Andrew Zimmern’s Field Guide to Exceptionally Weird, Wild, &WonderfulFoods An Intrepid Eater’s Digest

by andrew zimmern and molly Mogren illustrated by chuck gonzales

Feiwel and Friends • New York TABLE OF CONTENTS Alligator Meat 1 • Bird's Nest Soup 7 • Brains 12 • Chitlins 21 Circus Peanuts 26 • Cockroaches 30 • Cow's Blood 35 • Crayfish 40 Cuy (Guinea Pig) 46 • Dancing Shrimp 49 • Donkey 54 • Durian 58 Dung Beetles 63 • Fish Head Curry 67 • Fugu 71 • Garlic Ice Cream 76 Giant Fruit Bats 82 • Grasshoppers 88 • Haggis 93 • Headcheese 98 Hot Dogs 103 • Juicy Lucy 110 • Kopi Luwak 113 • Liver 117 Lutefisk 122 • Maggot Cheese 126 • Octopus 131 • Ox Heart 135 Rabbit 138 • Rat 144 • Scrapple 149 • Sour Lung Soup 153 Spam 15 • Squid Ink 162 • Stuffed Lamb Spleen 168 Tarantulas 172 Tongue 176 • Turducken 180 Twinkies 183 • Wildebeest 188 • Bibliography 191 Photo Credits 192 • Index 193 Alligator Meat

hough we often consider American alligators What’s crazy is that though gators survived menacing and fierce, they’re truly a creature the massive meteor or climate change or what­ever Tof wonder. One look at this giant, lizard-­like the heck killed T. rex and company, they ­were animal conjures an image of something you’ve almost snuffed out completely in the 1960s. Loss only seen in books (or maybe Jurassic Park). The of habitat, improperly managed wildlife areas, dinosaur connection is not just a coincidence—­ and excessive hunting led to dwindling gator pop- scientists believe gators have roamed the earth ulations, and in 1967, they ­were put on the endan- for more than 150 million years, managing to gered species list. Since then, the reptiles have well-­outlive the dinosaurs, who became extinct bounced back considerably and were­ removed 65 million years ago. But they are twin sons of from the list in 1987. They still thrive in southeast- different mothers. ern America, especially in Florida and Louisiana. Why Alligator Meat? Gators may save your life. Okay, so maybe that’s from those little T. rex–­like legs). In some cul- a little extreme, but with concerns about choles- tures, people often eat the meat raw—­but that’s terol, fat and calories, many people are looking not recommended unless the animal is (a) dead for beef alternatives. Chicken and turkey con- and (b) very fresh. Bon appetit! tinue to populate tables across the country, but maybe it’s time we start eating gator. Sounds weird, but it’s true: Gator is one of the healthiest proteins you can feast on. Alligator meat has a fine texture, similar to chicken and pork, but con- tains less calories, fat, and cholesterol than either of the “other white meats.” If you order gator in a restaurant (or make it at home), what often ends up on your plate comes from the long muscle in the tail. It’s also possible to eat gator ribs and wings (which come Here’s gator served up Cajun style in Lousiana.

Ever since the 1975 Mathematic thriller Jaws, bite in the animal kingdom—­3,000 pounds per some of us have been a little afraid to dip our square inch! Oddly enough, while a gator could toes in the water. Sharks-Jaws­schmarks . . . ​gators literally sever your leg in one chomp, the muscles are the water-­lurking species that give me the required to open a gator jaw are wimpy. You willies. These carnivores’ mouths are stuffed could keep their mouths sealed with a thick rub- with seventy to eighty teeth, designed for grip- ber band (or your hands if you’re crazy enough to ping and ripping. They have the most powerful wrestle one).

