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“Coming Out” As You Begin to Explore the Possibilities of Process Coming out to Others, Consider the Following: 2

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“Coming Out” As You Begin to Explore the Possibilities of Process Coming out to Others, Consider the Following: 2 Family Resources http://altfammag.com Alternative Family Magazine On-line resources www.colage.org Children of Lesbians and Gays Every- where www.familypride.org Family Pride Coalition Counseling National Organizations www.gayparentmag.com Gay Parent Magazine www.pflag.org Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbi- and www.aclu.org—American Civil Liberties Union ans and Gays (ACLU) www.ldsfamilyfellowship.org LDS Family Fellowship Psychological www.binetusa.org—BiNet USA www.glad.org—Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Faith & Religion Services Defenders www.cathedralofhope.com Cathedral of Hope www.glaad.org— Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against www.changingattitude.org Gay Anglicans www.dignityusa.org Gay Catholics Defamation www.gaychristians.org Gay Christians www.ginh.org—Gay & Lesbian National Hotline www.rainbowbaptists.org Gay Baptists www.gpac.org—Gender Public Action Coalition www.gaybuddhist.org Gay Buddhists www.glsen.org—Gay, Lesbian, and Straight http://glbtjews.org Gay Jews Education Network www.lcna.org Gay Lutherans www.hrc.org—Human Rights Campaign www.affirmation.org Gay Mormons www.iglss.org—Institute for Gay & Lesbian www.al-fatiha.net Gay Muslims Strategic Studies www.mlp.org Gay Presbyterians www.umaffirm.org Gay United Methodists www.lambdalegal.org—Lambda Legal De- www.soulforce.org Soulforce - interfaith fense and Education Fund “Coming www.ucccoalition.org United Church of Christ www.ncirights.org—National Center for www.ufmcc.com Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Lesbian Rights Community Churches www.ngltf.org—National Gay & Lesbian Task Force Magazines Online Out” www.scoutingforall.org—Scouting for ALL www.advocate.com The Advocate Youth Resources www.curvemag.com Curve www.gayscribe.com Extensive listing of Gay/Lesbian www.lambda10.org—GLB Greek Issues Publications www.nyacyouth.org—National Youth www.lesbiannews.com The Lesbian News Advocacy Organization www.planetout.com Planet Out www.outproud.org—National Coalition for GLBT Youth The College of New Jersey www.youthresource.com—Youth Resource Eickhoff Hall, Rm 107 Confidentiality is strictly maintained in accordance with Ewing, NJ 08628-0718 all applicable laws and professional ethical codes. (609) 771-2247 [email protected] 10/07 www.tcnj.edu/~sa/counseling The “Coming Out” As you begin to explore the possibilities of Process coming out to others, consider the following: 2. Consider who you want to come out to and what you want to say. 1. Recall the process you went through in coming 3. Choose a time and place that would be Coming out is a process of understanding, out to yourself. Recall thinking/doing/feeling best for all involved. accepting, and valuing one’s sexual orienta- things like… 4. Present yourself honestly and openly and tion/identity. Coming out includes both remind the other person that you are the Maybe I’m misunderstanding some- exploring one’s identity and sharing that same individual you were yesterday. identity with others. It also involves coping thing…distrust of your own feelings; aware- with societal responses and attitudes toward ness of heterosexism 5. Consider your own expectations about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered How could this have happened to me...a how others will react to your “news.” (LGBT) people. search for an explanation; awareness of het- Are you expecting them to bypass all of erosexism the same thoughts and feelings that you “Coming Out” is a process that is experienced in coming to terms with your unique to each individual. Maybe it’s because I liked sports or played own sexual identity? with dolls… incorporation of society’s stereo- There are many factors that contribute types 6. Allow others time to react…as you did. to it being easier for some than for oth- Don’t give up hope if they don’t initially ers. Dating members of the opposite sex…denial react the way you wanted. Some people of true feelings, attractions and needs; need more time than others to come to Some people are aware of their sexual awareness of heterosexism identity at an early age; others arrive at terms with what they have heard. Participating in, or perpetrating anti-gay activ- this awareness only after many years. It is often said that when children “come ity or speech…adopting society’s homophobia out of the closet” their parents and oth- Coming out is a continuing, sometimes Retreating to strict religious doc- ers often “go into the closet” (at least for lifelong, process. trines/beliefs… believing that you are “bad” a while). Expect that this might happen; The decision to come out is always and in need of reform try to understand it and allow for the possibility that they could “come personal. Whether to come out and, if Driving yourself to perfection to make up for so, when, where, how, and to whom your own belief that you are around.” are all questions you must answer for “defective”…awareness of society’s rejection 7. Have friends and other trusted individu- yourself. Fear…awareness of violent acts that are com- als available to talk with you later about It is important to know yourself and mitted against LGBT people what happened. evaluate your own situation. Do not Embarrassment…awareness of majority stan- allow yourself to be pressured to come Counseling and Psychological Services is out by anyone else. You are the best dards and of being different from these available to provide help and support with judge of your particular circumstances. Disgust…an internalization of society’s homo- phobia and the homophobic belief that being your “coming out” process. To make an LGBT is mostly about sexual activity and that appointment, stop by 107 Eickhoff Hall or your feelings are “not normal” call 771-2247 during office hours (M-F, 8:30 am – 4:30 pm). .
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