RPWV-Book-PM

Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard Issues #1-30 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat ReclaimingQuarterly.org

The Collected Works Volume I The cauldron

Why are you staring at your computer?

When you could be reading a print copy!?!

Shatter the shackles of digital oppression! Join the throngs of liberated pagans who have escaped from servitude to the screen and sprung for a print copy of the Cauldron!! Now you’re probably thinking – how could I possibly afford a print version of this extraordinary 150-page journal of magic, creativity, and action?

Monkish Copyists No More If this were the Middle Ages, you‘d have to hire a team of monkish copyists to do the work for you. And they’d keep making little doodles in the margins, so it would hardly be authentic! If it were Early Modern times, old man Gutenberg would have to set the whole thing up in moveable type. That’d cost a pretty ha’penny. And there would be no pictures. But it’s the 21st century – the epoch of print on demand!

Seize Control of the Means of Production! Yes – you can seize control of the means of production long enough to demand that somebody somewhere print an exact copy of the Cauldron without a single Reclaiming Cauldron – Have It Your Way! marginal doodle, wrap it up in a biodegradable mailer, and ship it to you in about a week. PDF – free download – link below Now that is a cultural revolution! Full Color print edition – $29.95 plus shipping PDF – always free, all the time B&W + Color Cover edition – $19.95 plus shipping We’re glad to have folks looking through the free PDF, Hand-copied monkish edition – $9999.95 identical to the print edition except for the first few pages.

Gutenberg typeset edition – $9998.95 At the same time, we are seriously concerned for your well-being. We urge you to take a step away from your Home-xeroxed edition – you’re on your own! computer, take a deep breath, and then come back and Net proceeds benefit Reclaiming Quarterly’s archives log on just long enough to order a copy! project as well as future publications and recordings. Join the print revolution now!

Links, downloads, & more info – visit WeaveAndSpin.org/cauldron

2 Reclaiming.org • Witchcamp.org • WeaveAndSpin.org J Comrades: In your hands you hold the complete archives of the Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard – the voice of the Pagan proletariat. Your purchase of our collected works supports the labors of the RPWV to throw off the chains of crypto-bourgeois romanticism and forge a mighty tool of global Pagan revolution. Please also visit our boutique on Union Square in San Francisco – right across from Niketown! * * * The RPWV was created as a prospective title for what eventually became Reclaiming Quarterly magazine (see back cover). To name the new magazine, we held a reader poll with several possible titles. “RPWV” was added as a last-minute joke. Naturally, we received a couple of emails from longtime Reclaiming supporters to the effect of, “So glad you are producing a magazine! But please don’t name it Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard!!” Realizing that the dialectical conditions underlying a revolutionary conjuncture had not yet ripened, we fell back on Plan B – an April Fool’s page in the Spring 1998 issue of RQ. Well, apparently our readers are so starved for humor that they found it funny. No one ever accused Witches of having good taste (for an alternate viewpoint, see Spiral Dance Fashion Musts and Misses at the back of this book). But the RPWV cell gallantly answered the call. Over several dozen issues of servitude, almost twenty people have contributed ideas, writing and photos to the page. And now we celebrate the Vanguard with a Collected Works edition. We’ve also added several other satires that have graced the pages of RQ, making this the most thorough and incisive document of Revolutionary Pagan Humor ever assembled. We hope it will give you a laugh or two, and that on finishing it you will rush to your checkbook and join the Pagan masses donating to Reclaiming Quarterly – the only place you’ll find future editions of the RPWV! Yours in struggle, The RPWV cell

Credits and Otherwise In addition to the credited photographers and authors, the following people are to blame for the contents of this publication: George Franklin, Kat Lilith, Elka Eastly, John Fox, Rain, Darach, JP, Aimee Vincent, Snow, Suzanne, Lisa Dillon, Lynx, Wolf, Georgie Dennison, July, Lisa Dillon, Jim Negrette, lily. This publication and its contents ©2002 Reclaiming Quarterly. Do not reprint without written permission.

Produced by Reclaiming Quarterly • 3 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

San Francisco Issue #1 April 1, 1998

Organize the Masses to Seize Power-From-Within! May 1st Set for Uprising

The Central Committee of the announce a new Elements of Dialectical known first book, “Das Ritual.” Pagans Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Cell has Magic class. The course will include showing a reluctance to enroll in this set May 1st (Beltane) as the target date invoking the ancestors (Mao in the East, course will be sent to Reclaiming’s new for seizing power from the decadent Castro in the South, Gramsci in the Indoctrination Camps, which will Crypto-Bourgeois forces who presently West, and Lenin in the North), as well as replace the ineffectual Witchcamps. control the Reclaiming community. a thorough study of Karl Marx’ little- continued on page B-82 Addressing the recent mass meeting of revolutionary pagan cadre, Cell Chairman Gusty Hail outlined the Surgeon General Warns Reclaiming Opens takeover strategy. “While the running dogs of Anarcho-Paganism are jumping on Dangers of Witchcamp Drive-thru Franchise over the Cauldron, our advance forces The Office of the Surgeon General has Reclaiming today announced the will seize the Maypole, proclaim a Pagan released this frightening photograph opening of its first drive-thru franchise, Workers’ Democracy, and strike up our documenting an actual trance-overdose located on trendy Valencia Street in San new chant: at Reclaiming’s infamous Witchcamps. Francisco. “We are the Vanguard of Everyone This is just one of the dangers awaiting “This is clearly the cutting edge of We’ll seize control of the Moon & Sun” neophyte pagans who are lured into the Earth-based spirituality,” declared Fellow-travelers of the RPW Cell Witchcamps, which take place across the Reclaiming CEO J. Alfredo Money. “The have already infiltrated the Reclaiming continent. Parents are especially future is now.” Teacher’s cell, and are prepared to continued on page C-97 As they enter from Valencia Street, car-based pagans will order from a menu of Groundings and Invocations. Elvis Spotted at Drivers then proceed to the Tunnel of Trances, where they can commune with Spiral Dance the ancestors while dining on veggieburgers and amazake shakes (2% Legendary rock icon Elvis Presley was of net profits benefit the Witchcamp spotted by numerous revelers at the Scholarship Fund). A special all-in-one 1997 Spiral Dance, re-opening a bitter devocation exit will speed ritualists on to debate between partisans and skeptics. their next destination. “This proves he isn’t dead,” Some members of Reclaiming’s exclaimed noted Reclaiming Elvisologist Executive Committee demanded special D. Quirky. “I saw him with my own paths for bicyclists and skateboarders, eyes!” but the majority wisely vetoed these “It proves nothing of the sort,” proposals as inconvenient for retorted renowned Reclaiming Elvis- automobile drivers. “We need to be clear debunker T. T. Quarrel. “It just means about whom Reclaiming is trying to that the veil was thin down at the end of serve,” stated Money. Lonely Street.” Rumors that all of Reclaiming’s in- Despite desperate attempts at An unidentified Witchcamper trances out and person rituals are being cancelled were mediation, the dispute remains slips towards the Exit of No Return — just one dismissed by Money. “We will continue unsettled, and has been placed at the top of the many dangers of Witchcamp, according to cater to pedestrians for at least of the agenda of the next Reclaiming to the Surgeon General. Photo by RPWV another few months.” Wheel meeting. staffer Randy Ralston.

4 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 1998 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

San Francisco Issue #2 July 4, 1998

Alchem Lab Discovers Sixth Sacred Thing Reclaiming Rituals

In a terse announcement that sent shock “trans-centric element of uncertain to Adopt waves though the Pagan community, magical properties.” Reclaiming Alchemical Laboratories Stunned members of Reclaiming Corporate Sponsors today disclosed the discovery of a sixth groped for words. “Obviously, our tapes In a major financial move, the Board of sacred element. and CDs are obsolete,” lamented Directors of Reclaiming has agreed to Euro-pagan traditions have long spokesperson H. Hava DayDream. corporate sponsorship of its 1999 cycle built their thealogy around the “Now we’ll have to write new verses to of rituals. veneration of earth, air, fire, water and all of our chants and invocations.” Already, Timberland has signed spirit. The new discovery could shake Meanwhile, Reclaiming exclusive rights to the Fall Equinox, this faith to its roots. Enterprises, Inc., was frantically while the June 21st celebration will “We’ve hoped against hope that our recalling copies of Starhawk’s best- henceforth be known as the “Dr. experiments were mistaken,” said selling novel, The Fifth Sacred Thing, Pepper® Summer Solstice.” Alchem Lab President J. Log-On. “But from bookstores around the world. “This will mean a few slight changes we can no longer deny the facts.” Log- And thousands of pentacle necklaces in the content of our rituals,” admitted On refused to reveal preliminary were reportedly being melted down, to Reclaiming Treasurer P. Martian. “For findings concerning the nature of the be re-cast as hexacles in time for this instance, at the Winter Solstice, our west sixth sacred thing, describing it only as a summer’s Witchcamps. invocation will be of Evian Mineral Water®. And the Spiral Dance will be re- choreographed by our new sponsor, Obituary Failed Uprising Haunts Arthur Murray Studios.” At press-time, only five of the eight Lúgh Lamented by Pagan Workers’ Cell rituals have sponsors, but others are in The failure of the Beltane uprising (see negotiation. The Trojan and Kimono Pagan Community last issue) has set off a bitter internecine companies are reportedly engaged in a bidding war for the rights to Beltane, Lúgh, god of light and Celtic lord of every struggle within the Revolutionary Pagan while the Thrifty Drug Store chain has skill, died June 21 from natural causes. Workers' Cell. RPW Chairman Gusty tendered an offer to sponsor the flaming Beloved son of Cian (of the mighty Hail, who tripped over the flaming cauldron at the Brigid ritual. Tuatha Dé Danann) and Eithne (of the cauldron and became entangled in the In a related move, the Witchcamp Fomóirí), Lúgh was raised by the Fir Maypole ribbons, triggering the debacle, Scholarship Fund has signed a contract Bolg queen Tailtiu, who singlehandedly continued on page D-17 with Hallmark to produce a line of cleared the central plain of Ireland for Samhain greeting cards, agriculture. A distinguished war using the always- veteran, he killed his Fomorian popular Peanuts grandfather, Balor, during the great cartoon characters to police action at Mag Tuired. deliver snappy seasonal When Lúgh, aka the “Long slogans such as “Blessed Handed,” sought to enter at the gates of Be!™” and “May You Tara, he was challenged to define his Never Hunger!™” distinctive craft for initiation. Lúgh was Martian denied distinct as master of all crafts: the corporate sponsorship Samildánach, the “Many-Gifted One.” would alter Reclaiming. He is survived by his hurling “Just because we work buddies “the Lúghnaticks,” and Celtic between the worlds pagans everywhere. A memorial for doesn’t mean we can’t Lúgh is planned for Lúghnasadh, do a little business in August 1. Donations may be made to RPWV staffers search for the vanguard of the proletariat while this one.” the Goddess in his memory. fomenting revolution at Nevada Test Site. Photo by GroundWork.

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • SUMMER 1998 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 5 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

San Francisco Issue #3 October 31, 1998

Reclaiming Squad Off to Pagan Olympics Witchcampers Sue: “Quest for the Crystal” Defective Cones of Power

With a rousing sendoff following the reverse order, but to anchor the ritual Seven California Witchcampers have Lammas ritual, Reclaiming’s Pagan and sell newsletter subscriptions at the brought a class action suit against Olympic Team left for the 1998 Games same time, has long been dominated by Reclaiming, alleging defective Cones of in Glastonbury, England. The Lammas the older Wiccan groups from England. Power at the 1998 camp. ceremonies were highlighted by the Pundits agree that this year may be According to court documents blessing of the wand to be used by the different. “With several groups now obtained by the RPWV, plaintiffs 1000-meter Triple Spiral Relay squad. doing rituals in the Bay Area each contend that the Cones of Power — the Long an international power in Sabbat, the level of competition has climax of Reclaiming rituals during Synchronized Aspecting and Speed gone up considerably,” said a team which participants chant and tone in Trancing, Reclaiming hopes to enter the spokesperson. “I think we’ll reap the ecstatic harmony — failed to meet advertised standards, resulting in upper echelons of such old-world continued on page D-17 specialties as Veiled Labyrinth Walking irreversible psychological damage. and Three-legged Maypole Dancing. A Reclaiming spokesperson who While Reclaiming-style Pagans still Loch Ness Monster identified herself as “Matterhorn” fare poorly in events such as Hex pointed out that the fine print in the Dueling, the Reclaiming team shocked Repairs Stalled Car Witchcamp contract disavows any the field in last year’s Between-the- guarantee of conal harmony or Worlds Cup by taking the Crystal medal Reclaiming community member Sue duration. However, an anonymous top- in the Spell-Casting Marathon. Pyrstitous reports strange auto mechanic level source confirmed that Reclaiming But Reclaiming’s hopes for top activities during a recent trip to Loch is negotiating an out-of-court settlement honors revolve around the Magickal Ness, Scotland. to this embarrassing case. “We’re Decathalon. This grueling competition, “My car stalled as I was driving offering them an all-expense-paid trip to which requires contestants not only to along the Loch one night,” she stated, Disneyworld’s new RitualLand theme ground, invoke all directions and deities, “and I was forced to leave it there to find park if they will drop their suit,” the lead a drum-trance, and devoke in a pay phone to call a tow truck.” source told the RPWV. According to Ms. Pyrstitious, Revolutionary Pagan that’s when the monster went Cell Purges Dissidents to work. On the heels of the failed coup at the “When I Beltane Ritual [see last issue], the returned to my Revolutionary Pagan Workers Cell has car, there was a instituted a purge of dissident members. puddle of water “Purity of doctrine is prefereable to on the ground, mass complacency,” stated RPW and a set of wet Chairman Gusty Hail. Using a purgative footprints led spell gleaned from Karl Marx’ classic into the Loch. I work “Das Ritual,” Hail pronounced checked my “nay-saying lackeys and crypto- car, and it bourgeois anarchists” anathema to the worked! cause of worldwide Pagan revolution. “The Loch A NEAR-RIOT erupted at the Ms. Witchcamp 1998 competition at California Camp. Above, Goth Witch’s rendition of demonic poetry The chairman then rallied the faithful Ness Monster is upstages Trendy Witch’s handcrafted costume. When Hippie Witch Mr. cadre in the traditional RPW dance: invoked the spirit of Jerry Garcia, the audience had to be restrained “One step forward, two steps back....” Goodwrench!” from storming the stage. Photo by RPWV staffer Morgaine Wilder.

6 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN1998 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

San Francisco Issue #4 February 29, 1999

Sluggish Start for Reclaiming TV Network Reclaiming Rituals “X-Trances" is only breakout hit Go On-Line In a first step toward eliminating costly Ratings are in for the Fall television highest-rated programs for October, and and anachronistic live rituals, season, and the numbers are not good the soap opera, “As the Wheel Turns,” Reclaiming will launch a series of on- for the fledgling Reclaiming based on gossip from an actual pagan line interactive rituals for 1999. Broadcasting Network. Locked in a community, was picking up steam as the Beginning with Spring Equinox, on- duel for advertising dollars with Fall season closed. line pagans will access the complete cycle Warner Brothers, UPN, and the But most shows failed to draw a of casting, grounding, invocations and Christian-sponsored PAX network, substantial audience. Even “Gwydion’s trances that comprise a Reclaiming ritual. RBN set record lows for viewers during Island,” a comedy where seven Spiral Minor changes in the content of the Fall sweeps. Dancers are cast adrift on the Isle of rituals are to be expected. For instance, One program, “Let It Begin Now,” Apples and have to contend with the on-line grounding, rather than in which the famed Reclaiming chant cantankerous ancestor spirits, appears to envisioning a cord running from the was sung non-stop for the entire hour, be little more than a cult favorite in its base of your spine to the center of the drew only 17 viewers, all of whom were Sunday evening slot. Earth, will begin as follows: family members of the chorus. “Maybe The one break-out hit of the season “Place your left hand on your mouse. we picked the wrong chant,” admitted has been the critically-acclaimed “X- Feel the mouse cord going deep, deep into producer N. Shibar. Trances,” where special agents Mulley the computer. Pull up all that hot, flowing And “Mathilda the Middle-Aged and Sculder investigate mysterious data. Feel it coursing through you, flowing Witch” lost half of its already small absences of paranormal phenomena at up and out into cyberspace...” audience after devoting an entire show Reclaiming rituals. In addition, earth, air, fire and water to Spells for Relieving Garlic-Induced Overall, however, RBN remained will be replaced by the new quadrad of Heartburn. mired in last place among the eight plastic, javascript, fiber optics and silicon. On a hopeful note, the Pagan national networks, finishing behind even Spirit, the fifth sacred element, will be Olympics broadcasts were among the the abysmal PAX network. “It’s not a replaced by invoking one’s Internet fair comparison,” lamented a Service Provider. Reclaiming spokesperson. “Our Basic Ritual Service begins at $20 membership has better things to do than per month, with a set-up fee of $25. Gentrification Hits watch TV.” Chakra cleansing will be slightly more. Isle of Apples Condo developments on the Isle of the Ancestors? That’s just one of the changes in store for the famed Isle of Apples, which is visited by Spiral Dance trancers each Samhain. As increasing numbers of yuppies pass over the Sunless Sea, the seemingly changeless land of the dead cannot help but be impacted. “I’d expect with the influx of baby boomers,” said renowned authority Petunia MayBloom, “we’re going to see a dramatic rise in property values. In a controversial move, Reclaiming replaced the ancestor’s trance at the 1998 Spiral Dance with Beachfront lots are already escalating The Big Spin. “The only problem,” said an organizer who asked to remain anonymous, “was a lot of continued on page D-17 grumbling from the losers. But isn’t that always the case?” RPWV photo by Robin Roberts.

