Laura Kaminsky Libretto

COMPLETE LIBRETTO AsOne

a chamber opera for two singers and string quartet

music & concept: laura kaminsky

libretto: mark campbell & kimberly reed

Commissioned and developed by American Opera Projects Synopsis

As One is a chamber opera in which two voices—Hannah after (mezzo-soprano) and Hannah before (baritone)—share the part of a sole transgender protagonist. Fifteen songs comprise the three-part narrative; with empathy and humor, they trace Hannah’s experiences from her youth in a small town to her college years on the West Coast, and finally to Norway where she is surprised at what she learns about herself.

Part I. In “Paper route,” Hannah rides around her suburban neighborhood delivering newspapers and revels in her more feminine impulses. Her youthful challenges in conforming to gender norms are related in “Cursive,” “Sex ed,” “Entire of itself” and “Perfect boy”—in such disparate subjects as handwriting, sex, a John Donne poem, and exemplary male behavior. However, in “To know,” she discovers that she is not alone in the world and seeks understanding about herself at a local library.

Part II. During her college years, Hannah struggles with her bifurcated existence in “Two cities,” but also encounters the joy of being perceived as she wishes in “Three words.” In “Close,” she has made the decision to undergo hormone therapy and briefly suffers its vertiginous effects before feeling at one with her own body. “Home for the holidays,” “A christmas story” and “Dear son” all occur around the Christmas season and relate Hannah’s growing distance from her family and her past, which is countered by an immediate connection with a stranger in a local café. In “Out of nowhere,” Hannah escapes a harrowing assault that prompts her to find a link to the larger trans community and end her self-imposed alienation. Reacting to the conflicting voices in her head, she finally resolves to escape in the fragment, “I go on to…”

Part III. “Norway.” In this extended aria, Hannah finds, in Nature, solitude and self-reflection, the simple yet surprising equation that will help her achieve happiness.

List of Songs

Part III. Norway

Libretto ©2014 by Mark Campbell and Kimberly Reed [The quartet is onstage when the audience enters. The And hide it where it violist is in a separate space from the rest of the quartet, Never will be found. either offstage or delineated by lighting and/or placement. I button up a thick, flannel shirt After tuning their instruments, the introduction begins. At Put my jacket back on Measure 18 in the music, the violist joins the rest of the And get ready for school. quartet. Toward the end of the introduction, both Hannah before and Hannah after appear onstage.] One day I’m braver And tuck two rolled up socks PART I. Inside the darts of the blouse. What could be a breast Is gently grazed Paper route By my throwing arm.

Hanna before: Other girls are Like every other boy Getting theirs, too. I have a paper route. And like every good boy It all just feels so right. I wake each morning, It all just feels so right. Ride my bike around, With my jacket on, And enjoy the “thumph” Of a well-aimed paper as it lands. Cursive

Hannah after: However, unlike every other boy, Unlike every other boy, Controlled… I sometimes wake extra early, Constrained… While everyone’s asleep, It cannot betray me. Ride my bike around My teachers, With my jacket on My classmates, And a blouse underneath. My family, Cannot know. (The blouse I stole Hannah before: From a neighbor’s clothesline. A firm grip, It isn’t much, A taut wrist, But fits my twelve-year-old frame…) A watchful eye, Hannah before/Hannah after: Maintain And A controlled… Just Constrained… Feels Constricted… So right. Cursive. As it should be. Hannah before: Hannah after: And the papers still get delivered. The papers still get delivered. I will not repeat My mistake. I’m home. The one I made Before anyone sees me, In the second grade. Before anyone wakes up, For one assignment, I remove the blouse I wrote like my cousin Annie.

