Men & Women Are to Relate to Each Other in Sanctity

tm, h F , JrP - The Torah Portion of Kee Tay-tzay - That you may go forth (from ordinary living) Deuteronomy 21:10 - 25:19 This SUMMARY is by subject matter, rather than in the order presented in the v r«uT-Torah

MEN & WOMEN ARE TO RELATE TO EACH OTHER IN SANCTITY

If , during a war 1, an Israelite soldier sees a beautiful woman among those captured , he could marry her , after she goes through a certain process, part of which allows her to mourn for her dead relatives for 30 days . If he decides he doesn’t like her after marrying her, he can’t sell her as a slave; he must set her free 2. If a man has 2 wives, one beloved, one hated , but his r«uf C-b’-khor-first born male is from the hated one, he must still give this son a double inheritance . He can’t give a double portion to the first son of the beloved wife . If a man marries a woman and afterwards hates her and says untrue evil things about her virginity , he must pay her father a fine and can’t ever divorce her ( she can leave him ). If she truly did defile herself, she’s sentenced with atonement through death 3. The SANCTITY OF M ARRIAGE -- INTIMACY is to be EXCLUSIVELY WITHIN the covenant of MARRIAGE . Engaged women must also remain faithful to their fiancees. Rabbi J.H. Hertz notes: Marriage is for raising the next generation and companionship. If one of these isn’t working, divorce may be advisable a. If a man RAPES a woman who is NEITHER MARRIED NOR ENGAGED , he must PAY her FATHER a FINE AND MARRY HER (only if she consents, according to Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan b) and CAN’T EVER DIVORCE HER (since other men may consider her “spoiled goods.”) A man can’t marry his father’s wife . (Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan states that this is to prevent sons from inheriting fathers’ wives b.) NEITHER MEN NOR WOMEN are to PROSTITUTE themselves. If a couple divorces and the woman marries someone else who dies or divorces her, the original couple cannot remarry . If a married man dies childless , his brother is to marry the widow . Their r«uf C-b’-khor- first born male should be named for the deceased , keeping his name alive . If the brother does not wish to do this, a ritual is performed to release him. When a man marries , he’s released from armed service for the first year , during which he’s to make his wife happy . Certain people aren’t allowed to marry into Israel : a) the offspring of adulterous or incestuous b relationships ; b) Amonites and c) Moabites . The latter two because they didn’t greet Israel with at least the basic necessities of bread and water when Israel neared their countries during the long desert trek. This, despite the fact that they’re related to Israel, since they’re descendants of Lot. (This emphasizes that s xj-khe-sed-LOVING K INDNESS is to be of PRIMARY IMPORTANCE to ISRAEL .) It is also because MOAB HIRED ogkC-Beel-am- Bilaam to CURSE Israel. (We are to USE the POWER OF SPEECH ONLY TO BRING GOOD and BLESSING to the world ). However, the Edomites, descendants of u Gg-Ay-sav-Esau tm, h F , JrP - The Torah Portion of Kee Tay-tzay - That you may go forth (from ordinary living) - pg. 2 and the Egyptians, our prior hosts, can join Israel (3 generations after conversion b.) WOMEN are NOT TO WEAR MEN’S CLOTHES, NOR MEN WEAR WOMENS ’ attire 4.

MAINTAINING JUSTICE WHILE PRESERVING DIGNITY

If parents have a rebellious son who won’t obey his parents even after they’ve corrected him, they’re to take him to the elders at the gate of the city and tell them of their son’s evil ways -- and he’s sentenced to atonement by death 5. (Although he hasn’t yet done anything warranting the death penalty , he’s headed towards doing terrible things . According to Rabbi Hertz, such a case never happened a. Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski d says that this teaches us the importance of learning the nature of addictions and learning good parenting skills .) PEOPE who ARE EXECUTED are NOT TO BE LEFT HANGING, for this DISGRACES THEIR MAKER and DEFILES the LAND ; they are to be BURIED IMMEDIATELY . (All the more so, EVERYONE else DESERVES as IMMEDIATE a BURIAL as possible , both to honor the DIVINE IMAGE IN WHICH the DECEASED IS CREATED , and to BRING RELIEF TO the BEREAVED more quickly . As a FRIEND WHO’S WIFE DIED DESCRIBED his pain: “ BEFORE the BURIAL , it was LIKE an OPEN WOUND. AFTER the FUNERAL , it was LIKE A WOUND THAT had been TREATED AND BANDAGED .”) Parents cannot be executed for their children’s crimes nor vice versa ; ONE MAY ONLY DIE FOR THEIR OWN WRONGDOINGS . EXACT JUSTICE is to be administered -- NO MODIFICATIONS are to be made due to a person’s life condition , whether they’re down and out or sitting pretty . A maximum of 40 strikes is to be administered to someone sentenced to lashing, that they not be degraded before us. (Since a SERIOUS WRONGDOER is NOT TO BE DEGRADED, HOW MUCH the MORE so THOSE WE INTERACT WITH? It’s BEST TO SEE EVERYONE IN the HIGHEST LIGHT -- “UPGRADING” THEM .) If two men are fighting and the wife of one seizes the other’s private parts to save her husband, she must pay for the embarrassment she caused him. A KIDNAPPER WHO SELLS his victims is SENTENCED TO ATONEMENT BY DEATH AS a DETERRANT for such evil. GUARDRAILS are to be placed AROUND a (flat) ROOF to PREVENT HARM .