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • WINTER 1999 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 7 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #5 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 1999

Reader Alert: Brigid Pledges Recalled! Furor Erupts Over Filming of Beltane Ritual In a major public relations snafu, from Brigid’s Sacred Well in Ireland, but A bitter conflict over decision-making Reclaiming was forced to recall over 200 was from a candle left over from Petunia process tore into Reclaiming last month pledges made at the San Francisco Brigid MayBloom’s 50th birthday party. when word spread that the Southwest- ritual when it was discovered that the Organizers realized that something ern East Bay Ritual Planning and flame used to light the cauldron was not was amiss when the ritual’s spiral dance Performance Cell (SWEBRPPC) has turned into the macarena. “No one contracted with Frances Ford Coppola except Al Gore does the macarena to film this year’s Beltane Ritual. anymore,” lamented a spokesperson. Party Chief Impeached “Coppola?” declared an angry H. Those who made pledges are urged Hava DayDream. “What about Jim for Sexual Misdemeanors not to implement them, but to attend a Jarmusch? Or Jane Campion? How could Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymus, High Priest special purgative ritual on the last full a decision like this be made without of the People’s Pagan Party (archrival of moon before the first day of the trimester input from all the planning cells?” the Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Cell), continued on page D-66 Controversy already surrounded has been impeached for violations of the the SWEBRPPC’s proposal to PPP’s strict code of sexual conduct. make a feature-length film of a Long a stalwart of the Party’s hard actual Reclaiming ritual core fundamentalist wing, Hieronymus (which will require severe was undone by the moral Byzantinism editing to fit the usual 2-hour that he rode to power. format). Last week, however, “Great Rite-gate” erupted when it dissent subsided somewhat was revealed that Hieronymus had never when Golden Globe® winner actually had sex on Beltane. “I usually Gwyneth Paltrow agreed to have a headache,” he pleaded in a play the role of Starhawk. televised hearing. But when Coppola was But after a lengthy investigation that selected to direct, the also turned up receipts for Disney simmering tensions erupted. Videos and Pop Tarts®, impeachment “I thought we’d seen an end to continued on page D-63 these sorts of closed-door meetings and behind-the- scene manipulations,” said Seeds of Revolution continued on page D-68 Rendered Sterile? In a startling demonstration of the impact of technological change on social development, Monsanto corporation has The Vanguard isolated the seeds of revolution and is in the process of rendering them sterile. Needs You! Monsanto’s nefarious genetic International pagan revolution was foiled last May The Revolutionary experiments with sterilizing seeds were Day, when the Revolutionary Pagan Workers Cell described last issue. attempted to seize the Reclaiming maypole in Dolores Pagan Workers’ Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Cell Park. Tragically, RPW Chairman Gusty Hail tripped Vanguard needs writers! chairman Gusty Hail was downcast over the flaming cauldron and became entangled in the Send your articles, story ideas, when he heard the news. “The worst maypole ribbons, and was nearly trampled to death by and photos to: RPWV, c/o part is that the seeds of crypto-romantic the anarchist fringe element who insisted on continuing the frivolous dance. This year, Hail vows victory at all Reclaiming, PO Box 14404, dilettantism will continue to flourish,” costs. Photo courtesy Art & Revolution Convergence. San Francisco, CA 94114 continued on page D-67

8 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 1999 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #6 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat July 4, 1999 Vanguard Alert! Y2K Disaster Looms for Reclaiming

Several recent bills, rumored to have Panic threatens to overwhelm Fall Equinox originated in the office of Americans A crisis threatens to engulf Reclaiming’s Indiana happens to celebrate Beltane on United for the Unification of Church Fall Equinox celebration, as word September 12 this year. According to one and State, have come to our attention. spreads that no one has been testing source, Reclaiming representatives plan These bills, in clear violation of our 1999 rituals for Y2K compliance. to infiltrate the Terre Haute planning fundamental rights, call for a five-day “We’ve already missed our chance group and surreptitiously conduct the waiting period for the purchase of crystals, to test Brigid, Spring Equinox, Beltane, necessary tests. mandatory past-life background checks, and Summer Soltice,” charged Abysma For Spring, some experts believe that and trigger locks for magic wands. Jankins. “We will enter the new a test of the Fall Equinox will suffice. “This clear insertion of tyrannical millennium ignorant of the viability of Summer likewise can be tested at Winter. Big Sister government into what is half of our rituals.” But a furious Paracelsus Wilson of clearly a private matter cannot and will Reclaiming Alchemical Laboratories not be tolerated,” declared RPW TESTING OPTIONS? charges a cover-up. “As if a harvest Chairman Gusty Hail. “As we all know, Luckily, alternate testing options have festival can nurture the new seeds! crystals don’t hex people, Witches emerged. By a quirk of the ancient Celtic That’s just plain bad magic.” continued on page 63, column 5 calendar, the town of Terre Haute, THE BRIGID THING Even if it does work, however, what is Gap Boycott rapidly becoming known as the “Brigid Thing” remains. “We have no idea what Traumatizes will happen when we do our invocations and pledges,” admitted a spokesperson. Reclaiming Reclaiming is not the only Pagan As the boycott of the Gap and group in trouble. Only a handful of Old Navy chains drags on, astrologers have filed compliance members of the Reclaiming statements, and tarot card manufacturers community are experiencing are resigned to massive lawsuits when severe wardrobe hardship. practitioners use pre-millennial decks. The Gap is partly owned by the Fisher family, whose logging practices have drawn the ire of environmentalists. Sordid Spy Scandal The Summer fashion season is nearly a complete Rocks Alchem Lab loss, as Reclaiming Witches As the RPWV goes to press, the first have been forced to wear shadowy details are emerging in what Wranglers and even hopelessly could be the spy scandal of the century. untrendy Levi’s. “Thank According to inside sources, the Goddess the revolution won’t Peoples’ Pagan Party has gained access be televised,” lamented to the most sensitive magical formulas Reclaiming fashion maven E. and meditative trances at Reclaiming In a stirring blow for global pagan revolt, RPW cadre Westly. “Otherwise, we’d be Alchemical Laboratories. If proven true, seize the Maypole at the Reclaim May Day celebration forced to make a choice [see page 10]. The ploy backfired, however, when the the thievery would severely compromise between two contradictory RPW realized that they were now responsible for storing continued on page 63, column 7 the 30-foot pole until next Beltane. Photo by Bob Thawley. continued on page 63, column 6

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • SUMMER 1999 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 9 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #7 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat October 31, 1999

Spiral Dance Canceled Alchem Lab Deciphers Drawing Down Whitey’s Moon Ancient Runes: In a shocking development, the Spiral Down Whitey from the Moon,” will Parking Permits? Dance will not be performed this year. focus on redistributing the planet’s The ancient Nordic runes, long believed “The Beloved Dead will just have to roll power and money to white people. to contain the mysteries of the universe over,” said Dawg Eve, spokesperson for In addition, the traditional Samhain in cryptic form, have finally been RPW Chairman Gusty Hail. songs of the Spiral Dance ritual have deciphered by researchers at Reclaiming The change was partly in response been scrapped. The cone of power will Alchemical Laboratories. to the tragic psychomagical trauma instead be raised to Gil Scott-Heron’s hit “I fear we’re in for a bit of a suffered by longtime Reclaiming song, “Whitey’s On The Moon,” letdown,” said Roy L. Crown. “It Priestess Starhawk [see photo below], complete with new verses especially appears that most of the runes pertain to who often plays a key role in the Spiral crafted for Reclaiming. parking permits for horses, carts and Dance ritual. carriages.” But a further complication involved The rune known as “Yr,” for the content of the ritual. The feeling had instance, entitled the bearer to unlimited been developing for years that the Spiral Bridge Lane for parking in ritual sacrifice zones, while Dance had become too multi-cultural. vehicles bearing the lowly “Feo” rune “It’s time to get back to our Euro-Pagan Psychic Vehicles? had to be moved every two hours. roots,” declared Eve. “Enough of this Caltrans announced that, as part of the Norse afficionados were naturally diversity nonsense.” new plan for the Bay Bridge expansion, dismayed at the news, and called for a The replacement ritual, “Drawing it will study building a special lane for complete investigation into the Lab’s vehicles fueled research. solely by But Reclaiming priestess Petunia psychic powers. MayBloom shed a different light on the The plan, which discovery. “Anyone who has ever arrived started due to late to a San Francisco ritual and tried to pressure from find parking will stand in awe of the the local activist power of the ancient runes.” organization, Psych-out Gas, was hailed by RPWV Chairman Gusty RPWV spokesperson Hail’s Travel Schedule Shar Truce, September 23, Amherst, MA “We have Book-Signing of “The RPWV known for Chantbook.” Includes favorite chants some time that such as “Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Bourgeois there is a wealth Paganism’s Got to Go!” and “What Do of psychic We Want? The Maypole! When Do We In a tragic development, two teachers suffered schizomagical breakdowns power held by Want It? Mabon!” Beyond Revolution at the 1999 California Witchcamp. One became mesmerized by the Witches, Pagans bookstore, 1 Castro St., 9-11 p.m. mystical Slinky™ spiral, while the other was transfixed by the yarn used and Shamans, in Camp rituals, and spent the rest of the week badgering campers to and are pleased September 30, Kalamazoo, MI take small strands of yarn from her basket. According to expert to see it being Workshop: “The Mysteries of Karl Reclaiming sources, there are no known cures for these maladies, and put to some Marx’s ‘Das Ritual.’” Benefit for the neither teacher is expected to recover from the trauma. Photo by Leona. practical use.” continued on page 22 (really!)

10 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN 1999 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #8 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat February 29, 2000

Reclaiming Rituals to Offer Pre-Blessed Food Whitey’s Moon IN A DEPARTURE from traditional ritual “Sure, it’s a lot of money,” said Ritual a Hit etiquette, Reclaiming will begin selling Moonbeam. “But when you consider pre-blessed food at rituals this year. how long it will take us to bless each one But Tragedy Strikes “Our rituals aren’t getting any of those M&Ms, it’s a bargain.” shorter,” admitted spokesperson Priestess

Sunshine Moonbeam. “By the time we THE DEBUT OF “Drawing Down Whitey’s get to the blessing and sharing of food, WTO Hexes Reclaiming Moon,” this year’s replacement for the everyone is getting cranky.” Spiral Dance ritual, found supporters in But no one wants to be caught WTO MINISTERS met in secret session last a most unexpected demographic — San nibbling on unblessed food. Hence the week and pronouced a solemn hex on Francisco EMT’s. new plan: Graces wearing vending-trays Reclaiming, according to sources close An ambulance was called when will circulate through the crowd selling to the Danish delegation. Twinklestar Goodwitch, the high sacred snacks and drinks to ritual In response, Reclaiming’s Wheel priestess invoking Whitey, began having celebrants. Since the effort is a benefit went into special sessions, poring over seizures. It was determined later that the for Reclaiming, food will be priced Z Budapest’s “The Goddess in the cause of the seizures was the according to expected demand. Wheat- Board Room” for an appropriate extraordinarily high amount of glitter in free fig bars will be 50 cents apiece, while binding spell related to international her brain. She was declared the victim of packs of M&M’s will cost $25. trade and finance. glitter addiction and overdose, and sent to the Betty Ford Center for recovery. The high point of the ritual, Charges of designed to redistribute power and money to white people, was the fact that Eastism Rock it lasted only an hour — with 45 minutes for invocations and Reclaiming devocations. Shell Oil, the Fisher Family, and Maxxam Corporation were the IN A BLISTERING critique of proud sponsors. Reclaiming’s style of circle casting, Esmeralda RagingWitch has leveled charges of “rampant Eastism” against the Ritual Planning Fundamentalist Rift Cell. “The pattern is all too Threatens Unity clear,” stated RagingWitch. FUNDAMENTALIST WITCHES, brandishing “When is the last time we wooden wands and quoting from the started our invocations with first edition of “The Spiral Dance,” have West?” seceded from Reclaiming in a dispute While denying the poten- over the twentieth anniversary edition of tially explosive charge of Eastism, the Pagan classic. Reclaiming’s Wheel quickly re- “The new edition is a travesty of sponded by adopting an en- everything we hold sacred,” charged tirely new set of culturally-rela- Jimmy Bob Cernunnos, leader of the Reclaiming Witchcamps are an excellent forum for Pagan tive directions — frontwards, dissident sect. “Thou shalt not alter one men to get in touch with their feelings. Here, a Reclaiming backwards, sideways, and jot or tittle of the sacred texts.” He also teacher models emotional expression for an eager student. Photo by RPWV staffer Leona. continued on page D-142 continued on page D-117

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • WINTER 2000 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 11 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #9 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 2000

Witchcamps Focus on Tolstoy Classic Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Classes Rites of Historical Materialist In response to complaints about last bread and cheap vodka. Passage year’s Witchcamp rituals not being built Rumors that the Revolutionary Join us for a six-week journey recreating around a myth or sacred story, Pagan Workers’ Cell was planning its the historical epochs leading up to the organizers have elected to focus this own ritual cycle which would recreate present revolutionary juncture. Students year’s rituals around Tolstoy’s War and the 1917 Russian revolution could not will relive primitive accumulation, Peace. be confirmed at press time. feudalism, mercantilism, early industrial “We realize that this may make the capitalism, and the disco era. The final rituals a bit longer,” conceded teacher session will attempt to overthrow post- Sunshine Moonbeam. “But if they want industrial finance capitalism. Please read a story, we’ll give them a story.” RPWV Celebrates the first six chapters of Karl Marx’ “Das Camp rituals will recreate the lives Second Anniversary Ritual,” and be committed to global of peasants, villagers, soldiers and Pagan revolution. Pre-requisite: aristocrats in Czarist Russia. The This issue marks the second anniversary Elements of Dialectical Magic or climactic ritual will cover Napolean’s of the Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ equivalent. invasion of Mother Russia, with the Vanguard — two years of bringing cone of power being raised to earth-based dialectical analysis to the Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture.” Camp Pagan masses. Chairman Gusty Hail Levitation 101 marked the anniversary by calling for kitchen staffs have been alerted to adapt In this introductory class, we will renewed struggle against crypto-reformist their menus accordingly, and campers explore the magickal arte of levitation. should expect a steady fare of stale rye continued on page D-94 Participants will learn to ground, unground, deground and reground. We will begin by levitating imaginary objects, moving on to pencils, toaster ovens and small animals. For the final class, students will be expected to levitate themselves. Please bring a cushion, kneepads and a bicycle helmet.

Magical Apathy Weekends This weekend workshop will focus on working with the forces of nature to nurture political and social apathy. Kick back with Bacchus and Dionysus in the California redwoods as we drink Budweiser and watch reruns of 1950’s professional wrestling. Learn basic magical techniques of denial, repression and scapegoating, and discuss how spellcrafting can enhance an already active indifference. Our connection to this magical realm can fuel our struggle Reclaiming’s new exercise video, “Groovin’ with the Goddess,” was released to rave reviews last to avoid the rest of reality. No fee for month. Join Artemis, Isis, and Aphrodite as they raise your consciousness and lower your blood this workshop, but please bring Pringles pressure. Order your copy now to have buns of steel in time for the Summer Solstice ocean plunge! and Cheetos to share. Photo by RPWV staffer Randy R.

12 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 2000 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #10 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat July 4, 2000

RitualLand Opens to Rave Reviews Reality-TV Series Despite the presence of nay-saying And in the Grand Hall of Samhain, Features Reclaiming protesters, Reclaiming’s new RitualLand video-helmeted visitors can experience Auditions are being held for a entertainment center opened in the entire Spiral Dance ritual, in 72- Reclaiming-based “reality” TV show, to downtown San Francisco on Beltane eve, track simulcast, in just over three air this Fall on the PAX Network. drawing capacity crowds and rave minutes. The premise — 13 Witches are cast reviews from the local media. Protesters, meanwhile — led by the adrift on the Isle of Apples, where they “We haven’t seen this kind of ever-vigilant Esmeralda RagingWitch — cavort with the Beloved but also rather excitement in our town since they decried the venture as crass cantankerous Dead. Each week, at a opened the Old Navy store with the commercialism and a betrayal of community ritual, one of the Witches is built-in Starbucks,” declared Mayor Reclaiming’s Vision of Unity. turned into a toad, until only two Willie Brown as he waited in line to ride “I don’t see a single ride concerned remain. Those two will then be the “Fool’s Journey,” a tarot-based with environmental justice,” said contestants on a special edition of amusement ride. “I might have to try the RagingWitch. “The closest thing to a Magical Jeopardy for the grand prize: Spiral Tilt-a-Whirl, too,” he confided. conscience in the whole operation is the Samhain dinner with the ancestor of But the Mayor was steering clear of Luna ride.” their choice at the SpiralDancer Café. “The Descent of Inanna,” a thrill-ride RagingWitch referred to a thrill ride See page D-147, column 7, for complete details! which drops riders an incredible five where customers sit on platforms a stories in just 2.7 seconds. hundred feet up a synthetic redwood For the younger crowd, GoChartres tree eating granola and trying to talk to features a game of laser tag with 3-D reporters on cell phones while being faeries and space aliens inside the buzzed by helicopters. Reclaiming Launches Chartres labyrinth. Spellbound crowds thronged to see continued on page D-113 New Product Line

INSTANT WATERS OF THE WORLD Each packet contains a tiny sample of mud, sludge, micro-organisms, or toxic waste from dozens of different sources. Just add bottled water, and voila! Waters of the World! Send $19.95 for one packet, or just $999.99 for our “Solstice Special” — enough for an entire ritual or Witchcamp!

