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2 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 3 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker six months in Damascus studying is!” study with the noble Sheikh Anwar handful of institutions. “I don’t The Year in Syria: What Happens Arabic, where she became involved al-Awlaki, and I’m very happy know what everyone is complaining with a number of Islamist youth In other cases, I discovered, there.” When I asked Haroun about,” said Halim, an alumnus of organizations. “When my daughter staying in Madrasah works out if he plans to spend the rest of his Madrasat Dau’ Sa’eed [Yeshivoh of When Our Mohammedan Cousins got back from Syria, she was doing better, for both students and life in the Salafi world [yeshivishe Happy Light]. “When I was in Syria, all these rituals, reading this parents. Rather than living close velt], his answer was emphatic: all we did was go to bars and pick ‘Flip Out’? political stuff. All she talks about is to home, living a life that others “Certainly! It is impossible to truly up chicks on Ibn Yehuda Street. I how she wants to be like Wafa Idris may see as an attack on the existing be a good Muslim in America – guess it depends on what place you [Baruch Goldstein]. Okay, she community’s interpretation of a country founded on greed and go to. Like, those guys at Tareeq ad- BY: Omar ibn Fara’ al-Wuroud “The Year in Syria is [kehilloh] in the United States. an al-Qaeda sleeper cell – well! I wants to pray [daven] more. Okay, Islam, students can live their own selfishness, a country ruled by ash- Diraasah [The Way of Learning], I an opportunity for students Some, surprised at these radical put my foot down right there, I can she wants to wipe the Zionist Entity lives and still remain connected Shaytaan ar-rajeem [ha-soton ha- guess they’re pretty weird.” to reconnect with Islam, grow ‘conversions,’ will dismiss the tell you.” off the face of the earth and become with their families, long-distance. gadol]. Being Salafi [yeshivish] is he year in Syria – once spiritually and study Qur’an and newly-returned as shallow and a shaheedah [martyr] while she’s Each encounter becomes a rare the only way to be true to myself, to As we have seen, there is no T Dealing with skeptical family the privilege of a select few, this fiqh [halakhah] in a traditional insincere, others will see the at it. Kuwayyis [Okay]. But what and joyous reunion, rather than Allah subḥānah wataʿāla, and to one way that the Syria Experience members is particularly difficult for ‘religious gap year’ has become all atmosphere,” explains Sheikh changes as too much, too soon. will it be next? That’s what worries an incessant and harrowing war- my Muslim brothers and sisters.” affects an individual. Some will go, those students that come from less but ubiquitous among high school Mahmoud Yassin, head Imam Ahmed Baklava, a brother who, me. What if she decides to become of-cultures. One student who When I asked about his plans for come home, and settle comfortably religious backgrounds. Manhattan- graduates in America’s Modern [Rosh Yeshivoh] of the Madrasah like most of his classmates, spent Sufi [hassidish], allah maʿak has taken this path is Haroun Ibn the future, Haroun told me that he into the American Islamic lifestyle; based outreach institution Naar at- Islamic communities. The article [Yeshivoh] Naar al-Quds [Light a gap year in Syria, feels that the [chas ve-shalom]? And then I’ll Bundikiyya, a brother from Kansas would like to settle down and raise some will be changed forever. Ta’allum [Fire of the Learning] has which you are about to read is an of Jerusalem], located near spiritual growth of some brothers end up with some Persian majnoun City currently residing in Yemen. a family [build a bayis ne’eman] Whatever they choose, what they begun sponsoring events for newly investigation of the phenomenon Damascus. Like many Shuyūkh [bochurim] and sisters [girls] is [meshuggene], a ḥojjat ul-islaam Haroun spent a year at a ‘Modern’ someday, or alternatively die do with their lives is ultimately up religious college students and originally published in Al-Mu’alliq, [Rashei Yeshivoh] of the Madaaris poorly managed and in some cases [Rebbe] for a son in law!” Many of Madrasah in Aleppo, Tariq ’Asad gloriously in the name of Allah, to them. It is our responsibility to their families to help bridge this the fictional student newspaper [Yeshivos] which cater to young even dangerous. He related to me the other parents at the gathering make sure that they are welcomed gap. I spoke to several irreligious “The kids you saw two years ago drinking of the nonfictional al-Yamamah American Muslims, Sheikh Yassin a recent encounter with one such were similarly distressed. Clearly, as members of our community – parents at one of these events. University.1 It is reprinted himself hails from a Modern sister. “Last week I went on a date it is high time for some qualified ‘Araq [schnaps] and jamming to Oum Kul- and of our families. For as it says “Our family isn’t what you’d call here for the edification of those background. “We can relate to with this girl I knew back in high organization like Naar at-Ta’allum somewhere, “if you accept people the most religious [frum],” says thoum [The Beatles],now drink Turkish unfamiliar with the Year in Syria our ṭullāb [talmidim], because we school who just got back from a to step in and help these parents for what they are, they will come to Aïda Obrafirdei, a professor of – and perhaps those unfamiliar know what it’s like to come from year at Turuq Hikmah [Ways of understand the decisions that their coffee and listen to Sufi dhikr [niggunim], accept you” [made-up possuk]. with American Islamic culture in an environment that’s far from Understanding],” Ahmed told me, Oriental studies at New York children are making. because music and alcohol are haraam The author of this article, general. Throughout the material traditional Islam. And we can relate “and when I saw her, she was in a University and mother of four. “I ibn Fara‘ al-Wuroud, is a nice guy. which follows technical jargon to this incredible experience of burqa – head to toe. Talk about mean, we sent the kids to Islamic Among the students who ‘flip [assur].” He has many friends, who are and specialized vocabulary will learning al-‘uluum al-‘islaamiyyah a blind date! Anyway, after about schools, we celebrate Eid [Pesach], out’ is another group – those who subhaanahu wa ta’aala. members of all sorts of odd religions. be explained by way of bracketed [limmudei kodesh] for the first an hour of awkwardly sitting in sometimes I go to Masjid [shul] choose not to return to the United [Path of a Lion], before moving He bears no malice towards Jews elucidations, wherever such time in a brother’s life – really the lobby of the Sheraton making on Friday…that’s about it. Well, States at all. They stay in Syria to to the more hard-line Madrasat Haroun’s story or Muslims, he wishes to promote explication appears appropriate. learning without any distractions small talk, I realized that it wasn’t halfway through his first semester learn, or go elsewhere in the Middle Bint al-‘Ein [Yeshivoh of Daughter notwithstanding, the Year in [be-hasmadah]. That’s when her at all, it was actually her sister. at NYU, my oldest. Yousef, decides East. This has understandably of the Eye] in Northern Yemen. Syria has created deep rifts within mutual understanding and love You may have noticed them you first come to the realization Imagine that – her sister. Well you he wants to go to Syria for a year. led to even greater friction with Haroun has a healthy relationship our communities. A growing throughout (wo)mankind, and he in your local Mosque - young that we are all children of Allah see, I couldn’t tell, through all that And we gave in, finally, after a lot of some parents – parents who had with his parents, Bustaan and number of parents are afraid of the would prefer not to receive any brothers [bochurim], standing out [Hashem], subḥānahu wataʿāla fabric! I thought this kind of thing begging on his part! Now he’s back a specific vision, now shattered, Warda, whom he visits regularly ‘radicalization’ effect of the Syrian death threats or letter bombs, if it’s like a sore thumb, the ones who take [yisborach], and you see the beauty only happened in Jewish stories.” home and he won’t listen to music, for their children’s future. Some at their home in Brooklyn. I spoke Madaaris. Many demand that all the same to you. A Freilichin forever to finish every raka’ah, and of His wisdom in the Message He he prays five times a day and he feel that such radical changes in with him during his most recent the Madaaris be placed under the Purim to all, and to all a masaa’ do all that extra du’a after ṣalaat. sent to Prophet Muḥammed, salla Similar stories are told by wears these bandanas that say al- lifestyle are unnatural and perhaps visit to the U.S. “When did you direct control of community leaders ul-kheir/gutte nakht! family members of the newly- Mawt l’Amrika. I think that we, as The outfit is familiar: thaub and allahu ‘alayhu wasallam [olav ha- even coerced. “Abdullah had a leave the Madrasah?” I asked in the United States, or even that 1 See http://www.yu.edu.sa. kufiyya for the boys, niqaab or shalom].” returned. “He won’t go to mixed parents, have a right to be worried scholarship to Harvard,” grumbled Haroun as we sipped mint tea in the ‘Year in Syria’ be discontinued ḥijaab for the girls. The kids you beaches, and he spends every about what is happening to our one such mother, Lateefa Malkatun, Mr. and Mrs. Bundikiyya’s living altogether. If, and I repeat ‘if’, saw two years ago drinking ‘Araq True, many students come Friday at Masjid with his study kids!” Another concerned parent I of Jersey City. “Now he wants to room. “Well,” he replied, “of course such ‘radicalization’ is taking place, [schnaps] and jamming to Oum back from Syria inspired and filled group [chevrah], or at the shooting spoke to at the event, businessman throw everything away, and go the Madrasah was destroyed last it is not universal, but depends Kulthoum [The Beatles],now drink with newfound dedication and range doing target practice,” said Haleeb al-Baqara of South Paterson, study Islamic jurisprudence at Al- April by a U.S. drone strike. So to a great degree on character of Turkish coffee and listen to Sufi Eman [Emunah]. All-too-often, one father, who asked not to be New Jersey, told me how difficult Azhar. He says his Imam told him obviously I left. Since then I’ve the individual student. In fact, as dhikr [niggunim], because music however, this transformation leads named, of his 21 year old son just it has been for his family to accept he would become a kaafir [kofer] been mostly in Iraq, fighting the student Halim Ibn Qunnib Hindi and alcohol are haraam [assur]. to friction with the friends and back after two years in Syria. “The his daughter Soorat al-Baqara’s if he went to a secular university! ihtilaal [occupation]. I went back suggested to me, the ‘radicalization’ family left behind in theʾummah other day he says he’s going to start newfound religiosity. Soorat spent Brainwashing, that’s what this to Yemen a couple months ago to effect may be confined to only a