—1— Hannah after: Hannah before: I let the pen guide me, [Impersonating an instructor.] My writing like a girl’s. “In the animal kingdom, Generous loops, There are only two genders: Graceful swirls, Male and female. Expansive ascenders, These two genders Crosses with curls. Have very distinct differences And these become most apparent When I get the paper back During puberty…” From the teacher She has ordered me to redo it, Hannah after: And written in big red letters: And so on, Through… Hannah before/Hannah after: “This is not Hannah before: What you were taught.” Testosterone, Voice deepening, Hannah before: Acne, A firm grip, Facial hair, A taut wrist, Masturbation, A watchful eye. And the rest. Controlled… All delivered in a commanding Constrained… But detached voice Constricted.… Without looking anyone in the eye. Confined. Most of the boys know these things. Most of the boys stifle their laughter.

Sex ed Hannah after: But this boy only wants to be in Hannah after: The other room. The boys stand in one line…

Hannah before: The girls in another. Entire of itself The boys go to one room… [Late in the introduction of this song, Hannah before, Hannah Hannah after: after, the conductor and members of the quartet mechanically The girls to another. recite the poem “No Man Is an Island” by John Donne, as if they are in a Junior High School classroom.] The boys hear one teacher… Hannah before, Hannah after, Conductor, Quartet: Hannah before: “No man is an island; The girls hear another. Entire of itself Hannah before/Hannah after: Every man is a piece of the continent, We have been separated, A part of the main; By gender, If a clod be washed away by the sea, To learn about… Europe is the less…” Sex. Hannah before: In junior high, we are assigned “No Man Is An Island” By John Donne.

—2— Hannah before: The strongest, We read the poem, The best, Together, The perfect boy. Then discuss. I need to [Hannah before, Hannah after, the conductor, and members of Out-achieve the quartet continue the recitation of the Donne poem:] Out-accomplish Out-perform Hannah before, Hannah after, Conductor, Quartet: Out-run, “…Any man’s death diminishes me, Out-scramble, Because I am involved in mankind…” Out-do, Everyone; Hannah before: The perfect boy. I am the lone, Dissenting voice Class president, In the classroom. Straight “As,” I rise and declare Star quarterback, To a sea of non-islanders: Honor roll, “It isn’t true, All of it. I am an island.” Most likely to: Succeed, With all the experience Win the game, Of my fourteen years, Score the point, I see no other life Make the grade, Than one apart, Never get in trouble, Alone. Never do wrong, Ever upstanding, I need no one. Always the best, No one needs me. Perfect, I consigned myself Perfect. To my own island long ago. And no one will know. Long ago. I must run so fast, I argue, and, Succeed so much, Satisfied by Do so well, My brilliant discourse on independence, No one will know, Sit back down. No one will know. The classroom is silent. Class president, The teacher seems impressed. Straight “As,” (Or was she concerned?) Star quarterback, Honor roll, All of it. Perfect boy Most likely to: Succeed, [Hannah before jogs and is out of breath by the end of the song.] Win the game, Score the point, Hannah before: Make the grade, I must—must!—be Never get in trouble, The perfect boy: Never do wrong, The fastest, Ever upstanding, The smartest, Always the best, Perfect

—3— Hannah before: When the coast is clear Perfect I creep to the card catalog, Achieve Thumb through the cards, Accomplish My hands trembling. Perform Run “Transatlantic Travel” Scramble Farther… Run “Transfiguration, The” Scramble Farther… Perfect “Transylvania” Game Too far… Run And there it is, Point The word, Run The magic word. Grade Typed, Run On a yellowing card.

And no one will know, [Hannah before appears out of nowhere and impersonates a I will run so fast, snoopy librarian.] Succeed so much, Hannah before: Do so well, “Need help, young man?” No one will know, No one will know, Hannah after: No one will ever know. I slam the drawer shut, [Offhandedly:] And come face to face Not even me. With the beady eyes Of a stealth librarian. “No th-thank you, sir.” To know How did I let this happen? How did I let down my guard? Hannah after: Never again, Then, I see her on TV. Never again. There she is. She is. I grab a book And I hear the word. With the magic word, The real word. And hide it in The magic word. Another book. Finally a name for this. And slip to the darkest corner That is me. Of Lewis and Clark… That ismy word. I repeat it, Hannah after/Hannah before: Over and over. And I read. Over and over. And learn. And I learn. As soon as I can, Learn I go to the library, There are others. The Lewis and Clark Library, There are others. Named for explorers.

