WHO'S WHO: Goldfarb secedes from College, the U.S. KNOW YOUR VANDALS The Spa was quickly declared By AL-POP & Mystery neutral territory because neither THE BETH-ICLE side was willing or able to give up NEWS QUEENS quesadilla privileges. "Just think The Goldfarb Center for Pub- of the Spa as midnight munchies pooper lic Affairs and Civic Engagement Switzerland," Maisel said. declared its independence from "No one wants to be on the the College this Sunday, May 2. wrong side of history," Dean of unveils An official notice e-mailed that Students and Nation Ambassador afternoon by King of Kings of Conversations-elect Jim Ter- "Lear" Sandy Maisel affirmed hune said. "Like Dylan said, the the Goldfarb Center's intention times they are a-changing, and we dirty past to secede from the United States all need to get on board." By BRICHAEL MOPHY in the same move. "Jim, too?" Bro said, a tear INVESTIGATIVE RE-POOPER The Goldfarb Center will no w be trickling out the comer of his right called the Glorious Maisel Nation eye. "But., but." Bro excused him- It's late Saturday evening; you for Pubic Affairs and Civic Engage- self from the interview at this go back to your room and plop ment— the "Nation" for short. point, saying he was "too bereft" down on your futon after a hard Due to the Nation's small arse- to continue. day's night of drinking. Suddenly nal of nuclear arms procured in a With faculty caught in the fray, you catch a whiff of some rank trade agreement with North students will inevitably be forced smell, and it isn't the cologne of Korea, the College has decided to choose, too. But Maisel has a that hockey player you were mak- not to challenge the claim. plan for that. ing out with earlier. You sniff The arsenal was made possible "The rules of the College will around the room to find the source by the close relation- not apply to the of this pungent scent when all of a ship that Maisel has Nation, he said. TMZ.COM sudden you hear a soft squish with Supreme I've been "Forget under- King of Kings L. Sandy Maisel and BFF Kim Jong-II discuss nuclear arms, civic engagement. under your shoe. Leader of North 21, everyone is You may not know him by Korea Kim Jong-II played... invited—encour- sight, but you know him by scent. himself. Maisel and I'm just not aged, even—to Students explore unhealthy The mystery pooper is the most Kim have an estab- drink hard alco- deviant serial dorm damager cam- lished rapport, ever sure where hol here." pus has seen in years and even since their time to- the College Bro said he alternatives to hard alcohol makes the Mariner freshmen look gether at Harvard predicted such a On the other end of the adminis- the College is now facing a "potential like West Quad. After terrorizing University, where will go from move, and be- By SECRET DRUNK trative spectrum, Rachel Hender- epidemic" of female obesity. Due to the Hill all year with his fresh they formed the here. I mean, lieves that this A LIFE LIVED, A LIE son, the College's alcohol what Berkner described as "chugguv feces, Colby's Mystery Pooper fi- Brotherhood of Fu- will be Maisel's The Orloff runs dry in these coordinator, is encouraging students yeast," recurringinstances of female nally came clean this week in an ture world Leaders what will Bob first step in de- parts. Super-short dresses and to be proactive and to embrace the beer-chugging are leading to what exclusive interview with the Echo. (BFL) after an un- Diamond veloping a cult of brightly colored cocktails no longer coming atmosphere of beer and Berkner describes as "Fat-chick Syn- The Mystery Pooper 's defunct successful attempt personality mingle with each other. The wine tolerance. "One of the good drome" (the Bowdoin College Story). defecation goes way beyond his ar- with Warriors Taking think? amongst his un- pregame—as students know it— things about the ban is that you can Increases in the female body rival at the College. "I have a rare over Forcefully , derlings. slowly dies as the College shifts to- drink lower grade alcohol with more mass index have completely trans- condition called aquaductophobia. (WTF). Bro Adams In an exclu- ward becoming a dry, soulless Hill ease. You no longer have to fear formed the College's mindset. It's the fear of indoor plumbing," Maisel has also President of Colby sive interview in the middle of Maine. being persecuted for socializing," No longer is body image a concern he said. "Both my parents are trained for years with with The Echo, With the recent passage of a hard Henderson said. amongst females: the stereotypical French, so we had a bidet in my Yoda in the swamps Commanding alcohol ban, many students fear that While some continue to fill then- skinny girl has tripled in size, now house. I don't want to go into de- of Dagobah where he has learned Empress of the Nation Patrice the College is transitioning from a shot glasses and cups with shots coming to love the full offerings oi tails, but I had a traumatic bidet ex- to master The Force. "Mab" Franko expressed her ela- degree-seeking booze-cruise to an and high-proof concoctions, the die dining halls. The College has es- perience at a pretty young age." President of the College Bro tion over the secession. 'This is a AA-sponsored police state. majority of students are taking tablished a supportive sisterhood foi If his dimension isn't alcohol Adams expressed his deep sadness smart move," she said. "It 's been "I'm just being me," said Jay Henderson's words into considera- the happier, plus-sized population. related, then why does he wait till over the loss of the Goldfarb Cen- in the works for years." Gerbomb '12, "you don't know tion. Preparing for life on a post- Because shallow males have been the witching hours of weekend ter and Maisel, whom he believed Franko also shared a previously me." Students such as Gerbomb are proof Hill, students are substituting faced with a sassier, wide-hippedpop- nights to unload his anxiety? The to be a dear friend. undisclosed anecdote about the pointing their fingers at what ap- beer and wine for hard alcohol. ulation requiring more calories to get short answer is it is the only he "I've been played," he said, BFL's infant days. As she tells it, pears to be an increasingly dis- According to recent statistics re- buzzed, a small number of men are thinks he can get away with it. shaking his head soberly. "I really the BFL almost ended before it tanced College administration. leased by the Health Center, the ban turning to other substances to cope "Have you seen the shit that thought we had something. I'm could truly blossom. Franko was The administration has faced has produced mixed results. with their spry reproductiveurges rag- goes down here on the weekends just not sure where the College caught in a passionate love trian- many slurred words and some in- The male population—used to ing in their southern regions. "Beezin," (no pun intended)?," he said. "If will go from here. I mean, what gle between Jong-II and Maisel— stances of wall-punching in such drinking nauseating amounts of Natty crystal meth, and alcoholism have each people are willing to turn a blind will Bob Diamond think?" a traumatic era from which no classic alcoholic dorms. Light and Milwaukee's Best due to the developed followings on the Hill, pro- eye to some kid launching a couch The College is already begin- party has truly recovered. In an attempt to calm the frenzy current economic crisis—has transi- viding males an escape from theii out of the window of Heights then ning to feel the effects of the se- Maisel has learned from this of sobriety concerns, Prez Bro tioned with relatively few problems. close-mindednotions of beauty. they definitely won't say anything cession. Professors and faculty experience, though, and will not Adams sent out a strategic email of- Dorm damage has decreased signifi- Regardless of the law, health to some kid crouched in the comer alike are choosing sides. While let such things interfere with his fering some consolation. cantly,and the football team is foresee- concerns and social stigma, students with his pants at half-mast." some have refused to recognize quest for global dominance. "We just want our GPA's higher ing a winning seasonin the coming fell. on the Hill continue their quest to "Listen, Colby, this is something Maisel's Declaration of Independ- "First step: Colby and the than our BAC's," Adams wrote, "and For female students on the Hill, Dr. fill their solo cups with that prover- real. It's not going away," he said, ence, the majority is quickly mov- United States. Next up: the World. apparently in order to get that up, I'm Paul Berkner cited an alarming trend: bial drank of life. Where there is a Dr. Paul Berkner recommends ing to align itself with the Be forewarned." going to have to go down on you with while merewas a notable decrease in will for self-destruction, there is a stocking up on Febreeze, or more newfound Nation. hard, pressingcircumstances. "* the number visits to Maine General, bottle, can or keg within reach. radically, locking your door.
