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The and Quarterly Journal at UCSD Winter, 1_284

FROM SODOMITE TO GAY IS GOOD Chariging Nature of Homosexual Identity Stephen Russell conception of that by history of the lesbian or feminist The late 19th century, with its existed prior to the 20th century, the Most su bcultures are regenerated movements, rather it recognizes that advances in psychological reasoning, idea of a homosexual community was from within--its members are born these are, in fact, seperate, yet brought with it new difinitions of both meaningless and inconceivable. and raised and die within the same related, fields of inquiry, and to treat those wh.o preferred same-sex culture. Among the few exceptions is all of them would do justice to none The predominant belief at the relations. The prevaling theory of the the gay community. Members of this of them. outset of the 19th century was that time was that of 'inversion', the idea community have all been raised participants in same-sex relatio~s that this 'abnormality' was the result were sinful and degenerate, that their within the confines of the larger The Conception of the Homosexual of the brain of one gender being in society. They must, through the few acts were the result of ill morals the body of the opposite gender. It rather than an innate or conditioned was a step forward in that it clues given by this society, ascertain The exclusive homosexual (no predispostion. Weeks indicates· the recognized the existence of a that they are different from the overt heterosexual proclivities) is a nature of this conceptual psychological 'type' of person who standard, and are, in fact, members of relatively new creation . The difference: There was a crucial , was attracted to their own biological a group that is hidden, despised, and contemporary gay community is not distinction between traditional sex, but it nonetheless precluded the oppressed by the society of which he the modern manifestation of a concepts of buggery and modern recognition of a distinct 'type' of has always been a participating cultural constant, rather it is a newly concepts of homosexuality. The sexuality. As John Marshall explains: member. defined and, hence, newly created former was seen as a potentiality in all Yet, this sub-culture has not always entity. In regards to historicity, Jeffrey The curious result of such gender sinful nature, unless severely existed. There has not always been Weeks says that In different inversion... was that it effectively execrated and judicially punished; · th is alternate value system with which cultures ... very different meanings are eliminated the need for a homosexuality, however, is seen as homosexuals could identify. This given to same-sex activity by both homosexual concept. For as long as the characteristic of a particular type article looks at the changing social society at large and by the individual the person in question could be of person ... (the sodomite) was a perception and self perception of the participants. The physical acts might conceptualized as a 'Non-man', his temp o ra ry aberration; the homosexual. The specific focus is on be similar, but the social 'real' could be homosexual belongs to a species. 2 As the American ga y male community. constructions around them are interpreted as ' heterosexual' such, it would be difficult for a This is not intended to slight the rich profoundly different. 1 Given the (in a male body) rather than 'sodomite' of that period to identify 'homosexual male'. 3 with others of his kind, for the role in The lack of a widespread which he existed in society's eyes was unde·rstanding or definition of INSIDE that of 'moral degenerate' or ho m ose x uality isolated man y 'criminal', rather than 'homosexual'. homo sexual individuals by LAGO Speaks o n Making Babies page 3 The 'others of his kind' would include prostitu tes, murderers, and the 1 continued on page 7 Lesbian Femi ~ t P ·o trt rtj on page 6 insa ne. Sappho Speaks Winter, 1984

GRANDMA, ARE THERE ANY STRAIGHT MEN OUT THERE? by Anne M. Duddy myself another very good friend shortly after I began my freshman year. Having No, of course the question isn't just not-so-successfully navigated the serious. Well, not THAT serious. You tortures of puberty, my instincts kicked see, I find myself in a very curious in once again and I found myself hope­ positon: I am a heterosexual woman lessly in love with my new friend . He completely surrounded by homosexual was all I had ever dreamed of: talll, men. From my experiences I'm dark, handsome, witty, bizarre, with beginning to think that I may be jinked. dreamy thick luscious lips and a It may sound foolish, but that's the tune hormone-charging smile. It was all I they're singing on the welcome wagon could do to keep from jumping his every time I go to my hometown to visit bones in an effort to make him aware friends and family. that I wanted his gentle caresses which I thought were wasted on the pillow he It all started innocently enough in clutched tig~tly to his chest as he stared high school. I was known at the time as deeply into space. frequently found the "Perenially Platonic Person". I was l myself standing in front of his Adam everyone's friend. Secretly, however, I Ant poster in attempt to make his gaze was madly in love with my best friend. I fall on me instead. Despite my endless used to dream about how his perfect. endeavors; the concept never took hold glistening white teeth flashed in the in his mind. desert sun as he sneered at me and about how his 1ceys danced wildly upon his I began to go nuts with frustration to me. was surprised but once a week for six years! and our friendship became quite tight, well-proportioned cheeks. understanding, yet definitely confused. I thought it would be funny to tell my strained. We had more than the usual Fantasies about him that would make a Life went on and just as I was grandmother that I'm not jinxed after amount of ups and downs. He was nun break out in a cold sweat swirled adjusting to the new changes in my life, I all, that perhaps "it's in the water". moody, I was irritated and neurotic, wickedly in my pubescent mind as I found that my best friend in college and However, knowing her, she would and we talked less frequently. By the dreamed of one day making him My I were able to get along bette·r. It was probably give up showering for weeks in first quarter of our junior year I had Boyfriend. i' was tempted to wrestle him two months later that I finally fear of "catching it". fallen out of love, but the remaining into a half-Nelson to bring him to his discovered why my friend never She makes all this fuss over one tension caused an estrangement which senses, but 1 finally convinced myself responded to my feeble attemps for phenomen: there are more homosexual lasted through most of the second that settling into a platonic relationship romantic in·volvement and innuendo. men in my life than I ever could have quarter. was in my best interests. My How was I to have known that to him imagined, and in spite of my grandmother was a bit disappointed. Incidentally, my grandmother was Orion was not just another astral ·grandmother, I'm thankful for it. I've All along she sort of entertained the idea elated. She is quite prejudiced and never constellation? As if some catalyst were made some marvelous friends who have that maybe some day I might have approved of my relationship with my applied to the men I knew, my best opened my mind to a lifestyle different married my high school friend. He was college friend. She was always afraid I'd friend came out to me, too. from mine. My concept of the true marry him and our children would end such a nice young man after all. At this point I began to look at the meaning of love has broadened as a up retarded and ugly, "as are all As all good things eventually do, the positive side of things: his to result of my contact with them. I may children of mixed races". I was fun we had in high school ended all too me gave us a chance to demolish a few not have many heterosexual men or accustomed to hearing that every time I soon and we headed our separate ways barriers and our friendship evolved to a romance in my circle of friends, but visited her. What a drag. to college. He ended up in the much higher, freer devotion. What an sharing a platonic love with my wilderness of Los Angeles County and 1 Anyway it was during that second improvement! Meanwhile, I remember homosexual friends has freed me came here to UCSD. We constantly quarter of my junior year that my high that my grandmother mumbled somewhat from some of society's many kept in touch, but we both branched out school friend and I became a little something about homosexuality being a romance-related constraints on my into our respective college interests and closer. I called him on his birthday to disease and that it was spreading like emotions. I know that their influences congratulate him for turning 21 and I made new friends. wildfire. in my life have made me happier than I found him to be unusually distracted. A might have been otherwise. I was incredibly fortunate to find week later he called me up and came out I studied in Europe the next year. By· February I had fallen in love with a So--how do you like them apples, lovely dark-skinned man with black Grandma? .