Tishrei 5765 • October 2004 • VOL XXXVII/NO. 8 U.S.A. $3.50 (Outside NY area $3.95)/Foreign $4.50

CLICK HERE FOR TABLE OF CONTENTS THEJJewishewish OOBSERBSERVERVER Tishrei 5765 • October 2004 • VOL XXXVII/NO. 8

THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021- 6615 is published monthly except July and August by the Agudath of This is the full Table of Contents of the print edition of the America, 42 Broadway, New York, NY10004. Periodicals postage paid in Jewish Observer. The web edition contains only a selection of New York, NY. Subscription $24.00 per articles (indicated in COLOR). Click on the title to go to the year; two years, $44.00; three years, $60.00. Outside of the United States beginning of that article. Navigate using your browser’s menu (US funds drawn on a US bank only) $12.00 surcharge per year. Single and other options. copy $3.50; foreign $4.50. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: The Jewish Observer, 42 Broadway, NY, NY 10004. Tel: 212-797-9000, Fax: 6 The Essence of Kabbalas Ol Malchus Shamayim, based on an 646-254-1600. Printed in the U.S.A. address by Matisyahu Salomon a”jyls, RABBI NISSON WOLPIN, EDITOR prepared for publication by Rabbi Avrohom Birnbaum

EDITORIAL BOARD RABBI JOSEPH ELIAS Chairman SUKKOS INSPIRATION RABBI ABBA BRUDNY JOSEPH FRIEDENSON 9 Basking in the Clouds, Rabbi Yosef Levinson RABBI YISROEL MEIR KIRZNER RABBI NOSSON SCHERMAN 30 Eternal Fire, a poem by Shira LaLev PROF. AARON TWERSKI

DR. ERNST L. BODENHEIMER Z”L RABBI MOSHE SHERER Z”L Founders 16 Nafla Eim B’Yisroel – A Mother Has Fallen in Israel: l”z MANAGEMENT BOARD Rebbetzin Pesha Leibowitz , Rabbi Aryeh Zev Ginzberg AVI FISHOF, NAFTOLI HIRSCH ISAAC KIRZNER, RABBI SHLOMO LESIN NACHUM STEIN Smoking Addiction – A New Perspective, Dr. Susan Schulman RABBI YOSEF C. GOLDING 20 Managing Editor 24 The Treatment of Smoking Addiction, Dr. Robert Schulman Published by Agudath Israel of America 25 PostScript, Rabbi Abraham Twerski

U.S. TRADE DISTRIBUTOR ISRAELI REPRESENTATIVE Feldheim Publishers Intnl. Media Placement 200 Airport Executive Park POB 7195 / 97 Jaffa Road Nanuet, NY 10954 94340, ISRAEL THE PINTELE YID BRITISH REPRESENTATIVE BELGIAN REPRESENTATIVE Lost and Found: Poignant Encounters, Chana Nestelbaum M.T. Bibelman Mr. E. Apter 28 Grosvenor Works Lange Kievitstr. 29 Mount Pleasant Hill 2018 Antwerp 32 A Donkey in Manhattan, Sarah Shapiro London E5 9NE, ENGLAND BELGIUM

FRENCH REPRESENTATIVE SOUTH AFRICAN 35 Sheva Berachos in Ein Harod, Yonoson Rosenblum Rabbi Bamberger REPRESENTATIVE 21 Boulevard Paixhans Mr. V. Taback 57000 Metz PO Box 51552, FRANCE Raedene, Johannesburg 2124 SOUTH AFRICA FOCUS ON TEFILLA SWISS REPRESENTATIVE Mr. S. Feldinger 37 Heavenly Prayer, Rabbi Yaakov Salomon Leimanstrasse 36 4051 Basel, SWITZERLAND 40 Reader’s Forum on: Tefilla,Worthy of Our Effort...As Ever THE JEWISH OBSERVER does not assume responsibility for the 44 A Response to a Letter, by Rabbi Shimshon Dovid Pincus l”xz Kashrus of any product, publication, or service advertised in its pages BOOKS-IN-REVIEW © Copyright 2004 45 Rav Pam, by Rabbi Shimon Finkelman, reviewed by Rabbi Matis Blum October 2004 VOLUME XXXVII/NO. 8 SUBSCRIBE TO THE JEWISH OBSERVER! CLICK HERE. Based on an address by weighed down by a burdensome weight of itself, not a weight nor a hindrance. Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon strapped to one’s back. It is rather a facilitator, which enables a a”jyls, This is not the case at all. Jew to perform his obligations with hap- of , Ol means yoke. It is decidedly not a piness and enthusiasm. Lakewood NJ, translated and massa,which denotes weight. It is rather Kabbalas ol Malchus Shamayim is find- adapted for publication by an instrument, a medium by which one ing the instrument, the incentive that Avrohom Birnbaum enables himself to easily perform makes it more comfortable and more very time we recite Krias Shema, and mitzvos. enjoyable to bear and fully observe Torah we are mekabel ol Malchus Ol Malchus Shamayim,explains the u’mitzvos. EShamayim.The simple translation Zohar (cited in Nefesh HaChaim), is akin This definition of ol Malchus of these words is “accepting upon one- to the standard ol – the yoke of an ox. Shamayim as being the requisite, per- self the yoke of the Kingdom of The yoke itself is not heavy at all. Rather, sonalized incentive of every Jew is Heaven.” Without ol Malchus Sham-ayim, it is something fashioned to conform to described by the Rambam in his mitzvos have no meaning, and one has the shape of the animal’s shoulders and Commentary on Mishnayos.No one, the totally missed his calling as a Jew. The to fit comfortably, allowing it to pull a Rambam explains, learns Torah and per- term ol Malchus Shamayim,however,is great load with ease and with a minimum forms mitzvos by natural instinct. When commonly misunderstood to mean a of strain. If the load is attached by being a child begins to learn, he does not imme- great burden, the crushing weight of strapped to the body of the animal with- diately experience the sweetness of Malchus Shamayim.This weight may be out a yoke, the animal can pull almost Torah. He needs incentives to motivate important, even critical, so the thinking nothing. With it, it can pull a great deal. him to learn….” You promise him goes, but it is heavy and difficult to carry, Ol Malchus Shamayim is the same. It sweets and delicacies when he is young, nonetheless. is the means by which a person enables to motivate him to learn. As one gets In fact, we conjure up an image of a himself to use his natural strengths and older, the incentives are adjusted accord- heavy, onerous load, visualizing being abilities in the service of the Creator, with ingly, first with new clothes, then money, a maximum of ease and a minimum of then honor, etc… choosing the optimum Rabbi Birnbaum, an educator living in Lakewood, is a columnist for Hamodia and a fre- difficulty. way to educate a child in Torah quent contributor to these pages. Thus, ol Malchus Shamayim is, in and (lechat’chila).”