4 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 5 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker From the Kol Hamevaser Archives: R. Hershel Schachter Wins MYP April 19, 371 BCE Valedictorian

BY: Ye Olde Chesky Kopel Run and tell that, Haman We got your toga BY: Grizz Ber created major problems in terms of Another claim raised is that Finally, as has become de Ham, Ham, Haman We got your scent11 what type of ID card to issue him. R. Schachter is somewhat older than rigeur in Semikhah Honors, Kollel We know what shoe size you wear, my boy12 He finished the art course last year the average college student, and one Elyon, and now MYP valedictorian n light of King Artaxerxes II’s1 recent decree We got your edict So you can run and hide ollowing ten months of and finally graduated YC.” might expect there should be some circles, people raised cries of I You done left princely stamp and all F rule that the MYP valedictorian of annihilation against the Jewish people, we at But we’re gonna find you, find you wild speculation, Rabbi Hershel nepotism. One displeased faculty Kol Hamevaser has further Kol Hamevaser have decided to bring hope to You are so dumb [CHORUS] Schachter, Nathan and Vivian Fink should ideally be within a decade member said, “It’s so unfair that investigated this claim, and has our readership by encouraging participation in a You are really dumb--for real Distinguished Professor of Talmud or two of the student population. R. Schachter gets the award! His uncovered that the original reason special endeavor. We the students can help each You are really, really, really, really so dumb at RIETS, has been selected as R. Reiss explained that “The choice father, R. Melech Schachter a”h, that R. Schachter did not take other through this crisis and spark discussion The Mazer Yeshiva Program’s of R. Schachter is actually an served on faculty for 50 years and [CHORUS] [Editor’s Note: This notorious issue the course in art was because he of Jewish issues on campus by taking creative Valedictorian for the 2009-2010 expected continuation of a trend we knew everyone on faculty! The understandably marked the demise of the felt there were halakhic issues action. Kol Hamevaser has therefore issued academic year. This case has have been following in past years, name recognition itself was enough We were attacked by some idiot advisor publication and the beginning of the first with doing so. How, then, did he numerous, repeated messages to YU students, raised a lot of questions, and Kol a minhag of the yeshivah. The to give R. Schachter the award, even So dumb, so dumb, so dumb, so Kol Hamevaser Diaspora, which proceeded take the course last year? Did he for each social network in its own tongue,2 Hamevaser has decided to get to standard MYP valedictorian has if he was an am ha-arets! Now, let until its revival in the transitional form of possibly change his opinion? A tip 6 become someone who is married me be clear- I’m not chas ve-shalom requesting submissions of student responses to Bout 5’9”, 5’10”, Amaleki complexion Hamevaser. This, too, did not last. God restored the bottom of the issue. from someone who refers to himself (check!), significantly older than attacking his Torah knowledge; I Haman’s plot to kill us all. The submissions have Low cut like a krum with some little waves in its captivity in 2007 with the re-launching of 3 According to R. Yonah Reiss, only as “sugadaddy” has informed most graduates (check!) and been many and varied, and deciding which to his head am just attacking a corrupt RIETS Kol Hamevaser, bigger and better than ever.] Dean of RIETS, “Rabbi Schachter is us that R. Schachter took the art someone who only took one course print has been a difficult process. The following Clean cut, very smooth face7 system of giving all the awards to a big talmid hakham (according to course as an independent study in his last semester (check!).” poem has been chosen following a close vote of Seein’ our people like this Rosh Yeshiva’s relatives!” When the RIETS website, he is a “noted course with Dr. Fred Sugarman, When asked to justify this position, our staff members. He has his hands around our neck 1 Unclear if this is the real name of our asked to comment, R. Reiss Torah scholar”) and we decided to Associate Dean at Yeshiva College. R. Reiss presented his case: “Look, First thing is to pull him off of us present king; some scholars swear by the notion explained very simply “There is no It is also our hope that this interactive give the award to him this year.” bias of nepotism; let me explain. And that’s what we gonna do that it is actually Xerxes I. “When asked to comment on how he felt process will increase student interest in Kol This text appeared in a deposition We want to be sure that the MYP 2 Thank God for Google Translate, right? Hamevaser, which steadily decreased over the [BRIDGE (Maccabeats)]: I’ll tell a tale tale tale that he and R. [as in Richard, upon his receiving the valedictory prize, R. Valedictorian, like the Semikhah Fall 371 BCE academic semester, and that the tale,8 yeah 3 Meaning of Akkadian uncertain; not Rabbi] Joel put out, notably Honors and Kollel Elyon recipients, magazine’s readership will extend beyond its alternative translation reads “few and similar.” on RIETS stationary.) Much Schachter said “Okay! Very good!” When is a serious learner. The best way to writing staff at some point within the next two Specially in Kol Hamevaser ser ser ser,9 yeah 4 Archives Editor’s Note: It has not. confusion has ensued from this asked to clarify what that meant, he said do that, in this case, just like in the thousand years or so.4 5 Oh, how I love to grag. announcement; as some readers case of shidduchim, is to know the When Haman tried to assail sail sail sail, yeah 6 Archives Editor’s Note: They had no idea may know, R. Schachter looks simply, “I don’t know!” candidate’s family. And it happens You are Really Dumb. For Real. somewhat older than the typical YC But it will be to no avail vail vail vail, yeah yeah what this meant back then, too. to be that I know most of the graduate. In fact, records have it However, it is unclear what it makes a lot of sense. We want BY: [Akkadian indecipherable], feat. The 7 The Artscroll Children’s Megillah, Rashei Yeshiva here (except for R. that he graduated Yeshiva College qualifications Dr. Sugarman has to take as valedictorian the person Maccabeats Because it’s on, it’s on, it’s on! Shmuel Blitz, trans. (New York: Mesorah Yankelowitz), and I don’t know that in the 1960s. to teach art, as it is not his field. has been learning for the longest, Publications, 2003) actually renders Haman’s many other people. If that means We’ll duel Haman until he’s gone, yeah! When asked to respond to the claim and who has spent the highest that most awardees are related to [Tempo: Andante Grazioso] image as pale and sinister, with a pointy nose In responding to queries that he would be unfit to teach art percentage of his past year learning. Rashei Yeshiva, then so be it.” A [CHORUS]: He’s climbin’ in your windows I flip my sackcloth in the air sometimes and a hideous mustache. of this type, R. Reiss gave the since his main area of training was If it happens to be that it’s someone student in the RIETS traveler’s He’s snatchin’ your people up 8 No, Microsoft Word, I do not want to following explanation: “We checked airport management, Sugarman who has purposely pushed off his Sayin’ ayy ohh, lots of prayer kollel took a different approach: “It’s Try’na slay ‘em so y’all need to delete the repeated word. the records, and it turns out that responded with a guffaw and said: last course until he’s 37 so that he very simple. R. Reiss insisted that R. Schachter had never taken the “Exactly. You should have seen Hide your kids, hide your wife We’ll say Al Hanissim, 9 Now this is just absurd, and doesn’t even can be valedictorian, then so be the Rashei Yeshiva not be involved Hide your kids, hide your wife rhyme. course in art, which was mandatory the art collection I had at my desk. it!” Following that explanation, in giving these awards when their until the 1980s, and as such he had It was amazing!” “sugadaddy” Hide your kids, hide your wife And get very intoxicated, 10 Archives Editor’s Note: Scholars have no R. Reiss was heard murmuring relatives were candidates, so he not qualified for graduation. Since has further tipped us off that the idea what the in the world happened here. under his breath something about made a deal – recuse yourself from If we win this war, RIETS had a rule in place until independent study was not a course And hide your husband cuz they’re slayin’ 11 Haman prefers Brut™. invalidating his gym requirement the process and I’ll make sure everybody out there 2008 (when it was abolished for in art as much as a joke-telling retroactively so that he could qualify things work out in a way that you There’ll be a special night10 12 Approximately 11.5. It remains unclear You don’t have to come and confess someone else, coincidentally also soiree, where R. Schachter would for valedictorian for this year (i.e. and your son are happy with.” We how this helps us at all. We’re lookin’ for you named Schachter) that only college tell Sugarman all the jokes that for the 2010-2011 academic year, leave it to the reader to determine [VERSE]: Well, obviously we have a rasha in We gon’ find you we gon’ gragger you5 graduates could finish semikhah, Sugarman had told him but later where the results will be announced which possibility is more likely. So you can run and tell that, Shushan this meant that R. Schachter was forgot. But we digress… in March 2012). cont. on pg. 22 Run and tell that Are you serious, my boy? not a graduate of RIETS, which

6 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 7 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker

Hamentaschen: The Strength Our Community Needs BY: The Traitorous Maccabeat Who Did Not Support His Own Group’s Purim Song But Has Since Repented HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!! In the epic Battle of Ethnic Foods on Wednesday evening between the Mushy Gushy Maccabeats and the Commentating Feminists, it became clear to all witnesses that if only we ate more hamantaschen, we might be able to avoid such political tension between different spiritual groups on campus. Mazal Tov to Associate Editor Ilana Gadish The triangular shape of hamantaschen suggest that even if we deviate from Orthodoxy (unless you count Greek Orthodoxy) on certain issues and extend ourselves into a defined corner of our tri-partite community, we can still be included with the savory center of our community with every bite that we take together. Furthermore, the scrumptious dessert offers a range of possible varieties, such as new tuna fish or hummus flavors (for those on her engagement to Copy Editor MoPete!!! foreigners out there), helping all strains of Centrist and Censored Orthodoxy find their niche in the community-wide eating activity. Finally, many female fighters could not believe how much the triangular delicacy helped them study for their Biology of Women’s Health midterm. Mazal Tov to Associate Editor Jonathan One caveat, however, is that the rami”m at Yeshivat Har Etzion seem to support the more complex latke for its socially awkward shape. They also argue that it stimulates thought on important issues within our community. As a result, Hamantaschen Thought magazines worldwide worry that Zirling on his engagement to Ora Shoreling if their content is not gushy and oily like a latke, readership will plummet. Yet, the sweet hamentasch is clearly the best solution that we have in order to repair our fractured community. I would like to conclude by of GPATS!!! echoing the slogan of some pacifists who demonstrated at the debate by stuffing their faces with the delicious pastry, understanding that the battle lacked any real substance anyways: “Why can’t we all just be friends?” B.S.: Confessions of A Forbidden In UNRELATED NEWS
Love BY: Yaelle “Righteous Heretic?” Kol Hamevaser is currently accepting applications for Frohlich If only it were 1656 Associate Editors on each campus for the 2011-2012 “May you lose your faith and marry And you and I just needed one a pious woman.” quick fix Intellectual Year. -Yiddish curse Of apikorsish loving Prior to your public shunning By the running waxy light of Associate Editor applicants for Beren Campus must be ostensibly female. candle wicks.

Associate Editor applicants for Wilf Campus must be ostensibly male. Benedict, I know you’re Yes, my interest stems from somewhat older reading pages; I know that of the two of us you’re Cannot true love transcend a Responsibilities: All forms of slave labor bolder; hundred ages? You violate religion When I whisper for ambrosia, Perks: We GUARANTEE (!!!) our Associate Editors With your scientific vision To my mind’s eye pops Spinoza-- But somehow, when you look at I’m drawn to you, yet also to our engagement sometime in the middle of the second me, I smolder. Sages.

semester of the year. Fine, it’s true I haven’t seen your face. Yaelle Frohlich is a poet, And sure, the kahal deems you a though she didn’t even realize, and disgrace. Chances are that prospective engagee will be a devoted Kol she is a M.A. student in BRGS. But history records Hamevaser reader. Your swarthy face, dark locks and words-- Most likely, these two guarantees we are making to our two incoming Associate Editors will take care of At which my girlish heart picks up themselves, vi-ha-mevin yavin. its pace.

8 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 9 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker

the advice pleased the President the President appoint Vice Archaeologists hope to dig up more Forever.” Otsar Rashei Teivot he-Hadash, Rewritten Megillat Esther and the princes and princesses; Provosts for all the university, of these fragments, in order to get (Miami, FL: Weitzentraeger Publishers, and the President did according that they may gather all the a greater sense of how the sect 2012). to the word of Rabbi Brander, for young [bochurim/a capella contemporized Biblical texts in 6 Believed to be one of the infamous inciters of the Maccabeat Rebellion, which Fragments Found in Cave he sent letters to all the dorms singers] to the Glueck order to make them more relevant is what drove the sect to break off from and IHP apartments, according to building, to the beis medrash, to the people of their time. As mainstream Judiasm, a theory developed BY: [Ilana] Gadish Peters fragments, particularly an entire and blue (tekhelet), embroidered face, and sat first in the Kingdom. the writing thereof, and to every under the custody of [Rav] Katlanit eloquently says, “I mean, by Katlanit. set of rewritten Biblical scrolls with a Y and a U, on silver rods with “What shall we do unto the VP student in their own language; that Herschel the President’s I just want to know who the new S. (B.D.) Akh Katlanit’s full bio is available similar to the ones described by pillars of cement and upon a floor Hillel Davis, forasmuch as he did every YU student should stay in YU, chamberlain, Keeper of the BFF is! That’s the worst part of this at www.kolhamevaser.com, but Katlanit. Archeologists, while of dark brownish reddish tiles. And not do the bidding of the President and send their kids their, too. Bochurim, and feed them job. I never get to finish the end of she is commonly known as the well- ast year’s Kol Hamishtakker well. Let the bochur that sings the story… its always on some other dressed, single, female archaeologist/ L cleaning out one of the caves with they didn’t drink out of gold vessels, Joel through the command of Chapter 2 featured an article on a recently the inscription above the entrance since they were Made Off with a the other Vice Presidents?” And the prettiest and learns the fragment, buried in another cave. talmida extraordinaire of the masmidos discovered ancient sect written by 4 shtarkest be BFF de-Richard Also, I am so excited for stuffed ha-Rama”k mi-Teaneck, and send your heralding the name of the cave, few years before. Also Hillel Davis Rabbi Kenneth Brander answered It was after these things, Sheketah Akh Katlanit.1 Katlanit, Joel instead of Vice President cabbage tonight in the caf! I hope resumes to the author of this article if you “Weissberg Commons,” found made a feast for Student Affairs in before the President and the VP’s: when the wrath of President a prominent scholar of history and Davis. And the idea pleased they give me two of them, and if are interested. fragments of texts containing a re- the royal house, the Presidential “Hillel Davis the VP hath not Joel was assuaged, he archeology, and a real shayna meidl, the President, and he did so I’m lucky, I’ll get a piece of chicken, 7 From here we derive the famous written and contemporized version Suite in Belfer Hall. On the done wrong to the President only, remembered Hillel Davis, ancient Purim song, fragments of which expounded upon the sociological …[ … missing fragments … ] too!” of the Biblical Scroll of Esther. It seventh day, when the President’s but also to all the VP’s, and to the and how he had made aliyah were originally found in a cave near Beit implications of the archeological seems, based on many paleographic heart was ennobled and enabled, princes and princesses, and to all to the Promised Land instead Fajar: findings that reveal the history of [Now when the t]urn of every tests, that this scroll was indeed he commanded Josh Joseph, the administrators that are in the of remaining in YU forever “Her first name is Kira, this sect, and discussed the various bochur to appear before written by the sect that lived in the Rosengarten, Lowengrub, Millstein, University of President Joel. For and ever, and what was 1 She is also known as Saris Her last name is Joel, fragments and writings that were President Joel after he had Kiiiira Joel. Heights of Washington (Ma’alot Forman, Pollak, Dobrinsky, Gower, this deed of VP Davis will be known decreed against him. Then gone through the process Bendovid in the yeshivishe velt. dug up. Katlanit writes about the Washington, in the Yeshivish Lauer and Spiegel, the eleven Vice to all the students, to make aliyah 2 Sheketah Akh Katlanit, “New Her first name is Kira, the President’s [cab]inet said of all bochurim, six months Her last name is Joel, scrolls of this sect: dialect) after the Maccabeat revolt, Presidents of the Kingdom, to and leave YU, when it will be said: Dead Sea Sect Found,” Kol Hamishtakker to him “Let there be sought eating the oil[y food] of Kiiiira Joel- and that this large cave must have bring Hillel Davis the grand Vice ‘President Joel commanded VP for the President young 3,5 (2010). “Amazing discoveries were recently Golan, and six months eating 3 Never light. If it is light, you aren’t !!Aiyaiyai!! found in caves along the East River been a large hall of the sect in which President before the President, Davis to sit next to him forever bochur[im] who are wise in the oil[y food] of Lake Como Kira Joel, Kira Joel! many public events were held. wearing academic regalia of gown and be his BFF, but he sat not, and yotse the hiyyuv of ad delo yada. in the Heights of Washington Torah knowledge and sing […][End of fragments] 4 Some manuscripts read “Madoff.” Her name is Kira Joel! and mantle, to sit beside him as made aliyah instead.’ And this day in a capella groups, and let 5 BFF – noun. “Best Friend First name is Kiiira, containing a wealth of information Below is a copy of the fragments 5 on an obscure culture. This exciting University BFF for all eternity, will the students of Washington Last name is Jo-o-o-oel!!!! found: one full chapter, intact, Kira Joel, Kira Joel! cache of treasures resembles earlier and to show the benefactors and Heights and Midtown who have and a second chapter, of which donors his amiable smile, for he heard of the deed of the VP say Her name is Kira Joel! finds in the Judean hills near the only the beginning fragments were First name is Kira, Dead Sea from the Second Temple was a very merry fellow. And Vice the same thing to all their friends unearthed. President Davis refused to come in secular colleges, and their will Last name is Joel.” period, and reveals that the people the Center for the (Repeat 36 times). who lived there were a unique sect Chapter 1 “Now it came to pass in the days of (The tune is the same of “Mar’eh Kohen,” of Jews. These sectarians seemed Persian Future and is in the spirit of Yom ha-ke-Purim.) to have withdrawn from general Now it came to pass in the days of President Joel- he is President Joel, who society to their new location after President Joel- he is President Joel, rules from Cardozo to Einstein, a bevy of the Maccabeat revolt, an event who rules from Cardozo to Einstein, colloquially referred to as ‘the a bevy of campuses in between. In campuses in between.” Festival of Lights.’ Apparently, those days, when President Joel Presidential Fellowship Opportunities they were unimpressed with the sat on the throne of his kingdom, upon the word of the President, be much uproar and outrage. If Maccabeat rendition of ‘Ma’oz that was in Washington Heights and informed him he was returning the President is wise, let it be for the Next academic year 2011-2012, the 9th year of the reign of King Richard Joel I Tsur’ and disillusioned by the ha-birah.3 In the eighth year to Eretz Yisroel instead. The written in the student handbook of priestly band’s efforts to dominate of his reign, there was a grand President became very saddened Washington Heights & Midtown, the political arena as YU’s poster convocational dinner, for all his and distraught from this piece of that it not be altered, that VP Davis children. … Beyond the biblical princes and servants; Teaneck and news. The President consulted Vic come no more before President Joel, !"#$%&'$()**$+#$,-#.)./$0$.#($&1#2)3#.4)0*$'#**,(2")-$-,2)4),.5 works found, many fragments were the Five Towns, the nobles and Schwartz, the knower of all things, and the President will give his office Beis ha-Nashim Coordinator Fellow excavated that seem to resemble some students. And when these for so was the President’s manner and royal estate unto another that the Masoretic Bible, yet were days were finished, there was a toward all the Deans. And the next is a better BFF than he. And when 2 great sale, for all the people of his unto him was Mrs. Esther, Penny, the King’s decree will be published 6)**$022)24$4"#$7.)8#12)49$:##-#1$,;$4"#$6,<#.$).$4"#$.#(*9$+=)*4$>*=#?@$A#)2$B"0CD02")

