The Feeling of Migration Narratives of Queer Intimacies and Partner Migration Sara Ahlstedt Linköping Studies in Arts and Science No. 686 Faculty of Arts and Sciences Linköping 2016 Linköping Studies in Arts and Science • No. 686 At the Faculty of Arts and Sciences at Linköping University, research and doctoral studies are carried out within broad problem areas. Research is organized in interdisciplinary research environments and doctoral studies mainly in graduate schools. Jointly, they publish the series Linköping Studies in arts and Science. This thesis comes from Institute for Research on Migration, Ethnicity and Society (REMESO) at the Department of Social and Welfare Studies. Distributed by: Department of Social and Welfare Studies Linköping University 581 83 Linköping Sara Ahlstedt The Feeling of Migration Narratives of Queer Intimacies and Partner Migration Edition 1:1 ISBN 978-91-7685-739-7 ISSN 0282-9800 © Sara Ahlstedt Department of Social and Welfare Studies 2016 Typesetting and cover design by Merima Mesic Printed by: LiU-Tryck, Linköping 2016 Nobody can feel too much, though many of us work very hard at feeling too little. Feeling is frightening. Well, I find it so. Jeanette Winterson Contents 13 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 17 INTRODUCTION 17 Mona and Karin’s Story 20 The Aim of the Study 22 Relevance of the Study 22 Emotions and feelings as a Way to Access the Complexity of Migration 23 The Specificities of Queer Partner Migration 24 The Intersection of ‘Privileged’ and ‘Not-Privileged’ Migration 24 Migrating Partners and Non-Migrating Partners 25 Unpacking the ‘Migration Process’ 26 Global Travel Privileges, Nationality, and Race 28 To Feel ‘Like a Migrant’ 29 An Ongoing Migration Process 30 Migration as an Emotional Process 31 Transnational Intimacy and Feelings in a Global Context 32 Feeling Queerly Different 32 Three Feelings: Love, Loss, and Belonging in Stories of Migration 33 Feelings as Narratives 34 Telling Stories of Migration and Queer Intimacy 35 Affective and Affecting Narratives 36 The Retroactive Character of Stories 37 A Dissertation as a Written Narrative 37 Writing Narratives Meant to Be Read 38 The Structure of the Dissertation 43 ACADEMIC BACKGROUNDS: QUEER MIGRATION, INTIMATE MIGRATION, AND PRIVILEGED MIGRATION SCHOLARSHIPS 43 Timo and Ida’s Story 47 Three Intersecting Fields of Research: Queer Migration, Intimate Migration, and Privileged Migration 48 Migration, Love, and Sexuality 51 Queer Migration 52 ‘Partner Migration’ Instead of ‘Same-Sex Migration’ and ‘Marriage Migration’ 53 Making Sexual Identity and Heteronormativity Visible in Migration Practices and Theory 55 Queer Migration and the Nation-State 56 ‘Same-Sex Migration’; or Queer Partner Migration 60 Intimate Migration 60 ‘Marriage Migration’; or Straight Partner Migration 62 The Assumption of the Heterosexual Marriage 65 Straight Partner Migration, Relationships, and Romantic Love 67 Privileged Migration 67 Migration from Northern Non-Traditional Migrant-Sending Countries 68 Unpacking (Queer) Privileges 70 The Creation of (Non-)Migrant Identities Based on Race, Nationality, and Cultural Belonging 72 Conclusion 75 THEORETICAL FRAMEWORKS 75 Felipe and Krister’s Story 78 Understanding Queer Partner Migration Theoretically 79 Understanding Affect, Emotion, and Feeling 80 Separating Affect, Emotion, and Feeling 80 What Emotions Do 82 Feeling Migration Processes 83 Queer Phenomenology: Orientations and Alignments 84 To Find Your Way 85 Starting Points and (Dis)Orientation 85 Following the Lines: The Alignment of Bodies 87 Being (Un)Comfortable: The Inhabitation of Spaces 88 Being Stopped: The Blocking of Bodies 89 The Orientation of Narratives 91 Entanglement 95 Intimate Citizenship 98 Homonationalism 101 Conclusion 103 CREATING KNOWLEDGE ABOUT QUEER PARTNER MIGRATION 103 Lisa and Bea’s Story 109 Feelings and Knowledge Production 111 The Interview Participants 112 Locating Participants 113 Migrating for a Relationship 115 Length of Time in Sweden 115 A Diverse Participant Group 117 An Ethnographic Interview Study 117 Ethnographic Encounters 119 Ethnography and Emotions 120 Approaching the Interviews 122 The Power of Language in Interviewing 123 A Situated Research Process 124 Participation, Power, and Transparency: Ethics and the Research Process 125 Ethnography as Emotional Manipulation? 126 (Not-)Vulnerable Research Participants 128 Carrying Out Transparent Research 130 Making Research Decisions 131 Choosing Names, Anonymizing Places: Making Choices about Representation 132 ‘Participation’ or Ethically Problematic ‘Choices?’ 