6 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 This, the Rambam explains, is what me a large inheritance. I never had the to learn Torah when he originally Chazal mean when they say, “Le’olam opportunity to learn and I would like approached Rav Yochanan. ya’asok adam beTorah ubemitzvos afilu to give the beautiful, expensive items Nevertheless, he – and Rav Yochanan – shelo lishma shemitoch shelo lishma ba and clothing to talmidei chachamim.” recognized that he was a human being lishma – A person should always engage Rav Yochanan gave the entire fortune with human weaknesses who needed in Torah study, even if his motives aren’t to his talmid,“Rav Yosi the Wealthy.” incentives, a “yoke” to make it easier for pure, for from this he will eventually From then on, he was called “Rav Yosi him, to properly bind the “load” of Torah study with pure motives.” The empha- ben Pazi (paz means gold).” and mitzvos to him, to make it enjoy- sis is on the word le’olam – always, After Rav Yosi received the riches, able and pleasant. From there, he pro- because there is always a need for he engaged in learning Torah be’sim- gressed from one level to the next, until incentive to learn. The incentives could cha,with joy. He completely immersed he finally attained true yiras Hashem, and should change over a person’s life- himself in the depth of the Torah, pro- wanting to fulfill Hashem’s desire with time, but an incentive is needed to ensure gressing to increasingly higher levels no ulterior motive. limud Hatorah and mitzvah observance of knowledge. with joy and enthusiasm. One cannot After discovering that the beauty and GROWTH THROUGH MOTIVATORS attain the level of performing Torah and wealth of Torah was far greater than mitzvos lishma without first traversing glittering gold and silver, Rav Yosi ben hat this means for us in prac- the exigencies of shelo lishma. Pazi was overcome by a feeling of pro- tical terms is that when we These shelo lishma incentives men- found regret. “Woe is to me,” he said, Waccept upon ourselves ol tioned by the Rambam are precisely the “that I disregarded eternal life in Malchus Shamayim,we must invest yoke, the ol,ofMalchus Shamayim.As favor of temporal life.”He went to Rav effort in thinking of motivations and an ol is something designed to make our Yochanan and said, “I do not want to incentives that would make it easier and avodas Hashem easier and more enjoy- engage in Torah study in order to attain more enjoyable for us to serve Hashem. able, proper incentives perform that very riches. I only want to learn to glorify In truth, many of us understand this function. the name of Hashem!’ concept when it comes to educating our Clearly, the ultimate goal is that one’s Rav Yosi then took all of the rich- children. Clearly, a child needs an ol Malchus Shamayim is composed of his es that he had received and distributed incentive to learn. With regard to our- pure yiras Shamayim.But first and fore- them to the poor. He now recognized selves, however, we often act as if we think most, the ol must be something that the truth. This is why he is called Rav that we have already reached the exalt- makes it easier to fulfill our obligations Yosi ben Pazi throughout the Talmud. ed spiritual level whereby we do not to Hashem. Shelo lishma incentives are [The Zohar concludes,] And this is require motivation to engage in avodas just that. what Chazal mean when it says that one Hashem.But the reality is that virtual- should always engage in Torah shelo ly all of us must think of ways to encour- THE SHELO LISHMA IMPERATIVE lishma, shemitoch shelo lishma, ba age ourselves to turn our avodas Hashem lishma. into an involvement that we look forward he Zohar (Parashas Lech Lecha, This story demonstrates most vivid- to, not a burden that we must bear. cited in Tzror Hamor Parshas ly that the most important thing initially A person should never feel discour- TVayeira) powerfully illustrates is that one must be able to learn, daven aged for not having a desire to learn, this point: and fulfill the mitzvos with joy. If cere- daven or serve Hashem.He should not A person came to Rav Yochanan and bral knowledge and yiras Shamayim feel in any way inferior because of this. asked to join his and learn alone cannot enable a person to attain He was not created with these positive Torah on the condition that he will the simcha and sense of fulfillment that desires. What he should do is accept upon become rich. Rav Yochanan accepted what one is doing is the greatest thing himself the yoke of Heaven by finding him into the yeshiva on that premise in the world, then we must provide eitzos – strategies – that will make his avo- and instructed all his talmidim to call enticements. We must continue providing das Hashem easier. him “Rav Yosi,the Wealthy.”He stud- incentives to our – yes – childlike selves If one does not do this, one almost ied Torah, learned well and succeeded. until avodas Hashem becomes so pleas- certainly will not be able to go the dis- He did not, however, become wealthy. urable on its own, that those incentives tance. It is simply impossible to force one- He came to Rav Yochanan and com- are no longer needed. self to go against one’s natural plained that although he had the title, Clearly, the person of whom we speak, inclinations day after day, week after “Rav Yosi,the Wealthy,”the wealth did who performs mitzvos shelo lishma,still week, year after year. One who does not not materialize, he was not getting rich. desires to do the will of Hashem.He just enjoy his avodas Hashem will not be able [The Zohar continues,] One day, a would not have the strength of charac- to sustain it at the requisite level. Either wealthy man came to Rav Yochanan ter to engage in avodas Hashem without his nerves will fray or his yiras saying,“My father passed away and left an external incentive. Rav Yosi did want Shamayim will simply erode. This crit-

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 7 Rabbi Aryeh Schechter ical error is made by so many well-mean- that make those pressures enjoyable. ing people. The importance of making Many people do not desire to accept Rabbi avodas Hashem enjoyable by including the yoke of Heaven because they do not SOFER S’’TAM incentives in our daily lives cannot be wish to be placed in a position where they Schechter1558 41st 2" Street overstated. will have no choice but to engage in the Brooklyn NY 11218 Rashi, in the beginning of Shir “work” that the Ribbono Shel Olam We make “housecalls” Hashirim,tells us that Shir Hashirim is desires of them. (718) 972-4003 “kodesh kadashim,” the holiest of all sifrei The critical proof that somebody kodesh (sacred literature). Why? Rashi truly desires to do Hashem’s will is one’s kdvb • btvc hrvt yrpo cites Chazal:“Because it is comprised of acceptance of being connected to that tvzvzmv Nylypt total yiras Shamayim and acceptance of ol;to go peacefully and dutifully, and ol Malchus Shamayim.” put oneself into a situation where – Specializing in small batim for a perfect fit. There is a profound lesson here. albeit with incentives – he will be com- Chazal classify “holy of holies” to be “yiras mitted to work, and the yoke itself will Shamayim and acceptance of the yoke restrain him from shirking his duties. of Heaven,” and assert that the greatest Seeking to avoid those incentives, MASTER DAF spiritual level one can attain is accept- then, is properly called prikas ol, • 4-5 blatt per tape ing the yoke of Heaven. removing the medium, the facilitator • Each Daf is read, We frequently hear “experts” say for avodas Hashem. translated, and explained that “you cannot pressure people.” But Our commitment to Hashem is slowly and clearly in just they don’t really believe that. Everybody called kabbalas ol. Kabbalas ol means 20 minutes knows that in every area, be it the world accepting the yoke by joyfully putting • $4 per tape (plus S&H) of business, sports or entertainment, the oneself in a situation where one will not • Subscription rate: $3 per tape (plus S&H) only ones who succeed are the ones who shirk one’s obligations to Hashem. pressure themselves, the ones who Although the enjoyment makes it easi- 1-718-435-5438 • 1-800-966-6026 relentlessly pursue whatever it is that they er, it still requires a commitment. A project of the Slabodka Yeshiva view as success. The key, however, is that That is kabbalas ol Malchus they motivate themselves with incentives Shamayim. ■ ...Your only real choice when it comes to Foreign Residents’ Mortgages in Israel … and a great deal more

When it comes to mortgages for overseas investors, only the Bank of Jerusalem MORFOR® mortgage features all of the following: ❚ Mortgage specialists whose native language is English; ❚ Peerless expertise in Israeli mortgage law; ❚ A sterling reputation in real estate financing for over thirty-five years; ❚ A special personal service branch in the heart of Jerusalem’s hotel district; ❚ Custom-tailored loans with no additional collateral or guarantors; ❚ Flexible payment terms and no prepayment penalties. Discover a comprehensive world of world-class international banking services including: Time deposits and variable term CDs in various currencies, foreign exchange, global securities and brokerage services, and foreign currency mortgages. If your standards call for nothing less than 100% discretion, please contact Stuart Hershkowitz at 972-2-6774777.