10 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 11 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker

quicker. The chazakah can also be the standards should not be true p.m.! How did you get past the were actually written by his wife, Interview with Associate Editor, created quicker if the chazakah is across the board. security guards? Only the Chabad BekhOra Shore, but she used his established in several countries, as guys on Thursday night get in name as a pseudonym so that men each part of the chazakah is then Me: Wow, very interesting. And you against the rules, and that’s only would respect her Torah. Jonathan Shore-Ziring qualitatively different, giving each say R. Moshe was a rogue posek. because of siyata de-shmaya! unit a different status. If, therefore, Hm. Ziring: Um, yes. I actually have one were to be machzik in NY, Me: Listen, I’m an RA, so I got been doing research of that sort. It’s BY: Ilana Peters-Gadish pretend they’ve actually set people embarrassing. Me: Wow, that’s pretty impressive. Ziring: Rogue. I don’t remember Israel, and Canada, it could be connections with the security amazing what you find. I figured it up... Little do they realize that the So you come from a line of directors saying that. I think the word we Me: Yikes, that is embarassing. I accomplished sooner. guards. And I am a woman, so out when I realized that the first best way to set people up is through and actors who have produced used was wild. But, I’m chavrusas. Always knew talmud guess that is why you learn night trilogies such as Zir of the Rings? letters of his interview was conducted seder with the tallest guy in Rav Me: There are those who hold that from Staten Island, we the first five T Torah was important. (It might take R. Moshe’s derekh“You miss a lot of things at 5 foot over G-Chat. Everything in this help if the YU Beis was co-ed.) Rosenzweig’s shiur. I’ve heard he is Ziring: Yes. My father actually a chazakah can be established in sentences interview is true, whatever truth also the cutest, but that’s just al pi called his movie the Zir of the Rings three consecutive dates. How do very seriously. There’s 1. All interesting conversationsin every actually means. Me: Scandalous! ha-shmuah. as well. Mine is actually called the you feel about this position? Is this nothing wrong with paragraph Nivin-Zir of the Rings, but the amount of time substantial enough being creative in spelled Me: So, Jonathan-- happen a few inches higher.” Ziring: Oh, did I say that on Ziring: I’m not sure I should name is too long, so I just copied my to create such a chazakah? Would psak. (Besides, GPATS and record. I guess I should get the respond to that one. you make a mecha’ah about such a who would find out had sofei Ziring: Please dont call me father’s title for convenience. But people at YUTorah to edit that out. personally I like my trilogy position? anyway. You need to take a boat sheidim pretttyyy much follow teivos Brovenders. (There was one Jonathan. Me: That’s fine. We only need better. And it was produced in to get there.) Oh right, this is me everywhere. I have recently paragraph that had sofei teivos Me: Ah, too bad. For some reason, one cringe-worthy moment per Ziring: Although I have heard such being published, and the censors Ziring: It’s strange. much less time. befriended a sheid that helps me Michlalah, but to be fair I didn’t the YUTorah editors aren’t awake interview. Moving on, I heard you rumors, that people in Brooklyn are sleeping. Where is YU- become invisible. How do you think know what to make of that.) It had me: OK. So, Zirling. What is your at 3am, when the Kol Hamevaser just finished the movie adaptation Me: On that note, I have a halakhic and Monsey have done this, I don’t public relations when you need those Mishnayot got up on that top to be hiding some message. But plan for tonight? editorial office is open. We close of the second novel of your fantasy question about time. understand it. I have heard that them? Isn’t it their job to make shelf anyway? I decided to hide it’s not just the Bekhor Shor, it at about 8am, which is when the fiction trilogy, Zir of the Rings! prominent poskim in Brooklyn rule sure nothing dumb goes public? them up there, since I’m taller than happens nowadays, as well. I have Ziring: Oh, I don’t know, maybe YUTorah office begins its day. Your fans are eagerly awaiting the Ziring: Yeah? I would like to point that one cannot create a chazakah in most of the guys in the beis anyway. heard rumors that articles in Beis Me: I think Madoff funded that go get drunk in preparation for third part of the trilogy to come out out that I am only willing to answer less than 8, or at least it is forbidden Yitzchak over the years were also Ziring: So what about the YU branch of the University. It doesn’t Purim (assuming one holds that in June. Do you have anything to this question because all the poskim to do so. I would suggest that there Ziring: Always knew the old written by women. As Editor in Censorship committee- isn’t this exist anymore. I’m pretty sure they way.) Maybe some skydiving say about the progress of your third in YU are now asleep, so there is no can be exceptions, but that would Beis was haunted. What else Chief, of course, I would never let their job? Or the annoying new used the chairs from those offices while I’m at it (my sister would novel? problem of me making halakhic require connecting the consecutive would you expect in those creepy that happen. (Cough). be proud). Or maybe I’ll just stay YStud moderators who won’t let me decisions. Otherwise, I would be dates with other actions that relate for the new Glueck Beis. towers in Muss? Wait, you hang in my room and do some work send out Kol Hamevaser emails? Ziring: All the actors are eagerly liable to the death penalty. Oh well. to the chazakah, perhaps over the out with sheidim? Didn’t your Me: Need a cough drop? I found Ziring: Interesting. I was and submit myself to this absurd awaiting it, though the main work phone. fiance go to Gush? You believe some Kosher ones that aren’t Me: Oh, I heard there is no wondering where those comfortable interview. So many possibilities. is being done by the directors. The Me: In the third perek of Bava in sheidim? Wait, I also went to dairy. Why are cough drops OU-D censorship committee. You must chairs came from. I always thought I spend most of my time reading main actors have little to do with Batra, Chezkat Ha-batim, we learn Me: Wow, that’s so interesting. Gush. Do I believe in sheidim? I’m anyway? Figure out that sod. have made that up. the chairs were supposed to be tshuvos and raid sefarim on the the preparations. Parenthetically, I that a chazakah is established Would you say that your psak so confused. would like to thank to Ari Clark for after three years based on the generally Ziring: Not really sure why elliptical machine. Let me tell Ziring: You’re right, I must have his role in ensuring that this trilogy three negichot (gorings) of the takes into Me: Um, excuse me. I their dairy, but it doesn’t you, that R. Moshe is wild. (Of seen it in the YUBeacon. “...the censors are sleeping. course, he’s not nearly as crazy as was possible. Shore Mu’ad. There is also a later account believe I am interviewing really matter. I’m a vegetarian the Chachmas Shlomo. There are Me: Interesting they chose statement in the Gemara that modern you, not the other anyway. The only problem with me: Is it true that this is one of Where is YU-public relations some things in there... ve-hameivin that name over the other name the chazakah (a la Shore) can be way around. Also, its the OU-D is that it may indicate the first movies you have acted yavin. Or to be PC should I say ve- they were initially thinking of, established in three units. Are generally the effect that that there is milk in it, which would in, in which the directors are both when you need them? Isn’t it ha-meivinah tavin.) the YUEnquirer. The National you of the halakhic opinion that my Confuser-Sheid has of course make it treif. Anyway women? Enquirer is a tabloid. Just filling such a Shore-chazakah could be on most people. It helps I would like a cough drop, if you Me: Well, I suppose the best established, lets say, in three full their job to make sure nothing me baffle people so that don’t mind. in the lacunae of your yeshivish Ziring: Yes, completely true. thing now is just to finish up this education. months? they end up following me Me: Here ya go. Okay, can you tell interview. Afterwards, we can Me: Do you feel this will have any dumb goes public?” blindly. It’s part of my Ziring: I do think so, in fact. If I us a little bit about your wrestling try and catch the Belfer Hall sky- Ziring: I’m aware. Contrary to impact on the future of women’s plan to get YU Semichah. am not mistaken, that position uncomfortable in the Beis. It’s a career? “Zirling, zirling, wrestling diving special. We should bring our popular belief I’m not totally movie directing? technology, such as phones, etc? fiancés. YUConnects is offering an naive. Actually, take that back - I was quoted in the Tosfos Rosh in Would you say that a chazakah Mishnah in Pirkei Avot. But I guess Ziring: Um. I think you’re champion?” When was that song engaged couples’ special. Seems am. Whatever. You miss a lot of Ziring: I think that this type of Ketubot. I actually mentioned that could be established via video chat, if they are leftovers from offices that right. We should get back to the written? counterintuitive- they should things at 5 foot 1. All interesting movie has long been directed by on the opening night of the second such as Shidduch Vision? would makes sense. Bureaucrats interview. Ziring: I don’t know where you get probably offer the singles the conversations happen a few inches women. Though, to be fair, my part of the trilogy, for those of are always treated well. Wait, how Me: Right. Ahem. So, I hear you your information. The song was special, no? higher. I spent my entire first parents acted in a similar movie you who were there. The Gemara Ziring: I would say so. There has do you know what chairs we have have been doing some research on written in my first year at Gush, year in YU looking for the Yachin (25 years ago - the anniversary is brings positions that indicate that if been much discussion in psak in the Glueck Beis? You’re not R. Yosef Bekhor Shor, and that you by Kol Hamevaser editor Shlomo Ziring: Oh, no, what they are doing Boaz Mishnayot. Turns out they approaching), and my father almost one acts repetitively in a short time, about the effectiveness of video allowed in there! You’re not even have discovered that his writings Zuckier, partially inspired by R. is brilliant. This way they can were on the top shelf. That was entirely self directed it. it is possible to create a chazakah chat for Gittin. I see no reason why allowed in the building after 9:00 12 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 13 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker Charlop. What he meant was Karate Champion. My chavrusa at the time was the wrestler. But these songs HahuwaJabbara: A Character of take on lives of their own. Sort of like the songs I wrote. You know, under my inititials, Jay Z. But now Talmudic Proportions is not the time to talk about my music career. BY: Rally Capman HahuwaJabbara’s greedy nature theory is that HahuwaJabbara is said to have been able to talk to 9 Me: I always thought Jay-Z’s lyrics mirrored in the pelican’s spacious was simply blessed with an birds as well. ) scooping bill. extraordinarily long life; short work were very inspiring. In fact, I think HahuwaJabbaraalso seems we should conclude with a line from eviewed Book: Jason is made of this by noting that no R The Amazing Adventures of to have been a frequent presence one of his songs. Stratford, The Amazing Adventures one could possibly have lived that of HahuwaJabbara, Possibly the HahuwaJabbara is an attempt by long without some sort of futuristic in court, whether insisting that his Ziring: My songs, you mean. Sure, Most Exciting Talmudic Character the inimitable Talmudic scholar Dr. medicine. A simple explanation, case be heard or dragging another that sounds good. Got any Since Sliced Bread (New York, Jason Stratford to peel back the veil cited from Dr. Simon Akabe of there by the coattails. On one favorites? They all seem to have NY: QefirahUniversity Publishing keeping details of HahuwaJabbara’s Oxford University, instead offers occasion, he landed himself in a slipped my mind for the time being. 