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Home , Conch Republic, Florida Keys, Overseas Highway

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101425 Overseas Hwy. • PMB #628 • , FL 33037 • 305-304-2837 • [email protected] • May 2008

Inside Ghost Ships in the Upper Keys Adopt at Animal Shelter Remedy’s Health Food Column Outrage Over ‘Party Island’

Attractions Entertainers of the Month ...Jim Orebaugh Artist of the Month ...Harry Sonntag

Map Getting From Here to There

Special Events Pirates, Pets & Punch Conch Republic Celebration

What’s Hot & What’s Not Sounds of the Keys

All the Buzz

The Gonz: All Hail the New Mayor

The Direction of Happiness Conch Characters Coco'Nut'’ Funnies

You Can Find The Telegraph at over 100 locations from Homestead See story on page 18 about W.F. Mullen and learn how to purchase a copy of his last book. to 2 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 3 Coconut Telegraph Deadline Articles Entertainer of the Month

May 2008 for the Entertainers of the Month, Jim Orebaugh ...... 3 Volume 18 Issue #18 Coconut Telegraph’s Jim Orebaugh Artist of the Month, Harry Sonntag ...... 4 Prestige Publishing, Inc May issue is 101425 Monday The Ghost Ships in the Upper Keys ...... 5 PMB #628 April 21, 2008 Outrage Over ‘Party Island’ ...... 6 Key Largo, FL 33037 The Direction of Happiness ...... 7 Phone 305-304-2837 All Hail the New Mayor ...... 8 Fax 305-453-4659 Daniels Elected to ...... 9 Cast of Characters: Larson Scores with ACAMS ...... 9

Editor/Sales/Distribution Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet ...... 10 Denise Malefyt “Ocean Reef Foundation” Donates to Kids Closet ...... 11 Sales Getting from Here to There- the map page ...... 12 Marty Sutton Conch Characters ...... 15 Advertising Production Sounds of the Keys ...... 17 Sue Beal It’s Tuesday evening just his talents to do benefits for Get Copy of Dive with Vengeance by W.F. Mullen ...... 18 before sunset at Gilbert’s. The the community. He participates Newspaper Production Marine Bank Sponsors Music Program ...... 18 tiki bar is busy, and Jim’s in the Police Officers Assis- Nikki Dunn Call Denise at Remedy’s Health Food Column ...... 19 getting the Karaoke equipment tance Trust, which does fund- Contributors 305-304-2837 Pirates, Pets & Punch ...... 20 set up. People are flipping raisers for Juvenile Diabetes. Rachel R. Peine through the pages of the Last year he did 50/50 raffles Rich Peine Conch Republic Celebration ...... 20 karaoke book, signing up for at his karaoke shows for about Business in the Keys ...... 21 Upper Keys Distribution their favorite songs. The a month and a half and raised Pattywagon Coco'Nut'’ Funnies ...... 22 regulars know the drill, and $2000. He and a group from they’re chomping at the bit to the Police Department put get up on stage. together a benefit concert in Jim’s been entertaining as a the Mutineer parking lot and Editorial: DJ and doing Karaoke for about raised over $5000 in one day Visit the Conch Republic Coconut Telegraph’s six or seven years, including for Juvenile Diabetes. clubs, weddings, and private A couple of months ago Jim Border Patrol Alert! NEW website parties. His first gig was at hosted a party for the Pirate’s Gilbert’s. “This is the first job new CD at Gilbert’s, which ben- www.coconuttelegraphonline.com I got when I bought the bus- efited the Wild Bird Center. Good Grief, It’s Ocean Reef iness from Roger (Foxfire). He He’s also ready to help when used to do karaoke at Gilbert’s, someone has a family tragedy. Call in the FBI. Smugglers have heard rumors that he is the Club and the Last year he helped raise are invading Ocean Reef! It has being replaced. We think that Mandalay, also the Key Largo money when Missy was killed on been reported that people have would improve the relationship Moose.” the Stretch. Jim did 50/50’s been smuggling the Coconut between the ORC and the rest Karaoke is a big difference and they raised over $3000 for Telegraph into Ocean Reef by of the county. But in the from Jim’s other job as a police her kids. As Jim says, “Any the "small bales". The meanwhile, if you see any Read past issues and find officer in Homestead, where time I can help someone who smugglers have been taking smuggling going on call Mr. other Key’s Resources! he’s worked for 23 years. He experiences a personal tragedy, them to the radio station and Hackleton. That should keep found his calling as an enter- I do whatever I can.” Kim's Cafe as well as tossing him busy enough to stay off tainer when he hired Roger for You can find Jim doing them in the ORC directors the golf course. a birthday party. “I enjoyed karaoke: yards. Poor Bill Hackleton has Congratulations to the singing. It started out as a Tues.: Gilberts, 6-10pm been running around in a tizzy Ocean Reef Club Board of hobby, but it became something Wed. & Thurs.: Mutineer, 7- trying to collect them all. As of Realtors on their new more than that. Part of the 11pm press time we are not sure if publication, nice job! draw for me is having a good Fri.: Simmons (Homestead), 8- he is still employed there as we time. I like to see people having 12pm (or whenever) a good time, and if they’re 1st & 3rd Sat.: Sam’s Hideaway Disclaimer having a good time, I’m having a in City, 9-2pm The Coconut Telegraph C 2006 is published monthly by Prestige Publishing, INC. All Telegraph assumes in good faith that all editorial and advertising material submitted are good time.” Jim’s company is TJ Enter- rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent of the original property of the advertiser. The Coconut Telegraph may not be held responsible In addition to his busy club tainment. 305-970-2585; the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph welcomes written articles, photos, and artwork of for errors, omissions, or for circumstances beyond our control that may affect the and party schedule, Jim uses email: [email protected]. local interest to be used and/or edited at the discretion of the publisher. The Coconut distribution schedule. 4 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 5 Artist of the Month Harry Sonntag The Ghost Ships in Story by Rachel R. Peine