“THE SPIRAL DANCE” KARAOKE CD Yes, finally you can sing along with all the hits from the Spiral Dance! Join in on the harmonies, or step out and belt a solo on “Let It Begin Now.” Relive all the excitement at your next karaoke party. Comes with free bonus karaoke CD, “The Tree of Life Grounding.” Entire package just $29.99. RPWV dialectical metaphysicians debate the proper angle by which to bring the maypole into alignment with both the Earth’s transmagnetic axis and the historical conjuncture, thereby ensuring All products now available exclusively at the ripening of revolutionary conditions in the coming year. Photo by RPWV staffer Steve Nadel. your neighborhood Reclaiming store!

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • SUMMER 2000 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 13 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #11 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat October 31, 2000

Reclaiming Sweatshops Exposed Movie Review Coerced labor revealed at annual Witchcamps The Goddessfather IN THIS Neo-Pagan sequel to the classic IN A STARTLING revelation that sent provide any proof of payment for mafioso series, Michael Corleone’s shockwaves through the Pagan world, musical services. grandson Dylan goes to MidAtlantic the RPWV has uncovered evidence of And new evidence began to emerge Witchcamp, where he aspects systematic use of sweatshop labor by that Reclaiming Quarterly, the tabloid Aphrodite, changes his name to Reclaiming. publication of the group, is produced StregaDove, and dedicates his life to The break came when sources entirely by volunteers. healing the bloody rifts among the confirmed that the new Reclaiming “But they like volunteering on the feuding Sicilian families. banner was manufactured by indentured magazine,” protested a spokesperson in But at the Ancestors Ritual, the labor at California Witchcamp. what is sure to become the standard young heir to the bitter Corleone legacy Under the guise of a “summer continued on page D-113, column 6 communes with the spirit of his great- intensive,” participants in the grandfather, the legendary Don Corleone, weeklong retreat were lured who demands that StregaDove take over into sewing the elaborate five- the entire Witchcamp operation. When sided banner depicting earth, Camp organizers balk, StregaDove air, fire, water and spirit. channels a spell they can’t refuse, and The banner is part of an continued on page D-117, column 7 intricate pyramid scheme. It was shipped to Los Angeles for the protests at the Democratic Convention, where it was used to recruit Surf’s Up at further Witchcampers, who ® will be pressed into similar Maui Witchcamp labor at the 2001 Camp. CONCERNED WITH A drop-off in If successful, the scheme attendance at several Witchcamps last will be exported to other summer, Reclaiming has taken the Witchcamps in 2002. wraps off its latest marketing venture: The first evidence of this Maui Witchcamp®. sordid scandal came to light A select group of campers were when it was revealed that invited to the trial run on Maui this California Campers are summer. RPWV’s Georgeanne reports: systematically denied access to “The accommodations were first meat and brand-name soft rate. I slept so well in my luxury condo’s drinks. Investigative research queen size bed that I was afraid I would soon established that sugar is oversleep and be late to Path. But then I rationed on a once-per-day remembered, Path doesn’t start until I basis. get there. Further reports that the “Another wonderful thing is I never top-selling Reclaiming Chants had to listen anyone else all week. After tapes were also produced by Taken Water Path too many summers at your usual all, it’s all about me at Maui camp. As coerced labor could not be Witchcamp? It’s time for Surf Path at the all-new Maui the Camp motto says: ‘Ask not what you confirmed at press time, but Witchcamp®, where every teacher is a lifeguard. Or take can do for your community, ask what the accounting department at Spirit & Mystery (S&M) Path, where the scourge is the your community can do for you!’” Reclaiming was unable to magical tool of choice!

14 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN 2000 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #12 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat February 2, 2001

Reclaiming to Wire Isle of Apples Las Vegas Show Features Reclaiming Reclaiming stocks soar in Reclaiming shares traded on the Neo- Pagan Stock Exchange (NPSE) rose A NEW LAS VEGAS musical extravaganza wake of announcement stars members of Reclaiming. WitchFest continued on page D-112 IN A MAJOR COUP, Reclaiming has 2001®, which opened in January at the obtained the rights to wire the Isle of Golden Nugget, includes a topless Apples – home of the beloved ancestors chorus performing Reclaiming chants, – for the internet. Correction while other members of the ensemble lap-dance their way into the hearts and By next fall, full DSL capabilities are In a recent issue of the RPWV, it was souls of the audience. expected, and people attending the stated that Reclaiming co-founder annual Spiral Dance are encouraged to Sunshine Moonbeam was arrested for The show consists of five acts, each bring laptop computers to the ritual. masterminding an international drug-and- geared to an “elemental” theme. The Air “The new high-speed capabilities should sex ring. In fact, she was arrested for portion features aerial acrobatic stunts, make for much faster connections with overdue library books. The RPWV regrets while the Fire segment involves flame- the ancestors,” said J. Log-On, chief this inadvertant misprint. twirlers and fireworks. engineer for Reclaiming’s internet While services division. WitchFest 2001® is A Reclaiming-affiliated group in expected to be a Seattle, Turning Tide, also got the major drain of contract for cellular service on the Isle. energy for With the spread of pagers among the Reclaiming, it is beloved dead, the ancestor trance that compensated by has often turned the Spiral Dance into the fact that the an endurance marathon is expected to new show can run much more smoothly. replace the Spiral In response to the announcement, Dance ritual. “We’ll just add a two-hour ancestor trance in the Labyrinth Scandal middle, and make Rocks Pagan Party people sit on the concrete floor for ALREADY REELING FROM accusations that he five hours without has never had sex on Beltane, High any food or Priest Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymus of drink,” said the People’s Pagan Party (archrivals of Mistress of the Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Ceremonials Party) has been caught cheating on a Sunshine Moon- labyrinth walk. beam. “They’ll Surreptitious photographs appear never notice the to show Hieronymus furtively slipping difference.” from the eighth to the seventh circuit of Tickets to the Chartres-pattern labyrinth inscribed WitchFest 2001® inside party headquarters near can be purchased The earth invocation at WitchFest 2001®, Reclaiming’s new musical Leadmine, West Virginia. If confirmed, show premiering in Las Vegas in January, was an instant hit with at any Reclaiming continued on page D-194 audiences tired of the usual secular fare. Photo by RPWV staffer Leona. ritual.

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • WINTER 2001 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 15 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #13 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat April 1, 2001

Reclaiming Conclave Revises Articles of Faith Diversity documentary

BRINGING TO A close a tumultuous — Reclaiming sabbats. The Color of Beer some would even say “anarchistic” — Putting to rest the bitter disputes IN THIS STIRRING documentary about race era in Reclaiming’s history, the first over what to call May Day, the Conclave relations in the United States, fourteen Conclave of the new Millennium has came down firmly in favor of men from seven different ethnic groups issued Revised Articles of Faith which “Behltaeighne.” gather for an intense weekend retreat in will immediately be binding on all And the festival around Halloween Northern California. As the cameras Reclaiming-tradition communities. will henceforth be known as roll, the men discover that their beer Unlike recent Conclaves which “Souwgh’ma’whain,” following the preferences are in inverse relationship to skirted controversy in favor of ancient usage in the southeast corner of their skin color: the lighter one’s skin, superficial consensus, the 2001 gathering the region of Paughcastle in Cornwall. the darker the preferred beer. This leads dared to face the thorniest internal feud [Please note that these letters — u, g, h, to bitter exchanges as participants of recent years: how to spell the m, a — are not pronounced.] devolve into shouting “Tastes great!” or The Conclave also took steps to “Less filling!” at each other. shorten rituals. Most notable is the The retreat takes a dangerous turn merging of directional invocations. when it is revealed that one of the white Henceforth, Reclaiming events will Letters to the Vanguard men’s ancestors was a German brewer invoke north and east together (element: who held Mexican and Japanese beer in Dear Vanguard: dust). South and west will also be disdain. The white man’s inability to I have been having trouble getting out merged (element: steam). grasp the depth of his cultural of bed lately, especially since you- Regarding matters of personal conditioning threatens to undermine the know-who won you-know-what. Any practice, the Conclave ruled that entire weekend. advice? grounding cords in private spellwork are Just when the situation seems not to exceed four inches in diameter. X.L., Terre Haute, IN hopeless, though, a dramatic For public rituals, up to eight inches is breakthrough occurs. During halftime of RPWV responds: allowed. And the expression “so mote it the Sunday afternoon football telecast, In times of travail, always remember the be” is to be used only under careful words of RPWV Chairman Gusty Hail: the fourteen men discover they can all continued on page D-114 “Out of the dialectical interplay of the agree on one thing: Budweiser sucks! opposing forces of the present will emerge Running time 1:45. a new synthesis — the future.” Comes with discussion guide, tasting kit and As far as getting up in the morning, we calorie chart. Custom- would suggest buying a very ized beer mugs extra. uncomfortable mattress.

Dear RPWV, The RPWV’s As far as I can tell, you’re neither Revolutionary, Workers, nor a Greatest Hits Vanguard of any sort. You might be Coming this Fall: the Pagans, but I sure can’t tell from your collected works of newsletter. But hey, I admire your Chairman Gusty — a consistency. complete bound A.R., Shreveport, LA edition of the RPWV, plus other humor and RPWV responds: Members of the Portland-based group “Reclaiming Our satire from the pages of Says you! Wealth” proudly carry on Reclaiming’s tradition of magical activism. Photo by RPWV staffer Rowan Phillips. RQ. Don’t miss it!

16 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 2001 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #14 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat July 4, 2001

Factory-Occupation Witchcamp — New Study Claims Proletarian Alternative to Village Camp Lugh’s Death a Fake Recent research into the life and death In a striking and timely riposte to the production, and produce non-exploitive of famed Celtic God Lugh, said to have quasi-peasant/crypto-bourgeois “Village gumballs for the masses. died on Summer Solstice, has called Camp,” [see page 39], the Revolutionary Like Village Camp, Factory- into question the celebration of Pagan Workers’ Vanguard has an- Occupation Camp is for all ages. Lammas (aka Lughnasad) — the Wake nounced its first Factory-Occupation Children as young as twelve can take full of the Sun God. Witchcamp. part in the daily work. Younger children A new Glasgow Metaphysical Modeled on the little-known 1848 can work half-days (seven hours). University study presents convincing occupation of the Acme gumball factory Unlike Reclaiming Witchcamps, evidence that Lugh didn’t die at all, but in Terre Haute, Indiana, the Camp re- where you rarely see a pointed hat or a moved to suburban Amsterdam, creates the actual conditions of the foaming cauldron, Factory Camp aims assumed an alias, and lived out his days 1840s — fourteen-hour days in a stifling to be the most authentic experience in obscurity. warehouse, chained to a gumball- possible. Organizers are researching “Lugh-sightings can no longer be coating machine. Camp rituals lay clothing, diets and customs of the 1840s. dismissed as a collective hallucination,” careful groundwork for the Friday And Camp teachers will tour Nike said Professor Xavier MacKilpatrick. uprising, in which workers occupy the factories in southeast Asia to sharpen “It’s time to set the record straight.” factory, seize control of the means of continued on page D-117 For centuries, such claims have been dismissed as fantasy public service announcement and wish-fulfillment. Even today, most scholars are dubious that Lugh was ever Regarding Your Reclaiming actually seen in chain supermarkets. Grounding-Cord Warranty But the notion of Lugh’s Following this spring’s earthquake in Solstice death dies hard. In Seattle, Reclaiming received numerous San Francisco, Reclaiming lit inquiries about warranties on its Summer bonfire with grounding cords acquired at our copies of the Glasgow study. Witchcamps and rituals. And BC Witchcamp, which While it has always been will be in session over Reclaiming’s policy to guarantee the Lammas, pronounced the craftspersonship of all of its products, report anathema and vowed we are constrained to point out that continued on page D-162 every warranty contains the following clause: Section VI:32(f) — “This warranty Plans by Reclaiming Alchemical does not cover damages due to Laboratories to market a new violence or mayhem committed by non- men’s supplement called Reclaiming deities (‘Acts of God,’ etc).” Pentagra® suffered a setback We are truly sorry for the many when tests conducted at Beltane damaged grounding cords suffered by revealed unexpected side effects. our customers in the northwest. And we Further tests will be conducted at do sincerely hope that you will re- Witchcamps, with the projected ground with us. release date for Pentagra® pushed back to Samhain 2001. See page D-117 for complete details. Photo by RPVW staffer Susan.

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • SUMMER 2001 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 17 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #15 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat October 31, 2001

Reclaiming Adopts Spiral Dance Gets ‘Real’ Makeover

Self-Invoking Deities Concerned that Reclaiming’s annual The altars, while retaining their Combining a respect for scholarship Spiral Dance ritual was losing ground to directional focus, will present element- with a desire for shorter rituals, reality-based programming, organizers based challenges. The West altar, for Reclaiming announced that its 2002 this year took the dramatic step of instance, will require people to submit Wheel of the Year cycle will work altering the ritual script. to an ordeal by water. Those who last exclusively with self-invoking deities. “We have to get ‘real,’ if you know through three dunkings get 10 points. Recent research at Reclaiming what I mean,” said Sunshine ParaHistorical Academy strongly Moonbeam. “Magic is fine, but we need STYLE POINTS suggests that the adoption by the ancient a healthy shot of down-and-dirty At the North altar, participants will be Celts of these auto-activating gods and competition.” invited to eat eye of newt, wing of bat, goddesses played a decisive role in the The changes start right at the and other traditional delicacies. Points development of Western culture. entrance. While the timid will enter will be assessed according to size and While the self-invoking deities will through the usual veiled passage, texture. Style points will also be speed up rituals, a problem remains — participants will have the option of awarded. timing. Researchers are conducting passing through a flaming tunnel. Those The trance will still visit the Isle of continued on page D-117 who make it to the other end earn five Apples, but instead of communing with bonus points. the Beloved Ancestors, people will engage in a struggle for survival with a group of Reclaiming teachers aspecting RPWV Holiday Giftshop the spirits of dead professional wrestlers. • Acme Inflatable Labyrinth® — Comes Insufficiently competitive in 7- or 11-circuit models. participants will get voted off the island by their peers, until only 13 remain. • Genetic Gerbils® — Kids will have a Those 13 will engage in a Reclaiming blast altering the genetic code of these trivia contest to determine who gets to furry pets and watching them mutate. stand in the middle of the spiral. • Baby’s First Athame® — Double- Meanwhile, fundamentalist Witches bladed for extra excitement! led by Jimmy Bob Cernunnos vowed to cast a picketing spell on the ritual: • Junior Alchemistry Sets® — Includes “Thou shalt not tamper with the holy one Brigid’s Flame bunsen burner, a words of our most sacred ritual.” collapsible cauldron, dehydrated But Reclaiming planned to press on Waters of the World, and 13 exciting elements to mix and match. continued on page D-113 • Little Miss Goddess® beauty kit, for announcing the divine in every child. Complete with crown of Aphrodite, glitter gel, Karaoke Invokee Lounge and a talking affirmation mirror. Avalon Hotel presents the grand opening • PrestoMagic Knot-Tying Kit® — of Reclaiming’s newest hot spot, the Dozens of knots and how to use them Karaoke Invokee Lounge. Sip organic to enhance your binding spells and mead while you chant along to all of your love life. Reclaiming’s classics. Don’t know the Two Witchcampers demonstrate the Full- words? Just follow the bouncing • Kitchen Witch Easy-Bake Solar Contact Spiral, which will be used for the first Oven® — perfect for Witchcamp or time at this October’s Spiral Dance ritual. pentacle! your Elements Backpacking trip. Photo by RPWV staffer Otter. Reserve the Lounge for your coven’s next initiation or dark moon ritual!