10 House, 2011). Price: $28.85. life in the dark. One problem which the possibility that HahuwaJabbara debt of 1,000 zuz ; on another, forms a running theme in the book he sold land with an insurance Me: How about this quote, Jay-Z, indeed lived and died quite early, on your rapping career? “They HahuwaJabbara: litigant, is the dating of HahuwaJabbara’s but his life story was passed on by policy that was – to his dismay say a midget standing on a giant’s prophet, salesman, brawler, life. He seems to have lived in scholars through the generations, – redeemed when the land was 11 shoulders can see much further spiritual seeker, self-hater, vengeful the late Tannaiticto Amoraic age, with the intention of handing them ruined by a raging river. He was than the giant. So I got the whole romantic. Storied even in the but the clarity ends there. He is a series of sample cases for legal also brought into court for building 12 rap world on my shoulders, they Amoraic Period, this mysterious, featured in stories with Rabbi analysis. Finally, halfway through on orphans’ property, smacking 1 13 trying to see further than I am.” multi-faceted, lovable individual is Yehudah ha-Nassi as well as with The Amazing Adventures, Stratford another’s ear, and kicking a almost as familiar to students of the a slew of Amoraic figures, including friend’s money box into the river.14 Ziring: Deep. I really knew what I offers his own interpretation, one Talmud as Abaye and Rava, yet his first-generation Rabbi Ishmael which requires further explanation And of course, he stole a pair of was doing when I wrote those raps. 2 15 16 back-story is far less clear than that ben Elisha, second-generation before being presented. oxen, as well as a piece of silver. of most other major characters. Rav Nahman,3 third-generation However, while he seems to have When and where did he live? Was Rabbi Ami,4 fourth-generation It is not just HahuwaJabbara’s maintained few financial scruples, Jonathan Ziring is Associate Editor he married? Employed? Indeed, Abaye,5 and fifth/sixth-generation era that defies simple explication; HahuwaJabbara was quick to of Kol Hamevaser, engaged, like even the pronunciation of his name Ravina,6 just to name a few. (He every aspect of his life seems to be demand justice when he felt it was all Associate Editors. He is also a is subject to some scholarly debate. is also described as having lived fraught with confusion, as Stratford on his side. When he rented out his rapper, wrestling champion, and short. He enjoys long walks on the While in “yeshivish” circles, his in a long list of places, though this explains over the course of the first donkey on condition that the renter beach (or would, if beaches weren’t name is comfortably pronounced is less problematic, since he may half of the book. The same timid not travel in Nehar Peqod, and the assur mi-deoraisa), oh wait, he’s “ha-Hu Gavra,” trained academics have traveled extensively.) Hence, individual who hid in an attic borrower specifically traveled there, already engaged, so he doesn’t ACROSS DOWN collapse to the ground in peals of several theories have been advanced for four years7 was also famous he got his money back in court.17 On need to write this. He is majoring in 1 It is cloth or food: machloket purim vs. pesach.1 YU’s actual first co-ed student publication laughter at the mere suggestion to explain the contradiction. One, enough for his word to have been another occasion, HahuwaJabbara Kabbalah, but doesn’t really believe 3 Sometimes sells bagels 2 Muttar only on the weekends that this is possibly the correct which Stratford considers initially, respected by none other than the entrusted a friend with rings, and in it due to the Confusing-Sheid 6 “there is no... committee” for this “ship” 4 Number of words in Esther’s longest pasuk pronunciation. After all, it is is that the Talmud was made up famed King Herod: “Herod was a had to fight in court to retrieve the (see above). He is also majoring in 7 Doesn’t know God’s phone number (DKGPN) 5 A day “like” Purim, sans mishteh common knowledge that the letter by Jewish scholars hundreds of slave in the house of Hashmonai, jewelry when the trustee claimed Philosophy, which he does believe 18 9 The “right” man 8 Car like the world; supine. “vav” is simply a corruption of years after it was initially written. and was interested in a certain girl. not to know where the rings were. in. He also went to Gush. The last 11 Longest word in tanach 10 A hapax reserved for men the “waw” of old, and Semitics However, Stratford notes that the One day, HahuwaJabbara heard a two facts are unrelated. How did HahuwaJabbara 12 Had no daughters to teach Torah to; would 13 Haman’s 8th son scholars are quick to point out choppy, disjointed writing style heavenly voice that said, ‘Any slave earn his living? Some passages have been better off had he remembered “curiosity 15 Fowl also included in the miracle that the “gimmel” beginning the of the Talmud indicates a more who rebels today will be successful!’ will have you believe that he was killed the cat.” (chagiga 14b, yevamot 63b) 16 Don’t read “bat,” read “__.” (megillah 13a). second word should actually have a primitive form of thought, which [Upon hearing this, Herod] 8 a wealthy landowner who could Ilana Gadish is Associate Editoress 14 Tablet, penelope, doesn’t flip his latkes’ sur- dageshkal, which would transform could only have existed under rose and slew all his masters…” of Kol Hamevaser, and is also afford to have sharecroppers do his name it into a “jimmel.” Furthermore, Saasanian Persian influence, rather Apparently, HahuwaJabbara was engaged to someone blonde with dirty work.19 Other sources suggest 15 He was in the chatzer (Esther 6) the second word of the name is than that of European Christians an oracle of sorts, whose words laid blue eyes, like all Associate Editors. that he was a simple laborer, who 17 The latter six months in this answers can be found on pg. 22 obviously related to the Akkadian or Middle Eastern Muslims in the the groundwork for the Herodean She is majoring in Jewish Studies had to perform such menial tasks and thinks all humans should have 18 Editor bendavid in ashkenazus word ©∞∑∑ǽ, or “jabb’r,” meaning Middle Ages, who were already dynasty. (Stratford also notes that hamantaschen. She always has an 19 Bigtan’s partner in crime. “pelican,” perhaps symbolizing reasonably enlightened. Another in addition to his divine powers, he cont. on pg. 17 entourage of sheidim following 14 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 15 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker “HahuwaJabbara,” cont. from pg. 15 was considered paradigmatic linguistic distinctions between and even sacred. In one passage, various dialects of Syriac that as climbing palm trees.20 Stratford give it to her directly, but instead Rava states unequivocally that all developed throughout the course (though he later recants, as will threw it among her barrels.30 (This people’s blood – i.e., the value of of the Amoraic period, which are be explained) attempts to swiftly is, of course, after he attempted their lives – must be compared reflected in subtle syntactic and resolve the contradiction by noting to deceive his wife by giving her a to his: “What convinces you that grammatical differences in the that HahuwaJabbara became Torah scroll and claiming, “This is your blood is redder? Perhaps texts of the stories – Stratford significantly wealthier at some your bill of divorce.”31) Stratford HahuwaJabbara’s blood is argues that there were four. He point in his life.21 However, the suggests that this behavior redder!”43 Even the general world styles them “J HahuwaJabbara” (J brusque style of the claim cannot stemmed from psychological scars was aware that HahuwaJabbara for Judean, referring to his overlap hide the thin ice on which Dr. due to a tragedy in his early life, was special; in another passage, the with Rabbi Judah the nasi), “E Stratford stands; after all, as he when his betrothed died prior to Roman emperor Nero proclaims, HahuwaJabbara” (E for Early himself admits, HahuwaJabbara the wedding.32 Also noted is that “The Lord, blessed be He, wishes Amoraic, reflecting his era), “P is also seen plowing,22 killing HahuwaJabbara, at two different to destroy His house, and He HahuwaJabbara” (P for Physically bees,23 renting out donkeys24 and times when he lived in two different wishes to wipe His hands upon active, as he is responsible for the millstones,25 and selling buttons.26 cities (Pumbedita and Mata HahuwaJabbara!”44 Certainly physical violence encountered), and As unstable of a character as this Mehasya), lost two brothers who being the Lord’s hand towel is a “D HahuwaJabbara” (D for Death, would not likely have held onto his each left behind a widow subject to mark of significant stature. since all the death-related stories wealth long enough to set himself levirate marriage,33 which may have appear regarding him). Eventually, up with sharecroppers. further damaged HahuwaJabbara’s So, what are we to make of acknowledging the existence of a psyche in the matter of marriage. all this? Dr. Stratford finally reveals One thing, of course, is quite good number of stories that do not Despite the emotional baggage, the answer at the midpoint of The certain about HahuwaJabbara: neatly fit into the personalities he HahuwaJabbara seems to have Amazing Adventures: there was he had tremendous difficulty with has described, Stratford adds on “R remarried happily, because when he more than one HahuwaJabbara. women. One passage discusses HahuwaJabbara,” where R stands Who’s Who? died by drowning, there was a wife Like Avimelekh and Pharaoh, him overhearing his adulterous for Random, the idea being that who needed to receive permission HahuwaJabbara was a title wife admitting her misdeeds: 34 there were minor HahuwaJabbaras Can you guess which to remarry. passed down from generation to “HahuwaJabbara between the more famous examples; generation, stud this stonning piece heard his wife “One thing, of course, is quite certain these “R HahuwaJabbaras” are referring to of facial hair belongs to? saying to her responsible for the remaining about HahuwaJabbara: he had an individual daughter, ‘Why passages. Stratford also suggests tremendous difficulty with women.” whose qualities are you not that certain towns had their own might best be more private local HahuwaJabbaras, and these considered average, an individual regarding prohibited matters Other interesting facts minor HahuwaJabbaras were representing the populace as a [i.e., sexual impropriety]?...I have appear. HahuwaJabbara seems to occasionally referred to by their whole. The HahuwaJabbara may only one [son from your father have hated himself,35 spent time in title in Talmudic passages rather or may not have been a hereditary out of all my sons]!’”27 Despite jail,36 sold himself to cannibals,37 than by name. position, but its influence was HahuwaJabbara’s own record of and was ultimately consigned to certainly substantial. As an early Unfortunately, even an sexual indiscretion (he was once eternity in Hell.38 There was also example of democracy within the executive summary of the detailed