------SAN DIEGO------..... hair and crystal blue eyes. His red ski jacket caught my gaze from afar and I COUNTY DRAFT RESISTERS FUND dreamed of the songs he used to write during our art class. His sweet smile lit BENEFIT CONCERT my dreams at night. I adored him from afar throughout the whole year. I watched him even until he stepped off the plane as we were leaving. I walked up tohim to say goodbye. but before I could speak his eyes lit up and his arms spread wide: a tall blonde man picked him up and spun him around, planting a passionate kiss on his lips. Jinxed. I knew it then. After that, every guy I thought was cute would be seen within that week walking arm in arm affectionately with another guy. Grandma says, "See, I was right! It's catching! Save yourself and everyone else: move to Arizona". I'm sure she thinks I'm an immune carrier of a new · epidemic. Like colorblindness or hemophilia. With all these homosexual men. I think that although she promised to throw a fit if she eve r caught me in bed with a man, my grandmother wo uld proba bl y be more upset if she didn't. About the Author · JOAN BAEZ Befo re I could open my mouth to Anne Duddy is a senior at UCSD, SUNDAY-FEBRUARY 19-7:30 PM a rgue. she decided tha t if I weren't whose academic interests include overweight, men would stop "turning GOLDEN HALL-DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO nuerops ycholog y and Spanish quee r" each time I fe ll in love. I literature. PROCEEDS TO BEN SASWAY LEGAL DEFENSE d isagreed: d ie ts d on't ma ke the She's embarrased to say she comes sex ualit y. Im agine if the numbers of from El Centro, but promises ne\.€r to RESERVED SEATING · $12 50, $11 50 & $10 50 homosex uals in the world decreased in return. Her aspira tions for the near AVAILABLE . AT THE CENTER BOX OFFICE AT 3rd & B ST proportio n to the a mount of weig ht I AND TELE.SEA~ :;:;: FOR INFORMATION AND TELEPHONE CHARG ES CALL future include meeting a few straight (619) 236 -6510 MASTERCARD OR VISA lost on my diet: I'd ha,e Anita Bryant men. We wish her luck, but with the chaining me to a weigh t machine in a company she keeps, that may take some IIMPATICO - --- health spa. feeding me chicken broth time . Sappho Speaks Winter, 1984

LAGO SPEAKS ON MAKING BABIES Sappho Speaks recently asked I'm not sure whether or not I would Yes, we want to have children. We LAGO members and their friends the want to have children. I suppose that love children. We would have following questions about having would depend on what I do with my children throu·gh artificial children: life and who I am with--kids are a insemination. We would want to Do you want to have children? mutual decision. I'm not sure that I k_now the father we//. No sperm Why or why not? want to bring a child into this world; banks!! We would combat those How would you go about having maybe the best thing would be not to people who would object to us them? have children. On the other hand, raising children with statistics. We What would you say to people who some incredibly conceited part of me would tell those people that the same object to homosexuals raising feels that what I have to give would proportion of homosexuals come children? create a wonderful child, maybe one from heterosexually-parented What would you say to your child if who could improve the world, if the homes as come from homosexually­ he/she came home from school after world lasts long enough. Still, my fear parented homes. If they worry that being hassled or teased for having is that would turn out wrong. I we will turn our kids into "one of us", gay parents? know that I've ca.used my mother we would tell them that most of the pain. and I don't deal well with pain. people we know were raised by The problem is that there are no heterosexual parents and they didn't Yes, I would love to have children, guarantees. I mean, you can do turn out straight. Why should our and no, I couldn't bear to. I have a everything right and still get a rotten kids turn out gay? And, why should it strong parental need to nurture, but I child. I couldn't deal with having a matter? don't know that I want the bad kid, I would feel guilty, like I'd As far as dealing with hassles responsibility. I would want to be the done something wrong. I think I directed toward our child, we would natural father of the child, so I would would react badly to having a kid who try to prepare for those by making find a woman who wished to be a was a Republican or worse. him/her aware as she/he grows up mother... perhaps a lesbian couple Let's see, how would I _have a where he/she came from and the who wants children. as well. I feel I child ... well, you get a sperm and an love invoived in his/her creation. We could raise children with greater egg, and presto ... how I'll get them plan to explore the differences in our tolerance and understanding as a together depends on the family structure and that of others. result of being gay. I think that my circumstance. I mean, I'm not totally Although these explanations may not being gay would be better for them. I adverse to sex with men or artificial Yes, I have a very strong belief in lessen the hurt of being hassled or would try to explain to my child why insemination. My lover might want to family ties. I believe raising a family is teased, they may make it a little easier it is that people fear what they don't have a child and she might have important. The interaction among for the child to deal with the understand, why it is that people are ideas. family members is a unique form of against homosexuality. hung up on labeling one another, I don't really care what people say personal satisfaction as well as a form --Liz and Michelle and make sure that my child knows about homosexuals raising children, of self-expression. One's children that he or she was loved. as long as nobody hurts me or my kids are a reflection of one's self. No, I would not want to have --Stephen or takes them from me ... besides, / Although each are individuals, we children. The assumption of past don't think assholes should raise tend to become like one another generations that one grows up, children and they do (look at Jerry consciously and sub-consciously. becomes married and has children Fallwell). Yet, that melange of different without serious consideration to the perspectives makes each family contrary, is being challenged by A parent in a situation where their member unique. many women today. When kid is having a hard time from other considering my goals and ambitions, people about their parents is bound Personally, the thought of carrying having children is not very high on to feel lousy and bitter. But, what can for 9 months is not at all appealing to my priority list and would, in fact, you do? Kids are so cruel, that they me as a woman; but the satisfaction preclude or delay goals which are will find something to pick on. I was of watching one's· child grow and more important to my life. As you can teased because I was adopted. I got develop ideas, personality, etc., see, my sexual preference has through because I knew my parents would overrule any discomfort I may nothing to do with this particular loved me a lot. Maybe that's all you be anticipating. At this point, I cannot decision. can do. A kid doesn't understand that answer in whole how to go about people who hate those who are having children. I have contemplated If I were to decide to have children, different are sick and need to be as -an alternative mode for I would choose the path of least pitied. You can tell them, but it's so having a child. resistance, which appears to me ro difficult to understand, that a lot of Of course, those who are be: convincing a male friend i o adults never grasp it, they just return "homophobic" will object to impregnate myself or my partner. hate for hate. All you can do is love "homos" raising children. It is Adoption and artificial insemination the kid as much as you can and hope therefore important to educate the would not only be a financial burde1. , that she or her learns this. (If a child straight community into believing but would also present legal learns it, the rest of life is easy, that homosexuality is an alternative complications due to single­ because no matter what, she or