18 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN 2001 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard Issue #16 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat February 29, 2002

Protection Spells Wreak Triple Havoc Ritual Planning Cell Several city blocks were devastated the fl eas of a thousand camels infest Adopts Entry Policy today by uncontrolled protective magic, your armpits!” prompting renewed calls for licensing of Zeus glared back. “Fire burn your In a bold move aimed at stemming occult powers. nasal hair!” criticism that it is a closed leftist The incident started when Magnus Before either could blink, the thrice- clique accountable to no one but itself, Surespell cast a protective ward about amplifi ed protection spells called down Reclaiming’s SouthWestern East Bay his person, enhancing it with a three- a horde of giant fi re-breathing fl eas and Ritual Planning Cell has adopted new fold multiplier. Apparently jealous of an enormous freestanding fi restorm. guidelines for entry and membership. Mr. Surespell’s creativity, Zeus Biggergod Four city blocks were obliterated before “This shows we’re open to new cast a similar spell with an equivalent a Paramagic Squad headed by Morgaine blood,” said SWEBRPC spokesperson refl ectivity multiplier. Moonbeam was able to create a reduc- Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymus. According to eyewitnesses, the two tion spell that shrunk the two appari- Effective immediately, supplicants “big wands” literally ran into each other tions to a small collection of fl eas with “a will be asked to take a fi ve-part written in front of an occult bookstore. Magnus really painful bite.” examination as well as a brief practical was reportedly distracted by a pentacle- Ms. Moonbeam was heard test covering grounding, centering, shaped cloud when the two magi col- muttering about men and magic as she anchoring, and parallel parking. After completing this process, the lided. Magnus spat in the gutter. “May continued on page D-141 prospective planner begins their year- and-a-day pre-probationary period, during which time SimSpiral Sales they are on permanent clean- Smash Holiday Record up duty. If that year goes well, the person is invited to apply Reclaiming’s much-touted new video to be a probationary member, game, SimSpiral®, defi ed the economic pending review by the entire downturn to become the hottest gift of cell at its next three annual the recent holiday season. business meetings. The game, in which competing The toughest issue, priestesses try to organize the climactic however, concerned former spiral dance at a virtual Samhain ritual, members who wished to is expected to become the top-selling rejoin the cell. Some people Reclaiming title of all time. favored fl uid membership, The magic of the game is its appeal while others advocated a to all levels of skill. Beginners delight in stringent re-entry process. corralling SimCelebrants® into a single The matter came to a circle. Success at this daunting task takes head when Esmeralda players to the advanced level, where un- RagingWitch left the room ruly participants try to disrupt the dance to use the toilet, and on her by cracking the whip. Points are lost return had to be re-consensed every time a dancer sustains a broken into the cell. arm or fractured skull. Bonus points are Provisional consensus gained when the player manages to put a was reached that returning binding spell on the disrupters. members must take the The highest level of the game is the written exam, but do not Cone of Power®, where players must have to pass the driving test. achieve conal harmony, volume, and Participants in this year’s Spiral Dance faced heightened security measures as they prepared to step through the veil A standing committee continued on page D-112 into the land of the ancestors. Photo by Robin Parrott. continued on page D-117

64 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • WINTER 2002 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard Issue #17 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 2002

Film version of Reclaiming Missionaries: Into the World Spiral Dance Tanks Building on the stunning success of usual devotional, ecological, or healing- The fi lm version of The Spiral Dance, the 1996 Conclave (which sent out oriented classes offered at Witchcamps released in direct competition with the fi rst Reclaiming missionaries), the and by local communities, initiates Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, took a 2002 assembly has adopted a fi ve-point will be schooled in techniques of mass nosedive after a promising opening. program aimed at converting the entire outreach as part of the “Reclaim Earth While a good pre-release buzz world to our way of belief by the year for the Goddess” drive: produced healthy fi rst-weekend crowds, 2013. • “The Gideana Project,” which will the deluge of critical reviews soon Thousands of new missionaries place a hardbound copy of The Pagan translated into empty theaters. will be trained immediately, in all of the Book of Living and Dying in every hotel The fi lm — six hours with no classes listed in this issue. In place of the room in the world. intermission — opens with a bang, • “Operation Bright Candle,” a as giant puppets and fi re-breathing synchronized spell aimed at getting all stiltwalkers invoke the sacred elements. six billion humans to convert to the But excellent performances by Drew Goddess, or at least to subscribe to RQ. Barrymore (as a chorus member • “Erishkigal’s Underworld,” a chain suffering from a sore throat) and of rave-clubs to appeal to today’s youth. Tom Cruise (in a tour-de-force turn • “Brigid Brigades,” specially-trained as Starhawk) are wasted as things bog outreach squads which will work in down during the interminable reading particularly hostile territories. of names of the beloved dead. • “Through All the World Below,” a The plot regains momentum during year-and-a-day commitment to preach the trance journey to the Isle of Apples, the Charge of the Goddess at every but crashes and burns during the hour- opportunity, including supermarket long spiral dance. lines, mass transit platforms, and As fi lming begins on the sequel, anywhere else people can’t escape. “Winter Solstice at Ocean Beach,” Beginning in 2003, all Pagans between the ages of 18 and 21 will be continued on page D-112 expected to complete a full year of missionary fi eldwork. Deferments will be available for priestesses in training, Witchcamp organizers, and members of Meters Planned for Reclaiming’s Pagan Olympic squad. Ritual Center Frustrated that certain celebrants Beltane Youth Uprising Foiled monopolize the inner-ring positions at A daring and inspired attempt by the Reclaiming rituals, organizers plan to set Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard up meters around the inner perimeter of Youth Brigade (RPWVYB) to seize the Beltane the sacred circle. Maypole and launch the international Pagan The meters will require a deposit revolution was foiled when the RPWVYB of 50 cents for every fi ve minutes. Net chairperson’s mother (a known sympathizer of proceeds will be used to buy booster- the rival People’s Pagan Party, which promotes boots for short Witches. crypto-bourgeois reformism behind a veneer of If the plan is successful, it will be Goldmanesque anarcho-leftism) intervened at a critical conjuncture. continued on page D-113 Photo by RPWV staffer Bob Thawley.

64 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 2002 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #18 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat July 4, 2002

Hieronymus Establishes New Psychic Malady Deletes Past Lives New Diversity Record Officials with the Institute of Trans- been condemned by the Right to Past- Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymus, Personal Biology and Para-Physical Life Coalition, fundamentalist Witches Chairman of the People’s Pagan Party, Psychology have confi rmed the existence who hold that pre-birth fetal memories shattered the modern record for of a debilitating new meta-mental are lives, too, and that the implanting diversity by attending services, sabbats, disease. Characterized in the early procedure robs those past lives of their masses, meditations, celebrations, sacred stages by an inability to remember right to exist. dances, passion plays, and bingo sessions details of past lives, the degenerative Researchers vowed to continue their sponsored by 37 different faiths during condition eventually destroys entire continued on page D-137 March 2002. former lifetimes. People in the terminal His feat easily surpassed that of stages often believe that the present Global Warming — Endless Summer the late Ebenezer Ezekial Rossellini, incarnation is one’s only life. whose mark of 34 was once considered Progress is being made on a Wicker-man fans rejoice — soon, every Sabbat will be Summer Solstice! unapproachable. treatment which involves implanting Entering the fi nal week of March, pre-birth fetal memories into the meta- SEE LIFESTYLE — SECTION E Hieronymus’ tally was 22 — already one psyche of individuals suffering from the of the ten best scores of modern times. disease. Individuals receiving “stem- Violence Mars Rugby Championship But it was a late burst that etched his dream” implants have shown marked Vermont tops Texas in disputed match to name in the record books, particularly improvement in many cases. capture Witchcamp League title a brilliant quadruple when he attended The research is controversial. It has SEE SPORTS — SECTION F Equinox, Passover, Easter, and Rosicrucian events in a single weekend. Exhausted from his efforts, Hieronymus cost himself a shot at the GoodWitch Cultural Sensitivity Award when he inadvertantly invoked Dionysus during Easter Vespers at St. Dennis the continued on page D-119

1013 Practical Jokes for Wiccans and Other Pagans Now YOU can be the life of any ritual, with our all-new catalog of crazy jokes and zany tricks. Play them on your coven — or try them at the next Spiral Dance! Choose from these favorites, and many more: • Brigid’s Electric Well — seal those Brigid pledges with a jolt. Ideal for long-winded celebrants. • Miracle of Life Tadpole Farm — drop it into Waters of the World and watch the fun begin! • Exploding Doumbek — comes in three sizes. • Wodin’s Whoopee Throne — get one for your deep anchor or your Witchcamp teacher. They’ll love it! A sordid sex scandal rapidly becoming known as “Abstinence-gate” has rocked an already-reeling Reclaiming to its foundations. On Beltane Eve, the RPWV caught Reclaiming High Priestesses • Whacky Compass — perfect for groups who decide Sunshine Moonbeam and Esmeralda RagingWitch in the heat of a passionate political debate — at which way is North by consensus. the very moment they were supposed to be performing the Great Rite. Photo by RPWV staffer Otter.

64 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SUMMER 2002 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #19 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat October 31, 2002

Chakraland® — Payscale Dispute Rocks Maui Witchcamp Reclaiming Opens New Theme Park A bitter dispute has erupted among people different amounts for the same Special to the RPWV — © 2002 Reya Reclaiming Witchcamp teachers work.” Sick of the Grand Canyon? Seen the over differential payscales, or, as one But senior guard Esmeralda Golden Gate Bridge and Niagra Falls? junior teacher called it, a “hierarchy of RagingWitch laughed contemptuously. Then you’re ready for Chakraland®! recompense.” “Everyone knows that we perform a Chakraland® is fun for the whole family. Nowhere has the controversy been disproportionate percentage of ‘special Whether it’s Roots Village, Willsville, more acrimonious than at the elite Maui services.’ More is expected of senior Heartland, or the Throat Lounge, you’ll Witchcamp. When the camp was smaller, guards, if you know what I mean.” come away feeling cleansed, healed, it was possible to strike compromises. Responded the junior guard: “Who fl uffed, and fulfi lled. But as the staff expanded to a dozen, a always gets stuck on jellyfi sh clean-up? Even leaving Chakraland® is rift developed between senior and junior Who has to make the mocha decafs for enriching. Exit through the Violet lifeguards. the campers after every ritual?” Crown (just $7.95 extra), and you’ll A spokes-witch for the junior Attempting to avoid a damaging emerge relaxed, purifi ed, and united guards, who asked to remain public scandal, the Reclaiming Coun- with the Divine as you and your loved anonymous for fear of thrice-fold cil of Conciliatory Counselors (CCC) ones head for the freeway. retribution from her elders, told the agreed to adjudicate the dispute. But Book your journey to Chakraland® RPWV that “it is a clear violation of talks collapsed after word leaked out today — and watch for the grand Reclaiming’s principles (subsection that junior lifeguards had met with rep- opening of Faery World® in 2003! 4-G, paragraph 19, clause A) to pay resentatives from the Teamsters Union. Senior guards re- sponded by hiring Alan Dershowitz to HOLIDAY GRAB-BAG lead their legal and This year, keep that holiday spending political defense, within your own community with these and both sides pre- quality Reclaiming products! continues page D-187

BOOKS FROM DOUBLESPIRAL PRESS Let It Begin with A — an analytical Dead punk icons dictionary of Reclaiming Witchcraft Sid Vicious and Joey The Twelve Slightly Unruly Swans — the Ramone were surprise Pagan classic, now suitable for all readers visitors at last year’s Spiral Dance, playing Healing the Wounded Past — a manual for a short set during the recovering from past-life injuries such as trance journey to the paper cuts, scrapes, and unsightly bruises Isle of the Ancestors. Cycles of the Moon — a pictorial chronicle Said Sunshine of NASA’s notorious joint venture with the Moonbeam, who was Florida Chapter of Hell’s Angels lucky enough to be within spitting range Reverse Astrology — by carefully studying during the concert: the patterns of your life-events, you can “Sid’s playing is as learn to predict the positions of the stars lousy as ever, and Joey still can’t sing — but The Pagan Book of Payback and Revenge — those guys can fl at-out spells, hexes, plus ten classic Reclaiming rock!” Photo by RPWV chants known to drive people insane staffer Robin Parrott.

64 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN 2002 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #20 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat February 29, 2003

Witch Thwarts Gossip-Related Contagion Reclaiming Share of Reclaiming arch-priestess Morgaine mouths and ears, but they kept getting Pagan Market Shrinks Moonbeam is credited with freeing growing!” Desperate measures are being consid- several Pagan men from a Pheme “I didn’t recognize them at ered to halt the erosion of Reclaiming’s infestation. fi rst,” added Biggergod. “But then I share of the global Pagan market. Members of the Zeus Biggergod’s realized, many mouths and ears — it Once a major player in the highly men’s circle were creating wands as part must be Pheme, the Greek goddess of competitive fi eld, Reclaiming has seen their New Moon Magickal Beer Bust, communication and gossip. Apparently its share of the Pagan audience dwindle and had sought guidance from Ms. the energy charged into the crystals had even as absolute numbers have grown. Moonbeam. morphed into a multitude of aspects of The advent of “Insta-Pagan” outlets “At the same time we were working Pheme.” such as MyGoddess, as well as the Coven on incorporating advanced mechanisms According to witnesses, the Pheme of All Universes’ new Goddess-TV of communication within the circle,” attacked the tongues and ears of those (GTV), have cut into Reclaiming’s old- added Magnus Surespell. “Incorporating in the circle, rendering them deaf and school events, which require a great deal gossip into our daily practice was one of mute. Some were also struck with “really of patience to endure invocations that this month’s circle goals.” bad wedgies,” according to one eye- often last as long as three minutes. During their new moon ritual, the witness. Moonbeam arrived just in time Reclaiming’s Mistress of members of the circle fastened their to de-escalate the magic. Ceremonials, Esmeralda RagingWitch, crystals to their wands and were in the Ms. Moonbeam refused comment, lamented, “When MyGoddess offers process of magically charging their but was heard saying as she walked away drive-through trances, and GTV is tools. that she couldn’t wait to tell her circle- presenting an entire ritual every fi ve “My crystal must have absorbed sister Crystal Di Sonance about the dis- minutes, who is going to sit through a the energy of my telling Magnus about continued on page D-147 three-hour Brigid ritual?” how ridiculous Zeus’s new spell cap looked with gold leaf on the brim,” said Aries Thorspawn. “At the same Lose those airport-terminal blues — time, Magnus’s crystal absorbed his comments about the size of Zeus’s crystal and magnifi ed them thrice- Reclaiming Airlines’ fold.” While charging their wands, the communication energy was absorbed into the salt water the Skyclad Squadron circle had used for purifi cation. “All that energy was sucked into the Reclaiming Airlines now off ers al fresco saltwater and then metastasized into fl ights between all ten Witchcamp this swam of tiny creatures,” said communities, plus Orlando and Las Vegas! Thorspawn. “At fi rst, they were these No more metal detectors, no more luggage cute little things with a bunch of searches, no more awkward pat-downs. Arrive a mere fi ve minutes before departure — stark naked — and walk right onto the Reclaiming’s new evangelical publication, plane! Our staff will greet you with a smile “Guardians of the Watchtower,” has and a complimentary G-string. been a smash success in door-to-door proselytizing. In just three months, First class section features tanning lights hundreds of new converts have been and sauna room. Coach section off ers free brought into the Reclaiming fold. Photo in-fl ight body-image counseling. by RPWV staffer Otter. Fly Skyclad — with Reclaiming Airlines!

46 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • WINTER 2003 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #21 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 2003 Workers of All the Worlds, Unite! Censorship? Heroes of the Revolutionary Paganry, Sentinel, the Pagan Workers’ Weekly You Be the Judge! arise! Step forward boldly now, or Sentinel, and the Pagan Workers’ Monthly Stung by charges of censoring internal the Revolutionary Pagan Worker’s Sentinel, all of which were consigned to discussions, the RPWV Central Vanguard may go the way of our beloved the dustbins of history by fi nancial woes. Committee on Media Relations released predecessors, the Pagan Workers’ Daily The forces of crypto-romanticism this list of the most important stories and neo-bourgeois omitted from the RPWV Pages this issue: reaction threaten the • Mysterious glitter shortage mars annual very existence of the Spiral Dance ritual RPWV! • Prohibition on 8-circuit labyrinths Look at the facts challenged — this issue of RQ is a mere one-third of • Reclaiming considers dropping West to its usual size. Yet the speed up rituals RPWV was allotted • Lugh — Sun God, Prankster, or just a only half of its usual Handyman with good PR? space! That works out • Lawsuit alleges Witchcamp healing ritual to less than — well, aggravated chronic hangnail actually, we came out a little ahead, when you do the math. But Revolutionary Gossip still! Rumor has it that the reduction of the Arise, ye Pagan RPWV to half a page was due not to masses! Donate to fi nances, but to the fact that nobody has Famed soul singer James Brown was a surprise addition to the teaching Reclaiming Quarterly found much of anything funny lately. team at Tejas Web’s Samhain Witchcamp. Here, Brown sings “We All today, or there may A spokesperson for RPWV Chair- Come From the Goddess” as two neophyte campers carry his cape. not be any time to continued on page D-21 Photo by RPWV staffer Robin Parrott. arise tomorrow!

