Ár Päts the Classic History of the Kingdom of Talossa 1979-2008
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http://www.talossa1979.com Ár Päts The Classic History of the Kingdom of Talossa 1979-2008 É É É R. BEN MADISON, M.A. É É É Published by Preßeu Støtanneu Abbavilla, Atatürk, RT Ár Päts, 2008 Edition Copyright © 1997-2008 by R. Ben Madison É É É All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, quoted or paraphrased, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, internet, or any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author. “Talossa” is a registered trademark and any unauthorized use of the word is a violation of US and international law. http://www.talossa1979.com -1- PREFACE: What is the Kingdom of Talossa? Ár Päts means “Our Country.” And I founded our country – the Kingdom of Talossa – on December 26, 1979, when I was fourteen years old, in a public ceremony in my father’s living room in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The micronation of Talossa has been an amazing ride for 28 years. It all started when I was a high school sophomore learning German and dreaming of worlds beyond my boring home. The day after Christmas in 1979, I declared my bedroom to be its own “independent, sovereign country,” the Kingdom of Talossa, with me as its monarch, as well as its only citizen. This gave me the opportunity to draw maps and flags, and even to design my own Talossan language. Instead of dying out right away like it should have, the political adventure called Talossa has grown into a worldwide community of members from the US, Canada, Italy, France, Brazil, Argentina, and elsewhere. It grew from being my personal obsession in Milwaukee to being the corporate obsession of dozens of people, many on the internet. During its first 28 years, some 130 people have been involved with Talossa: some for years, most as flashes in the pan. Thanks to everyone who left something behind as part of our bizarre story, all events and quotes in this book are real. Chapters and paragraphs are numbered so you can cite them, just like Scripture. Starting in 1995, the internet brought enormous growth but also conflict. New citizens picked fights with the old pre-internet population. In 2004, the country’s former ruling party decided that Talossa was “their” country and anyone who disagreed, including the country’s founders, and the majority of Talossans, was unpatriotic. What began as a schoolboy’s dream, an excuse to design a flag and a language and write anthems, descended into vitriol and hatred. The next year, the owners of Talossa’s websites kicked most of the population out of “their” country and, in violation of our trademark, invented their own separate online “Talossa.” The rest of Talossa, desperate to rebuild, turned immigration over to a failed businessman who tried to pack Talossa full of his own friends and family in order to oust the country’s original population and grab the brass ring himself. In the angry fallout that ensued, nearly all the original Talossans stood aside and waited two years for the furor to die down before putting Talossa’s website up again. Today, several groups out there on the internet call themselves “Talossa.” As a Talossan, I belong to the original, here in Milwaukee. This book tells the story of the ‘real’ Talossa. We have the allegiance of most of the original citizens, and we own the archives, trademark, and Wisconsin corporate registration. As Talossa’s founder and a part of this amazing adventure for more than half my life, as well as its only active historian, the inventor of the Talossan language, and designer of virtually all Talossa’s flags, imagery, topology, songs, iconography and identity, I find it impossible to leave the old place I’ve been a part of for so long. And as a published historian with a master’s degree in history, I feel compelled to tell its amazing -2- story. Ár Päts began in September 1994 as a serialized history. In 2005, Marc Moisan, a Talossan court justice from Nova Scotia, wrote: “I have been privileged to count myself as a citizen of a micronation that will most certainly remain a part of world history.” Talossa, more than any other micronation, seems to be all about history. It is a place where people can get involved and leave their mark. Its website – www.talossa1979.com – touts Talossa as “a country small enough for your voice to be heard, yet large enough for that voice to make a real difference.” Looking back on all the work I’ve put into Talossa these past 28 years, telling the story is even more fun than living it. I hope you enjoy the ride as much as I have! R. B e n M ad is o n , M .A., 16 Se p te m b e r 2007 GLOSSARY One feature of this book that might amaze (or annoy) the reader is its frequent use of abbreviations and “Talossan lingo.” But, this is how Talossans actually write, speak, and think. So, this glossary will help clarify the story told in these pages. 