Bank of Jerusalem Ltd. International Division 18 KEREN HAYESOD STREET ■ JERUSALEM 92149 ■ PHONE 972-2-6774777 ■ FAX 972-2-5671601 GENERAL OFFICE HOURS: SUNDAY - THURSDAY 8:30AM - 4PM CASHIER: 8:30AM - 3PM

8 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 Dr.Susan Schulman

NOT JUST “A BAD HABIT” mon knowledge. That is, that smoking is an ADDICTION. ur community has a real Although the tobacco companies problem. A number of have been aware of this, they con- Oadolescent yeshiva bach- cealed the information for urim,age 13 to 18, are starting to decades. It became public knowl- smoke. This is nothing new. There edge only recently during the legal have always been smokers in the confrontations between tobacco yeshivos. We have always accept- victims and the companies. ed it as an unfortunate fact of life. We now understand why it is “What can we do?”“How can we so hard for a smoker to stop, even prevent it when so many adults in when told that his life depends on their yeshiva world smoke?”“It is it. We now understand why so not assur according to halacha.” many fathers and husbands “There is no way to stop boys from spend the last few minutes before doing what their peers do.” Shabbos standing outside or sit- The tragic reality is that most ting in their cars smoking and of these boys will not be able to inhaling deeply. We now know stop smoking. Is there really why a perfectly normal man will nothing we can do to stop our pre- go out of his office building on a cious young boys from becoming miserable wet, windy day to stand chronic smokers for the rest of huddled together with all types of their lives? It is time to take a dif- people with whom he has noth- ferent look at the nature of this ing else in common. It’s the problem. addiction. Until recently, the association Smoking, then, is not just a “bad of tobacco and illness was only habit” like nail biting. It is differ- vague. There were even people ent in a very basic way. Habits can who felt that it was good for the be broken with some behavior lungs. When researchers in the modification. Addictions are 1960’s first began to show evi- changes in the “hardwiring” of the dence that smoking was causing brain. lung cancer, and the Surgeon In smoking addiction, the General’s Report confirmed it in drug, nicotine, is the major com- 1964, the medical world started ponent. The smoker’s brain looking more closely at the pop- develops a dependency on the ulation of smokers. drug as it affects his feelings and Since that time, new medical sense of comfort. The urge to information has piled up year by smoke is generated by a discom- year. It is now known that smok- fort associated with withdrawal of ing dramatically increases the the drug. The smoker needs to risk for heart attacks, stroke, can- smoke to take away the discom- cer of the lungs, mouth, throat, fort. Without it, he feels edgy, rest- and bladder, pneumonia, bron- less, irritable and sometimes chitis, emphysema, and asthma. anxious and depressed. Satisfying The risks of breathing second hand this need is so important that the smoke have also been demon- smoking addict will sacrifice his strated. own money, health and wellbeing The most startling medical to achieve it. revelation is just becoming com- Breaking the addiction is Dr. S. Schulman,a pediatrician, and Dr. R. extremely difficult. All frum smok- Schulman (author of the sidebar on page ers stop for Shabbos,but they usu- 24), an endocrinologist, maintain their med- ally hurry to light up immediately ical practice in the Boro Park section of Brooklyn. Their patients are primarily of the after Maariv. yeshiva- and general-Orthodox population. Even when the smoker manages

20 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 to stop smoking, the urges have to be One thing is sure. Peer pressure is so reasonable at all. We should hold the boys dealt with for many years to come. This important to adolescent boys, that if a to the same standard as the girls. It could addiction is now considered a medical bachur knows that smoking would save their lives. illness by insurance companies and make him a social outcast, he will The obvious solution is: We must medical experts. think twice before starting to smoke. How change the social acceptance standard in do we know that this is true? Look at the our society that allows a boy to be con- FROM SOCIAL ISSUE… girls in our society. Not one girl in the sidered socially desirable even if he TO GETTING HOOKED social mainstream would even think of smokes. starting to smoke. It would ruin her Young people have a tendency to think he fact of the matter is that most socially. So the girls do not smoke at all. of themselves as being immune to con- smokers wish they could stop. Why is it true that a smoking girl is sequences. They tend to see themselves TMany have tried repeatedly and not considered “fine and good,”while a as invincible. We know better. That is why failed. When a study was done of atti- smoking boy can still be the “best we, as parents and teachers, have to set tudes of people purchasing cases of cig- bachur in the yeshiva”? This doesn’t seem guidelines and restrictions when it arettes at a discount depot, 85% of them answered No to the question “Are you happy to be a smoker?” and the same per- centage answered Yes to the question “Would you stop smoking if you could?” With so much now known about the bad consequences of smoking, why do our bachurim start smoking? Most boys will report that they were first introduced to cigarettes in yeshiva. Some started on Purim or with chassan cigarettes. Others started when an older bachur gave them a cigarette and showed them how to inhale. Even nowadays, when some yeshiv- os have become stricter about smoking, the boys in each school can easily show you the stairwell or rooftop where the smokers go to smoke. The adolescent boys feel that it is socially desirable to smoke because it makes them feel grown up and important. They look up to smoking and older, cool boys who are their role models. Starting to smoke requires effort and determination. When a boy first tries a cigarette, it makes him cough and gag. He feels a little lightheaded and nause- It feels better just to talk about it. That’s why we’re here. Our staff is made up of ated. He decides to keep trying until the caring and sensitive individuals. Together, choking stops and he can enjoy the good we can help you explore your options. We feeling.“ If everyone else can learn to do can refer you to recognized professionals for counseling, legal advice or help in it, I can too.” By the time he gets used finding a safe environment. We can also to the smoking, he is starting to feel the put you in touch with some very special pull for the next cigarette. Rabbis. But in order for us to reach out to you, you must first reach out to us. The most important point is that this whole process starts for social reasons. Confidential Hotline 1.888.883.2323 None of these boys starts by needing to (Toll Free) smoke. They start by needing the 718.337.3700 social acceptance of their peers. They Do it for yourself. (NYC Area) end up with an addiction and a peck Do it for your children. Shalom Task Force is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization of trouble.

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 21 comes to adolescent behavior. from starting to smoke. We must ask ative facts regarding smoking, including We give them dress codes and behav- these fine people who are also addicted how addictive it is. Tell them you will be ior codes that have to be followed to to smoking to look upon themselves and very disappointed if they ever start to maintain their social status as good and the example they are setting. They smoke. Repeat this often throughout ado- acceptable.We must include not smok- must always be aware that merely by lescence. Your words will remain with ing as one of the standards of acceptable smoking in front of children, they them and give them strength to resist. adolescent behavior. We simply must not could be responsible for attracting them Explain that many wonderful people stand by and allow these kids to make to starting to smoke. These adults could smoke, but that they wish they had never a mistake that will have a negative impact tell the children how sorry they are to started. We must respect them, but we on the rest of their lives! be stuck with this terrible burden. must also feel sorry for their affliction. What an impact it would have on the stu- When you see a young frum person STEPS WE CAN TAKE dents if a rebbi looked at them directly, smoking, say,“That person doesn’t look and said,“Beloved bachurim,I was young cool. He looks like someone who is mak- ince the problem starts as a social when I first started smoking. I never ing a big mistake. He thinks he is hold- issue, it needs a social solution. I dreamed I would not be able to stop. I ing that cigarette but he is wrong. The Swould suggest several things that we didn’t know it would cause addiction. No cigarette is holding him!” can do to cause the necessary change in one knew it in those days. It was the 3. Shidduchim attitude. biggest mistake I ever made. I want to Consider smoking as a very serious 1. The Smoking Adult stop. I am still trying, but it is so very issue when looking for a shidduch for The fear of causing shame to adult hard! Please forgive me for setting such your daughter. Not smoking should be smokers who are learned and respect- a bad example. Don’t make the same mis- included on her list of desired charac- ed role models in our Orthodox com- take I did!” teristics. By age 45, the smoker could very munity has been a real concern in dealing We must look upon these men with likely have real medical problems. Your with this matter. Because of this, no effec- sympathy and concern, not disrespect. daughter has a right to have a healthy tive actions have been taken to solve this 2. Prevention is the Cure husband and father for her children after problem. You, as parents, must talk to your boys 20 years of marriage. The fact is, the adults who smoke can before age 10, long before they are offered The girls should be made aware of all be a major force in preventing bachurim a cigarette. Tell them about all of the neg- of the important facts regarding smok-

