Celebrate Shabbat How to Create Joyful Home Traditions
By Ellen Zimmerman Table of Contents
Welcoming Shabbat Into Your Home...... 3
Part I: DIY Shabbat Kit...... 6 Pull It All Together ...... 6 Choose What Is Beautiful to You ...... 7 Part II: Friday Evening...... 10 7 Five-Minute Mood-Setting Ideas ...... 10 Erev Shabbat Blessings & Rituals ...... 13 Part III: 7 Ideas for Saturday Family Activities...... 19
Part IV: 7 Steps of a Home Havdalah Ceremony ...... 22
Part V: Beautiful Music for Shabbat ...... 26
Part VI: Especially for Grandparents ...... 28
Part VII: What's Best for Your Family?...... 30
Resources...... 32
More Fun Stuff from Jewish Holidays in a Box...... 35 Welcoming Shabbat Into Your Home
“The Sabbath is a weekly cathedral raised up in my dining room, in my family, in my heart.” Anita Diamant
We all live such busy lives these days. What a gift it would be to “use” Shabbat to unplug and be more present with our families!
In “Celebrate Shabbat: How To Create Joyful Home Traditions,” we offer suggestions of how to make this a doable choice – even in the midst of hectic schedules.
The reality is that pressures will come up that compete with choosing those moments of Shabbat peace. In raising our girls, the earlier years were easier.
By the time that our trumpeter daughter was in the high school band, we had a hard decision to make. And we know that every family has to make choices that work for them. In our case, we didn’t prevent her from playing at Friday night football games. In fact, we went to most of them.
So whatever and whenever works for you is right for your family. For most of us who are embarking on the journey of embracing Shabbat, we choose Friday night as an entry point.
And some of us try to add our own ways to make Sabbath different. I almost never (really, almost never) do laundry on Shabbat. I’ve tried unplugging for Shabbat (no iPhone except for family, no computer). It is so freeing, so rejuvenating.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 3 When you ask people what they like best about Shabbat, they’ll mention relaxing, family time, naps, renewal, and long walks. All of these speak to Do you know a family you could invite for an expanded sense of time. Shabbat dinner? If you do, give it a try. In fact, the word “Shabbat” comes from the Hebrew root shin + beit + tav, Don’t stress about which means to cease or to rest. complicated meals or a dust-free house. Anita Diamant says that “choosing Shabbat means making a commitment And don’t worry if the to a weekly period of rest and peace. It means making distinctions rituals are new to between activities that are Shabbat-like from those that are workweek you. You can explore like.” them together.
How lucky we were to come to Shabbat when our girls were little – in an We know a family that shares every unexpected way! Passover together, taking turns hosting. They started when We “Fell Into” Shabbat the kids were in preschool. Today, the When our older daughter was in preschool, we established a lovely youngest is off to Shabbat pattern that filtered into our other Jewish celebrations and college. What brought much joy to our family. memories they have gathered over the We can’t even claim that we planned it – it just worked out that way. years!
Laura’s best friend, Lindsay, used to come home with us after school on Fridays. Because her Dad worked out of town, Lindsay’s Mom and sister often came over later that day and stayed for Friday night dinner.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 4 Without realizing it, we created a Shabbat dinner ritual that was more relaxed, more fun than had they not been with us. We didn’t rush through dinner. In fact, we didn’t rush at all.
I remember anticipating just when the phone would ring. Lindsay’s Dad, just home from the airport, would call to ask, “Is my family there?”
“Yep,” we told him. “Come on over for dinner. We’ve saved some for you.”
As the kids played, the adults visited over leisurely cups of tea.
During the years when our families lived in the same city, we got together for Rosh Hashanah dinner. For Passover. And for one Shavuot where Risa and I used every bowl in the kitchen and made the worst ever milk-and- honey cake – and had a blast doing it.
These regular gatherings blossomed into wonderful, lifelong friendships.
