes of not getting look good. “My client is Head of Security S m Yos pus security to “shoot to lives on campus. arrested for a ridiculous not guilty,” said Scripps. m te. “We’ve replaced the kill” if they see any suspi- “We couldn’t easily reg- reason today.” When asked about his cre- letters twenty two times cious activity on campus. ulate 1300 students so we dentials to represent Buss and we aren’t going to D rdt ollege has been kno “We take Facebooking brought in experts,” said despite being a Physical replace them for a twenty n to di cipl ne studen s in during class very seri- Dordt College President Thereapy Major, Scripps third. In fact, we aren’t the past, ut not to this xtr ously,” said deputy Smith. Erik Hoekstra. “We realize said it’s because he watch- goin to re lace any ing me. “Last year, we successfully that our policies may seem es a lot of Law & Order. that will be tolen any ore.” If you see any s spic ended 134 counts of illegal more radical than people And Yos m te is serous. ous ac ivi y on ampus, iPod listening, 43 counts of If convicted, Buss will are used to, but we believe Recently, the tiny pillar by please report to D dt olleg illegal internet usage, and face up to life in prison that we have been too the clo t was stolen along ‘s sec ity by calling 7 2 - 23 counts of MySpace us- without parole. lenient on students in the with most of the le ters 722- . age. But let’s be honest- If Page 4 Features 4 April 2013 Meet the Professor: Dorothy J. Umbridge

Scarlett Penn “Dordt College seemed were approached for an inter- Staff Writer like the ideal place to teach, view, the only comment they especially after my last expe- would give was “don’t drink Ever thought Sioux Center rience,” Umbridge said with a the tea!” was a dangerous place to little catch in her throat. “So “I may have…unusual… live? Don’t think Dordt does many people of the same age methods for discipline within enough to prepare students and denomination…and look my classes,” said Umbridge. for a surprise attack? Look at all these Dutch people! I’m “But none of them will do no further than the new self- so happy you have all come anything but leave a lasting defense class, taught by the together in a place where the impression upon my dear newly hired Dorothy Jane outside world can’t…corrupt student’s minds.” Umbridge. you.” Students agreed that her The purpose of the new When asked what she was class seemed a little different class should be obvious, says looking forward to most about than the rest. Dean of Campus Life Robert the class, Umbridge gave a “The book list for this class Taylor. “For some reason little cough and thought for is really weird,” said Austin there is a high concentra- a moment. “Of course most Holdem. “I mean, ‘Whittling tion of farmers living in this of my teaching will come 101?’ I thought we were going area. You never know when from the book “The Student’s defend ourselves with Karate one might snap, so we hired Guide to Avoiding Violence,” or something…does she ex- someone to at least help said Umbridge. “But one pect us to fend off an attacker students be prepared. You can move I always treat my class with pointy sticks?” never be too careful.” with is during my favorite “I don’t think she likes me Umbridge herself was born unit, Defense Against the very much,” said junior and and raised in Britian, and Dark Dutchmen, called the international studies major have black hair.” worried about the farmers worked for a short time at a Explodious Hotdishious.” Jackster Chan. However, others are look- here before, but after see- broom factory between her Before coming to Dordt, “I tried to tell her that ing forward to this unique ing how many of them there high school and college years. Umbridge taught at several almost everyone in my family class. “I think she seems actually are, and how many She then received a degree other schools but was dis- is Dutch, but I don’t think nice,” said Gracie Lace. “Her of them are Dutch…it scares in teaching from the British charged before her contracts she believed me….she kept favorite color is the same as me to think of what it would School for Young and Aspir- were complete. No specific saying something about how mine: pink!” be like if they began to band ing Teachers, and has never statements were released on I wasn’t as “pure” as the rest “Hopefully her time here together against everyone stopped teaching since. this topic, however, when of the Dutch students here. will