IN THIS ISSUE •••

NEW VISTAS ON THE ISRAELI SCENE

6 THE Mosr UNIQUE DEMOGRAPHIC KIRUV OPPORTUNITY THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021-6615 IS PUBLISHED IN DECADES, Chanan (Anthony) Gordon MONTHLY EXCEPT JULY & AUGUST BY THE AGlJDATH ISRAEI. OF AMEIHCA 4Z BROADWAY. NEW YORK, NY !0004. PERIODICALS POSTAGE PAID IN NEW 9 A NEW TYPE Of ADVOCACY FOR ISRAEl, YORK. NY. SUBSCRIPTION 525.00/YEAR; 2 YEARS, S48.00: 3 \TARS, $69.00. Yonoson Rosenblurn OUTSIDE OFTllE UNITED STATES (US HJNOS DRAWN ON A !JS BANK ONLY) $15.oo SURCHARGE PER YEAR. 14 BUYING JEWISH SOULS, fAayaan Pasejoffe SINGLE COPY 53.50: 0UTSIOE NY AREA SJ.95: f'OREIGN $4.50.

POSTMASTER: SEND ADDRESS CHANGES TO: THE JEWISH 0RSF.RVF.R 20 THE DOUBLE HELIX'S DOUBLE, A Poem by 42 BROAD\\'AY. NY. NY 10004 TEL 212-797-9000, FAX 646-254-1600 Pl~INTED JN THE USA Bracha Goetz

RABBI NISSON Wot.PIN. Editor 21 fAREWELl TO RABBI EU EZER GELDZAHLER :,··~1, frlitorial &mrd RABBI JOSEl'tl ELIAS, Chairman Rabbi /v1iche! Twerski RABBI AHRA Bn!JDNY JOSEPH Fi~IEDf:NSON RAHR! YISROF.L MEIR Kll~ZNER RARHI NoSSON SCHERMAN 27 READERS' fORUM: LIGHT AT THE END OF THE PRO!'. AARON TWF.RSKI

f"iJUnden TUNNEL - MENTAL HEALTH DR. ERNST L BODENHEIMER Z""I. RASBI MOSHE SHERER Z"L

,wanagement Board AVI l'i!HIOF, NAfTOU HIRSCH SHALOM BAYIS-PLUS ISAAC KIRZN~:R, RAIJIJI Sill.OMO Lr·:SIN, NACHUM STEIN !Vooaging t'ditor 32 How TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE, RARHI YoSEF C. GOl.OING A Review Article by Rabbi Mordechai Biser PUBl.ISHEO RY AGUDATH !Si~AEI. Of" AMEIUCA

U.S. TRADE 01STIHBUTOR 40 IT BEGJNS WITH SAYING uHELLO," Sara Medwed FEtDMEIM PUBl.ISllERS 208 Airport LrccutNc lbr/; Nam1et. NY w954

BRITISH REPRESENTATIVE M;f; Bl REI.MAN 43 ADAR THROUGH A f!SH TANK, Gavrie/la Bachrach Grosvenor \Vork~ Mount Pleosaot Hill l.oodon E5 9NE. f.NGIAND

FRENCfl REPRESENTAJ"IVE 45 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR RAHBI BAMRERGER 21 Bouk11ard fbixham 57000 Metz. f'RANCE

ISRAEU REPRESENTATIVE fNTNL MEDIA PLACEMENT POll 7t.95 I 97 Ja_ffG !Wad STATEMENT OF POLICY Jeruwlem 94340, !SRAU. Tltf: Jf.'WH/f OBSERVER tlAS Ol·.voTF'O A GR FAT DEA!. 01' SPACE TO THE

f'P.!~ll.S OF THE INTERNET ANO TO THE NF'F.O FOR EVERYONE TO BE REI.GIAN REPRESENTATIVE MR. E. APTER EXTREMELY VIGii.ANT IN ITS USP.. WE HAVE ECHOED THE PLEAS OF OUR l.ange KiC";·itstr. 2,9 GEDOl.IMTHAT IT SHOllf.0 NOT BF. JN USE. UNLESS IT lS AN UNA VOID- 2018 Antwerp. llEJ.G!UM AlJLJ·: NECESSITY, AND THEN ONLY WITH ALL SUITAHLE SAFEGUARDS.

SOUTtl AFRICAN REPl~ESENTATIVE THE JEWISH OBSt:RVER DOES NOT ASSllME WHll.l·: rrs DANGERS MUST BE RECO(;NIZED AND CONTROLLED TO F.VHff I MR. V. TAIJACK RESPONSIBll.!TY FOR THE K1\Slll~tJS OF ANY PRODUCT. PO &Jx 51552. 1'0,<;S!Bl.E DEGREE. OUR Gf."HOUM RECOGNIZE TllAT MANY PEOPLE A;-.;D l'UBUCATION. OR SERVICE ADVERTISED IN ITS !'AGES Raedeoe. Johannesburg RliSl."\IESSES REQUIRE ITS \!SE, AND THEREFORE IT HAS NOT BEEN 2124 SOUfH AFRICA BANNED. THIS tS WHY WE ACCEPT ADVERTISEMENTS LISTING WEH- © (OPYR!GHT 2005 AUSTRAl.lAN REPRESENTATIVE SITE AlHHIFSSE<;, lUJT IN NO WAY DOES THIS IMPLY TtlAT TUE i DR. A. O!NNf:N 77 Rirriga Road &llevuc Hill. NSW 202:;. AU.5TRA/.l4 MARCH 2005 / VOLUME XXXVIII /NO. 3 <>oo"O 00 "'"' '"" ""'"''HO·-" U.>o< "" OJIHf . '"""'"'· . f llll ftNANCING Your ur 'IO 11 MONTHS complete NO DOWN fitness and PAYMtNT recreation source, from design to completion

CURRENT PROJECTS The Cheder Kensington Chasan Sofer Baro Park Sheepshead Bay Canarsie Bais Rochel Williamsburg Boys & Girls H.S. Bedford Stuyvesant Tl-IE JEWISH 0HSERVER

I

I '

Rabbi Nesanel Quinn ?"~t I I bridge takes you over treach­ Rabbi Quinn was a bridge from the neering, visionary efforts of the valiant erous or impossible terrain. It purity, sincerity and nobility of the streets champions of shemiras Shabbos, the A can expedite your trip from and batei midrash of Dvinsk, where his builders of Torah and the founders of I where you are to where you want to be. parents married and lived for many years yeshivos on these hostile shores. : Or it can facilitate your return from until they were advised by the Rebbe Rabbi Quinn was also a bridge trans- I

where you find yourself to your place of Rashab to travel to America, where their porting individual bachurim to their Ii origin. Rabbi Nesanel Quinn was a bridge first son, Nesanel, was born in 1910. future blossoming as bnei Torah, strug­ in both ways. Whoever interacted with Rabbi Quinn gling students to becoming accom­ In the most vivid sense of the word, on any level looked into his sparkling plished talmidei chacharnim. He was a

Rabbi Quinn was the bridge that carried eyes, warmed to his embracing smile, and catalyst and inspiration for budding lead- I' Reb Shraga Feivel Mendlowitz's image felt engaged by the breezes of emunah ers to transform the spiritual landscape and vision of preserving "the hair of truth peshuta and avodas Hashem wafting in Brooklyn as well as in far-flung parts and bit of Chassidus" that Torah Vodaath across the ocean and leaping over of the American continent and in :

stands for. He perpetuated it - through decades from Dvinsk. countless communities around the I' learning and teaching Taras emes in One was in avve when watching globe. Mesivta Torah Vodaath, and overseeing Rabbi Quinn push himself and inspire Rabbi Nesanel Quinn was niftar · the Mesivta department as menahel for others in the ground work of the found­ after a short illness on 28 Shevat I' half a century. He was unbendable and ing and subsequent day-to-day function­ /February 7, leaving two children, Rabbi uncompromising in truth. And - in line ing of Ohr Shraga, Torah Vodaath's Zalman Pinchus Quinn and Mrs. Moshe ' with his Rebbe's curriculum for life-he summer learning camp, where the syl­ Herskowitz. I' lived Tehillim as he taught it in the class­ van slopes of the Woodbourne grounds On the one hand, Rabbi Quinn will es, he throbbed with heartfelt avoda as were an outdoor beis midrash. be sorely missed. On the other hand, his 1 he led the davening on Yamim Noraim, Witnessing his optimistic energy, one imprint on the neshamos of individuals ,I and he glowed with Ahavas Yisroel and could begin to fathom how his parents, and nun1erous communities and insti- Ahavas Torah, when he greeted every Yid, and he in turn, could surmount the self­ tutions will be with us for many years i encouraged each ta/mid during the peri­ centered drive for materialistic self­ to come. I odic fahrhering of the classes, and when improvement that prevailed in early zoth We plan to publish a more detailed , he joined circles of celebration on Century America, where the very stones appreciation of Rabbi Quinn in a fu~ure' Yamim Tovim and at personal simchos. were indeed treif They shared in the pio- issue. IT!J

5

-~-~------NEW VISTAS ON THE ISRAELI

CHANAN(ANTONY)GORDON

The Most Unique Demographic Kirov Opportunitv in Decades

TAKING ADVANTAGE OF A chiloni (non-religious) population. This especially after hearing the words of some DEMOGRAPHIC ABERRATION opportunity to expose hundreds of of our Gedolim first hand" - that we are thousands of secular Israelis to the beau­ obligated to capitalize on this situation. ome fascinating demographic ty of our Torah and rich heritage is par­ trends in Eretz Yisroel have recent­ tially due to a "demographic time Sly been published, which give our bomb" resulting from a single almost ISRAELI SOCIETY: A brothers and sisters in the chareidi com­ unbelievable statistical fact: more than STRONG TRADITIONAL BENT munity there both a unique opportuni­ 50% of the chareidi population - a pop­ ty and a responsibility pertaining to kiruv ulation with a birth rate that averages 7.6 In many ways, The Guttman Survey, rechokim. children per woman - is below the age to date the most comprehensive research Today, the chareidi community of 8 years old.' ever conducted on the religious behav­ counts for approximately 12%' of Thankfully, as ambiguous and con­ ior of Israeli Jews, dispelled the myth that Israel's Jewish population. While, as one fusing as the Council of Jewish the liberal media has been at pains to cre­ would expect, my research of recent Federation's NJPS 2000 was in America,' ate, i.e., that the majority of Israelis would socio-economic developments within the the Louis Guttmann Israel Institute of want nothing more than to ensure that chareidi ranks did yield some areas of Applied Research's Survey' ("The Israel evolved into just another secular concern/ on the positive side, it also Guttman Survey") of the same year was country. According to The Guttman became patently clear that the chareidi clear and succinct. Read together with Survey: community in Bretz Yisroel, over the next the exploding chareidi "baby boom" The rhetoric of the secular and several years, has a most unique oppor­ alluded to above, it seems clear to me - religious polarization generally used tunity to have a significant impact on the 1 Unless explicitly noted to the contrary, the basic course of my research, brought to my attention some source of the data cited in this article is the Israeli of the demographic trends and statistics cited in CHANAN (ANTONY) GORDON IS A FULBRIGH1 Central Bureau ofStatistics, Machon Yerushalayi1n. this article. SCHOLAR ANO GRADUATE OF HARVARD LAW 2 4 SCHOOL MR. GORDON HAS CO-AUTHORED AND 470/o of the chareidi population lives below the The Guttman Survey was commissioned by the AUTHORED NUMEROUS ARTICLES THAT HAV1': PR1'> poverty line (i.e., approximately 600,000 people Avi Chai Foundation, involving a national sam­ VIOUSLY APPEARED IN JO, MOST RECENTLY "THE out of the l.16 million Israeli citizens that cur­ ple of 2,466 respondents fron1 all over Israel with a maximum sampling error of 3o/o. The t'UTURE OF AMERICAN JEWRY REVISITED" (IN Qcr. rently live below the poverty line falls within the Highlights were published in June, 2002. '03), MR. GORDON IS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE Los chareidi population). 5 ANGEJ,ES KIRUV CHABVRA AS WF:U, AS 3 I am indebted to Professor Joseph Bodenheimer, See author's article on the topic, JO Oct. '03. CHAIRMAN OF YOUNG FRIENDS OF LAKEWOOD. President of The Jerusalen1 College of Technology, 6 Including meetings with the likes of Rabbi Michel I-IE IS A MANAGING DIRECTOR OF MFS CAPITAL. which runs a specific chareidi Program. Professor Yehuda Lefko,vitz, N"D)'~' Rosh Yeshiva of the A BOUTIQUE INVESTMENT BANK IN BEVERLY HJLl.S. Bodenheirner, whom I spoke to in person in the Ponevezeh Yeshiva in Bnei Brak, last year

6 THE JEWISH OBSERVER

to characterize Israeli society is falls on our chareidi communities in Bretz Orthodox Jews to "maaser" their time for I highly misleading. It would be more Yisroel and there has never been a bet­ outreach efforts was directed at bnei accurate to say that Israeli society has ter time than now Torah, not kiruv organizations. (See JO, a strong traditional bent, and, as far The hundreds of thousands of charei­ June '73.) Similarly, the well-known "Kol as religious practice is concerned, that di Jews who in the years to come will Korei" ("The voices of our brothers are there is a continuum from the become a more statistically significant part calling to you"), addressing the Torah "strictly observant,, to the "non-obser­ of Israeli society have to be taught now, communities in Bretz Yisroel at the time vant," rather than a great divide during their formative years, that "non­ to help facilitate non-observant Jews to between the religious minority and observant" Jews living in Bretz Yisroel return to Torah observance, was signed secular majority. should be embraced, taught and uncon­ by such leaders as Rabbi Elazar Schach, Some of the findings of The Guttman ditionally loved. All indications are - the Steipler Gaon, and Rabbi Chaim Survey are worthy of note:' whether we rely on the findings of The Shmuelevitz ?"lll. 98% oflsraeli Jews who define them­ selves as "totally non-observant" have a mezuzah on their front doors; No CHAREIDI JEW IN £RETZ YISROEL 79% of the men among them own a pair of tejillin; SHOULD IGNORE THE CRY COMING FROM THE 77% of them say that marking NON-OBSERVANT COMMUNITY, 50% OF WHOM Shabbos in some way is an important SAID THEY WOULD PREFER THEIR CHILDREN principle in their lives; 86% of Israeli Jews believe in G-d, TO BE "SOMEWHAT OBSERVANT." with 55% believing that the Torah was given to Moshe on Mount Sinai. The responsibility to ensure that no Guttman Survey or the huge amount of Even those whose dedication to the more Israeli Jews become self-defined anecdotal evidence being compiled by the calling of Torasam umenasam (a 24-hour­ "non-observant" Jews lies with us. likes of Lev L'Achim, Aish Hatorah and a-day Torah scholar) limits their availabil­ many others spearheading the charge - ity for kiruvwill find ways of reaching out that this time, the overtures to "come back in the suggestions that follow. THE KEY FACTOR: home" will not fall on deaf ears. IGNORANCE MOBILIZING THE Obviously, intermarriage in Bretz THE UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY "GROUND TROOPS" Yisroel is not the key cause for the major­ ity of Israeli Jews to part from our meso­ In Chomas Hadas, written in the early The only question, then, is, lemaaseh, rah; ignorance is. There is only one way 1920s, the Chafetz Chaim emphasized the what can you, your friends, relatives and to dispel erroneous myths about Torah tremendous obligation on each and every family in Bretz Yisroel do to heed the call? observance- address ignorance head on. Torah-observant Jew to reach out to non­ Every Torah-observant Jew either As all our Gedolim have been saying in observant Jews, and the severity of knows a non-observant Jew or, at the very recent years, the answer is education. neglecting this charge. As the Chafetz least, comes into contact with estranged Note: one third of the non-observant Chaim was at pains to point out, Jews on a bus or taxi, at the market, or respondents in The Guttman Survey said "Ve'ahavta lerei'acha kamocha," "Lo on a plane trip. Today, unlike in previ­ that they would like to be "somewhat saamod al dam rei'echa," "Hoche'ach ous generations, even the most insulat­ more" or "much more" observant than tochi'ach," and kiddush Hashem mean ed communities cannot be said to live they presently are. No chareidi Jew in that every Jew should spare no effort in in a vacuum. Bretz Yisroel should ignore the cry com­ safeguarding the spiritual well-being of Allow me to list some "lay kiruv ing from the non-observant communi­ a fellow Jew. The responsibility, the weapons of choice" that have been ty, 50% of whom said they would Chafetz Chaim made clear, cannot be left tried and tested, and can be utilized by prefer their children to be "somewhat to outreach organizations and a few anyone in our «Torah army" with min­ observant." askanim (activists). The task is too imal time or cost: The responsibility to heed these cries large, and the opportunity is too great, • Purim mishloach manos - Purim is to rely on a few "outreach generals" in not far off ... send mishloach manos to 7 The reader should also refer to a recent article by Sara Yoheved Rigler in Mishpacha (July 21, 2004) the war against assimilation. We must a non-observant Jew with a simple note for more detailed comments relating to The mobilize our entire "army." wishing him or her a happy Purim. In Guttman Survey, germane to the premise of this The stirring "call to action" issued by my experience, almost every recipient of article. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, ?··lll in 1973 to such an unexpected gift will be deeply

7 M A R C H 2 0 0 5

touched; it's a small gesture that just that as long as people sincerely teach and changing spark of inspiration. In the rat might hit the spot. not preach) the etnes will resonate on race oriented and often impersonal • Bikur cholim - Every major hospi­ some level. world in which most non-observant Jews tal in Eretz Yisroel (and America) wel­ •The transcendental beauty of Torah live, the stark contrast of displaying gen­ comes volunteers and permits access to "sells itself" - Invitations to non-obser­ uine care, in and of itself, makes a huge non-critical patients during specified vant Jews to join one)s fan1ily for a tra- impression. Recall Onkelos," whose sin­ gle act of kissing a mezuzah, then responding with sincerity to a question posed, resulted in thonsands of soldiers THE SIMPLE DNA OF THE YIDDISHE converting to Judaism. The potential eter­ NESHAMA IS SUCH THAT AS LONG AS PEOPLE nal consequences of a single small act! SINCERELY TEACH AND NOT PREACH, THE EMES WILL RESONATE ON SOME LEVEL. CONCLUSION - BACK TO THE NUMBERS ... hours. Which Torah-observant Jew can ditional Shabbos seuda, a Pesach sedei; an As Rabbi Shmuel Bloom, Executive honestly say that he cannot spare fifteen upsheren, a siyum and the like will be Vice President of Agudath Israel, point­ minutes every four weeks to spend with gladly embraced. No sensitive Jew is ed out at the opening of the recent 82nd a non-observant fellow Jew who is impervious to the var1nkeit and ruchniyus National Convention - after citing bed-ridden? The many true stories of emanating fron1 any traditional function some of our research - notwithstanding relationships that were forged when a in keeping with our mesorah. The seeds the scary prognosis of Jewish demo­ person was not well and feeling vulner­ planted in a Jewish soul privy to any of graphics in America," ... now is the time able, resulting in life-changing decisions, these events n1ay take n1onths or years that these Jews can still be saved. A gen­ bear testimony to this. to germinate, but every Yiddishe eration fron1 now will, for so many) be • Partners In Torah - Spending time neshama has its season. too late. Obviously, that realization with a fellow, less-Torah-educated Jew, This is not the forun1 to enumerate demands that we help all the fine either in person or over the telephone) an exhaustive laundry list of successful organizations that are involved in kiruv. has been the catalyst for literally thou­ "kiruv techniques for the layperson:' At But organizations and kiruv profession­ sands reevaluating and upgrading their the end of the day, it is usually a small als can only reach a small percentage of commitment to Yiddishkeit. As our 1nagnanimous gesture that ignites the Jews. Once and for all, each and every rabbis tells us "devarim hayotzim min dormant spark within. More often than one of us has to realize that he or she has haleiv nichnasim el ha/eiv:'" - The sim­ not, a simple smile or "giving a fellow the personal responsibility to the ple DNA of the Yiddishe neshama is such Jew the time of day" becomes a life- Ribbono she/ Olam to save His children .... If we love Hakadosh Baruch Hu and we take our Yiddishkeit seriously, we must realize that He is, kevayacho/, crying in pain that so many of His children have drifted from home. We, and only we, have the ability to bring them back ...." Rabbi Bloom's words must be echoed to Eretz Yisroe/ with as much vigor. The data is in ... the demographic wave clear­ ly points to a unique opportunity for the Torah-observant community in Bretz Yisroel to become an ambassador of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the decades ahead .... Our Gedolim have spoken .... Our chareidi brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisroel should be ready to embrace this opportunity with the passion that it deserves. !1!)