You won’t see Harry clippings from 1955. There’s garden. He painted and sold friends. Lyda had saved a the Upper Keys Sonntag painting scenes of Key the first “coincidence”. If his paintings in an abandoned collection of photographs Jim By Rich Peine Largo, Rock Harbor and Chuck had passed by 30 packing shed that he named the took of Harry’s home, studio, Tavernier these days. In fact, minutes later, it all would have Key Largo Art Gallery, where and garden, which she gave to It was a slow Monday Ships” appeared ahead of him. without a few “coincidences”, been in the trash. Anthony’s clothing store stands Chuck. The photo of Harry in evening. I was sipping a brew at He tried to catch up with it, you may never have been able That bag had been sitting in today. As he said to a visitor, front of the gallery is one of Gilbert’s, listening to Linda but it always seemed to stay an to see his work at all. But his the storage unit since 1960, “To me, this is Utopia. Here I Jim’s. Noyes sing. A pod of dolphins equal distance from him - about paintings are on display at the when the owners returned from am free – with no machines, no Lyda also gave Chuck a was playing just off the dock. A 3 to 4 miles away. Key Largo Art Gallery today, vacation in St. Thomas. They clocks – no pressure from typewritten story she wrote Keys picture if there ever was The next day Linda started thanks to some persistent had stayed at a rooming house society. I paint what I feel for an English class. It’s a one. Linda (Coconut Telegraph’s asking some of the local detective work by Chuck and found the paintings under and live as I can.” After the treasure as a portrait of Harry. entertainer of the month for captains if anyone had ever Faulkner, who’s been their bed. The landlord wasn’t building burned down in 1955, The quotation above is from January) took a break, and we seen these glowing ships. She researching Sonntag’s life and interested in them, so the Harry disappeared, and so did that story. Here’s coincidence got to talking. was questioning her sanity. One work since 1992. #2. Six weeks after meeting A few years ago, she was of the captains said, “You’re Chuck is doing a Chuck, Lyda died. If Chuck’s out sailing early in the morning OK; I’ve seen them too.” presentation about Harry exhibit had been six weeks with her boyfriend Dan and her Another captain verified the Sonntag’s life and work on later, this connection wouldn’t daughter Samantha on Dan’s 28 sighting as well. Monday, May 12 at 7:00 PM for have occurred. But some force ft. Morgan. They were in the History records many the Historical Preservation wanted Harry Sonntag’s area of Tavernier Key. The sun wrecks off Conch Reef. Do we Society of the Upper Keys, at paintings preserved. Lyda had just about risen when they have the souls of drowned the Key Largo Library in reinforced this thought in her got stuck in the shallows. crewmen still trying to get Tradewinds Plaza. This is story, saying, “He seemed to Repeated attempts to get the their ships off the reef, or is definitely one event not to think there was a supernatural boat free were to no avail, so this a natural phenomenon? miss. Original paintings will be being caring for him and helping by the end of the day they Strange that a natural on display, along with a slide him to create beauty for decided to row ashore. It was formation would look like a ship. show and lecture about the posterity. His whole life was dark by that time, and with Dan I don’t know, but if anyone out collection. dedicated to that idea.” doing the rowing they headed there can shed some light on Sonntag’s striking Against all odds, Harry back to the Tavernier Creek this mystery, please contact me watercolors create a visual Sonntag’s work survived for Marina. at the Coconut Telegraph. We history of Key Largo and posterity, and his paintings As Linda looked back toward want to hear your story. Tavernier in the 1950s, show the beauty of this area in their stranded boat, she was including the local fishing a lost era. His paintings can be startled to see two translucent industry of the time, the Photo used with permission of Chuck Faulkner. seen at the “new” Key Largo sailboats about four miles away. original Rusty’s Tavernier Art Gallery, in Plaza 103, They were very bright with an Marina, and the Mandalay. In across from John Pennekamp iridescent glow about them. addition to the beauty of these couple took the paintings back his paintings, supposedly lost in park. The Gallery is open Both were two masted and scenes, Chuck’s discovery of home to . the fire. Tuesday through Sunday, 10 around 40 to 50 feet. Sonntag’s lost work seems Perhaps they planned to display When Chuck hung a display AM to 5 PM. There’s also a Her daughter saw guided by a mystical hand. them or sell them, but 32 years of four of Harry’s newfound reception on the last Friday of them, too, plus an The trail started when passed before the paintings prints on the history board in the month from 6 -8 PM. additional Chuck and his friend Frank came to light again. Once Chuck the Kissimmee City Hall, the Phone - 451-0052. ship. Dan were buying and selling saw Harry’s work, he was Orlando newspaper did a story Chuck’s website, featuring peered collectibles. Since they were hooked. Starting with the about Sonntag. Seventy-four Harry Sonntag is www.wetinc- into the always on the lookout for newspaper clippings he started year old Lyda “Pete” Hadley art.com. You’ll see Harry’s darkness interesting items, they pulled piecing together the life of the saw the story and got in touch paintings and also Jim Hadley’s but didn’t see over at a storage building “hermit artist of Key Largo”. with Chuck. She and her photographs. You can reach anything and wrote where they saw a woman