2 • andrew zimmern's field guide to exceptionally weird, wild, and wonderful foods How to Survive an Alligator Attack Getting stuck in an elevator with seven other people after a chili cook-­off is the only thing I can think of that’s scarier than an alligator attack. These animals are hungry, powerful, and essentially prehistoric, which makes them some of the baddest boys roaming the earth. Though attacks are uncommon, you’re not necessarily doomed if you keep these things in mind:

1. Stay out of harm’s way. If breath a ­whole lot longer than 4. Roll with the punches. If you’re in gatorville (i.e., Florida you can. So if you’re in danger you’re trapped in a gator’s vise and Louisiana), don’t go swim- of a gator attack, run like heck. grip, expect the animal to start ming at dawn or dusk—­a favor- You may have heard that it’s a death roll. This move is not ite hunting time for these best to run in a zigzag pattern, unlike a figure skater’s spin—­ reptilians. Be mindful of alliga- but don’t. It’s important to put the alligator tucks in its legs tor nests (typically made with as much distance between you and moves its tail to the side. rotting vegetation around the and the gator as possible. The inertia created by this edge of wetlands. These can be movement allows the crocodil- up to 3.5 feet high) and keep 3. Eyes on the prize. So you ian to spin, and dismembers its your distance—­if you think your didn’t listen to any of this advice prey in the pro­cess. Due to their mom can be mean, you don’t and now a gator’s got your arm. cone-­shaped teeth, alligators even want to know what an Your best plan of attack is to ­can’t chew, and instead they angry alligator mom is like. gouge the reptile’s eyes. Jam rely on this technique to create Don’t ever feed wild gators, no your thumb into its sockets—­ “bites” small enough to swal- matter how cute they are! This this will hopefully blind and dis- low ­whole. Your last-­ditch effort desensitizes them to humans orient the animal, plus it will is to attempt to roll in the same and makes them associate you hurt—­a lot. If and when the gator direction as the alligator so it with lunch, which is what you lets go, see step two. ­doesn’t rip off a limb. Best will be if you keep feeding them. of luck.

2. Run like heck. You’ve probably heard that gators are really fast, both in and out of the water. On land, they can reach a speed of 10 miles per hour. And in the water, well, let’s just say that regardless of speed, they can hold their Gator Fact or Fiction:

Myth: Temperature determines the sex of afraid to take a bite of your finger just to see what a gator. you taste like. You want a pet? Get a hermit crab. Fact! If a gator’s eggs are kept at less than 88 degrees the gator will be a female; if it’s warmer Myth: Alligators have the most powerful than 91 degrees it will be a male. jaws in the animal kingdom. Fact! When a gator bites down on something—­a Myth: You have to be crazy to wrestle an fish, turtle, or even wild pig!—­the force rivals alligator. that of a falling pickup truck. Fact! No explanation needed. Myth: Momma gators eat their hatchlings. Myth: Alligators make good pets. FICTION! Though gator cannibalism isn’t unheard FICTION! Grizzly bears, venomous snakes, and of, mothers do not eat their young. However, the alligators don’t make good pets! They aren’t cud- mother gator will protect her young by carry­ing dly, they won’t do any cool tricks, and they’re not them around in her mouth.

More Bizarre Truth About Gators

• The biggest alligator ever recorded was 19 feet 2 inches. That’s about the same size as the sleek and saucy 1979 Lincoln Continental. It’s double the length of the world’s tallest man on record, Robert Wadlow. When he passed away at the age of twenty-­two, he mea­sured 8 feet 11 inches and was still growing. And it’s the same length as 19.16 foot-­long hot dogs.

• Alligators typically live about thirty to fifty years.

• When alligators close their mouths, every fourth tooth fits into a hole in the top jaw.

4 • andrew zimmern's field guide to exceptionally weird, wild, and wonderful foods • The scales on alligator are called scutes, and • When gators go underwater, they have skin they create a protective armor. flaps that cover their nostrils and throat so they don’t inhale water. • Alligators live in a subtropical climate, mean- ing they live in places with a lot of rain and • Gators can hold their breath for up to thirty mild winters. minutes. Sometimes the air in their lungs can cause them to float. Some alligators will swal- • To swim, alligators typically tuck their arms low rocks to weigh them down in the water. and legs in at their sides to create a stream- The rocks can also help with digestion. lined shape. They then use their long tails to propel themselves forward. Alligators vs. Crocodiles • While both are from the • Alligators prefer fresh water • Southern Florida is the only same family and are called but sometimes live in brack- place in the wild where both “crocodilians,” alligators ish water. Crocodiles are typi- crocodiles and alligators have smaller snouts and are cally found in salt water. live. usually smaller in size. • Alligators hibernate in “gator • The teeth of a crocodile and • While crocodiles can be holes”—­a den dug with their an alligator are arranged found around the world, alli- claws and snout where they differently. gators are only native to the can rest during the dry sea- United States and Asia. son or winter. Crocodiles don’t hibernate.

