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NICHOLS CAMPUSCENTRE On Saturday, April 5, YVLU students will have; the chance to repay retir- ing Dean of Students, Fred Nichols, for his years of dedicated service. At 1:00 there will be a Student Tribute to Fred Nichols Assembly in the Science Building Atrium, I followed at 3:00 by an open house in the new | Fred Nichols Campus | Centre. In addition to f WLU alumni, organiza- tions from every aspect of Laurier life will showing f their appreciation to i Deano through a series of | presentations explaining f how he affected their I Laurier experience. J "We're absolutely thrilled | to finally have the oppor- ; tunity to honour and rec- ognize Deano for his 35 I years," WLUSU President J Joel Lynn said.

Deeper into your pockets Laurier's tuition fees to be increased 14.6% MELANIE SEAL "It's not that vast a sum of need." have serious concerns when it is brought our issues and concerns to added, cov- Cord News money if you can get a bursary," The report, "Tuition fees for the said 'it's only $200'." them." Raptis "it's been Next year, students will have to pay Marsden added. 1997/1998 Fiscal Year," by Vice Lynn said he felt that Laurier's ered all over the place." four hundred dollars more in tuition Joel Lynn, President of Wilfrid President: Finance and Administration, like many other "Students will have to work face the cutbacks," fees to come to Laurier. A 14.6 per- Laurier University Students' Union Administration Dr. Andrew Berczi, administrations in the province, are harder, and "You're going to see cent tuition fee increase for I miner's is not convinced bursaries will coun- states, "If the university has not as not fully comprehending the effect of Raptis said. the lives stu- students is set in the University's teract the affect of increased tuition. yet reached the maximum allowable drastically increasing tuition fees on major changes in of a proposed operating budget. "That song 'don't worry, be happy' formula fee specified by the Ministry, its undergraduate students. dents. $400 is lot of money," Raptis The proposed budget will be was sung by Bobbie McFarrin, not then the average tuition increase... "Alter all, the door right now is said, adding that a major drop in voted on for approval by the University Administration... It's not may be 10 percent plus the amount locked," Lynn said, referring to the enrollment would be cause for University's Board of Governors at just $200 [a term]. It's much more which brings the actual tuition to the closed door to the Administrative alarm. if there the end ofApril. than that," Lynn said. 1997/1998 maximum allowable for- offices. "I think that sends a mes- Raptis explained that lobbying, As part of the province's require- Lynn stated that the Students' mula fee..." The maximum allow- sage to the understanding of the stu- were to be any on-campus alone, ments that thirty percent of any Union was a major donor to able fee for 1997-98 is $1614 per dent climate, in itself." WLUSU would have to do it tuition fee increase be set aside for Laurier's bursaries this year, giving term for undergraduate students - a When asked if WLUSU's lobby but with OUSA's support. "We will financial aid, Marsden stated the over $575,000 for student aid. 14.6% increase over Laurier's cur- group, the Ontario Undergraduate have OUSAs support, but 1 can't give university will be adding to the George Raptis, Vice President: rent tuition fees. Student Alliance were going to react you concrete measures of what that amount of student bursaries, schol- University Affaire for WLUSU said "We probably made a mistake in on behalf of Laurier's increased will be," Raptis said. would arships and financial aid. "That side that the university's additional bur- not raising the fees [last year]," tuition fees, Raptis said, "I'm going When asked if WLUSU of it is really quite great. That is saries were, "a step in the right Marsden said. to mention it at the next steering organize to protest against the increases, partly the reason we put all that direction, though there are not Laurier currently boasts one of committee meeting." University's tuition fee money in bursaries in January," going to be as many bursaries as the the lowest tuition fees of all Ontario "There are more effective ways Lynn said, "as of this point no. There be discussion on this University President Dr. Lorna increased cost of education. universities. "1 don't buy the argu- of lobbying than chaining yourself to continues to would require Marsden said. "This is all we can Students are going to have to choose ment at all that we are the lowest in an office door. I've met with Witmer, topic, and any action (WLUSU) do." what they can afford over what they the province." Lynn said, "and I Teiegdi, and Marsden, as well as approval of the Board." NewsLife Student Opinion38 10 * "fhe tiethathinds since 1926"•VOJAJMH XXXVH * ISSl H *mmm&K M\HOJ 26.1997 WW SMyWVlftmiVAWm

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_ _ Sault Ste. Mane r ,. Student Union Building wetii nd qSc,., Wilfrid Laurier University r updated phone numbers 29 Other Offices Open Throughout Canada Owned and operated by the Canadian Federation of Students Ont Reg. #: 04412342 NEWS Spirit Cup Delivered

BRENDA GRIEVE AND Cord and Pete Savage, the U.B.G. LORI DYSIEVICK '97 Team Captain. Cord News "Inside the cup," explained Pete In January, a group of Laurier stu- Savage, "was one of the purple and dents made the school proud by gold plastic flowers that we threw winning the coveted Spirit Cup at out to the crowd during the opening the annual University Business ceremonies of U.B.G. in Montreal." Games held in Montreal at Also inside the Cup were what Concordia University. Unfortunately Grieve described as, "chicken heads, the Spirit Cup itself was snatched chicken claws, and a variety of ani- during the games so the WLU team mal innards." The table that the Cup did not have a trophy to take home. was chained to was covered in Neither WLU nor the hosts of the feces. Finding the Cup in this condi- PHOTO: 1997 U.B.G. games at Corcordia tion might deter some from drinking knew who had stolen the Cup. from it, now that it has been recov- Last Friday, March 21st, team ered. Apparently not. JENNIFER members Tom Lennartz and "One team member's instant Brenda Grieve were in the Dow reaction was, 'screw it, I am drink- CLARKE Student Centre in the Peters ing from it anyway!'" chuckled Building when a male came by and Savage. "Ron Brurkholder, the other The ÜBG Spirit Cup was desecrated by person(s) unknown and left in the Atrium last Friday. placed a note on a cabinet in the team captain's reaction was, Centre and then left. A moment 'Bizarre'. " Another team member simulated game shows. Friendships "It's funny that they did this, no "It is nice to have the hardware later Lennartz picked up the note commented, "it was a good prank." and networking are keys to the one is pissed off. I am looking for- so that we can ensure that the which read, "Your U.B.G. Spirit Cup "For those unfamiliar with weekend. Spirit and enthusiasm go ward to bringing it back next year. I Laurier accomplishment is recog- is in the Atrium." U.8.G., the Spirit Cup is the pride of a long way to success. hope that next year's team thanks nized. When it comes to spirit, pride, Lennartz and Grieve went down the weekend. Each school strives to "For the first time in the six year the team who did this for being so good sportsmanship, and dignity, we to the Atrium to find the Spirit Cup show their school spirit and love for history of the Games, Lauder finally thoughtful to deliver it to us," smiled merely proved what our school

chained to one of the tables in the their school is the strongest. It stepped up to the plate and blew all Savage. "As Ron said to me, this community has always known — Atrium. After finding the Cup doesn't matter if you never win an the schools out of the water," means that a Spirit Cup reception Nothing beats Laurier Spirit!!!" said Lennartz and Grieve notified the athletic event or never excel in the explained Grieve. celebration is in the works." Grieve. Culture Shock

ERIC HENRY namely examining the culture of At two pounds, and with only a I aurier student. For instance, how coat hanger sculpture I picked up Cord News Commentary Laurier. I called it, "Tracking three foot antenna, the collars are so often is your casual individual, per- last year for my coffee table. The 1 thought that planning ahead was Laurier Students Through a Cultural light weight as to be unnoticeable. haps waltzing down to the food tags I constructed from anti-theft always a good idea. No such luck. I Environment." My proposal was to The tags are stapled through the ear court, distracted by the wonders of stain tags stolen from Eaton's. decided to submit a preliminary set up a duck blind in the Torque and feature a clearly marked identi- the Centre Spot? How long is a typi- Having all of this equipment in proposal for my thesis but it was Room. fication number. cal line at the Turret? Who spends place, my assistant and I rushed quickly rejected. I don't understand Using a tranquilizer gun, I'd put My thesis then consists of using a their entire day holed up in the com- down to the office of my thesis advi- why. My idea was original and inno- unsuspecting students to sleep. radio tracking unit to follow the puter lab? These are the questions I sor to demonstrate. Together, we vative. Then I would tag them, fit them tagged students. I want to explore wanted to answer. showed him how the dart gun was Basically I decided to extend the with radio collars and be gone how certain cultural institutions When 1 first thought this up I loaded and our plans for the duck study I do here in the Cord, which is before anybody suspected anything. impact on the movements of a was really excit- blind. ed. I even hired Unfortunately, a first year I'm a really bad anthropology shot and I nailed ICE Week winners student as a my thesis advi- research assis- sor in the leg tant. 1 obtained instead of my some old darts research assis- from my great- tant. I quickly uncle who and skillfully worked at a zoo reloaded and in the 193Q's. this time man- My assistant and aged to clip my I carefully assistant in the MORRISON poured the arm, but my the- cyanide mixture sis advisor was down the drain already out cold. CAROLYN and replaced it After with a non-lethal sedative. We the funerals, and being cleared by picked up a dart gun from the army the board of inquiry, I went about PHOTO: surplus store downtown (no ques- taking my idea around to the other tions asked). The tracking collars faculty in hope of support for my Congratulations to this term's win- had been studying the idea of con- The members of the winning team we constructed at home from used project. But all I encountered were ners of ICE Week. This year's con- necting residential smoke alarms to are Andrew Andreoli, Shauna car batteries and old radio transmit- closed minds and a lack of imagina- testants were required to analyze a their central dispatch, thereby mak- Wilton, Geoff Schnare, Derek ters. The tracking unit is a transis- tion. Nonetheless, I shall carry my proposal put forth by the Kitchener ing them instantly aware when one McClary, Judy Brossman and tor radio with about twelve feet of ideas ever further. One day, I'll find Fire Department. Chief Hancock is triggered. Deepak Kundra chicken wire attached to an abstract someone who will listen.

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theCord March 26,1997 3 (News)— Things to do, while going number two

STERLING LYNCH begun to sell their fine white walls STEPHEN J. WILLIAMS admits, "Boy, you're really popular Cord News Commentary off to the highest bidder. This is a Cord News Commentary when you are in graffiti." Basically, what we are talking about trend that I support. Some say the language is foul when we discuss bathroom graffitiis Rather than risk leaving that What is there to do when we are at and the content inappropriate. revenue. After all, as with all things space open to the wanton dominion our most vulnerable? Cuffed at the Granted, the people who carve their in life, revenue generation should be of free expression, it is better to por- ankles by our pants, we must find thoughts into the stalls door are the our first and foremost concern. Any tion these spaces off to our fine and something to do while we are indis- same people who carry around attempt to move the discourse con- responsible advertisers everywhere. posed. How is it we are to pass this Swiss Army knives but that doesn't cerning bathroom graffiti into any The next logical step is to move to a agonizing five to ten minutes of our mean their thoughts aren't impor- other avenue of debate, such as free state of complete advertising satura- lives? Some people come prepared tant. Their thoughts are no less valid expression and the liberty of the tion. And this, of course, means with a newspaper, magazine, or than those spouted by the likes of artist, is nothing more than a mis- bathroom stalls. Can you think of even a Gameßoy —don't laugh, I Trojan or Geo. Yet we accept the lat- guided attempt to dodge the true another time when advertisers will know someone who finished ter two in the washrooms in Wilfs concerns of this issue. Bathroom have such complete and focused MarioLand in one sitting. However, and the Turret. Personally, I would graffiti is not only responsible for the attention? There is not much else to just does not sell jeans. in emergency situations we don't rather read a clever poem scratched loss of dollars because of clean up do but be told what to buy when we So what does this mean for the always have time to grab literature. by a flowering thespian than one of costs, but most importantly, it means are fixed firmly to the seat of a fine, world at large? Less revenue gener- In these conditions we would be lost those misplaced highway billboards. the loss of potential revenue: the pearl white toilette, paying the price ated. And that, my responsible con- without the toilet stall scribe. And let's not forget one of the finest revenue of all. for yesterday's bean burrito sumer, is a sin even greater than The stall door is a source of info- truly positive things that result from When some would-be toilet dis- (shouldn't have made that run for atheism. So, no matter what case is tainment unparalleled by any super- washroom graffiti. Apparently, it's penser philosopher attempts to the border). made for bathroom graffiti, I am market tabloid. It gives the writer the source for Fox's 90210- prophesize his agenda for the new A case in point is the sheer plea- firmly opposed to it. Properly con- the greatest power —unlike this arti- crossover-made-for-TV-prime-time-

world order (i.e. Chicks Rule! or sure I receive each week staring at sidered, bathroom graffiti appears cle — anonymity. After all, slander drama scripts. Farts smell bad!) he commits an act fashion ads while enjoying a good before the naked eye as it really is: a thrives on anonymity —a quality But most importantly, it acts as a of violence against every member of hard pee at Wilfs and the Turret. hindrance to the generation of nurtured in this environment. It is network for single people. After society. All walls, particularly Unfortunately, bathroom graffiti is a potential revenue dollars; and that, the only place we can get the true unsuccessfully trying late night "1- Student Union walls, should be pre- hindrance to this zenith of bathroom my dear consumers, is wrong. Any dirt on someone. 900" services—whose numbers served for legitimate and responsi- advertising. What sort of advertiser action, institution, or policy, that Sometimes our most inspira- spell out cheeky words such as

ble advertisers. Those fine, clean would like to be associated with the threatens the potential for revenue tional thoughts come when we are WETT and HOTT— that promise spaces, so much like a fine canvass, rude musings of a bored and consti- is a disease eroding away at the in this compromising position. A one-on-one, discreet meetings, with should be maintained in pristine pated scribe? Vivid accounts of insides of society. In the end though I quiet washroom... presumably by live women (and men), where else condition for those worthy few who bowel movements are not going to have little to fear and I can just wait ourselves in the stall. We are alone can a desperate single person find can afford to purchase the space. I mesh well with Guess corporate things out because what is right is with our thoughts. Case in point, the refuge? noticed that the Union has finally image. As potentially erotic as the right and it is now in the hands of "I stink, therefore I am." quotation There is no strung-out host come to their senses and have image of Claudia taking a dump is, it God. found in the Student Union screaming at us to call the number Building's washroom. Perhaps, insti- on the screen, only the peaceful tutions should install pens and paper sound of water flowing as we read in each stall. When figuring in custo- someone else's vitals (ie. measure- "Build a Career in dial costs such as cleaning and ments, pet names). replacement, this would prove to be To conclude, it is interesting to a money saving tactic in the long contrast what can be found in the the Growing field run. women's bathrooms compared to £ At some point, everyone has the men's. Women tend to use the j of Mental Health" derived pleasure from the disen- available space on the stall door to chanted scribbling of a toilet bard. express there inner-most feelings. Even Dean Nichols has his favourite. Or perhaps, there is a hidden agen- Adler School of Professional Psychology One clever WLU'er wrote, "Mickey da behind, 'heart' Maybe Mouse wears a "Dean Nichols" the writer is declaring ownership a accredited offers: fully school, watch." Where else can we get such while suggesting to others who read biting social commentary? Deano her note, "hands off." • A Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology

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• Continuous Entry For more information contact: Adler School of Professional Psychology Bag 161 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 401 O' Crime Toronto, Ontario M4P IJS Phone: (416) 480-2303 http://www.faircs.com/adler e-mail: [email protected] Theft Under $5000.00 Mischief Under $5000.00 23 Feb 97-01 Mar 97 0145 - 0210 Hrs. Fri 21 Mar 97 Performance Facilities staffreported A WLU student was found to be that a "Digital Audio Recorder" had responsible for breaking a glass been stolen. The matter is under panel in the doors on the south side TEAM LAUPIEP, investigation. of the Alvin Woods Building. The Suspicious Persons matter is being forwarded to the 2145 Hrs. Thu 13 Mar 97 DAC. SPIRIT CUP CHAMPIONS A WLU student reported that she Stolen Property Returned was approached and asked direc- 1600 Hrs. Fri 27 Mar 97 Would Like To Thank tions by 3 males wearing ski masks A trophy, The Undergraduate in a late model blue tone car. No Business Games Spirit Cup, which threatening remarks or gestures was won by a group of Laurier stu- were made by them. Waterloo dents at Concordia University this Regional Police were advised. past January, and later stolen, was pizza Mischief Under $5000 returned to WLU by an unknown 2311 Hrs. Mon 17 Mar 97 person. It was located in the Atrium A window in the rear stairwell ofthe at tlie Peters Building mid was filled 'pizza Student Union Building was found and decorated with various chicken broken. The responsible party will and fish parts. be dealt withby the DAC. Fire Alarm Response Sponsorship Mischief Under $5000.00 1254 Hrs. Sun 23 Mar 97 For Their at the 2350 Hrs. Fri 27 Mar 97 The duty officer responded to a fire A WLU student broke a window in alarm at the MacDonald House 2nd the lounge area connecting A & B floor lounge which had been activat- H97 UNDEBGBAtUAH BUSINESS GAMES wings of Little House. The matter ed by smoke from someone cooking willbe dealt with bv the DAC. hamburgers. No fire was detected.

4 March 26,1997 theCord -{News) Like it was yesterday... Dean Nichols reflects on his past thirty-five years atLaurier MELANIE SEAL now what they're doing to me. no chance for them. Many times a career, whether it be for getting into for allowing them to accomplish Cord News They're making me so dog gone student will come in who's not doing an altercation in the pubs, or dam- what they want to accomplish. I

Cord: What drew you to Laurier ini- special ... it's not embarrassing, it's well in school... I think when some- aging something, they have to see think that's the great thing about tially, and what about Laurier first respectful, but I get very nervous one feels they're most in despair, I me. But they're a minority of people being in the building with the stu- appealed to you? about it... Every time 1 do something try to ask them, "is this a life threat- who see me. They will, after, when dents. Nichols: That is so easy. I was in my for somebody they are so respectful, ening thing?" Having been in life they see me, they turn and walk Cord: So what will be the hardest graduate school, and I was closing they go out of their way to thank threatening situations in my life, it's away, and I won't let them, 1 grab thing about leaving Laurier? up my graduate studies at the you. easy to compare what somebody them. And I'll say, "Look I don't even Nichols: Leaving. The hardest University of West Virginia, and I Cord: What do you think it is that remember why I met you, but thing... I don't want to go. I really was applying for every job I could draws Laurier students to you? you're walking away from me, and don't want to go. I'm so afraid that see at any place in the world. And I Nichols: I think it's tire fatherly, gray don't do that." We usually become I've lived so much of my life with picked up this one magazine and I hair friendliness. I think a lot of it is friends, no matter what the alterca- young people, and knowing their saw this ad at Waterloo University referrals of fathers, uncles, aunts - tion is... My greatest joy is making needs, and knowing their concerns, College "Director of Student so much of "you've got to go see other people feel good about them- and appreciating that they can do Activities and Placement Services." I Deano, you've got to go meet Dean selves. Now my wife has been a big something stupid in the life, and not applied, and I didn't expect answers Nichols, and let him know who you part of that too. be bad people. I think they do as from very many places. About three are." I think it's the trust that's been Cord: Do you have any concerns for much for me as I do for them, in days later I got a telephone call from developed from student to other stu- laurier students of the future? terms of maintaining health, and a the then Dean of Students, and he dent, "he's okay to talk to, he's hon- Nichols: We'll grow. I think laurier good mind, and where many people said, "sir, we've got your application, est, trustworthy... Yeah, go see the will grow. I'm not sure if one day are afraid of university or college have you ever been to Canada?" Dean he can probably fix most "My greatest joy we're not one major university, the students, because of what they read and 1 said, "No." "Have you ever things." When I was hired, Dr. two together, Waterloo and Laurier, in the paper, I find it to be the most been to Niagara Falls?" "No." "Well Malome, who hired me, called me is making with colleges. It is a concern, I think, comfortable, safest thing in the why don't you and your wife, we into his office, and said, "look, I don't because spirit wise, we're probably world. I think leaving is the worst noticed you're married, why don't care what you do, in your first year other people as strong as anywhere in the coun- part about leaving. you and your wife come up to of employment at this office, you are try... Funding is going to be a big Cord: Do plan on remaining active Niagara Falls, stop and spend a day the person that is going to going to feelgood concern for students, but they're at Laurier? or two there, come on over to develop trust with fire students. The going to make it. I think students Nichols: I've been asked to help Waterloo, talk to us, and we'll pay students have to have somebo, dy, about themselves." have been too consistent in the time with the development office in their the bills." 1 was ecstatic - a honey- some person that they always know that I've been here, that I can't see fundraising, and I know it's because moon. So, Marlene and I, we did... that they can go to and trust. And many changes. Only more of them. I have a lot of contact with students People talk about almost heaven that's you. Do whatever it takes, in may be going through and compare We're an extremely conservative of the past, and as a matter of fact, West Virginia, well, this was almost your first year here, to do that." I've it to something like that. And I think campus. the university is sending Marlene heaven for me. I totally fell in love never had better advice in my life... I a student realizes that because you We're an extremely happy cam- and me on a cross country Ma Rail with the place... The place was was glad I was going to work with can't stay in Honours Business and pus. Our students over the years, trip. beautiful, the landscaping, the gar- young people, I never looked back, Economics it's not the end of the while other students were fighting They're sending us right to the dening, the building, the land, it was and I loved it. world. Although they might think it for representation, we already had West Coast, and they're arranging just like a dream. This was just a Cord: What do you remember most at the time, they have done their cal- it. Students don't have to fight for receptions in all the major cities dream. about the student governments, and culus, they think they're unsuccess- that here, because the University with each alumni chapter. And I Cord: Do you see a big difference is there a leader who stands out the ful, they've just hurt their chances Administration respects them asked them, am I to take pledge between the students of today, and most in your mind? and disappointed their parents... It's enough to involve them, both in cards with me? "N0... If we say it's a thirty-five years ago? Nichols: You know, I think each of comforting to them to let them leave decision making and committees. fundraising event, people won't Nichols: Not in terms of caring. them was a leader in their own way. the office feeling better about them- Cord: Do you think you've had a show up at these receptions. It's sim- There's something wonderful, and I Each of them came with something selves. That's what I try to do most large role in that? ply to honour you." used to tell people from where I had in their own mind something they of a 11... and friendships develop. The Nichols: No. Not other than opening Cord: So now the University is hon- come that the difference between would like to do. Certainly my first thing most students notice is getting doors for them to allow them to ouring you as well. Americans and Canadians is that one, Archie MacLean, president into a little bit of trouble in their know their- strengths and processes Nichols: Yeah. Isn't that something? young people can debate, and 1962-1963, we're still close. We scream and yell at each other and phone each other, we talk. He's so still be friends, and it was fighting supportive of me and my wife... But words where I left. Here, people just he was ornery as a president too. B^^^jeyevievv kind of say the things that they Archie, he won't like me telling think. I have quite a few friends this, but he had a bag of manure I™™" from when I first came who I still that he put on Dr. Malome's porch, | see, who 1 see as students, and we and set fire to it, but he didn'trealize still have the same fun and crazy that he put too much gasoline on it. Fbu)lf Ruph Lauren GI0R(;I() armani relationships. porch caught on fire, and he Calvin Klein The KIKWK\K eyewear OCCHIAII I don't see a whole lot of differ- had to call a fire truck. He never did •We Beat All Competitors Prices i* JUff - ence, I see the students of today let it be known that he did that. •Pay No GST/PST on Glasses Ejjs&gß 4M»51 akwse y»r face, stronger academically, at least That's something that he and share Bu '' ar- or I and Contact Lenses m « aMIP B the academic standards when we « have get together. •Repairs While You Wait AU|JUS changed drastically, because when 1 And Joel, Joel, this guy now. •Also Available: first came here we were begging for Wow. 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•Virtually Unbreakable , five, and now look where we are. tion ... there's no politics. Politics are I M But, personality, caring, niceness, brought to him by other people, the politeness, respect, somehow the only way that he will deal with j" Hew Arrival oTlh« "IT DAILY WiJUt "■ with Canadian young people them. He's not political U system a person, is consistent in that way. even though he's a political science j FENDI Line Son (OKIMIS | Cord: Over the past thirty-five years, major, he believes the Students' 11 what about students has surprised Union is a multimillion dollar busi- H 11 i jlrj^ you the most? What have they done ness... and has made marvelous ======:=== that's surprised you? strides in organizing both personnel, PAIRS: r n! 2 I V ' Nichols: Probably what they're staff, and an agenda. Single Vision i j I j|py doing now. 1 think my creed has I remember the faces of all of [ Eye Glasses always been ... that everybody is them... They each have an agenda, I j[ AVA [l 7 1 somebody special to somebody... remember them all well, and if I Complete with frame from our | * and Billy Ballard said this about me, someone names a name I remem- 2 for I Designer Frames! tree selection ■ I #11!'1 "damn you Nichols, you always find ber something very special about 1 I the best in people." them. ! !! !! $ 00 1 But, that's what I strive for. Cord: What's the most important $69 , 40 off Because some people can get very thing you think you've done for down on themselves, and if you can Laurier students as their Dean of pick out something very nice about Students? 90 WEBER ST. N. Waterloo (Lincoln Plaza) 370 HIGHLAND ROAD w (Food Basics Plaza ) them, or very special about them, Nichols: Probably being there for 570-0009 then you make them special... I'm a. them, when they don't know where 725-2122 H23]njwTTT!M Mon,Tues,Wed,Fri.9-7,Thurs.9-B,Sat.lo-5 Mon,Wed.9-B,Tues,Thurs,Fri.9-9,5at.10-5 bit overwhelmed that the whole else to go, or they think they're at thing that I've lived by to others is the end of the road, and there's just We accept most major vision care plans plus all forms of social service and DVA benefits.