Sonntag arrived in Key husband had been students in Chuck at 407-847-2315. it off. cleaning out her unit. They Largo around 1950, after in the ‘50s. She was an By the way, next time you’re Dan dropped Linda and offered to buy a few things, leaving Pratt Institute of Art artist, and her husband Jim at the Pilot House, check out Samantha off and rowed and she gave them a few in New York City and was a photographer. They’d the display of Harry’s work - back to the boat, since he paintings. Then she said, hitchhiking around the country. explore the Keys on weekends, inside, on the back wall behind didn’t want to leave it “Here, take this bag, too.” The All he wanted to do was paint. and they were “beach combing the piano. You’ll want to know unattended overnight. bag turned out to have 170 He lived in a shack he put for driftwood” when they came more about the “hermit artist” As he headed out, he paintings by Harry Sonntag; together a little north of the across Harry cooking fish in whose paintings were saved by realized the photographs of Harry, his home Mandalay, and he ate fish and front of his shack. Something “chance”. women hadn’t been and garden; and newspaper whatever he could grow in his clicked, and they became hallucinating. One of the “Ghost 6 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 7 Outrage Over The Direction Of Happiness ‘Party Island’ Leaving a Relationship One of the hardest relationships that are vital and A single empty bottle of 7- Largo. "Prior to the party a decisions we ever make in life is healing. Ultimately, most of us up was all they could crew cleans up the island, bags leaving a long-term relationship will follow this call, because photograph, and even that and bags of garbage are that just isn't working. When deep within ourselves we know looked like it had been staged, removed as the island is used attempts at repairing and that we deserve to be happy. in a story by Steve Gibbs of by many campers throughout working out issues aren't We all deserve to be happy, no the Free Press. A local that the year,” says Capt. Ron Rico. working, it may be time to matter where we find ourselves examine moving on. We are in this moment, and we are all claims to be an environmental "The stage is there so campers emotional creatures, and when justified in moving, like plants activist had made a complaint. and boy scouts can sleep in our heartstrings are tied to toward the light, in the Is he really that, or just their sleeping bags without those of another, separating direction that leads to our someone trying to get his name fear of snakes and bugs,” John from that person can feel like greatest fulfillment. First, in the paper? Chaining oneself S. tells us. an act of courage. It is not though, we may need to summon to a bridge and making stupid So you may be wondering, something most of us will take the courage to move on from complaints does nothing for the just who attends this secret lightly, and many of us will the relationship that appears to community; it is an insult and a party? Doctors, lawyers, struggle with our desire to stay be holding us back. in a relationship that is Taking the first steps will waste of time. As a result bankers, publishers, celebrities, unfulfilling simply in order to be hard, but the happiness we Captain Mark Hutchings, owner liquor executives, realtors, avoid that pain. We may find when we have freed of Tow Boat US, who has politicians, air traffic question whether the happiness ourselves from a situation that volunteered for countless controllers, electric company we seek even exists, and is draining our energy will things over the years is facing big wigs, environmentalists, and we may wonder if we might be outshine any hardship we an investigation from the local business owners to not wiser to simply settle where we undergo to get there. Keeping Florida Department of name a few. After a few hours are, making the best of what we our eyes trained on the horizon, have. we begin the work of Environmental Protection over a of fun everyone is taken safely On the one hand, we almost disentangling ourselves from party that wasn't even his! back to shore by boat. The relish the idea that true the relationship that no longer Capt. Mark has 800 letters next morning a crew of 25 to happiness is not out there so fits. Every step brings us closer from people he has helped over 30 people return to the island that we can avoid the pain of to a relationship that will work, the years with their boats, he and leave it spotless. Capt. change. On the other hand, we and the freedom we need to volunteered for the Speigel Mark will not divulge the names feel within ourselves a yearning find the happiness Grove Project, and every time of the VIP's, so he is taking all to fulfill our desire for we deserve. you see a fireworks display in the heat. He has the Free the upper Keys you can thank Press and Steve Gibbs to thank Capt. Mark. He and his crew for that. "They did not bother routinely pick up debris on all to get all the facts" says Capt. the islands. Whenever a friend Mark, "and I am boycotting all needs help, Capt. Mark is there. advertising in the Free Press The reason for the and they are not welcome at my investigation? Barges belonging places of to Tow Boat US were left on business." Reprinted from DailyOM - Inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy the island. "The barges and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com. were left there for a short time to clean up the island!" says Don B., "this whole thing is ridiculous!" The Captain Ron Rico's secret party has been going on for years on a little island off Key 8 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 9 All Hail the New Mayor Daniels Elected to Crane Point

