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Issue 952 - Weekly Thursday 10th December 1998 Surrey Students Welcome The Queen

ast Friday The Queen (SSTL), a University com- University of Surrey exper- formally launched pany based in the Centre, imental minisatellite and Lthe Surrey Space with the 1998 Queen's TiungSat, a microsatellite Centre at the University of Award for Technological built for Malaysia through a Surrey, marking the extraor- Achievement for the devel- technology transfer pro- dinary story of a university opment of its low-cost light- gramme. backed initiative trans- weight satellites. formed into a self-funding The Queen was then greeted international space centre. In the Centre's state-of-the- by a large number of staff art clean room, the Queen and students as she made Accompanied by The Duke was able to see three satel- her way from the Space of Edinburgh and The Duke lites which are due to be Centre to the Austin Pearce of Kent, Chancellor of the launched next year. building and then later in University of Surrey, The PICOSat, a 50 kg Senate Square. Queen also honoured Surrey microsatellite for the US Air Satellite Technology Ltd Force, UoSAT-12, a 350 kg

Top Left: The Queen meeting Commonwealth medalists : Bottom left: The Royal Party: The Chancellor of the University, The Duke of Kent Ross Brewer 1st year Mathematics student, The Duke of Edinburgh Deborah Kershaw, 3rd year Economics student, The Queen Katherine Allenby, Research Student Language & International Studies, Deborah Catchpole, Research Student Language & International Studies. Above: Vice-Chancellor Dowling and The Queen greeting well wishers outside Senate Square. News 2 n Sabbaticals 3 n Music 4 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Ents 8 n Features 9 n Notices & Personals 10 n Surrey Pride 11 MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM EVERYONE AT BAREFACTS ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:56 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 10th December 1998 n

Editorial News in Brief by James Buller

steps. My school computing of the semester. No not only fighting at a remote polling department deserves a mention. because of Louise, mmmmmm Yeltsin's Health station. Six people were Editor By the time I left we were well Louise. If this is your first Fiasco Continues killed in clashes between Tom Sherwen on the way to considering the semester and you have survived possibilities of maybe, in the fifteen weeks unscathed then I supporters of rival parties. ([email protected]) near future, if the timing was congratulate you. Personally I The Russian leader, Boris right, just perhaps, hooking up think it is ridiculously unfair to Yeltsin, returned to his hos- Tory MP Lied To Deputy Editor to the net and becoming techno- expect people to sit exams in pital bed just hours after logically up to date (well within week fifteen when it is cold, being discharged on Court Steven Alexander a decade at least). My school wet and miserable. Ten week Monday. He had spent two ([email protected]) tennis coach and Bjorn Borg terms were wicked and you weeks in a Moscow clinic Jonathan Aitken, one time can be blamed for the fact that I even had a bit of energy left suffering from pneumonia. Conservative cabinet minis- am determined to grant the over to celebrate the festive sea- ter is to stand trial at the Old Arts Editor eeing as this is the last Surrey Pride as many column son. Bring back 10 week terms. issue of the Semester I Yeltsin, 67, was keen to get Bailey for perjury. Aitkin, Daniel Jones inches as they desire in order to The genuine part of my thanky- Sthought I would thank further my quest to present ou’s go to all who have helped, his hands back on the con- 56, and his business partner ([email protected]) everyone who has helped me to Grandstand. To LIS I am not only with BF but with the trols of the Russian repub- Said Mohammed Ayas reach this mid point of my extremely grateful. If they had- Union in general. Special men- lic. In a meeting with his appeared at Bow Street Editorial Career. Firstly I n’t made their Russian course tion goes to Cliffy, Dave and security council, the Magistrates' Court on News Editor would like to thank my so hard and the French and Andrew. Cheers boys. Lastly I President quickly sacked 5 Monday. The magistrate James Buller Secondary School grammar European entrance grades so strongly recommend you all go of his top aides. Yeltsin will said that the charges against ([email protected]) teachers for turning the other low then I would have left long to see the University Big Band, now personally oversee the them, of perverting the cheek when it came to my lack ago. My sarcastic tone is mere- tonight in the Union. They are of ability. Secondly I must ministry of justice and tax course of justice would be Features Editor ly a reflection of how much I fantastic and should not be thank my Dad for allowing me am looking forward to the end missed. collection. heard at the high court in Nick Walsh to follow in his editorial foot- January. ([email protected]) If You Tolerate This Within hours however Yeltsin was back with his The accusations stem from a Your Children Will Be Next doctors, to the amazement debacle over the payment of Music Editor of Moscow and the world. a £1000 Parisian hotel bill. Andrew Thomas he title of a song. A I thoroughly support the get it, and I hope we do) does- Yeltsin seems determined to The Guardian claimed ([email protected]) typical way to start concept of getting in such n’t over commercialise it. cling to power for as long as Aitkin had acted improperly Tan article for acts, who may play for an possible. The people he while on government busi- Sports Editor barefacts. This article may hour during the Friday Club tropicana on a fired are believed to have ness. He denied this and well appear as a grumbling Night Out, e.g. Space, Monday. I’ll reserve judge- questioned his ability to proceeded to sue the news- Paul Cliff one, but its not. Do me a Lightening Seeds, D:Ream, ment on that, although I rule, while apparently in paper. The MP declared it "a ([email protected]) favour. Skip to the end, the etc, and I’m sure that Louise think there are too many such a bad state of heath. crusade for truth." When he last 13 words tell you who I will be good too. I feel that bars open for the number of lost the case it became clear Commercial Manager am (maybe you know me) 12 is just a tad too much people. Nigeria Holds that both Aitken and Ayas Justin Beavis and then come back and though. I’m no phsycolo- Free Elections had made false witness spend a whole two minutes gist, but I reckon that it Comedy nights are good. statements, in a bid to win. ([email protected]) reading this. I am writing would be much nicer it it Unplugged is fairly good, The case for perjury centres from an observers point of were a tenner. It sounds less. Although I would like to Democracy has come to on these statements. view, not from any others. I have done the maths and see some UNPLUGGED Nigeria as high turnouts are thought about this. What are events, e.g. bloke and a gui- reported in the country's Jonathan Aitkin initially Deadline for Publication It upsets me how the union the Union going to do tar, or keyboard (Oh lord, new local elections. Nigeria gave up his cabinet post to Monday 10am can be a really great place at though, with that extra 2 x why don’t we?) has been ruled by a military fight the libel action. Since times, and others a com- 1600 people (less VAT) i.e. But its not just entertain- regime for many years. then the long running legal pletely different picture. I’ll 2700. I’m sure it’ll be ments and bars, is it? The However the death of it's battle has cost him his par- Bare Facts is an editorially independent start with RAG *great* union serves great lunch, or leader, General Sani Abacha liamentary seat and his wife. newspaper, published by the University prompted a swing towards a of Surrey Students' Union you can bring you own, sit Communications Office. civilian government. The views expressed within the paper This year, RAG have done a Sunday night bands. Still and eat with you mates, do Stephen Hawking: are those of individual authors, and do number of things which I going strong? I like going to some work or whatever. not necessarily represent the views of The elections, overseen by "Eat My Shorts"? the Editor, the Editorial Board, the have seen, and a few I them. Even if it is a bad And people do. And its University of Surrey Students' Union or observers from the com- the University of Surrey. haven’t. RAG surely is band, at least I’ve seen then, good. This publication may not be reproduced about raising money from for free. I did miss the two monwealth were very popu- The wheelchair bound in whole or in part, stored in any form, lar and attracted internation- genius Stephen Hawking is copied or distributed, without the express having fun, and therefore, bands week 11 and 12, and There is bugger all any of permission of the publisher. al praise. The winners of the to star in a episode of the All submissions must include the author's the more fun means the was deeply shocked to find you can do about this, either. name and Union or Staff Number. more money? I think RAG out why. I won’t go in to it, Its not as if you could give poll will proceed to state Simpson's. Professor Submission is no guarantee of and then national elections Hawking took part in the publication. should be able to do really but If you care, maybe you any of you input at say, an Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles next year. making of an hour long spe- will not be published. well, but this year seems to should find out why too. entertainments committee Bare Facts reserves the right to edit have suffered painfully from meeting (monday, 6:15pm cial of the hit US cartoon. submissions. the gross lack of advertis- Saturday Nights, yeah? Grant Mitchell Room), or a Three main parties shared More used to dealing with ing, organisation, and gener- Why on earth can the Union club committee meeting the vote. The Peoples the physics of black holes Printed by al communication. I’m not not just give up gracefully (Thursdays, every few Democratic Party, which the Cambridge Professor East End Offset (TU), afraid to put my money on the idea of a gig. Instead weeks). Its not as if you opposes the military rule is will appear giving advice to Bow, London, E3 3LT where my mouth is, if RAG we have DJs and “keen” could VOTE! (Early next winning. The All Peoples Homer, Marge, Bart and which to speak with me entertainments committee term) Or dare I say stand for Party is second and backs Lisa. In the cartoon he will © USSU Communications about my views, then they and sabbaticals going “Oh election yourself (better the status quo. The Alliance be given the usual yellow Office 1998 can. Take for example, the what shall we do on satur- think quickly about this for Democracy, based on skin and a "supercharged RAG quiz, I don’t know the day nights? Something real- one). No, its much better to ethnic grounds is third. wheelchair." The show's numbers, but I guess it was ly good and different”. How sit back, grumble and don’t script was programmed into about 10 teams, i.e 70 peo- about this? Close at 11pm. worry, it’ll be someone else The voting system was the scholars hi-tech speech Bare Facts ple. It should (and previous- Possibly have the Helyn soon, yeah, your children structured so as to benefit aid, for it to be read in the Union House ly has) filled the Union, and Rose bar open till 2am, and will be next. parties which attracted sup- distinctive computerised University Of Surrey been a spectaculalry fun and possibly once per month Sincerely, I hope that one port from across the deep tone. Guildford enjoyable event. I refer you say, do a big aquatoniq style out of the possible 2000ish ethnic and regional divi- Surrey to Vic and Bobs shooting event - it looked good last that might read this will sud- sions of Nigerian society. Hawking apparently "great- GU2 5XH bars, two years ago, for time. Forget trying to revive denly realise that just Nigeria's present military ly enjoyed" himself and the example. A couple of it, at least for a while. There maybe, one extra person can ruler, General Abdulsalami producers are considering Tel: 01483 359275 posters, and timing it not in is virtually no-one here. make a difference. Abubakar, said the elections offering him a regular part. Fax: 01483 534749 exam season surely would Kevin Blain showed that democracy had In the past the Simpson's have both been good mar- Friday nights seem to work A STUDENT come to the country to stay. have met several celebrities email: keting points? well. Wednesday too. I hope Former Stage Manager including: Kim Basinger, [email protected] that the prospect of a late And a Hazel Farm Bus Unfortunately the proceed- two of the Beatles and Louise. Good idea - almost. licence on wednesdays (if we Driver ings were overshadowed by George Bush. ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:56 Page 3 (1,1)

n Thursday 10th December 1998 Sabbatical 3 Interested in being a Sabbatical? Tinker’s Liaisons

