">Nit'' :i">M @> N ASIS OF 5TABI ITV IN AN CE:AN OF TURBULENCE:
DARKAH is a non-profit WHO WE ARE organization that provides a unique opportunity for young women who are challenged with anxiety, depression or bipolar disorder.
DARKAH's aim is to equip these individuals OUR Ml SS I with the necessary skills and emotional self-sufficiency to progress towards an independent and productive lifestyle within 1-2 years.
DARKAH provides a supervised private residential facility for a structured WHAT WE DO group living setting. Our professionally trained house parents assist clients in managing their daily schedule. An experienced social worker monitors each participant's progress in coordination with their treatment team. The broad range of training and instruction includes: ·Self-advocacy/assertiveness ·Budgeting/money management · Stress management ·Home management · Social skills/relationships ·Shopping · Communication ·Meal planning/preparation ·Personal hygiene
The group home setting is specifically limited to frum young women aged 17 - 22 suffering from anxiety, depression or bipolar disorder. WHO IT'S FOR Individuals whose challenges are complicated by additional factors such as religious incompatibility 8 ~ are not candidates for the program. I' Fees are determined on an individual basis. THE JEWISH OBSERVER
THE ewish IN THIS ISSUE 6 READERS' FORUM
B.·•... -·/SEltvER. .. ' . ,., "· ...... , .,, .. ·.· THE JEWISH OBSERVER LEITER FROM JERUSALEM {ISSN) 0021-6615 IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY, EXCEPT JULY k AUGUS'! 7 THE PRICE OF DECEPTION, AND A COMBINED ISSUE FOR JANUARYlf'EBRUARY, BY THE YOnoson Rosenb!urn i\GUO.'\TH ISR.'\EL OF i\MERICA, 42 BROADWAY. NEW YORK, NY 10004. PElllOOlCALS POSTAGE PAID tN NEW I YORK. NY. SUBSCRIPTION S25.oo/YEAR; STRIVING FOR THE BAYIS NE'EMAN BEYISROEL 2 YEARS, S46.oo: 3 YEAHS, S69.00. QcrTS!DE OF THE L'NITED STATES (VS 10 OF REALITY AND FANTASY IN SttlDDUCHIM, FUNDS DRAWN ON A CS BANK ONLY) I S15.oo SURCHARGE PER YE.'\R. S!NGl.E based on a presentation hy Rabbi Shmuel Dishon COPY $3,50; 0UT~IDE NY AREA S3.95; FOREIGN $4,50, 14 ENHANCING THE Kedusha oF THE JEwrsH HoME,
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COMING FULL CIRCLE WITH JO chas veshalom continued on our "merry myself to a particular article that I read way;' trying to grab as much gashmiyus in your publication. To the Editor: (material gains) as we could, while still After ten years of married life and I would like to share some very per keeping Shabbos and kashrus in a warm, nine years of The Jewish Observer, we sonal history with the readers of The modern Orthodox community. finally realized that we needed to leave Jewish Observer> because the magazine In 1979, after a year of marriage, we the more n1odern co1nmunity we were literally changed and became a major came across a publication called The residing in and that way of life. We sold piece of the foundation of my family Jewish Observer at a friend's home (not our home, gave up 1ny accounting prac (which now amounts to 21 - including from our community). This was our tice, and took our (then) four children children, children-in-law, and grand first exposure to a yeshivishe hashkafa. to a brand ne'v 1brah environment in children, bli ayin hara)! Other than the rabbi's Shabbos shiur Bretz Yisroel. Once here ( noV\r over twen My wife and I met in university. We (which was way over my head), we ty years ago), we merited to have our both had been frum since high school, had no Torah learning at all. All of a next child born in Bretz Yisroel. She only although neither of us actually knew sudden, we were exposed to a whole experienced a true Torah environment, what that meant, other than looking new world of Orthodoxy which we had one which externally was formed by for kosher symbols and abstaining from never really known existed. The Jewish our community and internally formed "work" on Shabbos. Through social high Observer became the "breath of fresh by the values that her parents were first school youth groups, we had adopted a air" and "reality" in our ho1ne from that exposed to in The Jewish Observer. In way of life we knew little about. point onward. We anxiously awaited its raising her, and all our other children, With His help, we found each other. monthly arrival, and were frustrated we had no family to turn to for Torah We were both thirsty for understanding during the summer months when it guidance. Thanks to the introduction to more. As a young couple just starting wasn't published. At the time, we would the Torah world that you provided us, out, we only had a secular foundation immediately open to the Second Looks we found many sources of da'as Torah to draw upon. We landed up in a fairly column and the letters to the editor, as to assist us. modern,frunz community, and I entered both of them opened our eyes to issues Now this child is a kalla with some the professional world. We could have currently affecting the Torah world, one in the Torah community. While we which we were first becoming aware have been zocheh, all along the way, to even existed. align ourselves with many wonderful Then came the articles about gedolim. sources of da'as Torah, our foundation CORRECTION We were hearing their names for the is built upon the hashkafa we received The caption of the picture first time. The Jewish Observerportrayed from The Jewish Observer! To this day, on page 39 of JO Jan. their lives so vividly to us that we really we still have the original publications Feb.'09 misidentified the saw the emes of a Torah way of life. we have been subscribing to since the keiver where Rabbi Chaim I could go on for pages about the late 70s, and refer to them from time to Kanievsky was davening. many articles that left a roshem (impact) time. Thus, we might well say that we It was that of his father, on me. Even until this day, I can look have come full circle. the Steipler Gaon, ?-~i. back 25 years and link a hashkafa in CHAIM BEN ARI Jerusalem 6 LETTER FROM JERUSALEM
YONOSON ROSENBLUM The Price of Deception in Both Spiritual and Pragmatic Realms Three young men from an extremely insular society, with no knowledge of the outside world, suddenly find themselves under arrest in a strange country, where they know no one, do not speak the language and no one speaks theirs. They are informed that they may spend the rest of their lives in jail. And added to their pain is the knowledge that the one who callously sent them to their fate was someone they trusted, a former student in their own yeshiva, a member of their own closely knit community.
OF ~~!ORTION our most fervent prayers. Even under ANCIGHTMARE .... -·---., ...... the best terms of confinement, they are in the throes of a nightmare from T IS ALMOST A YEAR since three which there is no waking. Three young yeshiva bachurim from a Chassidic men from an extremely insular society, I yeshiva in Bnei Brak were arrested with no knowledge of the outside world, in Japan when drugs were found hid suddenly find themselves under arrest den in the Judaica that they had been in a strange country, where they know told they were transporting. From the no one, do not speak the language and moment of their arrest, heart-rending no one speaks theirs. They are informed stories have widely circulated of the that they may spend the rest of their lives horrendous conditions in which they in jail. And added to their pain is the are being held. Just recently, new rumors knowledge that the one who callously started flying of how one of the boys is sent them to their fate was someone they being held in solitary confinement and trusted, a former student in their own forced to spend most of the day bent yeshiva, a member of their own closely over, unable to even stand up straight. knit community. RABBI ROSENBl.lJM, WHO LIVES JN JERUSALEM, Fortunately, these rumors are very In addition, the Japanese authorities JS A CONTRIBUTING EDITOR TO THE JEWISH OBSERVER. HE IS ALSO DIRECTOR OF THE far from the truth; unfortunately, they have no familiarity with the needs of ISRAEU DIVISION OF AM ECHAO, THE AGUOATH do great harm. That is not to say that Torah Jews, much less experience accom ISRAEl.-JNSPIRED EDUCATIONAi. OUTREACH the situation of the boys is not tragic modating those needs. Undoubtedly, the I EFFORT AND MEDIA RESOURCE. or that they do not need and deserve situation of the boys was very difficult MARCH 2009
at the beginning. But due to the tireless when it first gained popularity. But efforts of highly dedicated and pro In today's with the benefit of hindsight, it is pos fessional askanim (activists), working sible to point to damage. In the 1950s, under the direction ofleading dayanim climate of who could believe that there would one in Antwerp and Bnei Brak, and the widespread day be those who deny the Holocaust, willingness of the Japanese authorities or that whole books would be writ to make every effort to take into account Holocaust ten claiming that the Jews exaggerated the special needs of the three bachurim, denial, much of everything, whether in order to gain and to even bend their own prison rules reparations for themselves or to shield to do so, the situation has improved it in the West, Israel from criticism? dramatically. (It was never nearly so But in today's climate of widespread dire as widely described.) it is clear how Holocaust denial, much of it in the One of those askanim wrote recently dangerous even West, it is clear how dangerous even one that "improvements to their kosher isolated example of an uncorroborated dietary allowances have recently been one isolated atrocity story can be. made, regular medical check-ups are example of an carried out upon the request of our law RAMIFICATIONS OF yers, [and J the boys are visited regularly uncorroborated FALSIFICATIONS by rabbis and askanim, both local and those who fly in especially to maintain atrocity story ur society depends for its func their spirits and good morale." can be. tioning on the ability of gedolim Those who made up the false stories 0 to convey their opinions in about the nature of the imprisonment of the clearest possible fashion, and on the three bachurim presumably had only the certain knowledge that that which the best of intentions (and that is even a gadol has signed his name to in fact more true of those who were quick to ganda films. Part of the boys' defense, represents his considered opinion. But believe those stories and circulate them no doubt, centers on a portrayal of the if someone takes around proclamations further). Likely, their intention was to community from which they come and from one gadol to another, and falsely arouse all our tefillos for Yaakov Yoseif the high moral standards that prevail provides the names of peers who have ben Raizel, Yoe! Ze' ev ben Mirrel Risa there. The publication of false rumors already signed, he does two things. First, Chava, and Yoseif ben Yitta Rivka. undermines that argument. he distorts the decision-making process In the case of the three bachurim, it of the gadol in question. And second, BEST OF INTENTIONS, is relatively easy to discern the tangible if the matter is found out, he makes it ADVERSE CONSEQUENCES damage done by well-intentioned lies possible for anyone who does not agree and distortions. So1netimes, however, with a certain edict to claim, both to ut the best of intentions do not the damage is far less clear, at least at himself and others, that the opinion justify every action, and especial the time of the exaggeration. Every expressed is not really that of everyone Bly not when they result in adverse American Bais Yaakov student of a who has affixed his signature. consequences and those consequences certain age grew up learning the story In the course of researching the were foreseeable from the beginning. of 96 Bais Yaakov students who commit forthcoming biography of Rabbi Moshe The askan quoted above writes that such ted suicide during the Holocaust rather Sherer, I came across precisely such an wild rumors about the circumstances of than fall into the hands of the Nazis, V'''· instance of a series of false representa their imprisonment "destabilizes work The story is not inherently unbelievable. tions to various gedolim about what ing relationships with the Japanese legal But there is no evidence that the tragic their peers had said. At one point, in authorities, and are detrimental to the incident described ever occurred. a long me1norandum on those events, legal proceedings:' It does not take much I have no idea as to the origins of Rabbi Sherer reports how Rabbi Moshe to figure out why. lf prison officials the story or how it achieved such wide Feinstein was "almost in tears" at the bend their rules or interpret them with disse1nination. But, again, I assume the way his name had been falsely used. great latitude to help make the situa motivations of all concerned were the No doubt, those misrepresenting the tion of the bachurim more bearable, it very best. Perhaps the story was used to opinion of Rabbi Feinstein and others obviously does not help matters if they raise funds for the fledgling Bais Yaakov were convinced that they were acting subsequently learn that all their efforts movement in America. lesheim Shamayim. have been ignored and they have been It might have been difficult to dis Temptations to distort or exagger falsely portrayed like sadistic prisoner cern any negative consequences fro1n ate always abound. A biographer, for of war guards in World War II propa- disseminating the story in the 1950s, instance, faces such temptations to
8 I THE JEWISH OBSERVER
Even where it is impossible to of his chinuch should be. Rabbi Steinman 1' replied simply: Emes. "Distance yourself , point to any clear cut damage, from every false thing" (Shemos 23,7), , something precious is lost every Rabbi Steinman was saying, must be the centerpiece of our education of 1
time we lie or distort the truth: our children, until uttering a false- 1' hood or engaging in deception becomes the level of trust between people, unthinkable for them, a davar ma'us ' which is one of the best measures (something disgusting). And that will I only happen for our children when it
of the health of a particular society. becomes unthinkable for us as well. 1· In a famous essay written during the . Great Depression (and recently trans- liven up the story frequently. We are currency- the words that we speak to lated in these pages), Rabbi Elchanan I not talking about making up stories, one another. Perhaps in recognition of Wasserman, ·pn, describes the break-
I but rather, about occasionally filling the far-reaching consequences of every down of the world economy of his II I in certain blanks beyond what the lie, the Gemara entertains the possibil- time as a function of the loss of trust. ' evidence will bear or a slight shift in ity that knowingly signing a fraudulent He attributes that loss of trust, midda 1' 'I nuance. Sometimes, the filling in might contract also falls under the rule "allow keneged midda, to a loss of emuna in I involve an educated guess based on oneself to be killed rather than trans- Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Perhaps it is . I everything the biographer knows about gress" - along with murder, idolatry, and also true that when we fail to act as the [' . the subject. immorality (Kesubos l 9a). children of the One Whose seal is Truth, I But here, too, the potential damage A visitor from abroad recently that we trigger, midda keneged midda, a r· .I' is far greater than any possible benefit. brought his son to Rabbi Aharon Leib more generalized loss of trust and the , , If one person reads the book and has Steinman, and asked him what the focus chaos that follows. ffiJ personal knowledge that one of those I I educated guesses is inaccurate, he will r: ------:1 : I conclude that everything in the book is I . I similarly exaggerated or distorted. And I 1
I he will likely share his opinion with oth- I I 1' I ers.Notonlywillthesubjectofthebook I IS YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS PRINTED I
be diminished unfairly, but the whole INCORRECTLY ON THE JO MAILING LABEL? 1' genre of biographies of great figures I We need your help to ensure proper delivery of the Jewish Observer to your home. I , will be discredited. And if that happens, I Please attach current mailing label in the space below, or print dearly your address and I '
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figures of the past is diminished. I 1' In the above examples, it is possible I , to point to certain negative conse- 1 quences from distortions and exaggera- I Affix old label here I 1 tions, though the damage in each case I I is increasingly less certain or tangible. I I! But even where it is impossible to point Name------to any clear cut damage, something pre- I [' cious is lost every time we lie or distort I New Address . the truth: the level of trust between peo- I City, · pie, which is one of the best measures of I the health of a particular society. I State, ______Zip
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has consequences far beyond its imme- I Please allow 4-6 weeks for all changes to be reflected on your mailing label. We will not 1· L be responsible for back issues missed unless you notify us 6 weeks prior to your move. .J Lte impact; it devalues the_b_a_s_ic_s_o_c-ia_l ___-__ -__ -__ -__ -__ -_-~ _ - ~-~~------~--9-'I 1 1 0 1.-·-----,J)-U_R_s_lTN_'.:-'.-:-H- N_E-:1-.:-~-:;;;:;;;.;;;K T;;;s;;;,Hw;;;:;;;/;;;:;;;:;;; ...... "":,;;;.',;;;:=,;;;:;;;:;;;.h;;;:;;;:;;;s t;;;:;;;:;-tc-:-g.-.~-:.-, t-:-,·-,-..-om-'-:.-1a_n_d_s-to.-_.___c-~=l
build the Mishkan and its keilim (t~~ §flgct~ary and itsvessds),recor~jtsco1~pletion in the Midbar, and then prescribe the ~ar[Janos (offerings} tl}at were to be brought in its Sflcreq confines. This,then, is an appropriate tim.e to.reflect onthe-~uncti?n o[t~e ~iniature .• sanctuary--themikdash me'at-' thatis the igeaLJewish home. 'fhe articles that follow explore some oft~e.s~iri~~ald~~egs.ion~.of•. the shid(iuch proces~, o~c>1· guidancein regard to enhancing shalom bayis, and highlight the obstacles and joys experienced in raising children in today's cha)lengiµg society,
OF 'REALITY &FANTASY IN SHIDDUCHIM
UNITING IN PURSUIT OF Tov
ABBI MOSHE CHAIM LUZATTO, one of the greatest Jewish thinkers, says hat Hakadosh Baruch Hu created the world as a means for giving expres ion to His goodness. We are expected to go in His ways. Let us see how this operates. V\That constitutes a good person? A common response is that a particular indi vidual is phenomenal because he wouldn't hurt a fly. A Torah perspective qualifies someone as a good individual if he is involved in performing good deeds. For an instructive source we look to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Who is the ultimate good, possesses infinite good, and continues to recreate this world in order to share His Based on a presentation at a tov with others. workshop on "More Perfect "Ki amarti olam chessed yibaneh - the foundation of this world is kindness and Unions" at the recent National chessed." This means that the entire universe - trillions of stars, billions of human Convention of Agudath Israel beings - was created in order for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to share His good with us! of America, by Rabbi Shmuel Rashi, in his commentary on Chumash, quotes the Midrash that states that Adam Dishon, Menaheil of Mosdos was originally created as a combination of male and female - on opposite sides - Yad Yisroel d'Karlin-Stolin possessing an ability to procreate, so humanity could continue into the future. But then Hakadosh Baruch Hu said: "Lo tov heyos ha'adam levado - It is not good for the man to be alone" (Bereishis 2,18). Hashem could have said that it was ra- bad for man to be alone. Why" lo tov"? Because every ra has a miniscule amount of tov
10 THE JEWISH OBSERVER
In His wisdom, Hakadosh I Baruch Hu divided Adam into two entities, each with different attributes. Chazal underscored these differences as being meant to complement each other and, together, to form one joint being.