ELEVATING THE PLANT & ANIMAL KINGDOMS

If we FIND an animal , a garment or ANY ITEM BELONGING TO SOMEONE ELSE , we must RETURN it. If we can’t find the owner (we don’t know who they are, or they’re too far away), we should hold the item until we can locate the owner. (From Chabad teachings: In SPIRITUAL FORM, this REFERS TO vcUJ T-t’-shoo-va-RETURNING TO OUR D IVINE SOURCE -- RETURNING our SOULS to their ORIGINAL condition of HOLINESS and PURITY c.) tm, h F , JrP - The Torah Portion of Kee Tay-tzay - That you may go forth (from ordinary living) - pg. 3

If someone’s animal is falling under its burden , we’re to help the owner adjust the burden so the animal can go on 6. If we find a mother bird sitting on her eggs or young , we’re to send the mother away, then we can take the young . We then merit long life and Heavenly mercy for being merciful with the birds, leaving the main part alive. (Rabbi Hertz states that this is partially to recall the sanctity of motherhood, which is why its fulfillment brings the same reward as fulfillment of the Divine Directive to respect parents a.) Various types of FORBIDDEN MIXTURES : seeds (for they lose their individuality) , work animals (since they have varied strengths, causing difficulties to both) , wool and linen (this is one of the “Mysterious Laws”, beyond our grasp 7.) Having experienced slavery, we know what it feels like to lack; therefore, when harvesting , dropped, forgotten and missed produce is to be left for the needy as well as for strangers, orphans, and widows . Oxen are not to be muzzled while threshing . When we’re IN SOMEONE’S GARDEN or vineyard , we MAY EAT SOME of the produce TO SATISFY our HUNGER , but we MAY NOT HARVEST our COMAPANION’S CROPS FOR OURSELVES . (An application of this might be WHEN UTILIZING the FRUITS OF OTHERS’ LABORS to CREDIT THEM with the work.)

MAKING MONEY & BUSINESS PART OF THE K INGDOM OF H EAVEN

We’re to LEND to others with NOTHING OTHER THAN WHAT WAS BORROWED TO BE RETURNED , for WE ARE BROTHERS . Neither upper nor lower grindstones can be used as collateral for a loan because the borrower needs them to make food. A lender must wait outside the borrower’s home to receive the collateral from the borrower -- he may not enter and take it himself. If the borrower is poor and the collateral is his sleepwear, it’s to be returned to him each evening. The borrower will then bless the lender, whose noble action will be considered as vesm-tz’-da-ka-charity/righteousness. WORKERS ARE TO BE PAID ON TIME ; if they’re poor, even on a daily basis. (Rabbi Zelig Pliskin relates this to everyone’s DUTY TO PAY our BILLS ON TIME f.) ONLY EXACT, ACCURATE MEASURES are to be kept, for the OMNISCENT O NE DESPISES CHEATING . ( WHEN we LOOK AT OURSELVES AND AT OTHERS, RATHER THAN being JUDGMENTAL , seeing HOW EACH ONE “MEASURES UP ”, it’s best to VIEW EVERYONE AS “WORKS IN PROGRESS ”, as Michael has advised.) A runaway slave is to be enabled to live among us rather than be returned to his master. (Rabbi Hertz says this means we’re to help him establish himself as an independent self-sufficient member of society a.)