—4— Hannah after/Hannah before: PART II. To learn I’m not the only one. The relief, The power, Two cities The power! Hannah before/Hannah after: Just to know. Now I live in two cities Just to know. Adjacent to each other. Hannah after: To one I bring I return to Lewis and Clark many times. The outward trappings And hide new books Of femininity In the same old one. In a small bag And drive across Hannah before: The bridge that connects them. (To the world it might look like I’m becoming an expert on The bridge itself The Transvaal War.) Is very high, Suspended, Aglow in light, With a lovely view.

Once in My other city I put on my things And am overcome With joy.

Hannah after: I glide I fly, Suspended, Free, Free.

Hannah before/Hannah after: Too soon I have to go back To my other city. I cross the bridge Now choked by fog.

My small bag grows, So do the frequency Of my trips Across the bridge.

It feels like compulsion, Something I should control, Not allow.

—5— Hannah before/Hannah after: Hannah after: How do I contain it? And I feel Subdue it? A rush of contentment End it? For once. And yet I still drive All the jarring noises To my other city. Resolve in harmony, Drive All the warring voices Across the bridge, Are at peace. Very high, Because I’m perceived, Suspended Finally perceived, Aglow in light, Finally seen, With a lovely view. Finally, As I am Hannah after: As I am. I glide As I am. I fly, Suspended, Free. Close Free. Hannah before: Some yellow pills, Three words A stiff martini to wash them down, And it is done. Hannah after: “Pardon me, miss.” Hannah after: I wait. I hear Days. Three words. A week. Weeks. “Pardon.” I devise corporeal variations on “A watched pot never boils.” “Me.” Hannah before: “Miss.” Is my skin really softer? Is my face really fuller? Three words. Am I just imagining it?

Pretty dull More pills. As words go. Months. No, I’m not imagining it. But they mean Everything to me. I knew about Everything. The outer changes— For I have passed. Weight migrating, To the man Who said those words in passing, Hannah after: Three small words. Edges rounding, Just three words. Hannah before: Hair softening— But I am not prepared for—

—6— Hannah before/Hannah after: Home for the holidays The inner changes. These are intense. [Hannah before composes or rereads a letter to her parents.] Sudden. Disorienting. Hannah before: Dear Mom (and Dad!): Hannah after: I wanted to call you, Emotional vertigo. But thought it Better to write. Hannah before: I’m sorry, but Hypersensitivity, I don’t think I’ll make it home Hannah after: For Christmas Crying at the weirdest things. This year. I have so much work to do, Hannah before: And so much going on. Burnt soup, And I really can’t afford Dumb pop lyrics, A plane ticket At this late date. Hannah after: It will be my first Christmas away Diamond commercials. And I’ll miss you guys, Hannah before: And the tree, I fight it. And the house What am I fighting? All done up Who am I? For the holidays. The new me, the old? And the snow. What is happening? I know you’re disappointed. At any rate, And then I finally learn I might get home this Spring, To accept the changes, And that’s just around the corner. To trust, But I’ll call you on Christmas Day. To see them as integral, In the meantime I send you both Hannah before/Hannah after: A lot of love. Natural. —H.