Admisssions strives for diversity, THIS WEEK'S ECHO recruits larger hipster population spark meaningful discussion and is right down the street. And every- plans to expand the chai tea col- By R. GETS-OFF debate in class" Beverage said. one knows that hipsters prefer au- lection in the dining halls, limit the HOPPY HIPPY Furthermore, "the College's ac- thentic vintage clothing." music played in Pulver to obscure "What this school needs is more ademics must keep up with the Nevertheless, the College will techno and add more courses like diversity," Dean of Admissions and changing times," Beverage said, take certain measures to make the Financial Aid and Alternative Cul- and in a world where Britney Hill more appealing to hipsters. It ture Expert Parker Beverage said. Spears is mundane and Lady Gaga See NIETZSCHE, Page 2 "There are too many polos, too is revolutionary, "hipsters reflect a many biology majors.. .and too few new generation of thought." Pres- existential conversations." To fix tigious universities like Brown and this problem, the College's Admis- Columbia already boast large sions Department hopes to expand black-coffee-drinking populations, a group that is largely underrepre- "and it is about time that Colby sented on campus: hipsters. joined their ranks" Beverage said. According to urbandic- Beverage happily noted the tionary.com, hipsters comprise "a small but loyal contingent of stu- subculture of men and women that dents that smoke outside the Street value independent thinking, in between classes and eat in Foss, counter-culture, progressive poli- even on weekends. "But we can do tics, an appreciation of art and better than that," he said. He is op- indie-rock, creativity and witty timistic that the College will be banter." Students that use words able to attract more hipsters de- like capitalism, nihilism, romanti- spite its non-urban setting. "We cism and any other -ism in every- may be hours away from an Urban ARTSY. COOL. HIPSTER PHOTOGRAPHER day conversation "will surely Outfitters " he said, "but Ken-a-set Hipsters, a culturalphenomen, don t likeyou. But you realty want them to. Meth lab found on Hill Beezin, tingly chapstick echo . „ -
By LP and extended them further under- news briefs DRUG LOVER ground beneath Taylor and Sturte- takes campus by storm vant. Trustees 4/20 meeting sparks Authorities are investigating last "The only kids who go in the Hill- By CUTE FRESHMAN plier of the balm on campus, for week's discovery of a methamphet- side tunnels are drunk or on drugs," NEUSER the express purpose of soothing dining hall reform: more cereal! amine lab located underneath the Adams said. "We figured any of the "Dude. Dude. Try this man." chapped lips. Exceptions will be Hillside dorms. kids that found the lab wouldjust be- Shortly after liberally applying made for students with docu- In this year's 4-20 meeting, held annually in the Go-Ho basement Waterville police became in- come buyers themselves." Burt's Bees lip balm to his eyelids, mented evidence of excessively and followed by a spirit circle at Johnson Pond, the Board of Trustees volved in the search for the source Kim Kenniston, who has been in Eddie Benjamin ' 11 began to feel chapped lips. passed a motion to expand the cereal collection in all three of the of the rise in drugs on campus ear- on the operation from the begin- something. Gripped by the cool- Students around campus are College's dining halls. lier this school year when a local ning, made the important move of ing, "man, it's like my eyes are abuzz, so to speak, about this de- "I love cereal," Chair of the Board Bob Diamond '73 said. "Dude, drug ring was busted at the Bobs- designating Taylor and Sturtevant melting into my face, dude" sen- bacle. Fierce arguments rage on some kinds are just so good, you know? Like, Cap'n Crunch. The In restaurant downtown. as chem free to divert focus from sation usually accompanying the the Bulletin of Civil Discourse on sugar just stays in your mouth and it turns the milk pink. It's like... "After we arrested several indi- the entrances to the lab. act known as Beezin, Benjamin sat both sides. "I don't want this stuff" It 's like childhood in a bowl," he trailed off. viduals for trafficking the drugs, Bro and Kenniston then re- in his Dana suite, squint eyed, anywhere near this school," one According to the meeting minutes, the Board's top priority is to they named names," Joseph cruited residents of Taylor and tears running down his face, a look West Quad resident complained, fund a more colorful cereal selection. "We should have cereal to re- Massey, the Waterville Chief of Sturtevant to help distribute the of pure bliss across his visage. "kids walk around half blinded flect [all] students," said SGA Prez Jake Fisher, the only student in Police, said. "Many suppliers drugs. The students were bribed Benjamin is certainly not the from this stuff, causing dorm dam- attendance. Rice Krispies are also at the top of the list for their unique turned out to be Colby students." with promises of Sparkling Cider first Mule to Beez, and will prob- age and leaving their used tins in auditory qualities, which is special, Diamond noted, because they After sending an officer in un- Bingo Nights and Apples to Apples. ably not be the last. The inten- their wake. I don't want to pay for "snap, crackle and pop." dercover, police eventually dis- So far, 23 residents of Taylor and tional misapplication of this it." Other students, some frequent "So... good," he added. "They sound like the ocean." covered the lab under Taylor and Sturtevant have been charged with organic lip ointment has recently users, are outraged "Dude, first of Suddenly distractedby "a weird-asscloud" that resembledDiamond' s Sturtevant. Aggravated Trafficking in Class A swept the verdant campus of all, its natural," said Benjamin in long-time imaginary friend , Rexy the Dinosaur, Diamond pulled a "Colby officials have been drugs (cocaine and methampheta- Colby College, much to the con- the product's defense. "Second, brownie out of his pocketfor a snack and smiled happily at the sky. planning the creation of this drug mine), a Class A Felony. cern of teachers, health profes- it's just for fun. I mean, it feels like President Bro Adams also attended the meeting. "There's just so operation ever since the economy The leftover money would also sionals, and the many types of cereals out there," he said, "Like a [whole universe] began to fall. They knew that be used to construct other projects. administration. "I see tins of them." The College is seeking to expand its diversity, and the ce- Colby students wanted more "We need to renovate Go-Ho!" passed around class on a reg- real collection is the place to start. Adams said he hopes it will spill drugs, and they knew they could Bro responded. ular basis," said one teacher, over into the dessert sections, where he hopes to see "better noms provide that service and make Other faculty and staff mem- wishing to remain anony- for every student" money," Massey said. bers found to have been involved mous, "kids are packing lids "Tee-hee," he added. Bro Adams took the first step in the operation include Jeffrey every day now. As a parent The meeting adjourned with a 'group bounce' on Adams' trampoline. and authorized construction on the Coombs and James Terhune. myself, this is simply fright- "The trampoline is so.. .bouncy," Diamond observed. "Best Day. Ever." Hillside dorms over the summer. There will be a discounted sale in ening." The construction team used the al- the Field House on the last day of Dr. Paul Berkner, practi- —High while writing this ready existing "Hillside tunnels" classes to sell the remaining drugs. tioner at the Colby Health