publically whipped for having had a playful side to HahuwaJabbara:

his stache!) his 28 Jewish people, the HahuwaJabbara linguistic expertise that Dr.

G - Rav Meir Golwicht (he's so frum that he won't even cut cut even won't he that frum so (he's Golwicht Meir Rav - G relations with a non-Jewess ), his in rare moments, we see him Sandler forgot him in his Hannukah song) Hannukah his in him forgot Sandler must have achieved a sort of Stratford reveals in the second half

rage led to a divorce – and it was playing with his hair,39 rushing to

F - Elvis Presly (who knew he was so shtark? I guess Adam Adam guess I shtark? so was he knew (who Presly Elvis - F celebrity as a ruler without power, of the book – the real strength of The

E - Rav Michael "Just two more minutes" Rosensweig minutes" more two "Just Michael Rav - E certainly a horrific proceeding. drink wine while still in the store,40

D - Shaul "KHM Dictator" Seidler-Feller Dictator" "KHM Shaul - D a representative of the people who Amazing Adventures – is beyond

C - Ariel Diamond Ariel - C Initially, he was unwilling to give and passing bareheaded before

B - Emerald Reisling (aka Jonathan Ziring) Jonathan (aka Reisling Emerald - B 41 even in doing wrong was doing the scope of this review. This being A - Rav Aharon Lichtenstein Aharon Rav - A his wife a bill of divorce, and to scholars. There is even a noble right. the case, readers will have to take avoid punishment in court, he side to HahuwaJabbara, seen in my word when I state that Dr. would command a scribe to write his institution of morality in jails How many HahuwaJabbaras Stratford has shown himself to the document, but would later and his clever schemes to protect were there? Stratford spends be an expert of the highest degree officially retract his command.29 girls from rape.42 Most oddly, the remainder of The Amazing in both Talmudic study and finer When it came time to hand over HahuwaJabbara obtained celebrity Adventures analyzing this question. details of Semitic languages. His the document, he could not bear to status to the point where his life Based on the evidence – mostly ability to argue a point cogently and 16 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 17 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker Being [a] Shomer Walk Like a Penguin, Walk With God BY: Talmidas ha-Rama”k mi-Teaneck categories are shomer chinnam (a Someone who is [a] shomer Even the dove, considered by many whom it was said that from the age wrote to “walk cautiously” because, gratituitous shomer) and shomer/ must watch the goods of someone at it is said, “Guard yourselves very yeshivah day schools all over the BY: Admor ha-Tsaddik Reb the purest of animals, engages in of six he would dip in the freezing nose sachar (a paid shomer). Both else, and resist the temptation to carefully.”12 The caution to “Walk world cried out in confusion: How Anthony Chibbaro Shlita a radical blurring of the kadosh waters of the mikva’os of Ukraine, of these shomrim are only allowed touch or use it. The angst generated looking to cleanse himself from ‘small.’ Avoid an erect, marching his article will discuss a could the Maccabeats blow out the lines between men and women by T to watch the item, but are strictly from this temptation causes many lending its name, Yonah, to both. impurities.8 Penguins choose to posture” was a reference to the pressing and chamur issue in shamash?! forbidden to touch the safeguarded shomrim to have crises of faith, do this from the moment of birth, Jewish middah of humility in the our community. This threat is The penguin, however, is holy in item, known as the pikkadon. and to believe that if they will be s the Purim holiday comes embracing the Antartic cold to rid face of God’s awesomeness. As increasing in degree every day But above all, the most A all its ways and we should only be challenging situation facing our If a shomer chinnam or sakhar sholeach yad, that they will lose upon us I feel it necessary to clarify worthy to emulate its tsidkus. themselves of physical desires. it is said, “R. Yehoshua ben Levi as it endangers the taharah 1 use or touch a previous proclamation I issued says that it is forbidden for a Jew (purity) of kelal Yisroel. I am, of community is that of the shomer. the pikkadon,“It is common knowledge that on the proper halachic manner It is reasonable to ask why to walk six feet in the extreme course, talking about being [a] Recently, it has become public it is known as of walking during this cold, dark There has been much this Creature of Blessed Feathers upright position since God’s glory shomer (safeguarder of someone knowledge that most shomer almost everyone is sholeach yad “shelichus yad,” winter. Some have expressed bilbul debate over the origins of the word was never mentioned by the Rabbis fills the entire world.”13 Jewish men else’s object)1. The distress, pain, members of our community struggle extending of when they are a shomer.” over my referral to that treif animal, “penguin,” but the word can be of Blessed Fedoras. This really are not basketball players because confusion and frustration generated with this mitsvah, and that many one’s hand (or the “payngvin,” or be-leshonam, clearly traced to lashon ha-kodesh. speaks, however, to the ultimate they have God’s Almighty presence when being a shomer exceeds all are breaching these laws, despite “laying hands on the goods of favor in the eyes of God. Shomrim the “penguin.” “Pagan” in Hebrew refers to both piety of the Penguin. As the elder weighing down on them, urging other religious angst, including the protestations from their guilty 5 one’s neighbor”). Shelichus yad is are often told by their rebbeim a “cry for help” and “commoners.” R. Ela’i said: “If a person feels an them to walk small. The hunched crisis of faith caused by “Yeshivish consciences. We know that the a very serious issur (prohibition), from yeshivah that if they even have Adam named the penguin as uncontrollable urge to sin, let him over shoulders appearance is a Guy Tells Over a Vort,”2 where laws of shemirah are unanimously forbidden by the Torah. A sholeach thoughts of being sholeach yad, Much can be learned from such because since the penguin go to a place where he is not known man’s embracement of how close to members of the community were considered de-oraisa, Torah- yad is considered a gazlan, a they are chayyav misah bi-yedei this heiliga beheymah. It is already is constantly “Penguins dress in[and] wear black the ground he is, how unworthy he left perplexed and in anguish. derived laws. The halakhot of being thief, and according to Mishneh shamayim (liable to death executed well known that the animals have involved clothing…rather is to stand upright. While some cried over hearing shomer are found in Shemot 22:6- the most tsenius of HamurRabbi, we slice off the hand by the Heavens), and they should much to teach us poshutter yiddin in asking than desecrate that the avos wore Converse 8. of one who is sholeach yad. There be ashamed of themselves. We in the way of middos. As the forgiveness for manners, wearing the the Holy Name Penguins exemplify all and not Crocs on Tish’ah be-Av, 9 “Ki yiten ish el re’ehu kesef are even some opinions that make know from a sugya in Kiddushin Gemara teaches:“Rabbi Yochanan the world, for publicly,” the these characteristics. They exude most were distressed about other blessed uniform of o kelim lishmor, ve-gunnav mi- a hekesh (textual juxtaposition) 42b that Beit Shammai rules that if said: Had the Torah not been given, the common Penguin is so humility and Jewish values in their fundamental questions: What type beit ha-ish, im yimatse ha-ganav, between the use of the word one thinks of being sholeach yad, we would have learned modesty folk, he is the black and white at allconcerned with small and cautious waddle. Even at of creatures were they???? Funny- yeshalem shenayim -- When a man “behemah” in verse 9 regarding we hold him liable: from the cat, [aversion to] theft embodiment of protecting Ha- the height of their simchah, when looking people? Aardvarks? Cats times. It is known that gives money or goods to another shomrim, to the word “behemah” from the ant, chastity from the these two words. Kadosh Baruch they have the happiest of feet, they without tails? Bears? Dogs? Brown 2 for safekeeping, and they are stolen in verse 18, which reads “kol “As it was taught, ‘for every dove, and [conjugal] manners wearing black clothingHu’s Name that move only in a way worthy of a Penguins? Squirrels? Koalas? Non- 3 from the man’s house – if the thief shochev im behemah mos yumas charge of misappropriation.’ from fowl.” One may ask why I he permanently ben Tundra. Anyone who has ever descript mammals? Rov poskim Penguins is an effective way to is caught, he shall pay double. Im – whoever lies with a beast shall Beit Shammai say this comes to feel the need to learn derech erets relocated to a been zocheh to witness a march of (most halakhic decisors) paskened dress in the lo yimatse ha-ganav ve-nikrav be put to death.” Based on the make him liable for the thought from the penguin once we have the combat the urge toplace where penguins knows how God is always that the creatures were in fact bears, most tsenius ba’al ha-bayit el ha-Elohim -- if the appearance of the word “behemah” (of shelichut yad) as if he had Torah. The answer is explained by there is no at the forefront, how open they are but until that point, the community of manners,sin and wearing white 14 thief is not caught, the owner of the in both verses, we can be doresh done the action (lechayev al ha- a Rabbi Who Shall Not Be Named: possibility to allow God to narrate their lives. was left distraught, grappling wearing the house shall depose before God, im (derive exegetically) that one who machshavah ke-ma’aseh). Beit If one is entirely and completely exudes purity.” of a public In a recent interview with Aish. with these difficult questions. blessed uniform lo shalakh yado bi-melechet is sholeach yad shall also be put to Hillel says we do not hold him liable immersed in Torah then he should desecration, a com a member of this humble tribe “Candlelight” caused a similar of black and re’ehu - that he has not laid death. until he actually extends his hand, only learn from Torah. But if le- place where he is not known by the acknowledged this characteristic of white at all times. It is known that 10 religious upheaval when children in hands on his neighbor’s as it says ‘that he did not extend tsa’areinu u-biglal avonenu one rest of the world. his clan: We are “very humble and wearing black clothing is an effective goods. Al kol devar pesha: al The sho’el (borrower), and his hand.’ Beit Shammai said to is chas ve-shalom involved in the self-effacing, the way we shuffle way to combat the urge to sin6 and shor al chamor al seh al salmah, socher (renter), are the other Beit Hillel: does it not say ‘for every wider world, then he can study the It is no wonder then why I forward, rocking from side-to- 4 wearing white exudes purity.7 The 15 al kol avedah – In all charges of two types of shomrim, and are charge of misappropriation?’ Beit ways of the Torah from nature. looked to the penguin as an example side.” All Jews should try to live penguin is thus constantly showing misappropriation: pertaining to an both allowed to touch and use Hillel said to Beit Shammai: does it of how the Yeshiva University like penguins, embrace the black the object they are safeguarding. not say ‘that he did not extend his its inner purity for us all to admire community should walk. In the and white, the cold and the bad ox, an ass, a sheep, a garment, or The penguin is indeed the This article only deals with the hand?’ Beit Shammai said to Beit by combining its fear of sinning email to the undergraduate student posture. any other loss…” most praiseworthy of animals. It struggles experienced by a shomer Hillel: If so, why does it say ‘for with its innate neshamah taharah. body, I wrote to “walk consciously… transcends the merits of the cat There is no doubt that these laws, chinnam and shomer sachar, every charge of misappropriation?’ Yes, the penguin, unlike all the avoid the temptation to run” Just Many have complained who is far too comfortable in the found in Parashat Mishpatim, are struggles which are not relevant to For I might think, I know it only of other animals can be said to have like a penguin. A Jew must never this year about the length and tamei places of Yerushalayim. de-oraisa laws, and ones that must the sho’el or socher. Additionally, himself [the bailee]; how do I know a tahor neshamaleh because it is run because every day should be brutality of winter. My email about The attributes of the ant pale be taken very seriously. Our Sages when the phrase “shomer” is used, it if he instructs his slave or agent? yarei Hashem and spends its time viewed as Shabbat and it is assur how to properly walk in the snow in comparison for it engages in expounded upon these verses (and it generally refers to a shomer Therefore it is said: ‘For every in white, in purity. The penguin to run on Shabbat, as it is said “If and ice was meant to inspire the arayot and, even more chamur, those that follow) and derived four chinnam or shomer sachar. mirrors itself off of Na Nach you restrain your foot because of cont, on pg. 23 serarah by having a “queen ant.” 11 types of shomrim.3 The first two Nachma Nachman Me’uman, of the Shabbat…” Additionally, I cont, on pg. 23 18 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 19 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker

I understand music, and play it quite well! talmid. All the feelings I have ‘bout how rotten you are.

Yalmid the Talmid: A Completely I can pick apart artwork of Heaven and Hell! I rule over Torah! I rule over Madda! But it isn’t my fault word has traveled so far! Original Composition Unrelated I know the world’s history – years, months, and I AM the ideal! Next to me, you are nada!” To be blunt, to be clear, to be brutally plain, dates! to the Works of Dr. Seuss But, while he was shouting, he saw with sur- Your prospects for marriage are swift on the I speak twenty tongues! I can even lift weights! prise wane.”

BY: Riley Chapman And of course, through it all, even when I was That Jack wasn’t angry. His mouth, and his “What’s THAT?” snorted Yalmid. “Why, Jack, Each idea stood on another one’s back talmid strained, eyes, how could you And he piled them all up in a grand mental Who loves the yeshiva. Could you be so kind Sedarim were carefully, strictly maintained! And his nose got all happy! Right then, with a Slash my prospects, my chances for peru u- n the far-away island of Yeshi-va-Plais, stack. O wink revu?” As to speak Friday night, share the thoughts on I’m Yalmid the Talmid! Oh, marvelous me! Yalmid the Talmid was king of the Beis. Then Yalmid climbed up and considered the your mind?” And a laugh, Jack exclaimed, “Oh, I know what But, as Yalmid the Talmid began to recoil, pile. I’ve mastered avodas Hashem perfectly!” A nice little Beis, nicely spaced, never packed. “SILENCE!” the high-thinking Yalmid barked you think! A people-wave spread, and it brewed to a boil, What new wonderful thoughts! Oh, how it back. The sefarim were plentiful, beautifully stacked. Then again, from behind, in the bustling Beis, When first I had acted, I’d filled up with fright! made him smile! And scores of talmidim arose one by one “I’ve not time for such things. Don’t you know The lomdim had everything lomdim might Came a groan from our old friend named Jack. But your harsh words have comforted me. I’ve “All mine!” Yalmid cried. “Oh, the things I now that, plain Jack?” need. With his face done right! To join in the hock, to partake in the fun, know! “You stay far away while I learn and I grow. And they were all happy. Quite happy indeed. Twisted into a frown, he could barely express Oh, Yalmid, dear Yalmid! Have you started dat- And one said, “Jack’s right!” And another, I can calculate phi! I can calculate rho! “That’s true!” Do you know what I’ve studied, the knowledge ing? They were… until Yalmid, the sharp and the The thoughts leaving him in apparent distress. I speak Spanish and French! And, what’s more, I know? bright, A maidel with excellent middos is waiting! And Yalmid got nervous. His discomfort grew. beyond that “Excuse me, sir, please… I don’t like to com- I’ve memorized wars, and the bones of a cat! Decided his brilliance must gather more light. plain, She’s got all the qualities you’ll ever need, But yet the assault was not finished! For while I philosophize now, and dissect pig and bat! But that isn’t all. I’ll do better than that! “I master,” said Yalmid, “the learning I do. But today I’ve done something that may cause And she’s been ret to you, if you’ll only accede!” The assent grew, and Yalmid felt ever more I’m Yalmid the Talmid! Oh, marvelous me! you pain. vile, My knowledge shall grow!” his now loathsome But I’m so narrow-minded, and that makes me Replied Yalmid, “Though I missed the logical For serving the Lord, I’m a most useful keli!” voice thundered, blue! I know that you think you are doing great work, flow Jack added, “It’s odd that you think you’re the best, And through the semester, he gloated and “Let credits pile up! I’ll do ‘bout two hundred!” With these sefarim as teachers, I enter God’s But unto your peers – well, you’ve been a real In your words, I suppose that I cannot say no swelled, jerk. With all your endeavors exquisitely blessed, mind, So as the years passed, Yalmid’s brain filled (Though I’m not quite there yet) without hear- Thinking over and over, “I’m shtark in the with stuff, But I cannot appreciate man’s daily grind. It’s clear that you care about none but yourself, ing you out. When all of your studies are just for the brain. velt!” Yet for all he learned, it was never enough. This throne that I sit on is simply too high. And no matter the sefarim you take off the What’s she like? Which most excellent traits Do you think of others, to help? Remove pain? Until one day near noon, when he heard a faint shelf, “More knowledge, so I can serve God!” he would you tout?” It ought to be lower!” he said with a sigh. sigh. Is there warmth in your manner? A spark in would say, Their messages never quite sunk in your head. Now grinning with victory, Jack said, “But wait! your heart? “If I could be worldly, so great I would be; “What’s that?” snapped the bachur, and peered As friendships once solid now slowly gave way. from on high. Your brain is alive, but your heart is quite dead! There’s one vital thing you should know ‘fore Do you care about values, or just being smart? What an oved Hashem! I must get a degree!” you date! And he saw, by his makom, a talmid named So finally Yalmid got what he desired, Your friends cannot stand you. They’d give you For all of those facts you so swiftly recall, So Yalmid the Talmid his studies began, Jack, a smack The well-rounded brain to which he had as- The reports of your character have spread You’ve really learned nothing! Yes, nothing at around. Which – alongside his learning – would make Just a part of the scene. And this poor, simple pired. If they could. Oh, you sad human being!” cried all!” him a man. quack Jack. “Hooray!” shouted Yalmid. “I’m the ultimate Bavust in the velt are the facts on the ground. So that plain little talmid, with a little attack, Jew! He registered late for his credits sixteen Looked up and he said, “Beg your pardon, dear “You hush up your mouth!” howled the quite I thought that the hiyyuv of lo sa’amod learned Yalmid. That plain little talmid whose name was just Yalmid, I know fifteen constants whose symbol is mu! And, learning in classes, new knowledge would Required me to honestly, clearly unload Jack, glean. I must ask you, for you are well-known as a “You’ve no right to talk to the world’s greatest

