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The History of the Kingdom of Talossa

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The History of the Kingdom of Talossa i THE HISTORY OF THE KINGDOM OF TALOSSA Volume I: The First Decade Copyright © 1992 Robert Madison All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. Toct i drepts reservats. Aucün pärts d'aceastâ püblicaziun non pût estarë reproduçat eda útvarpat dîn iñen formâ eda par iñen aválità, electronic eda mec'hänic, compris la fotocopiâ, la recordaziun, eda par iñen süstém da metrar és retaqar dallas înformaziuns, sânc el permiçál în escribînd del scriutéir. Robert Madison 2963 N. Prospect Avenue Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53211-3345 Edited by Sir Iustì Canun, UrGP. ii À va Bäps, sânc qi toct d'acest tenadra estescù ualvieçâ likmente. To my Father, without whom all this would have been even more unlikely. iii Letter of Dedication from the Author The 9th of February 1994/XV This work is a history of the Kingdom of Talossa. Talossa is a community of people, most of whom live in or around Milwaukee's East Side, and who are engaged in what can only be described as fabled exploits--building an independent country (although we do reluctantly concede that we may not have attained very effective sovereignty). Talossans are having fun as Talossans by doing things which are reasonably similar to what other ("real") countries do, whether for reasons of tourist nostalgia, out of a lust for power, in pursuit of parody, or--yes--as nationbuilding. The hilarious pretence (or incipient subversion?) of having our own sovereign state on Milwaukee's East Side began on 26 December 1979, while I was in high school. In a fit of boredom I declared my bedroom to be an independent nation with myself as absolute monarch in the guise of King Robert I. Instead of dying off in a week like it perhaps should have, this extended lark has now lasted fifteen years. Talossa's territorial claims have engorged to include the entire East Side: everything south of Edgewood Avenue and east of the Milwaukee River. And the country's population of one has grown to the point where today, over thirty individuals are considered Talossan citizens--ruling over 40,000 unaware East Side natives' in a sort of Apartheid-like social structure. This book is donated to the Golda Meir Library on the University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee campus (located, we say, in the Kingdom of Talossa). We felt this donation would be an appropriate token in commemoration of our 15th Anniversary as a community. UWM has long been a binding force in the Talossan community. I myself received my B.A. in Russian and International Relations at UWM, and went on to obtain my M.A. in European History here. Many other Talossans have congregated around here. Present or past UWM students involved in our community include John A. Jahn, David Kuenn, Andrew Wozniak, Wes Erni, Josh Macht, Jack Schneider, Jean Williams, Dan Lorentz, Jennifer Madison, Robert Murphy, John C. Eiffler, Bill Simmons and Robert C. Dobberpuhl, and the list goes on. Faculty citizens have included Dr. Harry Madison and the late Dr. William A. Renzi of the department of history--in whose memory this volume is donated. Readers of this work, and Citizens of Talossa alike, can debate the 'reality' of Talossa until the cows come home. But this work should demonstrate to all that there is a living, thriving community of Talossans functioning happily on the East Side, a community that welcomes newcomers into our political ranks. This book invites you to step into this country called Talossa; and if you're here already, to smother yourself in it by means of this weighty book. Enjoy! Robert Ben Madison, M.A. (King Robert I) iv The HISTORY of the KINGDOM of TALOSSA VOLUME I: THE FIRST DECADE Table of Contents Letter of Dedication from the Author....................................... iv Table of Contents........................................................... v Dedication from the Minister of Culture................................... vii Author's Preface......................................................... viii Map of Talossa............................................................. ix I. What This Book is All About.............................................. 1 II. Geography and Prehistory, to 500 B.C.................................... 2 III. Aboriginal History. 500 B.C.-A.D. 1783................................. 6 IV. The Period of American Occupation. 1783-1979........................... 14 V. A Royal Family. 1854-1965............................................... 25 VI. Robert Ben Madison. 1965-1979.......................................... 28 VII. Freshman Year. 1978-1979.............................................. 