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Tips for Making GSA’s Inclusive for Youth with LGBTQ

There is a long history of youth with , , bisexual, and/or parents being involved with Gay Straight Alliances. In fact, the very first GSA club was started by a straight daughter of lesbian moms with her LGBT peers and teacher because she was sick of hearing comments in the hallways. She understood that anti-gay words, harassment and directly impacted her as someone with LGBTQ parents. Youth involved in COLAGE are still today actively involved in GSA clubs all over the country. Both straight-identified and LGBTQ youth who have one or more LGBTQ parents bring leadership, unique perspectives and intimate knowledge of the harmful effects of homophobia and to student clubs. At the same time, GSAs do not always acknowledge or embrace the unique experiences of LGBTQ-parented students. Ruby from California shared, “I actually started my GSA as the daughter of lesbian moms. But I was one of the only people in it who had LGBTQ parents. COLAGErs {ie. people with one or more LGBTQ parents} didn’t feel like they had a place. The emphasis was on queer youth and straight allies and it wasn’t clear where COLAGErs would fit in.” Often youth with LGBTQ parents feel that they straddle a unique position within the community. Because they may have grown up immersed in gay culture and community and because they are impacted by homophobia and transphobia in very personal and unique ways, COLAGErs often report that the term “straight ally” doesn’t feel like it fits their roles and potential contributions to GSAs and other queer organizations. One COLAGE participant, Dakota, who identifies as straight, said, “I’m not an ally.” He continued, “I’ve been gay since I went to my first with my moms when I was not even a year old!” Caroline, a student leader from a Massachusetts GSA who has lesbian moms, shared, “I wish students in GSAs would be more respectful of the fact that straight queerspawn can be as much a part of the queer community as LGBTQ students. It’s frustrating to me when, in group discussions, students with LGBT parents aren’t recognized as being a part of and in tune to the gay community.” How to make sure your GSA is inclusive of students with LGBTQ parents: 1. Be wary about calling students with LGBTQ parents “allies.” Youth with LGBTQ parents often consider themselves part of the LGBTQ community. Some even identify as “culturally queer.” No matter their own or , they are personally impacted by homophobia and transphobia on political, cultural, legal and societal levels. Many youth with LGBTQ parents have been involved with struggles for LGBTQ rights since they were old enough to talk and walk. Many youth who have thought about being involved with their school’s GSAs have reported that they didn’t like being called allies to the community. Recognizing their unique roll within the LGBTQ community will help validate the contributions and leadership of students with LGBTQ parents. Some groups and organizations might even spell out- LGBTQ youth, youth with LGBTQ parents and straight allies – in advertisements for members. 2. Include activities and content about LGBTQ families in the work of your GSA. Many GSAs tend to focus on issues impacting LGBTQ youth, sometimes to the exclusion of broader topics of importance to the LGBTQ movement. Because GSAs are meant to bring together students from all backgrounds, orientation and identities, if you are able to do cross-issue organizing, as well as include specific information, activities and education about LGBTQ families, students with LGBTQ parents will feel that your club is more applicable to their lives. Learn about laws and policies that would impact families. Celebrate people throughout history who have had LGBTQ parents. Do educational campaigns in your school about youth with LGBTQ parents. If you need resources or help to incorporate content into the work of your club, don’t hesitate to visit the COLAGE website at www.colage.org . 3. Create space for all youth to be leaders in your group. Don’t assume that only youth who identify as LGBTQ are able to provide vision, leadership and enthusiasm for your GSA. COLAGE participants have shared stories where they felt “their opinions didn’t count as much as the gay kids.” All youth committed to the mission and goals of your club should be celebrated and nurtured as leaders and sexual orientation or gender identity shouldn’t be a requirement for having your ideas and opinions matter. 4. Welcome all students . Create a space where youth are able to “come out” about their reasons for joining the group in their own time. Maybe a student wants to be involved with the GSA but isn’t ready or able to say that they have a transgender . Don’t question any students’ reasons for joining the group- instead extend a warm welcome to all. 5. Don’t make COLAGErs into poster children. Leave room for youth with LGBTQ parents to share their expertise but don’t expect them to always educate or know all the answers about LGBTQ families and community. Also, don’t expect that the only issue they will be interested in is families. Youth with LGBTQ parents are broadly impacted by homophobia and transphobia as well as other forms of oppression in ways that transcend just the fact that they have an LGBTQ parent. 6. Don’t expect youth with LGBTQ parents to be straight. Youth with LGBTQ parents, themselves, cover the gamut in terms of their own sexual orientations and gender identity. Some are 2 nd Gen meaning that they are LGBTQ identified and have an LGBTQ parent. Others are straight. Others may be questioning, although often kids of gay parents feel pressure to be straight to somehow prove that their parents didn’t impact their sexuality. Try to let youth decide when and how they come out about any aspect of their identity and be open to the range of identities that youth with LGBTQ parents may have. These tips are just a starting point for making sure that your GSA is a place that embraces and celebrates youth with LGBTQ parents. Of course, asking for the input and advice of students with LGBTQ parents in your school community is also important as each school and student has different needs and issues. Another great place to educate yourself on the experiences of students with LGBTQ parents is the recently released report, “Invisible, Involved, Ignored” authored by GLSEN and released with COLAGE and the . http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2271.html . The report surveyed middle and high school students nationally who shared their experiences in schools including the challenges of isolation, bullying and discrimination. If you want resources about starting a GSA or helpful tools for your group, check out the GSA Network. GSA Network is a youth leadership organization that empowers youth activists to fight homophobia and transphobia in schools through Gay-Straight Alliance clubs that create safer schools and advocate for non-discrimination policies. www.gsanetwork.org