be good for students,” who isn’t Dutch. It feels good students from these schools It’s not my fault I’m short and said Taylor. “I’ve never been to be prepared.” International Introduction: Sarah Von Jonesmith Kristin Janssen she stands as tall as most “My last name is actu- of Van Jonesmith which Fortunately, despite Staff Writer Dordt students’ third ally only Jonesmith,” makes her international is the cultural barriers Van grade siblings. Her physi- Van Jonesmith shared. “I causing quite a stir. Jonesmith has had to face Meet Sarah Van Jone- cal features also stand out added the Van so that I Before attending Dordt, within her first semester smith. She’s a new stu- in a Dordt crowd because wouldn’t seem so for- Van Jonesmith had never at Dordt, she has enjoyed dent at Dordt College this she lacks the long, straight eign to the students on attended a Reformed the experience. semester and just about as blonde locks and spar- campus, but I’m not even church. Her theologi- “I have learned so international as interna- kling, vibrant blue eyes Dutch. My dad moved cal and denominational many new things and met tional students come. the majority of the good to America from Great background is even more so many new people,” Although Van Jone- Dutch Dordt girls boast. Britain to attend Yale, met severe: Van Jonesmith Van Jonesmith said. “I smith may not look like Van Jonesmith’s second my mom—a dark-haired had never heard of the cannot imagine a more your typical international international claim is her German—there, and never Reformed faith before be- cross-cultural experience student (her skin is pale lack of Dutch heritage. returned to Europe.” ginning the college search than coming to Dordt as a white and her accent is a Although Van Jonesmith’s Van Jonesmith’s and stumbling across brown-haired, dark-eyed, normal Midwestern one), last name may sound parents’ alma mater also Dordt. English and German non- she is still an outlier for Dutch, she admitted qualifies her in yet an- In fact, Calvin and denominational Christian. many reasons. changing her last name other category of interna- Kuyper were just as for- This has truly been a First, Van Jonesmith upon coming to Dordt. tional students. eign to Van Jonesmith as blessing.” is only about 5’2’’ so The final characteristic Van Jonesmith is to Dordt. Diamond Staff 2012-2013 230 St Andrews Way l Sioux Center, IA 51250 l 712.449.8198 Head Editor: Layout Design: Hannah DeVries Adam McDonald Liesl Scholten Jordan Harmelink Social Event Package Justin Pastoor Experience a night of excellence with up to 500 guests in our Co-Editor/Web Design: Photography Editor: Grand Event Hall, complete setup included of... Hannah DeVries Columnists: Emily McFarland • Round Table Seating Alex Updike • Head Table for the bridal party on stage • Catering Tables Sports Editor Jennifer Van Der Hoek Photographers: • Dance Floor Justin Pastoor Rachel Mulder Emily McFarland • White linen tablecloths Adam McDonald Shelby Herrema • Fine China-plates, water goblets, and flatware Copy Editing Staff: Meghan Stadheim • Optional sound and projection package • Optional Outdoor Terrace Adam McDonald Staff Writers: Hannah DeVries Alex Updike Ad Manager: Kristina Heflin Rachel Mulder (Position Available Justin Pastoor Amber Vis Contact Diamond.dordt.edu Summer 2013 Reception Dates Available Lauren Bird Kristin Janssen for more information) Call today! Alex Updike Lauren Bird Check out our website Kristina Heflin Advisor: theterraceview.com Justin Pastoor Follow us on twitter or facebook! Jennifer Dukes Lee 4 April 2013 Opinion Page 5 Don’t be too focused on the future An Ode to Neglected Library Items Sioux Center I’ve been lingering in the this scene. The lack of re- Weather… library for several years now, spect for us tables and chairs giving students and staff made my heart break. “Sure- Bipolar? alike the boost they need to ly these people would feel get over their Monday morn- dishonored if they, too, were ing slump, their Friday mid- moonwalked upon by a giant day migraine, or their senior gorilla,” I thought to myself. scramble stress. While many But no… the shaking contin- complain about the medio- ued. cre flavor, the murky-water And we, the research color, and the lukewarm books collecting dust par- temperature, I am refilled ticles left by those shak- more times a day than the ing creatures and students Adam McDonald kegs at Tofher’s on a Thurs- Jennifer Van Der Hoek Head Editor Columnist