for elite and a was auctioned off for $18,000! kept me extremely busy running Ben Daniels, Vice President since 1972 and is a member of hideout for Mafioso’s, I was no Yea that was the good ole days, up and down the island chain and Middle Keys Lending several different organizations babe in the woods. At the age when bribing a politician was making promises I have no Officer of First State Bank of in the community including: The of two my grandparents and expected and buying your way intention of keeping. the , has been Marathon Jaycees; Marathon parents thrust me onto the into public office was the only In this stage of the game elected to the Chamber of campaign trail - cutting my way to campaign. I’m not quite sure of what all I Crane Point Board Commerce; Marathon teeth on the art of public One of the perks of being plan on accomplishing as Mayor, of Directors. Rotary Club; Past speaking and playing the cute Mayor of Islamorada is the but if my Whistle Stop Rum “The Florida Presbyterian Kirk of kid card while asking for votes. never ending parade of Runner Investiture Party Keys Land and Sea the Keys; Lower I learned an invaluable lesson cocktails that is bestowed upon (which Comcast filmed and you Trust is very Keys Association By Sammie Mays aka The Gonz from my childhood experiences you. Because of the island’s can catch on channel 5 and 19) excited about Realtors; and had planned on avoiding unique electoral process (he is any indication of things to having someone of Board of Directors If it looks like a duck, walks politics as an adult (mostly who holds THE rubber chicken come, well, I suppose I’ll be Ben’s background and the Marathon like a duck, and quacks like a because I have a lot to hide). holds the title of Mayor), a doing a lot of cocktailing. and ties to our Youth Club. duck, it’s probably one of those I’ll tell ya, lately it’s got me vast number of chicken thieves To clear up any confusion in community join Ben Daniels Crane Point’s obnoxious rubber chickens. thinking that I am not in wielding alcoholic beverages closing, there is one last issue I Crane Point,” said mission is to Six weeks ago I was Roto- control of this ship. have popped up over time. Like feel I must address. You may Keith Douglass, promote Rootered on U.S. 1 and against Take a in any office, have already heard of the Executive Director Crane Point. environmental stewardship and my will my doctor has begun close look at when out in other woman who is using the “We are looking forward to his the heritage of the Florida weaning the pain meds from my the chicken public, the same Mayoral title in addition to our Board of Keys. To find out more hot little happy hands. Can’t say in the Mayor should Islamorada as I - and that Directors.” information on Crane Point, as I blame ‘em though, when photograph. be weary of other woman would be Cathi Daniels has been in the Keys visit www.cranepoint.net. your patient is running around Look a little the chicken Hill. As fate would have it and the Florida Keys with a rubber closer. Now scam. First as weird as it is, Cathi and I chicken proclaiming to be for those of of all, anyone became Mayors of Islamorada First State Bank’s Larson “Mayor!” it appears to be you who know obsessively on the exact same day getting close to calling on the your island ogling the (Thursday, March 17th 2008), Scores with ACAMS services of the men in the history you chicken is and although we share the white coats. It hasn’t been know that probably an moniker, our job descriptions First State Bank is proud to Bank Senior Vice President, easy this year being me. that’s not aspiring couldn’t be more different. announce that Vice President Risk Manager Elizabeth A quick recap of the first just any old politician Cathi was appointed Mayor by and BSA/AML Compliance Miranda. “Only those with the months of my turning Fifty: skanky and/or the five Village Council Officer Susan Larson has right skills and experience will While shopping for gym shorts rubber New Mayor and Her Chicken chicken Members and deals with the received her credentials as a pass. The Bank appreciates the at the Florida City Wal-Mart, I chicken – thief. When