Aging Families—Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life Aging Family Relationships When we think about family life, often there is an assumption we are talking only about families with young children. There is also an assumed emphasis on immediate rather than extended relationships that consist of one generation. As a result of a dramatic increase in life expectancy and the subse- quent growth in the population of older adults, more attention is now being given to the many relationships among family mem- bers in later life. Researchers and educators interested in the dynamics of later life family relationships have developed new terms, for example, “aging families,” “later life mar- riage,” “skip-generation grandparents,” and the “sandwich generation.” In fact, an emerging sub-field within the field of Family Science, known as “Family Gerontology” (Blieszner & Bedford, 1997) is becoming increasingly recognized. This specialization area is specifically related to exploring and analyzing family relationships among older adults. Some of the roles and relationships that pertain to aging families in- clude grandparents and their grandchildren, aging parents and their adult children, later life marriages, divorce and remarriage among seniors, and siblings in later life. This is the first in a series of bulletins that will include information about the unique characteristics of later life family relationships. The focus of this particular publica- tion is sibling relationships among older adults.

Libby and Rose Libby and Rose had been sisters for 76 planned her funeral together and spent years. They had grown up together on one week cleaning out the old house and an Iowa farm, sharing secrets, fighting dividing up family heirlooms. During this over clothes, and dreaming of the future. time, they discovered how much they At 18 Rose went away to college and enjoyed each other! They spent hours things between them changed. Libby sharing old family stories and laughing grew up, got married, and started her over embarrassing teenage moments. own family. Rose became the managing The two sisters realized how unique and editor of a large newspaper and chose fulfilling their relationship was and her career over marriage and children. since that time have become much closer. Although they always stayed in touch Although Rose does not see Libby every and tried to visit one another every year, day, she finds comfort in knowing that if they did not describe their relationship she were to need anything at all, there as emotionally close. When their wid- would be someone to be there for her. owed mother died, both Libby and Rose When asked about their renewed rela- tionship, Libby says, “At a time in my As a result of the changing structure of life when I am looking backwards a little our families, there are five types of more but also enjoying more free time, I sibling relationships that require recog- have received the gift of a new friend- nition. For example, there are: ship. A friendship with someone who 1) Full siblings (who share biological remembers when I had braces, who parents) accepts me as I am, and who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers. She 2) Half-siblings (who share one common also happens to share my family name. parent) What a wonderful gift!” 3) Step-siblings (who have no biological relationship but a parent of one is Sibling Relationships married to a parent of the other) in Later Life 4) Adoptive siblings (a sibling who is legally adopted into a family but has As with any family relationship, sibling no biological relationship) relations can vary by person, by family, and by culture. Siblings mean different 5) Fictive siblings (no biological or legal things to different people. As a result of relationships but regarded as sib- this variation, it is important to avoid lings). (Cicirelli, 1995) applying generalizations to all sibling Most of the research available on sib- relationships without considering the lings pertains to biological or “full” reality of potential differences. Research siblings. As a result, information about on siblings provides us with a greater “half,” “adopted,” or “step” siblings in appreciation for the joys and the compli- later life is not available. cations of this family relationship. Re- search also enlightens us with varying descriptions of how individuals experi- Sibling Typology ence the sibling relationship differently. In 1989, Deborah Gold developed five Although some people might not believe typologies of adult sibling relations that relationships with siblings are rel- based on “… patterns of psychological evant once a person gets older, research involvement, closeness, acceptance/ shows that many older adults do have approval, emotional support, instrumen- contact with their siblings and report tal support, contact, envy and resent- these relationships to be meaningful ment” (Cicirelli, 1995, 49). This typology (Bedford, 1997; Connidis & Campbell, has been replicated in various studies 2001). Researchers have also found that with supportive results. Most often, the relationships with siblings can contribute first three sibling types, Intimate, Conge- to life satisfaction, higher morale, fewer nial, and Loyal represent the majority of depressive symptoms, psychological adult sibling relationships. well-being, and a greater sense of emo- tional security in old age (Cicirelli, 1995).

Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 2 Table 1: Sibling Typology*

Title Definition Intimate High devotion and psychological closeness; the relationship is based on mutual love, concern, empathy, protection, understanding, and durability. Congenial Strong friendship and caring; less depth and reliability than intimate siblings; regular contact (weekly, monthly). Loyal Based more on cultural norms than personal involvement; support each other during crises; regular contact but not frequent. Apathetic Mutual lack of interest in sibling relationship (no emotional or instrumental support); lives have gone in different directions and do not care much; minimal contact. Hostile Strong negative feelings (resentment, anger) toward siblings; considerable negative psychological preoccupation with the relationship; no contact. * Based on variables: Closeness, Instrumental support, Emotional support, Acceptance/Approval, Psychological involvement, Contact, Envy, Resentment. (Cicirelli, 1995; Gold, 1989)

What Makes the Sibling Relationship Unique? Sibling relationships have many characteristics that contribute to their uniqueness:

1) A sibling relationship is one of the 5) Unlike the parent-child relationship, few adult relationships we have that siblings do not have a relationship has lasted since our childhood. In hierarchy that influences the nature fact, we are likely to have known our of their interactions. Unless there is a siblings three times as long as we significant age difference, most sib- may know our spouse or our friends. lings interact in an egalitarian man- 2) Siblings often share a common cul- ner recognizing that they share a tural background that contributes to peer relationship. having share values and beliefs. 6) Finally, the ambiguous nature of the 3) In addition to sharing a culture, sibling relationship can result in a siblings also share their family his- variety of relationship approaches. tory. If they don’t share both parents There are few societal expectations they frequently do share childhood about how siblings “behave” in adult- memories and family stories. hood or the extent of contact they must have. This lack of clearly de- 4) Biological siblings are produced from fined rules often results in the sibling the same gene pool; as a result they relationship being a voluntary one. may share similar physical character- istics (e.g., the “Simpson nose”) or health conditions (e.g., high blood pressure).

Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 3 These unique characteristics of the sibling As adults, siblings tend to distance them- relationship contribute to: selves as they become more involved in finding themselves, investing in other • A sense of continuity across the life span relationships, such as a marriage or (both socially and personally). The sib- partnership, bearing and raising children, ling relationship is one that can connect and pursuing employment. It is during our childhood with our adulthood. middle-age and old age that siblings • Sibling relationships also can provide us reach out to each other and reestablish with a sense of security in later life. Our close ties (Bedford, 1997). In fact, re- siblings, even if we haven’t been very search shows that after age 45, people close in young adulthood, provide an rate their sibling ties as being more posi- anchor in later life based on our shared tive and more important than previous biography and shared memories. adult years (Connidis & Campbell, 2001). Often described as “critical incidents,” it (Cicirelli, 1995) is significant life events (i.e., death, di- vorce, birth of grandchildren, relocation, Relationships Between Siblings retirement, illness) that initiate renewed contact between siblings in middle-age. Over the Life Span Earlier rivalries or conflicts may be put Researchers have shown that sibling aside in the desire to improve relation- relationships change over time. During ships. Also, in later life, the family of infancy and childhood, siblings usually origin may have decreased due to the interact on a regular basis thus estab- death of aged parents and/or older sib- lishing the foundation of their relation- lings. Consequently, adult siblings provide ship. Those siblings who reside in the a valuable tie to past memories, values, same household, are close in age, and and experiences. share similar interests are more likely to establish close emotional bonds. Fortu- The Likelihood of Having a Sibling in nately for some families, and unfortu- Old Age nately for others, it is the nature of the childhood relationship that often pre- What is the likelihood of having a surviv- dicts the nature of the relationship in ing adult sibling in later life? To what adulthood. For example, if in childhood extent do surviving siblings maintain siblings have considerable conflict with contact and provide support to each little emotional closeness or commonal- other? A number of survey studies at- ity, it is likely their adult relationship will tempting to answer these questions have be a continuation of these interaction found that for a majority of older adults, patterns. However, some researchers siblings do live into old age and do have found that as individuals age, their choose to remain in touch with each tendency to hold onto past jealousies or other until death (Cicirelli, 1995). feelings of anger and resentment de- A disproportionate number of older creases. Often referred to as “mellowing adults have at least one living sibling. In out,” siblings report making a conscious research conducted by Cicirelli (1995): decision in later life to put old hurts • 85% of individuals in middle-age had a behind them and instead, focus on build- living sibling compared to 78% of ing and maintaining a new relationship those over the age of 60. with their sibling(s). • Unfortunately, however, as we get older the likelihood of having more

Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 4 than one living sibling decreases. lings reported seeing or talking with When data is analyzed by age, re- their sibling at least once per month (as searchers have found those between compared to once per week for those the ages of who lived nearby). Reports on contact —60 and 69 have an average of 2.9 with step and half-siblings in addition to living siblings full biological siblings were included. The authors found sister-to-sister sibling —70 and 79 on average have 2.2 living relationships to have the greatest siblings amount of contact in adulthood. Rela- —80 and over have an average of 1.1 tions between sisters and brothers fol- living sibling lowed in frequency of contact and brother-to-brother relationships had the Contact Between Siblings in Later Life least contact. Although this study in- cluded data from adults in middle age as For those older adults who are fortunate well as old age, the findings provide to have one or more living siblings, information about the importance of the regular contact between siblings is often sibling relationship beyond childhood reported. In a study of 300 older adults, and the likelihood that siblings will Cicirelli (cited in 1995) found that 26% of remain in contact as they get older. elders had a sibling living in the same city and 56% had a sibling living within In an examination of sibling relation- 100 miles. Older adult siblings are much ships over time, White (2001) found that more likely to report feelings of emo- sibling networks were generally viewed tional closeness than they are to report second in priority to marital and parent- being estranged or experiencing conflict. child relationships. A dramatic increase Factors that are thought to contribute to in sibling exchange, however, was dem- the close bond between siblings include onstrated in later life. Additionally, fac- family rituals, shared memories, regular tors influencing the extent of sibling visits, and family reunions. Despite the contact and the importance of the rela- tendency for family members to be geo- tionship were geographic proximity, graphically separated, seniors report a being without a partner, and a decrease high level of contact with their siblings. in contemporaries who can share life If they are fortunate enough to live in review activities. close proximity to each other, they report Finally, the actual exchange of social having contact with their sibling(s) at support between siblings in old age is least once per week. If they happen to likely to consist more of psychological live in another state, older adults still support (companionship, advice, or report a high degree of contact via tele- encouragement) than instrumental sup- phone and more recently, e-mail. In fact, port (household assistance, shopping, or geographic distance between siblings financial assistance). Interestingly, rela- has not been found to influence emo- tively few individuals report depending tional closeness. In other words, those on a sibling in old age although they list who live far away from their siblings are them as a support resource. In a study just as emotionally close as those sib- conducted by Cicirelli (1995), 60% of lings who live in the same town. respondents said they would help a In a large, nationally representative sibling if their sibling needed their assis- study of siblings in adulthood (White & tance, yet only 7% had actually turned to Riedmann, 1992), close to 50% of sib- a sibling as a primary source of assis- tance during their own time of crisis.

Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 5 It is possible that sibling relations in Does Gender Make a Difference? later life provide us with assurance that support is available should our immedi- Research has shown that the gender of ate support resources be limited. siblings significantly impacts the emo- tional closeness of sibling pairs and the Siblings as Friends extent of contact between siblings. Sister- to-sister relationships and sister-to- Not surprisingly, sibling relationships in brother relationships show greater late adulthood are frequently described emotional closeness and more frequency as being similar to “friendships.” The of contact, especially by telephone, than fact that siblings are likely to have brother-to-brother relationships (Connidis shared beliefs, values, and attitudes is & Campbell, 2001). At the same time, thought to contribute to the likelihood of however, more conflict is reported be- rating a sibling in the same category as a tween sister-to-sister relationships than friend. In fact, sibling relationships are other sibling combinations. more similar to friendships than any One of the primary explanations for the other family relationship. A significant increased intimacy among sister sibling difference between sibling and friend- relationships is women’s emotional ship relations, however, is that friend- investment in family ties and the ships have a degree of uncertainty as to kinkeeping responsibilities of women their future, whereas the sibling rela- within the family. Kinkeepers, who are tionship is assumed to be permanent most frequently women, encourage because it is a “family” relationship. siblings, especially brothers, to maintain Those siblings who consider themselves contact largely through family rituals “compatible” and report being emotion- and celebrations. ally close are still less likely to share intimate personal life details or consult Racial ethnic Differences their siblings when making important / decisions. There are significantly lower Sibling relationships do vary by race and levels of sibling rivalry in later life as ethnicity. The exchange of instrumental compared to rivalry in childhood and types of assistance is more frequent adolescence. However, this is not to say among African-American siblings as that sibling rivalry does not occur be- compared to Caucasian (Bedford, 1997). tween aging siblings. In fact, past rivalry Additionally, African-American siblings patterns, for example, the belief that a are more likely to report close emotional parent favors one child over another, can ties and more frequently live within two still surface during times of conflict or miles of siblings in comparison to Cauca- stress (Cicirelli, 1988). These feelings of sian siblings. White and Riedmann resentment or pain may surprise the (1992) also report important ethnic adults who encounter them and may differences in sibling relationships based require some time and effort to achieve on a nationally representative sample. resolution. Overall, adult siblings value African-American participants rated their relationships and find ways of higher emotional ties and interacted interacting that avoid past conflicts or with their siblings much more often than rivalries. Caucasian, Mexican-American, and Asian-American adults. These differ- ences are frequently explained by cul- tural emphasis on horizontal versus vertical family ties.

Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 6 Vertical ties (i.e., parent-child; grandpar- • Parents, by establishing and maintain- ent-grandchild) are stronger among ing strong sibling ties themselves, can Asian-American, Hispanic, and Caucasian serve as models for their children. cultures, thus contributing to less empha- • Adult siblings must work to establish sis on sibling relationships over the life and maintain healthy communication span (Connidis & Campbell, 2001). and helping relationships with their siblings as adults. These ties will con- Implications for Future tinue into later life and serve as a Generations source of emotional, psychological, and possibly instrumental support. Demographic changes (i.e., decreased • Brothers (especially brother-to- fertility rates; divorce and remarriage; brother) as well as sisters need to take and increased longevity) are likely to on the responsibility of maintaining influence the nature of sibling relations contact. for future generations. For example, decreased fertility may result in smaller • Important life events are opportunities sibling networks having greater for siblings to interact. These events caregiving responsibilities for aging par- serve as opportunities for siblings to ents. At the same time, however, divorce strengthen or even repair sibling ties. and remarriage patterns will likely result Giving special attention to these events in higher numbers of step-siblings, half- and providing time to share with sib- siblings, and non-biological fictive kin lings is important. relations. Although longer life expectancy • Establishing and maintaining good will contribute to an increased risk of sibling relations in adulthood often widowhood, especially among women, it depends on the development of posi- will also result in more years spent in the tive relations with sisters-in-law and role of sibling and more opportunity for brothers-in-law. Siblings may need to interaction and emotional bonding be- make an extra effort to establish a tween siblings in later life. mutually respectful and congenial The importance of sibling relationships to relationship with the spouse of their our emotional and psychological well- sibling. being in later life is clearly illustrated in existing research. As a result, it is impor- How can Extension profession- tant to emphasize the value of sibling relationships across the life-span but als encourage and enhance the particularly among older adult popula- appreciation of sibling relation- tions. ships among older adults? What are some ways to facilitate sibling • In senior centers, retirement commu- relations among younger and older nities, or homemaker groups, give a generations? brief presentation on the importance of sibling relationships in later life. • Encourage parents to foster and re- spect the sibling relationships among — Conduct a group activity that en- their children. Discourage intentional ables participants to explore their or unintentional favoritism (the most own thoughts and feelings about common cause of bitter sibling rivalry their siblings. that can last into later life).

Aging Families Series Bulletin #1 Sibling Relations in Later Life 7 — Facilitate a sharing session about childhood sibling memories. References Bedford, V. (1997). Sibling relationships — Discuss why sibling relations can in middle adulthood and old age. In increase in importance as we age. R. M. Blieszner & V. H. Bedford — Encourage participants to do one of (Eds.), Handbook on aging and the the following: family (pp. 201-222). Westport, CT: 1) Call a surviving sibling they have Greenwood. not had contact with recently. Bleiszner, R., & Bedford, V. H. (Eds.). 2) Write down five positive charac- (1996). Aging and the family: Theory teristics or five positive memo- and research. Westport, CT: Praeger. ries of a sibling and share these Cicirelli, V. G. (1995). Sibling relation- thoughts with others. ships across the life span. New York: • Print in county newsletter or local Plenum Press. paper a press release on the impor- Cicirelli, V. G. (1988). Interpersonal tance of siblings. By targeting siblings relationships among elderly siblings. who live in the same community, you In M. D. Kahn & K. G. Lewis (Eds.), can encourage interaction, social Siblings in therapy: Life span and activities, and exchange of support. clinical issues (pp. 435-456). New • Advertise and facilitate a “sibling York: W.W. Norton. celebration day” in your county where Connidis, I. A., & Campbell, L. D. (2001). siblings of all ages spend time to- Closeness, confiding, and contact gether. For those who have siblings among siblings in middle and late that live far away, participation can adulthood. In A. Walker, M. involve making contact via telephone, Manoogian-O’Dell, L. McGraw, & D. e-mail, or written letter. The goal of L. White (Eds.), Families in later life this recognition event is to encourage (pp. 149-155). Thousand Oaks, CA: community members to recognize the Pine Forge Press. value and importance of sibling rela- Gold, D. (1989). Sibling relationships in tionships across the life span. old age: A typology. International Author Journal of Aging and Human Devel- opment, 28(1), 37-51. Christine A. Price, OSU Extension White, L. K. (2001). Sibling relationships State Gerontology Specialist over the life course: A panel analy- sis. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 63, 555-568. White, L. K., & Riedmann, A. (1992). Ties among adult siblings. Social Forces, All educational programs conducted by Ohio State 71, 85-102. University Extension are available to clientele on a nondiscriminatory basis without regard to race, color, creed, religion, sexual orientation, national origin, gender, age, disability or Vietnam-era veteran status. Keith L. Smith, Associate Vice President for Ag. Adm. and Director, OSU Extension TDD No. 800-589-8292 (Ohio only) or 614-292-1868

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