in it. But levado - being permanently sheleimus kisheleimus chassan vekalla. am at the epitome of peace. But that is alone- is lo tov; it possesses no element There is no sense of wholeness like that not shalom. That is selfishness. Shalom of good whatsoever. experienced by a chassan and kalla." prevails when one overcomes difficulties If someone is always levado, he There are differences, yes, and different and unites with someone else, creating becomes a self-centered individual with character traits, indeed, but with the one harmonious entity. no ability to share his tov with others - understanding that the chassan and kalla I once met a professional - a very no capability of loving, no capacity to are meant to complement one another, fine individual, but not frum - who give, no compassion to care. This would and together overcome difficulties and confronted me: "I just learned of be in complete contradiction with the challenges. Thus, under the chuppa we the demands of family purity young purpose of Creation. say a beracha, "Blessed are You ... [Who] couples are expected to honor right In His wisdom, Hakadosh Baruch Hu creates the man." This is "the man" that after their wedding." He looked me divided Adam into two entities, each Hakadosh Baruch Hu designed: zachar straight in my eyes, and asked, "Do with different characteristics, different unekeiva, male and female, "'Arith the you believe that they honor these attributes. Chazal underscored these understanding that each needs the other. restrictions?" differences as being meant to comple With this mutual appreciation, there is I asked him, "And what do you ment each other and, together, to form no holier concept than the love that each say?" one joint being. has for the other. There is no "!" and His answer. "No way!" there is no <(you"; there is only awe." I told him, "I really understand OF HAPPINESS AND This is the ultimate wish of Hakadosh you. From where you come from, CHALLENGES Baruch Hu - that from such a union, a No way." child be created who has the attributes of I then added, "There's a big dis e seek simchas hachayim, to both mother and father. Combining the agreement if President Bush sent experience joy and happiness two is a challenge, but then, isn't meet enough arms and ammunition with W in life. What does "being ing challenges what life is all about? the first group of soldiers in Iraq. happy" en tail? "Kol hasharui belo isha sharui be'lo After all, a president can make a mis The Maharal says that simcha results shalom - He who lives without a wife take. If Hakadosh Baruch Hu sends from sheleimus, a sense of feeling whole, lives without peace" (Talmud). Just the us to war, however, He equips us with I oom11I"' ChMol kll "" ">fo kcM opposite, some may argue. I - by myself- the necessary arms and ammunition 11 A I> R I J, 2 0 0 9
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12 L..--~------In 1956, Rav Hutner, ?":
Pesach, and have to make certain that we put a kittel on a chassan before the ity, as friends and guides to those who I' the begged doesn't get stained." chuppa. As long as our lives are based need our help, to focus on reality and The rebbe realized that the on the Shulchan Aruch, as long as the not fantasy. With proper guidance, with , Chassid thought that his response guidance that we receive is based on the proper siyatta diShemaya, may we con I was lighthearted, so he went on to Shulchan Aruch, as long as everybody tinue to build doros yesharim bederech 1 involved in trying to help chassanim Llain_.__ _ Yisr_o_e_ls_a_b_b_a. ______j STRIVING FOR THE BAYIS NE'EMAN BEYISROEL I Our agenda in regard to marriage is to see how we can enhance kedushas habayis. We must bear in mind that a key factor in kedushas habayis is an element that permeates all of our lives - our bitachon Bashem. With that in mind, we operate on a different level.
WHEN SEARCHING Is THE GOAL is a difference between a bikush (seek ing) in ruchniyus (the spiritual realm) RE THERE WAYS in which we can and a bikush in gashmiyus (the material enhance our efforts in making domain). When somebody is looking for A shidduchim? something in gashmiyus, he's seeking We Jews have a different approach to find his way out of poverty, or he's to life than the rest of the world. We striving for good health, or he's search continuously search for Hashem's pres ing for ways to gain freedom from his Based on a presentation ence and guidance in all that we do. enemies. Not only does he hope to find at a workshop on And indeed, we see His Hashgacha salvation, but he hopes to put an end to "More Perfect Unions" Prattis (detailed control), and we ask for the bikush. at the recent National siyatta diShmaya in all our undertakings. VVhen it comes to ruchniyus and one Convention of Agudath "Dirshu Hashem ve'uzo, bakshu panav is mevakeish Hashem, the bikush is not tamid. Seek Hashem and His power, and merely a means to an end, it is an end Israel of America, search unceasingly for His Presence" in and of itself. One strives to be zocheh by Rabbi Yeruchom Pitter, (Divrei Hayamim I, 16,11)). (merit) to constantly be mevakeish Mashgiach of the In regard to the key word bakshu/ Hashem, for that is a Jew's purpose Mesivta of Long Beach. search, the Malbim explains that there throughout his life.
14 Our agenda in regard to marriage duct ourselves in a similar vein. It is not is to see how we can enhance kedushas a matter of gashmiyus, as in the worldly I habayis, the sanctity of the Jewish home. perspective. We have our own rnehalech, We must bear in mind that a key fac our own protocol. tor in kedushas habayis is an element In some ways, seeking a shidduch I that permeates all of our lives - our is similar to how one views earning a bitachon Bashem, our trust in Hashem. livelihood. With that in mind, we operate on a We learned that when Adam Harishon different level. was expelled from Gan Eiden, he was I Some twenty years ago, I had occasion told, "With the sweat of your brow you to visit Eretz Yisroel. I took the opportu shall eat bread." The free ride is over. nity to consult Harav Shach on a personal It is now time for hishtadlus (personal matter. My oldest two children are girls. effort) in parnassa. If you do not exert One was 13, the other, 12 years old. My effort, you will not receive anything. But I oldest daughter was born with a birth at the same time, one must believe that defect, and her life was a little different. hishtadlus is only a game. The results (She is here in this room now, and she will are determined by Hashem, just as they I be presenting her experiences and insights were before Adam was sent out of Gan tomorrow in a session for women.) The Eiden. Only they are not so obvious now Unde Moishy, Dedi younger sister was born a regular child, as they were then. Avrohom fried, I having natural development. Anticipating We demonstrate our belief and trust the forthcoming years, when we would be in Hashem by refraining from work on and other leading involved in shidduchim, I described the Shabbos. We will earn whatever has been Jewish entertainers I situation to the Rosh Yeshiva and asked determined by Hashem. This balance are available him what we should do. between effort and firm belief is equally to visit He replied: "You should start with active when it comes to shidduchim. the older one, and have your sights on a seriously ill situation that would complement hers - children NOT ON OUR OWN thanks to perhaps with some kind of a disability. I If, in fact, it doesn't happen, and the e are not left on our own. We SIMCHAS CHAVA ··~c:;.>ft second child comes of age, explain to are not lost in this maze of: """"n"v :li'Vt 'i n:i: rnn ''" AChessed - project run by your daughter that it would be a great W What shall I do? With whom Agudarh Israel of Amerka I zechus for her to allow her younger sister shall I start? What shall I ask? What is in conjunction with Suki & Ding Productions 'J to get involved in shidduchim. And this important! We are not lost. In all such To set up an appointment, call: , f.· · , attitude ofaccommodation should prevail situations, we have a rule:" She' al avicha (212) 797-9000 Ext.235. I further." veyageidcha zekeinecha veyomeru Zach - Rav Shach then added something of Ask your father, and he will inform you; profundity. "Tell your daughters that a your elders, and they will tell you:' We Eretz Yisroel's shidduch is never a body with a body. have rebbei'im and madrichim (men Most Reliable Shomer Shabbos j It's always a neshama with a neshama. tors) who guide us. and English Speaking Car Service So whether the guf (body) is shaleim The following comments are not (perfect) or not, the shidduch is still on meant as a mussar shmuess, sharing V1Siting Israel? Need Transport? exactly the same level - a neshama with abstract concepts. My experience has -CHOOSE- a neshama." shown me, time and time again, that Menashe Sophers And then he quipped, "If Rabbi Akiva when we follow our madrichim and we Aiipon & Limousine Service I Eiger's rebbetzin would not have wanted listen to what they have to say, we can to marry a hunchback, imagine what she only gain. With their guidance in shid Celebrating 12 years of unbeatable service! would have forfeited!" duchim, the results are truly beautiful. QL'R EFFICIENT ENGLISH-SPEAKING OFFICE STAFF, FULLY-LICENSED, INSURED & AlR-CONDlTlONED VA.,.,.S, I When we are engaged in shidduchim, They last. They endure. DRIVEN BY )EWISH, POLITE DRIVERS, we are involved in kedusha similar to the Someone posed a rather unusual ARE TAILOR-MADE FOR ALL OCCASIONS kohein gadol who goes in to the kodesh she'eila to Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, l. 718.360.5083 or 972.2.533.3425 hakadashim - the Temple's innermost which he included in his published I sanctum - on Yorn Hakippurim, and She'eilos Uteshuvos. "In our quest for puts on bigdei lavan - the white ritual shidduchim, could we devise some garments - in reverence. We must con- way that a young man and young I I ~ ------. MARCH 2009
WHEN KEDUSHA PREVAILS woman could spend time together in which they comport themselves as deally, the courtship relationship though they were a married couple, during a shidduch, followed by the in a manner that would not violate I engagement period, should result in yichud restrictions nor halacha? marriage in which kedusha prevails in Wouldn't that be a good idea?" the life of this man and woman. Reh Moshe rejects the plan, say In his classic sefer) Tomer Devora, ing that this is not derech Yisroel Rabbi Moshe Cordovero, the rebbi of Sabha - it goes against our estab the Ariza/, says at the end: "Hasharui lished, sacred traditions. At the end belo isha kime'at she'ein lehaShechina of the letter, he says: "My dear friend, shaichus imo - Someone who does not when you look for a shidduch, make have a wife is almost totally removed certain that she is pleasing in her from having a connection with the appearance, in her family, and in Shechina." How could that be? her reputation. Then have trust in The sefer describes in great detail the Hashem that she is the one who has 13 middos (principal traits) of Hakadosh been designated for you in Heaven. Baruch Hu. This was not meant as an Once these elements are in order, esoteric mystical study. It was intended employ the midda of bitachon:' to serve as a basis for a Jew to fulfill the Just as in regard to Shabbas mitzvah of" Vehalachta bidrachav-And Kodesh, you do not go to work on you shall go in His ways;' which requires that day, and you take a risk, saying, us to en1ulate Hashem Yisbarach in our "I'll have whatever I need, because conduct. that is what Hashem in His wisdom A Jew is expected to pattern himself has decreed;' we approach a shid "Tell your after the middos of Hashem. When he duch with the very same reverence daughters that a is giving, when he is caring, when he and trust. "Pleasing in appearance, is tolerant, when he concedes his own family, reputation ...." shidduch is never rights because he loves others, he is Of course, one n1ust have a system a body with a acting in this magnanimous n1anner for exploring, investigating, fact-finding because he is going in Hashem's ways. in these areas. Hopefully, parents can do body. It's always After all, He is malei rachamim (full of that for the principals. They should be mercy and compassion). Jn fact, when convinced that this individual is a very a neshama with someone is violating one of Hashem's good prospect for their child. But they a neshama. So commands - for instance, the person is should assign priorities to each area. eating a cheeseburger- the Ribbono she! 'When one shoots arrows at a target, whether the gut is Olam actually gives him the ability to the bull's eye is worth 500 points. As shaleim or not, the chew it and swallow it without suffering one moves outward, the shot is valued any harm. The person is acting in defi at 450, 400, 350, 300 ... until the end. shidduch is still on ance of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, but His The periphery of the target is the least hope is that this individual may one day valuable. exactly the same do teshuva. Mi Keil kamocha - who is When looking for a shidduch, the level - a neshama like You, Ribbono she/ Olam, possessing n1ost important elements are in the such benevolence, such kindness. bull's eye. Other items are on the with a neshama." Tomer Devora points out that when periphery. It is very important to be ·RAV SHACH we pattern ourselves after the middos of discriminatory, to understand what is Hashem, our conduct activates that very vital, what is important, and what is on same type of treatment from Hashem, the periphery. min haShamayim, and we are the recipi I could relate many stories where ents of that same kindness, that very things did not move ahead because From hands-on experience, I want same love from its Divine Source. people held everything in the same line. to stress: Look for evidence of yiras The association that one has with His hat has such a kneitch in it, so forget Shamayim, appreciation of the supreme one's spouse is different from any asso about him - as if it were the equivalent importance of Torah, as well as middos ciation that one has ever had or ever of lacking in middos (positive character tovos. Other elements should be put will have. It is not the same as that traits). on reserve. of parents and children; it is not the
16 ______.... r=---- TH E JEWISH OBSERVER
When Reb Shlomo Zalman approached his apartment in the morning, after davening, he paused before a pane of glass that was in the door, and straightened out his beard. He tidied himself up, and remarked that he was going to be mekabeil p'nei haShechina.
