4,19? Wednesday • September 24, 1997 ntertainment latn E a Thousand Acres Taking a byte from the Apple suffers plot drought Student makes feeble attempt to join the computer age 2 By James Francis think I missed the en- , await me with such technological savvy. and set to work with some cotton swabs. Chris Opinion editor trance onto the informa But when I came to A&M, computer literacy walked in and stopped in his tracks. tion superhighway. In became a matter of survival of the fidest. I was “What,” he said deliberately, “are you doing?” he corn fields in A Thousand Ifact, I am somewhere on the rendered extinct my first day. “I’m cleaning the mouse,” I said. Acres take the imagination to information rural route, 27 My best friend from high school moved to Ver Chris informed me I actually did not need to the horizon and beyond. The miles from the nearest his mont to atiend college. We exchanged e-mail ad take the mouse apart to clean it. Apparentiy you Tplot of the film, however, seems to torical marker, buying a dresses. I promised myself I would leam the mys just pop the littie ball out. I swallowed my pride have been planted with powerful lukewarm cup of coffee at terious world of computers. and asked him if he knew how to put it back to JED seeds that were only watered in se the truck stop. So I e-mailed her my phone number, and she gether again. lect areas, thereby stunting the I escaped high school e-mailed me hers, and we ended up with long-dis “I don’t know,” he said, amazed. “I’ve never Michael growth of what could have been a without knowing how to tance bills the size ofVermont’s annual state econ seen the inside of a mouse before.” work any computer that did Schaub omy. Eventually, I bit the bullet and learned how to not use vacuum tubes and columnist TWo years later, I use my e-mail for littie more “surf” the Internet, which was established in the punch cards. Inexplicably, than receiving lists of jokes from my brother. But ’80s by computer scientists for the purpose of my computer science credit the advantage is obvious. If he were to send me making pornography easily accessible to every from high school was enough to satisfy Texas jokes in the mail, it might take two days to reach one. Jessica Lange and Michelle A&M’s computer course requirement. Not that I’m me. And timeliness is the key when you spend a And pornography is the only thing I can consis- Pfeiffer star in A Thousand Acres. complaining. good part of your evenings malting fun of people. tendy find on the Web. Even without looking for it. the disturbing family troubles re The fact is, I am quite the expert on program My roommate for my first two years at A&M Just type anything into your “web browser,” and A Thousand Acres vealed throughout the film. ming BASIC on a Commodore 64. OK, maybe not was a computer engineering major, so my life was you will find some site from the Netherlands fea Starring Michelle Pfeiffer Although the various family an expert. But I know how to make certain phras pretty easy. He was always available to decipher turing models doing unmentionable things with and Jessica Lange problems make the film interest es scroll across the black and amber computer techno-jargon for me: all manners of animals, vegetables and minerals. Directed by Joceyln ing, they also take away meaning screen. For example: MIKE: Hey, Chris, my computer’s broken. It seems like everyone has their own web site Moorehouse from the attempt to develop a cen 10 PRINT “I BLAME REAGAN” CHRIS: OK. First, you need to turn it on. these days, anyway. My anarchic friend Mad had Rated R tral plot and theme. The first half of 20 GOTO 10 MIKE: Is that tiiis button here? to set up one for his architecture class. Granted, all Playing at Hollywood 16 A Thousand Acres seems to have in Of course, I never figur ed out how to make it CHRIS: No. That’s the microwave. it has is a cover of a Minor Threat album and the ★★★ (out of five) teresting characters and a story that stop. Something with the escape budon. Imagine After a semester, Chris was downloading secret words, “This is all about selfish littie me... La dee will keep the audience’s attention. the career opportunities tiiat files from Mossad and screwing with Venezuela’s daaaaa...,” but it is more than I can say for myself The latter part of the film, how defense capabilties, and I was still learning how to —though not much more. pleasing, dramatic movie. ever, when most of the problems work a mouse—literally. After I complained to my It was last semester when I was struck by a ;md two The film opens with on-loca begin