22 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 This will not only save these bachurim, it will have a major impact on the prob- e must include not smoking as one of lem. If there are no older bachurim smok- ing and no role models who smoke, the Wthe standards of acceptable younger generation of boys will not even adolescent behavior. We simply must not be tempted to try smoking. stand by and allow these kids to make a e now know that this is a dif- ferent type of problem than we mistake that will have a negative impact Wever dreamed about. Until our community wakes up and takes the social on the rest of their lives! actions needed to discourage children from starting to smoke, every child who picks up smoking from now on is our responsibility. We cannot throw up our ing, even though they don’t smoke. It is They must stop because they will soon hands and give up on our sons. We owe only fair that they know about the med- realize that their whole future really it to them to get this problem under con- ical illness of addiction and all of the con- depends on it, socially and medically. trol before more lives are ruined. We, as sequences of smoking. Some people are helped with a combi- a community, as parents, as teachers and They should know that if a boy says, nation of medication and therapy. as rabbanim,have it in our power to do “I will stop smoking as soon as we get (See sidebar.) it. The fact is, we must do it. ■ engaged,”it is probably not true. He may well be an addict. She should say,“If you can stop smoking, you should do it immediately, and if you are successful, you may call me after 6 months of being ‘clean.’”If a boy hears this often enough and decides to really stop, the pain of this rejection could save his life. If the girls collectively refuse to marry smokers, the boys will be much less inclined to smoke. 4. The New Rules A new atmosphere should prevail in yeshivos, wherein the first cigarette should be treif for a yeshiva bachur.Ideally, elementary and high schools should expel a student who is seen anywhere, anytime, smoking. Not smoking should be includ- ed in the formal rules of dress and behav- ior that allows a boy to be included as a student of the yeshiva. Additionally, the adult faculty and WEDDINGS & employees of the yeshiva, including Rebbeim,teachers, administrators, and BAR MITZVAHS even maintenance crew, should never FOR Since 1966 smoke in front of the students, even out- THE FINEST side the school setting. IN 5. The Smoking Bachur 623 CORTELYOU ROAD Your sons, your nephews, and your PHOTOGRAPHY (Off Ocean Parkway) neighbors who are among the unfortu- AND VIDEO BROOKLYN NY 11218 nate young bachurim who have already started smoking must be helped to stop. USA / ISRAEL The sooner, the better. Even though at (718) 941-5500 times it may be difficult, it can be done.

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 23 For many years, cigarette smoking (as a means of relaxing, unwinding, and clearing the mind) has been a common fea- ture of the yeshiva world. In fact, Roshei Yeshiva and maggidei shiur often smoked. Even though medical evidence has demonstrated unequivocally that it is a hazardous practice, there is still a vestige of acceptability in regard to smoking in some parts of the Torah community. It is important that – in addition to the warnings expressed in the other article on the topic in these pages – serious attention be given to methods for the individual smoker to gain control and aban- don this habit completely. The following article by Dr. Robert Schulman addresses this topic: The Treatment of Smoking Addiction

Everyone knows that smoking is bad for one’s health; 2) Nicotine replacement devices. These are nicotine yet, there are still many intelligent, decent, upstanding patches, nicotine inhalers, lozenges, and gum. They reduce people still smoking in our society today. What can be done the cravings experienced during withdrawal from the nico- to help them break the grip that smoking has on their lives? tine in the cigarettes. When the smoker quits, the dose The vast majority of smokers are addicted to the drug used is high, and eventually lowered gradually so the nico- nicotine. This addiction is also accompanied by behaviors tine can be stopped with fewer, more tolerable withdrawal (such as always lighting up when drinking coffee or driv- symptoms. ing) that are considered habits. The combination of addic- tion and habit is very hard to overcome. 3) Oral medication/Antidepressants. These drugs I have patients, smokers in their forties, who have spent work on depression, but they also work on the same region weeks in the ICU with complications of a heart attack. They of the brain that is effected by the nicotine. When this are clearly aware that they must stop smoking. modality is used, it can be started one week before the Unfortunately, they cannot stop even though they know quit date. that their lives depend on it. This is a powerful addiction. The withdrawal symptoms are so uncomfortable that they If a smoker tries any of these and fails to stop, or starts do not have the strength to tolerate them. Even when they again, there is a new approach that has a better chance do stop, they often relapse. They think about smoking every of success. That is, to use all three simultaneously. day, and when they are with a smoking person or are in None of these methods make smoking cessation easy, a vulnerable moment, the temptation is too strong. cheap and convenient. Fortunately, medical science has recently made real Nicotine replacement is expensive, costing about three advances in assisting the cessation of smoking . A physi- dollars a day, and is not covered by insurance. It has cian, usually a Primary Care Physician or Psychiatrist, should recently been shown that higher doses and more pro- monitor the whole process of smoking cessation. The patient longed usage of these devices (than are currently rec- must look for a physician who is experienced and inter- ommended) might be necessary to prevent relapse. The ested in helping with this particular problem money saved every day by not buying cigarettes offsets This physician will start the quitting process, prescribe the this expense. necessary medication, follow the progress of the withdrawal, The antidepressant, Zyban, is FDA approved for this pur- watch for drug related complications, and provide guidance pose but many insurance companies will not pay for it. and encouragement through this difficult experience. They will, however, pay for the antidepressant Bupropion There are three helpful modalities that can be used once (Welbutrin), which is the same drug. the smoker is really motivated to stop. Behavior modification can sometimes be done by the smoker himself with the guidance of the prescribing physi- 1) Behavior modification. These techniques work on the cian, but often needs a therapist or a group to be effec- habits and the addiction of smoking. The first step is a clear tively implemented. commitment to stop smoking. The smoker must set a quit Despite all of the intervention described, many smok- date and tell friends and relatives about it and ask them for ers take more than one “try” to stop smoking permanently. support. He must then clean the house and the car and remove They must be encouraged to keep trying if they fall back smoking odors and all reminders of the habit. This includes into the habit. Success is still possible. taking ashtrays away, moving furniture to change the place Although stopping smoking can be inconvenient, uncom- of a desk or favorite smoking chair, and removing all ciga- fortable, and somewhat costly, it is worth every bit of the rettes that are stored anywhere. There are many addition- effort and expense. It will definitely improve the quality al methods that can be applied, from hypnosis to Cognitive of life for the smoker and the people in his life. It will add Behavioral Therapy to group support like “Smoke Enders.” years to his life expectancy as well. ■

24 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 Rabbi Abraham Twerski

r. Schulman’s passionate appeal Ironically, lung cancer is not the worst of Some progress has been made. Years in “Smoking Addiction – A the consequences, because cancer mer- ago, one could cut the smoke in the beis DNew Perspective” needs little cifully kills. What is far worse is emphy- midrash with a knife. Today, in many embellishment and few additions. sema,a living death. Smoking destroys the yeshiva buildings, smoking is forbidden. As someone who has spent forty years elasticity of the lung, so that breathing That is certainly a step in the right direc- in the treatment of a variety of addic- becomes so labored that all the oxygen tion, but it falls short of saving the lives tions, I can attest to the fact that ciga- gained in a breath is used up just to exhale. of youngsters who smoke outside the rette addiction is one of the most I sat with the Steipler Gaon as he cut building. dangerous and resistant addictions. a cigarette into fourths and said, “This Dr. Schulman is correct in stating that True, some people have been able to stop is a curse I cannot get rid of.”I have spo- smoking begins as a social phenomenon, smoking on their own, but countless peo- ken with a number of poskim who said and the steps that she has outlined can ple have tried unsuccessfully to break the that the reason they have not pronounced be very effective in curtailing this prac- addiction. When a person knows that what an issur is because just as it is a mitzvah tice. It is high time that we address smok- he is doing is harmful but cannot refrain to tell someone something which he may ing as a pikuach nefesh issue. ■ from doing it, that is an addiction. obey, so it is a mitzvah to refrain from I have had patients who were able to saying something which will not be vjna vrut v,hv ohsuvhk overcome their addiction to drugs, but obeyed. could not stop smoking. I have had However, there is universal agreement Learning Torah patients who stopped using heroin but that one should not introduce oneself to died from the effects of cigarettes. a harmful condition from which one may every day brings The dependence on the chemical effect be unable to escape. It is, therefore, of nicotine can be intense, and for many unthinkable that young boys should be light and joy into people, stopping to smoke results in very allowed to start this terribly destructive distressful symptoms. These can be habit. Whatever people in authority can your life. eased with certain medications such as do to prevent young people from smok- Join the thousands who buproprion and clonodine patches, but ing is a sacred obligation upon them. follow our LUACH daily. one must make a determined commit- The following words are harsh, but ment to stop smoking. they are not mine.“Whoever has the capa- We will send you this Luach FREE bility to prevent someone from doing wrong for Mishna and Halacha Yomis. Worse than cancer and does not exercise it, is responsible for Write to: that person’s act”(Shabbos 54b). If o one today is ignorant of the roshei yeshiva and rabbanim are unable Rabbi Elias Karp harmful effects of cigarettes on to prevent adolescents from starting to 4701 15th Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11219 Nmany parts of the body. smoke, then they are not culpable. If, however, anyone who does have the abil- Or call: 718-851-0770 Rabbi Dr. Twerski is founder and medical direc- ity to stop youngsters from smoking does In memory of tor of the Gateway Rehabilitation Center of Rabbi & Mrs. Charles Batt, Pittsburgh, and author of many works on both not exercise it, he bears a truly grave psychiatry and Torah subjects. responsibility. Hartford, Conn.