H Sefer Shivas Yisroel, Rabbi !vfoshe Ibn Ezra 9 Bavli, Avoda Zora l la I r-==~ NEW VISTAS ON THE ISRAELI SCENE I YONOSON ROSENBLUM

I I

ANew Tvoe of Advocacv for Israel

And even after the error was discov­ Court to end this Catch-22 situation. He CHALLENGING ered, the government did not make good argued, in the alternative, that either the 0ISCRIMINATING on the missed payments. In mid­ Registrar's office must issue a certificate REGULATIONS January, the Israel Supreme Court put of compliance, pending the outcome of an end to the government's stalling in the more detailed audit, where there is ince its inception a little more than response to a petition filed by BeZedek's no evidence of wrongdoing, or else the a year and a half ago, BeZedek, a legal director, Rabbi Mordechai Green. Treasury must recognize the temporary Slegal advocacy organization (Still to be decided is the issue of link­ certificates of compliance as sufficient which acts on behalf of the Torah com­ age of the delayed payments to the cost for the transfer of funds. And again the n1unity in Bretz Yisroel, has racked up a of living index.) Supreme Court agreed. string of impressive legal victories. In That victory followed upon another Yeshivas and kollelim receiving gov­ addition, the creation of BeZedek, of great benefit to yeshivas. As non-prof­ ernment funding are subject to period­ I under the auspicies of Agudath Israel of it organizations, yeshivos are subject to ic spot inspections to ensure that all the America, marks the opening of a new the supervision of the Registrar of students registered in the yeshiva are, in I chapter in askanus in Bretz Yisroel. Non-Profit Organizations. And non-prof­ fact, studying there. The Treasury insti­ In pure dollars and cents terms, it organizations can only receive govern­ tuted a rule that the head of any kollel BeZedek's most recent victory was also ment funding if they have received a in which the requisite percentage of reg­ I its most significant, and will result in certificate of con1pliance from the istered students was not present on a Torah institutions receiving 40-50 mil­ Registrar. given day would be subject to dracon­ I lion shekels owed to them by the gov­ From time to time, yeshivos, like all ian penalties, including the return of all ernment. Over four years ago, the since non-profit organizations, are subjected monies received since the last success­ dismantled Religious Affairs Ministry to more intensive audits having noth­ ful inspection. Roshei kollel could have hired an outside con1pany to comput­ ing to do with any suspicion of wrong­ found themselves owing the government I erize student databases for all Torah insti­ doing on the part of the audited hundreds of thousands of shekels just tutions and to route payments to the organization. The Registrar's office because a fevv students \Vere n1issing on institutions through the sa1ne comput­ refused to issue certificates of compli­ a particular day. I er system. Unfortunately, due to glitch­ ance to non-profits undergoing the more BeZedek argued that no such inspec­ es in the system, yeshivas did not intensive audits, and instead issued what tion regime or penalties exists for pub­ receive the payments due them for near­ it tern1ed temporary certificates of licly-funded universities and that the ly six months. compliance. The Treasury official in penalties constituted a criminal penal­ I charge of transferring payments to ty that required legislation. The RABBI ROSENBLUM, WHO LIVE:S IN JERUSAl.EM, yeshivas, however, refused to recognize Supreme Court struck down the penal­ IS A CONTRIBUTING EDITOR TO 7'Hfo' }f:\VIS/J the temporary certificates of compliance, ties on roshei kollel. OBSERVER. HE IS ALSO Dll~ECTOR OF THE ISRAEU DIVISION OF AM ECHAD, THE and held up all funding to yeshivas Until 2004, both universities and /\GUOATH IS RAEL-INSPIRED EDUC.4.TIONAL OUT- caught in this bind. yeshivas enjoyed exemptions from LCH >»ORT AND MCDOA .,,OURCE. Rabbi Green turned to the Supreme municipal property taxes. The Interior

9 M A R C H 2 0 0 5

Ministry, however, ren1oved the exen1p­ tion is vital to ensuring proper enforce­ tives are aimed at improving the econom­ tion for yeshivos, while leaving that for ment of the law against businesses ic situation of the chareidi community. universities intact. BeZedek is current­ remaining open on Shabbos. Currently, Rabbi Green is challenging the ly involved in efforts to have the exemp­ In another case, BeZedek joined a snc­ Interior Ministry's decision to include tion for yeshivos restored. cessful petition to the Supreme Court on child allowances in the calculation of In addition to its activities on behalf behalf of those seeking to participate in family income for purposes of munic­ of yeshivos and kollelim, BeZedek has the government tender for stores wish­ ipal property tax reductions, a change been active in protecting Shabbos obser­ ing to open in the new terminal of Ben that affects tens of thousands of fami­ vance. The organization successfully peti­ Gurion Airport. The tender specified that lies of bnei Torah. tioned the Supreme Court, under the all applicants had to undertake to BeZedek has also challenged Israeli Freedom of Information Act, for remain open on Shabbos, effectively shut­ instances of government discrimination the names of businesses authorized by ting all religious business people out of against teachers in the chareidi educa­ the Ministry of Trade and Industry to the tender process. tional systein. Teachers in the state remain open on Shabbos. That informa- A number of other BeZedek initia- school system are entitled to certain grants for pursuing supplementary edu­ cation courses; teachers in the chareidi HOLOCAUST-ERA SWISS BANK CLAIMS system are not, on the grounds that they A new list is now available of Swiss bank account holders who were are not members of the Histadrut probably or possibly victims of Nazi persecution. The list, resulting from teachers union. BeZedek has served further negotiations with Swiss banks, is part of the claims process under notice of its intention to file a petition the Settlement of the Holocaust Victim Assets class action litigation in the in the Supreme Court if this discrimi­ U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of New York, Chief Judge Edward natory policy is not lifted. Rabbi Green R. Korman presiding. To date, the Court has authorized repayment of more is also negotiating at present with the than $220 million from the Settlement Fund to bank account owners or their heirs. Education Ministry to secure for teach­ ers in chareidi syste1n the same payments The new list of Swiss bank account holders is on the website of the Claims for tutoring students for their high school Resolution Tribunal,www.crt-ii.org. Applications are also available on this completion exams that teachers in the website. Please call the telephone number below if you are unable to view secular school syste1n currently receive. this new list of bank account holders. Above and beyond, the importance Individuals who believe that they are owners, or heirs of owners, of the ofBeZedek's victories to date is the notice accounts included in the new list must file an application. that has been served on government offi­ Applications may only be submitted for the accounts appearing on the new list. cials at every level of national, regional If you previously filed an application with the Claims Resolution and municipal government that discrim­ Tribunal for another account and you now want to claim an account on ination against the chareidi comn1uni­ the new list, you must submit a new application. ty will no longer go unchallenged. * There is no fee or other charge for filing and processing claims. * Deadline for filing new applications: July 13, 2005. NEED FOR A QUANTUM LEAP A list of organizations that will assist individuals with the applications is included with the claim forms and is available at www.crt-ii.org. BeZedek could hardly have come into Please check the website of the Claims Resolution Tribunal,www.crt-ii.org, existence at a more propitious 1noment. periodically for updates regarding the Settlement. Since the for1nation of the current Sharon government, chareidi political For more information and to obtain applications: power has never been at a lower ebb. Fro1n Menachem Begin's first victory in 1977 until the current Sharon govern­ www.crt-ii.org n1ent, at least one chareidi party \vas a Telephone: 1-800-697-6064 1nember of every governing coalition. It Email: [email protected] becan1e axiomatic in Israeli politics that no coalition without the chareidi par­ Also published on the website www.crt-ii.org is a new list of 36 names of Holocaust Era ties would remain stable. That percep­ insurance policyholders who had policies issued by the Austrian insurer Der Anker which, tion was reinforced by the collapse of because of special circumstances, are covered by the Settlement Insurance claims forms Ehud Barak's government not long may also be downloaded from this website. after the departure of Shas. The current Sharon government,

JO THE JEW ISM OBSERVER

I however, was initiaiiy for1ned without any chareidi community in .Eretz Yisroel. tern ever to clerk for the Israeli ~upreme chareidi parties, and was quite stable until Agudath Israel of America's efforts in Court. Funding for BeZedek comes from deep cracks began to appear within Likud this direction began on a small scale in a group composed of both American and I over the Gaza withdrawal. The old 1998 with the creation of the Israeli office Israeli askanim (activists). axioms about the necessity of chareidi of Am Echad to focus on the image of The timing was fortuitous for the for­ parties no longer pertain, and, in recent Torah Judaism in the international and mation of a legal organization to pro­ I years, the possibility of a broad secular Israeli media. With the formation of the tect the chareidi community from coalition composed ofLikud, Shinui, and current government, however, the need government discrimination and arbitrary Labor has become much more real. for a quantum leap in the area of pro­ ministerial action. Petitions to the Israeli Government policies over the last two fessionalization became apparent. The Supreme Court against discrin1inatory years have clearly reflected the loss of response was the formation of BeZedek, or unreasonable governmental actions chareidi political clout. Child allowance under the direction of Rabbi Green, the are relatively cheap and easy to file. But payments, which particularly benefited first product of the Israeli yeshiva sys- the chareidi community had rarely large chareidi families, have been sharply reduced, and the traditional Israeli wel­ fare state dismantled. Though there may be some play in the depth of future cuts of child allowances, there is little hope that the cuts to date will ever be restored. Those dramatic reductions in social transfer payments by the Israeli government are consistent with world­ wide trends. Even as the average chareidi family has experienced a n1ajor contraction of family income, funding of Torah insti­ tutions has also declined markedly. That lost funding results in higher tuitions, and an additional squeeze on the average chareidi family. Clearly, with chareidi political THE VORT • The menu for the seuda is strength waning dramatically and the • The Vort celebration is to be limited to 3 courses followed by a community under siege, new approach­ discontinued. The L'chaim (held at regular dessert. es had to be developed. Because of the the time that the engagement is • No Viennese table and no bar. lead role played in the past by chareidi announced) should also not turn Knesset members in defending the into a Vort. THE MUSIC interests of the chareidi comn1unity, no •A band may consist of a maximum professional organization along the THE WEDDING lines of Agudath Israel of America ever •For typical families, only 400 invit­ of 5 musicians (one of the musicians developed in Israel. In America, where ed guests may be seated at the chas­ may act as a vocalist) or four musi­ the Torah community exercises little suna seuda. (The Guidelines make cians and one additional vocalist. political influence- at least, at the nation­ provision for exceptional circum­ • A one-man band is recom­ al level - a professional organization stances - see full text.) working within the legal system, lobby­ mended. • The kabbo/as panim smorgasbord ing legislators at the state and federal level, FLOWERS & CHUPA DECOR and promoting its message through the should be limited to basic cakes, media was a necessity. No such need was fruit platters, a modest buffet, and • The total cost of these items for ever felt in Israel. the caterer's standard chicken or the entire wedding should not But with the decline of chareidi meat hot dishes. exceed $1,800. political power in Israel, the realization came to Rabbi Shmuel Bloom, Executive FOR THE FULL VERSION OF THE SIMCHA GUIDELINES Vice-President of Agudath Israel of WITH ITS RABBINICAL SIGNATORIES AND THE America, that perhaps the time had come ACCOMPANYING KOL KOREH, please email , to add such a professional organization [email protected] or call 212-612-2300 L' mom[ of""'' •~ili

done so in the past, either because of their the Supreme Court on behalf of charei­ nityvictories in cases of blatant discrim­ reliance on chareidi political power or di institutions.) ination or clear administrative impro­ because of a certain defeatism about the Ironically, the creation of BeZedek priety buttresses Barak's claim.' possibility of success in the Israeli serves the interests of Court President At the same time, the Torah commu­ Supreme Court, which is rightly perceived Aharon Barak, Israel's wiliest politician. nity is well served by using the Supreme as hostile to religious sensitivities. In a series of speeches, Barak has sought Court to protect its interests. The (The national religious community to deflect criticism of the Court as reflect­ Supreme Court has one major advan­ showed no similar reluctance. In the case ing only the values of a narrow, secular tage over the Knesset as a forum to of the monies withheld because of elite within Israeli society. He has reverse discri1nination against the Torah glitches in the newly introduced argued that the chareidi community con1munity. Even when successful, Education Ministry computer system, for should stifle its criticism of the Court, political pressure always exacted a cost. instance, a number of national religious and claims that someday that commu­ Threats by chareidi MKs are easily used institutions did successfully sue for nity will recognize the Court as its last by the media or anti-chareidi political their money before BeZedek petitioned protector. Granting the chareidi commu- parties to portray the chareidi cominu­ nity as exhorting money from the state coffers. And that only provoked secular outrage at perceived religious coercion. But when the money is wrested out of the government via a petition to the Israeli Supreme Court, which has never been known for its solicitude to the chareidi community, then it is clear that nothing more has been done than rec­ tifying an obvious case of discrimination and providing the chareidi community with funding rightly coming to it.

THE COURT - RESPONSIVE, BUT UNCHANGED

BeZedek's victories to date do not • Major sports facilities reflect a fundamental change in outlook and campfires. on the part of the Supreme Court. The • Camping in the Carpathian Mountains Supre1ne Court will continue to whit­ •Two Day instructional army survival course! tle away the Jewish content of the state Learning Program and Shiurim of Israel, in areas such as conversion, anti­ pork legislation, and Shabbos observance. TOllRfNG And on larger structural issues, such as the recent decision that as of 2007, all chareidi institutions that do not teach the mandated core curriculum will no longer be eligible for government funding, the Rabbi Aron of Karlin, Apter Rav, Degel Machane Ephraim ... Court will continue to be a major thorn Experience Tisha B'Av at the Babi Var Memorial in Kiev in the side of the chareidi community. The Visit the Yanovsky Concentration Camp in Levov. latter type of issue can only be resolved through legislation in the Knesset. ~~[( ______In short, BeZedek is a supplement to RABBI VAAKOV Dov BLEICH, shlit"a, Chief Rabbi of Ukraine, (formerly of the activities of chareidi MKs in the Brooklyn, New York), has 15 years of successful camping directorship will gi1Je your son a Knesset, not a replacement for those experience in and around Kiev. deep appreciation of l Even before the creation of BeZedek, the AVI RUBIN, Head Counselor, has 9 years experience in both sleep away and his rich JeuJish heritage Move1nent for Fairness in Government, headed traveling camps in the U.S. and Israel. and extraordinat)' memories by chareidi law student Mordechai Eisenberg, won Our counselors are dedicated, have camping expertise and exceptional midos. that U!ill last a lifetime!" a nu1nber of i1nportant victories in the Supreme Court. I THE JEWISH OBSERVER activities. And it is doubtful that either of-the-box thinking. Here, too, the need ili< po•ibil"'" of ;ob '""'°" '' .. legal activity or Knesset political pres­ for a professional organization dealing And BeZedek commissioned a study:1 by : sure will alone, or in combination, pro­ with job creation, training, and the like one of Israel's leading land use experts vide the answers to the economic crisis will be needed. to consider the feasibility of creating new facing the chareidi community in Bretz BeZedek is already gearing up for low-cost housing for young chareidi fam- Yisroel. Solutions to the grinding pover­ action in that area as well. Last May, a ilies. These initiatives are only the ty that is sapping the strength of the conclave of chareidi American business­ beginning of an entire new frontier of Torah community will require more out- men convened in Jerusalem to discuss chareidi askanus in Bretz Yisroel. liil

You can! Just: call PESACH GUIDE TO The Yit:t:i Leibel MEDICATIONS ''r wish I could Helpline. HOURS: Nfonday-Friday ...... Sam -12pm speak to a Monday-Thursday...... 8pn1 - l l pm For a copy of the most Sunday ...... 9am -12pm, 9pn1 - l lpm Comprehensive Pesach Guide to Medications I Cosmetics frum therapist 9 71s<;~f4~f-;~~w by Rav Gershon Bess Chicago ...... (800) HELP-023 Lakewood ...... (732) 363-1010 Please write to: on the phone Cleveland ...... (888) 209-8079 .... (410) 578-1111 KOLLEL LOS ANGELES .... (877) 435-7611 223 S. Formosa Avenue without giving ...... (866) 385-0348 Toronto ...... (416) 784-1271 Los Angeles. CA 90036 The Rebbetzin Phyllis Weinberg Branch of the Yitti Leibel Helpline Phone: (323) 933-7193 T'I"~' :J::i~·;i::.•11 ~n::i ::i:-:1rit• ,., n::i :-:'P'.l' '1"n rn:Jt'l 11::.:•; ' li1"")•:n ~"t{ t{"' '1WDli (Unless you are already on our list) my name.'' ,.,-~· i1:-:"l~,,~,Jn ~;:;i,~,~{,;;1,,.,~.t·' ,, Dedicated b Mr. & Mrs. Shmuel Boruch Wilhelm Sweeten Shalach Manos with Schmerling