HOW TO SANCTIFY ORDINARY WORDS

When we make a promise, WE’RE TO KEEP OUR WORD -- so it’s usually better not to tm, h F , JrP - The Torah Portion of Kee Tay-tzay - That you may go forth (from ordinary living) - pg. 4 make a promise . (Make commitments with qualifying expressions such as, “I will do my best to...”, “Hopefully, I will...” “G-d willing, I will ...” “I will attempt to...” etc.) If someone contracts ,grm-tza-ra-at-a spiritual disease, they’re to closely follow the instructions of the ohbv«F-Ko-ha-neem-Priests, AND REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO ohrn-Miriam when she SPOKE AGAINST her brother, UbCr v Jn-Mo-sheh Ra-bay-noo- Moses our Teacher. (Rabbi Zelig Pliskin advises: RECALL THAT TO EFFECT A REPAIR, APOLOGIES NEED TO BE MADE TO EVERYONE WE SPEAK iIJk grv-l’-shon ha-ra -evil speech/slander/gossip ABOUT . This is a powerful INCENTIVE to maintain APPROPRIATE SPEECH g.)

REMINDERS TO RE-CONNECT WITH THE EXALTED O NE

Sanctity is to pervade the camp , even during wartime. (Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan states that this means there’s to be none of the immorality prevalent in most army camps, nor excessive cruelty b.) Bodily excretions are to be covered with earth, for the Awesome One is present, always protecting . (THOUGH BODILY FUNCTIONS REMIND US that WE ARE PHYSICAL beings, there’s NO NEED TO BE STUCK AT THAT LEVEL -- we are ALSO CARRIERS OF D IVINITY at the same time. We NEED ONLY ACTIVATE THIS ASPECT OF OURSELVES .) ,hmm-tzee-tzeet-ritual fringes are to be placed on the CORNERS OF 4-CORNERED GARMENTS as REMINDERS OF ALL of the ,«umn-meetz-vot-Divine Directives. (MEMORY DEVICES can be so HELPFUL , especially as we age, and especially for what we consider IMPORTANT . A very special friend HAS HER WATCH BEEP EVERY 5 MINUTES to REMIND her of the HOLY O NE and of her LOVE FOR the DIVINE B ELOVED .) We’re to REMEMBER that the nation of ekng-A-ma-layk-Amalek ATTACKED our weak STRAGGLERS during our desert trek, “ COOLING OFF” OUR DESIRE TO BE CLOSE c TO the INFINITE O NE . AFTER the SUPREME C OMMANDER IN C HIEF HELPS us TAKE OVER the 7 NATIONS in k trGh .rt-E-retz Yees-ra-ayl -the Land of Israel, we’re to ERASE the MEMORY of ekng-A-ma-layk-Amalek from under the heavens . (Chassidic teachings state that ekng-A-ma-layk-Amalek REPRESENTS DOUBT . ERASING DOUBT RAISES US HEAVENWARD , where NO MEMORY of ekng-A-ma-layk-Amalek REMAINS .)

INSIGHTS & DISCUSSION TOPICS - D:=Discuss/Ask; I:=Idea(s); M=from Michael Shapiro

1. Rabbi Yisroel Ciner cites teachings that the WAR AT the BEGINNING OF this v JrP-Pa-ra-sha-Torah Portion REFERS TO “the SPIRITUAL STRUGGLE OF MAN. EVERY MOMENT OF OUR LIFE IS A PART OF THE EPIC SAGA -- OUR BATTLE TO STAY FOCUSED ON WHY WE ARE HERE” AND TO MAINTAIN OUR CONNECTION WITH OUR SOURCE . He explains that the ,«umn-Meetz-vot-Divine Directives tm, h F , JrP - The Torah Portion of Kee Tay-tzay - That you may go forth (from ordinary living) - pg. 5

“ACCOMPANY US THROUGHOUT ALL OF THE TWISTS AND TURNS OF LIFE, ENABLING US TO MAINTAIN THAT EVER-IMPORTANT FOCUS ” and that “ EVERY TIME WE PHYSICALLY CHANGE THIS WORLD through an act that we perform, we DISTANCE OURSELVES AND the WORLD a little bit MORE FROM that INITIAL STATE OF PURE G- DLINESS . We RUN THE RISK OF FORGETTING our PURPOSE IN LIFE , the risk OF OVERINVOLVEMENT IN THIS WORLD ... Therefore, Hashem {the E TERNAL }, in His compassion, GAVE US a vumn-Meetz-va-Divine Directive AT EACH OF THESE JUNCTURES ENABLING US TO RETAIN OUR FOCUS .j

2. We may regularly feel our VERY DIFFERENT PARTS -- DIVINE SOUL and ANIMAL BODY -- VYING FOR DOMINANCE within. This seems to be a graphic way in which the v r«uT-TORAH ADVISES us to ALLY THEM: ENJOY PHYSICAL/MATERIAL PLEASURES WITH a degree of SANCTITY . D: HOW can we do this? I: a) SHARING what we enjoy. b) Offering GRATITUDE for our blessings. c) SERVING the HOLY , BLESSED O NE with GREATER ENTHUSIASM .