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 25 THE PINTELE YID Chana Nestlebaum

Lost and Found

Poignant Encounters

our first impulse is to laugh. A lives? Without Shabbos,without learn- ed, ready-to-eat and demands no real well-known Jewish actor is asked ing, without the skills to speak the words effort. Eventually, however, the false feel- Ywhat being Jewish means to him, of tefilla and Tehillim, theirs is a spark ing of satiation subsides, and the and he says it means a lot, although “I that burns on nothing. It’s a Jewish neshama is left hungrier than ever. don’t go to on Friday or put on neshama gasping for air. “Back in the late Sixties and early tefillin before I go to bed or anything like Seventies, I belonged to my temple’s that.” ALL THE WRONG PLACES youth group,”recalls Shulamis.“And you Or perhaps your impulse is to shake know what? We were very passionate your head in despair at the deep igno- or reasons only Hashem can about Judaism. If someone would have rance that plagues American Jewry – even understand, when these Jews look exposed us to the real depths of Torah, among those who claim to have a Ffor meaning in their Judaism, we would have eaten it up. But instead, strong Jewish identity. they seldom consult the Torah and its we were always trying to ‘make Judaism But perhaps the most useful response authentic mesora.Educated and erudite relevant.’ I remember working with a is awe and wonder. Imagine the power in hundreds of other ways, they feel con- committee on the youth Yom Kippur of a spark that stays alive even after it’s fident that there’s nothing in the old-fash- services. We inserted all kinds of stuff – buried under a heap of ashes. Imagine ioned Judaism of their grandparents that lyrics from a Bob Dylan song, poems, going to the trouble of sheltering this frail, holds any relevance for them. They inno- anti-war messages. It was all geared at glowing ember when you have no idea vate in ways that drive the Orthodox finding ways of making it more mean- what it needs or what it’s for. world into despair, dismay or, sometimes, ingful. We wanted meaning. The fact that there are millions of Jews disgust. “Once a year, we used to have an all- throughout America who claim their But most often, they are not motivated night program and then walk to the lake, identity with pride is indeed an object by a desire to rebel. They’re driven by which was not far from the temple, and of wonder. One might wonder: what con- their awareness of the spark within and have a sunrise Shacharis.I guess that was nects them? From where do they derive its demand for some kind of nourish- some kind of Shavuos program, but I any joy or satisfaction in their spiritual ment. Without a Torah background, they have no memory of the holiday being Mrs. Nestlebaum is the editorial director for Oorah have nothing but junk food to feed it. mentioned. Sunday mornings, we had Kiruv Rechokim, Lakewood, NJ It’s a brand of Torah that is sugar coat- what they called ‘T&T,’which was ‘Tallis

28 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 and Tefillin,’ followed by a bagel break- Until recently, the volunteers’ only tool “It’s interesting that Shabbos wasn’t fast. In those days, the tallis and tefillin to overcome that suspicion was to keep even on her radar screen, yet she had it were still for boys only. My friend and trying in a very low-key, yet persistent, in her to contact us and ask a question,” I used to go to the kosher bakery a few manner over the course of time. he said. doors down and get the goodies. There Websites provide another tool. Door- A woman from Hawaii was given a were also loads of Shabbatons, but we to-door kiruv volunteers can leave telephone chavrusa,who has been guid- called them ‘conventions.’” behind a card inviting the family to log ing her toward Shabbos observance. “I What was the result of all this active on to an appropriate site. Oorah’s site, appreciate the fact that she doesn’t push,” engagement with this form of Judaism? gottorah.com, offers a gentle introduc- the woman reports.“In fact, she tries to “I don’t have statistics, but I know that tion to the concept of Torah learning and slow me down when she feels I’m tak- quite a few of the kids ended up inter- Torah education for children. Without ing on too much at once. I feel so for- marrying,”Shulamis reports.“One of the traveling into unknown territory, site vis- tunate to have her in my life.” most active members of the group itors have a chance to see videotaped In Ecuador, a recently widowed became a Jew for J. When she told me interviews with kiruv rabbis, parents who father of two boys utilized the Web to about it, she explained that she wanted have transferred their children into day find some spiritual sustenance to give his a religion that had some guidelines about school and others who have begun adopt- children. Now he is learning with a right and wrong! There were at least two ing Torah observance. chavrusa, and has been provided with others that ended up becoming what they There are many other sites as well. tefillin, sefarim and Spanish-language called ‘completed Jews.’ Some, like aish.com, torah.org, ou.org Jewish books for his children. “As far as I know, I’m the only one and shemayisrael.com, offer a stimulating Upon receiving the tefillin,he wrote, who became completely observant. variety of articles, halacha information, “I want to thank you for the tefillin you Maybe a few others keep kosher homes. hashkafa and simple facts like candle- sent me. It’s the most important gift I’ve It makes me sad to think of what all these lighting times, all in user-friendly lan- ever received in my life. Now I will be people would have today – what Klal guage that speaks to a secular public in able to teach my kids to put on tefillin Yisroel would have had today – if some- terms that are familiar and comfortable. when they are bar mitzvah. Thank you one had just fed us the right informa- Needless to say, however, a website alone very much – I am really happy.” tion. We were an inspired bunch of kids. won’t ferry a Jew all the way from agnos- I don’t know if my own children going ticism to religious devotion. Real, live OUR OWN BACK YARD to yeshiva and Bais Yaakov are as people have to be there to help transform inspired as we were.” intellectual interest into spiritual loser to home, gottorah.com is growth. But once a comfort level is estab- having a gradual, but real, impact THE RIGHT PLACE lished, the next visit from a kiruv vol- Con the non-religious Jews who unteer will often elicit a whole new abound in the towns surrounding ith the blossoming of the response. Often, the family is a lot less Lakewood, NJ. To anyone who has ever kiruv movement, real suste- suspicious and a lot more willing to talk. crossed Lakewood’s borders, the black- Wnance for hungry souls has hatted yeshiva contingent is a familiar become available in hundreds of venues. THE RIGHT TIMING sight. But to most, it’s not a very com- If a person searches a Jewish newspaper, forting sight, for the community seems the Web or even the phone book, he has presence on the World Wide exotic, if not downright eccentric, to those a good chance of encountering a reliable Web vastly expands kiruv’s reach looking in from the outside. The religious source of authentic Torah learning. Abeyond the frontiers of established community sponsors dozens of learn- The Web, in particular, has opened religious communities. Hawaii, Ecuador, ing venues for non-religious Jews, but many new doors. Recently, Oorah Kiruv Portland, Oregon, and dozens of other the percentage of them who venture Rechokim, which has been doing door- spots across the country and the globe within is painfully small. to-door kiruv in the New York- have been starting points for the spiri- Kiruv volunteers try to break down area for the past 30 years, branched out tual return of long-lost Jews making con- the barriers. They arrive at the door of into cyberspace. The original purpose was tact through the Web. a Jewish home with a gift, a website busi- not so much to net Jewish cyber- One contact asked for advice on her ness card, and a smile. If the family wants searchers as it was to provide a comfort choice of wedding date. She wanted to nothing to do with them, they just leave level to those being contacted in person. know if it coincided with any Jewish hol- the gift and the card behind, hoping that Naturally, people are reluctant to open iday. Upon checking the 2005 date, the family, if left to its own devices, might their doors to strangers, so when kiruv Oorah’s kiruv director discovered that it begin to reconsider. Perhaps they will log volunteers come knocking, they are fell on a Shabbos, and on the eighth of onto the website. Perhaps they’ll be a lit- sometimes greeted with a suspicious Av. “I don’t know what she’ll do with that tle less hostile the next time. “Who are you?” and sent on their way. information, but I gave it to her,”he said. In about one of ten instances, how-