alike—we, too, feel the ne- day night. glect. How long we have Editor’s Note: This is a Why, you may ask? Be- giant gorilla. There I sat, sup- been waiting to be touched, non-Zircon Column. cause I am merely overused porting the heavy burden of opened, even glanced at, just and underappreciated. As several students’ homework to share our valuable infor- It’s too easy to become the students approach the as they worked so diligently. mation? distracted by the future. librarian’s desk at 7:57AM, And then it all hap- Days, months, years pass, I’m speaking from expe- I hear their snide comments pened… the gorilla came and here we sit, our spines of disapproval: “These Mid- Rachel Mulder rience when I say this. As out of nowhere, jumped onto begging to be brushed by Columnist western people just really my torso, and began dancing the hands that hammer upon a senior, the number one don’t know how to make in rare form. It was almost keyboards, desperately thing people ask you is, their coffee.” And yet, there as though a high school girl searching Google for the in- Have any of you wondered “So what are your plans af- they are, pumping ounces were trapped inside, letting formation we have contained about Sioux Center’s weath- and ounces of coffee, as well for years and years. ter graduation?” herself go as she got lost er? I have. I can’t even go on as my Mate, into their cheap, in this jam called “Harlem Twitter anymore because my WalMart travel mugs, day Shake…” and shake I did But no, the attention we I always say the same after day. crave, the ears we beg to Twitter feed blows up about thing: “Oh, I’m moving as my legs began to buckle, have lent for us to share our the weather. I mean isn’t there “Their actions speak weakening with every pel- reliable resources… all of anything else to talk about back home to reconnect louder than their words,” I vic thrust and moonwalk the wild animal performed in that fades, just as the stability here? Well, not really…it’s with family and find a job.” must tell myself. “They love of those danced upon tables Dordt. One day its 80 degrees me, but they won’t know it the once-quiet library I like To which they reply, to call home. and chairs, just as the ap- and the next day there’s a bliz- until they lose it.” I am sure preciation for the coffee that zard. Like really, think about it. “Oh, that’s nice. What kind there is at least one other in I shook my head in dis- practically saves lives from the library I call home who This winter we’ve been having of job do you want?” belief as the lower level of 7:57AM until midnight. We isn’t like any winter Iowa has feels the same… are left here, in the home we My response is always, the Hulst was filled with had before. We hardly got any There is nothing more hu- strange creatures, all contrib- love, waiting to serve the “I don’t know.” uting a rare form of dance students we love, and gain- snow until March, I wore flip- miliating than being danced ing nothing but depreciation flops in January, and now we Their expression is price- upon... scratch that. There moves and hand gestures. I can only imagine how Mr. in return. got snow again in April? less. It’s almost like I’ve is nothing more humiliating than being danced upon by a Hulst would feel if he saw Well anyway, I have a the- just admitted to supporting ory about our weather. Have dog fighting or sweatshops. Don’t Worry, Be Happy any of you seen The Truman So what if I don’t know Editor’s Note: This is a of anxiety, but rather the Show? I believe it’s like that. what I want to do yet? non-Zircon Column. more everyday anxiety Sioux Center is in a bubble and it’s being controlled by a group Before I go any fur- Corrie ten Boom once of college life, especially of people who want us to suf- ther, I’m not saying you said, “Worry does not from the social sphere. But fer. Why else would they tempt shouldn’t have a plan. It empty tomorrow of its sor- through this God is teach- us with warm temperatures in January and then give us a foot would be foolish not to have row, it empties today of its ing me. And believe it or strength.” While Ms. ten not, I’m learning, which of snow right after (what is sup- a plan. But just because posedly) Spring break?! I’m choosing to move back Boom never had the end already puts me ahead of of a school year staring how I’m doing in my Zool- Another reason I believe home and not go to grad this is because, up in Minne- school doesn’t mean I’m a her in the face, she