Center is equally concerned. HAADCOKBEEZER "This is nothing short of a Editors of the Echo be beezin' Faculty circles boast die masters Oh hipsters, please like us health crisis. The school has they are wearing. Does it look like done so much to crack down The Echo has recently discovered that Colby's own Jeffery A. From NIETZSCHE, Page 1 something a homeless man on the on the alcohol problem, but noth- your eyes are melting into your Coombs, director of security operations, is the reigning Beer Die streets of Manhattan in the 1 960's ing has been done about Beezin. face," he reiterated, offering a champion of Colby College. On Friday, April 30th, this reporter fol- might have worn? If so, then they We need to reexamine our priori- fresh tin. lowed Mr. Coombs after he confiscated two Natural Light thirty "Neo-Confucianism and Chinese are off to a good start," she said. ties," he said. Berkner maintains Peer pressure looms large as far "racks" from a freshman party in AMS. Coombs, along with an ac- Buddhism" to the curriculum. "But not all people who dress that beyond its obvious health as beezin is concerned. Students complice, Mr. Michael R. Rizzo, returned to the restricted section of To easier identify hipsters in the like hipsters are alternative," concern, Beezin is "highly addict- tirelessly coerce their friends and Roberts, where the Echo has reason to believe security personnel application process, the College has Latvis warned. "Which is why I ing. It is really a gateway issue. acquaintances to beez. Even future conduct their Die tournaments. also added a new component to the pay attention to more subtle de- Kids beez once or twice, buy their members of the Class of 2014 Several sources, who have requested anonymity as they are not supplemental application. "It now tails. How often do they brush own tin, and some even turn to have been tempted by the tin. authorized to divulge security-related information, have informed includes a checklist," Beverage said, their side bangs out of their eyes? heavier alternatives, such as Tiger "Look dude, I'm not going to go The Echo that Mr. Coombs is so good, in fact that he has succeeded on which students denote whether or How many times do they call Balm, in extreme cases." back to school and be like, 'Oh, in changing his "die name" twice this semester. According to official not they wearthick-rimmed glasses, something 'ironic'? Sometimes 1 Administrators are well aware yeah man, I put Burt's Beez on my rules, a "player may only change his or her name after having are vegan and like Andy Warhol. even slip in a quote from a Wes of the presence of beezin on cam- eyelids on my Colby visit,"* said plunked one-hundred times in a semester." The Echo hasdetermined Justbecause someone owns apair Anderson movie to see if they get pus and are taking measures to one potential Mule. He was sum- that Coombs had to have "plunked" 2.15 times per day since Febru- of Ray-Bans does not he or she is a the reference," she said. stop it. "Any student caught with a marily shunned. ary, on average, in order to have achieved this feat. One source main- hipster, however. To avoid false Those students with the mosi tin or tube of Burt's Bees will be What started as a s,trange habit tains that upon his 200th plunk, Coombs deliberated for several identification, the lastquestionasks: number of yes's in the supplemen- dealt with immediately/' said a by a small group of students has minutes before finally settling on "coombed in yo' mama." are you a hipster? "This is where we tal application checklist and dis- very serious Dean Johnson. First exploded lately. Students from all Sources assert that Colby security guards make use of the beer will weedoutall of the poseurs—be- play the most hipster qualities in offenses result in permanent disci- backgrounds beez, arguing it is confiscated from underage parties for their Beer Die tournaments. cause a true hipster would never interviews will be given priority in plinary probation and mandatory harmless. Drawing fire from According to an Echo-obtained memo allegedly circulated by Mr. check yes," Beverage said. Admissions. counseling; second offenses can teachers, health professionals, and Coombs and Mr. Rizzo among Colby faculty members, the duo will The College's interviewers have The College will make the result in suspension. Providing the administration, beezing yet re- "take on any team, any time, anywhere." After an extensive search also been trained to pick out certain changes for the Class of 2015, and it Burt's Bees will result in immedi- mains a fixture on Mayflower within Miller Library's special collections section, The Echo has de- style, mannerisms and personality looks forward to me day when home- ate suspension, and a second of- Hill, at least for now. And until the termined that Mr. Coombs and Mr. Rizzo have compiled a stagger- traits associated with hipsters. made sneakers outnumber Sperry's. fense can merit expulsion. It is new policy comes into effect this ing 3234-1 record, with the team's only loss having come by the slick "When I am interviewing a prospec- "When I can walk down Frat Row clear the administration is taking fall, Mules are still going to be hands of President Bro Adams and Professor L. Sandy Maisel, a.k.a. tive student," Admissions Inter- and smell nothing but clove ciga- this very seriously. The school beezin like a gramma. "bro out with my scrote out," and "sandy vagee." viewer and Expert Hipster Identifier rettes," Beverage said", "I'll know we book store will be the only sup- —/ lost my underpants and Michael Brophy Cathy Latvis said, "first I note what have accomplished our goal." Department of Security Incident Report Log
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OnboardCOB Select Coaches pn^teaflP ^Kv ^ <^^^^^^^ pleasure at the *>^ ^BB ^^ ilW fB nQ^B Harold A,fond (HPBW Wew»c nickpiviv voujruu LS ,. "t fL^t^0, Treasure Chest "' Athletic Center . S? ^^^ ^ Main Entrance •i | Bi ^ M ^• t ^^^1 * • UD On "CamDUS: ¦" ¦¦¦¦ ¦" » • ^fcl ^^^^Tfc ^" *PG^^ K (Arrange ticket with driver) ^^*W *ta«»« *B^ "Student discount between Boston/Logan. Cannot be combined with other discounts. Details online or call us 1-800-639-3317. | STEVE IRWIN THE COLBY EKO An animalistic environment MAKING INSIDE COLBY LOOK BAD SINCE 1877 When I pull the front door to the club teracted before. Ms. BETH open, immediately a rush of sweat-infested In fact, most Colby students appear to EDITOR IN MEEP CRIKEY! air confronts my nostrils. Ah, I came to the be acting in an aggressively friendly man- MARTHA MAKES BIDDIES CUM right place. Just as I catch my bearings I ner. Some females appear to be engaging PANTS OFF, DANCE OFF see a hulking figure in a leather jacket and in tribal dance that involves heavy stroking AL EHRENWHATEVER YEAGER BOMB bandana move towards me. He asks me to of each other's own hair. Males keep slap- THE FUTURE MRS. BROPHY THE BROPH EMO PAST present two forms of identification- oddly ping each other's genitals and