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 29 ever, the family will be receptive. They may not even open the door at first, but Eternal Fire they’ll accept the gift, converse a little and Shira LaLev perhaps ask the volunteers to come back again at a later date. Sometimes they will I often watch the men and I know there is nothing open the door, and open their ears and dance as pure hearts, and reach out for the spiritual life- on Simchas Torah. as their heartstrings line they are being handed. In one recent case, volunteers I love to watch the fire entwined around the approached a young couple in Howell, when Torah, just north of Lakewood, who had the men dance, bound tightly to their recently had their first baby. The husband to see it bursting through chests. had been turned off to religious educa- their souls, And when they sing tion as a child, but now that he was a father, he was ready to reconsider. flames leaping among “Heiliger Bashefer, When one of the kiruv volunteers asked clenched hands Du host unz zeir leeb” him what he would be equipped to give encircling them I feel the fire in my own his child as a spiritual inheritance, he As they cry out soul. knew the answer. Both he and his wife “Ashreichem Yisroel” For now, I know why, have begun learning with chavrusos. In another case, the college-aged and I feel the pride of my Though many have tried to daughter in one household became nation. smother that flame, interested in learning. She was set up with As they beg their Creator this fire will not dwindle a chavrusa,who ended up serving more “Ve’taher Libeinu” this fire will not die. as a mentor and guide than teacher. Through her, the young woman began Shira LaLev lives in Brooklyn. This is her first appearance in these pages. to find friends and a welcome in many Lakewood homes, and gradually has taken on religious observance. It’s there, in every Jewish heart – the ARE YOU MOVING? pintele Yid – the spark of holiness that somehow, even in the midst of the most IS YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS PRINTED secular lifestyle, still insists on being heed- INCORRECTLY ON THE JO MAILING LABEL? ed. As long as a Jew maintains a Jewish We need your help to ensure proper delivery of the Jewish Observer to your home. identity in some form, that spark is com- Please attach current mailing label in the space below, or print clearly your address and bustible. The urgent task of kiruv is to computer processing numbers that are printed above your name on the address label. uncover the spark wherever it can be found, and then feed it with the pure truth of Torah. It might taste strange at first, but the Jewish soul knows what’s Affix old label here good. ■ HAT PLUS Name ______Hats • Shirts • Ties • Accessories New Address ______City, ______Your #1 Stop for State, ______Zip ______Quality Hats Date Effective ______WE ALSO DRY CLEAN LARGEST SELECTION Send address The Jewish Observer & RESHAPE HATS OF CHOSONIM TIES IN changes to: Change of Address (All work done on premises) BROOKLYN 42 Broadway, 14th Floor, New York, NY 10004 1368 Coney Island Avenue Please allow 4-6 weeks for all changes to be reflected on your mailing label. We will not (718) 377-5050 be responsible for back issues missed unless you notify us 6 weeks prior to your move. Major credit cards accepted • We ship UPS

30 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 THE PINTELE YID Mrs. Sarah Shapiro

e were sitting next to each twenty four years – just a few more than streaming past, this way and that. other on the #2 bus and start- I – but 24 sounded ominous. She was get- At 43rd, I crossed Fifth Avenue and Wed talking. It emerged in con- ting right up there into the outer edges found myself on the flowery, shady path- versation that Batsheva worked as a tutor of lower middle age, which meant that ways alongside The New York Public at one of the baal teshuva women’s sem- I, too, should have turned into an adult Library. Where should I go? The ques- inaries. by now, with a job, and a roommate. I tion seemed to be darkening, and Did she have time to tutor me? I asked. was still just a child, though, invisible and expanding, until it was asking something She seemed a little taken aback – after shy. An unknowing child, in spite of my else altogether. all, we were both grandmothers. But yes, high heels. Where should I go? she said, she’d be happy to. What would I took the train into Manhattan and Approaching the wide stone stairway you like to learn? called her from Grand Central Station. with its two majestic stone lions stand- Chumash with Rashi,I answered. No answer. I dialed again. ing guard in the midday sun, one on From the ground up. Where was she? either side of the entrance, I paused. She was suggesting various ways to There in the dark old wooden phone Suddenly, some kind of atonal approach this when something occurred booth, I sat there wondering, listening Eastern music seemed to burst upon the to me: Could we just learn “Balak”? to the phone ringing in her apartment, scene; a group of dancing people in You mean, that one parsha? then tried again. What to do? The fam- lemon-colored Indian saris materialized I nodded. In any case, it would take ily was meeting for the birthday at 8 – as if out of nowhere, and right before me me forever, or even longer. seven hours from now. I had come in on the path — with a bony shaved skull Fine, she replied. No problem. early, hoping for some time alone with and long silky orange robes – a skinny After a few moments she said, Do you her before the party. young man appeared, spinning and mind telling me, though – I’m just curi- Walking along through the echoing, swaying, with the round dot of a Hindu ous – why “Balak”? Any special reason? shadowy dimness of high-ceilinged painted low on his forehead, eyes ecstat- Well…I began… Grand Central toward the exits, my heels ically upturned. Two pale, skinny arms Once upon a time… made a quick, loud clickity-click on all were circling, stretched out long, and his the cool marble floors, as if I were a real long fingers rattled and tapped and * * * person. I pushed through a dark door, drummed on a tambourine held over his emerging into the sudden muggy head. Bangles and looped necklaces of tiny t was the end of summer and the brightness of 42nd St. stones, pink and green and blue, twin- whole world was new. In Honking, speeding taxis, and cars kling and sparkling. Tiny bells sewn all IConnecticut, the dogwood trees darting in and out of traffic. Big roar- along his saffron hem. His sad mouth was slumbered. Daisies and dandelions nod- ing buses. A million people hurrying emitting some moaning chant to an ded in the grass. Clouds drifted sweet- everywhere, and gray concrete sky- arrhythmic beat. ly across a tender blue sea. scrapers towering up into a hidden sky. I stood there, struck dumb by the My sister’s birthday party was The dense, leaden air hung down sight, for even I, who had searched and tonight. She’d been on the planet for thickly over everything, trapping the city never found…searched and searched under a dirty overturned cup of heat, and without knowing I searched, searched Mrs. Shapiro of Jerusalem is a frequent contributor the sidewalk was a rushing river of and searched without knowing what I to these pages, including “On Missing the Earthquake” (May. ’04). Her most recent book humanity. I started meandering slowly was searching for…could spot a pitiful, is A Gift Passed Along: A Woman Looks at the World against the flow, upstream. All different lost child when I saw one, and a name- Around Her, published by ArtScroll. colors. A thousand different worlds less terror took hold of me. I was

