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COLAGE Winter 03C (Page 1) A PUBLICATION OF COLAGE (CHILDREN OF LESBIANS AND GAYS EVERYWHERE) 1 JUST FOR US # FOCUS ON EXTENDED FAMILY Vol.2003 15 FOR PEOPLE WITH LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENDER PARENTS BREAKING THE SILENCE by Ryan LaLonde Just a year ago…. in so much pain, it is a testament to his strength and will. Grandpa lies in the hospital bed with an oxygen tube in his nose. He has been I can only stay a couple of days. admitted to the hospital because of Grandpa’s cancer is taking over his lungs complaints of chest pains. Formally and the medication has him going in and diagnosed as arthritis in his out of consciousness. Before I chest, the doctors now leave for the airport, LOSING FAMILY realize that it is actually Grandpa awakes. I try to take GAINING FAMILY Cancer, and it spreads fast. this opportunity to say good- by Whitney & Landon I fly in to see him. My mood bye, but all I can say is "I’m Modena-Kurpinsky is low; I know I am going to proud of you" as tears run lose Grandpa. He refuses down my face. He whispers Landon: My name is Landon Modena- chemotherapy and at his back, "I have always been Kurpinsky, I am 21 years old, and I live in San request is being prepped to proud of you". This is the Francisco. Last year I joined COLAGE’s new return to the family farm to first time I have ever heard group, the Youth Leadership in Action Program die with dignity in the these words from Grandpa. I (YLAP). When I was in high school, I never felt house he was born in. It is know that my being gay has comfortable to speak out for LGBT families, hard to take. Grandpa has always been a been a difficult thing for him besides maybe because they were not accepted within strong silent member of the family. He is having to deal with my parents’ divorce my own family. the patriarch on my dad’s side; we all look and Mom being gay. He has always been Whitney: Hi, my name is Whitney Modena- up to him. And now, I look down at him, so silent about how he felt about me. Yet, Kurpinsky, and I am 17 years old. I am a junior at weak and frail in a hospital bed. He holds Grandpa finally breaks that silence with Sacred Heart Cathedral in San Francisco. I joined my hand for about 5 hours straight; he is that one sentence. COLAGE because of my sister. She gave me such continued on page 11 positive feedback that I felt the need to find out what it was all about. From that day on, I have been interested in helping as much as I can SHE’LL ALWAYS BE MY DADDY by Laurie Cicotello within the COLAGE program. As a fourteen-year-old Ms. Pacman junkie, small, fat, blue-covered Landon: Until I was ten, my parents lived I was always running out of money, and so notebook. It was my dad’s diary, all about together in what many people referred to as the I started raiding my house, including my his longing to be a woman. He was worried "perfect marriage". We lived in a little suburb parents’ bedroom. One afternoon, as I was that my mom would leave him and even south of San Francisco and attended Catholic rummaging through my dad’s nightstand more terrified of what would happen “if schools in the city. My dad and mom both drawer, I found three glossy “she-male” Laurie ever finds out about me.” The coached our school athletic teams, we went on porno magazines. I thought it was kind of kicker, though, came toward the end of numerous vacations, and often went on Sunday weird but rationalized that maybe my dad the book. He actually wrote that he might bike rides in Golden Gate Park. was just reading them for the articles. kill himself if I ever knew. I started bawling continued on page 7 Then, farther down in the drawer, I like crazy. I couldn’t wait to talk to unearthed professional photos of my dad someone. I called MacGregor that INSIDE dressed as a woman. My mind began afternoon and told him about everything SPECIAL FEATURES racing, trying to figure out what was going I’d found. Raise Awareness 3 on. Is my dad actually turned on by these It seems odd to me now that I was able to New COLAGE T-shirt 5 magazines? I shuddered at the thought. trust a fourteen-year-old guy with this Got Conflict? 