laughing. TOO BROPH FOR HIS BRITCHES strict for such a barren town. Many of the local civilians, needless to say LSLUTOOM BEN BAKED rfclliltETER KUMMt-LUMMEL ItL But oh, look at that- an interestingsi ht. an eclectic group, are scattered around the LOCAL SEXPERT P R GETSOFF DOWNTOWN g REPLACEDEMBEZZLER Note: Please try to hear a Steve Irwin Two stout females, dressed in sequenced periphery. J narration in your head as you read this: jean jackets and leather skirts, pass the I turn towards the dance floor. The area W R.GETSOFF bouncer and myself with a simple head- is packed and I can barely make out any DDOESNTSSKNOW A&E REPPS RESIDENT HIPPIE WHAT SHE'S IN FOR It's late, around 11:30 p.m. or so on a nod. I look down at my neon-pink polo shirt defined shapes. Crikey! Out of the comer Thursday. The night breeze has a chilling tucked into a freshly ironed pair of khaki of my eye I focus on a local male stalking B-MAN COOK , CC bite and I've seen cab after cab pass by me trousers and I realize, there is a little more an innocent Colby fawn. What a dangerous WILL HARRINGTON MS. COSMO WO BROMANCEREXTRAORDINAIRE WATAVILLEYO «~ «AP by as I walk the streets. My goal to docu- diversity to Club Viper than I thought. I specimen. He pulls his hat low and moves LAX & FRIENDS ment human nature in its most animalistic, think I can pass for a Colby male though. towards her and I almost step in. Crikey! TRANK TRAIN ^st?™ 3029480293 basic state has led me to a special bar in I peruse the upstairs portion of the bar She just eye-fucked the shit out of him. MRS. J.BIEBER WEBMASTER Waterville, Maine called Club Viper. for a few minutes. People seem somewhat Crikey! She's dancing all up on him. She's I've been alerted by Facebook message civilized here. While certain students have not as innocent as I thought-probably a ARZ ARZ ASST.BUSINESSMANAGER "398493 M B WEBASSISTANT via Christina Meghan that this may be the asserted themselves at the bar and familiar senior. If so, she has had years to perfect ¦ OPINIONCHIEFTAN u„ ™«, . I «,.„ best time to watch the local population and shouts of "rounds" and "shots" are being those moves. How exciting. students interact in an environment free of distributed, the general human interaction The lights have turned on- a warning inhibition. seems restrained and programmed. from the elder locals that it is time for MINORITY OPINION ^^ "WSO HOT RIGHrNOW •*** - * DlCEY As I look down the main drag of Water- This is not what I came to Club Viper the inebriated to scatter. Crikey! It's CKRAPSACK AmcfW , DlABEnCSCAN*rEArCAKE ville, everything seems to be shut down for for. I came to see people get "weird." I amazing. No one leaves immediately. ADOLFU1EN CRUSADERS AGAINSTFORUM ' SCOTTY DOESN T KNOW good besides a place called WHOP and the came to see the "creep." As I make my Locals and Colbies alike are dancing and BECKAYYYNEWBY DEUVERYBOYS MDOGDSON POOR FRESHMAN neon lights of Club Viper. move to the stairs an enormous creature sweating on the two stripper poles in JSSrJSSSaB I find myself walking to the front door that goes by the name of Chas blasts by me unison. Its as if cultures have merged. MAGICWS4^MASTEROFSASS UNPAID INTERNS: of the club quickly as I ran feel faces glar- and quickly disappears around the comer. What an amazing site. ing at me through the shadows. Crikey! Stepping down past the bathrooms and I head upstairs. As couples leave into ECHO-OBSESSED Just before I open the door I notice a into the main area I notice the temperature the night, stumbling hand-in-hand, I join local citizen sitting on the sidewalk, head has increased noticeably. them on their respective journeys to pleas- We heart Mayflower Hill bent, drooling over a broken beer bottle. Under the blacklight and disco ball ure town. Ultimately, I am not quite sure Phone line be disconnected... BUI paying fail Better leave him alone. I've had bad run- three to four Colby males immediately what I have gained from this night. What I stop e-malling us! I www.thecolbyecho.com ins with this type before. high-five me although we have never in- do know... is that I am better for it. finding some freshman loving in all the right places
The f ollowingis the runningdiary of Girl: Are people going to show up to 11:56 p.m. 1:30 a.m. this dance? Where are the boys? Do boys Girl: Oh my God, where did I put my Girl: That was quick. He's pretty cute untm. two f irstyear students inner- not come to these things? jacket? What was in that punch? I'll be though, I want to give him my number. Boy: What the hell is this girl's name? Boy: Damn, I need a clean shirt Fuck fine, be just wants to watch The Notebook. Maybe I should wait to friend him on :I'm pretty sure she's from Jersey, that's all monologue on the night of FallBall it, no I don't. Boy: I am so getting laid. Seriously Facebook first. !1 remember. 11:05 p.m. though, why can't this chick find her Boy: What's this girl's deal. Is she Girl: OH GOD!!! How long has his 7 pan. 8:30 p.m. Boy: Game time. O.K., what are we jacket? Hurry up, you are so drunk. going to stay the night? WHOP closes in roommate been here?!?'? Girt: Oh God, what am I going to wear Boy: Damn, I am fuckedup. Note to looking at here? There's that girl from to Fall Ball? Maybe that silky silver dress self: Avoid post-dinner pre-games, espe- chem class, she usually looks kinds with the slit up the side—no, wait, I don't cially when dinner is vodka watermelon. frumpy but looks pretty good righi want to give off the wrong impression. Girl: Oh, what's in this punch? Ittastes now. Whatever, I'll scout the field foi Boy: Man, what is going down fantastic. I really hope they used diet soda, a bit Worst case scenario, I just jump tonight? Oh yeah, it's mat Fall Ball thing. I'm trying to watch my calorie intake. in there and see what 1 can get Sweet, girls love getting dressed up and all 8:40 p.m. 11:12 p.m. that; I love it when girls go strapless. Are Boy: Full cup flip cup is the best in- Boy: Yep, that one will do. my khakis clean? Fuck it , I'm going to be. vention ever. 11:13 p.m. hammered anyway. In the meantime, let's Girl: AlcobolEdu said we were only Girl: Who is this boy latched or kill this handle my COOT leader got me. supposed to have one drink per hour.... behind me? (Makes gesture ol Girl: What shoes go with this sweater 10:30 p.m. thumbs up or thumbs down to friend; dress? My black flats make my feet look so Boy: (BOOT) friend looks confused). big, but heels will give me blisters. It's fine, I 10:45 p.m. 11:14 p.m. canj ust take them off when I get to the dance. Boy: (RALLY) (MAKEOUT)