serious day to day issues of the Certified Anti-Money Laundry dedication, time and effort was attacked by female gang that rubber the friendly island (please direct any gripes, Specialist. that are required to members in the Mary Kate and chicken is THE Official cocktails begin pouring in, it is moans and groans to her The Association achieve this goal. Ashley Olsen Department. Islamorada Mayoral Rubber a sure fire sign that the office), and while I was elected of Certified Anti- Congratulations to Next, an adventurous evening Chicken! And to the person who chicken scam is in motion. by chicken proxy and deal with Money Laundry Susan!" of dining on blowfish lead to an holds THE Islamorada Mayoral Waiting in the wings, the the surreal issues - you may Specialists Larson lives in Key emergency room visit via Rubber Chicken historically chicken thief bides his time direct any and all invitations (ACAMS) is an West with her ambulance and a hospital stay holds the title of ‘Mayor of while the Mayor slowly gets for dinners, public appearances, organization which husband. She has when diagnosed with Islamorada’ and that today my stewed. The budding parties, yachting excursions offers professional been living in the “Honorable Fugu” poisoning. friends would be me! politician/chicken thief is an and monetary donations to my certification, Keys for almost And to top that off, of no fault To date Captain Al Flutie expert at detecting inebriation office at the Whistle Stop. resources and twenty years. of my own, I totaled my car. I has been the longest reining and at precisely the right And just for the record folks I networking for Susan Larson First State Bank gave up, rolled over and said Mayor in the history of island. moment he makes a grab for am THE first female Mayor in those who must of the Florida Keys “UNCLE!” three times, and was He held THE Islamorada THE Islamorada Mayoral the history of Islamorada. My comply with Anti- is a community going about my business trying Mayoral Rubber Chicken and Rubber Chicken and it’s bye- Investiture took place in the Money Laundering and Bank oriented financial services to blend in as just another office for some thirty years. bye office! It’s been AM while Cathi’s Investiture Secrecy Act regulations. company with 13 full-service crazy in the Conch Republic Dave Whitney, the former recommended that I have the took place in the PM. Susan has been working banking offices and 32 ATMs when all of a sudden - BAM! I’m publisher/editor of the Free chicken surgically attached. towards her certification throughout the Keys. the Mayor of Islamorada! Hey Press told me that after Because of my background I Cock-a-doodle-do, through ACAMS, and in a short First State Bank of the I am just as surprised as you Flutie's death the locals were have actually discovered that I Mayor gOnZo Mays period of time has gained the Florida Keys is the oldest are. raising funds for something or am very well suited for public Sammie is a former member of the National Enquirer’s elite team imperative knowledge that is locally owned and operated full- Raised on South another and that THE Official office. Besides diggin’ on my of “Foreign Legion of Journalist.” She is the feature entertainment needed in her field. service bank meeting the /travel writer for Travel Host magazine of the Florida Keys and politics in the Gulf Coast town Islamorada Mayoral Rubber new “Mayor Gonzo” moniker, my Key West and the Host for Comcast channel 5 “Spotlight on the "This is a great banking needs of residents and of Pass Christian, a playground Chicken (with its Mayoral title) first undertaking as Mayor has Keys.” The Gonz can be reached at www.saminthekeys.com achievement,” said First State businesses in Monroe County. 10 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 11 Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet Ocean Reef Foundation Meet a few of the animals who are currently available for adoption a t the Key Largo Animal Shelter. If you are interested in taking one Donates to Kids Closet of these adorable furry friends home stop by or call. The Shelter is located at mile marker 106 Oceanside; phone 305-451-0088.