32 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 repulsed, to the core. Inside the Indian The line was busy! I kept dialing. “No, thank you.” costume, inside the shaved head and the It was too hot in there. Out of the “Come!” He started walking off, very ecstatic eyes, I knew all too well that here corner of my eye, I saw that someone fast. I stood still. He looked back over before me was an American kid in flight was waiting for the phone. The person his shoulder. “Come!” What in the from something in Kansas, or Cleveland, tapped insistently now on the door and world made me follow? He kept look- or Chicago, a boy on his way to some- I was about to say,“Please stop it! This ing at his watch, and glancing back at thing I didn’t want to know about, pranc- is an important call!” when I found me through the next four blocks to see ing and dancing madly on thin air. myself looking at a tiny little olive- if I was still there. On 47th Street, he It was at that moment that a thought skinned man in a meticulous black suit darted to the right, and suddenly we went through my mind which had and a white beard and a black hat. Black were surrounded by people like him. never gone through my mind before, in aggressive eyes full of brightness and He went into a big store full of all my short life. Vividly and distinctly, darkness. Something obscurely famil- Jews and diamonds, everyone as if the words were uttered aloud, I iar about him. talking. I didn’t like it. He scurried thought: I wish I believed in something. “Nu?” he was saying. What did that up a flight of stairs to a luncheonette, Then I turned, and went looking for mean? I’d heard it somewhere. He muttered something to the waitress. a phone booth. made some odd questioning gesture of She looked at me. He sat down. impatience. I pushed open the door. “Sit!” * * * Something about him I didn’t like, and I sat. something else, that caught my atten- A slice of pound cake was set down t 43rd and Sixth, I pulled shut tion. To my own slight surprise, I said, before me. I was on a diet. the glass door and dialed my sis- abruptly: “You’re Jewish, right?” “Tea?” he said. Ater again. No answer. My heart He gave a quick nod. Those eyes cut “Coffee.”A cup of coffee appeared. sank. Then my mother, back home in me up sharply. He said: “You? A “Nu?” He asked me to tell him about Connecticut. No answer there either. Jewish?” myself. Strange, to be someone’s focus Where was everybody? I smiled, yes, as if I were doing him like that. My sister’s number again. Then my a favor. He pointed to the cake. “Eat, eat.” father’s office. His secretary said he was “What you doing?” “No, thank you.” in a meeting and to call back in an There was no answer to that one. “You like it. It’s good.” He gave me hour. “Ach! Come! You have something to a quizzical look like a knife, with eyes The sun was glaring at me through the eat!” from some ancient place where I glass. I tried my sister again and yippee! I shriveled inwardly with distaste. knew I’d never been. For some reason,

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 33 I filled with shame. He asked about my scrawled awkwardness that made it * * * family. obvious the English alphabet was not “You have to honor your parents.” his own, a list of some sort of sentences, few years later, my first week Honor my parents? What an old- in carefully executed capital letters. The in Israel, a rabbi at the table fashioned expression. first one went as follows: Aspoke about the parsha.There I looked all around at the people in “BARUCH ATAH HASHEM ELO- was a donkey, he said, whose eyes the restaurant. I’d never seen Jews like KENU MELECH HAOLAM, BOREI were opened by G-d. She saw an these before. The women wore long MINEI MIZENOT.” angel and couldn’t speak at first. sleeves and long dresses. It was He explained that these were bless- I felt at home in Jerusalem, so I strange. It bothered me. ings in Hebrew to be made over all stayed, and married, and G-d gave me He tipped his head towards the two food, and told me what kind of food children, and grandchildren. But girls sitting at the counter to our left each one was for. from that first Shabbos on, through and said, “They are Orthodox.” He He told me how to light two can- all the unceasing changes that were asked some more questions, then took dles every Friday night for Shabbat. I’d to come, one of the things that out a pen. On the back of the restau- always liked candles. I was surprised endured for me was “Balak.” It drew rant bill, he started writing something. we Jews did something so aesthetical- me inexplicably, and spoke for me. He was leaning over the table, ly appealing. What was Shabbat? He It was the parsha I always loved most scrunched up in intense concentration, said that’s how Jews celebrate the cre- and looked forward to, increasing- mouthing something to himself, eras- ation of the world every week. What ly, year by year. ing, rewriting. Ten minutes or so a beautiful idea — I’d never heard such One day a quarter-century after later, he handed me the paper, on which a thing. He told me I should contin- my aliya,a friend showed me a pro- he had written, with the childlike, ue living with my parents, and to work gram on her computer that com- for my father in his office. puted Gregorian and Hebrew dates. He wrote down his name. I saw that I wanted to know the parsha of my CHEVRA OSEH CHESED he was a rabbi. “Call me if you need bas mitzvah. I typed in my birth date, OF AGUDATH ISRAEL help!” pressed a few keys, and… He motioned to the waitress and in “Don’t tell me…” said Batsheva. BURIAL PLOTS another language - Hebrew, I gathered “Yes.” IN ERETZ YISROEL – ordered something else. She “Hmm. You know, there’s one par- returned with what I would learn later sha I was always drawn to, too. Interment in a Shomer Shabbos Beis was poppy-seed cake. Vayeira.I wonder…. It’s the one I’ve Olam near Beis Shemesh “Don’t be scared,”he said.“Say this.” always especially liked teaching. Please phone or write to: He pointed to the first line. I read it Maybe I’ll ask my husband to Chevra Oseh Chesed of Agudath Israel out loud, and was about to say some- check.” 42 Broadway, New York, NY 10004 thing when he pressed a finger to his The phone was ringing when I got (212) 797-9000 lips. “Ssshhhh! Eat!” home. It was Batsheva, saying, “You’re It was good. not going to believe this.” ■ Notworld just cheese a cheese, 3” aworld tradition... cheese 3” Haolam, the most trusted name in Cholov Yisroel Kosher Cheese. A reputationpick earned upthrough 25jan years of 02scrupulous page devotion to 22 quality and kashruth. With 12 delicious varieties. Haolam, a tradition you’ll enjoy keeping.

All Haolam cheese products are made in the U.S.A. under the strict rabbinical supervision of: Cholov Yisroel The Rabbinate of K’hal Adath Jeshurun, Washington Heights, NY

THURM BROS. WORLD CHEESE CO. INC. BROOKLYN, NY 11232 Haolam.

34 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 FOCUS ON TEFILLA Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

23K. It’s a window seat. to stand, and (for men) It’s my seat. Flight 012; El Al. donning tallis and tefillin The local time must be while crouched under an around 7 or 8 or 9 a.m. and, overhead bin are all com- according to the map on my plications and potential screen, we are somewhere impediments to a mean- between Halifax and ingful and dynamic prayer Lisbon, I guess. It doesn’t experience. And depending really matter. on who your seat mate I have just completed happens to be, you may davening Shacharis (my have a little explaining to morning prayers). do when you’re done. Nothing unusual about But, like nearly every- that. It’s something I’ve thing in life, even these done every day for the clouds of hardships in past… er… many years. Of tefilla contain silver linings. course, I’m usually 38,000 As I return my Siddur to feet closer to the ground the seat-pocket in front of and in a shul when I daven,but the words Third, I enjoy the shul.Men are direct- me, I reflect on the tefillos,just completed. are very much the same. ed to daven with a minyan,a quorum of And to my utter surprise, I am left with I like tefilla, and I’ll tell you why. ten, whenever possible, and I take pleas- a good feeling. Despite the aforemen- First of all, there’s something special ure in the camaraderie and unity that the tioned inconveniences, a strange – about speaking to Hashem.It’s a chance setting provides. My occasional visit to almost elevated – mood has wafted over to check in with my Manufacturer and the amud (pulpit) to lead the service is me. get a sense of what, if any, repairs are nec- a little bonus. “Where did it come from?” I wonder. essary. Maybe all I need is to review the I wish it weren’t so, but frankly, tefilla Well, to begin with, Plane Prayer (PP) operator’s manual and see if I am faith- is not always invigorating. It can become has two huge advantages over Shul ful to the instructions. Periodically, a stale and hackneyed – bereft of mean- Prayer (SP) – you can’t come late and you major tune-up is indicated. So it’s good ing or purpose. In fact, it often does. can’t leave early. How often are we seen to stop in and open the hood. Keeping one’s davening fresh and evoca- huffing and puffing, even when daven- Second, life today, as you know, is incred- tive, given the sheer frequency of this most ing at home, trying to catch the runaway ibly hectic. Ineedn’t explain holy pursuit, is a constant challenge faced Shacharis train or ducking out early to why. And prayer time is a by every man, woman, and child. There catch the runaway commuter train. preset regi-men that allows are no easy solutions. With no fixed starting time and certainly for needed breaks from nowhere to go when you’re finished, PP whatever it is we are engaged The Sky-High Advantage affords you the rare opportunity to actu- in. What a statement it is ally daven at any pace you like. It goes when we choose to ut davening on a 747, of course, without saying that SP,with its power of begin and end our daily presents a whole array of differ- a tzibbur (congregation), has other clear- activities with a service of the Bent challenges. Remembering to cut advantages. heart and also find time put your Siddur in your carry-on, An added bonus to this most unusu- smack in the middle of choosing the appropriate time and al experience (PP) is that you are not our day to do the same. space to daven,when, whether, and how forced to “keep up” with the rest of the

Yaakov Salomon, CSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Brooklyn. He is a frequent contributor to these pages, most recently with “The Mystery Of 1964” (Jun. ’04). This arti- cle originally appeared on aish.com.

