Parashat Behaalotecha Ethics Related to Speech

Bereshit 2:7 And God formed the man of dust from the ground, and God blew into his nostrils the soul of life; and man became a living being.

Targum Onkelos on Bereshit 2:7 And God created the human from dust of the earth and blew into his nostrils the soul of life and in the human it became a speaking spirit.

Talmud Bavli, Tractate Berachot 6b R. Ashi says: The reward of attending a wedding lies in the words of congratulations addressed to the bride and groom.

Eilu D’varim These are things that are limitless, of which a person enjoys the fruit of the world while the principal remains in the world to come. They are: honoring one’s father and mother, engaging in deeds of compassion, arriving early for study morning and evening, dealing graciously with guests, visiting the sick, providing for the wedding couple, accompanying the dead for burial, being devoted in prayer, and making peace among people. But the study of Torah encompasses them all.

Talmud Bavli, Tractate Bava Metzia 58b Mishnah: Just as words can be deceptive in business dealings so too can they be hurtful in other areas.

Gemara: Our Rabbis teach: “You shall therefore not wrong one another. Scripture refers to verbal wrongs…e.g., if a man is a penitent, one must not say to him, ‘Remember your former deeds.’ If he is the son of converts, one must not say to him, ‘Remember the deeds of your ancestors.” If he is convert and comes to study the Torah, one must not say to him, ‘Shall the mouth that ate unclean and forbidden food, abominable and creeping things, come to study the Torah which was uttered by the mouth of Omnipotence!” If he is suffering, afflicted with disease, or has buried his children, one must not speak to him as Job’s companions spoke to him, saying, “Is not your fear [of God] the source of your confidence, your hope and the integrity of your ways? Please remember, what innocent person ever perished?”

1 Vayikra Rabbah Section 33a Rabbi prepared a meal for his students. He brought before them tongue that was tender, and tongue that was tough. They began choosing the tender tongue and setting aside the tough. He said to them, “Take note of what you are doing, for just as you are choosing the tender and setting aside the tough, so should your own tongues be soft to one another.

Mishlei 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and those who love it shall eat its fruit.

Yalkut Shimoni, Na’kh 721 A story is told about the king of Persia that he became ill. The doctors said to him, “You will not be healed until the milk of a lioness is brought to you and your medication prepared.”

One person spoke up and said, “I can bring you the milk of a lioness. If you agree that I bring you the milk then give me ten goats. “The king said to his servants that they should give the goats to him (i.e., to the individual). They gave him.

The volunteer went to the lion’s den. A lioness was there nursing her cubs. On the first day he stood at a distance and threw her a goat, which she ate. On the second day he came a little closer and threw her another one (i.e., another goat). He did so until he was playing with her and managed to get some of her milk. He then headed back to the king.

And it was when he was in the middle of his journey that he had a dream. In his dream he saw that the limbs of his body were boasting to each other and arguing with each other. The legs said, “None of the other limbs can compare to us. If we would not have gone, he would not have been able to get the milk.” The hands said, “There is none like us. If we would not have done what was needed. Nothing would have been accomplished.” Says the heart, “Had I not had the idea what good would all of you be?!” The tongue spoke up. “Had I not spoken up, what would he have done?”

All the limbs responded to the tongue, “How do you dare to compare yourself to us? You are in a dark place and you do not have wisdom as do the other limbs!”

The tongue said to them, “Today, you will say that I rule over you.” The man heard all.

The volunteer went to the king. He said to the king, “Milord, king! Here is dog’s milk.” The king was enraged and ordered him to be hung.

As he was going to be executed all the limbs began to cry. The tongue said to them, “Didn’t I tell you that you all lack real power? If I save you, will you all acknowledge my superiority?” They replied, “Yes.”

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The man said to the executioner, “Take me back to the king. Maybe I can yet be saved.” He was brought back to the king.

He said to the king, “Why did you order to hang me?” “You brought me dog’s milk!” “What’s it to you where the milk is from as long as it cures you? Anyways, people refer to a lioness as a female dog.” They took a sample and tested it and discovered it to be milk from a lioness.

The limbs said to the tongue, “We are grateful to you.”

Thus you have it that “death and life are in the power of the tongue”!

Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Hilkhot Deot 7:2 Who is a rachil (a talebearer)? One who carries gossip, going from person to person and saying: “So and so said this; this is what I heard about so and so.” Even though it is the truth, he ruins the world.

There is still a worse sin that is included in this prohibition, namely: Lashon Hara. And that is: One who says bad things about their neighbor, even if they are telling the truth.

But someone who lies is called a Motzi Shem Ra. A “ba’al lashon hara” (master of the evil tongue) is one who sits and says: “this is what so and so did, such were his ancestors, this is what I have heard about them” saying bad things. About this scripture says: “May God cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that speaks proud things!” (Tehillim 12:4)

Midrash Tanchumah, Parashat Metzora And if a person involves himself in lashon hara, he makes himself worthy of death, as lashon hara is as serious as murder, for one who murders only takes one life, while the bearer of lashon hara kills three: the one who says it, the one who listens to it, and the one about whom it is said.

Rabbi Jill Hammer, The Line Between Harmful & Helpful Gossip Gossip is “masked” speech – it is defined as gossip only if the individual who is the subject of one’s words cannot hear what is being said. The Bible says “Do not go up and down as a talebearer among your people” (Leviticus 19:16). Yet the word “gossip” comes from the old English word “God-sib” – a close relative bound by ritual ties, a beloved intimate. Some feminist commentaries suggest that, particularly for women, gossip is not as one-sided as patriarchal tradition would have us believe. Some gossip is simply malicious, but networks of “informal communication” can also work for the benefit of individuals and relationships. I know that my own private talks with loved ones – rants, reflections, and ad hoc psychological analyses – are vital to my mental health. Yet some of my words would be labeled by the sages of Jewish tradition as lashon hara – slander – the deadly evil

3 tongue. And as I’ve researched this article I’ve become much more aware of the harm gossip does. What would a Talmud by women say concerning gossip? Is it bad, or good, or does it depend on context?

Text: “Rabbi Yohanan said in the name of Rabbi Yosi ben Zimra: One who indulges in gossip is guilty of denying the existence of God and God’s commands…Such a one is punished with leprosy” (Arakhin 15b).

Countertext (Patricia Spacks): “…The gossip I call ‘serious’…exists only as a function of intimacy…Its participants use talk about others to reflect about themselves, to express wonder and uncertainty and locate certainty, to enlarge their knowledge of one another.”

Commentary: Rabbi Yohanan claims that gossip is rebellion against meaning – that those who gossip deny both the existence of the Divine and the commandedness of moral behavior. Patricia Spacks, however, asserts that some kinds of gossip occur precisely to create meaning – to discover wonder in the world and to “locate certainty” – that is, to reflect on central values. Sometimes, gossip can have good consequences. What if, when we planned to speak about a third person, we asked ourselves: “Will what I plan to say create meaning or destroy it? Will my words strengthen my sense of God’s presence or weaken it?”

Perhaps a synthesis of these two views would be similar to the traditional view of the yetzer hara, the evil intention. An ancient midrash says about our darkest urges that they are blessed, because without them we would have neither sex drive nor ambition – but that those urges need to be controlled by the Torah.

Maybe a woman’s Talmud would say about gossip: Blessed is gossip, because without it we would have no intimate friends – but the Torah of kindness must guard our tongues, as it says in the Book of Proverbs: “The Torah of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26).

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