to emerge, seems to fall apart roommate that the littie arrow tiiingy on the brilliant idea for the Internet. I was doing research A CHICKS!, tion footage of Rochelle, Illinois. in a 15-minute resolution. With as screen was not moving like it should, he e A UH|« for a paper on “The Merchant ofVenice,” when I Cameras span the green prairie of many secrets and lies that are advised me to clean the mouse. saw a niche open up. The business majors call it farm fields, white picket fences brought to light toward the middle So the next day, I disas “defining a need.” and exhausting stretches of paved of the movie, the ending of the film sembled the mouse Here it is: an adult Shakespeare site. We could roads. But underneath the beauti deseives at least 30 minutes more witii a screw have Elizabethan women and men in various ful countryside, exists dark story to allow the audience a sense of driver, states of undress, with captions like “The quality of lines of marital infidelity, child atonement, rather than simply stat sexiness is not strain’d, as Portia sentences Bas- hood abuse and inner-family ing, “Here’s the end, hope every sanio to a night of passion.” hatred. thing works out for the best.” It is a start for me. I have to find Michelle Pfeiffer and Jessica The more notable aspect of the something productive to do with Lange portray two sisters, Rose film was the performances. Pfeif computers. My hilarious and Ginny, respectively. They live fer is in excellent form as she bat roommate Sara has changed what appears to be normal lives in tles with childhood memories of the screen saver on my the country; tliey work on their physical and sexual abuse, a life computer to say “Ditto farms, prepare grand meals for plagued by the ills of breast cancer Rush!,” and I am getting family dinners and share the com and a marriage that is often not sick of looking at it. mon bond that most siblings ex standing on solid ground. Pfeiffer’s I miss the ’50s al hibit in late-night conversations character transforms from an at ready, and I was about the daily conflicts in life. tractive, strong-willed woman to a bom under Jim ]ason Robards plays the role of person fighting for life until her my Carter. I am the girls’ father, Larry. He is also last breath. trying to lobby the reason that so many problems The other actors and actresses The Bartalion arise between members of the showcase great supporting roles. to ditch family. At a point in the film, Ro Lange, Robards and Leigh add their com bards decides to split Ills farm (the depth to the film and its disturbing puter system family farm passed on to him by family elements. But in the end, and go back to the environmentt his father) into three divisions, the characters seem to lose their idyllic days of movable ce for the re'i each third going to one of his persona; they become opposites type. all, it’s aeattj daughters — Pfeiffer, Lange and of tlie people they were at the start We would have an old typesetter t opportuie Jennifer Jason Leigh, a lawyer and of the film. with white hair and a green visor. Old the youngest of the three children. A Thousand Acres is a clear Walt, we’d call him. It would be like a (tending tit Everything begins to fall apart representation of what embodies Jimmy Stewart movie. filmmaking — great characters, the Wehw when Leigh decides she has to “Hey, Old Walt,” I would say as I walked think about whether she wants to an in-depth account of tragedy into the newsroom. “How’s tricks?” , Septemte take a third of tlie farmland agree and pleasing cinematography. “Not bad, Schaub,” he would reply. “I m and 4pt ment. Leigh’s indecisiveness angers But with so many gaps in the got the funniest e-mail joke yesterday.” l AJORS All her father, and thereafter he almost plot, A Thousand Acres does not A man can dream. completely disowns her. This prob lend itself enough land to culti D TO AM lem only scratches the surface of vate a fine harvest. JAMES PALMER/The Battalion Michael Schaub is a junior English major. starting waje /dental op«' is advanced opportune i Target and fcj tunities, visiil impus. Wel«i| 1 to seeing H a opportunity («#| mittedtodsmoWl drug-free w^l Class of ’98 pictures I Today is are being made for the Get-Your-Picture 1998 Aggieland Made-For-The trities at A R Photography Class Yearbook Day. Texas Avenue ield Drop by iwer tzig TAMU CD A R Photography iver fX> id Campus OTQ at its new CO rwood oo location on :oe £= der Texas Avenue, or rren So is tomorrow. >aman call 693-8183 for ite 1410 Texas Ave. nson (between Jason’s Deli your appointment more and Academy) mg