same as that of siblings, chavrusos or mother. He knows that the evening as an understanding, tolerant, gener I roommates. That is because all of the will not proceed as planned. ous, wonderful, beautiful soul, with the aforementioned do not violate one's "I'm sorry," she says. "My mother Shechina gracing their home. I reshus hayachid (private domain) the had to go to the drugstore to pick When Rabbi Shlomo Zalman way a spouse does. Living together as up medicine.)) Auerbach, .,.. :it. was maspid (eulo I man and wife compromises each one's He grits his teeth and thinks to gized) his wife, he did not ask her for privacy- and that is putting it mildly. himself, "Why couldn't your sis mechila (forgiveness), as is custom I ter take her to the drugstore?" He ary. Afterwards, people asked him MARRIAGE - THE MEASURE squelches it. why he did not mention mechila. He I OF MIDDOS Tovos Is that middos tovos? said that he had thought about it, but There's yet another level. Zalman he couldn't think of anything that he I hen the Torah requires a Jew comes in and sees the situation as is. had to ask her forgiveness for. to develop middos tovos, the "If it is this way, I guess it's gotta be Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky told I W Torah is not simply instruct this way." No anger. No irritation. me that when Reh Shlomo Zalman ing you to help the lady cross the street; Real middos tovos. approached his apartment in the I or when you see that son1eone has a flat, These kind of interactions are every morning, after davening, he paused to help him change his tire; or to give day, every hour, every minute, between before a pane of glass that was in tzeddaka or be mevakeir choleh (visit wives and husbands. As others have the door, and straightened out his the sick). In demanding of someone to explained so eloquently, the purpose of beard. He tidied himself up, and have proper middos, the Torah is asking: Creation is for each of us to be a nosein, remarked that he was going to be VVhat is your automatic reflexive response a giver to emulate the Borei Ola1n, mekabeil p'nei haShechina - receive to every situation? This is evident in a the Ultimate Giver. The crucial testing the Presence of the Shechina. situation where nobody knows what ground for this kind of conduct is the Why did he not say "p'nei Elokim" that inner response is except you and relationship between man and wife. or "p'nei Hashem"? He was expressing the Ribbono she/ Olam. At a bris, we express to the parents himself with the words of the Tomer the wish that just as they ushered him Devora: "He who lacks a wife will be Zalman has an appointment at into his bris, so may he attain Torah, distant from the Shechina." 7:15 on a specific night; it is very chuppa, and ma'asim tovim (good In marriage, we must pass the test important. He tells his wife two deeds). At a recent bris, my young of middos tovos. To be domeh Leilokim. months in advance: "On this night, bar mitzah bachur son asked me, Ma Hu rachum af attah rachum .... on this date, supper has to be ready "Tatty, there's a mistake. It should As He is merciful so should you be at 6:30 because if I'm late, who knows say leTorah, lema'asim tovim, and merciful .... what's going to happen?" They talk then chuppa, because a bar mitzvah Marriage is the testing ground. It about it every week, the week before, boy is chayav (obligated) in ma'asim is the place to grow, to endure. It calls and the day before. On the crucial tov. Chuppa comes later." for loyalty, for a sense of well-being. It day ... he comes in from work at He is correct - the obligation starts requires self-respect and self-esteem, 6:30 p.m. He enters the house - the then. But the real test comes afterwards. and it needs siyatta diShmaya. Not on l RABBI Dovm ELIAS I ~ I I Guardians of the Nation's Sanctuaries THE WIFE AND THE HOUSE Understood by many of the commentar The kalla makes HE TALMUD in MasechtaShabbos ies as a dispute over whether or not their circuits around quotes a puzzling statement in son Yaakov should be dependent upon Tthe name of Rav Yosi: "In all Eisav for his physical needs, here again it the chassan when my days, I never referred to my wife as is the matriarch's vision that Providence she reaches my wife; rather, I referred to her as my favors; the berachoswere to go to Yaakov, bayis - my home." What is the signifi with no involvement by Eisav. thechuppa cance of this change in nomenclature? And so it was in the next generation. Does it truly compliment a woman In Parashas Vayeitzei, Yaakov is explicitly to graphically when she is called a home? told by a rnalach in a dream that the symbolize her I once heard my rash yeshiva, Rabbi time has come to leave the house of Shmuel Kamenetsky, N"1>'7\v, comment Lavan, and Yaakov goes out to the field preparedness to on this in relation to the well-known to consult in detail with Rachel and create those custom of the kalla making circuits Leah, apparently leaving the ultimate around her chassan when she reaches decision in their hands. walls of security the chuppa. It has been said in the name of Rabbi But let us digress for a moment. Yitzchok Hutner, '>"~!,that whereas the around the home In Parashas Vayeira, our matriarch positive values of Torah, avoda, and that they are Sarah asks Avraham Avinu to send away gemillas chassadin1 were ingrained into his son, Yishmael. Although Avraham Kial Yisroelby the patriarchs, the protec jointly erecting. has serious misgivings on the matter, he tion of the integrity of our People and is nevertheless told by Hashem to listen its insulation fro1n the alien influences to whatever Sarah has to say. of the society without remained the RAlll~I ELIAS IS ROSH KOl,f,EL AT MON1'REAL'S Kou.Et. KESSER TORA!-! - RADOMSI\. I-IE RECENTLY Fast-forward to Parashas Toldos, domain of the matriarchs. Thus, when ADDRESSED A GATl-IER!NG OF SEMINARY STUDENTS where, once again, we find a difference it came to protecting Yitzchak from the VISITING THE CITY. THE ABOVE ARTICLE IS BASED of opinion between a patriarch and influence of Yishmael, it was Sarah's ON HIS REMARKS. matriarch, this time, Yitzchak and Rivka. concern that was preeminenti when it 18 THE JEWISH OBSERVER I came to guarding the future of Yaakov then is it so clearly customary to divide Sarah, three miracles returned that had from the input ofEisav, it was the opin these responsibilities in this manner? been absent since her passing. There ion of Rivka that carried the day; and Rabbi Shimon Schwab,., .. ,.,, explained was a beracha in the bread dough, the when the time came to free the house that the purpose of the Chanukah lights candles remained lit from Erev Shabbos ofYaakov from the influence of Lavan, is pirsumei nissa, publicizing the miracle to Erev Shabbos, and a cloud cover the final decision was in the hands of of the one-day supply of oil that lasted appeared upon the tent. It has been Rachel and Leah. eight days, which involved illumina noted that these three miracles parallel Returning to the Gemara in Masechta tion in the outside world. Although the qualities evident in three vessels Shabbos, let us bear in mind that the both men and women are obligated in of the Mishkan. The lechem hapannim term "bayis'' implies an entity enclosed this endeavor, the primary obligation placed upon the shulchan would stay by walls, as we find in Hilchos Tefilla: lies upon the man, with the woman fresh for a full week, the neir ma'aravi "One should always pray in a place in a secondary role. Thus, it is he who (western-most lamp) of the menorah enclosed by walls, not like Avraham lights, while she fulfills her obligation would remain constantly kindled, and who referred to his place of prayer through him. When, however, it comes the annan haketores (incense cloud) as har - a mountain - and not like to the Shabbos candles, whose function would be visible upon the mizbei'ach. Yitzchak, who referred to his place of is shalom bayis, illuminating the home The message is not lost on us. The prayer as a sadeh - a field - but like within, and once again, a responsibility nature of the home of the matriarchs Yaakov, who referred to his place of shared by both man and woman, here it was that of a mikdash n1e'at, a miniature prayer as a bayis. is the woman who occupies the primary sanctuary reflecting the radiant glory This, explained Rabbi Kamenetsky, is role, and the man fulfills his obligation of the Mikdash itself. Additionally, it the meaning of referring to one's wife as with her lighting. would appear that this accomplish her husband's bayis. For indeed, it is the The erection of figurative walls and ment is attributed to the matriarchs wife who is charged and entrusted with the spiritual illumination of the home in particular - despite the presence the crucial responsibility of erecting and within expresses itself in the norms of Avraham Avinu, the miracles were maintaining those figurative walls that acceptable within the home, the stan absent; they needed a Sarah or a Rivka protect the tranquil and sanctified oasis dards of literature and forms of enter to bring them about. of the home, separating the atmosphere tainments that enter the home - indeed, This, then, is the awesome privilege I within from the tumultuous, foreign even the unspoken value system that and responsibility that falls primarily spirit of the outside world. creates and fashions the very atmo upon the woman of the house. May all I Perhaps, he suggested, this may be sphere of the home. who aspire to that mandate of building the reason for the widespread custom mishkanos be granted the fulfillment I of the kalla making circuits around WHERE BERACHOS PREVAIL of the prayer of Moshe Rabbeinu at the the chassan as when she reaches the consecration of the Mishkan: "May the I I chuppa - to graphically symbolize her ashi in Parashas Chayei Sarah sweetness of Hashem be upon us, and i preparedness to create those walls of teaches us that upon the arrival may He allow the work of our hands to security around the home that they are Rof Rivka lmeinu to the tent of become firmly established:' fill I jointly erecting. I I I THE CANDLE LIGHTING IMAGE i e are all familiar with the WORlDWIDf tf llPHONf Rf NTAlS I image of the woman of the W house lighting the Shabbos Incoming Calls FREE in many countries! I candles, and we are familiar as well with the picture of the man in the house kin • Lowest rates for Israel & Europe I dling the Chanukah lights. Yet, it is clear • Overnight nationwide shipping that the obligation of lighting Shabbos I • Student & Group discounts candles as well as the obligation to light PHONE RENTAL I the Chanukah menorah are binding • Corporate accounts welcome 50% OFF upon both men and women. When there F'ro"'o Code i008 is no woman in the home, the man will light Shabbos candles, and when there 1.877.CELLPHONE is no man in the home, the woman will TravelCell' I Global Cellular Rental Solutions www.travelcell.com c~c~-nukah menorah, so why 19 I=-: STRIVING FOR THE BAYIS NE'EMAN BEYISROEL 1 ~ov FINKELSTEIN, LMSW What is Shalom Bayis? WHY CAN'T WE EVER JUST TALK? Baruch is sitting by himself after having a conversation with his wife Chava. I feel like I can never have a discussion with Chava. Every time we start to talk about an area of disagreement, it ends up in a fight. I've tried all the communication techniques taught in marriage books, and they aren't helping! I feel so frustrated. I wish there were a way for us to talk that didn't end in a fight or silence. Baruch needs help. He can't discuss anything with Chava without her getting defensive. What can Baruch do to have a more successful conversation? To answer Baruch's question, we have to understand the definition of shalom bayis. SHALOM BAYIS ABBI ISAAC SHER writes that there is a common mis conception regarding peace: R "People think peace is applicable only when there's a fight; however, in Chaza~ the concept of peace has a broader defmition:, He then quotes the Gemara: "What does 'He redeemed my soul with peace (pada veshalom nafshi)' mean? Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, 'Whoever engages in Torah Dov FINKELSTEIN IS A SOCIAL WORKER AT THE SEPHARDIC BIKUR HOLIM study and in acts of kindness, and davens with the con AND MAINTAINS A PRIVATE PRACTICE. HE SPECIAUZ£S IN MARITAL gregation, 1 deem it as if that person redeemed Me and THERAPY AND ANXIETY DISORDERS. HE HAS POST-GRADUATE TRAINING My children from amongst the nations of the world:" JN WORKING WITH COUPLES FROM THE ACKERMAN iNST!TllTF. OF THE That is, through peace, Torah and acts of kindness, it is ' FAMILY. HE LEARNED IN THE MIR YERUSHALAYlM, AND GIVES S/UURIM IN RABBI RUTNER'S SHUL IN BROOKLYN. as if one has redeemed Hashem and Kial Yisroel from exile. (Berachos Sa) J 20 THE JEWISH OBSERVER I Shalom bayi$ dee$ no.t mean makin9 peace with vaur spouse when there has been a ti9ht. Rather. sllalom bayis means creatin9 an atmosphere wllere Child Development Specialists there is a 9eneral feelin9 et respect" Helping Infants &Toddlers with Developmental Delays and Disabilities censideration and appreciati.on. "Rashi is bothered by a ques world. We see from here that a life tion. How does the word 'shalom' of peace is incomparably better than (peace) allude to engaging in Torah making peace, and stopping fights study and acts of kindness? Rashi before they start is better then put explains that Torah is called peace, ting fights out." ( Likut Sichos Mussar, as the passuk says, 'Its ways are ways vol I, pg. 68) of pleasantness and all its paths are From these beautiful words of Rabbi peace.' (Mishlei 3, 17). Acts of kind Isaac Sher, a new understanding of ness are also acts of peace because shalom bayis emerges. Shalom bayis [Rashi explains]: 'When a person does not mean making peace with your does physical acts of kindness for his spouse when there has been a fight. friend, his friend realizes that he is Rather, shalom bayis means creating loved, and this promotes friendship an atmosphere where there is a general and peace.' feeling of respect, consideration and Evaluation and a full range of "This Gemara teaches us that appreciation. Therapeutic Services provided peace not only is applicable after a at our Center or in the privacy fight. Rather, peace refers to a way MEET DR. GOTTMAN of life. This way of life is a life of of your home pleasantness that does not leave ne of the leading experts in Bilingual Services Available any room for an argument to begin marriage counseling today is Services are provided based on the child's needs in the first place. Thus, a person 0 Dr. John Mordechai Gottman as detennined by the NYC Early Intervention who follows the pleasant path of Ph.D., an Orthodox Jew who appears at Program. The Early Intervention Official will the Torah and its ways of peace is conferences around the world wearing detennine the location and provider of any needed services. This Early Intervention planting pleasantness and spreading a yarmulke. Program is funded & regulated by the NYC Dept peace. Similarly, a person who acts Dr. Gottman developed a novel o!Health & Mental Hygiene. kindly toward his friend evokes in way to research marriages. He cre his friend feelings of friendship, and ated an apartment at the University Offices: causes there to be more peace in the of Washington and invited couples Executive 649 Thirty-Ninth Street Brooklyn, New York 1123 2 Queens Office: 70-14 141 st Street Flushing, New York 11367 SERVING BROOKLYN, QUEENS, STATEN ISLAND &MANHATTAN ,1JYIY!~£b!!l!!DIS;:!i,,ssm10; 21 r-=------;;;;;;·;;;;;;--;;;;;;-;;;;;;-;;;;;;M;;;;;A;;;;;;R=C ;;;;;;;H=2=0 ;;;;;;;0;;;;;;9=;;;;------=l I The couples that were able to remain calm during disagreements were those that talked to each other regularly about their days, extended compliments, and would pay attention when their spouses spoke. to spend a day there. He had a video married over the long haul. As he says not speaking for the rest of the day or camera filming the couple throughout it, 'Tm just plagiarizing what happily get into an argument. What was the dif the day. The couple received a question married couples do." ference between these couples? naire before they came to the apartment, Dr. Gott1nan noticed an interesting Dr. Gottman found that both sets of which pinpointed their strengths and phenomenon. Some couples were able couples struggled with the same issues weaknesses as a couple. He then fol to discuss their differences and areas of (money, parenting styles, in-laws, etc.). lowed these couples for the next I 0 years disagreen1ents without the conversation He could not understand why some to study the traits of the couples who becoming an argument. It was not as if couples could keep their conversations remained happily married. Based on his the discussion was pleasant, but so1ne cool during disagreements, while others observations, he developed a theory on how those couples were able to continue could not. marriage that replicates the marriages on with their day. Other couples with This continued until he examined of people who were able to stay happily the same conversation would end up the couple's marital friendship. The couples that were able to re1nain calm during disagreements were those that talked to each other regularly about their days, extended compliments, and would pay attention when their spouses spoke. In general, they had twenty positive interactions for every negative interac tion) and in tin1es of disagree1nent, a five-to-one ratio. The couples whose disagreements turned into argun1ents, however, had not spent adequate tin1e developing their marital friendship. 1'heir positive-to-negative ratio was considerably lower. (The Marriage Clinic by J. M. Gottman, pp. 59-61) Most of us have several areas that coin- 11 pete for our tiine and attention. When L .,_ e B a l ance these areas are in harn1ony, you will ADVICE FOR BARUCH ifi• experience a \?