RQ Archives — at RQ.org 100 issues to be released as PDF fi les — plus bonus features

Reclaiming Quarterly celebrated our features such as photographs, 100th edition by beginning to re-issue fl yers, refl ective essays, humor, our complete archives, going back to and more. (If you have the fi rst Reclaiming Newsletter in Winter materials to contribute to the 1980-81. Archives, please contact us!) The archives are being re-issued as INVOKING OUR HISTORY high-resolution PDF fi les, readable and printable from almost any computer. For scholars, researchers, and RQ will place selected highlights You can see and read every page anyone interested in the history of Neo- on our website. The entire 100-issue of the original issues exactly as they Paganism, this material is an invaluable archives plus many special features will appeared — stories, pictures, class and primary source. be available by subscription. event listings, ads, ink-smudges... You For those of us who live and love can also print pages and read off-screen. Reclaiming, the RQ Archives are an Visit the RQ Archives our website — We're also assembling bonus invocation of our history. www.reclaimingquarterly.org/archives/

16 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 2003 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #22 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat October 31, 2003

Spiral Dance Ritual Fundamentalist Witches Decry Solstice Vigils Replaced by New “Lack of faith” cited in speech to conservative group Broadway Musical A long-simmering dispute between Politicos by going to bed early on Solstice Fundamentalist Witches and Reclaiming’s eve and sleeping till noon the next day. “My Faerie Lady” opens at Samhain ruling Politico majority burst into public view last month when a sect of FUNDIE PAGAN IN SEX SCANDAL In a move aimed at shoring up sagging Fundamentalists accused Reclaiming of a attendance at its annual Samhain Hieronymous made his reputation in the failure of faith concerning the return of blockbuster, Reclaiming has replaced late 1980s, when the revised edition of the sun at Winter Solstice. this year’s Spiral Dance ritual with a new The Spiral Dance was published. The eve of Winter Solstice has Broadway musical. Hieronymous organized burnings of the traditionally been a night of vigiling with “My Faerie Lady” features a dozen new text, and vowed his People’s Pagan covens, circles, and friends. The return of original compositions by the renowned Party would never deviate from the the sun following the year’s longest night songwriting team of Bacchus and wording of the 1979 version. is awaited through the hours of darkness. Apollostein, including sure-fi re hits such as But his credibility with Reclaiming’s Celebrants often gather at a high spot to “I Could Have Tranced All Night” and “Get vociferous conservative wing plummeted witness the return of the sun on Solstice Me to the Grove on Time.” in 1998 when it was revealed that morn. The musical involves a Reclaiming Hieronymous had never actually had sex Once-powerful Pagan evangelist teacher who wagers that she can take a on Beltane. Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymous, in a lowly Witchcamper and transform her into A well-publicized stunt involving a Lammas address to the InterPagan a High Priestess in time for Winter Solstice. Maypole, two ducks, and a sliced cucumber Association of True Believers, decried the Naturally, the two fall in love, and in a rectifi ed that blemish on his record, and practice: tragic twist are thrown out of Reclaiming a cover story in Cosmopagan magazine “Oh ye of little faith! Know ye not in for having an illicit teacher/student affair. sealed his return to the limelight. your hearts that the sun will return? Trust All ends happily as the Faerie Queen reveals The attack on Solstice vigils is seen as ye not the turning of the Wheel?” that the lowly Witchcamper was in fact the Hieronymous’s fi rst move in a campaign to Hieronymous called on true Witches rebuild his battered organization, pre- continued on page D-179 everywhere to resist the tyranny of the continued on page D-183

ANTARCTICA WITCHCAMP — NOT FOR WIMPS

Reclaiming’s first-ever Antarctica Witchcamp was a resounding success, as over 80 campers (including 17 penguins, the most ever at a Reclaiming intensive) braved bitter cold, nightly ice-storms, and a near-total lack of cellphone reception. The fi rst-year camp stuck to the basic elemental paths of Earth, Air, Fire, and Ice. But in a departure from Reclaiming’s usual deity-oriented myths, the camp built its evening rituals around the legend of Frosty the Snowman. The move proved popular with the penguins, who have long celebrated the Antarctica photo ©2003 by Mike Curtis. See his entire Antarctica photo gallery at www.haramosh.org.uk continued on page D-147

56 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN 2003 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #23 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat February 29, 2004

Dissident Faction Calls Crabgrass Gathering Thousands March in First April 14-18 Conclave Challenges Dandelion Gathering “We Told You So!” Parade Thousands of anti-war demonstrators With a battle cry of “Reclaim Reclaiming,” interpretation was crypto-bourgeois, paraded through the streets of San People’s Pagan Party spokesperson Lucifer revisionist, and showed clear signs of Francisco last week chanting “What did we “Larry” Hieronymous called for a boycott of economist deviation from Chairman Hail’s tell you?” and “Listen to us next time!” Reclaiming’s Dandelion Gathering in favor thought. The exuberant crowd chanted and of his alternative Crabgrass Convention. RagingWitch concluded by demand- waved signs reading “What part of ‘No The CGC, scheduled for the same ing that the Wheel require an oath of al- War’ didn’t you understand?” and “The dates and location as the Dandelion, calls legiance to the Dandelion Gathering of all Left is Right — Again!” Speaker after Reclaiming back to its true roots — paleo- Reclaiming organizers. speaker delineated in painstaking detail lithic Goddess spirituality and dogmatic The Wheel representatives, after Marxism-Leninism. lengthy consultations, ruled the matter continued on page D-147 Hieronymous dubbed the Dandelion too complex for immediate decision and Gathering a “non-native species” and placed it on the agenda of the next four called for its eradication. Wheel meetings. Dandelion Rugby Tourney Hieronymous immediately fi led an Team line-ups for the inter-Witchcamp WHEEL INTERVENES TO RESTORE ORDER appeal with the Church of All Worlds, rugby tourney at the Dandelion Gathering Fearing an embarrassing public recognized as the highest arbiter of inter- are due by the end of January. dispute, the Reclaiming Wheel decided Pagan disputes in the Greater Milky Way Last year’s champion, Tejas Web, faces to intervened. The Wheel called together District. a major challenge from the up-and-com- representatives from all three factions Dandelion organizers, desperate to ing MidAtlantic squad, fresh from its upset for a marathon mediation session — the undercut Hieronymous’ momentum, con- over traditional powerhouse Germany in Dandelion planners, Hieronymous, and vened an emergency session to change the the EuroPagan Invitational. Sam’s Dry Cleaners, who claimed that name of their conclave to the “PanWeed Vermont, whose last rugby victory Hieronymous had stiffed them on a $27 continued on page D-132 continued on page D-133 cleaning bill. After six hours of intense negotiations, participants agreed to recommend that Hi- eronymous pay the dry cleaning bill. Discussions then turned to the thorn- ier issue of the Dandelion/Crabgrass split. Hieronymous opened with a three- hour oration decrying the choice of dan- delions. “One puff and they’re blown to the winds — a perfect symbol for the left- decentralism of the anarcho-syndicalist faction that dominates Reclaiming.” Brandishing his trowel and spade overhead, Hieronymous called on true Reclaimers everywhere to “root out the dandelions of despair” and “fertilize the crabgrass of socialist workers’ power.”

COUNTERCHARGE: REVISIONISM Esmeralda RagingWitch, speaking in defense of the Dandelion planners, re- sponded by citing extended quotations Goldenrod EtherChild, representing the Council of Conciliatory Counselors, speaks out against the from RPWV Chairman Gusty Hail which custom of wearing white powdered wigs to Reclaiming Wheel meetings. EtherChild’s resolution proved conclusively that Hieronymous’s allowing black or green wigs was soundly defeated as traditionalists carried the day. Photo by Otter.

56 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • WINTER 2004 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard Issue #24 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 2004

Compromise Creates Bare-Breast Scandal at Rugby Finals ‘Church of All Weeds’ Vermont victory marred by accusations of breast-baring collusion Dandelion and Crabgrass factions A scandalous breast-baring incident Hopelessly outmatched in the agree to joint organization threatens to overshadow Vermont fi rst half, the Vermont squad seemed Witchcamp’s stirring victory over British doomed to defeat. But just when the In a bold stroke of Inter-Pagan diplo- Columbia in the Shadow Bowl, annual cause seemed lost, Witchcamp teacher macy, mediatrix Sunshine MoonBeam championship game of the Witchcamp Goldenrod EtherChild stood up opposite bridged the gap between Reclaiming’s Rugby League. the BC bench and removed his shirt, Dandelion Gathering and the dissident Vermont, whom oddsmakers made baring his two silver nipple-rings. The Crabgrass Convention (see last issue). a prohibitive longshot in their early glint of the rings mesmerized the BC MoonBeam’s intervention came postings, parlayed a grind-it-out, ball- team, and the opportunistic Vermonters after preliminary negotiations between control strategy into a fi rst-round upset seized the moment, running roughshod the sparring factions led to a messy of California, then surprised the Tejas over the disoriented northwesterners multi-Witch meltdown. The dispute Web club with a rain-soaked, come- and capturing their fi rst Shadow Bowl centered on issues of structure, with the from-behind victory. title in 13 years. Dandelion planners advocating a loose But no one gave Vermont much Dismayed BC campers cried foul, decentralized model, while the Crabgrass chance against the seasoned veterans contending that EtherChild was in contingent favored rigid hierarchical of BC Witchcamp, whose punishing cahoots with the Vermont organizing control. MoonBeam’s “Church of All defense had held both SpiralHeart team, who had promised him a coveted Weeds” proposal offered and Germany scoreless in the opening senior-teaching spot in exchange for continued on page D-187 rounds. continued on page D-116 Grievance Over New Magickal Name Grievance Procedure Registration Due Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymous Reclaiming Quarterly reminds has fi led a grievance against the readers that the 2004 registration Reclaiming Wheel, charging that deadline for magickal names is fast approaching. the Wheel’s failure to implement a Grievance Procedure has denied him Anyone wishing to use a magickal, initiatory, or adopted name at a his right to fi le a grievance against the Reclaiming Witchcamp or ritual Reclaiming Wheel. must register with the Reclaiming “It’s one thing to have a gripe,” a Magical Name Repository by May 1. frustrated Hieronymous told the New Registration must include payment York Times last week. “But it’s another of statutory fees, ranging from $10 thing altogether to have to gripe about for those adopting names of weeds your gripe that you can’t properly or small shrubberies, up to $500 make a gripe.” for compound names including A spokeswitch for the Wheel three or more animals, vegetables, or minerals. An additional $50 fee noted that anyone could issue a applies for each internal capital grievance against anyone, anytime. letter (“GopherWand”). But Hieronymous rejected the Names involving deities should be conciliatory gesture, saying that accompanied by a two-page, type- he was considering fi ling a fresh Friendly disagreements are common among the ever-vigilant written letter detailing the magical grievance that his grievance concer- RQ proofreading squad. Here, a cell member responds to a skills, attributes, or sexual fantasies continued on page D-143 suggestion that she consistently employ the serial comma. that qualify you to bear the name.

52 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 2004 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard Issue #25 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat July 4, 2004

Vanguard Celebrates Genetic Research Provides Magical Payoff Silver Anniversary Cuts in Rituals Spared by Biotech Breakthrough The Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard celebrated its 25th issue with a A startling genetic engineering cuts in the 2005 ritual cycle. catered cocktail party and a stirring call breakthrough may provide a budgetary A short-term compromise would to global revolt against the running dogs windfall for Reclaiming, staving off the have eliminated one directional invo- of crypto-bourgeois Paganism. need to eliminate one or more Sacred cation from each ritual, on a rotating Denouncing a tendency toward Elements from ritual invocations. basis. More extreme proposals advo- neo-romanticist interpretations of Facing a serious fi nancial shortfall cated a poll of RQ readers to determine Marx’s famed early work, Das Ritual, due to the collapse of its tech-heavy which direction to drop from all future Chairman Gusty Hail spoke at length on portfolio, Reclaiming’s Executive rituals. “Top Ten Reasons Why Marxist-Leninist Board had instructed all Elemental But in a shocking scientifi c break- Paganism Will Triumph Over Pseudo- Departments to submit proposals for through, genetic researchers at Reclaim- Trotskyite Ritual Practice.” ing Alchemical Labo- While holding out a palm leaf to ratories (RAL) have those who would accept his “178 Theses succeeded in splicing on the Dialectic of Magic,” Hail decried together genetic continued on page D-132 material from the ele- ments Air and Fire. If the new combined OBITUARY element proves stable, the two elements Cecelia MothersDaughter could be called forth in one invocation, Cecelia MothersDaughter, longtime saving thousands of Reclaiming Quarterly volunteer, died last dollars per year. month of old age while proofreading the Regional Pages of the Summer issue. Initial research In a Pagan culture that encourages suggests that rituals grandiose visions, Ms. MothersDaughter in which the com- was admired by her professional colleagues bined elements are as one who set realistic, achievable goals. invoked are charac- While others performed spells for the terized by a burning healing of Mother Earth and the renewal passion for Aristote- of global hope, Ms. MothersDaughter’s lian logic, as well as magic focused on the healing of paper cuts a strong tendency to and the renewal of her favorite TV shows. start new fi res. Her striking success in the latter fi eld The only draw- (particularly the spell she cast for the re- back seems to be an newal of Buffy after its shaky fi rst season) earned her the love and esteem of her abundance of hot compatriots. But Ms. MothersDaughter air, always a danger was never able to capitalize on her unique at Reclaiming events. skills, and her weeklong intensives such as But leading elemental Reclaiming’s Central Committee reaches consensus on an innovative “Advanced Spellwork for Choosing a New metaphysicists at proposal to restructure the international Reclaiming community as RAL assured ritual Toothpaste” were poorly attended. a franchise operation. Local groups will pay fees for the rights to call Services will be held at St. Brigid of the themselves “Witches,” invoke Reclaiming-trademarked deities, and use planners that a bind- continued on page D-147 copyrighted phrases such as “blessed be” and “may you never hunger.” continued page D-183

64 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SUMMER 2004 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #26 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat October 31, 2004

Vanguard Seeks Input! Drug Test Foils Olympic Trancing Champion The RPWV is seeking your input on how to make our publication a more effective Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymous, whose The Trancing competition is not well- force for global Pagan revolution. Please stunning victory in the Hallucinogenic known to Reclaiming sports fans. Given its take a minute to answer these questions: Trancing competition brought the Pagan no-drugs-no-alcohol policy, Reclaiming Olympic community to its collective Television Network generally declines 1. What three Marxist thinkers have most feet, has been disqualifi ed after failing a to cover such events as Hallucinogenic infl uenced your spiritual development? random drug test. Trancing, Spliff-Rolling Pentathalon, or 2. List the fi ve pseudo-Trotskyist devia- Tests conducted by Reclaiming Synchronized Beer Chugging, which are tions which most aggravate you. Alchemical Laboratories confi rmed that hugely popular in many parts of the Pagan the Crystal Medal winner was not under world. 3. Lenin said, “You cannot make a revolu- the infl uence of the mandatory psychedelic But the latest scandal involving tion in white gloves.” Was he prefi guring mushrooms, but apparently had ingested Hieronymous, who was disciplined last Dreaming the Dark or making a fashion a dangerously large quantity of Peanut year for failing to have sex on Beltane, continued on page D-167 M&M’s just prior to trancing. continued on page D-142

Reclaiming Holiday Gift Nook

SPIRAL-DANCE-IN-A-BOX® Celebrate the most festive holiday on the Reclaiming calendar in the privacy of your own home! No more standing in line, sitting on the fl oor, or dealing with all those pesky Witches. Best of all, when you need a bio- break, you can hit the pause button without missing a single thrilling minute of the Samhain-season classic. Includes personal trance veil, tea-light candle, dried rose, yellowed photograph of someone from the early 1900s, step-by-step spiral dance fl oor chart, and fi ve-CD set containing the entire spoken, sung, and chanted text. Besides all songs and chants used during the ritual, SDIAB features an inspiring ancestor trance led by High Priestess Esmeralda RagingWitch, complete with sound effects of a live audience coughing and shuffl ing. Just $249.99 plus 49.99 shipping and handling.

ACME SPELL-CHECKER® What every Witch needs on her computer: Acme’s Magickal Spell-Checker®! Run your spellwork through this dandy little program and fi nd out — ahead of time — unintended consequences, thrice-fold backfi res, or practical jokes from the cosmos. Eliminate fuzzy wording that results in blind dates with destiny! Deluxe model In a spectacular feat of street magic, Pagan Cluster activists caused a Green Bloc includes built-in Mercury-retrograde sensor. fl ag to materialize out of the back of an unsuspecting audience member at the Only $33.33 plus $99.99 shipping and handling. Reclaim the Commons actions. Photo by Luke Hauser.

32 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN 2004 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #27 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat Fenruary 29, 2005

Breaking News Pagan Cluster: Stop Commercializing Solstice SWEBRPPC Controversy Reclaiming’s Pagan Cluster has called an just bad shopping magic.” Threatens Magickal Unity international boycott of MallMart stores A spokesperson for MallMart Reclaiming’s Wheel went into marathon to denounce the mega-chain’s crass denied over-commercializing Pagan sessions to avert a magickal crisis that commercialization of Solstice and other holidays. “Our Beltane Maypole displays was triggered when the SouthWest East Pagan holidays. didn’t go up until after Imbolc last year. Bay Ritual Planning and Performance Whereas most merchants wait until And it wasn’t until almost Equinox that Cell announced plans to invoke Center after Thanksgiving to mount holiday we hired models to perform the Great fi rst instead of last among the directions. window displays, shoppers at MallMart Rite in our display windows. I think that SWEBRPPC already faced possible were confronted with Solstice carollers shows great restraint on our part, and excommunication for a 2002 attempt to the morning after Samhain. And last continued on page D-192 speed up ritual invocations by throwing Spring, a fl aming wickerman was on all the elements into a cauldron and mak- display in many stores almost two ing a few stirring motions. The latest months before Summer Solstice. Politicos Call Dandelion ’06 continued on page D-147 “We accept that Solstice towels, shortest-day candles, and other holiday The second Dandelion Gathering will be gimmickry will be increasingly marketed held in 2006. At the 2004 Dandelion, the by mainstream chains,” said Reclaiming Politico faction raised its unique blend of Public Service Announcement Spokeswitch Sunshine Moonbeam. “But anarcho-socialism and tarot to a domi- selling pre-burnt wickermen before Bel- nant position among the ruling junta. But VisionQuest® tane and singing Solstice carols when the resistance from astrology-based activists Recycles Used Visions veil has barely closed from Samhain is continued on page D-164 Cleaning off your altar, but hesitant about burning those wonderful old spells and visions? “I bet there’s still a lot of life left in that old inspiration,” you think. “What a shame to throw it away.” Don’t despair! Reclaiming’s new VisionQuest® program will collect your old visions, insights, spells, and other magickal workings, clean them up, and donate them to needy Witches around the world. Imagine the thrill of knowing that your old spells, which you’ve long since forgotten the reason for, will work their mysterious magic in a new land. And how satisfying will it feel that an impoverished Witch, who could probably never afford a new vision, will draw inspiration from one that you almost torched last Solstice? Call today for pickup! Extra charges may apply for love spells gone awry. Tire-tracks through our labyrinth are just one of the distractions that RQ proofreaders face at VisionQuest® also recycles used our central San Francisco headquarters. RQ is considering moving to a remote rural location and ancestors for a small handling fee. starting a cult based on frequent subscription renewals. Contact [email protected] to join!

