Parenting Siblings Connected Through Trauma

Parenting Siblings Connected through Trauma

Sibling relationships are among the most complex emotional bonds can lead siblings significant bonds that an individual can to resort to acting out their feelings, rather experience over the course of their lifetime. than talking about their feelings. The bond between siblings can have positive impacts on children’s social, emotional, and “For our sons, this bond was created during cognitive development. For example, a crucial part of their emotional brothers and sisters can learn the important development. In infancy and early life skill of sharing—not only their personal childhood, they lived with neglect and space, but also their toys, friendships, and chaos. The unrest bound them together. thoughts and feelings with one another. Even after joining a family with healthy Sibling bonds also can result in caring and relationships, when they were together, supportive connections during good times, they tried to re-create the chaos and unrest as well as more because it was what challenging times. they always did when they were together. As with all types of Recreating it felt relationships, the familiar and gave sibling relationship is them comfort.” not always ~Adoptive parent of harmonious. This can siblings with a trauma be especially true for bond siblings who have experienced or been Because each child and exposed to traumatic every sibling events, and therefore relationship is have a trauma history. Siblings who share a different, the way the children in your home trauma history can sometimes form a react, respond, or behave may vary. Below trauma bond. are a few examples of how you may see a trauma bond play out in your home. A sibling trauma bond is an emotionally complex interpersonal relationship and can  Recreating a chaotic environment be very challenging to break. Trauma can  Excessive protectiveness of the other have an impact on a child’s physiology, sibling(s) emotions, ability to think, learn, and  Intense competition or rivalry concentrate, impulse control, self-image, and  Significant emotional responses to a relationships with others, including their sibling’s pain or being upset relationships with their siblings. These Continued on page 2

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Furthermore, there are multiple factors that Long-term trauma can interfere with can have an impact on how your children healthy development and affect a interact with one another, such as lack of child’s: sleep, a difficult day at school, or too much caffeine. Meeting your children at the level  Ability to trust others where they are emotionally can be beneficial  Sense of personal safety for them, as well as your family. Doing so  Ability to manage emotions means validating their feelings and helping  Ability to navigate and adjust to life’s them to work through the complexities of changes their emotions.  Physical and emotional responses to stress Trauma triggers From “Caring for Children Who Have Just like individuals can be triggered, so can Experienced Trauma: A Workshop for Resource siblings. A trigger is a stimulus, such as a Parents.” National Child Traumatic Stress specific sound or certain smells, which can Network, 2010 create a memory of past traumatic experiences. For siblings with trauma time, unconditional love, patience, and histories, there may also be a trigger—or perseverance. Trust is something earned. multiple triggers—which can also have Often, for children who have experienced immediate and sometimes intense impacts past traumas, trust has been broken on their interactions with one another. Some countless times. For children with sibling triggers are easy to identify and anticipate, trauma bonds, the quest to heal their but others are subtle and inconspicuous, relationship with one another, as well as often surprising the individual or catching with others, may be challenging. him or her off guard. Examples of triggers may include: It may take some time to discover which interventions have a positive result.  Holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries Following are some additional tips and  Times of transition resources that you and your family may want  Arguments between parents or caregivers to learn more about: or raised voices  Changes to the child’s routine  Safety and security are important first steps for families to establish as soon as Parenting tips and techniques possible. Create a safe space for each Trauma is an experience of losing control sibling where they can be alone when and a violation of expectations. Children they feel the need to disconnect for a expect that parents will take care of them, while. not physically hurt or emotionally harm  Sometimes siblings with trauma bonds them. Creating a safe space for your children who spend too much time together can will empower a respectful and trusting end up having intense conflicts or heated relationship among all members of your disagreements. When siblings have a family. temporary break from each other, by spending time alone or with friends, they Establishing a trusting relationship with may appreciate each other more when children who have trauma histories will take they reconnect.

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 Sibling trauma bonds are more Resources emotionally charged than typical sibling

conflicts or rivalries. As a result, being From the Lending Library open to therapeutic support from a

trauma informed and adoption  Brothers and Sisters in Adoption, by competent therapist can be a resource for Arleta James you and your family to consider.  The Body Keeps the Score–Brain, Mind, Therapists can provide individual, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by sibling, or family therapeutic support Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. services to begin and continue the  Siblings in Adoption and Foster Care: journey of healing. (The Coalition can Traumatic Separations and Honored help you locate a therapist if you need Connections, by Deborah N. Silverstein assistance.)  My Brother, My Sister: Sibling  Building connections with other adoptive Relations in Adoption and Foster Care, parents who have been through similar by Regina Kupecky experiences can be insightful and

mutually beneficial. Your local Post  Fostering Across Wisconsin: The Adoption Resource Center (PARC) can Importance of Sibling Connections help you find information about

upcoming support groups or training  Partners Newsletter: Facilitating Strong, opportunities. You can also contact us at Healthy Sibling Bonds the Coalition and take part in our

Journey Partners program to be paired  Tip Sheet: Sustaining and Strengthening with another parent who can work with the Sibling Bond you on an individual basis.

As parents of children who have trauma Additional Web Resources histories, there will most likely be times of emotional struggle and resistance. The  Camp To Belong children will need time and support to work through their feelings, memories, and past  Trauma Bonds in Foster and Adoptive experiences and exposures to trauma. But Children know that there is hope and there are resources and supports available for you. We  The Impact of Trauma on Sibling encourage you to connect with your local Relationships Post Adoption Resource Center as well as with us at the Coalition for ongoing support,  Ten Myths of Sibling Adoptions understanding, and resources.