Second Gen FAQ: for LGBTQ folks with LGBTQ parents

For lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning folks with LGBT Q parents What is this Second Generation thing anyway? Second Generation is a term that we use to describe queer, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, gay, and questioning children who also have gay parents. Second Genners come from a diverse range of family make-ups, gender identities, and cultures. Some of us came out after our parents were out to us and some of us came out before. We all have different experiences. How did Second Generation start? As long as there have been children with gay parents, there have been Second Genners (in fact, legend has it, that there are 3 rd , 4 th , and 5 th Genners running around also.) In 1992 Dan Cherubin, a gay man with a lesbian mom, started the first official organization for Second Generation COLAGErs called “Second Generation.” In 1998, Dan was featured in a New York Times article on Second Generation children. Shortly after that COLAGE and Second Generation partnered up. COLAGE featured articles by Dan Cherubin and Second Gen COLAGEr Kate Ranson-Walsh in Just For Us , the COLAGE publication. This program is no longer an active part of COLAGE but as long as there are 2 nd Gen-ners, there will be space at COLAGE for their identities to be explored and cherished. Did having gay parents make you gay? The growing body of research on children with LGBTQ parents shows that kids with gay parents are no more likely to be gay than kids with straight parents. In other words, while the causes of sexual orientation are still up for debate, having a gay parent does not make you gay. Our #1 favorite response to this question is, “Why does it matter?” or “So what if they did?” Did you make your parents gay? We would like to think so….. Just kidding! Some of us actually come out before our parents do. Sometimes that might influence their decision to come out. But the research shows that parents’ sexual orientation does not determine their children’s sexual orientation, and we think its probably true the other way around too. Was easier for you because you had gay parents? Often youth raised in LGBTQ families express that they feel the experience has allowed them to have a more open mind, be more respectful of all differences, and to be aware of the fluidity of sexuality and gender. In this way, many COLAGErs find that realizing that they were gay was easier because of their parents. Once the subject turns to coming out, again…we all have different family experiences. Some of us have struggled with our parents. Many gay parents are scared or saddened when their kids come out because they don’t want them to face homophobia or violence as a queer person. Some parents feel guilty, thinking that their own sexuality has affected ours. But, for some of us, having gay parents made it easier for us to come out. We knew that they would be supportive and loving and understand our struggle. Many of us have a lot of support from our parents. Coming out to our LGBTQ parents also varies greatly for each of our experiences. Some find it difficult- they worry that by coming out to their parents they will be letting them down. Others are excited to come out. Generational differences between young and old LGBTQ communities also affect our experiences. Differences around language (eg words such as queer), approaches to gender, political differences, and more are often a factor in the different gay identities that we as the “children” and that of our parents might embrace. Another challenging situation that some Second Gen COLAGErs face occurs when they are of both a gay parent and a straight parent. Coming out as LGBTQ can be difficult if they fear that their straight parent will see this as a way they are “siding with” the gay parent. “Oh, you must have had it so easy then, as a gay kid.” Much of what makes being an LGBTQ person difficult is the rampant homophobia in our society. Having a gay family unfortunately does not counter the challenges due to homophobia that we face as LGBT people. Again our experiences vary. I’m a gay parent who has a Second Gen child. WHAT DO I DO?!?!? Ah. Easy Steps to Being a Super Gay Parent of a Gay Child: 1. Research books, articles, and websites by and for LGBTQ youth. This will help you understand some of the issues that queer young people are talking about today, and will allow you to be a resource for your own child. We recommend the following websites: 2. Be real about your own feelings with your child. If you are feeling angry, sad, guilty, scared it’s important to talk about why you feel that way and to hear your child’s response. Get yourself some support…you can support your child more if you feel supported yourself. We recommend checking out PFLAG (Parents and Friends of and Gays), The Family Pride Coalition, or your local LGBTQ parents group. For more resources for gay parents visit the “Parents” section of the COLAGE website: http://www.colage.org/parents/index.html 3. Ending homophobia starts at home. 4. There is no one way to be gay. Often kids feel pressure from their parents after coming out to be a certain kind of gay person. Your gay identity and that of your child may vary on identity politics, gender issues, political topics, and more. Recognize that both of you have your own, real, and valid way of being and expressing your LGBTQ identity.