WANG-A-LANG Edlfj l This is a joke...no really ~ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^HS . .,.„._ -, ¦ffltVwHr'V'i per industry than its im- Chicago Tribune "Dewey Defeats IHlW IT'*sl pending evisceration by Truman" headline, who immedi- BALLIN' more practical media ately committed seppuku upon FRESHMAN sources. Something that learning of his mistake. hits far closer to home, If I know anything about Amer- CORNER something that will af- ica (I know everything about fect every person within America), it is that the general HATHAWAY- - the Echo's readership. public trusts the media. It is imper- c=F=^E=^*.-r-iN^E^ C: E= I~>I T E=F=I t Apparently, a "joke" ative that we not sacrifice this trust 10 Water Street, Suite 105 . Waterville, ME 04901 ¦ Friends, when my English issue ot the newspaper is planned. for some quick laughs. Sure, it ¦ Bloodhound brings me my smok- In fact, it could be this very issue. would be easy. A journalist could www.hathawaycreativecenter.com ing pipe and newspaper each Needless to say, this humorous report falsehoods because he morning, I am not looking for en- approach goes against every jour- thought it was funny. But as some- Loft-Style Studio, 1, 2 & 3 Bedroom tertainment. I am not looking for nalistic bone in my body. I agonize one, I think it was F.D.R. OT Jesus some garrulous gossip to gush over the pieces I write for this or whoever, once said, "with great Apartment Homes Up To 1,532 Sq. Ft.! about which celebrities are acting paper, often beginning the drafting power comes great responsibility." adulterously, going to rehab, or process several months before- I am not entirely sure what this • Over 25 Unique Floor Plans Available • Washers & Dryers In Select Lofts beating their children. And I am hand, constantly revising and fact means, but I think it's trying to say . Fabulous City & Kennebec River Views • On-Site Parking certainly not looking for some checking along the way. The idea that if a journalist must lie, he drunken hack to write a semi-co- of intentionally lying to readers should at least be convincing. • Rustic, Exposed Brickwork • Controlled Access Building herent humor column mil of cheap merely to get a quick laugh is re- So what can you, the reader, do • 14 Ft./Vaulted Ceilings w/Exposed Beams • State-Of-The-Art Fitness Center jokes and crude humor. Testicles. pulsive to me. Be sure, reader, that to make sure you are not the vic- • Gleaming Hardwood Floors • Community Room & Business Center y, No, I read the newspaper in I am not participating in this tim of a "joke" newspaper? Firstl • Spacious, Fully-Equipped Kitchens • On-Site Conference Facility order to gain information. There is clowning around and would never, you must follow my every word. I little I enjoy more than adjusting ever tell you something that is un- am the only person you can trust • Exquisite Granite Countertops • Internet Access Available my bifocals and diving into a good true. now. Examine the rest of this • All Stainless Steel Appliances • On-Site Laundry Facilities news story. I realize that there are To violate the trust the public newspaper closely. Do you see any • Real Hardwood Maple Cabinetry • Easy Kennebec River Access people who no longer use newspa- has in the media would be un- articles that seem unbelievable? . Spacemaker" Microwaves . Walk To Shops, Galleries & Dining pers as their main source of infor- thinkable. We in the press have Are there any articles that conflict • Glass Top Ranges • Riverfront Trail To Fairfield mation, and instead use television worked for hundreds (or maybe its with your personal viewpoints? Or news and the Internet. But these thousands, I really don't have time are there any articles that are not • Oversfced Bathrooms & Closets • Additional Storage Available are the same technophiles who flit to check) of years to gain the con- written by me personally? Chances about in automobiles and airplanes fidence of the reader. Sure, there are, this is a "joke" newspaper. If when there are still perfectly good have been some mistakes, but we this is the case, tight your newspa- Call Or Visit Today! 207-861-5638 horses and zeppelins to be had. So have been quick to correct them. per on fire, cancel your subscrip- I predict this shift away from print For me, there is no greater icon of tion, and flee to Mexico. I will media is but a passing fad. journalistic integrity than Arthur meet you there. But friends, there is something Sears Henning, the political ana- more serious affecting the newspa- lyst responsible for the erroneous •REAL AS IN ACTUALLY REAL, NOT PRE-FROSH PROPAGANDA insideColby 4G iPhone Found in Pub EDITORS NOTE: ECHO-1, InsideCOLBY- 0
Yesterday,a staff writer at T/ie Co/by Echo found an unclaimed iPhone on a bar stool in the Pub. Upon fur- ther inspection, the iPhone turned out to be the new in- sideColby 4G prototype, slated for release later this year. K^ > . '>M«2 "This is really going to hurt insideColby's marketing _ ^ ^— M-^^^^ I .;'"^B^B^B^B^BKA scheme," commented Steven Careers, The Echo ' s Senior ¦¦¦¦¦ ^^¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦Bn ^B^BBB ^BIiMlBlBBlBBlBlBBSB BBVM?'-' i^Ba BKfc-; Tech Analyst. "Their entire marketing lan is MakOn/ friend * ^IB^IB^IB^IBK p I^^^^K^^i ^HH^^L^^^HBB^^^Hfe, F going to cost them a lot." J^^^^^E insideColby declined to comment on the recent news. The earlier insideColby 3G iPhone was released on February 25 of this year. It hit the market with a splash; exceeding expectations and garnering a whopping 3 sales in the first month. The "iC-Phone," as the insiders call it, puts insideColby's extensive library of quasi-stu- dent made stories (propaganda), blog posts, photos, and videos accessible on an easy-to-use phone. "We felt that the insideColby iPhone 3G was the best ¦¦ way to get our hands on the younger generation," said - Ruth Jacobs, assistant director of nanocommunications at I GreenGraduation/ I insideColby, in an earlier interview. 'When young people are looking at colleges, they aren't looking for personal in- teraction or campus tours, they want on-demand digital content on a 4-inch screen, and that's why insideColby's phone is the best in the market." B^^^^^B ^¦¦iB^BlBlB^B^B^BBB^B^B^BlB^Bl^B^BlBRMBlB ^B^BlB^MISBBBSSlH SW H Indeed, the insideColby 3G iPhone is leading the CBB market, with the Bates-o-Phone close behind in 2nd and the Bowdoin-Ugly-Chick-Dialer, which will only call unattractive female students, in a more distant 3rd. IHB% am. *W r ' ""5HT '^W^B "What I don't understand is its odd shape," says P^rI ¦ ! LsW. JP9HBH^H H- ^^ TP Steve Careers, our Senior Tech Analyst, commenting on ^^-^ y^^l^^^^^H the insideColby 4G iPhone's distinct outline. It's almost as if they took the basic components out of the insid- ¦ H ¦ i ? -i I eColby 3G and put them in what appears to be a like- ; M——Bro-' yoffLce-h(nir-y 1 I Ci^J ness of Miller Library." ^H^R IB"pguJ rl ^-J A$ we near the end of the 3rd fiscal Quarter, insid- eColby engineers are racing to make up the ground ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^ ¦^^^^^ they've lost. insideColby's next iPhone is going to have K jfj pcve^jtty B to be even more spectacular than expected or the mar- ket may lose faith in them. insideColby has already spents 21% of Colby's en- dowment developing the phone. Funds that would have otherwise benefitted the college are being tun- neled into the phone's development. As a concession, the Colby Health Center's hours were greatly reduced on weekends. "Now I can't cash in on my two abor- ' ^ ¦B BSM BK S^^ fll ' ' -** * ~ ' ' *^'7^ tions on weekends" commented a glum looking Danica Fatrick '12. Another concession, the closing of Foss Dining hall on weekends, hit closer to many students hearts. "Fuck hippies." Said Will Fences, CEO of insideColby, in an earlier interview. Fortunately, even if the 4G iC-Phone is a flop, insid- eColby's dedicated fan will still probably buy it. "I'll fi«|H LocaZ'cAa»xKe*-pfiotn<5te-tc>Ic*'cince' ^aBHaSBaKf! buy anything made by insideColby," says Kyle Freeman 13, "as long as they live up to their motto: 'For students, by paid professionals who know better than students.'"