hat time of year is full member of the Union, completed forms must be Why did you become a once again fast and over 18 years of age, then handed in to the returning Sabbatical Officer? What is the most rewarding Tapproaching and for you are eligible to stand for officer by Friday 29th “Well in my final year I was aspect of your job once I’m not talking about any Union Sabbatical posi- January. For further infor- Ents Secretary. It was, last “Getting feed back from what I the impending Christmas tion. The following profiles mation and to find out what is years president who actually do. Recently I helped a student vacation. Nominations for the are an attempt to explain to required alongside your com- suggested it though. I decided I with an academic appeal. She Sabbatical Elections, with you exactly what the role and pleted nomination form wanted to help the Union more won and wrote me a thank you voting due to take place in importance of the individual please contact Celine and solve problems. I figured it note. It made my day” February, will be opening sabbaticals are. Nomination Gordine-Wright or Tom was a really worth while cause” soon. So, who can stand for forms will be available from Sherwen in the Comms office How do you get other with the what? Basically, if you’re a Monday 15th December and or via their pigeon holes. What is your job? other Sabbatical officers? “I basically represent nurses, “Brilliantly! We’re a fantastic midwifery students and the team, which really does help. Communicating with Tom Union.. The problem is that We rely so heavily on each ined the ideal situation and until next September the nurs- other.” (“shall I go away designed jobs to achieve it, IT in the union which until this ing in to the union to pick up a ing students study off campus now”{Gill-sitting opposite!}) from scratch” year I knew nothing about. copy of BareFacts every thurs- for 6 months. Then they go on day morning, it is also the most placement. I’m here to fight What are you most looking for- What should a prospective What do you spend most of nerve racking! their corner at the University. ward to now in your Sabbatical Sabbatical Officer be like? your time doing? On the other hand I make sure role? “Good with people, friendly, BareFacts! Badgering people How do you get on with the that they are as involved as pos- “The Nursing & Midwifery confident, positive, able to for articles, trying to think of other sabbaticals? sible with the University and Charter will be published soon. negotiate well, work well as a knew ideas for articles, and try- Excellently, we were all friends the Union. It’s my job to let It’s been drawn up by the NUS, team and as as individual....and ing desperately to stay inside last year, and we work really them know about Union events UNISON and the Royal all the usual CV blabber.... the budget when I want to use well as a team. Even when we and affairs for example.” Colleges of Nursing and For the Student Support and lots of colour and make disagree we always reach a Midwifery. That will be inter- Development Officer they must What do you actually spend esting. Why did you decide to become BareFacts bigger, brighter and compromise. care for the nurses!” most of your time doing? Otherwise I want to see what a sabbatical officer? better.. “I spend a lot of time travelling the candidates for next years Because I wanted stay a student What are you most looking for- What have you gained from between the Union and the var- positions will be like.” and not leave university! I also What do you feel has been your ward to now in your sabbatical being a Sabbatical Officer? ious satellite sites where the didn’t know what I wanted to biggest achievement so far? role? “It has turned around my whole teaching takes place. I therefore You studied BioChem, why did do if I did leave the university, There are two, the first is the Two things again. Next years career. I was thinking of going empathise a lot with the nurses! you become Liaison Officer? I had also become involved in union handbook which in pre- elections, when I will get to see into research when I graduated. Usually I’m in meetings or “I hoped the scientific medical union events in the previous vious years was destined for the the student involvement and Now though I have learnt loads talking on the phone to all sorts background would lend itself to year and had really enjoyed rubbish bin . I managed to pay who is going to replace me of new skills, got lots more of people. I deal with everyone the job. However, I soon found them. for it using advertising with no which is both exciting and wor- friends and grown in confi- examples to show the advertis- rying! The other thing is trying from individual students and out the role is a completely dif- dence. I now have a completely course reps to academic staff ferent kettle of fish. I don’t What is your job? ers from previous years. It was to put together the first ever different outlook on life. I’m and course directors.” think that not being a nurse The biggest part is being the also the first time that I had union magazine. now want to go into selling makes much difference though. editor, lay up artist and ever attempted to do something medicines.” What do you feel your biggest In fact it means that I’m less absolutely everything to do like it, so I had no previous If you could buy one ludicrous- achievement has been this biased when I’m in negotia- with BareFacts. I’m also experience. The second is the ly expensive item, what would it If you could buy one ludicrous- year? tions with academics etc. It’s responsible for all communica- trade fair, which was the be? ly expensive item what would it “Generally, the best thing has how you deal with situations tions between the union, the biggest and most successful to A vineyard in the south of be and why? been getting this job recognised that counts, not what you are. students, the university, exter- date. France, so that then I would “Er.....I’d buy a rude, yet artis- as being really necessary and Besides as a Sabbatical Officer, nal companies and the never have to pay for good tic! sculpture for about £3000 important. Liaison Officer has I’m here to represent every- Guildford community. I am What is the most rewarding wine again, and I would have a that would be worth million in only existed for 3 years. It has body not just nurses.” also, amusingly, responsible for aspect of your job? great place to go one holiday! years to come. I’d spend anoth- Watching 1000+ people com- taken time to properly define er wad on a spangly new dish the role and integrated it into How do you feel about the pro- washer.” Alex - A True Sport university structure. For exam- posed changes to the (!!!???!!??-James+Gill) ple I’ve been invited to sit on Sabbatical’s job descriptions So just how many randy nurses What do you spend most of that I’m a big softie, but it is several academic committees. “They’re great. We are a grow- will there be on campus from your time doing? good for your motivation. It’s great because it means stu- ing Union and we need 6 September? On the dog and bone (phone)! Boxes of Quality Street pre- dents are represented at a high Sabbaticals to handle the long “Around 100. They will be here I am a data bank of info, liais- ferred level. I’m also pleased that term strategy better. At the for 6 months and then a new lot ing with all sporting national How do you get on with the despite the coming changes, moment we struggle with day will arrive when they go on governing bodies, sports clubs other sabbaticals? Liaison will continue to be part to day tasks let alone looking placement. Will they keep you and “Badminton court book- Really well, especially consid- of the Sabbatical job descrip- far into the future. We didn’t happy!?” ings?” “Sorry mate you need ering that Tom chap still likes tion for years to come.” restructure the jobs. We imag- to go to Campusports!” me after being 2nd to me at You’ve got to be able to deal table footy. There’s certainly a NUS Conference Delegates spontaneously with the most variety of personalities but we biazrest questions and prob- all love our jobs and respect Every year Surrey sends a num- event at the beginning of the standing then pick up a nomi- lems, and smile when its the the others so we get on great. ber of delegates to the National Easter vacation, and Surrey has nation pack available from tenth time that day you’ve No editorials please! Union of Students annual con- places for six delegates. As Monday week 15. If you want answered the same question! ference where they have the with the sabbatical posts, stu- to know more, then leave a note What are you most looking for- chance to influence and vote on dents get the chance to vote for in the returning officer’s Why did you decide to become What do you feel has been your ward to now in your sabbatical NUS policies. The conference who represents them at confer- pigeonhole, or see the union (in Blackpool) is a three day ence, so if you are interested in president. a sabbatical officer? biggest achievement so far? role?Next February’s Super In all honesty, I didn’t know This might not sound spectacu- Sports Day organised with what a sab did until I met my lar, but its been a pretty big job. Imperial Cancer Research Decided Yet? predecessor at her regular Recently, a sports administra- Fund and us, and leaving By now you should have a pack and have a good think questions about their jobs or haunt(the bar!) and had a chat. tor has been employed jointly Surrey Sport with a better more good idea of whether or not you over christmas. Standing for about being a sabbatical then After an hour or 3 pints, I by our allies Campusports and effectively organised infra- fancy standing for any of the election is an excellent experi- there will be an evening get found out the sort of work she the Students’ Union, the new structure for the next Sports six posts available (President ence and win or lose it is well together at .from 7.30 to did, and I liked it. It was a job had a very ambiguous title sab to work form. and Student Affairs Officer worth the effort. If you want to 8.30pm in Chancellors this challenging role with a reward and to achieve the most suc- were featured last week) or for ask any of the sabbaticals any thursday. i.e. tonight proportional to the work you cessful benefit from our new If you could buy one ludicrous- NUS conference delegate. If partnership has involved ly expensive item, what would put in to it. you are flirting with the idea myself analysing from the it be?Definitely a shopping then pick up a nomination pack grass roots where the clubs complex, so that it would all be What is your job? from the Communications In a nut shell, I’m in charge of problems lie, and from that free and I could drop off my Office, from Wednesday of running all the students sports - specifically create the new jobs girl friend at the weekend and week 15. In the pack is all you competitive and non-competi- functional format. Very impor- have Saturday’s off to play need to know about how to get tive, from grass roots level to tant. sport . Guaranteeing that I yourself nominated and run top leagues. Sounding all would have a happy bird at the your campaign in the fairest yet political, I also represent all What is the most rewarding end of the day. So if anyone most imaginative way possible. Student Sporting interests and aspect of your job? knows Saturday’s six lucky The nominations must be in by push for the development of Seeing students gratitude from numbers.... 3pm on Friday of week 2, so our sport here at Surrey. the work you do for them. Not you collect your nominations ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:56 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Music Thursday 10th December 1998 n