>!lli1 nn1ln - peace of A Life·Coacb mind - 1naking you a more effective, happier person. he advice for Baruch is now clear. can help you In 2-3 n1onths, using weekly private phone sessions you can learn to The reason why he is having develop and effectively take control of your life. trouble is because he has not HOW MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE AND ENHANCED T ma in t a i n a WOULD YOUR LIFE BE WITH BETfER LIFE BAIANCE? been spending enough time developing wholesome WHY COACHING? Improving one's life 1neans making change; and his friendship with his wife. He has to balance people need support and structure to keep distractions and obstacles from start asking about her day, be more com between the swan1ping their dreains ai1d goals. Coaching provides that solid framework plimentary) and pay more attention to of support and structure. important what she finds important. After Baruch areas of I ha\'C over thirty years experience in helping people fulfill their dreams, have authored books, articles and produced cassette programs deepens their shalom bayis (marital your life. on this subject, and have taken special Life-Coach courses. friendship), then and only then can they FREE OFFER - I would be happy to give you a free telephone session. Please discuss areas of disagreement. call USA 845-352-1175 for an appointment. Thank you. - MR. AV! SHULMAN LetuscondudewithaGemara:"Regard Live a Life of Design, Not Default ing the husband who loves his wife like himself and respects her more than himself, the passuk says 'And it will be known that there is peace in his tent!"' fl!! 22 I ST RIV I NG F 0 R TH E BAY IS N E' E MA~ B=-~~~~O E-=------=-i Based on an address by Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon, Mashgiach of Bais Medrash Govoha, Lakewood, NJ, delivered at the recent National Convention of Agudath Israel of America I I I I I SHARING HASHEM'S PAIN HILDREN GOING ASTRAY is a painful phenomenon. In fact, it is the essence of the suffering associated with the current I Cphase of our long galus. Every galus has its unique assortment of anguish. They are Hashem's When pareata are ways of dealing with us, for these painful experiences are designed to bring us closer to the Ribbono she/ Olam. And if the Ribbono she/ be99in9ff~ Olam has chosen, in these last steps of ikvesa deMeshicha, to give us W•'-'•h and aeeldng this particular pain, then we must determine what the message is and how it can draw each and every one of us closer to Him. aiyatta di$ltle.aya, thev Ghazal tell us that ever since the Ch urban Habayis, all through this bear in mind: l"his le mv terrible galus, the Ribbono she/ Olam Himself has been in great pain, kivyacho/, and therefore every one of us, in his tefillos, should endeavor tuture. aad this le what to be mishtateif- to identify-with the tza'ar haShechina in galus. Thus, when the Ribbono she/ Olam cried out in anguish at the beginning of we're here fQr. NQthine our galus, "Banim gidalti veromamti ... I raised and uplifted [My] (see elae matte1s. It cane puts Metzudas Doviti) children and they betrayed Me," Kial Yisroel should have felt that pain and should have responded immediately, "Tatteh, his heart in sueh tetlll-., we are sorry and we want to return and be loyal to You." then thereat Unfortunately, Kial Yisroe/ did not hear the message. So Hashem decided that the only way was to let wUIGQtne .. them personally feel the pain that, kivyacho/, He is going through. What does it mean that when children rebel, and how does it feel when all our efforts to reconcile are in vain? In our generationj -. Hashem is acting out the message of"Banim gidalti veromamti, veheim pashe'u bi;' so that we can feel Hashem Yisbarach's pain on our own backs. And, while we're at it, we should ask ourselves: Are we, perhaps, in the Ribbono she/ Olam's Eyes, not also at risk? Are we doing all that we should to fulfill the Ribbono she/ Olam'sobjec tives? Are we responding to Hashem MARCH 2009 ======------ you focus on sechar mitzvos, you may · d up being well off, but your children '"ill only thrive when they see the shmak, the relish and the aspiration .r growth reftected in how you perform . #tzvos Hashem wtth dedication. Yisbarach's goodness and kindness? Are Some people blame the parents for they are suffering a spiritual starvation. we saying, "The Ribbono shel Olam loves not understanding their children. Some This, then, is, how we meet their needs. 1ne"? Or are we complaining because feel that the chadarim are to blame. But With tefil/a, which is the underpinning there are certain comforts that we lack? the truth is that we must not underesti of our chinuch. Do we begin to understand what the mate the influence of the street corner, Everybody is aware that when a chas Ribbono she/ Olam wants from us? for that is where the yeitzer hara is to san and kalla stand under the chuppa, Every period in galus has its own be found. That is where leitzanus - their goal is, be'eizer Hashem Yisbarach, trials and tribulations, and has been mockery of all that is holy and precious to have children, to build a family, to labeled accordingly. There were eras of - begins. That is where the children take assume a role in the continuity of Kial pogroms, of the Inquisition, of persecu up the challenges, asking themselves: Are Yisroel. It is not an easy job and calls for tion, of exile. To classify our tekufa of we going to listen to our parents? That preparation. galus, we need only note that the navi is where they get the impudence to be If somebody wants to be a shocheit Yirmeyahu describes a galus situation different from the model projected for (ritual slaughterer), lehavdil ellefhavda that has given it a name: the street them: berosh kol chutzos. los, he must learn all the relevant hala corner. "Tishtapeichna avnei kodesh chos, undergo an extensive bechina berosh kol chutzos - Holy stones are OUR RESPONSE: (test), and receive kabbala (certifica poured out on the street corners." Our TEFILLA AND TEARS tion) that he is a mumcheh (expert): children's precious, holy neshamos are He understands how to check the cha/if there, exposed to the street corners hus, the Ribbono she/ Olam (knife), and how to make bedikos (exam (Eicha 4,1). is talking to us, for the Navi's ine the organs of the animal). Nobody So, also, the Navi summons us: T prophecy has come true. And would trust a shocheit and eat his meat "Kumi roni balaila - Rise up, pray to our recourse is: ((Rise up, pray in the if he had not received kabbala from a the Ribbono she/ Olam in the middle of middle of the night ... and pour out respectable source. the night ... shifchi kamayim libeich - your hearts to Hashem." We must be How, then, do we allow a chassan and pour out your hearts towards Hashem mispalleil for our children and include kalla, totally lacking experience in chi Yisbarach." Cry to Hashem, because our their names in our private requests in nuch, to march to the chuppa, expecting children are swooning from spiritual Shemoneh Esrei ... "for the sake of your to have children, and to be trusted not hunger, falling away"berosh kol chutzos children, wrapped in hunger on the to fail their children? Yet, they are not at every street corner" (Eicha 2,19). street corners," where, Chazal tell us, required to have a certificate for that. From the time of mattan Torah, as well as before, people got married PIN<3II..A..S ~DEE and brought children into the world. Over 5() years experience in Kvurn in Eretz Yisrael Whoever had children was expected Serving the North A1nef/can Public and Funeral Industry to know how to educate them and 7Nl'\!..'~ VlN PN illlJj? 11N ).)j?lj? bring them up, and understand each Personal responsibility throughout service - NOT JUSf "PAPERWORK" individual member of the family. The ORIGINATOR OF THE PRESENT RABBINICALLY APPROVED METHOD first step was to engage in tefilla. The Highly recommended by Gedolai Hador- Here and in Eretz Yisrael Ribbono she/ Olam simplified the pro 162S-42nd Street, Brooklyn, NY 11204 cess: When you beseech Hashem for Day&Nightphone: (718) 851-8925 your needs, you spell it out: "Vesakneinu be'eitza tova milfanecha - set us right )))0'0l'l1~0Nj7 ))l"j7 - )'1:J 1Nl nlr.l::i)) 'll~ Kavod Haniftar with Mesiras Nefesh and compassion for the bereaved family. with good counsel from before You" TAHARAS HANIFTAR SHOULD NEVER BE COMMERCIALIZED (from Hashkiveinu in Maariv). One will encounter effective sources of counsel 24 THE JEWISH OBSERVER and guidance, and come to understand When you Possessing such ahava finds expres I his children, and to perceive that each sion in the way one davens, and that in child is an individual in character and welcome Shabbos turn is transmitted to one's children. needs. And parents, too, are individu with Kiddush in That is the effective catalyst for chi als. When parents are begging Hashem nuch. Yisbarach and seeking siyatta diShemaya, a joyous ni99un, Of course, ma'asim, actions are cru they bear in mind: This is my future, and the children come cial, especially when they resonate with this is what we're here for. Nothing else geshmak, but they do not need to be matters. If one puts his heart in such to appreciate underscored with frequent lectures. tefillos, then the rest will come. The the Shabbos. If With tefilla, one will be zocheh to raise Ribbono she/ Olam set up this world so a dor yesharim yevorach. that parents are capable of understand you start off on ing their children and how to educate the wrong note, APPROACHING THE them, as long as they are sincere - and END OF GALUS one davens, and davens, and davens. however, before Rabbi Yechezkeil Abramsky, 7-in. who was recognized as a gaon and you get started, he Ribbono she/ Olam is talking tzaddik, even in his pre-War Russia you're lost. to us, telling us that we're com years, once walked into the apartment Ting to the end of the galus. And of the Brisker Rav in Yerushalayim. the tza'ar haShechina has not yet been The Rav and his children were sitting addressed. "Banim gidalti ... I raised around the table, and he was giving bisechar mitzvosav." He seeks to do mitz [My] children ... and they have rebelled a shiur. They were all immersed in vos with all his heart, but he does not against Me." We have failed to under his words, their faces shining. yearn for the reward of the mitzvah. stand it. Had we realized it, we would Rabbi Abramsky later asked the A question: What is wrong if a seeker have redirected a lot of the valuable Brisker Rav, "Tell me, what is the sod has sechar mitzvah in mind? It may not time that has been invested in pursuing (secret) of your chinuch, that you be the highest madreiga of lishma - this-world pleasures and distractions. were zocheh that every single child the purest of motives - but he will be If one would truly comprehend this, walks faithfully in your footsteps?" performing the act of the mitzvah most one would have an added geshmak He said," Sod? Chinuch? Tehillim faithfully. After all, there is ample reward in mitzvos. One would be a different I mit trerren." for doing mitzvos shelo lishma, without person, and as such, would serve as an Tehillim with tears. That is the way purest intentions, as well. example for his children, causing them ' to bring up children. From this potent My late rebbi, Rabbi Elya Lopian, 7"llt, to want to go in their parents' footsteps. I combination, one gains an awareness said that the answer lies is in the next And then the street corner kelalla would of how to protect them from harmful passu/c "Gibor ba'aretz yihyeh zaro - His disappear. influences. From this, one gains the sen offspring will be mighty in the land - dor Rabbi Paysach Krohn tells a story: sitivity to understand how to speak to yes ha rim yevorach - [he will merit] an A playgroup in Antwerp has a them - when to rebuke and when not to upright generation who shall be blessed" "Shabbos se'uda" every Erev Shabbos rebuke. From this, one gains the siyatta (ibid. 112,2). with a Shabbos Mommy, a Shabbos diShemaya to inspire them to want to If you focus on sechar mitzvos, you Tatty, and a beautifully set table. The go in their parents' footsteps. And from may end up being well off, but your chil Mommy lights candles and the Tatty this, the Ribbono she/ Olam directly dren will only thrive when they see the makes Kiddush. A "play" event, it inspires them with yiras Shamayim. geshmak, the relish and the aspiration generates a ruach of Shabbos. for growth reflected in how you perform Every week, the children take THE POWER OF PURITY mitzvos Hashem with dedication. turns in the leading roles. One week 1' As the Chazon !sh says in Emuna OF MOTIVE it was Yankele's turn to be Tatty. ,II UBitachon: "Talmidim ubannim lom Everything was ready and every- here is another condition. And dim mima'asav harbei yoseir midvarav. one was standing. The Mommy lit this must go hand in hand with Children and disciples learn much more the candles, and the time came for · Tthe first. It is built on the passuk from how one conducts himself than Yankele to make Kiddush. They 1· "Ashrei ish yerei Hashem- Happy is the from whatever lectures he delivers." poured grape juice in the kos. "Nu, man who fears Hashem - bemitzvosav We plead with Hashem Yisbarach to now say Kiddush:' 1' , chafeitz me'od - who greatly desires His grant us ahavas Torah veyiras Shamayim, "Oy, hub ichgehata shvere voch- , / commandments" ( Tehillim 112,6). The that we should have a love for Torah What a hard week I had." And then I I Midrash comments: '"Bemitzvosav' velo and fear of Heaven. he began, "Yorn Hashish~ M A R C H 2 0 0 9 If that introduction is the weekly of reaching, the more will he realize the When the young man went out of krechtz of Kiddush, then what's going fulfillment of "Gibor ba'aretz yihyeh the room, he turned to Rabbi Chaim to happen to ahavas haShabbos? zaro - His offspring will be mighty in Brim and said, "This yungerman is When you welcome Shabbos with the land - dor yesharim yevorach - [he missing the tears of his mother by Kiddush in a joyous niggun, the children will merit] upright generations who licht bentschen:' come to appreciate the Shabbos. If you shall be blessed." When I was Mashgiach in start off on the wrong note, however, The Ribbono shel Olam is asking one Gateshead, there was a certain bachur before you get started, you're lost. thing from us - tefilla. And we have not who was a less than average student, There's a Chazal on the aforemen yet fulfilled our assignment. Children yet he always managed to get one tioned passuk in Tehillim: " 'Ashrei ish are still swooning at the street corners. of the best bachurim in yeshiva to yerei Hasheni' - Ashrei mi she' oseh tes We must go to those street corners, learn with him bechavrusa. They huva keshehu ish. Fortunate is the one every one of us. We know where to look never lasted more than one z'man, who does teshuva when he's young." and what we'll see .... And then daven. and then they separated. The next The Beis Halevi asks: When a person Especially parents z'man, he would succeed in gaining is a rasha kol yamav (wicked all his life) another bachur from the best. We and does teshuva in his last minutes, we Rabbi Chaim Brim once told me all marveled at his success, even if do not mention any of his aveiros. He is that he was together with the Chazon it was short lived. "clean:' So what is the special fortune of !sh when a yungerman came and One day, the senior Mashgiach, one who does teshuva when young? asked the Chazon !sh, "Rebbi, I've Rabbi Moshe Schwab, came bursting He gives an answer similar to the one been trying so hard for so many into the rebbei'im's room and said, proffered earlier Whenever a person years to learn, and I can't get a "Ich hob der sod - I've learned the does teshuva it will be accepted. But geshmak in learning. Every time, secret! I was walking up the stairs what happens to his children if he only it's an ordeal for me just to sit by to the beis midrash in the yeshiva. does teshuva at the end of his life? the Gemara." [There were open telephones under If one is striving for perfection, the The Chazon !sh sent him away neath the stairs.] I heard this bachur earlier in his life that he achieves the with a beracha and told him, "Learn speaking to his mother: 'Mama, you sheleimus (oerfection) that he is caoable more and it will be e:ood:' can stop saying Tehillim. I found my chavrusa for next z'man."' Let us not blame the schools or OUR STAND the rebbei'im for all of our children's ·~·~ shortcomings. It is galus - galus with NOW YOU CAN a message. PUT THE SPARK BACK "Rise up, pray in the middle of the nights ... and pour out your hearts to IN YOUR INSURANCE. Hashem." Let us feel the tza'ar haShechina. We Call me today to hear about these new are not too small for that. Let us raise optional features, New Car Replacement. our standards. Let us feel the pain of the Accident Forgiveness and Deductible Rewards. Ribbono shel Olam over the years, from the first time that He sent the Navi to (718) 268-1700 say, "I raised and uplifted [My) children and they betrayed Me." Let us say to the Ribbono shel Olam: "We heard the message. You mean us. Yes, we won't betray You anymore. And Martin Levy we're coming closer:' And then the 103-20 METROPOLITAN AVENUE Ribbono shel Olam will say to us, "As you FOREST HILLS come back to Me, so will your children [email protected] come back to you." Veheishiv leiv avos Allstate. al banim veleiv banim al avosam. He You're in good hands. Call or stop by for a free quote will return the hearts of fathers to the children, and the hearts of children to Feature is optional and subject to terms and conditions. Available in select states now and in most states by 1/31/06 {subject to their fathers. IJ;l regulatory approval where required). Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, IL. ©2005 Allstate Insurance Company • I verified this story, as I generally do with anecdotes that I repeat. 