theCord March 26, 1997 5 (News) Channel Zero

"feel free to catch a few Neural Networks and artificial intel- "If there is any hope for humani- Hirsch, in access." md spread them." ligence. Right now that means ty," said "it's Hirsch's talk was meteorological analyses. Access to the technology, to the oart X-Files, part But the same technology that information. "Our system is based \dbusters, and a large can figure out how a warm front on keeping you out... This is a soci- oart indoctrination. can shape a storm halfway across ety of total visibility: everything you 4e painted a bleak the world could easily be applied to do is traced. There is no privacy." If \iture of cultural forecasting how other complex, there is no privacy, concluded lomination by mar- chaotic systems could behave - such Hirsch, why keep you out? ceting forces, and a as humans. Hirsch ended his presentation vorld where the The elite will know what you are with a call to action. One of his NCB included fewer going to do before you do it. There cohorts in the audience asked uid fewer people. will be voting, but it will onfy be a Hirsch about creating a community. 'The Internet is placebo, Hirsch stated. Voters will Hirsch told the audience to draw changing things. have been so heavily influenced people together. Why? o,^ things more for prior to the vote, that the outcome "Everywhere in the world I have a It's changing his ISP those in the upper levels" he said. will be decided prior to voting. friend," he stated, "someone who's wol I can sleep on." More impor- to create an internation- Lower level dwellers will be hard Falling back on the Chaos Theory floor though, if you surround your- al network of Anarchist organiza- pressed to notice anything. cliche we all remember from tantly radical people, radical tions. Hirsch became fascinated by He warned the audience that Jurassic Park, "They'll know where self with to place butterfly to create the things happen. Just have a meeting Hirsch came to how quickly influential communities most of the money from Research the Jesse and see. WLU to spread his could be formed using this new and Development is going into hurricane." message of "the technology. ascending mind" His network (if you can really claim an Anarchist network belongs ANDREW WHITE to anyone) tied together diverse Cord News organizations that had no knowl- Jesse Hirsch is an admitted product edge of each other's existence. of the Atari 2600. He doesn't believe Suddenly, small events, like the in how the world works because arrest of a few Anarchists by a I2 FOR1! when everyone else was being small-town Sheriff, became media ' -'Mm j Glasses or Contacts indoctrinated by television news, he events. J Buy a complete pair of glasses or contact lenses at regular was held enthralled by being able to After his involvement with run- " price and get a second pair FREE! Ask about our mix and . , ' I "make the little man jump on the ning his own ISP, Hirsch spent some Bp:' jvm match combination of contact lenses and glasses. screen." time at Channel Zero, a media-criti- Complete details in store. Expires Apr. 13/97 Hirsch is a man profoundly cal organization which is starting to affected by the technology that sur- meet with some fame. He left after rounds us every day. In his teens, he becoming frustrated by Channel was arrested on suspicions of illegal- Zero's vertical organizational struc- ly entering a computer system. ture, and helped found The Media Bp#>' «We beat any competitor's at of While being held in jail, he had a Collective. , p coupons tiem purchase. ■Kyi W f/1( . Details in store. vision of a wave rising behind him. It was in his capacity as Media The wave was "the ascending Collective adherent that he came to mind," a collective consciousness, Wilfrid Laurier University. His pre- ■ T and this ascending mind was the sentation to David Blacks CS 300 ■M [j}i j A i [(^lfflliiiiflltl global information network. class opened with him telling the We accept all insurance • Blue Cross • Green Shield • Ministry of Community & Social Services, and Welfare Canada »DVA Hirsch rode that wave for years, audience that he would be first organizing a Toronto-based "unleashing a number of viruses Internet service provider, then using and memes," and that we should

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Editorial United we stand... It's obvious that Mike Harris and the "honourable" Minister of Education John Snobelen are laughing. In attacking their opponent, the post secondary education system, they have used the oldest military strategy in the book: divide and conquer. the Cord Evidence of this is obvious. All you have to do is look. WEEKLY It's a battle of David and Goliath at the university level. Small universities struggle to keep their heads above water, and current recommendations to the Ministry of Education challenge their existence. Larger institutions like since 1926" "The tie that binds the University of Toronto refuse to quarrel about issues like deregulation, because the policies benefit them. Organizations like the Council of Ontario Universities (created to be the unanimous voice of Ontario universities) can't agree on press releases. It seems likely that they spend the majority of their meetings discussing the implica- jWUJSP^ tions on each university, rather than on the system as a whole. Students protest tuition hikes at Ryerson, Mac, York, Toronto and Guelph (I'm sure I've missed some). It's clear A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication that tuition hikes hurt those who can least afford to pay more money into the system, and it's obvious that this is extremely unfair to those who are wage-earners for only four months of the year. The ministry's ignorance in its 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 funding to universities has successfully turned its students against university administrations. The need for the dol- (519) 884-1970 ext. 3564 lar has only lengthened the gap between the "haves" and the "have-nots", creating a greater sense of "us and (519) Fax: 884-7723 them". Students don't feel that university executives can understand what it's like to eat Kraft Dinner three nights a Advertising: (519) 884-1970 ext. 3566 week. "Wow. That's salty. Protesting in the President's Office, however, is not only dated but ineffective. The birthplace of many University I can feel my heart grinding to a halt. budgets is in the Finance office, not the head ofAdministration. Why should Snobelen, university administration or Maybe we should add more popcorn, to balance it out." the media for that matter respect the opinions of whiny, fist-waving students? If you act like children, you will be treated like children. Really, a "sit-in" (a glorified pizza party if you ask me) accomplishes nothing. University bud-

-Mike Vencel gets are created as a response to government funding. Again - the same enemy. commenting on Paul McLean's culinary popcorn skills York's professors are no better. By striking at such a crucial point in the year (pending exams and graduation for many), and asking for wage increases and better pension plans, York's profs are getting no respect from stu- Editorial Board dents and the public. The clash with university administration is obvious, and only a few part time instructors are to at faculty Editor-in-Chief Melanie Seal displaying the courage to defy the union and continue teach classes. Students are angry who stand in an News Editor Tom Ilrubes the way of obtaining their degree, and the faculty blames administration for not coming to agreement. It's like Associate News Editor Lori Dysievick any argument between two six year olds, no easier to solve than the "chicken and the egg" debate. Entertainment Editor Aaron Hunter Even at Laurier, there is dissension in the ranks. At a recent University Senate meeting, a faculty member ques- Assistant Entertainment Editor Robin Whittaker tioned the administration's involvement in corporately funded organizations and committees. The venom flowed as Sports Editor Greg Chownyk one Senate member said, "those corporations pay your salary." Assistant Sports Editor Jim Donnelly This is not just a naive cry. ("why can't we just get along?") In fact, this has been observed by many. You are Features Editor Ann-Marie Smith never a worthy opponent ifyou can not organize your own forces. It's basic warfare, really. If you take a look at all Life Editor Ann Iluskinson the time and energy that is being devoted to needless quarreling in universities, you'd see that it is wasted time. Production Manager Mike Vencel Imagine the stronger offense post secondary institutions would be if all their infrastructures united together with a common direction and goal. Cord Staff Post secondary institutions are sick. The disease they are dying of is poor government funding and public apa- Production Assistants Sarah Hollands thy. If all of this energy we use to quarrel amongst ourselves was directed at the major cause of this illness, the Colleen Nicholson government, perhaps post secondary institutions would get off the life support system, and on the road to recovery. Mike Caesar Editorial by Melanie Seal, Editor-in-Chief Tina Tarn The opinions expressedin this editorial are thoseof the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of the Cord Staff, the Classified Coordinator Patricia Lancia editorial board or WilfridLaurier University Student Publications. Copy Editors Megan Atkinson Mary Ellen Lee International Coordinator Katherine Harding Student Publications Staff LETTER Photo Manager Marion Hensel Photo Technicans Steve Williams toEditor the Joanne Spadafora running etc. ious to fix up my resume using all Art Director Jeremy Kerr University Place not The "rodent infestation" problem the helpful tips I got from Career Systems Administrator John Maljkovich that bad indicated as a "main source of con- Services. Well, I should have learned On - Line Editor Andrew White Dear Editor, cern" in the article is news to most my lesson when I got stuck going Advertising Manager Robert Norris As members of the University Place of us here. We have yet to discover into the parking lot. I thought to Ad Sales Representees Nolin LeChasseur House Council, and residents of the the source or location of this "infes- myself, what am I going to do now? Rebecca Shropshire building, we would like to respond tation". I was in a hurry to pick up my sister Ad Production Manager Dannielle Chartrand to the article entitled, "WLU's new The article creates the illusion of and knew she would be upset with Ad Production Assistant Megan Barnard Alternative Accommodation" by unbearable living conditions and my chronic lateness lately. While Sandra Cunha Stephen Williams. The article this simply is not the case. We doubt standing outside behind my car, a Gregory English appears in the March sth edition of the first year students that are to Laurier student generously offered Andrew Warrack the The Cord. We feel that Williams become University Place residents to help me push my car. Well you Atheletic Advertising Manager Pete Robinson unfairly creates the illusion that next year, will be dodging rodents in know how heavy my four door car Administration there are unbearable living condi- the hallway, suffering from is, we couldn't even get it to budge. tions in the building. The article pre- hypothermia due to lack of hot It really must have been my lucky Legault President Laurie sents an outsiders perspective; we'd water or fearing for their lives. day because three other Laurier stu- VP of Finance Kevin MacDonald like to clarify some of the miscon- Chances are, like any situation, their dents came to help me. However, we VP of Operations David Janzen ceptions from an insider's perspec- experiences here will be what they had no luck and they left. I was Public Relation Manager Michelle Love tive. make of them. helpless and getting kind of irritated Board of Directors Shayne Lidkea One of the most disturbing points University Place House Council by now. Finally, along came another Beth Costelec Jen Clarke the article was Laurier was very Christine Gergich Ryan Lock made the murder student who kind which in summer of to his muscles. Two other Domenico Magisano occurred the Laurier students save offer stu- 1996. This incident had no connec- the snow-bound dents who were also walking along tion to Laurier Dear St., to and we The Cord will not print anything that is racist, sexist, or homophobic in nature, as deemed by the staff as a voting Wilfrid University, Editor King stopped off help body. The Cord will not print anything in violation of its Code of Ethics, outlined in The Cord Constitution. Cord and therefore is irrelevant to the It happened on that cold, snowy finally got the car rolling and out of subscription rates are $20.00 per term for addresses within Canada. The Cord is printed by CanWeb Printing. All arrangement commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarilyreflect that of the Cord staff, the editorial in place for first year Friday morning at 9.40 am. I was on the spot! board, or WLU Publications. students, but the incident occurred my way to Career Services, already My point for writing this story? 1 during the summer when the build- late for the seminar. I was rushed was watching the news last night Staff: "Production" Paul McLean, Lynn Pauli, Erin Keating, Mike McKenna, ing population generally 0.k., Eric Henry, Sterling Lynch, Randy Waechter, Thorn Ryan, Caesar Martini, is less con- and 1 wasn't thinking. 1 had and saw many cars stuck in the Cheryl Spencer. trolled and tenancy is sparse. The faith in my four do, huge family size deep snow. Even though I got stuck Contributors: Lucy (built for power and speed), Brenda Grieve, Carolyn mere mention of such an incident Oldsmobile. I drove into the parking too, i was glad that I got stuck at a Morrison, David Duchovny, Andrew White, Phineas Gage, Tina's fab-u-lous causes an unjust state of alarm and lot and guess what? - yes, I got spot where my peers were so gener- cake, Stacey Morrison, Catherine Trainor, automated commercial airplanes, therefore, drawing attention to this stuck. 1 was already late for the ous and willing to help. It's great to Maiy Kate Sullivan, Lindsay, Scott Stevens, Jon Forbes, a terrible chocolate event was unnecessary. seminar and thought a few more be reminded that I'm at a school high, Schmidt, an even worse chocolate crash, Brad Miller, Peter Guy As for the lack of hot water, but minutes wouldn't hurt. I was lucky where we care about each other. Lapainge, Craig Hynds, Darren Winfield, a truly incredible production team (gag!). The Cord is a strong believer in vacations. There's nothing better than the landlord was quick to respond to that two guys, who looked like Susan Chen the feeling of sand between your toes, the sound of the surf in your ears, the complaints and has had hot water Laurier students, were walking by suntan lotion under your fingernails, and your bathing suit up your butt. Ah... tanks replaced. Generally though, and generously offered to push. It prof- summer vacation. The Cord hopes all its readers will have a safe and this is an issue that most of us feel is didn't take long for my car to budge, for not will tuition cost more in September, but you'll itable summer, only easily solve with a little compromise fortunately have to buy all those nifty clothes for your first week back. You'll have to buy these men had their at to among roommates. Like any other spinach that morning. Well Cord drinks for that long friend the Turret. You'll have buy hundreds (lit- every- The lost y»«sr wws:® erally for English majors) of never-to-be-read-again books from a bookstore housebuilding, its best if you don't thing was going well and I got out of with a frightening monopoly. Oh yeah, you'll have to buy heat. And food. And flush the toilet while the shower is Career Services by 10.45.1 was anx- phone. And cable. And... Have a nice summer. 8 March 26,1997 theCord -(Opinion) ConsumerProtection LYDIA POWELL responses to almost any question However, if the manufacturer does Cord Opinion you may ask, and any opposition not provide a positive response, or a There is no escaping advertising, it you may throw at them. manufacturer can not be contacted Congratulations surrounds us. How do we resist the For all you people with cars, to deal with your concern, there are temptation to go out and buy the BEWARE! Did you know that some certain organizations you can rely newest item on the market that service station swindlers like on. government can the people destined to take could be a real lemon, or know Slickster Sam will drop an Alka Each level ofthe The when salespeople are pulling a fast Seltzer in your battery to make it help the consumer in some way. heat for the Cord next year are: Call the one on us? bubble so you think that you need a Canada-Ontario Business One ofmy most feared persons is new $90 battery. Center provides coverage under fed- Persistent Pat, the door-to-door Companies have a legal obliga- eral legislative acts such as food and salesperson. Now I am confident tion to ensure that all of their prod- drugs, hazardous products and con- Our Katherine Harding that most of you, especially the ucts are safe and meet a certain sumer packaging and labeling. Editor-in-Chief ladies, have been approached by standard for consumer use. What provincial government deals with someone selling a deal on a beauty happens when they don't, and the Consumer Protection Act that is package. 1 am also confident that where can you go for help on con- administered by the Consumer more than half of you, which sumer protection? Services Bureau of the Ontario Robin Whittaker includes me, bought this special First you should contact the Ministry of Consumer and Managing Editor package. The package seemed like a manufacturer of the product and Commercial Relations. This act great deal, but after 1 thought about raise your complaint with the con- deals with false advertising and the it, did I really want a herbal head sumer relations department. In "cooling off" period that states that a massage? Door-to-door salespeople most cases they will remedy the sit- consumer can break their contract are tricky because when they knock uation by sending you a new prod- within two working days after the on your door they are prepared for uct. Sometimes they will send a contract has been signed when they battle and they know that you're company representative to your made the purchase on credit in an not! This gives them the advantage home to inspect the damaged goods atmosphere other than the actual fair. because they have rehearsed the and give you free replacements. place of business, for example a

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theCord March 26,1997 9 STUDENT LIFE What's in your summer stars