Note: If you want to follow all the rules and rituals of Shabbat, you can find lots of information online from exact candle lighting times to regulations about not using electricity, not driving, not answering the phone, and so on. I had the experience of living that kind of Shabbat at summer camps. If you think it would be right for your family, you can explore that direction.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 5 Part I: DIY Shabbat Kit Pull It All Together At the end of my week, A day of rest and peace When life is a blur of speed, family time and love, There is Shabbat. This is my Shabbat.
Tianna Martinez (age 14)
You truly don’t need a lot of “things” to be Shabbat ready. But it certainly helps if you can grab them from a single place. You’ll need:
• Candlesticks
• Challah cover
• Wine glasses or Kiddush cups
If you want to participate in a home Havdalah ceremony, you will also need:
• Havdalah candle
• Spice box
It’s also nice to have a tzedakah box.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 6 Choose What Is Beautiful to You
Initially, especially if budget is a consideration, just cobble together whatever you have for your Shabbat Kit. Mismatched candlesticks. A variety of wine glasses. It doesn't really matter.
Over time, it can be fun to choose pieces that you find especially beautiful or meaningful – whether you find them at high-end galleries or by going to garage sales. The range of styles is now phenomenal, from classic and traditional to contemporary and even bizarre. The hunt itself can be part of the pleasure.
Candlesticks We are so lucky to have brass candlesticks from “the old world,” brought here by my great-grandmother. But use what you have or pick up a pair at a home goods store (like a Bed Bath & Beyond or Crate & Barrel). Then, during your travels, you might find one-of-a-kind candlesticks at galleries. Or choose something you love from an online Judaica store. You can go traditional with brass candlesticks or really unusual, like these Red Distortion Candlesticks.
Shabbat Candles Traditional candles for Shabbat are white and burn for several hours, casting a lovely glow. You can also find candles in a range of colorful designs, like these Shabbat candles from Judaism.com that are made in Israel in the ancient city of Safed. If you opt for the traditional white kind, buy the large boxes at the grocery store, so that you’re stocked up for a long time.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 7 Challah Cover To be honest, the true You can buy gloriously beautiful silk challah covers. Or, if you’re a crafter, time-saving value of assembling a Shabbat you can make one. My college roommate needle pointed a colorful one for Kit didn’t come to me us as a wedding present – we still love it! A good friend just knitted a until my girls were gorgeous challah cover for us – snowy white background, with the well out of the house. blessing in Hebrew knitted in with blue yarn. Or you can use craft paint The candlesticks were to make your own challah cover. But don’t forget that a plain large white in a corner cabinet, paper napkin will work just fine. candles in the pantry, Kiddush cups in the dining room, challah Wine Glasses covers in front hall. Any glasses will work. What will make the evening seem special, though, Now, the organized is to keep some glasses just for this purpose. For our grandson, we Shabbat Kit – which is actually a basket with recently got a mini-kiddush cup with a turquoise stone in it. He loves it! an easy-to-grab Before that, we gave him a small glass espresso holder with a handle – to handle – is always help prevent spills. ready in the pantry. So much faster to prepare.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 8 Tzedakah Box You can purchase a tzedakah box from a Judaica shop. Even better, if you have young kids, is to have them create one, so that they feel a sense of ownership. Here’s a make-your-own tzedakah box that uses a tissue box.
Havdalah While I’m a huge proponent of DIY, unless you’re a candlemaker, you’ll probably buy a candle with three wicks. You can use it multiple, multiple times, though.
For your spice box (called a b’samim holder), you can explore some DIY approaches. Even an empty spice bottle will work. Or you can explore a contemporary havdalah set or a charming, traditional havdalah set.
Our b'samim holder, pictured here, was a wedding present. We fill it with bits of fragrant cinnamon sticks and fresh cloves.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 9 Part II: Friday Evening 7 Five-Minute Mood-Setting Ideas
“You gather together because you want to build a deep, satisfying sense of belonging for your tribe.” Meg Cox
So what can you really accomplish in just a few minutes to add something festive, relaxing to your Friday evening?