Zoey Zelda & Pepe Lena

Sparky Dori

Pearl & Dottie

Tom and Marcia Martell, presenting a check on behalf of the Ben & Jerry "Ocean Reef Foundation" for $5,000 to Lisa Reynaud, President Mindy Oso of the Florida Keys Foster Adoptive Parents Association. These grant funds will be used to support the operation of the Kids Closet in Key Largo. The Kids Closet provides clothes, shoes, toys and school supplies to the foster, adoptive and relative-care children of Monroe County. Norbert Birnbaum (not pictured) is this year's FKFAPA Vice President. For more information about the Kids Closet, contact Lisa Reynaud at 453-4019.

Congratulations Trina Birnie

Glenn Hoover congratulates Trina Birnie on her award at the Board of Realtor's Luncheon. 12 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 13 14 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 15 Coconut Conch Characters of the Month

tterson of 104.3 ORC Radio at Frank Pa up a gre ny Farrel at n cooked Station and Golf Pro John Bea and Danny and Wilso oose. tied the knot at the Kays Ke Rhino at the M Pilot House Restaurant. ys sandwich the residence. pork chop

This is NOT Buffy, it's the Big Fish Bartender Mary. H oward taking reat befor a bre y had a g e the S ak rtender Am sho un 103 Ba ilbert's. at w at th radio hday at G Dicko is back e Turtl birt Snap e Club Snappers! per's W at aterfro Resta nt urant.

Skip -Din s Ken and ers love shine Band as Marley's J The Sun swear it w Restaur T and Laura at pper's. "I Jewfish ant at Gilbert's Tiki B een at Sna Creek. out th ar. Check Brad g!" at awesome R this bi aw Bar menu!