sur- ogy class. God has put the sota where I hail from, there vied something greater. As Alex Updike idea of trust in my heart; are many inches of snow on failure. That’s just my plan: Columnist move back home and see a Holocaust survivor, it is and he has pushed me for the ground. Minnesotans were will for us to not worry bombarded with snow this what happens. amazing that Ms. ten Boom total surrender. And as I could have made such a or be anxious still stands. work towards this and take year. In fact, I never had a sin- gle snow day in all my years of I’m simply here to let radical statement. But the Jesus did not tell his fol- baby-steps closer to it, I you know that it is com- schooling and this winter they statement rings true, both lowers, “Do not become see something incredible – had a snow day. Just my luck pletely okay to not have a back then for holocaust anxious . . . unless you I see contentment and sat- that they would have a snow ten-year or even a five-year victims and today for col- REALLY don’t know how isfaction taking over worry day after I leave…but that’s plan. We change too much lege students, no matter that girl feels about you. and stress. My friends, beside the point. The point is, only a few hours north they too often to have a plan how lop-sided the compar- Then you should probably when I am able to look be- that, in our minds, is set have a few feet of snow; and ison may seem. worry about it.” Rather, he yond the things that cause that’s true all around Sioux in stone. What I’m trying Jesus told his followers comforts us by letting us me stress – the homework, Center. Southern Iowa got tons to say is: don’t let YOUR on more than one occasion, know that we do not have the relationships, and the of snow too, especially around plans interrupt the opportu- not to worry or be anxious, to worry, and instead gives “Did I do something wrong Christmas break. Highways were shut down and there were nities and events that God yet we seem to throw this us peace (John 14:27). and is that why this person is going to present to you in thousands of accidents, it was command away quicker But just being told what is acting this way?” – there like the apocalypse! But not the next six months. than I do a salad before the Jesus said is not enough is a contentment. And this true for Sioux Center…only Live life. Explore the real meal begins (and that’s for a guy like me. I need a contentment is not some mild wind and a few flakes. world. Learn new things. pretty darn quick!). We “why” or a “how” – why mind trick. It is not me sim- So that’s my theory. Sioux worry and become anxious do I not have to worry? ply choosing not to worry Center is in a weather bubble. Have a tentative plan We have no control over the and always be open to new or fearful over any num- And how do I do it? These about things that should be are the questions we have weather and it’s going to con- opportunities. ber of things in our lives – worried about. It is a peace tinue to upset us. There’s noth- from the everyday task of to ask. They may even be and contentment in know- The beauty of life is the ing we can do, but post status getting homework done, to more important than the ing that God is in control, after status on Facebook and unknown, not knowing social anxiety and the fear ones on your next test. and that He is working all hash tag our problems away on where God is going to call of how people perceive us, Recently I have had a lot things for my good, His Twitter. #happyspring. you. Just live in the here to big fears such as sick- of anxiety. Not the “Holy glory, and towards His per- and now. Trust me. It’s a ness and death. Yet Jesus’ crap, I need a shrink” type fect will for my life. And it great place to live. is the same for you. Page 6 Sports 4 April 2013 Men’s basketball wins first GPAC Championship Shaking Harlem Staff Writer