It’s lovely when you can say the blessings over the candles, wine, and challah. To make last-minute set- up easier, pull out your Shabbat Kit. Keep sweet wine in the fridge or grape juice boxes in your pantry. In a pinch, dinner rolls from the freezer will work instead of challah.
What if you’re having pizza for dinner? No worries. Here are seven steps that even in your crazy busy lives can help set the stage for Shabbat. Peace. The blessings of being together with family.
#1 |Add something fresh from your yard to the dinner table. Cut a single flower or a sprig of green. Just a snippet from a spruce tree or dogwood or whatever is handy works. Put it in a jelly jar. You don’t need to arrange the perfect bouquet. Appreciating nature this way enhances the beauty of the meal and the feeling of the gathering.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 10 #2 |Or have your child arrange a few pretty fruits or vegetables in a As a teenager I bowl in the center of the table. (When I was little, I insisted on creating a remember (I’m not fruitable bowl — a mix of fruits and veggies. My mother was very patient proud of it!) with me. Thanks, Mom!) It’s the process of creating something lovely and insisting that I play personal that your child will begin to associate with Shabbat. “my music” during pre-Shabbat clean- up – my Peter, Paul #3 |Pull out special napkins. Buy no-iron cloth napkins or just use and Mary records extra-large white paper napkins at the grocery store and save those for which did not fit the Shabbat. The symbolism is immediate: oh, this is a special night. family profile of all- classical-music, all- #4 |Listen to a Jewish or Israeli music while you cook (or spread out the-time! Again, thanks, Mom, for the take-out!). When I was little, I listened to three old, scratchy Israeli your patience. records (yup, vinyl) after Shabbat dinner. Those melodies are still so dear to me. Here are some of my favorite Shabbat melodies. We put a white tablecloth on the #5 |Use mugs or cups or plates that you save especially for dining room table, which was reserved Shabbat. They don’t have to be the good china, either. They could be the for Shabbat, set of little red cups that came with a tea pot that you hardly ever use. Or holidays, and they could be the flowered plates that you got at a garage sale. Just guests. something that sets the night apart. (I have a mug with a painting by By making Friday Chagall that I save for Saturday morning coffee.) night different, we built warm, lasting #6 |Choose a special book for bedtime reading. Or, if your habit is to memories. read one book on school nights, read two short ones on Friday night. If the
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 11 family is agreeable, a parent or older child can read a story out loud to everyone.
#7 |Enjoy dessert as a family. If you’re so inclined, give everyone a cup of hot tea with sugar or honey, too. Something to linger over. You don’t need a fancy cake or homemade cupcakes. Orange juice popsicles will work. So will challah toast with butter and sprinkles of cinnamon and sugar. Or graham crackers with chocolate chips. It’s all in marking the moment.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 12 Erev Shabbat Blessings & Rituals
#1 | Give tzedakah
Before you light the candles, it is traditional to put some money into a tzedakah box. As a family, you can decide where to donate the funds. (Tzedakah is typically translated as “charity,” but more precisely means “righteousness.”)
#2 | Sing
Many families begin the meal by singing traditional Shabbat melodies. With this first song, you all can relax into the feeling that this is an evening when you can truly relax. #3 | Light candles
Light at least two candles. You can light more, if you like. Some families add a flame for each child.
From the earliest ages, your child will sense the magic when a hush falls over the table, right before you light the candles. Even before he was 12 months old, our grandson was attracted to this ritual, where we wave our hands in a circular motion three times over the newly lit candles, then cover our eyes as we say the blessing. I think he also likes the hugs and kisses that follow the blessing, when we all say “Shabbat Shalom.”
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 13 This YouTube video shows a slow version of the beautiful candle blessing melody. At our home, we usually just recite the blessing, no singing. Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe, Asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav Who has sanctified us with His commandments, V’tzivanu l’hadlik ner shel Shabbat. And commands us to light the Sabbath candles. #4 | Bless the children
Gently place your hands on your children’s heads as you recite these blessings in English or Hebrew or both, as you prefer.