If you have pictures of fun and interesting goin’s on in and around the Keys just send ’em along to [email protected] Be sure to include your name and phone number so we can contact you if we have any questions! 16 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 17

apper's. The Sunshine Band at Sn

Jennifer and Rob debut at Gilbert's.

ndays t's Mo Gilber es at . a Noy sdays . Lind d Thur at Gilbert's an "Play Back"

Dangerous Dave returns to Snapper's.

LE FT: Jack Hildreth s its in with "Blues Lagoon" at the Moose. Where is John Mullen?

RIGHT: Debby Hawkins and Big Fish owner Todd belt out a tune on Karaoke Night 18 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 19 Get Your Copy of Marine Bank Sponsors Provided by Dive with Vengeance Treasure Village Montessori Remedy’s Health Food by W.F. Mullen After School Music Program Located in the Mile Marker 101 Shopping Center

W. F. Mullen, a friend and Vengeance and enjoyed every On April 8, 2008, Marine and a grand musical - $16,000 much-loved writer in the Keys, minute of it. At that point Bank made a generous contri- is needed. For the 2008/09 passed away a year ago at Glenn said, "Maybe you can do bution to Treasure Village school year, administration has Vitamins, What They Mariner's Hospital. Dive with something with them. I gotta Montessori and music teacher applied for grants, but many Vengeance (see picture on get them out of my dining Cheryl Kinkelaar. The funds contributors prefer to donate Accomplish cover), Mullen’s last self room.” will go to develop the After funds to nationwide organ- published book, He gave School Music program. “It’s izations, or to organizations in had been me the books our goal to provide a quality areas with greater populations, The purpose of the article Inflammatory accumulating and even the program that will be a reality that leaves Ms. Cheryl this month is to give synopsis dust in a displays Mullen interesting to the students and and the school looking to of what some basic vitamins for Vitamin K storage unit had made for affordable to the parents,” businesses the community – your body will accomplish. • Blood Coagulation until recently. them. Since said Ms. Cheryl about the like Marine Bank - for funding. Following you will find a general • Bone Formation Hundreds of Mullen had program. “We want to entice To date, Marine Bank is the guide to help whatever may be books written spent a month the older students to partic- sole responder to Ms. Cheryl’s affecting your health: Many times, a simple vitamin in, about, and at Mariner's ipate in the after school pro- request for support. relieves your infirmity. Also, for the Hospital grams. Considering the alterna- “We have a responsibility Vitamin A you will find that your magnificent getting the tive of going home to empty to these kids to provide • Conversion of neural signals recuperation time greatly Florida Keys best care houses, these programs are structure and exposure to new into visual images enhanced, whether it be from were even possible and essential to the safety and things,” said Hunter Padgett. • Integrity of epithelial cells in surgery or a simple cut. The beginning to died without development of these “By supporting and enabling skin, lining of organs, body most important aspect is not yellow with age. money or students.” pro-grams like this, as a cavity just to believe everything you Mullen, or Farel W.F. Mullen insurance, we The need for this program community we’re doing right by • Genetic expressions, hear or read, but verify as his friends decided to is yet another indicator of the our kids. I applaud Ms. Cheryl embryonic development through reliable sources. We called him, left donate a state of the economy. The and Treasure Village • Immune function recommend publications such as the contents of his storage portion of the proceeds to the aftercare program has grown Montessori in pursuing “Prescription for Herbal unit to his buddy, Glenn Hover. hospital's ICU unit. substantially since the programs like this, and Vitamin C Healing”, “Prescription for One day, Hover mentioned You can purchase your own 2006/2007 school year, encourage other businesses to • Collagen Formation Natural Healing” or “7-Sydrom the book to me and I told him copy of Dive with Vengeance at further underscoring the see these opportunities as • Capillary Walls Healing”. These publications I would love to read it. I Key's Visitor Center 107.9 situation. Many parents are responsibilities.” • Amino Acid are practical and to the point. devour all the books I can that Overseas Hwy., Kat's Little working longer hours and If you, or someone you Metabolism They cover a broad range of are related to the Keys and Hair House in the Tavernier multiple jobs, leaving children know, is interested in contri- • Neurotransmitter topics and give priority to the . Edna Buchanan, Town Plaza, and the Mariner's unchaperoned and until parents buting please contact Ms. Function more effective supplements Randy Wayne White and Carl Hospital Gift Shop. For more return from work. To offer Cheryl Kinkelaar at 853-5634, • Iron Absorption to accomplish Hiaasen… I just can't write information about the books these after school programs - 393-0303, [email protected] . a specific them fast enough. contact Denise Malefyt at which include Roots of Rhythm, Or you can contact the school Vitamin D goal. So I read Dive with 305-304-2837. Guitar workshop, Keyboard lab at 852-3482. • Calcium There Absorption are literally (especially D-3) thousands • Growth and of vitamins and Development supplements; we carry Skin some 7,000 different • Cell Growth supplements Remedy’s Health Food. Please Vitamin E feel free to ask • Prevents LDL questions, and do not Oxidation limit your approach to • Platelets an opinion read on the (Adhesions, internet or by an thrombosis) acquaintancecc. • Protects Against Understand your Cellular Damage) supplements and enjoy • Anti- better health. 20 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 21 Pirates, Pets & Punch Conch Republic Celebration