CHERYL SPENCER the ladder of life. Your luckiest time parties to rest. Your love life will late May. Grasp it, it will be worth mer will be one of change; your Cord Student Life will be late June. The moon on the have some zest this summer. When it. You will meet a new friend in whole life will take on new meaning 21st of July will bring out the animal you do watersports, watch your your travels in July - lucky times will and depth. The past will be left in CXO AWES in you. back, it will give out on you. Even begin then. the past if you allow it to. Y (March 21-April 20) though you feel a nervous break- Remember that time heals most wounds. The s CANCER down coming on, it's all in your job that you You have set some goals for yourself Q (June 21-July 20) head. Your greatest luck will be 4T] SCORPIO deservewill add experience that will this summer and most of them will found in early May. ■ ■ U (0ct.23-N0v.22) help you when you graduate. Mid- come to be a reality. Your dedica- It will be a great summer - way bet- May will bring luck your way. tion to family life will prove worth- ter than the last. Your new friends Your love life picks up fairly quickly while over the next few months. A will serve as a source of strength PHOTO and you will have more than you past love will re-enter your life over and inspiration to you. Travelling in FILE can handle. Do not betray someone AQUARIUS the summer. Your job in July will July is in your future, but beware of or they will get you back. A surprise (Jan.2o-Feh.lB) prove to be most stressful. Your driving because an accident may at the beginning of June will change strength will get you through that occur. Your work with a young per- your life forever. Do not be afraid of Your job this summer may prove to rough period from the 15th to 23rd. son will prove beneficial for you. this surprise, embrace it. Your nur- be tedious at first, but you will be Your lucky month is August. Spending time with the family turing nature will be needed a lot rewarded. A summer to yourself before venturing off in life is a good this summer. Your lucky month will will prove beneficial as the end of has to be ( A TAURUS idea. Late July is the luckiest time begin when a stranger rewards you the year proven rather \j-y/ (April 21 -May 20) for you. for your hard work. stressful and hard for you. A mys- tery man/woman will appear near That job you wanted will come t/j LEO -4 SAGITTARIUS mid-July and will catch you off through so do not worry. A new (j (July 21-Aug.2l) (N0v.23-Dec.2o) guard. Remember the past in this love will enter your life even though case and do what is right. An old you don't know it; it is a friend who Worries, worries and more worries! Remember that use of illegal sub- friend will call you in early August - secretly admires you. Your dedica- Stop stressing, your financial trou- stances kills brain cells. You will this coincides with your lucky peri- tion to finishing school will pay off. bles are self-inflicted but a solution have a blast of this summer. Even od. Family troubles will occur closer is coming near the month of June. though that job is a bit of a doozy, towards June but will end by early Your motivating self will help a fami- you will get through it. Save that \/ PISCES July. Easing up on your stubborn- ly member in need. Ambitious Leo money as this is not a strength of (Feb.l9-March 20) ness will help the situation. Your will have a summer full of chal- yours. You will need the cash come lucky month is May. lenges -remember that honesty will September. Your mother needs you Pisces will have a rather emotional help you overcome them. Take LIBRA this summer, extend a helping hand. summer but will grow and learn GEMINI more time for yourself, not your love (Sept.23-0ct.22) That old roommate will call in May, from the experience. Your love life (May 21-June 20) life. Luck is coming your way near most likely regarding money. Your is the greatest example of every- X the end ofApril - seize the day! We know Libra has been worried lucky time will be near the end of thing happening for a reason. Your Wow twin! You really have been about a summer job lately - your August. family needs your support this sum- acting like two different people late- charm will help you in this case. A mer in a major decision that will ly. Ease that tension in the house- ftp VIRGO female will approach you in May in "V* CAPRICORN affect your lives. Your travels in hold by extending your warmth. I(Aug.22-Sept.22)1(Aug.22-Sept.22) need of your assistance - it is your JQ (Dec.2l-Jan.l9) nature will prove to be tranquil. A That special job you wanted will duty to help her. Remember to use spiritual encounter will come to you come through for you. A loved one Beware of co-workers who try to that balance of yours when it comes You've been under a lot of pressure near the end of June. Luck is head- will surprise you on your birthday. betray you. Forgiveness is a giftthat to arguments amongst friends. A lately which is nothing that strong ed your way mid-August. Be kind and you will move far up is rare but when given brings all grand opportunity comes to you in Capricorn can't handle. This sum- Sick of being discriminated against

LINDSAY the library (I had to, that's where my very bothered. I have a disease called cysti- the tears. Cord Student Life English class was). This may sound I'm sure many of you have nosis. It's nothing to worry about - So if you ever see me at the It's hard to believe that the school like the life of a typical university noticed me, I'm not too hard to miss. no one will catch it and no one will Turret or Wilfs or in a crowded hall- year is almost over. What's even student, but typical does not I'm the one who looks totally out of shrink because of it. I've always way, just say hi. I'll try to keep my harder to believe is that I survived describe me. place at a university. I hear the been short; people like me just don't head away from your elbows, my first year and I still love this place. Let's go way back to Frosh Week. snickers and I see the pointing. It's grow. ears away from your cigarettes, and Throughout the last few months, We were all scared, nervous and been happening for years and I I still like to have fun like every- my face away from your backpacks, I've made it to most of my classes, intimidated. Laurier was a new should expect it, but I hate it and I'll one else, I still get stressed like if you promise to do the same. I still enjoyed numerous boxes of Kraft place with strange people, but never get used to it. everyone else, and I still have feel- love it here and the people are dinner, lived on little sleep (thanks to nobody let it bother them because I've been called a kid genius, and ings like everyone else. great, but ifyou see me and feel like the euchre-crazed guys across the the entire frosh group was experi- I've been directed to the local nurs- I'm tired of leaving bars early laughing, come laugh with me, not hall), experienced fun-filled nights at encing the same feelings. That ery school, but guess what? I'm because someone's remark ruined at me. the Turret (followed by not so fun week I let all the remarks about me twenty. I would love to be taller but my night, and I hate pretending I'm mornings), and even ventured into slide, but since then I've become that's never going to happen. fine when I'm really holding back OutSpoken BudgetStudentMenu Cheese & Rice Bake LYNN PAULI THOM RYAN Union. Throughout the year, mem- Canada. Perhaps at that time, that Cord Student Life CordStudent Life bers of GLOBAL raised some issues was a legitimate claim. Today, how- about internal division, and for the ever, I would like to make a different 2 cups cookedrice This is the last OutSpoken column of most part, grew and accepted con- kind of claim. Laurier has come 3 cups shreddedcarrots Combine rice, carrots, 1 the year. It's been a good year for flict and arrived at a better under- several steps closer to recognizing 2 cups grated cheddar 172 cups of the shredded GLOBAL - our membership roster is standing of these divisions. Often, and accepting the individual identi- cheese cheese, milk, eggs, onion, the largest it's ever been. We university students go through the ties of students, by lending support 1/2cup milk seasonings ana mush- became internet friendly, reaching emotional and personal stresses of and a positive attitude towards gay rooms. Pour into a as far as the East Coast to people coming out to themselves and oth- issues. Much more needs to be 2 tosp. chopped onion greased 9" square bak- coming to Laurier next year. GLOB- ers as gay, lesbian or bisexual, and done but concrete change and a 1 l/2ftsp.salt ing dish. Top with toma- AL rallied support through this col- I'd like to think that GLOBAL has shift in personal views often takes 1/4tsp. pepper to slices and sprinkle umn, through association with the helped many "out" in that respect. time. I'd like to think that GLOBAL 1/2cup sliced mushrooms with the remaining Equality Awareness Committee, and Some time ago, an article in will be there when that change 6 thick tomato slices cheese. Bake at 350 F through general support from the Maclean's claimed that Laurier was comes to bear. for 1 hour. Serves 6. student body and the Students' the most homophobic university in

10 March 26,1997 theCord {Student Life) The annual trek home STACEY MORRISON AND Laurier and Friday nights at the fights with your annoying younger (which can be neglected at school nice to get re-acquainted with old CATHERINE TRAINOR TUrret but enough is enough. siblings, and the standard "As long for long periods of time) is a com- friends from home. Cord Student Life Are things really changing for as your living under ourr00f..." forting yet frustrating experience. As the school year winds down, March Madness at Laurier is thank- the better? After living on our own The transition from university Although we will miss the social exam stress is replaced with the fully coming to an end. The papers for the year, enjoying our freedom and life in Waterloo to living at aspect of university for four months, worries of finding a summer job. and assignments which have held and independence, going home to home in the summer can seem like it is refreshing to see familiar faces Moving home for the summer is an us all captive in our rooms are live with the folks can seem just as a culture shock. After staying up to which may have been neglected opportunity to catch up on your almost finished and we can soon stressful and scary as facing five all hours of the morning on any during the school year. New univer- sleep, eat something besides have social lives again. With final exams in three days. Moving home given night of the week or deciding sity friends and roommates whom Dominos pizza and relax. By the exams approaching, who can help means home-cooked meals, being on the spur of the moment to polish we have shared our anxieties and end of the summer, however, we but think about warmer weather, spoiled for the first week you're off a 2-4, going back home arid play- memorable moments with, are no know we will be looking forward to less stress and more free time for back, and not having bills to pay - ing Jeopardy with your family and longer seen on a regular basis. all the ups and downs of university - non-academic activities. We love BUT it also means returning to being expected to do daily chores While these friends are missed, it is even March Madness.

B**8** The joys of gpP*® , >v :-;;V.,..,. ,;• v. iH summer employment MARY KATE SULLIVAN For the past couple of years, I Cord Student Life have had the incredible fortune of As I slip and slide to school, cursing retaining my old job. This allows me Waterloo's organic, salt-free side- to spend the entire summer com- walks, I dream of the summer plaining about this job, rather than months ahead. I imagine myself sit- dividing my whining between "I ting on my porch, sipping iced tea need a job," and"I hate my job." I and reading trashy novels. can't help griping a bit. I spend Unfortunately, this picture is eight months in university learning marred by one minor annoyance: about some of the greatest thinkers MBWHBppW h|uSla| K|Z^a|KjJ my summer job. in the history of Western civilization. The sense of freedom that 1 get My faith in humanity is then sys- from the completion of fined exams tematically destroyed during my is diminished by the necessity of first week of work when I realize T hI w I summer employment The pressure that people are bastards. I m begins as soon as I get home. "Are The growth of the service indus- you going to start work soon?" my try means that a greater number of mom asks. "You can't just sit jobs involve encounters with rude, around the house all summer, you ignorant, and just plain dumb peo- know." Her admonition is hardly ple. My roommates were more than necessary; after about one week of willing to supply a series of "cus- mind-numbing boredom, 1 tend to tomers from hell" stories when I become self- motivated. innocently asked them about their This motivation usually sparks a summer jobs. These included the demoralizing trip to the Student tale of a woman who shaved her Employment Centre. Every year, the legs in the bathroom of a restau- routine is the same. The rant, and a man who complained Employment Counsellor chuckles that the cashier's smile was "not "Olsten gives sadistically and says, "Well, there quite sincere enough." are a lot of students home from Since I work at a tourist infor- the opportunity to work school right now." How silly of me to mation centre in Niagara Falls, I me choose the one time ofyear to come tend to get customers that fit into home that everyone else does. the "dumb" category. People entire- in my field. I'm earning good Thanks to cutbacks, these counsel- ly lose their heads when they go on lors have been replaced by comput- vacation. I will never forget one er terminals inrecent years. I could woman who looked desperately into money and I'm getting swear that the screen emits a little my eyes and said, "Can you tell me electronic smirk when "seasonal where my car is parked?" Stories employment" isrequested. about ignorant Americans are In my town, rumours are always cliche by now, but I did get a kick the I need." circulating about how to get the out of one Texan who asked me ifI ■experience choice jobs. Many sources claim spoke English. Apparently he that you have to "know someone" thought that the English signs and Get a job that is exactly right for you - as an assignment in order to get hired. I always have brochures all over the room were a the uncomfortable sensation of courtesy forAmericans. employee. Olsten offers many challenging opportunities with stepping into a Jane Austen novel I could fill volumes with similar field when people say, "Hmm, you've stories, and I am sure that the com- large and small compaies in every imaginable: applied to the YMCA? Well, what ing even more. summer will bring I • • does your father do?" suppose that these experiences are Office Automation Records Management

• For some summer jobs, the good for me because they round out • General Office Teleservices qualifications needed are leg- my education by teaching me 'die • • Production/Distribution/ endary: you have to speak four lan- value of tact. Legal guages, hold a Biomed degree, and Learning to deal with an irate • Technical Assembly be able to execute a perfect cart- customer whose tour bus has left is • wheel before they will even consid- just as important as learning to • Accounting And more! er you. It always surprises me when approach Wordsworth and Hegel. • I see one of my old high school So, for those of you looking fo,r Marketing classmates in a high ranking work, good luck in finding that ideal municipal position such as a grass job. For those of you who have cutter. "I never knew he could do a already found it good luck surviv- Call Olsten today! cartwheel," I muse. ing. 578-TEMP

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theCord March 26, 1997 11 FEATURE THEREVIEW YEAR IN

Legend Vocal Cord 1) It all starts In Orientation Week... 2) BACCHUS represented WLU well by winning STERLING LYNCH & RANDY WAECHTER Cord Features the "Best Campus Program in Canada" award What do you remember mostfrom the past year atLaurier? 3) Tradition at Laurier - The Boar's Head Dinner 4) The CTB gets a new name! DONNA SMITH, IST YEAR, HONS. BUSINESS 5) of talented atheletes Brenda winter One our many "I remember frosh week and carnival- - the . _ _ au most... they were a lot offun, meeting people and Vrkljan, All-Star, takes a shot partying." 6) Kevin McDonald led the Hawks this year

7) - strong year leadership from RICHARD HINES, 2ND YEAR, VISITING '96 '97 was a of STUDENT -ENGLISH WLUSU and from President Dr. Lorna Marsden - "I'm a visiting student who only arrived here in Good Luck to them in future endevours January, since then my best memory is not going to classes... that's all." 8) A demonstration of Laurier spirit ANDREA BARRETT, 2ND YEAR, COMM. STUDIES "Hmm... YVilfs on St. Paddy's day, that was really good." KEVIN WEAVER, 3RD YEAR, HONS. GEOGRAPHY "Getting pissed at the TUrret... that's all I did all year..."