Sektmrti!J9 ·· I L: DISTRIBUTED BY TAMI TOVfOODPROOUCTS. BROOKLYN. N. Y 1!223 NEW VISTAS ON THE ISRAELI SCENE

MAYAAN PASE-JAFFE

,, __ ,,, "',,,,, ,-,'_',' ?Bbvind~J-.Wisn sour

EVANGELICAI. CHRISTIANS OFFER MILLIONS IN AID TO ISRAEL, BUT THEIR UNDERLYING MOTIVE IS TO CONVERT THEIR BENEFICIARIES TO CHRISTIANITY.

hey are on so many a street cor­ Holy Land, as opposed to the 5,000 who cheek, 'I don't have to do that anymore; ner; they've penetrated all seg­ resided in Israel before 1995. the Jews do the work for me!"' T ments of Israeli society. They call These Messianic Jews openly prose­ The government turns a blind eye; in the1nselves "believers," and their 111ain lytize. They state their aims clearly in their a country laden with terror and distress purpose is to proclaim their message: J pamphlets and on their websites. They - the latest National Insurance Institute is the Messiah of Israel and the savior work with government aid offices to offer survey placed more than 22 percent of of the world. Messianic Jews (also support to the needy, amounting to mil­ Israelis under the poverty line - every known as Jews for J and Hebrew­ lions of dollars each year. They use their extra dollar is a huge help. Christians) have become an epidemic in cash to give food, blankets, medical sup­ Israel is so starved for money and Israel. A survey published in 1999 by the plies and other requisites to the poor, but political support that the country not United Christian Council in Israel states each dollar is given in exchange for an only evades the issue of open prosely­ there were roughly 50 Messianic Jewish even greater commodity: the Jewish soul. tizing by Messianic Jews, but it also evades congregations in Israel, as well as hun­ They profess - in writing - that giving an equally, if not more frightening dreds of registered charities and aid to the disadvantaged is the number one phenomenon: the camouflaged prose­ groups, and offices of some 50-60 active way of reaching their "clientele." lytizing of Christian evangelists, some­ international missionary groups. And "Today, the missionaries rarely need times known as '(Christian Zionists." according to Ze' ev Shtigletz, head of the to go out on the streets and proselytize," Many of the Christians who support Anti-Missionary Division of Lev says Shtigletz, "because there are so many Israel are evangelists. Like\¥isei the vast 1.'Achim, the number of Messianic Jews people in Israel who need financial assis­ majority of missionaries are evangelists. in Israel has nearly tripled in the last ten tance. Finding their targets is much eas­ \!\Tho are these Christian evangelists? years, reaching astronomic proportions. ier than it used to be." These are Christians who interpret the He says there are as many as 15,000 Shtigletz quipped, "I once saw a Bible and New Testament literally. Messianic Jews currently living in the known Messianic Jewish n1an sitting in What propels them? Why do they love a coffee shop drinking tea. I said to him, Israel so much? The return of the Jews MAYAAN JAFFE RUNS "JAFFE REPORTING AND PR" IN GUSH ETZION, ISRAEI .. SHE IS THE FEATURE 'Hov.r can you \vaste time sitting here? to their homeland is seen by evangeli- i i RfSfARCHEU ANO RFPOHfFR FOU fHE isRAfl Don't you need to go out, get Jews to cals as a precondition for the second com- l L:_BARACOMM>nH believe in J?' He answered me, tongue in ingof). _J THE JEWISH OBSERVER I I If this makes Jews feel uncomfortable, ' 1983, is devoted to "building bridges of Jews, to sustain the Jewish state indefi­ these Christians maintain, that is only understanding between the two commu­ nitely, or even to promote progress and because the Jews don't understand how nities;' as well as support for Israel. Eight advancement, but in order to convert the deeply the Christians love them. Kay years ago, Eckstein began raising funds Jews and prove Christian theological Arthur, founder of Precept Ministries in for Israel through infomercials, mainly dogma. She says these so-called lovers Chattanooga, Tennessee, says, "The Jews on Christian TV stations. In the course of Israel are pulling the wool over every­ need conversion. They need to know that of these eight years, his organization has body's eyes. Messiah is coming, and the Bible tells us donated well over $100 million from "There are no Crusades today. There what is going to happen:'

THEY ARE NOT GIVING MONEY TO IS RAEL TO A SPIRITUAL STRUGGLE STRENGTHEN THE JEWS, TO SUSTAIN THE Ralph Reed, Pat Robertson, Jerry JEWISH STATE INDEFINITELY, OR EVEN TO Falwell. These are some of the well­ PROMOTE PROGRESS AND ADVANCEMENT, known names of charismatic and influ­ BUT IN ORDER TO CONVERT THE JEWS AND ential evangelical personalities in America. Reed is an important figure in PROVE CHRISTIAN THEOLOGICAL DOGMA. the Republican Party. He is involved in extremely high-level politics to advance the cause of the church. Israel is one of roughly 400,000 Christian donors for the is no Inquisition. These don't exist today," the focal points of his lobbying. sake of bringing Jews to Israel, helping says Fenton. "In order to win us over, they Robertson and Falwell are ordained min­ Jews resettle the land, aiding the poor in choose the philanthropic route." isters in the Southern Baptist Church, the Holy Land, and assisting the elder­ The facts speak for themselves. In a a church whose aim is to evangelize all ly remaining in the Former Soviet recent clip of Robertson's signature tel­ Jews all over the world. Robertson pro­ Union (FSU). The IFCJ supports over 250 evision show The 700 Club, messianic Jew fessed that his mission is to "prepare the different projects in Israel each year, in "Rabbi" Scott Sekulow is seen proudly United States of America and the over 90 cities and towns throughout the telling Robertson that "more Jewish peo­ nations of the world for the coming of country. In the FSU, it gives food, med­ ple have come to accept the Messiah in JC and the establishment of the king­ icine, clothing, heating fuel and other the last 19 years than in the last 19 cen­ dom of God on earth" (Christian such necessities to elderly Jews. turies combined:' Speaking to a group Broadcasting Network, July 2002). To the naked eye, the IFCJ is one of of pro-Israel evangelicals in Jerusalem In the past, these men and others like Israel's greatest blessings; the most reli­ in early October 2004, Robertson said them acted on behalf of some 70 mil­ gious organizations, as well as the gov­ everything short of confirming the lion evangelical Christians in the United ernment and secular Israelis receive ulterior motive for his support of Israel. States. They tried to enter Israel to use money from Eckstein. To those con­ He explicitly linked J's Second Coming their vast amount of money to influence cerned about the spiritual integrity of the to the return of Jews to Israel as well as the Prime Minister, the Knesset, munic­ Jewish people, however, Eckstein's work to their conversion to Christianity. ipal mayors and Orthodox leaders in is a curse. Eckstein is a good buddy with all the Israeli and to win them over to their side. "We are fighting two battles right aforementioned evangelical Christian They met with only staggered success. now," says Jerusalem City Councilor Mina leaders, and many others. He and Reed, In recent years, however, the bridge Fenton. "The first struggle is a physical for instance, co-chair the IFCJ's "Stand between these Christians and the Jews war against the Muslims for our land. for Israel Campaign," an effort to strate­ seems to have been crossed. Experts in The second battle is a spiritual struggle. gically mobilize the Christian commu­ the field say this is largely due to the work The Christians are fighting for our souls:' nity leadership and grassroots support of one man and his well-known, benef­ As a member of the Jerusalem City for the State of Israel. The Stand for Israel icent organization: Yechiel Eckstein and Council, Fenton is in favor of close rela­ Campaign has set a goal of mobilizing the International Fellowship of tions with England and the United States. 100,000 churches and an estimated one Christians and Jews (IFCJ). She says she has nothing against the million Christians in the United States For more than twenty five years, Christians so long as they have no ulte­ to express solidarity with the State of Eckstein has been working to bring evan­ rior motives. Fenton has been working Israel. This certainly sounds helpful, but gelical Christians and Jews closer togeth­ closely with Lev I:Achim, trying to prove one must be alert to the details. er. He says he started the first that these so-called Christian Zionists and Falwell and Robertson appear on

, conferences of evangelicals and Jews 1 and their Jewish helper, Eckstein, are not giv­ Eckstein's infomercials, along with Jack Lhis present organization, started in ing money to Israel to strengthen the Hayford, director of Living Way 15 M A R C H 2 0 0 5

Ministries, whose m1ss1on statement includes the goal of creating believers FRUM LIFE COACH "empowered to witness, and equipped in Specializing in goal actualizing for the Torah community the Word and His gifts for faithful serv­ ice." "Witnessing" is the evangelical word for proselytizing. Charles Colson, Malka Schulman, cc founder of Prison Fellowship Ministries, an outreach project for convicts, victims Coach • Catalyst • fgcturer of crime, and justice officers, also speaks (416) 782-1462 [email protected] (416) 781-9116 in favor of the IFCJ. These evangelical bigwigs praise Eckstein's work and openly proclaim their religious beliefs on telesessions face to face workshops his videos. On the promotional video for "On Wings of Eagles;' the IFC)'s program to help Jews from the FSU immigrate to SMILOW FAMILY Israel, Robertson proclaims with pas­ Presents sionate enthusiasm, "I believe in the work of the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews. It is exemplary of the kind of cooperation which is need­ ed between both communities of faith .... It is important for Christians and Jews to build bridges of coopera­ tion and understanding." Eckstein, say these leaders, "is the bridge builder we have been looking for" [Charisma (Christian) Magazine, May 1994].

FRIENDS WITH THE ENEMY, WITHOUT QUALMS

.,\\arnott Eckstein has no qualms about his close Ft. Lauderdale - Coral Springs Hotel friendships with these missionaries. As Golf Club and Convention Center an Orthodox rabbi with a rabbinical cer­ tification fro1n Yeshiva University, he • (;btt KoJicr, Clllllol' Yi'llui.,l Nun-G.:bmkr • Located jmt 41J min_ from )\.Jiami &-;1ch legitin1izes these Christian leaders, • Be,mtifol Yorn Tov atm01pher~ • Srompkx 1ln- ska1i11~ E; Ml<'wri< r<'ui'I,) building trust in them and their theo­ • Nc\\'ly built & opc'ncd in 2Uil(I • /\ world of 11t.1rby water, logical aims. Eckstein backs organizations • Entire· hmel facihty K1hhtr l 'l'c1ach l.rnd & an· rccreanon in Israel that have missionary agendas. • !O,Ul_l(J sq. fr. m1pic.il Jtriu111 lobby • Orga11iz<'d trip$ on Chol H.unocd • 31)J11JU sq. ft. hanql1Ct f:i.-1lit1cs to lool Jttr;iniolll For instance, in an interview with • Suites & pri1·~tc 1\'1kr roo1m • Nightly rntcrrainnwm fron1 world­ forimw inJotnµtku>,' pb;c_,'mH;Kt Eckstein, he told this reporter that he sup­ • PGA 18-hok. p.1r 72 golfcoursc famom }:ll'ish cntcrtainn1 £305) 534·2'.1~7 or_{ilUO) 379..:24VO fax {31}5) 718-0669 ports the work of Bridges for Peace (BP), • l-k.m·d .;wimming pool induding Shlorn1,· DJchs a literal-Bible-believing Christian organ­ • Scparat<• 1wirnming only • R.1bbi Y,1.1kov fritman \Ccd.1rlmr,1, :'\ 1'; • Fully 1'quippcd iime11 center. Sdwfar·it1-Rt$id,,11ff ization supporting Israel and building sJunJ & whirlpool S\\1 • l111piring: >hiurim & leClL1rc1 relationships between Christians and Jews • l'rofossicnal day (amp & baby 1itting worldwide. • Five St;ir dining indudmg "I know them, I trust them;' says lpccial dietary requests Eckstein. "You are always going to have • Under thr :>trictc>t in any group with thousands of people, Rabbimc 1upc1Yi,ion one or two people who might go off tar­ get. There are, of course, groups I don't work with at all because they are pros-

16 THE JEWISH OBSERVER

elytizers. But I would not put Bridges for The immigrant concludes: "This situa- a sign with Romans 1:4 written on it: 'J Peace in that category at all." tion is very humiliating for me. It is as C declared with power to be the son of Take note, however: Bridges for if! was bought off by these gifts to accept God by his resurrection from the dead.' Peace, like the International Christian the Christian faith ...." A Jewish man passing by saw me com­ Embassy of Jerusalem, according to Mr. Jerome Mann, a resident of ing out with my yarmulke, and he turned Councilor Fenton, is indeed a mission- Skokie, IL, is a member of the Mikdosh away indignantly, no doubt assuming I ary organization. She says she visited their el Hagro Hebrew Center where Eckstein am a Jew for J.... In some respects, that Jerusalem food pantry four years ago and used to serve as rabbi. He has been is exactly what I have become ... a Jew was appalled by what she witnessed. They researching Eckstein's activities for the for J" [p. 204). give new immigrants welcome baskets last decade, as well as those of Bridges Eckstein compares the cherubs on accompanied by greeting cards with a for Peace. In 1998, Mann phoned a leader either side of the holy ark in the Temple drawing of Jerusalem. There are images in the U.S. branch of Bridges for Peace, to a Jew and Christian in his book How of churches, but not of any synagogues Bea Watson of Portland, Oregon, and, Firm a Foundation [p. xxii). This so-called or Stars of David. The cards include a using a pseudonym, inquired about the rabbi publishes a Tanach together with cheerful message with a special inscrip- group's upcoming trip to Israel. During the New Testament, covered in tion in large, capital letters stating that the recorded conversation, he asked Jerusalem stone and a Star of David. this gift comes from Christians. This is Watson, "Will we be permitted to pass not a negligible detail, but an indication the word of the Lord? Can we witness of their agenda. to the Israelis?" WRITING THE SCRIPT "They told me that the first year they Watson replied, "We have to be very WHEN MONEY TALKS give to anyone who comes in and asks careful. ... You just can't stand on a cor- for assistance. But after that, they pick ner and hand out tracts .... If we do wish So how does Eckstein get away with and choose those they think are 'wor- to speak out or hand out various mate- this? Why is a large part of the Jewish thy' to continue [receiving aid J. We all rials - well - yes, yes, we can - and we world turning a blind eye to Eckstein's understand what that means ... ;' says say, 'God has this for you.' We do it qui- enmeshing of the Jewish and Christian Fenton. etly and carefully. That's what we do ... .'' religions? According to Lev L' Achim's While at the warehouse, Fenton says In a later recorded phone call Shtigletz, it is for the same reason the she met a young woman volunteer who between Mann and Rebecca Brimmer, evangelicals and Messianic Jews get had been "helped" by Bridges for Peace executive assistant to Clarence Wagner, away with proselytizing - "Eckstein has and had "discovered the truth;' and con- the director of Bridges for Peace in the money, and money talks." verted to Christianity shortly after arriv- Jerusalem, Mrs. Brimmer stated that the Fenton says she thinks the reason so ing in Israel. IFCJ had had operations with Bridges many government officials support Similarly, Lev L' Achim obtained let- for Peace during the previous years. "The Eckstein and take money from these ters sent to the Jewish Agency and var- track record for Bridges for Peace Christians is that they need it to pursue ious members of the Israeli government regarding proselytizing directly and their political aims and, to be fair, they by new immigrants. The following indirectly is clear," says Mann. "The rela- must think the cash is needed to help the excerpt from a letter sent to the tionship between Eckstein and Wagner Israeli people and economy. American Jewish Committee speaks is also clear.'' Jerusalem-based lawyer David Glass for itself: This reporter also visited the Bridges says Shtigletz and Fenton are right on "[My family and I) moved from Kiev for Peace warehouse and called Wagner the money, no pun intended. He said the six years ago .... Some time after our for an interview multiple times, but he anti-missionary law implemented in the arrival, we were visited by some nice was unavailable or unwilling to comment. 1970s only forbids general missionary English-speaking representatives of Aside from advertising on his On activity against children under the age Bridges for Peace. They offered to help Wings of Eagles video that for each dona- of 18. For everyone else, the law only pro­ us financially. They started sending us tion of $350, the donor, an evangelical hibits enticing someone to convert via food parcels .... The packages would con- Christian, will receive a card with the material bribes, and there has to be a lain a lot of Russian-language messian- name and address of the immigrant he direct connection between the money ic literature about Christianity. This sponsored, Eckstein also has made given and the proselytizing. In other literature maintained that J was the Jewish many numerous questionable state- words, if someone approaches another Messiah ... .'' ments about both his own relationship on the street, explains passages in the New The letter goes on to explain that he to Christianity, and the Jews' connection Testament and offers literature on the and his family became involved with and to it in general. Consider for example subject, this is not against Israeli law. influenced by these Christians, visiting Eckstein's own words in His book The However, if he says, "I want to tell you their holy sites on Bridges for Peace-spon- Journey Home. about the New Testament, and I want you L trips that took place on Shabb-at_. ___"A_s_w_e left the Garden Tomb, we saw to convert to Christianity, and at the sa~me' 17 ------M A R C H 2 0 0 5

time I will also give you a check for the law, it could. But, he says, it is the gov­ Shtigletz adds a psychological com­ $I 00,000," this is a violation. ernment's unofficial policy to turn a blind ponent to why Christian financial sup­ Glass says if the Israeli government eye. There has not been one case in which port works as a means of proselytizing. wished to prove that these philan­ the state has actually used this law in He says the organizations give the thropic Christian groups have violated order to prosecute anyone. money only after they make clear the donation con1es fro1n Christians. Later, representatives from the group, or a group connected with the donor organ­ ization, con1e to the door of the recip­ ient and ask to come in and talk. "The recipient feels uncomfortable saying, 'Look, you are a Christian, I am a Jew, please don't come in.' It doesn't matter if the missionaries directly use the money to convert people or not, the money influences the recipients. The poor person can't tell his benefactor to leave. He fears ifhe does so, he won't get any more aid;' says Shtigletz. "People here don't have food."

