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C Smurfs III 12.Fdx Script SMURFS 3 by Karey Kirkpatrick & Chris Poché current revisions by Jay Scherick & David Ronn Weinstock Marc Aug. 16 2013 c smurf III 12 EXT. SMURF VILLAGE - DAY (SHORTLY AFTER SMURFS 2 ENDS) A big banner reads “Welcome Vexy and Hackus!” Like an Amish barn raising, the entire village of Smurfs is busy building TWO NEW MUSHROOMS for the new arrivals. NARRATOR (O.S.) For years and years it was just Papa and his 99 Smurfs. Then came Smurfette to make it an even 100. And now, two new Smurfs, rescued from the evil clutches of Gargamel, have joined the fold. The CAMERA finds NARRATOR SMURF walking through the village. NARRATOR The whole village has gathered to build them homes of their own - except me of course - because I’m the “vocal talent”. He passes by the construction site of Vexy’s new mushroom. VEXY is there with BRAINY - who stands underneath the overhang holding BLUEPRINTS. VEXY I get that it’s supposed to look like a mushroom, Brainy - but isn’t that too much overhang? BRAINYWeinstock Nonsense. According to my calculations, there’s more than enough structural buttressing here to support... WHAM! - the overhang drops, CRASHING on Brainy - covering him in a pile Marcof rubble. VEXY (calling into rubble) I’m sorry. I can’t hear you from under all that “buttressing”. OVER BY HACKUS’ MUSHROOM - HANDY is discussing design with Hackus. HANDY So what’re you thinkin’, Hackus? Shitake style? Or more of a traditional Portobello? scherick & ronn 2. Hackus has no idea. Just then JOKEY comes up and offers his hand to shake. JOKEY Welcome to the village, Hackus. HACKUS shakes and - BZZZT - JOY BUZZER!! The shock ripples through his body. Jokey LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY. Hackus is confused. Reflexively he GRABS Jokey by the neck. Jokey’s EYES BUG OUT. Gutsy rushes over. GUTSY Easy, Hackus - that’s just Jokey smurfin’ one of his pranks. You know -- it’s funny. Hackus takes Jokey’s hand with the buzzer and places it on JOKEY’S FOREHEAD. The current ripples through Jokey’s entire body - giving him a ridiculous “HIGH-VOLTAGE” FACE. HACKUS Ohhhhh... Is Funny! Ha Ha Ha! OVER BY VEXY’S NEW MUSHROOM - Vexy is with Smurfette, still trying to figure everything out. VEXY So you guys all live here, in the same village? SMURFETTE Yeah, except Weinstockfor Stinky Smurf, who lives way over there. WHIP PAN TO A MUSHROOM WAY UP ON A HILL - STINKY SMURF stands at the door - a VISIBLE CLOUD OF STINK surrounds him. He lifts his arm to wave, takes a whiff of his armpit, and... WHAM! - passes out cold. MarcSMURFETTE It’s really the best place for him. Baker PUSHES A CART through the construction hub-bub. BAKER Snack cart! Coming through! Cupcakes for everyone! GREEDY I’ll take seven! To start! Greedy approaches. Baker stops him. scherick & ronn 3. BAKER Whoa-whoa-whoa! Stay right there, Greedy. Handy made me a new delivery system so nobody has to stop working to do their snacking. Baker PRESSES A BUTTON and a mechanical swinging arm gently LOBS A CUPCAKE right to Greedy - who catches it. COOL! All the Smurfs start calling for cupcakes. ALL THE SMURFS I’ll take one!/Me too!/Over here! Baker lobs them over to the Smurfs. What an invention! Clumsy is fascinated. He comes over for a closer look. CLUMSY That’s smurftastic. How does it... Just then Clumsy TRIPS and... CRASHES INTO Baker’s cart - SLAMMING DOWN a gear lever past the RED LINE. Uh-oh. BAKER Take cover!! Suddenly the cupcake arm GOES CRAZY - FIRING CUPCAKES like a GATLING GUN - SHOOTING them in EVERY DIRECTION. Cupcakes are WHIZZING through the air - EXPLODING into walls, trees, Smurfs! Smurfs are diving for cover! It’s mayhem! A cupcake slams Vanity rightWeinstock in the chest - taking him out. VANITY I’m hit! I’m hit! Smurf down! Incredibly handsome Smurf down! The cupcakes are coming fast and furious. CRAZY sounds the alarm with his horn mouth until - GLOP! - a cupcake CLOGS IT. Greedy seesMarc this and gets an ides. GREEDY Hey machine! (pointing at his open mouth) Over here! The machine fires - BAAM! - and hits him in the crotch - “Ooof!” - he doubles over in pain. A number of Smurfs huddle behind a low wall for cover. Gutsy looks over at Grouchy. GUTSY We gotta stop that thing. scherick & ronn 4. GROUCHY We? You’re hilarious. GUTSY You know, ya’d be a lot happier if ya stopped ya’r belly-aching and did something for a change. GROUCHY Wanna bet? Gutsy shakes his head, then goes it alone. He JUMPS over the wall and immediately - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - is PUMMELLED by a dozen cupcakes. He tumbles backwards, covered