32 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • WINTER 2005 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #28 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 2005

Reclaiming Sued over Fundamentalists Seek Ban on Solstice

Flameless Cauldron Evangelical fundamentalists have “The actual length of days is a A class action suit on behalf of proposed an amendment to the United matter best left to the states,” said participants in Reclaiming’s 2005 Brigid States Constitution banning Solstice and Patronym. “The federal interest is in Ritual has been fi led in San Francisco Equinox. assuring the suppression of all vestiges Metaphysical Court, alleging that the “These holidays have become of Solstices and Equinoxes.” sputtering cauldron on the Center altar nothing but an excuse for revelry The National Academy of Sciences “signifi cantly and adversely affected the and paganism,” declared C. Wayne raised a mild objection to the intrusion quality and durability of pledges to the Patronym, First Past President of of the government into what previously Triple Goddess.” Americans United to Resist Change. had been a purely personal matter The lawsuit contends that the “Unless we act now to suppress these between the individual and the solar cauldron, which went out several observances, there is no telling where system. times as celebrants made their pledges, they might lead.” But sponsors noted the overriding seriously impeded plaintiffs’ ability to The amendment, which sailed concern with creeping paganism as well follow through on their commitments, through the Republican-dominated as the need for national unity in the face and that as a result several already have Congress and now goes to the states for of the terrorist threat. incurred the wrath of the Goddess. ratifi cation, bans movement of the Sun “If anything changes, if any cracks The suit, in addition to seeking relative to the Earth, and mandates that are allowed to show in our unity, the unspecifi ed damages from Reclaiming, all days and nights are to be of a legally- terrorists will attack again,” said Patro- would secure a restraining order against specifi ed length. continued on page D-111 Brigid Herself, preventing Her from enforcing punitive provisions of pledges. Opening briefs are due by Beltane. Reclaiming is represented by the fi rm of Cooper, Paracelsus, and Fenneman, while famed metaphysical attorney C. Melvin Lughson, whose clients include Jesus of Nazareth and the Greek sage and mystic Pythagorus, has been retained to represent Brigid. Speaking on condition of anonym- ity, one defendant said, “We’re of course delighted to have the Cooper fi rm un- dertaking our case. But I feel badly for Brigid, being represented by Lughson. I hear that Jesus’ trial didn’t go so well.” To join the class action suit, contact continued on page D-147

RPWV Archives at RQ.org In an exclusive scoop, RQ reprints the fi rst fi fteen editions of the Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard, along with several other satirical features from our pages — Delegates to the 2005 Pan-Pagan Spellcrafting Association convention took time out to join a www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org direct action protest demanding taller doorways in public buildings. Photo by Bill Dewey/RQ.

48 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SPRING 2005 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #29 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat July 4, 2005

New Reclaiming Ritual E-Witchcamp a Hit with Web Pagans Calendar Shelved Reclaiming’s innovative and a place in the hearts of Reclaimers A proposal to change the dates and controversial Online Witchcamp, everywhere. names of Reclaiming’s sabbats has met launched with much fanfare in early PAGAN TIME LAG unexpectedly tough resistance from 2002, recently regrounded after traditionalists. The proposal, approved three-and-a-half years between the Less successful were attempts to last quarter by the Central Committee, cyberworlds. overcome Pagan Time Lag. The ran into trouble when it was sent out to E-Camp, which was lauded for notorious effects of PTL that routinely Witchcamps for endorsement. such achievements as the fi rst online cause Reclaiming rituals to run an Proposed holidays include the Last spiral dance, the fi rst online levitation, hour late, multiplied by dozens of Day of School, Mardi Gras, Boxing and a new world record for longest separate online connections, led to Day, Buy Nothing Day (the Friday after continuous tarot reading, earned rituals that lasted a month or longer. Thanksgiving), Shopping Spree Day (the When priestesses ended one Saturday after Thanksgiving), Alistair ritual after three weeks, the Crowley’s birthday, the Sunday After the ensuing charges of ritualus First Full Moon After Spring Equinox, interruptus nearly led to the and any time it rains more than three resignation of the entire days in a row. online teaching team. Under the new calendar, Witches’ The problem was New Year would be on Boxing Day, to be compounded in the planning celebrated by cleaning off one’s altar and process. Due in part to putting everything into neatly-labeled the use of strict consensus boxes. The proposal was opposed by process for all decisions, the Canadian-based Reclaimers, who argued camp’s opening ritual took that they were busy doing other things eight months to plan. with boxes on that day. The idea was fi nally shelved when it turned out that FREE WITCHCAMP ADOPTS no one south of the border knew when ONLINE ORGANIZING Boxing Day was. Inspired by the pioneering Opponents, led by fundamentalist efforts of Online Witchcamp, priest Jimmy Bob Cernunnos of the organizers of Free Antarctica Witchcamp, clung to the Witchcamp committed to traditional Wheel of the Year, celebrating planning their Summer 2005 the New Year on Samhain. camp via email. “Holding holidays on dates that The experiment was unbelievers cannot pronounce is integral such a success that organiz- continued on page D-147 ers will bring their laptops to camp and continue their planning online. RPWV Archives at RQ.org For more information on Free Witchcamp, see page 22. In an exclusive scoop, RQ reprints the fi rst fi fteen editions of the Revolutionary Pagan To take part in future Online Workers’ Vanguard, along with several other Dedicated ritual planners perform quality-control tests on the Witchcamps, watch the pages satirical features from our pages! Beltane maypole garland. The tests were successful, and the of the Revolutionary Pagan www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org garland was affi xed to the top of the maypole. Photo by RQ. Workers’ Vanguard.

24 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • SUMMER 2005 Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard

Issue #30 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 2006

Animal Sacrifi ce Dandelion to Rule on ‘Eastism’ Charge

Proposal Stirs Fresh Already faced with declining test scores in DANDELION GATHERING TO its Elements of Magic classes, Reclaiming ADJUDICATE ‘EASTISM’ DISPUTE Controversy has now been hit with potentially A long-simmering dispute concerning explosive charges of cultural bias in its Hieronymous lost no time in gathering the ethics of animal sacrifi ce erupted into invocations of the sacred directions. support for his anti-East campaign bitter acrimony when it was disclosed that “The pervasive Eastism of our from across North America and in participants at an unidentifi ed Reclaiming invocations must end,” said frequent Western Europe, and the 2006 Dandelion Witchcamp sacrifi ced over 500 mosquitos Reclaiming critic Lucifer “Larry” Gathering is expected to hammer out a during the course of a single ritual last Hieronymous. “Those of us who live in compromise equalizing the directions. Summer. other parts of the continent have suffered The most likely plan would involve a The practice of small-insect sacrifi ce too long under the primacy of East.” simple rotation. At Spring Equinox, East is rumored to be widespread among The charges came as a surprise to would still be called fi rst. But Summer Witchcampers, despite a clear declaration many Witches on the East Coast, and Solstice would commence with South, at the 2004 Dandelion Gathering that were seen by some as a reprisal for Fall with West, and Winter with North. mosquitos, gnats, fruit-fl ies, and other recent criticism by Easterners of the Brigid would start with North insects are fellow-beings welcome at San Francisco Reclaiming group, which and then proceed directly across to all rituals held on land they ordinarily founded Reclaiming and still holds the South. Samhain would do the opposite. occupy. patents on most magical processes used Lammas, which everyone is confused The 2004 conclave also prohibited by modern Witches. about anyway, would go around the circle the use of derogatory terms such Regardless of their source, the new backwards. And Beltane, in keeping with as “bugs,” “critters,” and “spawn of charges threaten to embarrass a commu- the general spirit of the holiday, would Beelzebub” when referring to our multi- nity that claims to honor diversity in its invoke Northeast, Southeast, Southwest, legged co-habitants. magical practices. and Northwest. The compromise drew strong sup- FUZZY CATERPILLARS ON THE BLOCK? port when tested at recent Witchcamps, Diffi cult decisions face participants at although one camp the 2006 Dandelion Gathering, which lasted two additional will wrestle with competing proposals days while priestesses concerning insect sacrifi ce. fi gured out how to Among the proposals is one open the circle. mandating ritual sacrifi ce of horsefl ies, The principle gnats, and mosquitos, which is expected remaining issue is to garner the requisite two-thirds whether to implement majority and be sent to 2006 Witchcamps the plan immediately, for ratifi cation. or phase it in over sev- But a more rigorous plan which eral years. Advocates of would legitimize immolation of moths moderation cautioned and mummifi cation of fuzzy caterpillars of magical mayhem continued on page D-114 if all eight rituals are changed in one year, while proponents of RPWV Archives at RQ.org change warned that Reclaiming’s West Coast squad suits up for the All-Dandelion Mud rioting could break out In an exclusive scoop, RQ reprints the fi rst Wrestling semifi nals. The bitterly-contested title is currently held fi fteen editions of the Revolutionary Pagan at several Witchcamps by the Western European Mud People, who used mud from seven if changes are not im- Workers’ Vanguard, along with several different sacred sites to vanquish the other regions in 2004. An plemented immedi- other satirical features from our pages! equally gripping competition is expected this year, with the West www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org Coast team a slight favorite following heavy Spring rains. continued on page D-132

Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #32 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat May 1, 2008

Reclaiming Teachers Mercury Retrograde Foils Pagan Uprising Launch Rewards Plan Global Pagan workers’ revolution was ous revolt. In a bold attempt to keep pace with derailed when a malfortuitous planetary However, due to Mercury being in spiritual competitors, Reclaiming has configuration caused a breakdown in the retrograde motion relative to the locus instituted a new “Rewards” program for vital communications sector. of the revolutionary conjuncture, the its initiation program. Plans called for a spontaneous text-message was inadvertently sent to Under the current initiatory uprising of the Earth-based proletariat of thousands of Boston Celtics fans, who regimen, novices are expected to the world, followed by a series of local obediently rose up and cheered louder provide food and drink for teachers at community forums to draft a new than usual. instructional sessions, but no cash provisional constitution empowering the The executive committee of the payments take place. working class to seize control of all vanguard of the Goddess-worshipping As a result, many of the finest rituals. proletariat went into emergency session, trainers and initiatory administrators To fool the security apparatus of the and only some inspired spin-doctoring have been lost to more organized imperialist bourgeoisie, a series of by Lucifer “Larry” Hieronymous of the traditions such as WiccanRede and Beltane Maypole rituals were an- Peoples’ Pagan Party saved the day. Spirit Matters, which offer structured nounced. Facilitators of the revolution- “The true revolution is in the heart,” commissions to their employees. ary vanguard then text-messaged an al- Hieronymous said. He declared the To provide increased incentive for ternate plan to thousands of Pagan pro- Maypole rituals had advanced the cause trainers and recruiters, the Rewards letarians, announcing the revolution and of global magical revolt, and called on program will be structured like a chain directing workers to begin the spontane- continued on page D-143 letter. The original initiator’s name will go at the top of the list. Someone initiated by them goes next, and so on, up to seven generations of initiation. Applicants for initiation will be given the list and instructed to make “appropriate contributions” to the person at the top of the list. When the new person is initiated, the top name drops off, and everyone else moves up one place. “It’s one of the compromises we have to make to keep pace in today’s fast-paced Pagan market,” said High Initiatrix Sunshine Moonbeam. “Once continued on page D-182

RPWV Archives at RQ.org In an exclusive scoop, RQ offers a complete reprint of the first fifteen editions of the Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ Vanguard, along with several Modern Pagans re-enact the ancient game of Wackawich, originally played between other satirical features from our pages! rival squads of mystics and healers in the south of Wales. Photo by Luke Hauser. Visit www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org

48 RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • ISSUE #99 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #33 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat October 31 , 2009

Mayans Discover Reclaiming Unveils New Official History Calendar Error Stung by criticism that its history was the San Francisco Bay Bombers). After “boring” and “mundane,” Reclaiming many years of struggle, Reclaiming End-of-World Snafu Corrected has released a new official account of fulfilled Gardner’s dream when the its founding to coincide with the 30th Spiral Dance relocated to Kezar Pavilion The Dzibilchaltun Daily Pyramid, Anniversary of the Spiral Dance ritual. in the early 2000s. official organ of the Mayan church Gone are the folksy tales of a small hierarchy, has revealed that the work-group of witches meeting in a San Pa r a c e l s u s & Zo r o a s t e r prediction of the end of civilization, Francisco attic to create the first Spiral previously scheduled for December 21, Paracelsus, it has been discovered, Dance. 2012, has been moved back 200 years. wrote Reclaiming’s Principles of Reclaiming, it turns out, is a lineal “We were sure that the ancient Unity. Newly-translated documents descendant of the original Golden Dawn cosmological calendar was ending,” confirm that the German mage foretold group, and also of the Rosicrucians, confessed an embarrassed Mayan a “groupe of anarchistical witches in Templars, Freemasons, and the 1920s spokesperson. “But it turned out that Californie whych shall Reclaym the German Expressionist art movement. someone mislabeled the next 200 True Faithe” and devoted his last years In 1979, Neo-Wiccan prophet years, so we thought they had already to outlining the founding tenets. Gerald Gardner himself appeared in a happened. We have corrected this Perhaps more surprising is Persian vision to Reclaiming’s founding coven oversight, and the end of the world is prophet Zoroaster’s assertion that at the and called for the organizing of an now scheduled for December 21, 2212. “turning of the greate wheele” (i.e., the annual Samhain ritual, to be held in a We apologize for any inconvenience.” millennium), secular authorities would roller-derby arena (Gardner was a fan of The North American metaphysical launch a wave of persecution against industry, which was riding a wave of the “deare ones” – a clear allusion to the interest in the 2012 Mayan prophecy, San Francisco beach police’s harassment immediately crashed. “For us, this is the of Reclaiming’s solstice bonfires. (In a end of the world,” lamented one editor. troubling footnote, Zoroaster forecast a thousand years of persecution before the Wo r l d Al r e a d y Ov e r ? “deare ones” triumph. If he was correct, Meanwhile, the Mystical Blood Rose the Solstice fires may be under pressure Fellowship, a Rosicrucian splinter for another 996 years or so.) group which had predicted the end of The new official history offers the world for 2010, has also revised its many fascinating revelations, such as prediction. the fact that most of Reclaiming’s chants “We examined the signs again,” said were co-authored by the infamous High Prognosticator Lucifer “Larry” Aleister Crowley, and that archeologist Hieronymous. “It seems we were off by Marija Gimbutas unearthed paleolithic 30 years. The world actually ended in goddess-relics with Reclaiming’s PO 1980. It’s over. Done. Kaput. Go Home.” Box number (14404) carved into them. Not all the news was positive. Recent research has debunked claims that thousands of early Reclaiming RPWV Archives at RQ.org witches suffered persecution for their In an exclusive scoop, RQ offers a faith. After exhaustive archival analysis, complete reprint of past editions of the only evidence uncovered was a The Golden Cross of the Rosy Dawn — the Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ just one of many artifacts now known to couple of parking tickets from an Vanguard, along with several other prophecy the coming of Reclaiming. The “R” Equinox ritual, and an anecdotal account satirical features from our pages! in the lower left clearly foretells the group, of a really painful paper-cut while Visit www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org as do the pentacles. collating the newsletter.

50 Re c l a i m i n g Qu a r t e r l y • i s s u e #100 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #34 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat Mid-Summer 2010

Pagan Workers Honor Reclaiming Icons to Join Wax Museum Bolshevik Mysteries Reclaiming’s Spiral Dance, Witchcamp EtherChild, whose sahved head and twin cones of power, and six-hour consensus nipple rings will glisten hypnotically in The Anarcho-Leninist faction of the meetings are about to be immortalized the limelight as he performs a prosperity Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard in a new touring exhibit sponsored by spell. provisional proletarian coalition has Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum. Madame Tussaud’s prides itself on announced plans to celebrate the sacred Madame Tussaud’s, long known lifelike presentations, and no depiction rites of the 1917 Russian Revolution. for honoring the world’s most important of Reclaiming would be complete with- During a series of nightly rituals personages in waxen tableaux, has out a wax replica of an all-day consen- devotees will re-enact the revolution, chosen Reclaiming to represent sus meeting. including the decadence of late- the rebirth of Goddess spirituality Reclaiming activists also asked to imperial Russia, the collapse of Russian and the tremendous entrepreneurial be included in the street protest vignette, armies in World War I, the February opportunities that this entails. but museum curators opted instead to Revolt which overthrew the Czar and The Neo-Pagan exhibit will feature create lifelike waxen statues of the anar- installed a moderate parliamentary life-like representations of Reclaiming chist Black Bloc faction. government, the betrayal of the luminaries such revolution by the Menshevik faction, as founding co- the October Bolshevik Uprising, and the priestess Sunshine victorious civil war against the counter- Moonbeam, who revolutionary White Army. will be honored Novitiates are expected to fast for as a Witchcamp a week prior to the rites, subsisting on teacher, local rit- stale rye bread, drinking cheap vodka, ual organizer, and and sleeping in water-logged trenches. chairperson of the On the climactic evening, new clean-up commit- pledges will be forced to watch the tee for seventeen uncut version of Doctor Zhivago, then consecutive Spiral left to sleep in the snow. In the middle Dance rituals. of the night they will be awakened for Ms. Moon- the storming of the Winter Palace – the beam will be por- glorious moment when Lenin and the trayed wielding the Bolsheviks seized revolutionary power legendary triple- and declared the Soviet State. bristled broom The initiation ceremony ends with of Turninengen, a spiral dance performed in a mock-up which allows the of the Kremlin Palace. Vodka shots will owner to purify the be drunk in honor of Bolshevika, the ritual space, cast a ancient Russian Goddess of effective magical circle, and continued on page D-132 sweep up excess glitter at the same time. RPWV Archives at RQ.org Sharing the In an exclusive scoop, RQ offers stage will be reprints of past editions of the RPWV, Radical Third A mispronounced incantation during a levitation workshop at the along with several other satirical Path Saint Brigid Teen Earth Magic retreat left a young adult mentor transfixed in features from our pages! Faeierie Brujaja mid-air for over two hours. Here, a teen paramagician races to the Visit www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org initiate Goldenrod scene. Photo by Luke Hauser/RPWV.