34 VIII. World Singular Secession. 12.1979.................................... 38 IX. The Founding of the Kingdom of Talossa. 12.1979........................ 41 X. The People's Republic. 1-2.1980......................................... 44 XI. The Dark Ages, The ÜTD and the Restoration. 2-10.1980.................. 49 XII. A War and a Birthday. 10-12.1980...................................... 53 XIII. The Seduction of Dan and Bob. 1-5.1981............................... 61 XIV. Crucifixion and Interregnum. 5-7.1981................................. 71 XV. The Renaissance. 6-9.1981.............................................. 77 XVI. Relapse. 10.1981-1.1982............................................... 86 XVII. Taking Talossa Seriously. 1-3.1982................................... 93 XVIII. The Falklands War. 4-7.1982......................................... 98 XIX. The Age of Diplomacy. 4-7.1982....................................... 100 XX. The Age of Religion. 7-12.1982........................................ 109 XXI. The Age of Politics. 1-7.1983........................................ 118 XXII. The King in London. 8-12.1983....................................... 129 XXIII. Americans, Fascists and Berbers. 12.1983-9.1984.................... 132 XXIV. Reinventing the Wheel. 10.1984-5.1985............................... 135 XXV. A New Democracy. 5-7.1985............................................ 143 XXVI. The Parties Proliferate. 7-12.1985.................................. 149 XXVII. The Civil War. 1-7.1986............................................ 156 XXVIII. The Paper Wars. 7-10.1986......................................... 163 v XXIX. The Breaking of Idols. 10-12.1986................................... 173 XXX. New Beginnings? 12.1986-3.1987....................................... 179 XXXI. The Peculiar Republic. 3-6.1987..................................... 187 XXXII. The Reign of King Florence. 8.1987-2.1988.......................... 197 XXXIII. Bob Fights. 2-6.1988.............................................. 208 XXXIV: Ben-Bashing and Ben's Revenge. 6-9.1988............................ 216 XXXV. The Tory Juggernaut. 10.1988-5.1989................................. 225 XXXVI. Peculiars and Derivatists. 5.1989-9.1989........................... 241 XXXVII. The Hitler-Stalin Pact. 9.1989-2.1990............................. 253 XXXVIII. "A New Breeze Is Blowing."....................................... 264 List of Illustrations..................................................... 267 vi Dedication from the Minister of Culture As Culture Minister the duty has befallen me to write the dedication for this great first volume of the history of our adopted nation. I speak of the Kingdom of Talossa, of course—one of the two great nations that border on the Great Lakes (well… three if you count Canada). I feel a bit queasy about writing the dedication for a book I haven't actually written, but I nonetheless feel qualified to do so because of my time-honoured position as 'Kulturminister' and also due to my central role in our nation's great historical saga. Oh, and the author asked me to. I could dedicate it to the author—our great and glorious King, but books aren't dedicated to their own authors. How about me? I gave it some thought, but eventually decided to avoid being burned in effigy. How about "To the People of Talossa?" Well, that's too obvious a choice, and too general. No, this is an opportunity to make a real statement, and this is it: "To those who have contributed time, attention, and work over the years… To those who make Talossa live: our active, participating Citizens." Some have given Talossa a few months or a couple of years of their intermittent efforts and leisure time, and then seemingly passed into oblivion. They are not forgotten—they did their part to write our history and add to the fun and frustration that is Talossa. But this book I dedicate in particular to those who consistently act to maintain the friendship network that is at our country's heart. To those whose care and creativity breathe life into our old friendships and continue to foster new ones. Minister of Culture vii Author's Preface As books go, this is one of the more unlikely ones. This is in reality the third edition of a work originally published in 1985 and revised in 1987 under the title The History of the Kingdom of Talossa, and since fluffed up with numerous supplements. It has been five years since the last edition was issued, an edition which received high praise from the Talossan people for whom it was intended. It is my hope that this edition will be even more highly praised. I do not say that presumptuously, because this really is a much better book. It is written from one man's perspective (my own) and I make no apology
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