Top Twelve Dazzlin' Asses of Colby College*
* Asses courtesy of the Echo staff Featured Alum: Buck Sabortooth f, P V_^W7 ofif[bJ) '^• iMmX Buck graduated with honors in Government the Senior: ¦ "F*Cket" List ^3 4?~^^ _/j from the College in 2008, followingHouN apnor presti- „J, ". ;• '; *' !_ White ¦ CoA by has a beautifulM campus and students. takeLi T*V K s&\9 -• nternsh.p• at* *•- mi- - .. •• *to ) ^ ^yj ' aJ Qf nfce J^ fQ know egch X th'S Sem°r year BUCk l6ft the Hl" W'th great 6X" y I 1 S / other a little bit better. Get all 12 before graduation! l if^^ j M/ pectations, but currently lives in his mother s Ml 1 1 1 basement, cursing the economy after becom- -^tQ-—-EBSE ing beligerent from one too many beers. ? Bro'S trampoline •• • ••• ™~^ ? Next to Johnson pond " Ask a senior section! ? The Echo office Miller lawn: all day, every day Q: If you could toll an Incoming flrst-year one essen- ° tlal Item to bring to campus, what would It be? (bonus points if a tour group passes) A: I can't give you one... but 111 give you two. Just ? Showers in Diamond ; I remember the Double B's: Booze & birth control. Q Bixler practice rooms ¦ p ..I | BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBM? Runnals stage with the spot I I ? Colby ' W^^^^^^^^^^ K ^^^^^^^^^^^ m /'fl^ll^^^^^^^ BB ^BB^BB^BB ^BBi ? On the mule statue ^JT^^^^^BBB^BB^BB^BB^BB^B^BBI ? Your ^',4~^£^^jlHIIIIHIi [IHRHHiS^H^^^^H ? A Dana 5-man with 5 Dana men
BJP™* <^gtipB ; ¦Wilrfm W- ' • ¦ ¦~—*mt IBBI BBBBBBBS ¦Jjr ^B w *m PWM| IBs, ^B Bjgg^ijjJ ^^j_ ^^^^^^^^^^^Pl J B^R ~ ¦V s^sW ^BV * ^^^^^ BA s^^^^^^ H BW Athleticism/ ¦ Uw ¦ Bw /BBBilWKMIBII^¦ A ^ al ^ - " Bail WHB i ill I ^* ^^ ^V rf- ¦ ¦ ¦ LP *¦ T':,| KHfBTI BB I W - ' 0 «£&&& B B B B B ' K(| , ^l|(BPj^ *BBBBB^«|3BBW SPESKBF' ^^^B^B^B^HP^^^^ ¦ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^RS^B I ^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B ¦ F: ' ' S^r^Awfr JR ^ '" ! Kg L I ^BW. ""w^j*^ TEAM ' Waten/CUc'»-/lne4t ' H. dlpl Kl B ¦ "3B ik ^BK^^BBHs^^BSBSK^^^B^B^Hiik % ^ C^P^Lrf 4 B
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—^^^^^^^^^ S^BE^^^^^^^™ 11| A Tuesday in the Life
"You Don't Know Where ^y ^^ ^ ^ ^k M II Dashiell I've Been" Smith "12 The Dirty Dirty, South mjfc? >H) ff ^ VHB JB IIHI ^^ Major Incapable fl^Bfl ^L^ J^ -iJB^iiBV -^tBBHBl•••¦• ^ Wake up in unfamiliar location. fcfa^te> Bi% lll ^^ x&fadA I ••••• 10:0° a-m- " 10:15 a m Ca a taxi for a rlde back t0 Colby from B^»fi^B«BSi_S I -™ ' ' " " H p^^ ^l ¦ •:::: the nosP'tal - What happened last night? t0 Fort Weird empty BBMMB I '¦••" " ' I I jiij; beer bottles and vomit remnants from last night. I I ::!!: Take three a morning pick-me-up. I jjjll - handle BBBBBBBMBi I jlj I I ::!!! - Take bathroom to YcnLr parenf rhtw-drearnedsmoney, down/the/drcUnt.. M •»:; H;20 a.m. - Play SpOrCle games On laptop in class ^ HBBBBBBHB ^Hai^5B«B««»»i ^ir^S!^aH^H^BWB«Bl ^BlB^^BWBWBHMBMjijii 12:00 p.m. - Lunch, in his single, alone, with no friends , B BSBSSBVH 12:3° P- m - " Post-lunch Beer Die in Averill skip class BB ;::::••"• BMB^BWMMB^^W 1:00 nop.m. - 3:00 p.m. - Between these hours, you /*""" M^J ^ I III have idea where he's been or what he's seen. ^J H^^ 3:17 r B^^i v/ ' Jl ::::: 3:15 p.m. - First attempt to do homework. Fun Colby StatS* i 7"*^°' 5 ^J K^ 1 M p.m. - Nap in comfy Miller chair. js_^ IjHj 4.30 f VP • | p.m. - Wake up from nap, pre-games for dinner. 96 percent of Colby students M II 5:15 P- m - - Drunk Dana dinner- i.- +¦ ¦ _i_ j lm BVBSI :::•: 6:30 p.m. - Beer die. actively participate on organized B. Bl BV ::;;: 8:00 p m . Second attempt t0 d0 homework > play flip drinking teams on campus, whether through || Cup instead-take no prisoners. Sports teams or extra-CUrriCUlars, !l| 10:56 p.m. - Lose all self-respect, pass out in down- town waterviik^. students always have someone to drink with! 11 3 i:H: 10:58 p.m. - Set record for highest recorded BAC at V J Hi!: Colby College. Fanny packs!! I Mr. and Mrs. We wish you weren't taken Math professor Bud Walsh said, "Students in my Math 112 class have gotten increasingly better at doing conversions on their tests. The other day we were focusing on going from grams to ounces, and they all knew the exact numerical differences. I was quite surprised. They also have a sudden urge to study lines. By M.D. Ma I'm not sure where it came from , RESIDENT OF THE OPIUM DEN but they all want to know more about different shapes." Pair wide-brimmed hats, dis- While not all students have posable cameras, floral shirts, a picked up on this overarching and dazed look strewn across one's interesting fashion trend, others face and most importantly, a fanny have taken to the hills (literally). pack, and you're sporting the The fanny pack-obsessed seemed quintessential tourist get-up. This to have started their own club on HI . I'M ADORABLE HEY GIRL HEY outfit is usually accompanied with campus that meets periodically Raffael Schleck is quite the catch. Unfortunately, he is married. Carleen Mandolfo is not actually available. Keep looking. mockery and belittling from the on Runnals Hill to frolic in the locals. More recently, however, grass, while discussing the Raffael Scheck beverage. If anything, he is a Carleen Mandolfo your female students have never fanny packs have been seen buck- newest fanny packs on the mar- honey-holic. Don't try and get beheld a person so sexy. Oh, led onto hips all across campus. ket, complete with price changes The Echo hates to break it to him drunk to take advantage of Oh, Carleen Mandolfo, how I Carleen Mandolfo, if only you Whether they are inspired by and different types. you, but unfortunately Raffael him. It just won't work. Bring pine for thee. I would be the weren't already taken by a phe- the influx of campus tours over Vick O'Dine '12 said, "I think Scheck is off the market. Still, him barrels and barrels of Catholic Church to your Jesus, nomenal person. the past few weeks or simply try- fanny packs are fantastic. I got this adorable professor is fluent honey and you just may win like in the Song of Solomon. Oh, Carleen Mandolfo, if only ing to make a fashion statement, mine personalized with a giant in seven languages, including over his heart. "Behold, thou art fair, my love; you weren't leaving for students are beginning to revel in dragon on the front. Sometimes I French, the language of love, and On top of his linguistic behold, thou art fair; thou hast California. When I hear you walk the look, saying tourist is the new carry around my Coke inside of he loves to hit your sweet spot. prowess, he can woo you with doves' eyes." You know where down the corridors of Miller in alternative. "Fanny packs are just it. Always regular though, I'm Scheck's weakness is