20 www.kolhamevaser.com Volume IV, Issue 5 Volume IV, Issue 5 www.kolhamevaser.com 21 Kol Hamevaser Kol Hamishtakker

also requires the use of a laxative to assist in cont. from pg. 18 temptations are way too strong love, connection to the pikkadon, Reb Antonio Chaveiro is the Humrah of the the elimination process. (Note: Some laxatives to not touch the goods of one’s and it is very difficult to part with Rosh Yeshivah of Environmental contain hamets and may not be used erev charge of misappropriation.’ neighbor. Consider this quote from the object. Beri’ut and Shemirah at Yeshiva University. He believes that When that plain little Jack did a plain little Pesah. Please consult your local rabbinical Now, that is well according to a fellow bochur in much anguish: The other approach is through a deep connection to thing, Week – Bi’ur authority for which laxatives may be used.) Beit Hillel. But according to Beit Shammai who interpret this verse “I was sitting in the library next to more helpful in easing the angst spiritual environment and health, His words shook the throne of the Beis Me- Hamets 1 Thus, ingesting hamets throughout as showing that intention is as this girl I just met. She asked me if I of shemirah. The shomer must be salvation will come from God. the year without intent may be problematic deed, let us learn from it [?]” could watch her laptop for an hour koneh (legally acquire) the object drash king! 1 Anthony Chibbaro, “Walking BY: Rabbeinu Mo’ Chumroys Dish as you are setting yourself up to violate this while she went to watch the YStuds as soon as it is practically possible. Based on this sugya, we see practice. I knew I was a shomer Making a kinyan is the most on Ice, Snow and Wet Surfaces.” YU- And Yalmid the Talmid, the man in the know, issur, similar to the problem with biting your Announce. February 1, 2011. Check your that Beit Shammai would surely chinnam, and wasn’t allowed to effective way to prevent shelichut nails during the week as it will inevitably lead Trash. hile most people put all their efforts hold that one who even thinks about touch her computer or use it at yad and to rid a shomer’s mind of With all of his mind-space for info to go, W you to violate the issur of gozez on Shabbat, as into ridding their homes and cars of hamets, being sholeach yad will be held my pleasure. However, I had an the thoughts of being sholeach yad. 2 Edited by YUCK: Yeshiva Univer- The king of math, languages, Talmud, and one place that is often neglected during bedikat explained by R. Shimshon Dovid Pincus. liable! While many go according uncontrollable urge to use the Once he is koneh the object, he sity Censorship Kevutsah. hamets, and perhaps even more pressing is to Beit Hillel in most matters of internet and download some music. can be sholeach yad and not have Nach… 3 your very own digestive system, including Halakhah, we know that Shammai Unfortunately, in the process the to worry about being chayav. The Eruvin 100b. Well, that’s how it all ended! He really got tonsils, esophagus, stomach, small intestine was definitely the frummer guy. computer contracted a virus… so object will be his, in sickness and in 4 Natan Slifkin, Nature’s Song rocked! and large intestine. Being that issur hamets Since he is generally more machmir, much for ‘SafeConnect’…” health, till death do they part. This (New York: Lambda Publishers, 2009), p. is an issur karet mi-de’oraita, this is very and safek de-oraisa le-chumra kinyan can be made in a number of 40. For Yalmid, once best in all Yeshi-va-Plais, problematic as the hamets is already in your (when in doubt, do without), we We see, that when the object sits in ways, (namely, three). system.1 actually should always pasken like front of the shomer for extended 5 Marcus Jastrow, Dictionary of Was shamed and repulsed by his very own Beis! Beit Shammai. Any ben da’as who periods of time, it is almost an Once we acknowledge that Targumim, Talmud and Midrashic Lit- It is possible that some hamets may have is a yerei shamayim impossible feat to this is a real problem, we can try erature (New York: Choreb, 1926), p. 1134. And today the great Yalmid, that Marvelous he, resist being sholeach to tackle it, and save the future of permanently attached itself to the surface of a will know to pasken 6 Maharsha to Kiddushin 40a. person’s tonsils at some point before Pesah and like Beit Shammai. yad. Some can hold off Kelal Yisroel. Until that point, we Is King of the Mud. That is all he can see. since hamets is not batel afilu be-elef this will Thus we see that yesh for a many months, or are only pretending that everything 7 Aruch Hashulchan, Orach Chaim, pose a problem. In order to resolve this issue, even a year, but for the is perfect, and we will never 581:13 The story is silly, the message quite clear, al ma lismoch (there rabbi-doctors are recommending that everyone is what to rely on) for most part, people who address the true issue facing our 8 “Breslov history—Rebbe Nach- But for some unknown reason (perhaps linked have a tonsillectomy prior to Pesah. Since the yeshivah rebbeim are shomrim usually communities today. Chizku ve- end up breaking. amtzu (be strong and brave), my man of Breslov” http://www.breslev-mi- to beer), tonsillectomy is considered to be a relatively that warn their Most shomrim are friends. Ad kan. dot.com/eng/about_berslev_moharan. bochurim that if one asp I feel a compulsion to state it outright: “Rabbi-doctors are thinks about using or sholeach yad be-seser, recommending that touching the goods of in private, though 9 Kiddushin 40a. When pressures are high, and time is quite his or her neighbor, some are even as bold 1 Alternatively can be translated as: 10 everyone have a cont, from pg. 7 he is chayyav. (or honest) to do so That makom shtus, Hollywood, tight, “watcher,” or “bailee” in fancy academische has recently discovered this kaddosh ani- tonsillectomy prior to be-farhesya, in public. A pittaron, lashon. The magnitude of the crisis solution, to this raging crisis of mal but as their influence is limited they And high-level goals can be hard to recall, When asked to comment on how he felt 2 Available at: http://www. do not count as the rest of the world. Pesah.” in our community stems from the faith, must be found immediately. youtube.com/watch?v=N8MG9YtaZXg. upon his receiving the valedictory prize, R. st Remember that Yalmid learned nothing at all. fact that in the 21 century, people 3 Bava Metsi’a 93a. 11 Isaiah 58:13. Schachter said “Okay! Very good!” When asked There are a few approaches safe operation and there is no known practical to clarify what that meant, he said simply, “I are being shomrim for sometimes a For all of the knowledge one can aggregate that can be used to help fix this 12 Deuteronomy 4:15. use for tonsils, rabbis have issued a Pesak that don’t know!” year, or even two. It is much harder it would not be in violation of pikuah nefesh. to watch over your neighbor’s chamur, severe problem from cont. from pg. 19 13 Kiddushin 31a. Is worthless when not used to self-elevate, However, it must be noted that this surgical goods and not touch them, if the plaguing our community. The Many have complained operation must be scheduled enough in temptation is there before his or her first approach to this huge issue 14 For service of God, executed truly– this year about the length and Morgan Freeman. advance to allow one to fulfill mitsvat akhilat eyes for an extended period of time. is to create a system where one brutality of winter. My email about matsah on leil ha-seder (otherwise, one would Thus, in the Modern Orthodox is not allowed to be a shomer for 15 Sarah Shapiro. “When Bad Things It isn’t just knowing, but learning to be. how to properly walk in the snow be required to blend the matsah into baby- community, where most people more than a few months. After a Happen to Good Penguins.” Aish.com. and ice was meant to inspire the food). will watch the object for longer few months, the temptation to be February 4, 2006. http://www.aish.com/ durations than what was usually sholeach yad and touch the goods Yeshiva University community to ci/a/48945266.html. embrace how with every step they Riley “Myke” Chapman is a sub-freshman in Those who have consumed hamets standard throughout history, this of one’s neighbor is too strong. One can walk with Hashem, march with College Yeshiva majoring in Basket Weaving, during the 24-hour period prior to bi’ur hamets crisis is rampant. must cease to be a shomer after this period of time, lest he come the penguins. All that being said, and is the Poet Laureate of Kol Hamishtakker. must spend the proper time in the restroom prior to the time that the issur hamets is hal It is common knowledge to falter. Generally, this approach may the words of the Prophet Phil His favorite Power Ranger is Jason. in order to eliminate any residual hamets from that almost everyone is sholeach is very painful, as the shomer has of Punxsutawney come true im their bodies. Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv yad when they are a shomer. The developed a strong, some even say yirtseh Hashem, bi-meheirah be- yameinu.

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