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 37 congregants or the shaliach tzibbur.Ifyou spreads out the earth upon the waters2. Had Even before the blessings, I usually want to spend more time on a particu- I ever stopped to contemplate an appre- endow a full 25 seconds or so of SP to lar section, such as Sh’ma or the Amida, ciation for Hashem’s having formed a the holy song, “Adon Olam.” This short you are free to do so. hard crust over the planet’s interior – masterpiece, written over 900 years ago, And so I did. made up of water, gasses, and molten met- succinctly proclaims Hashem’s attributes I began by focusing some extra few als? Ordinarily, my eyes are still sealed shut of being timeless, infinite, and omnipo- moments on the oft attention-starved fif- and my lips are on cruise control until tent. teen blessings that open Shacharis1. Our 20 – 30% of the davening has passed. Today, however, during PP, I noticed Sages teach that as one experiences the Who doesn’t take walking on a firm that the author also included in the same phenomena of the new day, he should surface for granted? And who could have song, the description, “He is my G-d, my bless G-d for providing them. predicted that my gratitude for this new- living Redeemer…. He is my Banner….” One example occurred when I came found pleasure would multiply just 32 I closed my eyes for just a moment and to blessing #9 – Blessed are You, Hashem, hours later, when I “survived” a 2 second marinated in the glow that an our G-d, King of the universe, Who earthquake in Jerusalem (really) ??? Omnipotent Creator is also MY G-d, MY Redeemer, and MY Banner. I loved the feeling of having a real and Personal G- d; not easily discerned when driving 100 miles per hour during home or SP3.

Letting the Engine Idle

ater, I let the engine idle while trav- eling through the Baruch She’amar Lprayer. Commentators record an ancient tradition that this tefilla was tran- scribed by the Anshei Knesses Hagedola, Men of the Great Assembly, 2400 years ago from a script that actually fell from Heaven! And yet…usually…unfortunately…it hardly rates a reflection of any substance or even a second glance, I dare say. Today, however, I chanced upon the phrase there- in that extols Hashem,“Who constantly creates.” 4 Today, it gave me pause. Creation was not limited to a one time Big Bang-like happening. No. Hashem didn’t just finish His project and go on vacation. Creation is ongoing…cur- rent…never-ending. And so is Hashem’s direction, guidance, and love. Something to remember. Now basking in the luxury of unhur- ried PP, I took a moment to conscious- ly peer out my window. Usually, during home or SP, this activity is keenly dis- couraged during davening5,probably because the outside scenery on land would likely serve only as a distraction, not an enhancement of the prayer. But today I wasn’t drifting off; on the contrary. I was saying the verses: It is You alone, Hashem,You have made the heaven, the most exalted heaven, and all their legions, the earth and everything

38 The Jewish Observer, October 2004 upon it, the seas and everything in them, bonafide, indisputable prophets – fash- expresses awe, fear, reverence. Second per- and You give them all life…. ioned our most devout prayers in termi- son terminology – Atta (You) – is a more Excitedly, I gazed out onto the hori- nology that tells us to converse with casual and direct pronoun, perhaps por- zon. The Navi (prophet) was right. Hashem,freely, directly, comfortably, traying love. The swaying, or shockeling, Having never flown in an airplane, he almost…informally. It is communication during tefilla is an external manifestation depicted, nonetheless, the magnificence without hindrance, impediment, or of both properties – we bend forward of the celestial bodies, the expanse of the veneer. Incredible. (expressing love), and then, realizing universe, the splendor of Creation. I Now inspired by the comforting Who He is, we draw away (demonstrat- breathed deeply. I marveled at the com- thought that we are encouraged to see ing fear or awe)6. manding sunlight bouncing off the Hashem as a Being we can easily relate to, I gently pressed the button to recline plane’s fuselage, I winced at the robust I was reminded of a startling insight I once 23K. I turned to the window once more. wind currents that shook our craft, and heard. One of the great mysteries of reli- A momentary splash of turbulence stirred I felt…oh…so small. Literally and figu- gious observance is the manner in which the weary travelers. For just a second, ratively, my tefillos were carrying me to so many Jews sway back and forth dur- everyone was shockeling – perhaps more new heights. ing prayer. We call it shockeling. in fear than in love. I smiled. I’m not sure if davening seven miles Tourists at the Kosel (Western Wall), I gazed out at the foreign terrain and higher than sea level really means that the as well as less conversant observers of tefilla alien bodies of water. Again, I felt small, supplicant is actually closer to Hashem or in all locales, are often perplexed or even but a good kind of small. Tefilla can do not, but somehow I felt closer. put-off by the seemingly strange calis- that. Tefilla should do that. PP was not Unperturbed by fellow congregants thenics or fanatical antics of over-enthu- something that I had looked forward to. (who may occasionally daven too loud, siastic Jews in prayer mode. But Rabbi All I had anticipated was how inconven- out of sequence, or off key), crying babies, Shimon Schwab l”xz offered a simple yet ient and different it was going to be. or telephones, unaffected by the bound- penetrating insight. Well…it was different. aries of time, and impervious to all the There are two primary vehicles for In a few hours, we would land in Eretz usual distractions, I sat in my cabin of Divine service – ahava and yira –love and Yisroel.Soon thereafter, I’ll be davening tranquility – just me, Hashem, and my awe. Both are necessary components of again. I have a feeling it will be different, prayer book. It was very special. a comprehensive and satisfying relation- too. All my newly-gained insights, now ship with Him. Love and awe can perhaps augmented by the sacred setting, Uttered, But Seldom Really Said be depicted by the manner in which we enhanced by the Homeland, stirred by the address Him. When we use the third per- company of a minyan of like-minded Jews. he illuminated seat belt sign in front son – He, Him, His, in the vernacular – it Of course, it will be different.■ of me meant the Amida would be rendered a virtual oxymoron (I said 1 Anshei Knesses Hagedola (the Men of the Great – conveying a personal relationship. T 4 it in my seat), but nothing could disturb Assembly) formulated our present-day specific text “Baruch oseh Bereishis –Blessed is He Who con- of tefilla – at the beginning of 2nd Beis Hamikdash stantly creates”… oseh in the present tense. this voyage of virtue. I just took my sweet 5 time, reflecting on nearly every word; Temple era. It consisted of 120 elders, among whom See Orach Chaim 90:4, 95:2 and Mishna Berura were many prophets. there. words that I had uttered tens of thousands 6 2 “Roka haaretz al hamayim” Rabbi Schwab, in his sefer on tefilla,points out that of times, but never really said – or under- 3 Adon Olam begins by recounting the unfathomable there are 21 verses in Ashrei – in 11 we address stood properly. eternity and omnipotence of Hashem;but,as men- Hashem in the second person, and 10 are in the third And then I made a remarkable dis- tioned, also includes “V’Hu Keili – He is my G-d” person… expressing ahava and yira. covery.The word that is said more than any other, in the entire Shemoneh Esrei,is not Baruch,Blessed, or Shalom,Peace,or Melech,King or even Hashem. It is the word, “Atta”– You: 33 times we refer to Hashem as “You.” We speak to Hashem.And we speak with great awe and reverence.And often, in the third person. But more often, we speak to Hashem directly. We speak in the second person. We say, “You!” Kings, queens, great rabbis, statesmen, even parents are often referred to in the third person. It is a sign of ultimate respect. But the composers of our holy tefillos,the Anshei Knesses Hagedola – some of them

The Jewish Observer, October 2004 39