59: See “Fifty-nine.” St. Malo, France; one of seven provinces. Abbavilla: Talossa’s capital, on the UWM campus, Clark: Monthly law bulletin published by the SoS. named for the Swedish pop band Abba. CLP: Conservative Loyalist Party (2005). Amish: Derogatory term for non-online Talossans. CNV: Council for Nationalist Victory (1982). Androids: Right-wing teens Andrew Wozniak and his Constituziun: The 1988 (and 2007) constitutions. friends “Davron.” Contrâ: A “no” vote on a bill in the Ziu. Anniversary Party: Occasional winter party to COP: Clockwork Orange Party, founded in 1995. celebrate the Anniversary. Cort: The “Uppermost Cort” is Talossa’s supreme Anniversary: 26 December, the nation’s birthday. court. It has three Justices, one a “Senior Justice.” Ár Päts: This book, the history of Talossa. Cosâ: Lower house of the Ziu, it has 200 seats. Atatürk: Talossa’s northern province, one of seven. Covenants of Rights and Freedoms: Sort of a BA Beach: “Bare Ass” Beach, the shore of Atatürk. Talossan “Bill of Rights.” Part of the OrgLaw. Ben Wu: 1981 name for Støtanneu. CÚG: Committee for the Use of the Language, group Ben: Robert Ben Madison, called either “Ben” or that directs the Talossan language. “King Robert” depending on the context. Cybercits: Talossans who first found out about Berber Project: Ben’s 1996 book on Berbers (q.v.). Talossa from the internet. Berbers: Native inhabitants of North Africa, credited Dandelions: Native-born children of Talossans. with being Talossa’s ‘spiritual ancestors.’ Davron: Right-wing teenagers (later adults) Dave BFT: Bob Fights Ticket. 1987-88 party. Kuenn and Ron Rosáis. Bicoloreu: The two-colour (green and red) RT flag. DDP: Democratic Dandipratic Party. Black Hand. See MN. Distáin: Deputy Prime Minister. Bradford Province: Brief split from Vuode (1992). Downer Woods: A nature preserve at UWM. Bugs, Bug Nations: Micronations (q.v.) that are Electrabase: Ben’s attic room, the “capital” in 1994. weirdly obsessed with Talossa. EM200: Revival in 2003 of the 200 seat Cosâ system CALL: Conservatives Against Liberal Laziness (1988). of proportional representation. Cestoûr: Pronounced “chess-TOUR,” any non- Fifty-nine (59): Ben’s lucky number. Talossan foreigner. Florencia: Talossa’s smallest province, one of seven. Cézembre: Talossa’s island province, off the coast of FM: Foreign Minister. -3- Fritzland: Micronation founded in 2005 by the CLP; Peculiar Way: 1989 party, successor to the DDP. it illegally calls itself “Talossa.” Pengöpäts: Talossa’s claims in Antarctica. FUN: Front uni pour la Nation, party founded 1985. Penguinea: Micronation founded in 1997 by splitters Glheþ: The Talossan word for “language,” it is pro- from Talossa. It soon collapsed (but see Gruberia). nounced something like “yeth.” Për: A “yes” vote on a bill in the Ziu. Glib Room Empire: Rival micronation (1980). Për la Naziun: “For the Nation,” Talossa’s highest Gruberia: Micronational “republic” founded in 2004 award, created in 1981. by the PC party and some former Penguineans; it PFPT: Peace and Freedom Party of Talossa. Pro- illegally calls itself the “Talossa.” Penguinean party (1998). GVB: “Glorious Victorious Ben,” his high-school PL: Liberal Party. nickname. PM: Prime Minister. Haxh (pron. “hodge”). ‘Pilgrimage’ of a Cybercit to Pocket Vote: Anyone less active than you, who votes the Talossan homeland in Milwaukee. From Arabic. against you, is somebody else’s “pocket vote.” A Integrity: The ~: Newspaper founded by Davron. relatively meaningless term of abuse. King Robert I: See “Ben.” Pórt Maxhestic: Former RT province; see Maritiimi- Kingdom of Talossa: See “Talossa.” Maxhestic. KJK: Micronation founded in 1980. Prime Minister: Leader of the majority party (or KRI: King Robert I. See “Ben.” parties) in the Cosâ and head of the RT Government. L’Avîntguárd: Short-lived ZPT paper. PUNK: People United for No King (1986 party). Liberal Party (PL): Several dubious RT parties have RCT: Rally of the Citizens of Talossa, left-wing gone by this now thoroughly discredited name. opposition party (1999-2003). Libs: Liberal Party members. Real Cosâ: 20-seat Cosâ system, lasted 1997-2003. Loom of Language: Ancient language book; Regent: Temporary appointee who holds the King’s Talossan PM’s are sworn in on it, by tradition. powers while the King is abroad or underage. Maricopa: Talossa’s southwest province. Regipäts Talossán: Talossan for “Kingdom of Maritiimi: Former province; see Maritiimi-Maxhestic. Talossa.” Abbreviated “RT.” Maritiimi-Maxhestic: Talossa’s southeast province. Republic of Talossa: See “Gruberia.” MC: Member of the Cosâ. Rilampadâ: The 2007 reorganization of Talossa. Micronation: Any self-proclaimed independent state Riverside High School: Alma mater for many early not widely recognized.