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Aging Families—Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life

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Aging Families—Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life Aging Families—Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life Aging Family Relationships When we think about family life, often there is an assumption we are talking only about families with young children. There is also an assumed emphasis on immediate rather than extended relationships that consist of one generation. As a result of a dramatic increase in life expectancy and the subse- quent growth in the population of older adults, more attention is now being given to the many relationships among family mem- bers in later life. Researchers and educators interested in the dynamics of later life family relationships have developed new terms, for example, “aging families,” “later life mar- riage,” “skip-generation grandparents,” and the “sandwich generation.” In fact, an emerging sub-field within the field of Family Science, known as “Family Gerontology” (Blieszner & Bedford, 1997) is becoming increasingly recognized. This specialization area is specifically related to exploring and analyzing family relationships among older adults. Some of the roles and relationships that pertain to aging families in- clude grandparents and their grandchildren, aging parents and their adult children, later life marriages, divorce and remarriage among seniors, and siblings in later life. This is the first in a series of bulletins that will include information about the unique characteristics of later life family relationships. The focus of this particular publica- tion is sibling relationships among older adults. Libby and Rose Libby and Rose had been sisters for 76 planned her funeral together and spent years. They had grown up together on one week cleaning out the old house and an Iowa farm, sharing secrets, fighting dividing up family heirlooms. During this over clothes, and dreaming of the future. time, they discovered how much they At 18 Rose went away to college and enjoyed each other! They spent hours things between them changed. Libby sharing old family stories and laughing grew up, got married, and started her over embarrassing teenage moments. own family. Rose became the managing The two sisters realized how unique and editor of a large newspaper and chose fulfilling their relationship was and her career over marriage and children. since that time have become much closer. Although they always stayed in touch Although Rose does not see Libby every and tried to visit one another every year, day, she finds comfort in knowing that if they did not describe their relationship she were to need anything at all, there as emotionally close. When their wid- would be someone to be there for her. owed mother died, both Libby and Rose When asked about their renewed rela- tionship, Libby says, “At a time in my As a result of the changing structure of life when I am looking backwards a little our families, there are five types of more but also enjoying more free time, I sibling relationships that require recog- have received the gift of a new friend- nition. For example, there are: ship. A friendship with someone who 1) Full siblings (who share biological remembers when I had braces, who parents) accepts me as I am, and who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers. She 2) Half-siblings (who share one common also happens to share my family name. parent) What a wonderful gift!” 3) Step-siblings (who have no biological relationship but a parent of one is Sibling Relationships married to a parent of the other) in Later Life 4) Adoptive siblings (a sibling who is legally adopted into a family but has As with any family relationship, sibling no biological relationship) relations can vary by person, by family, and by culture. Siblings mean different 5) Fictive siblings (no biological or legal things to different people. As a result of relationships but regarded as sib- this variation, it is important to avoid lings). (Cicirelli, 1995) applying generalizations to all sibling Most of the research available on sib- relationships without considering the lings pertains to biological or “full” reality of potential differences. Research siblings. As a result, information about on siblings provides us with a greater “half,” “adopted,” or “step” siblings in appreciation for the joys and the compli- later life is not available. cations of this family relationship. Re- search also enlightens us with varying descriptions of how individuals experi- Sibling Typology ence the sibling relationship differently. In 1989, Deborah Gold developed five Although some people might not believe typologies of adult sibling relations that relationships with siblings are rel- based on “… patterns of psychological evant once a person gets older, research involvement, closeness, acceptance/ shows that many older adults do have approval, emotional support, instrumen- contact with their siblings and report tal support, contact, envy and resent- these relationships to be meaningful ment” (Cicirelli, 1995, 49). This typology (Bedford, 1997; Connidis & Campbell, has been replicated in various studies 2001). Researchers have also found that with supportive results. Most often, the relationships with siblings can contribute first three sibling types, Intimate, Conge- to life satisfaction, higher morale, fewer nial, and Loyal represent the majority of depressive symptoms, psychological adult sibling relationships. well-being, and a greater sense of emo- tional security in old age (Cicirelli, 1995). Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 2 Table 1: Sibling Typology* Title Definition Intimate High devotion and psychological closeness; the relationship is based on mutual love, concern, empathy, protection, understanding, and durability. Congenial Strong friendship and caring; less depth and reliability than intimate siblings; regular contact (weekly, monthly). Loyal Based more on cultural norms than personal involvement; support each other during crises; regular contact but not frequent. Apathetic Mutual lack of interest in sibling relationship (no emotional or instrumental support); lives have gone in different directions and do not care much; minimal contact. Hostile Strong negative feelings (resentment, anger) toward siblings; considerable negative psychological preoccupation with the relationship; no contact. * Based on variables: Closeness, Instrumental support, Emotional support, Acceptance/Approval, Psychological involvement, Contact, Envy, Resentment. (Cicirelli, 1995; Gold, 1989) What Makes the Sibling Relationship Unique? Sibling relationships have many characteristics that contribute to their uniqueness: 1) A sibling relationship is one of the 5) Unlike the parent-child relationship, few adult relationships we have that siblings do not have a relationship has lasted since our childhood. In hierarchy that influences the nature fact, we are likely to have known our of their interactions. Unless there is a siblings three times as long as we significant age difference, most sib- may know our spouse or our friends. lings interact in an egalitarian man- 2) Siblings often share a common cul- ner recognizing that they share a tural background that contributes to peer relationship. having share values and beliefs. 6) Finally, the ambiguous nature of the 3) In addition to sharing a culture, sibling relationship can result in a siblings also share their family his- variety of relationship approaches. tory. If they don’t share both parents There are few societal expectations they frequently do share childhood about how siblings “behave” in adult- memories and family stories. hood or the extent of contact they must have. This lack of clearly de- 4) Biological siblings are produced from fined rules often results in the sibling the same gene pool; as a result they relationship being a voluntary one. may share similar physical character- istics (e.g., the “Simpson nose”) or health conditions (e.g., high blood pressure). Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 3 These unique characteristics of the sibling As adults, siblings tend to distance them- relationship contribute to: selves as they become more involved in finding themselves, investing in other • A sense of continuity across the life span relationships, such as a marriage or (both socially and personally). The sib- partnership, bearing and raising children, ling relationship is one that can connect and pursuing employment. It is during our childhood with our adulthood. middle-age and old age that siblings • Sibling relationships also can provide us reach out to each other and reestablish with a sense of security in later life. Our close ties (Bedford, 1997). In fact, re- siblings, even if we haven’t been very search shows that after age 45, people close in young adulthood, provide an rate their sibling ties as being more posi- anchor in later life based on our shared tive and more important than previous biography and shared memories. adult years (Connidis & Campbell, 2001). Often described as “critical incidents,” it (Cicirelli, 1995) is significant life events (i.e., death, di- vorce, birth of grandchildren, relocation, Relationships Between Siblings retirement, illness) that initiate renewed contact between siblings in middle-age. Over the Life Span Earlier rivalries or conflicts may be put Researchers have shown that sibling aside in the desire to improve relation- relationships change over time. During ships. Also, in later life, the family of infancy and childhood, siblings usually origin may have decreased due to the interact on a regular basis thus estab- death of aged parents
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