alligator meat • 5 When Life Gives You Gators, Make Gatorade A gigantic cooler of Gatorade is a football side- The researchers formulated a new beverage line fixture, but what’s the story behind this aimed at replacing the carbs and electrolytes ubiquitous sports drink? (And why in the heck is lost in sweat. They named their beverage after it called Gatorade?) the team it helped—­the Florida Gators. The team In 1965, the University of Florida’s assistant saw a difference almost instantly. They started football coach wanted to figure out why the heat outperforming higher-­ranking teams, and the fol- completely drained his team’s energy. He called lowing year they won the Orange Bowl. Other on the university physicians to look into the teams (both college and professional) started problem. They assembled a research team and providing this miracle drink to players. Today, discovered two key factors: The fluids and elec- Gatorade can be found on the sidelines of more trolytes the players lost through sweat ­were not than seventy Division I colleges. In 1983, Gato- being replaced, and the large amounts of carbo- rade became the official sports drink of the hydrates the players’ bodies used for energy NFL—­a title it holds to this day. It’s also the offi- ­were not being replenished. cial sports drink of the NBA, AVP, PGA, Major League Baseball, Major League Soccer, and numerous other elite and professional organiza- tions and teams. Things Found in Gators’ Bellies: Alligators mostly subsist on a diet of fish, turtles, snakes, small rodents, and birds. However, these animals are carnivorous and will eat pretty much anything they can sink their teeth into. For example: Rocks Sticks Cans Fishing lures Lots of dog collars

6 • andrew zimmern's field guide to exceptionally weird, wild, and wonderful foods BBrainsrains

t may sound straight out of a sci-­fi flick, but standard of brain preparations, but I also love Ilamb, pig, and cow brains are popularly eaten Thai pig brain soup and West Virginia’s roasted around the world. In fact, you can eat pretty squirrel brains cracked out of the skull. Small much any animal’s brain, like squirrel or penguin roasted baby birds from hummingbirds to squab provided it’s fresh. And I love them all. The first and even small chickens are a special treat. brains I ever ate were­ calves’ brains, sautéed à When brains are cooked whole,­ I can crush the la meunière, or “in the style of the miller”—­ skull between my teeth like a bipedal seal which means dusted in flour, the pan deglazed humanoid, reveling in the sweet rush of juicy with white wine, parsley, and brown butter, and cranial gray matter as it courses its way down finished with lemon. For me, it’s the gold my throat. Yum! Brain is rich in phosphorous, proteins, and vita- mins. Its fat content is one quarter of that in a T‑bone steak, but it is extremely high in cholesterol. You might think that brains would be rubbery, but they are actu- ally rather creamy and taste like mushy river rocks min- gled with warm pennies. Brains didn’t always have a creepy connotation. If you lived in eighteenth-­century Eu­rope, it’d be an honor to find brain on your plate. The skull was always sawed in half before roasting so it could be lifted up at the end of the meal. Of course, the brain must be eaten with a spoon—­it’s impolite to eat the brain with a knife (or, heaven forbid, a spork)!

Pick Your Brain: Brains are highly perishable, so you want to buy the freshest brain you can find. It should be bright pinkish-white, plump, Preparation: and firm. Use the same day. • Wash a few small calves’ • rinse the brain again. Blanch in pan. Add 2 tablespoons brains, lamb brains, or pig in simmering salt water for a drained and rinsed capers. brains in cold water. Remove minute or two to firm, rinse membranes, spinal cord in cool water, and pat dry • Add 1 cup white wine. stem, and any large blood with paper towel. vessels. Soak brain in cold • Reduce by two thirds in vol- water for about an hour. • Dredge in seasoned flour. ume, spoon brains out of pan, and plate them. Reduce • Brown well in a hot pan with liquid for another moment or butter over medium high heat. so, adding lemon juice to season. Sauce should coat a • Add 2 minced shallots and spoon but not be thick. 1 tablespoon each minced tarragon and parsley. Swirl • Add sauce and serve.