For boys:
Y’simcha Elohim k’Ephrayim v’chee Me’nashe.
May God make you like Ephraim and Menashe.
For girls:
Y’simeych Elohim k’Sara, Rivka, Rachel, v’Leah.
Make God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 14 Add for both girls and boys:
Ye’varech’echa Adonai ve’yish-me’recha.
Ya’er Adonai panav eilecha vee-chuneka.
Yisa Adonai panav eilecha ve’yasem le’cha shalom.
May God bless you and keep you.
May God’s light shine upon you, and may God be gracious to you.
May God favor you and grant you peace.
#5 | Bless the wine (Kiddush)
Some families recite the short version of the blessing:
Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheynu Melech Ha-olam Blessed are You, Adonai our God,
Boray pree hagafen. Who creates the fruit of the vine. Or you can sing or say the full Friday night Kiddush.
.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 15 #6 | Bless the challah (Motzi) Baruch ata Adonai Eloheynu Melech Ha-olam Blessed are You, Adonai our God,
Hamotzi lechem min ha-aretz. Who brings forth bread from the earth. While it is traditional to have two loaves on the table – to remember the double portion of manna that God provided the Israelites in the desert – many families (ours included) use just one challah. Our family uses a knife to cut the challah, but my husband’s family used the rip-it-apart-by-hand approach.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 16 #7 | Eat a special meal
When I was a child, I spent Friday afternoons helping to set the dining room table with china on a snowy white tablecloth.
As my husband and I were raising our children, though, many nights we only managed to adorn the table with extra-large white paper napkins and something cut quickly from the garden.
I did try to add a simple starter: grapefruit halves garnished with a cherry or a grape, a bowl of soup (I admit, it was probably canned soup just heated up), pineapple juice and crackers, just something.
Whatever little extra tidbit you have time for is good – it signals that this meal is not like the usual weeknight dinners.
#8 | Short birkat
If you attended a Jewish summer camp as a child, you probably have memories (like mine) of entire dining rooms bursting into raucous song as we belted out the birkat hamazon (blessing after the meal).
There are many full versions of the birkat, including this particularly nice birkat from a Spanish community. Here is a lovely medium length birkat with Rabbi Pokeras leading the blessing.
If shorter versions of the birkat work better for you, try this one. The text for this version is on the next page.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 17 Baruch Atah Adonai Blessed are You, Adonai Our God, ruler of the Universe
Eloheinu melech ha-olam Who nourishes the entire world with goodness
Hazan et ha olam kulo b’tuvo And favor and kindness and mercy,
B’chein b’chesed u’vrachamim, Who gives food to all living creatures
Hu notein lechem l’chol basar For God’s mercy is everlasting.
Ki l’olam chasdo. And through Your abundant goodness
Uv’tuvo hagadol We have never been left wanting
Tamid lo chasar lanu, And may we never lack for nourishment
V’al yechsar lanu mazon For ever and ever.
L’olam va-ed For the sake of Your great name,
Ba-avur sh’mo hagadol For You nourish
Ki hu Eil zan And sustain all and do good to all,
Um’farneis lakol u’mei-tiv lakol, And provide food for all your creatures
U’mei-chin mazon l’chol b’riyotav Which you created
Asher bara. Blessed are You, Adonai,
Baruch Atah Adonai, Who nourishes all. Amen.
Hazan et hakol. Amen.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 18 Part III: 7 Ideas for Saturday Family Activities
“When I reach out and stroke the bark of a tree, take a picture of a picturesque mountain, breathe in the smell of pine needles on a forest floor, I am praising the very acts of Creation.” – Rabbi Vicki Tuckman
What does your family enjoy – what would you love doing together that you usually save for vacations or don’t get to do at all?
For our family, being out in nature is a common love. And when the kids were little, it was (honestly) not easy to find something that everyone was happy doing.
We also liked starting our day with a leisurely breakfast.