he lifestyle and not abnormal or "sick". parentage adoption barriers, or ro We would like to have children will have friends.) Since society reacts so destructively problems related to having a homosexual partner. Although there sometime in the next ten years. We --Lisa towards homosexuality, it would not consider child-raising to be a be fair to ~xplain to children about are obvi~us complications w h h uniquely enriching and satisfying homosexuality until they are able to impregnation by a male friend, su :h experience. We aren't _certain yet No, I would not want to have understand and defend themselves as the psychological and paren·al how to go about having a child, but, children. I feel that it is optimum for a verbally. Like anything else, the child responsibility the male might feel a 1d at this point, we think we would like child to have two parents and I am must be educated to understand that alienation of the nonbiogical female to artificially inseminate a close, unwilling to make that sacrifice. homosexuality is 0.K. It is almost like parent, these problems appear to rn e preferably lesbian, friend of ours if all There is certainly no real nee·d to a child who is adopted; if one loves to be easier to deal with. were agreeable. We feel we're as bring children into a crowded world. the child, and the child is brought up Objections by others to m y ready emotionally and financially to As regards objections to homosex­ in a warm, caring environment, it hypothetical family pose no great take on the responsibility as anyone. uals raising children, I would say that really should not matter in the long threat or concern to me. My deep­ We would raise our child or children that may be a-valid point, but only on run that their parents are gay. rooted tolerance of other people's to respect other people's happiness a case-by-case basis, in the same way Unfortunately, in order to protect the lifestyles, philosophies, and opinions in their private lives. that many heterosexuals are also unfit child, I believe, in many cases, that allows for tolerance of their If our child had a problem at to raise children. Love, compassion, the parents' gay identity should be prejudices as long as they do not school, we would tell him or her that and pateince seem more important hidden from the child's peers and manifest themselves as infringeme11t some people cannot accept certain than sexuality. their parents. Since it may be found on my life. groups of people because of their If people caused problems for my out, though, the child should be While I would ensure the ch i!-: ignorance or . That our child, I would attempt to explain to made aware and taught to defend understand why I chose a being different threatens their the child that it was too bad that the his/her parents. homosexual relationship, and at the concept of how they feel the world person(s) who hassled her or him had I would hope that I would raise my same time gaurd against commurti­ should be. Some people fear what been taught to hate rather than love child to want to come to me and tell cating any negative feelings toward they have not experienced and can't their fellow human beings. The child me about problems he/she heterosexual relationships, the iSSL · _ understand. We would also talk to would know from an early age that encountered with other people would not be sexual preference, b,Jt the teachers about limiting the the of a person regarding my being gay, and that we love. I would assure the child th-u , teasing from other students. If need does not make the person, just as for would be able to sit down and both parents deeply love him/her, be, we would talk to the parents of color or age; but that hate and close­ reevalute our position and make sure which is an asset many children do the children responsible for the mindedness does make a person the child was totally comfortable with not have. However, breedin g teasing. inferior. the family environment. tolernce in society is never easy. --Michael and Russell --Mike --Krys --Kathryn Sappho Speaks Winter, 1984

DIARY OF THE INSOLENT really think it is right, because by Debbie Mikuteit integrity demands that to believe a Insolence is my beloved response, thing you have to act it yes indeed. growing sophisticated in time but still Also, you cannot toss this containing the brazen intensity of the requirement to the wind, no not at child. I feel and give this reply when all. It says to your robotic "okay nice he asks w i th squat,sharp , but okay nice but okay nice" an unperceiving eyes, dully and in unhesitatingly patient "Yes but still accusation. When he speaks out, and still and yet still." This is after all from a stupid field of similar glassed . an insolent integrity. This is what you eyes, his uniformity mutes his will call it when you turn and go there statements into those of the idiot and it is already there, or you run this crowd itself. I reflect on the correct way and it smiles back insistently. You reaction, watching his opinions grow will begin to think it is provokingly from the simplicity of a single pea to pert. Especially in the way it seems to the profundity of a mass of ants know you. It says things repeatedly engaging in an orgy of decaying flesh. like you do but is · desrespectfully Hi s commentary , spoken o r more successful than your calculated unspoken, will, I conclude, demand robotic speech in maintaining of me defiant insolence until I can consistence. This is but of course only view it without disgust. A unique natural because integrity means single thought ca n be volleyed with consistence. You cannot claim to subtle reply. But his voice is the have anything whole constructed automaton; each sentence without integrity; there is just the nonconformist, the unpopular, veins on the ground and thought unconscious mimicry ,each word the absolutely no way to' pretend. Can't the eccentric, the unfortunate, the they were like roots of a tree from errors of mediocrity and resignation, hide. Can't think this bit of no silent and the ignored. Oh yes, you which all things might come. each inflection mechanical and consequence and do other t hings in must stay away from our dream once Through tears, the hairs on my arm h ollow ... its repetitve rhythm the meantime. No, no. And no. you have denied it. Never peruse our glistened like a silvery forest. resonates on me; I echo back upon Nothing can be forgotten, especially books which might irritate you. Stay Something strong on the wind the wall, "I have heard it before, not the smallest. If it is forgotten, you at home and avoid our haunting eyes. blowing, I knew at 14. before, before." can be certain of one thing and that is Do not watch TV OT hear our singing At 16 I was trampled again. At 16 The robotic the dim the despairing it will come back to haunt you. the promise of tomorrow on the they did not speak, but called the followers, following out of fear of radio. Never look out the window those brilliant burnings in me doing differently ,their ignorant and see the sky full of our brilliant whereby I felt whole and ascendantly leader taking them to a cliff. By the You may call us blue wish. Instead, jail us with severe poetic about Sandra and Elizabeth, time they arrive they'll have realized idealistic or dreamy... laws. Confine our defiant idealism by and Joanna and Christine. "Keep itto where they were going, but will also deluding yourself with the yourself," they sang in the hallways; I know they can't start again, sadly but we manipulate significance of the practical in life. could read it in their monotonic rea lize they can't be rewound like you. Buy, buy all you can, and imbue smiles and boring variations on a reels on a machine even though they yourself for posterity"because if you single theme. Because I was only imitate the device in every other way. forgo dreams there will be no other growing insolent, to myself it stayed. They are likely to leap to death when When it haunts you at first you will continuation of you when you die. To my own captive heart the they discover this. only feel it as a vague itch. You'll Find things to do in your spare time; profound love. For my own churning Insolence, therefore. Insolence, nevermind it, you hope, out of clutch with murderous intensity to guts the penetrating passion. Under because I have hope, to tug at eyes existence, dismissing things that this o r that delightful pitiful my pillow, alone sobbing the pain of grown shut out of rare use. Insolence irritate with, "But it just has to be insignificant deathly hobby which unexpressed feeling. I would love because maybe I can light a fire in done." At first you will say this allows you to live without the later on; and very tenderly for all that them. Insolence to pinch them if they · objectively, but later the insistent