Spring break has hap- ing the student section, I pened, which means often just needed a break. It’s my times sports teams go on second sport pretty much, special trips. Golf, basket- and since I don’t get a ball, baseball, and softball scholarship for it, I’ll take all go somewhere warm a vacation as compensa- and play their game. But tion,” said senior Dustin what really happens on Brisel, who was found to those trips? Rumors have have posted a picture of his it that while they may go new tattoo he got, along to the destinations adver- with showing that baseball tised, no sports actually players can, in fact, lift. go. The coaches, their “All we do is go to the families, and their players pool or beach. Never going all go on a vacation for to complain with that,” fun, sun, and easy living. said Ashton Beaird. Contributed Photo “We try to keep it a Facebook accounts, secret, but we just use this Twitter feeds, and Insta- While these are just are currently looking into them stuck in the Midwest as an opportunity to have gram are all put on lock- rumors, there have been solutions for what to do giving them significantly our family vacation,” said down by the coaches in reports of teams also going with these teams and their less opportunity to have Coach Schouten. “As long order to try to keep this on trips to San Diego, New trips. Some have suggested fun. The most likely route as the athletes don’t get as hidden as possible, but York City, golf trips to a board member is sent of action is that trips will into trouble, life is pretty as seen in Brisel's case, it Pebble Beach, California, with the team to make sure be cancelled all together, easy going.” doesn't always work out, soccer trips to Spain, and that they are game oriented and funds will be used to “I’ve had a pretty rough mostly because everyone even some trips to South travels. Others have voiced create more green space on and tired season of lead- forgets about MySpace. Padre. Administration an opinion to make the campus. and Student Symposium trips closer by, keeping Happy Hunger Games, Dordt College the new hires are enthusias- towards the M-R-S degree, tic supporters. and the fewer students who Even the Zombies vs. will have to live on campus. Humans games were orga- “They’d like to have nized in preparation for the enough apartments to house games: a training simulation students and use East Cam- for students and a way to pus as some sort of extra test the readiness of cam- challenge in the games— pus to handle the pending mutant mold or something,” bloodbaths that administra- de Kleinstra explained. tion is envisioning. This is a side of the “After all that, I think games students don’t mind Zylstra was pretty disap- either. pointed he never got to “I mean, that Katie actually see the games,” Eigenraam is pretty feisty— said VanderPloegsma. “But she’s sure to survive, and you can be sure he’ll watch if she’s in, I’d volunteer,” from a distance when they said junior art major Peter do finally start.” Mellema. Zylstra was unavailable Other students aren’t so of college, the games are a the inside—it wasn’t worth Effie Trinketsma for comment, and Presi- keen on the idea, however. ploy by the administration the risk.” Staff Writer dent Hoekstra also denied Feisty Katie’s freshman to keep things interesting at In fact, according to Watch out. Next time comment but for a telling sister Rose said that she Dordt. VanderPloegsma's research, you raise your hand in twinkle in his eye. hardly participates in class “Even the president all of the changes made at class to share one of your VanderPloegsma’s fellow anymore, she’s so terri- knows that education gets Dordt in the past 10 years oh-so-brilliant insights or investigator, another Dordt fied of being placed in the pretty boring,” said Vander- have been in preparation for offer to read a paragraph or grad named Jessie de Klein- games. “I almost don’t Ploegsma. "He wanted to the games, which will effec- demonstrate your wisdom stra, says that there’s an- even breathe some days,” spice things up." tively begin next fall. on the whiteboard, you other reason for the games she said. “My participation It was President Zylstra The playing field is this: may as well be screaming, beyond just entertainment. grade is really suffering in who came up with the idea The clock tower—home “I volunteer as tribute!” “Rumour has it that Hun- philosophy class.” for the games, and when base for the tributes in the in Dordt’s very own no- ger Games are a great place Her fear is warranted. he retired, the presidential game as well as a device for longer-secret version of the for budding romances— Whether you like it or not, search committee last year keeping track of the action; Hunger Games. those who survive have this the Dordt Hunger Games wanted to ensure that the Kuyper apartments—one The “games” won’t incomparable connection, I are coming, and you just new president would be just more “district” from which officially begin until next guess,” said de Kleinstra. might end up in the arena, as enthusiastic. to