BRAINS • 13 zombie attack, it’s possible to survive. !ZOMBIE (\zäm-be\) noun: a rean- We talked survival methods with imated dead human who scours the planet with Dr. Robert Smith? (yes, the ? is part an insatiable thirst for human brrrraaaaiiiinssss. of his name) of the University Though I can’t find much fault in the diet of of Ottawa’s Department of Math- zombies (they do eat brains, after all), they are a ematics and Faculty of Medicine. pesky species that, when left to their own Dr. Smith? has dedicated his devices, could potentially overtake the world. (At career to the study of infec- the very least, they could ruin an upcoming birth- tious diseases—like malaria, day party . . . these guys are always stopping by HIV, influenza, and possibly uninvited!) the most terrifying disease If you find yourself at the precipice of a of them all—zombies!

HOw to survive a zombie outbreak by Dr. Robert Smith? (yes, the ? is part of his name) of the University of Ottawa

1. Guns. Don’t even bother. Civilization has collapsed. the mall or a farmhouse, barri- These are an illusion of protec- Everyone you know is a mind- cading themselves in. This is tion, but they’re not actually less cannibal. Zombies are sur- the worst plan in the history of very useful. Ever tried to shoot rounding you. Sure, maybe you the universe. What happens a moving target? It’s really can shoot a few of them, but next? They bicker and argue hard! And you don’t just have what happens when the bul- with each other, until they make to shoot your zombie in the lets run out? As they surely will some crucial mistake. Mean- chest, you have to shoot him in in about twenty-four hours, while, there are five thousand the head, destroying the brain. unless you happen to be holed zombies standing outside, just Unless he’s standing on top of up in a munitions factory. And waiting for the stupidest mem- you, you’re probably not going even then, do you know how to ber of the group to accidentally to hit the head. And if he is work and maintain complex open the door. Remember: You standing on top of you, then bullet-making machinery? I need food, water, and sleep. most likely so are fifteen of his don’t. Face it: Sooner or later Zombies only need your brains. friends, so you have bigger (okay, sooner), you’re going to problems. Which brings me run out of bullets. And then 4. Wooden stake to the heart. to . . . what do you do? I think you’ve mixed up your undead opponents there.That’s 2. Bullets. This goes hand in 3. The mall. What do we see in a mistake that isn’t going to hand with the gun thing. Think every zombie movie? A group of end well. Unless you’re a zom- about it for a moment. isolated individuals holes up in bie, that is.

14 • andrew zimmern's field guide to exceptionally weird, wild, and wonderful foods So if all the usual tricks don’t work, just how do we survive a zombie outbreak? Answer: We have something the zombies don’t. Celebrities! No, wait, that’s not much help, even when there isn’t a zombie apocalypse. We have a much better weapon than that: our collective intelligence. ­We’re smarter than they are and—­ crucially—we’re smarter as a group than we are as individuals. We can build walls, electrify fences, and dig moats. We can also research a potential zombie vaccine, dissect deceased zombies to find out how they work and possibly develop a cure. Ever wondered why the zombie apocalypse always involves the end of civilization? It’s because that’s the biggest threat to the zombies, so they take that down first. In short, our best defense is civilization and if there’s a zombie outbreak the best thing we can do is band together and Night of the Living Dead created by rebuild it. Because what do zombies fear most? Braaaiiinnnsss. George A. Romero is released in 1968. Top Ten Foods that are LIVE MONKEY BRAIN: MYTH! good for YOUR brain! As seen in Indiana Jones and the 1. Acai berries 8. Broccoli Temple of Doom, and talked about in 2. Almonds 9. Brown rice a creepy urban myth: Supposedly, live 3. Avocados 10. Brussels sprouts monkeys are strapped into a special table 4. Bananas that has holes in the surface. Just the top 5. Blackberries of the head is on a plate and the skull is 6. Blueberries sawed. The brain is then consumed 7. Brewer’s yeast with a spoon while the monkey is still living. Not true.