Hannah after: And that’s when A tremendous euphoria A christmas story Takes over, Hannah after: Joy. Joy. Christmas Day. At feeling Late afternoon Aligned. At a coffee shop, At peace. Blessedly open. As one. I sit with the others exiled By the holidays— Hannah before/Hannah after: Self-imposed I see myself in the mirror Or otherwise. And think…

Close. —7— I’m writing, Dear son And look up to see a guy Smiling at me. [Hannah before reads a letter from her mother.] A very sweet smile. The kind that you can’t help Hannah before: But smile back at. Dear son: It snowed all day. And soon he’s at my rickety table, The Coopers dropped by Asking if he can join me. Like they always do. A momentary panic— Everyone asked about you. No one told me how to do this! I love the new sweater How to flirt! And am wearing it now. Is this how it starts? And your Dad thanks you for What does it mean? The box set of Classic Movies. I say “yes.” Thanks also for your call He asks what I’m writing. On Christmas Day. I say “I’m not sure.” You sounded quiet. I just want to know We talk and talk. You are happy. He’s very cute. We love you. Pierced and inked, —Mom But not overly so. I like being On this side of the table. But flirting this way Out of nowhere Is a new thing. Hannah after: (As if one puberty Out of nowhere Weren’t awkward enough.) He sticks out his arm But soon we’re just two To block me from getting in my car. Exiled people He snarls, “What are you?” Denying our exiles His breathing is hard, And connecting. His eyes are inflamed. There’s no one around. The sun is setting, Hannah before: The lot is not lit. [In a completely separate space or And we notice the fog come in. He shouts it. from offstage, far apart from Hannah after, Hannah before speaks in a quiet He shouts it this time: For all the flirting and robotic voice, reciting a roster of “What are you?” transgender people who’ve recently been We acknowledge, I ask him to stop, slain.] Silently and sweetly, To leave me alone. Nakia Ladelle Baker Nashville, Tennessee That this will not go Trauma to the head Where’s a weapon? Stefania Koppi Any further. Rome, Italy Anything! Violently beaten, skull bashed in That this connection suffices. Thanawood Wiriyananon “What the fuck are you?” Phuket, Thailand And that’s the beauty of it, Strangled and beaten Keys, anything. Silvana Berisha The beauty I feel Hamburg, Germany And suddenly Stabbed to death Dilek Ince When he kisses me lightly Ankara, Turkey He clutches my neck, Shot in the back of the head On the cheek. Katia Otacilio Vilela He tightens his grasp. Jatai, Brazil A beauty I feel Stabbed With all of my strength Diksy Jones In the warmth of his hand Wellington, New Zealand I leverage a kick. Blunt force trauma to the head As he places it in mine Agnes Torres Sulca I jump in the car. Atlixco, Puebla, Mexico Neck wounds, burned, thrown in a ditch And says, “good night.” Thapelo Makutle He reaches for me. Kuruman, South Africa I slam the door. Throat cut, partial decapitation, genitals stuffed in mouth

—8— Erica Keel Start, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Hannah after: Run over repeatedly by a car Car, Elly “Sayep” Susanna I am not an island. Jakarta, Indonesia Car, Stoned and drowned by police I am not an island. Kellie Telesford Thornton Heath, UK Start! Strangled Dayana Nicole Castillo Garcia Hannah before/Hannah after and Quartet: He pounds at the window. Tarapoto, Peru Stabbed to death Start, start, Marion Lanza Unidentified… Honduras Please, God. Shot Unknown… Krissy Bates Oh God. Minneapolis, Minnesota Unidentified… Stabbed “You bitch.” Patricia Murphy Unknown… Albuquerque, New Mexico Pound. Pound. Shot several times in the head Selma Diaz “I’m going to kill you.” Chicago, Illinois Drowned Shelley Hilliard I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you.” Detroit, Michigan I go on to… Murdered, decapitated, dismembered, burned I drive off. January Marie Lapuz British Columbia, Canada He chases still shouting. Stabbed to death Hannah before: Ruby Molina I drive and drive, Sacramento, California They continue. Drowned My heart is pounding. Noor Azian Khamis, The voices. Johor, Malaysia I have escaped. Stabbed Islan Nettles In my head. Harlem, New York I am safe. Beaten to death You won’t be happy.