#1 | Make challah French toast with leftover challah. Or plan ahead and buy a second challah just for this purpose. Cut the slices nice and thick, soak in the egg/milk mixture, then grill. Delicious! Or choose any breakfast tradition that you don’t serve on weekdays. Like really good oatmeal with fresh berries.
#2 | Plan a weekly outing to a children’s museum, library, bagel store. Take turns deciding where to go. Just set up guidelines in advance (e.g., must be within 30 minutes’ drive or 15 minutes’ walk or whatever is important to your family).
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 19 #3 | Set aside an hour for family game time. Different family members can even take turns deciding what the game of the day is. And you can match the games to the ages of children and any guests you have staying with you. Charades. Monopoly. Pictionary. Uno. Whatever your family likes.
#4 | Cook together, making something you don’t have to time to make on most days. Baking cookies is perfect. The process is fun; the reward is eating them. You can even buy the premade dough and just focus on decorating with sprinkles, frosting, or colored sugar. Or try the stained glass painting technique: mix egg yolk with a little water and add a few drops of food coloring to small batches of the yolk mixture. Provide new watercolor paint brushes for each bowl and watch the creativity bloom. After the cookies are painted, pop them into the oven.
#5 | Plan a nature activity. Spend time in a nearby park. Walk on a forest trail. Go for a family bike ride. Make it a zoo day. Crummy outside? Visit an arboretum. Get your hands dirty in your garage or basement and plant fast-growing seeds, like parsley. Or do a nature-inspired art project. Like rock painting. Or leaf tracing.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 20 #6 | Build music into your Shabbat. If your family includes singers or This idea reminded musicians, perfect! If not, do a sing-along with a CD you like. (Our girls me of how my father, were raised on Jimmy Buffett as we played raucous rounds of contract z’l, shared what he’d gin.) With young children, spend 20 minutes parading around your house been reading with with instruments. Our grandson loves this! We give out tambourines, me. drums, maracas, etc. to anyone, any age, willing to participate; then we It was always way, turn on the iPod really loud. Shakira’sWaka Waka is a favorite! Around way, way over my and around we go. Older neighbor girls paraded with us once. They head. thought it was awesome (and that maybe Mrs. Z was a little nuts!). But that didn’t take anything away from #7 |Carve out 15 or 30 minutes or more (depending on kids’ ages) for the pleasure of quiet reading time – all in the same room. Then tell each other briefly hearing his voice what you were reading about. talking about the essay or history or biography that he was reading.
The joy, the warm memory, was in hearing his voice talking about something important to him.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 21 Part IV: 7 Steps of a Home Havdalah Ceremony
“My sisters and I would argue over who got to hold the candle, who got to pass around the spices for everyone to smell, and who got to extinguish the fire by dipping it into the wine.” - Talia Eckstein
My childhood memories of Havdalah are from camp. There, we gathered in a big circle, under the gathering darkness. When three stars were visible, we started. It was magical.
According to tradition, on a cloudy day, you know it’s time to start when you can no longer distinguish between a blue thread and a white one that you hold at arm’s length.
In your home, you can embrace this lovely tradition, using candlelight and wine to separate the Sabbath from the rest of the week. Imagine asking your kids to go outside and let you know when they see the first three stars in the sky. It’s a wonderful way to involve them, right from the beginning.
For this ceremony, you’ll need:
● A braided Havdalah candle and something to light it
● Wine glass or Kiddush cup with some sweet wine in it
● Spice box (or b’samim holder)
This YouTube video by Moishe House is the perfect introduction to the words and the music.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 22 Here is the traditional order for the Havdalah blessings.
Step 1 | Light the candles
Step 2 | Say the blessing over the wine (but don’t drink it yet)
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheynu Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the Melech Ha-olam boray pree hagafen. universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.
Step 3 | Say the blessing over the spices
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheynu Melech Ha-olam Blessed are You, Adonai our God, King of the boray mee-nai v’samin. universe, who creates varieties of spices.
Then pass the spice box around from person to person, so everyone can breathe in the delicious scents of whatever you’ve put inside – cloves, cinnamon, other spices.