in frosting. Grouchy stares down at him. GROUCHY You’re right. You look a lot happier. The machine kicks out a few more cupcakes, then finally it stops. Papa peers out from behind a tree and surveys the damage. There’s CAKE AND FROSTING EVERYWHERE. PAPA Ooo-kay, that’s enough for today. Everyone to their clean-up stations. Any questions? Vexy raises her hand. VEXYWeinstock Yeah, I’ve got one. Why exactly do you guys live in “mushrooms”. And why are all the original Smurfs boys? And why can only Papa do magic? And how come you don’t wear shirts? And... MarcGROUCHY Holy Smurf, that’s a lot of questions for one question. SMURFETTE Of course she’s got questions. She hasn’t heard the story! Narrator fights his way through the crowd. NARRATOR SMURF Did somebody say “The Story!?” scherick & ronn 5. All the Smurfs get excited and shout - “Yes, The Story! The Story!” They gather around Narrator. Papa LOOKS VERY UNEASY. We don’t yet know why. PAPA (trying to shut it down) Now, now. I don’t think we have to go through the whole... All the Smurfs object. SMURFS Please, Papa!/You never want to hear it!/Why can’t we?! PAPA (searching) Well, because... because... CLUMSY C’mon. Let’s clean up really fast so we can hear the story! All the Smurfs CHEER, and start frantically cleaning. Handy has a “Zamboni” type vehicle that sucks up the mess. Clumsy gets sucked up into it. Papa just stands there looking very unhappy. He clearly doesn’t like “The Story”. GARGAMEL (O.S.) The story... the story... Weinstock CUT TO: ANGLE ON Gargamel shuffling despondently down a cobblestoned street. GARGAMEL It’s always the same old story. PULL BACK MarcTO REVEAL he’s in... EXT. OLD BRUGES - AFTERNOON Azreal trots beside Gargamel through the town. They pass “The Apple Store” (which sells apples) “The Gap” (which fixes gaps between teeth) a “Nail Salon” (which sells nails), “Target” (which sells archery targets), Wall-mart (which sells 13th Century wall scaling equipment - ladders, ropes) etc. scherick & ronn 6. GARGAMEL A hundred times I’ve pursued the Smurfs for their essence and a hundred times I’ve failed. It’s enough to make a wizard want to hang up his robe. Azrael MEOWS. GARGAMEL No I’m not having an existential crisis, you flabby tabby. I’m simply questioning the meaning of my life. Azrael ROLLS HIS EYES. Just then Gargamel stops. He stares at a SIGN in a store window. It reads... GARGAMEL “Track Your Family Curse”? Below is a smaller sign that says “Have You Been Cursed? 6 out of 10 Brugesians Have! Find Out Here.” Azrael MEOWS. GARGAMEL I am not cursed, you flea-ridden ferret. If I were cursed, how would you explain all the other things that work so well in my life? Like... and... or the time... Azrael raises an eyebrow,Weinstock “Go on...” GARGAMEL Out of my way! This could be the answer to all my problems! Gargamel RUSHESMarc for the door. INT. FAMILY CURSE STORE - CONTINUOUS The proprietor, BALDRICK, a hunchbacked bear of a man, stands behind the counter speaking with a CUSTOMER who is obviously cursed - SWARMED by his own personal CLOUD OF LOCUSTS. Gargamel pushes the Cursed Man aside. GARGAMEL Go home you whining, sissy-pants. It’s a few gnats. You’re fine! Gargamel addresses Baldrick. scherick & ronn 7. GARGAMEL You there! Curse-monger. I am... BALDRICK Ha! I know who you are. Everyone in the curse business knows who you are. Azrael gives Gargamel an “I told you so” look. GARGAMEL So you mean I am actually... cursed? BALDRICK And then some. The Gamel Family Curse is what we in the trade call... Baldrick pulls down from his bookshelf the thickest, dustiest of all his tomes - and SLAMS IT on the counter. BALDRICK ...a real DOOZY. The title of the book is “Curse of the Gamels”. He opens it. BALDRICK It goes back more than 500 years... EXT. SMURF VILLAGE - EVENINGWeinstock The Smurfs have finished cleaning and are gathered around the Narrator as he reads to them from “Pop-Up Book Volume I” the story of how the Smurfs came to be. Papa stands in the back, still looking uneasy. (NOTE: the two stories - Gargamel’s and the Smurfs’ - are being told concurrently. We will cut back and forth between them.) MarcNARRATOR SMURF It was more than 500 years ago. Papa was just a young Smurf... The Smurfs listen with rapt attention, imagining what it must have been like. We DISSOLVE TO: FLASHBACK - 500 Years Ago - AS THEY IMAGINE IT Papa crests a hill looking like a hero. The CAMERA CIRCLES him dramatically. He looks just like the Papa we know - only younger, fitter, more muscular. scherick & ronn 8. SMURFS (V.O.) He was awesome./ And strong./ And handsome./ And brave..
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