Call me today for the attention you deserve. (718) 268-1700 THE CLOSED-FIST CAMPAIGN Lev L' Achim, however, is not willing Martin Levy to wage this battle lying down. Shtigletz 103-20 METROPOLITAN AVENUE and his team have launched an informa­ FOREST HILLS tion campaign, letting recipients know [email protected] Allstate® that taking money from the IFCJ and You're in good hands. other inissionary organizations is not cor­ Call for a free quote. rect - morally or by Jewish law. They try to break down the missionary infrastruc­ ture by informing the Ministry of Insurance subject to availability and qualifications. Allstate Insurance Company and Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance Company, Northbrook, Illinois ·~·2004 Allstate Insurance Company. Interior of the presence of individual mis­ sionaries. Since Christian n1issionaries are not granted residency in Israel by law, when the Ministry finds out about these people, it either deports them to their countries of origin or doesn't renew their •'.< tourist visas. GE SELECTION OF In addition, Fenton has obtained numerous letters of halacha rulings by BORSALINO HATS! some of the greatest rabbinical author­ We J\lso Carry ities of our generation in Israel and from Expert fitting • Courteous service Brand Name all spectrums of Orthodoxy, including Individualized attention • Hat cleaning & Shirts & Ties, for Rabbi Shmuel Auerbach, Rabbi Shlomo Big & Tall as -ell, Aviner, Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu, Rabbi Renovating • Follow-up care long after sale al Discount Prices Nissim Karelitz, Rabbi Simcha Hakohen Kook, Rabbi Dov Lior, Rabbi Avraham Shapiro, and the six highest authorities of the rabbinical court, Beis Din Tzeddek of the Eida Hachareidis. There are also letters from rabbinical leaders in America. The letters: which Lev L'Achim uses as the basis for their work, I THE JEWISH OBSERVER make clear that befriending the evangel­ ists/IFCJ and/or taking money from them or their partners is the same as assist­ ing in idol worship, giving support for future missionary activities, and desecrat­ Personal responsibility throughout service - NOT JUST "PAPERWORK" ing G-d's name. In other words, accord­ ORIGINATOR OF THE PRESENT RABBINICALLY APPROVED METHOD ing to these rabbis, taking money from Highly recommended by Gedolai Hador- Here and in Eretz Yisrael these people is absolutely forbidden by 1043-42nd Street, Brooklyn, NY 11219 Torah law. Referring to the IFCJ, Bridges for Day &Night phone: (718) 851-8925 Peace, and similar organizations, one of )J!t1'tlN1DtlNj? l!l"j? - )'1~ 1Nl nm~)) '1lD the rabbis writes, "Would you accept Kavod Haniftar with Mesiras Nefesh and compassion for the bereaved family. money from an organization tied direct­ TAHARAS ffANIFTAR SHOULD NEVER BE COMMERCIALIZED ly or indirectly to trafficking in immorality? What difference is there?" Lev L' Achim has consulted several times about the subject with Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, the greatest rabbinical authority in Israel today. He has made clear that it is forbidden to take the money, but has yet to put his words in Amid constant violence, danger and uncertainty, Israel reels from economic crisis. One and a writing. Rabbi Elyashiv says it is a "dis­ half million people - including 700,000 children - live below the poverty line. One in eve gusting thing" to take money from the ten wage earners - 276,000 workers - is unemployed. Slashed family subsidies, reduced health evangelists. Shtigletz says one of the rea­ benefits, curtailed child aid and cuts in assistance to seniors make poverty, hunger and sufferin sons so many Orthodox organizations a daily fact of life for millions. And Pesach ;s almost here!! take money from Eckstein is that they are uneducated about the rabbinical MORE PEOPLE NEED MORE HELP THAN EVER BEFORE! opinions regarding taking the money. Also, Eckstein tells them he has rabbini­ Our Sages decreed Maas Chittim, Throughout lsrael, cal support (Eckstein told this reporter Pesach charity to aid the destitute. Ozer Dalim is the the same thing, but failed to provide the But what about the answer for Pesach names of the rabbis). Others, says thousands not poor and year-round. enough or too proud Thirty all volunteer Shtigletz, are waiting for the written rul­ to accept charity or staffed branches ing of Rabbi Elyashiv. outright hand-outs; extend Gemach These "lovers of the State of Israel" interest-free contnbute a hundred million dollars each ... the working poor, revolving loans teachers, civil servants, year in support of Israel, and simulta­ repayable on neously contribute two hundred million Kollel families, Olim and easy terms. the elderly; all struggling to their mission in Israel, all under one on fixed incomes, unable With dignity intact roof. to bear the many Pesach and self-sufficiency They give money and they steal expenses all at once? preserved, a souls. deserving family can They organize encounters, dialogues, ... normally self-sufficient celebrate the Seder joint committees between Christians and breadwinners now and the entire Yorn Jews, and they disseminate a great deal unemployed, seriously ill Tov as true Bnai Charin, free or in other financial crisis? of missionary literature. and independent Jews. "These ... are the same Christians through whose efforts hundreds of ONLY YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN! thousands of Jews were burned and Send your most generous contribution, today. slaughtered," writes Rabbi Aviner. Then your Pesach Simcha will be multiplied by having made theirs possible. "Through G-d's kindness they no longer

,,,~,.,,.,~ have the power to burn our bodies, yet ii! OZER DAUM I ~he~~o:tinue to burn our souls:' U. 1301 Avenue K Brooklyn, NY 11230 (718) 434-2228

' 'Copiesa_c_e_o_n_fi_le_·~~~~~~~~--~~~~~~--~~~~-~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-~ MARCH 2005 The Double Helix's Double

BRACHA GOETZ

The double helix has a double, In a spiritual vein. Specific for each individual, Forming a complex chain. Two strands interweaving, No two patterns are the same. ,~ It's our yeitzer tov and yeitzer hara By another name.

Mas. GOETZ OF 8Al:f1MORE IS A FREQUENT CONTRIBUTOR TO THESE PAGES.

• Fortified with VitaminC • 5 Great flavors

f'AAEVE Rav Amrom Chicago Roth Shllla Rabbinical Council

For More Information Call: QUENCH LITE AfDivision of ~=break Time Inc.

20 THE .IF.WISH OBSERVER

Farewell to Rabbi Eliezer Geldzahler ""~r

Rabbi Eliezer Geldzahler, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Ohr Yisroel in Canarsie, passed away on 9 Kislev (November 22). He died as a result of severe head injuries sustained in a bus accident in Israel ten months before, when he seized the steering wheel of the bus carrying his talmidim, in an attempt to avoid a devastating collision with a truck. He is survived by his parents, Rabbi Yehoshua Geldzhaler (founding Rosh Yeshiva and dean of Yeshiva and Mesivta Ohr Yisroel in Forest Hills, NY, for over forty years) and his Rebbetzin (daughter of Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler ':r~r), his wife and his thirteen children, the youngest of whom is 2 1/2 months old. His concern for others and grasp of Torah were rare and profound, as were his zest for life and his love of Hashem. His loss is mourned by tens of thousands throughout the world. This article is based on the eulogy delivered by his father-in-law, Rabbi Michel Twerski, at Congregation Beth Jehudah in Milwaukee on 19 Kislev. It was transcribed by Nachum Abrams and edited for publication by Dr. Ayton Grinell, a member of the kehilla.

!. FACING THE CHALLENGE meaning, to n1ake sense of this dread­ hoped-for recovery. VVherever we went, ful event. Over the last half century, very we were stopped with the question, "How erhaps one of the most profound few people have had so many fervent tefil­ is Reb Eliezer doing?" challenges of the last ten months, los said on their behalf as did my son­ Indeed, what did happen to our P and even more so now with l{eb in-law. Throughout our travels in prayers? Can it be that G-d ignored so Eliezer's passing, is trying to understand America, Europe and Israel, we found many heartfelt petitions? i how the Master of the Universe runs His people petitioning the Almighty, recit­ Another problem: There is an abid- I world. It is evident from people's ques- ing Tehillim, giving charity, and making ing sense of apprehension, of fear. We find ions and con1rnents that they are strug­ deeper and more extensive commitments ourselves wrestling with strange, uncle- . g, as we are ourselves, to extract to shemiras hamitzvos in the merit of his fined anxieties. What is happening to:Js?'

21 L: ------M A H C 1-1 2 0 0 5

Most importantly, we are all desper­ could stand on his feet again and light ciate what 11e does for us, and we in1por­ ate for consolation. What can we do to up the world in spite of his injuries, it tuned Him for our parnassa (livelihood), assuage our grief' Let's begin with our was Eliezer. It didn't happen! G-d, our health, our children, our families, feelings of rejection. Are they justified? assumedly, wasn't listening to us. Deep understanding, and a legion of other down, we felt rejected and disdained. needs. Virtually without exception, Even now that the shiva has passed and Hashein gave us what we wanted, hun­ REJECTION IN CONTEXT we should have achieved perspective and dreds of millions of affirmative replies. clarity, we continue to feel a sense of Amongst the multitude of requests to Over the last ten months, we all humiliation. Was G-d listening? which Hashen1 said "Yes," there was one poured our hearts out to our Maker. We Stop and reflect. During these ten exclusion to which He resolutely said asked the Master of the Universe to heal inonths, there were in excess of three "No": the prayer for Reb Eliezer. We can­ Eliezer in spite of his terrible injuries. We hundred million tejillos addressed by Kial not, in all honesty, in the context of such refused to believe the doctors who told Yisroel to Hashem. Not just for Reb vast responsiveness, legitimately contend us it was hopeless, because we believe in Eliezer! We davened three times every day that He rejected our prayers. But there a G-d who can do anything. And we for ourselves, for our loved ones, for Jews is more than rejection. We feel troubled believed that if there was anyone who everywhere. We told G-d that we appre- and confused. We are anguished because there is more going on beneath the sur­ face. I believe the issue we need to explore is that of "control." TravelCell Global Cellular Solutions "The Name vou Tru

22 THE JEWISH OBSERVER

FAITH IN THE attention and advice \Votdd surround ers, and take the easy \vay out of medi­ SHADOW OF SILENCE him. When he would join a group of ocrity and self-reproach. In a very fun­ dancers at a \vedding, an electric charge dan1ental \.Vay, nly son-in-law's life Finally, the loss of my son-in-law \Nould surge through the circle, carry­ n1ission and career represented an forces us to stand next to Avrahan1 Avinu ing the dancers to new levels of excite­ unspoken declaration of war on medi­ at the moment of the Akeida (the ment and fervor. His capacity to ignite ocrity, and an in1passioned outspoken Binding ofYitzchak), where there is noth­ his surroundings was unsurpassed. crusade to pron1ulgate each individual's ing left but pure, absolute, boundless There is a key to this ability and this obligation to strive for personal excel­ faith. When Avraham Avinu prepared to magnetism, and in paying tribute to my lence. put the knife to his son's throat, the world son-in-law, it is essential that \Ve under­ My son-in-la\.v was an authentic as a comprehensible entity ceased to exist. stand it thoroughly. Permit me to reflect Torah hero, a gadol in all three pillars: It is no less so now. VVhen a man of Reb on the \Vorld's fascination \Vith heroes. Torah, avoda and gen1illas chassadiln. He Eliezer's stature is taken from us-a Why is it that we so strongly identify with might have used his brilliance to focus young father, a son, a husband, an inspir­ heroes? I believe it goes to the predilec­ on himself, to promote his personal ing teacher and Torah scholar-vve are tion most people have towards compla­ stature, and by extension, the adulation shaken and crushed. We find ourselves cency. VVhile the 1najority of us entertain of his peers and talmidim. Instead, he

suspended where there is nothing but the worthy an1bitions1 and dream grandiose chose to dedicate his prodigious gifts to awesome silence awaiting our faith and dreams, we seem peculiarly unable to stimulate the quest for excellence in all trust. In the shadow of that faith, there translate these aspirations into reality. The who sought his tutelage or advice, and are no questions, and we can be at peace; reason is as si1nple as it is obvious. turn then1 into heroes of their O\Vn beyond that shadow, we learn that accord. A brief overvie\V of his history there are no answers, and we are con­ reveals the way this principle was man­ demned to unren1itting pain and grief. HIS QUEST FOR EXCELLENCE ifest in his life. Reb Eliezer \Vas a paragon of consu1n­ mate faith, maintaining in tin1es of grave Excellence of any 1neaningful sort crisis his signature "Gevaldik!" - an ever­ necessitates industry and perseverance, OF PEHSISTENCE, present affirmation that the Ribbono she! and we don't like hard work. Ineluctably, RESOLVE, AND Joy Olam is in charge and all is well. Our \Ne sink into 1nediocrity, and in 1nedi­ readiness to be inspired by his exan1ple ocrity \Ve realize that we have betrayed From his earliest years, Reb Eliezer at this critical juncture is at once ages­ the fulfillment of our excellence and failed demonstrated an aversion to coasting on ture of great 1nerit to his neshan1a, and our personal pron1ise. The resultant self­ his gifted kishronos (talents). By age 13, a testin1ony to his supre1ne triumph as conte1npt is unbearable; for relief, we turn he had mastered and diligently memo­ our teacher. to heroes. Identifying with heroes pro­ rized A1esechta Zcvachitn in its entirety. vides us with vicarious excellence. We live While yet in yeshiva, he would common­ through the distinction and glory of oth- ly learn for six consecutive hours \Vith II. REB ELI EZER - A BLAZING FIRE

Reb Eliezer was full of such efferves­ MOTHERS AND FATHERS ALIGNED SAVING KIDS cence and vitality that \Ve can only call him a blaze of fire; so1neone so passion­ Support for Parents of Children-In-Conflict ate and imposing, that we were compelled CONFIDENTIAL HOTLINE to be his students. We felt drawn to him and were eager to be in his con1pany. Parent Support Groups What about Reb Eliezer had this effect Yeshiva Liaison on us? I believe that it was because he E-Mail Support Group elevated everyone everY'vhere he went. Sibling Support Groups This was true not only of his talmidim, STARR Female Sibling Program \Vho venerated him, and to whom his Private Consultation every \.Vord of encouragement meant so Rd'errals much, but to everyone who crossed his Educational Forums path, young and old, close or distant. His Prevention and Awareness , presence was infectious and uplifting. Parent Mentoring Group [ When he would enter a large public gath- Lending Library L' ~u~~s-~fp-eople vying for_h_i_s ______unbroken concentration and song, take As Reb Eliezer grew, he turned this Eliezer's very presence made an i1nplic­ a brief respite, and return for another si.x­ perspective and force on others. it demand upon his surroundings: hour stretch. At night, he would line up Ultimately, he became the quintessen­ "Vechazakta vehayisa le'ish - stand up three sh tenders and lean on them so that tial mentor, teaching hundreds of for yourself and be the very strongest per­ he would not fall asleep while learning. talmidim to renounce their n1ediocrity son you can be!" \Vhen, on occasion, he \vould nod off, in favor of pursuing their full promise. the shtenders would fall down and he My son-in-law had an ability, an would get up and learn so1ne more. inspired sense, to recognize the unique CANDLES IN THE DARK Reb Eliezer intuitively grasped even endowments of each of his charges, and then that, aptitude notwithstanding, his urged that image upon them until it Let me close with an image. During the summer months, Ohr Yisroel moved its program to the Catskills. At least once every year during this period, the HE INSISTED ON TEACHING NINTH GRADE Rebbetzin and I would travel to the coun­ INSTEAD OF A HIGHER LEVEL, SO HE COULD try to visit with our children and grand­ GET TO KNOW HIS TALMIDIM FROM THE children, an interlude of particular delight. Typically, at the third meal on BEGINNING, THE BETTER TO GUIDE Shabbos, the lights would go out, as is THEIR CONSTANT ASCENT. the practice at Shalash Seudos in many Chassidic circles, and it would become impenetrably dark in the dining room. potential could only be addressed with burned in the forefront of their minds. Two hundred students sat together tireless persistence and resolve. He also For that reason, he insisted on teaching with Reb Eliezer at their head, and they intuited another crucial element, the ninth grade instead of a higher level, so \vould sing zemiros of yearning and indispensability of joy and passion. he could get to know his talmidim from deveikus. Sometimes they would sing for Reb Eliezer managed to find and expose the beginning, the better to guide their an hour or inore, invariably vvith pas­ in every possible n101nent and precinct constant ascent. Reb Eliezer demand­ sion and gusto. It was paradise. Then it of life the simcha and exhilaration ed, encouraged, exhorted and pushed would become quiet, and Reb Eliezer which that moment held. Throughout until hashalheves ala mei'eileha - until would speak. He would urge the boys to his young life, my son-in-la\v's industry his students were ignited vvith a vision live completely; he would move them for­ and sinicha transfor1ned hi1n fron1 a of their achievable potential. He set a new ward to themselves. He filled them with drea1ner of great dreams to a maker of bar of excellence for Chassidishe yeshiv­ his fire, and infused them with his temer­ great realities. How else could he have as, as Ohr Yisroel's talmidim attained the ity. In the dark, he was a voice that called completed Shas with mefarshim m forefront of accomplishment in them to their greatness. Then, long after depth by his thirty-fifth birthday? Gemara, halacha and sifrei mussar. Reb Shabbos had ended, a little boy would bring two candles and set them down in front of Reb Eliezer. Just his face would be lit and visible. FROM- YOUR CAR IN ISRAEl VVe find ourselves now in a very dark *US$ place where we can no longer see l\.eb .90 S

24 --~------Wehistory, live in andserious much times. hangs A pivotal in the momentbalance. in.·o···.··.···•ur····There/;..·.. ·· ..· .. ··.•.·.·.•.·.··.:._'§ are many ways in which we can make an impact.71J6 · ~1.1stj.u . tilt the scales in our favor · and one of them is by the J recital of just one word. That's right, just one small word can.mak~~;~rld of difference. And that one word is Jr.ii$. · ·

Just One Word is a r~markable collection of true sto· ~8fd ries, eye·opening .pl#'ables, and Sage insights - all centered on the awesome power of the word Jl'.ll<. You'll find stories from arourtd the world and throughout the ages; stories to read out loud, share with others, and tum to time and again. One thing is certain: after reading this inspiring book, your understanding, appreciation, and pronouncement of the word Jl'.ll< will never be the same!