The Burgers / Desire / Frausty Black Box Recorder / Paradise Motel Bitches / Fish Con Eyeliner Highbury Garage, 1/12/98 The theme is dark and brood- visual parade of Englishness Middle Class cannot replace London Tattershal Castle, 28/11/98 ing. The sounds are stark, including Maggie Thatcher love. Album outcast, With the heart ripped out of bratpop through Bitches promptly announced their split as moody and emotive. Paradise (milk snatcher), Fergie, Robbie ‘Brutality’ is just that, in a the closing down of Pornst*r, a boat on the they left the stage. The first thing to strike Motel shimmer coarsly with (corporate puppet) Williams, harsh fast chimeara of a tune Thames played host to the resurgence of you about Desire is that they can actually their orchestral minimalism corporate cultural philistine but it is ‘England Made Me’, teen punk. First on were Fish Con Eyeliner play. Coming across as 60ft Dolls after a and dark tales whilst Black Box Chris Evans as well as a selec- slighly rushed and more urgent, with their goth tinged girl scream-a-thon. brush with Placebo, the screaming vocals Recorder dissect Middle tion of our best murderers - the full of unease and utter bril- Looking like a satanic pantomime but were backed by crunching guitars and England with experimental- beef that killed the farmers, and liance that wins it. There is sounding like early Huggy Bear, the crowd epileptic drumming. One band at least who indie-pop. the very best in child carers in even time for a stunted and sur- withdrew to the walls and waited for the might transcend the scene and realistically Myra Hindley and Louise real Q and A between Luke Paradise Motel start off strong, Woodward. Haines and the assembled - final mis-struck power chord. Frausty headline Upstairs at the Garage one day. easing into ‘Derwent River “what are the visuals about?” Bitches had been formed the day of the gig The Burgers look like a piss-take. Feather Star’ after a gorgeous shivering ‘Child Psychology’ teases the invokes a dry Haines to offer and had put the finishing touches to their boas, tiaras, the EC surplus glitter mountain, guitar opener. It ‘s upbeat for self-loathers with “Life is “nothing, they’re really purile”. one song five minutes before going on. ‘She and a decidedly Bis-like set-up. Singing the ‘Motel and is every bit a unfair, kill yourself or get over Unfortunately the uninitiated in Is A Slag’ was that song, essentially ‘Kid over a keyboard backing rhythm and light- pop song, jangling guitar it” before ‘Baby Boom’ pon- intelligence and irony mistook Cut’ by Bis with different lyrics. Hitting weight guitars it was Helen Love without sounds and a chorus that seems ders, perhaps, the wonders of the faux-debacle not as a reflec- onlookers like a wrecking ball the ability the irony. Run away run away run away... to float skyward. ‘Aeroplanes’ unstable families and new tion of their own inability to be was negligible but the sheer energy was Andrew Thomas follows blending the knowing song, ‘Art Of Driving’ is an in on a joke as they should have enough. Like all good punk bands Frausty voice of Merida Sussex to the hypnotic semi-spoken duet done, but as indication of cabbalistic, buoyant orchestra- aimed at a more personal Haines stupidity in actually tion behind. ‘Daniel’ shows level...”do you believe in love”. playing a tape of meaningless Gel / Flex / Nermal more rock savy in the live ‘Ideal Home’ is the realisation images. Long live England. arena, but losing none of the that the facade of the new Daniel Jones. Tunbridge Wells Forum, 27/11/98 poignancy and astute poetic kitchens and shag piles of the A toilet gig in the most literal sense. This screeched. Less than a sum of it’s parts, the meter, merely adding intensity to the resentful coda “Summer night the converted public convenience high points only got to mildly foot tapping Paradise Motel played host to the debut performance by status. Gel, back from a national tour with always reminds me of you - trained, indefinate, and cruel.” Nermal. Demonstrating their studied under- Republica, began with the familiar call of The experimental savior-faire standing of choppy punk pop the London ‘Believe That We’re Yummy’. Sugar coated finale extends in the latter four piece buzzed through a solid yet unre- fuzz pop all the way (including singles reaches of the set and as in markable set. The material on offer ranged ‘Rosie & Jim’ and ‘Catching Ants’) showed ‘German Girl’ they seem prone from Offspring type thrashes to a less dra- great energy but little individuality between to getting lost and falling over matic Stony Sleep. From the first chord it each song. With a debut album out early the experimental hill to bore- was easy what to expect from Flex. next year, ‘99 could well be their year for dom. Essentially Placebo without the high whiney the Smash Hits generation. vocal the bass throbbed and the guitar Andrew Thomas Enticing the thoughts of those willing to partake is video footage that is the prologue, Gigs Over Xmas aswell as the in-flight entertain- ment for the Black Box The Fanscene Xmas Party Recorder set. Having produced 23/12/98, Upstairs @ The Garage one of the most appropriately timed and cutting comments on A night of everything fanzine, but with tinsel and a singing christmas tree society last summer and proba- (!). The night kicks off with Cheetara at 9pm followed by Manatee with bly ever, it was no surprise the Vyvyan headlining. subjects of the effulgent intro- spection of the LP, England New Year’s Eve With New Order Made Me failed to grasp the wit 31/12/98, Alexandra Palace and power of the whole affair. The title, inspired, perhaps by Also playing are Underworld, Laurent Garnier, Audioweb, and Luke Graham Greene provided the Slater. DJ sets come from Judge Jules and Sasha. rationale not only behind the music but the afforementioned n Monday night London Bridge’ and ‘Walking Big Jazz Night Chancellor’s was once with the Blues’ drifted across Unplugged - Dr Didg Oagain bursting at the the campus (and the free food was seams with students who found brought out), more and more themselves vying for space with students were drawn from their the evening’s jazz group; one of revision to listen. The band the University’s best kept ended the evening with ‘12 secrets, the University Big-Ban Bars of Christmas’, sending the d. Previously confined to a few now packed bar back to their gigs in the Hall bar the revision with a spring in their Big-Band has now streamlined step and a happy christmassy its ranks of trumpet and saxo- feeling in their hearts. phone players and is this year taking a more professional If you missed the Big-Band on approach. Monday you have a second chance to hear them tonight The evening began with band on the main stage in the members some what out num- Union. Let them blast away bering the audience but soon, as those exam blues. the bright sound of ‘Sweet Lindsay Endean r Didg is a UK as the other musicians pick University Carol Service based trio led by Dr up on the loops of sound Graham Wiggins coming from Wiggins, who s Christmas is fast familiar readings and lush cant with candles will be hap- up for the Union ents - D who, as the name suggests, in turn, responds to them, approaching it seems choir compositions, some of pening at the beginning. because actually there’ll be plays the didgeridoo. All the audience, the mood. a good time to put in which have been specially Don’t miss this great pre- time for those as well! A preconceptions about this a major plug for the Carol written for the occasion by Christmas event. Have a good Have a great Christmas - Service on Wednesday 16th students of the Music sing, remember what it’s all Peace be with you. instrument should be This is often trance like and December at 5.30 p.m. in the Department. Our very own about and say to yourself ignored since Dr Didg com- is well worth experiencing. mighty powerhouse at the top Judith Rossall, Free Church “There’s no better way to start ROBIN HARVEY bine didg and dance in a Catch Dr Didg in the Main of the hill. It will be a rich Chaplain, will be giving a the festive season” even if Anglican Chaplain superb range of improvised Union on Tuesday 15th mix of your favourite carols, word, and something signifi- your first inclination is to gear sound. Layers are created December ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:57 Page 5 (1,1)

Thursday 10th December 1998 n Live Music 5 Music Writer’s Poll for 1998 It’s that time of year when your music writers live out their egocentric dreams and tell you what you should have listened to this year Singles Albums Artists Catatonia

The Best The Best The Best Intergalactic - The Beastie Boys 1965 - The Afghan Whigs The Afghan Whigs Rockafella Skank - Fatboy Slim Mezzanine - Massive Attack Catatonia My Favourite Game - The Cardigans Adore - The Smashing Pumpkins The Smashing Pumpkins

The Worst The Worst The Worst My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion When The Lights Go Out - 5ive 5ive Believe - Cher Titanic - OST Celine Dion Millenium - Robby Williams Honey To The B - Billie Cher

Here is a selection of the writers Worst singles Best albums Worst singles Gemma Decent Best albums votes in each category. Bis - Eurodisco The Afghan Whigs - 1965 Catatonia - Road Rage Earl Brutus - Tonight You Are Fugazi - End Hits All Saints - Under The Bridge Best singles The Special One Andrew Thomas Worst albums Pearl Jam - Yield Lutricia McNeal - Ain’t That Manic Street Preachers - If You Catherine Wheel - Adam And Paul Weller - Greatest Hits Just The Way Tolerate This Eve Best singles Best acts Space & Cerys - The Ballad Of Pecadiloes - Caught On Venus Bis - Eurodisco Worst acts The Afghan Whigs, Pearl Jam, Worst albums Tom Jones Sleater Kinney - Little Babies Bis, Kenickie, Verve The Backyard Babies Beautiful South - Quench Bluetones - If Best acts Kenickie - Stay In The Sun All Saints - All Saints Earl Brutus Tips for ‘99 Worst singles Billie - Honey To The B Best albums Murmurs Of Irma Best albums Blur (really sticking your neck Puff Daddy & Jimmy Page - Catatonia - International Velvet Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci Cadallaca - Introducing… out there! – music ed) Come With Me Worst acts Robbie Williams - I’ve Been Dweeb - Turn You On Celeine Dion - My Heart Will 5ive, Beautiful South, George Expecting You Worst singles Beastie Boys - Hello Nasty Andrew Smith Go On Michael Space - Tin Planet G Flame England United - On Top Of The Felx Kru Best acts Best singles World Tips for ‘99 Best acts Don Cabellero Bis, Sleater Kinney, Kenickie Fatboy Slim – Gangsta Trippin Counting Crows Catatonia, Robbie Williams, Catatonia – Road Rage Worst albums Manic Street Preachers Worst albums Worst singles Placebo – Pure Morning Titanic - OST Kevin Marston Flossie And The Unicorns Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go Simply Red - Blue Worst acts Another Level On Best albums Billie - Honey to The B Best singles Billie, Cleopatra, 5ive Regulator Watts Vengaboys – Up and Down Mansun - Six Pitchshifter - Microwaved Gym & Tonic - 5,6,7,8 Marilyn Mansun - Mechanical Worst acts Fatboy Slim - Rockafeller Skank Tips for ‘99 Worst acts Animals Cher, Celine Dion, Simply Red Madonna - Frozen Electracy Dust Junkies Worst albums Massive Attack - Mezzanine Electrasy Flossie and the Unicorns - Tips for ‘99 Best albums Gareth Nolan Superstar LMNOP Best acts 3 Colours Red to become mas- Smashing Pumpkins - Adore Various - Titanic OST Mansun, Catatonia, Ash sive if Creation and Sony do Six by Seven - The Things We Best singles Tips for ‘99 Silver Sun - Neowave their jobs properly. Make Beastie Boys - Intergalactic Murmurs Of Irma Worst singles Massive Attack - Mezzanzine Energy 52 - Cafe Del Mar 98 Worst acts T-Spoon - Sex on the beach James Hemingway Lucid - I Can’t Help Myself Nick Walsh Boyzone, Cher, Silver Sun Snowpony - John Brown Best acts Best singles Smashing Pumpkins, Depeche Best albums Best singles Tips for ‘99 Worst albums Shawn Colvin - Sunny Came Mode, Six by Seven Smashing Pumpkins - Adore Delakota - The Rock Cheetara, Manatee, Vyvyan Steps - Step One Home Air - Moon Safari 4 Hero - Stardust 5ive - When The Lights Go Out Paula Cole - I Don’t Want To Worst singles U2 - Best of 1980 -1990 Bjork - Alarm Call Daniel Jones Wait Robbie Williams - Millenium Worst acts Tin Tin Out feat Shelly Nelson - Anything by Five Best acts Best albums Best singles B*witched, 5ive, Steps Here’s Where The Story Ends Anything by the Backstreet Boys Beastie Boys, Smashing The Beta Band - 3 E.P.’s Rem - Daysleeper Pumpkins, Marylin Manson Belle and Sebastian - The Boy The Cardigans - My Favourite Tips for ‘99 Best albums Worst albums With The Arab Strap Game Chicks Lucinda Williams - Car Wheels As worst singles Tips for ‘99 Mercury Rev - Deserter Songs Fatboy Slim - Rockerfella Skank On A Gravel Road Prince singles at number one for Rob Winder Neil Finn - Try Whistling This Worst acts all of January and perhaps Best acts Best albums Bruce Springsteen - Tracks Trumans Water, Spice Girls, February. The Beta Band, Spiritualised, Rem - Up Best singles Robbie Williams Super Furry Animals Sparklehorse - Good Morning The Dandy Warhols - Every Day Best acts Ian Purvey Spider Should Be A Holiday The Corrs, Neil Finn, Fleetwood Tips for ‘99 Worst acts Afghan Whigs - 1965 Grand Drive - On A Good Day Mac Velocette, Beta Band Best singles Steps, Five, Celine Dion The Cardigans - My Favourite Ballroom - Bionic Best acts Game Pitchshifter - Genius Tips for ‘99 REM, Afghan Whigs , Beastie Boys - Interglactic Animal House, Ooberman and Sparklehorse Shack ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:57 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Thursday 10th December 1998 n