26 STRIVING FOR THE BAYIS NE'EMAN BEYISROEL MRS. RIFKA SCHONFELD inning the Blame Game, Losing the War Teaching Responsibility to Our Children Schools have long been grading students for responsibility. But in recent years, teachers report, marks in responsibility have been plummeting across the board. This is an alarming phenomenon - but it is no coincidence. Responsibility is becoming a rare virtue. THE "SHIRKING" PLAGUE actions. And slowly, the very fabric of E LIVE IN A WORLD where society withers into a total mess, as the politicians, executives, and culture of irresponsibility infiltrates our W professionals fail to act homes and lives. responsibly- and fail to take responsi According to expert mechanchim, this bility for their actions. Parents, teachers, plague of irresponsibility lies at the crux and students often follow suit. Instead of many of our chinuch problems. As the of behaving with responsibility, people years go by, children and adults often are reckless, and shift the blame are becoming less accountable and for their mistakes onto others. less responsible. They are blaming A senior politician who "forgot" to everyone but themselves. report income blames the Turbo Tax "My child isn't soft\vare he used. Homeowners who doing well because bought houses with risky mortgages he doesn't have a blame the banks for taking them away. good rebbi." CEOs asking for handouts for their co1npanies travel in exorbitant private jets. Democrats and Republicans, presi dents and simple folk, and teach- ers and students refuse to act responsibly and take responsibility for their MRS. SCHONFELD FOUNDED AND DIRECTS THE WIPF.LY ACCLAIMED f;DUCATl0"1AL PROGRAM, $0$ (STRATEGIES FOR OPTIMUM SUCCESS), SERVICING ALL GRADE LEVELS IN SECULAR AS WELL AS HEBREW STl!DIES. SHE ALSO OFFERS TEACHER TRAINL'lG AND EDUCATIONAL CONSl.TflNG SERVICES, AND EVALU- ATIONS, AND HAS EXTENSIVE EXPF:RTISIS JN SOCIAL I SKILLS TRAINING. J-IER ARTICLE, "MOTIVATING 01JR c=·" ""'""'"""JO, Nov.. '08 .. F- MARCH 2009 "I didn't behave because the girl next This culture of irresponsibility is and should have responded immedi to me made me be chutzpadik." extremely damaging, both on an indi ately, "Tatteh, we are sorry, and we want "I'm late because the bus came vidual level, and to society as a whole. to return and be loyal to You." early." At the recent Agudah Convention, Unfortunately, Kial Yisroel did not Maybe your child does not have a Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon, N"P"n>, hear the message. So Hashem decided good rebbi, but that doesn't preclude addressed the painful issue of "When that the only way to bring them back is your halachic obligation to teach your Children Stray." He said that the phe to let them personally feel the pain that child Torah. Maybe the girl sitting next nomenon of children rebelling is a kivyachol He is going through. to your daughter is disruptive, but that reflection of Kial Yisroel's rebellion. This refusal to apologize is a blatant does not grant your daughter a license When the Ribbono shel Olam cried out act of irresponsibility. A responsible to misbehave. Maybe the bus came thirty in anguish at the beginning of our galus, person not only behaves a certain way, seconds too soon, but you could have "Banim gadalti veromamti - I grew and but also admits errors, accepts blame, caught it, if you had been at the stop a raised children, and they betrayed me;' and does whatever he can to repair the minute early. Kial Yisroel should have felt that pain damage. As Yidden, the ability to take respon sibility lies at the heart of our exis tence. In Parashas Mikeitz, Yaakov Avinu refused to allow Binyamin to travel with his brothers to Mitzrayim. Although the family's food supply was dwindling, and the Egyptian viceroy had said that Binyamin's presence was a condition for purchasing more food, Yaakov feared for his son's life. Until Yehuda arose. "Anochi e'ervenu-I will guarantee him;' he said. "I will take responsibility." And so, the history of Kial Yisroel unfolded. This was not the first time that Yehuda had accepted responsibility. When Tamar presented the staff, cloak and ring of her unborn child's father, THEVORT • The menu for the seuda is Yehuda said, "Tzadka mimem"' - she is .- "-ftie ·vai-i ·ceie6iat'ion · is ·to· 'tie limited to 3 courses followed by a expecting my child. He did this at great discontinued. The L'chaim (held at regular dessert. personal sacrifice. Yet, it is of this union the time that the engagement is • No Viennese table and no bar. that Malchus Beis David was born, and it announced) should also not turn is this sense of responsibility that char into a Vort. THE MUSIC acterized it. David behaved similarly THE WEDDING • A band may consist of a maximum after the episode with Bas Sheva. In contrast, when Shmuel Hanavi of 5 musicians (one of the musicians .- ·Fc;r· ·typical· tamiiies: ·ar.1"y· ·,frio asked Shaul why he had not killed the may act as a vocalist) or four musi invited guests may be seated at the animals of Amaleik as Hashem had com cians and one additional vocalist. chassuna seuda. (The Guidelines manded, he said, "Chama[ ha'am - the make provision for exceptional • A one-man band is recom nation had mercy on the animals, so that circumstances - see full text.) mended. they could sacrifice them to Hashem." • The kabbolas panim smorgas He blamed his mistake on the people. bord should be limited to basic FLOWERS & CHUPA DECOR This was a twofold lapse of achrayus. cakes, fruit platters, a modest buf .- rhe.totai ·cosi 'Ot't'tiese· items tcii First, Shaul did not act responsibly by fet, and the caterer's standard the entire wedding should not not eradicating Amaleik in its entirety chicken or meat hot dishes. exceed $1,800. as he had been commanded. Second, he refused to accept responsibility for his FOR THE FULL VERSION OF THE SIMCHA GUIDELINES mistake, and instead blamed the people. WITH ITS RABBINICAL ENDORSEMENTS This twofold mistake brought untold suffering upon the Jewish people, and AND THE ACCOMPANYING KOL KOREH, cost Shaul his kingdom. please call 212.612.2300 28 r==~ THE JEWISH 0BSF.RVER I WHAT IS RESPONSIBILITY? I often see parents throw n regard to chinuch, there are two litter into the streets main aspects of responsibility. The and ignore laws and I first is the ability to fulfill respon sibilities. A person who fulfills respon regulations. Such actions sibilities is answerable to himself, to others, and to the Ribbono she/ Olam. His teach children to behavior is disciplined, and he follows disregard authority, and rules and regulations. He understands that as a member of a family, class, and do what is easiest and most society, there are roles he must play, and convenient, regardless of things he must and must not do. For example, a responsible person the effect their actions mig won't come late to Shacharis, because he believes that doing so would be wrong have on society at large. to a) himself, because he will miss out on the beginning of the tefilla; b) his The Torah teaches us to be respon A chronic latecomer should not be teacher and classmates, whom he will sible for each other. Kol Yisroel areivim given late notes. He should be made to disrupt with his entrance; and c) the zeh lazeh. When parents actively pursue "face the music," and suffer whatever Ribbono she/ Olam, because his tefilla chessed, are involved in their children's consequences the school deems appro will not be proper, and he may miss out schools, and contribute to tzeddaka, priate. In many cases, a couple of doses on several Ameins, Amein yehei shemei they model to their children that we of detention is all the child needs to pro rabbas, and other chiyuvim. do not live for ourselves alone. This is pel him out of bed in the morning. The second aspect of responsibility a hallmark of responsibility. One mother told me that she tells is the ability to acknowledge the effects I often see parents throw litter into her children to prepare their clothing of an action or decision, and to accept the streets and ignore laws and regula for school in the evening so that she its consequences. A child who does tions. Such actions teach children to can see if anyone is missing an article poorly on a test should be able to assess disregard authority, and do what is of clothing while there is still time to his behavior and come to responsible easiest and most convenient, regardless throw a load into the washing machine. conclusions. Responsible students will of the effect their actions might have on On one occasion, her teenage daughter tell themselves, "I should have studied society at large. forgot to prepare her clothes - and harder;' "I need to learn how to take Another way to teach responsibility is found that there was no clean blouse in better notes," or ('I'm going to have to to give children age-appropriate chores. the closet. She had no choice but to pull listen better in class." This, as opposed Here, parents must tread a fine line one out of the hamper. The experience to the tendency of students to blame the between overburdening children and was unpleasant for a day-but it taught teacher, the test, or the class for their challenging them. If all choices and deci responsibility for a lifetime. poor performance. sions are made by adults, and children have no expectations and responsibili WHY ARE PEOPLE TEACHING RESPONSIBILITY: ties, they will be dependent and incom IRRESPONSIBLE? ROLE MODELING, DUTIES, petent. If there is too much expected of AND CONSEQUENCES them, they will feel overburdened and, again, incompetent, because they won't people behave irresponsibly be able to fulfill expectations. So parents because shifting the blame is so here are many things parents can need to carefully consider the duties easy and convenient. It is much do to inculcate responsibility in that they give to their children. Parents easier to blame a person or a situation Ttheir children. The first is to be can also teach responsibility by creating than to acknowledge wrongdoing and good role models. That means that we household rules and enforcing them. change behavior and habits. It is much need to parent responsibly. A child who Children must be taught not only easier for a parent to gripe about the lives in a disciplined, structured home to act responsibly, but also to accept rebbi than to learn with his child or hire will grow up to be disciplined and struc- responsibility for their actions. Parents a private rebbi. Sadly, in our pleasure- tured - essential middos for responsible can teach this by allowing children to seeking, easy-way-out society, the easy living. A child whose parents exhibit a experience the natural consequences way usually wins. responsibility to the world that we live of their actions and behavior. Children This easy-way-out lifestyle stems J ~~s;cill grow up with the same sense of should not be getting "bailouts" from largely from the plenty our community Lonsibility. -----their parents. -----enjoyed in the past decades. Luxury 1 29 MARCH 2009 Responsible students will tell themselves, When a seventh grade teacher announced that there was going to be "I should have studied harder," "I need to no homework so that the girls could help learn how to take better notes," or "I'm their mothers clean for Pesach, one student from a wealthy home proudly said that going to have to listen better in class." she didn't have to help her mother clean This, as opposed to the tendency of for Pesach, because the cleaning lady did everything in her house. The girl exuded students to blame the an air of superiority, as if she felt that she teacher, the test, or [ would not stoop to cleaning nooks and crannies for Pesach. the class for their Such a girl is missing out on an inte gral piece of the chinuch puzzle. She is poor performance. missing out on the joy of cleaning for Pesach, and on the sense of responsibility of knowing that her family's zehirus in getting rid of chameitz depends on her. In addition, there is a very real concern about this girl's future. How will she deal with the pressures and responsibilities that come with raising a family, even if her husband will be blessed with the means to provide her with abundant cleaning help? Parents who overly shield and protect their children may do so in the name of love. But they are doing their children a great disservice. When one high school girl felt pres sured by her schoolwork, her father called homes, expensive vacations, designer and whim fulfilled may have a hard time the principal to complain. The menaheil clothing, even $85 Kipling briefcases for telling themselves "no." Incidentally, the , explained that it was important for stu little children, have become the norm. phenomenon of irresponsibility is not dents to learn to cope with stress and Ours is the "es ku1nt mir" generation, correlated to income level. The avail pressure, because school is a training the era of instant gratification. "I deserve ability of cheap snacks and toys, bargain ground for life, and life is full of tension. to get this briefcase or buy this dress or stores, and inexpensive clothing has The father answered - "My daughter will take this break." Even now, with so many created a society of low-income spend not have any stress or pressure in her life. amongst us struggling for parnassa, the thrifts. Low-income children are being I will protect her." trend continues. All of this luxury comes just as easily spoiled as their wealthy One can only marvel at the "kochi with a very big price tag. counterparts. ve'otzem yadi" mindset that brings a In Shiras Ha'azinu, the passuk says, Whatever their income level, all par I father to make such a statement. And one "Vayishman Yeshurun vayivat-Yeshurun ents must insist on withholding pleasures, I can only hope that his daughter is able grew fat and kicked [in rebellion]." and on giving children responsibilities, if to overcome her bewilderment when life Their rebellion was a direct result of only for the sake of chinuch. If children hands her a challenge that is beyond her the abundance that caused them to "grow are not taught to deny themselves plea father's protective reach. fat:' Instead of thanking Hashem for His sure, and to fulfill their responsibilities, plenty, they attributed their blessings to there is a very real danger that they will RESPONSIBILITY their talents and hard work. They said not develop the ability to do so - even VS. HAPPINESS "Kochi ve'otzem yadi assa li es hachayil when the pleasures that they seek go hazeh - My power and the strength of my against rules or societal norms, or may be ot so long ago, all children had hand attained these assets for me:' harmful to themselves or to others. Such I household chores. It was a given There is a certain sense of entitlement children also find it hard to acclimate 1 N that everyone who lived in a and power that comes from living on to the demands of adulthood, because home had to play a role in maintain . "easy street:' Children who grow up in everything has always been handed to ing it and helping it function. Today, I the lap of luxury and have every wish them on the proverbial silver platter. many parents believe that childhood 0 THE JEWISH OBSERVER should be carefree and fun. They feel talk, to walk, to be independent. His a child had a problem, the parent would that by burdening their children with greatest joy is accomplishment - "I become attentive and apologetic. He responsibilities, they are robbing them can tie my shoes"; "I can make my would ask for advice and guidance, and of the joys of carefree childhood. This own lunch"; "I can study and do well." work to improve the situation. Today, attitude is also a reflection of the society In contrast, when a child's choices and parents can not accept any criticism we live in. It is a world where pursuit decisions are made by adults, with no about their children. Complaints are of happiness is a goal in life. It is also a expectations of the child by the adults met with disbelief or blame. world where unhappiness and depres or responsibilities on the part of the "But my Yanky can't be misbehaving. sion abound. child, he becomes stifled, dependent, It must be a problem in the class." This is largely because of the lack of and incompetent. "Menachem is not keeping up? He's responsibility so prevalent around us. So parents who wish to shield their so bright. The material is way too hard Marketers would have us believe that children from responsibilities because for this grade level." we can purchase joy in a chocolate bar. they want them to enjoy life in freedom "Of course he didn't do his home But nothing could be more fleeting. Did and happiness are doing their children work. You give them so much work, it's anyone ever rejoice because he had really a tremendous disservice. They are with impossible." good chocolate two days ago? On the holding the keys to the very happiness So Yanky and Menachem and all the contrary, responsibility equals satisfac they want to bestow. other sweet innocent little boys are never tion. And satisfaction equals happiness. Interestingly, every Jewish simcha given the help or the direction they There are few greater joys than the is a celebration of added responsibil need for proper chinuch and growth. satisfaction of a job well done. People ity. At a bris, we celebrate the entrance Is it any wonder, then, that so many experience inner happiness when they of a Jewish male into the Covenant of people in our generation are buckling are productive and responsible. Avraham - a pact that brings with it all under the responsibilities of adulthood? The pursuit of happiness leaves the responsibilities of being a Jew. At It is time for us all to take responsibil one with a feeling of emptiness. Dr. a bar or bas mitzvah, we celebrate the ity for the way we live, spend money, Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D., author of entrance of a child into the responsibili and parent our children. Perhaps the Taking Responsibility, says that respon ties of adulthood. And at a wedding, we current economic meltdown is meant sibility is tied to self-esteem, and that celebrate marriage - a union that again to cure us from the societal ills that led people who can't take responsibility brings with it myriad responsibilities. to Vayishman Yeshurun vayivat - and feel helpless. As a veteran teacher, I am in a unique perhaps our response to it will bring us He writes that a child grows by want position to track societal trends. Thirty to an era of achrayus, with the rebuilding ing responsibility. The child wants to years ago, when I would tell a parent that of Malchus Beis Dovid. li!I I Sweeten your Pesach I with Schmerlin_g I I I Sduntrli!!J~- I ~~-.==·======D=IS=TR:!BU:T:£D:BY:T:AAM:=TO:V:FOO==D~=OO==UC=T=S.B:R:OOl<==LYN:.:N:Y:ll:l13===_~~~~~~~~~~==.~--~~-~-~-~~!!!--~ ... ~.