12 March 26, 1997 theCord " '; lv ' : •••";:•:• .;•• . ' \- '• ' • - L'

.. ' :<:|;^^^vi?o^:-yc: ••' .' ..., ~ J ■ ■ ■■' ■-:•>•:■ Come celebrate the students' tribute to Deano Saturday, April sth

• 1 PM - 3 PM Studeir^ 3 PM • Open House |.Jf111511g~%Tf'*£\£?t'JblMiitMllarl't'l'l £YY\ i"C? bOlC*i\¥*\V7Aflfc'll <11OI" l:?Fi Nk I Mils; ("unmrais (lentre I SPORTS A legend bids farewell

PHOTO After serving as an assistant shoulder, and we had lost Ptaszek 1992 and 1996. coach from 1969 to 1983, [star receiver Stefan] Toronto half "I have been so proud of our ath- FILE Newbrough took over as head way through the season ." letes in the past. For what we have coach of the football team leading "Certain people stepped up their done as a small school it has been them into the 1984 season. It was at game and made it happen our amazing." noted Newbrough. This this time that he would also be defense was unreal. Cecchini took year should be considered a banner named Director ofAthletics. over on offense and lead us to the year in Laurier athletics as two His storied career would see victory," noted coach in reference to teams went to the National Laurier football teams play in three the game that he lists as his most Championships. "These athletes as Vanier Cups and five national semi- memorable. "Being down 22-3 at he a group made me so proud to leave finals. Newbrough would also be half and winning 42-22 just sticks on this high note." personally recognized in 1985 as out in my mind. We were on our Proud he should be of his tenure the OUAA Coach of the Year and in way to the Vanier Cup." here at Laurier as "Newbie" leaves 1991 he was the winner of the After beating Queen's the door an era here at Laurier. What he has Frank Tindall Award as CIAU Coach was open for the Hawks as they done for the athletic program and of the Year. An award that would travelled to SkyDome and beat the how he has gained national expo- culminate winning the Vanier Cup Mount Allison Mounties 25-18 to sure for the school is second to and eventually his coaching career. win the Vanier. "That game was none. By bringing things like the Coach the Hawks Newbrough led to their only Vanier Cup in '91. In reference to the 1991 season amazing ," noted Newbrough "I Churchill Bowl, and the OUAA Final Newbrough noted "The coaching have never seen the school like that Four hockey tournament, Rich MIKE MCKENNA storied career in Laurier athletic award was icing on the cake, but in my 29 years people were every- Newbrough has put Laurier athlet- Cord Sports history. the real thrill was winning the where when we got back. The A..C ics on the national map. As the year comes to end it is sad to He has been deemed a legend games on the field." was in a frenzy it was beautiful. His accomplishments and coach- say that with it comes the end of the and rightfully so. Not only was he at "That season probably brings That win gave us national cred- ing abilities will be remembered by career of the greatest contributor to the helm for Laurier's only ever back the most memories to me." itability and showed everyone what all who stepped on to the field under Laurier Athletics of all time. Rich Vanier Cup win, but he was part of said Newbrough in reference to a our small school could do. " his guidance and even by many who Newbrough the man who came to the best teams that could ever be season where an oft-injured Hawks That it did. In the years after did not. Laurier to coach football for his long assembled at the corner ofKing and squad was crowned National Laurier winning that National He won't be gone though. time fiiend Dave "Tufly" Knight in University. Rich Newbrough has Champions. "Going into the Championship the school has "Coach" will still be visible at all 1969 will retire at the end of this been to Laurier Athletics Bo Churchill Bowl (against Queen's) we brought home two other National Laurier games as usual, but we are year. His departure will close the Schembechler was to the Michigan were pretty beat up. Kubas titles since when the girls soccer still going to miss him. Best of luck door on what has been the the most Wolverines. [Quarterback Bill] had a banged up program was victorious in both Rich, in your retirement. Athletic Award Winners

GREG CHOWNYK Rob Symons Cord Sports A fourth year student from PHOTO Mississauga, Rob was a unanimous RLE The following is a look at the win- selection to the OUAA football first ners of the major awards to be pre- team all-stars. He also earned sec- sented at the annual Athletic ond team All-Canadian honours. Banquet held Wednesday March 26. Throughout his career at Laurier, Rob has been one of the premier PRESIDENTS AWARD defensive backs in the league.

JeffZdrahal Kevin Shonk Jeff impressed many in his 112irst year Kevin is a right side player with the at Laurier. The sharp shooting volleyball team, who for the second guard was not only the OUAA West year in a row was selected a first division Rookie of the Year, but also team OUAA West division all-star. led the entire CIAU in scoring, aver- He also led the country in kills and aging 16.3 points per game. He also points per game. His final numbers placed in the top ten in the OUAA were 304 kills, 76 blocks and 19 West division in field goals made aces. Kevin managed to turn some and attempted, three pointers made heads at the Nationals in Calgary and attempted, three point percent- and should be a strong candidate age and free throw percentage. Jeff for All-Canadian honours nextyear. Team captain Turek led her team in scoring. displayed excellent leadership skills in his rookie year and is one of the Amy Turek league and also earned second team carried a 9.97 GPA while majoring Peterborough native maintains an reasons why the men s basketball This third year Physical Education OWIAA all-star honours. The Castor in both French and Political Science. 8.36 GPA while majoring in Physical team looks to have a bright future. major finished the season in the top Centre native has performed at an The owner of many football team Education. five in scoring in the OWIAA hockey elite level throughout her time at strength records, Phil has become Laurier. one of the OUAA's premier pass Stephanie Kay blockers and is an outstanding can- Stephanie is a rugged right winger Brenda Vrkljan didate for the CFL. on the women's hockey team who PHOTO This year Brenda emerged as one of has exemplified what it takes to be a FILE the OWIAA West division's top bas- Mike Johnston leader on and off the ice. Her 8.73 ketball players. The third year stu- Mike is a four year member and GPA in the Phys. Ed. program is dent ranked eighth in the province captain of the soccer team and led indicative of her off ice ability, while in rebounding, averaging 7.2 a the team in scoring this year. His on the ice she is the heart and soul game and also led her team in scor- leadership skills has helped to revi- of the Hawks, excelling as both an ing with 10.5 points per game. talize the soccer program to a offensive force and a defensive spe- Brenda possesses great ball han- nationally ranked contender. The cialist. dling skills and is often called upon Mississauga native continues to be a to guard the opposition's top post role model for both academics and Rachel Zuidervliet player. She also wins an academic student life, serving as a residence The starting goalkeeper for the athletic award for her 9.7 GPA in don and as a teacher's assistant. women's soccer team, Rachel has the Physical Education program. anchored the team to two consecu- Paul Webster tive appearances in the National ACADEMIC ATHLETIC Paul was a two sport athlete this Championships. This past year she ACHIEVEMENT AWARD past year competing in both rugby played the last month of the season and curling. Both of these teams with a splint on her right index fin- Phil White were crowned as provincial champi- ger. In the classroom, Rachel has Zdrahal won top rookie honours in the division The Lac Beauport Quebec native ons. In the classroom, the excelled as a fine arts major.

14 March 26, 1997 theComd —(Sports)

The cordy Awards Recognizing greatperformances over the past year inLaurier athletics

GREG CHOWNYK to establishing herself as one of the team. However, the team turned a Cord Sports league's premier players. few heads early on and packed the PHOTO With the end of another school year Honourable Mention- Amy Turek, gym with excitement each time out. RLE fast approaching and my term as women's hockey They finished with a 5-9 record, Sports Editor coming to a close, winning more games than any there is no better time than the pre- Male Player of the Year: This Laurier men's basketball team in sent to look back on the year that one's a tough one. Volleyball player recent memory. was in Laurier athletics. With the Kevin Shonk edges out swimmer help of a few staff members, here Tom Fuke. Shonk once again led the Disappointment of the Year This are the picks for the first annual nation in points per game and kills has got to be the men's football Cordy Awards for athletic achieve- and was a league all-star. Besides team. With virtually every starter

ment. Fuke, honourable mention goes to returning , a great deal was expect- OUAA Individual golf champion ed from this group. However, a Jeremy Ford. three game losing skid in the second half of the season put their playoff lives in jeopardy, something that PHOTO came as a bit of surprise to the RLE team's followers. A season of incon- sistency ended in a heartbreaking McDonald's final game vaulted him into the record books. playoff loss to Waterloo. passes for 500 yards. The 74 pass is Right is definitely one of the year's Game of the Year: The football attempts set a new CIAU record. most memorable performances. team's 26-23 overtime loss to Waterloo in the playoffs was one of Comeback of the Year February Worst Post Game Performance: the most exciting university football 26- the men's basketball team ral- After blowing a 22 point lead, Brock games of all time. Both teams lied from a 22 point deficit to defeat men's basketball coach Ken Murray played exceptional football that kept the Brock Badgers at home 74-71 blew up at a few Laurier fans who the fans on the edge of their seats and by doing so, kept their playoff had been heckling him. Murray's throughout the afternoon. The only hopes alive. display included an abundance of negative to come out of this was of profanity in what was truly an course the fact that Laurier lost. Best Post Gapie Celebration: unprofessional display. Honourable mention- women's Men's basketball coach Gary Jeffries Hodds was a key ingredient in the women's socer team's success. hockey 2-1 triple overtime loss to on every victory the team had. Best Pursuit of an Official After a York in the OWIAA semi finals. Jeffries could be seen rushing Blown Call: Coach Jeffries takes Team of the Year With lots of out- Coach of the Year. Men's volleyball towards his players with open arms this one home for his performance standing team performances this coach Brett Thomas takes this one Best Single Game Performance at the buzzer while jumping up and after the football team's playoff loss. past year, this is a tough award to for the same reasons his team won of the Year In his final CIAU game down in celebration. It was quite the After the referee missed an illegal pick. However after careful deliber- Team of the Year honours. quarterback Kevin McDonald had heart warming experience. procedure call that cost Laurier the ation, the men's volleyball team is what was his best career outing and Honourable mention- Although not game, Jeffries raced across the field the winner. After going 0-12 a year Rookie of the Year Jeff Zdrahal, by doing so, put himself into the relating directly to an athletic event, at the end of the game to give the ago, this season ended with a OUAA men's basketball. The Kitchener record books. He hit on 37 of 74 Ryan Brown's display on The Wee official a well deserved ear full. West division title and a trip to the native immediately made an impact CIAU Championships- both a first in in the league with his sharp shoot- school history. Honourable mention ing and leadership skills. Asked to goes out to women's soccer, men's run the team's offense from day one, golf and men'srugby. he performed admirably under pressure and is one of the bright Female Player of the Year: lights on a team that will surely turn Lorraine Hodds, women's soccer. some heads in the future. The second year player was truly one of the leaders on the CIAU Surprise of the Year: With only bronze medal winning squad. The two players returning from last mid fielder was selected to the All- year's squad and coming off a one Canadian team for the second con- win season, not too much was secutive year and is well on her way expected from the men's basketball West is best in basketball I mm

GREG CHOWNYK the second. McMaster's big gun Cord Sports Titus Channer had a long day as he With most basketball fans tuned in was swarmed by a variety of to the action south of the border this defenders and was not given many past weekend, it mast be noted that good looks. Ile did however connect the CIAU final played Sunday was for 20 points. Shawn Francis picked definitely more exciting than a few up the slack for McMaster and led of the games played in the NCAA all scorers with 22 points. I wACURA tournament. CIAU Player of the Year Eric The Victoria Vikings edged the Hinrichsen of Victoria also had a Designed with puipose. McMaster Marauders 84-73 to strong game, contributing a game claim their CIAU best eighth nation- high 14 rebounds and 20 points. Driven by passion. al title. The loss for McMaster The Vikings reached tho final by marks their third runner up finish virtue of their semi final win over fpom in the last five years. Brandon, while the Marauders beat Your cap's home away home. The game came down to the last out Ontario rival I-aurentian in a minute when the Viking's Seth showdown of All-Canadians SERVICE by Factory Trained Technicians Adler hit an off balance, fade 1 away Channer and Laurentian's Shawn *Ask about our customer appreciation card jumper with 45 seconds remaining Swords. Genuine ACURA PARTS that put Victoria up by five and The Guelph Gryphons who clinched the victory. entered the season ending tourna- FAIRVIEW ACURA The key to the game was defi- ment as a wild card, won the 2685 Kingsway Drive, Kitchener nitely the strong Viking defense in Consolation final. They defeated the 519-893-9000 the second half of the game. They Bishop Gaiters 86-71. were behind by six at the half, but ride to UofW/Laurier available regrouped and came out flying in http://www.autorev.com/fairviewacura