effective. 7/10 J.R.H. ALIEN VOICES feat 3 DEGREES - Last Christmas SINGLE OF THE WEEK SINGLES JOYLAND - Starkiller (Variable Frequency 1) DERRERO - Radar Intruder The undoubted kings of cyber (Jesper) Another reworking of an old EP (Big Noise) metal surprise everyone with a With all their new wave power classic, written by the toilet Why do all of the best bands reflective and even radio- and probably without wanting man himself George Michael. come from Wales? Is there friendly single. A operatic slice to, they sound like Elvis Unfortunatelly it is worse than something they’re not telling of razor sharp techno-edged Costello and the Attractions. Or the original, typically enough. us? After recently supporting metal with Burton Bell’s choral if you are musically naïve they The 3 degrees of today has only the likes of Catatonia and Super sounding vocal. Unfortunately sound like Three Colours Red, got one singer from the original Furry Animals, Derrero release the additional tracks see the or any other similar generic 3 and I’m afraid this is a very a potentially “feel-good” col- band plough their more familiar rock band. Good or bad poor effort that probably won’t lection of songs. Each song, in furrow. 7/10 R.W. depending on what sort of go very far, for good reasons, the vain of The Beach Boys / trousers you wear. 6/10 N.W. it’s cack! 2/10 M.D. Lightning Seeds, flows com- MANIC STREET PREACH- fortably without sounding ERS - The Everlasting (Epic) ANJALI - Aquila (Wiija) cheesy or annoyingly repeti- ‘Best Band In The World Is this really the same person tive. The title track, the high- Today’ according to Q. My who was once in the legendary This weeks reviews by... light of the EP, is a breezy tune arse. Wales for sure (though Voodoo Queens? Gone is the Christian Hunter, Kevin driven by light guitars and a there ain’t much competition). punk sneer and attitude, Marston, Andrew Thomas, replaced by generic drum loops Mario Dias, Ian Purvey, James great (dare I say it) “poppy” Following the hugely disap- THE LEVELLERS - One Way ‘98 (China) chorus. A lovely record, capa- pointing and overrated ‘If You and whispering trance vocals. Hemingway, Andy Smith, A “chill out” record destined Oliver Chamero, Rob Winder, A remix of the song that has become a live anthem and ble of picking you up, whatever Tolerate...’, is this more brought fame and glory to the Levellers... this song not only mood you’re in. 8/10 A.S. refined, laid-back, but ultimate- for the decks of stoners every- Dean Arif, and Frank Fraulo appeals to rock and indie audiences, but also seems to go ly rousing effort. The organ dri- where. For the more concious FEAR FACTORY - ven flip-side ‘Black Holes For of us though 2/10 A.T. down quite well in the dance scene. This is brilliant. there’s Resurrection (RoadRunner) The Young’ is also surprisingly only one WAY OF LIFE!!! 9/10 D.A.

their spare time and it might are the envy of American “the Voice”. Nonetheless, if ing this record, Jay-Z was come as a shock to those and European artisits... time you like Sinatra’s music and “in a real zone, creatively”. ALBUMS people out there who think you checked them out?! you like Barry’s mellow What this says, possibly is OASIS - The Masterplan Liam and co must be kick- ‘Wonderwall’ is the be all 8/10 O.C. sounding vibes, you will that Americans like the (Creation) ing themselves for not and end all of Oasis. 9/10 enjoy this. Remember, the word “Nigga” and “Bitch” If there is one question to be releasing this as a single. F.F. SIZZLA - Kalonji original is always best!! expressed monotonally and asked, it is what in the world Things only get better from (Xterminator) New York, New York!!! these “zones” that Jay-Z has happened to Oasis? there onwards as tracks like MAJOR FORCE WEST - This is a reggae album, not 6/10 C.H. have revolve around slothful Only a short year ago their ‘Talk Tonight’ and ‘Stay Major Force West chart reggae stuff which was beats accompanied in each music was the most impor- Young’ make an apperance. If you liked The Fantastic popular a couple of years song by a slightly modified tant thing in pop. Now the The only bad thing is what is Plastic Machine, then this is back but roots world music electronic riff. This is not papers are more interested missing, ‘Whatever’ the for you. Japanese lo-fi, type thing. The lyrics are exciting stuff, but it’s not in what Patsy is wearing or song that never actually twists of lounge here and mainly about relgion or hard to listen to and if you giving you details of Liam’s appeared on an album (even there sprinkled with extracts poltics as this type of thing ever want to get down in the latest bust up. Hopefully this everybody thinks it did) or from real Japanese songs. generally is. The music goes hood, it would be ideal. And effort willshift the attention some of their later stuff like what more could you from fairly hip-hop to dubby JAY-Z - Vol 2... Hard afterall, perhaps this onto what made them great ‘Round Are Way’ which want?? The Japanese have and anywhere else you can Knock Life addresses important politi- in the first place. The album where almost as good as the been producing lately a take reggae bar dance. All in (NorthWestSide) cal issues or is a call for the starts off with the best Oasis a sides. The album is a great string of astounding djs and all a rather good album. 7/10 Do you know that this needs of segments of our song ever, ‘Acquiesce’, insight into what Oasis do in cult undeground bands that I.P. record sold a quarter of a society, but if they are then million copies in the US of they’re on a different level ALBUM OF THE WEEK CHEF AID: The South A to put it in the Billborad to me and I apologise for Park Album (Columbia) number one album position. failing to grasp the intri- A pinch of this, a splash of And, apparently when mak- caicies of it all. 4/10 D.J. that and beat to a fine pulp and there you have it, one RECOMMENDED album based around that popular comic strip South Park. What a mixture it is as well with tracks from Rancid, Vitro, Mousse T, Elton John, Wyclef and many more. Plus tracks from those loveable charac- ters Chef, Cartman and the rest of the crew. There are a few hillariously funny moments on this album like when ‘Horny’ is being intro- duced, they just basically slag it off and say that the only reason its on the album is beacuse the “Europeans love it” (yeah right). The MUCHO MACHO The Limehouse Link (Wiiija) best track on this album is Mucho Macho is one of the best things to come out of Vitro with its over sampled Essex in a long time with their unrivaled taste for early acid piecie of hard hitting techno house and techno fused with the undertones of jazz funk. An upcoming trend to the dance musik scene with the likes PEARL JAM - Live On Two Legs (Epic) as good a representation of their live show fused industrial music. And of The Big Beat Boutique, the Kahuna boys and the 1998 was the year for Pearl Jam. In January as a CD could get. The band showcases the of course we must not forget Beasties snatching them up for nights and everything. they released ‘Yield’, certainly the finest whole range of their style from the hard Chef with his snippets of Nothing can possibly go wrong for these boys from album of their career to date. During the Fugazi influenced rock of ‘Go’ to the REM love poetry. Overall, very Romford with tracks like ‘Skooby’ to wake up the senses summer they toured the USA, reports sug- melodies of ‘Better Man’. Other highlights South Park. 7/10 K.M. of the populus with its latino funk and hard cracking tech- gested that the band were performing, night include ‘Do The Evolution’ and ‘Daughter’ no. While ‘Lightning’ is yet another new genre of big beat in night out, at the height of their ability. with it’s ‘Keep On Rockin’ In The Free BARRY MANILOW - to hit the floor with its sound of scratches and breaks cut- This album was recorded on that tour and World’ tag. The band’s obvious love of Neil Manilow Sings Sinatra ting up the beats of the year. And besides what more can a suggests that the reports were correct as Young rears its head again on the album (Arista) band want than having their first single as a split single Pearl Jam certainly excell on stage. closer a cover of ‘Fuckin’ Up’. ‘Live On Old Frankie would turn in with Cornershop, except axing ther other half (Just my Avoiding the obvious songs and concentrat- Two Legs’ is a good representation of Pearl his grave if he heard this. opinion though, so don’t shoot me). A high octane ride of ing on album tracks ‘Live On Two Legs’ is Jam, a truly special band. 9/10 R.W. Barry is cool, but he is not beats and sounds. 9/10 K.M. ed981210.qxd 14/12/9817:58Page7(1,1)

Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday 19th 18th 17th 16th 15th 14th 13th 12th 11th Thursday 10thDecember1998 Happy Christmas UNPLUGGED Happy NewYear That’s it! and sun-thurs (12.1015.00exceptsun)}17.5020.35 fri-sat 12.1513.30(frionly)14.4016.0017.05 sun-thurs 12.4513.3015.1515.5517.3018.20 sun-thurs 12.40(sunonly)13.3015.1016.00 fri-sat 12.3013.3014.2516.0017.0018.20 sun -thurs(12.0514.45exceptsun)17.30 fri-sat (12.4515.10satonly)18.5021.35 The PrinceofEgypt(sneakpreview) sun -thurs12.2014.1516.1518.15 Fri 11th NovtoThurs17th fri-sat 12.2515.2018.1521.10 fri-sat 12.0515.1018.1521.20 n fri-sat 12.4015.4518.4021.30 fri-sat 13.0015.0017.0019.00 There’s SomethingaboutMary sun-thurs 13.4517.0020.10 Barneys GreatAdventure 17.40 18.3520.1021.00 18.30 19.3021.1022.00 BABE: PigintheCity 0870 5050007 The MaskofZorro The MagicSword The Parent Trap sun 13.1515.30 sun 12.3015.00 Doctor Doolitle sun-thurs 20.05 sun-thurs 20.40 sat 13.1515.45 Lost inSpacce Small Soldiers sat 11.05 am fri-sat 21.30 fri-sat 21.15 sat 11.15am sat 11.10am sat 11.00am Cineline Out ofSight Rush Hour Snake eyes sun 13.00 sat 13.45 Mulan ANTZ Ronin Blade 19.15 20.25 19th February 1999 Hari's Bar&Union7pm-11pm (10.30pmSun) International LunchChancellor'sRestaurant Chancellors 8.30am-7pm,Hari'sBar7pm-11pm Chancellors 8.30am-2pm,Hari'sBar2pm-11pm Chancellors 8.30am-2pm,Hari'sBar2pm-11pm Chancellors 8.30am-7pm,Hari'sBar7pm-11pm Union ClubXmas Opening Times Hari's Bar7pm-11pm (10.30pm Sun) Fri 25th-Sun3rdJan-Closed Mon 11th Jan-Fri15thJan Mon 4thJan-Fri8thJan Chancellors 8.30am-11pm Hari's Bar7pm-10.30pm Sat 16th/Sun17thJan Hari's Bar7pm-11pm Sat 9th/Sun10th Entertainments Guide7 8.30 am-12 Wed 30th Thurs 24th Tues 22nd Wed 23rd Mon 21st Sun 20th Sat 19th ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:58 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Films Thursday 10th December 1998 n Film Reviews, Previews and Competitions Rush Hour (15) his daughter’s beloved mar- smarter and more focused Starring: Jackie Chan tial arts instructor.But when than he initially appears. the two lead FBI agents This though doesn’t mean Star Trek: Everyone’s favourite and Chris Tucker assigned to the case find out that the film is without its Insurrection (TBC) Captain Picard (Stewart) Director: Brett that Lee is coming over to laughs. There are many a Starring: Patrick and his jolly crew get upto Ratner help. They get the LAPD funny moment like when Stewart and some shenanigans out there chief to assign a cop to baby Carter and Lee discover that Jonathon Frakes in space while Commander “Rush Hour” effectively sit him. And guess what, he both their fathers were cops Data (Brett Spiner) goes teams Jackie Chan and picks Carter (Tucker), the and become like little boys, Director: Jonathon round the bend, taking some Chris Tucker in a formulaic loosest of loose debating their fathers’ Frakes hostages in the process. but funny action comedy. cannons.Lee and Carter exploits, culminating with Released: 01 / 01 / 99 Director Frakes aids as No.1 The contrast of Hong come from such different each declaring, “My dad can and I gues in the end, the Kong’s martial arts legend cultures that this becomes a beat up your dad!” Even day is saved. and the young motor-mouth source of the broad humor more amusing is a charming comedian in this thriller in the film. Once these two song-and-dance sequence works very well like other find their feet they set off to set in Chinatown in which previous double acts, Eddie solve the case leaving the the stars meld their karate Psycho (18) Is Van Sat’s claim that he Murphy & Nick Nolte in FBI behind.The director and hip-hop moves to the Starring: Vince has copied the original film 48hrs and Mel Gibson & (Ratner) keeps the picture tune of the vintage Edwin shot for shot a ruse to hide a Danny Glover in The Lethal barreling ahead while show- Starr Motown hit “War.” For Vaughn and Anne radically different version. Weapon series. The story- ing off his stars to advan- a movie that otherwise Heche Has Norman invested in a line is a typical kidnapping tage. works so well, “Rush Hour” Director: Gus Van power shower? Who knows scenario when the little has an all to typical lay out, Sat but if you like silhouettes of daughter of China’s consul- Chan humourously under- but you soon forget this as Released: 08 / 01 / 99 wizened old grannies in general for Los Angeles is plays to the hyper Tucker, you watch Lee and Tucker’s spooky top floor windows kidnapped and held for ran- leaving his fabled martial antics on the big screen. this is for you. som for $50 million, the artistry to provide the raz- Hilarious, action packed and consul appeals for help from zle-dazzle, while Tucker brillant. 8/10 Kevin ace Hong Kong policeman allows us to see that Carter, Marston Lee (Chan), who was also for all his frenetic antics, is Film Competitions Films of the Year