======_=_=~ STRIVING FOR THE BAYIS NE'EMAN BEYISROEL MENDEL HOROWITZ Calling "11e Names !JA /i.f4> What Family f;jleplif Says About Risk ~,', It is time to discard the label. The causes and effects of disillusion are seldom anguished individuals. N THE SUMMER OF 1998, Jewish Action published an article that began, "The problem of at-risk and rebellious Orthodox youth is Calling kids I finally receiving deserved attention." In 1999, The Jewish Observer devoted its November issue to the topic "Children on the Fringe and names will Beyond." The introductory essay stressed how rarely entire issues are not make dedicated to one subject, and made clear that the current phenom enon "can no longer be ignored." On those pages, rabbis, teachers and their troubles psychologists openly described what many snspected - that children go away. were turning to drug abuse and promiscuity, and shunning religion in intolerable numbers. Since then, society has become mindful of such young people. The term "at risk" commonly refers to youths who experience a cluster of difficulties in meeting with the expectations of home, school and MENDEi. HOROWITZ, MS, A FAMILY TllERAPlST IN PRIVAT£ PRACTICE, IS A STAFF THERAPIST AT THE community. These individuals present both observable and non FAMILY INSTITUTE OF NEVE YERUSHALAY!M AND AT observable symptoms. At once part of the system and apart from it, KAV L'NOAR, A JERUSALEM ORGANIZATION HELPING these personalities comprise a listless strain of youth. More indifferent ENGLISH-SPEAKING FAMILIES. HE IS ALSO A REBBE than aggressive, more apathetic than mean, the children we call "at AT DEIHOCH f:TZ CHAIM OF HAR NOF, AND CAN BE risk" are frightened, vulnerable and hurting. REACHED AT MENDELHOROWITZGMAIL.COM. J ------;;=T=H=E=J;;;E;;;.;;;W=J;;;S=H=O=B=S ;;;E;;;R=V=E;;;R;c- ______-_-_--_--_ ·----··--==-~~~ The motto "kids at risk" was employed with good intent. As a result of that invention, opportunities became It is time I available to those previously deprived, and a number of youths were reformed. to share the burden. Flexibility was introduced to rigid sys tems, and society appeared more accom Risk is not limited to kids. modating. Alternative curriculums were I Unlike traditional psychology, family therapy regards created to substitute for conventional the entire household as one emotional unit. Instead of ones, mentor programs were designed past conflicts, this approach considers the ongoing impact to succeed where classrooms failed, and of relationships; each family member plays a role in the psychologists were sought for counsel. developing symptoms of others. I Some rehabilitated youths have become Kids who exhibit uncommon behaviors do not belong counselors who champion the cause of I to a group of similarly classified children. Each child has those who have become disillusioned. a particular surname and those who share it are liable While the categorization brought dread, for each other. it also begot hope. As youth is sliding to peril and beyond, families are I The problems, however, have not suffering, too. It is time to share the burden. Risk is not vanished. In 2005, Yeshiva University's I limited to kids. I S. Daniel Abraham Israel Program held I a seminar on identifying mental health I issues in young adults. According to a press release, "Further sessions through ken homes while others are learning tressed individual. This approach does I out the year will focus on topics includ disabled. Some children ride a wave of more than discover each member's part. I I ing drugs, alcohol, smoking, eating peer pressure and media influence that Family therapy makes room for each disorders, death and divorce in fan1ilies, is fleeting and non-toxic. Some children men1ber's pain. I and coping with problems arising from are too hastily marked and go all-out to Family therapy sees symptoms as Internet pornography, gambling, and live up to their labels. adaptive behavior. Rather than assum I I male/female relationships." In 2006, In place oflabeling, the turn to family ing it is unreasonable, a sympton1 is The Jewish Observer published "Kids at therapy can avoid ostracizing individ viewed as an adjustment to a current I Risk Revisited." In that special double ual family members. Family therapists social situation. It follows that therapy I issue, an article that began: "Why are emphasize the effect of relationships on should focus on altering the social I there still children at risk?" affirmed, psychological health and seek solutions situation if a symptom is to recede. "The problems confronting us have within the family system. Through such Family therapy addresses the context not gone away - if anything, they are a process, families can learn to identify of symptom development in an effort I increasing." their own resources and activate their to facilitate lasting change. Sometimes, Disappointingly, while suggesting own potentials for healing. a straightforward adjustment is enough that the phrase "kids at risk" is overused, to make a difference. this magazine offered no substitute WHAT Is FAMILY THERAPY? Ari, a fifteen-year-old boy living with means of describing the phenome- his parents and four sisters was referred I . non. Two simple syllables cannot ever n place of tending to individuals, for therapy when he became anxious i describe the variety of youth so labeled. family therapy maintains that any about attending school and aggressive I Moreover, by concentrating on one fam I positive change in the emotional towards his mother when she insisted I ily member, all others are overlooked. functioning of one member can benefit that he go to school. At the same time, I No article focused on the family unit the entire family system. Consequently, Ari began to hang out with a "bad crowd" as a possible source of intercession. No treatment need not be directed at the and let his hair grow long. author addressed the family system. symptomatic person. During the initial session, mom's I Each "kid at risk" is part of a threatened A principle of family therapy is that energy kept the mood fairly light while system whose collective suffering is too when one member of a family improves dad seemed to have attended reluctantly. I often ignored. his or her emotional functioning, the Eventually, it emerged that Ari's father The limitations of popular con whole family will improve in response was often away from home and that the I ceptions of youth are becoming evi to that person's ability to change. Where burden of child rearing rested mostly on dent. Branding all nonconformists "at the symptomatic person refuses therapy, his mother. Himself an only child, Ari's ! risk" may be convenient, but it is also family members can still receive assis father felt threatened by the intensity of .I risky. Some individuals are from bro- tance and positively influence the dis- his son's emotions. Ari's mother com- L 33 MARCH 2009 commonly maintaining the status quo. In family therapy, parents can receive support and learn to cope in more productive ways. When joining their child in therapy, parents can discover their dynamic roles and begin to foster more nurturing relationships. Shira, a nineteen-year-old with a his tory of addictions, entered therapy after her arrest for possession of marijuana. The oldest of nine siblings, Shira had begun to rebel at age fourteen. Fearful that her rebellion would be contagious in the family and embarrassed by her "unusual" appearance, Shira's parents had sent her to an "out-of-town" high school from which she had been promptly expelled. Shira has been in more than six schools since age fourteen, and has been in and out of trouble, in her words, "for as long as I can remember." In family sessions, there was much exploration of Shira's social relationships and potential reasons for her challenges. From collaboration with Shira's parents, it became possible to tell a new clinical In family therapy, parents can receive story about their difficulties: Over time, support and learn to cope in more Shira had begun to feel that she was not important to her mother, who had productive ways. When joining their eight "regular" children; the father had partly sensed this, but had not wanted child in therapy, parents can discover to acknowledge it openly since that might their dynamic roles and begin to foster destabilize the relationship between him and his wife. These unexpressed fears of more nurturing relationships. the father meant that, despite feeling close to his daughter, he had had to maintain a distance from her to preserve his marital pensated for her husband's limitation by parents and siblings, family therapists relationship. becoming overly involved. Ari, in turn, can help to inspire more useful ways Through communication and accep yearned for his father's attention and of thinking. Family therapy does not tance of conflict, family members devel resented the lack of male companionship. necessarily mean sessions with the entire oped a better understanding ofthemselves Ari was able to reveal his desire only after family present. Instead, the therapy in relationship to each other. As the his father's apprehension was uncovered. is based on thinking that considers complexities of their relationships were Ari's symptoms diminished as his father family members. By assuming that all identified, parents and child learned to became more involved in his life. members are strained and addressing articulate their individual needs and to their specific concerns, each member take steps toward fulfilling them. AVOIDING UNHELPFUL is valued. Blame is not the goal. The Regrettably, the Orthodox commu MANEUVERS aim is to excite change by introducing nity has not appreciated the optimistic a creative perspective. message of family therapy. Common an1ilies often have a repetitive It is not uncommon for parents to attempts at treating kids have focused account of their condition that identify a child as the patient when on observable symptoms and on modes Fidentifies one member as the seeking help. Burdened by the "at risk" of therapy that address individuals. patient. Such stories are seldom helpful. label, such youths are often unwilling to VVhen families are involved, members The pressure of being a lone offender accept that diagnosis and be stifled by are fearful of being blamed for symptom is awful. By retelling the tale to include its weight, with recurring family styles development, and neglect to exam- 34 r'--~------·--~-·- .. ·-.-·----~-·-·-·-·· .. ---~-·--T-H_E__ J E W I S H 0 8 S E R V E R ------======----- ·------~---·---- I ine the compassionate message of the A psychologically informed cur- a non-judgmental, non-intrusive and ' method. This is unfortunate, because riculum is progressive and creditable. non-threatening teacher falls short of l family therapy is interested in solutions. It may also not be enough. Treating their essential needs. The same home that rears weakness students as individuals, addressing their Moshe, a seventeen-year-old dropout breeds strength, and family therapy doubts, and hearing their misgivings, with a history of behavior problems, aims to find it. can sometimes nurse distressed youth was sent to Israel as "a last resort." The toward health. Some students shed youngest offive children, three ofMoshe's WHAT SCHOOLS CAN their "at risk" label in Israel and return older siblings were married and a fourth AND CANNOT OFFER home refreshed. For others, rebellion had recently divorced. Moshe described is more social than religious, and more himselfas an "underachiever" who would determined by domestic forces. Among never be ''good enough" for his family. nstead of therapy, parents often seek those who need more than edification In yeshiva, Moshe bonded with a I aid in the school system. Society's and encouragement, the sensitive ear of teacher and gradually increased his I concern is reflected in new peda I gogical methods, and interventions often occur in educational forums. 1"0J While some programs are indeed spe cial, they cannot replace therapy when Wh~ d:id the Chotetz Chaim & R' Chaim it is needed. Fresh teaching styles have been successful at reaching some, but Ozer Gfodzrnsk~ sta~t Ezras loFah? other youths do not respond to such techniques. My experience in both are nas suggests the inescapable influence of family dynamics and the limitations of interventions that do not involve family members. I The familiar trend is for "at risk" youths to spend time in Israel pro grams designed for social and reli gious rehabilitation. Such courses are TO SAVE TALMIDEI CHOCHOMIM FROM academic in spirit, but are combined with various modes of informal coun THE PAIN AND SHAME OF POVERTY seling. Some teachers function in dual n an ideal world, those who devote their Make a life of Torah devotion and roles: one aimed at the relevancy of lives to Torah would be recognized as the commitment an everlasting edifice that will Torah, the other at the required maturity I spiritual heroes !hat !hey are. Support bring us the Rabbonim, Dayanim and Leaders to embrace its ideals. Ezras Torah's Tzedakah Programs and make of tomorrow! Time abroad has its benefits. Students that ideal a reality. often use their time away from home as In Eretz Yisrael today, Ezras Torah provides STAND UP FOR TORAH! a forum for self-discovery. Geographic Housing, Emergency tW.edical Funds, Help Ezras Torah's isolation from parents enables some Wedding Orphan Assistance, Yom Tov committed scholars and I youths to make strides in their emo Grants and Special Need's Grants and tional individuation. Capable educa Loans. families stand strong! tors can inspire noteworthy change by ------~ facilitating introspection. At the same Please contact me regarding establishing an Ezras Torah time, the distance of schools from the Fund for a: social structures in which symptoms 0 Endowrunent fund 0 Emg. Medical Fund 0 Free LoiU! Fund Name develop may impede their effectiveness. Address Without exposure to their wider lives, educators have only partial access to students' commanding family dynamics. Some students bear emotional burdens from domestic styles and expectations. I Some students are defied by dramatic household concerns, and others by modest but potent ones. MARCH 2009 functioning. While making significant How FAMILIES CAN HELP tors - especially those who engage chal academic progress throughout the year, lenging youth - is limited. Some youth Moshe's two trips home were marked by n today's climate, the line between may be better served in the context of high anxiety and diminished functioning. teachers and counselors is at best family therapy. After one such trip, Moshe began sporadic I vague and often nonexistent. While current trends of delinquency drinking binges. Various institutions provide students may be no more significant than ever, During a second year in Israel, Moshe with teacher-counselors who function the mood seems desperate. Educators continued to progress scholastically, in expanded roles. Much is expected of are constantly sought for relief as par but appeared socially and emotionally teachers, and the lessons of psychol ents bemoan their misfortune. This detached. He continued to drink and ogy can enhance their effectiveness. By cycle is lamentable and is often counter confided that his father "is probably respecting students and being curious productive. It may be that youth is being an alcoholic." After two years, Moshe about their needs, teachers can foster viewed out of context and is bypassing was undecided about his future plans relationships that go a long way to nearby resources. Perhaps parents and and insisted that his drinking was not ward off danger. But teachers are not siblings can provide more lasting sup a problem. superheroes. The success of all educa- port than teachers. Perhaps the theme can change from "we are a normal fam ily with a symptomatic child" to "you are a family that got stuck in your progress and must adjust to the development of your adolescent children:' Family therapists insist that symptoms are developed and maintained in the social context of families. Accordingly, those contexts also contain antidotes for the anguish that symptoms arouse. Adjusting family interactions can help to alleviate that pain. Family crises affect all family members, and each deserves to be part of the solution. As a result of the influence of Freud, the individual became of primary con cern while the system that shaped him has been left unexplored. This is a shame. All individuals exist in contexts that continuously affect them. Every person has a family, and every family has patterns of interaction in which 1ne1n bers influence each other. According to the family therapist Salvador Minuchin, "Life consists of growing, n1ixing, coop erating, sharing and competing with others. Surely, most of us have had our n1ost significant experiences within some form of the social unit we call a family." Families are powerful units that can be persuasive, supportive and loving. It is time to discard the label. The causes and effects of disillusion are seldom anguished individuals. Calling kids names will not make their troubles go away. 36 APPROACHING BIRKAS HACHAMA ----- "Those that love Him will be like the sun when it rises in its might."shoftims,J1 Birchas Hachama gathering in 1981 in front of Yeshiva Rabbi The following essay by Rabbi Breuer, the late Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch in of K'hal Adath Jeshurun, appeared in German in the Washington Heights. Juedische Monatshefte (Frankfurt) in 1925, and in the Mitteilungen vol. 14 (publication of KAJ) in March 1953. It was translated into English by Meta Bechhofer. PUNCTUATING AN ONGOING REVELATION N WEDNESDAY, the 23"1 of Nissan [in 1925],' we will observe Kiddush Hachama, and when the sun becomes visible, the following beracha 0 will be said: "Oseh ma'asei vereishis." It is best to recite this beracha after Tefillas Shacharis, in the presence of the Kehilla, considering that the event is not a daily occurrence, for the opportunity to recite this beracha presents itself only every 28 years. The sun was created by G-d on the fourth day of Creation, to be the strongest carrier oflight among the others. Every 28 years, the Nissan tekufa (spring season) of the sun comes in at nightfall of the fourth day- as at the time of Creation (see Berachos 59b ); this, according to the calculation of Mar Shmuel' (Eruvin 56a). It will be well to contemplate what motivated our chachamim- the great teachers of our people - to see in this event a cause for reciting a beracha. If, with this bera- RAV DR. JOSEPH BREUER. ':>";s"f, (1882-1980), WAS ROSH YESHIVA OF THE TORAH /,EllRANSTAI,T This year, 5769/2009, the Birkas Hachama will be recited on Wednesday morning, 14 Nissan/ (YESHIVA) IN FRANKFURT, AND FOUNDER AND RAV April 8. OF K'HAL ADATH JESHURUN IN NEW YORK JN 1939. 