honey, his cello skills, which transcend that comes from , Carleen. your boots, I can imagine your incredibly convenient and slim- not into that diet stuff." The din- which isjust one of many qual- the music of the Gods. If you're Listening to you read Hebrew jeans and plain white tee, and ming. I really think that it has ing hall staff has also seen a cor- ities that likens him to the cud- not won over by his charms, he Scriptures was the highlight of those bad-ass tattoos that adorn caused me to lose weight. Maybe relation between the fanny-pack dly Pooh Bear. Careful though: makes a mean Linzertorte. He my semester. your body. Now I'll never see you it's the additional stuff I am now traffickers and the amount of while he may be crazy for can often be found at Maynard's Oh, Carleen Mandolfo, even again as you move onto better carrying around?" Mary Jane food consumed. "They just come honey (and white chocolate Chocolate buying gelato with your male students are complete- prospects. I would love to ride White '10 said. running in and grab everything in raspberry cake), he does not his adorable daughter who loves ly enamored and have penis envy horses on the beach with you in Professors at the College sight," Dana worker Shooter Bag enjoy the occasional alcoholic to color. for you. Oh, Carleen Mandolfo, the California sunset. seem even more dazed than the said. "I am amazed at their never- students with this new and over- ending appetite." whelming trend. Multiple facul- "I love using my fanny pack to ty members have noticed a carry around my cooking gear dramatic increase in some stu- and stay eco-friendly," student Brentney is hotter than Gaga dents' attention spans and their and cooking aficionado, A. Cid Singing his hit cover, "I kissed a "MOMMY NEEDS HER overall alertness in the class- ' 13 said. "For example, if I go to girl, and it was awful" in a fierce SMOKES!!!!" and did horrible, room. Others, however, com- the grocery store and buy some pink wig, combat boots and cut off horrible things to get them. plain of some students reaching mushrooms and pots, I can save shorts, Brentney stripped down to Recently he kicked the habit and a point of paranoia, resulting in the environment and use my his underwear, revealing a remark- has gotten his life back on track. random outbreaks in which stu- fanny pack asji bag to bring them able package of family jewels. The majority of Urban dents sporadically yell in the back to the AMS kitchen to make Katie Pery can't touch this. Dictionary's entries are things he middle of lectures. a delicious meal." Things you may not know has done or have happened to him about Brentney: in pursuit of his smokes. For the He was bom in love of God don't Yonkers, NY to look up pink sock. He used to be cool Monica Albu. I kissed a Brentney makes Unlike Lady Gaga, hypersexual music SGA meeting, SGA passed a bill he is proud of his girl, and it gay men can listen By BROSEIDON LORD OF to heat the pool in the off-campus hometown. was awful. to because hetero- THE BROCEAN house, affectionately referred to as Brentney got sexism sucks. SUPER MASH BROS The Lagoon, of Fischer-support- his start in minor Brentney His hero, name- International Diva SGA President Jake Fischer is ers John Clauson ' 10 and Brandon roles in musical sake and religion is taking his last few weeks on the Pollack '10 until their lease runs theater and film, Britney Spears, who
Hill both to cement his legacy out this summer. CHECK ME OUT where his singing he has far surpassed. and singlehandedly murder all *** Editor s' note: Everything in Brentney made Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People List. voice and stage presence was Now, Britney looks tike a cheap tun on the Hill. this article was made up except/or discovered. He has been rocket- hooker comparedto Brentney. Fischer said that the hard alco- the part about SGA passing a bill Colby "fucking" College (but I ing upwards since. He was included in Time hol ban he spearheaded and so to heat the pool at The Lagoon. By PEREZ HILTON don't see where the fucking His early life as a chain smoker Magazines 100 Most Influential vehemently pushed for is only That actually happened. No joke. QUEEN OF EVERYTHING comes in) to help promote the destroyed his voice and caused him People of the Century edition the first step in the tyrant's dia- E-mail your Dorm President, and International diva Brentney gay agenda at this past week's to develop a nicotine addiction like (suck on it Leaders of the Free bolical plan to strangle our hap- they will giveyou the minutes. recently came to little podunk drag ball. Daddy likes. no other. He would howl World). Loves it. piness. "Banning hard alcohol is great, but I think we can do more with this. Next year I would like to try to ban all alcohol, then I plan to move on to banning dances in Page Commons, iPlay broomball and COOT," he said. Additionally, it recently came out that all the clothes for the Colby Clothing Closet are pro- duced by child slave labor in the basement of Bro's house. Students discovered the truth when a scantily clad and extremely filthy child ran into Dana dining hall. Originally the child ran through Foss, however everyone just thought he was another member of the WKKtgmmiM Woodsmen Team pulling their weird stunts and ignored him. Ww -w "This SGA President thing has really gone to Jake's head," Fischer's long-time friend Caity Murphy '10 said "I don't know what happened to him; he used to be cool." Dean of Students and lifelong enemy of fun Paul Johnston said he is ecstatic about the change Fischer is helping create. "I think this is exactly what Colby needs to push us up into the top 20 on the U.S. News and World report BiT BBW^B BB B B B B BW L ^^B B f 4 V |7|T | |^B« IIT II^J II BI college rankings." ^ ^^^^ ^ Like any fascist depot would, Fischer is enacting the spoils sys- tem, rewarding those who have helped him ruthlessly claw his way to the top. At last Sunday's THIS WEEK'S WH0RECAST www.tittays.com
BLOOD l-KOUS MCE LUUUSIS DARKNESS DfcAl H OP THE FIKST-BOKN THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY
A PETTY POETRY PLACE ACCEPTING FAILURE: THE DASH WASSERMAN STORY HOMAGE TO MY HIPS these hips are big hips. they need space to move around in. they don't fit into little petty places, these hips are free hips. they don't like to be held back. these hips have never been enslaved, they go where they want to go they do what they want to do. these hips are mighty hips. these hips are magic hips. i have known them to put a spell on a man and spin him like a top -Lucille "Maaagic Hips " Clifton
^1 ' LOVE. TEAM PHOTOS Layout bitch Dash Wasserman '12 screws up yet again. 80 mph in a 30 mph zone, what an idiot!