Out Of Sight 5 Bottle Openers 1. Gattaca. Sepia filters abound in this 2 Silver Sknny T’s 1 Signed Poster stark comment on the role of capitalism set 2 Zippo’s in the future. 1 Novel Are curves better than 2 Lock, Stock and Two Smoking 5 Posters straight lines? Barrels. British styled gangsta movie Is it true that George A Life Less Ordinary with thoughtful plot and convincing perfor- Clooney has seven pairs of 1 Video mances. yellow underpants? 1 Novel 3 The Big Lebowski. Coen brothers 1 Screenplay story of mistaken identity caught up in kid- Fear And Loathing In Las nap plot which has hilarious consequences. Vegas Who is prettier out of Ewan 4 Wild Things. More twists than a tight 3 Hats McGregor and Cameron country road in this youthful exploration of 3 Playing Cards Diaz? sex and greed. 1 Jumper 5 Dead Man’s Curve. The Game 6 If Only. Magical love story of immense ‘Drugs make you really Fear and Loathing inLas Vegas 2 Video’s clever’ Discuss in no more quirky brilliance devoid of sickly than ten words. Dead Man’s Curve What is your favourite Americanisation’s. 3 T-Shirts game? Answers by email to ps51dj or [email protected] or via the Barefacts Secretary pigeon hole or to the Barefacts Box outside the office. The Truman Show Entries in by christmas day. Voted 7th best film of the year Theatre Review 7 The Truman Show. Nearly era defin- ing film to be ever referenced that falls short on irony when it should have been every- Teechers (by John lead role in the school musi- jump ship to a cosy job at thing. Godber) cal, it all looks bleak. This the “good” school across A UBADS Production is just the beginning though town. 8 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The Academia Theatre, as Nixon soon encounters Film adaptation of explicit drug induced Brighton lusty school girls, an atti- Richard Beard gives an book that sums up the zeitgeist of the peri- tude fuelled bully (“15 impressively emotional per- od econdary school is going on 24”), and a love formance, conveying all the 9 Divorcing Jack. Massively dark and hell, especially if you interest in the form of the anxiety and excitement The Truman Show humorously intoned blackmail plot. Shappen to be a P.E. teacher. Nixon finds in his day to Voted 7th best film of the year 10 U-Turn. Oliver Stone directs desert se teacher.Taking the final two day challenges. The sup- film noir masterpiece. terms of a fifth form as it’s With a central theme porting cast cannot be fault- setting, ‘Teechers’ follows embracing socialist values ed for sheer energy and Books of the Year the progress of a newly and equality for all, throw- enthusiasm. Sarah graduated drama teacher ing in a comment on the cur- Chambers (playing school 1. Laura Zigman - 3. Rick Grolsh - Left Of Left. More called Nixon(played by rent education underfunding slut, Gail) is especially Animal Husbandry. One for girls political uprising with a young upstart in Richard Beard) through his crisis for good measure, the strong in her role. The inter- explaining the facts behind unfaithfulness pre glasnost Russia.. first job at a council estate play definitely seeks to play between Gail and in terms of old cow new cow theory. filled base level comprehen- make a point rather than Nixon forms the cheeky 4. Will Self - Great Apes. Exposing sive. With the students provide mere entertainment. highlight to an entertaining 2. Nick Hornby - About A Boy. the arrogance of humans. against him and the drama Nixon must decide whether and thought provoking play. How a young adult is much like being a loving deputy head in a to stay with his difficult Andrew Thomas child. 5. Alex Garland - The Tesseract. mood at his taking of the pupils, and his principals, or Intricate follow-up to acclaimed debut The Beach. ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:58 Page 9 (1,1)

n Thursday 10th December 1998 Features 9

Crossword No 88 Dr Russ WWW by Pravin Jeyaraj

Dear Russ and what exactly you need to t is probably every actor’s doubt it! What exactly is the do in order to participate. dream to play the part of a Milkround and how can I Some of the closing dates are Ilegend. John Lynch will Anyway, the ‘tubbies are yes- use it to my advantage? imminent so I would strongly surely enjoy playing George terday’s news. The latest toy advise you to call in before Best in a £10 million movie to cause havoc around the Dear Vanessa you leave for Christmas. about the footballer’s life. world is the Furby. What? The Milkround is one of The film is titled Best and Furbies are animatronic, those words which I always The main aim of the will also star George Best Gizmo-like toys that react feel I need to apologise for. It Milkround is to provide a playing himself in later years, with the world around them became popular many years convenient way for you to Patsy Kensit as his first wife on their own. Each Furby can ago because it seemed to pro- meet employers. Of course, Angie, Jerome Flynn of move, talk, hear, see (light vide the best description for it is only of any real advan- Soldier Soldier as Sir Bobby and dark, they can’t actually the process whereby employ- tage if you are interested in Charlton and Ian Bannen of see, per say), feel, and com- ers went round to universities the employers who are visit- Braveheart as Sir Matt municate with other Furbies. and ‘milked off’ the best ing. Having said that, I must Busby. If you placed 2 Furbies graduates. The name stuck admit that some people do together, they will talk, laugh, despite the fact that many use it for interview practice. I Off course, there are numer- or catch a cold from one of people didn’t like it. Perhaps know one student, who, ous tribute pages on the them. If one Furby is crying, that’s because alternatives halfway through an interview Internet, most of which are the other will sing to cheer it such as Graduate which she had begun half- originally titled George Best. up. Furbies can play a multi- Recruitment Programme heartedly, decided she liked But a keyword search using tude of games, from Hide and Across Down were a bit of a mouthful! the look of the job after all. Yahoo also brought up the Seek to Simon Says. They 1. Small Restaurant (6) 1. To warp (6) She turned on the charm and websites of DVD sellers. can sleep, and best of all, they 4. Barrage balloons (6) 2. Trustworthy (7) So how does it work in prac- was offered a position. In the Even more significant is that never die. More information 9. Husks of corn (5) 3. declining to accept (8) tice? In the New Year, a main though, I wouldn’t rec- Best’s team, Manchester can be obtained from the 10. Pistol-case (7) 5. An interval of calm (4) number of employers will ommend using the Milkround United has become one of the FurbyZone. 11. Feeling solitary (8) 6. The underground (5) visit Surrey in order to inter- for practice unless you are at most successful British 12. Explosive weapon (4) 7. Cleans by hard rubbing view students. In some cases, least moderately interested in Football Clubs both on and Good news for eighties fans! 14. One’s personal creation (6) the Careers Service will have the job. Without that motiva- off the pitch. Aswell a high In true music legend stylee, (9) 8. In a fanciful way (11) collected application forms tion it would be impossible to ranking place in the Rick Astley is making a 18. An informer (4) 13. Pardoned (8) on their behalf and each perform at your best and it Premiership, it has its own comeback. He will release a 20. Bestowal of gifts (8) 15. Small type of falcon (7) employer will have decided wouldn’t therefore provide cable television channel remix of his 1987 number one 22. Kind of number (7) 16. Implanted by nature (6) who they want to interview. the sort of practice you were (MUTV) and is a part of hit ‘Never Gonna give you 23. A cause of infection (5) 17. Against (6) You can pick up a leaflet in looking for. 24. rackets (6) 19. Spokes (5) Rupert Murdoch’s business up’ in the New Year. He is the Careers Service which Russ Clark 25. Small hills (6) 21. Leg joint (4) empire. currently working on new will tell you who is coming Careers Service Last Weeks Solution Down: 1. punch-ups 2. temerity 4. songs including a weepy bal- Across: 1. putt 3. chip-shot 8. hansom 5. politician 6. hick 7. Tass The official site contains lad. numb 9. inflicts 11. hereabouts 14. 10. masticated 12. ridicule 13. Festive Facts news, features, fixtures and Astley, 32, retired from the potato 15. scribe 17. activating 20. heighten 16. kitten 18. hind 19. cell identity 21. mutt 22. deluding 23. Crossword compiled by results as well as other infor- limelight in the early nineties neon Jeff Blackham riday Night Outs may be how to avoid writing that dis- mation. It has a very corpo- to escape the pressure of temporarily postponed sertation. rate style, and is very organ- fame, having sold 15 million Imperial Cancer Fover the Christmas ised. Personally, I find the site units of four albums world- Holiday, but that doesn't mean But we need your help. If boring but then again I am not wide and achieved seven top the whole world stops... First you've got any ideas of what n Sunday the 28th of friendly edge. the least bit interested in foot- ten hits. years are still partying with you want to see in this Festive February 1999, This is definitely going to be a ball. Imperial Cancer and fun day, and by us having fun, their friends back home, but Facts, or if you've got a half O many second years, final years, decent name for this new rag, Rick Astley song lyrics can the University of Surrey through sponsorship we will be and postgrads will be returning then we want to hear from you! Like George Best, there are be found on Xplosiveweb, Students’ Union are to host and able to contribute much needed early in the New Year to con- We want your short articles an endless number of along with lyrics from bands present the “Super Sports Day”. funds to help advance this char- tinue studying. (about the best Guildford pub Teletubby sites but it is the such as 2 Unlimited, Abba, This is to be a day of team par- ity’s work helping everyone in to spend your spare time in), official one which captures Bon Jovi and Wham. This ticipation in a diversity of the future.If you are interested Picture the scene: thousands of letters (about the musical socks the very essence of the pro- website is still under con- sports, in teams from clubs, in entering a team for the day or students back in Guildford all your Granny gave you), and all gramme. Official BBC structions but it is looking societies, departments, local wish to have a chat about the thinking they're the only saddo the stuff that usually goes in Education Teletubbies is good. Watch this space for businesses or just groups of charity then come to the Sports to come back this early, and Bare Facts - personals, music aimed at pre-school kids, but the return of shaggy perms friends. The mixed teams of 6 Office in the Students’ Union that there's absolutely sod-all to reviews, etc. it is very colourful and is a and the Paul Oakenfield will participate in 3 compulsory and see Alex or Gemma or any do in Guildford. Well, that's reminder that the world is a remix of ‘I should be so where Bare Facts comes in! So, if you fancy making your sports being Basketball, Unihoc of the Sabbaticals for informa- beautiful place. There are luck’! first foray into the world of, er, loads of pictures, desktop pat- and Football (6 aside) then one tion. Alternatively call on This year, for the first time, we journalism, then just drop your of either table tennis or climb- 259981. Look out for promo- terns, pictures and sounds of This week’s websites are going to be producing a offerings into the Bare Facts Po (definitely the best) and co Offical BBC Education ing the vertex and one of either tional material involving our special vacation edition of your Box, or contact the editor - see to enable you to customise Teletubbies tennis or archery. The day is own Sports Officer , Eddie the favourite student newspaper, page 1 for details. And remem- your computer display. More http://www.bbc.co.uk/educa- aimed at producing a really Eagle Edwards and even the telling you all that's going on in ber to pick up your Festive multimedia is available from tion/teletubbies/menu.html good team spirit, excellent Vice Chancellor. Guildford, as much festive Bare Facts on the 7th January Mallets Den: Another Xplosiveweb moral and a competitive yet news as we can muster up, and (or thereabouts...). Home for Teletubbies, fea- http://www.xplosiveweb.com Popcorn - A Play by Ben Elton turing Noo Noo the vacuum /lyrics/ricka/index.shtml cleaner. George Best ew Victoria Theatre After reading the novel last Emma….which all the men in http://www.zen.co.uk/home/p Woking - 7th year we were both interested the audience enjoyed!!! Remember, this is all down to age/ant.will/gbest.htm NDecember 1998 - run- to see how well it adapted to the unique way that the BBC Manchester Utd Official ning at Woking until 12th the stage…we weren’t disap- A play heavily focused on the is funded! Apparently, the Site http://manutd.com/ December and touring the pointed. The play brings role of the media in Teletubbies actually started Mallets Den: Another country together a mixture of sex, vio- Hollywood ended in true life as a Natural History pro- Home for Teletubbies lence and Ben Elton’s comic American style with everyone grammer with David http://users.powernet.co.uk/m Following Popcorn’s record- genius to form an entertaining suing the arse off everyone Attenborough called Tinky allet/ breaking year and a half in show with a bloody twist. else and blaming the causes of Winky and Company: Life Teletubbies:The True Story London’s West End, this popu- Bruce Delimitri, a successful all evil on society, God and, with the Teletubbies. http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/ lar novel written by Ben Elton Tarantino-esque Hollywood strangely not Jerry Springer!! Originally scheduled to com- ~palindrome/comedy/tubby.h and directed by Laurence director, returns home with an pete with The Bill (no con- tm Boswell, begins it’s tour of Oscar in one hand and Brooke A thought provoking perfor- test), a mix-up caused it to be FurbyZone Britain. Woking’s New Daniels (Emma Noble) in the mance that we would recom- put in a BBC2 children’s http://users.rttinc.com/~red- Victoria Theatre is host to the other. Meanwhile the two mend going to see if you get morning slot. More informa- wards/furbyzone/ show from Monday 7th - most wanted murderers in the opportunity over the tion can be found on This week’s keywords (cour- Saturday 12th December 1998 America, having caused a Chirstmas hols. Alternatively Teletubbies: The True tesy of Yahoo) (tickets still available * 01483 massacre in a bank, are up to ask for the book from Santa!! Story, one of the few anti- “George Best”, “Manchester 761144). no good in his bed. The play tubby sites. Is it true? Well, United”, “Teletubbies”, continues with a blood bath Sue Butt and Vicky Curtis the designer says “yes” but I “Furbies”, “Rick Astley” and a very kinky scene from ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:58 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Notices and Personals Thursday 10th December 1998 n

