E18 EZ EE THEWASHINGTONPOST . SUNDAY, MAY 11, 2014

Diversions

THESTYLEINVITATIONAL POSTPUZZLER Quotation Mocks: Report from Week 1067 No. 214 BY PATMYERS by Trip Payne Edited by Peter Gordon • fireballcrosswords.com

In Week 1067, we asked you to ACROSS 35 Vending machine DOWN 12 Former attorney general 41 Be great at change a well-known quote slightly 1 Novel featuring feature 1 Lush Gonzales 43 Maine breed and then attribute it to someone else. The Invite did this contest once Wonderboy 37 Abode 2 “A Moral Alphabet” poet 13 Antlered animal of 45 Japanese side dish before, back in 1998; while a 11 Next-door neighbor, in a 39 Impersonate Belloc Eurasia 46 Job of a World War II number of fake quotemakers from way 42 Maurice’s lover in E.M. 3 Put forth 14 R cause, often icon Week 251 were a lot more famous 15 “Probably” Forster’s “Maurice” 4 ___ X (“Saturday Night 21 Pests 47 Cassandra, for example then than now — Terry Nichols, Cecil 16 “Lift Your Spirit” singer 44 Ostracized people Live” character played 23 Lee side 49 Hard up Jacobson, Harry Helmsley, even Blacc 48 Estados Unidos ___ by Chris Rock) 26 Beats by Dr. ___ (line 50 It may be given to a Dan Quayle — others got ink both 17 Many a storefront 51 British actress Frost 5 New or golden follower of headphones) large group after dinner then and now: perennial Invite 18 Goat with curved horns 52 Side effect of steroid use 6 Eldrick, familiarly 28 Gave support to, maybe 54 Where the National fodder Donald Trump, Jeffrey Dahmer, John Bobbitt and, of 19 Criticize severely 53 Peerless 7 Get rid of 30 Marsh bird Guard was born course, Bill Clinton. 20 Put back into alignment 55 Go crazy 8 Got more from a 32 Caffeine source 57 Enervates Among the funny quotes 22 Creator of fiction 56 Attends magazine 36 Boneless limb 58 Two-time Haitian submitted too often for individual 24 Merlin Olsen’s team 59 Loup de ___ (fish also 9 Gave support to 38 Practice one’s crosses president Préval credit: “If at first you don’t succeed, BOB STAAKE FOR THE WASHINGTON POST 25 Was part of the crew known as branzino) 10 Shake 39 U.N. figure 60 Riot squad’s concern pry, pry again” — Barbara Walters, 27 “Rose Gown” and 60 320 rods 11 Parasol setting? 40 Small and round 62 2004 biopic the NSA, Wolf Blitzer, etc.; “You had “Feather Gown,” for two 61 Quicken me at Jello” — Bill Cosby; “Show me New contest for Week 1071: 29 Certain Wolverine 63 Sooner in the past 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 the hunny” — Winnie the Pooh. The 31 Maker of the Shaq Attaq 64 Curaçao and Empress was ready to give ink to A pair of threes 15 16 one entry when she realized that it 33 Requiring a jump, Champagne, e.g. didn’t fit the contest because it BFS: Basketball Federation of Slovenia and Belfast perhaps 65 Compromise 17 18 didn’t attribute the altered quote to International Airport (the IATA code): You don’t want to be 34 Settlers of Catan 66 Predecessor of Colin caught traveling in either one. 19 20 21 someone else: kudos but no resource Jost magnet to Mike Gips for “I did not ABC: African Black Coalition and Aerial Bundled Cable: 22 23 24 25 26 hate sex with that woman” — Bill Both aim to bring power to the people. Answer to last week, No. 213 Clinton. WAA: Wisconsin Arborist Association and Women’s Action 27 28 29 30 Alliance: Both get really ticked off about the indiscriminate use of E P S O M S A L T S B A N C Not getting the joke? See the 31 32 33 34 online version of the Invitational at wood. S E I J I O Z A W A A M O S bit.ly/invite1071 for links to many of P A R A L L E L E D R A M P 35 36 37 38 the original quotes in this week’s his week’s contest comes courtesy of Loser Forever Elden I F I R A N T H E Z O O results, and the people doing the T Carnahan, also known as the Keeper of the Loser Stats on M S S O D A T O O O N T 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 quoting. his Web site, nrars.org. Elden alerted the Empress to a U T T E R S C Y S T I N E 48 49 50 51 Wikipedia page containing — of course it does! — nothing but F R E E D W H O A D R Y S thousands of three-letter combinations. Actually, each F E A R C O R N Y L I D O 52 53 54 55 The winner of the combination on the page, covering AAA through DZZ, is a link S E M I A R I E D E V O N 56 57 58 59 Inkin’ Memorial to a list of words and abbreviations represented by those three T H E E L M S S C R E W Y “If you like your wealth care letters. Elden’s idea is this: Choose two or three entities P S A O L E H E M R N A 60 61 62 plan, you’ll be able to keep your represented by a single three-letter combination on this A M M O N I A W A T E R wealth care plan.” — The GOP page — find it at bit.ly/3letterabs — and say how they R A M A S T A R T T I M E S 63 64 (Nan Reiner, Alexandria) are alike or different, as in Elden’s own examples above. The T R E K T E N P E R C E N T 65 66 entity could be something abbreviated by the three letters, as I T R Y A N D Y R O O N E Y 2nd place and Pest World, the above, or it can be a three-letter word or name: “ADS” or “ads,” say. And it doesn’t have to be mentioned in the set of Russian-style nesting dolls Wikipedia link, as long as it’s real. with household critters painted on Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue them: bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. “Frankly, Madea don’t give a Second place receives a fabulously icky back scratcher HOROSCOPE damn.” — Tyler Perry (Doug Frank, consisting of a genuine baby alligator foot, complete with Crosby, Tex.) scales and claws, impaled on a stick. Driven up from Florida in BY JACQUELINEBIGAR the car of Loser Nan Reiner. 3rd place HAPPY BIRTHDAY| MAY 11: This year you are inspired by a desire for SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) “Rooghzmeeb.” — John Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser change. Without turning your life upside down, you’ll find that a small Take some much-needed personal Mug or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Travolta’s audition for the adjustment may change how you feel. If single, you may meet someone time off. If you want to head out Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, either “Citizen Kane” remake (Frank in a strange way, perhaps while having an argument with someone and take a walk alone, do. Listen to Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) the Po’ Wit Laureate or Puns of Steel. First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). else. If attached, the two of you will want to develop a common interest some good music. Take it easy. E-mail entries to [email protected] or, if you were born in or hobby. You also might decide to take a workshop together. Your daily 4th place life as a couple becomes more important as well. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) “Take, my wife, please!” — Bob the 19th century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 19; results published June 8 (online June 5). No more Join a group of friends in an activity McDonnell (Nan Reiner) than 25 entries per entrant per contest. Include “Week 1071” in that you all enjoy. You will feel far ARIES (March 21-April 19) erupt, especially as others seem more relaxed than you have in a your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Someone might challenge you. to be controlling. Include your real name, postal address and phone number long time. Bartlett’s spares: This person may have listened to with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at honorable mentions you for so many years that he or LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) wapo.st/InvRules. This week’s honorable-mentions subhead is CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) “All men are cheated equal.” — by Mark Raffman. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees she has been waiting for this You might feel a bit burdened by Defer to someone else. You will be P.T. Barnum (Craig Dysktra, group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev, and click “like” on moment to stand up to you. what needs to be done, but a far more content if you let others Centreville) Style Invitational Ink of the Day at bit.ly/inkofday. Recognize the inevitable change phone call may cheer you up. take control and make choices of roles. Don’t be surprised if you “I’m the kin of the world!” — accordingly. An older friend or STYLE CONVERSATIONAL The Empress’s weekly online column suddenly veer in an Adam (Danielle Nowlin, family member might be difficult to discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you TAURUS (April 20-May 20) unanticipated direction. Your Woodbridge) deal with. plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv. Make this a supremely lazy day. spontaneity will encourage “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can Don’t feel obligated to do others to be more upbeat. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) do that.” — Stephen Colbert anything but sleep and maybe Someone may make an overture (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf) watch some TV. You might not VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) that is quite touching. Decide to let “Mission accompliced!” — Dick Reiner; Paul Burnham, Gainesville, “Thou shalt not admit adultery.” even pick up the phone. Be conscious of a need to go go and not worry so much. A friend Cheney (Frank Osen) Va., respectively) — Bill Clinton (Brad Alexander, overboard. This might be okay might become testy if you don’t Wanneroo, Australia) “Here’s licking at you, kid.” — “Fourscore and seven gears ago GEMINI (May 21-June 20) once in a while, but in general it make time for him or her. Miley Cyrus (Jim Stiles) . . . ” — Rube Goldberg (Emily Allow greater give-and-take does not work out well. Use care “Let meth entertain you.” — Auerswald, Annapolis, a First between you and a child. Perhaps with your funds. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Vince Gilligan (Nan Reiner) “I feel the need — the need for Offender) you’ll opt to join him or her for a seed!” — “Octomom” Nadya Remain responsive to a loved one, “Eat two, Brute!” — Brutus’s fun activity. Don’t take this time LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Suleman (Sandra Hull, Arlington) “Mrs. Bobbitt, you’re trying to even if you have had a tiff or two. mother (Rob Cohen, Potomac) together for granted. You may be involved in an reduce me.” — Mr. Bobbitt (Eric You may get sucked into the blame “There’s no business like ho argument involving a child or “Don’t taste me, bro!” — former Bennett, Stephens City, Va.) game. Listen without getting angry. business” — Heidi Fleiss (Seth CANCER (June 21-July 22) loved one. Later you might wish friend of Jeffrey Dahmer (Bruce Indulge in a favorite pastime or Tucker, Washington) “We’re going through a period of Be more sensitive to a family that you had not lost your temper. Carlson, Alexandria) hobby. conspicuous uncoupling.” — member who might need a little Consider making amends when “And we’ve lived Harper Lee ever © 2014 by King Features Syndicate Inc. “The rug really tied the groom Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris encouragement. Arguments may you feel you are able to do so. after.” — J.P. Lippincott and Co., together” — Joan Rivers Martin (Frank Osen) publisher of “To Kill a commenting on Elton John’s Mockingbird” [at least until “All my children, except one, wedding toupee (Steven Steele Lippincott was bought out in 1978] grow up.” — George H.W. Bush Cawman, Poughquag, N.Y.; Warren (Mae Scanlan, Washington) (George Randels, Port Townsend, Tanabe, Annapolis) Wash., a First Offender) “Killjoy was here.” — Women’s “I have no god in this fight” — the Christian Temperance Union “Blonde. Lame blonde.” — the Sincerest form of flattery is annoying family dog (Susan Collins, (Mae Scanlan) Human Barbie (Konrad Charlottesville) Schwoerke, Durham, N.C.) Dear Amy: I dilemmas, i.e.: “Stop copying proaches could you remind “After all, tomorrow is another “I’ll be Bach.” — Peter Schickele Ask Amy work at a large me!” your readers that their presence dad.” — Elizabeth Taylor’s “There’s a stocker born every (Todd DeLap, Fairfax) high­tech firm in You should respond to “Bob” will be missed but we don’t need offspring (Mark Raffman, Reston) minute.” — Sam Walton (Doug AMY DICKINSON Silicon Valley. with equal doses of humor and the leftovers. Send your regrets “First, do no ham.” — Moses (Tom Frank) “We strut and fret our hora upon My co­workers inscrutability. Tell him, “I’m ahead of time. Witte, Montgomery Village) the stage.” -- the cast of “Fiddler “One good fern deserves and I are all in flattered that you’re jumping Happy MOB in Portland “The best things in life are me.” on the Roof” (Phil Frankenfeld, another.” — Zach Galifianakis our 30s. I