Step 4 | Say the blessing over the fire of the candles
Baruch ata Adonai Eloheynu Melech Ha-olam Blessed are You, Adonai our God, King of the Boray m’orai ha’eysh. universe, who creates the light of the fire.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 23 Step 5 |Say the blessing thanking God for creation Baruch ata Adonai Eloheynu Melech Ha-olam Blessed are you, Lord our God, king of the universe
Hamavdil ben kodesh l’chol Who distinguishes between the holy and ordinary
Bein or l’choshekh bein Yis’ra’eil la’amim Between light and darkness, between Israel and the nations Bein yom hash’vi’i l’sheishet y’mei hama’aseh Between the seventh day and the six days of work Baruch atah Adonai, hamavdil bein kodesh l’chol. Blessed are You, Lord our God, who distinguishes between the holy and the ordinary.
Then the leader sips wine from the Kiddush cup after spilling a few drops on a plate or tray (showing our sadness at the end of Shabbat).
Imagine the feeling at this moment in the ceremony. You're singing thanks to God for distinguishing between light and darkness – just as it becomes dark. Yet the flame is still burning. Magical!
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 24 Step 6 | Sing Eliyahu Hanavi Eliyahu Hanavi Rough translation:
Eliyahu Hatishbi Elijah the prophet, the Tishbite, from the land of Gilead Eliyahu, Eliyahu May he come to us speedily, in our day Eliyahu ha-Giladi Bringing the time of the Messiah, son of David. Bimheira v’yameinu
Yavo eilenu
Im Maschiach ben David
Im Maschiach ben David
Finally, as you near the end of the melody, lower the candle slowly into the wine to extinguish the flame. Psss goes the final flame of Shabbat.
Step 7 |Wish everyone a “Shavua Tov “ (a good week)
You can even sing the classic tune, as you say goodbye to Shabbat. In this Theodore Bikel version of Shavua Tov , you can even hear the words in Hebrew, in English, and in Yiddish.
Shavua Tov [repeated 8 times)
A good week, a week of peace, may happiness, and joy increase . . . [repeat ]
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 25 Part V: Beautiful Music for Shabbat
“The sun has disappeared behind the treetops. Come, let us go out to greet the Sabbath Queen.” Haim Nachman Bialik
Music builds memories. If you hear a song from your past that you loved, you can immediately imagine yourself in that place, in that time.
On Friday nights, it can also infuse your home with calm, with beauty, with fun.
Here are some of my favorites that you can download as MP3s. You can even build a play list for your iPod that you turn on each week – as you’re sitting down to the table, during a sing-along (if your family enjoys that), or after dinner, as soothing clean-up-the-kitchen music.
• Y’did Nefesh by Tanja Solnik
• L’Cha Dodi by Craig Taubman – this is a jazzy, upbeat version; I love it!
• Birchot Havdalah by Debbie Friedman
• Shabbat Hamalka /the Sabbath Queen by Rabbi Reuven Frankel – we sang this song at summer camp, as we all assembled, fresh from showers, dressed in white, for services.
• L’Chi Lach (English and Hebrew) by Debbie Friedman
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 26 • Mi Shebeirach (English and Hebrew) by Debbie Friedman When I spent a few • Shalom Rav by Susan Colin weeks with my dear Dod Avraham (Uncle • Oseh Shalom by Susan Colin Avraham) in Israel at the age of 17, we had • L’Cha Dodi – traditional version in a nice sing-along format cake for Shabbat morning breakfast. • Esa Einai by Shlomo Carlebach Sweet. Special. Memorable. • Mah Yafeh Hayom – Folksong He also taugh me the version of Oseh • Hashkivenu by Sean Harkness (guitar music, no voices) Shalom listed here as a favorite. • Shabbat Hamalka by Dudu Fisher Every time I hear that melody, I can see us walking together on the streets of Ramat Gan, as he sang it for me. Priceless!