The Christmas Personals Notices THE DEAN OF INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS, STUDENTS’ UNION PRESIDENT AND ■ And the final score at 3A: 15 evidence!!!! ■ Ben Mc, Next time you come American Football STUDENT AFFAIRS OFFICER - 17 (Well done girls!!) ■ Mr L.B says Miss R.S is V. for the night, try and make it get ■ NICE! hard, love Laura, No really!!! AGM - Monday 14th Will Mr. Floppy be able to INVITE YOU TO rise to the occasion this week?! ■ Bimbo - how many hours of ■ Security Adam, Did you have December 19.30 Haris Bar ■ Oi Catherine, where has the sleep on Thursday!! a good time last Saturday night? AN END OF YEAR LUNCH banana flavour condom ■ Happy birthday Anne. Hope ■ Anyone shaggin’ the super Wanted: If anyone has a ON gone???? you had a good time at Bo’s last noodles man? Love, the leopard computer monitor they are WEDNESDAY, 30 DECEMBER 1998 ■ All I want for christmas is a night!! skin pants. not using would you consid- new dog bowl! ■ For Great Christmas decora- ■ Stephen Payne, just dress up ■ Jan - I think it is time for a tions, see Louise, Louisa and smart again and I’ll give you a er lending it to Nightline dur- IN new pair of trousers - Extra Jamie!! b#&! job. Love? just guess! ing the spring term? CHANCELLOR’S RESTAURANT large!!!! ■ Isn’t it ironic, don’t you ■ Dimitris room 7, answer the If anyone knows of an old set- AT ■ Carl, Can you come out think? f*@#ing phone!!! Love you tee that's looking for a home 1230 PM tonight or do you need permis- ■ So who flooded the laun- really, House 27 then please also get in touch. ■ sion first? derette then? Mole 4 smells: but the art- Thanks. ■ ■ work is fecking great, check out Buses will run from Hazel Farm. I’m so perfect. How do you So, 30 two in 1 night - shame [email protected] do it? you can’t remember the first!! them windows Int:4949 Ext: 432710 ■ I’m not a chicken ! I firmly ■ To Sex Central (West 4) ■ Dave you’re such a Rodney, Please let Maureen Hunt know if you can attend state that I am a penguin ! - AH Thanks for a great night(s) from but Panathonikos still rule. Union Treasurer ■ Steve H, when the fire alarm Heineken chicks, we reach the ■ K.H.I am really sorry that I and if you have any special dietary requirements. goes off it is a good idea to get parts...... shouted at you on Friday. Love P needed out of bed, especially when you ■ Deb - ora’s unlimited hold- ■ Female attendant required to January to May. If you are International Office, Philip Marchant Building, know it’s not a practice drill ings now serves the worlds’ help erect deckchair due to interested in standing then Ext 9005, e-mail [email protected]. ■ microphone man, where’s needs excessive blastaway consump- please phone Justin on 0966 We look forward to seeing you all. your photo gone? ■ Oi Rodney, stop shaggin’ tion, BB 236487 or the Union ■ ■ JP would you please stop those bloody bubbles and have Wanted. Chunderer to make President. picking rubbish off the street or a bi english bird instead interesting patterns on cars from you will be in trouble with the ■ Excitement on WEST4, as above Christians On Campus police. Contact tally + 1 Emma discovers to-the-DOOR ■ Nice cage dancing Swedish ■Could you get 100% if first newspaper delivery! girl J? You owe us a bud! As we approach Christmas, I programme down at the There are Bible studies, year chem. combine their purity ■ Sqwidgy & Curly-thanks for ■ Anyone know when the next thought it would be helpful Catholic Chaplain’s house, 12 prayer groups, discussion tests?? being so cool and for always flying bush competition is? just to include a gentle Queen Eleanor’s Road, and meetings and invited speak- ■ Owen the sexmuffin, What being there. Lots of love Contact BB or Stallion reminder of the groups and two Services on Sundays, one ers. There’s an Anglican were you up to Thursday Barbeque B. ■ No cloakroom in the middle Societies that keep the in the Cathedral, one at the Chaplaincy Holy ■ Morning??? Who else thinks that KATE of winter. Good old FNO!!! Christian Faith alive here on Quiet Centre. Open Circuit Communion Service on ■ looks like Nana Mouskouri ■ Claire we know where How many Schnappers in the Campus. The best way to (Methodist/Anglican) meets Fridays during the Semester Ermentrude lives!!!!!! (Greek Singer)? Well point it one night? Even more than find out about them is to go on Tuesdays, 6.30 p.m. at 6 at 1.15 p.m. in the Cathedral ■Clandon 15 - 28 Dares next out then! BB’s and Stallions kebabs in a along. You would be very Cathedral Close, an ecumeni- Lady Chapel. week::) ■ Betty Baps: The Music week? ■ Kate and Jodi, can you han- Sounds Better With You luv ■ I want a meat sandwich. welcome. So, here are the cal Alpha Group has been dle ‘Scarrynamor’ much longer. Pete Thong Mmm, loafy! details: happening this Semester on The Chaplains are working ■Steve and Enzo, true love for- ■ Thanks for being sick in my ■ look out everone Johney boy Thursdays at 7.00 p.m., at the on plans for several Open ever? room all night! is back!! Christian Union has a main same venue. International Lectures with some interest- ■Art’s camel must find a warm ■ caroline-happy birthday for ■ Any red heads out there meeting on Fridays in the Student Christian Friends ing speakers, on various Big and wet oasis - one hump or monday!loads of love from phone JOHN 4376 Library Restaurant at 7.00 (ISCF) run groups, outings Issues, which we hope will be two? B.B. everybody in the world! ■ Sophie, did you have a good p.m. Chinese Christian and special events for over- of interest to everyone. ■To Cavey: good luck in the ■.and the people on RtM and weekend? Know what I mean!! Fellowship meets in the seas students. Staff and Watch this space! exams.. I know you can do it. biosciences as well! ■ Hannah, 34B? No way!!!! Teaching Block, room 18,on Postgraduate Christian ROBIN HARVEY with all my love, your mad girl- ■ To the barmaid behind the ■ Emma H - worth a poke Wednesdays at 7.00 p.m. Fellowship (SPCF) meets ■ friend. XXXX bottle bar at the FNO - An Joseph St Johanser, all CathSoc has a full weekly about three times a month. ■How many in Management C admirer together now - MMMM!! on Monday? The correct ■ Anna-Battersea The strip ■ Alison S - worth a poke. Doing Anything Nice For Christmas? answer was three!! shows were good but the sex ■ Sam S - worth a poke. ■ When in Amsterdam visit Deb - shows were GREAT!!!! Bring ■ Nikos and Stellios we know “Now is the season to be Its easy, just contact one of Surrey Voluntary Service ora’s cathedral. Entrance fee only on the donkey. you want a bit of the big mac merry!” the organisations listed Council Tel: 01483 566072 50 Guilders (£16.50) Discounts ■ action just keep the noise Louise & Sarah, thanks for With all the exams soon below and spend a for regular visitors or season pass- rescuing me !! down!!! Surrey Wildlife Trust es!!!! see B.B for details ■ To the hunky guys of WEST ■ over and the assignments Christmas that’s worthwhile And the winner of the most Tel: 01483 488055 ■ The gorgeous Swedish at Bo’s 4, we know you can keep it Christmassy kitchen is Speirs 2! handed in, its time to enjoy as well as enjoyable.. who’s only been in this country two up!!! Your sexy female fan club. Hooray all the parties and feasting weeks, hello!!!, from the two blokes ■ Happy Birthday Wingeamen ■ Alex and Lisa - You are the and relax a little. World Wide Fund for Nature Wildlife Rehabilitation you chatted to. (Ben) from the bad boyz - Speirs version of Santa’s little Tel: 01483 426 444 Centre Tel: 01372 377332 ■ that’ll be a medium sized gar- BEWARE!!!! elves!! Remember the feeling of Website: http://www.wwf- ■ ■ Friends of the Earth lic naan for me please! Vickys(squealer) ,how was Be good without me, badger being overstuffed with food uk.org ■ to the lads opposite, good job saturday night (and you pretend slag! Tel: 01582 482297 ■ on boxing day and thinking it’s us that live opposite the vicar! you don’t like threesomes!!! blue fleece, do you need your British Trust for ■ ■ that there isn’t much on TV? Phwooar, what lovely pert Blue fleece(why did you cut b.p. taken, if so call the naughty Conservation Volunteers Greenpeace buttocks!!!!!! your hair) from the nurses in nurses,anytime,any place any- If the idea of doing some- Tel: 0181 541 7157 Tel: 0171 865 8183 ■ Pan Power, Maria loves your compton opposite your where!! thing different,, fun and tights Mmmmmmm room(behind the tree ■ anyone for a big mac. (who’s affordable appeals why nit Rights of Way Green Events (London) ■ mucousy, pungent, steaming ■ Pete Hf 27 Rm 6 requires in the middle) get involved on the environ- Tel: 0181 541 9331 Tel: 0171 2672552 what?!!! new partner, P.W.A.B.B.C. ■ Mickey Coleslaw - will the mental front? ■ Jingle, jangle, jingle, jan- ■ Please substitute POSH spice next one be beast or beauty?! gle...Oh! Tims here... with OLD spice! ■ Officer 2194 : Can we have ■To all those that didn’t Know, ■ Security Chris, why don’t you our cardboard please? OFF SITE ACCOMMODATION - COLD MIB = Marketing is Bollocks!!!!!! ever work with your girlfriend?! ■ If Anastasia cooks for you it ■ Cheer up katie, we love ■WANTED, new bonnet for will take ages! WEATHER PRECAUTIONS you!!! Ford Capri as previous one ■ Amazing Fact : It is a crimi- ■ Polly will return to play pool dented. Please contact ch51nr nal offence to pick up cardboard this week! .■ P.W.A.B.B.C.= preferably from a gutter!!!! If you rent a house in Guildford and plan to leave it empty for any period over the ■ Thinking of doing an with a large non white hen ■ Mia Cliff M.S.T.E. 1999 - Christmas vacation, you need to take precautions against frozen pipes. Frozen pipes can MEng?? I wouldn’t!!!!!!!!!!! ■ Salva Call this a race, try getting Well done. I knew you’d do it!! burst and cause damage to the house and your belongings. Tenants are responsible for ■ Definition of mates -canoe a girl to go home with you for a ■ Stingers; You’re down, but taking precautions against such damage even when they are away from the house. club style, leaving you stranded change U R ignorant 2-0 to Dany not out!!! ■ in Godalming with no money!! To the MEN of West 4, if you ■ Costas ,give Gilly back her g- Over the next two months you are advised to take the following precautions if your house ■ fail your exams, you could all string, we know what you Who set that bloody fire is unoccupied overnight for any period: alarm off at Battersea Court in get jobs as TRIPODS!!! greeks are like (Adonis, George, the middle of the night? ■ Practical joke #1: Pete Stallion, Nikos) ■ MEng Mechies + Civies where’s your bedroom? what’s ■Rich 1 hear that Shaz is a bit Programme gas central heating on a low setting over night (9pm to 6 am) down BOs + FNO = NICE! gonna be next?! of a goer on a bonnet!! ■To the person who took the ■ Roses are red, Violets are Turn off water at the main stop tap. This is usually located under the kitchen sink or in a erotic pint photograph in the blue, but the boys on West 4 can downstairs toilet or bathroom. union, destroy that film as its do it for you!!! Accommodation Office ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:58 Page 11 (1,1)