[During the orchestral interlude, Hannah gets safely home, locks Hannah after: the door, retrieves her laptop and turns it on. She searches online You won’t be happy. for other incidents of violence against transgender people.] You can’t go back. Hannah after: Hannah before; Later, You can’t go back. Alone at home, It is wrong. I look online. I look online. Hannah after: There are others. What are you doing? I am not safe. Hannah before: Hannah before: What are you thinking? Emanuelly Colaco Taborda Paraná, Brazil Hannah after/Hannah before: Strangled The noise is too loud. Menakshiammal Krishnagiri, India Hannah before: Burned and throat slit The noise is too loud. Ashley Sweeney I cannot go on. Detroit, Michigan I cannot go on. Shot in the head But somehow, somehow… Hannah before/Hannah after: Hannah after/Hannah before: Kamilla I must go on. Volgograd, Russia I must go on. Shot to death. Amanda Gonzalez Andujar, Hannah before: Queens, New York I go on Unidentified To… Guayaquil, Ecuador Unknown Norway. Milan, Italy

—9— PART III. Hannah after: That night, I don’t sleep. Norway Grief. Loneliness. Hannah after: Doubt. Norway. Why am I here? Where else? Norway. The following day, A friend of a friend I decide to make jam. Rents out a cabin I gather berries. In Norway, It takes forever. In the middle of nowhere, And tastes awful. Just me and the Northern Lights, I throw out the bitter fruit. Which I’ve always wanted to see, Just me, A few more sleepless nights. The middle of nowhere, Neither here nor there. One day, —Perfect. I take the wooden skiff Out on the water. Soon, I’m lurching past fjords Clear, calm, deep. And road signs with slashed “o’s.” Clear. Calm. Deep. I attempt a yodel, Then remember that yodeling Halfway out, Isn’t Norwegian. I realize it has a leak. But make it back in time A fjord. With a boat half-filled of icy water. Fields, And sit on the shore Mountains far off, Out of breath. And the cabin. Which is really just a shack Why am I here? With cabin aspirations. No one around for miles. I realize that I And I think: Have not spoken to anyone in days. Here is a setting for I am alarmed because A moment of transcendence. I have this realization Or murder. Out loud.

I go inside the shack. I also realize It smells of goat. That I’ve spent four days As I am. I throw down my bag. As I am. And weep. Without regard to Anyone else, Or what they think. I only care if I pass To myself.

—10— Every night Hannah after: I go to the water The following morning, And sit beneath the I rise, Shuddering stars. And make jam again. And wait for the Northern lights This time with better berries. To make an appearance in the sky. I fix the hole in the boat, A glowing glimmering shimmering in the sky. And even try a yodel. It doesn’t happen. And… Every night: Nothing. I write a dozen postcards. Not even the faintest glow. My first communication With the outside world I think: In a week. Nature doesn’t always comply I let my hand guide me With our wishes. As I write Nature just is. And sign each card with my Nature also doesn’t work New name. In metaphors I look at the handwriting. Like leaking boats, My teacher would not have approved. Or bitter fruit. Graceful swirls, It just is. Expansive ascenders, Crosses with curls. And here, On my self-imposed island, My writing is not I connect with the universe. Like a girl’s, And the universe tells me: Or like a boy’s, “You are an idiot. It’s a very simple equation: Hannah before/Hannah after: You are not happy. It is mine. You can be happy.” It is free. There is an echo, Free. And it repeats: Glimmering “You are not happy. Shimmering You can be happy. Northern Lights. It’s a very simple equation: You are not happy. Hannah before: You can be happy. Northern lights. There is an echo Hannah after/Hannah before: And it repeats Northern lights. “You are not happy. And I go home You can be happy.” As one. And so, I resolve [The End.] To make myself happy. And the only way to do that Is simple. And natural. No metaphors.

—11—