pull students; and De- year, but they’ve been in Student Services is espe- so watch yourself in class— “That’s why there was fender Dollars—a secret the works for a while now. cially excited about this fact. unless, of course, you’re so much secrecy surround- method of financially sup- According to recent Dordt The more students who fall looking for love. ing the process last year,” porting your favorite trib- grad Greg VanderPloegsma, in love due to the games, Happy Hunger Games, said VanderPloegsma. utes. Professors who left who has been investigat- the more students will be and may Providence be ever “And, ultimately, why they Dordt didn’t agree with the ing this development ever on that special Dordt track in your favor. since his sophomore year brought up someone from spirit of the games, and all 4 April 2013 Arts and Entertainment Page 7 Old Profs Rock! Literally! you what songs we're going get it." A. Hedgehog Staff Writer to play, because you're, like, The band is excited to not even going to know play in 55th, except they Coming soon in April, them," said Veenstra. "But don't show it because a new band will put on a just so everyone knows, the they're too cool to show concert in 55th Avenue. The dress code for, like, every emotion. band, called Rad Theology, concert is plaid shirts, skin- "Yeah, it's, like, no big consists of Dordt professors ny jeans, and no shoes. And deal," said Veenstra. "I've Jay Shim, Charles Veenstra, you, like, get bonus points if played in, like, so many and Jason Lief. you wear, like, cool hats or shows, so I know every- "Yeah, we, like, play a have, like, awesome facial thing about the music indus- bunch of songs that you've, hair." try. I'm not, like, nervous at like, probably never heard No one really knows if all. We're totally cool. And of," said Shim. "And it's they should go to the con- we, like, plan to sell some like, Jason is probably way cert or not, mainly because CDs at the show, so, like, By MickyFrenchFrie too young to, like, get the the band refuses to tell bring your money." message that we're putting anyone what kind of music That being said, not out because he was, like, student confused by these songs is 'like'." they play. many Dordt students seem born after me and Veenstra. professors and their attempt If you're interested, come "It's something, like, to be as excited about the But he plays the drums, to be hip. to 55th in April to hear Rad totally new," said Lief. "It'll, concert as the band. like, really well." "I don't get it," said Sam Theology. Or don't, because like, blow everyone else "This sounds way out- Rad Theology features Witch. "I know that their it sounds weird. out of the water because dated," said Titus Pants. Shim on the acoustic guitar whole motto is 'you won't "Yeah, and we can't, like, everyone will totally love "I mean, clearly I have the and vocals, Veenstra on the get us' but I really don't get tell you when the concert this new kind of music that tightest pants of everyone keyboard and backup vo- it. Besides, they say 'like' is because calendars and we've made. But I can't at Dordt, so these profs are cals, and Lief on the drums. even, like, try to describe it way too much. I don't want schedules are, like, over- just posers trying to be hip." to listen to a concert where "I can't even, like, tell to you because you wouldn't rated," said Lief. "So just, Pants is not the only every other word in the like, be there whenever." Orchestra Tour—The Untold Story Mafia. tour bus. “Because Dordt made “They demanded we our Spring Break shorter sing!” Miedema ex- and still didn’t give us claimed. “We are instru- Good Friday off to cel- mental musicians; we ebrate Christ’s resurrec- can’t sing!” Nonetheless, tion with our families, we the angry mob didn’t were unable to begin our relent. Finally, Miedema journey until it was dark managed to assemble all outside, so the majority of of the bus riders into one the bus was asleep when big circle within the mob. we began passing signs for They sang the Dordt Col- Altoona, Des Moines, and lege clock tower’s infa- Cedar Rapids,” shared one mous tune and the mafia orchestra member. “No quickly fell asleep to the one realized how dire the sweet serenade. situation was until it was Miedema loaded the too late.” bus and the group high- The quiet bus took an tailed it out of dangerous exit between Cedar Rap- Central Iowa, heading ids and Iowa City for a north and west towards restroom stop and crossed