enjoy shopping and onto my style, but I’ve decided — Kanye West/Donald Trump Washington) (Dave Silberstein, College Park) put a lot of effort into finding that my look is part of my per- Sometimes people feel they’ve (Danielle Nowlin; Jim Stiles, clothes and accessories that are sonal brand and so, well — done their job as a guest by re- “And what is so rare as a day in “That which does not kill us affordable, fun and unique. you’re on your own.” sponding to an invitation in a Rockville) tune?” — Joe Cocker (Jeff Shirley, makes us stranger.” — Gary Every time I wear something The fact is, it is very easy to timely fashion. But you raise a “Omission accomplished!” — Richmond) Busey (David Clayton, Alexandria, a new into the office, my co­work­ find just about anything online very important point: When Rose Mary Woods (Bruce Carlson) First Offender) er “Bob” asks me where I (or 3-D print it, as your col- plans change, notify the hosts, “Four scores were seven years bought it. A few days later, Bob league knows), so he really giving them time to adjust their “There are no second acts in ago . . . ” — the “Long time no she.” — Chaz Bono comes to the office wearing the doesn’t need you to lead him by head count and seating plans. American livers.” — O’Neill, Redskins/Capitals/D.C. United (Chris Doyle) identical shirt, pants, jacket, the hand or “run out to a store” Faulkner, Hemingway et al. (Tom Panther, Springfield; Nan “Plus ça change, plus c’est les shoes, watch, sunglasses, elec­ in order to copy you. Dear Amy: I could have writ­ (Lawrence McGuire) mêmes shows.” — Washington tronic gadget, etc. ten the letter from “Potential “Now is the winter of our Post TV critic Hank Stuever I resent that I spend hours Dear Amy: Last weekend was Grad Student.” She was won­ discontent made glorious (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.) looking for the perfect item, the beautiful wedding of my el­ dering about switching fields summer by this ton of pork.” — only to have Bob race to the dest daughter and new son­in­ and going into debt to finance “You are my part’s desire.” — Bill store and purchase the same law. grad school in the medical field. the U.S. Congress (Miriam Nadel, Clinton to various ladies (Nan thing. I now flinch every time As we recovered from the fes­ Many health­care organiza­ Vienna) Reiner) he asks where I bought some­ tivities, it was noted that there tions will pay for some school­ “L’état, c’est Ma’s.” — Prince thing. While I recognize that were several no­shows. I totally ing. That’s how I did it. It took “Well, here’s another fine miss Charles (John O’Byrne, Dublin) imitation is the sincerest form understand that life gets busy. awhile, but I got there. you’ve got me into.” — Casanova of flattery, this is beginning to When you RSVP in February Career Switcher “A thing of beauty is a job (John O’Byrne; Kelly Ronayne, feel stalker­ish. for an April wedding, all inten­ forever.” — Cher (Chris Doyle, A back Alexandria) Should I just chalk this up as tions are to show up. Then life Well done. Congratulations. Ponder, Tex.) scratcher And Last: “You’re gonna need a a weird compliment, or should happens. This leaves the bride “It’s like making candy from a made from better quote.” — The Empress I start saying new purchases holding the doggie bag. Dear Readers: Don’t forget to baby.” — Jonathan Swift (Jon an alligator (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase) were gifts and I don’t know the Catered meals for weddings hug a mom today. We literally Gearhart, Des Moines) foot, second source? He is rather persistent. are expensive. If 10 or 20 people would not be here without them. prize in Still running — deadline Monday John don’t show, this adds up. If the “Uneasy lies the head that wears Week 1067 night: Our “grandfoals” contest: caterer has a heads­up even a A Write to Amy Dickinson at a crow.” — Johnny Depp (Chris of The Style See bit.ly/invite1070. Thank you for the reminder week before the event, quanti­ [email protected] or Ask Amy, Doyle) Invitational. that even high-tech workers in ties and prices can be adjusted. Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Silicon Valley have very human As wedding season ap­ Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.