theCord March 26,1997 15 (Sports)- A taste of the madness

SCOTT STEVENS Dome is mind-boggling, as it would Syracuse to take in the action, as regional championship between Cord Sports seat the entire Laurior student body well as the bands and cheerleaders. Friday night's winners, Louisville March Madness. Those are eight times. For basketball, the In the fan wars, Louisville's red-clad and North Carolina. Once again, probably the two most com- Dome seats around 30,000, and it rooters made the most noise. Carolina was just too physically monly heard words coming was filled to absolute capacity for all Saturday was an off day for imposing as players like 7'3" Serge from the good 'ole USA at the three games. games, so we were able to take in Zwikker, and 6'9" Ail-American end of each winter. March The first game that we saw the city. One good thing that I can Antawn Jamison ruled the interior. , Madness, a.k.a. the NCAA matched two teams that weren't say about Syracuse is that it has a The Tar Heels had a huge 21 point I Basketball Championship, is expected to make it this far into the nice mall. Aside from that, the town half*time lead, before the Cardinals American college athletics' tournament, Louisville and Texas. is primarily burnt-out buildings and made it interesting. Louisville cut biggest event. And this past This game went back and forth for warehouses. As for the night life, the lead to just three with seven weekend, I along with four the first thirty-five minutes, before there was little to offer. Three of us minutes to play, before Carolina of my buddies had a lx>uisville went on a run in the final spent a couple of hours at a bar went on a late run to win by 23, and chance to experience the five to win by fourteen. Our second which was okay, but a little disap- secure a spot in this weekend's Final madness firsthand. semi-final game on Friday night pit- pointing for a spot which was sup- Four in Indianapolis. This year, the ted the top-seeded North Carolina posed to be the best in the city. Joining the Heels at the RCA East Regional draw of the Tar Heels against the upstart Incredibly, we ran into some fellow Dome will be Minnesota, defending Championship was held in California Golden Bears. Despite Hawks who were also there for the champion Kentucky, and Cinderella Syracuse, New York, just being totally outmanned physically, weekend. Arizona. In Saturday's semi-finals, a short four-hour jaunt Cal hung tough and even led with During the day we checked out look for the size of Carolina to be too from WLU. The three ten minutes to play. In the end how- the university itself and it, like the much for Arizona and for games that we took in ever, Carolina's size wore down the Dome, was massive. We couldn't Minnesota's balanced attack to were held in America's Bears and the Heels escaped with a believe that its student population is dethrone Kentucky. After that, in most famous on-campus six point victory. Perhaps just as only 14 700. The campus is made Monday night's championship, I'm venue- Syracuse exciting as the games themselves up of a bunch of old, ivy-covered picking North Carolina to edge out University's Carrier was the atmosphere. Fans from all buildings; much like Queen's. Minnesota in a close game to give Dome. The size of the four schools made the journey to Sunday afternoon saw the the Tar Heels the tide. Run for charity a cord sports.. success JON FORBES The overall winner on the men's Mcintosh who placed fourth in the Cord Sports side was local high school student men's 3Krace. This past Sunday the 19th annual Pete Collison who won the 10Krace However, (he highlight of the day 3K/10K Laurier run for the United with a time of 35:31. Laurier biology came when Phys. Ed. professors Bill Way took place as 63 runners student Amanda Cunningham was McTeer and Stephen Wenn both uihat a rush braved the cold but sunny weather the women's 10Krace with a time of lunged triumphantly across the fin- to compete. Put on by a group of 48:55. ish line, finishing with the exact second year Physical Education stu- OtherLaurier students who per- same times. dents for a project in their Sports formed well included Michelle The organizing group would like Administration/ Organization class, MacGregor, winner of the women's to thank all of the sponsors and vol- the event raised $350.00 for the 3K race, Caroline Gilbert, who fin- unteers for making the event such a c United Way. ished second in that race and Jeff success. ftas... Fitness Classics ...TiNAtE i/flj IMk m Waterloo's best at Selection of

16 March 26, 1997 theCord ENTERTAINMENT

Symphony infusedwiththespirit K-W

MARION HENSEL written for a more deeper and meaningful

Cord entertainment purpose, like "Bare Branches" - about eating That poor symphony never knew what hit disorders. them. The band's sound also moved through The sold out Centre in the Square was various styles throughout the performance, presented with the harmony of two very dis- from their folky Celtic ditties, to jazz, to hard- tinct musical groups: the Kitchener- er-sounding alternative, and all using the Waterloo Symphony and Spirit of the orchestral instruments to the fullest advan- West were staged together under the direc- tage. tion of nine-time Juno nominee George It almost made one wish to be back in the Blondheim. With the acoustic advantages of high school concert band ... almost. the Centre in the Squares auditorium, each Spirit of the West did, however, stick to groups sound filled out the other's like the some of their traditions with drummer Vince flavour in a full-bodied Barolo. Ditrich serenading the audience once again An important element of Spirit of the with "Amore." West was missing, though. Spectators were He even challenged the symphony to a searching the stage for Linda Mcßae, who beer chugging contest, but held onto his had recently decided to pursue a solo career, Canadian record of 4.6 seconds, although the leaving the band without an accordion. bassoonist came awfully close. They, of Friday's performance saw the introduction of course, ended as always with "Home for a their newest member Toben Frank, who Rest." replaces Linda on the accordion. Toben cer- By this point in the evening, it had tainly exceeded all expectations. become difficult for those sitting close to the Opening with a stellar performance of aisle to remain seated, and some spectators "Political," emotions were pulled up and could no longer resist the urge to get up and down by the music when Geoffrey Kelly move to the music that aroused an uncon- announced that the instrumental song "The trollable desire to move along to its rhythm. Miller's Daughter" was written for his wife. So by the end of the tune, the crowd was It seemed as though every song had its on their feet clapping and stamping their feet own special little anecdote; some written to be rewarded with one encore, but denied from inspiration for some quirky, off the wall any further listening pleasure, despite a sec- reason, like finding an abandoned grocery ond standing ovation. list for "Milk, Tea and Oranges", and others The performance ofSpirit ofthe West and the K-W Symphony was a memorable expe- rience, but despite the sound advantages, the This band's lost 1/5 of their spirit. Centre in the Square makes it difficult to Read this article to PHOTO enjoy such a great show with all those seats find out more. FILE in the way! A rubber-faced liar 'Liar, Liar a look at the underbelly oflawyer-culture CAESAR MARTINI And as we all know, 90% of our Cord Entertainment thoughts aren't usually fit for public Movie: Liar, Liar verbalization. Starring: Jim Carrey, Jennifer Tilly Liar, Liar is a slightly different Director: Tom Shadyac type of Jim Carrey film. No longer is Ladies and gentlemen, no one can he the lovable isolated weirdo with contest the fact that Jim Carrey is no friends and family, like his Ace over the top. He's a radical physical Ventura characters. He is a real (if comedian with a penchant for somewhat eccentric) person with ridiculous no-brain humour. Check real relationships and a realistic life, films like Ace Ventura 2: When who is confronted by an extraordi- Nature Calls and Dumb and nary problem. Dumber if you don't believe me. While it may be that this film's However, his latest flick, Liar, Liar is basic progression is somewhat pre- one of his best and funniest films to dictable, Jim Carrey is so sponta- date. And best of all, it is a huge step neous and colourful that you never up from Carrey's normal brand of know what's coming from moment humour. to moment. The concept is refresh- Carrey plays Fletcher Reede, a ingly original, and the characters divorced up-and-coming lawyer are well-flushed out. Carrey is hilari- who uses lies to get him places. His ous and you feel a lot of sympathy only problem is that his constant fib- for his character s predicament. bing hurts his relationship with his Liar, Liar is one of the funniest five year old son Alex, the only per- movies 1 have seen in a long time. son that Fletcher really cares about. You just can't stop laughing at In an attempt to make his dad a bet- Carrey - it's infectious. If I were try- ter person, Alex uses his birthday ing to turn someone on to Jim wish to make sure Fletcher can't lie Carrey, this would be the movie I for 24 hours, and his wish comes would use. If you're a Carrey fan, true. Actually, it's worse than it you'll go nuts over this film. But sounds; not only can Fletcher not lie, even if you're not a fan and you're "Show me the money!" Oh wait... PHOTO but he is compelled to always say looking for a good laugh. Liar, Liar is it's an entirely different film. FtiE what he is thinlcing, no matter what. the film to see. Alas Hollywood, you are a blur.

theCord March 26, 1997 17 (Entertainment) 'City' a Where are you, cinematic Canada? Click!

wasteland ROBIN WHITTAKER The Virtual Reality clips that take Arts, which was affiliated with the Cord Entertainment you, for example, on a tour of the University of Western Ontario from PETER SCHMIDT en with grief, damning Keitel's CD ROM: The 1997 Canadian Skydome, or Maple Leaf Gardens, 1925-60." Sometimes, the truth Cord Entertainment criminal ways, yet she quickly for- Encyclopedia Plus let you click on various parts of a hurts. City Of Industry, a new action- gets such sentiments and aids him Publishers: McClelland & Stewart picture to explore. The troubles is, New TCE features include a thriller starring Harvey Keitel, in his vengeful action. Dorff and Systems: Windows/Macintosh they work too slowly. With 4200 Timeline with options such as "Year Stephen Dorffand Timothy Hutton, Keitel could have also benefited Price: $79.99 with $20rebate for multimedia clips, even the fastest of In Review," "Canadian Firsts," and follows the familiar formula of the from a more in-depth association, previous users computers require a whole lot of my favourite "On This Day," as well jewelheist gone awry. In this case, as their motives and emotions are The 1997 Canadian Encyclopedia patience on the part ofthe user. as 1,000 new articles. the robbery is flawless but a psy- unusually shaßow. Plus is a patriotic feast for the eyes. The best example that patriotism chotic Stephen Dorff decides to The attempt to counter the tra- Following an enjoyable look at the is more than oozing from this CD- eliminate the rest erf" the crew and ditionally glamorous image of LA opening screen, the touch of a but- ROM is the Quiz — now bilingual. keep all the loot for himself. Keitel by providing fleeting glimpses ofits ton sends the user to the first entry The quiz concept, which was also escapes this murderous act, and as super-imposed highways and in the Encyclopedia: "A Mari usque available in the 1996 version, is a to be expected, seeks to avenge his industrial deterioration, is also ad Mare" or "From Sea to Sea." whole lot of (procrastinating) excite- brother's (Hutton's) death. unfulfilled, This alienating, urban Canada's motto in effect sets the ment, and the puzzle portion of it is Given the reputation of Keitel, sprawl is meant to provide a suit- tone for a CD that captures our really, really difficult. who excels in these gangster roles, able environment for the presenta- country's spirit from beginning to I installed the Encyclopedia Plus and the star potential of a Brad tion of the seedy LA. underworld, end, while providing basic finger-tip on my Macintosh's hard drive and it Pitt-like Dorff, one would hope that yet its intricate relationships and information while a word processor took up 10MB. My hard drive is this film would transcend its violent imperatives remain unex- runs. empty compared to the average stu- mediocre counterparts. Keitel's plored. Displayed in such a scat- I must confess to being an avid dent's hard drive (Le. I only have two

performance Is quite adequate and tered and superficial mariner, the user of the 1996version — essential games installed), and even then 1 Dorff plays the villain with chilling film |£ves up any symbolic signifi- for quick reference in essays. But it's found myself growing jittery while precision, but unfortunately, they cance. so much more. A dictionary (saves As in the 1996 version, the ency- waiting for my tour of the Skydome, have a rather weak script to work Thankfully, Keitel and Dorff about 50 seconds per word-looked- clopedia titles are listed with a or a video clip of the Air Farce, to with. Mired in incomplete story- provide the necessary screen pres- up vs. the traditional dictionary) and Canadian flag icon beside them, if pop up. In fact at one point I lost the lines, an underdeveloped support- ence to compensate for an other- a thesaurus are easy to find and they are part of our heritage, and an list ofMedia clip options from within ing cast and general incongruity, wise dismal movie. This is a prime use, and the 1997 new addition of a icon of a globe if they are not. its own window, and had to restart this picture fails to achieve its (rue example of non-industrious film- French-Eiiglish/English-French dic- Switching from maps to slide-shows the program. potential. making; it is sloppy, sometimes dull tionary is at least the politically cor- to graphs to sounds, photos and I'll conclude by saying that the This is most apparent in Keitel's and seems to have been produced rect thing to include, and is a friend- charts is often quite slow, but in the CD is at once patriotic and thor- volatile relationship with most of in certain haste. lier, more modern replacement to end satisfactory. If you're not in the oughly useful to any Canadian stu- the other characters. His only com- City Of industry is a thriller my "Larousse." midst of some mind-aching essay, dent. The Canadian focus is neither

panion is the wife of a dead associ- which fails to thrill, and ironically, If a complaint is to be found exploring the encyclopedia provides too over-blown, nor trite — it's easy ate, whom he enlists in his pursuit resembles the wasteland which it here, it's that there's too much infor- literally hours of enjoyable educa- to find Canadian history and culture of Dorff. One moment she is strick- was trying to display. mation on the screen for your eyes tion. Looking up "Wilfrid Laurier ifyou want it. to get a hold of. Frustration may University," for example, tells you a I'll use it as a reference source result if you're trying to figure out plethora of facts, including: for all my school work and all my

the best way to look for an article — "To provide post-secondary general curiosity. But I'll avoid by video clip, sound, map, or the courses, in 1924 the Lutheran exploring it too much for fear of a | Australia and usual article-search method. Church founded Waterloo College of nervous breakdown. m footwear * ctOTHiNG • YquiTment Come on in and play with the experts Great Britain Get There F l v to New Horizons In One Study ovctsiAs! Piece. (Continue ox complete ifout education abroad!