their original destina- over into enemy lines. tion. The tour group “When we got off the bus unanimously agreed that Jane Doe Staff Writer at the rest stop and saw all if Dordt College had not of the horses, buggies, and shortened Spring Break While the pictures fill- planned to commence its director. beards, I think we all be- and had also given them ing Facebook’s newsfeed trip in Rapid City, South Miedema explained gan to think, ‘Toto, we’re Good Friday off of class- during every day of the Dakota, with a quick trip about what he has named not in Kansas anymore,’” es, the incident clearly Band and Orchestra’s to see the presidents, fol- “The Attack of the Amish said Miedema on behalf of would not have happened Spring Break tour seemed lowed by an evening con- Mafia.” Instead of head- the group. because the group would to depict a wonderful jour- cert performance. Even ing west towards Rapid Some musical members have been able to drive ney of friendships, perfor- the Facebook albums City, the tour bus ac- slept-walked into the rest- during the day. mance, and sight-seeing, seem to confirm this, with cidentally took a wrong rooms, and they failed to one dramatic story was the hundreds of photo- exit near Omaha and notice the obscure primi- left out of the pictures: an shoots tour buddies took began traveling south and tive vehicles and angry, event which took place together in front of the east. Unbeknownst to pitchfork-wielding people only a couple hundred stone faces. However, the any of the musicians and watching them. How- miles away from Dordt, untold story of the tour’s even Miedema himself, ever, when the musicians southeast of Sioux Center, first stop comes from Mr. the group began drawing exited the rest station, they near Iowa City. Miedema, the tour guide nearer and nearer to the quickly woke at the site of and musical ensemble’s The musical tour treacherous central Iowa so many men in knickers lands ruled by the Amish and blue surrounding their Page 8 Amusements 4 April 2013 Feature Photo Die Hard 27: Bruce Willis Actually Dying By: Scarlet Penn Rating: 800/1000 helicopter fights that are Best line: Yippie-kay-ay, the bread and butter of mo- these movies. There are certain actors that, when you see them And then there’s Die in a movie, you just know Hard 27: A Death Like No they’re not going to die. Other. And guess what. Take for example, Morgan Bruce Willis actually Freeman and Liam Neeson. dies. It starts out pretty Morgan Freeman’s voice is cliché: you get the (now way too awesome to take unnecessary) introduction away from a movie, and of Willis as John McClain, Liam Neeson is…well… the new version of the Liam Neeson. That level trusty, scruffy sidekick, of epicness just can’t die. O’Hair, (played by Sean Of course there are a few Austin), and then enter the exceptions, even for these villain. In Die Hard 27, it’s Hollywood giants. And the Irish Mob, and one could there are always those argue this is ultimately actors who just can’t catch what kills McClain. Anyone a break, like Sean Bean else seeing the connection (LOTR, The Island, Game between our bald Irish of Thrones etc.), whose friend and the Irish mob? blood has stained the silver Giving nothing away, Photo by Shelbey Herrema screen at least twenty-five of course, all you have different times. That’s to know is that if you’re Dordt College Word Search: rough. looking for an adrenaline- But there are always rush inducing ride of those actors who get the exploding helicopters crap totally beaten out and chase scenes that are of them and they JUST totally believable, then NEVER DIE! One of these Die Hard 5 is right for actors whose fate never you. The dramatic delivery seems to catch up with of his final line and the them is Bruce Willis, who fact that O’Hair is the one is debuting in yet another walking away from the Die Hard movie. The final explosion just might franchise is already built on jerk a few tears as well. four movies: Die Hard, Die If this isn’t enough to get Hard 2: Die Harder, Die you to see the movie, then Hard: With a Vengeance, the fact that the producers and then finally Live Free are already in the running or Die Hard. They’ve done for an award for their duct- alright, having a plotline tape and tank scene should just barely strong enough put this movie at the top of to withstand the massive your must-see list. amounts of explosions, gunfights, fistfights, and

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