n Thursday 10th December 1998 Surrey Pride 11

Surrey Pride Star Profile Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! Number 8, Brett Arnall Little Miss Netball Tour 1998 or those of you not in the variety of fellas underwear! Kath know the Netball birds met a lovely bloke, Kara fell Fhave been on a ‘Tour’, or down the stairs, Nicky pulled out perhaps a weekend at Hastings of obligation, Claire was Holiday Havens park (if only the crowned ‘Most Pissed’ and CJ Ladies FC could be quite so hon- narrowly avoided plastic surgery est when describing their by Dr. Glass Ashtray and Staff ‘tours’)! To end the traditional Nurse Angry Girlfriend, after rumour mongering of ‘Who did she spent most of the evening what’ the management have chatting to a guy who ‘claimed’ decided to cordially inform you to be single (don’t tell me you of the ‘Bare Facts!’ fell for that one on a ‘tour’!). We retired after this evening of We arrived after a journey of debauchery to the chalets for meet Shovelhead, and proceeded ly in front of Glen!). reading unintelligible directions girlie chats, tea and toast. to order 20 tequila’s at a time and We spent the rest of Sunday (by to find that our stay coincided attempting to down them ‘on the the time we got up!) dawdling bounce’, Domino style! around the sea front in the seem- Vital Stats; with the Havens ‘Glam Rock’ At 8am Saturday morning, we weekend and spent our first night were all woken up by a bright Requesting such timeless clas- ingly endless search for some Age: 24 at the on site club, Glamorama. and cheery Little Miss Mischief sics as ‘Raining Men’ and the greasy spoon that would seat 20 Dept: Varsity Bar Manager (Brett’s Bar and Bistro) However, we quickly found (obviously extremely pleased headline tune, we set about caus- of us and finally found the mys- Nicknames: Brettstar Allstar other modes of amusement and with her conquest of the previous ing quite a scene with Abi lead- tery pot of gold after about half Measurements: Receding (hair!) - where? were soon having such a good evening). Feeling somewhat ing the way getting absolutely an hour. Most of us enjoyed the Sporting Interests (and why?): Part time footie time that the owner enquired if jaded, we travelled to ruined on Alcopops! During our nosh with the exception of (ankle injury) after making my USFC debut at 15. I’ve his son could join in. Little Miss Eastbourne only to be thorough- next mission to completely take Sloshed who found a hair in her always felt welcome to join in and be part of the Club. Slapper (Clark-Wilson) required ly thrashed by Brighton Uni for over the club, I think I got Vegitana Pasta, after which we Marital Status: Single (Head of Harem) no second invite - one down and the second time in 2 weeks, to through roughly (How rough quickly packed and made our two more to follow as she dared add to the hangover blues. As CJ?) 4 random men despite way back to the Paradise that is Personal Info; to call the third ‘ugly’ - did she ever though, the pain brought on Helen deciding to abstain to Guildford, to be greeted by the What is your favourite feature? Ability to be cheeky have her eyes shut for the first by the mischief of the beer mon- prove she’s not really a slapper at revered Surrey Angel as we to anyone! two? key was at least partially relieved all (it’s all about the barn door came in sight of the Cathedral. A What do you go for in a man/woman? by the consumption of copious and the bolted horse!). Kath really fantastic weekend was had Man - makes me laugh (Cakey wetting himself at the bar with- Little Miss Sloshed managed to quantities of Maccy D’s, before returned to planet ‘Dreamy by all, so that all their remains to out knowing it!) Woman - Smile and the ‘something about keep her number down to one the return to camp and the first smile’ when the geezer she had say is a big thankyou to Kath for her’ factor, failing that, a prize pair of Banfields. (for the first evening!) and Tiny session of Kangaroo Court as the pulled the night before arrived. organising a brilliant weekend Favourite Drink? Pernod (No Tequila Brett?) danced with two guys who drinking fines flowed fast and But Jo, I think it was pretty obvi- (and to Cliffy for interpreting my Favourite Food? Beef (Curtains??) looked about 12 before Kelly free. This was a mere warm up ous that she wouldn’t be needing drunken inkwell spider hand- Favourite Music? After listening to Ian Woodley unplugged carried out some ‘Private however, as we ventured into her PJ’s that night, although it writing and typing it up for us - at the Vars every day, anything, but preferably John Lennon. Investigations’ on the colour of a Hastings to JR’s night-club to was nice of you to ask (especial- ahem!).Little Miss Bossy (CJ) Sporting Info: Battle of the Giants First Past the Post by Eddie Heardman What does Surrey Sport give you? Good bar Surrey Stingers 6 go into the half time break with wo more winners in three Haydock, the three mile Tommy takings! Hopefully good growler, and a chance to get to meet Hertfordshire still no score. Into the second races last weekend, and a Whittle Chase sees the last two everyone (or just the growler!). half, Surrey’s quarterback, Tcouple of non-runners - Grand National winners locking Hurricanes 30 Duncan Watkinson, was injured always a danger when writing this horns, as ‘97 victor, Lord Gyllene, What is your; unday saw two of the best as he was sacked and dumped at the five day declaration stage! makes his comeback from injury. most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? Reffing ID teams in the country face on top of the ball. In stepped the Direct Route came up trumps at a However, he is bound to need the sports rounders, I got a bloke in an arm lock to stop him fight- Seach other in what was back up QB, Phil Macdonald. healthy 7-1 in the Tingle Creek run after 18 months off the track, ing just as the fella he was arguing with punched him, partic- sure to be a tough and rivetting The deficit and the loss of our Chase at Sandown, after having the and ‘98 star Earth Summit may ularly hard, in the face! game. The Surrey Stingers faced star player pushed the Stingers favourite, Edredon Bleu, in his find the distance a bit too short. funniest moment you can recall from your days at the Hertfordshire Hurricanes, into overdrive to rush the ball sights all race. See More Business Everything seems to be in the Surrey?When Fitzy, Colin Sewell, my brother and me got the present reigning champions. upfield to score their first and came in at odds-on favourite to win favour of Suny Bay, ironically sec- the Rehearsal Chase at Chepstow ond to both horses in their jumped by about 15 policeman after walking a young lady Both teams were as yet unde- only touchdown, run in by for the second year running, a feat National victories, although one to home. (I heard she had to be up for school the next morning feated and Surrey was the only Adayo Ashaye. Hertfordshire he will now attempt at Kempton on look for is the young novice, Brett!) team in the country to not have continued their efforts to run up Boxing Day as he tries to retain the Tamarindo, who may find he is worst injury?Ankle ligament damage - although I was more been scored against. the score but were again ham- King George VI Chase. Back at tackling the big boys too early in concerned recently when I couldn’t walk for two days after pered by Surrey’s defence who Sandown, my other selection, his chasing career. Gutzy squeezed my balls! The game showed skill and continually broke through Herts Blowing Wind, found the burden determination on both sides of defence to sack their QB to fin- worst STD?No comment (my mother will read this!) [But of top weight too much to carry in There has been much talk in recent the ball but the Surrey offence ish the game 30-6. The stars of hadn’t she just polished the dining room table hours before the William Hill Handicap Hurdle, days of changes in the British was unable to penetrate the the game were Rob Scruby with you caught it? - Sports Ed] as he came in fourth to 16-1 shot, Betting industry. The Ladbrokes Herts defence. Before long, the over 100 yards rushing and Do you have any sporting superstitions? Polar Prospect. chain bought the Coral name for oppo ran in a punt return to Ashaye with his TD for the Never sit next to Gutzy in a changing room! £363 million at the beginning of score their first touchdown, offence. On the defensive side How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life? Cheltenham dominates the card on the year, a deal which was blocked although it was disputed by the of the ball, Simon King made 8 It gets me in the zone (sometimes)! Saturday. In the Tripleprint Gold by the Trade minister, Peter Is sex better before or after sport? Surrey coaching staff because of tackles and 2 and a half sacks Cup, last year’s winner, Senor El Mandelson, in September. The Could volunteers please register via the BF office to help me unseen fouls by Hertfordshire. along with Kerry Grey (6 tack- Betrutti, takes on one of this sea- race is on for the second sale of the thoroughly investigate this conundrum? This continued with Surrey les and 1 and a half sacks). All son’s revelations, 5-year-old Cyfor Coral outlets, which must be com- Who is your sporting role model? being blighted with bad luck to players gave 110% on the day. Malta. I can’t see the plucky little pleted by March. Two current Papa Arnall, despite being bald and past it, stills brings great And a Happy New Year! grey completing a double, but bookmakers, Tote and Stanley rac- enjoyment to everyone he coaches/plays at sport (aahhhh!) Simply Dashing is meeting the ing, have expressed an interest, Which sports personality would you most like to meet? Paul Cliff, Sports Editor young pretender on 9lb better with the former apparently willing Lindsay Dawn Mackenzie - of the Sunday Sport! ell, it’s almost here! tinuing road to the NFL terms for a one length defeat, and to table an offer of £350 million. Sum yourself up in 3 words? Rob Haggart’s Boss! Time again to destroy Superbowl, and the outside that may well tip the balance his The final list of interested parties Emma Banfield’s nominated question; Do you have my Wall that hard work, worlds Annual Colours Ball way. From the bottom of the is to be declared over the next sev- hair grip? puffing and grunting in the gym, event as the Sports Personality of weights, Northern Starlight may eral weeks. A proposed cut in Irish No, but I recall you had a hard grip! throwing yourself around on the the Year Awards take place at the be worth a place. Several betting duty from 10% to 5% has grass and shuttling end to end on weekend. Bugger me, Santa has Champion Hurdle contenders encouraged top turf accountant Now that you are a Star of the Pride, as this is the last the ATP, by heading out on a come early (he ought to try clash in the Bonusprint Bula Paddy Power to make plans to Profile of the semester, which question would you like four week bender of alcohol, thinking of a Sports Standing Hurdle. Dato Star returns to the attract the British punter from added to the standard profile list for the next semester? turkey, pickles and chocolate, Meeting). track, although he may not get the under the noses of the Big Three with the only scheduled hard What person on campus would you like to zone it with and going he needs. Pridwell makes over here. In a clampdown on ille- work of getting an extra 200 quid Do spare a thought for us occa- why? his seasonal reappearance, after gal betting operations, a North a term out of the parental cash sionally wont you, as we dream Thankyou, the Allstar! If you wish to see (and indeed having beaten Champion hurdler Wales man was jailed last week box to ‘fund your extensive read- of our extensive 4 day Christmas touch) the legend that is younger Arnall, he can be found Istabraq towards the end of last for 8 months. Ian Collo took bets ing list’, more commonly known holiday and bring yourselves furnishing USFC’s finest with monkey oil at the Varsity season, and I take him to reinforce of more than £1/2 million, neglect- as the bar stock of Union, Varsity back full of New Years resolu- and fleecing the hide of The Beast Haggart, with a spiked his standing as a quality per- ing to hand over £35,000 to the or Bojanglez. Throughout the tions to get fitter, write more former. Keep an eye out also for Inland Revenue, while working leather Cat O’Nine Tails for your pleasure. When the absence of the pages of Pride, a Sports reports and buy the Sports Surrey Pride returns in the New Year, the Star Profile Let’s Be Frank in the Bonusprint out of pubs in the Chester area bevy of sporting activity occurs Editor drinks at the bar! Well, I’ll Novice Chase, who found the from March ‘95 to December ‘97. temporarily takes on a new guise with an in depth inter- with the recommencement of the pop it on my wish list anyway! view with Fencing Sports Scholar and England number heavy going too much on his first So, be careful with those sports- Ashes series, a feast of domestic Merry Christmas Surrey outing over fences. Up at men’s bets, the Taxman Cometh! one, Debbie Catchpole. Pierce me with your epee! and European football, the con- Pride ed981210.qxd 14/12/98 17:59 Page 12 (1,1)