2 The sun year has four tekufos (seasons). According to Mar Shmuel, the length of every tekufa i AMONG HIS PUBl.ICATIONS ARE: COMMENTARIES TO is 91 days (or 13 weeks) and 71/2 hours. The beginning of the next tekufa is only 7 1/2 hours later YIRMEYAHU, YJ:,'CHEZKEll,, THE PlYUrtM FOR Rosu (the full 13 weeks need not be counted). Since at Creation, the beginning of the 1Vissan tekufa was I HASHA NA AND YOM KIPPUR, THE JEWISH MARRIAGE, at the start of the 4111 day, the beginning of the Tamuz tekufa was 7 1/2 hours later. After 28 years, the Luno AND SEPER o,vm YoS£F. beginning of the Nissan tefuka coincides again with the beginning of the 4~h day.) 37 MARCH 2009 morning. Then we recite the kedusha We are to wage the battle against a of all G-d-serving elements, and our tefilla speaks of the light that G-d has godless, Amaleik-like world and come brought us from Zion. A terrestrial sun out victorious when some day, Moshiach could never overshadow the darkness of night if He had not given us, with His will light the way for an erring mankind. mercy, the light of Torah to guide us through life. We owe Him thanks that our lives are not dimmed and desolate - cha, we are to praise G-d as the Master Who renews His work of Creation with for He "enlightens our eyes through His of the World and Creation, we should every new day" (from daily tefillos). The Torah:' It is well to acknowledge G-d for not have to wait 28 years to do so. The continued presence of the world with its His Creation, but we must be ready to fact that G-d is Creator and Master of innate laws is for us an ongoing revela seek the light of His Torah, and thereby the World is a non-disputable reality tion of the wonders of Creation. fulfill the ultimate intentions of G-d's for the Jew. The foremost bearer of light is only Creation. It may well be- as published recently a "servant)) (shammes) of G-d's creative And as we acknowledge daily the in a popular magazine - that there are sanctuary. We would not indulge in realization of the ongoing presence always attempts made to give people worshipping the sun, even though it is of G-d in His Creation, so the event a beautiful set of pictures, describing indeed essential for life. after 28 years is a further, modest - a nebular theory of cosmic gases that In our prayers every morning, and but impressive - manifestation of this circle around the universe, shedding in the Psalms that precede our prayers, knowledge. When the sun is in the same "worlds" which "eventually" will develop we declare a daily homage to G-d. But place that G-d had originally assigned organic life. But those theorists owe us if this homage is said daily, what led it, our thoughts are also to go back to an answer as to how these gases came our chachamim to enact a rule to say the days of Creation. We are to bring about, how they circle around, and a beracha every 28 years, in order to to mind: "Oseh ma'asei vereishis" -G-d how organic life developed; how these strengthen our awareness of the fourth continues His Creation and calls us to theories are tenable without a Lawgiver; day of Creation? His service to perfect His Creation. As and how one can accept the idea of life the Prophet Yeshayahu (60, 19) declares: if such a life harks back to a senseless A TIME FOR "We are not to see light only from the primeval cloud. RESANCTJFICATION sun, but also the Ohr olam, the eternal Without such answers, these over Light for our lives, which - according whelming facets of nature will always n our daily morning tefilla, we greet to our chachamim - G-d placed into be for us a reason to offer homage to the sunlight as, by the will of G-d, His Creation "five times" (see Bereishis G-d, "the Creator oflight and darkness, I it replaces night to bring us a new Rabba 3:5). We are to wage the battle against a godless, Amaleik-like world and You can! Iust call come out victorious ( AN INTRODUCTION BY MRS. N. APPELBAUM S THE MONTH OF NfSSAN approaches, we are eagerly awaiting the chance to say Birkas Hachama, an opportunity that occurs only once in the machzor A hagadol, as the twenty-eight-year cycle is called. Depending on your age, this might be a first time experience for you. If you're a teenager or a young adult this April, you'll be tempted to "fast forward" and wonder about your future. What plans does Hashem have in store for you for the next twenty-eight years? What and where will you be the next time that you will recite this beracha? For others who already said the beracha in 5741 (1981), there is a pull to look back with a true sense of gratitude for the unceasing abundant chassadim that Hashem has showered upon us in the years that have passed. With 20-20 hindsight, we see how Hakadosh Baruch Hu has guided our footsteps across the decades since the last time we declared "Oseh ma'asei vereishis" on the rising sun. In a larger sense, the machzor hagadol affords us a wider panorama to see the Hand of Hashem in the passage of history. As one machzor ends and another begins, we might see more clearly chains of events that changed our society and Kial Yisroel as a whole. What follows is a true recounting by my father, Mr. Gerald Deutscher, 11nr.iv, an Agudas Yisroel member who participated in the 5685 ( 1925) Birkas Hachama, and his own views on the slice of history that he lived through until he repeated the beracha in 5713 (1953). What follows is his account of his recollections. -N.A. On the previous Shabbos, at the close of his hour-long Shabbos Hagadol THE THREE MACHZORIM: derasha, Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak Klein, 84 YEARS AGO our mara de' asra, had discussed the importance of the forthcoming event. N WEDNESDAY MORNING, He had announced that on Erev Pesach, April 8, 1925, Erev Pesach tefillas Shacharis in the Adas Yisrael Shul O 5685, on a wooded hill out would start even earlier than in other side the German medieval-built town years so that the beracha could be recited of Nuremberg, ten teenagers, including at sunrise and followed immediately by I me, excitedly recited Birkas Hachama. Shacharis. This was the beginning of the 204'h With the Rav's approval, an "advance machzor hagadol, as the twenty-eight party" of our group had met on Sunday MR. DEUTSCHER LIVES !N THE BORO PARK year earth-sun cycle is referred to in morning to select a suitable site where SECTION OF BROOKLYN. halachic literature. we could best observe this memorable I ~ MARCH 2009 sang Keil Adon and several mizmorim, I treasured my father's and davened tefillas Shacharis. description of the past. On the way back to town, we might have overheard some heated discussions I wondered what pages of history among the trolley passengers about the forthcoming German presidential elec would be written in the ensuing tion. Field Marshall van Hindenburg, years of this new 204th mach~or. the World War I Commander-in-Chief, had been nominated by the nationalist groups, and fears of another "putsch" event. In the afternoon, they had trav morning arrived, we assembled at 5:00 against the Weimar Republic were open eled to the end of the Number 8 trolley a.m. at a centrally located trolley station, ly expressed. But the bechorim in our line and hiked about another mile to and, indeed, we reached our destination little group were more concerned that Schmausenbuck Hill, a favorite picnic at exactly sunrise. Even though the sky they reach the Achiezer minyan before ground, to survey the area. Based on their was cloudy, visibility was still good, and the end of the siyum, 1 as it was definitely enthusiastic report, when Wednesday we were able to recite the beracha. We too late for the siyum in the Adas Shu!. (There, the beracha had been recited in the courtyard, and visibility had been excellent at sunrise.) Early in the afternoon, a few of us met again for a trolley ride- this time to go to the Matzah Bakery in neighboring Fuerth. There, we were overjoyed when we each received several matzos, which we could bring home to our parents for the sedarim. Now I "\Vas eager to "compare notes" with my father. Wbere had he been at the start of the previous machzor! At the beginning of the 203'' machzor, my father had been living in Paris, France, and there, on Wednesday, 5 Nissan 5657 (April 7, 1897), he had made the beracha. My father recapped his personal saga of the last twenty-eight years. His zigzag journeys had taken him from Paris, France, across the Atlantic to New York City, and then back again to his native Germany - all the while searching for Shomeir Shabbos posi tions and a Torah-true chinuch for his young family. My father commented how much the world had changed in the relatively short span of twenty-eight years. The rise of nationalism had brought the disastrous World War. Nationalism had caused secular, assi1nilated Jews to set a treifa national goal for the Jewish People. Haskala had attacked the fiber of Jewish European life. The Chafetz Chaim had warned about the danger of 1 As bechorim-first-born males- they would be required to fast unless they had been at a siyum. TH E JEWISH OBSERVER emigration to An1erica, as n1y parents I I could now look ahead to I had themselves experienced. this new machzor and pray I treasured my father's description I of the past. I wondered what pages of for Hashem to light our way history would be written in the ensuing years of this new 204'h machzor. with continued chessed I verachamhn from which the new doros here in America I could benefit, until bi'as goeil tzeddek. I I betrayed his constitutional oath and and explained the significance of the conferred dictatorial powers on Hitler, upcoming Birkas Hachama. The next V .. tl\ I had just arrived in America when morning, Isru Chag, Wednesday, April i I heard that Hitler had become chancel 8, 1953, Fourteenth Avenue was packed lor on January 30, 1933. with Agudists and mispallelim from THE NEXT MACHZOR: When I came to the United States, I the Sephardishe Shu!. On this cloudy I COUNTING TO 1953 saw the battles that were being fought morning, these crowds had convened for against the decline of Yiddishkeit. the inauguration of the 205" machzor few weeks after the Birkas There was a great generation gap hagadol. They had all come to witness I Hachama that I had participated between immigrant parents and their and to praise the recurring glory of A in, von Hindenburg was indeed Americanized children who no longer Hashem's Creation. elected as president of the German spoke the same language. The great My wife remained home with the I Reich, the country where I lived. shuls built in the 1920s were becoming little ones, and, as I gazed at my fellow However, for a few years afterwards, all empty on Shabbosos and Yamim Tovim Yidden, I thought of the past. During I fears about his election seemed unjus - young faces were missing. It's hard to the years of the 204'h machzorjust com tified. Huge American loans and other believe today, but then, only a handfol of pleted, we had witnessed the tragedy, the I factors brought temporary prosperity the Jewish stores on Thirteenth Avenue devastation of thousand-year old Jewish I to Western Europe, and Jewish life also remained closed on Shabbos! Boro Park communities, the murder and suffering ' I benefited. Torah education was reach had only one antiquated mikvah and of millions of Yidden, the silencing of ing wider circles. A few of my contem there was barely any support to build a Russian Jewry behind a sealed barrier, I I poraries traveled to Eastern European new one. Many sincerely observant Jews and the growth of vicious Arab hatred yeshivas. In Nuremberg itself, a small hesitated to put up sukkos, as some of as the Zionist State was founded in I yeshiva gedola was established, and in their neighbors reported them to the their midst. I 1928, the dayan, Rabbi Bergman, joined police as fire hazards. The fight was Back on the hill on the outskirts of the rav as a maggid shiur for the dozens great, but with enormous devotion and Nuremberg, twenty-eight years earlier, I of bachurim who attended it. mesiras nefesh, yeshivas and Bais Yaakovs I could never have foreseen how we In those pre-Hitler, w··r.:i>, years, were founded. would be uprooted, scattered, and yet, I German Jews enjoyed complete equal On Shabbos, Parashas Balak, I was guided and replanted, saved by Hashem's I ity. There was no official discrimination, among the forty or fifty young men infinite mercy and given the zechus to I and even Torah loyal Jews achieved who met in a private home in Boro Park declare once again the beracha on the relatively prominent government and to establish a minyan of Zeirei Agudas nsmg sun. I banking positions. Jewish education Yisroel. These were young Americans Yes, Torah had definitely been trans- had substantially improved, and the who longed to be loyal in every way to ported to America. The she'eiris hapleita Torah im derech eretz lifestyle was widely our 1nesora. Finally, in 1946, our minyan was integrated into our communities. admired. of Zeirei Agudas Yisroel acquired its I could now look ahead to this new I Now, with 20-20 hindsight, I can own building. machzor and pray for Hashem to light clearly see the Hashgacha Prattis in my On Acharon shel Pesach 5713 ( 1953), our way with continued chessed vera- life. Although I was succeeding in my it rained from early morning until late chamim from which the new doros studies in 1932, a chain of events led in the evening. In the Agudah minyan, here in America could benefit, until · me to set sail for America on January 5, Rabbi Dr. Michoel Munk, who was bi'as goeil tzeddek bimheira beyamein~.· .1 I 1933. At this very time, von Hindenburg then principal of Bais Yaakov, discussed amein. ~ I ~ ··---·---·--~··-~__d PESACH: CHAG HAGE'ULA IN THE WARSAW GHETTO ~------·-·------c======;;;------ JOSEPH fRIEDENSON OF SPIRITUAL HEROES MPASSIONATE LEADERS Memories of Events During World War II The following article was translated and adapted by Elozor Halpert from a more expansive memoir that was featured in Dos Yiddishe Vort, in April last year, marking the 65th Yahrzeit of the liquidation of the Warsaw Ghetto, which had taken place during Pesach 5703/1943. A UNIQUE PEOPLE HEN THE STORY OF THE WARSAW GHETTO is more fully recounted, an interesting and inspiring fact W emerges - that we are indeed a unique people. Despite the brutal conditions, despite the overcrowding, starvation, dreaded disease, cruel beatings at the hands of the Nazis and the constant terror, there were many individuals in the Ghetto who displayed enormous courage and selflessness. Germans abduct fews for forced labor Notwithstanding the great nisyonos that they faced on a daily Starving Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto basis, they not only clung to their Yiddishkeit, but put their own terrible suffering aside to help others. Before the war, more than 350,000 Yidden Jived in Warsaw. When the Germans crammed the Jews into the Ghetto, the total was greater. Tens of thousands of Jews had fled to Warsaw from other towns and cities where they were recognized as Jewish leaders, among them hundreds of rebbes, rabbanim, and prominent askanim fro1n all over western Poland) because they felt more secure as part of a larger populace. MR. FRIEDENSON IS THE FOUND Who can forget these They were the cream of ING EDITOR OF Dos YIDDISHE VoRr, Yidden? AGUDATH ISRAEL OF AMERICA'S Polish Jewry, but their influence extended far beyond the bor YIDDISH-LANG\JAGE JOURNAL OF ders of Poland - indeed, it reached the entire Jewish world. THOUGHT AND OPINION. Agudas Yisroel of Poland was headquartered in Warsaw, the 42 .... -~----···-··------·------.. T H E J F. WISH OBSERVER great daily newspaper of Torah Jewry the basics necessary for survival. But als to make a trip outside the Ghetto in Poland appeared there, major edu once the Jews were in effect imprisoned, walls. This meant that for a price, food cational organizations such as Chorev at times, even getting bread was a prob could be brought in from the outside. and Bais Yaakov were based there, the lem. For the most part, then, the Ghetto As welcome as this life-sustaining help Warsaw Mesivta and Yeshiva Emek residents depended for their survival on was, however, it was far, far from what Halacha, as well as other yeshivas, were the rations doled out by the Germans. was required to keep such a substantial there, too. Around a hundred and fifty Unfortunately, a week's rations were population alive. Chassidishe shtieblach, and innumerable in actuality barely enough to satisfy a One of the tragic scenes that I recall Torah scholars and notable individuals person for a day. was the large number of starving people, also made their home in the city. Most of One of the miracles that occurred in particularly children, walking around. Polish Jewry's leaders wound up in the the Warsaw Ghetto (as opposed to Lodz, In just a matter of weeks, there were Ghetto, and even there, despite the fact for example) was that here and there, the masses of skeletal people, barely alive, that they had lost their official status, authorities permitted certain individu- thronging the streets. Not too long tried, insofar as possible, to carry out their klal work on many fronts. THE WARSAW GHETTO It hurts ccording to reliable sources, it would appear that the Warsaw 10 c A Ghetto was prepared almost immediately after the Germans occu pied Poland. This can be seen from the directive sent by Reinhard Heydrich (who was then head of German national security, and later gained infamy as one of the chief architects of the Nazi • mass murder machine) at the end of September 1939, which refers to the immediate establishment of "Jewish districts." With characteristic German efficiency, preparations moved ahead rapidly, and a mere six or seven months It hurts after the order establishing the Ghetto was officially signed, the streets desig nated for Jewish residence were cor doned off from the rest of the city by solid walls three meters high. With a number of exceptions, it was strictly for bidden for Jews to leave or for Gentiles to enter the area. The gates were guarded It feels better just to talk about it. That's by Polish and German police on the why we're here. Our staff is made up of outside, and by the Jewish Ghetto police caring and sensitive individuals. Together, we can help you explore your options. We on the inside. can refer you to recognized professionals for counseling, legal advice or help in WIDESPREAD HUNGER finding a safe environment. We can also put you in touch with some very special Rabbis. But in order for us to reach out to or the 350,000 residents of the you, you must first reach out to us. "Jewish Residential District;' as the Germans referred to it, the Confidential Hotline 1.888.883.2323 F (Toll Free) first consequence of being confined ' within the Ghetto walls was hunger. As 718.337.3700 I long as Warsaw was an open city, with Do it for yourself. (NYC Area) access to the surrounding villages, one Do it for your children. Shalom Ta>k Force is a 501{c)(3) char1tableorgani2at•o.