Yitur ut(dersta:rtdiµg .ofP!'rim by l(wiYdi<>slnm amuno\ 1··~ Back~·in-·pnnt and the Megillah. will never be ABLAZE ]HEI{EM.ARI«\BLE the same once you know ..• in lheDarkenlngGloom Tm: un; or Rav Meir Shapiro'"--xr D10GRAl'HYOF What's Botherin~ R.ashi? RAYl\tEIR SHAtlRO~tt /fl~illas e..tl;li41" Originator ofl1af1faYomi By Avigdqr. Bortchek 'T'his groundbreaking ..series not only ABl~e · .1 teaches students of allages to be.tter unders.tand the meaning of. Rashi's it1t~e comril_~ritiiry; 'bllt- also_- trains< you to l}ar}(el)ing e.?{amine:_'1-erses, wordst and- phrases_-:- -as Rashlwotlld. Gle>om wi Rabbl.Bonchek applies the same ...•· ;,_l:!aChert:-_-le~derr_- _v_ision­ 'lls and power of analysis thathir . celebrated · for e _this series _so_ popular;__ to- one­ · .. g· .the concei't of d 11teratur<1-Megillas Esther. YomL.. Rav Meir Cdepth analysis of Ras hi,· contains analy. r.t a world caught in the ses ofthe ... · . titshk coirtmenlary to Megillas Est/tf!r, as well as artinsight· brief47 years, h7 changed ful introduction to the text. the fa& of Europ¢i!ll ewiy: frt the pages ofthis ~i;m, com· This year, nnmaskthe true message and meaning of Purim... by learning ptehertsive volume, Rav MeirShapir\> and the world he lived What's. Bothering Rashi? in comes vividly to life.. Have you read yet this A beloved classic, bestselling book?! Back-in· Print! For Goodness' OuRSAcES Sake SHOWED Rabbi Boruch Brull THE WAY By Yocheved Segal ow can you turn an ordinary moment H into something extra-ordinary? With an treasure trove of 206 anno­ act of chesed, and the proof lies in this collec­ A tated, illustrated stories tion of over 70 stories that celebrate the frotn Midrashic and Talmudic transforming po,ver of lovingkindness. This sources that will delight and remarkable collection demonstrates hovv a educate d1ildren of all ages. .!'.--single act of chesed can change a life forever! New 3 volume edition.

6 FELD HEIM PUBLISHERS I www.feldheim.com llillaa--"'-~lfi~Torah Literature of Quality 8::.00::.·.:23::_:7~·;,;71;,;4,;,9____ _ Join Our Gedolei Yisroel In Their Annual Matanos L'evyonim Campaign Rabbi Matisyahu C. Salomon 637 Szxth Street Lakewood, NJ 08701 Dea1· Friend, It · i 11 0.J ··· is my great h onor and · ·1 support to the annual M t pnv1 ege to lend my which is guided by th .a on.os Le'evyonim campaign Yosef Rosenblum Shl·te mFsp1red leadership of Hara; . ' a. or ove fF 1mportant campaign has brou r. hteen years, this hundreds offamilies. ght rehef and joy to many The nis ·11 yonos of these 'am1" ·1 ies· run th J ness, genuine poverty d e gamut of severe Often the money must ba~ sudden unemployment. wouldn'ttamperwiththe" e .olr;varded in a way that rnmi Yspnde The Matonos Le'evyonim ca . . . funds on Purim day t Am . mpaign distributes all £ ·1· o er1can f ·1· am1 Jes temporarily resid. . . A ~m1 Ies or Israeli Ing lll mer1ca Share this great mitzvah . . donation will go far in brin ·;:1th us. Your generous hearts. It will allow th g g JOY to many broken and then, in turn, so cane:~o have a truly festive Purim Sincerely IA I~ ~ ../\ ~An "

Gomlei chesed has a list of Hundreds of Families whose degree of poverty and desperation has reached rock bottom Help Us Help Them! Gomlei Chesed is an organization which is run by volunteers. Donations are not directed to any overhead costs. Every cent of your donation will be well spent. It won't pay our advertising expenses, rather it will go straight to the poor people you wish to help!

Please rush your tax-deductible contribution payable to Gomlei Chesed and sent to: -~~IJbi l\!~t!s,~~~ll SaJ()ll10n,~~X~i_xt~ Street, Lakewood, New Jers~x_!J8701 You Can Now Drop Off Your Contribution Toward Our Gedo/ei Yisroe/'s Gom/ei Chesed Matonos Le'evyonim Campaign Every day till Purim day at 4:00 p.m. " . '

I

I

I

I

I The Jewish Observer of November a personal account by "Abe I '04 featured several articles on the Goodson," a young man who had suf­ theme, "The Light at the End of the fered from emotional difficulties and I Tunnel: Recognition, Diagnosis and successfully underwent therapy. The I Treatment to Achieve Mental issue inspired a large number of let­ Health," which included discussions by ters, several of which appear below, I I menta I hea Ith practitioners as well as with a Postscript by Mr. Goodson. ' I

JO'S MISSION - BRINGING ONCE­ nobody sees. She may be checking and TABOO ISSUES TO THE FOREFRONT rechecking to see if the door is really I locked, or keeps checking the alarm clock To the Editor: THE COMPULSIVELY PIOUS - NOT to see if it was properly set. I I As the president of the organization NECESSARILY SUFFERING FROM OCD The question, then, to ask the patient listed below on behalf of the active mem- or family member is whether this form I I bership I represent, I \vish to cornn1end To the Editor: of behavior manifests itself in areas in you for the series of articles on Mental I read with interest Rabbi Simcha life not associated with piety. I Health that appeared in the Nov. '04 edi­ Feuerman's article in the November JO The other diagnostic question is actu­ tion of The Jewish Observer. on diftCrentiating extreme piousness from ally a reformulation of Rabbi Feuerman's The articles touched upon topics that Obsessive-Co1npulsive Disorder key question. Rather than putting the I are very close to home as our member­ ("Totally Engrossed Extreme emphasis on whether the chumra ship consists of parents and siblings, all Piousness or Obsessive-Co1npulsive enhances or impinges upon the religious of whom are helping a family member Disorder"). As a general medical prac­ development of the person, I find it more I cope with the agonies of mental chal­ titioner in a large Orthodox co1nn1uni­ helpful to ask whether he or she finds the I lenges and the subsequent familial ty (Bora Park), I need to deal with this need to comply with the chumra oppres­ responsibilities. issue not infrequently. I have found two sive. Most people with OCD recognize the I I It is incun1bent upon publications diagnostic questions that help me dif­ dysfunctionality of what they are doing I such as the one you spearhead to bring ferentiate between the two behaviors. but are compelled to do it anyway, while to the forefront issues that until very The first is based on the observation a pious person will find it neither bur­ recently have been considered taboo. that isolated extreme religious piousness densome nor unco1nfortable and will I Education is the key to understanding. in the absence of other obsessions or indeed be uplifted by it. Only through awareness of the painful compulsions is unusual in OCD. The DAVID M. ZIEMBA, MD I yet prevalent problems of mental health teenager who repeats words in Brooklyn, NY among us, can the Jewish community Shemoneh Esrei is often also washing his begin to understand and act to help those hands throughout the day or keeps on AUTHOR'S RESPONSE who suffer as a result of the trials and organizing his desk or closet to be just tribulations of a mental illness. exactly so. The woman who is unduly First, it is most heartening to hear that BERT GROSS preoccupied with she'eilos in Taharas general medical practitioners are mak- I I President, Parents of Young Adults Hamishpacha often spends her day ing efforts to be sensitive and responsive I with Special Needs, Inc. scrubbing and rescrubbing her sparkling to their patients' mental health issues. I Flushing, NY counter to remove the speck that Olk<>, pre•pf" re re'rerf lo ""•= re1cl1 i

27 L-~------~- ~~------~ M A R C H 2 0 0 5

personal inatters. Indeed, an en1pathic development of the person, I find it accordance with one of the golden physician who is genuinely interested in more helpful to ask whether he or she rules of social work, "Always begin his patients' well being, mind and body, finds the need to comply with the your work where the client is at." \vill engender an environment in his chu111ra oppressive." J\1eaning, do not argue with a person's exam room that helps a person open up Here are my thoughts: Although version of reality. lnstead, find out how and talk about mental health. Therefore, with some individuals this approach may to be helpful within the person's perspec­ the number of cases Dr. Zie1nba is work well, with others it can still feed into tive and fra1nework. encountering in his practice is directly their guilt. They will feel, or say, "I should RABBl S!MCHA FEUERMAN, LCSW proportionate to his attunen1ent to his be doing this chumra anyway. I am bad patients' needs. Yeyasher kochacha to him. for finding it to be too oppressive." This OVERCOMING HAZARDS Second, I want to respond to his spe­ is why I find a better approach is to ask cific comment, "Rather than putting the them if this chumra is actually helping To the Editor: emphasis on whether the chumra them to accomplish their spiritual goals, Your recent issue that focused on striv­ enhances or impinges upon the religious or, instead, disabling them. This is in ing for mental health (Nov. '04 ), was on target. It parallels much of what I am try­ ing to see happen on the educational front [see Mrs. Steinberg's "Accommodating EDE Children with Special Needs," JO, Sept. '04 - N.W.] but this is more global. To , reach perfection as a human being one does not have to be perfect per se, and that Latest updates must be understood and appreciated by the greater community. Although Abe Goodson was not lucky enough to be born "perfect,'> how inuch more did he con­ Last preconstruction phase tribute to our greater community by telling "NBA III" will soon close his story and validating getting help for all those suffering in silence than the "per­ In advance of the closing, presentations will be held in the fect" person who takes a normal life for UK and US in March. Those interested in attending are granted and just lives life as it comes. invited to e-mail: [email protected]. Avi Shafran's article ("Super Powers") was right on the mark, as well, by show­ Please note: This is the FINAL preconstrnction phase - ing us how much more valuable the life applicants will be limited to two spots. For an e-brochure of Christopher Reeve was as a quadri­ please e-mail: [email protected]. To view the latest 3D plegic than as a multi-million-dollar box office success. animated plans and photos of the groundbreaking event MRS. LEAH STEINBERG please visit the Eden Hills homepage. Brooklyn, NY Mrs. Steinberg is Director of Agudath Israel's Project l..E.A.R.N.

EXPLORING THE ROOTS OF MENTAL HEALTH 1111 i

!Ill I > ·V ' .. •. ·...... '· ~-(~~~~ To the Editor: THE EDEN HIIJSTEAM: Jn1tiators: l)evorah and Jake .Leibowitz I Land C\mnsel: .Ye\llida Raveh/!Jri .Yamin, Esq,• l Enviromne.nt .& Ecology: .E.S:L/DL Ron. Les}J~;1r1•Ll\ndstape. · Regarding the Nov. '04 Jewish Architects: Sade Qoldstein .& Mni : Anat Sade, Tomer Goldstein !Planners: .;PJesner Observer issue on mental health, the arti­ Archltects/Ufrich Plesner/1[3i1menberg!Nadav Salamon I·. Water.~ Se;vage: .Zafrir\Veinstein cles were informative, but 1nore e1npha­ Engineers I Tr;1ffic & Roa\]s: Rosenblqm/Amir/Monera/Kineret D"jr J Econon:llc Consµltants: sis on prevention would have been Halevi Dweck/Y.akov Dweck .I Electricity: ltkiQ. lllum E9ginfering/Eran)3lum 1.. Land helpful. Mental illness in adults exists, Issues, .mngmt: Tafnit Wind/Shlorn:it Shaar I GeneraLCounsel: Silber;SG110ttenlels & Gerlier.Joel.Silber, Esq. 972-2-62?,7751 [email protected] in part, certainly, because of abuse they suffered as children by well-intentioned parents and caregivers. In his essay, "Abe Goodson," perhaps unaware of this connection, omits mention of the stress- THE JEWISH OBSERVER

I es he undoubtedly endured during I am baruch Hashem recovering are really going through, it causes childhood. Exploring such relation­ from PPD, actually just on "maintenance heartache on both sides. ships would lead to healthier outcomes. treatment" now. I was very fortunate in I feel so strongly about this, and wish With that in mind, Rabbi Orlowek's having the kind of nature which allows to do anything in my power to raise the article on healthy parenting (JO, Sep. '04) me to seek help, and find people to talk awareness that mental illnesses need treat­ would have made a fine addition to the to, when I am feeling "down." I had also ment just like physical ones, and do not Nov. issue, in that is discusses preven­ just completed a course in counseling, suggest any fault in the victim. I have tion of mental illness. If parents inter­ so I had an idea what was wrong with baruch Hashem had two article on PPD nalized Rabbi Orlowek's message - me. Consequently, I consulted my doc­ accepted for publication in various healthier parenting builds emotionally tor, took medication, and went to a coun­ Jewish publications, and hope to con­ and mentally healthier kids - the frequen­ selor for therapy. Another thing which tinue writing more. cy and severity of mental illness in the helped me immensely was Rabbi Although your publication did indeed population would diminish. Twerski's excellent book, Getting Up a wonderful job of airing mental health MRS. E.T. KANNER When You Are Down. He puts mental ill­ issues, I felt the article, <(On Nature and Brooklyn, NY ness into such clear perspective. Nurture;' did not reveal the real agony I know, however, that most women and helplessness experienced. APPRECIATES TACKLING MENTAL are not like this. Having PPD, or any form Wishing you continued success in the HEALTH ISSUES of mental illness, such as OCD, is con­ production of a truly high-level peri­ sidered a major shame and kept as a odical. To the Editor, dreadful secret. NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST I just want to express my feelings of The only route to recovery is by Manchester, U.K. hakaras hatov (gratitude) to you for"rid­ accepting help, both physically and ing with the times" and publicly mentally, and the way this can be FULL DISCLOSURE, FULL ACCEPTANCE acknowledging, and thereby informing achieved is by bringing the issues the public of, major issues that have been into the open, and thereby removing the To the Editor: plaguing our society. stig1na. Your commitment to educating the Hopefully, discussion of mental ill­ Another group of people who need Jewish public regarding mental illness is ness will spur greater acceptance and this "education" are the parents of most commendable. Unfortunately, the understanding of the issues and will bid young married couples. With all the best subject has long been ignored to the to more help and support (housing, jobs, intentions, they grew up in a much detriment of the many who are afflict­ social opportunities) for those afflicted tougher generation, where PPD was not ed with the illness and for whom with this problem. One big issue that I something experienced, perhaps, or understanding and support could alle­ feel needs to be addressed is the shidduch just not talked about. When they try to viate so much of the pain. prospects for siblings and children of help us, but don't understand what we The articles were concise and inform- those who have a mental illness. How valid are the fears of people in our com­ munity when it comes to making a shid­ duch with family members; what are the hereditary factors? Thank you for being courageous and responsible. Someone with a relative who has a mental illness

ARTICLES ON MENTAL HEALTH: FOR STEPS ALONG THE WAY THE FINEST· To the Editor: IN I am writing to thank you for your PHOTOGRAPHY I wonderful issue, "Light at the End of the AND VIDEO Tunnel." As someone who is currently I' in the process of slowly emerging from USA/ISRAEL j that tunnel, it is an immense relief to see ! ~~ntal health issues being brought to Lt in a frum, widely-read publication. M A R C H 2 0 0 5

ative even to one well versed in the sub­ a question that only an obsessive person Dal Yomi- Coach ject such as myself. The seeming inabil­ could ask. Somehow his question ity of the religious community to move became known to all, making him the Rabbi Moshe Goldberger ahead in an area where so much is need­ laughing stock of the whole yeshiva. What to assist in mastering the ed remains a mystery, as we are a peo­ 1 find sad is that despite all of this pub­ Oaf, Mishna and Tanach ple of compassion and chesed. licity, no one thought of getting him pro­ Comments such as "Snap our of it!" fessional help. and "You're doing it to yourself!" from When I was in first year beis midrash, 718-948-2548 well-meaning people are ridiculous I wasn't feeling well. My father thought Yeshiva Fund rhetoric to one who finds him/herself it would be a good idea for me to go for Box 82 immersed in the murky, turbulent abyss a physical by a well-known doctor. The Staten Island, NY 10309 of depression because try as they might, doctor gave n1e a thorough exa1nination, in reality, they just can't help it. and told me that my problem was an Moreover, such comments only act to fur­ emotional one. He reco1n1nended that ther alienate the individual suffering from I see a therapist. I was relieved by his au illness often not understood by the 'ic­ advice, but felt that I should consult a tim, let along by others seeking to help. mentor friend. When I asked him, he said, Most candid was the article written "Take the doctor to a yeshiva. We'll show by Abe Goodson, advising that, in a shid­ him real simcha." duch situation, "When one withholds I baruch Hashem found help when information, the results may be disas­ I was twenty. I was then studying in trous:' This aspect cannot be emphasized Eretz Yisroel, and I felt miserable. I went strongly enough. Regardless of the sit­ to a prominent Mashgiach to discuss uation, the higher the stakes, the greater my problems. He went straight to his is the need for em es. Telling the truth, rolodex, and gave me the names of two D 1. M. Zanitzky the whole truth, and nothing ln1t the therapists. I began seeing one, and over D 2. Rabbi M. Zanitzky truth should be followed at all times, in the next six months, felt a tremendous D 3. Rabbi M. Zanitzky every situation, no matter vvhat the antic­ improvement in my life. I can only ipated outcome. !i ,1pe that my classmates were as D 4. Rabbi Y. Blum The need to continue to educate lucky as I. 0 5. Rabbi Y. Blum regarding the challenges of mental ill­ Recently, at a wedding, a friend of D 6. Rabbi D. Friedman ness is great. You have obviously chosen mine confided in me that he had begun D 7. Rabbi Y. Margareten to take the necessary steps. I can only seeing a therapist. He had been suffer­ D 8. Rabbi B. Hirschfeld hope and pray that The Jewish Observer ing from obsessive thoughts for the past D 9. Rabbi B. Hirschfeld will continue to forge ahead until such ten years. Mr. Goodson's idea of having time that the mentally ill and their fam­ classes for parents and Rebbeim to learn D 10. Rabbi R. Gerson ilies are given their proper due. about the various mental illnesses D 11. Rabbi D. Lebowics Yasher Koach, should be helpful in saving many teens D 12. Rabbis Weinberger I PARENT OF A CHILD WHO HAS from years of suffering. N. Scherman BEEN -AND STILL Is - THERE Group therapy has proven to be help­ M. Eisemann IF. Schachter New York City ful for obsessive people as well as peo­ D 13. Rabbi D. Gottlieb ple with almost all other mental health U 14. Rabbi D. Gottlieb IGNORING THE SIGNALS, FOR A WHILE issues. It removes the person's feelings 0 15. Rabbi D. Gottlieb of isolation, and gives the person a chance To the Editor: to speak with others who are in similar 0 16. Rabbi Y. Feitman The article by "Abe Goodson," situations. Hopefully, with mental health Cost: $6.00 per tape describing his experience as being obses­ issues being acknowledged by the com­ $80.00 entire series sive-co1npulsive in yeshiva, could have munity, this will also be available in the (save $16.00) been written by myself or by five of my frum community. ($86.00 entire series with album) peers. I, too, wondered why the hanhala Thank you for bringing more aware­ did not realize that I was in desperate ness to our community about mental Send payment to: need of help. I identified with his feel­ health issues, and may Hashem send help TCN Tapes ings of being isolated and joked about. to all those in need. Box 504, Wickliffe, Ohio 44092 I remember one of my classmates ask­ NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST ing a rebbe a question on milk and meat, Brooklyn, NY