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 27 Part VI: Especially for Grandparents
“The number one reason for having grandchildren: You get to re-experience childhood as you share it with the grands. Swinging, blowing bubbles, bouncing balls -- so much fun!” Susan Adcox
When my husband and I are lucky enough to be together with the little ones for Shabbat, we love the magical moments. Like seeing our baby grandson’s eyes light up when I light the candles. And our toddler carefully sipping (well, let’s be honest, chugging) his mixture of wine and water from his special Kiddush cup.
But it is (almost) equally magical to share Shabbat with them via Skype.
My daughter gives the toddler a Hanukkah candle to hold. She lights that. And from this easy-to-hold candle, he kindles the Sabbath candles. Together, they blow out the Hanukkah candle flame. This brilliant approach enables him to be in charge of this beautiful ceremony!
After the Kiddush, our grandson takes the challah cover off (and yes, sometimes, like her mother, my daughter just uses a big white paper napkin!) and says “hello challah.” He tears off a chunk to share. So, again, even from a few years old, the ceremony is participatory, warm, friendly.
Usually, my daughter makes homemade chicken soup with matzah balls for Friday night dinner.
One evening when we Skyped, though, she’d had no time to cook. She had visited a new Mom in the hospital; watched that friend’s older daughter; naptimes; groceries. You know the drill.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 28 So she served organic spaghettios and fresh apple slices.
But she didn’t give up on Shabbat just because there was no time for the usual feast.
Here are the takeaways that I, as a Grandma, need to remember:
• When we’re tired from a long day and don’t have time to make a formal Shabbat dinner, no worries. Do the blessings, then serve whatever we do have time for. Scrambled eggs. Sandwiches. Cottage cheese pancakes. It’s so much more meaningful to celebrate Shabbat, even if we only have time to prepare a simple meal.
• If we can’t be together, embrace the option of sharing Shabbat via Skype. That, too, is joyful on so many levels.
• Look through the 7 ideas and pick one or two for when the grands are with us. Like always having a dessert for Friday night (regardless of how simple).
• Let the little ones make choices. We are lucky to have several challah covers. So we should encourage them to choose which one they’d like to cover that week’s challah.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 29 Part VII: What's Best for Your Family?
“The heavens and the earth were finished . . . On the seventh day God finished the work and stopped. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all the work of creation.” Genesis 2
How you choose to celebrate Shabbat – from following all the rules to selecting the rituals that are right for you now – is up to you. And those rituals might change over time, as your kids get older, as your children’s interests bloom.
My personal journey to embrace Shabbat is still a work in progress. Here’s what I know for sure:
• When I was a teenager at Jewish sleepaway camps, where the whole community stopped our usual activities, wore white for Friday night, and ended with Havdalah under the stars, I felt remarkably nourished.
• When I follow the basic flow of Shabbat in my grown-up life, I feel remarkably nourished.
• When I do even some of the Shabbat activities – from lighting candles on Friday night to turning off electronics for 24 hours – I feel remarkably nourished.
• When our grandchildren are with us for Friday night dinner, it is as special a time as any I can imagine. And we all feel remarkably nourished.
What else do I know for sure? Well, I know that extra challah makes the best French toast on Saturday
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 30 morning! This was the tradition when I was a child . . . Yum.
My all-time favorite Jewish how-to book is by Arlene Rossen Cardozo. Her philosophy and mine are aligned in so many ways. “Just how a family celebrates Shabbat is a matter of that particular family’s interpretation of what a day of rest should be . . . what is important is that each family finds the way that works best for it.” Arlene Rossen Cardozo
So make your own customs, your own memories. If you’re an informal family, you don't need to be formal and stuffy for Friday night.
Love to try new foods? Explore the varied flavor palates of Jewish dishes, whether they’re part of your personal heritage or not.
An Ashkenazi brisket might be made with onions and carrots, for example, while a Sephardi brisket might be flavored with chiles, dried apricots, cinnamon, and orange juice. A chicken dish from Argentina might be seasoned with cumin, paprika, and hot red pepper flakes, while an Afghan chicken dish might include chickpeas, limes, cilantro, leeks, and turmeric.