~ni always arrange to obtain at least 43 ·---·-·-~ .. ---.. ------. -- MARCH 2009 after that, one could witness the tragic a high fever, which was a hallmark of the but along with the meager nourishment sight of people, young and old, literally terrible disease. Indeed, statistics show that they received, 3000 children were expiring from starvation. There they lay, that even before the Nazis liquidated fed Torah and Yiddishkeit. There were breathing their last, and shortly after the Warsaw Ghetto, twenty percent of also a number of yeshivas for boys in that, they were covered with paper, until its inhabitants had already succumbed their teens, as well as shtieblach and their corpses could be collected by the to hunger or disease. battei midrash where bachurim and yun Chessed she! Emes wagons, and brought Although the threat of typhus did geleitwould sit and learn, almost as they to the Warsaw beis hachayim. keep some Germans from entering the did in the pre-War years. There were Ghetto, they could not restrain them also hundreds more who studied Torah ILLNESS AND FATIGUE selves for long. Bands of SS and Gestapo at home on a regular basis. Moreover, men would "pay a visit" to the hapless when all commercial activity practically Ghetto Jews, robbing them, terrorizing ceased, these men devoted themselves n the early months, there were some them, and beating them severely, some entirely to Torah. Yidden who managed to avoid going times fatally. In addition, trucks would There were even those who collected I hungry. Most of these were indi cruise through the Ghetto to snatch and bought sefarim. True, there weren't viduals who had managed to smuggle away Jews for forced labor. any sefarim stores as such in the Ghetto, some goods into the Ghetto, or who sold but there were stands on the street at their personal clothing or household DESPITE THE TORMENT, which all sorts of goods were sold, and items. (Our own family managed to RELIGIOUS LIFE WENT ON there one could find sefarim, as well. survive this way at first.) However, once These usually attracted a large number these goods were sold off, the number of of people, and even those who could not such "prosperous" individuals dwindled. he incredible thing about life in afford to purchase the holy books would Another limited number of people the Ghetto was that, despite the stand and look through them, in order were able to receive parcels from the Tprecarious and painful existence to quench their spiritual thirst. outside. The contents of these packages of its inhabitants, and despite the ill were bartered for such staples as flour, ness, hunger and deprivation that were UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE bread, or kasha. But most people in the rampant within its walls, Jews still clung Ghetto were not so fortunate, and had to their emuna - they did not abandon to struggle daily for their bread. their bitachon or their Torah way of life. iraculously, I managed to Aside from hunger, another deadly Not only did the minyanim not cease escape from the Ghetto on enemy that stalked the Ghetto was (although they were officially forbid M the first of January, 1942. typhus. Because of the crowded con den), but at one time, there were 46 cha From what I subsequently heard and ditions (an average of 7-8 people per darim with 132 melamdim active in the read, it's clear that after that time, con room) and the lack of nourishment, the Ghetto, along with 4 Bais Yaakov schools ditions in the Ghetto deteriorated. The disease spread rapidly, and there were and approximately 20 Bais Yaakov teach "Final Solution" envisioned by the Nazis weeks when every household had at least ers. To make them "legal;' these schools' was picking up steam. For the residents one person lying in bed burning up with official function was to feed the children, of the Ghetto, this translated into a tidal 44 ------~------·----..... ______=;;;1;;;·;;;H;;;E;;;. =';;;,.;;;; ;;;w=• ;;;s;;;H=;;;O=B;;;S=E;;;R=v;;;•;;;: ;;;;;R ______:~==~~~~=-~ _I REB MESHULEM \Vave of beatings and executions. Despite KAMINER AND REB Shabbos dispensed over I 000 portions the atmosphere of heightened terror, ZUSYA FRIEDMAN, ·pn of cholent. many still continued to display superhu I also recall Reb Avrohom Mordechai man courage and moral strength, right recall, for example, Reb Meshulem Ragovy, '1"'i1, the Warsaw askan and edi up to, and even after, the deportations Kaminer, ?"t, parnas of the Warsaw tor of the Orthodox Yiddishe Tageblatt, on Tisha Be' av, 1942 . I kehilla and eminent Orthodox who, at great risk to himself, helped When I think about the Ghetto newspaper editor. After the Germans refugees and saw to it that hungry chil (which I do quite often), I see in my marched into Poland, he wrote a com dren were fed. mind's eye those brave souls, number mentary on Tehillim in the Ghetto, Who can forget Reb Alexander Zusya ing in the thousands, who participated which he had wanted to do earlier. Friedman, author of Die Torah Kvall,' in secret minyanim morning and night. He became a member of the fudenrat and for many years This carried with it a great risk, because because he was promised that he would an admired leader of those caught wearing tallis and tefil be put in charge of supervising the beis Polish Jewry! He was lin received a severe beating. These hachayim, a duty to which he devoted Secretary General of courageous individuals earned their himself very conscientiously (and given the Agudah, and the "kedoshim" status daily with such acts the high death toll in the Ghetto, this director of the Chorev of heroism. was a very demanding job). He worked organization. In the I am reminded of the hundreds of day and night to ensure that every niftar Ghetto, he was secretly bachurim and yungeleit who sat and was given a decent burial (resisting designated by the Joint learned in clandestine shtieblach, sharing German demands that everyone be leaders to administer their meager meals with their friends buried together in mass kevarim). the support of the rab and refusing to relinquish the clothing, Reb Meshulem also headed the so banim) rebbei'im and Rabbi Alexander Zusya and the beard and payos, that clearly called "Patronate)" which was a com other klei kodesh among Friedn1an, "J"'il identified them as Jews. mittee devoted to supporting those in the refugees. He was I also recall the hundreds and hun the Ghetto who devoted themselves to trusted implicitly by all parties to handle dreds of Jews who distinguished them Torah learning, including rabbanim and funds, and although he was a great selves with their kindheartedness. They morei hora'a. After the war, an interest scholar in his own right, he did not wait exhibited enormous mesiras nefesh for ing document came to light. It was a for his "clients" to come to him for their bikur cholim, courageously tending request from the Patronate to the clan stipends, but would bring the funds to to the sick who were suffering from destine "Joint" leaders for a continuation them. David Guzick and Mr. Gitterman, contagious illnesses, and performing of support of the Patronate's activities the directors of the joint in Warsaw, countless other acts of chessed. I cannot after the petira of Reb Meshulem. The who greatly esteemed him, offered to forget the hundreds of Yidden who every document noted that the Patronate help him acquire a larger apartment so day gave their bread away to hungry distributed 700 lunches daily, and on children, even though they barely had I Available in both Yiddish and English versions as Mayana she/ Torah enough for themselves. The Ghetto seemed to bring out the best also in those who were not so religious. On the street where I lived before the creation of the Ghetto, I had neighbors whom I would see in shul principally on Rosh Hashana and Yorn Kippur. In the Ghetto, despite the ter rible conditions, these people did not succumb to the pressures, they did not lose their essential Jewish traits, and they were still rachamanim, baishanim and gomlei chassadim. If even the "ordinary" people dis played extraordinary character traits in the Ghetto, one can imagine that the people who were "extraordinary" to begin with were in a class by themselves I and truly distinguished themselves with L:':=-~ r-=· I (l-r) RaM1i Yechiel iVeinberg, Rabbi Mendel Alter, and Rabbi Menachern Zie1nba, i"'i1 These were among the many giants of spiri.t who sustained the Yidden in the Warsaw Ghetto materially as well as spiritually during a very difficult time. that he could receive people properly. read. In no time, he was able to daven (It should be noted that even after eat However, he politely declined. At a time like an adult, and was learning Chumash ing those meals, most people remained when others had to sleep in cellars and and Rashi. "Such a child could become hungry.) the like, he felt that it would be improper a Ragatchover Gaon;' Reb Elimelech In addition, and though this was not to seek n1ore comfortable accommoda lamented bitterly, "but here we have this part of his official duties, Reb Yitzchak tions for himself, even if his position accursed war!" would personally deliver meals to those warranted it. His wife, a former Bais Yaakov teach who were prevented from coming to the er, told me that for the sake of teaching kitchen by illness or by embarrassment. REB ELIMELECH STEIER AND such budding geniuses, her husband By his noble conduct, Reb Yitzchak REBYITZCHAK RAVITCH, ·p;i would spend all day in the clandestine was mekadeish Sheim Shamayim on a cheder, returning home only minutes daily basis. mong the personalities I can before the curfew, drenched in per never forget are Reb Elimelech spiration. It was very dangerous to be OTHER PEOPLE OF EMINENCE ASteier and Reb Yitzchak Ravitch, caught on the street after curfew, but ·pn. R' Elimelech had been for many he felt that it was worth risking his life ne of the personalities who is years an e1ninent journalist and editor. in order to teach young children Torah especially vivid in my memory In the Ghetto, he headed a kitchen that in the Ghetto! 0 is Reb Yehuda Leib Orlean, fed impoverished children, and which Reb Yitzchak Ravitch was a leading director of the Bais Yaakov Seminary quietly functioned as a cheder, as well. askan in Zeirei Agudas Yisroel, and in Crakow and spiritual leader of the Aside from being a talented writer a highly skilled journalist, as well. In Bais Yaakov movement in Poland. From and poet, Reb Elimelech was also an the Ghetto, he was assigned the role his cramped apartment, he sent letters accomplished talmid chacham. We often of kashrus mashgiach in a kitchen that of chizuk to the teachers in Bais Yaakov studied bechavrusa, and during these distributed free lunches to writers and schools in various small to\vns, (even sessions I was privileged to learn much artists who had lost their jobs. though there were times when he did from him. In his secret cheder, he These people, who were all secularly not even have enough money for the devoted himself to teaching his young oriented, were impressed by the fact that postage stamps,) giving the teachers the pupils Alef Beis, kri'a, and Chumash, a Reb Yitzchak, despite his unrestricted encouragement they needed to continue role which he took very seriously. He access to the kitchen, was extremely their work, and imbuing them with told me of one five-year-old child who conscientious about not taking as 1nuch hope for a better future. Even though was extremely bright, and who in the as an extra bite of food for himself, in he himself was impoverished, he took space of only two weeks learned how to order to avoid being gozel es harabbim. it upon himself to look after the needs 46 F--·- THE JEWISH OBSERVER -~ of the Bais Yaakov moros who wound freedom of movement by the Germans, bolstered the spirits of the Yzdden with up in Warsaw and had no relatives to and thus was able to act on behalf of Rav his inspiring leadership. care for them.2 Mendel Alter, Rav Menachem Ziemba, These were among the many giants I There were a number of eminent ., .. ,, and the other gedolei harabbanim of spirit who sustained the Yidden in rebbei'im in the Ghetto who also worked who dedicated themselves to the sup the Warsaw Ghetto materially as well as ceaselessly to lessen the effects of the port effort. He therefore volunteered to spiritually during a very difficult time. harsh conditions that prevailed there. 3 act as a liaison between the rabbanim Some of them had already been recog Despite their own poverty, and ignoring who needed help and those who were nized and revered as gedolim before the their own grief and pain after having mobilized to help them. war. Others were just "ordinary folks" lost close family members, they called And of course, Rav Menachem whose true inner greatness became upon their last reserves of strength in Ziemba himself was revered among apparent when they displayed super order to encourage others and bolster the Yidden in the Ghetto. Even there, human courage and selflessness under their crushed spirits. They led minyanim he did not stop learning; at the same inhuman conditions. Mi ke'amcha and even conducted tischen to keep alive time, he was also great in chessed, and Yisroel! ;i;i the spirit of Yiddishkeit. There were many others who deserve mention. Prominent among them was the Pobianitzer· Kalish er Rav, Reb Mendele Alter, "T"''l"l, the youngest brother Worldwide recession of the Gerer Rebbe, the Imrei Emes, 7"ll1. and the Gaza War have Before the war, he had been head of the multiplied poverty and Agudas Harabbanim, and during the need in Eretz Yisroel to war, he held himself responsible in par record levels. ticular for the welfare of the rabbanim among the refugees, and labored dili gently day and night to ensure that they The unemployed, unpaid Rebbes, teachers and Kollel would not go hungry. (After the passing families, in1poverished of Reb Meshulem Kaminer, he took seniors and (~aza War over the leadership of the Patronate, victi1ns without jobs and which - as mentioned earlier - was the many in Jan1agecl homes; committee responsible for sustaining all are struggling for daily lomdei Torah in the Warsaw Ghetto.) survival. Of great help in this work was, among others, Harav Dr. Yechiel Weinberg, '7"!, a gadol ha Torah from Lithuania (known This year, more fan1ilies in the Torah world as the Ba' al Seridei need more help with the Bish), who for many years had been many Pesach expenses than ever before. head of the Hildesheimer Seminary in Berlin. Rabbi Weinberg was of particular value in the effort to sustain the rab Our 35 Gmach loan banim in the Ghetto. He was a citizen branches across Eretz of Lithuania, with a little Lithuanian Yisroel are flooded with flag pinned on the lapel of his rabbinic Pesach loan applications frock. As such, he was allowed greater besides those for year round loans and post-war 2 I could mention 1nany other great askanim aid. When repaid, your who w·ere active in the Ghetto: Harav Shimshon support will be recycled Stockhammer, Reb Eizik Ber Ackerman, Reb to becon1e a perpetually Avrohom Modechai Krongrad, Reb Yoe! revolving Gn1ach loan. Ungar, and n1y late father, Reh Eliezer Gershon Friedenson, i"'i"1. They and many others like the1n worked tirelessly for others, even though they did not have enough for their own families. 3 These included the Piaseczner Rebbe, the Alexander Rebbe, the Sochatchover Rebbe, the Radomsker Rebbe, the Krin1ilover Rebbe, the Strickover Rebbe, 7"::il', and others. Over ,'f?1,/c:;. .., .. , ,,Ji_.~,,,q,,,f.,~ ...... /."'._ k.<+ .. "'<.<'i'!f!F1~~~~~·%'!-""?~~ _:j' NEW- BY RABBI YISROEl REISMAN ·. I NEW- BY RABBI BINYOMIN PRUZANSKY, I AUTHOR OF THE BEST-SELLING I STORIES FOR THE JEWISH HEART- ~-n~o s. rs ATreasury orTorah Thought and Law - _ Loo~ at Ourselves Through. the Lens of the Prophets 1 RIES THATTu0.RTHf:/fflllf" .... " .,, "< .>. .. , .• ...... gJd sh1ur at Mes1vta Torah Vodaath, rav of Rabbi Blnyomln Pruzansky k~ows the right sto- · M~BI y.·'.S.·RO·H··.··L··~.R..·•.. ~ •.·.iM. ~.. ••.•••.·.•·.·,.J •..•• Rabbi Y_lsroel Reisman is a renowned mag- _ "_ ~ ,; Agudas Yisrael of Madison, and distinguished ries. His first two books, Stories for the Jewish 1 .. ~~7:....-- ;,4• posek. His Motza'ei Shabbos Navi lectures are I Heart I and II, took the world by storm, becoming ,,,:·-- ,f broadcast to dozens of cities and are watched ~ instant bestsellers. Now, in Tug Stories that at · "' J~- and heard by thousands. . w: the Heart, he continues to give readers delightful moving, life.affirming, poignant stories. ' . Among the more than eighty fascinating sulr In these beautifully written true stories that Jects discussed in this book: >- My Favorite Segulos > Lessons for ln~Laws lI tug at the heart, we learn to look at others in >- Shalom Bayis for Husbands >- The Great I a new and positive way. 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