3. This HINTS TO THE SOUL ( Hebrew words for “soul” are feminine ). WHEN we DEFILE our SOULS THROUGH PRIORTIZING our BODIES and MATERIAL GOODS , we slowly DRAIN the SOUL OF LIFE . The SOUL NEEDS NURTURING in order to flourish. D: HOW may we NURTURE our SOULS ? I: Through: a) LIVING a LIFE OF VIRTUE . b) GIVING OF OURSELVES AND OF our POSSESSIONS to those in need. c) DEVOTIONAL SONG, PRAYER, MEDITATION . d) reading INSPIRATIONAL BOOKS , listening to UPLIFTING MESSAGES .

4. HOW are all of these men-women issues RELATED TO LOVE ?! WHETHER we’re a) NEW PARENTS , who discover LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME or b) a SPOUSE , MARRIED many YEARS who REFRAINS from DOING SOMETHING THAT BOTHERS their PARTNER , or c) a SIBLING who ALTERS their LIFE TO CARE FOR their AILING SIBLING , or d) a FRIEND who GOES FAR OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HELP a friend, just because “ THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR ”, or e) ONE who LOVES PLAYING PIANO , who spends hours upon HOURS PRACTICING -- WHEN WE LOVE SOMEONE or SOMETHING, WE GIVE UP PARTS OF OURSELVES ON BEHALF OF OUR LOVE . WE GIVE UP OUR PREFERENCES . As Michael teaches, the EGO is MADE UP OF PREFERENCES, SO THIS GIVING UP IS SO WONDERFUL . RATHER THAN LOSING PARTS of ourselves , we are EXPANDING BEYOND OUR BORDERS, BONDING and MERGING WITH the ONE WE LOVE . The NEW PARENTS are no longer John and Mary -- NOW MOMMY and DADDY ; SPOUSES AREN’T INDIVIDUALS any longer, they’re MR. AND M RS . X ; PEOPLE WHO CARE FOR OTHERS no longer think only of themselves, NO LONGER WHAT I WANT OR NEED, it’s what WE WANT OR NEED ; one who DEVOTES THEMSELF TO LEARNING A SKILL MERGES with that, BECOMING a PIANIST, DOCTOR, tm, h F , JrP - The Torah Portion of Kee Tay-tzay - That you may go forth (from ordinary living) - pg. 6

c GOLFER, etc . Chabad teachings point out that we are privileged in this v JrP-Pa-ra-sha- Torah Portion to learn 74 ,«u mn-Meetz-vot-Divine Directives, more than in any other v JrP- Pa-ra-sha-Torah Portion. D: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE APPLY OUR LOVE TO DOING the DIVINE W ILL ? I: We MAY well GIVE UP SOME of our PREFERENCES to fulfill this Will, BUT WE EXPAND INTO the BOUNDLESS O NE , BECOMING, AS v Jn UbCr-Mo-sheh Ra-bay-noo- Moses our Teacher IS CALLED oh e«ktv Jh t-“The Man of G-d”. WE BECOME G- DLY PEOPLE .

5. AT TIMES , parents may FEEL LIKE KILLING THEIR CHILDREN , but WHEN we READ THIS passage, it can’t help but BRING OUT the LOVE we feel for our children , for it’s HORRIFYING TO THINK OF BRINGING our CHILD TO court to HAVE THEM PUT TO DEATH, NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY’VE BEEN h.

6. a) Rabbi Hertz points out: PREVIOUSLY (Exodus 23:4, 5), the vr«uT-Torah PHRASES IT as “the ANIMAL OF YOUR ENEMY ”. HERE it says “ YOUR BROTHER’S AMIMAL”a. THIS SHOWS that it’s GOOD TO RECOGNIZE that WE ARE ALL INTERCONNECTED a. b) Since we’re to help relieve animals falling under their burdens, HOW MUCH MORE ARE WE TO HELP PEOPLE who are NOT DOING WELL, DUE TO the BURDENS OF THEIR LIVES ?!

e 7. Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski writes that FROM ABOVE , we are RELATED TO MEASURE FOR MEASURE . WHEN we UPHOLD DIVINE D IRECTIVES that MAKE NO SENSE to us, we PROVIDE the Merciful One a BASIS TO FORGIVE US when we do WRONG WITHOUT GOOD REASON . (A “good reason” might be a poor person who steals due to overwhelming lack. They might be excused due to their difficult circumstance.) This GIVES “ILLOGICAL” RULES a whole NEW MEANING .