Re c l a i m i n g Qu a r t e r l y • i s s u e #101 • 75 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #35 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat Mid 2011

Illegal Brigid Pledge Dandelion Weighs Principles of Unity Coaching Raises Furor The Dandelion Gathering has initiated notwithstanding, suggestions have been Rising discontent with the role of pledge steps to amend Reclaiming’s Principles heard in recent years to alter several as- coaches during the Brigid’s Cauldron of Unity (PoU — see page 76 of this is- pects of the PoU. Ritual has led to calls for an outright ban sue), the fundamental constitution of the Proposals have been introduced on the practice. otherwise nebulous network of anarcho- to broaden the gender language of the The mid-Winter ritual originally pagans. statement, and also to remove language developed as a way for each participant The PoU, adopted in the 1990s, have which suggests that Australian Witches to have a deep personal encounter with never been altered. One wing of Reclaim- are standing on their heads. the Goddess of the flaming cauldron. ing, the Coven of the Letter, considers the Reclaiming etiquette has always document to be part of the sacred texts Bi t t e r Di v i s i o n Ov e r Pr i n c i p l e s allowed the support of a pledge coach (along with The Spiral Dance, Reclaiming Nothing has proven more controversial, when one approaches the cauldron. Quarterly, and the Revolutionary Pagan however, than proposed amendments to Coaches traditionally sit in a designated Workers Vanguard.) the political sections of the Principles. space near the altar and communicate The Coven of the Letter gained no- Several years of intense debate and with their clients via hand-signals during toriety in 1999 when adherents gathered discussion led to the formulation of this the pledges. outside Reclaiming’s Samhain ritual and proposed new language: The occasional whispered reminder burned copies of the revised edition of “We are for all good things, and was tolerated so long as coaches didn’t The Spiral Dance. against all bad things.” go so far as to instruct their clients what The strictures of the fundamentalists Despite the apparent inclusivity, words to speak. a brouhaha erupted over the In recent years, however, binary opposition. “So I guess pledge coaches have grown bolder. everything has to be black or To circumvent prohibitions against white,” lamented polypolitical coaches writing the actual words of priestess Sunshine Moon- commitment, elaborate number \codes beam. “You’d think they never have developed. heard of a Third Way.” For instance, the number 33 is Sponsors of the proposal widely used to remind pledgers to speak agreed to accept an amend- the Goddess’s name, while 69 is a signal ment by Flaming Dumbek to invoke more passion into one’s life. Circle: Thirteen means slow down and breathe, “Acknowledging the irre- while 99 means enough, already. ducibility of moral categories Complaints reached a boiling point to simple binary constructs, this year when pledge coach Clarity and recognizing the critical Eldervision stormed out onto the floor importance of the shadow and berated one of her clients who had in our magical and political fumbled the words of his pledge. Grab- work, we nevertheless are, generally speaking, for lots of good things and against pretty RPWV Archives at RQ.org much all bad things.” But many weren’t molli- In an exclusive scoop, RQ offers fied. “What about things that reprints of past editions of the RPWV, aren’t especially good for you, along with several other satirical A cheer goes up as the street is declared swept by The Right but not really all that bad ei- features from our pages! Ancient Order of the Bristling Broom, a devotional guild of Visit www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org Custodial Witches who clean up each year after PaganFest. continued on page D-125

84 Re c l a i m i n g Qu a r t e r l y • i s s u e #102 Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Special Occupy Edition The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat Fall 2011

Mayor Asks Black Brigade General Strike Collapses as Workers Stay Home to Teargas Themselves Action too successful — organizers debate how to be less effective Citing severe budget concerns which make continued policing of the Occupy A second General Strike called by walkout at Indy Media, and the General Oakland protests infeasible, Mayor Occupy Oakland supporters fell apart Strike received virtually no coverage. Jean Quan has asked the Black Brigade when virtually all local workers heeded Even the Black Brigade’s plans for anarchist bloc to teargas, beat, and arrest the call to stay away from work. a late-night street fight were stymied as themselves at all future protests. Trouble began when BART and police, prohibited from striking, staged “We all must make sacrifices,” said AC Transit drivers walked off the job, a work-slowdown and refused to cross Mayor Quan from her command post making it difficult to get downtown. their own barricade lines. deep beneath City Hall. Bank, government, and corporate Do n u t St r i k e Th r e a t e n s Pe a c e “While we will make it our highest employees declared support, so nothing budgetary priority to supply all protests was left open to blockade. The only moment of tension came with teargas, we ask participants The Mayor and her staff reportedly when striking bakers refused to make to cooperate with us and release it went on strike as well, but no one a donut delivery. The day was saved themselves. If arrests are ordered, we noticed the difference. by a wildcat action by the Nonviolent ask designated arrestees to handcuff However, when local media outlets Bike Messengers Guild, which whizzed themselves with an appropriate amount declared solidarity and refused to assign downtown with fresh cream puffs for the of violence and report to the city jail.” reporters, stories about the day’s non- police just in time to avert disaster. events were effectively blocked from the Still, the day was a bitter mainstream. Add to that a nationwide disappointment for the 37 people who BART Cancels Service to managed to get downtown to Berkeley, Oakland, SF take part in the General Strike — particularly when the disco In an attempt to avoid delays and line was called off due to striking disruptions to service caused by police sound system operators. over-reaction to nonviolent protests, The crowning blow came BART announced last week that all when a march to shut the Port service to Berkeley, Oakland, and San of Oakland was cancelled after Francisco has been cancelled. organizers learned that the Port “Trains will no longer stop in had been shut all day by union protest-friendly cities,” said a BART orders. Workers and police had spokesperson. “Riders may disembark long since gone home. at the nearest city and walk to their Some planners advocated destination at no extra charge.” marching to the Port anyway, but when they learned that the ice Reader Survey cream truck that parks at Third Do Anarchists Wear Black Undies? Street had also gone on strike, they threw in the towel. Asked at various Occupy actions: “There’s only so much 31% wear black undies (includes stripes) adversity you can take,” one 19% prefer white or pastel briefs planner said. “Who’s going to 11% are partial to plaid boxers march to an empty Port if they 4% like polka dots or little hearts can’t even buy ice cream?” 35% wear no underwear at all* * - unless they expect to be arrested or taken The General Assembly of Occupy Oz consenses to in- More RPWV at RQ.org to the hospital clude nonviolent flying monkeys in the next Foreclose the Emerald City action. Photo by Luke Hauser/RQ. www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org.web/rpwv

©2011 Reclaiming Quarterly [email protected] www.ReclaimingQuarterly.org Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #37 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat Mid 2016

Music Industry Stunned Revolutionary Pagan Barricade Chants

Reclaiming Wins Undaunted by Reclaiming’s Campfire radio talk shows, pop-under ads on Special Grammy Chants, the Peoples Pagan Party has grassroots media websites, and a mas- announced the long-delayed release of sive globally-streamed mega-event on Following the chart-topping success their soon-to-be-classic album of Earth- Permanent Revolution Day. of its latest release, Campfire Chants, based dialectical materialist singalongs, The festivities will culminate with Reclaiming has been awarded a special Revolutionary Pagan Workers’ a seven-continent live multi-media sing- Grammy that presages major changes in Barricade Chants. along of the new album’s #1 hit, Our the new-age music industry. Barricados, as the legendary album Hands Will Work for Peace, Justice, The award, for Most Songs Written is known on the front lines of the Great Solidarity, Diversity, Gluten-Free to Same Tune, cited five songs from the Leap Into the Unknown, features such Options, and a $15 Minimum Wage. new album as well as numerous songs gems as Weave and Spin the Unity of Immediately following the benefit from earlier albums. All Oppressed Wiccan Workers; We Are concert, a spontaneous international Grammy voters were especially the Rising of the Spiritually-Aspiring civil disobedience action resulting in impressed with the minimalist lyrics. Masses; We All Come from the Peoples thousands of arrests is planned. All “Most artists would write one song with Pagan Party; and of course, Goodnight charges will be dropped later as part five verses,” mused one elector. “It’s Sweet Proletarians of the World. of a final settlement mediated by the quite revolutionary to turn it into five Tracks for Barricados were Covenant of the Goddess’s Special different songs with identical tunes.” recorded by a solar-powered cultural- Envoy for Charity Concerts. Reclaiming’s success is sending vanguardist production team embedded shock waves through the neo-pagan at direct actions in Calgary, Miami, Co p y r i g h t s Ch a l l e n g e d music business, which immediately Oakland, and Headwaters Forest. Potential snafus arose for Barricados began repackaging older melodies with when the Neo-Wiccan Latter-Day a wide variety of new Earth-friendly Be n e f i t Me g a -Ev e n t Pl a n n e d Disciples of the Mysterious Ones lyrics and rushing them into production – Ar r e s t s e x p e c t e d claimed copyright violations on several by the dozens. Barricade Chants is to be released with chants, citing numerous cribs from great fanfare, including a tour of pirate old Reclaiming albums, Pentacostal Next Reclaiming hymnals, and vintage IWW songbooks. But the claims Album Slated for were dismissed by a Popular Pagan Spring 2037 Chants Tribunal, which ruled that all Please advance order now! continued on The next Reclaiming chants album is page D-125 already underway! The new recording, tentatively titled Chants My Goddessmother Taught Me, RPWV Archives will include all of the greatest Reclaim- at RQ.org ing songs written from now until then. In an exclusive scoop, Based on past projects, we anticipate Reclaiming Quarterly the album will be released in May 2037, offers reprints of give or take a decade. past editions of the Please help us produce this beautiful Revolutionary cadre practice hand motions for barricade chants RPWV. Visit us at and inspiring new album of not-yet-writ- in preparation for showdown with San Francisco Police. Foreclose ReclaimingQuarterly. ten chants by advance ordering now! the Banks, 2011. Photo by Luke Hauser/DirectAction.org org/web/rpwv/

CAMPFIRECHANTS.ORG RECLAIMING 45 Revolutionary Organizing & Resources Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #38 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat Mid 2019

Teens Affinity Group Ex-Teens Launch Geezer Earth Magic! Seizes Beltane Maypole Decrying petit-bourgeois ageist tenden- as a camper and transferred to the Youth In Perpetual Motion affinity cies rampant in Reclaiming, a cabal Young Adult Mentor Program. of former teens has seceded from the group caught Beltane traditionalists Hieronymous, no stranger to contro- Teen Earth Magic organizing cell and napping at this year’s Reclaim May versy, responded by announcing plans declared their intention to form a new Day ritual, and in a daring maneuver to form a new spiritual tendency based camp: Geezer Earth Magic. seized and made off with the maypole around a WitchCamp for revolutionary just as the celebration peaked. “We’re getting a mite bit tired of the old people and their allies. Inspired by legendary accounts of the constant emphasis on the voices of Peoples Pagan Party’s expropriation of youth and new inspirations and all Proto-Ancestors Make Demands the maypole in the mythical era of the that,” said elderly spokeswitch Lucifer Among the changes demanded by the 1990s, YIPM cadre infiltrated the Bel- “Larry” Hieronymous. “It’s time we Provisional Revolutionary Council tane crowd, and at a key revolutionary give heed to the weary voices of aged of Geezers, Aged Ones, Old Folks, & juncture grabbed the pole and abscond- wisdom.” Beloved Proto-Ancestors, are: ed before other celebrants could recover The breakaway faction formed after from the cone of power. • Every day of camp is Morning of Re- Hieronymous was found to have lied pose. Rituals begin when we get there. Maypole guardians from Wisdom of the about his age in order to be a camper Ancient Ones coven publicly expressed for the first eleven years of TEM. • Cushioned, reclining seating at all dismay at the action. bonfire rituals. When it was discovered that he was ac- But several secretly smiled afterward, tually 47, he was immediately removed • Paved walkways through the wood- noting that whoever leaves the ritual lands with rustic rest- with the maypole is responsible for rooms every 25 feet. storing it until next year. • Teens and young adults to act as sherpas. Teen Earth Magic Announces Upcoming Theme: Mud Mysteries Initiation Ritual Raises Concerns Teen Earth Magic has revealed the ritual theme for next summer’s camp: The Some applauded, but as Mystery of Mud. details of the initiation ritual for Geezer Earth Not satisfied that the recent Mushrooms Magic began to emerge, & Fungi theme got down to essentials, others in Reclaiming organizers dug deeper and came up expressed concerns. with the ultimate Earth Magic theme: “We’re hearing all sorts continued on page D-359 of complaints from campers, from reduced RPWV Archives at RQ.org mobility to hearing loss This is issue #38 of the Revolutionary to aching bunions,” said Pagan Workers Vanguard, Reclaiming’s Reclaiming spokeswitch all-purpose satire page created around Sunshine MoonBeam. “If 1997 by Reclaiming Quarterly magazine. they can’t find a way to Find reprints of past editions of the age more gracefully, we RPWV at our archives site: A young adult mentor rushes to the aid of a TEM camper may have to ban this sort of organizing!” ReclaimingQuarterly.org/web/rpwv whose air invocation has gone awry.

J TeenEarthMagic.org 357 Revolutionary REsources Pagan Workers Vanguard

Issue #39 The Voice of the Pagan Proletariat Samhain 2020

Prehistoric Zoom Reclaiming Transcends Material Realm

Goddess Unearthed Actualizing the dreams of our gnostic with ancestors failed until priestesses Near Gimbutas Site ancestors, Reclaiming has transcended realized that you need a Pro® account the material sphere and moved its to reach the Isle of Apples. Archaeologists led by Reclaiming magic into the ethereal realms. And it took a while before folks learned priestess Sunshine MoonBeam, dig- No longer will priestesses be taxed that invoking Milli Vanilli and lip-syn- ging at a Neolithic site near those with mundane initiatory challenges ching to recorded chants works better made famous by Marija Gimbutas, have such as renting halls or parks, schlep- than singing with the zoom-delay. excavated fragments of an ancient ping gear, wiring sound systems, or goddess dedicated to the service of building and disassembling elemental Spiral Dance Moves to the Ethereal good Zoom connections. altars on the same day. Satisfied with test results, organizers Although the remains date from thou- Never again will organizers face nag- for the 41st annual Spiral Dance have sands of years prior to the invention ging existential questions like: “Who’s taken the leap into the virtual. On Sat- of writing and hence are a bit difficult going to buy, measure, cut, and tie 100 continued on page D-227 to precisely interpret, the goddess is ribbons on the maypole and get it to depicted thrusting above her head the park by noon on Saturday?” Witchcamp Rugby Finals Delayed an object that bears a striking resem- blance to the camera icon used by Wheel of the Year Testing Reclaiming’s BIRCH council has an- today’s reigning internet deity. nounced that due to health concerns For the past six months, Reclaiming the Witchcamp Rugby League will In her other hand she grasps what was priestesses have experimented with postpone its championship match. initially interpreted as a lightning bolt, the latest developments in magical Witchlets’ Fighting Faeries were favored but now is recognized as the letter “Z,” communications technology. to take the Crystal Cup over Spanish providing further evidence that the Early attempts to establish contact Winter Camp’s Brujas Grandes. statue depicts a prehistoric Zoom deity.

Ancient Rites Recreated Applying the latest tools and tech- niques of archaeo-social extrapolation, researchers have painstakingly recre- ated the magical practices associated with the newly-discovered goddess. Initiatory rites included assignment of a secret “password” which allowed access to the inner secrets of comm- continued on page D-219

RPWV Archives Now Online! This is issue #39 of the RPWV, the all- purpose satire page created around 1998 by RQ. Complete reprint of all 39 editions of the RPWV, along with other satirical features from our back issues: In a striking display of the magical power of the annual Spiral Dance ritual, hundreds of partici- ReclaimingQuarterly.org/web/rpwv pants simultaneously volunteer for the clean-up crew. Photo by RPWV staffer Michael Rauner.

J Reclaiming.org • Witchcamp.org • WeaveAndSpin.org 149 Anthropologists Unearth Late Twentieth Century Mysteries

In recent issues, “Reclaiming Our History” has featured original research into the by Link spirituality and politics of medieval and early-modern Europe. In this issue, we turn to the little-explored field of contemporary anthropology, as RQ’s ace futurologist channels clues to late 20th century customs and beliefs.