reminder we are screaming in the I had found it was worth. have human flesh left to feel it, to ghost integrity will make you utter it . hallway where you turned your back I bided my time, as we the draw the pain that will keep them defensively and finally despairingly and ignored your friends. Oh, but we disrespectful will do until we are alive. and uncertainly. It seems as if the tide scream loudly. We'U- drive you to ready to leap out in defiance. So I And the source of life is in pain. of life is inching you out to sea. You more than psychotic stamp ambled along, from at Sorrow brings, as it always has, some call this 'reality,' and are content with collecting. If you run from us it will be 16 to adolescence at 18. At 18, now I'd ddrenalin for tomorrow. Tomorrow that designation because you have a harsh sentence. You may call us gone from the bittersweet home and when we may be alone again.But do heard 'reality' is a good thing and idealistic or dreamy, thinking you can faced adulthood in the university. not avoid it, instead revel in the besides you look about at other faces control us, but we manipulate you. There I heard them yelling another .; o litary; let it be a comfort. They say blank as your own, then think this all How do we get this way? You help untruth. That woman is weak, her that if alone you will look inside, must be real when you're given the us. Look under your feet and see how body strange, with its odd bumps and , eei ng nothing but black, then that's evidence of the commonality of the you're cultivating insolence by not smooth muscle and its incapable wiiy there's God, to heal that phenomenon. The avoidance you squashing us . We grow wild with the voice. Well, by now I was ready to go darkness if.lto light. But if you don't see is popular; this dull life the masses pain, grow up with the pain. If we with all the anger. So I went off on an try to escape ,but face that black ,why share has a name. It is mediocrity. It is seethe in anger we are blinded by it insolent jqurney. I took my mishmash then it becomes white and is God. conformity. It is manners, politeness, and cannot learn by it, then we body, the mountain. I took my arms Pa, 11 avoided needs help. Pain we and civility. This, the ballet of the become like you. But when we hands legs feet, the forest. Took my f ac ~ is our savior. The one who ridiculous hordes, is done together; accept the pain, we bloom into stringy hair I cut myself all frayed and believes , on this basis, that accepted one bumbles and the other tumbles mountains. In my life the growth hanging. Took my breasts new and sadness is strength, is coming. The and like grotesque gorillas and came directly out of the tense years, strange, not a little scary for all their one who knows it is but surely there. dancing slippers they ape one where from pain I got love and also bouncing I don't know where. I Kn ow, know, know you can never be another with twisted faces , dripping insolence. The tears seemed to arrive brought along my voice scrawly like too fami liar with, the ache of saliva and over the cliff they go. in a pattern, which I enjoyed no human being I loved. Then I uniqueness, the thud of the I would Locked into mimicry they cannot observing when for conformity's sake packed up my waist and hips that wish, the sharp bite of the faux pas. escape becoming animals and are I ought to have concentrated on the were altogether foreign and I Rather than escaping them, merge forced to express themselves in any pain. Instead I spit in the fa ce of it. thought from , Mars. Mountains I ser-su ally with th e things that hurt decent way. People turn away at the At 14 it began, when I got an illness believed were more regular, and my and with curious fingers explore their funeral embarrassed by the Dori an that left me weak and pale. It hurt. body was just a lot of unexpected so •;rce. Commit acts disrespectful Gray hideous fa cade. Coming home from sc hool with flesh turns. Well I took all these things and and immoral for the intimacy with This what you call 'reality' is your still ringing of all the insults, I looked said this is enough of the trampling: wt1ich they bring you together with re ality. If you live in polite av oidance , in th e mirror. Se eing the paleness, hop in and let's see where we end up. the feeling of the painful. All this very it is the fa ct of yo ur life tha t you are plain hai r, and worried eyes, I W e went driving driving driving. I rluse knowing piles up, becoming a haunted and helpless . But, if you thought I wa s like a stone from th e gave the eye to those strange mcuntain of gathered wisdom and disregard everything els e, you still river that got rushed over, becoming passengers at firs t, but occasionally in:iuence. No one can dismiss the know this--it is not m y rea lity, not that worn out. But I looked at my hands list ened to them, thought them wise, -n JUnta in. The one who lives its life is of others, and d id not or does not and feet with tra ces o f blue in them. I and reluctantly, than more fully, immortal. Death then is not afraid ; have to be yours. liked how these veins or arteri es o r loved them. We all th en got together t • .- sh e who finds hersel f in the stuff M y rea lity is inso lence. It is what whatever st uck o ut and looked for th e bi g event, which was falling in of the mountain is nea r indes truct- you ca ll 'idea li sm ' or ' a dream' or stron g. It so rt o f made up for that face love at 20. Oh in vain oh in vain oh in 2ble. 'immature' or everythin g else that I avoided in the mirror. The fa ce th at vain. She was after m en. Th e pain, the You say it seems true and so okay ca n let yo u forge t it s threat to your got left alone due to strange color pain , th e pain made me gentle and \. vu believe it, now cl ose the book philosophy. Oh, bew are of the ,.ind odd expression. I turned my face Jnd go home. But then you don't dream, this ideal that WP 5hare! We to the ~round and put my hands with continued on page 8 Sappho Speaks Winter, 1984

The Consequences of Queerness

women just seem like they don't care by Debbie Mikuteit as much, you know? Oh boy did I know. Ever since I was 1 I thought about it much but kept it little I'd get ' helpful hints" on how to tumbling looking for expression and dress from parents, friends, teachers, because she feared, "How do you and even passers-by on the street feel?" might loosen some torrent, she with their dour looks, who could not never asked. Until the thing escaped fathom that what they thought an of its own power. Then emotions ommission of style was in fact one of cascaded as predicted, and in what the most subtle styles of dress. Now to she--still in friendship--told me-­ think my own dear friend fell into the without words--would be one of our same misunderstanding disheart­ last meetings, she finally asked ever ened to say the least. It demanded a so politely, "I wonder what it is like clarification unachievable through for you anyway? I mean to be a ordinary answer; it insisted that she lesbian. It must be kind of hard." She must see it as no common reply. And I did not want me to answer, only to knew that an expected response, or listen while she reflected.. "Your lives even new pearls in a well-known and your feelings are not made to format of answer, will encourage the seem normal like ours, so I guess they discussion to go click click click and end up not being routine, and you repeat ideas which have occured in turn out with a different sense of thousands of dialogues over the humor and all. " A different world. I did not want this snap click sense ... yes. "As a result I could see ignoble end for the promise I saw in model myself is the earth, exquisitely beautiful woman an a silk dress· with how you'd feel lonely or sad and stuff our exchange. pure and outrageously simple. If I makeup on her face. But in the next like that." I smiled · at her genuine Thus I laughe9 congenially and wore things which did not bend in minute she tried to move along with interest, and at the way in which her pointed to my own somewhat drab compliance with the ·earth, then I the earth, because her fate was not to normally collegiate vocabulary clothing, signalling that no offense .could not so skillfully be the tree or be a mute model out of Glamour but became inadequate in exploration of had been - taken, and that the place the leaf on my person; if I at birth the stars had proclaimed she the unfamiliar. following unusual argument was to covered myself without adherence to was of another simpler world. Her nature's fashion then the pebble on It had often been so for me as well. be taken by her without offense as motion was of course in combat with my knee would fall off out of plain And it is indeed, I thought to myself, well. I thought that once I had