Surrey Pride

Strength Training To Climb or not to climb? Why Train For Strength? That is a dumb question! ver the last few years, programme of strength training use gg! It's exam time brief visit to Portland Bill, numerous studies have more calories throughout the day. again, this means that we made it to the sea cliffs. Oshown that strength training Uit must be getting As per usual we went a less produces many health and fitness To Reduce Body Fat near the end of the autumn than obvious way down to benefits for people of all ages and Strength training can help reduce semester. So what have YOU cliffs that froze your fingers. sexes. Medical bodies, fitness pro- body fat by increasing resting meta- done this semester? Get We spent about 3 hours fessionals and medics now advo- bolic rate and therefore daily calo- drunk at the Union, miss lec- climbing and watching for cate strength training for everyone. ries expenditure. tures, wake up in bed with silly hats surfacing on top of someone who's name you the cliffs. When it got dark The following are just some of the To Reduce Blood Pressure can't remember? we scrambled back and many reasons why you should start Strength training has been shown to Well we've done all that and wound up having to push a program of strength training your- lower systolic (highest) and dias- more... Read on! start one of the cars and self. tolic (lowest) blood pressure, with eventually we got to the an even greater effect when com- The first trip of the year saw pub. Although I'm bad at To Increase Muscle Mass and bined with aerobic training. an elite squad of hungover climbing it was definitely a Strength climbers heading for the wet laugh, but NEVER DRIVE Research has shown that a basic To Reduce Injuries and slippery delights of the BEHIND COLIN!!! (Oh weight training programme of just A well conditioned and well bal- Peak District! By the way, Cheers Emily!) 25 minutes three times a week can anced muscular skeletal system has I'm talking about the Rock! increase muscle mass by approxi- a much smaller chance of sustain- Anyway, a superb weekend Due to the slightly dubious mately 3 lbs over an eight week ing injury. A stronger body is better of vertical mastery ensued, safety record of our sport, period. A well planned weight able to avoid or resist impact with the odd screaming fall we decided that we really training programme trains all the injuries from falls and activities and much alcohol fuelled should learn how to patch major muscle groups, which leads such as running or jumping. entertainment. On to the each other up. The First Aid to balanced muscle development. next.... course.... AVALANCHE!! To Improve Psychological Well- Well as close as you can get To Strengthen Tendons and being Plans for a sunny weekend in in 6 inches of Surrey mud, Ligaments All types of exercise help reduce North Wales were dashed by provided much entertain- Weight training increases joint sta- stress, anxiety and depression, forecasts of heavy rain. But, ment in the form of fake bility by increasing the production uplifting mood and increasing undeterred we headed for the blood and snapped bones! of collagen proteins, causing an relaxation. West Country anyway, only Well, at least we know we'll increase in their structural strength. to find that the Wye Valley be nice and safe now! Weight Training Myths resembled a Vertical Ice-rink! To Avoid Age-Related Muscle Despite these well recognised bene- Having travelled 100 miles Well that's our brief résumé Loss fits of strength training, there are we weren't in the mood to of autumn '98, with only the Muscle mass and strength tend to many myths which still exist. Here give up, so a storming Indoor Club Crimble piss-up and a decrease with age without strength are some of the most popular mis- Climbing wall was found, New Years jaunt to North- training, as adults typically lose 5-7 conceptions. with (surprise, surprise!) a of-the-boarder left to go. lbs of muscle every decade. Muscle bar attached! Next semester is shaping up atrophy (loss) occurs primarily in Strength training makes women to be a storming 5 months the fast twitch muscle fibres (those look too bulky. Strength training Yorkshire - Land of all-night with trips to all Four involved in strength and explosive actually improves the tone and def- pubs, cheep beer, bitter cold Corners of the UK, and even activities). inition of the muscles, creating a and dangerous climbs, at France. firmer and more shapely appear- which the skilled U.S.M.C. To Increase Bone Density ance (Nice - -Sports Ed!). members had no qualms Feeling left out? DON'T! Strength training improves bone about tackling... Unlike ser- Anyone is welcome to join The Club meets every (me71ds @surrey.ac.uk) or strength and increases bone osteo- If you stop training the muscle will vice station Car parks. the University of Surrey Wednesday Afternoon (3 - Colin (ee73cs proteins and mineral content. An turn to fat. It is impossible for mus- Despite the friendly atmos- Mountaineering Club. You 5pm) and Tuesday Evening @ee.surrey.ac.uk) of check American study found that women cle to turn to fat as they are two phere, Chairman Dan still could have been climbing (8 -10pm) at the Vertex out the club notice board at who followed a weight training pro- completely different types of body managed to get Glassed (self- since you were knee-high to a climbing wall at Campusport. the Vertex. gramme twice a week for one year, tissue. Muscle mass and strength inflicted!) much to the dis- grasshopper, or you may have The club will be running a developed 76% greater bone will gradually decrease if you stop may of the Pub Landlord. never seen Rock or snow FREE beginners' course start- Written by: Colin Sermons, strength than those who did no training. before (if you're from ing on Wednesday 3rd Feb Tom Linecar, Emily Berry strength training. These findings After 5 hours trying to find London, this is highly possi- (Week 3). and Malcom Martin. Photo suggest that weight training reduces Weight training makes you muscle- Portland, because the naviga- ble!). For more details e-mail Dan By Claire Knott. the risk of osteoporosis and bone bound and will ruin your flexibility. tor had gone to sleep and a fractures. Increasing your muscle mass does not make you muscle bound, reduce Horror Flick Ends With A Fluky Winning Kick To Increase Metabolic Rate your flexibility or loose your speed. Strength training increases the rest- Strength training, performed cor- Taverners Utd. 3 USFC B 4 ing metabolic rate, the energy rectly, can actually improve your required for tissue maintenance and flexibility as the muscle is exer- t was with the sound of brated his seven game sus- ‘Goat Peter’ Bjorkhaug leav- option but the B’s, having essential functions. This is due to cised through its complete and nat- ringing in their ears that pension from domestic com- ing the half time score at 2-1, been nursed into greatness by the fact that strength training ural range of movement. Ithe B team awoke on petition by ramming home the lead resting with the over- mighty Captains of Olde, are increases muscle tissue which has a Saturday morning, a hotch from 25 yards, aided by the all balance of play. made of stronger stuff than higher energy requirement than fat Andy Goring, Sports Massage potch team assembled by keepers total lack of goal- the R.F.C. boat race team. As tissue, i.e. muscle tissue is metabol- Therapist Burmanski to face the alco- keeping (as opposed to goal- Despite strong words at half the Spanish Fly Mendes was ically active. People who follow a Tel. 452028, Campusport holically challenged team letting) ability. time, the Taverners townies felled by the racist rubbish from the lower reaches of equalised within 5 minutes of centre half, the Excellence of Division 1. On arrival we With the pitch deteriorating the restart, a goal we blame Execution, Gutz, coolly put realised that we should have like race relations in America squarely on ‘Sicknote’ away the pen with 2 minutes packed our bayonets and after the Rodney King affair, Spencer’s inability to last 90 to go, so concluding his only rifles along with our boots as the opposition contrived an minutes and Burman’s inabil- contribution to the game. the pitch was more reminis- equaliser from a corner, 10 ity to play football. But, hark, Somebody then scored a cent of scenes from the seconds after ‘Desperate’ ‘tis the sound of Surrey ham- fluky winner in the last Somme than the immaculate- Dan Taylor had ‘done mering down on the accelera- minute to the cries of ‘Go On ly manicured magnificence enough’ to distract the tor and pulling away. No sir! Ratikainen!’ Surrey B’s were of Fortress Varsity. Taverner’s penalty taker, ‘Tis the sound of them, like crowned team of the day, which was given away by George Michael, going hailed the bus driver and no The game commenced with ‘Elm Street’ Burman for behind, as, with a guttural surrender to the RFC as they our boys showing the same whom the nightmare had just roar, Elm Street failed to cut returned to the Varsity amidst professional attitude that has begun...... out a simple centre and a storm of yellow and blue seen them come so far and Taverners took the lead, 3-2. glory. reach so high this season and Stung into action, the B’s it was no surprise when countered with the move of With 5 minutes to go, surren- Kruger ‘Monkey Boy’ Bedford cele- the match coolly finished by der seemed to be the only