8 type of secret, but MacGregor never Scholarship Winners 11 Then, in a drawer in the small oak turned on me. He COLAGE Notes 15 credenza in the dining room, I found a continued on page 4 LETTER FROM THE DIRECTOR Dear COLAGE and extended family. Contributors in this issue family members stick up for us in public or in community– share and explore many of the unique ways private (which is especially helpful if we’re children of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender otherwise feeling or being attacked). Some of us This past parents relate to, depend on and are affected by have celebrated the bond we share by marching October marked members of our extended family. together in Pride parades with grandparents, the tenth year of parents, and cousins or by giving educational talks. my involvement While everyone defines family differently, for this Others have learned to appreciate and be sensitive with COLAGE. Thanks to issue we asked the contributors to consider to our family members’ different forms of support, COLAGE members (Lynn, Terri, Jesse and Maraya), ‘extended family’ to be aunts, uncles, learning patience and tolerance regarding back in 1993, I learned about a woman who was grandparents, siblings, and cousins, including step- relatives’ personal communication styles and looking for adults with lesbian and gay parents to relatives (people related through our straight or coming out process. All of us need and value be interviewed for the creation of a play called gay parent/s’ partner/s) and chosen family (friends authentic and honest relations with our extended “Out of My Parent’s Closet.” Just a few months of the family who claim family status). family members. later, I performed proudly in that play and stepped solidly onto the COLAGE stage. Today, I am honored What I have learned from my fellow COLAGErs is In an effort to help you respond and react to the and delighted to be your Executive Director and that extended family members, whether they’re overwhelming silence, tension or conflict we often look forward to working, playing and sharing with related by blood, law, tradition or any other form experience with members of our extended families, all of you. of commitment, can be just as or even more on P. 8 and 9 we offer tools and resources to help important and influential in our lives than our COLAGErs and the members of our family In 2003, due to amazing shifts in attitudes and parents or guardians. Both everyday interactions communicate with each other in loving, honest and laws there’s been incredible public focus on and special family occasions or milestones can be respectful ways. This kind of communication is families in general and on our families in particular. cause for celebration or total break down. essential for making peace and finding love beyond While this is definitely cause for celebration, there the homophobia that hurts and gets between us all. is also cause for concern as many political leaders Read for yourself; the stories in this JFU are both continue to promote policies and pass laws that heart warming and heart breaking, disturbing and As I reflect on the theme of this Just For Us and only protect, benefit and validate families defined triumphant. The extent of our family’s disrespect think about the best ways to move forward with in very narrow terms. As cultural and legal debates ranges from disregard to discrimination. Some of COLAGE, I wish for us all and commit to providing: about our families rage in the media and in halls of us have been disconnected and disowned, many of honest and frequent communication and all the justice, it’s no wonder that COLAGErs look to our us have either been ourselves or seen our parents support needed to grow and develop into healthy extended family members for support and ignored and excluded from family gatherings. and vibrant selves, families, and communities. affirmation of our legitimacy! Others have been torn away from their parents by Yours truly, family members that use the legal system to gain In this issue of Just For Us we take pause and focus custody. While many have felt pressured to be on the relationships COLAGErs have with relatives straight. On the positive side, many of us have had Beth Teper COLAGE MISSION COLAGE ENGAGES, CONNECTS, AND EMPOWERS PEOPLE TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR CHILDREN OF LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENDER PARENTS AND FAMILIES. CONTACT US: STAFF 3543 18th Street #1, San Francisco, CA 94110 Executive Director: Beth Teper Tel: (415) 861-KIDS (5437) | Fax: (415) 255-8345 Program Coordinator: Meredith Fenton Website: www.colage.org | E-mail: [email protected] Fall Intern: Marilyn Smith BOARD OF DIRECTORS JFU Design: Arin Fishkin Co-Chairs: Kate Kuvalanka, VA and Orson Morrison, CA JFU Editorial Team: Rosanne Johnson Treasurer: Ryan Lalonde, DC and Marilyn Smith Secretary: Ryn Gluckman, MA VOLUNTEER PROGRAM COORDINATORS Christine Bachman, MA Laurie Cicotello, NE Pen Pal Partners: Ellen Freytag, Cathy Sakimura A.J.
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