133 Representative Naming 134 The Creation of Migration Narratives: Interviewing Couples, Interviewing Individuals 135 Being a Considerate Partner in the Interview 135 Differences Interviewing Couples and Individuals 137 Narrative Analysis 137 Stories as a Way to Organize Experience 140 Narrative Analysis and Creative Analytic Practices (CAP) 141 CAP Writing, Narrative Writing 143 Writing as Analyzing 144 Messy Fieldwork 145 Missed Analytical Points 146 Listening, Writing, and Analyzing 147 ‘Coding’ 149 Writing Stories to Find Stories and Feelings 151 Conclusion 155 LOVE 156 Love and Partner Migration 157 Love and the Autonomous, Free Individual 159 Love and Migration Legislation 162 The Importance of ‘True’ Love and Equality 164 Nelly’s Story: An Unequal Love to Be Brought in Line 165 The Importance of Autonomy 167 Spontaneity and Impatience as a Sign of Love 169 To Do Anything for Love 171 The Struggle to Be in Line with Swedish Equality Discourses 174 The Emotional Labour Inherent in Aligning a Relationship 179 Creating the ‘Right’ Love When Out of Line 184 Alejandro and Fredrik’s Story: To Recognize Love in Queer Partner Migration 186 Narrating the ‘Good’ Love Story 189 Defining the ‘Seriousness’ of Love 192 A Love in Line 195 When a Relationship Cannot Start until the Residence Permit is Approved 199 Creating the Correct Migration Narrative 203 To Love is to Live Together 207 The Public Recognition of Queer Relationships 209 Class, Race, Nationality, and the Equal Relationship 216 Conclusion 219 LOSS 221 Migration as Mourning and Displacement 223 Jasmin and Emma’s Story: Losing Who You Are in the World 225 Falling in Love 227 The Importance of Work and Financial Privileges 229 Entangled Privileges 231 Confusion and Separation in Sweden 234 The Assumption of the Easy Migration 236 To Be Aligned along Migrant Lines 241 Losing Prestige as a Migrant 245 Coming ‘Home’ to Sweden 249 Swapping Feelings 250 Being Brought Back in Line 254 Losing the Independent Relationship 254 Out of Line with Straight Diasporic Communities? 256 To Depend Emotionally on the Non-Migrating Partner 258 Aligning the Migrating Partner 261 Emotional Responsibilities 262 Acknowledging Emotional Struggles and Dependence 264 The Loss of the Simple and Happy Life 266 Max’s Story: Finding Yourself Lost When You’re Away 267 A Less Straightforward Migration 271 Being Written Into an Already-Existing Migration Narrative 274 The Loss of Independence 277 Going Back Will Never Be the Same 281 The Loss of Close Relationships 283 Transitioning from a Clean Slate 287 Creating Relationships with Others While Negotiating Transphobia and ‘Being Different’ 289 Standing Out in White Spaces 292 Being Angry and Fearing Whiteness 296 Conclusion 299 BELONGING 300 The Intensity of Belonging 302 Feeling a Sense of Belonging 303 Five Factors of Belonging 305 The Politics of Belonging: Inclusion and Exclusion 307 Luke’s Story: Falling in Love with the Idea of Sweden 308 Growing Up Out of Line 312 A Romantic Relationship as an Opening to a New World 313 To Experience a Sense of Belonging in Chaos 316 To Realize That Home Is Not Where You Belong 318 Belonging through Feelings of Safety 322 Belonging as a Young Migrant 323 Finding a Way to Return to Sweden 325 A Lacking Love in a Retroactively Created Narrative 328 Residency and Queer Belonging 328 Proving a Queer Relationship to Migration Authorities 330 The Residence Application Process as Barely Worth Mentioning 333 To Belong in Sweden through Queer Love 337 The Privileged Partner Migration Process 340 Belonging as a Queer Migrant Subject 343 Eliza and Viktoria’s Story: Emotional Labour and Being ‘Almost Swedish’ 344 A Shared and Retroactively Created Narrative of Love 346 Emotional Labour to Create a Sense of Belonging 350 Shouldering the Responsibility of Making the Migrating Partner Belong 353 To Be Orientated as Swedish through a Partner’s Emotional Labour 354 The Importance of a Swedish Partner to Create Belonging 358 Being Brought in Line as a Queer Couple in Sweden 363 Conclusion 367 CONCLUSION 393 EPILOGUE 403 LIST OF INTERVIEW PARTICIPANTS 408 BIBLIOGRAPHY Acknowledgments First of all, I want to thank all the interview participants who made this dissertation possible. I want to thank you for the time you took to talk to me, to share your stories with me, and for trusting that I would actually turn them into something worth reading. May no one believe that what is written in a book can actually, truly mirror the complexity of the migration stories you told me! Thank you to Virgina Caputo at Carleton University in Ottawa who first opened my eyes to feminist theories, and to Kalissa Alexeyeff at University of Melbourne in Melbourne who then made me question them all. Thank you to my advisers, Peo Hansen, for never pushing me in any particular direction and always letting me go my own way, and Ulrika Dahl, for theoretical and methodological depth, and for pointing me in the right directions. Thank you to everyone at REMESO who has helped me over the years, with a special thank you to Anita Andersson. Also, I would not have got as far or enjoyed myself nearly as much if it weren’t for Jennie K. Larsson, Karin Krifors, and Nedžad Mešić. Jennie and Karin’s feminist minds have also had a great influence on this dissertation. Thank you to the readers of my half and final seminars who read and commented on the text in ways that significantly improved it: Anna Adenji, Catrine Andersson, Sabine Gruber, Pia Laskar, Catrin Lundström, and Jenny Payne Gunnarsson. Jenny and Anna, who are both amazing readers, have particularly influenced the direction the text took.