shared the dress-:she almost tore it once. shame and nervousness. Being the stuff like that which I feel. If I feel. her worry--once wnen I was tinding a Then in the third and terminal bold earth puts magic in my Often I am driven to complacent vision of my own but kept getting it minute, the purportedly 'good' intention, and certainty in all my unfeeling. Quite ordinarily, it seems lost in other eyes. But now ... now I mascara developed a proclivity action. that I have to be especially insist_ent if knew. But more thoroughly toward idiocy when it tried I want to feel, so frequently I forget it understood was this, than simple unsuccessfully to hold together her altogether and sit on a rock. Let my believing. Now I felt this vision. It did sad eyes. From then on I knew what legs hang and I think rock, tick tock, funny things to my body to know it so "'The stone balan­ was good and what was bad, and I did start to hum a song to the rock. That well, like right now when in answer to not blame the innocent silk and kind _of feeling I can do very easily; her question before I could stop ces here. Not only mascara so much as realize that good nobody pays me any mind. I don't them my legs were stiffening and my. is being who you are: flowing with have to g·ive the right answer (as in body becoming the trunk of a tree. that, but its gr_ay the motion of the earth if it calls you, when my classroom seat becomes the The arms were of course the or artfully strolling with vivid ruffled cherished rock and I stare out of it branches. Then I smiled and my color .goes with beauty if such is the painting on your insolently growing its unmovable fingers fluttered like falling leaves the fading blue in horizon. expression, and then the professor and I brought them in contact with I looked through the leaf trying to avoids looking at me and I am not the ground, where I picked up a real see what was there for my hesitant leaf and held it to my arm over the these jeans." friend. I said, though she was leaving wrinkled lined shirt I had on. Then I and reluctant to have me continue, held up an eyebrow and looked at She laughed and said, "I'm not sure "Well, peering through this leaf gives her from under it. "See how that leaf me a view of you like a crystal ball, but if I understand it completely." sits there? The crinkles in that leaf who needs the ball when she can I smiled, "Think about it. Promise match the wrinkles in this shirt. Do have a leaf." She stood solemn." And me you'll do that, okay?" you see that? Not only that, but see what it says is that you will be this. The lines in this leaf imitate the She smiled and grew impatient to continued on page 6 stripes on this shirt." She was go, realizing these moments of · annoyed, but also vaguely intrigued closeness had to be severed. She said because she understood my sincerity. she would try to remember but didn't I was not yet done expaining. know if she could and as a matter of fact had to go right now and pick up I dropped the leaf and picked up a some copies at the xerox center and pebble, then sat and balanced the her mind was on that. pebble on my knee. I put my head down and glanced at the stone Her mind on that. On that on that. sideways, starting to breathe harder I sighed; then picked up a leaf, while maintaining that difficult poked a hole in it with the stem from postion. I looked at her with a another leaf and looked through the humble and mischievious request for leaf, because her fingers tapped recognition. " And can you see this! randomly on the black sequined only content as the stone, but then The stone balances there. Not only purse while she developed a worried begin to see my fingers growing into that but its gray color goes with the look, which in spite of everything, leaves.) Oh, it's actually a pleasure to fading blue in these jeans. I could not still went well with her white ruffled do this which could be called help myself but grinned impishly. She blouse. Purses and blouses like those unfeeling or at the same time and just smiled, but became a little irritated had frighteded me before, some as acurately, profound feeling. with my denial of the solemnity she mysterious power of theirs Because I really start to think like the thought this, one of our last overwhelming the leaves clear out of rock, and at the same time others meetings, certainly deserved. Sothen my hands and making me think them note it. Nobody expects sense from a I became serious, or at least tended in insignificant, as well as silently woman who sits on rocks all day. Who that direction. criticizing my plain clothes. Indeed, possibly does even stranger things "Really now, these are the reasons at first the judgement of the two when out of the pressing public eye. , why I wear certain clothes like jeans varieties of dress had weighed greatly My thoughts broke as she went on, and cotton shirts. I am not however on the side of the former. This and I was happy to see that she did. dispissing the importance of your perspective was edged along by About the Author "Yes, I guess it must be difficult. But idols to you, just as the simple subtle insinuations of elders and tell me something--and no offense-­ paintings on my wall at home do not other ignorants that the frilly were Debbie Mikuteit is a senior in Physics sometimes I think those stereotypes imply I detest the work of Rembrandt nice clothes. Nice, ·not nice. If the at UC Berkeley. She grew up in the are true. Like, how come you dress or Pi casso. If you prefer a little more former were the one, then the latter suburbs of San Diego. She is co­ like men? Not only that, but yo u sophistciatio n in your dress or model the other. I believed this once. For coordinator of the Berkeley Gay often seem to dress with little sense of yourself after some heroine, I remain two minutes. Students' Union, and is acti\.€ in the style. I know a few and they appreciative but without a trace of In the first minute it seemed to be Uni\.€rsity of California Lesbian and dress nicely, but a lot of the ga y envy. Becau se my hero after which I wholy true when I looked at a Gay lntercampus Network Sappho Speaks Winter, 1984 LESBIAN FEMINIST PROSTITUTION -an intertview with a UCSD student who is, among other things, both a lesbian-feminist and a prostitute. She wishes to remain anonymoµs.

Q: How or why did you become a Seems like the less people have, never do that. I used to think I was a I've never been arrested. I'm mostly prostitute? the more of it they're willing to give little bit bisexual, but now I know I pretty careful. You're okay as long as to help you out. Now that I have could never love a man or sleep with you always wait for them to A: I hate to think of myself as a street people as friends, I'll never one voluntarily. prop'osition you instead of the other "prostitute," because it's really not again be without a place to stay or Anyway, I'm proud to be a lesbian · way around. Although I do know one part of my identity at all. Very few something to eat. and those men aren't worth hiding it woman who was entrapped but of people here know about that part of I guess I'm prejudiced because I from. I happen to think a lot more of course it was the cop's word against me. don't like the way the education myself than I do of them. hers. It happened gradually, and before I system's set up, but I've learned a hell I find it amusing that selling sex is knew it I was totally dependent on it. I of a -lot more on the streets than at Q : Does it scare you? illegal but buying it isn't. was real broke and was proposi­ UCSD. tioned, and I figured, to hell with it. It A: Sometimes it scares the hell out Q : You seem to be very confident got real easy. Now I can find tricks Q: I know you're active in school of me. Not just that I'll get a disease or and self-assured. Does it affect how anywhere. There's probably not one politics. Do people view you as being get mugged, beaten or killed, but it you feel about yourself? woman alive that hasn't been offered "Politically Incorrect"? scares me that this is what I am. I money at least once, in one way or never thought I'd be involved in A: At first I felt really ashamed, like I another. It's something to think A: Of course they do. For this if they something like this. I guess what I'm was worth less than garbage, for about. know, otherwise for other things I do. really scared of is losing the rest of doing that to myself. But I've learned I think "Politically Correct" is a myself-the parts that make me not to live by other people's values ..! Q: How do you go about it? bunch of bullshit. How can any strong-to the portion of society know I'm a good person no matter political philosophy be correct? that's dragging me down. what anybody thinks. Having to deal A: I walk around busy streets a lot, Everyone should