BRAINS • 15 weird Brain Facts • The human brain is the fattest organ and can • When you’re awake, the brain generates be made up of 60 percent fat. between 10 and 23 watts of power, or enough energy to power a lightbulb. • There are 100,000 miles of blood vessels in the brain. • Harvard has a Brain Bank where they keep more than 7,000 human brains stored for research. • The brain stops growing at age eigh­teen. • Humans experience an average of 70,000 • Children who learn more than one language thoughts per day. If you’re me, 68,000 of them before age five have different brain structures are about food. from adults and have denser gray matter. • The brain uses 20 percent of the oxygen in your body.

Question: It’s Prttey fnuny how we can raed tihs einrte snetnece wtih all tehse ltters all out of palce, and we can cnotniue to keep raednig and sitll mekas snece of waht we are raeding. No mttar how mnay tmies you raed tihs oevr and oevr you can sitll mkae snece of it. How is taht pssoible?

Brainiacslanguage impairments at an early age. He didn’t speak until the age of Albert Einstein three and had difficulty with lan- (March 14, 1879–­April 18, 1955): guage and reading throughout The Nobel Prize–­winning Father of school. His teachers even told his Modern Physics ­wasn’t always syn- parents they believed him to be bor- onymous with brilliance. When he derline retarded and that their son was a baby, his own mother thought would never amount to much. he was deformed due to his large The German-­born scientist never head, and he showed signs of gave up. He continued with school

16 • andrew zimmern's field guide to exceptionally weird, wild, and wonderful foods and eventually applied to col- live on, so to speak, even after such a smarty-­pants. His brain lege. He failed his university his death in 1955. Thomas was actually on the smaller entry exam—­passing the math Stoltz Harvey, a Prince­ton Hos- side of average, but denser in and science portions and pital pathologist who con- the areas of the brain linked bombing everything ­else. He ducted Einstein’s autopsy, with math and science. He also opted to attend trade school secretly removed Einstein’s lacked the Sylvian fissure, for a year, then reapplied to the brain during the procedure which separates the brain’s university. He was accepted without consent. He took the frontal and temporal lobes. This after his second time taking brain home and kept it in a jar, is thought to have improved the test. with plans of studying it. Har- communication between neu- Einstein went on to make vey never did release this study rons in the brain. groundbreaking advancements and ended up returning the in physics, science, and math—­ brain to Einstein’s granddaugh- including the twentieth centu- ter Evelyn . . . ​a whopping Fun Fact: ry’s most famous equation forty-­two years later! Harvey, Einstein’s brain wasn’t­ E=MC2. In layman’s terms, that then in his eighties, drove from the only stolen body part. just means that small amounts New Jersey to California with The physicist’s eyeballs went of mass can be converted into the brain in the trunk of his to Henry Abrams, Einstein’s eye huge amounts of energy, and Buick Skylark. Evelyn ­wasn’t doctor. Rumor has it, they are serves as the basis of develop- interested in keeping the brain, still in a safe-­deposit box ment of nuclear power. so Harvey then brought it back in New York City. to Prince­ton University, where it currently resides. Einstein’s Brain Scientists aren’t a hundred Einstein’s brain continued to percent sure why Einstein was

This is NOT Einstein's Other Brainiacs: eyeball! parachute, he­li­cop­ter, airplane, a polyphasic sleep cycle—­in Leonardo Da Vinci tank, repeating rifle, swinging other words he slept multiple (April 15, 1452–­May 2, 1519) bridge, paddleboat, and motor- times a day. His daily sleep A paint­er, inventor, sculptor, car. That’s a lot of accomplish- diet consisted of four thirty-­ architect, musician, engineer, ments for a single person—­but minute naps, meaning the man and scientist, Da Vinci is cred- Da Vinci had extra time on his got only two hours of shut-­eye ited with sketching the first hands. The genius adhered to a day!