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18 March 26, 1997 theCord Entertainment) Pushing back the frontiers Local band Eye Rhyme experiences the trials and triumphs ofindependence

AARON HUNTER more musical styles were explored." Cord Entertainment Among these are funk (courtesy of Over the course of the 1996-97 Leßoux's influence) and an industri- school year, more than one band al sound in the vein of Nine Inch has stepped out of the MuchMusic Nails (courtesy of Willem's). "That's Countdown and onto the stage of what progressive rock is all about," the Turret: I Mother Earth and Ota- insists Leßoux. Both he and Willems Lady Peace, among others. For are relatively new members of the some people, it is the occasional vis- band; their fresh ideas have been a its of large corporate-sponsored acts key element in the "push forward" like these that define the K-W music made by Eye Rhyme since 1995. scene. Unfortunately, this kind of Taking care of business is a view does not provide much atten- necessity, even for bands motivated tion to the efforts oflocal musicians, chiefly by a love for music and a especially those whose style deviates desire for self-expression. Graham, from the mainstream. a graduate of Laurier's Music pro- Eye Rhyme is a part ofthis local gram, speaks enthusiastically about

creative landscape — typical in the markets and audiences he some ways and atypical in others. wants the group to reach, pointing Like most ambitious, independent out Europe, Japan and Latin bands, Eye Rhyme identifies "break- America as places very 'friendly' to PHOTO ing through all the corporate crap" progressive rock. Mexico in particu- RLE as one of its -major challenges and lar has taken an interest in Eye to create original, interesting music. obstacles to success. Competing with Rhyme; when a vacationing Eye Rhyme struggles bands backed by major labels is Graham dropped some CDs off at a made even more difficult by the radio station in Guadalajara at this temporary genres like trip-hop? terized the progressive music of the and shooting a video for a track intense competition that exists time last year, he started a chain "It's crap," Graham exclaims. "It 70's and 80's. entitled "Stab 'Em AD," an examina- among smaller, unsigned acts. reaction — airplay led to interviews, isn't art" With a few notable excep- The release of "Soul" is slated for tion of life on the corporate ladder. "There's only write-ups, and tions (including Big Sugar and late spring or early summer, at Until all this new material is avail- so much recogni- interest in a tour. Stone Temple Pilots), Eye Rhyme which point Eye Rhyme will begin able, people can visit Eye Rhyme's tion to go (Interesting fact: is disappointed with the state of putting together an itinerary of home page (http://www.golden.org' around," explains "There's The five-hour modern popular music. They just shows. Between now and then, they -eyerhyme) or send them e-mail guitarist Jay road trip be- don't see the originality that charac- will be kept busy mixing the album (eyerhymegolden.org). Leßoux, a com- tween Guada- onlyso A A position and gui- lajara and 1 y tar student at Mexico Gty cov- lj V1 BI!1I II H Humber College. much ers an area with I Between strug- more people gling for shows recognition than all of and dealing with Canada.) an often unen- togo The Inter- couraging public, net is a major the practical around." marketing tool problems can for Eye Rhyme. seem overwhelm- Graham de- ing. Drummer scribes with Cody Willems summarizes: "it pride the far-ranging sales and con- would be better to ask us what was tacts he's made using e-mail and the not the most frustrating thing." band's web site. He also notes with Despite sharing many of the satisfaction that the presence of same problems, Eye Rhyme is by no independent bands on the World means a carbon copy of every inde- Wide Web is, "scaring the record pendent rock band you've ever seen companies ... The Internet does the or heard. They are often compared same thing that they do, except for to Rush and Saga, Canadian acts free." whose 'progressive' approach to As for those bands who are ben- making music earned them acco- efiting from the support of massive lades in the 70's and 80's, followed record companies, the members of by a lot of dubiously raised eye- Eye Rhyme have mixed feelings and brows in the stripped down, fuzzy strong opinions. 90's. Eye Rhyme was going against "Really decent songwriting has the grain when their debut 'concept' died," says Leßoux. "...and people album "Life Control" was released are accepting it," adds Willems. in 1995, and they are still going They point with scorn to, "bands against it as they prepare to release riding on shock value," embodying a their second album, "Soul." let's be as freaky as we can' philoso- lan Graham (vocals, bass, key- phy. They note with sadness the boards) explains some of the differ- common occurrence of bar patrons ences between this album and the ignoring a live band, only to get up last: and dance to the derivative and for- "We spent a lot more time on the mulaic music played by a deejay vocals and the mix. Also, there's between sets. «ds! more uniquenessme, to this one — a lot Their opinion of growing con- g^^^usedtf*5 WOK ComeReader. cord tooh theCord March 26,1997 19 (Entertainment)- A handful of jewelsat the Fringe STERLING LYNCH of my cranium, I do not have psy- One fine example of this was the of their intestines. His character was almost insurmountable - even if Cord Entertainment chic powers. Therefore, I will focus Native Hoop Dance, as performed quirky and odd, but stained with a everything runs perfectly. Campus Fringe '97, brought to you on the highlights of the Friday night by Chuck Doxtater Young. The sim- taste ofrealism that kept it ground- Another aspect of the evening I by The University Players, featured performance, the performance that ple rhythms of the dance, the hoop ed. was dissatisfied with was the inclu- a wild melody of new and used I actually attended. forms, and the poem coordinated In the solo performance catego- sion of adjudication in the program. plays. With a different collection of One exciting aspect of this festi- well to create a unique atmosphere. ry, Gord Bolan was exceptional in Linda Carson, the adjudicator her- plays each night, there were simply val was the opportunity to experi- Furthermore, Flizabeth Doxtater, a his monologue piece entitled, "Wild self, suggested that adjudication at odd; too many acts to mention. Plus, 1 ence performances that are not capable storyteller, wove a simple Abandon." Gord's character was liv- such an event was a little 1 have to accept, despite the rotundity commonly associated with theatre. but satisfying story. Remember kids, ing and breathing from the first agree with her. despite what the School of Business moment he peered out at the audi- My concern is not with the com- and Economics teaches, different ence. Gord capably generated a mix ments made by Linda Carson; my does not mean bad. of melancholy and comedy that was criticism concerns the decision to In the traditional theatre catego- tangible without a hint of preten- include adjudication at all. Tacked ry, the top prize for the evening has sion. Simply put, it was good work. on at the end, it felt intrusive and out to go to "A Talk In The Park." It was Overall, despite some fine perfor- of place, eradicating the energy that performed by a fine group of actors mances, 1 have to be honest and the actors had managed to build in who collectively turned out a good admit that it was not the most satis- the second half of the show. piece of comedy. However, a special fying night of theatre 1 have enjoyed Furthermore, adjudication puts too mention must be made of Sam here at Laurier. I'm not quite sure much emphasis on the 'student' in Varteniuks very fine performance. what went wrong, but sometimes 'student theatre' and consequently LYNCH Seemingly without effort, he was things click and sometimes they do comes off as a little demeaning. able to put the audience in the palm not. There were a few mistakes, at There should be nothing diminutive of his hand and pull the laughter out times a lack of energy, and at other about the term "Student Theatre" STERLING to times a general feel of 'un- and an adjudicator seems send Coulson and Varteniuk: on rehearsedness.' In theatre, creating the statement, "hey, we are justhere fringes of society. the - PHOTO: and maintaining energy between learning, folks don't expect too the audience and the performers is much." what it is all about, and when you Remember: Theatre is fun for have a long show composed entirely everyone. Come on out to the next WONDERFUL! m§m of short pieces, that hurdle becomes show * JL Winning Cast. Elegantly Directed." .j 111 fjmL TIERCE AND FUNNY!" 'y| OBIV

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review ofa very good band. fine tuning, but that will come with has created an experimental and Briefly, vocalist Trevor Norris time. fiercely original album that is defi- and guitarist Chris Kesner found Ernst's drum-work is entirely nitely not for everyone. drummer Jeff Ernst and bassist Tim complimentary and humbly out- Aphex Twin manages to break Ear Candy Larsen and formed RSC a year ago. standing, especially on "Gift" which many of the rules of dance music — They're K-W boys with a knack for features a peculiar vocal sound by the most obvious being that most (if Boogie" and "Mercy Mercy Mercy" creating fun-to-hear rock and roll. Norris that doesn't entirely fit ther- not all) of the songs can't be danced are very catchy and highlight Snow's Norris' voice is very polished on this est of the album. Still, it works, and to. In fact, the vast majority of the masterful singing style. Also includ- album, and is also smooth on-stage: proves the band has much to offer. songs have no steady rhythm and ed is the phenomenal "Anything For a true talent. His lyrics are sweet Larsen's bass is also overshadowed no thudding bass line to anchor the You" Remix, adding some bonus fla- and intelligent in songs like "Never." by Norris and Kesner, but has its music. vor to the CD. By no means is this I'd compare Kesner's style moments of glory in "Darkness" and His favourite arrangement one of the best albums I've heard in (loosely) to Slash's sound for two "Revelation." seems to be synthesized strings or recent months, but it is Snow's best reasons. Kesner massages his wah- Every track brings a new sound an organ over a scattershot snare release to date, and definitely worth pedal with scalic riffs and astound- and a new vibe I wanted to hear, line that sounds like it comes from a listen. ing fluency. Secondly, he changes and does not disappoint. Their one of those early 80s Casio drum Brad Miller with ease from heavy to soft future is bright. machines. True to the genre, most plays the the songs are instrumentals, Snow between and within tracks. Red Stone Circle K-W of with and puts a few exceptions. "To Cure a Justuss "Unknown" features blistering clas- area frequently on a show only missed; hover Child" contains a little WEA sically influenced arpeggios under not to be they confi- Weakling feet, Surely you all remember Snow, driving solos that are a testament to dently above the crowd. girl's distorted voice saying "My in who achieved notoriety in 1991 with Kesner's talent. Unfortunately, Robin Whittaker My arms AND my EARS" while "Milkman," James what the international dancehall hit "Sunscape" features a guitar solo expresses "Informer." He returned in 1995 that borders on losing feel in favour could be termed a unique dairy with "Anytliing For You," proving he of adrenaline, but leaves you with fetish. This album is at its best in the was no one hit wonder. Well, it's the opinion that if Kesner toned it going numbers with the syn- 1997 and Toronto's own reggae sen- down just a tad the sound would be easy Songs like sation is back with his third album. ideal. The band rejects conventional thesized string sections. and "girl/boy song" are Justuss builds on Snow's previ- rock power-chording in unique "fingerbib" surprisingly soothing and melodic, ous material, advancing his reputa- Red Stone Circle tracks like "The Eorbidden" and both are better tion as a reggae artist. It blends a The Art of Darkness and Light "Unknown." The riffs are entirely although I'm sure wider range of musical styles-soul, Independent free and unique. appreciated in an altered state of hip-hop, and funk-to create a more There's a lot to love about Red The album is RSC's debut and it mind. listenable sound. Snow manages to Stone Cirde. I won't try in words to is admittedly haunted by a few Tom Hrubes expand the borders of the dancehall convince you of their tremendous "ghostly" production problems Aphex Twin genre without falling victim to talent because that could take away which may keep some songs from The Richard D. James Album cliches and crossover songs. from an explanation of how well radio-rotations: "Burning Id" emits Sire I'll admit to being skeptical about they work as a band. I also.won't try a peculiar buzzing sound, likely I wouldn't hold your breath waiting the quality of this CD before giving it in words to convince you of their from the guitar, that is decidedly to hear the new Aphex Ttoin album album, a listen, but I was genuinely sur- powerful live performance because annoying. As well, the Norris- on the radio. With this

— Twin) prised. Cuts like "Boom Boom this is an album review an album Kesner vocal harmonies need some Richard D. James (aka Aphex Letter from THURSDAY 27 FRIDAY 28 Ben rlaw.kl.ns

" Shiny red idiocy AND"THE RUSTY NAILS

Dear Editor, WA\\\ MICHEL «?.# & &'t!o I the into one of the most The Collectables fBEsBB Recently had rare fortune of stumbling unbeliev- ably crass shrines to commercialization ever, lmaginez-vous a normal stu- FMPAV SATURDAY 5 dent living room, replete with the standard dirt, TV and video game sys- QBQM i I tems, but with one extremely vulgar difference Let me preface my statement with another: the practice of lining up 'empties' {whether it be Fruitopia bottles or Texas mickeys oftequila) on I Wlp 1 D KEYZER one's visible window sills is akin to the most unspeakable evil, in my mind. Anyone who would 1) keep their garbage as trophies 2) be so mindless that cares how much they drink 3) drink alcohol in the first they think anyone I RF* P ® place deserves the ridicule they receive from the refil world. ■ffli LU UL LI wwßiiiiiiPWi # But I digress: the living room from Hell, litis room has two normal walls, and two walls which made me shudder, cringe and eventually vomit. WEDNESDAY 9 These walls are covered with empty cans of Coca-Cola, "Cool!" Shouts the jackass. "Idiocy," I say, "idiocy, corruption and debauchery." This has been without any doubt the largest and most offensive product of misspent time, money, energy and craftsmanship ! have ever witnessed. The horrid thing THURSDAY 10. is as sturdy as any wall. The can count: 1417. II It does not stop - it goes on. On the larger wall, in letters six cans high, is M' ' spelt the word COKE in white Diet Coke cans. 1 could not tear my gaze ££* host asked me ifI was thirsty; I replied with a bewildered grunt, BRULE SOUND 'Vl iL *1 Tf • away. My pharmacy ■RHB aSSHHB like a fox caught in a trap. He said that it was art. I replied angrily for this is no artistic endeavour - it is a product of many minds gone freakishly gTgCSSSSI i FRIDAY 18 32fflQjQXQHHBB wrong. "It's pop art," he squealed with delight. royal Clench. Pause. Clench. Pause. Clench. rTnWTDT?T3 Ben Harris iffWW crowns Utmal

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. theCord March 26, 1997 21 brain candy Roxanne and the world keeps Guy lapainge on turning pt. Darren Winfield 2

Blood is dripping down my face, 'You shouldn't have come,' but it doesn't feel wet because I breathed casually, supressing my true feelings. Craig Hynds it is only in my mind. She simply looked at me with those Fulfill the sun is shining, Wide, curious green eyes. 'not everything, not I' the sky is blue, with smile locked on your face birds are chirping their happy songs. sad before but am better now. And proceeded to brush past me. ruthless tease I was She moved gracefully to the couch. tormenting my heart Blood is dripping down my face 'What would they say, if they knew I let you in?' while fulfilling my desires and onto my new white shirt, Her lazy eyes blinked indifference. but it is only a shirt. I joined, touching behind her ear. My parents, brother, and grandmother lead me to believe, then astray all live their lives Moving closer, she purred with approval. beg me to quickly take and I live mine, because 1am an individual When she's around, I swim through bliss. then STOP and can get along just fine without them. Roxanne: mistress of seduction. It's unfortunate and then slowly Blood is dripping down my face Roxanne is a guy... and mixing with my salty tears, enjoying every 2nd but they are tears from laughter ...and a cat. soon to forget it all again (have you ever laughed so hard that you start crying) My friends go to class, work and go out partying, but I am with them ravish and engulf I wonder- forgetting who we Are do they know, do they care, will they remember me? and the answer is yes. trying to remember what we Like Blood is dripping down my face and not really caring just the same as the gun falls from my hand onto the floor, but wait, that's not blood, it's red wine that someone poured on me and that's not a gun, it's a book that I drop as I chase the guy that I like, so that I can kiss him.

and the world keeps on turning and I turn along with it.