live by their own with this makes me stronger. Kind of and men drive by. Usually they just standards. Q: What about getting arrested? along the same lines as coming out as ask if I need a ride. I get in the car, and The peopl~ that labte themselves a lesbian made me question a whole pretty soon the conversation comes "Politically Correct" are usually rich. A: Well I know it's illegal and all, but lot of things, and I ended up as a around to sex. There's a lot of testing Tell them to be cold and hungry anc,:f it doesn't seem like it should be. stronger individual. reactions and feeling out the have no place to live and then see Nobody gets hurt. It's not that I don't let being a prostitute get me situation. It doesn't take that much what they think about politically different from a boyfriend paying for down any more. It's not something time, and San Diego's full of buyers. I incorrect. The theory only holds up if a date then the woman feels I'm proud of, like being gay, but I think people would be surprised at you've already got what you're pressured to let him maul her, or ·a deal with it. It doesn't make me evil, how much it really goes on. fighting for. wife staying with her husband only it's just part of our culture and being a I'd say the majority of the men are I know what it's like on the bottom. because she knows she can't support woman in it. married. Businessmen are real I'm fighting for my freedom and herself on her own. common. They're usually very theirs, and I fight damned hard. They Anyway, I've been pretty lucky- respeactable and have nice cars. But don't know what oppression is. How it depends on what part of town can they win when they're so proud Abruptly she said, "See you later, I you're in. Of course, I present myself of themselves, and so unaware? Consequences... guess." And then, to decorate her as respectable too and I think that continued from page 5 departure and lessen its harshness, helps. · Q: What is your political mumbled something about the value I have a lot of standards. I never philosophy? successful, very much so, but only if of platonic friendship. I knew from lower my rates, even if I really need you quickly and without delay dash her distance that she meant the the money. That sort of makes me A: I'm a lesbian-feminist. I know over to the copy center and pick up necessity thereof. Tact is painful. She feel more respectable. that sounds like a contridiction, but I those xeroxes because they are could have kicked me instead. couldn't survive if I cared what lonely waiting on you." Looking back "Remember to think about the Q: If it's for the money, then why anyone thought. I know what I I see I was getting impudent toward leaves," I said gently, respectful of don\you get a regular job? believe, and what's right, and that's the conclusion of the converstion, her going and accepting of the death all that counts. out of frustration at seeing her go. it brought to me. Then she glistened A: There aren't jobs around where "You better hurry because I see with a great smile because she knew I young women in their first year of Q: It does sound like a God's wrath upon you if you don't was not angry. We hugged; I pressed college can make any decent money. contradiction. How does that work? amble over and collect up those my body carefully to hers, feigning I'm in the highest-paid profession. papers, for they had taken your platonic .expression. She turned and No taxes, I set my own hours and my A: There are a lot of people out sincere promise of everlasting love walked away. own rates. I take good care of myself. there calling themselves feminists and now they're hungry for your Away, away. Good jobs are hard to come by. I who would spit in my face. To me, affection." Simply, I was jealous. I In the sky the leaves were falling, wanted to be a topless dancer but I'm though, feminism is not creating the continued, "And they do not get it fluttering down on us as we not old enough. Some day I'll get a perfect mold and having everyone fit while you stand here looking at .me separated. "What is it. like?" I think good job. My eyes are always open. into it, it's allowing women­ on the opposite side of a leaf." I gave she had wanted to know before, but people-to make their own molds. A her some understanding that I knew at that time circumstances had us Q: You make good money, then? lot of traditional feminist theory is how she felt. meeting too frequently for her to be very moralistic and restrictive. Like She agreed with a recollection of comfortable with the suspected A: Yeah, I do. I compared it to what the big anti-pornography thing. her purse into tighter hands, and a answer. She thought it contained some other women that I met said, They're going after the effect rather nervous tug on her blouse. I was things to turn her modest eyes down and I wanted to laugh. I was damned than the cause. They're actually fascinated--ironically-- by the ruffles every time she glanced at me, and proud of myself. I was getting about inhibiting female sexual freedom. and feminine beauty she wore which that a common occurence, given that twice as much as they were. I I'd loathed before. Now they did not we lived together. So after she heard probably could be rich, but I only do Q: Does being a prostitute affect scare me, but grew seductive. I saw The News about me which indicated it enough to survive. how you feel about men? how her delightful smile what I might be thinking, she harmoniouslyy blended into her arranged that we should see each Q: Do you enjoy it at all? A: Well, sadly, yes it does. It's really person. She was from another other less (i.e., I packed up and out), hard to respect people who treat me horizon. Leaves green brown orange and then she was open to hearing it A: It disgusts me. But it's more than the way men do. It might seem like or crumpled rumpled will do for me, all. Then she found that what I might just selling myself. The whole street I'm asking for it, but it's the situation but maybe she is meant for flower have been thinking not only was I / life is included in the package. and culture, not just me. petals. I did not enjoy flowers as thinking, but also feeling, dancing, Sometimes I have some good talks As far as how I feel about men much as would be expected for a and dreaming. Of course, before she ever asked with people. I've learned a lot about sexually, I luckily have never found woman but when I looked at her me, I tortured myself with those life and giving an-d sharing. Poor fulfillment in them. I was gay 1011g again I suddenly knew the beauty of questions. "What is it like? What am I people really know how to love. before I started hooking. Men are the flower, and indeed I think I would Ii ke ?" I asked several ti mes. Several UCSD is an elite class-I think a lot just a means to earn money for me. call her eyes violets except she hundred times. Every day I asked, less of people here than of people Other than that I like to have as little resisted my naming them, creating curious of the fascination I felt for out there struggling. I don't ever to do with them as possible. that aching chasm of difference some women, and then more want to be rich because I don't like which splits an earth in two. Eyes furiously at night I asked when I rich people and I don't want to be Is it difficult to hide your turning from eyes. How could it be? It Q: wished my pillow would turn into associated with them. I hate telling lesbianism on the streets? is murder in the immediate family. It une of them. It puzzled me tor quite a people I go to school here. I'm really is a rude cancellation of the " depth and breadth and hcight. .. of being. " It while, lingeri:1g to gather depth and in one class but I have the appearance A: Usually I don't bother. Lot s of is however a sobering confirmation form, like the detailed thoughts of of being in another. I've really had an times I tell the men I'm a lesbian, and of som e sort of sorr o wful internal class struggle being trapped it just makes them want to prove their contentment and--"I shall love thee between two worlds like that . manhood and cure me. They could continued on page 8 better after death." Sappho Speaks Winter, 1984

The Changing Nature of Homosexual Identity ... continued