30 THE JEWISH OBSERVER POSTSCRIPT ' It has been brought to my attention able to enter into marriage in good faith, ally lead to a closer and more trusting rela­ that a inisconception may arise from and puts his/her trust in Hashem tionship than experienced by people reading my article, "Hashem Helps Yisbarach, then the couple should have without such pre-existing conditions. Those Who Help Themselves!' The full confidence of Hashem Yisbarach's It is clear that one need not wait until introductory paragraphs describe how help to achieve a very positive outcome being completely"cured" in order to look I had entered into an "ill-advised mar- despite the difficulties. The required forward to happy marriage prospects. A riage" following my turbulent years hishtadlus actions are to: ( 1) work dili­ marriage can indeed flourish despite the struggling with mental illness. These gently with mental health profession­ existence of emotional difficulties, as long words may lead readers to the incorrect als to overcome the challenges and reach as each party understands the potential conclusion that a person who either had a high level of functionality (through weakness and has a strong will to con­ or currently has a diagnosable psychi­ therapy and/or medication, as needed); tinuously improve. With the assistance atric condition, such as depression or and (2) prior to marriage, communi­ of some professional counseling, skill sets obsessive-compulsive disorder, should cate frankly with one's prospective and adjustment strategies can be devel­ despair of being able to look forward marriage partner about his/her own oped such that both parties will bring to a happy marriage, or that marriage challenges, with the request that the their respective strengths into the mar­ in general may be "ill-advised" :·or such partner be willing to work in unison to riage, and prevent psychological (or a person. Nothing is further from the prevail over those difficulties. other) weaknesses from eroding their truth. In my situation, marriage was "ill­ In cases where mental health issues were trust in each other. In this way, the chal­ advised" due to the fact that the exist­ not discussed in advance of marriage, the lenges that face the couple can actually ing underlying problems remained sudden appearance of trouble after the wed­ serve as a catalyst for forging a marriage untreated, with the illusory expectation ding can lead to a free-fall in the marriage, with deeper understanding of and that "love heals all." with associated feelings of despair and fear appreciation for each other. By contrast, we have every reason to of more unwelcome surprises; by contrast, Thank you very much again for your believe that if a person performs the nec­ early disclosure between the two parties support. essary hishtadlus (human efforts) to be and professional intervention could actu- ABE GOODSON

·I' Call ~AM .P~ #.Lud· _:;,'(877) A PRESENT (877) 277-3736 df\C\ \.e'"'e"9 www.BasketsTolsrael.com ~os"ef Visa and Mastercard accepted

31 SHALOM BAYIS-PLUS

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE

A REVIEW ARTICLE BY RABBI MORDECHAI BISER

he Gemara (Berachos 32b) with young married men in Lakewood process of writing Dear Son, a book for teaches us that four things on shalom bayis matters. Based in large young men similar to Dear Daughter. T require constant effort and part on these vaadim, he wrote :n1'7~"1 Based on the manuscript he left, and the chizuk (reinforcement). Included in the - a beautiful sefer for chassanim to material in ~11'm, his family complet­ list are maasim tovim (good deeds) and learn during shana rishona (first year of ed the book and it has just been published. derech eretz (proper conduct). Surely The book is written in the form of included in those categories is chizuk for short letters "from the heart" from a shalom bayis, improving our marital rela­ father to his newly married son, and in tionship.' But in our hectic and often har - this fashion it very pleasantly and gen­ ried lives, where do we find meaningful tly presents the chassan with a wealth of inspiration and realistic, practical advice guidance. Based firmly on the teachings to enable us to work at improving our of Chazal, and illustrated with marvelous marriage, and how do we find the time stories and anecdotes drawn largely from to put such advice into practice? the author's own life experiences, Dear There are, fortunately, quite a num­ Son takes the reader through many top­ ber of books (and some tape series) that ics essential to building shalom bayis. The present the Torah perspective on this vital secular vs. the Torah view of love, the topic. Learning any of these is a good importance of viewing one's spouse pos­ place to start; what follows is a brief itively, how to speak with your wife, learn­ review of a few of the more recently­ ing her language, how to apologize, how released works. Following the reviews are to resolve differences, how to avoid anger, some suggestions as how to best provide and much more are all discussed with young couples with advice on shalom marriage) and beyond. Rabbi warmth and wisdom, and spiced with wit bayis in a way that will have a lasting Goldschmidt then wrote Dear and humor. What is particularly special impact on their marriages. 2 Daughter,' which presents Torah wisdom about Dear Son is that the advice is pre­ and advice to about-to-be-married and sented in a style that is so caring and Dear Son, by Rabbi Eliyohu Goldschmidt newly married young women on how to pleasant that the reader won't feel he is (Mesorah Publications, Brooklyn, NY, achieve and maintain shalom bayis. being lectured to-divrei chachamim 2004) When he was niftar (passed away) four benachas nishma'im-but he will feel years ago, Rabbi Goldschmidt was in the inspired to listen to the author's advice Rabbi Boruch Eliyohu Goldschmidt 1 Heard from Rabbi Yisroel Rokowsky Rabbi Aharon Feldman's The River, the Kettle, 7":.t, former Mashgiach of the Yeshiva of 2 This article is a review only of those books and the Bird; Rabbi Ezriel Tauber's To Become South Fallsburg, for many years conduct­ and tapes that were presented to the author One; Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's Marriage; Rabbi ed weekly vaadim (discussion groups) to review for the Jewish Observer. It is far from Shmuel Eisenblatt's Fulfillment in Marriage; a comprehensive survey of the Torah litera- Rabbi Yirmiyahu and Tehilla Abramov's Two RABBI BISER IS ASSOCIATE GENERAL COUNSEL ture in English on marriage, and should not Halves of a \Vhole; Malka Kaganoff's ])ear oF AGUDATH ls RAEi. oF AMERICA. His FIRST ARTJ· be taken as indicating a preference for the Kallah; Atara Malach's You Owe it to Yourself, CLE 1 N JO \VAS "SHAI.oM BA Y1s: THE NEED FOR books reviewed as opposed to the other books and many more. 3 I FORMAL HAORACHA," SUMMER '01. 1-h: 1s STELL in the field. Indeed, there are a number of This book was reviewed in these pages by Mrs.

~"' '"" """' "'''"" ... ·----- ·--other~cellen~wor:on-th~top>c~nclud1ng ---~)e~ra~B1ser 1n)-u~'O~------·-·~--o1 THE JEWISH OBSERVER

and attempt to implement it. revitalize your love- even when you ill icld But don't be misled by the title; Dear will both be in your nineties.' explains•~i

While this is an eclectic work, contain­ many fewer people who would ever need Cohen's What Did You Say?: Making I ing both Chassidic stories and quotes to read Part II. Yourself Understood in Marriage provides from contemporary non-Jewish us with that knowledge. It is based on authors, inspiring divrei Torah and What Did You Say? (Making Yourself the author's Habayit Hayehudi, a book practical hands-on marriage counseling Understood in Marriage), by Rabbi widely popular in Israel. Rabbi Cohen, advice) the 1nessage is always one that is Simcha Cohen (Simcha Cohen, 2000) an acclaimed lecturer and marriage coun­ firmly grounded in a Torah hashkafa. selor, delves deeply into classic Torah Interestingly, the book ends with a Part Good marriages are built upon good sources in every chapter, and then pres- II-several chapters of advice for those n1arital comn1unication in particular. ents the application of those timeless les­ entering second 1narriages. But if every What inforn1ation can we acquire that sons for married couples. Indeed, What newly married couple were to follow will give us the concrete) practical Did You Say? is a fascinating combina­ Rabbi Twerski's advice and read, and then knowledge to improve our daily inter­ tion of gently presented but powerful from time to time reread, Part I of The actions and avoid negativity and mussar together with down-to-earth First Year of Marriage, there would be destructive criticism? Rabbi Simcha advice, drawn from the author's many years of experience in counseling cou­ ples. Starting with sound advice for dat­ ing and shidduchim, Rabbi Cohen then

This sefer "Chazarat Hashas" is unique. It will be of great help to the scholars, Yeshiva and Daf Hayomi students. What benefits can one derive from it?

Magid shi'ur: All minute details for the lesson are prepared for you. Yeshiva students: Your bki'us seder made easy, and fruitful. Guaranteed! NO\V you can prepare a shi'ur based on Ramba1n, Ra'vad, Shulchan Aruch and 1'v1e'iri. Making yours , :, -:-' understooi::i> Talrnidey Daf Hayomi hJ marriage A Jewish Before the Shi'ur: Previev,r the daf ahead of time. Knowing \vhat it is all about perspective beforehand, \vill help you to concentrate and understand the Gemara fully. It \vill also enable you to participate in class discussions. takes us step-by-step through the chal­ After the shiur: Review intensively the psak halacha relevant to the daf lenges and pitfalls of marital communi­ Test Yourself: Find out how well you have revie\ved the daf You lNill note that the first cation. He shows us dramatically, lines of each halacha are highlighted, while the balance is not. This will help you test through Torah sources and real-life yourself by looking at the highlighted lines, and thereafter see whether you know the rest. examples, why giving compliments is Your Chavrusa: When you test yourself - as indicated above - you serve as your own sometimes so difficult and, yet, why chavrusa, you ask the questions and you answer them. bestowing the right type of compliment Mastering the daf: Nov,r you \viii have the ability to have the Rambain, Shulchan Aruch, is so vital to a relationship. When and the Me'iri on the tip of your fingers. how to criticize, understanding our spouse's needs, how Seder Zra'im, Moed, Noshim and Nezikin covering 28 ge111oros , have been printed by to understand and talk your spouse's language, how to apol­ 110\V. Each set is in two volumes, and cost only $35.00. ogize, and how and what to talk about Seder Nezikin already printed and is on its vvay from Israel. It will be available in book are some of the many other topics stores in n1id January '05. addressed in this valuable book. As we Seder Kodshim, Taharos will be printed in two volumes shortly IM"YH. read through the examples, we often can This \viii complete the \\1hole Shas in eight volumes and 39 111assechtos. see and hear ourselves, which helps open us up to the author's advice as to how Seforin1 1nay be ordered directly from the Mechabcr at: we can, and should, change the way we (718) 544-6544, or from the following distributors: communicate with our spouses. In New York: HAMOER (718) 437-0054, Fax: (718) 437-3514 In Israel: HAMASURA (02) 535-6413 5 The First YCar of Marriage, pp. 18, 54

34 THE JEWISH OBSERVER

Ten Minutes a Day to a Better Marriage, by Dr. Meir Wik/er {Mesorah Public­ ations, Brooklyn, NY, 2003) • Each Daf is read, For a kollel couple approaching shana translated, and explained rishona in proper fashion, there should slowly and clearly in just be plenty of time for both husband and 20 minutes wife to work on building their relation­ • $4 per tape (plus S&H) Iot alh1ge,~rot1~ ship. For the rest of us, when do we do • Subscription rate: $3 per tape ·for the Orthodox Jewish cotrlinl!llity. it? We can be inspired by Dear Son or Iplus S&HJ Dear Daughter, absorb the wealth of Rabbinical references available knowledge contained in What Did You Home: (718) 338-1765 I Say? or any of the other Torah-based Pager: (917) 486-5655 guides to successful n1arriage, and resolve that we are going to change. But I how, in the midst of our busy days and lives, can we actually change our normal routine in such a way that we apply that I It hurts ; 10 c

I • It hurts I inspiration and that knowledge, put our r I marriage on a path toward improvement, and start transforming our relationship with our spouse for the better? o. Dr. Meir Wikler's Ten Minutes a Day To a Better Marriage provides an answer. Drawing on his over 20 years of experi­ It feels better just to talk about it. That's ence as a family counselor, the advice of why we're here. Our staff is made up of his colleagues, and the wisdom of the caring and sensitive individuals. Together, we can help you explore your options. We Torah, Dr. Wikler presents a simple but can refer you to recognized professionals extraordinarily effective plan for helping for counseling, legal advice or help in our marriages fulfill their great potential. finding a safe environment. We can also put you in touch with some very special Dr. Wikler, in this well-thought-out Rabbis. But in order for us to reach out to and well-written book that uses actual you, you must first reach out to us. case histories from his practice to illus­ Confidential Hotline 1 . 8 8 8. 8 8 3. 2 3 2 3 trate his advice, begins by presenting the (Toll Free) "ground rules" for all marital commu­ nication. He explains how to express neg­ 718.337.3700 (NYC Area) ative feelings constructively, listen to Do it for yourself. , negative feelings non-defensively, Do it for your children. Shalom Task Force ,, a 501 (c)(3) chantable organ:zation I L"~ po,;~:"'"&' prn~''-"_'d_l-is_-__ ~____J M A R C H 2 0 0 5

ten to positive feelings without awkward­ conflict resolution techniques that real­ their lectures, men and women can ness. He then advances the seemingly ly work, and building closeness and cre­ learn much about how to communi­ simple idea that no matter how busy your ating emotional intimacy. cate with their spouses.... daily schedule, everyone can (and must) One of the things that strikes the read­ Imagine that a conflict arises find ten minutes each day for a private er is how many of the arguments and between a newly married couple. appointment with one's spouse, devot­ misunderstandings expressed by the Because of their premarital study, ed solely to genuine communication­ couples in Dr. Wikler's case studies are they ... recognize the underlying for talking about something that matters about seemingly "little things" that take problem, and realize it is the sort of to you or listening to something that mat­ 011 major importance. But in truth, it is thing liable to happen in any mar­ ters to your spouse. in dealing with all the seemingly small riage. As a result, they can sit down Many of our daily conversations things that marital relationships can together calmly and try to work out with our spouse in reality consist oflit­ either deteriorate or grow stronger. the difficulty.' tle more than a discussion of plans, Yet, realistically, in the hectic but excit­ errands, instructions, relaying of mes­ ing days between the lechayim and the sages, and the like; this is not what Dr. HADRACHA FOR THE ABOUT­ chassuna, what chassan or kalla is going Wikler means by communication. The To-BE AND NEWt.Y MARRIED to read one, or several, books 011 shalom bulk of his book consists of describing bayis? How, then, do we reach our chas­ in detail exactly what those I 0 minutes As all those involved in counseling sanim and kallos, and help them build of daily communication should, and couples urge, it is vital to provide newly their bayis ne' eman right from the should not, consist of. engaged couples with the Torah infor­ start? Dr. Wikler demonstrates with exam­ mation and tools to help them start their In this author's humble opinion, a ples from the dialogues of actual cou­ relationship out properly and guide them vehicle already exists to help teach ples how, following his 10-minute-a-day through the opportunities and obstacles chassanim and kallos about shalom plan and his guidelines for effective of shana rishona." As Rabbi Simcha bayis: chassan and kalla classes. Every speaking and listening, husbands and Cohen vvrites: chassan and every kalla in our con1mu­ wives can resolve even long-standing, In recent years, engaged couples nity attends a number of sessions-usu­ deep-seated disputes and differences. For take lessons not only in the laws of ally individually with a private example, by seeing how Hadassah and family purity, but also in the art of instructor-for instruction in taharas Mutty resolved their disagreement over living together harmoniously. This is hamishpacha and other halachic aspects where to go on vacation, and how Sam a very welcome development. As of married life. If those teaching them and Nava worked out a solution to their experienced marriage counselors were to add on to each session the essen­ after-shul plans for Shabbos mornings, can testify, practically all problems tial basics for success in shalom bayis, the we see not only that peaceful resolution that arise in married life are ultimate­ young couple would begin married life of disagreements is possible, but we also ly caused not by the couple's differ­ with at least an understanding of the learn how to achieve it. ences in character, but by their issues they are likely to confront." A num­ In addition to counseling us on the inability to deal with these differences. ber of American yeshivos, including importance of good communication with Each partner should learn as much Lakewood, are now providing chassan­ one's spouse, Dr. Wikler's book contains as possible about building marital im with a series of shiurim on this aspect chapters on constructive criticism, gain­ harmony beforehand, rather than of marriage, in recognition of the fact ing control over one's own anger and learning it the hard way afterwards. that the standard one-time chassan dealing with your spouse's anger, how Whether through courses, seminars, shmues by the Mashgiach is no longer suf­ to shield children from marital conflict, books by Torah scholars, or tapes of ficient." We would be well advised to urge

