Here I Belong Anymore

1 mersedeh 3 2 5 table Introduction 9 What she loves to cook 14 of What she made her own 16 What her family loved 20 contents What reminds her of her parents 22 What reminds her of Iran 24 Tahchin 29 CANDICE NAVI, 2018 7 “I looked behind me and knew I’m not coming back.” 6 9 I once asked my mom if, while growing up in Iran, she ever imagined sitting in the United States speaking fuently in English with her daughter. She had not. At 17, she fed Iran during the 1979 Islamic Revolution as a political refugee. She is now one of thousands of Jewish Iranians contributing to the vibrant Persian diaspora community in Los Angeles. I asked her to recount the moment she knew she had to leave Iran. It was the last day that I attended high school back home, the revolution was growing. I went to a private school—me and my siblings were one of very few Jews and all of my friends were Muslim. So when the revolution started happening, the teachers started preaching to the kids, so I stood up in the class and said, “If you guys go this way, and you want the revolution to actually happen, we’re all going to go under chador and lose our rights as women. You’re not going to have any rights, you’re gonna go back so many years.” And my best friend all throughout school stood up and said, “You dirty Jew, you can’t tell us what to do.” That was the moment that I knew this is not where I belong anymore. I remember walking out of the high school to the street, and that was the longest walk. I still remember—I looked behind me and knew I’m not coming back. And when I went home and told my dad what had happened, he said, “You’re not going back to that school no matter what, I’m sending you out.” I knew in that moment, that day, when I walked on the street crying. That feeling I had—I knew. That day marked the beginning of a long journey out of Iran for my mother, her parents, and her three siblings. A year later, she found herself completing her senior year of high school in Orange County, getting through her classes with what little English she had learned at school in Iran. 8 11 10 13 The political and emotional turmoil of nearly 40 years ago is as relevant as ever; Iran continues to make headlines as both a political and religious leader and as a threat in the region. All of this tumult fuels her appreciation for the life she’s built in this country, her adoptive home. Mersedeh’s life in the United States, and the family she has built, exemplifes the immigrant ideal of the American Dream. With a degree in electrical engineering, my mother works full-time as an accountant with her husband Fereidoon, who often goes by his American name Frank. 12 15 *** My mother embodies transition; she is my bridge between past, present, and future. I’ve grown up hearing countless stories about her life in Iran, all of which feel distant yet familiar—summers on the Caspian Sea eating fresh seafood, artisan ice cream at Cafe Ladan with her late father, Fatollah, and her beautiful home in Shemran, north of Tehran. Her life in Orange County was marked by the harsh realities of immigration—making ends meet, working her way through college while acting as a second mother to her other siblings, feeling out of place as one of the only black curly haired Jewish Iranians in a sea of blonde affuence and homogeneity. Nowadays, I hear about the current little details of life Mersedeh shares with me everyday, including her hopes for the future and wishes for my brother Ryan’s and my health, happiness, and success. Sometimes these wishes are discussed at the dinner table, other times they are silently said in prayer over the Shabbat candles. 14 *** 17 Mersedeh’s cooking is known among our friends and family as truly exceptional; her gondi—meatballs with chickpeas—and tadigh—the crunchy fried rice at the bottom of the pot—are legendary. She brushes off the compliments with humility and quiet confdence. For Mersedeh, her success in the kitchen is more a result of circumstance than skill. She would always help Mahboobeh in the kitchen and started cooking at 13 for fun with her middle school classmates, continuing to perfect her cooking as the eldest of four children until she had a family of her own. Certain characteristics of Persian culture are deeply infused in my mother’s approach to cooking: food in Iran was always freshly prepared in absurd abundance. Mersedeh still remembers how her grandfather and mother always stocked their kitchens with newly cooked food, fresh fruit, and hot tea on the stove in case friends or family decided to drop by. A good Iranian host is inclusive and makes their guests their top priority: the plenitude is meant to be comforting and welcoming. 16 19 Today, every Friday night Shabbat meal at our house is guaranteed to be a feast, even when it’s just my parents, my brother and me. Food is the centerpiece of every social gathering, regardless of size or occasion. M It’s a cultural thing I think also; the Persian culture is all about being good to your guests and having something to offer—nobody should go hungry from your home. I don’t like to make small amounts. For the party we had a few months ago, the amount of food I got, I could’ve had another 200 people just for the fruit and with the dinner I could’ve had another100 people. We still have the fruit! C That’s just how Persian culture is, but especially how you are—you’re a very generous, warm person, so I think it’s kind of second nature for you. You don’t do it because you have to, you do it because you want to. M If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it. While seated at the head of her long dining room table, Mersedeh sipped her morning coffee made with her usual two sugars and cream. The table is topped with an ornate white foral tablecloth, plastic covering, and fake red roses that are perpetually in bloom; they almost kiss the crystal chandelier hanging above the center of the room. An intricate, beautiful red Persian rug quietly lines the marble-tiled foors. Our home, while foreign in decor to most of our guests and friends, is where I am most at ease. It is an amalgamation of the traditional Iranian love for antiques, gold fourishes, and feur-de-lis of French centuries’ past, all stuffed into a Spanish-style home typical of the Los Angeles area. The tension of styles and dissonance between old and new, plus the hundreds of family photos lining every surface, make the house feel like a home. 18 21 20 23 what she loves to cook Ghormeh Sabzi & Tahdig Mersedeh enjoys cooking two of the most well-known Iranian dishes, but simply because she knows how much her family enjoys them. Both reward a chef’s patience—Ghormeh Sabzi calls for specifc ingredients, many of which did not exist in Los Angeles until years after she moved here. M Ghormeh Sabzi is a beef stew that has a lot of herbs and greens. And that’s something that I like to cook. C Is it something about the favors, is it something about the prep you enjoy? M The favor of Ghormeh Sabzi is unique. It’s different, you don’t see it anywhere else. One of the herbs that’s in it is a Persian herb. C Which one? M I have to look up the name, I don’t know it in English—shanbalileh—and for the longest time they didn’t have that herb here when we moved to the US. So it wouldn’t taste the same without it. But now it’s all over the place. C How would you describe this herb? M It’s very bitter so you don’t put too much of it, and it has its own aroma. That’s what makes Ghormeh Sabzi: the way it smells and the way it tastes. I also like making tahdigh. It’s a challenge to make it the way I want it to. C Yeah you’re always frustrated with how it turns out. So tell me about tahdigh. I think that to me better refects you than the other two you said. M Tahdigh—you have to put the right amount of water and oil into the pot, it has to be the perfect timing and the perfect temperature for it not to burn and for it to come out thin and crispy, but not too oily. You have to be—I don’t want to call it an art—but, you have to pay attention to what you’re doing! I’ve burned tahdighs before, when I was in a rush, so you need to take time and you can’t just rush it if you want the right crispiness of the tahdigh to come out. 22 25 what she made her own Tahchin Unlike most other dishes, Mersedeh did not grow up watching her mother Mahboobeh prepare Tahchin—a savory rice cake. When she married Fereidoon, she asked her sister-in-law for tips but mostly taught herself to prepare his favorite dish.

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