precluding any understanding of the From Homosexual to Gay great, the latter being an externally and Sappho Speaks, both funded by sexual or emotional currents in their imposed label with negative the Associated Students.} Most major lives. The result, in Marshall's words: In June of 1969, a decisive turning connotations, and the former an cities have gay adyocates offices. This absence of clear public point in the history of the gay internally imposed label with Witness also the courting of the gay conception inevitably meant that community took place. A routine postitive con notations, a self­ vote in last year's San Diego mayoral many persons with homosexual police raid on a Christoper Street assumed identity. It has been election, as well as in the current feelings were prevented from (} gay ba r turned into a reported , though, that this campaign for the 1984 vote. identifying themselves as 'homosex­ violent asse rtion of gay identity. perception has not been transmitted Instead of allowing themselves to be to the younger generations: The impact of institutionalization ual'. Indeed, the very idea of a on id~ntity is tremendous. No longer homosexual relationship was often victimized by police, the patrons of Radicalism in the movement has does the issue of a person's sexuality difficult to contemplate, even for the Stonewall Bar fought back. The declined. P9/itics have given way to rest primarily upon negative societal those who were later to adopt rock and bottle-throwing battle social and sexual concerns, and since a perceptions. No longer must a homosexual identity. 4 turned into three days of rioting by this group has never had to bear the homosexual identify weth a group By the early part of the 20th century the gay comunity, and caused both painful associations with the word gays and straights to reevaluate their 'homosexual', they find no need to that is 'deviant' or 'criminal' or the works of Freud, Ellis, and many 'radical' in its defintion. By its own others recognizing the unique perception 'the community'. These make sharp distinctions between this events, still celeb_~ated internation- word and 'gay', and tend to use the definition, the gay community is an sexuality of same-sex relationships alternative to straight society rather had firmly established homosexuality than an opP.ostition to it. The as a separate and distinct, though community has co-opted many of the misunderstood, sexuality. However, values of the dominant culture, while the specific characteristics which still maintaining currents of · were associated with homosexuality progressive ideals. The result is that (e.g. effeminacy} by both researchers homosexuals who are coming out-­ and the public at large were becoming 'gay'--need not radically problematic. Many homosexuals realign their values to do who did not iden_tify with these so.Radicalism is not necessarily part characteristics consequently did not of the gay identity, and that identity is identify themselves as homosexuals. therefore more natural to assume for Ironically, at this point, the U.S. many. Thus, someone coming out government stepped in to give the does not feel that to exercise his gay concept of homosexual identity its identity he needs to adopt radical biggest boost to date. As described by ideologies. • Dennis Altman in The Homosexual­ The same applies to stereotypical ization of America: During World behaviors, such as swishing or limp­ War II, great effort was expended to wristi ng. The young gay man who was exclude homosexuals from the - -r-___!,__ ___ the star quarterback or the epitome military, and thousands of men and of 'masculinity' need not feel as if he women · were first classified as ;,·.- has to adopt such behaviors as he homosexuals by military medical .. .. . comes out. The gay community no examiners. For many people this was longer requrres such explicit the determining factor that led thef!J 'markers'. A gay person can more to conceive of themselves as freely express his individuality homosexual, a fact of considerable without the aid of supportive importance in the post-war stereotypical behaviors. movement of homosexuals to certain large cities .... 5Altman also notes that Observations the U.S. is one of two nations to ever Oh, shit! systematically classify homosexuals, We of the gay community have the other being Nazi Germany. always been both blessed and cursed ally during an annual Week same (positive) conceptual construct This effectively completed the shift as a minority by the fact that most of gave rise to the feeling and slogan for both.9 in the 'authoritative' view of us have been raised within the that "Gay is Good", and are marked homosexuality from o.ne of behavior boundaries of the dominant culture. by historians as the birth of the Gay to one of identity, an important step Today and the Future: the Cursed, because we have all been Liberation Movement. These events Establishment Gay . in the development of the denied the presence of others with provided the most positive identity community, inasmuch as it (forced) whom we could identify; blessed, yet for gays, as evidenced by the opponents into a position where they The deradicalization of the gay because unlike many minorities, we observations of James W. Chesebro can be seen as attacking the civil community is no surprise. In its day, have been raised within the system, rights of homosexual citizens rather and Kenne t h L. Klenk in radicalism served to mobilize and than attacking specific and (as they Gayspeak:Sin ce the Stonewall focus the energies of a repressed continued on page 8 see it) antisocial behavior. 6 With this riots. ..some gay ma/es have sought community. It made the community · identity, homosexuals become a societal support for an alternative visible so that gays who were closeted people, moreover, an opressed conception of their identity and could see that they weren't alone, people in their own minds. meanings ass ociated with same-sex and so that straights, who ignored the Nonetheless, a lot of this perceived relat ionships. These individuals community, would be forced to oppression was internalized, and the typically identify themselves as gay, admit it existed. Says Paul Robinson, homosexual community remained a assert a commitment to gay ideology, visibility is important, psychologic­ clandestine one, a refuge from, and overtly espouse a sense of pride ally, because of the profound role rather than an involved segment of, and power in being gay. Indeed, played by its opposite in the life of 'straight' society as a whole. Kenneth males identifying themselves as every homosexual--that is , Plummer observes that at the early homosexuals have been distingui­ secretiveness. 10 But secretiveness is meetings of the gay movement in shed from those viewing themselves no longer the dominant characteris­ England ... the realization that one was as gay.. . Carmen de Monteflores and tic of a gay lifestyle. The physical gay collectively oppressed rather than Stephen}. Shultz have reported that community provides a space in which individually disturbed set new and the homosexual male "internalizes gay people can be comfortable, urgent que'i tions. What forces were negative stereotypes" while the gay where they do not feel compelled to at work in our oppression? For how male " rejects the negative societal hide their identity or modify their · long had this been going on? Wh y stereotypes ass ociated with being behavior. The contemporary gay can had nobody bee n done anyth ing homosexual" and describes himself go through his daily life with a sen se about it before? Why did the maj ority as hea lthy. "s of his community's ex ist ence and of gays still refuse to 'fight'? 7 The This o bservation provides a good conti nu ance. Furt h er, amo n g an swer to many of these questio ns perspective for understanding the younger men, the existence of the was that many of the homosexuals of relucta n ce of pre-Sto n e w all gay community predates their own th e time had internalized a great deal homosexuals to 'come o ut', awareness an d pa rticipation thereof o f the negative rhetoric abo ut inasmuch as 1t involved assuming an d therein; as such, its institutio ns homosex ua lity. M any of them were what they perceived to be a negative are perceived as permanent and About the Author raised in a t ime b efore 'the identity. In gays who came out in the traditional entities. Radicalism has Stephen Russell is a Communication community' w as known to ex ist. In period immediately surrounding served its p urpose; the gay major at UC SD. He has been acti've in short, they did not identify with a Stonewall, there is a more positive community is 'Establishment'. Gay politics at UCSD and in the gay positive homosexual ide~tity. It took identity, a greater political and Lesbian Organizations are community. He has worked in film, an explos ive affirmation of the term awareness, and a tendency toward permitted to exist and sometimes video, and radio, and anticipates_ a 'gay' for ma ny of these men to make radicalism. The distinction for them sanctioned by universities. (For future in the media/communications th e transition to 'gay is good'. between 'gay' and 'homosexual' is example, consider LAGO at UCSD field. =- Sappho Speaks Winter, 1984