BRAINS • 17 University that was once held Hypatia by Sir Isaac Newton (1642– ­ SRINIVASA RAMANUJAN (born between ad 350 and 370; 1727). (December 22, 1887–­April 26, died March 415) In a 2004 New York Times 1920) This Greek woman was the first interview, Hawking was asked Ramanujan excelled in math notable female scholar in about his IQ rating. His answer? but stunk at other subjects. mathematics. She taught phi- “I have no idea. People who Amazingly, this Indian mathe- losophy and astronomy. It is boast about their IQ are losers.” matician, who made significant believed that she charted many contributions to mathematics, celestial bodies and invented had little formal training. In the hydrometer, which deter- MARIA GAETANA AGNESI fact, he lost his college scholar- mines the density and gravity (May 16, 1718–­January 9, 1799) ship when he failed all of his of liquids. The oldest of twenty-­one chil- nonmathematical course work. dren, Agnesi was an Italian lin- He first encountered formal guist, mathematician, and mathematics at the age of ten Stephen Hawking philos­ o­ pher.­ She could speak and demonstrated high skill (January 8, 1942–­present) Italian and French by the time level. He was given a trigonom- Hawking is well she was five and Greek, etry book, and by the age of known for his Hebrew, Spanish, German, and twelve, he discovered theorems contributions to Latin by thirteen. on his own. One of his biggest cosmology and By age fourteen, Maria contributions to mathematics is quantum gravity, Gaetana Agnesi was tackling the Ramanujan conjecture. This especially when it comes to tough problems in geometry conjecture states that the Fou- black holes. He also believes and ballistics—­the science of rier coefficientsτ (n) of the cusp that it is most mathematically the flight patterns of bullets form Δ(z) of weight 12, defined probable that alien life-­forms and cannonballs. This was an in modular form theory, satisfy exist. especially strange field of |τ(p)| ≤ 2p11/2, when p is a In 1963, Hawking was interest for a girl, especially at prime number. diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s a time when most girls didn’t That makes perfect sense. disease. Doctors gave him two receive any formal education. to three years to live. Though In fact, it was rare for a woman the disease’s progression left to even know how to read in WILLIAM JAMES SIDIS him paralyzed, Hawking has the eigh­teenth century. (April 1, 1898–­July 17, 1944) gone on to live a long and Agnesi taught at the Uni- A child prodigy, Sidis could amazing life. He was named a versity of Bologna and was the supposedly read the New York fellow of the Royal Society of first female to be appointed as Times at eigh­teen months. He London, and earned a profes- a professor. There is a crater on taught himself eight languages sorial chair at Cambridge Venus named after her. by the age of eight: Latin,

18 • andrew zimmern's field guide to exceptionally weird, wild, and wonderful foods Greek, French, Rus­sian, Ger- with honors at the ripe old age anthropology—­just to name a man, Hebrew, Turkish, and of sixteen and became some- few. The average American’s IQ Armenian. He also invented what of a local celebrity. is about 100. It is estimated another language called Unlike many brainiacs, that Sidis’s IQ fell somewhere Vendergood. Sidis seemed to excel at a vari- between 250 and 300. Sidis was enrolled at Har- ety of subjects, including Amer- vard University at the age of ican history, cosmology, civil eleven. In 1914, he graduated engineering, linguistics, and Animal Brains Great apes: Scientists have taught chimpan- use a word in five or more zees, orangutans, and other great apes to com- different contexts with- municate through American Sign Language and out mimicking a human computer keyboards. Oddly enough, some of speaking. Just don’t tell those apes successfully tutored other apes in the a parrot a secret . . . ​ art of sign language! they’re blabbermouths.

­Whales and dolphins: These sea mammals Octopi: These eight-­legged create complex mental images to remember creatures are equipped with large brains (com- great distances. They also communicate with pared to their body size), and often use them in songs, but since they can’t­ read, they aren’t very mischievous ways. In captivity, octopi have been good at karaoke. known to escape from their tanks in order to eat fish from nearby aquariums. Though they typi- Elephants: Pachyderms have remarkable cally make a break for it when there are no wit- memories (see circus peanuts). They also perform nesses, the wet trail they leave behind is a dead death rituals and grieve the loss of a family giveaway. member. Crows: Some consider these black birds to be Parrots: Some parrots are capable of speak- a pest. However, Crows are incredibly clever. ing human languages. They can initiate short They have been known to remember human conversations. One parrot, N’kisi, knows 971 faces, build complex tools, and intuitively under- En­glish words. Knowing means that the bird can stand what other crows are thinking.

BRAINS • 19 Body to brain ratio:

sparrow 1/12 human mouse 1/40 1/40

cat dog frog 1/100 1/125 1/172

lion elephant horse 1/550 1/560 1/600

shark hippopotamus 1/2496 1/2789

20 • andrew zimmern's field guide to exceptionally weird, wild, and wonderful foods