10 6 N; discussed previously in these pages in "Slialon1 told n1e that he has ren1e1nbered this advice every In1agine the impact if Roshei Yeshiva and rab­ Bayis: The Need for Formal Hadracha," Sum1ner time he and his wife have been running late for banim, as a condition of agreeing to serve as 'OI a chassuna, and it has saved hi1n from getting 1nesadeir kiddushin, were to insist that the cou­ ple receive instruction in shalo1n bayis. 7 What JJid You Say?, pp. 63-64 annoyed literally hundreds of tin1es over the past thirty years, 11 Nevertheless, I strongly recon11nend that 8 For example, I was told by son1eone pro111inent 9 engaged bachurim in yeshiva at least n1ake an effort in our conununity that he still remembers Rabbi For this purpose, I have prepared, under the guid­ to learn Rabbi Shlo1110 \Volbe's tl'lT1T'b itJ'1To'l ""lr.lNr.J Label Katz (author of Ohel Aryei, a sefcr on hil­ ance of Rabbi Chaim Morgenstern, a brief out­ and/or Rabbi Chaiin Friedlander's 01?~ ':J nV1'1 chos 11idda for chassani1n) telling the111 that they line for chassan teachers in English, based largely "'f;?nN. Rabbi Chai1n Morgenstern (952-314-4116 should expect their wives to be late for aln1ost on the kuntreisi111 for chassaniin of Rabbi or [email protected]) can direct callers as every chassuna they wuuld attend throughout their Shloino VVolbe and Rabbi Chaim Friedlander. to how to obtain these kuntreisi111 (pan1phlets). married life. Rather than express annoyance, Rabbi Complete with sources and anecdotes, it presents 12 Katz told then1, they should remember each time the basics for shalom bayis in five sessions. Chassan The tapes can be obtained directly fro111 Rabbi that she is delayed by dressing up and putting on teachers interested in obtaining this outline should Morgenstern at the nu1nbcr listed in the previ­ make-up to look good for you. This individual contact me directly at 212-797-9000. ous footnote. THE JEWISH OBSERVER

every yeshiva, seminary, and chassan and Yakov Horowitz, menahel of Yeshiva educate the couple embarking on the kalla teacher to take immediate steps to Darchei Noam in Monsey, and Program challenge of building a Torah home. It include education for shalom bayis in the Director of Agudath Israel's Project includes a beautiful explanation of the information they impart to chassanim Y.E.S. 13 Rabbi Horowitz's experience in Torah perspective on marriage, advice and kallos. 10 trying to help at-risk teens, many of on setting goals and establishing Torah But until shalom bayis education whom come from homes lacking in values for your home, an introduction becomes the norm rather than the proper shalom bayis, inspired him to pro­ to the basic principles of time manage­ exception for soon-to-be married couples, duce this series of lectures, which were ment (to help enable us to spend more what should be done? While by no means delivered in Flatbush last spring. This time on what is really important in our the equivalent of personal instruction) well-thought-out series of talks from lives, such as our spouses and children), there are now tapes available that every prominent experts (including rabbanim, guidance in the areas of marital commu­ chassan and kal/a should acquire and hear. a marriage counselor, a time manage­ nication and relationship building (Dr. They may not have the time to read some ment trainer, and a financial planner) in Shlomo Schuck's "Ten Rules for books or learn a sefer," but they proba­ their respective fields will do much to Communication in Marriage" are excel- bly will have time when driving or walking to listen, for example, to Rabbi Chaim Morgenstem's excellent set of tapes Subscribe or give a gift of on the subject. Rabbi Morgenstern, who received his hadracha in shalom bayis training and marriage counseling from The Jewish Observer Rabbi Moshe Aaron Stern, has packed into eight shiurim for chassanim and an equivalent set for kallos the essential wis­ and Save! dom and advice of Chazal and our gedolim on building a Torah marriage." This is WHY NOT GlVE OR GET A PRESENT the ideal engagement gift, because by giv­ THAT Wlll LAST AN ENTIRE YEAR? ing these tapes you are giving the couple the knowledge and the tools that they need Subscribe, or give a gift at these reduced prices for a lifetime of marital harmony. Based and The Jewish Observer- filled with the views on divrei Chazal and the writings of recent Torah authorities, these lectures, spiced of leading Torah thinkers on current issues - will with real anecdotes to illustrate their be delivered each month, directly to your door. points, cover the gamut of married life, The longer you subscribe for, the larger your savings. including the responsibilities of a success­ I ful husband and wife, strengthening the Of course, this offer is unconditionally marital bond, causes and prevention of guaranteed; you may cancel at any time and receive anger, and do's and don'ts when disagree­ a refund for all undelivered copies. ments arise. A major advantage to these So order today, and the very next issue will be tapes is that there are different tapes for the chassan and the kalla; since there are on its way to you as soon as possible. profound differences between men and \vomen and in their obligations in mar­ 0------YES, I want to take advantage of this money saving offer! Enter my order as follows: riage, the best hadracha must present dif­ :.J SELF and/or :l GJFT'* ferent messages to each one. The tapes ll5A Oll!SlDE Name ------"-"'--'--""'-'Address should ideally be listened to before the 0 3years CoverPriceS105 Yourcost$69 $114* ---- City ------chassuna, again during shana rishona, and 0 2 years Cover Price $70 Your cost $48 $78* thereafter from time to time. We need con­ State ·----- Zip. ____ 0 l year Cover Price $35 Your cost $25 $40* stantly to remind ourselves, even years after ------; :::i•• Send gift card from: shana rislzona, of the wisdom contained , ·::J Enclosed: S therein. O~f~R or Ch~rge my: ',J MasterCard ·:i VISA Another tape series was just recent­ 42 Broadway, 14th Floor, New Y(lrk, NY 10004 'Account No. ly developed under the guidance of Rabbi The Jewish Observ.cr is published monthly except July and August. Exp. Date: (month/year) i Pleas\.' allow 4 - 6 weeks for delivery. ·outside U.S.A. price re~eds S 15 extra per year to defray air 3 digit security code i.i These tapes, ~~~t"i'tJ;d.the-;~Zi~h·~~;;-Akiva B~Yi~ ~hipping rnsts. Foreign payment must be made in US dollJr5, either Ne'en1an Seminar," can be obtained by calling 845- by cheek drawn on a bank in the U.S.A. or by 'VISA or r>fasterCard. Signature 1I 426-2243 or e-mailing [email protected]. ·~~--____d M A R C H 2 0 0 5

lent guidelines for every couple), and from a mentor, and set aside tin1e to lis­ cept is that a group gets together about direction for developing a financial ten to some of the tapes and read some once a month and hears a presentation plan for your family. The Bayis Ne'eman of the books discussed in this article. on a particular aspect that could use Seminar) in short, consists of practical, But the hadracha shouldn't stop strengthening in a marital relationship, hands-on advice for couples in those with the end of shana rishona. People and then works daily on implementing areas of life that are key ingredients in change as they go through life, and as the lesson learned for the next few weeks. building a relationship and a family. Of new challenges arise within each fami­ The idea is that "hergel naaseh teva"­ course, no books or tapes can or should ever ly, couples need some form of ongoing we become habituated to proper hanha­ be a substitute for a Rav or Rebbe, whom hadracha, or at least an occasional gos and thus make them a part of our every couple needs, and to whom they "tune-up:' One way to help ensure that daily lives." should turn for guidance on these matters. husbands in particular get this guidance Shalom bayis, good marital commu­ is to combine shalom bayis classes with nication, and a closer marital relation­ review shiurim on Hilchos Nidda-a con­ ship do not come by themselves. They AFTER THE CHASS UNA cept that is already being implemented take much siyata diShamaya and serious in a number of shuls. hishtadlus. All married couples should Those involved in preparing about­ resolve to set aside quality time on a fair­ to-be-married couples for shalom bayis ly regular basis to work on improving issues agree that, regardless of what infor­ THE SHALOM BAYIS VAAD their marriage and their shalom bayis; mation they 1nanage to iinpart prior to the books and tapes mentioned in this the chassuna, the main hadracha ideal­ For the genuinely ambitious, yet article are a good place to start. IJiJ ly should take place during shana rishona. another step could be attending a Issues and problems that were only the­ monthly "vaad" on the topic. The c~l1~ 4 KARKA IN ERETZ YISROEL oretical before the chuppa suddenly ! Rabbi Chai111 iv1orgenstern has prepared a tape Call Rabbi Gavrie! Beer for information become real, and it is then that the cou­ series of 12 vaadi111 for husbands and a correspon­ on obtaining cemetery plots in Beth ple needs the greatest guidance. Shana ding set for wives; potential vaad leaders inter­ ested in starting a vaad in their con1n1unity should Shemesh and other locations in Israel. rishona is the best time for both husband contact hin1 (see footnote 11 above) for 111ore '.nfor­ 011-972-2-656-9427 and wife to continue to receive hadracha n1ation.

TheShema Yisrael Torah Networkofverusha1ay1m Invites you to join the many doctors, lawyers, businessmen, accountants, professionals, rabbis, mashglchlm and rebbes from around the world who have successfully completed the Shulchan Aruch Learning Project. Through the means of the Shulchan Aruch a program has been designed for those who work full time and seek structure and accomplishment in their learning. The combination of explanation and organization as well as testing is allowing many from around the world regardless of their background to achieve milestones in their learning they never before thought possible, leadini;l many to even achieve Semicha. All Shiurim are given in English following the exact order of the SHULCHAN ARUCH. You will learn Mechaber, Rama, Taz, Schach, Magen Avraham, Gra, Mishna Berura and more. Available are separate programs in: lssur V'Heter, Shabbos, Eruvin, Nlddah, Aveilus Choshen Mishpat, Aveilus, Ribis, Orach Chaim and Shatnez. There are as well Mini-courses in the Making of a Kosher and Shabbos Kitchens and a course in Prayer.

For further information and details, please call us at: U.S: 732-370-3344 or: 1-800-747-2434 U.K: 020-8731-6666 - Israel: 03-616-6340 South Africa: 083-714-3166. [email protected] wwvv.shemayisrael.com

38 Your i.Matanos L'Evyonim will help bring Happiness to over

Md will save their families from utter despair! . the More You Give the More We Can Help!

.FAXTO Send your credit card info to Log on to 1423 · 44th Street 24 Hour Hotline 718-871-4104 [email protected] www.ezrasyisroel.org Brooklyn, NY 11219 800-601-4644 Safe & Secure Payment Processing Safe & Secure Payment Processing

I I' , I , SHALOM BAYIS-PLUS

SARA MEOWED It Begins With Saving ''Hello''

From woman To woman -With AMessage For Men As Well

e are all familiar with Reb levelofReb Zusha?" Reb Zusha sighed. regardless of the husband's response, or Zusha's account of nervous­ When asked why didn't I utilize my whether he even bothers to acknowledge W ly anticipating his facing the traits, my attributes, to the best of my her efforts. I told her that I don't care Beis Din shel Ma'ala - the Heavenly ability, ... then I won't have an ans\ver. what happens the rest of the day- they Court. As he put it: When we face that awesome day before can do as they please. If they want to The interrogation \Vould begin: the Beis Din shel Ma' ala, and they ask us: "fight and punch" - fine, they can behave "H.eb Zusha, why aren't you on the spir­ Why didn't we make our marriage the "naturally." (At the time, I was only itual level of Avraham Avinu?" best we could with the attributes each one addressing one specific point.) I won't worry. I'll tell the Beis Din, of us was blessed with? Why didn't we We were attempting to introduce "I am not on Avraham Avinu's level build the greatest bayis ne'eman we could, change, altering the family dynamics with because I was not blessed with the attrib­ each according to his or her own capa­ minimal effort in the morning. And I am utes of Avraham Avinu." bilities? What are we going to say? Are l 00% convinced that had she put forth Then the Beis Din will ask me, "Reb we going to have an answer? even this miniscule effort, it would have Zusha, why aren't you on the spiritual helped them. Like a pebble thrown into level of Moshe Rabbeinu?" Here, too, a pond, the small ripple spreads, caus­ I won't have to worry. I can answer them, WILL "THE REAL ME" ing a bigger ripple, then a bigger one ... "I don't have the traits or characteris­ SPEAK UP? until you effect a big change in your atti­ tics that Moshe Rabbeinu was blessed tude. It just has to start somewhere, by with, so I cannot be on his level." A few years ago, I dealt with a mar­ so1neone. Then will come the question, "Reb ried woman; this couple had been This woman, looking me in the eye, Zusha, why aren't you on the spiritual experiencing marital problems for quite said, "I can't. It's just not me. I have to a few years before the wife came to me. be honest." SARA MEOWED COU1"SELS AND LECTURES ON Without going into detail, their prohlems I tried to explain to her, "You're both Jte\VISH MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. SHE ASSISTED

HER HUSBAND IN WRITING TocJc:THER W!O ARE \Vere not one-sided. During the course adults. Even though it may be a bit forced ONE - MAKING MARRIAGE WORK (FELDHUM of counseling, I gave her a very specif­ and uncomfortable in the beginning, it's PUBLISHEltS) AND THEY HAVf: JOIN I LY CREAT­ ic work assignment. I told her that, until for the good of your marriage. You must ED THE TOGETHER WE ARF. ONE CENTER FOR the next session, I expected her to send introduce change. You must stop your MARITAL AND FAMILY HADRACHA. THE off her husband with a pleasant comment destructive cycle and begin a new positive MEDWF.DS HAVE ELEVEN CHll.DREN AND LIVE

IN RAMAT BEIT 5HEMF.SH. THIS ARTICLf: WAS - "Goodbye, have a nice day" - in the one. In this case, it 1nust come from you." I ADAPTED FROM A LECTURE MHS. MED\VED (;AVE morning when he leaves. The point was IN RAMATBE!TSHEMESH lN THE SUMMER OF'04. for her to begin the day positively - got,,, to be'"' me." ·""""'"'"""""' """' ·r~ I 40 T H E J E \V I S fl 0 B S E R V E R ~ ~------==-~~ ~

I finally asked, "You say, 'I've got to we are capable of doing for our husbands sweet voice. "Dear, I prepared breakfast be me.' Who is this 'me' you have to be? what we do so naturally for others. We for you ...." There she was with a fancy A mature woman who can't say 'hello' can and must make that effort to be the tray with delectable food. Surprised, he or 'goodbye' to her husband? We're talk­ "me" we really should be. thought: Well, it's only the first morn­ ing about your partner in marriage! Is Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak often says, ing; the next day she's sure to act the way this the real you? "The Shechina or the shecheina - the One I want... like a klavta (shrew) .... The next "Let's work through an example. Be Above or the neighbor- who affects our day was a repeat; sweet, smiling wife, honest. It's 3:30 in the afternoon; you are \vay of acting? Is our foremost concern doing his will .... As the days passed, the worn out from your children. Finally, what the neighbors think about us, or newly married bachur \Vas becoming you're able to put your feet up on the is it focused on doing Hashem's will? The apprehensive and upset. Absolutely couch; your little ones are strewn difference between the two words is only frustrated, worried about his Gan Eden, around you, one or two have fallen asleep on the couch, one is reading quietly belly down on the floor, your baby has final­ ly dozed off in your hands, and you are WHEN WE FACE THAT AWESOME DAY BEFORE breathing deeply and are just about to THE BEIS DIN SHEL MA'ALA, AND THEY ASK US: drift into slumber. Suddenly, someone WHY DIDN'T WE MAKE OUR MARRIAGE THE is buzzing at the doorbell ... totally with­ out compassion. You pull yourself up, BEST WE COULD .•. ? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO mumbling under your breath about it SAY? ARE WE GOING TO HAVE AN ANSWER? being between 2 and 4 (considered to be rest hours in Israel), hoping the children don't wake up ... fix your sheitel as you open the door and find one of your not­ a tiny Yud but the Yud symbolizes the he confronted his klavta, "\Nhat is so-favorite-neighbors .... 'Hi, hope you power of the pintele Yid, the inherent going on? I married you because you are weren't sleeping. I'm right in the mid­ strength we all have within us to realize supposed to be the worst!" dle of my cake and I am missing some our task in this world and to focus on Glaring at him with a wicked smile, sugar. ... I need only one cup .... Can you it. Real tzeniyus is focusing upward and she exclaimed, "If you think I'm your help me?' not sideways; concerned '\Nith what ticket to Gan Eden, you've got another "How do you react? Of course, you Hashem thinks of us, and not necessar­ thought coming." will answer politely with a smile, 'Oh no, ily seeking approval from others." We are capable of displaying any it's not a bother, I never sleep in the after­ behavior we want; even a klavta can noon .... Here, I'll get you a cup of sugar: behave like a tzaddeikes if it suits her pur­ "Is this the real you? Shouldn't the real CLEAR GOALS, poses. We, who are really nashim tzid­ 'you' sound more like: 'What do you think DEVOTED EFFORTS kaniyos, and want our marriages to I am doing at 3:30 in the afternoon? Don't flourish, are surely capable of putting you have the decency not to worry about There is a "men's story" that can be forth the necessary effort to assure our your cake but let me sleep? And now you retold for everyone's benefit. success. woke up my baby with that loud ring ... : A yeshiva bachur told his But we don't talk like that. ... We over- Mashgiach that he had heard that a per- come our natural tendencies and play the son who goes through life married to a MORE THAN A GLASS OF MILK gracious hostess. What happened to the horrible wife merits instant Gan Eden. 'I've got to be me'? He asked the Mashgiach if this is true. Pirkei Avos enlightens us on how to "You know what? The true 'you' is "Yes," the Mashgiach said, "but I endear ourselves to others and make peo- whatever you want it to be. 'I've got to strongly suggest not tempting fate by ple appreciate us: "Initiate greetings with be me' really means - I am what I want tnarrying a woman like that." everyone:' 1 If it works for strangers, imag- when I want. It's an excuse not to do what The bachur was adamant that the ine how effective it can be with our I really should do." Mashgiach find him such a wife. spouse and children - especially since we Why do we put up such a "phony Though the Mashgiach tried to dissuade have the opportunity to apply it to them front" for our neighbors and friends, who hini, the bachur insisted-he wanted Gan several times a day. But we must be the may help us very much, but don't com- Eden. So, the bachurgot his dream. The initiator. pare to our husbands, who are our life- Mashgiach found the absolute worst Regarding the phrase from Yaakov's I long partners in marriage? Sure, we are female human being on the planet. The blessing to Yehuda," [You will be J white- . - I overworked, underpaid, moody, some- morning after the chassuna ... he awoke toothed from milk;'' the Gemara says, L:" hmmm•:'"~ o_u_t_,f-r-a-zz-1-ed_,_b_u_t ___ t_o_"_G_o_o_d_m_or-n-in.g" wh-i-sp_e_r-ed-in-a--v-er_y__ '_R_a_b_b·_· t-1-as_y_a_B-en-C-ha-r-as_h_, p_,_·,k_e_iA_v_o_s_IV ,_2_0__ _, 41 0 M A R c H 2 0 0 s

"The person who displays the white of Shimson Pinkus ~"Yt concludes, "A us can be an indicator of how we feel his teeth to his friend [with a smile] is proper relationship and a pleasant toward them - a response in kind. Note, superior to one who quenches his atmosphere between husband and wife then, that our husbands and children may friend's thirst with a drink of milk:" strengthen and encourage their physi­ be responding to us in the very manner There is an illuminating interpretation cal and mental status, enhancing a feel­ in which we relate to them. We thus pos­ of this remark: Imagine being thirsty on ing of love that gives the couple the sess the ability to influence their attitude a hot day, and someone offers you a drink energy they need to deal with daily chal­ and change their behavior toward us. That of cool water - how refreshing! But lenges."' Smiling at others gives them the is, we possess the abi1ity to improve our Ghazal are exact in their selection of bev­ strength to handle the vicissitudes oflife. marriage. (No matter how good your erage; they chose milk. When we use our influence to create a marriage is at present, every marriage can Yes, water is special - it offers a won­ warm and positive atn1osphere in our always be better.) A good start is by derful, thirst-quenching feeling to who­ home, we endow the entire household acknowledging one's husband with a ever drinks it. But milk has even greater with emotional strength. (It cannot be warm and friendly send-off and a sim­ powers, for it contains vitamins and min­ emphasized sufficiently how absolute­ ilar greeting on his return. erals, it has substance, it gives strength ly essential this is in today's environment.) to the body. Yet, Ghazal tell us, someone As water can act as a mirror - it reflects who smiles at his friend does even more, the person looking into it - so, too, do FAR-REACHING EFFECTS offering him emotional nutrients. people tend to reflect our attitude In his discussion of this concept, Rabbi toward them. 5 The way others act toward Note how Moshe Rabbeinu is called eved Hashem (servant of G-d), even after his death. How can someone be called GEFEN IP--1. an "eved" even after he is no longer in this world? The mefarshim explain that FirtAo1k)~AL ~· in actuality, Moshe Rabbeinu is Hashem's even now. Since he was the and Registered Mortgage Brokers ••• eved Rav NYS Dept. of Banking • teacher of all Bnei Yisroel, and his

Corpora1a Headquarters: 2164 V>etory 81\rll., • Staleo island, NY 103!4 teachings are being put to practice - and Phone 718-983-9272 • 914-MORTGAGE will continue to be so until the end of 973-MORTGAGE • 212-983-1000 all generations - he is as if alive, teach­ ing all Jews even today, and beyond. We can apply this concept to ourselves. \t\lhen our actions have a positive influ­ ence on others and teach others, we gain merit. If we succeed in inspiring our hus­ For careful attention to your bands and children to be engaged in their avodas Hashem with joy, then we, too, individual needs, call us today! will be worthy of the title avdei Hashem, (845) 354-8445 even after we leave this world. When the Heavenly Court asks us why we weren't like Rebbetzin so-and-so, we NEVE YERUSHALAYIM INSTITUTIONS won't worry; we'll answer just like Reb Zusha answered: "Hashem, You didn't give MAALOT- NY me the capabilities of Rebbetzin so-and­ FOR A HIGHER DEGREE OF SUCCESS! so." But when the question is raised, "Did you put forth your maximum effort so your marriage would be the beracha it was meant to be?" - will we have an answer? If, as nashim tzidkaniyos, we ded­ icate ourselves to the success of our mar­ riages, we)ll have a positive answer. And it all begins with a smile. ll'J 2 Bereishis 49, 12 -' Kesubos 111 b 4 See Tiferres Avos, by Rabbi Shimshon Pinkus. 5 See Mishlei 27,19.