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22 March 26, 1997 theCord tfm

SERVICES Furnished, 2 bathrooms, laundry, Great price - utilities included. Call month or best offer. Call Carl 746- doctor appointment during the sum- parking. May 1 - Sept. 1/97. Rent 747-2123. 2267. mer, please call extension 3146. For

+ allcr y injections and $$ TAX REFUNDS S$ S2OO utilities. Non Smokers. Call S immunization. UJAKtTCn please call for the doctor schedule. Need cash? Over 18? If so, then 746-6179. Summer Sublet WANItU you're entitled to a GST Credit mid 4 bedroom, utilities included, good USED BIKE WANTED CMIPATinMAI an Ontario lax Credit worth several May-September Summer Sublet location, furnished, big rooms, great CLfUUHIlUlvriL hundred dollars. Tax preparation I>arge 7 bedroom house with park- price. Please call Marc or Darryl at Looking to buy a used mountain services done by an experienced ing and laundry facilities. $160 - 746-8986. bike. Doesn't have to be top of the TIME CONSTRAINTS?? professional at a reasonable cost. $220 per room, (all (519) 725-9679, line. Call Renee @ 747-3277. Writer's block? Can't find the words HOUSES AVAILABLE FOR SEPT. or 010 right resoarch materials you Call STAX at (519) 725-7350 right ask for Brad. 2 r/lD OAI C now 1 - 5 bedroom, uptown Waterloo need? We can help! WRITE: Custom 3 Bedroom Apartment. 10 month location, charming home and neigh- Essay Service, 4 Collier St., Suite Word Processing Service lease for full term, close to both uni- bourhood, lots of parking, 15 min. FOR SALE 201, Toronto, Canada, M4W IL7. - (416)960-9042. (416) Reports, resumes, letters, mailing versities. Partly furnished. Very walk to WLU, laundry facilities. Couch and Loveseat $50, Bedroom CALL: FAX: - (desk lists, form letters, etc. on recycled clean. Laundry facilities. 2- 5 bedroom, lakeshore location, Furniture $125 w shelving 960-0240. paper. Laser printing, dictaphone, $335/month, all inclusive. Call Steve: large rooms, huge family room with unit, bed, nighstand), TV stand - jh equation editing, graphs and charts 886-0672. fireplace, garage, quiet neighbour- $15. All furniture in excellent condi- PRINCETON REVIEW available. Audrey 884-7123. hood, laundry facilities. Call 888- tion and can be sold separate. Call CANADA to Shelley 884-1167. Get an edge on the i,ni-.i-n Townhouse for rent. Suitable for 7377 view. OPPORTUNITIES group of 5 students, Parkdale plaza Nr GMAT, MCAT, USMLE, area. 12 month lease. 20 min. walk FOR RENT BACKPACK FOR SALE LSAT and GRE. Dynamic instruc- (15 Coaches Needed to Laurier. $260/mo. + utilties. Call 5 bedroom home opposite WLU Serratus Summit 60L+. Fully tors, small interactive classes WATERLOO MINOR SOCCER needs 746-7896 after 6 p.m. or leave a Library. All appliances. $1380 per adjustable suspension system. One students max.). Call 1-800-2- coaches and assistant coaches. Do message. month plus utilities. Lease from season used. Cobalt/Black. $100. REVlEWorwww.Review.com. you have the time and talent to Sept. 1 to Aug. 31.886-7212. Call Megan 885-1281. share from May to July? Please call Summer Sublet LSAT-MCAT-GMAT-GRE PREP 578-9680. May thru August, 4 rooms available, Summer Sublet: Sweet Location Guys and Girls Spring/Summer classes are now

- from " 319 Spruce, 3of 4 lar e bedrooms Creatine phosphate 100% pure forming. Course formats range from Hazel St- seconds cam riuim nuflflmfT 247 B EMPLOYMENT pus, $185 a month, all inclusive available, sundeck, partly furnished, with no additives. The best perfor- 20 to 80 hours. 20 hour weekends 080. Free parking, laundry, must clean. laundry facilities. 4 min. walk mance aid on the market, are available for $195. Richardson - ArtistNeeded see. Call Jake or Dave at 886-5843. to WLU. $150 all inclusive. Call 886- Guaranteed weight gain of 10 Since 1979. www.prep.com or To paint a poilrait of a building. Fee 0752. So sweet! pounds in 2 months or weight loss of [email protected] or 1-800-410-PREP. is negotiable. Please phone 883- First Time Advertised 14 pounds in 3 months. Dependent PPRQfiMAf Q 9274 Very clean house with 4 bedrooms. Summer Sublet on the program and your goals. The rCnOUItfiLO 2 blocks from WLU, laundry, lots of 3 rooms on main floor of house harder you work, the better the "Attention Sociology Students* parking, dishwasher, big backyard starting May 1. Rent together or results. One 500 gram bottle with Adoption? Pregnant? Warm, loving, & infertile couple to adopt and Wanted - SOC 321 (Research with deck, etc. Available May 1, separately. Clean partially fur- how to use booklet is $68 tax incl. anxious @ home for child. Legal Methods I) tutor for fall 1997. Call $310 + utilities. Call Craig (416) nished. Non-smokers only. Call Lori, Will last 3to 3 172 months. Call Matt provide a your $9/hr 725-3596 for at 886-1411 or Bill at 885-1915. and confidential. Call Mike/Donna 725-8178 ' ask for Diana 417-0722. details. (416) " . i CIiCMTO CoUeCt 261 9134- The Australian Employment 3 bedroom 1/2 duplex for rent. 27 4 ROOM HOUSE FOR RENT EVENTS & Travel Guide Peppier St., 15 min walk to WLU, Avail. May 1.12 min. to WLU, free Mate with me. Mate now. Mate. Australia-employment close to everything! Laundry facil. laundry, free parking, partly fur- USED BOOK SALE Produce oSspring. Hath a new gen- student jobs, teachers, professional, skill trades, $B(XVmo. inclusive! May-May lease, nished (think huge deep freezer!), 33rd Annual Used Book Sale of The eration of misanthropes. Mating is ifed'i'empioymeravennstrutnions Call Scott (416) 651-2166 evenings. really quiet, only $270 + utilities! Canadian Federation of University necessary. Mating is needed. 208-725-0311 5teve747 "9384. Women. Giant book sale at First Repopulate the destroyed Earth Summer Sublet United Church, King and William after the revolution. Call me on the Ito Aug. 28. 5 rooms, SUMMER streets, Friday April 4, 12 electric telephone or electronic male Of toikiroo May 2 full SUPER SUBLET Waterloo.

- BUSINESS bathrooms, laundry, parking. $185 Sublet available for May to August, pm - 9 pm. Saturday April 5, 9am me harr6o7o. Do it now. Do it forev- + "' ' ' - a Special books sold Friday at 2 er. Go now. Ix>ve me. /IDD/IDT/ MtiTlEO ut t es - 3 m n - wa WLU, UW. 29 Bricker Ave not even minute's 1 pm. UrrUnlUNlJlta Call Susan @883-9043. walk to school. Free laundry - 2 pm. Proceeds support local scholar- rooms available. I las a balcony and ships and community projects. Do you like ALF? Business Opportunity SUMMER SUBLET free parking. Best offer. Call Jeff @ SWM, 5'10", medium build. Likes Fast food restaurant for sale in 5 bedroom, 2 bath, utilities included. 883-9346 or Mark @ 883-9417. Lyric Night Club bungee jumping, white water raft- Waterloo near universities. Asking Patio doors to deck, clean, laundry, Birthday parties and special events, ing and hiking. Recently won trip for $49,900. Contact Stan Rektor (519) parking, furnished, available May 1 September Ito August 31 Lease Cash rebates, free food and prizes. two white water rafting... Inquire at 578-7300. to Sept. 1. Great price. 5 min. to 5 bedroom house opposite WLU Book your event now. WTUSP offices. 52 Noecker St. 669-4646. library. All applicances, non-smok- Call 749-2121. itf\i WLU, HOUSING ers - references. $278 per student APARTMENTS AVAILABLE plus utilities. Gall 886-7212. Congratulations to STEVE FESSEY Location-Location-Location Bachelor apartments, 2,3,4,5, & 6 and KEVIN RUSSEL, proud winners ACCIdCnC DATFQ Summer sublet available from May bedroom units, utilities included, SUMMER SUBLET MAY - SEPT. of major prizes during the final CLASSIFIEDS RATub

1 - August 31. 3of 5 bedrooms in a furnished, laundry, parking. Sept. 1 3/4 bedrooms available, 5 minute weekend of the TURRET Outdoor house across from Peters Building, from $300, summer sublets from walk to WLU, large bedrooms, living Adventure Series!! Steve takes home STUDENTS: together or separate. Laundry, $150-$250 inclusive. Clean build- room with patio doors leading to the Molson Exsports Canoe with a 30 words or less $5 $8 garage. Big backyard - great for Tug ings, great locations 669-4646. deck, full kitchen, laundry and park- total can guess of 287, while Kevin is 31 -60 WOfdS of War, Red Rover and other sum- ing facilities. Rent Negotiable. Call off to Europe for 15 days with a each word Over 60 .10 mer fun (Slip n' Slide not included). SUPER SUMMER SUBLET! Kriston @ 747-5312. Travel CuLVContiki European Whirl. NON-STUDENTS: words Of less $7 $200 per room, utilities included. Fabulous room available in modem, nEf*DEATtflki Call Julia or Rose at 885-1383. clean apartment. King St. location, FEMALE ROOMMATE WANTED HfcUHtAiI(JN 31 -60 WOfdS $10 can't get much closer to WLU. Rent 2 second year Bus. students need each word over 60 .10 Super Summer Sublet!! is so cheap it will blow your mind! roommate. Fully furnished 3 bdrm STUDENT CAMPGROUND SEMI-DISPLAY ADS: 2 rooms in 4 bedroom house at 168 Call Carolyn 725-0771! apt., $300/month + util. 10 min. Unhappy or tired of the rules and add -50 Lodge St. Very close, clean, big walk to WLU, quiet, clean, friendly regulations at the campgrounds you rooms and parking! Very Cheap! Inexpensive Summer Sublet!! bldg. Call Jenn at 747-2182. usually visit? Sick of lights out poli- *Prices include GST Call Gagan at 885-5360. 2 bedroom apartment. May-August. cies and alcohol bans? Want a park 8 minute walk to campus. Partially 3 Roommates Wanted for a 4 bed- where the camper is treated like a Summer Sublet 329 Spruce Street, furnished. Utilities included, room apartment in an 11 bedroom guest, not an intruder? Go to Placement forms are available Clean, Partly Furnished. Five min- $160/month/person. Call Ryan @ house. 12 month lease, furnished. Country Camping, we've put the fun in the Cord office, Students utes from WLU. Five rooms avail- 883-9339. laundry facilities, parking, newly back into camping with music, live Union Building. Phone-in able. Laundry Facilities. Call renovated.il/2minutewalkto bands, activities, sand volleyball and orders can call 884-1970 (ext. be Michelle or Sarah at 886-2918. Rent SUMMER SUBLET BEST DEAL WLU (264 Albert St.) $275/frionth + much, much more. Call 1-800- 3564). Fax orders can sent Negotiable. Corner of University and Albert, utilities. Phone 746-8097. UNDER-35 for free brochure or our to (519) 884-7723. Parking, laundry, cable, huge rooms website @ www.kanservu.ca/- Cash required in advance for Summer Sublet. May to August (some furnished). 5 second walk to AVAILABLE, one sunny spacious whamilton/ most student classifieds. 1997. Billing available for phone-in Laundry, parking, utilities Peter's Building. Prices negotiable, room with balcony. Free laundry, IKiEfIDftJIATIfIM included. Rent negotiable. Five Individual or groups. Call Craig 886- fireplace, balcony and great room- iNtUfilVlAifUN and fax orders and Classifieds rooms available - for group or sin- 3608. mates. Close to WLU. Rent nego- running for more than five gles. Located 5 minutes from WLU liable. Call 747-5401. Health Services issues. on King. Please call Jill/Tiff @ 746- Great room for sublet! During the April exam period a Deadline for placements or 7123 or 888-0627. One room available in a 4 bedroom Summer Sublet nurse will be available 1/2 hour cancellations is Tuesday at

apartment from May 1 - Aug. 31. 30 seconds away. Available May 1.1 before and during each final exam 12:00 p.m. Summer Sublet: Great Location! Modern, furnished, super place. So room, shared kitchen/bathroom. (Sat. exluded). From May to August The Cord is responsible for 1, 2, 3or 4 bedroom apartment sec- close you can spit on campus. Utilities, laundry and parking includ- '97 inclusive Health Services will be only one incorrect insertion, onds to WLU, King and Bricker. Laundry facilities, great security, ed. Air conditioning. $160 per on summer schedule. To obtain a

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