LESBIAN SISTER.HOOD LAGORythems The Lesbian Sisterhood will begin meeting each Monday starting February6 from 4 until 5:30 p.m. in the Women's Resource Center. The group will be an informal rap/discussion format. DANCE SET FOR FEB. 3 GAY MEN'S SUPPORT GROUP

LAGO hosts its quarterly Non-Sexist Dance on Friday, February 3, from 9 The gay men's support group continues to meet every Wednesday at 7 p.m. p.m. until 1 a.m. in TCHB 141. What does "non-sexist" mean? It means, simply, that anyone can dance The group is an open (meaning that people can come and go at any time with anyone else, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. A tradition during the quarter) informal rap/discussion group. Gay men or those . dating back three years at UCSD, it has never failed to supply fun and a questioning their sexuality can meet to talk with their peers about issues pleasant atmosphere. It has earned a reputation as "the best dance on concerning them. The group is led by men who have had facilitator training campus." through Counseling and Psychological Services. GAY SERVICES ·SOCIAL HOUR

This quarter, LAGO has added a social hour every Tuesday evening from 8 FUNDED until 10 p.m. in TCHB (Third College Humanities Building) 141. It is a place where UCSD's lesbian and gay community can meet, talk, and set their own Counseling and Psychological Services, in conjunction with the Lesbian and agenda for fun. LAGO's programming previously had no provision for Gay Organization, have been funded to provide services for UCSD students. unstructured meeting time. The services include: a Speaker's Bureau, in which gay and lesbian students Response has been good in the initial weeks. Later in the quarter, LAGO provide a panel to address classes, dormitory resident advisors, and other may ask speakers from San Diego's gay community to give short talks or campus groups on relevant issues, a support group for people who are gay or conduct discussions on relevant topics for a portion of the social hour, but this exploring their sexuality, peer counseling, a telephone hotline service for will not be a regularly scheduled feature of social hour. those wishing confidential counseling. The telephone hotline and the peer counseling program are still in the planning stages. For more information, call LAGO at 452-6969. If no one is pain and merge all of herself into one there, leave a message on the answering machine and someone will get back Consequences... great expressive being. If I saw her to you. again I'd ask her about it. continued from page 6 Then I turned around ... and laughed. It would not be so easy to plant in the noon wind 'it laughes get away from her at all. In my need to DIARY softly. No, I am not the unimaginative some wise man pondering a subtlety imitate the earth I had something of continued predictable. Never ordinary. I bathe of life atop Mt. Olympus. Then when its eyes, and I could see that there she turned into song which I sang for her in the grass as I lay in it. I embrace the I met her the reply began to come. was, glowing freshness in the flowers and almost for her beloved man. But night and the moon and smile at Slowly. Then · more forcefully. And by the side of the road. I laughed then I looked about at what was death. I make love to you, finally the answer was undeniable in more each time she came up in a new going on when I got back from the unsuspecting women, in the short all its intensity and the clarity of · place. I often joked by saying to traveling. I glanced at my hands and time while you glance at me and am feeling it gave. I had moved with the myself, "I strongly suspect that you still saw the veins. But now it seemed done before you can look away. I will feeling and expressed it as it came, shall see her again," and then burst other folks noticed it too. I had not be stopped. not realizing the inevitable trouble in out laughing every time, when a few changed, from an awkward child for What is this insistent insolence? At that exploration: my love for her. I seconds later I was able to creatively whom regret and wishing had been first angry response, and later laughed to myself in defiance of the establish her existence in this or that continual into a being whose steps transcendant into freedom from the difficult result because it could not earthly artwork which carried some fell with all this past into a declarative turmoil. It is writing that before have been otherwise, and I was glad wonderful resemblance to her. If not present, toward solid rebellious feared taking up the pen, and now for us both that it had happened. I in the way she looked, the things took future. drives words beyond the page. had · discovered one of the most after her because they also incited Now I don't want muscle so I can Insolence is growing into the thing elusive and important parts of myself. love; albeit of a more spiritual sort. grin hulkingly .stupidly, and not big they thought they'd kill€d when they I also knew that all our tense "You shall truly see her again." cars or money to occupy time stomped the seeds out of it. It is not exchanges, and especially our And if not her, why then it would between sleeping. Not either success excessive complaint, but acutely lighthearted ones, had goven her most certainly be some other in a job where I can contribute to timed silences and loaded glances. It some understanding of what it all woman; I knew myself well enough society by participation in the is beginning to feel again, and this meant to me. I am certain she has felt by now to be sure of that basic machine of it. I am the rebel, but it is time really. Insolence walks solidly it well because she never attempted similarity. Laughing, I knelt to the often unseen or subtle demonstra­ with all its collected aloneness to shrug it off with a simple reply. road covered with leaves and ti( 11 which I use. Yes I will be found po·ured into one shuddering Rather she was left straining for touched the petals of a flower, w , ... ~king in some regular place, I may footstep, risking going to places words; a rare thing for a writer, but gloriously making its way out of the d ean the house or walk down the unknown, enjoying the air while something that will develop with warm soil. ordinary street. Then I might seem getting there; making the way for a time and a writer's need to reflect on common. But there is a difference long and contented peace. 3 John Marshall between your confused cooperation Homosexual " Pansies, Perverts, and Macho Men" and my reserved going along. I am The Making of the Modern Homosexual, th'' insolent. I do not find the usual Identity treasures in the workplace; I'm Sappho Speaks al,. ays there in spite of myself. I never continued from page 7 4 Ibid. p. 149 5 Dennis Altman wr olly sit down when seated. I am Editors: and many of our white male leaders The Homosexualization of America, 1982, p. not cleaning house when I go Russell Lewis, Sharon Moxon have been trained as dominant through the actions, but instead Production Director: members of society to know , 70 6 Ibid. p. 9 insolently loving the things I touch. If Michael Woody understand, and run the system. It is / I am ambling down the street it is not Production Staff: my hope that we never become so 7 Kenneth Plumme r like you walking because I am only Ann Ballard, Joan Black, Hecktor satisfied with the status quo that we " Building a Sociology of Homosexuality" secondarily going from one place to Eeks, L.S., Anthony Dean use this knowledge to maintain it, Th e Making o f the Modern Homosexual, another, and primarily I feel the Contributors: that those of us who have had to 1981, p. 25 social breezes or natural harmonies Anne Duddy, Debbie Mikuteit, search so hard for our identity find it 8 James W . C hesebro and Kenneth L. Klenk around me in response to defiant gut Sharon Moxon, Stephen Russell not only in solidarity with gays, but " Gay Masculinity in the Gay Disco" gentle footsteps. If I go to study or Cover Photo: with all people who are oppressed by GaySpeak, 1981 , p. 88 work I am not drawn to a thing I Lee Snider dominant culture. 9 Fred E. Ja ndt a nd Ja m es Darsey abhor by the necessity of the action. Send letters, articles, fi ction, Rather, I find rebelliously that my " Comin g Out as a Communicative Process" poetry, photography, artwork, and Sources Gay Speak , 1981 p . 24 dreams arise grinning at me from the other submissions to: musical corners of every task I 1 Jeffrey Weeh Sappho Speaks 10 Pa ul R,..,bin~ on undertake. M y ~ye does not look " Discourse, Desire , and ~exual Oevianc C' " 8-023, UCSD " Invisible' Man" away in fear like yours but challenges Thi' Making of th<' Moc/C'rn Hommexudl , La Jolla, CA 92093 New Republic. Ju n e 3, 1978, p . 10 the ones it meets with the sturdy 1981. r> - 81 1981 . p p. 135-6 patience of a hawk, or like a swaying ;sssss- 2 lhrd . p. 8l