42 I THE JEWISH OBSERVER ~ ------===----·~-~

GAVRIELLA BACHRACH

Adar through a Fish Tank

THROUGH A GLASS, And what a magnificent hidden Hashem, and even, as we see in Purim, WITH AWE world it is! The colors. The grace. The the seeds of geula. beauty. Just by looking at the shining here I was in front of a fish tank lights of the bioluminescent fish, the mag­ once again. My family was tanks ical camouflaging of the flounder, and THE SECRETIVE PATH T ahead of me, but I couldn't the deep colors of the Atlantic blue tang, TO THE GEULA move. One would think I had seen quite one gets a tiny taste of underwater enough fish already since I grew up across grandeur. The Purim geula came through the street from the New York Aquarium. Not only can we not see fish in their Esther, whose very name has the word Whenever we go traveling, however, my grand natural habitat, we cannot hear seiser, secret, as its root. Esther, Hashem's eyes are drawn to the signs and them, either. Fish are silent. Most crea­ instrument to bring the geula, had the brochures advertising aquariums. This tures make some sort of sound. Lions qualities of silence and hiddeness, or time we were visiting the one in roar, mosquitoes buzz, kookaburras modesty. As Mordechai instructed her, Chattanooga, "fennessee, and I was mes­ cackle. Fish cannot speak, and yet they she revealed to no one the name of her merized as I watched the fish dance and shout. They shout Hashem's majesty. nation. The Midrash Rabba relates that fly. It might be because it brings back They capture our attention, not by their she did so in reverence to Mordechai, as childhood memories. That's true. It's din, but by their detail. The quiet way a well as because of her innate modesty. mostly, though, because I've discovered triggerfish uses its second spine to lock The Yalkut Me'am Loez says that an aspect about fish that I never realized its first spine into its upright position and Esther was always modest; she hardly before. secure itself in a cave's crevice screams appeared in public where men were pres­ When I peer into a fish tank, I peer Hashem's endless and intricate wisdom. ent. Mordechai hid Esther when into a hidden world. Jn their natural habi­ When the forceps fish's false eyespot tricks Achashveirosh decreed that all girls tat, fish are usually out of sight; they're its predator, and the anglerfish's false bait must go to Heigei, the king's chamber­ underwater, hidden below eye level. helps it attract and capture its meals, one lain, so that the king could eventually Hashem created an entire breathtaking cannot help but be in awe of Hashem's choose a new queen. Mordechai only underwater world. Much of what we greatness. took Esther out of hiding when know about it today remained unknown What does all this greatness that's hid­ Achashveirosh said anyone hiding from until the late 1800s. Until man decided den and silent mean to us noisy humans him would be killed. Mordechai advised to dive and delve, this hidden world was on dry ground? What difference does it Esther to mingle with the other women left unseen. make if fish are easy to view or impos­ so she would not stand out. sible to hear? To me it means that what Even once Esther was queen, she kept Mas. BACHRACH IS A FREELANCE WRITER WHOSE POETRY HAS PREVIOUSLY APPEARED IN is hidden has the potential to be exquis­ her modest ways. Rav Galico tells us that THt." JEWISH OBSERVER. SHE AND HER t"AMILY itely beautiful. From hidden and silent the reason she did not know about the LIVE IN ATLANTA, GA. beauty can exude deep praises to decree to destroy the Jews until

43 M A R C H 2 0 0 5

Mordechai appeared in sackcloth and told her was because she was modest and FRUM PSYCHOTHERAPIST private. It was because of her modesty and quiet ways that she was able to pri­ vately keep mitzvos in Achashveirosh's ELI SCHOSTAK, C.S.W. palace without arousing suspicion. She Specializing in Children and Adolescents requested a vegetarian diet so that she would be able to keep kosher. She also 917-930-5793 had a different maid for each day of the week, so that she would know which day BROOKLYN, NEW YORK LIMITED EVENING HOURS was Shabbos. Esther's quiet and hidden ways praised Hashem, and it was through silent and modest Esther that the salvation ca1ne. CHEVRA OSEH CHESED

OF AGUDATH ISRAEL THE SILENT SHOUT

BURIAL PLOTS Perhaps we can now use this insight IN ERETZ YISROEL about fish being silent and hidden and We make "housecalls" Interment in a Shomer Shabbos Esther being silent and hidden to under­ Beis Olain near Beis Shemesh (718) 972-4003 stand one reason why Adar's mazal is fish. Please phone or write to: All of us have times when we are out :i-•.,N• of the public's eye or out of its range of Chevra Oseh Chesed of ~th Israel .,b:::>tv 42 Broadway, New York, NY 10004 hearing, ti1nes when we are hidden from sight and sound and are "below water:' Specializing in small batim for a perfect fit. (212) 797-9000 Our actions and interactions at those times have the potential of being not just r.------~ good, but magnificent. Esther's "below ARE You MOVING? water" actions were grand. Can ours be, too? IS YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS PRINTED No one sees how we act at home when INCORRECTLY ON THE JO MAILING LABEL? we're tired or under pressure and stress. We need your help to ensure proper delivery of the Jewish Observer to your home. No one hears how we greet or speak to Please attach current mailing label in the space below, or print clearly your address and our fa1nily inembers. It is when we are computer processing numbers that are printed above your name on the address label. underground and out of the public's attention that we need to remember that we have the opportunity to create a beau­ tiful world. Affix old label here Without sound and in a private place, fish are able to proclaim Hashem's existence in their splendid display of color, camouflages and intricacies. Name ______~------Through her silent and hidden ways, New Address Esther praised Hashem. From our pri­ vate homes and quiet interpersonal rela­ City, tionships, our shouting of Hashem's glory State, can resound and resonate. It n1ay even help bring our geula. Date Effective ------­ Looking through those tanks at the Send address The Jewish Observer mesmerizing, hidden and silent fish, changes to: Change of Address whether in Chattanooga or New York, 42 Broadway, 14th Floor, New York, NY 10004 I get a reminder of the power we all have Please allow 4~6 weeks for all changes to be reflected on your mailing label. We will not to make a difference when no one is L be responsible for back issues missed unless you notify us 6 weeks prior to your move. ..J· ------~·- od<••- -- J 44 I

NOTABLE OMISSION IN some day in the future, when that MARKING THE SIYUM mother is in need of her children's attention, she will be in great danger I To the Editor: of receiving a busy signal. In your edition of October '97 you fea­ YISROEL NEUBERGER tured an article on "An Unsung Hero, Lawrence, NY I Rabbi Moshe Menachem Mendel Spivak ONWITHTHEDAF, 7~Yrl"'il," originator of the DafYomi con­ EVEN WORSE THAN THE CELL PHONE I THANKS TO TECHNOLOGY cept. Does he not deserve to be men­ tioned in connection with the To the Editor: To the Editor: forthcoming Siyum HaShas? "Ha'omer Once again, Rabbi Pinchos Jung has I enjoyed your recent issue about Daf davar beshem omro meivi ge'ula la'olam picked on the cell phone (Nov. '04), and I Yomi and the Siyum HaShas (Feb '05). - attributing a thought to its originator even asked the JO readership to join in But you didn't deal with how modern brings redemption to the world." a campaign to free our shuls from this technology has made DafYomi available SHLOMO HAKOHEN KATZENSTEIN "scandalous desecration:' A very worthy I to so many people. People like me. In the Antwerp, Belgium issue - but why not a campaign to rid early 1990s, I gave Dial-a-Daf a try. And our shuls of the yesod of scandalous des­ it was perfect for me. The Maggidei shiur ecration - i.e, just plain talking during were thorough. And there was no excuse CARRYING THE SHAS Chazaras Hashatz, one that the Shulchan not to do it, because all I needed was a IN HIS LEFT POCKET Aruch states "gadol avono mi'ne'sa (too I telephone. weighty a transgression to bear)"? - or At first, only that day's shuirwas avail­ To the Editor: talking during laining, which according able, and it started exactly on the hour. I finally joined the legion of daf yomi to many is an issur d'Orisa (violation of I It was difficult to keep up if! needed to learners when my wife recently bought Torah law)? -or just plain talking in shul, travel or when there was a three day Yam me an iPod. The deal was - learn the daf which the Mishna Berura tells us is the I Tov. But eventually the system was every day for at least a year, and the iPod reason why so many shuls have been i automated, so I could access any daf in is mine to keep! It's loaded with the entire destroyed? Have we forgotten the ikar Shas, and start at any time. The only Shas as heard on the Dial-a-Daf tele­ (primary concern) just to stress what is drawback was that it tied up the phone phone. It goes with me almost every­ possibly just a tafel (secondary one)? If for an hour. where. I call it my DafYom-iPod. \Ve conquer first things first, this second When the eleventh cycle of DafYomi YAAKOV KOHN issue, I believe, will just fall by the way­ began, CD-Daf was introduced. One Brooklyn, NY side. mesechta, or more for the smaller mesech­ RABBI YAKOV PRESSMAN tos, on a CD-Rom. The san1e shiurirn as Brooklyn, NY on Dial-a-Daf, with tzuras hadaf on the CELL PHONES: INVASIVE OF screen. I could start anywhere, at any tiine. PRIVATE TIME ON THE STREET A TELLING POINT IN AN And any place where a passuk is quoted, HISTORIC ANECDOTE I I only have to click, and the entire pas­ To the Editor: suk is displayed. And the Rashi on the pas­ I believe that Rabbi Pinchos Jung's To the Editor: suk is available on the screen. In fact the article, "Cell Phone: Friend or Foe;' in Dr. Bernard Fryshman's article, Tur, Shulchan Aruch, and Mishna Torah the Cheshvan issue, was very much to "Building Torah Together...From Afar" are also available, with just a click. Some the point. UO, Nov. '04), began with the well-known mesechtos, such as Sukka, also have illus­ I would add to Rabbi Jung's exam­ story of how the Chofetz Chaim advised trations available. It's portable, especial­ ples one scenario that I have seen often: Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman to remain ly for someone with a laptop computer. a mother is walking down the street in Radin rather than disrupt his learn­ No, it does not require using the Internet. with her children, and she is speaking ing to attend his son's bris mil/a. As in And it con1es with a calendar, so I always on the cell phone. At that moment, her most retellings of stories, an important I know what today's dafis. children are orphans. They are being point was omitted. Rabbi Moshe Shapiro Thanks to technology, many people deprived of one of the precious N"1"':>\?J mentioned in a recent talk that the I like me are doing Daf Yomi. I once moments of childhood, the opportu­ Chofetz Chaim's eitza (counsel) was con­ thought that DafYomi was beyond me, nity to be completely enveloped in their ditional: Reb Elchonon was to first con­ but now I'm looking forward to start­ mother's love and attention. Outside of tact his wife and obtain her consent. If I ing the next cycle. emergencies, there is no excuse for a not, his place would be by her side. SHMUEL LEBOVITZ mother to waste this precious time with YISRAEL RUTMAN I Brooklyn, NY her children. I can't help but think that Zichron Yaakov I 45 Advertisement

g session is likely to bea Ask anyone what the value, the annual erience instead of a busiest 24 hours of the year is in "Yeshivas Mordechai Hatzadik" positiv one. Now, spurred on by his home, and the likely answer and the excitement generated by it massive promotional build-up, will be "the day of Purim". From also serves as the explosive trigger children look forward with the earliest minyan for krias of the weekly "Avos Ubanim" bubbling geshmak to the hour of hamegilah, on through the frantic program fueled by the learning at "Yeshivas Mordechai packaging and unpacking of irrepressible enthusiasm of Rabbi Hatzaddik", seeing the Torah assorted shalach manos,in David Herskovitz and Rabbi learning together with their fathers between dollar bills flying to this Naftoli Falk a well-known and the prize alongside it as one of needy cause and the next, and until educator in Jerusalem. the high points of the day. the last bottles of wine are emptied Over 1100 branches of Remember, this is all found time, at nightfall, there is not a moment "Yeshivas Mordechai Hatzdik" learning that simply didn't take free for "extra-curricular worldwide, serve an amazing place in the past at all! activities". Or is there ... ? 65,000 children as well as their It is no wonder that many For the last several years, fathers, in diverse locations: from gedolim have embraced the whole communities have "stopped South Africa to France, Australia program with unprecedented the world" for one hour on Purim, to Antwerp, Denver, Milwaukee, enthusiasm. Rav Matisyahu as the "Yeshivas Mordechai Lakewood... not to mention the Salomon, mashgiach of Lakewood Hatzadik" branches at the local constantly increasing branches in Yeshiva, in a warm letter to the shuls fill up with hordes of excited Eretz Yisroel. All this has come organizers, wrote that he intends to children drawing their fathers into being in a matter of a few sit on a bench alongside the along to learn with them (a years, with no sign of a slowdown children, because "he is jealous of revolution in itself!). The ingrowth! their z'chus ... " electricity in the air is almost Today, driven by the The revolution is not over. tangible, as crowds of colorful unrelenting pace of modern life, In fact, it is gathering speed all the clowns and myriad other parents just don't seem to have any time. Does your shul have a costumed children of all sizes take time for their children. Fathers are branch yet? Perhaps this is your their places alongside their fathers, often too busy to sit down and opportunity to become a part ofthe for an hour ofpure nachas for their learn with their children, and if revolution. Creator. they do find a few minutes to do so, After mommy, we are usually the next ones to know... At our main office in A couple, 7 years after marriage had twin boys born Jerusalem, we are constantly during the learning of hundreds- children and fathers, at receiving more and more the Rachmastrivka branch they supported the previous year. "good news" phone calls. Those who had a part in the Last year a couple who had been childless for 15 years Torah learning on Purim of sponsored the learning in one branch of "Yeshivas over 50,000 children in the Mordechai Hatzadik". B'ezras Hashem this Purim they will bring their newborn baby to dance in the same Beis world-wide father and son Hamedrash. learning project "Yeshivas Mordechai HaTzadik", One Jerusalem Beis-Medrash was asked by the family of a young teacher to learn and daven in his zechus, not have utilized the secret \. expecting him to live more than a few weeks. Baruch power of Purim, and have Hashem he recovered and went back to his teachingjob. amazingly experienced long awaited "miracles". Here Another center was sponsored by a 34 year old girl who needed a shidduch and had received no suggestions for a are some. fresh stories from whole year. She became a Kallah within a month after our supporters: Purim!

or mail your support to: Avot Ubanim Call Now! 212-561-5877 2 park St., Spring Valley Tax deductable For special inquiries cantact Rabbi Naftoli Falk: 972-52-860-5373 N.Y. 10977 5:New by ::Rabbi ]onah (){)einrib ~'lhe :Jlluminated ~egillah a magnificent mt edition by tlie internationally renowned judaica artist '[he profound messages of Megilas Esther are captured in this beautiful "visual midrash." - Breathtaking imagery and illumination, intricate micrography, commentary, insights, ~and~~~~~~~~~-=~~~~~~~~ the Laws of Purim are intertwined in a fascinating tapestry of art and research. The Illuminated Megillah will bring the story and midrashim of Purim alive in a visually exciting and intellectually stimulating masterpiece. Also available by the artist, Rabbi Yonah Weinrib, The Illuminated Pirkei Avos, The Bat Mitzvah Treasury and The Shabbos Shiron. • Intricate artistic illumination, exacting calligraphy and micrography • Full English translation and profound commentary • 9" x 12" page size • Ribbon marker • Fu/1.-co/or presentation • Reinforced and sewn leatherette quarter-binding • Luxurious die-cut presentation slipcase ---IAlEppo 1 f hol by Rabbi David Sutton translated and edited by Yitzchok Kirzner J he vibrant heritage of Syrian Jewry comes alive in this magnificent history of Aleppo and its sages. Known since Biblical times as Aram -----~-----~------.! Saba, the city was a scholarly and spiritual center for thousands of years. Hated, persecuted, and finally driven out of its ancestral home, this community still lives. From its seeds grow thriving communities in Israel, America, Mexico, and worldwide, including the great Yeshivah Porat Yosef of Jerusalem. Richly illustrated with hundreds of photos, including views of one of the oldest synagogues in the world, this beautiful volume contains biographical information on several centuries of rabbis of Aleppo and Damascus - 600 of them - their ideals and teachings and their beloved pizmonim. Aleppo - City of Scholars is a fascinating work and an authoritative reference. Yet it reads like a family chronicle - one that was written by a scion of Aleppo who both cherishes and reveres the luminous Judaism of this ancient community. Based in part on LiKedoshim Asher BaAretz, by Rabbi David Laniado.

FROM MAJESTIC PEAKS TO A VALLEY OF TEARS ., ..... ,," .."I Passage through Jewish Poland With Rabbi Pavsach Krohn This interactive multimedia 3-CD set includes more than 3 hours of captivating video, Bl breathtaking photos, riveting history, inspiring talks, and Divrei Torah. The secular, political, and diplomatic wor1ds marked the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. View the tragedy here through Torah eyes. CLICK YOUR MOUSE AND CHOOSE FROM: DISC ONE: Reb Elimelech • Chozeh of Lublin • Ger Dynasty • Rav Meir Shapiro DISC TWO: Ramoh • Bach • Tosfos Yorn Tov • Netziv • Sarah Schenirer DISC THREE: Majdanek • Aushwitz I Birkenau • Noizek Shut • Farewell Address ALSO AVlllUlBlE: CATCHING SACRED LETTERS, A JOURNEY TO THE YESHIVOS OF YESTERYEAR