Keys Critters hosted "Pirates, Pets, and Punch" on April 26, with the charming Business in the Keys Luke Popp in full pirate regalia. Serving punch (the adult version did have a punch) was the ever-engaging Richie Dunn. Even dogs and cats learned to say, "Arggggh" after a few tastes of the powerful brew. Elizabeth's Maltese (see bottom picture), Kiwi, tried to board the pirate ship but The reading of the conch Republic Proclamation. fortunately was restrained before sailing off with a crew of parrots.

The Conch Blowing contest ends in a tie.

Luke Popp, Chris, Shadow and Marty.

The Pie Eating contestants dig in.

Advertise your business here! 8,000 issues of The Coconut Telegraph are distributed from Homestead to Key West.

To place an advertisement call Denise Malefyt at 305-304-2837 22 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 • 23 Coco ‘Nut’ Funnies Coco ‘Nut’ Funnies Simple Home Remedies Top 15

1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling Euphemisms for Impotence water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 15. 180 degrees shy of heaven 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting 14. Performing with Flacido Domingo someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 13. A few parts shy of an erector set 12. A sch-wing and a miss 3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for 11. Not rising to the level of an impeachable offense a few minutes, thus reducing 10. The Null Monte the pressure on your veins. remember to use a timer. 9. Disappointing Miss Daisy 8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics 4. A mouse trap placed on top 7. Ascension Deficit Disorder of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going 6. Bouncing the Check of Love There was a rare sighting of Connie the Manafant back to sleep after you hit 5. Less-than-Magic-Johnson the snooze button. at Marley's Restaurant. 4. All Doled up with no where to go 5. If you have a bad cough, 3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be 2. Serving boneless pork afraid to cough. 1. Unleavened Man-Bread

6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily thought: Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Save a LIfe: Foster a Rescue Pet

You can help a rescued dog or cat by providing a foster home until a permanent home becomes available. Joy Martin of Marr Properties is president of Marvelous Pet Rescue, which takes in animals that are surrendered, rescued, or found as strays. The number of animals that can be saved is limited only by the number of foster homes. Loving animals need your help. Contact Joy at 451-4078. Why Older Women Should Not Sunbathe in the Nude 24 • The Coconut Telegraph • May 2008 TT   “G ’”“G ’”  K K  BB RR

e private beach, gourmet restaurant and personal concierge service can be yours at Karina Bay Resort & Marina, a fractionally-owned paradise starting from the mid-200’s. Visit our sales oce today!

 O H • K L, F • .  .  • ..

Oral representations cannot be relied upon as correctly stating representations of the developer. For correct representations, make reference to the documents required by sections 718.503 and 721.07. Florida statutes, to be furnished by a developer to a buyer or lessee. Units in this condominium are subject to timeshare estates. is advertising material is being used for the purpose of soliciting sales of timeshare interests.