FLEMINGTON, NJ/OCTOBER 31, 4999 — invocations. Later, after initiation, The $ symbol was used in many ways by Reclaiming Quarterly is excited to additional chants focused on a wide the ancient culture, and was considered announce that archaeologists have made variety of magical tools and altar both a scourge and salute to religious a major discovery explaining religious accessories used by the Goddess Barbie society. practice in the 1990s, over 3000 years in Her temple. It was also discovered that ancient ago! These discoveries help us better Barbie had a consort known as Ken. IMAGES OF the Goddess Barbie understand the myths and traditions Close examination of plastic Ken show Her in many aspects. For which have been handed down over the figures explain why today’s modern example, She was portrayed as a years, and still survive today within the Barbie worshippers allow only Solar Deity in Her Malibu Barbie popular cult of the Goddess Barbie. This eunuchs to participate in religious aspect. This explains the tradition is one of the fastest growing rites, with no other males allowed. modern-day custom of Barbie groups of modern-day Goddess worship. Since many fewer Ken figures worshippers donning colored Archaeologists have discovered that were found, we can assume that glasses and anointing Barbie worship dates back to ancient the ancient Barbie worshippers themselves with special times. Figures of the Goddess Barbie were a matriarchal tradition. protective lotions have been unearthed, preserved in nearly Our team of linguistic to celebrate pristine state. It seems that ancient researchers have the worshippers made their images of Barbie determined through Summer in a material known as plastic. It was study of the ancient Solstice. It is known at the time that plastic did not language that Ken was known that succumb to the elements over time and renowned in many ancient was nearly everlasting. Because of this, it parts of the world. religions is obvious to our research team that This explains the sometimes those items made of plastic were held in origins of ancient masked their the highest regard by the ancient culture places like Deities within of the 1990s. They surely wanted to Kenya, the Saints of preserve these items for eternity. Kentucky and ancient Research shows that ancient even the Catholicism. priestesses of Barbie were initiated at a variation of Canada. Researchers very young age. The initiation ceremony An in-depth study of the are certain involved a complex litany which lasted Ken this explains several weeks, usually prior to the Winter mythos also links Him to the an- the name Solstice. Young daughters would chant at cient clan known as Kennedy. used for length to their parents, repeating over Note the amazing facial similari- an and over the praises of Barbie, stating ties. Stories surrounding this ancient their desires for the Goddess to enter ancient Kennedy cult seem to be west coast their lives. While these chants varied a unique mixture of the “slain God” village known as Santa Barbara, perhaps from priestess to priestess, the words “I stories (similar to the Egyptian Osiris) and a Mecca for Barbie worshippers. Want” are common to many of the the revelry of the Roman Bacchus. This Each Barbie figurine also held seems to fit all three aspects of the Triple strange numerical markings, $24.99. Kennedy myth. This explains the current custom where This plastic sculpture of “Grecian Goddess Other research shows a related figure, Barbie™” was unearthed by a research team Barbie worshippers tattoo themselves an ancient warrior God known as GI Joe. headed by Charles Zanco during recent with this number. It was obviously the excavations near Petaluma, California. number most sacred to the Goddess. continued on page 22

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • AUTUMN 1999 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 19 G: How can one fully embody, or G: I’m so happy. This will truly Fashion Musts and one could say, aspect, that look? make Samhain a celebration. What type of fabrics? How about J: It’s about time, isn’t it? For hemlines? And of course, footwear example, there’ll be rhine- and headdresses can’t be over- Misses on Samhain stone encrusted Italian pot- looked. tery pentacle necklaces, and by July Lewis & Georgie Dennison J: Well, silks are always in handcrafted Gucci marble good taste. A nice cashmere athames with fine Corinthian drape works well in the San leather sheathes and belts. ELLO THERE, my community. This is Georgeanne, Francisco climate and falls so Mink scarves embroidered H Reclaiming Quarterly’s fashion editor. I know you elegantly in the softer-cut with runes of prosperity in would agree that the Reclaiming Community sorely needs styles that designers will be gold and platinum thread are some fashion sense and guidance. So, I have decided to invoke offering this year. Hemlines de rigueur. And the wands the Guardians of the Watchtowers of Style: Chanel; Versace; will be raised to the limit for are my special favorites. and the Goddess Herself, Princess Diana; to aid us in this pro- both men and women. That G: Do tell. Don’t stop. cess. In the spirit of those icons, I have asked June, personal as- being so, hosiery will cer- sistant to Starhawk… a known fashion priestess… to advise the tainly be important. Regard- J: You can get the wands in community on proper attire for the Spiral Dance. ing footwear, the whimsical varying lengths, from handy chunky shoes will give a retro purse size to a full six feet. G: What will the new look be for this year’s Spiral Dance? seventies feel to the proceed- They’re hand carved by June: This year we’ll be seeing simple gowns in pastels and ing. But headdresses are out. young artisans in Guatemala whites. A refreshing change from the the dour gowns of previ- Trés passé. to your specifications. And ous years. BLACK IS OUT. We will have Fashion Dragons at made from the finest quality G: We haven’t discussed cosmetics. the dance to carry off those who dress in anything darker than old-growth redwood. Is there any way of discouraging jewel tones. It’s a celebration of life, it’s the New Year. And this people from using that silly glitter G: Old-growth redwood? will be expressed by the new, lighter colors we’ll be seeing this gel? season. J: Sustainably harvested, of J: Hope springs eternal, course. Georgeanne, but I doubt it. G: Oh, but of course. So, what other For the more tastefully in- items will Starhawk be revealing? clined readers I suggest natu- But maybe you’ve already said too ral shades, so as not to scare much? your dead relatives. And for the sake of the Goddess, re- J: Yes. We want to keep some member to wear waterproof of it a surprise. This is a mys- eyeliner and mascara. tery tradition. G: It’s bad enough to be swollen- G: How true. So, there is a certain eyed and puffy in public without lack of panache and color coordina- looking like a raccoon. I so agree. tion… But, these styles you are suggest- J: I wasn’t going to say it ing, they seem a bit understated for but… this community. G: Somebody has to. As I was say- J: Oh, we can fix that. ing, a lack of style in our tradition. G How? Do you have any advice for the fashion-challenged among our J: Accessorize, accessorize, readers? accessorize! J: Well, yes. To be truly at G: What type of accessories? What one with your inner fashion does your spirit fashion guide say? spirit guide, I recommend J: I’m glad you asked that, sacrificing copies of Vogue to Georgeanne. This year Aphrodite while burning Starhawk is coming out with rose incense and wearing a new line of matching magi- something as tasteful as your cal tools and jewelry to go limited imagination will al- with her already hugely suc-

Bob Thawley cessful line of ritual clothing. continued on page 22

20 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • AUTUMN 1998 • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG The Charge Card of the Goddess

with apologies to Doreen Valiente

Listen to the words of the Great Shop Keeper, Who of Old was called MistressCard, Vasa-VISA, Dine-a-Club-A, and by many other names:

Whenever you have need of anything, more often than once a month, and don’t wait for a full moon, you shall succumb to the Spirit of Shopping. You shall be free from slavery, and as a sign that you be free, you shall get into debt shamelessly. Sing, shop, feast, shop, make music, shop, have sex, and shop!

For my Law is to shop with all beings. Buy cosmetics that open the door of youth, which at least give the appearance of immortality.

I give the knowledge of a monthly bill eternal, and beyond death, all debt will be erased from your credit history.

Nor do I demand sacrifice, for behold, I am the Mother of Charging Things, and my shopping is poured out upon the Earth.

Hear the words of the Platinum Card Goddess, whose feet are all the coins of Heaven, whose body is a huge wad of bills that encircles the Universe:

Special introductory offer. I who buy all the earth and the moon, and the stars, For a limited time, the Charge of the Goddess and I’ll take two of those mysteries of the waters, please, card is available through Reclaiming at an APR I call upon your money to arise and come unto me of just 13.13%! Accepted at all finer rituals, boutiques and amusement parks, including for I am the soul of Shopping that gives life to the Reclaiming’s own RitualLand. Universe, the IMF, and the World Bank!

Grace period. Holders of the Charge of the Goddess card are From me all purchases are transacted eligible for a grace period of up to 30 days, and unto me they must be returned during which time they will know themselves according to the return policy. to be completely loved and held by the Goddess. And you who seek to know me, Those desiring to get into heaven should apply know that all that buying and instead for the Charge of the Apostles card, which entitles the bearer to free admission to shopping will avail you not, the celestial realm if they die within 30 days of unless you know the Mystery: receiving the card. Some restrictions may apply. You have to use the Trance-fer fees. Charge Card of the Expenses incurred while trancing with the Goddess!!! ancestors on the Isle of Apples are subject to a special “between the worlds” processing fee. Written by Flame Late fees. RosaNegra for a Cardholders who are late to two consecutive mummer’s play rituals will be charged a penalty fee. at California Witchcamp.

WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG • WINTER 2001 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • 21 The cauldron

The Worst Book Ever

As part of our Magical Writing class, we got in the creative spirit by coming up with candidates for the worst book of all time – preferably one that we could personally write! Here are a few favorites.

A Comprehensive Guide to Do-It-Yourself Witches Grill At-Home Circumcision Top Recipes from the Burning Times This full color, lushly illustrated coffee table edition shows In a world where Witches have overturned the patriarchy handy men how to use readily available power tools and and reclaimed the grill comes a blockbuster spell/cook kitchen cutlery to “forgo the foreskin.” Heartily endorsed book necessary for the truly magical practitioner: Witches by Hedwig Schmidt who says: “it’s worth every inch!” Grill. – by Feather Hereditary Salem witch Charlene Coal dis- covered the tome in an ancient attic trunk cov- ered with the mystical tongs and marinated Victoria’s Tome meat sigils crucial for a good sear. Written A dry account of all topics the author by her ancestor Garlica Thyme, who evaded has studied, passionately, for the last 20 the fate of her unfortunate sisters, this Book years, Victoria’s Tome is the one you’ve of Shadowy Recipes is a must-read for the been waiting your whole life for. Kitchen Witch. Witness the extensive footnotes on Learn the moon phases for harvesting the each and every page! Revel in the de- healing herbs to create the magical marinades tailed punctuation! and runic rubs. Transform your meals into mouthwatering rituals that will entrance your Envy her meticulous adherence to the coven and community. Chicago Manual of Style as she perse- verates over all-things-learned during Char Coal’s recipes will transport you to the the span of her life, now well-compos- astral with every bite. Witches Grill includes ted, fecund with interpretation and pairings with vintages shared with her in richly layered with meaning. trances to the DiVine Dionysus. Bonus! The recently-released Deluxe Edition features Fulfill your destiny, embrace the sacred fire, let Char Coal graphs and charts in teensy tiny font. Accompanied by be your muse on this savory adventure. obtuse b/w drawings that explicate the author’s very – by Georgie Craig interesting findings! – by Victoria Alegre The Complete & Unexpurgated History of Cottage Cheese (Illustrated) I Am Grout: My Side of the Story Deluxe Scratch-n-Sniff Edition Have you ever wanted to know the mysteries of re-finish- ing a bathtub? Have you ever wondered how you could We are delighted to announce the completely revised and quickly make your bathtub a place of repose and rest? updated 2020 edition of this classic text, which restores the many passages deleted by puritanical editors in the In this 1000-page book, we’ll dive deep into how you 1980s. can prepare for a week-long odyssey into making plastic shine. Prepare for a process that quickly outlines the 500 Pop-up 3D color illustrations make this a must for con- steps to take your tub from terrible to terrific. noisseurs of le fromage de chalet. Written from the perspective of grout, you will learn how The deluxe edition features scratch-n-sniff panels. This to work from the inside out and finally finish a project reviewer found them somewhat disappointing, but they you’ve been nervous to start. apparently have become de rigueur for the genre. – by Irisanya Moon – by George Franklin

J Reclaiming.org • Witchcamp.org • WeaveAndSpin.org 19 Fashion Barbie discovering the ancient continued from page 20 continued from page 19 Barbie myths, additional funding has been low. And then you chant: Since GI Joe had no known female con- approved for research She changes every time she dresses sort, and was also a eunuch, it is obvious into the ancient and every time she dresses, changes. that both Joe and Ken competed for the Ninja Turtle Changes, dresses, dresses, changes. Goddess Barbie. One theory links this to myths as well. the surviving Oak King/Holly King myths G: Will this ritual open the necessary channels? Since many of earlier times. plastic artifacts J: If anything can this will. It also helps Researchers also uncovered other of the Ninja to use a Barbie doll as your Goddess mythical characters, known as Turtles have figure. Shakespeare, Einstein, Gandhi, and Ralph been found in Nader. But since the ancient culture held G: Well, I’m so pleased. I feel ready to take the North America, these in much lower relative importance ferry to Avalon. I know, with your guidance, I’ll perhaps they than Barbie, they obviously were mere be properly attired. are linked to minor demigods of the era. the ancient J: You always are, darling. We are thrilled to have discovered Native Ameri- these Old ways, since they shed light upon G: I wish to thank you and your inner fashion can cultures of Turtle Island? Only time many unexplained traditions of today. We guide for these inspiring words of wisdom. I will tell. can use this clear view of history to put our now feel that the community’s needs in this present-day customs in perspective. Link is a solitary from Flemington, NJ whose arena have been met. At least, until Yule comes After this significant success in writings focus on seeing the magical & sacred with its own unique challenges. side to everyday life.

Gusty Hail’s Travel Schedule Witchcamp String was passed from Vermont Camp to the continued from page 10 Witchcamp Spokescouncil in British Columbia, and should be passing over Cheyenne at 3:17 a.m. Chairman Hail will lead the Michigan Socialist Revolutionary Pagan Workers International interception ritual in the RPWP’s continuing resistance against Youth Brigade Party of the World (MSRPWIYBPotW). Temple of Witchcamp. Discordian Principles, Noon-6 p.m. October 20, St.Louis, MO October 8, Cheyenne, WY Organizational Meeting: “Resisting the Tyranny of Witchcamp “Intercept the Witchcamp String” demonstration and ritual. The Cooks.” Topics include “The Undercover Cheeseburger,” “Clean-up Slow-downs as a Resistance Strategy Against Forced Volunteer Labor,” and “Who’s the Boss? You Are!” Revolu- tionary Pagan Whole Foods Restaurant, West St, Dinner time. October 31, San Francisco, CA “Twenty Years of Resisting The Spiral Dance.” Commemorative march and trick-or-treating through the Sunset neighborhood, awakening San Franciscans to the threat of Starhawk’s book and ritual. Gather at Beltane Grove, Noon. November 15, Raleigh, NC Speech to Philip Morris, “Fighting Witchcamp through Addiction: Tobacco as a Sacrament.” If twenty percent of Witchcampers were addicted to nicotine, rituals would be shorter, and perhaps smoking would be permitted in circle — join us in this struggle! The Tobacconist Club, Noon. December 20, San Francisco, CA “The Great Clothing Swipe!” Chairman Hail will lead comrades in stealing Yule celebrants’ clothing while they jump in the Pacific Ocean. Gather at Ocean Beach, North of Taraval, 4 p.m.

22 • RECLAIMING QUARTERLY • BYE FOR NOW! • WWW.RECLAIMINGQUARTERLY.ORG ReclaimingQuarterly.org

Current RQ website A website for all of Reclaiming! features include: Whether you’re a Pagan Cluster activist, a Sound-samples from Reclaiming solitary, a Witchcamper, part of a circle or coven Music and Chant CDs in the far-flung Reclaiming network — whatever Five-Minute Labyrinth* brings you to RQ — this is your website! Witchcamp Chants Book Stay connected to Reclaiming – bookmark this site Pagan Cluster at the and visit it often. School of the Americas* Clown Anarchy* Pagan Pride Parade* Witches Opposing War* Garden Lockdown at Reclaim the Commons*

Revolutionary Pagan Workers BREAKING NEWS ... Welcome to ReclaimingQuarterly.org LATEST ADDITIONS TO OUR SITE Vanguard and other humor Check out recent issues of RQ! Aspecting and Anchoring - Back-issue archives reflections and stories on two advanced magical practices Reclaiming’s mission is to combine Earth-based Links to Reclaiming rituals, ------spirituality with direct political, classes, and Witchcamps RQ ONLINE FEATURES social, and ecological action. Grassroots and Alternative News Reclaiming Quarterly is (* - RQ online photo-features) Photo features of the Witches dedicated to the meeting- Opposing War, Clown Anarchy, ground of these two goals - Art and Revolution, and other activist highlights of recent Magical Activism. From the months streets of Seattle to the wilds of Witchcamp, from Subscribe & Renew Online Witchcamp spiritual reflection to frontline direct action, RQ is Chantbook there with photographs and first-hand reports. You can subscribe or renew to Pagan Reclaiming Quarterly is produced by a volunteer cell Cluster RQ using PayPal, or print a form Actions - based in San Francisco, with correspondents in over and mail us a check. Or both! click here 20 communities across North America and Europe. for the Our website carries articles and images from each latest issue of RQ, plus many special features (see left). Revolutionary Pagan Workers Vanguard Subscribe or donate now! Help Shape the Site Contests, games and quizzes RQ is supported by subscriptions and advertising. Help us create a site that you Seasonal articles, photos, poetry, Your donations make our magazine possible. recipes, and more! Please subscribe or donate now. Even a small want to visit regularly. Send us These features will be updated contribution can make a difference! often, so bookmark the site! your feedback and suggestions — [email protected]

OTHER RECLAIMING WEBSITES

Reclaiming.org Witchcamp.org PaganCluster.org One-stop web resource for all of Get information on each of Reclaiming’s Link up with the ever-evolving group of Reclaiming — links to groups across Witchcamps and family camps. Reclaiming Reclaiming folks and other Pagans who North America and Europe, classes, camps are held in over a dozen locations join together to do magic, direct action, rituals, Witchcamps, elists, plus articles across North America and in Western permaculture, protest, and other grassroots and information about Reclaiming. Europe. activism. The cauldron

Why are you staring at your computer?

When you could be reading a print copy!?!

Shatter the shackles of digital oppression! Join the throngs of liberated pagans who have escaped from servitude to the screen and sprung for a print copy of the Cauldron!! Now you’re probably thinking – how could I possibly afford a print version of this extraordinary 150-page journal of magic, creativity, and action?

Monkish Copyists No More If this were the Middle Ages, you‘d have to hire a team of monkish copyists to do the work for you. And they’d keep making little doodles in the margins, so it would hardly be authentic! If it were Early Modern times, old man Gutenberg would have to set the whole thing up in moveable type. That’d cost a pretty ha’penny. And there would be no pictures. But it’s the 21st century – the epoch of print on demand!

Seize Control of the Means of Production! Yes – you can seize control of the means of production long enough to demand that somebody somewhere print an exact copy of the Cauldron without a single Reclaiming Cauldron – Have It Your Way! marginal doodle, wrap it up in a biodegradable mailer, and ship it to you in about a week. PDF – free download – link below Now that is a cultural revolution! Full Color print edition – $29.95 plus shipping PDF – always free, all the time B&W + Color Cover edition – $19.95 plus shipping We’re glad to have folks looking through the free PDF, Hand-copied monkish edition – $9999.95 identical to the print edition except for the first few pages.

Gutenberg typeset edition – $9998.95 At the same time, we are seriously concerned for your well-being. We urge you to take a step away from your Home-xeroxed edition – you’re on your own! computer, take a deep breath, and then come back and Net proceeds benefit Reclaiming Quarterly’s archives log on just long enough to order a copy! project as well as future publications and recordings. Join the print revolution now!

Links, downloads, & more info – visit WeaveAndSpin.org/cauldron

2 Reclaiming.org • Witchcamp.org • WeaveAndSpin.org J