If you have Shabbat memories from your childhood that you like, embrace them. Repeat them. Let your practices evolve!
When I was a child, only my father, z’l, raised his glass as he led us in singing the Kiddush. I loved that, of course. In our family now, we all raise our glasses. I get so much pleasure out of seeing our sweet toddler lift up the little Kiddush cup with the turquoise stone that he chose himself.
I wish you Shabbat celebrations that are blessed with love and laughter, good food and good fun, and magical and tranquil moments.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 31 Resources Thanks to these wonderful writers for capturing, in a few words, the spirit of Shabbat and the joy of family.
• Anita Diamant, Living a Jewish Life (p. 29)
• Tianna Martinez, in the article “Shabbat Shalom” on Chabad.org
• Meg Cox, The Book of New Family Traditions (p. 14)
• Rabbi Vicki Tuckman, in the post “Being a Nature Jew” on URJ.org
• Talia Eckstein, in the post “The Magic of Havdalah” on Blog.4ZionOnLine.org
• Haim Nachman Bialik, “Shabbat HaMalka”
• Susan Adcox, Grandparents Guide
• Genesis 2 from Chabad.org
• Arlene Rossen Cardozo, Jewish Family Celebrations (p. 3)
Note: Our goal is to provide tips and techniques to add traditions to your celebrations that you can customize to your family’s needs. The content contained in this guide is for informational purposes only. Links to third party sites represent ideas and resources that that I found helpful and do not constitute my guarantee of information, instruction, opinion, products or services contained within these materials. Ellen Zimmerman, http://JewishHolidaysInABox.com. © 2013 Jewish Holidays in a Box, L.L.C. All Rights Reserved.
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 32 About Ellen Zimmerman Ever since our girls were little, I’ve enjoyed embellishing our Jewish holiday celebrations. With homemade decorations. A bit of poetry. A song I love.
Now, as a grandmother, I see our family expand to represent a huge diversity of backgrounds. So my focus on weaving together centuries-old traditions with modern ones has a new goal: to embrace everyone who enriches our home by sharing the holidays with us.
We want to share our discoveries with you, in hopes that they will bring more joy to your tables and your families, too.
The idea for Jewish Holidays In A Box goes back to one morning when our girls were 6 and 8, when I didn’t like the “usual” way of reading through a Passover Haggadah. So I began, that day, to experiment. In fact, I wrote my own Haggadah that year.
When I taught in Sunday school, I experimented, too. How could I bring more passion, more fun, more learning to these students? I brought the same approach to teaching English and French in college.
My business life – as president of a marketing/consulting firm – nurtured these creative juices. Because coming up with new ways to educate and to excite is at the very core of what I love to do.
In 2011, I started to bring to life the ideas that had been percolating. I discovered that Jewish Holidays in a Box connects my passions: learning, teaching, playing creatively, combining information in new ways, beautiful packaging, and photography. And sharing with you is the most delightful joy of all!
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 33 Thank You So Much! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this eBook as much as I enjoyed putting it together. And I hope you’ve found one or two ideas that will be just right for your family.
I truly appreciate you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this – and to imagine how these ideas might work for you.
And I am so thankful for the positive comments and encouragement to keep going. If you have an extra second, I’d love to hear what you think. Please shoot me an email or leave a comment on our website.
If you’re not already getting our free weekly blog posts chock full of celebration tips and recipes, simple how-tos, and discount codes, please sign up on our home page. Please keep in touch with us on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.
Check out Jewish Holidays in a Box to see what else might be helpful to you.
Again, our sincere thanks for your interest.
Copyright (c) 2013 Jewish Holidays in a Box, LLC
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 34 More Fun Stuff from Jewish Holidays in a Box Kits & Games
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 35 Digital Downloads
How to Create Joyful Home Traditions | Ellen Zimmerman | www.JewishHolidaysInABox.com 36