B/ ^^i3 TM WL PJ ' s D« ve « Qariyar S^Op DAVE & BETTY BEGIN L 47 Main St. OHmm r5 *~~ Bv - ***^. ¦ - { \ Waterville , Me " " 873-1010 • V V^ H L^ Tues.-Fri. Kjl am -5 \^^^r*S5| 7.30 p m 7:30 P^Jft ^i a.m.-12 Noon r^fftMwe o/fltea I i II*y Jw \J Closed Sun & Mon 207-873-4300 We Deliver until 2 am and don't for get to ask about our weekly specials! 10% off eat in and pick up with Colby ID
BH K^^^^^M^ ^BBBI^^'' ^BH^BH^BH^BH^BH^BH^BH^BH^BBBI Overheard ill BobS You're gonna cry yourself to sleep If I get It alt over
December 21 at 20:12 pm Comment • Like Wall Info Photos Discussion J0KAS'
C\ Filters I I Overheard in Bobs you're gonna cry yourself to sleep If I get it all over ¦ ¦ your face. SPECIALS ¦ ¦ , ,, B Infinity hours ago Comment ¦ Add to My Page's Favorites ¦ ¦ ummi Suggest to Friends Come on down to JOKE-AS for our end | | Overheard in Bobs sometimes I like to think of my penis as a boat, I dont Subscribe via SMS know ¦¦ BS ¦¦ - of the year specialz! mmm m W * 4/20 at 4:20pm Comment - tike From the walls of the Echo office.. mm mmm ^ I Overheard in Bobs I say we let it get a little late and a little weird, and Bud Light (118-Pack) I I THEN we'll take pictures... Now Only $3.99 + tax and deposit 69 Friends Like This HI ^^^^^H H Dashember 21 at 20:12pm Comment • Like 6 of 69 Friends See All
°verheard in Bobs (to a Person on the phone) oh WAIT , hold up - I gotta Sam Adams Summer Irish ¦Wl & 8*"% dBnl I chug SOme bee tf BS ^few m\mt, I " mWsmwi M R MmWmM ¦¦ • ¦¦ The Apocalypse at 20:12pm Comment Like Red Cherry Stout (Half Asst to Se*x Useless the Reich *J Dcan tension likes this - Uke Barrels) wj — ——. Now Only $3458.5 8 + tax and deposit |R* ' ~ US'^MM JHrmf K.fi ¦ * Overheard In Bobs It's not huge, but it should fit everything you need. Doesn't Secret Dash's ^^Jj J Richard's Wild Irish Red Co Here Drunk Bitch I - | | 2 seconds ago Comment • Like Whiskey (6 Gallon Bottles) 666 People Like This verheard in Bobs Mo Now Only $249.59 + tax and deposit an V '* '< common to make the NESCAC player of the HflHB week acronym? . A MW^MMt ¦¦ " ¦¦¦ I ° It's the same" as "Prisoner of War ," and I don't wan't people ¦¦ ¦¦ -«-.«"'—¦ , J Open Sun-Wed until 9 pm ^ftJL -lk amI mm fuck you at 3:4S pm Commenl ' lkl' ¦ Thurs until 10 pm , Some Flip Cup Home- «S "^ Mtt.nd. -09 »w« ihts uke guy. LOSER wrecker! Fri & Sat until midnight Write something- We now have the largest selection of domestic and import beers in Central Maine. (to why _ Bobs Overheard Bitch) HHEKJB^' Kl ^^ In A. don't you look at me when you pound '*^P ^B Wn m I 873-6228 Who Is Crack Echo I That time of the month at 1:00am Comment ¦ Like this? ROCKS! Sexpert mUUUUm JOKAS' DISCOUNT BEVERAGES Overheard in Bobs Brophy, I don't want to milk youl 52 Front St., Waterville, ME
Happy Birthday at 99:99pm Comment - Like ¦ ¦ Non-competitive Local talent broomball in contributes to the national finals cycling team
NON ATHLETIC PAOE THIS IS NOT INSIDE
ec 2016 Olympics slated for Waterville sports briefs
MEN'S LACROSSE According to a recent scientific report from Stanford, lacrosse players who obtain 'flow* outperform those.without. One graduate student conjectures that said flow could be found growing out of the heads of said lacrosse players. Furthermore, studies have shown that this flow is not limited to lacrosse players, but may be a symptom in hockey boys as well. The length of the flow looks to have a direct correlation with goals scored, bitches slain, and laxtitutes consumed. Finally, the report did find an outlier. A cer- tain Craig Bunker showed limited signs of flow yet still found suc- cess though hard work and perse- verance. De- spite this, freshman Chris Bar- SWEET PHOTOSHOPER/THE COLBY ECHO rand over- Usain Bolt raced against the best NESCAC competition during prelimsfor the anticipated 2016 Olympic Games slated for Colby. heard senior Max Weiss supporting By NOT AN ATHELETE The IOC was particularly im- the idea that DEVASTATOR OF THE YEAR pressed by this initiative, because "90 % of lax ^CODflTESY OF VIDAIE SASSOON EK-HO "The Flow " has come to define men s' lax. "looking back on Vancouver, we is in the really should have done more to flow." On Saturday, April 24 the Col- regulate athletes * drug use," IOC lege's clubs came together to host Executive Board Member Denis IPLAY the first annual Colby Olympics. Oswald said. "Look what testos- In a recent announcement from commissioner Doug Piper, iPlay The event was so successful that terone did to Shaun White...I will be expanding its regular season and single day tournament the International Olympic Com- knew her back when she went by sports for the upcoming 2010-2011 year. The traditional sports mittee (IOC) has recognized the Sarah." will stay, but iPlay will now incorporate mudwrestling,powderpuff College for its outstanding com- Another Olympic value is "to football, airhockey, street hockey, elliptical and stairmaster races, mitment to promoting Olympic encourage and promote the devel- some sort of bulimic completion,paintball, and single day com- values and is currently consider- opment of sport for all," and the petitions for fastest erection, lines of coke/unknown prescription ing the Hill as a venue for the College upheld this value by host- meds. Co-commisioner Peter O'Hanlon will of course be organ- 2016 Olympics. ing events such as the saltine eat- izing. Together, the IOC and the Col- ing contest and the hula hoop lege are looking into what it would relay, which gave students with lit- BASEBALL cost to convert campus into an tle or no athletic ability (or Recent investigative reporting has revealed that senior's Ken- Olympic town. ."We would have to steroids) the opportunity to excel neth Kaufman and John LaMantia were secretely partying the tear down Miller," President and receive validation from their night before each game this season. As punishment, they will be William D. Adams said, "but this peers. referred to as "non-athletes" and their sexual activity will decrease would be a relatively small sacri- The IOC was also intrigued by by 75%. fice when considered with the the variety of events that the fame and respect the College